I feel overwhelmed, confused, in denial and totally consumed by all the turn that my life took
Seventeen is such a bittersweet age, not because of how hard it is, but because of how you're obliged to figure it out, to feel the right things, to think the right way but what is right at this moment of my life
How am I supposed to process and grief my teen hood, how am I gonna survive it, how am I getting closure, turning the page, moving on and finally becoming an adult
I never thought I'd be at this stage of my life, maybe because I thought I'd be dead by 14 or because it seemed so far away and such an unachievable thing when I was a child so I didn't really think about it that much
But now it hit me, stronger than ever, and I can't run, I can't ignore it, the ones who did never got better, and I shall be doomed if I repeat their mistake
All I can do for now is embracing the moment and hoping for the better to come
I think I can handle change.
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So for once in my life Let me get what I want.
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bawling my eyes to my note app
I didn't have loyal friends but they were always loyal when it came to betraying me
I've always wondered why i never was worth an explanation
I've stopped caring if God was there but I found myself crying to him tonight
I don't know why i expected something to happen when i asked him to fix me
Into something worthy of care
I've been limiting myself lately, started speaking less, became quieter, an empty shell
My mom told me that i wasn't an empty shell, and even if i was, i was the type of empty shells that got the sea within them, my waves weren't calm and relaxed, they were aching
I told her that I don't feel any sense of belonging anywhere, not in my hometown, not in the new city I'm in, not to the people I'm studying with, I told her that there's probably something wrong with me, she insisted that it's not true,
My mom is so into spirituality, she preceded to say that i don't belong here because I'm not from here, that I'm a stardust
The thing is that stars don't shine, they burn, and they end up crashed by the weight of their own existence
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