#fighting ageism with healthy relationships

[dhyzenmedia]

Negative self-talk about aging takes a toll on mental health

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”3777″ img_size=”full”][vc_column_text]The study led by Professor Julie Henry from UQ’s School of Psychology looked at why self-directed ageism is common. “Older people are regularly exposed to ageism such as negative assumptions about their worth, capacity or level of understanding, as well as jokes about older age,” Professor Henry said. “At the same…

[gunmetal-ring]

Here's the thing like I fully understand where people come from when they refer to caryl as mother/son (ageism and misogyny aside)

There have absolutely been moments wherein Daryl is desperate for guidance and comfort and a nurturing person, and Carol has been that person for him. They're fairly intimate moments, too, and it's always clear that she gives him exactly what he needs. There have been a few times when he's been so emotionally stunted and lost that he really does regress to a more childlike state, and during those times, Carol takes on a nurturing role for him.

I don't think anybody really disagrees with that - I think we've all had moments (or at least I have, bc maybe I'm just not well adjusted lol) where we've been so emotionally overwhelmed by some devastating trauma that we regress, and either a friend or family member helps us through it, in a similar way as to when we were kids and our moms hugged us when we got into a fight with a friend or whatever, idk. I've also been that person to plenty of my friends and family members in their times of need.

HOWEVER.

These moments - and they are moments, because Daryl isn't a child who needs a kiss on his boo-boo, and he's greatly emotionally matured over the past 10 seasons, and they're generally instances few and far between anyway - don't define their relationship. There's plenty of give-and-take between them, and plenty of moments when she comforts him in a way that a friend does, as equals. In the "damn, that sucks, hope I can be a shoulder to lean on" rather than a "let me take care of you while you repair your damaged psyche" type of way. And there's plenty of moments where he does the same for her, as equals.

I would also say that Carol's also had some of those moments wherein she regresses, and has that same sort of childlike desperation looking for comfort and guidance and someone to nurture her, and Daryl's tried to be that person for her. I don't think it's nearly as obvious, though, bc she's rejected it time and time again. She doesn't let him comfort her that way, even though in the past, he's let her comfort him that way. I'd say the only time she actually lets him do it is immediately upon finding Henry's head on the pike, tbh, and that's cut extremely short - much shorter than the filmed moments where we see the forehead kisses, etc.

Again, this is a really, really common (and normal, and can actually be healthy with obvious exceptions) dynamic between close, intimate friends, and even lovers, too. It doesn't have to be all-or-nothing - and it frustrates me that people can say caryl has this deep intimate abiding friendship and in the same breath say oh Carol's his mother figure. It's totally dismissing the complexities of what an intimate friendship looks like, and how layered people are.

Obviously a huge part of it is ageism and misogyny (carol has all-gray hair which obv means she's sexless, and daryl is 50 which obv means his romantic interests will be anywhere between 18-40, and Carol is a mother so that's all she's good for, and Daryl is the resident bachelor hottie so he's not going to jump on his best friend) but I also think we need to keep in mind that bc these characters are 10 years old, they're inherently going to be a lot more developed than, say, characters who have only been around for a year or two. So their relationship will be a lot more developed than relationships they have with newer characters.

[eubiedrew-blog]

Critically Examining What BLM Believes

EUBIE DREW

·

Facebook Note HERE

Beyond the formatting rule “_______” below is a full quote of the “What We Believe” page on the Black Lives Matter web site. The link to that page is <HERE>. 

The emphasis (bold, italic) is mine, and I have arranged some of it into an itemized list, but all the words and links are theirs.

I present this as an aid in critically examining what they support. Personally, I am comfortable with all of it except item 12(a). And perhaps that is only because I do not understand it. Certainly it could be problematic for many of my dear friends, and supporters of “No Wedding, No Womb” (FB page --> NWNW).

I hope we can have a healthy discussion about 12(a), and whatever else you all would like to examine, in the comments to this Note.

____________________________

What We Believe

Four years ago, what is now known as the Black Lives Matter Global Network began to organize. It started out as a chapter-based, member-led organization whose mission was to build local power and to intervene when violence was inflicted on Black communities by the state and vigilantes.

In the years since, we’ve committed to struggling together and to imagining and creating a world free of anti-Blackness, where every Black person has the social, economic, and political power to thrive.

Black Lives Matter began as a call to action in response to state-sanctioned violence and anti-Black racism. Our intention from the very beginning was to connect Black people from all over the world who have a shared desire for justice to act together in their communities. The impetus for that commitment was, and still is, the rampant and deliberate violence inflicted on us by the state.

Enraged by the death of Trayvon Martin and the subsequent acquittal of his killer, George Zimmerman, and inspired by the 31-day takeover of the Florida State Capitol by POWER U and the Dream Defenders, we took to the streets. A year later, we set out together on the Black Lives Matter Freedom Ride to Ferguson, in search of justice for Mike Brown and all of those who have been torn apart by state-sanctioned violence and anti-Black racism. Forever changed, we returned home and began building the infrastructure for the Black Lives Matter Global Network, which, even in its infancy, has become a political home for many.

Ferguson helped to catalyze a movement to which we’ve all helped give life. Organizers who call this network home have ousted anti-Black politicians, won critical legislation to benefit Black lives, and changed the terms of the debate on Blackness around the world. Through movement and relationship building, we have also helped catalyze other movements and shifted culture with an eye toward the dangerous impacts of anti-Blackness.

These are the results of our collective efforts.

The Black Lives Matter Global Network is as powerful as it is because of our membership, our partners, our supporters, our staff, and you. Our continued commitment to liberation for all Black people means we are continuing the work of our ancestors and fighting for our collective freedom because it is our duty.

Every day, we recommit to healing ourselves and each other, and to co-creating alongside comrades, allies, and family a culture where each person feels seen, heard, and supported.

We acknowledge, respect, and celebrate differences and commonalities.

We work vigorously for freedom and justice for Black people and, by extension, all people.

We intentionally build and nurture a beloved community that is bonded together through a beautiful struggle that is restorative, not depleting.

We are unapologetically Black in our positioning. In affirming that Black Lives Matter, we need not qualify our position. To love and desire freedom and justice for ourselves is a prerequisite for wanting the same for others.

We see ourselves as part of the global Black family, and we are aware of the different ways we are impacted or privileged as Black people who exist in different parts of the world.

We are guided by the fact that all Black lives matter, regardless of actual or perceived sexual identity, gender identity, gender expression, economic status, ability, disability, religious beliefs or disbeliefs, immigration status, or location.

We make space for transgender brothers and sisters to participate and lead.

We are self-reflexive and do the work required to dismantle cisgender privilege and uplift Black trans folk, especially Black trans women who continue to be disproportionately impacted by trans-antagonistic violence.

We build a space that affirms Black women and is free from sexism, misogyny, and environments in which men are centered.

We practice empathy. We engage comrades with the intent to learn about and connect with their contexts.

We ...      a)  make our spaces family-friendly and enable parents to fully participate with their children.      b)  dismantle the patriarchal practice that requires mothers to work “double shifts” so that they can mother in private even as they participate in public justice work.

We ...      a)     disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure    requirement      b)  by supporting each other as extended families and “villages”      c)  that collectively care for one another, especially our children,      d)  to the degree that mothers, parents, and children are comfortable.

We foster a queer‐affirming network. When we gather, we do so with the intention of freeing ourselves from the tight grip of heteronormative thinking, or rather, the belief that all in the world are heterosexual (unless s/he or they disclose otherwise).

We cultivate an intergenerational and communal network free from ageism. We believe that all people, regardless of age, show up with the capacity to lead and learn.

We embody and practice justice, liberation, and peace in our engagements with one another.

BLACK LIVES MATTER

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[misstincu]

How to be your own person

At 27 years old, most people perceive me as unapologetic, bold, a warrior fighting for what is right, fair, honest and inspirational. Which is kind of accurate [insert modesty here], but it’s important to note that I’m not all these things simultaneously.  Sometimes I’m just too busy overthinking myself to death, having meltdowns and self-sabotaging whilst still being a nice person [yes, I can multitask that way 😂]. To understand where I’m coming from and what “qualifies” me to tell you how to be your own person, here’s a glimpse into the worst parts of myself from ten years ago: 

I worked hard to improve and change, because I was sick and tired of all the unecessary unpleasantness I was allowing myself to live in. I do hope that you’re not imagining that I managed to achieve this by sheer will. On the contrary, it was more a mix of taking chances, trying things outside of my comfort zone and seeking to surround myself with people that see my value, respect me and support me without kissing my ass to obtain something from me 💅. Of course, I derailed from this “master plan” of becoming my own person on a few occasions because my auto pilot was strong - if I wouldn’t pay attention to something for a little while, I was instantly switching back to my old ways because it was easier and more comfortable. Right now I’d say I’ve come pretty far, and I’m proud of what I achieved, but I didn’t do it alone - it’s the result of many people giving me a hand, helping me in times of need or giving me a chance when no one else would.

I think becoming who you are and maintaining it is a lifelong process, and something we always need to pay attention to and work on it, because as I said - it doesn’t take much to revert to your unhealthy old ways. Here’s where I am now:

Most of the above ideals are not a 5 minute job, it takes years to get there and it won’t be easy - but it’s all worth it, I can promise you that. And just because I changed, it doesn’t mean that I don’t still doubt myself at times, or fall back a little into my old ways at times. It just means that I make a conscious effort daily to stay true to myself and not compromise my wellbeing for anyone.

Without further ado, here are my tips on how to be your own person:

Always have your own best interest at heart

If you’re like me, it’s difficult to constantly have your defences up and think of yourself 24/7. So having your own best interest at heart is also aided by building healthy relationships with those around you, choosing a work environment where you can be yourself and not having to walk all over your values often and reducing contact with toxic people that you can’t just remove from your life (such as family or old friends). Seeking what’s best for you is not always easy or obvious, but a way to do this could be reflecting on what you don’t want, that way it will get a little easier to follow what you want for yourself. In order to have your own best interest at heart, you’ll need to dig deep and be honest with yourself. Be selective of the people you surround yourself with, the situations you allow yourself to be part of, the environments where you spend your time. You won’t be able to count on family, friends, significant others and work colleagues to have your best interest at heart because most of them are too busy to chase their own interests. So it’s important for you to do the same.

Voice your opinions

It took me years, years I tell ya, to start voicing my opinions. This is because the environment I grew up in never empowered me to have an opinion in the first place. However, the first step for me was to start voicing my opinions in writing on my first blog back when I was a teenager - that’s where I said the things I didn’t have the courage to say out loud. A few years later, I was forced by University course assignments to start saying what I think. After a while, I managed to start saying what I think at work even if it wasn’t necessarily encouraged to do so. A beneficial factor for me starting to voice my opinion more and become even closer to being the most “my own person” that I’ve ever been - was having a significant other who has my best interest at heart, and empowered me to be my true self. You can find such support in other types of relationships, it doesn’t have to be a significant other. At some point I became tired of my own bullshit - by which means tired of the unsaid things that were imploding inside me and I couldn’t bear it anymore so I started to speak up more - with my family, with my friends, at work, and with friends of friends (I was already voicing my opinions at home, just not so much in public).

The key to voicing your opinions is to just start doing it. Take any little opportunity you get and practice, practice, practice. Lady at the bakery gave you the wrong type of bread? Say it! Your work colleague is a jackass? Say it! Don’t want to go out? Say it! Not being paid enough? Say it! Think of it like this: saying what you think might be uncomfortable for 10 mins, but it passes away. Sucking it up, however, can force you to take a commitment or be in a shitty position that you don’t want for hours, days, years! So 10 minutes of feeling like crap sounds good in hindsight, right?

Set Personal Boundaries

Boundaries are key for maintaining healthy relationships with people and set clear guidelines of how you want, and need, to be treated.

Most people will walk all over you no matter what relationship you have with them - that is, if you let them. It might take you some time to figure out what your boundaries are but rest assured, life experiences will highlight them for you, just pay attention. For example, back in the day I had no clue that when someone’s actions or words made me feel bad about myself and worthless, it actually meant that they crossed my personal boundaries. It won’t always be clear as day that someone is doing this to you, or they might not even realise it, but either way - if as a result you feel like shit it’s time to take action. In a sense, it’s like taking your power and self-worth back from those who are trying to take it away from you.

My personal boundaries, to name a few, resulted from being sick and tired of the following: not respecting me/my work/my time, taking me or my kindness for granted, toxic family ties, ageism, sexism, being unprofessional or unethical.  Now, when you feel like you need to set some boundaries with certain people, here are my top three ways of setting boundaries:

Reduce contact with family/old friends when: trying to reinforce inexistent boundaries might not be met with openness or the mental ability to comprehend what you are trying to communicate.

Cut people out of your life when they’re energy vampires/soul sucking friends/lovers: With a lovely touch of toxicity, these people might have been all lovely at first until you got to know them better and vice versa. Now, you just feel like a brainwashed puppet that allows them to suck the life out of you and walk all over you.

Ghosting (not ideal, but necessary sometimes) - when reducing contact or cutting people out of your life doesn’t work, the last option standing is ghosting them. To me, ghosting is not something aligned with my values and ethics. However, I do think it’s necessary for self preservation at times.

Accept your imperfections

There are many things you can change about yourself if you work hard enough. However, there are also many things you can’t change. A few of my imperfections include: taking things personal, being too nice, too obsessed with being professional and doing the right thing, too sensitive, an overthinker with high levels of anxiety. To you, most of these things might not seem like imperfections, but to me they are because these imperfections get my feelings hurt a lot and make me feel stupid and bad about myself. But the good thing is: once you accept and acknowledge your imperfections, it can get better. Not accepting these things about yourself and fighting your own self is just like lying to yourself. And when you lie to yourself, you’re lying to everyone around you - and let me tell you, people will see right through your bullshit. Are you a whiny bitch? Are you a pushover? A passive aggressive person?  Embrace it! When you get tired of your own bullshit, the motivation to do something will kick in. Of course, it’s not enough to embrace your imperfections, you have to also figure out how to change the outcome of the situation you dragged yourself into because of the way you are. Set boundaries, remove people from your life if they bring out the worst in you or make you feel bad about yourself. Extract yourself from environments and situations that are toxic for you and it will be easier to accept who you are without these distractions.

Bring out your fashion more

I’m a very visual person in the sense that what I see in the mirror influences my mood.  I’m also anxious and don’t exude self confidence 24/7. This is why makeup, the color of my hair, grooming and clothes are a way to express myself and a reminder of who I am (in case I forget, you know). All these serve like armor and war paint before I get out of the house and face the day. No matter how anxious or stressed out I get, on the verge of tears from bottled anger - I know that when I look at myself in a toilet mirror I’ll be reminded that I’m 100% that bitch. There are months when I’m so exhausted and burnt out that I can’t muster the energy to get all glammed up - but I still make sure I have something on me to bring me down to earth. No matter what gender you are, if you are into fashion, hairstyling, make-up or not - there must be something you can wear that makes you feel pretty damn awesome about yourself.  

Get to know yourself better

You don’t get up one morning and discover that you found out everything about yourself. Oh, no! This is a lifelong project. However, there are many ways you can find out the good and the bad things about yourself - introspection, analysing what you are good and bad at, hearing what people who see through your bullshit say, reviews of your work etc. Sure, it’s nice when people compliment you, and it hurts when they criticize you. But I think we are not 100% the way we see ourselves, nor how others see us. When people comment, there is always a little of them projecting their qualities or imperfections on you and subjectivity involved. In my opinion, the truth is somewhere in the middle. As long as you keep yourself grounded and not underestimate yourself or go full on hubris - you’ll get a pretty good sense of who you are at this point of your life.

Love and trust yourself

When I had zero self-confidence, I thought this idea was utter bullshit. Are you saying I am not a worthless piece of crap without talent like my step mother told me I am? Get outta here!

For years I had moments where I thought “that’s it! From this moment on, I love myself, I trust myself, I am confident” and bam! 2 hours later I still wasn’t any of these things. Because it’s not a decision you make on the spot, it’s a chain of actions, of setting boundaries and having experiences that teach you to stand up for yourself that get you to the level of wisdom that enables you to start loving, trusting, respecting and believing in yourself. For years, I let my power in the hands of others. I let others decide if I am worthy of respect, of trust, of being loved, of being trusted. But if you don’t feel or believe these things about yourself, why would others? In my case, I realised that I have to find my worth in other places. Not in the opinion of others, not in my skills and the results of my hard work - but in my own damn self.

After many failures and getting to the point where it affected my mental health and wellbeing, I realised that actually I do know my shit, I do have a lot of potential, I do deserve a good salary.  Actions speak louder than words - and it will take a long time for you to start feeling this way about yourself - so until then, you can just act and present yourself in a manner that shows that you know what you can do, you have an idea of who you are and what you can do. Yes, a little “fake it until you make it” attitude can help you.  Other people’s mean comments will still hurt - but deep inside, you will know the truth. When they go low, you go high. And slowly but surely, you will take your power back.

Learn to say NO

It might sound like it’s easy to say NO, but in reality, it can be a hard thing to do especially if you’re not used to it. Looking back, it’s astonishing to me on how many occasions I would have been better off if I would have been honest and said NO. This skill is detrimental for your survival and wellbeing, because sometimes you’ll have to put your foot down and say NO. Agreeing to every request might be easier in the moment, but you know you’ll hate yourself afterwards for juggling a million things with no time for yourself just because you couldn’t say one damn word - NO! In your head, this could come off as uncaring or selfish because it means letting some people down, causing them to dislike you for it or be criticized. There is however an upside to this: you’ll gain some respect for yourself and set some boundaries.  Just because you made a commitment in the heat of the moment, it doesn’t mean you need to actually follow it through. You can change your mind and graciously remove yourself from the commitment you made - if you also add a little heartfelt honesty in there most people will appreciate it. As I’m a recovering pushover and YES woman, I still don’t master saying NO but I work on it every chance I get. When I’m not caught off guard, I say “I’ll think about it and get back to you”. If however I am taken by surprise, I might agree on the spot and decline later when I realize that I actually don’t want to do something or I can’t because I have no time for it.

Sometimes I still go ahead with things I don’t want to do because I want to help others or get outside my comfort zone - but that is something that I am willing to take responsibility for. No matter why you decide to not say NO, make sure you are at peace with this compromise, for the right reasons.

Understand your values and stand by them

You see, I understand my values and I stand by them as much as possible. But the reality is, there will be times when you’ll need to compromise a little. I mostly experienced this on a professional level. Values are in essence rules of conduct you live by - but there will be situations with some people where you will never win. In your personal life it’s slightly easier because you can cut people out of your life, reduce contact with them or ghost them. But at work you might be forced to collaborate with people that make your life a living hell - passive aggressive, selfish, ego-centered assholes, “cult leaders”, people that do the bare minimum and don’t care how it affects others. So it’s important to stand by who you are whilst still being able to adapt to working with toxic people that won’t give a shit about your values and boundaries - yay! Welcome to adulthood.

Don’t be selfish and ego-centered

Newsflash! Not everything is about you! It’s ok to be selfish and ego-centered when it comes to your self-preservation and wellbeing, as long as you don’t shove this down everyone’s throat. These traits come off in a negative light when you can’t have a proper conversation with someone because they make any topic about themselves and their experiences 24/7. Don’t get me wrong, I too talk about myself with people but it’s one thing to share a story and another to not even listen to what people are saying and constantly wait for a cue to talk about yourself. I think this occurs when you have no life outside school or work - and I’ve been this person, not gonna lie. The funny thing is that I had zero confidence in myself but still came off as a selfish ego-centered bitch based on this behaviour. So try not to be selfish and ego-centered to the point where no one wants to ever talk to you again.

Conclusion

Becoming your own person takes a lot of work, resources and time. However, it’s one of the best investments in yourself that you can ever make. It not only improves your life both on a personal and professional level, but it opens doors to new friendships and new opportunities. Remember: staying true to yourself is a journey, not a destination. Have a great trip! ✨

[tim-bradfords]

tbh I just have a lot of thoughts and emotions about superstore and the fact that I haven’t felt this much about a show in a REALLY long time first off

The comedy is so so funny because it’s so relatable like when bo talked about black lives matter and Garrett was like ??????? Jonah talking about gun control!!!!! Need I say more

It highlights gun control, racism, ageism, etc etc like !!!!!!!!

Retail and customer service is hell and I appreciate them highlighting that

All the characters are precious and hilarious and I will protect them at all costs especially Sandra & Dina

Jonah and Amy.... strap in because this is gonna be a long one

Their relationship is not only a slowburn but once of the most pure relationships I have ever seen on tv. Imagine a man, not only a man but a white man bc most of them on tv are trash but, a man who puts your needs in front of his own no matter what, a man who would rather be friends with you his whole life than to ever lose you even if that means he will have these feelings unreciprocated forever. A man who always reminds you to put yourself first and to love yourself and reminds you of all the great things about yourself... truly life changing

Not only that but their friendship is incredible it’s constant back and forth bickering but in the end you can see how much they truly enjoy each other’s company

It’s an example of a pure healthy relationship, even if they aren’t together yet, their relationship is something that needs to be shown to people more bc not only abusive couples with constant fighting are the exciting ones, let’s let go of that concept

The show is woke af, they talk about many issues going on today and it’s HILARIOUS

Idek I just have many feelings I’m so sorry

I’m such trash for this whole show & I will be forever

[grey-haired-queen-bitch]

Ok, listen up. You know I agree with you because we’re done with this ageist mother/son bullshit and we’re tired of fighting against it every time but since I created a “zen armor” around me in these years, I’m trying to see things with a different point of view. Because this is it. Just a point of view. I know that maybe no one will agree with me but I’ll write it anyway, you know how much I care about this Caryl family and I like reading your replies.

First of all I think AMC doesn’t care about shipping and definitely doesn’t see the show through shipper’s eyes like we do. Yes, they promote couples sometimes, they even promote Carol and Daryl together when they know there are scenes with these two coming up, and they know there are shippers of course, but I think it’s not the reason they do that.

Yes, AMC could have cut that part with the mother/son comment but let imagine the opposite, with fans saying they’ve always seen Caryl as a potential romantic relationship, we would have probably celebrated but maybe be disappointed later when the show aired and nothing happened again.

What I’m trying to say here is that, again, what matters is the show. Not someone’s comment. I create my own opinion watching what happens in there and with facts. And facts are:

- We have seen Daryl around people he considers as brothers (like Rick and Glenn) and it’s definitely not the same when he’s with Carol. There’s something special between them and we have seen that when Daryl went alone to Carol’s fake grave just to say goodbye, with a cherokee rose and later he was also the one finding her. We have seen that in season 4 when Daryl was against his brother Rick and his decision to banish Carol. We have seen that in season 5 when they reunite in Terminus and when they gave them a whole episode just to reconnect with each other. We have seen that in season 6 when Daryl was the only one to understand that Carol was not okay. And we have seen that in season 7 when Daryl was the only one reuniting with Carol and she told him what her problems were. She hasn’t done that with anyone else. 

- We have seen Carol being a mother figure to very young characters like Sophia, Lizzie, Mika, Beth, Sam and she definitely acts differently around Daryl. She definitely has/had some attraction since she made a joke about oral sex. And it was clear, more than once, she likes him not like a son or a sort of brother. And just because people are ageist af, remember when Tobin said Carol was a mom for the group? He said that because of her strength and capability of protection, NOT BECAUSE OF HER AGE.  

- And let’s be honest here. We’ve never seen Daryl having any kind of sexual impulse with anyone. He doesn’t seem really interested in having a romantic relationship but who knows what happens in the show.

You probably know I’m ok with Caryl being just a platonic thing but I also (and always) hope for a romantic evolution between them. Haters seem to be confused about that. Platonic is different from familial love, it’s also a bit different from a friendship love. It’s deep and beyond everything else. They are practically saying Caryl is the deepest relationship in the show. And this is actually true.  

Look, I’m so angry about ageist comments about Melissa because I really love her as a person and I’m against ageism and any kind of racism in general. But I also see the show with my own eyes and I draw my conclusions. Carol sees Daryl as a man (she said it in Consumed) and she flirted with him several times and he did it as well, maybe unconsciously. Because you know, he never had healthy relationships in his life, he actually has nothing to compare with.  I think he sees Carol as a woman he likes to be around. He doesn’t have to name what they have or what she is for him (and maybe this is why NR changes his answers every time. Daryl doesn’t know what it is exactly).

In conclusion, I don’t know why the girl in the video thinks that about Carol and Daryl and honestly I don’t care. Maybe she’s ageist, maybe she had specific experiences in her life to say that. Who knows. My opinion, OUR opinions are as valid as hers. You can see that as a promotion of that idea, I see that as one opinion out of a million. She’s a fan, not a writer or a character in the show saying that.

I know being diplomatic doesn't help when we face these important issues of our society, but maybe there are people like me who are tired of fandom wank and arguments and they just wanna see the show. And I really hope my post will help a little. 

Thanks for reading!  Love you, Caryl Family.

[sextonsharpwinhalstead]

Ships: Could They? Would They? Should They? Part 2

So, the last time I did this I said that the sky was the limit and I meant it! (LOL) Also there are a few ships that I know are rare (my beloved rare-pairs) that weren’t even hinted at; as well as some obvious ageism issues and exclusion of cast members so here we are with Part 2. Also, I’ve taken liberties of developing each one with bits and pieces of canon and fanon.

*Side Note*

I don’t expect this to be as popular as the other; mostly because these characters aren’t as popular in the Tumblr Fandom.

April Sexton/ Natalie Manning

Ship Name: Mexton

Why They work: Both Nat and April have a great balance of hard work, drive, and compassion for their patients. They are both strong, inspirational, and have been disappointed or heartbroken in different ways by the men they have let into their love lives. April’s nurturing side would be great with Owen, and Natalie could step up in a stronger personality role for April who is often backed into a corner or allows herself to be taken advantage of. Dates would consist of breakfast in bed, gushy text messages, and Natalie serenading April with her violin.

Why They Won’t: The show was really awful about using their friendship to boost Natalie’s needs and if we went off of that then Natalie would be horribly not-supportive when April is going through hard times. April is a catholic Afro-Latina and from a pretty strict upbringing, being out wouldn’t be easy in those worlds. Also, I honestly think if April were to get into a femme relationship with anyone it’d be with Sarah.

Natalie Manning/ Sarah Reese

Ship Name: Meese

Why They Work: The episode when Natalie and Ethan removed a prototype from the little body-hackers stomach opened the nerdy-world of a young Natalie Manning we as an audience were not privy to before. But that girl still exists within in her and it would probably be a draw for nerdy Sarah. I could see them on dates to the Smithsonian, playing the crossword over breakfast in the morning, and playfully arguing over peer-reviewed medical journals. They’d borrow each other’s scrubs and Natalie would quiz Sarah on her boards; and missed questions would mean Sarah would be doing the laundry. Sarah would be in awe of seeing a classically trained violinist whose back-up was being a doctor and Natalie would easily bond with the prissier parts of Sarah’s personality. However…

Why They Won’t: Canonically, Sarah made it clear that she does not want children and Owen (although rarely seen or spoken about since season 1) is very much a part of Natalie’s’ life; it’s a deal breaker folks.

Sharon Goodwin/ Daniel Charles

Ship Name: Choodwin

Why They Work: Meticulous, wise, funny, and successful these two have always put their careers first (even to the detriment of their personal lives). When they talk you are for sure there is a story accompanied with their advice/musings. I could see late night coffee dates where they slowly disclose little surprising pieces of their history, maybe Sharon worked as a casino showgirl to pay for school and Daniel performed his own experiments with psychedelic medicine made popular in the 60’s (on himself). They have a friendship that slowly turns into something more and they don’t feel the need to label it; they just let it be. This is the mature, relationship goals, we all want and the peace that healthy drama-free love actually is.

Why They Won’t: There is a reason Daniel has been married 3 times and none of it seems good. Also, even though the show hasn’t mentioned much of her, Daniel has another daughter (aside from Robin) who Sharon would need to warm up to. Also, if we take into context the age of his daughter; we should ask ourselves how long it’s been since his last divorce and if he is even in a position to date again; Sharon too. I would hate to see some of his baggage and demons hurt Sharon when she’s had her heart broken not once (Bert) but twice (losing her first love to parasites) on the show. In all honesty I could live my entire life not seeing her cry again.

Will Halstead and Sarah Reese

Ship Name: Ralstead

Why They Work: Smarty pants. Everyone on this show is brilliant and has to be especially to be doctors, but there is smart-nerdy side to Will that seeps out in all kinds of episodes; he geeks out over medicine a lot. We have seen Sarah develop into someone who is way more confident in her abilities and willing to challenge the rules a bit more than she was in season one. They could meet on these overlapping personality quirks and interests. There would be dates where they traded off into nerd-world and then into classic fun.

Why They Won’t: Sarah is a lot more progressive socially than Will. I could see her being offended on a regular basis with some of his not so subtle sexist ways. Also, the show hasn’t stated yet but I can see Will being into more traditional life-steps: house, marriage, kids. We know Sarah doesn’t want kids and I wouldn’t be shocked if we found out she wasn’t into marriage either.

 Jeff Clarke/ Ethan Choi

Ship Name: Cloi

Why They Work: Bros’ that think they’re bros and then end up in bed together. They would’ve been bonding over their past lives in the military, swapping war stories, and trying to one-up the other in crazy hi-jinks from the past. I could see this ship beginning as the two of them going out and picking up women, having beers, and playing games but then eventually leading to quieter activities like staying in; instead. One thing would lead to another and they would wind up in bed together. I could see them being each other’s “first” in that regard.

 Why They Won’t: Machismo and homophobia would be the main stumbling blocks for this ship, one or both of them would not want to make the relationship public and it wouldn’t seem like a problem, but could you see how hard that would be in episodes like Monday Mourning? Or Cold Front? I think it would stress the little ship and it’d crack.

Will Halstead/Ethan Choi

Ship Name: Chalstead

Why They Work: Smart, hardworking, and both Chief Resident (although at separate times) these two could work. However, I could see this being another “secret relationship” but not because of homophobia but purely for professionalism. They are both incredibly focused at work and no one would even know they were together unless told. But at night and on the weekends the two can be found in bed reading medical journals, summing up the weird stories of the ED, and trying different restaurants.

Why They Won’t: Although both professional; Will is still the attending and higher on the totem pole. Even if they could be professional they are both still a bit egotistical and the fights would spill over into their home. Also, the rigid professionalism would begin to take a toll. I mean who doesn’t love a quick peck on the cheek from your partner or spouse before starting work?

Maggie Lockwood/ Will Halstead

Ship Name: Lockstead or Halwood (honestly, they have so many possibilities)

Why They Work: There are all kinds of ships that happen naturally on Med and Maggie and Will are one of them. They have a great friendship and on some ways canonically she is his only friend. A supportive friendship is always a great basis for a romantic one. This ship would be one where we watch as Will pines over Natalie and even dates Nina all while not realizing that the one person he doesn’t have to hide anything from is Maggie. He realizes out of the entire staff he is the only one that has met her family and she constantly looks out for him. In other words, the person you love has been in front of your face the entire time. She is feisty and not push over, something he definitely needs, and he has just enough confidence to take a powerful personality like hers on.

Why They Won’t: The nonsense Will has displayed with his treatment of Natalie and Nina. His behavior with Jennifer Baker; all of it would be a turn-off to Maggie. She is a charge nurse who understand order within the chaos but order none the less and that mess in season one with Will would’ve turned her off; also no one wants to be second pick…let alone third.

Maggie Lockwood/Sharon Goodwin

Ship Name: Goodlock or WinWood (a ton of name possibilities here too)

Why They Work: Maggie always has everyone’s back and none more than Sharon’s after Bert leaves. I could see Maggie bringing Sharon food, making sure she took care of herself, and sitting with her at night so she wouldn’t have to eat alone. They would reminisce about the old days of nursing together and Sharon would push Maggie to pursue more within that field. And although Maggie has expressed attractiveness to men like Connor and Jeff, women; in particular, make comments all the time on the attractiveness of both sexes without any romantic interest. In other words, the show has never clearly stated that Maggie is straight. Hanging out could lead to co-habitation, and then maybe more.

Why They Won’t: I could honestly see Sharon being into Maggie but then running from her feelings because it’s not what she’s used to. Also, this show has done NOTHING with Maggie as far as her interests go, she is work, work, work and so is Sharon; so, when would they have time to truly nourish this new avenue?

Jeff Clarke/ Sarah Reese

Ship Name: Cleese

Why They Work: This is the “It gets better” “Let me show you the ropes” ship. Sarah and Jeff could bond over the indecision they both have had in their careers. Jeff being military, then a fireman, and now a doctor. Sarah in the field but confused about which discipline to go into, emergency medicine, pathology, and then psych. She’d be shocked that he was flirting with her (just replace Noah in that “I watch you” scene and that’s how she would be). He’d be in awe of how smart she is. There would be a few dates and some really hot hook-ups…

Why They Won’t: …Before they realize there just isn’t a future there. He is a bit older and is still trying to get his footing and she is focused on being the best in psych. They would care for one another but would probably realize there isn’t enough common ground to sustain a relationship. They’d part ways amicably. (Also this is actually the rarest of ships as I don’t think these two even shared a scene together! photo courtesy of ChildofLoki)

Jeff Clarke/ April Sexton

Ship Name: Clexton

Why They Work: They both have heroic personalities. They are the type to go above and beyond to do the right thing in helping people and that compassion would be there but for each other. April helping Jeff dress his wounds after he is accidentally shot etc. Before White Butterflies, when we as an audience realized Jeff’s sole purpose on the show was to show Natalie’s ability to move on, I thought it would be a lot more fitting or realistic if he had been on the roof with April and almost kissed her. He always came across soft, and kind around her. He was the only one to implicitly express condolences to her about her miscarriage and then ask her how she was holding up. It was just that easy and no one else could do it. I could see him taking her for a drink and then they would hang out a little more and then….

Why They Won’t: But there is still only one resident spot and it went to Noah. How juicy the story-line could’ve been if they had decided to put Jeff and April together and then there would be tension about who got the residency, their break-up would be inevitable because Jeff (being the admirable person he is) wouldn’t want April to feel conflicted. He’d try and get the Hawaii residency and it would be this really sad ending to a “what could’ve been” ship.

Connor Rhodes/ David Downey

Ship Name: Dhodes

Why They Work: Connor respects brilliance and Downey was just that; brilliant, but also adventurous, wise, fun, and caring. His talent was renowned and that was what Connor would hope to be one day. Connor was not unlike Leah Bardovi in his wide-eyed admiration of David Downey. I think David saw a lot of himself in Connor as well as limitless amounts of potential. But often there were times when he looked at him that made me go…hmmm. It’s easy to cast Downey as the father-relationship Connor never had but it would also be a bit sexist of us to believe that men too can and do fall in love with other men because of “daddy issues.”

Why They Won’t: Cancer. Downey would still be sick and he probably wouldn’t want to begin a relationship knowing how heartbroken Connor would be that he couldn’t fulfill it (think “Me Before You” levels of unconsummated love). The scene when he emptied his ashes in the ocean would be even more serenely heart wrenching.

Sarah Reese/ Daniel Charles

Ship Name: Cheese

Why They Work: Could you imagine?! This would really be an illicit affair; Sarah sleeping with her mentor?! They’d be sneaking around and we’d be wondering why? How? All I could say is that the line would probably begin to be crossed after the Monday Mourning episode. Sarah being one of the few people to show concern for him, maybe she checks on him at home and vice versa for him. Seeing the other out of the work profession and opening new avenues for conversation could happen. Sarah doesn’t seem like the type to care about marriage and kids and that would work for Daniel because he doesn’t seem interested in doing either again.

Why They Won’t: Let’s be real…eww lol. Aside from the obvious father daughter vibes, this ship has platonic written all over it. I would hate to think the show would cross that line and put them together. Also, Daniel would be risking a lot of his integrity starting a relationship with a subordinate and the messy psych dynamic would be…well messy.

[mentalhealthandaging]

How does our negative societal perceptions of aging and mental health impact older adults?

Negative Perceptions and Stereotypes of Older Adults

Our society posses negative attitudes towards both aging and mental health (Richeson & Shelton,2006). Ageism exists as our society tends to harbour negative attitudes and stereotypes towards older adults (Richeson & Shelton,2006). These negative perceptions influence the way older adults are treated in our society (Richeson & Shelton,2006). Societal perceptions of older adults such as viewing them as vulnerable, lonely, physically and cognitively deficient and impaired can lead to negative consequences to the well-being of older adults (Richeson & Shelton,2006). Individuals unconsciously internalize negative stereotypes towards aging and these internalized negative stereotypes diminish the confidence of individuals and act as barriers to engaging in healthy and preventive behaviours (Bryant et al, 2012). It is important to recognize that these negative attitudes and stereotypes occur both implicitly and unconsciously meaning they can occur without conscious awareness(Richeson & Shelton,2006). 

Studies have found that both young and older adults have negative perceptions about the cognitive abilities of older adults (Richeson & Shelton,2006). A common stereotype among older adults is forgetfulness, which is this idea that older adults tend to forget more due to their age (Richeson & Shelton,2006). A study found that even when younger and older adults performed identical behaviours such as forgetting their keys, the behaviour of the older adults was always attributed to their mental deterioration (Richeson & Shelton,2006). Furthermore, even so called “positive stereotypes” about older adults such as the caring grandmother who looks after her grandchildren and the active older adult that has no health or limitation issues can contribute to inadequate and unfair treatment of older adults, as those who do not fit these “positive” stereotypes are labelled as people who do not experience “successful” aging (Richeson & Shelton,2006).

These negative societal perceptions links to the stigmatization of mental health in older adults as a study found that individuals who harboured negative perceptions of aging believed that mental health issues such as depression was a normal part of aging (Bryant et al, 2012; Richeson & Shelton,2006). This belief was found to hinder the confidence and ability of older adults to seek treatment when experiencing depression (Bryant et al, 2012). Furthermore, negative attitudes and beliefs regarding aging and mental health can lead to the discrimination among healthcare workers in the healthcare setting (Richeson & Shelton,2006). For example, stereotypes about the cognitive abilities of older adults can cause health care professionals to oversee depression  and misdiagnose it as dementia (Richeson & Shelton,2006). These negative stereotypes and perceptions can influence older adults treatment options and recommendations and cause health care professionals to overlok preventative screening measures because they might believe that certain symptoms and experiences are just inherently due to aging (Richeson & Shelton,2006). This leads to a lower quality of care among older adults (Richeson & Shelton,2006).

Finally, the stigmatization, negative attitudes and stereotypes towards aging and mental health causes lowered self-esteem, increased feelings of incompetence, and increased feelings of humiliation and dependency among older adults (Richeson & Shelton,2006). Stigma changes a person’s self-concept and social identity, and in many cases, the stigmatized person may find it easier “to come to terms with the label rather than fight it” (Long-Crowell, 2018).

Unfortunately, the internalization of negative stereotypes and stigmatization leads to worsened mental and physical health among older adults (MacCourt, Wilson & Tourigny-Rivard, 2011).There is no doubt that the perceptions that individuals have towards mental health and older adults can influence their treatment in society (Richeson & Shelton,2006).  Thus, it is important that we address these negative perceptions and attitudes, and the discrimination that occurs. Such aspects can be addressed through the implementation of interventions and policies that will be talked about in greater detail in other blog posts.

Sources

Bryant, C., Bei, B., Gilson, K., Komiti, A., Jackson, H., & Judd, F. (2012). The relationship between attitudes to aging and physical and mental health in older adults. International Psychogeriatrics, 24(10), 1674-1683. doi:10.1017/S1041610212000774

Long- Crowell, E. (2019). Labeling Theory and Crime: Stigma & Retrospective and Projective Labeling. Study. com . Retrieved from https://study.com/academy/lesson/labeling-theory-and-crime-stigma-retrospective-and-projective-labeling.html

MacCourt P., Wilson K., & Tourigny-Rivard M-F. (2011). Guidelines for Comprehensive Mental Health Services for Older Adults in Canada. Ottawa, ON: Mental Health Commission of Canada. Retrieved from: http://www.mentalhealthcommission.ca

Richeson JA, Shelton JN. A Social Psychological Perspective on the Stigmatization of Older Adults. In: National Research Council (US) Committee on Aging Frontiers in Social Psychology, Personality, and Adult Developmental Psychology; Carstensen LL, Hartel CR, editors. When I'm 64.Washington (DC): National Academies Press (US); 2006. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK83758

[buyayurvedicproductsonline]

CURCUMIN TEA - IMMUNE BOOSTING TEA

It is said that the amount of pleasure grandkids give on their births is innumerable times the pleasure parents get on birth of their own children. The bond between grandparents and kids generally begins from the birth of new lives in their homes. When the child in is in the growing phase, one of the playing partners is actually one of the grandparents if the family is a joint family. The story teller who puts kids to sleep at night is also one of the grandparents mostly. In today’s lifestyle when both the parents are working, the genuine partners kids get at home are their grandparents. They take care that kids do their home work at time, eat their food at time, and many times protect them from their parents’ anger!

Grandparents also find their emotional partners in the kids at their homes. When it is the time for humans to grow old, they really need someone to talk to, someone to spend their time with, and someone to laugh with. That ‘someone’ is found in the kids at their home. They love it when their grandkids mimic their actions.

Another benefit of letting your kids bond up with their grandparents is that the kids get a more serious insight in food choices they make. On seeing their grandparents consume healthy food, kids also eat the same. When the children go out to purchase food and other household items with their grandparents, they learn to make healthy choices, recognise the items used in their homes, and tend to learn the value of small things. The love of their grandparents generally makes them do things which even their parents cannot make them do. When children get involved with their grandparents while the latter are cooking, they also learn many cooking skills which remain with them throughout life and benefit them.

If a bond between a child and a grandparent is strong enough, a child can find it easier to speak about any emotional trauma he is going through. It is easier to discuss likes, dislikes, things that motivate the children, things that irritate them, and much more. Children with strong bonds with their grandparents cope up in a better way with events like bullying and divorce in their lives. They experience a sense of security which helps them sail through the adverse childhood experiences and the bad times in their lives.  Knowing their family history in a better way through their grandparents helps kids understand the family bonds and helps them realise the place they fit in the family tree and the world. When they get to know the hardships the previous generation went through and the way their ancestors survived those hardships, they get motivated to fight against their own adversities and bounce back.

Staying close to the grandparents also make the kids realise there would be a day when they too will grow old. This makes them less likely to discriminate against ageism. Since they feel they do not want someone to speak them rudely to once they turn old, they would not be rude with their grandparents and other people of the same age too. Kids who have poor relations with their grandparents in terms of quality of relationships generally are found to have more ageist views.

Remaining close to grandparents is a boon even in adulthood. Such adults get to know better about new ways they can handle certain situations in life. A healthy relationship between grandparents and their adult grandchildren lowers the rate of depression in both, the elderly and the adult grand kids! Grandkids also help their grandparents live a long and healthy life. An intergenerational connection between kids and their grandparents is definitely a win-win situation. Enhancing this relation between grandparents and grandchildren are the Ayurvedic herbal products by Preserva Wellness. If grandparents want to play with their grandkids, all of them need to be healthy. One cannot ignore the age related skeletal problems in life. The muscles and the bones turn weak and pain and swelling begin to interfere with day to day activities. When it becomes difficult for the grandparents to go out and play with their kids, it is the time for them to use pure ayurvedic herbal products that can help alleviate their swelling and body pain. The reasons of body pain may vary in elderly people which may include arthritis. Age – related regular wear and tear of muscles and bones is another reason why body aches occur in old age even if no disease background is present. To minimize these age-related pains and swellings to a level that it becomes quite easy to move about and carry out the regular tasks, and of course, play with grandkids; Preserva Wellness has made Arthroblast Capsules that are good source of oral and natural curcumin supplementation. Curcumin blended with the extract of ginger in pure form reduces swelling and pain present in any part of the body.

Another way, grandparents at home can stay healthy and get adequate oral curcumin supplementation is by having a healthy tea time. Immune Boosting Tea serves the purpose. It is a potent herbal curcumin tea that keeps the elderly away from regular infections such as cough, cold, sore throat and lets them live freely. The herbs that make this herbal curcumin tea so powerful in its action are moringa leaves, hibiscus, Tulsi leaves, lemongrass, Ashwagandha, rose petals, and black pepper with curcumin. Immune Boosting Tea also prevents the elderly from the heat generation capability of a normal turmeric tea and hence unlike a normal turmeric tea, it is feasible to consume immune boosting tea in all seasons. It also prevents them from allergies and serious diseases like cancer and heart diseases. For kids to remain free from infections due to bacteria, virus, fungi, toxins, and pollutants; Preserva Wellness has specifically designed Immunoblast Juice which can be consumed by anybody above five years of age. With its relishing taste due to a blend of curcumin with pulp of aloevera, mulberry, and apple; this health tonic is potent enough to keep the grandkids of the house healthy. One of the foundations of a healthy relationship between grandkids and grandparents is their own health. Preserve health and bond with Preserva Wellness.

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[socialattractionuk]

Author Yann Moix says women over 50 are too old to fall in love with

(Picture: Eric Fougere/Corbis via Getty Images)

Sorry, ladies over the age of 50, it looks like you won’t be able to date this absolute catch.

Dreamy French author Yann Moix, who is 50 years old, has caused outrage after stating that it’s ‘not possible’ to love a women over 50.

He’d rather date women at least 10 years younger than him, and only those who are Asian – particularly those who are Korean, Chinese, and Japanese.

‘I prefer younger women’s bodies, that’s all,’ Yann told Marie-Claire’s French edition. . ‘The body of a 25-year-old woman is extraordinary. The body of a woman of 50 is not extraordinary at all.’

The Guardian reports that Yann went on to say he was ‘incapable’ of loving a woman over 50, commenting: ‘That’s not possible… too, too old.’

He added that women in their 50s are ‘invisible’ to him. Charming.

Naturally the women of the world are absolutely devastated that they won’t get to date this sensitive soul.

The backlash on social media has been swift and glorious.

Journalist Colombe Schneck, aged 52, shared a photo of her bum on Instagram to show Yann Moix what he’s missing.

Un message de ma consœur Colombe #SCHNECK, en réponse aux propos de Yann #MOIX dans ⁦@marieclaire_fr⁩ pic.twitter.com/jmxsje0q12

— Jean-François Guyot (@JFGuyot) January 6, 2019

Others are sharing photos of undeniably gorgeous women such as Julianne Moore, 58, Halle Berry, 52, and Lucy Liu, 50.

Of course, there has been some bashing of Yann’s appearance across the internet, too, with queries about his ‘wrinkly balls’ and ‘stale baguette’.

To hell with #YannMoix. #over50 #wearehot @SophieFontanel pic.twitter.com/e1w1uWNw3x

— holly niemelä (@hollyniemela) January 7, 2019

Oh, come on, people, give Yann Moix a break! When I look at his crumpled, wrinkly, worn old face, I find myself feeling rather relieved that I'll never have to fight him off with a stale baguette. One of the unanticipated benefits of ageing… https://t.co/2w0rP8tmjv

— FictionFan (@FictionFan2) January 8, 2019

NO WOMAN of ANY age should date #YannMoix It’s precisely because I AM nearly 50 that I know who he is REALLY is. pic.twitter.com/dlb3YTGJ5h

— Rae Earl (@RaeEarl) January 8, 2019

French author, 50, says women over 50 are too old to love Yann Moix, a prize-winning novelist, says women of same age are ‘invisible’ to him

50+ Women ALL OVER THE GLOBE are devastated that this rather exhausted looking 50 yr old tiny man has written us all off. Jasus 😂 pic.twitter.com/LOGxD4CwSq

— Emer (Ward) Powell (@ep_designs3) January 7, 2019

Women over 50 breathe a sigh of relief, warn 25-year-old women to avoid creepy French author Yann Moix. https://t.co/TTaGfXI6f0

— Mary Dixon (@MaryLDixon) January 7, 2019

Of course, this could all be a very smart way for an author to get publicity, but ageism is so rife that, sadly, we have to believe he’s being genuine.

And so we must offer some reminders to Yann and other men like him:

Women do not have an expiration date. They can be absolutely gorgeous at any age.

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Exclusively dating women who are significantly younger than you makes you look a bit strange, as though you want to be the wisest and most powerful in a relationship. That’s not a healthy dynamic.

Love isn’t just about bodies, regardless of age. To dismiss someone purely based on a few wrinkles means missing out on brilliant women with more life experience and wisdom.

Luckily, all of these women are too good for you anyway.

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