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#forgot to tag this earlier sorry
foreveranevilregal · 1 year
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Pepa with insomnia? And how it affects Felix?
I'm back! I know I took a bit of a break from writing, but I'm back to doing prompts. This was a really fascinating idea; I loved delving into how her anxiety spills into insomnia. It's more of a character study, but I really enjoyed writing it. Thanks for the prompt, and I hope you like it!
It was happening again. The dreams. One minute she was sound asleep, the next she was bolting upright, chest heaving from her jagged breaths. There would be no getting back to sleep. She swung her legs over the edge of the mattress, planting her feet on the ground.
He must have sensed the shift in the mattress; the way it dipped lower before rising abruptly. A hand reached out towards her. “Can’t sleep again?” He murmured sleepily.
“No,” she answered quietly. Her hand closed over his, giving it a quick squeeze. “Lo siento, mi amor.”
And sorry she was, she reflected; standing up and turning to face her still sleeping husband, whose body sprawled over half the bed, yet did not encroach on the space meant to be hers. Space that was rapidly cooling, leaving the hand resting there touching cold sheets.
She was familiar with the phenomenon, of course, having experienced it on the other side of sunrise. When her racing mind would finally run out of fuel and allow her to rest, she would collapse into bed. If she was lucky, her sleep would overlap somewhat with Félix’s. Usually, she would fall asleep just as he was rising. And then it was her turn to touch cold sheets.
Of course, they were never quite as cold in the morning as they were in the middle of the night when she would rouse.
Everything was worse at night. The darkness thick, enveloping her like an inky fog. The cacophony of jungle sounds all the more jarring without the noises of people going about their day to camouflage it. The thoughts in her head free to take over, unencumbered by the endless list of errands she would undertake during the day to stave them off.
Thoughts that were currently rendering her unable to sleep next to her husband, the way she should be. That caused her to wake up, trying to smooth out the deep shuddering breaths and calm her pounding heart. That hung the cloud over her head whose smothering presence she could feel more than see.
When her mind raced like this, she felt like a windup toy that someone had wound until the key jammed and then stuck in a box; rattling restlessly, unable to rid itself of the pent-up energy inside. Fortunately, though her mind felt trapped, her body was entirely free to move. So move she would.
Crossing to the other side of the bed, she pressed a gentle kiss to Félix’s cheek, whispering another contrite apology. They both knew that her sleepless nights rolled into miserable mornings, when she would show up for breakfast too late, gulping down scalding hot coffee just to keep herself awake through the meal. The coffee made her heart race, and she didn’t love the bitterness, but she’d learned to accept drinking it black.
She’d learned to accept a lot of darkness in her life.
Like how when she was a young girl, she saw things lurking in the shadows that danced on the walls. Things that her mamá insisted firmly were just a figment of her imagination, sometimes accompanied by a touch of exasperation. At a certain point, the idea that Pepa was too old for such nonsense got peppered in. Pepa had never wanted to make her mamá mad, and she knew how hard she worked all day to keep the encanto running smoothly. After a while, she stopped bothering her mamá with her nighttime torment. But she kept seeing them.
Things that Bruno told her were all manner of scary monsters, waiting to snatch her up. The wider her eyes grew in terror, the more he kept embellishing his stories, lips spreading in an indulgent grin until he would break down in laughter and say he was only kidding.
After Julieta realized this was happening, she scolded him sternly, telling him to knock it off. She tried to reassure Pepa, that the shadows were merely objects around the room leaving their grotesquely stretched imprint on the walls. It wasn’t a bogeyman, just a table and lamp casting an unfortunately distorted shadow.
When they turned 5, their casita had given them magical gifts. Bruno had gotten the gift of prophecy. His stories, though they had gotten rarer, were all the more terrifying now, especially when he made his eyes glow green while he was talking.
Julieta had gotten the gift of healing. Pepa had lost count of how many times she had begged her for an arepa or pandebono or something to heal her from the horrors inside her head. Even though Julieta always obliged her with whatever food she had on hand, it never helped.
Pepa got the gift of affecting the weather with her mood. It was small things at first, like a light drizzle when she was upset, or a few extra rays of sunshine when she was happy. But as she grew, her power did too, and soon, her stormy moods became literal.
Although Casita had provided them with their own magical rooms once they received their gifts, the triplets preferred to keep sharing. They had grown used to having each other around as they slept. Pepa especially craved the closeness, clinging to Julieta fiercely, as if her sister could protect her from the threatening shapes.
Eventually, they got too old to keep sharing and relented to sleep in their own rooms. But Pepa snuck in to see Julieta and Bruno more often than not. Mostly Julieta, but she also liked her brother more at night now that he wasn’t exacerbating her fears. Sometimes she would just curl up into Julieta and cry as sleeplessness took over her young self, relishing the comfort her sister would offer in return. But then the next morning, she would see Julieta with bags under her eyes, and her mother’s words would ring in her ears.
Pepa had to learn how to get through nights by herself.
The way she was doing now, she mused, wandering aimlessly through the hallways. Bright moonlight bathed the floors where it shone in through the windows. She climbed down the stairs gingerly, careful not to wake anyone else. Old wooden floors creaked under her feet, and she did her best to keep her footsteps light. The steps cast a strange shadow on the floor, a violent zigzag stretched so far that if it were a physical object, it would have snapped. But she didn’t fear shadows anymore.
Life had gotten a bit easier once she realized that the shadows weren’t figures lurking there just to scare her. It coincided with the triplets going off to school. Being around other kids, she learned very quickly what was normal and what wasn’t. Shadows, even weird ones, were normal.
Her gift, on the other hand, was not. Most of the time, she could keep it in check. Control it, even. Every time she made it rain on the crops, or sunny to dry clothes, people were always grateful to her and her Madrigal gift. But when her emotions overwhelmed her, when she felt the tears flooding her eyes… well… sometimes she actually flooded. Lord knows the floor of her classroom wasn’t in need of rain. Yet rain she did after failing her first test. And the courtyard didn’t need an ugly gash running through it, but she couldn’t control the bolt of lightning that crashed down next to her. In her defense, those boys shouldn’t have been trying to touch her.
Of course, the piéce de résistance of her long list of weather-related disasters was the hurricane she caused on her wedding day. Okay, it wasn’t exactly her fault. Bruno had provoked her. Again. It was his fault she caused a hurricane.
The shadows that haunted her morphed from literal to figurative. Her dreams were no longer filled with shadowy figures waiting to ambush her. Now they featured her schoolmates, laughing at her for crying so hard she ruined her notebook. Calling her names behind her back, many of which her mamá would have washed her mouth out with soap for repeating. Mocking her mercilessly for anything and everything they could think of, from her hair to, later on, how friendly she was with boys. Mostly from boys she wasn’t so friendly with.
She would always wake suddenly, panting hard, with a shadowy cloud overhead. Her heart would pound like a drum and her hands felt clammy and cold, like they did when she’d get sick all the time before Julieta got her gift. Sleep was impossible, so she’d toss and turn futilely until the sun rose above the horizon, heralded by the rooster.
Until she realized that, if she was already unable to sleep, there was no point staying in bed. After that, she would get up and wander around until she tired herself out enough to sleep again. People would comment on her tiredness, and she’d always make up some lame excuse. They’d also comment on how quietly she walked, and how often she’d startle them. It was an ability born of involuntary practice.
When she got older, she started leaving the house; sneaking out silently to meander around town. Seeing her animal friends always helped her feel a little better, especially the dogs, to whom she’d give an affectionate pat on the head. There were a few spots she liked to visit when the worries got too loud, but her favorite was the river.
Her mother didn’t like her going near the river, always cautioning her against it. Pepa supposed she thought it was too dangerous, that Pepa would fall in and get swept away by the current, never to be seen again, or God forbid, drown. This supposition was never brought up to her mother.
However, Pepa was careful not to fall in (and unbeknownst to her mother, a strong swimmer as well). She’d sit by the bank, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them as she stared into the gleaming blackness of the river, broken up by starlight skittering across the surface. What she really loved about the river was that it was loud. Loud enough to drown out the roaring thoughts inside her head.
This was where she was headed now. She knew Félix would be worried if he woke up yet again to find her half of the bed still empty, so she hoped the thrum of the current would soothe her sooner.
Meeting him had been a godsend. Maybe she was the one that could produce sunlight at will, but he was the real sunshine. Many couples joked about how their spouses were the sun in their lives. In her case, it was actually true.
He’d moved to the encanto when the triplets had turned thirteen. He was a little older, and made his presence known from the get-go. Félix was outgoing, lively, charming, funny... He was able to calm her down when no one else could. She hadn’t even realized she was falling in love with him until one day she saw him holding hands with another girl and got the urge to knock her lights out.
Granted, the other girl would have been all wrong for him. Her friend deserved someone way better. Someone who he enjoyed spending time with, who made him laugh too, who could keep up with his dancing. Someone like…her.
He’d given her a pair of sun earrings after they started officially courting, claiming that when he looked at her, he saw the sun. But he was the real sun. If anything, she was the moon; absorbing brightness from him and reflecting it out into the world. It was a more apt comparison, in her opinion. He was an insufferable morning person, like Julieta. When his enthusiastic effervescence wasn’t getting on her nerves, it gave her the boost she needed to get through those awful morning hours before she fully woke up, even after the coffee kicked in.
And she was a night owl. She liked to stay up late, reading, until his snoring caused her to be unable to focus on what happened with María anymore. Then she’d set her book down and snuggle up next to him, feeling the warmth radiate from his body. At first, she slept a lot better just having him there next to her. But after a while, her night terrors returned once more.
It got worse after Dolores was born. The pregnancy had been so exhausting, she slept clear through the night. But once she was born, Pepa was back to being as twitchy as a mouse. Her dreams changed to accommodate her new fears of being a bad mother, of not caring for her child properly, losing her, hurting her, failing her. Félix, fortunately, was a heavy sleeper, and hardly woke when she did. Pepa would always take care of any nighttime baby business. It just made sense, seeing as she was already awake. Besides, Félix worked so hard…he deserved his rest.
In between caring for her babies, her sleep fluctuated; sometimes better, sometimes worse.
(Except after Bruno disappeared. Then, she would sleep all day and toss and turn all night. But she couldn’t bear to remember that.)
Félix had been wonderful to her throughout all of parenthood. He insisted on taking a more active role with Camilo, hoping that her insomnia stemmed from motherly obligation, and would always give her a kiss and whispered “sleep well”. But it was pointless. Worse, it was affecting him. Where before he would be the first one at the fields, ready to work, now he would lumber in last, stifling yawns the entire time he was there.
Pepa couldn’t stand to see him like this, so they went back to their earlier routine after Antonio’s surprise arrival. For some reason, he’d been easier. Sure, he had all the typical baby nighttime needs, but more often than not, it was his cries that awoke her rather than the twisted voices in her head chanting their litany of all her shortcomings. She guessed that she’d worked through those particular worries by then.
Eventually, her nocturnal turmoil resumed. It had become a sick sort of routine for them: Pepa waking in the middle of the night, Félix sleeping alone, Pepa stumbling into bed exhausted in the early morning just as Félix was getting ready to start his day. They slept alone more often than either of them would have liked, and she knew he missed her as much as she missed him.
Thankfully, it wasn’t happening nearly as often now. Losing her gift was ironically the best gift she could have asked for. Without a physical and destructive manifestation of her emotions, she’d been able to work through things that had been bothering her since she was a child. Even after it returned, she slept a lot better, and as a result, Félix did too.
She passed the church, its steeple distinctive even in the darkness. When she was younger, she used to pray to God to take the fears away. It didn’t seem to help much. Now she prayed for more important things, like the health of her husband and children. They were all doing fine. Perhaps God liked those prayers better.
A cobblestone jutting up made her lose her footing. She rubbed at her bleary eyes, looking up towards the horizon. The sky was still dark, lacking even the faintest tinge of gray, so she guessed not that long had passed. It wasn’t like she could look at the clock to check. Her feet had become uncertain in her weariness. Time for her to return home.
She slipped into the house unnoticed, climbing back into bed as quietly as she could, taking care not to lie on top of Félix’s hand still stretched over the empty expanse of mattress.
As soon as she was under the covers, his arm swung over her hip, pulling her closer to himself subconsciously. He mumbled something unintelligible and smiled in his sleep.
Pepa pressed herself closer into his body. He felt so warm after the chill of the nighttime air. Soon, he would warm her up too, and then they would be sharing each other’s warmth together, asleep in bed at the same time.
The way things were always supposed to be, and the way she hoped they’d stay.
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fiovske · 4 months
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Dorothy and Ozma commission I did for @the-blue-fairie!!
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artfartt · 1 month
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Hi hi I love your art
how do you draw Sam and Max so good I’ve tried but it never comes out right
(also sorry for never doing the reblog games I just have no one to tag :,3)
I’m not real good with explaining stuff like this so be free to trace over it :]
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fan-de-las-tetas · 28 days
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dunmeshi spoilers
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is it just me or does laios eating the winged lion looks like....incredibly hot? HEAR ME OUT something about him being so feral and determined and full of desire as hes eating the demon that has wronged humanity, something about the blood spilling out of his mouth, something about the liquid of the flesh he is eating spilling off of his fingers, something about his pupils being so animalistic and inhumane, his expression almost blank except for that deep and uncontrolled hunger, as he eats what has caused grief and horror to the lives of many... idfk just look at him and tell me that he isnt absolutely and undeniably super fucking hot
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and before you say anything yes i know this is horrific bc he just fell prey to the winged lion and almost got humanity to end but just look at him, i had to stop what i was doing and rant bc boy oh boy that man is eating all right
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irregularm4ngo · 1 day
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finally finished that mike drawing
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littlehatmouse · 1 month
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i finished this in the last 20 minutes of lesbian visibility week after not drawing at all LETS GO
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the-pigeolympics · 1 year
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i wasnt sure if i should wait to post all of my absolute zero chibs as a batch or post them as i go... but i’m too impatient to wait so here are two little hawk party guys!!
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halo-lll-odst · 3 months
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some doodles i did of helmetless chief. some of these are based on a convo i had with @telek1net1c-system abt chief possibly ripping out his own implants in a fit of frustration
and yes i gave him top scars in the one where he's lying down . you cant fucking stop me
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cartonofcosmiceggs · 2 years
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Sailing through the Sea of Stars
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There's some random space there idk what happened i think I just forgot
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jetstargf · 1 year
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430 am yeah i can say this out loud again. fashion statement is about killing your abuser whether it’s literally or metaphorically by not letting them control you anymore and not living in fear anymore. i am taking back the life he stole. i am avenging my ghost with every breath i take. this hole he put me in wasn’t deep enough. and i’m climbing out. right now.
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belovedstill · 4 months
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bittersweet (ao3) svsss, bingqiu | 2.2k, canon divergence, angst and hurt & comfort if you squint, pre- and post-endless abyss, jinlan city (chapter 34)
“Binghe.” Shizun’s voice isn’t as soft or gentle as it usually is when he asks him random questions, so this one he’s trying to make sound casual. “Yes, Shizun?” “Does Binghe have a sweetheart yet?” “What does Shizun mean? What does ‘sweet heart’ refer to?” A glimmer flashes through Shizun’s eyes then and he straightens up a little more. Binghe knows this posture very well; with a heart feeling even sweeter, he sits up straighter himself, ready to listen to the teachings and learn.
written for @ficwip's hey, sweetheart event 💕 the rule was to have one character call another 'sweetheart' in a non-sarcastic way. wouldn't it be nice if Shen Qingqiu called Binghe this way? ...after years of pain, that is.
Full fic on ao3 & under the cut
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The most dangerous thing that forever changes Luo Binghe’s thoughts happens on a morning like any other: special and warm, spent in the delicate sunlight while pouring Shizun his morning tea to be enjoyed with morning meal. Shizun has seemed somewhat absent-minded ever since he’s woken up, with his forehead creased ever so slightly. Luo Binghe has given him time and space to gather his thoughts and either keep them to himself or share them with him – after all, listening to Shizun’s musings is something Binghe is happy to do whenever his master pleases and it’s one of his favourite ways to spend their time together. Shizun doesn’t do it with Ming Fan or any of the other disciples—only with Luo Binghe. It’s quite a well-known fact at this point. Binghe likes to think it’s not just because he occupies the room in the bamboo house.
“Binghe.” Shizun’s voice isn’t as soft or gentle as it usually is when he asks him random questions, so this one he’s probably trying to make sound casual.
“Yes, Shizun?”
“Does Binghe have a sweetheart yet?”
Binghe blinks up at him as he puts away the tea kettle.
His heart flutters softly in his chest, as it always does whenever Shizun refers to him just by his given name. Whenever it does this, it does… feel… sweet. But Shizun surely doesn’t have that in mind, doesn’t he? Or does Shizun know… somehow…?
“What does Shizun mean? What does ‘sweet heart’ refer to?”
A glimmer flashes through Shizun’s eyes then and he straightens up a little more. Binghe knows this posture very well; with a heart feeling even sweeter, he sits up straighter himself, ready to listen to the teachings and learn.
“A sweetheart is a very important person. It’s somebody you love and cherish. Somebody you want to spend your life with, caring for and protecting. It’s somebody you want to make happy and be happy with.”
Yes, Binghe thinks immediately. Yes, I do have a sweetheart.
“Binghe is such a talented and dedicated young man, he’s at the age of finding his first sweetheart. This master was simply wondering if he has found her yet.”
And then Shizun opens his fan and looks at him over the edge of it.
There are some things Binghe doesn’t understand from Shizun’s speech. ‘First’ sweetheart? Binghe is not planning on having any other. ‘Her’? What’s with the pronoun? But he pushes that thought aside and gives him a firm nod.
“This Binghe has already found his sweetheart,” he says without a shade of doubt in his heart.
Shizun gives him a nod. With a gentle hand, he reaches for his teacup and takes a sip, hidden behind the fan.
“Good. In this case, this master has guidance to offer.”
“Yes, Shizun.”
“Binghe must take care of his sweetheart and always treat her with kindness and respect. He should show his feelings clearly and make time for her, pay his attention to her, even if affection settles into something lukewarm and guaranteed. He must not take her for granted.”
“…? Yes, Shizun.”
“Even more importantly,” Shizun says, his voice gaining a harder edge as he puts his cup on the table and closes his fan with a swoosh against his palm, “if Binghe doesn’t feel loved and appreciated by her, he must remember that he’s worth more than that. If she seems to love Binghe only for some parts of him and not the others, he must not sacrifice his own happiness for her and stay with her. If Binghe ever finds himself unhappy, he can leave.”
Binghe’s heart is thudding in his chest at the way Shizun is looking at him. The feeling in his heart turns into something warmer, hotter than a simple sweetness.
“Does Binghe understand?”
He tries, but there are holes in what Shizun is saying.
“Shizun, this disciple is too simple and unlearned to understand fully,” he says carefully. “If a sweetheart is a very important and loved person, why would anybody leave them?”
Shizun’s fingers tighten around his fan a little, but Binghe doesn’t miss it.
“Because sometimes those most important to us hurt us the worst. Sometimes, they don’t feel the same. And sometimes, they take advantage of our feelings for their own gain, and they are ready to abandon us whenever their fancy strikes.”
“Shizun.”
Who hurt you this way?
“Binghe will encounter during his life many beautiful maidens who will make his heart aflutter. They will be drawn to him, his skills, and kindness. They will offer Binghe warm words and warmer feelings. But words and feelings can be temporary. Every sweetness can turn into bitterness. This master does not want his disciple to be unhappy.”
Binghe puts his hands together and bows.
“This Binghe understands.”
When the charged moment seems to pass and Shizun has finished his morning meal, Binghe says,
“Shizun, this one has a question he is not sure he should ask.”
Shizun faces him with a calm expression. “Speak.”
Binghe lowers his head, then gingerly looks up through his eyelashes.
“Does Shizun… have a sweetheart?”
Hes fully prepared for the gentle pat of Shizun’s fan against his head.
“Shameless.” Spoken without heat or anger. And then, “This master is too old and busy to be chasing after maidens.”
Binghe smiles and offers him his most respectful bow. “This Binghe understands.”
Shizun enjoys speaking in riddles, and Binghe loves solving them.
No maidens. Too old. Too busy to chase.
But Binghe isn’t a maiden, and he doesn’t need to be chased. All he needs to do is wait some years and hope.
“Thanking Shizun for his teaching.”
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Two years later, Shizun pushes him into the Abyss, and the sweetness in his heart trembles in worry.
A delicate paper fan falls together with him, its edges fraying from the heat and specks of molten sparks. For dozens of thick and dark hours, he holds it open in his hands, blinking back mist from his eyes as he stares and stares and stares at the face of the fan. No matter how much time has passed, though, the fan’s bamboo design, trembling in his swimming vision, does not change. And when it becomes clear that Shizun will not somehow send him a sign or instructions or an explanation, the sweetness in his heart starts tasting bitter.
Shizun was right. Of course, he was; all the wisdom he’s imparted which hasn’t brought Binghe hope has eventually turned out true.
And shouldn’t Binghe have expected this? Wasn’t that how it’s always been for him? If every sweetness can turn bitter, then it’s only certain that Binghe’s must do so in a way that hurts the most.
For what feels like days, Luo Binghe cradles the frayed fan to his just as frayed heart and decides to stay there. If he’s so unwanted, so despicable, he’ll just lie here and wait for the darkness to consume him.
But instead of darkness, in come the monsters. Shizun’s teachings have been nothing but thorough. On instinct, Luo Binghe evades each and every lunge, bite, and swipe of claws. He brings the monsters down with mere twigs and stones.
In all this ruckus, the edge of Shizun’s fan has got another small tear. Binghe carefully folds it and ties the fan with a piece of straw.
Shizun can’t have intended to have one of his favourite fans fall into the Abyss so Binghe should return it. Just so Shizun doesn’t feel the loss.
Of the fan.
For that, he’ll have to get out of this place.
He won’t even need to show himself to Shizun when he returns the fan.
…but if he does, would Shizun greet him…?
…maybe there’s been a misunderstanding. Maybe Binghe could explain…?
The bitterness stops spreading, kept back by the vulnerable flicker of hope. Within the bittersweetness of his heart, Luo Binghe finds himself a goal.
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He has Shizun by the throat against the wall of an abandoned building. He’s chased him from street to street, rooftop to rooftop, after Shizun has started running the second he’s realised Luo Binghe is not Liu Qingge. Whom he’s apparently been expecting in his bedchamber.
What a fool he’s been.
Shizun hasn’t missed him at all. Shizun doesn’t regret pushing him down. Shizun hates him and hates him and hates him, and Luo Binghe—
“Binghe?”
—hates how his name sounds sweet only in Shizun’s voice. It’s the only voice he can hear, the only sound that reaches him through the murky, swirling fog in his mind. His frayed heart is pounding with hot blood, each pulse cracking it more and more open, each look into Shizun’s evading eyes scalding and sharp and confining.
“Am I really so undeserving of anything?” he grits through his teeth and pain and heartbreak. “Of warmth and closeness, and love?”
He can’t see Shizun’s face anymore, but he can feel the sudden light of his eyes on him. A piece of his heart trembles in a long-lost but never forgotten way, carrying with it a faraway scent of bamboo and fresh congee and sleep-warm inner robes.
“Binghe…”
Shen Qingqiu doesn’t care, flashes through his mind. He shakes the thought away, though he knows it’s right. The voice that speaks it has been the only company he’s had for so long and it’s never lied to him.
“—you hear me?” Shizun’s speaking in a softer tone now.
He just wants to leave.
Maybe he’ll listen now…?
He just wants to leave to Liu Qingge and Gongyi Xiao. He’s found others his heart is sweet for.
…maybe I could still be one of those—
For you, he feels only bitterness. If he claims otherwise, he’s lying.
“—need to calm your mind, focus on—"
He’s just afraid of your pain. He’ll leave if you show it to him. Make it so he can’t. Tear him apart as he’s done to you. Rip his chest open, see the hole where his heart should be. You’re not unworthy. You deserve everything. He has nothing worthy of giving.
A cool hand touches his cheek. It feels like relief.
He lets go of Shizun’s throat and clutches at his shoulders instead, pushing his face firmer against the cold, cold skin.
“Shizun—” Take his worthless breath away so he has none left to give anybody else— “—it hurts…!”
“Oh, sweetheart…” Shizun whispers, his voice nearly lost underneath the pain, pain, pain, but the word has touched his lips, Luo Binghe has never been more certain of anything in his life.
Shizun has called him—and before, all those years ago, he said that—
“A sweetheart is a very important person. It’s somebody you love and cherish. Somebody you want to spend your life with, caring for and protecting. It’s somebody you want to make happy and be happy with.”
—then does it mean—what does it mean?
Shizun lets go of his face and wraps his arms around his body, close and tight and open.
The chaos in Luo Binghe’s mind stutters.
“For all the pain I’ve caused you in the past,” Shizun says close to his ear, “let me repay it all today.”
The voice in his head crows.
Familiar cool, calming energy starts flowing fast into his spiritual veins. Shizun’s spiritual energy. The same Shizun’s who was poisoned by an uncurable poison when protecting him; the same Shizun’s who took Luo Binghe’s blows when they were trapped in his Dreamscape. His Shizun’s—protective, caring, ever self-sacrificing Shizun’s.
“N—no!”
The energy increases even more. The voice in his head spurs him on and cheers. He pushes against Shizun’s body, struggles like his life depends on it.
“Don’t—stop, I don’t need it, just stay! Just stay, don’t leave me, just stay, don’t leave—”
Shizun’s energy stutters to a stop then. A second later, his body sags against him and his arms fall down.
For a long, long moment, Luo Binghe stays like that, breathless, frozen in fear, eyes wide open yet unseeing. Shizun’s forehead is pressed against his neck. It’s cooler than it should be.
His mind is silent.
His heart is numb.
He can’t feel his arms.
And then—
Shizun sighs. Luo Binghe feels his eyelashes flutter against the skin of his neck.
“Of all the times to act up,” Shizun mutters.
His heart gives a tentative thump. Then another. And another.
Shizun’s hands brace against his chest, but before he can push himself away, Luo Binghe wraps his arms around him and pulls him close.
“Binghe—”
Luo Binghe shuts his eyes closed and says, “Begging Shizun to forgive. This Binghe asks for just a moment.”
Shizun sighs and goes slack in his arms again. “This master isn’t going anywhere. Binghe needn’t worry.”
How could he not? If Shizun wasn’t poisoned—
He shakes his head and stops that track of thought. The worst hasn't happened. Shizun is here and talking to him. Maybe—maybe everything can be fixed. Maybe all he has to do is start.
He’s never been more grateful for Without-A-Cure.
"Shizun," he whispers, not loosening his arms. "I believe Shizun's lost his fan."
Shizun's eyelashes tickle his neck. His breath feels warm.
"I've brought it to him," Binghe continues, "but it's a little damaged."
A moment passes in silence, and then Shizun's hands tighten on Luo Binghe's robes.
"I don't mind," Shizun breathes. "As long as it's back, all is well."
Luo Binghe presses his face against Shizun's hair and cries.
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rottmntpeepawpolls · 1 year
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@apatheticrobots @glitter_shark46
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artfartt · 1 month
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i love it when people make human!max an absolute trash gremlin.
ME TOO!!! I love that little trash gremlin!!!!
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computerexploder · 1 year
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skyelights-xox · 1 year
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So can the petals falling off the flower bouquet at the end of the episode be a symbol for Stolas falling out of love/fully giving up hope or am I just a pessimist
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pink-car · 1 year
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in case anyone was wondering, these are the episodes of drive to survive that scare me the most for my very silly-little-guys take on f1 and my attachment to mick. why watch upsetting drama when everyone can just be friends
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