#for the record they got the bank about 20 minutes before I was scheduled to clock out they had plenty of time to do it

[an-aura-about-you]

sometimes the best thing about a day of work is that it's over.

[boredoverlord]

Bucky X Reader - Hold the Line

I came in here to show you a good time, so here's my personal work and my very first fanfiction of all time. And because I'm a thirsty bitch, of course it's smut.

Summary : As a young and talented psychologist specializing in difficult people in prison, you believed in a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work with the SHIELD. Turned out you were tricked to work for HYDRA.

For three years they made you do horrors in the name of an ideology you despised, but you may have found the occasion to finally make a change for the good, when they introduced you to your new patient. 

The Winter Soldier.

Rating : Explicit, please kids, look away ( of course you won't because you're cute little rebels, but please do it)

Word count : 6.4k (chapter 1)

TW:   Light BDSM (for now) Because Bucky is a massive Sub and it seems nobody agrees with me, so I have to do the lord's work here.

Foul language, mention of violence and murder, Masturbation, male orgasm and a tiiiny bit of choking. I started lightly 

 Please consider reading this on Archive of our own or read it below the cut. Lemme know what you think !

Chapter 1: A Story of Almost Everything

You never were the type to brag. But one thing you know is : you’re damn good at your job. Years and years of psychology studies, you barely got to parties, you hardly made any friends, and your sleeping schedule is still a nightmare. Those were sacrifices you did for one sole purpose : helping others. To be the last resort for people who have lost everything. You always firmly believed that you could make a change in the world, even the slightest, even for just one person. That would have been enough to make your lifetime worthy. What's more noble than just a genuine try to make it better, after all ? So you wasted your youth on studies, without a damn blink. And never one ounce of regret. You did it because it felt right. You’re not very brave, but you decided to face your fear a couple of times. You even were an intern in a high security prison, talking to broken men and women who hated your guts. Trying to lead them to another path of life. You heard stories that could break any mind. Only time could tell if you actually helped them. But that’s part of the job. Hope. And hard work.

  That’s why when you started to have a growing reputation, at 26 after five years of studies and several years working in prison and rehabilitation, you were ecstatic when S.H.I.E.L.D contacted you. You quit everything, starting with your homeland in Europe, to fly to Washington DC, to visit the headquarters. The new building, the thrill of novelty, the clean rooms, the medical wing, and Alexander Pierce himself coming to shake your hand and telling you personally the wonders they have in mind for the psychology field. You could prepare people to save the world, you could have all the resources to make research, and fix minds that were supposed to be beyond repair. It was supposed to be just a quick trip, but the visit wasn’t even done when you looked at your guide with enthusiasm : you weren’t going home. Just cancel the fly. You’re taking the job immediately.   It was three years ago.

Enough to understand how fucked you are.

 You didn’t save anyone, you didn’t even work to make the world a better place. Oh but you did work to make a change. A change for HYDRA. They tortured you to make you swallow their ideology, but even if your body surrendered, your mind didn’t, even if it was still a perpetual work on yourself. You never believed in this masquerade, but you know it doesn’t matter. Because HYDRA knows how good you are at your job, and you’re a precious asset. So precious that they pushed all your buttons to make you obey. You tried to act and escape. Their last resort is the Damocles sword they put over your family’s head. Next act of rebellion, heads will roll. And it won’t be yours : no, no. HYDRA won’t give you this relief. It will be your loved ones. So you’re doing what you have to do. It’s the most cowardly choice, you know it. And you’re ashamed. But you’re too terrorised to make it otherwise. So you’re here to twist people's minds to swallow whatever Hydra wants. You make them understand the importance of the organization, when they can’t take it anymore, you make them understand that not only they can, but they must . You saw vulnerable people giving their life to this awful cause, and you are the person to make them understand it was the right thing to do. They gave you kind people with dreams, morals and passion, and you turn this into anger, hate and war, worshipping a crazy doctrine that spoils everything you believed and fought for. You have blood on your hands. You’re THAT good at your job.

 So when they called you for a highly secret mission, you weren’t exactly surprised. Just disgusted by them, and mostly yourself. In the guts of what was called the Ideal Federal Saving Bank, you’re obediently following the chef himself : Alexander Pierce, to your next place of action. “I believe you have read your mission’s order, Y/N ?” “Yes Sir.” You said. “It did mention I will have the whole file today, though. I need to take a look at my patient so I can work in proper condition.” “Whatever you call it.” He said, opening the door of the clandestine laboratory in the now abandoned bank. If not for the machinery, we could still believe that those art deco walls filled with safes would still contain treasures of a lifetime for some people. Now there is nothing of value in here, not even the very skin of every PoS present. And you were including yourself. Making your way in the middle of the heavy set up, you slowly reach the pod in the middle, chewing secretly the interior of your cheeks. You know what’s inside, and it makes you want to puke. Mr Pierce continued “Doctor, as your mission was presented to you, your one on only assignment will be the physical and mostly the psychological perfect condition of the Winter Soldier, for the entire length of this mission on american soil.” Basically, be sure his brain is a fucking slushy. You reluctantly nodded and drew closer. “What’s his condition ?” At the top of your height, barely 5’3, you tiptoed to actually look at him by the window of the cryostasis chamber, since you never got this close of a look, not without the file and basically crumbs of info that were thrown at your face. They expected you to keep a dog on a leash, not making actual work on him, and it shows. White man, late 20s to early 30s, approx 5”7, long dark messy hair, not shaved, geez, it seemed like the poor guy was barely cleaned up before being pushed here.  Good physical condition, breathing was steady. You could see the steam of his breath on the glass. He may be clinically asleep, but she highly doubted he would be in his best shape. He looked uncomfortable, and tired. It wasn’t a restorative sleep. It was a prison. You couldn’t help but notice his prosthetic arm, even if that was the only thing you knew about him. It’s a fascinating work of science, that’s for sure. And even if transhumanism and biomechanical wasn’t your forte, you wanted to have a closer look, to satisfy your curiosity. One of the scientists watching his screen responded : “He’s gently defrozing, should be half conscious in 5 minutes. You may want to take a step down.” You ignore that, and lean your hand to your superior. “May I finally have what I have been asking for ?” With the most irritating smile, he gave you the Winter Soldier’s File and you quickly opened it to have a first look at all the fuss. Basic physical information, previous missions report, date of entering and ending of cryostasis, bare minimal medical record, notes by her predecessor, fucking trigger words to make him kneel like a 12 years old in front of any boysband... nothing about his previous life, his antics, his name, actual disorders, no name, nor adresses… You glaced a bit at Pierce and threw a polite smile. He knows what he’s doing, and he knows you know. You’re extremely good with very violent patients. You have endured rapists and murderers spiting in your face and swearing to bite your head off and fucking your skull. You were traumatized and you cried yourself to sleep, but the following day you did your job again. You’re just here to handle the worst of the worst. And you’re going to do it.

Or he’s going to break your neck and fuck your skull. You’re fine with that.

“Thank you it’s going to be very helpful.” As helpful as a band-aid on a wooden leg. “What’s this device ?” You point your chin to another machine not far away from it. One of the two men finishing installing it, raised his head to look at you. “A memory suppressing machine. Usually he doesn’t need it as much as he used to, but it’s mainly for safety. He must be prepared.” “He’s in a state where he willingly takes it. So don’t hesitate if he’s starting to be annoying, or excited. That can happen. But that mean you would probably have to work more with him to make him fully ready for his mission,” “Understood, thank you for clarification gentlemen.” You smiled and they smiled back. You’re a woman, so you’re used to it. Basically this shit was supposed to hack his brain, and it must be painful. “I would strongly recommend not using it at such a time. From what I quickly read he needs stability and time. Wiping everything out will more likely create more confusion.” You took a look at the file again and took it upon yourself to not have your eyes double in size and screaming at this bunch of idiots. “... and it does seem he’s using it a lot.” 

“We want the asset to be as focused as possible.”

“I understand that, but that's a temporary solution at best. He’s got a brain, not a harddrive. We still don’t know how it can store information, and if it can…” “The last time we used him was five years ago…” Started Pierce, with diplomaty, but also with a tone that wasn’t allowing any more debate on the matter. “And this mission is an absolute priority. The asset is strictly under cryostasis procedure as soon as he’s not needed anymore. The machine will be used if needed.” “I understand your point.” You absolute psychopath. “Then my request is simply to be here if it happens, and to be able to control the shocks. Also, I insist that he must be in perfect condition when you launch the procedure, I’ll personally make it happen and give you a green light.” “Thank you for your hard work.” He said, raising his hand, that you promptly and politely shook. You could feel the angry grasp. “I know you’re the perfect woman for this hard job. Your work is an inspiration for us all.” You wish you could end your life right here right now, instead of being told such atrocities. But you think about your mom and dad. At this time of year they start to prepare the pool for the summer, for the future neighborhood barbecues where they will brag to everyone about their incredible psychiatrist daughter who is doing secret stuff over sea to help save the world. You have to be strong. At least for them. At least for now.

“Hail Hydra.”

“Hail Hydra.” You responded, while your tongue feels like sandpaper.

  “Ok he’s starting to wake up…” Someone warns, as Pierce leaves the room, unbothered. The pod opens before your eyes, as the asset -you hate this term- is being roughly handled and carried away by two dudes to his seat. The one dangerously close to the memory suppressing machine. You squatted in front of him, the time for him to blink several times and look around him. Confused, but it’s not exactly his first rodeo either. His eyes are quickly focused on the first thing in front of him : you. He looked like he was trying to remember who you are, but quickly realized he didn’t know you. Two blue spears digging right into your soul. That’s making you a bit uncomfortable. The same weird feeling of unease you have when a cat is watching you taking a shower. “Hi.” You started, in english, even if he could be from italy you had no freaking clue. You guessed that he was probably slavic. But the file says he’s speaking more than ten languages. And it wasn’t specified when and how the hell did he learn that. “Can you hear me?” He took a few more seconds to look at you, probably the time to finish reading every embarrassing moment of your life, right into your eyes, like your drunk 18th birthday when you finished in your panties swimming in a city fountain, but he nodded eventually. You actually know this look. But it’s the first time you have a super soldier in front of you so it’s of a rare intensity. He’s dissecting you. Gathering information. His eyes moved slightly down : a recent scar on your neck. Right : an ex piercing on the top of your ear, now unusable. Down left : he just realized you’re slightly unbalanced so he knows you have a hip issue. And down right : he’s looking at your hand, you don’t really know what he saw here, maybe calculating how to break them ? You were literally a foot in a viper’s nest. Were you terrified ? Absolutely. Will that forbid you to do your job ? Nope. “Can you follow the light ?” You asked, moving slowly your phone’s lamp from left to right in front of his eyes. He did it without questioning. “Ok good.” You tried a smile, not really knowing why. If he was at least a tenth as clever as the file said he was, he perfectly know that you’re here to fuck him up. But you couldn’t help it. Poor dude. He was visibly more or less your age. He could have been a prince, or thief, a womanizer, or a priest, whatever, HYDRA took everything from him. From his free will, of his right to grow old, to his sleep. “Can you tell me your name ?” He frowned, perplexed. “Winter Soldier.” Shitty answer but at least he was fully aware, and his tongue was working properly. “Nice to meet you, I’m doctor Y/N. We’re here to work together in preparation of your next assignment. Do you understand ?” He nodded, unimpressed. “Good, can you get up ?” He did, so you did it too. And he realized that you were… very short. His eyes literally went up and slooowly down. That was a bit mean, actually. You carefully took a glance behind you, and your eyeroll could probably trigger an earthquake. “Can you all nice gentlemen let down a bit of their weapon ?” You said at the 6 dudes with rifles literally fixed on him, ready to shoot at the wrong twitch of muscle. No wonder he wasn’t talkative. “You won’t say that when he will break your neck with two fingers, ‘mam.”

“He’s pretty stable for now. Plus he’s not fully awake, let’s give him time before threatening him, shall we ?”

Nobody moved for ten seconds before one of them complied, since you didn’t move. The rest of the bunch reluctantly followed . You looked at your patient, hoping that that would have made him a bit more relaxed. Nope, he didn’t give a shit. He wasn't even looking at them. He was looking at you. You’re the mystery of this room to him. But you didn’t need extra vision to understand that Docs treated him like a guinea pig, so he was very understandably extra careful with you. Standing on his feet, all his muscles ready for action,  that’s the exact moment you realized how close you two were. Indeed, if he decided to, your jaw would fly across the room in a single move. You never had such a display of sheer raw strength, and you could feel the heat of his body radiate.

 “He needs a shower, and clothings.” You said, having a look at his 5 years old combat suit still reeking the smell of his sweat. It was intoxicating. They didn’t even allow him to clean himself. Poor dude was frozen in his own filth for the last five years. And you didn’t know why you took an even deeper breath. “And I’m talking about comfy workout clothes, no combat suit. Please escort him and handle him with care, before bringing him to my office.” You actually decided to be sure he wouldn’t be mistreated, by waiting outside the man’s bathrooms. You weren’t certain of how he could react, and you didn’t trust anyone here. If one of them decided to do a piss contest with your patient, it could end badly. So you put your hands in your pockets, looking at the two armed men waiting for the most dangerous assassin in the world to finish scrubbing himself with soap. The atmosphere was heavy and the silence was loud in itself. Even the sound of the shower was stressful and menacing.

 When the Soldier was escorted to your improvised office into the archive, directly linked to a storage room that will be your bedroom for the next weeks, you let him take a seat and promptly blocked the access to the room of the two escort members. “Thank you sirs, that will be all. Please wait here.” They look at you like you just told them you were dating their daughters. “Sorry Miss, but we can’t…” “Sorry Doctor , and I can’t work properly with weapons in my office.” You raised your hand, showing your device on your wrist. Something that would not only call for aid by a simple pressure, but could stun an opponent. Neither them nor you were stupid : it wouldn’t stop The Winter Soldier, maybe he would blink a second at most. But you really wanted to be alone with him. Was he dangerous ? Yes. Were you absolutely certain that you would leave this room alive if you closed this door to their face ? No. But it’s been three years since your priority wasn’t your survival anymore. So you forced a smile and slapped the door. They needed you more than you needed them, so they will obey.

“Douchebags.” You muttered to yourself while coming back to your desk. Your patient didn’t even move a muscle at your little argument. He wasn’t totally inexpressive actually, mostly terribly broody. His hair was still wet from the shower he took, wearing cargo pants, heavy boots and hoodies, generic clothes by HYDRA. You got those too, since you’re not allowed to carry anything personal for mission to mission. You had a tablet for books, music and movies, but that was it. You haven’t opened your shelves yet, but you know it’s full of ugly clothes and generic black panties of doom. 

You took a large inspiration, sat on your desk in front of him, and started : “Ok ‘Winter Soldier’... how are you doing ?” He didn’t even flinch. He was staring into your soul with his eyes lost into dark circles. Depriving someone of proper sleep is a basic rule for brainwash. “You enjoyed the shower ?” Nothing. You waited for a bit to see if he would finally respond. Ten seconds. Twenty. fourty. a minute. When he gathered that you were actually looking for an answer, visibly a first one for him, he finally gave you the courtesy of one. “Yes.” “Perfect.” You didn’t hide your slight smile and tiled your head. “I’ll be sure you’re in your best condition for your next mission. If something’s on your mind, I need to know about it. Nothing will get out of this room. Both of our priorities are your goal, and your condition is the key to success. Which makes you , my high top priority. Do you understand me ?” “Yes.”

“Ok so let’s get going.” You took another file, and took a picture out, ready to handle it to him. “Is the name : Nicholas Fury, ringing some bells to you?” “Yes.” He took it inside his titanium fingers and finally moved his piercing blue eyes away from you to look at the picture. “In two weeks, you’ll be in Washington DC. An entire squad will be deployed to assassinate him. Fury is the leader of the S.H.I.E.L.D, not a mere target. He will break free and fight back. That will be when you’ll show up.” He wasn’t looking at the picture anymore. One thing for sure : at least he was paying attention to you, and what you were saying. And that made you actually kind of proud of yourself. “That was part one. I’ll personally supervise your training with the VR machine and your physical health and condition. I really need you to communicate with me all the time about anything that could be in your mind. The more focused you are, the more Hydra’s plan will succeed.” And what’s that plan ? You have not a single clue. You were a cog in the machine, disposable. Not much more than him. “Do you understand ?” “I understand.” Oh shit, two words this time!

“Good.” You smiled. He didn’t. You move your hands closer to him, to take a grip on the picture. He opened his prosthetic hand, leaving you to take it back. Nothing in his gesture seems dangerous. Just normal, somehow cordial. “I must ask : are you in any pain right now ?” His eyes significantly get from right to left. He must probably wonder why you are asking him that. Did nobody ever ask him such basic questions like : ‘are you in pain?’ This man's sole purpose was to fight, that made no damn sense for you.

“Sir ?” You insisted for an answer, even if the ‘sir’ sounded absolutely ridiculous to your ears. You didn’t know his name, and you don��t feel comfortable calling him “Winter Soldier” , “Soldier”, “Sir De Winter”, “Hey you,he soviet assassin” so it will be “Sir” for now. “Sir are you in pain right now ?” “I’m not in pain.” A complete sentence, that’s progress. You breathed a bit better “Ok good.” You got up from your desk, which was honestly barely taller that him remaining on his chair. He didn’t let go of your eyes and you decided to make a bold move. For now, he was always being responsive so you slowly moved your hands toward him. To his prosthetic hand. “May I take a look, please ?” You glanced at each other, nobody made the first move. In complete silence, if it wasn’t for both of your breaths. You’re almost sure that it has been at least 5 minutes since you decided to speak again. Slowly, and gently, with no signs of confrontation in your body language or speech. “I will not do it until you comply. And you can refuse the contact.” He didn’t answer right away but he finally nodded. 

Slowly, you took his hand into yours, lifting it from his thigh where it was resting. At the beginning it was just taking a look. But he wasn’t making any moves, so you decided to take your observation a little further. You used your other hands to start to move each finger separately, taking a step closer to him. Finally, you made one  of your hands slowly sliding into the hoodie, to feel the muscles, the nerves, how it feels like a real arm. It was cold, but you felt it shudder to your touch. That was the line you decided to not take it further.

“Thank you, Soldier.” You said with a smile, taking away your hands from him. You moved behind your desk, opening your notepad to take a bunch of notes, breaking the contact with him. Just a second. But when you raised your eyes again, The Winter Soldier wasn’t in sight.  

 You shuddered and didn’t make a single move. If it wasn’t for your fingers grasping your desk. You did your best to have a steady respiration and not start to panic. Your throat dried up immediately. You took a deep breath and say : “Please, get back to your seat.” You slowly moved your head to look right back at him. He was standing. His eyes were black, taking loud deep breaths, fixing your behind your shoulder. Tall. Dangerous. You were terrorised. And he could smell it. He didn’t move so you stood up as well, and slowly faced him. You try to remain in total control of your body and not start to fidget. You could scream for help, but for whatever reason, you still had the feeling you could handle the situation. Trying to convince yourself that it wasn’t the first time a patient was disobedient. The only difference was that this one could crush your skull in a bat of an eye, 

 “Get back.” You said once again, bearing his piercing eyes, but he didn’t budge. So you took out your hand and put it on his chest. You felt like an ant against a mountain, but you pushed him a bit. “We will go nowhere this way.” You resumed trying to get a step closer, even if it will be creating a proximity that could be even more lethal to you. “So please, get back to…”

Something happened. It was obvious, and clear as day : you felt the bulge between his legs. Right above your navel. Hardening even more now that he could feel your body. You decided immediately to repress the shameful feeling of your very inside warming up and tickling you. “Winter Soldier.” You growled, angry but trying your best to remain as professional as you could. Of course, of fucking course. This guy was gorged on serum and hormones, quick, violent actions, and adrenaline. Pumping in his veins, burning 24/7. His body was on the edge all the time, and he just awoke from a dreamless slumber. He was a human, whatever all these idiots were thinking, not a freakin’ cyborg. When was the last time he saw a woman that he didn’t smash the head on a wall ? You even suspected that Pierce was counting on it. Nonetheless, you were alone in an office, literally glued with the world's most dangerous assassin, who was having a massive hard-on. Throbbing against you. You had your share of very awkward situations in your short life time. But nothing, nothing prepared you for this. And you had even less of an idea of what to do because he was doing nothing . He was feeling uncomfortable, that you could say, but he wasn’t really doing any moves to attack you, or even take you. He was standing here, with heavy breathing, his eyes still piercing you. And you slowly slided your gaze to his lips, finding the vision of his hard laboured breath strangely mesmerizing.

 Short of ideas, your reflexes took the best (or the worst) of you, and without you realizing it, your hand was around his neck. Your palm pressured on his glottis, and you clearly felt him swallow. As clearly as you felt him becoming even harder. Your breath was starting to shake, as you felt a not-so subtle chill coursing your spin. You drew his face and your face closer, as you finally moved forward, forcing him to move as well. Forcing was a strong word : the last time you hit a punching bag, you hurt yourself and sobbed for an hour. But for whatever reason, he did whatever you wanted. As if he was testing your resolve to make him obey. But there was nothing on his file about this behaviour. He tried to attack, kill and escape. Nothing about testing the limits of anyone.

“You. Will. Sit. Down!” you spat, through your teeth, forcing even more your grip around his neck, as your other hand was reaching for his hair. You pulled it, not too harshly, but you could definitely smell the musk, and the wetness of what stayed of his shower.

You did it. He was sitting down again. And your bodies departed for one another. For once he tried to escape your gaze, which was a strangely human reaction. You both managed to get your breath back, before you decided to call the guard to adjourn your observation.

As soon as the door closed behind them, you felt your legs giving up and you sat on the ground, back against your desk, a small wimp leaving your throat. You felt your eyes starting to wet, and your teeth rattled a bit so you tried to cuddle yourself to try to retake control on your body. Your hands were shaking uncontrollably as his intoxicating smell was still all around you. It was by far one of the most terrifying experiences you ever felt, and it was all clouded by the phantom feeling of his body against yours. You could still feel his gaze, his heat, his… well, his cock against your belly. You were still chilling, trying to repress whatever you were feeling at this instant. Because it wasn’t right, for you. Nor him. Everyone in this godforsaken organisation was treating him like a dog, just here to attack and do tricks, but you swore to yourself not to do the same. You will succeed at your mission, but you’ll do it from the crumbs of humanity and morality that HYDRA left you. You will do anything possible that the mission will be complete, the most painless possible for this broken man you just saw. Wait a second.

Painless .

You jumped on your feet, ignoring the numbness of your legs caused by the shock, and you ran at the door, screaming at the three men at the end of the corridor. “HEY !” The guards startled a bit and looked at you “I changed my mind. Bring the Winter Soldier back to my office.” They briefly exchange what seems to be a bunch of insults about you, but they comply to bring the Soldier back. Him ? He seemed absolutely unbothered. 

You closed the door behind the both of you, to the face of the guards yet again. He was standing here, showing his back as you slowly got back in front of him. Hands in your pocket, not really sure of what to do nor how to do it. He was looking at you, this same feeling of unease than before. And for reasons : a small glance confirmed that he was still rock hard. You didn’t make any move for a long time, until you finally put your hand on his chest. You felt his breathing becoming slightly quicker. “You’re not in pain.” You whispered, and he shook his head, negatively. “That was the wrong question. I’m sorry... “ Without you noticing, you had the palm of your hand on his cheek, scrubing lightly his stubble with your thumb as an apology. You breathed in, just couldn’t believe what you were about to say. “Do you need help ?” His expression didn’t change, but his eyes ? They became a bit brighter, you could even see a bit of relief when you saw him nod.

You swiftly move your other index on his pillowy lips as you still lower your voice. “They cannot hear us.” He nodded again as the only feeling of your finger as close to his mouth made him shiver with anticipation. He was literally dying of anything that could relieve him. And for what you understood, as your conversation continued, he trusted you with his body, to provide him with the sweet touch he has been totally deprived of. You slowly push away your index to gently slide your thumb between his lips, and he sighed with pleasure as he took it with an eagerness you would never have believed possible. The most deadly assassin in the world, the legendary Winter Soldier that everyone wishes he wasn’t real, was purring while sucking your finger. If you weren’t the shrink, you’ll be needing one immediately. You gently moved him to make him sit in his chair, he was way too tall for you to handle this with ease. “What about the showers?” You asked him, as you removed your thumb to make it gently slide on his lips, your other hand crawling across his chest to his pants. He swallowed before whispering. “I could but... “ his well built square jaws started to tense, with a visible revulsion. “... They can watch.” Disgusting. He couldn’t even close the damn door of the shower. “You’re safe here.” You said as your hand was finally reaching the bulge behind his Hydra cargo pants. You didn’t know what you expected but… it was way beyond that. He hissed a bit at the feeling of your hand as you started to touch it gently over the fabric. 

Now he was panting, looking at you as you were a single oasis after years of thirst in the desert. “Please…” You heard, barely audible when he was starting to lose it. “I got you, but you have to promise me to be good.” “Anything. Please…” 

And at your very surprise, you obliged him. Using your hand to plunge into his pants, while the other fast pressed into his mouth, muffing the immediate deep moan that escaped at the very second you touched his pulsing penis. He started panting even more, as he used his flesh arm to drive you onto him. His forehead against yours. You couldn’t stop yourself from getting closer and closer. Actually you let go of his -massive- erection a second to just drop out his pants, and his breach. You stopped a second, only to watch him begging you with his eyes, as you could feel his saliva at the palm of your hand while you muzzled him. It was it. You realized what kind of power you have over this man. He has been used and abused in every single way, but for once : someone’s finally doing what he wanted. You had his pleasure in your very hands, and for once in years, you could finally help someone. So you’re gonna do it, you’re going to make him feel good. Very good. “Good boy.” You muttered, without knowing where the hell that could come from, and you reached him again. Stroking your hands up and down his shaft, nourishing yourself over the vibration of his muffled moans against your hand. His eyes weren't leaving yours, if it wasn’t for when they seemed to roll to the sky. His vision periodically blackened by the waves of forbidden pleasure he was feeling over his body, who was barely him anymore. Your eyes were gorging on the vision of his handsome muscular man, surrendering himself to your touch, sweating, trembling and panting for you. You were saluted by an utterly satisfied noise the moment you decided to lean over his manhood to drip a large amount of your own saliva moist what was already on the edge of ruin. You rolled your thumb against his tip, massage his veins with just one finger… anything to make him feel something. Anything that wasn’t pure anger, hatred or apathy. You were inclined to believe the file saying that he was nothing but a perfectly built weapon for HYDRA to command. But now, when you tickled, teased and made him shiver, and you felt all his sincere gratitude, you were certain : There is a man in here. And he was finally feeling good .

But soon, it wasn’t enough anymore. Seeing his bare thighs, powerful, thicken by years of training and super soldier serum, tensed by all the nerves and muscles deliciously answering to your call, made your inside warmed up. Your core was aching, screaming for proximity and intimacy, and before you understood what happened, you sat astride on his left thigh. The soft flesh between your legs immediately responded with delight, making you shiver. Almost instantly, you felt his grip on your hip, of the cold metal digging into your flesh with despair. It was a super soldier, with the stamina of several dozen men, but it’s been so long, and you were touching him with perfection. You felt his head on your shoulder, and slowly you started licking his temple, tasting the very fruit of your hard work : his sweat. 

Galvanized by his intoxicating smell, and the thrusting he started giving to your hand, you started to move like a snake, rocking against his skin, looking for some pressure despite the fabric of your pants, mercilessly acting like a barrier of your own pleasure. You could get it off, but it was a limit that you forbid yourself to cross. But it’s true, as you were working him, you couldn’t stop yourself to think of how this would feel. Sliding inside you. You were so very short and fragile, and compared to your hand, his phallus was gigantic. He could ruin you, split you in half, using his bare hands and make you do anything. But the only person in control here, were you. And only you. You never felt anything like this before. And it’s highly probable than neither did he. You tried to vanish the thought, but the more you could feel his thigh between yours, the more you became obsessed.

 The more he was approaching, the more eager the soldier became. Both of his hands firmly gripped on your behind, almost certain that it will leave bruises, but you didn’t care at this very moment. His grunts against your hands became more and more intense, and you started to feel he was about to give in. In between your fingers, small drips of salivas were started to escape. You couldn’t give up your grip now, so you made it even more tight, drawing your lips closer to your hands, you whispered as your sore wrist fastened its path “I’m here for you. Give everything to me.”

 His panting became incontrolable, his eyes rolled out, his head dropped back, before he finally reached his peak. You felt the deep vibration of his ultimate cry on your hand, as your other hand was dripping of hot seed. You slowly removed your other hand from his face, and could contemplate your masterpiece :  the Soldier absolutely looked like a mess, with his red face, his eyes blinking furiously, covered with his own saliva. You left his leg, both your hands dripping of his bodily fluids. You used the one that was on his lips to pick his head and forced him to look at you. You ravished your vision of this man who absolutely surrendered to your good care, deeply satisfied with your attention. You cradled his face, and you took a large lick of his spit from his chin to his mouth. Where he leaned for a wet and warm kiss. You took a good taste of him, intoxicated by whatever pheromones he could diffuse around you.

 You look at him another few seconds, before recluandly moving away, to the bathroom where you not only washed your hands, but came back with a wet towel. You first cleaned with infinite care his face, and then his genitals, making sure he wouldn’t have any kind of unpleasant sensation as he had a big day ahead of him. You were his doctor and caretaker, and he had a mission to prepare. He seemed to respond well to the cleaning, not really expressive, but he made no sudden move. You could see him sighing with ease, closing his eyes as he rubbed his cheek in your palm again, when you were caressing him with the wet towel. You could still hear a loud satisfying purr. If you didn’t specifically ask him to kill someone less that an hour ago, you would actually find this absolutely adorable.

 You breathed in and out, making sure he was okay. “Are you feeling better ?...” He nodded, visibly relaxed, as he was closing his pants but not much more expressive than before. He stood up, in front of you, like nothing happened. “Yes.” But to your surprise he added a second later. “Thank you, doctor.” You smiled at him as you couldn’t keep yourself from making your knuckles caressing his cheek, and finally tracking the shape of his jaws. “Good boy.” You heard yourself say, wondering what the fuck was wrong with you.He didn’t react. All the shivers, purring,  sighing, and moans disappeared as soon as his pants closed. It was for the best, and you quickly took your hand back, clearing your throat. You call the guards. The Winter Soldier was fully ready for his mission preparation, and you asked them to give him some time to recover from… his cryostatic, before you would start the procedure.

 In the meantime, you need a shower. A long, hot, steamy, shower. 

[ofhouseadama]

could I dm you this? yes. but also asks are fun even though this question is mean so. how do Ed and Lorraine react to the Vietnam war?

Okay so my Ed and Lorraine are absolutely Kennedy Democrats, are both very excited and enthusiastic about the first Catholic president, but both are against the Vietnam War and US military intervention from the start. Ed's already fought in one imperialist proxy war, he's got the PTSD to prove it, and Lorraine just is truly repulsed by violence of any kind.

And also like, to go completely left field for a minute -- I've been thinking a lot about how teenage Lored were effectively trapped at 17-19 years old. Mostly financially, and in different ways. in 1951, Lorraine wouldn't have been able to have her own bank account. Women wouldn't have the right to open their own bank account until the 60s or have a credit card until the 70s -- her money would have been her father's, effectively. and while probably not maliciously, since she was a young woman she likely wouldn't have had much access to her pay checks unless she was cashing them directly. Ed, meanwhile, while trying to survive a negligent/abusive household, absolutely would have been spending money on things most teens wouldn't have to in order to survive... and that's before getting the draft notice from the Selective Service, which took away even more control of his own life.

So I see Ed and Lorraine getting married young (even for the 50s, they're a few years younger than the median, though the war was actively driving that age down) mostly out of making the most out of what they could together. Ed putting Lorraine on his bank accounts and asking her actively to manage them while he's away, and her depositing her paychecks into his account would give her more financial control in her life than most women of the era. Lorraine's engagement ring (the size of that goddamn rock) is even an insurance policy most women her age and demographic didn't have -- often when women fled marriages, it was only with their jewelry to sell. It's half about Ed's possessive streak, half him showing he's not afraid to give her the money to run, if she needed to.

Anyway -- the trauma of their late teens and early twenties is entirely rooted in the rising Cold War anxieties and the locus of harm done to women in the 50s and I fully see their pursuit of demonology and the supernatural as something Lorraine initially started while working as a secretary for the Diocese, something she did to stay late at work and help people she could physically reach while Ed was away at war. She initially started staying late on the days she knew Father Gordon would be bringing in a scared family or terrified couple or frightened soul in through the back door hours after everyone had left, staying to pray and keep herself nearby, to be an observer to a fight she could be party to. Father Gordon figures her out quickly, of course, asking what interest she has in demons and exorcisms, and figures out she's clever with records and archives, almost to an uncanny degree.

And then figures out to exactly what uncanny degree.

After Ed came home and became the husband instead of the boyfriend, it turned into something Ed could throw all his metaphorical demons onto and a healthy way to exercise his control issues and fear and anxiety that doesn't (generally) affect Lorraine because she's fighting with him side by side in this, when before they were separated by thousands of miles -- the beginning everyone's favorite Catholic battle couple very much rooted in Ed and Lorraine parsing out who brought home metaphorical demons from the war, and who brought home literal ones, and bringing them to Father Gordon when necessary. Rooted in Ed needing to be useful, to dusting off his Catholic school Latin and reading everything he could get his hands on so that he could continue to help, continue to fight.

Lorraine would have been pregnant with Judy during the heightening tensions with Cuba and as Kennedy is sending more and more military "advisors" to Vietnam and Cold War tensions flared the hottest they'd get in the 1960s and I can just see both of their control issues revving up, especially with a few-months-old baby in the mix. Just the two of them laying bed, looking down at their three month old baby girl, wondering if they'd all get nuked tomorrow. If war would be declared tomorrow. If they'd all be dead, if they brought her into the world just to die violently. It's like taking guns off the street. They can't control the White House, or the Soviets, or Cuba or China or or or -- but they know about demons, they know about spirits, they know about taking these bombs off the battlefield, in the war of good against evil, and this is a war they can be foot soldiers in together.

Lorraine would get a bit of relief in the March of '63 when Kennedy dropped married men with children to the bottom of the draft pool, and then dropped the age of the draft pool to 26, aging Ed out of the Selective Service entirely. And then in November, JFK would be assassinated, and the photo of Jackie Kennedy covered in blood, leaving the hospital hand-in-hand with RFK, would be on the front page of every newspaper in the country. It would be a jolt for both of them -- but it wouldn't fully hit Lorraine until seven years later, when she'd have her first vision of Ed's death and fully understand Jackie Kennedy's weary, "I want them to see what they have done to Jack."

After the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution in August of 1964, they fully throw themselves into taking cases almost full time. As the war heats up, Ed pulls back from teaching art classes at the VA. If he spends too much time there, he has to face how pointless the violence has been. If he spends too much time there, now, he has to face that he still doesn't know why he survived. Why he lived, and everyone else on board the ship with him died. Because he still doesn't know, he still is fighting to make his life matter in a way that makes sense to him. All he has is his sense of duty, a couple of college credits, and his hands. On good days, he knows that he's loved -- that Lorraine loves him so much it makes it hurt to breathe, that he's a good father to his daughter, who will never be afraid of him.

Ed has a complete PTSD relapse in 1966, with the beginning of the ground war and the full-throated resurgence of the American propaganda machine and military recruitment. He's back in the guilt spiral, the "I never had it that bad, I was only in the Navy for two years, I never had it that bad," just feeding into "why did I live when everyone else I fought with died," back and forth until he can't sleep, can only sleep when Judy sleeps, accidentally ends up adapting himself to her nap schedule and has to sleep with his hand on her chest, feeling her breathe.

Lorraine calls in Chief, after Ed can't get out of bed for 72 hours and misses mass for the first time in his life. Chief, who comes up from Brooklyn to remind Ed of the time their entire ship exploded and Ed treaded water for eight hours and everyone else died. How they spent the next six months getting drunk whenever they weren't on duty and picking fights they couldn't get out of, and that one time they got thrown in the brig because Chief struck a superior asshole and Ed just followed him into the fight. (No, Lorraine does not know about that time Ed and Chief ended up in the brig. She will never know about that time. Judy will at some point in her early 20s learn about that time, when she needs to learn about how her parents are people, who have absolutely made mistakes in their lives.) "You and I spent six months drunk," Chief says, bouncing Judy on his knee in the kitchen over a cup of coffee, Ed refusing to look at him as he deep cleans the stove. "And then your dad died, and your sainted wife handled everything for you, and we realized we couldn't send you home to her like that."

"I still don't know why I lived."

Chief shrugs. "It doesn't matter why, son. The same reason any of us live, and any of us die. It doesn't matter. You have a little girl now who depends on you. She matters more than any goddamn reason -- you live for her, and your saint of a wife, and for all the people that you help. So that you can look them in the face, say you've been down in the hole that they're in now, and you know the way out."

Lorraine calls in Chief, because she absolutely picked a fight after mass that day without Ed, with Judy on her hip. Overheard Dorothy O'Malley running her mouth in the pew in front of her sounding like a national security ghoul and didn't even think before she opened her mouth and unloading the full force of her anxiety and anger on her. Only stops because she feels a gentle hand on her shoulder and Father Gordon murmuring in her ear, "Okay Mrs. Warren, you've made your point," while leading her away. It's the "Mrs. Warren" instead of the familiar "Lorraine" that jolts her back to herself, kissing Judy's head as she tries to shake herself out of it.

"Thank you," she tells Father Gordon, defeated.

He shrugs. "You don't come to confession until before Friday night prayer service. I didn't want you stewing on this all week." Pausing, he takes a moment to fondly tug on one of Judy's pig tails, making her laugh. "If Ed's not... feeling well, I know about that."

Lorraine bites her lip, knowing full and well that Father Gordon served as a chaplain in World War II. That seeing the violence of the Nazis firsthand is what convinced him that the Devil was more than a metaphor, that evil truly walked the Earth. Sent him on his own path, chasing darkness.

Lorraine nods.

"I could talk to him," Father Gordon says. "But it would likely come better from someone he served with."

When she gets home, she finds Chief's number in their phone book, and calls Brooklyn for the first and last time. He comes up the next day, and shoos her out of the house to do something for herself for the first time in months, telling her that he's more than equipped to look after a single three year old.

Ed goes back to teaching at the VA a few months after that, teaching art to the new round of mentally scarred children returning from war. He concedes to group therapy, and a few sessions with the VA psychiatrist to get something to take the edge off. He teaches at the VA until the troop withdrawals in 1970, reducing his class load as he and Lorraine take on more and more cases -- verging towards a hundred a year -- for the Catholic Church, and the media attention that comes along with that, the publicity engagements that help keep their bills paid, the articles and academic talks.

Even still, Ed occasionally brings home someone for dinner, just to make sure that they've only brought metaphorical demons home from war with them, not literal ones.

Sometimes it's literal ones.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

October 20, 2020

Heather Cox Richardson

Trump is acting as if he expects to lose the election. Today, on the Fox News Channel, he hammered again on the discredited Hunter Biden laptop story and lashed out at Attorney General William Barr for not pursuing it. “We’ve got to get the Attorney General to act,” he said. “He’s got to act, and he’s got to act fast. He’s got to appoint somebody. This is major corruption, and this has to be known about before the election. And by the way, we’re doing very well. We’re going to win the election. We’re doing very well.”

Today the FBI declined to comment on the story, saying in a letter to Senator Ron Johnson (R-WI), who had asked for information about the alleged laptop, that “consistent with longstanding Department of Justice… policy and practice, the FBI” was not getting involved in this political effort. “If actionable intelligence is developed,” Assistant Director of the Office of Congressional Affairs Jill C. Tyson wrote, “the FBI in consultation with the Intelligence Community will evaluate the need to provide… briefings….”

Trump also lashed out at Lesley Stahl, the host of CBS’s 60 Minutes, after he walked out of an interview. On Sunday, 60 Minutes is running a special featuring interviews with Trump, Vice President Mike Pence, Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, and Democratic vice presidential nominee Kamala Harris. Trump was apparently angry that Stahl asked him about coronavirus, his attacks on Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer and infectious disease authority Dr. Anthony Fauci, and the size of the crowds at his rallies.

Trump’s people were taping the interview themselves, allegedly to archive it, but after he left, Trump took to Twitter, where he threatened to release the video himself to undercut 60 Minutes. “I am pleased to inform you that, for the sake of accuracy in reporting, I am considering posting my interview with Lesley Stahl of 60 Minutes, PRIOR TO AIRTIME! This will be done so that everybody can get a glimpse of what a FAKE and BIASED interview is all about…” he tweeted. “Everyone should compare this terrible Electoral Intrusion with the recent interviews of Sleepy Joe Biden!”

While there has been some tightening in the polls, giving a boost to Trump, there are signs he is right to be worried. In the Washington Post today, Greg Sargent noted that at the congressional district level, Trump is significantly behind his 2016 polling with both working class and college-educated white people. Interviewing David Wasserman of the Cook Political Report, Sargent quoted Wasserman’s observation that Trump is consistently running 8 to 10 points behind where he did in 2016. He is doing even worse in wealthy suburbs. He is doing better than he did in 2016 in heavily Hispanic districts in Florida and Texas, but that will not help him much in Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin. He needs to build more support among white voters, but he has only two weeks left to do it.

After being on-again, off-again for a new coronavirus relief bill, Trump is now eager to have one before the election, and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin appear to be close to a deal. But news broke today that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has privately told Republican senators that he opposes the idea, and has warned the White House not to negotiate with Pelosi before the election.

Some Republicans object to the price tag of a big measure; others don’t want to have to choose between agreeing with Trump or upsetting their relief-hating base. McConnell is also determined not to let anything interrupt the tight schedule he has established for the confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court before the election. It is also likely the Republicans are not eager to pass a big relief bill just before an election that might put a Democrat in power, thus boosting his chances of rebuilding the economy.

It is also true, though, that Trump has less clout with Republican lawmakers than ever before, and they are trying to distance themselves from him.

Meanwhile, Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden today stayed out of the news as he prepares for Thursday’s presidential debate. It hit me, as I was reading the news today, how blissfully normal it sounds to imagine a president who actually prepares for things, and who is not in the news all day, every day. Apparently, I’m not the only one to feel that way: Axios reports that this month popular engagement with Biden’s Twitter account and videos have passed Trump’s. So have Biden’s follower numbers. Biden’s town hall last week also drew more viewers.

Just why this election is so important received powerful illustration tonight. In 2017, the Trump administration began a pilot program to deter refugees from coming to America by taking away migrants’ children. It broke up more than 1000 families. The next year, the program became official, and the administration forcibly removed more than 2,800 children from their parents in May and June of that year. Most of those families were still in custody when a federal judge ordered the program stopped and the families reunited. Today NBC broke the story that lawyers appointed to identify the separated families have not been able to find the parents of 545 of the children, and that the administration actually deported about two-thirds of those parents during the pilot program while keeping their children behind. Those children are now in America with relatives or foster families.

Almost immediately after this news broke, the administration put out a press release announcing that “THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION IS COMMITTED TO COMBATING HUMAN TRAFFICKING AND PROTECTING THE INNOCENT.” It listed the ways in which the administration has taken on this crime. Pedophilia and human trafficking are the central concerns of the conspiracy theory QAnon, so the press release both addressed the administration’s policy of stripping children from their parents and nodded to QAnon supporters.

Other revelations today included news from the continuing investigation by the New York Times into Trump’s tax records. It turns out that, for all Trump’s attempts to smear Biden by claiming he is too close to China, Trump himself has a bank account in the country which he did not list on his public financial disclosures because it is held under a corporate name. The account paid $188,561 in taxes in China from 2013 to 2015. Biden’s income taxes, which-- unlike the president-- he released, show neither business dealings nor income from China.

Today, in a plea deal, Elliott Broidy, a major Trump fundraiser and deputy finance chair of the Republican National Committee, pleaded guilty to acting as an unregistered foreign agent. Broidy admitted to lobbying the Trump administration for Chinese and Malaysian interests in exchange for millions of dollars. Broidy forfeited $6.6 million, and agreed to cooperate with prosecutors in return for their recommendation of lenience at sentencing. Like Trump, Broidy was one of Trump fixer Michael Cohen’s clients.

In the midst of all this, there is, today, what appears to be excellent news: two new studies show that deaths for hospitalized Covid-19 patients have dropped sharply since the start of the pandemic. When it began, hospitalized patients had a 25.6% chance of dying; now that rate is 7.6%. There are a number of reasons for this apparent drop, but the three that seem most important are a better understanding of the disease, standard procedures for care, and mask wearing, which reduces how much virus initially infects a patient. The disease remains vicious, of course, but mortality rates 18 percentage points lower now than they were at the start of the pandemic are definitely moving in the right direction.

—-

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

 Heather Cox Richardson

[tinysupervicki]

It’s hard to stay away, huh? I did turn off my notifications on twitter but I still peeked. Why are y’all so amazing to me? What did I do to deserve this love? This community?

Since y’all have been there for me ever since my mom passed three years ago, I’d do anything for y’all. I felt I did let y’all down because I’m a content creator and haven’t done anything in so long. It sucks because I’m yearning to do so but lack the time due to now being an adult, working a grueling adult job and living with family.

I believe I will be able to get a place of my own later in the year, I’m really hoping for that. As for my full time job, I’m actively looking for another one. The one I’m at, I feel I work so hard but I’m not appreciated enough. It’s a healthcare industry and I work hard to help people with their needs while management focuses on metrics and numbers. I wanna get out of there.

I haven’t had time to myself and just be selfish for once? So I’m glad I was able to take time off to have a pretty long weekend to enjoy Sizecon 2020 and spend time with friends.

Let’s get started on the recap, shall we? Bare with me, I talk a lot (and not well might I add).

Day 1: Thursday 2/13/20

I woke up at 4 am to catch my flight that leaves at 6:45 am. I thankfully had all my bags packed, I just needed to shower and be ready. My dad took me to the airport and wished me off. At this point, I had plenty of time, even seeing the long TSA line at the Houston airport. I had internally groaned a lot but managed through. After having some minutes to spare, I grabbed a quick bite to eat at one of the dining places, a lovely breakfast bowl that I can have (those of you who don’t know me, I have celiac disease and I have to eat gluten free). Jumped on my flight and comfortably slept in my seat on the plane. The plan was to have a connecting flight to Charlotte, NC and then to Newark, NJ.

Two hours later, I woke up to not at my destination but at Colombia, SC. Apparently, while I was asleep, they had to divert us to the next airport because the weather was really bad in NC. We had two options: stay on the plane and wait it out until we’re back in the air to NC, or get off the plane and figure out another alternative. I stayed, I had plenty of time until my connecting flight was scheduled (which I actually got alerts that it ending up delaying a lot) so I stayed in my seat and watched greys anatomy. About almost an hour passed and we’re finally back up in the air, with more space to breathe since there were people that did leave the plane. Landed safely in NC and I ventured off to find snacks and wait at my gate. It kept delaying but I finally was able to get on my flight to NJ, making my total time at the airport and in the air...all day, I can’t do math lol. I safely landed in NJ at 5:30 pm, I had been awake since 4 am. It was a day.

Yo, I’m gonna get him and his wife a gift, I swear to god, but DJ (aka Giantgripper) saved me by picking me up from the airport and letting me stay the night at his place. When he’s the host, he does one heck of a job as a host. Since I hadn’t eaten a proper meal since 5 in the morning or so, DJ took me to a Mediterranean little mom and pop restaurant that I fell in love with. Had a stuffed pepper and practically cleaned everything off my plate. After we ate, I accompanied DJ while he did some errands for extra things he needed for the con (which did include articles of clothing for the giant cafe lol). I was happy to help as much as I could. After that, we made it back to his place. Once his wife Adri (chibiana) came home from work, we watched a documentary while trying (and failing with me because I’m a turd) to make different mixed drinks to taste. I ended up going with hot chocolate, I’m a simpleton when it comes to alcohol. A little bit afterwards, I had to pass out, it was a long ass day.

Day 2: Friday 2/14/20

Valentine’s was just another day for me. Woke up, got dressed, and DJ surprised me with a fresh homemade breakfast. It was magnificent, I scrapped the plate then too. Plans for the day was to get allllllll the stuff we need and travel to the hotel, which apparently was an hour and a half away from DJ’s house I believe. Adri had to go do another thing for work and was gonna meet up later. DJ and I traveled to the hotel first. I passed out again in the car, I was so exhausted from before I guess it had hit me again.

We made it to the hotel and unpacked the car with my stuff, his and Adri’s bags, and things for the con. I got to say quick hellos to people I knew that were already there (gave a big ass hug to Miss Kaneda, she’s so precious and a big hug to IamFilledwithStatic). I was going to be sharing a room with shortmarcy, Morgana (Moe), and Guiri. So since I had arrived first, I will check in first; Morgana and Guiri were still flying from Spain and shortmarcy didn’t come until the next morning. Since it was under shortmarcy’s name and the deposit was paid under her, She had to call to have the hotel let me check in for her. In turn, I had to put my card on file. I thought I was being a responsible adult and I thought it was gonna charge like half of the charge or something but...they charged the full price of the hotel. Which was $503...which was basically everything in my bank account. I didn’t know that was gonna happen, I panicked and just sat on the couch outside of the con area while Robyn (goddess-rei) comforted me. I had to come to terms that shit happens and I had no money for the weekend. But I graciously had the best of friends this weekend, I’ll get to that in a sec.

After my bumming out, I changed to put on my blouse for the valentines banquet (one of my guaranteed dinners that night lol). I met up with Morgana and Guiri and also sillylilbug (she’s so adorably sweet). We had our own table along with my friend Joe (CaptainRandGTS, who is a phenomenal photographer btw). We ate some good food and they took account of my gluten free (however I think the chimichurri steak may have upset my stomach). I said goodnight and went to my room to basically turn the bathroom up XD I had changed into my pajamas to head downstairs to get water and pain medicine when I turned the corner and saw a group of people walking down the hall. Guys, I’m still getting used to this, but the group was like, “Is that Vicki?!” “That is her!” And I was like WHAT. It was my lovely friends sviolet, mansquishers, mister finch, Joseph moestar, and Strongshadow2018. I was so surprised and honored, I was gushing. I got to hang out with them in their hotel room for a bit, played cards against humanity (I WON!) and ate ridiculously delicious gluten free cookies misterfinch made.

Day 3: Saturday 2/15/20

Con day. This day was a bit of a blur honestly (my mind is not the same people) but I know I took this day to “try” and relax. I was still bummed about my money problem but I had enough to buy the breakfast buffet meal ticket. My idea was to chow down a lot of food (since it was a buffet) so I won’t ask for food but that did not happen because I have wonderful friends?? Towards noon, I went to ihop with my crew (we called each other the sizecon crew lol) with sviolet, mansquishers, mister finch, Joseph moestar, and strongshadow2018. We had a nice time and I was so grateful for the lunch! Once we headed back to the hotel, we split up to do more con shenanigans. I met so many people, it was amazing. People I already knew and new people as well. It was awesome to match names to faces, it was so cool. I’m telling you though, my mind is not the same so I can’t list out the whole list of everyone I’ve seen. Then I got to see my good friend Steve (Miles Striker). I’m so fucking proud of this dude. He showed me a film he wrote, recorded, and edited all by himself, it was mindblowing. We had to go back downstairs after that because I forgot I had a social to lead and he had panels to go to. I stopped by the giant cafe, that was fucking wild. I ran the Fluffy Feels Social and I did my best because I’ve never ran something like that. But I’m glad we all liked the same thing and we just kept talking! It was getting late to when the Playroom was gonna start, so I headed back upstairs. Chilled a bit more with my crew and then headed back downstairs. I don’t know what got over me, but I gathered enough courage and joined the nude swimming party. I cannot believe I did that, that was a big step for me. Kinda sucked getting out though because I didn’t have extra clothes and it was fucking cold.

Day 4: Sunday 2/16/20

Technically last day of the con but it was the busiest. I spent all morning practicing my skit for the Tiny Cafe. I was nervous and pacing around in my hotel room, making sure I get it right. Around 12:30, I headed down to meet up with the rest of the cafe to get ready when we start at 1 pm. I could not describe how nervous I was. I wanted to make sure I didn’t mess up and I know I was lip syncing (graciously provided by Anoka’s vocals) I was still nervous as fuck. This was a performance and I’m now more confident talking to others about my kink/aesthetics but performing? Oh lawd. We had a big crowd apparently, I was surprised. We had to get more chairs and apparently turn people away? THAT MADE MY NERVES SKYROCKET. The cafe starts with a wonderful performance by Adri (Chibiana) then followed by cute transitions from our servers mini-moo and shortmarcy. Then it’s time for our skit: Veronica (Jitensha), me, and Aim were shrunk and sung songs about our giants. I was first (omg) and mine was in the style of “Maria” from west side story (Veronica called it Shrunken side story). I was shaking like a leaf and tried my best to get through the whole song while doing silly quirks of mine. Once that was done, I rushed back from my spot XD it was Veronica’s turn to sing about a giant dick lol and Aim serenading a giant lady. After our skit, it was the grand finale of Morgana performing a dance in a giant hamster ball. It was incredible. Despite my anxiety, I’m glad I did this and we did so amazing (we made tips!!!!).

Right after that was done, I had to rush to lead a social of Giant men and Tiny women. It was a small turnout but we still got people and we talked a lot. When that was done, I rushed to be on my first panel of the day: Owning what you love. After that was the Macrophile panel and then after that was the Diversity panel. I was on all of them and they were back to back, I was a busy lady lol. After that panel, I was free! Since I made tips from the cafe and I was broke from the hotel, I got to buy a few things in the vendor hall. Was able to say hi to some people I knew like scridam, the reducer, miss kaneda, iamfilledwithstatic, robclassact, and aborigen. It was also mister finch’s birthday so since I was free for the night, I went with the crew to go celebrate at a restaurant. That was such a nice time, I swear everything I did this weekend I wanted to experience again. When we came back to the hotel after dinner (after a quick stop to the liquor store lol), I was able to make it in time for the closing ceremony. Hearing everyone’s words touched my heart and reminded me why I love this community. So I was able to give a speech to say that; this is my second home when I lost my only home when my mom passed. God, that room was filled with so much love. I went back upstairs and hung out more with the crew and watched Promare (pretty sick movie). I was gonna head to bed but I hung out more with Steve and we watched a movie before passing out.

Day 5: Monday 2/17/20

It was time to say all of my goodbyes to everyone that had to leave. I gave so many hugs and love, I just miss them all. Most of the crew had to head out, except for sviolet, she had her flight in the afternoon. So we went out to breakfast at a Mexican restaurant, reminiscing this whole weekend. We came back to the hotel to chill in my hotel room. Morgana and Guiri were leaving to the airport back to Spain and shortmarcy wanted to venture to NYC before she went home the next day. So sviolet and I chilled in my room before she had to head out.

Then for the rest of the evening, I had the room to myself. I watched law and order svu whole packing and double checked I had everything. I waited up for shortmarcy to come back (I was so worried) but she made it back after 10 pm safe and sound. At that point, I had to go to bed because my flight in the morning was at 5:45 am.

Day 6: Tuesday 2/18/20

I woke up at 3 am to get to the airport on time and my Lyft driver I got...I had a feeling he was having a bit of fun by himself before he picked me up. Because it stunk in the car of cum. Whatever, I held in my breath and made it to the airport safely. My flights were on time and I slept on each one. I did not want to go back home.

Back to reality and I hate the after con blues! Especially with how much this con and community means to me.

Hoping there’s a next year and I’m ready to help as usual.

Y’all have a goodnight ❤️

[ahgapride98]

REFLECTION ABOUT GOT7’S COMEBACK

Hello baby birds! I know it has been a long time since I last posted and I’m so sorry about it, I’ve been extremely busy with college and life in general and couldn’t find time to post anything here. But… good news: I’m finally free and I plan on finishing my ‘Memory Lane’ series, but first I need to address some things regarding this comeback that I’m not so happy about.

1. GOT7’s ‘Eclipse’ MV views in the first 24h. It’s no secret that we only got 6’5M views for Eclipse in the first 24h after its release (less than the views for ‘Miracle’ and ‘Focus On Me’ – JUS2 subunit). Now, I don’t really know who we should blame for this: YouTube or ourselves? While streaming the MV I noticed that the views were frozen for approximately 1h whole hour, and the worst part of all is that we never got those views back. I was so mad at YouTube for doing us dirty when we were putting all of our best efforts there for the boys (we had a great start, 500.000 views in just 1h after the release); But another thing I also noticed was that our streaming party didn’t really work, it was like ahgases were not working together to reach our 15M goal. It almost felt like we weren’t there, and that makes me sad because we almost got the same result as we did with ‘Look’ (6M views). I really had big hopes of breaking Lullaby’s record (10M in the first 24h), but it seems like we are going backwards instead of forward. This made me feel like the fandom decreased instead of growing - something that is not true because our fandom got bigger after the world tour. Now, like I said before, I don’t know if we should blame YouTube for this or ourselves. I honestly think it’s a combination of both, YouTube really did us dirty but we should have tried harder for our boys. (Funny thing: our views in the first 24h were really low but we managed to reach 30M views in just 5 days, beating our own record…).

2. Melon issue. This is something I talked about in my ‘Lullaby Comeback Reflection’ post, and I still think the same thing. I don’t know why Melon hates us, but they do. On the first day (20/05), we debuted at number 52, and just went downhill from there reaching the 71st place. Then, on the second day (21/05), it seemed like we went up for a bit and managed to reach the 45th position, then we dropped to 55 and from there we charted 100 and eventually disappeared from the chart. On the third day (22/05), we appeared again at number 90 only to drop to the 91st place, and then go up to 75. Finally, on the fourth day (23/05), we charted the 82nd place and after that we disappeared from the chart. As you can see our results are not good enough, ‘Eclipse’ charted really low compared to other songs. On top of that, we only charted for four days before completely disappearing from the Melon chart. I’m positive this is Melon’s doing, they did us dirty in our last comeback too and I wouldn’t be surprised if they are supressing our listeners and sabotaging our streaming party. I’m so sorry for the boys because they worked really hard for this, but their efforts are still not recognised in Korean charts (specially Melon).

3. Timing. This is a really important point. We have to be honest and admit that GOT7’s comeback came in the worst time ever. First of all, it was scheduled shortly after Bambam’s ‘Black Feather Tour’ in Thailand, Jackson’s birthday fan meeting in China and JUS2 debut and tour. Many ahgases spent a lot of money buying the new subunit albums and tickets for all the shows. Also, we have the world tour just around the corner, so it makes sense that many ahgases prefer saving their money to buy tickets for the tour instead of buying the new albums. On top of that, we can’t forget that the majority of the fandom are teenagers and young adults that have final exams around this time of the year (myself included, the day of the comeback I had my first final exam in college). This obviously made the fandom focus on other things that were by far more important to us than the comeback (sad but true).

4. Sales – Album stock. This is closely related to the last point. Because of the timing the comeback was scheduled, our sales weren’t good either. On the first day, we sold 62,002 copies (our best result ever), but throughout the week we only managed to sell 214.125 copies (not good enough to win on music shows). Now, this has to do with the lack of stock: for some reason there weren’t enough albums and a lot of ahgases had to wait until Wednesday to be able to purchase them (that’s a whole day lost there, thanks for nothing JYP…). I don’t understand why this happened, especially if we take into account that GOT7 is the best album-seller under JYP Entertainment (‘Eyes On You’ sold 223.844 copies in the first week, the best-selling album under the company). They should have been more prepared and have stock ready knowing that even though GOT7 are not digital monsters, the rock with album sales.

5. Music shows. We don’t have to be geniuses to know that with our bad charting and lower sales, we have very few options of winning with ‘Eclipse’, even if we do well with MV views. In music programs, they give more importance to digital sales than physical album sales, and since we are not even charting anymore (in most charts), I am going to be honest here and say that I don’t think we are going to win anything (‘You Are’ 2.0). My thoughts are based -specially- after today’s Show Champion: we were nominated but didn’t win. Usually the time to bring trophies home is during the first week after the comeback was released (or the second week of promotions), after the first week winning is really hard. But based on our horrible start and everything that happened last week, I don’t think we are going to get any trophy with this comeback (just my opinion, I could still be wrong).

EDIT: I WAS WRONG, WE WON ON MCOUNTDOWN (30/05), MUSIC BANK (31/05) AND INKIGAYO (02/06)!!!!! 💚💚

6. JYP Division 2 - Promotions. This is something that has to do with this comeback, but also something that I have been accumulating for months now. The way Division 2 handles and promotes GOT7 is pure shit, it’s like they are not even focusing on them. First, they barely put them on variety shows, and the only one they went to -Idol Room- was lacking promotion music wise; and the promotion period is just two weeks (meaning that this upcoming week is the last one we will be seeing them on music shows). They spent the first 30 minutes of the program talking and messing around with Doni and Coni, and then introduced ‘Eclipse’. For a non GOT7 fan, an outsider, this could get boring pretty fast. Secondly, the album stock situation: because of that mistake we lost sales, sales that were crucial for music shows. Thirdly, the time they decided to release the comeback was extremely bad calculated, they should have known this could happen. Also, their decision of debuting a new subunit and sending Bambam on tour was something benefitial at the moment but with not so good long term consequences, as everything now seems rushed and poorly done. I understand that it’s really hard to schedule comebacks, specially if we take into account the company as a whole: Itzy’s debut - JUS2 debut / Jinyoung drama - StrayKids comeback - Twice comeback - Itzy comeback - GOT7 world tour - Twice world tour - StrayKids world tour... but even though everything is packed, I still think that things could have been done differently. There’s something wrong with the management team in Division 2 that is affecting GOT7 negatively, and that also makes me fear for Itzy (as both groups are under this division).

7. JYP strict rules towards fans – Fansigns problems. This point has to do with issues that happened weeks prior to the comeback, but that is clearly affecting the promotions. In case you didn’t know, ‘fans’ followed GOT7 members everywhere (yes, even to their homes), the situation got so out of control that even the boys had to post in their personal Instagram accounts the official statement released by JYP Entertainment, and because of that JYP reinforced the rules that ahgases must follow when they are with the boys. But this rules have gone as far as to not even allowing the fans to touch or high five the members in fansigns (now, let’s remember that the fans that go to the fansigns have spent a ridiculously huge amount of money on albums just to get the chance of going), and not letting the members write the names of the fans in the albums (they just basically sign the album and that’s it). And not only that, recently ahgases that went to one of the fansigns last week took to Twitter to express their discontent with how they were treated by the staff. I’ll leave some of the messages that ahgases posted on Twitter:

I do agree that we must protect the boys, and I think those rules are great to be followed outside. But on a closed space with security to watch over everything that’s going on in the event, not allowing fans to even get a high five with the members is going a bit too far. Also, the staffs’ attitude needs to be checked: they are there working, not having fun with their friends. They should know their position in the fansigns, and not disturb the conversations going on between fans and the members of GOT7. I really hope JYP Entertainment thinks things over, because if not the consequences could be catastrophic. Take as an example the upcoming tour, no info about VIP tickets has been released yet. In fact, for the America leg of the tour there are no VIP tickets. That makes me wonder how things are going to be done in the tour.

8. Album and comeback thoughts (focused on just the boys and music). After so many negative comments, the only good thing about all of this is seeing the boys together and doing what they love. I can’t express with words how happy I am to see them together again after so much time. Also, the whole album is a bop. It’s the bop of the year (fight me on that): all the songs are amazing, the vocals, the raps, the lyrics, the music, the style, the concep... just everything is out of this world. I’m so glad that they get to perform on stage and carry out the message this album has. I couldn’t relate more with the meaning of this album, and I know we all ahgases feel the same way. Even though a lot of negative things have happened in the past few weeks, I’m still happy to see they are back and better than ever. As their fans, the only thing we can do is support them no matter what and be there for them just like they are here for us when we need them the most. Also, I can’t wait for the tour to start and I can’t wait to see them again this year. I’m so excited that just listening to the songs of the last tour makes me feel tingly on the inside!

Well baby birds, that’s it for today’s post. I’ll update my ‘Memory Lane’ series as soon as possible as some of you have been asking for the remaining members. I love you all!!! 💚🐥💚

[oncearoundthegarrison-blog]

London to Lundy Part 1

5 months sounds like a long time, but when you’ve started a new job in a completely different industry, it flies by. New colleagues, new commute, new schedule, new maze-like museum building that took at least a month to get used to. Even new vocabulary. 

I felt like I was desperately treading water, slowly drowning in a sea of to-dos. It finally took the Christmas period, when the museum was closed, most colleagues and external contacts had taken holidays and my telephone and inbox fell quiet, that I had a moment to realise... I have 13 days of annual leave to use up before the end of the financial year.

My husband’s birthday is in March, so I thought we could go somewhere together to celebrate, as we had been doing the last few years. The thing is, my husband works in a small company, a team of 3, in fact. Unfortunately, the other 2 also have their birthdays in March, so, being the most junior, he felt he couldn’t take a week off, especially because they were planning a work trip around that time too.

“You should go on a yoga retreat by yourself.” he suggested. As if I wanted to pay hundreds of pounds to go and spend days stretching with strangers, some of whom were guaranteed to be a little too ‘woo-woo’ for my taste (no offence). 

I decided I wanted to do something that was ‘worthwhile’ with my time. After hours researching expensive (and scammy) conservation holidays, scrolling through WorkAways and WWOOFing opportunities, I somehow landed on the jackpot; a National Trust working holiday on Lundy, a three mile long, half mile wide island off the coast of North Devon.

Having hastily signed up and gained a place, I set to work on the dreaded getting-there logistics. The first thing was already ticked off the list. The only way of getting from the Devon coast onto Lundy Island at that time of the year is by Helicopter. With that booked, I looked into getting from London to Devon and back. 

The autumn before, I had bought my first car. It’s a fully electric Nissan Leaf. Using it largely for the weekly shop and commuting to work (15 minutes if the traffic is nice, 1 hour if it’s the usual), it’s the perfect car for pootling around the city and suburbs, where an electric charger is always close to hand. We’d done the odd 2 hour drives, but the route planning, and adding 30 mins per charge stop, the anxiety of ‘what if the charger we are heading towards is out of order’ was quite stressful, so a solo drive down to Devon seemed a foolhardy concept.

But, the more I tried to arrange the public transport, the more complicated things got. First off, the nearest train station is 25 miles away, and you need to get on a bus for an hour even to get close to the helipad. Not only that but you had to get there by 10am latest, so unless you wanted to leave London at crazy o’clock, you had to arrive the night before and find accommodation. On top of that, on the way back, you have no idea what time your helicopter flight is. “Sometime between 11 and 3pm, and it depends on the weather, you could be delayed to later in the afternoon or even the next day!” So booking a train for the way back was a gamble. Driving to Devon in my electric car started to look like a more attractive, at least simpler, concept.

I’m not what you call a confident driver, and some past long distance drives had been very stressful. It’s hard for me to forget that I could kill myself or anyone else by making a silly mistake. And I make plenty of those in my everyday life. What if I don’t plan well and I run out of charge on my car? The prospect of driving alone, for four hours, which would probably include at least 4 charges, was terrifying. Also, if I want to arrive at the heliport at 9:30am, then I would need to leave at 5:30am, but add on 4 x 30 minute charges is 3:30am, and maybe I should add an extra hour in case I take the wrong turning or there is traffic or a diversion... well that’s crazy o’clock. So I decided to break up the journey by stopping off at my uncle’s in Bristol.

The week before setting off, I made sure to check and double check the route on the Zap-Map app, which shows you the locations of all the EV chargers. I read reviews of each charger, making sure it was used recently and recorded as having a successful charge. I made sure I knew the locations of at least 2 other chargers near the one I actually planned to charge at, in case that one was occupied or faulty. 

I wrote out the addresses of each charger, in case I lost my phone. I packed a portable power bank for my phone, in case it ran out of battery. I found out what numbers I need to call if I break down or run out of charge, or have an accident (yeah OK I should’ve known those already). Some chargers require you to start the charge using your mobile phone... but what if you didn’t have enough reception? I drove my husband crazy with my fretting and stressing. I made sure I had enough car snacks and a good playlist.

Then the day finally came. I left for Bristol around 9.00am. It was a bright sunny day and I left in high spirits, onto the M4. Forty minutes later, dirty black clouds appear and it starts to properly pour. The roads were not too busy but there was a ropey 15 minutes of very poor visibility, the spray from the other cars and lorries obscuring the road like a thick fog. My heart pumping, I was very glad to arrive at my first charge stop at a service station just after 10am.

There, I struck up a conversation with a fellow Nissan Leaf driver, and I asked him if he’d heard the rumour that you shouldn’t charge your car up to 100% on one of the rapid chargers (there are a few different charge speeds, you see). It’s something I was told by the customer services person when I rang up the helpline on a day a charger refused to stop charging (really reassuring). The man looked at me doubtingly and said that he hadn’t. When he left, I googled it and it really does seem to be the case that it damages your battery. I hope he looked it up later as well. I had a hot chocolate in the Starbucks, charged my phone and bought some gloves, as I forgot to pack mine. Feeling panicked about damaging the battery, I headed off at 82% charged.

Luckily, the closer I got to Bristol and my uncle’s flat, the lower the speed limit, the more traffic there was. I say lucky because driving in those circumstances uses up much less charge than going 70mph down the motorway. By 11:40 I have arrived at my final charge stop, a Bannatyne Health Club just round the corner from my final destination. I was even more happy to see that it was a simple plug in, tap your contactless card and charge jobby. You’d think that’s how all chargers are, but no. EV chargers are run by different providers, I have no less than 5 different apps on my phone plus a physical tap card, and there’s still some chargers where I have to spend ages registering on a website in order to start a charge. Mental.

I go into the health club and explain I’m not a member but would like to sit in the cafe while my car charges. I was a bit worried they would turn me away, but, just as my Zap-Map colleagues had reassured me, they asked me to sign in to a guest book and let me in. I order a tea and settle down for 20 minutes. In hindsight, during my journey to Devon and back, I think I spent almost the same amount of money on beverages and nibbles waiting for the car to charge as for the charge itself!

Anyway, all in all a smooth journey to Bristol, and I get to my uncle’s around 12:15, just in time for lunch. After a lovely afternoon taking in the sights of Bristol (managed to catch the excellent Wildlife Photography of The Year 2019 exhibition at M Shed, see below for the fun image of a shocked Himalayan marmot that won the Grand Title) and catching up with a friend over a quick drink in the evening, I go to bed early, ready for an early start in the morning.

[prorevenge]

My Vile Ex Wife

I divorced my ex wife over 5 years ago for repeatedly cheating on me with over 13 different men and 2 women. To give you some background, my ex and I used to be swingers until the last year of our marriage. Things had spiraled out of control so I said that I was done swapping partners, unfortunately she didn't agree with me and kept hooking up with guys behind my back. Six months prior to our divorce my oldest child was diagnosed with a life threatening illness. I won't go into details to preserve my anonymity.

She started to crack under the pressure and started to drink in a lot putting herself and our children in danger. It got so bad that I moved out of the house for a couple of weeks and took our kids with me. During this time her best friend (we'll call her Amy) approached me because my ex had disclosed all of her dirty deeds to her at girls night out a couple of days ago. She disclosed that she had been sleeping with a new guy every night and getting drunk when she had the kids. She also told Amy that she went out one night a month ago and left our 3 year old and 4 year old kids at home alone while they slept so she could meet a guy. Amy said that my ex planned on filing for divorce once she drained some additional money from me while living rent free in my home. Amy and I were both disgusted and knew that things had to come to an end.

My ex hated living in the same house with me because she hated me and couldn't go mess around with her flock of desperate men. We had to come up with a plan to get her out of the house and document all of her poor behavior so we could limit her custody of the children. Step one, I moved my happy ass back into the house and plopped down on the bed right next to her. She lost her mind saying that she wanted me out of the house NOW and would call the police if I didn't comply. What she didn't know was that I was recording the audio of our conversation. I told her to pound sand and she called the cops reporting me for domestic violence. Well, the popo showed up in no time flat and had me in cuffs so fast it made my head spin. The detective came to the squad car to talk to me and I let him listen to the recording. The longer he listed the more angry he became with my wife. Before long she was the one in cuffs in the back of the squad car and she got to spend the night in jail.

She went to stay with Amy for the next week as she wasn't allowed back at our house (I got a restraining order). During this week she went on a veritable spending spree buying herself a new laptop, new iphone (full retail price) and a new wardrobe. She drained our bank account and started to dip into my savings. Amy also confirmed that she was drinking heavily at her house, to the point that she threw up and defecated on herself all over her bathroom. Amy video recorded her bender for posterity sake and provided me with 20 minutes of video showing a woman out of control drunk. The next day I went and withdrew all of our money from savings and deposited them in my new bank account so I would have money to pay the bills. I closed that account so she couldn't use overdraft protection and leave me on the hook for the overages. I closed all of our joint credit cards and transferred all of my investment accounts into an account solely in my name. She lost it when she found out that she had no money to burn through anymore. She told Amy that she was contemplating suicide because things had gotten so bad. I hate my ex but I didn't want to see her harm herself at all. Amy convinced her that she needed some help and went with her to check into an inpatient mental hospital. This worked out fantastic because she was getting some help, but also it showed that she was a danger to herself and the kids.

It was time to put the last part of our plan into action and seal the deal. I went for a consult at my attorney to start the divorce proceedings and complete the needed paperwork. My attorney was appalled at the actions of my ex and was 100% on board with helping me get primary custody. He filed my divorce decree and also got the judge to agree to a temporary restraining order until our initial hearing. We served her the papers while she was in the hospital and set the initial hearing for two weeks. The initial hearing came and she showed up with her attorney. Since it was a pre-litigation hearing they didn't know what information we had. She got on the stand and started lying her heart out, telling the judge how abusive I was and that is what pushed her into the mental hospital. She made a very compelling case and put on a Grammy award winning act. Then it was my turn. My attorney presented all of the evidence, videos and bank records. The defining moment was when my attorney called Amy to the stand to testify. She told an appalling story about a neglectful mom who was completely out of control. A story about a mother who had substance abuse issues that were only getting worse. My ex couldn't close her mouth the whole time that Amy was on the stand. She made her attorney look like an idiot as all of her lies were now being exposed and were contrary to what she told him.

When the dust settled I was awarded sole custody and she was awarded supervised visitation until she went to rehab and got additional treatment. We quickly settled out of court agreeing to a graduated visitation schedule once she complied with rehab and mental health counseling. I got the house (after paying her a portion of the equity), got to keep all of my investment accounts and get to see me kids 80% of the time. She got to go live with her mom for the next 2.5 years and jump from job to job. Life is pretty good 5 years down the road and is even better knowing that she isn't my problem anymore.

(source) (story by genericusername6168)

[cm-reiding]

Hit

Hi guys! This is my first criminal minds imagine so sorry if it isn’t the best. It is a Spencer Reid x Reader even though there isn’t much going on between the two.  

I am only on season 6 of the show so no spoilers please

I take requests so please send in some. The characters I prefer to write about are Reid and Morgan. But I will write on any. Thank you!

You walked from the elevator to the glass doors of the BAU. Since you started working there three years ago the team has been extremely nice to you. You're the youngest agent on the team having graduated at fourteen years old and completed eight years of college ( with a PHD in psychology) now the young age of 25.

"So far there have been three kidnappings, leading to the location of the body within what appears to be twenty four hours of the kidnappings." JJ explains, posting the small amount of evidence along with the photographs of the victims to the board. "Melissa Strong, 20 was reported missing three weeks ago and her body was located shortly after. Karen Todd, 16, found on the bank of a river reported missing three days ago and finally Heaven Loft, 19 was reported missing after not coming home from work last night."

"Are there any similarities in their routines?" Spencer Reid asked

"Not that we know of."

You get up and walk closer to the board, looking closer at the photographs "Look at their eyes, they all have the same Hazel color."

"Could just be a coincidence" Derek Morgan suggests

"Maybe but it is strange, almost like the unsub was going after the particular women."

Since the day you began everything was fast-paced leaving little time to take a breath between solving all of the murders, kidnappings and so on. It seemed like you lived at the office or on the jet to the next location where a crime was.

The minute you stepped into the police station in Baltimore, Maryland you and the team were bombarded with new information about the kidnappings and murders that were happening and every new piece of information found on the way from Virginia.

"All the women he had captured from some kind of school." The sheriff explained "Whether it be for a college or high school."

"In the same district?" Morgan asked.

"No, but spread throughout two counties side-by-side."

"Reid, y/l/n You go to Grover high school, where the second victim was taken and see if you can find anything important. Morgan with Prentiss at the college the second abduction happened."

Everyone split up into different cars and made their way to the last known locations. Upon arriving the principal was standing outside the school talking to a police officer.

"Mr. Harold?" (y/n) asked, walking to the front doors and flashing their credentials. "I am agent (y/l/n) with the behavioral analysis unit. This is Doctor Spencer Reid. May we see some of Ms. Todd's belongings and schedule to possibly get a better understanding of the situation?"

Principal Harold nodded his head before gesturing with his hand to the main office. "Follow me this way."

We walked through the hallways getting a few strange looks from students who didn't know what was happening. We walked into the main office and were handed copies of Karen's schedule.

"She had almost perfect attendance and straight a's."

"Did she leave the school grounds at any time through the day, were any students allowed to?" Reid asked

"They could go off campus during their lunch if they drive themselves."

"Okay, thank you Mr. Harold." We walked outside the school and back into the Chevy. I picked up the phone to call Prentiss to see if there was anything her and Morgan noticed.

"Hey (y/l/n) what do you have?"

"It says on Karen's schedule she took a Psychology class every Tuesday and Wednesday at the high school and the specific teacher also taught a class at the community college in the next county."

"Yea, Melissa took a class at the college on Fridays and Mondays what was the teacher's name?"

"Umm, Arnold Reign."

"That is Melissa's teacher too. Get Garcia on the phone."

"I'm on it." you said, hanging up and dialing Garcia's number

"Hey, sugar pie what you got for me?"

"Can you look up Arnold Reign? He was a teacher at Grover high school and a professor at Melissa Strong's college. They both took psychology classes and had him."

"It looks like he didn't show up for work on the days Melissa and Karen went missing. He also has a record for- oh god"

"What Garcia?"

"It says he was abused as a child and went in and out of juvy for several years for vandalism. He attempted murder of his father when he was 12."

"Where is he at now?"

"His address is 394 pikes turn ave"

"Thanks Garcia."

We called Hotch and Rossi and Morgan and Prentiss to let them know the information we just received and agreed to meet them at Arnold's house.

It was a run-down looking house. As soon as we walked to the door, there was a scream that erupted somewhere inside which cause Morgan to kick in the door. Everyone split up and checked each room.

Upon entering a basement in the back of the house you checked around the door, while opening up the closet to clear the room, a aluminum baseball bat came out of nowhere, hitting you on the side of your head and knocking you out cold.

-Reid's p.o.v-

Morgan and I went downstairs, and I saw (y/n) laying on the ground unconscious to a hidden basement and Arnold there with Heaven Loft holding a knife to her throat.

"Don't do it, Arnold. We know you are doing this because your father hurt you as a child and your mother didn't do anything to stop him." I said to him

"You don't know anything about me. She laughed when I was hit."

"But she isn't here anymore she died remember?"

"She-she did?"

"Yes, Arnold. you have memory loss so you can't really remember it but she did and you're safe now come with us and we will get you help." I said, as Morgan holstered his gun and went up to him as he dropped the knife on the floor.

Once Arnold was handcuffed, I went to (y/n) as she started stirring and coming to.

-(y/n) p.o.v-

You woke with your head pounding, not being able to remember what last happened. I tried sitting up but was met with a hand on my shoulder, trying to get me to stay down.

"Hey, don't move a medic is coming to check you out. You got hit in the head pretty hard." you looked up to see Reid sitting next to you.

The medic came down the stairs and inspected your head, clearig you from a concussion and telling you to get rest and keep icing the knot that would form every few hours.

"Thanks for sitting with me, Spence."

"Any time" He said, helping you up the stairs and out to the cars.

"Hey, everything alright?" Hotch asked

"Just a bump. Nothing too bad." You said, waving it off.

"Well, take the next few days off and rest, you might have some side effects."

You nodded and got into the car on the way to the jet. Man, this team was awesome.

[turquoisemagpie]

Hope Springs Eternal. (2)

A few weeks had passed, and the TV still hadn’t ‘fixed itself’. No matter what channel Hope turned to, a screen of buzzing static and a hiss of white noise as all that was picked up. She sighed in frustration and, sitting cross legged on the floor of the lounge, picked up the TV manual and started idly flicking through the pages until she vaguely saw something that would lead her in the direction of get the TV fixed. She could hardly focus on the pages, she was so tired. She swore to herself that the next time Chase has another midnight-masterplan and decides to record a video at 2 o’clock in the morning, she would definitely start threatening to kick him out. She was starting to get sick of losing sleep on a biweekly basis as it would take her another week to get back to her regular sleep schedule, and Hope was sure her boss wouldn’t be happy with her taking a day off work once every two weeks. Luckily, she had a day off that day anyway, so she stupidly decided to take her mind off of feeling bad for missing work, and off of feeling like punching her big brother in the face, by finally fixing the TV.

Chase’s head poked around the corner from the kitchen. “Still broken, is it?” he asked.

Hope slowly turned her head and looked at him scornfully through tired eyes and said sarcastically, “No, it’s fixed. This just so happens to be my favourite TV radio channel. White Noise FM.”

Chase laughed a little before disappearing back into the kitchen and reappearing to step into the lounge, wearing a thick coat and his ‘work’ backpack over one shoulder. He reached for a coffee cup from the coffee table.

“No more mugging!” Hope snapped, before Chase could even touch the cup, “You’ve taken enough of my cups already. Haven’t you got enough of them at work?”

Chase picked up the cup. “I’m not taking it to work!” Chase said with a laugh, “I was just going to take it to the kitchen and wash it.” He turned to walk into the kitchen, not even fully passing the doorway before quietly slipping the mug into his bag. “Is my taxi here yet?” he said idly, not expecting any response.

Hope stood up from the floor and walked into the kitchen. She leaned on the kitchen table and watched Chase as he washed his dishes from breakfast.

“How was last night’s recording then?” Hope asked, rubbing her eyes in hope that the pain of rubbing them would make them open wider and wake her up more. “Worth getting up at 1:43 and making a ruckus for 3 and a half hours for, huh?”

Chase lightly glanced at his sister with a slight look of guilt. “Yeeaaah.” He mumbled, “Sorry if I woke you up. I just had a moment where… I had a sudden burst of inspiration, and I just had to get it out before I went back to sleep and lost it.”

“Oh, really?” Hope said, pulling out the coffee mug that was peeking out of Chase’s bag, that he left on the table. “You sure it was a ‘sudden burst of inspiration’? And not a ‘I haven’t submitted a video in the last week and my bank account is getting a little low, so I’ll just have a last-second rush to make a video at the most ungodly hours of the night, so I can get paid and don’t have to beg my little sister for ‘lunch money’’… panic?”

Chase looked away from the sink so that he couldn’t see Hope at all, not even in the corner of his eyes. “I’m sorry.” he said quickly and quietly, “It’s hard to get ideas for videos every now and then.”

Hope chuckled a little and went to join Chase by the sink, so she could wash her mug. She passed it to Chase where he could dry it. As he did Hope asked in a rather cautious tone, “So… have you called Stacey yet?... About talking things over and… possibly apologising for whatever’s happened and then… moving back in with her?”

“I’ll do it later.” Chase quickly said.

“’Later’ when?” Hope asked.

“This evening.” Chase said… and Hope said too, in unison with him. He looked at her as she gazed back at him with a little disappointment.

“That’s been your excuse for a good 3 and a half weeks now.” Hope said, “And you still haven’t called her- and don’t you dare say, again, that you keep forgetting, because I remind you every two days now.”

Chase didn’t look up at her, he kept twisting the mug around within the dish cloth, even thought it was already dried.

Hopes sighed on seeing how uncomfortable he was. She said in a calmer tone of voice, “I’m sorry to keep hassling you, Chase. I know it’s hard, and I can tell you’re scared to call her, you’re scared she’ll start another argument with you and make you feel worse. But, that might not happen. It’s been over a month now, maybe she’ll be happy to hear your voice again. Maybe she’ll be happy to let you back. Maybe she might not have fully forgiven you, but she knows you miss the kids, and they miss you, and will let you back. It’s all possibilities, Chase. But you won’t find out for sure if you don’t call her at all.”

Chase finally put the mug down and fiddled with the dish cloth, wondering whether to hang it up to dry and try to leave this awkward pet talking, or wait and listen to Hope.

“If it’s something else bothering you, you can talk to me about it.” Hope said, leaning in to try and meet Chase eye to eye.

But Chase turned away and headed to the kitchen table to sort out his bag. “I know-” Chase said harshly before pausing and repeating in a calmer tone, “I know what you’re trying to say, and I get it. But…” he sighed and fiddled with his bag.

There was a car horn outside the house. Chase quickly put his bag on his back, trying to disguise his huge sigh of relief with a few raspy coughs.

“I’ll talk later.” Chase said heading to the front door. He turned back when he reached the door, saw Hope looking rather dispirited at him with her arms crossed and leaning against the wall. “I mean it.” He clarified, “When I get back… I’ll tell you what is on my mind… and I’ll call Stacey right after that.” He smiled at her in hope.

His sister gave a small smile back, but as he left the house, her smile dropped. She wondered if he’d ever notice that when he leaves the house always says the same thing. Always ‘meaning it’. And, inevitably, ‘forgetting it’.

She wandered back into the lounge and sat on the couch. She grabbed the manual she was reading from and read a few pages. She then looked at the cover and laughed in exhausted annoyance as she realised she had been reading the toaster manual this whole time.

She needed to sleep.

She plonked the manual on the coffee table and lay down on the couch. Hope usually found the constant sound of rain or wind or waves usually lulled her to sleep, so she left the TV on and let the static fill her head as she closed her eyes and started to drift off.

The suddenly ring of the phone snapped Hope awake. She looked at the clock and was surprised to see an hour and 20 minutes had passed while she dozed off. The sky seemed much darker than before, much too dark for the middle of the day. She got up from the couch and turned the TV off before heading into the hallway where the phone called for her. She picked up the phone and read the screen. Unknown. She accepted the call and put it to her ear.

“Hello?”

It was back. Again, just as it always has been, every day for the past 4 weeks. The static whispering, the warped voice that hitched and gasped, almost certainly speaking backwards. Hope sighed angrily at what was now becoming an all too familiar sound for her. She clicked the button to end the call, but instantaneously the phone began to ring again, this time a number was shown. She already guessed it was Chase’s number; his new number, since he swapped his phones around and was currently using her old cell phone. She quickly accepted the call and put it to her ear to listen in silence. The same haunting disembodied voice and white noise.

“Right.” She said to herself, hanging up the phone and pressing redial, “Let’s see what your excuse is now, Chase.”

She put the phone to her ear and listened to the dialling tone as it called, already predicting the back of her mind that Chase would answer and swear on his life that he didn’t call her. Just as he always did. She waited for the familiar bewildered voice of her brother to answer, but then something caught her attention as she looked at herself in the hallway mirror.

She could hear another phone ringing somewhere inside the house.

She lowered the phone and listened. The ringing was coming from upstairs and it buzzed as it rang. A cell phone. Hope felt her hip and she made a small gasp as she felt her own mobile phone was in her jean pocket. Whose phone was ringing? Was it Chase’s?

Slowly, trying not to make any noise, Hope climbed the stairs, pausing at the top to listen for the direction of the ringing. Her heart beating fast as she realised where the ringing was coming from, Hope gulped and carefully walked to Chase’s room; the door was open, propped slightly ajar by clothes scatter on the floor within the room. She pushed the door open with some effort to push away a pile of dirty clothes that rested against the door. The room was a state, clothes and pizza boxes and piled electrical equipment cluttered around the floor, and a worrying large neat collection of empty alcohol bottles peaked out from under the messy unmade bed. In the centre of the messy sheet something blue glowed, the only light source in the darkened room. Hope slowly took cautious steps around the mess on the floor and stood at the bed, starting in fear at the phone in the middle of the bed, ringing, with her house phone number irradiating from the screen.

It was Chase’s phone, that was what Hope was more than sure about. But Chase wasn’t here. If he did come home while she dozed off, she would have woken up at the sound of the front door shutting, and of all places he would be in the house, his room was the ultimate place he would be. But he wasn’t. Chase was still out. So, who called her?

Hope slowly glided her finger across her house phone to the end-call button and pressed it. Chase’s phone stopped ringing.

The silence was terrible. Luckily, she only had one heartbeat’s worth of time to deal with it. Hope screamed as she fell to the floor as a cold, sickly coloured hand from under the bed, grabbed her ankle and pulled her down.

Instantly she kicked the hand off of her foot and crawled away, her eyes wide in fear and her breath shivering in shock. Not letting whatever happened happen again, she scurried out of the room and slammed the door shut. She held at the door handle, thinking for a second, and then pulled out a key from the dresser at the side of the door. She locked Chase’s bedroom with it and backed away from the door, staring at it in expectation that at any second something from the other side of it would be thudding against it to be let out. But there was only silence. She put the key in her pocket and quickly headed downstairs.

[imajin-that]

The First Meeting

{Hi everyone, it’s Yoongs back from the dead! I don’t think I’ve posted or been on the blog since I posted the Nine Percent story..... My goal for the new year is to be more active and post more for you guys. Minnie and I have talked about changing the line up of people we write for/about so please look out for that change, other then that I bring you the Mark fic Minnie brought up in her short message before the Sehun story! (sorry for the long intro!)}

Today was your first day as NCT 127’s manager, you were both excited and nervous. When you get to the boys dorm you notice no one was up yet “They must all still be sleeping” you thought to yourself while sneaking back out of the dorm to get coffee for everyone (luckily you were given a list of everything they liked when you were hired).

While juggling all the drinks in one hand you try to open the door, when finally inside Mark saw you and rushed over to help. “How sweet of him”  You bowed and thanked him. After shaking his head he spoken

“It was no problem, seemed like you needed the help anyways”. It wasn't long before he spoke again, this time asking you who you were; after you spoke he smiled and said he'd been awaiting your arrival. He told you the others wouldn't be up for another 15 minutes or so (meaning you'd have to find something to do till then), you smiled at how nice he was and asked him where he was from; he spoke such fluent English. He told you he grew up in Canada, then went on about how wonderful it is over there. While he talked you trailed off thinking of home, you yourself were roughly from that area as well. You stopped daydreaming about home when you realized Mark was trying to talk to you "Y/N?, Where are you from? you speak really good English as well"

You tell him all about yourself and where you come from much like he did. He seemed fascinated much like you were (which made you happy, someone finally wanted to listen). You two stopped talking when you hear footsteps coming towards you, Mark looks up and sees Johnny and Jaehyun. He's quick to say good morning, then introduces you; the two half asleep men smile tiredly and bow you stand and bow back. A few seconds later the other seven boys come out and say good morning, they all take a seat wherever they could find one. You gesture to for the nine of them to grab the coffees you bought for them, they thank you and take a swig of the smooth roast, you giggle while taking a sip of your strawberry smoothie. Suddenly your pocket starts to vibrate, it was your boss calling; quickly excusing yourself from the boys you pick up and walk out to the hall.

“Good morning sir, how may I help you?”

“Y/N I wanted to talk about sleeping arrangements with you, seeing as the boys already have ten in an apartment and you probably don't want to deal with that I'll be placing you in the apartment across the hall so you're still close enough to keep an eye on them. Does that work for you Miss.L/N?”

“Yes sir, thank you for calling to let me know, I'll get my stuffed move as soon as I can” after thanking him you hang up and head back into the boys dorm.

Walking in you notice the boys had left, all coffees set peacefully at the table, none were finished. You sit on the floor and wait for a sign of life somewhere within the dorm, you finally hear a whisper coming from one of the rooms close to you. You listen carefully to see if you could pick up on what was being said to your surprise the few boys in the room were singing NCT 127’s song Back 2 U, you loved that song it, had so much meaning.

The boys slowly start coming out one by one dressed and ready to go to the salon for daily pre show prep. You look them over before asking if they were all ready to go to the salon once you notice all ten of them standing in front of you, you start to collect your things when everyone agrees. Grabbing your coat, drink, and  bag, you shuffle all 10 of them out to the hallway before locking the door. Before you could turn the lock one of the boys (not naming any names but it was Taeyong) brings up leaving his phone on the charger in his room; swinging the door open you gesture him to go grab it before it's too late, he thanks you and sprints to his room, quickly grabbing what he needed.

Once at a stop (Jungwoo requested you all stop for some breakfast) you start looking over the agenda of the day you notice the boys had a full day ahead of them, full of both performances and show recordings, with an interview or two mixed in. The first thing on the list being a recording for Music Bank, after 3 of the boys have a recording for Hello Counselor (this will only be Jungwoo,Johnny, and Jaehyun). While the three did that the rest of the boys will be recording an episode of Weekly Idol. Scrolling down a bit more you notice a last minute recording add on for Idol Room (this will be the first official OT10 recording). While looking over the days schedule you hadn't noticed Mark watching you, he applauded you in your work ethics and calm demeanor toward the crazy schedule.

When finally reaching the salon all the boys go back at the same time so your left by yourself, but after a few seconds Mark walks back in to ask if you wanted to come sit with him; Wow, he really is the sweetest isn't he?”. You get up and tag along with him, it only takes a few moments for him to get his hair done since he messed with it already this morning when waiting for the boys to get dressed. The longest part was the make-up, you’re glad you didn't wear a lot at this point… After finishing up Mark looked at the time, noticing he had plenty of time before the others were done he whispered to the stylist; grabbing your hand she leads you to an empty chair next to Mark. Looking over, you give him confused puppy dog eyes.

“Don't worry, you'll be safe” he says with a smile.

The lady sat you down, grabbing the curling iron she defines the natural curl of your hair, when finished the hair she wipes off the shimmer shadow you had on, she defines the eye with a maroon smokey eye and a slight wing to elongate the eye. Before showing you she shows Mark and awaits his approval- he was speechless.

"I hope your boyfriend knows you’re a keeper" Mark whispers under his breath thinking no one heard.

“I don’t have a boyfriend” you blush,but you thank him for the comment.

After helping you up the two of you walked out to the lobby where the others sat waiting, well most of them at least.

“Yuta’s stylist suggested they touch up his color” “Don't they know I have to get you to ‘The Show’  in like 10 minutes?” you say in slight panic. Not even 3 seconds after saying that Yuta walks out with a fresh head if dusty pink hair. You hurry them all to the car, luckily the drive wasn't to far but it still left you in a panic.They had 20 minutes before the show starting prefilming/sound check, it might seem like a while but it was going to fly with them getting their hair and makeup touched up and changing into their stage outfits.

“Y/N is that you” you hear a  familiar voice ask, you turn around and see Key. You Jump into his arms.

“Key how have you been?, it's been so long”. Key just smiles at you and looks at you.

“What group are you with? I know you aren’t here to just see me.” you look at him because he was right, you never got time to see Key anymore or the other SHINee members.

“I'm with NCT, I wish I was here to see you I miss you boys so much!”.

“Stop! that won't work.” you hear coming from the NCT area, Key smiles and nods at you.

“Message me sometime and lets go get dinner, I'll tell the boys I ran into you.” you hurry to the commotion, you didn’t think they’d want you in the room while getting ready so you knocked on the door.

“It’s Y/N, is it okay if i come in?” you hear a few of the boys say yes so you walk in cautiously.

“What was all the commotion and noise for???” you ask inquisitive, Donghyuk looks at you with an innocent expression.

“Well you see…. I spilled something on Mark’s white shirt and we can't get it out” you look over to Mark who holds up the little section of his shirt up to show you.

“Tide stick” you say pulling the stick your mother gave you as a present since you're so clumsy.

You blow dry the spot dry and tell Mark to put the shirt back on so you could see if its noticeable or not, he slides on the shirt and you hear the boys gasp- your work here was done.

[freenewstoday]

New Post has been published on https://freenews.today/2020/12/29/you-cant-help-but-remember-jazz-reflect-after-winning-return-to-okc/

'You can't help but remember': Jazz reflect after winning return to OKC

Sometime around 4:30 p.m. local time Monday, Rudy Gobert walked out of the 21c Museum Hotel in the west end of downtown Oklahoma City and stepped onto a bus to make the seven-block trip over to Chesapeake Energy Arena.

Nine and a half months ago, Gobert walked out of that same hotel and stepped into a car to be taken about 20 blocks away to the University of Oklahoma Medical Center to be tested for COVID-19. It seemed preposterous Gobert might actually have the coronavirus, but after returning negative tests for strep and flu, he got a swab up his nose. Less than 24 hours later — only about 10 minutes before the Oklahoma City Thunder and Utah Jazz were scheduled to tip off on March 11 — he tested positive for the virus, kicking off a series of events that forever changed the NBA … and the sports world as a whole.

2 Related

On Monday, Gobert made the long walk down the hallway to the locker room he never saw in March, the one his teammates spent hours confined in, with unknowns and fears circling them as they sat in a circle with blue surgical gloves and masks on, waiting for health officials to arrive to test them.

“I walked into my office and I remembered how I spent a little time in there,” Jazz coach Quin Snyder said Monday with a smile. “I won’t call it PTSD, because it’s not that extreme, but certainly there are memories.”

Monday’s game was a full-circle moment for Gobert and the Jazz, with the flood of memories unavoidable, though they didn’t want to make it a focus of the night. They didn’t spend too much time talking about it, Snyder said, but little things, such as being at the same hotel or seeing the locker room or walking onto a court with no fans, served as reminders.

“I had the same [hotel] room, believe it or not,” Donovan Mitchell said. “Which is ironic.”

The Jazz won the game 110-109, with Mitchell hitting a banked runner with seven seconds left to provide the final margin. The Thunder had a chance to win at the buzzer, with Shai Gilgeous-Alexander driving to his right, but he was met by the towering presence of Gobert and his albatross arms contesting the shot. Gilgeous-Alexander’s layup was short, Gobert grabbed the rebound and the buzzer sounded with the ball in his hands.

“It’s just basketball. I was just focused on trying to get the win,” Gobert said. “The one [big] thing was being back at the same hotel, all the memories. It was a little weird.”

Gobert’s life changed in March when he tested positive a few days after he touched reporters’ recorders on a table in front of him, making light of new protocols put in place by the league to separate players and media to protect against the spread of the virus. He became the NBA’s patient zero, with his carelessness an example. He accepted responsibility and apologized, then spent two weeks contending with the virus and dealing with strong symptoms, which included months without being able to taste or smell.

“Rudy was vilified, and in hindsight, we have a greater understanding of the virus,” Snyder said. “I think Rudy recognizes fully there were some mistakes made, and those mistakes were made over and over again by different people, all of us.

“In that moment, it was such a significant thing; and in Rudy’s case, he’s had a chance to process it. We always challenge ourselves when we have adversity, to make you better, and I think Rudy has come out of this in a place where there’s growth. Not just Rudy, but for all of us.”

Much has changed since March — people, places, things.

The NBA is back! Catch all the 2020-21 season action on ESPN, ABC and the ESPN App.

Wednesday, Jan. 6 • Celtics at Heat, 7:30 p.m. on ESPN • Clippers at Warriors, 10 p.m. on ESPN

Friday, Jan. 8 • Hornets at Pelicans, 7:30 p.m. on ESPN • Clippers at Warriors, 10 p.m. on ESPN

All Times Eastern

“It’s the same year. It’s still the same year from all of that,” Mitchell said. “It feels like it was forever ago, but I don’t think we thought about it too much. We had a moment where we got here and it was like, ‘All right, we’re back.'”

The game in March also was an inflection point for the Gobert-Mitchell relationship, with tensions rising over the transmission of the virus after Mitchell tested positive the following day. The entire chemistry of the Jazz locker room was in question, with many openly wondering if something would have to give. Would the Jazz trade one of their stars? Could they work it out?

Mitchell admitted it took him “a while to cool off,” and the two went an extended period of time without talking. When the NBA resumed in the Florida bubble, Gobert and Mitchell were forced to confront the issue and repair the fracture. They realigned with a common goal as the unifier: winning.

Monday’s game was fitting for a lot of reasons, but to have Mitchell hit the go-ahead shot and Gobert produce the winning stop showcased the formula the Jazz have built their hopes on. Snyder referenced the growth the team experienced from that night in March, but it runs deeper than winning a basketball game almost 10 months later.

“I think all of us have such a greater appreciation for what we consider to be a normal life,” the coach said. “You can’t help but remember that evening; it was significant for both teams, really for the league. But also, the contrast between that point and where we are now, the season, the hiatus, the bubble, coming back and playing again — it seems like a lifetime since that happened.”

Source

[vondehnvisuals]

Hello every One, welcome to the Fabulous Free Lance Friday Edition of the Good News Journal, thank King You for the Gift of Your Presents.  It is a Fabulous Friday in Deed as I mentioned in yesterday’s Thoroughly Thrilling Thursday Edition I’ve been very busy and taking lots of photos that have been somewhat off topic and Free Lance Friday is the perfect opportunity to share some of them with You.  Today’s feature photo is the freshly landscaped patio table.

Remember these?  This goes back to June 20.  The photos are reversed, I suppose as the one on the left are all the re-potted branches cut from the plant on the right.  One might be thing King I destroyed it, and I suppose in some Way I did.

All that was left of the plant on the right was this.

And this is about four days later which is also Good News because that’s not really too long to wait for new growth after such a crazy operation.  The scabs where the stem has dried out will eventually fall off and it Will look like new again.  The squirrel or one of My other garden culprits knocked over one of the cutting and the loose earth around it fell away.  When I went to pick it up to put it back into its pot yesterday morning, I noticed it already had a decent set of roots developing.  I put together a bunch of ideas I’ve been thing King about for a while and saving plastic containers for and decided to transplant these little ones.  These Will be semi-permanent pots that should last this type of plant two to five years before needing another transplant.  I’m just going to include the whole series of photos which essentially shows what I did step by step.

I’ve got three of these planters in My kitchen window sill now and they look amazing.  The plants that use the top as a bottleneck planter are not top heavy, either, though it appears they would be.  The weight is still evenly distributed in the center and they drain beautifully.  I mix the soil with sand fifty-fifty for My succulents and it usually works pretty well.  Finer sand would be better but this was all I could find.

I also made an absolutely epic chili!!!  I’m going to save the rest of the photos for that one for another Post at which time I’ll include the recipe, too.  Chili is the one thing I can always remember how to make without a recipe, though it’s also one of those things where I am never really consistent with how I make it.  Sometimes I Will be heavier on some of the spices if I Wish to make it hot.  For this recipe I’m relying on the peppers themselves, sauteed with the onion, garlic, and beef at the very beginning, and using only cumin, chili spice, paprika and black pepper for heat and in moderation considering the quantity.

I am also very excited to have My email to the Canadian National Bank published.  I Will be tall King about that Letter in greater detail perhaps in the Saturday or Sunday Edition of the Good News Journal.  There is a line from a Gordon Lightfoot song that used to echo in My Mind, “Letters I’ve Written never meaning to Send.”

I always Wondered what the point to Writing a Letter would be if One never intends to Send it.  Now I know there is great Power in doing so and something I understand the meaning of intimately.  In many cases I don’t receive a response to My most serious Letters, so I’ve developed something of a sense of humour about it and don’t waste excessive time and Energy on it; once the intention is expressed and made physical in the Universe, it is no longer ‘contained’ in the body, it has been Given new Life.  Those Words Will have an impact on the physical Macrocosm, even if the Letter is never read by another soul and burnt in a fire.  It also allows for Me to be pleasantly surprised when I do hear a reply, which I am very pleased to announce was the case today!  And it was so genuinely courteous that I am cautiously optimistic there is more Good News on the Way!

With everything else going on, I had forgotten to mention the documents and Letters I Will be war King on for Monday.  There Will be one for the provincial governor general of Ontario, a second for the federal governor general of Canada, and a third to the Canadian National Bank.  As serious as all of that sounds, I’m also war King on a package for Ottawa Hydro and am still waiting to hear back with respect to complaints filed with the city of Ottawa and the Ottawa Police Service.  It was the city of Ottawa that got back to Me today in response to the complaint I filed a week ago last Lucky Wednesday.

I did mention My sleep has been a little wonky lately, too and I’m trying not to Give My Self too much of a hard time about it because I’m being so productive when I’m awake.  I already have everything I need to print on a USB drive and have created different folders for different respondents.  Whenever I Wish to print documents for a particular file, I can just print the whole folder to get a copy of everything I have on it.  The point is, I heard My phone ringing but am so accustomed to People not responding to Me, I thought it was My alarm.  Conveniently, My alarm sound is exactly the same and the call was fifteen minutes before My alarm was scheduled to go off.  I don’t usually use an alarm at all.  I do get a lot of other notifications to My phone, so I just cleared the list and went about My day, did not even notice the little tape-recorder icon at the top until just before sitting down to Write this Post!  It was Truly one of the most endearing messages I have ever had the pleasure of listening to, it was a Fabulous Friday surprise.

“Hello?  Uh,…”, brief, nervous pause.  Then, as if taking a quick, silent, deep, confidence-boosting breath of Inspire a Sean, charismatic and steady, “Hello.  This is a message for King Sean.  My name is Christine from the city of Ottawa and I am calling in regards to the complaint that You filed last week.  I would very much look forward to discussing this Matter and finding a resolution to Your Issues…”

I am paraphrasing but I Will upload the audio, it is in fact the first time I have been addressed in response to a complaint as ‘King Sean’ on the phone.  The voice really was steady and confident, charismatic, genuine, and said all of the right things a diplomatically impartial individual should if they Wish to remain in Honour.  As funny as it all might sound, if One receives a Letter from a stranger who claims to be King, unless One knows that individual intimately enough to know it could not be True, it would not be wise to Question it, it would be an insult to the Man’s character.  It would be like as King of a doctor to Show a graduate degree before One Will Honour the title.

Starting with, “This is a message for King Sean,” is really the smallest example of the level of professionalism of the call, but it seems the most significant because the title is King.  It’s all the little details I have been tall King about here and it seems every recommendation I have ever made was implemented on the call.

Again, I Will be tall King more about this in the Saturday and Sunday Edition because everything seems to be coming together at once.  Resolving one Matter resolves them all and with respect to My father’s estate, time is of the essence.  I’m not sure if any One else has noticed but it seems like something of an unusual coincidence that both My sister’s lawyer and the law firm for the Canadian National Bank are both here in Ottawa – and I don’t mean there is anything suspicious about it, just convenient for Me, like the Voice of the Universe drawing Me to it.

Alright, this is a little late for a Friday, but better late than never.  I Will get back to Posting early in the day by the end of this weekend.

Love and Blessings,

Volume CXIX: The Fabulous Free Lance Friday Edition; Domestic A Sean and the King’s Keep Hello every One, welcome to the Fabulous Free Lance Friday Edition of the Good News Journal, thank King You for the Gift of Your Presents. 

[experiencia-espanyola]

Texas student getting a student visa to study abroad at the University of Barcelona (2019)

I thought I would write my thoughts and advice on the process in obtaining a Spanish student visa. My process may slightly differ from yours if you’re from another US state and/or if you’re enrolled in a different university/program.

***Quick facts: You only need a student visa if your program is over 90 days. You can only go to the Spanish consulate in your US region and you have to submit your application in person. If you forget something or do something incorrectly, they allow you to send them the missing/incorrect item(s) within a certain time period, though they won’t start processing your visa until they receive everything. More FAQs are answered on their website:

http://www.exteriores.gob.es/Consulados/HOUSTON/en/InformacionParaExtranjeros/Pages/Visas%20Houston/Visa-Frequently-Asked-Questions.aspx

!!! BOOK ASAP !!!

My biggest mistake was waiting until 3 months before my intended departure date to book my visa appointment. I read that you can’t submit your application until 3 months prior- however, you can (and should) book your appointment as soon as you get accepted to a program in Spain. When I looked in July for August appointments so that I could leave in September, there was no availability until December. After checking (literally) every hour to see if anyone cancelled, I was able to book an appointment two weeks before my classes were supposed to start. I continued checking often for an earlier appointment, and I decided to email them about my problem. They actually opened a new student visa specific category (before there was only a category for general visas). My advice is to go online and book an appointment scheduled for at least 2 months before your departure date (the visa takes 2-4 weeks to process after your appointment, and you won’t want to book your flight until your visa is approved).

DEALING WITH CONFUSING REQUIREMENTS

You can gather most documents within a day, except the background check and medical certificate- these may take a few weeks, so do those as soon as possible, though not more than three months before your application date. This website contains the list of items you must bring to your appointment:

http://www.exteriores.gob.es/Consulados/HOUSTON/en/InformacionParaExtranjeros/Documents/Student%20Visa.pdf

Make sure to make two photocopies of everything- one for your own records and one for the consulate.

1. Application form- pretty self-explainable. Make sure to glue your photos on two application forms, and sign and date at the end. Then make 1-2 photocopies for them (I made 2).

2. Passport- ensure the expiration date is at least three months past your intended return date.

3. ID- nothing complicated about this.

4. Passport photos- I got 2 photos at CVS for about $16 which I think is ridiculous, but they make sure that the photos meet passport requirements.

5. Acceptance letter- try to include all the little details they ask for. My program did not have a fax number, but it wasn’t a problem for me. You don’t need a signed hardcopy- a digitally signed one is enough.

6. Evidence of funds- for my situation, my parents are financially supporting me. I wrote the following letter (I excluded my mom’s typed name/number/email below the signature line) and asked my mom to sign it.

Then we took it to the UPS store and asked them to notarize it for about $6 (it could have been free at my Wells Fargo bank but they needed me to type certain words, and they were being vague about it). You also need to print out the last 3 months of bank statements of their account, and bring a photocopy of your parent(s) IDs.

7. Health insurance- my university partners with Ferrer & Ojeda, so this is the link I used:

http://www.ferrerojeda.com/es-Es/UB2.aspx

Click on “Viajo a España”, “UB Incoming -> Calcular”, and enter the information. If you’re staying longer than a year, select 365 days. Even though the consulate asks for insurance until the end of your program, it’s not possible to make it longer than a year (at least for this insurance option). You need to register for an account before continuing and making the payment (233 euros for the year). The proof of insurance is simply a 2-page document that you can print, which outlines what the insurance provides for you.

8. Police criminal record- I assume the process varies from state to state and you can figure it out online. To obtain a fingerprint state background check in Texas (also listed are West Virginia, New York, and Colorado), click on this link:

https://uenroll.identogo.com/

The service code is 11FT12. I was able to book an appointment within the week, and it took less than a week to have my background check mailed to me. Make sure that you request the background check to be notarized. After you receive the document,  you will need to get an apostille. In Texas, there is only one Secretary of State located in Austin, which is where you can get an apostille:

https://www.sos.state.tx.us/authinfo.shtml

No appointment is necessary. If there is no line, it takes less than five minutes for the secretary to stamp your document and process your $15 payment. I paid with a credit card, and they asked me to write down the card information (not sure why since it was in-person that they swiped the card). You can also mail your document instead, along with the items requested (a form stating the country’s name, money, and pre-paid envelope). I emailed them about that option and they sent me the form, but I chose to go in-person because of my time constraints.

9. Medical certificate- the hardest part for me at this step was finding a doctor, since I didn’t have a regular physician. I tried urgent care centers like CareNow, but they refused to sign anything because they didn’t know me well enough. Luckily, I came across this website used for US Citizenship applications:

https://my.uscis.gov/findadoctor

The doctors listed on this website have encountered legal certificates before so I started calling the ones nearby to see if any accepted new patients and was covered by my insurance. Make sure to explain that you need a signed certificate for your student visa to study abroad in Spain, and that you found them on the USCIS website. I was able to book an appointment that week where they did a check-up and some bloodwork. Then I picked up my signed and stamped certificate within about a week. Here is the sample I used:

10. Minors- (I skipped this because I'm not a minor)

11. Envelope- I went to a US post office and asked for a pre-paid envelope with a tracking number. It was about $25 for a cardboard envelope, a little bigger than the size of a paper (not sure the exact dimensions, but you can fit regular sized printing paper inside). You don’t need to fill out the “From” part because the consulate can stamp their address on it (you can if you want to though). Make sure to fill out the “To” part with your address.

12. Non-US Nationals- (also skipped)

AT THE APPOINTMENT

The office was a little hidden in Houston, but my Uber driver was able to locate the building. I arrived about half hour early just in case. The office was really small- maybe 20 chairs for a small waiting area, and 4 windows to call up everyone with appointments. They didn’t call me until about half hour past my appointment time. I handed them all the documents including my passport, but not the envelope or money, and I went to sit back down while they reviewed my documents. When they called me back up to the window, they said everything was good, so I handed them the envelope and money (I paid with exact cash- you could also pay with a money order). And that’s it!

WAITING FOR MY VISA

They say it can take 2-4 weeks for your visa to be approved and mailed back to you. I think for me it took a couple of weeks before I received the envelope in the mail. It included the documents with the consulate stamp on each one, my passport with a visa page, and a yellow paper telling me to get my residence card within thirty days of my arrival in Spain. And that’s a whole other blog coming up...

[bolachasgratis]

NOS Primavera Sound 2019

Hugo Lima / NOS Primavera Sound

It’s starting to be too common: no matter how warm and sunny it is in the week leading up to the festival, NOS Primavera Sound (NPS) is doomed to be ruined by at least one day of rain. The first day did not look promising after the announcement of the passage of depression Miguel (no, not the rnb star who performed there a couple of years ago) through the north of Portugal. Flights were cancelled, Ama Lou and Peggy Gou could not reach Porto in time to perform, strong winds and rain showers threatened to turn Parque da Cidade into a muddy mess, the gates were opened almost an hour later than it was scheduled. 

JARV IS.... Hugo Lima / NOS Primavera Sound

But then there was music. Under a temporarily clear sky, and in front of probably the smallest crowd ever in the 8pm slot at the main NOS stage, Built to Spill performed what was one of the longest shows in NPS history. In over an hour and a half, they have not only revisited Keep It Like a Secret in full, but have also played selections from their 25+ years long career, from the marvellous “I Would Hurt A Fly” off their 1997 masterpiece Perfect from Now On to Untethered Moon’s “Living Zoo”. At times, the stage looked too big for a quartet of introverts playing for other introverts, but their set was engaging enough for us to have to miss a few songs off Jarvis Cocker’s first solo show in the country in nine years. JARV IS… a six-piece band complete with guitars, a harp, sax, keys, and, of course, a rolling-all-over Jarvis, agile and charming as ever. A couple of new songs were the highlights among songs off Further Complications (“Homewrecker!”, “Further Complications.”). There was also time for a single incursion into Pulp material (“His ‘n’ Hers”) that left everyone nostalgic for one of the best Portuguese festival shows in recent history: Pulp’s takeover of the Paredes de Coura festival back in 2011. 

Allen Halloween. Hugo Lima / NOS Primavera Sound

At the green, lush Pull & Bear stage that once was sponsored and programmed by ATP, and after another surprise rain shower, local hip hop hero Allen Halloween was on. Although he has struggled to gather a big crowd as headliner Danny Brown prepared to take over the NOS stage, and his Portuguese lyrics clash into a language barrier that drove most foreign visitors somewhere else, his devotees seemed to be delighted after his short set (we know we were). In “greatest hits” mode, he and his two fellow Kriminal crew MCs dropped hit after hit, starting with the catchy “Drunfos”, a song off A Árvore Kriminal about prescription painkillers that miraculously solve back pain. The most recent album Híbrido got plenty of love throughout the show, too, as Allen strolled through “Bandido Velho”, “Youth”, and “Mr. Bullying”, the best revenge song of the 2010s. But the highlight of the show had to be set closer “Fly Nigga”, off 2006’s Projecto Mary Witch.

Stereolab. Rita Carmo / BLITZ

Back at the SEAT stage, a blast from the past as Stereolab performed for the first time in ten years. The long, jammy, jaw dropping “Metronomic Underground” was the highlight in the first half of the show that had to be cut short so we could witness the full extent of Tommy Cash’s odd world. The Estonian rapper/producer combines the funniest visuals of the whole festival with nonsensical lyrics in a seemingly faux-Eastern European heavy accent, but it’s when the Russian hardbass-influenced tracks drop that the Super Bock stage crowd properly erupts. But the greatest moment of the night was still to come, as Solange took the NOS stage by storm. Not in a bombastic way, as we know her sister would do, but through a meticulously prepared, aesthetically spotless show. The finesse of the performance, focused on her latest record When I Get Home, was only interrupted in the semi-ecstatic, early-career banger “Losing You”, before an epic, copious rain shower sent half of the audience home halfway through the encore. We wanted to see Yaeji later on, but perhaps she shouldn’t have ordered all that rain.

Courtney Barnett. Hugo Lima / NOS Primavera Sound

Friday started with yet another major headache for the organisers: a radar problem in the airport has led to major delays and flight cancellations, and Mura Masa’s show was also cancelled, but the rest of the festival ended up going on as planned. Major headache for us, then: a somewhat tedious Aldous Harding show didn’t let us see what was one of the highlights of the festival for everyone who saw them (Jambinai); on the other hand, the triumphant return of the Basque rock powerhouse Lisabö (two drummers, plenty of guitars, beautiful, beautiful noise) made up for our choice of dropping our favorite Nilüfer Yanya, who we have seen earlier in May. We haven’t seen Courtney Barnett ever since she released her latest record Tell Me How You Really Feel, and we feel like we made the right call on this one, even though that means snubbing another marvellous Sons of Kemet show. Unlike Built to Spill the day before in the same exact time slot and stage, the Australian singer-songwriter’s trio knew exactly how to fill up a big stage. And how can something go wrong if you start off with the addictive “Avant Gardener”, the song that made us quit the Slowdive reunion show ten minutes into the concert so we could see her perform for an half-empty Pitchfork tent back in 2014? With a setlist that drew equally from both her LPs, plus a couple of oldies (good to know “History Eraser” is still part of the show) and non-album tracks (“Small Talk” and the very recent RSD single “Everybody Here Hates You”), Courtney Barnett’s band is a well-oiled machine destined to make new fans in every single festival show this season.

J Balvin. Hugo Lima / NOS Primavera Sound

Speaking of well-oiled machines, do we really need to review Shellac’s show yet another year and tell you it was the best hour we spent in the festival? This time around we got a few funny lads in the pit, including one dressed like Mickey Mouse (the true MVPs), and Steve Albini dropping some Ed Sheeran diss lines during “The End of Radio”. Wash your bedsheets you pig. And then the little, sad, grey world of “underground” indie purists that can only dance to “Blue Monday” fell apart as reggaeton giant J Balvin took the stage; the word “Reggaeton” filling up the screen as he performs the song with the same name. It looked like a foreign power taking by force a territory that will be their colony for the next hour and a half, sticking a pole and hoisting their flag as high as they can. But, this time around, it’s not a bossy bunch of Europeans landing in a tropical island; it’s the “tropical island” folks biting back, as the sound of Latin barrios becomes, at least temporarily, the lingua franca at the NOS stage. The show itself could have used more tracks off the excellent Vibras, released last year, and both “Machika” and “Ambiente”, two standout tracks off that record, could have gotten the full treatment instead of being only partially played; some songs in which Balvin features are perfectly discardable. But the apotheotic finale with his biggest hit to date “Mi Gente”, featuring a colorful bunch of cartoons, both on stage and on screen, has to be the highlight of the day and possibly of the whole festival. Dios bendiga el reggaeton. 

JPEGMAFIA. Hugo Lima / NOS Primavera Sound

Elsewhere, Interpol has recovered from what was possibly the worst trainwreck we have witnessed in NOS Primavera Sound history (not sure if the 20 minutes long Neil Michael Hagerty show a couple years back was as terrible or the best thing we’ve ever seen, so there’s that) by performing a pretty solid show, anchored in what they know are the most vital records they’ve released: Turn On the Bright Lights and Antics, going fifteen and seventeen years back in time to bring us some of the most iconic guitar-driven of that decade (“C’mere”, “Take You On A Cruise”, “Leif Erikson”, “Obstacle 1″, “Roland”...). If you know when to avoid any recent tracks - although we have to say new single “Fine Mess” did not sound as bad as anything else they have released in the past decade - it’s a fine moment to see Interpol for old times sake, as Paul Banks apparently learned how to sing. With his sunglasses on at midnight, of course. Our night ended at the Pull & Bear stage with JPEGMAFIA wishing Morrissey was dead, rapping, jumping and crawling around the stage as a one-man-show should, and with a late night SOPHIE live act. If the more atmospheric, less interesting first half of the show threatened to send us all home with the feeling we could have went home earlier instead of freezing to death, the “Whole New World”/“Ponyboy”/“Faceshopping” combo was enough to bring us back to life. 

Shellac of North America. Hugo Lima / NOS Primavera Sound

Saturday was the most guitar-driven day of the bunch, and our decision to have lunch in a nearby restaurant paid off when we learned Shellac was playing an extra 4pm show at the entrance of the festival for a handful of lucky people, including Low’s Alan Sparhawk, who sat at the floor as happy as any of us. Hop Along had the tough task to open the big stage as a dozen of Rosalía fans were already lining up for her much later show on the same stage. The Saddle Creek-signed indie rock quartet spearheaded by songwriter Frances Quinlan is always great live, as we have recently seen as they opened for the Decemberists on a recent European tour, but we soon had to hop to the SEAT stage to check out post-punkers Viagra Boys. You wouldn’t tell from their looks (frontman Sebastian Murphy is up on stage half-naked, showing a full-tattooed torso) that this funny group of Swedes loves taking the piss of macho men (and, apparently, everything else), but that’s just what they do. 

Viagra Boys. Hugo Lima / NOS Primavera Sound

Coming up next was Big Thief, our favorite new band of the past couple of years. This meant we had to miss both Lucy Dacus and Tomberlin, who we would be obviously excited about, if only we had three sets of eyes and ears (and another couple of brains to process it all). We seem to get plenty of Masterpiece songs every time they perform in Portugal, and we’re not complaining. From “Paul” to “Real Love”, with the sad but hopeful “Parallels” thrown in the middle, there was plenty of songs off their debut to enjoy until the whole crew joins the band for one last performance of the title track to finish off the European leg of their tour. There was even time for guitar player Buck Meek - finally back with the band - to shine and play one of his solo songs, and for a couple of unreleased songs. Please release a studio version of “Not” ASAP, guys. Thanks. Still on the SEAT stage, Guided by Voices tried their best to stuff 36 songs in one and a half hours - and although we did not count them, someone else did. I cannot seem to memorize half of my passwords, and yet Robert Pollard can go through lyrics of three dozens of songs from eleven different albums (with a focus on the most recent albums - both released this year - Zeppelin Over China and Warp and Woof), including semi-hits “Game of Pricks”, the highly celebrated “Tractor Rape Chain”, and set closer “Glad Girls”. A lesson of what we now call “indie rock” for newcomers to learn from.

Kate Tempest. Luís Sousa / Música em DX

The 10pm slot of the festival was one of the busiest. We’re sad to know Tirzah was playing for less than a hundred of people at the Pull & Bear stage and decided to check out Rosalía, way closer in the NOS stage. It was the busiest we saw the main stage during this edition of the festival, and the Spanish singer seemed to have full control of the big stage as she, accompanied by half a dozen of dancers dressed in white, performed her duet with James Blake, “Barefoot in the Park”, a new flamenco-inspired song (“De Madrugá”), and “Catalina”, a highlight from her debut album Los Ángeles. Too bad we cannot be near Kate Tempest and not go see her, even though we were at one of her ‘trial’ shows for the upcoming new album tour less than a month ago, and we had to go back to the SEAT stage, where Tempest was already performing “Europe Is Lost”, one of the standout tracks off 2016′s Let Them Eat Chaos. She’s on stage with only her keyboard player and a very simple setting: some sort of circular canvas where her figure is sometimes projected as she delivers the heaviest, the most hopeless, but also the most hopeful lines you’d hear all festival. Especially on the second half of the show, as she focuses on her yet unreleased new album, The Book of Traps and Lessons, from which she draws tracks like the "singles” (if we can call it that) “Firesmoke” and “Holy Elixir”, plus “Hold Your Own”, one of the most beautiful moments of the whole weekend. We do not deserve Kate Tempest, one of the best artists of our generation.

Low.

Along with the fantastic Shellac/J Balvin sequence, the last three shows of the festival ended up being the best we’ve seen. There were legitimate concerns that Low’s music was too quiet and solemn to be played simultaneously with the likes of Modeselektor and Neneh Cherry in nearby stages, but although some of the sound from other stages made its way into the surroundings of the Super Bock stage as the Duluth band played their set, we wonder if people in the other stages were not equally affected by the whirlwind of sound Low has managed to produce during a breathtaking and extra loud “Do You Know How To Waltz?”, the majestic, noisy long track off 1996′s The Curtain Hits the Cast, complete with a maelstrom of strobes and visuals that were absent from the arguably quieter European 2018 fall tour. Although the setlist was more focused on their recent Double Negative, an album with a radically distinct production but that sounds exactly like classic Low when translated to a stage, there were a couple of trips to older records (“Lazy”, from debut I Could Live in Hope) and some of the most interesting tracks off their albums from the 2010s (Ones and Sixes’ “No Comprende” and C’mon’s “Especially Me”). If we knew the show would be as good as it was, we would have hugged Alan Sparhawk as much as he was hugging Bob Weston halfway through during that extra Shellac show.

Yves Tumor. Hugo Sousa Photography

But the real surprise of the night (and of the whole festival) came on our final show: as Erykah Badu was already more than half an hour late at the main stage, Yves Tumor took the opportunity to steal the show with one of the most energetic concerts of the festival. The androgynous performer, some kind of 22nd century glam-rock inspired Prince, completely dominated the stage from the moment he sets foot on stage and starts giving out signed tour posters (“nobody buys them anyway, just have them for free”). And off-stage too, as he was carried in the arms of an army of fans trying to avoiding being hit by his large heels. He performed only four (very celebrated) songs off his latest record, Safe in the Hands of Love, including the sing-along masterpiece “Lifetime”. Instead of being safe in the hands of his familiar old tracks, Tumor chose to focus on unreleased songs instead, completely suiting his band (guitar, bass, drums, and electronics) that sounds like has been playing together for ages. No video can truly capture what it was to be there, but here you go (Thanks Campainha Eléctrica for doing the Lord’s work).

NOS Primavera Sound

All in all, we left Parque da Cidade with the feeling we have witnessed what was, against all odds (weather included), the best NOS Primavera Sound edition of all time. It was the only time since we first visited the Barcelona festival, back in 2009, that we could not find half an hour to sit down, relax and have a long chat with our peers because there was nothing interesting going on (and, in that regard, we have to thank the recent decision to open all stages during the first day of the festival). Sure, some overlaps of artists that appeal to the same groups of fans (Allen Halloween vs Danny Brown, Big Thief vs Lucy Dacus vs Tomberlin, Hop Along vs Viagra Boys, Amyl and the Sniffers vs Guided by Voices, Tirzah vs Rosalía vs Kate Tempest) look like they could have been avoided. This could have attracted more people to the festival, especially those who feel the organisation have somehow “betrayed” them by focusing less on indie rock and guitar music on the festival’s prime time slots. That being said - all the bands we could not see could have easily filled another full day of the festival. And, at the same time, we feel the smaller amount of festival attendees has ultimately benefited and rewarded whoever still decided to go to the festival, as less people also means less queues, better views of the stages, a friendlier environment, less people chatting over the artists - we have never experience such a quiet festival in Portugal, with no one to argue with. Except those four girls who couldn’t turn the volume down during Kate Tempest’s quiet songs - you know who you are, and, well, your loss! Maybe we have hit the ideal spot, and entrances could and should be capped to 2019′s levels. See you at Porto’s Parque da Cidade in June 11-13 2020, where Pavement is scheduled to perform one of the only two shows of the second coming of their long awaited reunion. Tickets are available next June 17 for a short period of time, only for 2019 ticket holders, and from July 4 (for a period of 48 hours) for everyone else.

[bike42]

Adventures in Quarantine March-May 2020

Corona Virus Upends Life as We Knew It              

Chapter One: Denial

Just after the New Year, we started hearing about Corona Virus, and the resulting disease of COVID-19 as something happening in China.  Without giving much thought to the global nature of life these days, we continued life as normal.  

On January 21st the first US case of COVID was confirmed in the US (Seattle area).

February 5-14: We flew to Florida for the IFA conference in Orlando, then spent a few days on the Gulf Coast in Sarasota.  We had uncharacteristically warm weather and thoroughly enjoyed our get away.  

Feb 25-27:  Jeff travelled to Atlanta for his BrightStar Performance Group meeting.  Compared to the flights just two weeks before, he said his flights were pretty empty, already people were cancelling their travel plans.

March 6 – I went to the UW Hospital for an ADRC Ambition Study Visit.  Seemed like business as usual.

March 6-8  We met Sandra and Matt in Minneapolis for the week-end.  With beautiful weather, we walked a lot and went to the Farmer’s Market at the Mill Museum, The Walker Art Museum, and on Sunday Jeff and I attended the Minnesota Auto Show at the Convention Center.  We didn’t know it at the time, but it was the last time we were in large crowds and were able eat in restaurants until who knows when we’ll be back to that?!

March 10  Jeff and I drove to Chicago to attend the BrightStar Midwest Owner’s Meeting.  Just before the meeting, BrightStar set up an option to attend the session virtually via something called “Zoom” meeting (had never heard of it before, but now we are Zooming nearly every day!).  About 40 people attended the session, and Shelly, the originally hugger, mandated that no one touch, shake hands or hug. Honestly, I thought that was a bit extreme, but now in the era of “social distancing,” it’s our new normal.  This was the last face-to-face business meeting we’ll attend in who knows how long.  The BrightStar Leadership Team also decided to cancel the BrightStar Leadership Conference scheduled in Dallas in mid-April.

Madison had the first Wisconsin confirmed COVD-19 case on March 11, at the UW hospital.

March 12 – Governor Evers declared a “public health emergency” for the State of WI.  We weren’t exactly sure what that meant at the time.  Also, that day, Jeff had scheduled a visit with his primary MD Trent Thompson to discuss heartburn / exercise induced chest pain that he’d had over the last several months (note title of this chapter = denial).  Dr Thompson scheduled an Upper GI exam and due the fact that Jeff used the words “chest pain” and he also had a slightly abnormal EKG, he also ordered a Stress Test.  After the MD visit, we headed to Costco where there was quite a buzz with people stocking up on cleaning supplies – we thought it was hysterical, but this was the beginning of the great “Toilet Paper Shortage” of 2020.  Crazy

March 13:  CMS mandated that all Nursing Home facilities across the country stop in-person visits and limit entrance to employees only. Although not required of Assisted Livings, we thought this was a good idea and implemented it for our BrightStar Senior Living communities.  We also instituted temperature and symptom monitoring for all staff as they entered the building, and daily temperature and wellness checks for our residents.

We also started having Home Care and Staffing employees that had traveled “out of state” start performing daily temperature checks.  Since we’d recently been to MN and IL, we also started our daily checks.

Around this time, many schools were on spring break, some extended the break a bit, throwing parents into a panic.

The government started talking about plans to help the country – promised of $600 a week in federal unemployment benefits (on top of state benefits), payment breaks on SBA loans, and several other loan and grant programs for businesses.  It really added to the confusion going on as schools were talking about closing, the threat of businesses closing, and then the uncertainty around if our business could be defined as “healthcare” and therefore an “essential business.”  We were just in the process of switching over to Waunakee Community Bank, for personal and business, so it was a great time to see how much of a partner they’d be for us.

Chapter Two:  This Just Got Real

Sunday March 15:  We attended church as usual, not knowing that this would be the last church service we’d attend in person in some time.  As it was, there was a bit of uncomfortableness during the time when we get up and move about and greet one another.  No hugs or handshakes – some people bumped elbows, some practiced “distance” high fives.  For the first time ever, I was uncomfortable with the thought of someone ripping off a hunk of bread for me as we participated in communion.

That evening we were notified that 2 BSL-M residents were sent to the ER with respiratory symptoms. We were relieved a few hours later to hear both had testing positive for influenza, and they were returned to the community where they were quarantined to their rooms and recovered without issue. We felt like we dodged a bullet.

Monday March 16: Jeff had his Upper GI procedure at St Mary’s outpatient surgery unit this AM.  All the nurses were decked out in full PPE with facemasks, and only a small percentage of the normally scheduled cases were performed.  With Jeff, they found a tiny hiatal hernia (too small to worry about), and Schottky’s ring (which they stretched).  We were sent on our way, feeling somewhat like we didn’t get the answers we are searching for.  

Sad afternoon, we got home from St Mary’s and decided we should take Tiger cat into the Vet’s Urgent Care as he’d been pretty listless for about a week.  The vet was on “lockdown” and you called them from the parking lot and they came out and took your pet in – you had to stay in the car.  I was not happy about that, but stopped myself from pitching a fit.  Soon they called and told us they found that he was in early stages of heart failure, so we made the decision to put him down.  We called Bailey to come out, and we were able to spend some final precious moments with a sedated Tiger, telling him how much we loved him and what a great cat he’d been.  So hard, but a good end to a wonderful 16 years.

Tuesday March 17: normal day at work.  We recorded several videos to be sent out to our staff with a “we got this” theme.  So odd to look back at that now, didn’t even realize what was in store.

Wednesday March 18: Up as usual, and I headed downstairs to our home gym.  Several minutes later, Jeff sent me a text saying “come up.”  I found him lying on the floor in our bathroom – with horrible chest pain.  I called 911 but it wasn’t until the EMTs were here with him hooked up to the EKG that I actually understood that he was having a heart attack.  Now we know there were warning signs, but something like this was never on our radar!

Amazing work from the Waunakee EMTs and we found ourselves back at St Mary’s in the Cardiac Cath lab. Ryan joined me there, and after about 90 minutes we met up with Jeff in Cardiac Care Unit.  Jeff had blockage of his cardiac arteries – repaired with 5 stents and now a life changing array of medications (blood pressure, cholesterol lowering and blood thinning).  He was always fit, ate well, exercised, had low BP and cholesterol … but heart disease runs in his family and you can’t beat genetics.

He was in the hospital until Friday March 20th, and our world completely changed during those days.  The cardiac event alone rocked our world, but during this time the governor signed a “Safer at Home” order which closed all businesses except those deemed essential. We emerged from the hospital on Friday to a different world.

Saturday March 21st was my dad’s 80th birthday.  My parents were driving back to WI from Florida (also in denial), and it felt so wrong to not have them stop in to visit, or be able to visit them, but we knew we had to stay isolated at home at this point in our lives.

It took some time to get used to our new normal and get settled into our home.  New routine for Sox our remaining cat as well.  Much of that first week was a blur.

Tuesday March 24th - BSL-W resident Bob, had respiratory symptoms as was sent to the hospital early this morning tested positive for COVID-19.  The news was devastating to me.  My heart was breaking for all the families that trusted us to care for their loved ones.  Even with restricting visitors and screening staff, the darned virus got in.  While we already knew we weren’t alone – I can’t describe what a devastating feeling this was.  Our management staff were amazing, however the majority of our caregiving staff (and our brother and sister cooks) all freaked out and left. Later that week, Doris, another resident that was already on hospice also died – presumably of COVID-19 since she had respiratory symptoms.   On Saturday April 4th, another resident (Ray) suddenly developed symptoms and was admitted to the hospital, not expected to live.  I took that news especially hard – I’d had a conversation with Ray during my last visit into the community (March 4th).  He’d been watching the news about how hard the nursing home in Seattle was hit with the virus and felt like they were “sitting ducks.”  What we learned was all attempts to screen or use available PPE wasn’t enough, when apparently, some carry the virus asymptomatically.  Also, on Saturday, Ray’s wife Lynne went to the hospital and also tested positive for the virus, but didn’t have severe symptoms.  On the morning of Thursday, April 9th, I was out for a run in the morning and as I was on my way home, I saw an ambulance outside BSL-W and I lost it. I’m sure I was quite a sight – yelling at God, screaming and crying on the sidewalk.  Probably the most helpless feeling I’ve ever had.  We finally got the health department to cooperate and provide tests for our staff and residents.  8 residents were presumed positive (3 deaths, 3 hospitalized and recovered, two showed no symptoms).  4 staff members tested positive and were quite ill, some out 4 weeks before they felt well enough to return.  True heroes – everyone involved:  residents and their families, managers, and staff.

Chapter Three:  Our New Normal

Government – I’m not even going to get into what terrible leadership our president demonstrated during this crisis.  Both the house and senate went to work in unprecedented fashion and in short time they introduced an array of bills – some good for us, some not, some that we’re still trying to figure out 6+ weeks later.  Payroll Protection Act – gave us loans that could turn into grants if we keep people working – Families First Corona Leave Act was an FMLA that gave non-essential workers unlimited time off to care for their families – Federal UI Act promising $600 a week in UI on top of what someone can get from the state (more than most of our workers are paid to work!!).  Crazy times, and a roller-coaster of uncertainty as we tried to figure out what applies to us, what works for us, what could hurt us, etc.

Zoom Meetings and “work” from home / gardening class.  Zoom church. Zoom Yoga.  Zoom meetings with friends.  Zoom meetings with WI DHS twice a week regarding COVID matters.  Zoom meetings with Littler twice a week, scaring the crap out of us with all the ways people can be suing us over COVID and myriad of other employment related issues!

School – though this didn’t affect us, school was cancelled for the rest of the year. Can’t imagine what that was like – the stress it put on working families, especially lower income who were less likely to have internet access and even access to food the way some kids did through school.  

Workouts – we loved getting up every day without the alarm clock, having our home gym.  On nice days I’d bring my yoga mat up to the porch.  We gradually got out walking, measuring heart rates and before long we were up to walking 7 miles with weighted packs.

Cooking – Jeff always loved to cook and it was great to have the extra time to make soups and clean out the pantry and see what kind of mixes were in there.  He also baked a Key Lime Pie, which was awesome.  

Wine – initially we were home with Ryan bringing us supplies and groceries.  My stash of “everyday” wine dwindled and I started tapping into the good stuff – I mean, what was I saving it for anyway?  By May, we were venturing back to Costco with masks on, so I was able to restock the “everyday” wine.  I also started making margaritas again – I mean, we had 5 bottles of tequila in our bar for some reason!!  As the weather warmed up, our condo ladies (Judy, Joan and me) started having wine parties on our patio - practicing social distancing of course.  Sure, was good to socialize with actual people again!

Puzzles – early into quarantine one night after Jeff had gone to bed, I got out a jigsaw puzzle that I’d had for awhile but had never put together (a series of VW beetles). We worked on it over the next few days and found it was calming, and something we could work on together. After we completed that, I found a few more in the basement, and then ordered a few more online.  Like a lot of things, they were becoming hard to find – took 3 weeks for Amazon delivery!!  The last one we are still working on – 1000-piece Macho Pichu with tiny little pieces!!

House Cleaning – after the heart attack, we realized we needed to quarantine alone, so we put our cleaning service on hold.  At first, we’d forget that the toilets needed to be cleaned and we’d realize the floor was disgusting.  It didn’t take long for us to get back into the routine of cleaning, and we think part of our new normal will be doing the cleaning ourselves again.  We’re not working the excessive hours that we were 10 years ago when we first broke down and hired cleaners.   Except wow – does the dust ever pile up!

Newspaper: “The Wide World of No Sports” The sports section is hysterical.  They’re working so hard to find things to publish.  Same with sports on TV.  Really – who wants to watch old games and old golf tournaments. One cool thing though was they published the AP Writers Top 25 Sports Movies, so were working on watching all of those (some old favorites, some good, at least one so far has been terrible). Here’s the list:

1.       Hoosiers

2.       Bull Durham

3.       Rocky

4.       Caddyshack

5.       Slap Shot

6.       Field of Dreams

7.       Raging Bull

8.       Major League

9.       The Natural

10.   A League of Their Own

11.   Moneyball

12.   The Bad News Bears

13.   Miracle

14.   Hoop Dreams

15.   Eight Men Out

16.   Chariots of Fire

17.   White Men Can’t Jump

18.   Remember the Titans

19.   Rudy

20.   Seabiscuit

21.   Breaking Away

22.   The Pride of the Yankees

23.   When We Were Kings

24.   Brian’s Song

25.   Friday Night Lights

26.   The Sandlot

Chapter Four:  Getting Old

Easter came and went. While I’m getting used to participating in church via video, Easter without family just felt like another day.

The week after Easter, we should have been at a conference in Vegas.  Its been rescheduled to September, on top of everything else.  If we can do things in September, we’re going to have to prioritize!!

Everything has been cancelled for the summer – IFA Summer Board meeting, Waunafest, Shake the Lakes Festival, State Fair, Farmer’s Market, everthing!!  No idea how or when Baseball and Football will start, and if they’ll play games in empty stadiums or what.  

The Wisconsin Supreme Court decided that the “Safer at Home” order was illegal, which threw the state into a state of confusion.  There is a real divide between people that want everything back open, and people that are still freaked out.  No one knows. As of May 26, 2020 – places are allowed to slowly open.  Salons by appointment; restaurants at 25% capacity.  We are still wearing masks in public, and since we’re working in healthcare, we’re enforcing even wearing masks in our office – not a popular decision, but they’ll be thankful if this spikes up again!

I’m feeling more used to it, and spending more time working on some of the work projects that I thought I’d be knocking out during this time.  It was just so hard to focus for the first 8 weeks – everything was about the darn virus!!

Jeff is knocking off house projects like crazy.  We’ve bought a new dinning room rug and moved some others around; he’s washing and waxing the cars that don’t go anywhere.  I’ve got him on a chipmunk reduction program now.  

I’m still working on my Master Gardner certification via Zoom and I’ve been able to spend a lot of time outside in the garden here and at our Waunakee BSL (and at church).  

We’ve also taken a few social distance hikes with our hiking group, and just this week decided to postpone September’s trip to Tanzania to climb Kilimanjaro/Safari until September 2021. Its just too hard to believe that international travel will resume within the next few months.  I was terribly frustrated with that – I’m such a planner and it was making me crazy with nothing on our horizon.  Our hiking friend Gary came up with the idea to start knocking off segments of the Ice Age Trail – a 1000-mile trail that winds around Wisconsin.  Brilliant!! That’s exactly what I need – get away from the media, away from the crowds, and into nature.  By the time we’re done, things will be back to normal – whatever that is!  Stay tuned!!

We broke the news to our Leadership team that we’re about to hit the road again.  Most of them are used to it, and honestly, they brought us through this crisis with little support needed from us.  I’m so glad to have a plan.