VAMP ROGER AU QUESTION! how would he and barnabas interact together (if they ever interact)? :3 💜
tagging @tortoisesshells because she's my co-conspirator <3
excellent question! this family and their sharp-toothed men will be the death of ... well, several community members of Collinsport, i suppose.
to start — Barnabas gets out of the box slightly differently than in canon, which colors his relationship to Roger and the rest of the household. Roger kills Willie after his attempted assault on Carolyn and Vicki (who is, by that point, his wife); Willie's mysterious disappearance and Roger's suspected involvement makes Jason that much more panicked, desperate, and correspondingly aggressive. Liz goes searching for the lost family jewels in a last-ditch attempt to buy Jason off, and, inadvertently, lets their ancient family sin out of the tomb.
ergo she's made Barnabas' thrall instead of Willie, but this goes unnoticed for a while — even though her brother would, in theory, recognize the signs, and his suspicions are raised, but she's already acting so much unlike herself with Jason around that he doesn't suspect anyone else of doing her harm. yet.
at the start, he and Barnabas get along very well, even before they discover their shared affliction: they're both relatively sophisticated, well-traveled, intelligent people, and for all that Roger decries Liz's emphasis on the Collins name, he leans towards familial connections instinctively (Roger hasn't got much in the way of friends outside of the house even in canon, and he's even more isolated as a vampire).
after he finds out Barnabas is also a vampire, things get a little more complicated, but overall, they're still friendly. Roger doesn't have much sympathy for Barnabas' relentless self-pity and decrying his doomed fate to live as a monster, because Roger on the whole enjoys his vampirism and has made a decent un-life for himself out of it (thanks in no small part to Vicki). but having someone like him around is a comfort in ways he wouldn't have expected, he's no longer solitary or uniquely monstrous out of the Collins family, he has someone else around through the night, and someone who understands the sufferings of bloodthirst and being shut out of the sun.
furthermore, Roger's very much interested in his family history and stories of the past, the building of Collinwood, Jeremiah's ships – and Barnabas was there. there's potential for some very interesting conversations about the past, and the arc of the Collins family history to the present, not to mention literature, travel, fashion, politics and the rest. Roger's his cousin's mirror in modernity in many ways, and that's something potentially interesting to explore: the world changes around them, but Collinses do not.
as an aside, they both have a funny sort of relationship to Burke. Barnabas hates him for his resemblance to Jeremiah and envies his friendship with Vicki and thinks he's crude, and Roger ... well. it's complicated. it's closer to antagonism than not, and Burke has tried to kill him once in this au, and Roger resents his flirting with Vicki, but then there's everything else with their past. so I don't think Barnabas' treatment of him would sit particularly well with Roger, he'd take the attitude of hey, only I can be a dick to Burke >:(
the definite fracture point is Barnabas imprinting on Vicki. Roger's already jealous and possessive by nature, and it's amplified by the supernatural nature of his relationship to Vicki (being closer, bodily and mentally; being necessary to each other; being, quite literally, sustenance) so he's already a little on edge when Barnabas starts paying attention to her, giving her presents, and appreciating the scenery — Barnabas doesn't, exactly, tend to have much in the way of moral inclination to leaving women alone when they have prior engagements, but it's fair to point out the irony of everything Roger was doing with his bloodbag governess when he was still very much a married man.
anyway: Roger finds foreign bite marks on his wife's neck, and he's understandably immensely upset by this. partially out of territorial sentiment, but he also knows Vicki, and he knows that she wouldn't have invited another vampire willingly — which means that she was forced, or hypnotized, or attacked in secret, and there's only the one potential suspect. this is already enough to lose his good will, but he might have been willing to let Barnabas go with a "hands off," had this discovery not lead to finding out what he'd also been doing to Liz. the combination of the two is unforgivable, and it's Barnabas' error to have made an enemy who is very personally aware of all his vampiric weaknesses, and Burke's already carved a stake.
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two people that matched each others freak | max verstappen
pairing: max verstappen x teammate!reader
summary: max verstappen and y/n l/n love to match each others freak.
liked by, carlossainz, maxverstappen1, redbullracing and 692,028 others!
yourusername: what an unfortunate series of events. first crash kinda nervous 🥰🥰@/carlossainz kill yourself for what you did to me.
view comments below!
user1: LMAO THE CASUAL SELFIE AFTER THAT BIG ASS CRASH ??
user2: carlos deserves way more then a 5 place penalty after that…
user3: no literally ??? y/n is literally BLEEDING !!
maxverstappen1: yeah @/carlossainz. KILL YOURSELF.
user4: you tell ‘em max 🗣️🗣️
user5: queens first crash and it’s not even her fault 😞😞
user6: queens first crash and she almost DIES
user7: carlos hate club reunite !!!
user8: oh let’s not…
user9: to quote y/n: “accidents happen. i know carlos didn’t get into his car with the intention of hurting me. there’s no hard feelings whatsoever.”
carlossainz: IM SO SORRY Y/N.
yourusername: i only take apologies in cash and gift cards xx.
maxverstappen: i only take apologies in cash.
carlossainz: why would i apologize to you?
maxverstappen1: because you almost killed my bestfriend.
carlossainz: do you accept venmo?
user8: max still calling y/n his bestfriend even tho they’ve been dating for two years now is so ??
user9: they were bestfriends for 6 years before that so..
charles_leclerc: give us a big scare there l/n 😬 happy you’re okay!
yourusername: thank you charles ❤️ but because you are carlos teammate, i feel like i am also owed compensation from you as well.
maxverstappen1: yeah leclerc! pay up!!
charles_leclerc: text me the amount 😞
user10: i love how max just goes along with everything y/n says???
user11: we love a man who matches his gfs freak ❤️❤️
liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz, redbullracing, and 720,629 others!
maxverstappen1: thank you to @/charles_leclerc and @/carlossainz for funding our date night 💙
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user12: NO WAY
user13: CARLOS AND CHARLES ACTUALLY SENT THEM THE MONEY ???
user14: this is so cute 🥹
user15: yns so pretty 🙁
maxverstappen1: the prettiest 💙💙
user16: i just looked at my bf and sighed
charles_leclerc: ofc!! cute couple 🥰🥰
user17: charles definitely has a favorite couple
user18: y/n, my favorite nerd
user19: max, my favorite nerd lover
user20: perfect couple
user21: i have a theory that y/n and max are so happy together because they genuinely compliment each other so well
user21: they literally clicked as soon as they met, and they have said that “they feel at home” with each other, they can be their true selves when they’re together
user21: conclusion; i’m lonely and i wish i had a relationship like this
carlossainz: you’re welcome ig. am i forgiven now?
yourusername: we’ll see!
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f1gossip: throwback thursday!!! throwback to when max and y/n broke the internet, by announcing they were both no longer virgins..through cake.
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user22: oh yes the good old days
user23: been matching each others freak since DAY ONE
user24: back when ynstappen was still not OFFICIALLY confirmed
user25: you should throwback to when max refused to resign with red bull until they gave y/n a multi-year contract ☺️☺️
user26: this was a CRAZY day for f1
user27: this connected the dots for all the ynstappen shippers because they basically confirmed they lost their virginity to EACHOTHER!!
user28: did we ever find out who’s idea this was?
user29: a couple months ago it was brought up and max spoke: “i know lots of people think it was yns idea..but it was actually mine. i guess i was just tired to hiding our relationship, so i brought it up, and y/n thought it was hilarious.”
user30: my parents ☝️☝️
user31: from teammates, to friends, to bestfriends, to lovers. living my dream.
user32: them.
user33: if they breakup i will genuinely never believe in love ever again.
user34: them becoming bestfriends was so unexpected, but made so much sense.
user35: if it weren’t for the ice cream shop they never would have happened ☹️
user36: pls explain?
user35: this is when y/n and max had just started the season as teammates, max hadnt performed his best at one of the races, coming in at 6th with y/n behind in 7th
user35: after the race, y/n had unexpectedly asked max to go get ice cream with her at a ice cream shop nearby
user35: max, feeling like he didn’t deserve to celebrate in anyway, declined. but y/n persisted, basically pulling him into that ice cream shop
user35: that’s when max said he truly had the time of his life, he felt happy, even though his race went horrible, he said that he has so much fun with yn and that he has never laughed so hard; the start of ynstappen ☹️
liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing, landonorris, and 729,624 others!
yourusername: siri, play nasty by tinahe.
view comments below!
maxverstappen1: listening to it right now!
maxverstappen1: oh wow
maxverstappen1: i like this liefde!! 💙💙
maxverstappen1: come to the room so we can listen together!!
yourusername: coming!! 💙💙
landonorris: you are aware you can text privately right?
user36: THE ICE CREAM SHOP PICTURE
user37: he looks so happy 😭😭😭😭
user38: sobs
user39: y/n healing maxs inner child is something i KNEW i needed.
user40: power couple !!!
danielricciardo: i been a nasty girl, i been a nasty girl
user41: i need someone to love me like max loves y/n
landonorris: whos gonna match my freak 😣
user58: ME I WILL PLS LANDO I WILL
user42: the first picture?? 😭😭
user43: omg the second picture. i’m going to throw up with joy. i love you guys.
user44: ynstappen ships used to PRAY for days like these.
liked by, yourusername, redbullracing, danielricciardo, and 829,924 others!
maxverstappen1: i’ll match her freak!!! i will !!!
view comments below!
user45: yes max, we know
user46: i just looked at my boyfriend and sighed
user47: the shirt???
maxverstappen1: @/danielricciardo thank you for the shirt :D i love it 💙
user48: i’m totally ready for max to wear that shirt on race day…
yourusername: the perfect photographer 🥰
maxverstappen1: it’s easy when my muse is perfect ☺️☺️
user49: that SHOULD BE ME.
user50: con🥹gra🥹tula🥹tions
user51: no one will ever understand how much i love this couple
user52: we love a man who matches his gfs energy ❗️❗️❗️
user53: so happy for you guys! haha. ha. ha. so happy.
charles_leclerc: beautiful shirt mate!
user54: the way charles and max still don’t follow each other but this is charles every time max post:
user55: oh! such a cute shirt! haha, ha, i’m so lonely.
user56: max could do better
maxverstappen1: kill yourself you worthless piece of garbage
user57: y’all saying you miss mad max but he makes an appearance every time someone says something negative about y/n 😭
. . .
notes: took a small break to enjoy my summer break start!! but i’m back, request are open !!
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THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN THE WAYSIDE SCHOOL BOOKS WITH NO CONTEXT
The blueprints were sideways, so now the school is 30 stories tall
They forgot to add the 19th floor, where Miss Zarves teaches.
Elevators are installed to deal with the long climb. They are only used once and can never be used again.
A dead rat tries to sneak into class by wearing multiple raincoats
School's closed due to cows
World's number one ice cream lover devastated that she can't taste ice cream named after herself.
The third book is called "Wayside School Gets A Little Stranger". They don't appear until the end.
The author's self insert eats a woman alive. He would then go on to write "Holes" 20 years later.
One of the stories is called "What?". It's written backwards.
There are three Erics. To remember which is which, they each have nicknames that reflect the polar opposite of their actual selves.
A boy and a girl trade names, which inspires the rest of the class to do the same, leading to an incredibly confusing reading experience.
Benjamin Nushmutt accidentally is called a completely different name, and Ben is too shy to correct anyone about it
After long deliberation between all of the classmates, Calvin decides that he wants a tattoo of a potato on his ankle
One character falls into the Wayside equivalent of the backrooms for three chapters
Two students accidentally resurrect their old teacher with potato salad
One student is so unpleasant that the lunch lady finds out a substitute teacher is stealing the children's voices because he says "Have a nice day" in her voice.
One of these is directly referenced in Deltarune
Pickle hypnosis
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