#fluerallinmylis

[randomingoftherandomness]

rules: in a new post, show the last line you wrote and tag as many people as there are words.

It is in this moment that he takes a deep breath to consider what he has just agreed to.

Thanks @slothy-girl for the tag!

Gonna pass this on to @weilongfu @janiedean @sarah-yyy @gefionne @veraverorum @aozu @naanima @minmoyu @astridcontramundum @genderqueernerd @phania@fluerallinmylis @archer-and-lionprince and I've got to peter off and leave the rest to whoever sees this on their dash and want to take this on. Please take this as carte blanche to share your WIPs or fics! I want to read them :)

[obiwanobi]

So because I am an Angst Queen, if Obi-Wan plots the downfall of the Jedi after a week without Ani & Soka in the Disaster Sith AU, what would happen if Anakin got seriously hurt?

Like not even the Jedi caused the accident, the Zygerrian Queen or space pirates or the Hutts capture him and Ashoka and Maybe there are Force Collars or maybe Anakin just gets really hurt in a freak accident.... how terrifying does The Favorite Sith of the Jedi become when someone threatens his family?

I feel like if Anakin (or Ahsoka) came back hurt, Obi-Wan wouldn’t lose his cool. Because he came back, he’s here and alive, so it’s not the worst scenario possible, and he knows he’ll have to be the one to keep it together because Anakin and/or Ahsoka will be furious and immediately call for revenge.

Anakin will definitely need someone to shush him gently while putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, and whisper to him, “Don’t worry, dear. You will get some rest, we will heal your wounds, and you will be strong again. And then, we will kill them all.”

[intermundia]

I may have asked this before, but in the Murder Puppy AU, how would everyone deal with I-am-only-useful-as-a-weapon Vader and him getting seriously hurt? Like stepping in front of blasts and Force-pushing Others away from falling debris, hearing a meeting about how they can’t take this planet unless they take out this base but it will cost so many clones & suddenly doors won’t work and Vader can’t be found; then the base is gone and Vader’s barely alive but “it’s fine, you can replace me”??

Holy shit, bro, just come into my house and step on my emotions huh 😂

I think the thing that would drive Obi-Wan insane is that Anakin is actually pretty good at evaluating both risk and his capabilities—he just chooses to make decisions that walk that line, instead of considering his own safety. He probably would in a very real way consider himself expendable, and his power in the Force as a resource for others to use.

Obi-Wan obviously values him as a person first, not as a tool, and Anakin craves that, but he also doesn’t trust it.

Maybe as a kid he imprinted on Dooku and looked up to him and wanted to earn his respect (and affection) by being a good student and obedient apprentice kind of thing—but of course it didn’t work. Maybe Dooku even encouraged it, and used it, and ultimately burned him in an attempt to make him more Sith-y.

I think Anakin might revert to the mindset of proving his value whenever he feels insecure about Obi-Wan’s attention and affection, but also subconsciously expects his attempts to fail. His mindset of I have to do everything I can, and it still won’t be enough is what pushes him into incredible danger. 

Obi-Wan’s probably at a loss about how to get him to be more cautious, but finds out through trial and error that it’s touch that proves his words aren’t empty. He can communicate with and kind of tame Anakin through physical reassurance, which makes sense from how he brought him to the light in the first place.

So I think it takes a lot of hugs, hair petting, etc. before Anakin comes to trust that he matters and that Obi-Wan really does want him around for real and that he should try harder to listen to Obi-Wan’s opinion about when he should fight.

The day he realizes that Obi-Wan truly doesn’t want to use his power to win the war, and that he would be totally happy if Anakin never fought again, is the day that Anakin realizes that he is free, not a slave, not a tool. He maybe tells Obi-Wan about his old slave implant, and they get it removed together.

He still chooses to fight, because he is good at it and he loves it, but it’s not with reckless abandon now, but more of a partnership with Obi-Wan and a collaboration with the clones and Ahsoka. He becomes truly part of The Team™ 😭

[primeemeraldheiress]

So I am re-reading If I Told You, as one does to stay sane in the Pandemic, and I have a small question.

During the part where Duck is giving Jay updated tech and things, he gives him a pendant on a plum colored cord. Apologies if I am completely missing this, but what is the significance of that pendant? Is it a Romani courting custom or an Omega custom or even a Legaue custom that I completely skipped over? *sits down to wait patiently in her Dunce hat*

Hey! I actually answered this ages and ages ago so I’m just going to link that post here. I had originally planned to do more with that and to showcase more of Jason’s personal growth in the fic. However, it didn’t want to be written that way so it kinda fell by the wayside. 

There’s absolutely nothing to feel silly about. Looking back now, I should have either removed that or elaborated in that moment within the fic itself when it became clear that the story was going to focus on different things than I originally thought. There’s nothing in the fic that explains. 

It is something that, if I ever get around to it, I would like to elaborate on in the companion fic. 

💖🌹

[boykingsw]

Hi, I don’t know if you accept prompts, but I was reading your fic and had an idea?

What if The Fire Kids were all having a sleepover at the Grant-Nash place (and most of the adults are finishing up gossip & wine) when Chris starts having a nightmare and screaming for Buck? Maybe it’s close to the Tsunami anniversary, maybe they watched a movie or the news played a segment, but Chris is sobbing and hysterical.

Maybe May is there (& has this routine down from previous babysitting), maybe Hen calls Eddie, or maybe Eddie is already there and dialing, but he tells them to put the phone on speaker and Buck is immediately there to talk Chris down. (Maybe there is talking about the ladder truck and Buck saving people and the water sweeping Chris away but he just kept swimming, just like Dory.....)

It takes a bit but Chris starts calming down and asks when Buck will get there & he promises he’s pulling into the neighborhood right now. A few minutes later and Buck has Chris pulled tight in a hug, reassuring him and maybe swaying back and forth like all parents/older sons/caregivers do for upset babies. And the whole time, the adults are watching this kid they all live being a father right in front of them, consoling Christopher and maybe checking up on the other boys, thanking them for being such good friends.

Just the FireFam seeing and realizing that Buck has been a Papa to Chris since forever and Eddie is heart eyes 😍 every time he sees it.....

(Sorry, I know that is specific but I was reading your gorgeous writing and just had this thought provoked from it.)

Hi there. I appreciate that you enjoy my writing enough to want me to fulfill your prompt, but I'm afraid I don't really think this is my kind of thing. I'll put it out into the world in case somebody else would like to take a crack at it though.

[copperbadge]

Mr. Badge, Great Interwebs Dad to us all, I have some questions regarding your adorable fur babies. My mini-clone has long wanted a cat and I am on the verge of caving. Do you have any tips/suggestions for a novice about becoming one of the Claimed Worshipers of the Feline Gods?

(Hope it’s ok if I post this publicly!)

There’s tons of advice out there (take it all with a grain of salt) but I think for me the most important thing was to always remember that cats and humans don’t speak the same language even when they think they are, and that I can’t get mad at them for not understanding mine -- I have to respect what they want when I can tell what that is, and not always demand they respect what I want, because I’m bigger and control the food. 

There was lots of stuff I did with the Cryptids in the early days -- handled their legs and paws when they were in my lap, to make sure that they got used to it, trained them to scratch posts rather than furniture (middling success), left out their carrier so that they would play in it and not solely associate it with being hauled around in the dark. But one of the most important things I did was leave them alone when they wanted to be alone and didn’t try to force them to do anything I wanted them to do (unless absolutely necessary, like eardrops). I made sure they always had a place to go where they knew I wouldn’t bother them -- I never, ever touch them when they’re in the sulk gourds or remove them from them, so they know the sulk gourds are a safe, quiet, dark place to rest.  

So I think with a kid and a cat it’s really important to teach the kid ahead of time that kitty is a friend, not a toy: sometimes your friends don’t want to do what you want to do, you have to invite them to play and not force them, and you have to give them time to be quiet without you. (Also, if you’re not adopting kittens who will acclimate, I would talk to the shelter about a cat with a proven track record of being friendly with kids.) 

Depending on how old your kid is, you might try watching a few episodes of Helpful Vancouver Vet, who talks about how cats think and feel and how to use that when interacting with them. He’s kind of talky, so for younger kids maybe not so much, but he has a lot of good advice on cat ownership. 

And I would recommend adopting a bonded pair -- they’re harder to adopt out so you’re doing the shelter a favor, but also it means they have each other to play with and communicate with, which lowers the risk of a cat becoming bored/neurotic/isolated and thus destructive. Two cats aren’t really much more work than one, especially when they’re bonded, and it’s worth it for the cat to have a companion who speaks their language. 

[gothiccharmschool]

Auntie, There is a pro coding course (LaunchCode) being offered at my local Comm College. I have applied for it but was wondering, seeing as you are an amazing Tech Witch Queen, if you had any advice for someone trying to enter the field?

Keep in mind I am somewhat ... cynical about the field nowadays. 

Remember that code is subject to fashion whims - whatever coding language is being used now will fall out of favor. Be prepared for this.

See if there’s a course about Agile methodology. If you want to be super-awesome, also take a course on writing documentation.

Every tech project will swear there’s a terminology list, and that everyone is using the same terms to mean the same things. This is a hopeful lie.

[weirdlet]

fluerallinmylis replied to your post: fluerallinmylis replied to your photo: ...

Apparently while most of the uterus-possessing persuasions crave rom-com and chocolates and ice cream at certain times, I crave angst and Hurt/Comfort and make my BB’s suffer. And my BB Boys make it so …. satisfying to my angst-whore heart

Agreeeeeeed. That’s kind of the fundamental Thing for Brock in my Fools ‘verse- he’s all ‘I don’t understand how you could forgive me and I know I don’t deserve this- so how do I handle you giving it to me anyway?’

[trilliath]

fluerallinmylis

Ask her to stop, write a letter that you mail to her (proof through the Post), then post a "Private Driveway - Violators will be towed at Owner's Expense" sign. Next time she does, call a tow service.

crosmopolitan

I don't know how your driveway's laid out, but could you park at the end of the driveway so she can't block you in? (Passive aggressive? Me? Pshaw.)

Unfortunately it is a semi-shared driveway - it’s my driveway, but when they made it some many years ago long before I moved here but sometime after my nearly 100-year-old house was first built lol, they paved all the way to the neighbor’s house, presumably so they could use the walkway down to their back yard. It’s not quite two cars wide except down at the bottom.

Also it’s super steep so I’m not parking up at the top lol though I kinda want to be that petty since I have already had to bring it up with her the last time she did this and she was like “oh well i was having friends over so i wanted there to be enough space to park” (and i’m guessing that’s why tonight too... but it’s a neighborhood, they can walk an extra sixty feet and park up the road)”you could just text me when you need to leave” but like.... I really shouldn’t have to do that.

She has a driveway and garage on the other side of her house, and you’d think that would be enough, but because the lady who owned the house before me was old and never used the driveway, my neighbors have slowly over time come to think of it as much more theirs than it really is - short of getting official surveyors out here to check the EXACT property line, I can’t really do anything about it. I may yet have to do that but ugh.

The problem is that when you OWN a house, that you plan on staying in for a while, you really can’t be as aggressive with your neighbors as might feel fair, because you definitely have to live with them next to you and as time goes on there will be things that you have to handle together like maintenance on the storm drain you share, or neighborhood issues, etc.

[randomingoftherandomness]

It is not an exaggeration to say that this takes the cake for the best present I’ve ever gotten in my adult life. When @fluerallinmylis asked me if I was okay with my fics being printed out, I was like, yeah sure. I grew up in a time when fics were printed out to ensure its endurance and the spread of its words but when they continued on to ask if I was okay with it being printed out and bound to be sent to me, I was honestly floored because never in my wildest dreams have I ever thought I could have a physical piece of works I poured my love and heart and soul into; much less works for a pairing that I honestly did not think would ever get off the ground.

But you’ve done it babe! This is gorgeousness and I’m going to cherish this with every fibre of my heart. This is so precious and I’m beyond grateful you took the effort and time to make this ❤️

This is a dream I never knew I had, come true. Words cannot adequately express just how wonderful this is to me x

[primeemeraldheiress]

For the WIP ask, I am going to be greedy: Eternally, MindWipe AU, Drugged Fic, Untitled fic (because it is YOUR FAULT I am back on my SW bullsh*t). For the Bats: do any of your WIP have Jay & Dami being close? Either sibling/parental vibes, just Damian being Jay’s family/Pack and vice versa? (P.S. I still adore you, even if you did drag me back to Angstikin and Woobi-Wan. Do you know how many fics are listed as ‘Hurt Anakin Skywalker’? 78. *Morticia Addams voice*: “We need more of them”)

Eternally

The tone of his mate’s voice changed and hands were suddenly on his shoulders instead, holding him down. Urgency tainted the scents in the air. A snarl echoed through the room. Low and vicious. A primal sound bleeding urgency and protection. It took him a moment to realize it was coming from him.

.

MindWipe AU

The subtle jolt of the hyperdrive kicking into gear was nearly unnoticeable the further from the engines you were. Those that were used to long tours on the Empire's fleet did little more than note the change. Those new to the ship — shinies, some were called, with the quirk of a sad grin — eagerly pressed their faces to the transparisteel of the viewports. 

One’s maiden voyage on their first tour of duty was a milestone.

But to the sixteen year old curled up in the vent, buried underneath the engines and the piping and the wires, it meant a chance.

A chance at freedom.

.

drugged fic

Thoughts spinning slowly. 

The backs of his eyes prickled. Jedi. Not Tatooine. But he’d thought — he’d thought...

Master Qui-Gon had promised!

Master Qui-Gon is dead, a voice whispered at the back of his mind. And his new master had made no such promise. 

Anakin’s breath caught in his throat. 

He didn’t know what he had done. He had tried to be good, to do everything asked of him. He had been trying so hard! What had he done to cause his master to send him to him here? 

He’d seen this room before, on Tatooine. Inside one of Gardulla’s bordellos. A row of beds lined one wall, a curtain in between. A nod to false privacy. He knew what happened in those beds. 

Heart beating in his ears, chest tight with fear — with memory —  Anakin ran.

.

Untitled Fic has a different working title now but this is fine

Head bent low in supplication, body folded in a pose learned in childhood, Anakin silently begged absent gods that he would be ignored. That the Jedi’s innate discomfort with slavery would force Ahsoka’s eyes to skate over him, dismissing him as just another poor creature. That the clones wouldn’t think to look beyond the collar locked around his neck, the golden chain held in the Hutt’s hand.

That Jabba would forget who he had once been. Forget the Force-suppression cuff locked tight around his ankle.

He didn’t want to be found here. He didn’t want to be found like this. Two years ago he would have welcomed rescue.  Two years ago, he still had hope. And fire and and fight. But it was too late for him now. 

Anakin had traded himself for her. 

Bats: do any of your WIP have Jay & Dami being close? Either sibling/parental vibes, just Damian being Jay’s family/Pack and vice versa?

Boy, I do. But that is not the exercise. 😏🤭

because it is YOUR FAULT I am back on my SW bullsh*t)

Do you know how many fics are listed as ‘Hurt Anakin Skywalker’? 78.

Is that all? That can’t be right. I’ve added some... Have I not been tagging that?

[traumagician]

@fluerallinmylis I’ve actually been toying with the idea of selling things like this! I certainly spent enough money on tools and supplies to want to see a bit of return on investment from it. Buuut, I am not an experienced leatherworker in the least. This bat bag was my first time ever playing with leather, and consequently it’s a bit more shoddily made than you might want. It’s only glued together rather than sewn, and not very well-glued at that; I haven’t yet figured out how to fully prevent the leather from slipping out of place during the drying process. It would prooooobably be better to wait on commissions until I figure out how to construct things more sturdily.

[garpie64]

Tag Game

Rules of the game: Answer 17 questions and tag 17 people you want to get to know better

I was tagged by the wonderful @primeemeraldheiress and @j-a-n-e--d-o-e

Nickname: Gar

Zodiac Sign: Pisces

Height: 5′3″ (I’m so damn short it hurts)

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw (I think? I’m not a Harry Potter fan)

Last Thing I Googled: Front opening terrarium 36in (my hermit crabs deserve a bigger tank)

Song Stuck in My Head: Monsters by Shinedown

Following: 32

Followers: 77

Amount of Sleep I Get: 7 or 6 unless my brain decides not to shut down and then I’ll go 24hrs without any sleep

Lucky Number: 8

Dream Job: Writer

Wearing: Old PJ bottoms and a random wolf t-shirt

Favorite Song: Monsters by Shinedown | Lonely by Nathan Wagner | Far From Home by Sam Tinnesz | Lost in the Moment by NF (It’s currently a tie between these four)

Instruments: I love music and nearly every genre, but I am garbage at making it.

Random Fact: I have spent over 15 years creating an original universe to fit my original works with its own creation story, history, cultures, worlds, etc. The file is over an inch thick.

Aesthetics: Comfortable and functional, ocean calm before a storm, art deco, muted or unique colors, honestly whatever catches my eye

I’m not exactly the best at social interaction, but...

@excuseme-howdareyou @sadghostgirl001 @dn-ky @jaysonstodd @fluerallinmylis @quineon @thatfangirlyouknowdownunder @run-on-love @the-quiet-carrotcake @i-love-alot-of-fandoms @winterfoxwrites @warrior-of-the-blue-moon @thereasonwaldoishiding @whumpbby @rivkae-winters @marvelmayo @gunterzeninja

[gothiccharmschool]

Hello Auntie! I know you are probably dealing with Vanian-Withdrawal right now, but I saw the ask about the Gothic Yard Sale. Unfortunately, I am on the diagonal side of the country and while I would LOVE to come for a hypothetical yard sale, it might not be possible. Would you entertain the idea of an online auction or sale? Even just for grab bags in various sizes maybe?

VANIAN-WITHDRAWAL, YES. 

Y’know, the next time I cull the wardrobe and craft supplies, I probably should do an online sale. You are not the first person to have asked me about this. It’s just finding the time to photograph everything and write descriptions that’s the tricky part. (Well, that, and mailing.)

But! It is something I’ve been thinking about doing. I will give it more serious thought once I’m past Bats Day and the Vampire Masquerade Ball.

[weirdlet]

fluerallinmylis replied to your photo: mocatarosu: please don’t

And it hurts all the more because it looks like there are tears in Brock’s eyes and you can just *SEE* the thought “You deserve so much better than me” across his face - someone write me self-sacrificing Brock who is soulmates with Winter and damn near kills himself so that Steve and Bucky can be together because it NEVER CROSSES HIS MIND THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO FEEL THINGS FOR HIM TO!!!

yes good

[randomingoftherandomness]

So I just realized we share another fandom!! Anyway, I have a rather angsts Booker prompt that I think only you can do justice and it’s long, so I’m so sorry: (1) so the team are still on the splits, maybe a couple years into Booker’s exile, and Nike asks Copley to keep an eye on Booker. Being ex-CIA, he has a camera out in Booker’s apartment but Booker only glances at it, salutes with his bottle, proceeds to get drunk. Then he lays out an envelope then spends the night in the bathroom.

Hello! First up, are you OK? 👀 Coz like. If you wanna talk it out, my messages are always open to friends, yeah?

Also, a big super thank you for the prompt and for your belief that I can do it justice. Am very touched and very grateful. Gonna keep the other parts and the fill under the cut coz there’s four parts to this prompt and I am living for the specificity 😍 Hope you like this!

Please do note that I am not of the medical profession. If you have feelings of harming yourself or of suicidal thoughts, please reach out and talk to someone. I know it gets repeated a lot, but, You are not alone. You are so loved. You are precious. And I send you nothing but love. If anyone ever needs an ear, please know that you can always drop me a line x

[[ TW: Suicide ]]

(2) This continues for a while until Copley tells Nike about it, and she mentions it and the gang watch the footage. Every night, Booker gets drunk, lays out a large envelope on the kitchen table then spends the night in the bathroom. He looks like absolute hell when he comes out every morning. After a couple watches joe suddenly starts cursing and rushes out the door, Nicky right behind him. Much travel later, they get to Booker’s apartment and Joe immediately goes to the bath.

(3) He barges in and there’s Booker in the tub, in his underwear, some kind of metal tube gauged in his arm as he bleeds out over and over every night, but the worst part is how *organized* he is: all the blood is is carefully in the tub, his clothes folded neatly, the apartment is spotless, money for a cremation and a will to have him buried at the family plot on the table and letters to be mailed to Copley to get to the others. He does this Every. Night. As Penance.

(4, long prompt is long, sorry) but the worst part is how *organized* he is: all the blood is is carefully in the tub, his clothes folded neatly, the apartment is spotless, money for a cremation and a will to have him buried at the family plot on the table and letters to be mailed to Copley to get to the others. Just, all the broken and depressed Booker and Joe still being angry as hell but mourning for his friend and what he’s going thru? Do your worst, you beautiful, wondrous person, you.

---

There was a too smooth hesitation in the way Copley asks for her attention and it immediately sparks suspicion in Nile when he casually directs her to the console on the far end of the office.

Far enough from the rest of her family that they would not be able to overhear, or at least will have to work to listen in, on whatever he was about to tell her.

She waits him out. Calmly holding her ground as he casts her a calculating gaze, unfolding the tablet and powering it on. “You know that thing you asked me to do? The one about Paris?” He looks down onto the screen before turning it to her. “I think you should see this.”

Suspicion bleeds into curiosity now because the last update Copley had given her about Booker was that the man was doing his best to drink himself to death. Was he successful? Wouldn’t his liver just heal itself if it was damaged?

The video plays without any audio. Booker crosses the screen, pausing at the kitchen sink for a moment, hands braced and head bowed like a man broken. He stays like that for a good minute before he pushes off, rummaging through the topmost drawer and pulls out an unmarked envelope. Placing it on the dining table, he picks up a fresh bottle of whiskey from its crate, looking up directly into the camera, saluting with two fingers before moving into the bathroom and closing the door.

“He has been doing this for months now and it seems like it’s something he has been doing even before we started our surveillance,” Copley says. Nile checks through the folder of recordings. “Every night it’s the same thing. He places that envelope on the table and goes into the bathroom until morning comes. He comes out, gets drunk and repeats. I’ve put in inquiries to the landlord if there are any disturbances and so far nothing. We don’t have a camera in the bathroom so we don’t know what he’s doing in there every night.”

Nile taps on a random one and watches the practised way Booker braces himself as if trying to gather courage for something big that he has to do.

“I’ll talk to the rest about it.”

She waits until they’re all settled with debriefing to broach the subject. Andy reacts with a tinge of worry in her brow that Nile has learnt to pick up on. “I’m sorry. I know you guys said he can’t contact us. But I just kept thinking about it and...”

“And you thought you wanted to check in on our brother,” Nicky finishes for her. Reaching out to pat her hand, she smiles weakly when he nods sagely. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Nile. You care.”

Andy picks up the tablet, watching the recording before passing it off to Joe. “Booker’s been doing this for months?”

“Longer, if Copley’s right about it.”

“Shit!” Joe curses in a rapid stream of languages that Nile could barely keep up with. Nicky, however, can.

“Are you sure?” He stands, the chair scraping on the floor as it is pushed back, eyes gone a pale steely grey. “Yusuf-”

“I’m sure,” Joe says, meeting their eyes in turn. “I hope I’m wrong.”

“What? What are you hoping to be wrong about?” Nile asks, dread slowly creeping up her spine. Andy stands too still next to her when Joe’s eyes flicker back onto where the video footage of Booker is saluting the camera.

“I hope I’m wrong,” Joe says slowly. “But I think he’s dying every night in his bathroom.”

They catch the next flight out to Charles de Gaulle, wasting no time in between the horrible realisation and packing up their most bare essentials. Copley seems to know their intentions because he arranges for a car to be ready for them with preprogrammed directions to Booker’s flat. The drive into Paris in the summer twilight is quiet. No one daring to speak more than the necessary need to point out exits, turnings and road signs.

God, she prays they’re all wrong. Nile keeps praying even as they steal past the front door under the shadows of night. Keeps on clinging to that hope of divine intervention even when they prepare to pick the lock of Booker’s flat, only to find it open.

Andy leads them in, cutting through the space with strong strides until she pushes through into the bathroom and something stops her in her tracks.

Joe and Nicky sweep past her, causing her to stumble back a little. Nile catches her, still not processing what she is seeing. Booker’s clothes were placed in a neatly folded pile on the stool by the door. The man himself is out cold. Looking for all the world to be content to spend the night naked in an unheated bathroom. A metal tube sticks out amongst the blood in the tub and it takes a second for her to realise that the tube is protruding from Booker’s limp arm.

“Oh,” She says.

Andy moves then, going to help pull Booker out of the tub and lay him out on the floor. He stirs, eyes blinking up at the ceiling before rolling back. Nicky has pulled out the tube, letting it clatter on the tiles, placing his hand over the gaping hole. “It’s not closing.”

“Find out if he has any clean towels. Something,” Joe instructs, keeping his fingers on Booker’s pulse point. Ever since Andy’s newly regained mortality, they’ve all been brushing up on the latest first aid measures to the point that Nicky has been talking about going to medical school.

Spilling back into the kitchen, she digs through the drawers for fresh tea towels when her eyes spy the unmarked envelope sitting innocently amongst the worn wood of the tabletop. Unable to resist, Nile tears it open. Instructions first greet her written in French. She has enough time to learn now that she can understand that Booker was instructing whoever found him to take the money enclosed and use it for a simple funeral and that the letters inside must be mailed to Copley. He ends it with an apology for inconveniences caused.

Inconveniences caused. As if this were a simple grievance. As if to whoever found his self-exsanguinated corpse, the trauma could be dealt with by an apology for inconveniences caused.

“He planned this,” Nile says in sick horror when she walks back into the bathroom. In the dim yellow light from the lone bulb, the blood in the tub and all over the tiles look almost black. “He has been doing this every night for God knows how long.”

Joe meets her gaze. “I had hoped I was wrong.”

They wait until the gaping hole begins to heal. All of them breathing a sigh of relief they did not know they were holding. Only then does Andy come close to cradle his head on her lap. Between the three of them, they get Booker cleaned up as best as they could, dressed and into his own bed.

“I’ll stay here with him,” Andy says, already undoing the laces of her boots. “I don’t want him to be alone.”

“We’re all staying here with him,” Nicky chimes in before she can say anything else. “We’re not going anywhere.”

The bed was far too small for three full grown men and two women to pile onto, but they make it work with Booker safely ensconced in the middle. Andy covers his right, the lovers take either side of his hips, leaving Nile to tuck herself on a shared pillow with Booker's head. There is an unspoken need to anchor themselves on their wayward brethren. Joe and Nicky murmur to each other in soft streams of reassurance, but she catches Andy's gaze and there is a deep sadness that was heavy with regret. How they all fall asleep, she does not know, but when she opens her eyes, it's in the liminal silvery-blue of night turning into day.

"It's not a century." She hears.

"I know," Andy answers in barely a whisper. "I know."

"It was meant to be penance," Booker's tired voice fills the small space between them. "I--"

"Are a coward," Joe interrupts. Nile gives up feigning sleep. Instantly moving to be at the ready if there would be an altercation. Joe's eyes are a firebrand of heated emotions. Crawling up until he cradles Booker's cheeks between his hands. "A coward and a selfish fool."

"I know," Booker whispers, breath hitching around a sob. "I know."

Joe presses their brows together, blinking rapidly at the tears that stream down his face. "But you're my brother and I love you. This is not a world I want to be in without you. Not like this."

Booker whimpers, hand not holding on to Andy's goes to touch Joe by the nape. Nile leans in then, pressing her cheek against strong arms that move to wrap her in a hug. She feels the bed move and the shifting of the air when Andy and Nicky come to join in on their embrace. There is still so much healing to be done and Booker obviously needs more than just their forgiveness now. She doesn't know how they'll come out of this or what shape their family will take. But she has faith that whatever that will be, they'll face it together.