#few months but i rlly also want to enjoy life now too and... yea. the less you sornd the less you are. the greater is your capital AND your

[zhuhongs]

hhhhh so im on a ridiculously long ride home and just my phone so tumblr diary entry time lol. if you have my instagram this will make more sense but yk. anyways. so yesterday was the last day of the semester and i was tbh pretty normal abt it. but leading up to it i was a mess and tbh i think my stomach issues actually came more from the stress of knowing im leaving but the alcohol seemed plausible enough an explanation so i ran with it. but nah i was just. hhhh overwhelmed. bc anytime i was out with ppl it disappeared and as soon i was alone and not busy i was like. oh theres the stomach pain. LOL. but yea. so i decided my going away present to everyone would be a drawing of them plus a message bc like. i always said i liked art but never rlly showed my classmates my art so i was like. welp lets go out with a bang. and it felt good bc i really wanted to do smth like this sooner. my initial plan to make a good impression was to print stickers of my art and put my IG on it and get close to ppl that way. but i was just far too stressed and thought itd be weird. so i just. Didnt. and i regret not putting in enough effort at the beginning. but i also feel like its okay, especially given my upbringing. i needed that time to myself to figure it out, and now i really know that i can just. talk to ppl. and not be afraid. bc the ppl i got closest to were the one i swore would judge me most bc of my own preconceived notions, but i told the the parts of me i hid the most and they accepted it. and could at least sympathize and actually relate and i just. why was i so silly. why was i so mean to myself to be convinced that i was so unacceptable that no one except for those who already knew me could accept me and enjoy my presence? i was so silly. i wont do that again, but if i do, it will still be easier than doing it this time bc I'll recognize the patterns and quickly snap out of it.

in a way, i really do feel like i needed all this time alone to process myself and rlly look myself in the eye and recognize the ways ive lived that i can just stop doing now that i have the freedom to be free of my past. and part of me feels like I'm saying that as copium bc i didnt connect sooner and i possibly could have also had a better time with others and still have come to realize the same things and more through the help and company of others. but i also know that i cant live life always thinking so much. so i just need to live and let the regrets be what they are, and move forwards. but the regrets do indeed linger. like i made the decision not to stay in taiwan. bc of well A. money and B. i felt like if i had more time I'd just fucking waste it like i wasted the first 4 months. i might as well force myself into a corner and see if that would make me do things i was too scared to do otherwise. and like, it worked! i did say fuck it and rlly just let loose bc i was gonna leave but now its worked too well. and like i wish soooo bad that i had those 3 months to fully enjoy every chance working out. Part of me says that its best to leave with that hope. rather than have taken that chance and it fizzled out. the thing keeping me from extending the most was honestly knowing I'd have my birthday there. and i could not take the possibility of spending my birthday alone... i legit couldnt stomach it. in the past i used to spend every bday alone but in recent years ive had a mazing friends that actually made my bday special and i just. I'm so used to having that day be nice that i really couldnt take the possibility of it being awkward. but now i realize that it wouldn't have been like that. it couldve been wonderful. but thats okay, in another life. or maybe a few years. who knows. im considering doing smth like this again in like 2 years after I've worked a bit. i have nothing but time. but man. sometimes i just wonder yk.

and last night i had a rlly good one on one talk with my classmate and that was amazing, but i got home and checked IG like a dumbass and say another group of classmates partying til 3am and i was like.... man i should've done that. but like, logically no. i had a great night regardless and i partied with those classmates last week. ive had my fill, and i had things to do today that i needed to be coherent for. but i couldn't help but thinking what if. and i know its not so easy to kill that voice inside my head. its always gonna be there. its not just me, thats the devil of SNS like instagram. bc you see the best parts of everyone's lives at all times and feel like you're missing out but you're not. you only see a sliver of what it really was..but yea. its okay. I'm still so very young. and i just need to treasure now and take whatever chances i get to nourish the connections i have right now and put yourself out there to make new ones when the chances arise. its okay, there is not life that can be lived without saying goodbye. but damn, yesterday at the school gates two of my classmates hit me with the さよなら and that. man i felt it in that moment. theres so much i wish i couldve said in all that time we had to spend together but i just held my tongue bc i was scared. but this was really playing social interaction on hard mode, like the cultural differences, the language barrier, the introversion, the fact it was my first time on my own fr, just, there were soooo many factors working against me specifically. and fuck man, i still did it. and i am still so young, i really can do whatever i want. it feels so weird. ive only been here 6 months but in a way it feels like this is how its always been. like the fact that im going home feels so strange. like i havent been there in years, i honestly cant fully grasp that im gonna be in a place where i speak the language fluently and am fully aware and familiar with my surroundings. like, why does that feel so odd. it does, i legit dont even know how to feel besides strange. i just have a strange pit in my stomach. but its okay. it will pass as everything does. but these days will always live on inside me as everything does. even if i can't fully recall it. so i just have to keep going as always. god. life is trippy man. but yea. Yea. thats it. i think

[demi-drawing]

a permanent hug from you - ash/hau/gladion

word count - 1678

read on ao3

ash steals shirts. you can pry this headcanon from my cold dead hands

thanks to @aro-ace-thetic for betaing this for me!!

Hau swears to Solgaleo he had more shirts than this.

He's been staring at his wardrobe for the past ten minutes. He had a red shirt. He knows he had a red shirt. He just isn't sure where it could have gone.

...Come to think of it, he had an orange shirt, too. He only ever wore it as pyjamas, but he still had it. And now it's gone, somehow. Maybe one of his pokémon stole it. He wouldn't be surprised if Raichu had some. But then, why would a pokémon need clothes…?

He's debating letting out all his pokémon in order to interrogate them when his phone, lying on his bed, buzzes, and he speed-crawls over to it to grab it and sit against his bed on the floor. It's a message from the group chat with both his boyfriends in it - Ash and Gladion.

edge 5000: my hoodie has disappeared

So Hau isn't the only one with missing clothes today.

malasada boy: Half of my shirts are gone

edge 5000: really?

edge 5000: who is doing this

malasada boy: I have no clue

malasada boy: You okay without your hoodie?

edge 5000: yeah i have a spare but it's blue

edge 5000: not dark blue either. blue

malasada boy: How horrifying that must be for you

edge 5000: shut upp

edge 5000: it's thinner and not as warm :(

malasada boy: :(

Gladion doesn't reply, so Hau figures that must be conversation over and leaves his phone face down on his duvet, going to get his pokéballs from where they're attached to his belt, which is currently lying on a pillow. Decidueye is already out, of course, but he's grooming himself, and Hau knows from experience not to interrupt that. Just before he grabs the belt, though, his phone buzzes again, and he stops to check it.

sunshine god child: HI

sunshine god child: sry i was trainin

sunshine god child: what r we talkin abt

edge 5000: how our clothes are gone somehow

sunshine god child: oh

sunshine god child: haha…

malasada boy: How are you worse at lying over text than irl

malasada boy: I already know you had something to do with this

sunshine god child: IM TRYING

edge 5000: what did you do with our clothes, gremlin version of arceus

sunshine god child: SWEATS

sunshine god child: ur not allowed 2 get mad at me bc u love me

malasada boy: Perhaps

edge 5000: depending on what you did with my hoodie i am willing to make an exception

sunshine god child: LISTEN

sunshine god child: hoodie warm soft… criminal brain took over

edge 5000: you stole my prized hoodie because you liked it

sunshine god child: im literally wearin it rn

Hau immediately visualises Ash in Gladion's hoodie and nearly melts into a puddle on his bedroom floor. Judging by the way Gladion has stopped responding entirely, he's the same.

malasada boy: What about my shirts

sunshine god child: SO MAYBE IM WEARIN ONE OF UR SHIRTS AS WELL!! WHATS IT 2 U

Hau's brain almost entirely short circuits, but he still (somehow) manages to reply.

malasada boy: Ash, babe, light of my life, I love you, however,

malasada boy: DID YOU TAKE HALF OF MY SHIRTS

sunshine god child: PERHAPS

malasada boy: WHY

sunshine god child: IDK?? NEEDED SHIRTS

malasada boy: YOU HAVE SHIRTS??

sunshine god child: yea but these smell like u

sunshine god child: hello?

sunshine god child: r u guys good

sunshine god child: that rlly killed both of u huh

It did. Hau doesn't know how Gladion's doing (not much better than he is, judging by the fact he still isn't replying) but he's a blushing mess. Ash has to know what he's doing, right? No one can be that oblivious.

malasada boy: Out of complete curiosity

malasada boy: Which shirt are you wearing

sunshine god child: it sure is orange!

malasada boy: A sh that's one of my pyjama shirts

sunshine god child: i think i look good in it

malasada boy: Oh I'm sure you do

sunshine god child: KFJKDJDKSKKFJDK

edge 5000: i am going to need my hoodie back though

malasada boy: I did not miss the fact you didn't respond for ages there Glads

sunshine god child: arceus's chosen one diagnoses u with gay

edge 5000: that sounds like the title of a joke asmr video

sunshine god child: FKSJDKSHSKAJ

edge 5000: in other news give me back my hoodie,

sunshine god child: but i liiiikkkeeeee it

edge 5000: i am so glad i am not with you in person because i would give you that hoodie in a heartbeat

edge 5000: luckily this is text so Give Me Back My Hoodie

malasada boy: Also my shirts?

sunshine god child: no!!

malasada boy: ...You can keep one?

sunshine god child: im fine w that, actually

edge 5000: FINE since you're so cute

edge 5000: you can have my spare hoodie if you give me back my black one

sunshine god child: :)!!!

malasada boy: He didn't even have to do anything

edge 5000: okay mr "you can keep one"

malasada boy: You're right, we're both fools

sunshine god child: u love me

edge 5000: that's the problem

---

Ash tells both of his boyfriends he'll meet them at Hau's (or, Kahuna Hala's, technically) and races out the door with his backpack full of shirts and no pokémon with him other than Pikachu on his shoulder. Professor Kukui stops him on his way out the door and asks if he's wearing Gladion's hoodie, and also where did he get that shirt. He answers yes to the first question, and says the shirt is Hau's. Professor Kukui rolls his eyes and lets him go.

He's sad to see the clothes go, including the hoodie. Though he's had the hoodie for less than twenty four hours, and is honestly surprised Gladion didn't discover it missing sooner, he wasn't lying when he said it was warm and soft - with only a few on purpose tears in the fabric! The main reason, of course, is the smell. It's all black coffee and a kind of minty undertone, which is the smell Ash has begun to associate with Gladion since he met him.

Meanwhile, Hau's shirts are something he's been stealing for the past month. With help from Pikachu, of course. He's walked out the door of Kahuna Hala's house wearing one before, and Hau didn't notice. (Of course, this meant he left his own shirt with Hau, and because he isn't a criminal he returned it immediately. That made Ash feel slightly guilty. But he moved past it pretty quick.) Hau's shirts smell like gingerbread and grass cuttings, which is a weird combination, but it's distinctly Hau and Ash adores it.

He makes his way into Iki Town, and down the well-worn path that leads to the Kahuna's house. Hau and Gladion are sitting on the steps outside waiting for him, talking and laughing away. Ash smiles at the sight, and then Gladion looks up, directly at him, and seems to stop mid-sentence. Hau looks at him questioningly, before following his gaze, and his eyes widen.

Ash supposes if he saw either of them wearing his clothes he would have the same reaction, but nonetheless he grins as he watches both their faces get gradually more red as he skips down the path until he's right in front of them. "Hey!" he says brightly, Pikachu on his shoulder chirping along with his greeting.

To his credit, Hau manages to get out a broken "Hi," while Decidueye greets Pikachu. Gladion just stares. Ash notices he's wearing a blue hoodie that's a shade lighter than his usual colour range. His usual colour range being black and dark grey, of course.

Ash knows he's enjoying this far too much, but he swings his bag from his shoulder in a practiced dance with Pikachu and takes out a stack of shirts. "I believe these are yours?" he says in a teasing tone, holding the stack out to Hau. He takes it, and their hands brush together. With the stack of shirts on his lap, Hau rubs his hand as if it were burned.

Ash takes off Gladion's hoodie slightly reluctantly, and Pikachu jumps up onto his hat, not even wanting to bother with that dance (even though they perfected it in Unova). "And this seems to be yours," he says, in the same tone as the shirts, holding out the hoodie to Gladion. He takes it, his eyes not leaving Ash. On his head, Pikachu suppresses a snicker.

Hau and Gladion continue to stare, until Ash waves a hand in front of both their faces. "Anyone in there?" he asks, but he knows he's grinning too hard to act at all worried, as if he could act in the first place.

That seems to snap both of them back, and while Hau gets up to shove his returned shirts in a drawer somewhere, Gladion wordlessly changes hoodies, and gives the blue one to Ash. He takes it excitedly, and immediately puts it on. It doesn't smell as much as the black one does, but seeing as it's a spare, and it's also Gladion's and that makes the entire thing better by principle, Ash is content with what he got. Hau comes back out - he's changed shirts to one of the ones that was stolen, for some reason - and kisses Ash on the cheek. "I hate you," he says, but he's smiling softly and Ash smiles right back.

"Love you too!" He skips back to the path and spins around to face both of his boyfriends. "You guys wanna go get malasadas?"

Hau's answer is, of course, a resounding yes, while Gladion just smiles and lets himself be lead along. He keeps ducking his head down to bury his face in his hoodie. Later, when they're sitting down, Ash asks why.

"It smells like you now," Gladion replies almost shyly.

Ash chokes on his malasada, and Hau and Pikachu laugh at how red his face gets.

[you-can-face-this]

Hi!!! It's anon friend!! I haven't forgotten about you, I've just been unbelievably busy and I've lost track of whether i'd replied to your last answer or not. I'm so sorry I haven't been around. How are you doing? I assume you're finished for summer now right? are you up to much? i hope you are doing better now than you were when you wrote that answer, i'm absolutely still here and rooting for you. im sending you lots of love and good wishes <3

Hii anon friend!! Sorry for the super super late response omg my internship makes us use a work computer so I wasn’t rlly on here much these days! But yes now I’m in new york city for my summer internship which is crazy bc that’s been my dream since Taylor released 1989! lol unfortunately I have a bit of a crazy schedule (summer classes so I can graduate early, part time job bc I need money, etc) & can’t meet with my therapist while I’m here bc of stupid state laws so that’s been kinda rough but so many of my irl friend are actually also here for the summer & im meeting so many new ppl so that’s been super fun! Obviously I haven’t been at the internship for long but it’s starting to look like my dream job which is super cool as someone who had no idea wtf I wanted to do for the longest time lol

I’ve been doing so well & it’s been probs one of the best phases of my life tbh except my wonderful parents decided to come visit me :) for a whole month :) at a hotel a few blocks from my office :) they’ve been bothering me with making me help them find a place to stay & insisting they live with me etc etc even before they arrived, but now that they’re here I’m getting the shit all day hehe there are like negative boundaries (waiting in front of my office, trying to follow me into my apt) & the expectation is that I’ll drop all of my commitments (ofc my social but also even my professional & academic) to meet with and talk to them whenever tf they want :) so yeah that’s pretty disgusting but I’ve been trying to still somewhat enjoy all these other things going for me by reminding myself that this is going to be over in a month & then I won’t have to see them ever again :) but yea that was my lil life update & I hope ur less busy + can rest more now!! Sending u lots of love too <33

[cherrykyeoms]

Soulmate!Johnny

Genre : fluff, non-idol!au, soulmate au where everyone has a flower tattoo on their wrist which is plain (has no colour) and when you hold your soulmates hand you wld feel a tingling feeling on ur wrist and ur flower tattoo will get its colour, school years mentioned is based off the education system in UK-Singapore context because idk how the US system works (even after 14 years of breathing)

Group/Member : NCT, Johnny

A/N : and SOOOO this soulmate thing was smth i dreamt of last night im still shooketh by the dream skfkdkfk also in this fic the reader and Johnny are the same age yea :) also sorry if its hella shitty,,, its my first soulmate!au but i’ll try to produce better works if you want more soulmate!aus :”)

————————•

okay but can we just imagine johnny with a flower tatt yes thank you i just died

okay lets begin gogo

okay so when you were younger you never really cared about when you’d find your soulmate

because you knew that it wld naturally come to you

but as you grew you realised that your soulmate could possibly be on the opposite end of the earth and you actually had to at least try to find him

anyways abt yourself - you enjoyed arts and shit and wanted to major in fashion design

and so came the age of sixteen, after taking your major exam you decided that you would study fashion designing overseas since you thought that going overseas would open up more opportunities

and also just so that you could have a better chance at finding your soulmate

so initially you went to LA and studied there for two years

on you third year of college your school provided you with places to go for an internship

there were many great places honestly - France, Malaysia, Italy, S. Korea and a few others

you decided that you’d go to S. Korea cuz you thought that their fashion styles were unique and different as of western styles and you wanted to understand fashion as a global thing (does this actually make sense dkfkdkfksk)

i think i repeated this too many times but its just so that you cld find ur soulmate yeet

so fast forward you’re in SK and alr halfway thru your major project which was assigned specially for amateurs- to create a clothing line for Seoul Fashion Week

so you were working with this fresh university graduate guy and you had to admit, his ideas were hella impressive

it was unique in a way that traditional clothes were incorporated into modern clothings

your ideas weren’t bad as well, he thought that your skills were really impressive for someone in college

so the both of you decided to work on a two-piece line up which incorporated the hanbok in all of your pieces in some way

fast forward again to seven months later and D-day comes

you finally met all the other designers properly and greeted them one by one

you felt a little intimidated by meeting the other amateur designers honestly

they all seemed so good and actually had some experience beforehand so you were worried about how you seemed like to them

your partner, whom you now treated just like your own older brother, ended up with having to bribe you to a treat to starbucks just so that you wld stop belittling yourself and enjoy the night

idek if those kinda things are able to bribe you but im a broke kid so 🙃

djfjd and before you realised it the runway show had ended and it was time for a break

you then saw a new figure there and he seemed much friendlier than the others ard

apparently he had came later as he had to attend an important family event

the tall figure then noticed you starring at him for a while and walked towards you to greet you

“Hello miss, i am Johnny Seo! I’m one of the designers of (design name), it’s a pleasure to meet you :)”

okay let the smiley face be i cld only think of his smile as he says that stop me im soft

you were taken aback for a split second cuz wow,,, such a fine man had come to greet you,,, and he’s really friendly

“oh-ah yes, I’m __________ and im an intern attached to (partner’s name) for (design name)! It’s a pleasure to meet you too!”

as you said that you extended you arm for a handshake

lmao the past few months had made you forget your objective of trying to travel - to find your soulmate

anyways

Johnny then extended his arm as well to shake yours and when your hands met, it happened

you felt a little prickle on your wrists and your eyes widened you looked down to see that the roses and daffodils on them had finally gotten their colour after, after nineteen years

Johnny, with the same realisation, then took your other hand in his

“The pleasure to meet you is mine, soulmate.”

he said that with much tenderness in his eyes and smile before pulling you into a tight hug

you held onto him and sniffed on the scent of his cologne which instantly brought you to comfort after the stresses of the event

after letting go the both of you starred and smiled at each other in silence

it wasn’t an awkward silence but it was a comforting one

okay so you had just met your soulmate at an important event

oh and your partner crued happy tears while filming the both of you in your moment cuz :”)

and from this event, you could infer that your soulmate had similar interests with you

that makes life just 28482848283828383 times better

cuz now you have each other to consult for fashion advice

johnny’s fashion evaluation every damned week

im sorry i just had to

and lets be real

you wldnt have wanted to end with anyone else :”)

okay sorry for this shitty ending

but i wont rlly go on about how he wld be like

cuz i have a bf!Johnny ;)

but thats an idol bf!johnny so if you want a non-idol one yall can request :))

thank you for reading

sorry for much delays,,, i love all of you 💖

[zhuhongs]

having a #girl moment 😔😔😔