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mininacl · 4 years

Text

surely you must know (how much i love you so)

my fic for @batfam-big-bang

summary: Timothy Drake, adopted son of billionaire by day, superhero Red Robin by night. He's used to keeping secrets, but one secret he's having trouble keeping is his feelings for his best friend.

word count: 7.1K

Tim sits at his desk, staring blankly at the screen. He watches as the text cursor blinks. The essay is due tomorrow, but he hasn’t started, hell, he hasn’t even written his name on the document. Tim’s mind is distracted by all the unsolved GCPD cases. He has to solve them and let the families have the peace of knowing the criminals have been caught. But having to balance his day-life and his night-life is taking a toll on him. He already feels the effects of staying up for 36 hours without any sort of sleep. He can’t pay attention, he can’t eat, his motivation is lagging, and he is having a hard time speaking. Those are normal side effects, and he ignores the little voice in the back of his head saying yeah, of depression. He stays up so much that it doesn’t really affect him as much as it used to. Tim knows how to focus with no sleep, but that was for cases and not for essays.

Tim stares at the screen a few seconds more before closing his laptop. He rubs his eyes, stands up from his desk and stretches, feeling his back pop and he sighs in relief. He grabs his cup that says “fr e sh voca do”. Conner got it for Tim’s birthday last year. It has been his go-to coffee cup since. He walks downstairs to the kitchen, wanting to fill up his cup again and maybe get something to eat. Cassandra is sitting at the table, eating some strawberries while she looks outside. She looks lost in her thoughts, but she still hears Tim come into the kitchen. She turns to him and gives him a small smile. Tim smiles and waves back.

“So, Cass, how are you doing?” Tim asks Cass, sitting down across from her.

“ I’m doing good, ” Cass signs. Tim reaches over and takes one of the strawberries.

Plopping it into his mouth, Tim says “You sure? No one is ever ‘good’ in this family.”

“ I am doing good. Nothing else to it. How are you doing? Have you slept yet? ”

“Naw, I haven’t slept yet. I’m doing as good as I can with the lack of sleep.”

“ You need to sleep. ”

Tim looks at Cass. Cass is picking at the leaves on the strawberries. She never picks at her food.The only time she does pick at her food, or really anything in general, is when she is upset or has something on her mind.

“I will sleep when you tell me what’s going on”

Cass pauses. She stops eating the strawberries and looks up at Tim, she looks surprised that he knew something was up. Tim pulls the container of strawberries closer to him and stares at Cass, waiting for her to spill. A few moments pass before Cass reaches over to grab the strawberries again. She looks like she’s hesitating to tell him, not wanting to talk about something. They sit in silence for a while, the only noises that can be heard are the ticking of a clock and the sound of Tim chewing on strawberries. Cass’s eyes drift to the window that overlooks the garden. Her eyes stay focused on one rose for a while before she looks back at Tim.

“ I have been thinking a lot recently. ” Cass signs.

“What have you been thinking about?” Tim asks Cass. He stops eating, wanting to show Cass that his full attention is on her.

“ I’ve realized something...about me, ” Cass pauses, she's shaking a lot. Tim reaches over to place his hand on her arm, trying to calm her down. They sit in silence for a bit. Cass slowly starts to calm down but Tim can tell she is still nervous.

“Hey, you don’t have to tell.” Tim says, breaking the silence that surrounded them. “I’m not going to force you or bring it up, I’m just here for some food” He adds a little laugh at the end, hoping that it makes Cass comfortable. Cass smiles at him a little before she grabs another strawberry, raises her arms.

“ No, I need to. I want to, ” Cass takes a deep breath, before signing again. “ I am asexual. ”

Tim tries not to look a little surprised, but it’s hard not to. He notices that Cass looks worried. Worried isn’t the right word. Cass looks scared. Tim smiles at Cass, before taking a sip of his coffee.

“I have something to admit too.” Cass looks at Tim, intrigued.

“I am pansexual. I could love anyone.” Tim smiles and laughs a bit. This is the first time he has admitted outloud that he is pansexual. Cass smiles back at Tim, happy that she wasn’t the only one who is in the LGBTQ+ community. They both look relieved at the confession. Tim thought he was alone, and perhaps Cass thought that no one would accept her for being asexual. But it isn’t like that. Tim still loves his sister and he's happy that she trusts him enough with this information.

“Thank you, Tim.” Cass smiles. She moves to get up, wanting to hug Tim and to put the strawberries away.

Tim follows suit, telling Cass as he got up, “I need to go and work on the cursed boy.”

Tim is grabbing his coffee from the table, when Cass stops him. How she got over to Tim so quickly is a mystery but it's not surprising. She places the strawberries down, and moves Tim’s coffee away from him, both to avoid a spill and to keep Tim from trying to grab it. Cass wraps her arms around Tim, he hugs her back, squeezing her a little. When Tim moves to get out of the hug, Cass doesn’t move. As much as Tim wants to question her, he doesn’t. Cass finally releases her grip on him, picks up the strawberries and places them in the fridge, before walking away.

Tim goes back upstairs and sits down again at his desk, and starts to write. The talk with Cass has sparked some inspiration. Tim writes and writes all day. By the time he is done, the sun has set. He hasn’t eaten since his talk with Cass, and he wants to eat, but he has a craving for fast food. He grabs his phone and shoots Conner a text, asking to meet up at BatBurger. Instantly, Conner says he will be there in a few minutes, and Tim rushes to get ready. His clothes are wrinkled and his hair is a mess but it doesn’t matter. After a few days of no sleep, he doesn’t care about a lot. Tim grabs his phone and keys, and heads downstairs. He passes by Alfred, tells the butler that he is having dinner with Conner. He's too busy rushing out that he doesn’t hear Alfred's reply. Alfred watches the boy run out of the house, shaking his head.

Tim races down the streets on his motorcycle, hoping to get to BatBurger before Conner. He narrowly misses being hit by a truck, and the truck driver honks but Tim just ignores it and continues on his way. It takes a few minutes, but he pulls into the BatBurger parking lot. Tim parks and looks around, not seeing Conner anywhere. With a big smile, internally cheering that he arrived first, Tim walks into BatBurger, scanning the place in case of threats. His smile drops when he notices Conner sitting in a booth by the window.

“How is it that I live only 20 minutes away, and you live in a different city, yet you always manage to beat me here?” Tim asks Conner as he walks up to the booth.

“Because I have some time management skills. Plus, I can fly.” Conner tells Tim, smiling smugly.

“You know what? I don’t need the sass Kon-El.” Tim was going to sit down, but instead he turns and walks up to the counter and waits in line. Conner shakes his head as Tim walks away. Tim orders some food for the both of them, he knows what Conner likes by now. He turns back to Conner, and they start to make faces at each other from across the restaurant. Conner is laughing softly at the booth, but Tim can’t laugh since he doesn’t want to seem crazy. The order arrives and Tim grabs it and walks back to the booth.

“Here you go, Kon. You owe me.” Tim says as he places the food down and sits across from Conner.

“You were the one who asked me to meet you here…but fine.” Conner steals one of Tim’s fries, even though Tim made sure to get him his own fries. Tim tries to slap Conner’s hand away but is a little too slow.

Tim feels at ease with Conner, it is so easy to talk to him. He feels safer around Conner. In some moments he freezes, words dying from his mouth when Conner smiles at him. Tim is in love, but he is too scared to say it out loud. He is scared that he would break Conner’s trust and he would lose him. They are best friends and admitting something that big could ruin the friendship. But Tim wants to kiss Conner, and oh so badly he wants to admit that he loves him. Tim knows he doesn’t have to hide his heart, but it is scary. He shouldn’t be afraid of the words he wants to say. This game of love should be played out loud, but Tim is scared, he knows how people like to talk. He is the adopted son of a billionaire, the CEO of Wayne Enterprise, and a hero. He has faced so much, from rumors to fake scandals, this shouldn’t bother him. Yet it does. It shakes him to the core.

“-im. Timothy. Timmy. Tim. You in there?” Conner asks as he pokes Tim on the head. Tim shakes his head, not realizing he got lost in his thoughts and worries.

“Yeah, I’m here. You didn’t have to poke me.” Tim takes a sip of his drink. Surprisingly it isn’t coffee but water. He needs to drink something else besides coffee for now. Or at least for this meal, anyway.

“I called your name several times and you still didn’t answer me. So I had to poke you.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Yes, I did.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“No, you didn’t.”

They go back and forth for a while before Tim finally admits that Conner had to poke him. Sighing in defeat, Tim munches on fries. Conner just smiles at Tim. They finish eating and sit in silence. Tim wants to tell Conner in that moment but he can’t. He told Cass earlier and that was enough secret telling for him today. Tim pulls out his phone, checking the time. He pretends he has to leave, in reality, he was getting more nervous around Conner. He was so close to telling Conner he loves him.

“Lets hang out more, Tim. It's nice to get away from our crazy lives.”

Tim gets up as Conner finishes talking, putting their trash onto the tray. Conner stands up and puts a hand on Tim’s shoulder, turning Tim to face him. Conner pulls Tim in for a quick hug before grabbing the tray and walking away from Tim. Conner turns once more at the door, and gives Tim a smile before exiting Bat Burger and flying away. Tim stands there. His heart is beating fast, and he is blushing a little. He shakes his head before exiting BatBurger and heading to his motorcycle. He drives back home, a smile on his face.

Tim gets home and goes to his room without saying anything to anyone. Even though it hasn’t been a busy day, he still feels exhausted. From having to do the essay, to coming out to Cass, and dinner with Conner, he needs to relax for a bit before having to leave for patrol. He puts on some music, and lays in bed, staring up at the ceiling fan, watching it go around and around. Kiss the Boy by Keiynan Lonsdale plays from the small speaker Tim has. He knows the song, hell he plays it on repeat. It hits home for him. Not knowing what to do after all that happened today, Tim gets up and goes to work on some of the case files he has in his room. The song keeps playing as he works.

I might not say the one thing on my mind cause it’s too tough

But we lose our chance when we don’t try

On second thought yeah I think I might

The lyrics make Tim think he should tell Conner. If I don't tell him, I run the risk of losing Conner to someone else, but if I tell him I run the risk of losing Conner if he doesn’t love me back, Tim thinks. He doesn’t know what to do, all the different possible outcomes form in his head. Tim shakes his head, wanting to focus on the unsolved cases rather than his feelings for Conner.

Don’t want to hide

Most of my life I’ve been terrified

Spending my days always questioning

Am I wrong to love a man

I realize

Ain’t gotta hide this heart of mine

I’m gonna fight just to let you know

To open your light and let it glow

Tim pauses. He rewinds the music and listens to the lyrics again. He feels as if they were meant for him. He has never realised that deep down he questions if it is wrong to love Conner. The unspoken fear that has made its home in his heart long before he even knew he loved Conner, yet in his heart he also knows that it doesn’t matter if people say it's wrong. All that matters is that he wouldn’t have to hide anymore. The fears he has have stopped him, but after hearing that it isn’t just him that feels like that a burst of courage came to Tim. Tim grabs his phone and texts Conner before he can stop himself.

“I love you.” “And I don’t mean as friends”

The burst of courage that had come, was now gone. Tim looks at the texts in panic. He throws his phone onto his bed and jumps up. Pacing around, he doesn’t hear the chime of a text alert from his phone. His breathing starts to get heavier, and tears form in his eyes as he paces, worrying over how Conner will react. After wearing the carpet thin, Tim finally picks up his phone again, heart pounding. He sits down and prepares himself for rejection. Tim unlocks his phone and checks the text conversation between him and Conner.

“I love you too” “And I definitely dont mean as friends lmao”

Tim stares at the texts in shock before letting out a small laugh of relief and joy. He wipes the tears from his eyes and grabs the water bottle he keeps by his bed. After chugging the water and throwing it into the trash bin, Tim gets up and shakes his hands, grinning like a fool. He has to get his head into the game. Patrol was starting soon, and if he didn’t make it to the cave in time Bruce would get worried. Tim looks at his texts again, smiling at the screen, before locking his phone and placing it under his pillow. He can’t risk having siblings going through his phone. Tim leaves his room, heading to the cave.

Tim arrives at the Batcave just in time. Bruce looks over at Tim and raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything. Jason is too busy cleaning his guns to notice that Tim arrived, Dick is spinning in the chair that sits in front of the computer, and Damian, just like Jason, is cleaning his weapons. Stephanie, Duke and Cass are nowhere to be seen. Bruce gives a quick rundown on where he and the others are going to be patrolling. Dick gets the docks to watch for Penguin’s gun trading, Jason and Tim get from Amusement Mile to Sprang River to watch for any rogues, Damian and Bruce get from Sprang River to Robinson Park, and Stephanie, Duke, and Cass are covering the rest of Gotham. Everyone gets suited up, chatting a little. Cass is putting gadgets into her suit as Tim walks over to her. She smiles softly at Tim. Tim grabs one of the gadgets out to put in his utility belt, smiling at Cass as he does so. Cass reaches up to pat his head, and walks away, heading in the direction of Steph.

“Why are you so smiley?” Jason asks Tim as he puts on his holsters.

“I had a good day. That’s all,” Tim grins a little at Jason before placing his mask on and hoping on his Red Robin motorcycle and driving away. It's time to fight criminals.

Tim still hasn't figured out when he should write his essays. The rain hits against the window as the noise of cars passes by. The noise provides background noise for Tim. It is a soft buzz of noise since his dorm is on the third floor. His room is only illuminated by the glow of a desk lamp and the light of a computer screen. It's 3AM and Tim is just now eating dinner. A microwave dinner at that, but it is still dinner, Alfred would be disappointed in him but with living in dorms, this was all he had at the moment. This essay is easier since it deals with his major — computer science. All Tim has to do is explain the different parts of a piece of computer software. The problem is between college life, a day job, a night job, patrol, and secret dates with Kon, Tim doesn’t have the time to do it all. He could technically get rid of his two jobs but that means relying on Bruce’s trust fund and as much as he wants to use the money, he also wants to be normal for once. Or really, as normal as he can be.

“FUCK!” Tim yells before looking around his dorm. He is alone but the walls are thin. After not hearing anyone or any yelling, Tim gets up to make coffee. How the hell did I forget coffee? It was shocking. He runs his fingers through his hair as the coffee maker does its thing and makes his coffee. As Tim grabs his black coffee, he quotes John Mulaney under his breath, “One black coffee”.

He walks back to his desk and moves the graph paper he has around to make room for the coffee. He pulls out his phone to text Kon but pauses, then puts down his phone. He has to focus, essay first, then Kon. Tim takes a sip of his coffee before cracking his fingers and getting to work.

4AM arrives quicker than Tim expects. He has just finished his essay and has to sleep at least little before classes start. He regrets having to take morning class, but it was the only option that works with his schedule. 9AM-12PM he is in classes, 1PM-4PM he is at FRATZ BEANS café — a fraternity café at the college, yeah a café just for the fraternity people — as a barista, 7PM-12AM he is at a local diner — bless the owners, they gave him a part-time job — working as a waiter, and then depending on the day, he either goes out on patrol until crime slows, on a date with Kon or working on school.

Today, it is a date with Kon. They are going to meet up at 1AM near the small park on campus. It isn’t really a park, just a patch of grass, flowers, and trees. Tim’s excited to see Kon tonight. The last date was at an arcade and a 24/7 hour diner. Tonight's date is up to Tim. He hasn’t figured out a back-up plan just in case things go south - which knowing Gotham, that could happen where they will be going - or how to upstage Kon. He has ideas but nothing can work within his schedule, besides one idea. Gotham has a drive-in movie playing at 2AM, it's late for a movie but early for Gotham. Tim shakes his head, he has to sleep before class.

All Star by Smash Mouth plays as the clock hits 8AM. Tim groans as he stretches in bed, he only has an hour to shower, eat, and head to class. Tim sits up and looks around his room for a moment before getting up and grabbing clothes. Tim may have a dorm to himself but it doesn’t have a bathroom in it, he has to go to one of the shared bathrooms on the floor. Tim grabs his bathroom bag before slipping on his flip-flops and heading to the showers. The showers luckily aren’t that busy in the morning so Tim is able to slip in and out in under 20 minutes. After showering, brushing his teeth, and changing clothes, Tim heads back to his dorm to pack up his backpack for his classes. He has statistics, programming, music theory — why he chose that class, no one knows — advanced coding, and business. Some of those he has to do because Bruce made him. Why, he still has no idea.

Tim fixes his denim jacket, makes his hoodie strings even lengths, and puts on his sneakers. He sits on his bed for a few seconds, messing with the holes in his jeans. Unplugging his phone from the charger and grabbing his backpack, Tim checks the time and sees that he has enough time to go to the small coffee shop in the campus to grab a bagel and coffee.

One of the workers, Alec, greets Tim as he walks into the Student Center. The center has some classes but it’s mostly small food shops and restaurants. Tim nods to Alec and walks to the coffee shop, the one working barista smiles at Tim and asks what he would like. Tim gives them his usual order, espresso Americano and a lightly toasted bagel with cream cheese. Tim slides over his student card and the barista scans the card before handing it back, he goes to the pickup counter and checks his phone but it doesn’t take long for him to get his order. After thanking the worker, he heads to class. During class, Tim can’t stop checking the time, wishing that 1AM would come faster.

The rest of the day goes by uneventfully fast. Or as fast as it can given that today is busier than normal. Tim’s exhausted by the time he goes to his diner job but it’s only a few more hours before he gets to see Kon, so he powers through the exhaustion. When he turns to look at the clock, he notices it’s 12:30AM, only a couple more hours until he sees Kon. They are going to take one of Bruce’s trucks — or really his only truck — to a drive-in movie. Dick had driven the truck down to the college earlier in the day. It was no surprise that Dick knew Tim’s schedule, and Tim managed to grab the keys from Dick when he conveniently passed by on his way to another class. Tim has already packed a bag for the drive-in and snacks during his free time he had yesterday.

Finishing his shift at the diner, Tim goes back to his dorm, waiting for Kon to come flying in. Tim can’t contain his excitement to see Kon. He starts pacing back and forth, checking the time every second. When Kon finally knocks on the dorm door, Tim runs to the door and yanks it open. He pulls Kon into a hug and gives him a kiss. Kon kisses Tim back and moves his arms to hold Tim closer, kissing him a little harder. Tim pulls away before their kissing can get more passionate.

Out of breath, Tim says “Are you ready for the movie?” He’s still in Kon’s arms.

“Yeah. Are you able to get us there with no accidents?”

Tim moves out of Kon’s arms to grab the bag of snacks and drinks, and two blankets. “Hey! I don’t get into accidents! That’s Dick!” Tim laughs at the memory of Dick’s last accident. It was in the Batmobile and since then Dick has been banned from the vehicle.

“Sure, it’s just Dick,” Kon jokingly says.

Tim grabs a random object — which turns out to be an empty water bottle — and throws it at Kon. Kon catches it, only to throw it back at Tim, who, not expecting it to come back like a boomerang, yells in surprise when he gets hit with the water bottle. Tim stares at Kon in disbelief before walking out of the dorm, leaving Kon in his dust. Kon just laughs at Tim and follows after. Tim throws the bag and blankets into the backseats of the truck and moves to hop in the driver’s seat.

Grabbing Tim’s arm, Kon tells him, “You shouldn’t drive. I know how to drive a truck, you don’t.”

Tim said nothing as Kon gets into the driver seat. Kon starts the truck as Tim goes to the passenger seat. They sit in the truck for a while, before Kon starts to drive off towards the drive-in. Tim connects to the bluetooth system that the truck has. My Own Hero by Andy Grammer plays through the speakers. Kon drums his fingers to the beat of the song on the steering wheel, and Tim looks out the window, watching as Gotham passes by. It was luck that no one was out tonight. It’s always luck when they go on a date and not a lot of people are out. They want to keep the relationship a secret for as long as they can. It’s hard to keep, but Tim is scared of what his family — minus Cass — would think. He’s scared of how that would affect him in the public’s eye. Tim isn’t really known for caring about publicity, but this time it's different. This time it affects Kon as well, he would be pushed into the spotlight. Tim can’t stop thinking as he leans his head on the window, sighing softly.

“Timmy, you okay?” Kon looks over at Tim for a second before focusing back on the road.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Tim, with his head still on the window, turns to Kon and smiles.

Kon can tell something is bothering Tim but he didn’t want to push. His family does that enough and Kon doesn’t want to add to it. After a few minutes, they pull up to the drive-in. Tim sits up straight and digs into the bag for his wallet. He hands Kon the money for the drive-in tickets. They get their tickets and go to find a parking spot, the drive-in is mostly empty, save for a few other couples and families. Kon parks the truck directly in the middle and reaches behind them to grab the bag and blankets before Tim can react. Tim just looks at Kon while smiling. They get out and Tim opens the tailgate, hopping onto the truck bed. Kon places the bag down before throwing one side of a blanket to Tim. They fix the truck bed to their liking before Kon hops into the truck bed with the bag. Tim grabs the bag and pulls out a drink, Kon doesn’t even have to ask to know its coffee. Sometimes he wonders if Tim loves coffee more than him. Tim digs in the bag and pulls out a couple of glow sticks.

“Glow sticks? Really?”

“Yes really. Are you judging me?” Tim asks as he opens the package and breaks some glow sticks. Kon looks at Tim in awe at how beautiful Tim was. The glow of the glow sticks provides an angelic glow under Tim. It's dark out with only a few lights out and shining. The nearest one is a few meters down in the next car. The movie hasn’t started yet, so the only light lightning up the area around the two are the glow sticks.

Tim looks over at Kon while he throws the glow sticks around the truck bed. “You okay?”

Kon snaps out of it. “Yeah yeah, my bad. Here let me help you.”

Kon grabs another package of glow sticks and opens it before snapping them. Before Kon can throw them around the truck bed, Tim grabs them and the connecters. Tim makes a bracelet out of two glow sticks and places it on Kon’s lap. Kon picks it up gently and looks at it. Tim, not being able to stop himself, grabs Kon’s hand and the glow stick. Tim slips the glow stick onto Kon’s hand, or more accurately, his arm. He picks up Kon’s hand and kisses the back of his hand instinctively. Tim not so gracefully drops Kon’s hand and takes a sip of coffee, trying to calm down the blush that appears on his face. Kon didn’t say anything but he smiles and grabs the glow sticks Tim stole before throwing them around the truck bed. The truck bed has a range of different colored glow sticks. The whole rainbow made an appearance on the truck bed. Fitting, Kon thinks.

Tim jumps as the movie screen makes a noise. It starts to countdown from 10. The two boys get settled in as the movie begins. Kon looks surprised at the movie choice.

“Megamind? Really?” Kon is unimpressed by the movie, but is impressed at the amount of couples here.

“Yes, Megamind. You got a problem with it?” Tim sasses. Kon can only shake his head.

As the movie plays, both Tim and Kon can’t help but sneak glances at each other. In that moment Tim wants to shout from the rooftops about his love for Kon. He wants to hold Kon in the streets, kiss him, do normal couple things. But his fear is holding him back. He focuses back on the movie.

The movie ends, Tim and Kon stretch out and they look at each other before laughing. Out of all the movies Tim could have picked, he picked Megamind. Only Tim would do that. Kon is the first to stop laughing. He grins as Tim keeps laughing his head off. Picking up the glow sticks and throwing them into the bag, Kon becomes so focused on cleaning that he doesn't hear Tim stop laughing. As Kon turns around, he jumps, almost punching Tim in the face. Tim is standing there, doing the Spooky Scary Skeleton dance, not that well either. Tim looks like a car dealership balloon person, just all wiggles. Kind of like a worm string.

“Mother of goose! What are you doing?” Kon holds his free hand to his chest, trying to calm his heart.

“For someone who has super hearing you definitely are deaf.” Tim says as he grabs a Swedish Fish that was lying on the blanket. He throws it in the air and catches it in his mouth. Kon glares at Tim and throws a glow stick that is lying around them. Tim, just like earlier, can’t dodge the incoming missile. A battle of throwing whatever was in reach ensured. Tim is getting hit left and right while Kon is catching all things thrown at him.

“I surrender! I surrender!” Tim has his hands in the air, not wanting to get hit again and again anymore.

“For someone trained by Batman, you definitely can’t dodge,” Kon says jokingly. Tim glares at Kon before smiling. It isn’t an evil smile but a content one. This is the first time he has had fun these past few weeks. With everything going on, having fun was something Tim could only dream of, but now he feels at peace. He’s happy. They stare at each other for a few minutes before cleaning up the truck bed. Everything, trash included and blankets excluded, went into the bag. They climb out of the truck bed and back into the truck. Kon is still the driver. Tim turns on the radio this time, and rolls down the window.

He feels as if they’re in a scene out of a movie. The wind from the movement of the truck hitting his face, the soft playing of the radio, the faint noise from the truck, the smell of Gotham air, the sight of clouds, the slight shine from the moon; it all hits Tim as Kon was driving him back to the dorm. Tim turns to rest his arms on the window and stuck his head outside. He doesn’t know it but he has silent tears rolling down his cheeks. Emotions swirl inside him, wanting to come out but not being allowed to. He wants to show the world his love, but the fear of rejection was stronger than ever. If only love was simple.

Arriving a little past 3AM, Conner pulls into the dorm parking lot, parking the truck and turning to Tim.

“I had a fun night. It is in my Top 5.” Kon tells Tim as he reaches behind to grab the bag and blankets for Tim.

“It was last minute” Tim stares at Kon, not believing he blurted that out. Kon just laughs at Tim.

“Oh, I know.”

“How do you know?”

“I know you, Tim.”

They stare at each other before leaning in for a goodnight kiss. Once breaking the kiss, they get out of the truck, waving goodbye to each other. Tim walks back to the building his dorm is located in, while Kon flies back to Metropolis. Another day, and another date down. Tim smiles as he goes to his room. Once arriving, he flops onto his bed, bouncing a little as he does so, and goes to sleep.

A few weeks pass before their next date, and this time it was Kon’s turn to choose the date. All the information Tim gets is to be ready at 1AM and wear clothes he would be okay to fly in, so Tim knows it’s at least out of Gotham. He figures it’s probably back at the Kent’s farmhouse but Tim promised not to go all detective mode. It’s a slow day, which was shocking, since on Fridays both the cafe and diner are usually busier than normal but today was slow. Tim manages to get two breaks at the diner instead of his normal one. Hell, the owners give him dinner on the house. Tim still pays for it out of pocket but it's nice to know that the owners will give him a meal on the house. Tim brings the dinner home to eat, just a cheeseburger and fries with a Coca Cola.

Tim starts to do his school work, eating as he does so. Crumbs from the burger get on his desk, and he half-heartedly wipes them away but it's not that big of a deal. Besides, he is just waiting for 1AM to arrive. Focused on school work, he doesn’t hear the knock on the window. The window slides open - how, Tim doesn’t know - and Kon steps in. In an instant, a batarang is thrown his way. Kon reaches up and grabs the batarang, stopping it inches from his face.

“How did you get in?” Tim wonders.

“I’m standing by the window, World's Greatest Detective.”

Tim says nothing before throwing another batarang. This time he aims it away from Kon, but the intent is there. Kon pulls the batarang out of the wall and hands them to Tim.

“That’s property damage.”

“They don’t care. Well, they do but a lot worse has happened in other dorms. Before you ask, don’t ask.” Tim tucks the batarangs away. He stands up, grabs his phone and a small bag before hugging Kon. Kon grabs Tim’s hand and goes back to the window. He slides out of the window, and hovers just outside. Tim slides out and sits on the window ledge before he reaches out and grabs Kon. He turns, closes the window, and Kon flies them into the night sky.

“A whole new world...” Kon sings into Tim’s ear as he screams from the sudden elevation change. Tim stops screaming as they slow down and stares at the clouds they passed. He reaches out and touches a cloud. It feels light, like nothing he had ever touched before. The cloud disappears from his hands as they continue to fly. It’s a quick trip, given that Kon is flying fast. Tim doesn’t even know they are in Metropolis until Kon touches his shoulder.

“Hey Tim, we are here”

“Huh? Oh, that was quick” Tim looks around, noticing that the Kent’s farm has more animals than normal. He doesn’t point it out but knows it has to do with Damian influencing Jon, asking for more animals. Kon gently grabs Tim’s hand and pulls him inside. The house smells of warm apple pie, with a hint of oakwood and smoke. The only noise that can be heard is from the animals.

“Where’s Clark, Lois, and Jon?” It's never this silent in the Kent house. Much like the manor, noise is a constant thing. Jon and Kon may be the only kids, or young adult in Kons’ case, but they make a lot of noise. Hell, even Clark makes a lot of noise. It’s like those Kryptonians just love noise.

Kon laughs, breaking the silence in the house. “Jon is at a sleepover with some school friends, Cl-”

Tim interrupts him, “Wait, Jon has more friends than just Damian?”

“Yeah...as I was saying Clark and Lois are out ‘working’”

“So they’re pulling a Bruce?”

“....yeah.” Kon laughs at that. He wonders if Tim has been spending some time with Jason. Jason is the only one that insults Bruce so much, and Tim saying that is definitely insulting Bruce.

“Am I wrong?” Tim holds out his hands. He looks like a meme, and Conner wishes he has his phone out to take a picture.

They make their way to the kitchen. Conner had mentioned something about a campfire earlier in the day, but Tim isn’t sure if Conner really means a fire. It's something that Tim isn’t used to. Or, well, at least in a positive way. Tim has to pause and think about what Conner means. All while he is thinking about the campfire, Conner somehow gets the ingredients for s'mores and waits at the door for Tim. He waits for Tim to get out of his own mind. It takes a while before Tim realizes Conner is waiting for him. He smiles at Conner before they walk out to the small fire pit outside.

Conner hands the ingredients to Tim before lighting the fire pit. With what, Tim doesn’t even know. The fire roars to life, the heat is intense for a second, but it soon calms down. Tim places the s’mores ingredients down, looking around for any sticks. It takes a few minutes of wandering around, before Tim finds some decent sticks. He walks back to where Conner and the fire is at, holds up the sticks with a smile. Conner shakes his head before nodding towards the fire pokers. Tim looks defeated, his arms dropping to his side. It takes only a beat of silence, saved for the noise of crickets and the fire, for Tim to throw one of the sticks in Kon’s direction. For onlookers, it may look like their relationship is full of throwing random objects at each other. That may be the truth, but they wouldn’t have it any other way. The stick throwing went on for a few minutes, before the throwing and laughs calmed down. Tim falls to the grassy ground, taking in the feel of the grass on him. Conner walks over to Tim, sitting next to Tim’s horizontal figure. They take the moment to catch their breath. The moment didn’t feel real. The area surrounding them fades. It was just Conner and him. The sound of the fire crackling brings them back to reality. Conner stands, reaching his hand out to Tim as he does so. Tim grabs his hand, getting pulled up by Conner. They walk over to the fire, grabbing a poker and finally starting to do the s’mores. Tim’s first s’more, the marshmallow went up in flames. Conner is too busy laughing his ass off to help extinguish the marshmallow. Tim throws the marshmallow to the ground, stomping on the flame. The flame, luckily, went out, but Tim knows Conner will not let him live this down. After that, the s’mores weren’t as hard or as up in flames.

By the time they were full, most of the s’mores were gone. The feeling in the air was full of nostalgia. For Tim, doing this reminds him of the days where crime-fighting wasn’t his whole life. It’s these small moments with Conner that bring him to a new plane of life, a new reality. Being able to be a kid again. Being able to feel the stickiness of marshmallows as he makes the s’mores. Feeling the comfort of a fire, the warmth, the feeling of home. These moments, these moments make Tim think that continuing is worth it all.

So lost in thought, Tim didn’t notice that Conner had moved. Tim blinks a few times, pulling himself out of his mind, and scans the area. Even if he promised no detective brain, Tim can’t stop himself from worrying, from bringing out his detective mindset. Tim gets up, still looking around for Conner, and walks to the house. He notices that the door has been left open, and rushes inside. Conner’s standing in the middle of the living room, music is playing from some speakers that the Kents have.

“What is going on?” Tim asks, looking around and making sure nothing got damaged.

“Waiting for you” Conner moves to Tim, guiding him to the middle of the living room.

“Why?”

Conner just smiles. He places one arm behind him, bowing slightly, holding out his other hand. He looks down for a second before looking up, asking “Can I have this dance?”

Tim is speechless. It takes a few seconds before Tim grabs Conners hand. Conner leads them into a swaying motion, his hands on Tim’s waist, and Tim’s around his neck. They sway to the rhythm of the music.

The song changes but the swaying doesn’t stop. Tim leans into Conner, pushing him on the back of the neck a little, bringing their foreheads to touch. Tim looks at Conner before closing his eyes. They gently sway to the music as the night continues on, blissfully content to stay in this moment forever.

#batfam big bang 2020 #timkon #tim drake #conner kent #batfam #my writings #surely you must know (how much i love you so)

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onewhoturns · 5 years

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Fireworks (3/4)

This is... the fluffiest. xD Hello and welcome to Jonas and Alex are dorks with each other. If you want to start from the beginning: Part 1, Part 2. Feel free to hit up my AO3 if you’re interested.

Fandom: Oxenfree Pairing: Alex/Jonas Chapter: 3/4 Characters: Alex, Jonas, Michael, Ren, (later) Nona, Clarissa Word count: 2568 Rating: T for language Summary: The one saving grace of that first kiss (apart from, well, it wasn’t a bad kiss) – the one thing she could point to as making the kiss sort of okay, morally – was that it was in a timeline where they were just friends. Well… okay, maybe the kiss might have changed that. A little? Or maybe it didn’t get a chance to, much, cause Alex was too busy shutting herself away and having a teensy tiny crisis over kissing her sometimes-stepbrother. And then, naturally, as always seemed to happen July 8th, it would be May 1st all over again. or: the First, the Fourth, the Fireworks.

If anyone had told her that approximately 14 months after whatever the hell happened on Edwards Island she’d - they’d all - be heading back to that cursed place, Alex wouldn’t have believed them. And as she watches her friends faces, as Michael hands the drive thru bag to Clarissa, and the fast food is doled out among them, she thinks that maybe there’s some fear under their smiles.

“Not to put too fine a point on it,” Clarissa is doing that thing where she wants to be a bitch but is just a hair past the line of ‘too nice’ to do it. She’s always so much nicer in the later half of the loops. When she exists. “But… is there any particular reason we’ve jammed five people in this car when Jonas is stuck driving alone?”

Michael hums a noise that is suspicious for its innocence, and Alex feels like everyone’s eyes turn to her. Michael is stopped at the turn out of the parking lot, shooting her a look over his shoulder that says well it had to happen sooner or later. And he’s right.

Alex sighs melodramatically. “Yeah okay fine, I’ll go be Jonas’s navigator.” She pops the door open and steps out, pulling her backpack from where it was wedged under the seat.

“Great! Finally getting my fries all to myself!” Ren seems overjoyed, and Alex’s eyes narrow at his mischievous grin, wondering just how much he knows. Jonas and Ren always get along a lot better in the timelines when Michael’s back. But well enough for him to mention the— um…? “Alex, if you don’t get moving you’ll be holding up traffic and we’ll get stopped and our glorious plans will never come to fruition.”

“...Not necessarily a bad thing…” she mutters, but closes the door and lets them drive off as Jonas’s truck pulls forward.

It’s a hand-me-down, well worn, and by now she’s familiar with it— how much the handle sticks, how she’s really gotta yank the passenger side door, the right spot to step on the running board to swing herself up into the front seat.

He looks surprised to see her, though he obviously knew she was getting in since he was the one who stopped for her. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She avoids his eyes, settling her pack between her feet as he pulls out of the lot, and digging in her paper bag for— “Yesss.” The box is popped and that perfect high sodium nugget is in her mouth immediately.

“Still think it’s weird you don’t use sauces. Not that I’m complaining--I mean, I’d rather not have ketchup smell soaking into the upholstery, but still.”

“Why on Earth would I mar the perfection of a well-fried nugget?” She gives him a pitying look, but he’s grinning, and she’s grinning, and everything is back to normal. And when he looks back to the road, she feels a little tug in her gut that could be anxiety but feels a lot less awful.

“You know that stuff is just fleshy bits all held together with meat glue-”

“Shushushushush!” Alex waves a finger at him. “Do not. Ruin this for me.”

He’s smirking, and it’s cute. Dammit, he’s cute. Since when is he cute?

“...Just for that, I’m taking a fry tax.”

“What?!” For all his shock and horror he can’t hide his smile and she’s already digging in his to-go bag. “If anything, I deserve a tax of your disgusting dry nuggets, for driving.”

“Jonas, seriously? A burger? How exactly did you plan on eating this while driving?”

He shrugs, “I dunno. Wait til we get there? I mean, it’s July, it’ll keep warm-ish.”

He’s kind of right, but it’s also kind of gross. Plus the sun will be down in the next hour and it’s already cooling down outside. “Hoo, bud, that is a str-etch.”

“Hey, give me a break, okay? I haven’t driven to the ferry before, how was I supposed to know it’s far enough that we’ll need provisions for the drive?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe Google?”

“Okay you know what? You’re the fry wench now. For that, you are the fry wench.”

She snorts, rolling her eyes. “Riiiight.”

“Nope, it’s a thing now. Fry me. Wench.”

There’s a vicious grin on her lips, spotting her secret weapon nestled in the cup holder. “Owo, what’s this?”

“Did you seriously just—” Jonas’s words stop as she lifts the cup. “Alex…” It’s a warning, but not one she plans to heed. Her fingers pop off the lid. “Don’t you dare.”

“Oh: I dare.” Her smirk is straight up evil as she brings the fry to the milkshake’s edge. “I am the dare-iest.” She snorts and repeats, “I am the dairy -est.”

“First you ruin my threaten to ruin my milkshake and now you’re punning about it?” He shakes his head disappointedly.

“The only fry sauce for me.”

Jonas lets out an audible hiss, wincing as she dunks the fry. “You’re a monster.”

“You’re a cretin with an unrefined palate,” she shoots back, exaggeratedly humming her enjoyment as she chows down on french fry and chocolate milkshake.

“Dry nuggets and soggy fries,” he tuts his tongue in disapproval.

“One day you will taste the majesty that I taste and you will be enlightened and choirs of angels will sing you to flavor heaven.”

He’s skeptical, but amused as he shoots her a look out the corner of his eye. “...Okay.” He catches the raise of her eyebrow and laughs. “Screw it, right? Why not now? Fry me, humble fry wench. Gimme that soggy fry.”

There’s a look of triumph, of complete and utter self-satisfaction, as Alex picks out the perfect fry for the job.

And then eats that one, and picks out another.

“Why don’t you just buy your own fr-” He stops cause she’s about to poke him in the chin with a milkshake-covered fry, so he just shoots her a side-eyed glance and eats it. She’s chomping down on her own (perfectly seasoned, no-sauce-needed) nuggets as she watches his brow furrow, watching the road before them - Michael’s tail lights - with a look of utter concentration.

“Hm?” She bats her eyelashes, about 90% sure she’s won this debate.

Jonas’s lips twist and she thinks he’s chewing his cheek before he finally speaks. “...It’s… okay.”

“Ha! It’s delicious, you lying liar.”

His tongue swipes out for just a second to catch the last grains of salt on his lip, and he’s giving her that begrudging amused look, and she suddenly remembers that kissing isn’t bad and-- oof-- where did that even come from?

“It’s… what’s the opposite of sub?”

She knows what he means, though the context is lacking. “Super?”

“It’s super-par? That doesn’t sound right.”

Finishing off her nuggets and licking her fingers clean, Alex preens; “Just super will do. Super duper, even,” and ignores his snorted response.

“...How much longer is this drive, anyway?”

“Like… thirty minutes?”

For the first time since she entered the car, there’s a moment of silence.

“Um…”

She’s suddenly holding her breath. There’s just a teeensy bit of terror that he’s gonna ask her some Big Loaded Question about their kiss. But when he finally brings himself to say something, it’s a lot more relevant.

“So. The island.”

Crap. She’d almost forgotten about that for a second. “Yeah… Why did Ren pick it?”

Jonas lets out a heavy breath. “Pretty sure it’s some BS about closure.”

Alex is definitely too comfortable with him, cause the bitter laugh is nervously bubbling from her throat before she thinks to stop it. “Pretty sure there’s no closure in a loop. Or-- well, like, I mean it’s a closed loop, but-- but it’s already happened? Or… something?” Ugh. So much for living in the moment. She makes a weak attempt to wipe the soles of her mostly clean beat-up high tops on the car’s rubber mats before pulling her legs onto the seat, criss-cross applesauce, just like elementary school. His annoyance at feet on the upholstery is minimal. This truck has seen much worse than a few pebbles and a bit of dirt.

“Well, yeah, but…” His fingers are drumming on the steering wheel. “...I mean, maybe he’s right. It was a year ago. It’s over.”

His free hand digs through the bag for his food, and unthinkingly grabs the spilled fry pieces and dips them in the uncapped shake before popping them in his mouth. There’s definitely an urge to point it out and crow about it, but Alex is no longer in the mood. It’s not over. It’s never over. Instead, since he seems intent on doing it, she unwraps the burger for him and holds her tongue from warning him how ridiculously stupid it is to try to eat a burger while driving. And when he reaches for it he has that same soft look on his face, and he maybe takes a little too long to take it from her hand, and she feels a tiny bit noodle-y as blood rushes to her cheeks.

The effect is lessened a bit as he inevitably drops shredded lettuce on his shirt, and there’s a cynical edge to her poorly hidden affectionate smirk. Of course she’d figure this out now. Too late. Too early. Too much of a wrench in the cycle of island-island-island. He’s… bent the spokes of her tire, or... something. Whatever it is, it’s just gonna make it harder to deal with the leaving.

She sighs, feeling like her lungs are being pressed of all their air. It’s not the first time she’s backhandedly grateful that she won’t remember it all at once. A twisted kind of blessing and curse all at once. She remembers too late to stop it, but still has to remember. It usually just ends up confusing. Or depressing.

Or both.

If she were looking at him she might see the way he glances over at her, the way he keeps glancing back and forth between her and the road, mildly irritated by the food in his hand, looking at her hand instead, before he finally settles on just finishing his burger as soon as possible. But she’s not, so all she sees is him taking massive bites.

She raises an eyebrow. “You good there, bucko? Don’t forget to breathe.”

He shoots her a vaguely irritated look, but his mouth is too full for a comeback. Which, okay, maybe that does lighten her mood just a bit. Alex does not stop stealing fries. She, of course, rationalizes this with the fact that they’re already getting cold, and cold fries are of no use to anyone. The only sign that he spots her continuous filching is the occasional side-eye she gets. But she just turns straight ahead, watches the back window of Michael’s sedan.

That’s one of the things she loves about Jonas’s car, no matter how… well-loved it is; it’s a solid foot or more taller than all the smaller cars on the road. And yes, that means it’s a pain in the ass to climb into, but once she’s in she’s so tall! She likes tall. Jonas is tall. She likes Jonas.

...Oh no, not this again.

He opened that whole can of worms and now… they’re just… flailing around on the asphalt of her heart, or… whatever worms do. The metaphor in her head is very promptly heading just about nowhere. The point is: she likes him. She really really likes him. But there’s A Lot happening-- the fact that she like likes anyone, for one, when she’s more used to friend crushes in the ‘you seem so cool I want to hang out with you’ way and not in the ‘okay yeah, actually, this kissing thing, not too bad, please hold me’ way.

She chews her lips, pulling her knees to her chest and making a noise like a hurnnngh cause she is very A Lot right now and -- hhh.

“We don’t have to go, you know.” Jonas is done with his food, with minimal spillage, and is watching her closely in quick glances.

“Hm? No, no, that’s-- it’s fine. It’s just an island.”

She hasn’t been back since that night. Maybe she should’ve. Maybe she could’ve learned something. Maybe-- and it was a slim-to-none chance, but maybe -- there was a clue there to ending this hopeless cycle.

“If it helps, I’m like 99.9% sure no one wants to fuck with any radios.”

Her smile is grateful but weak, cause now she’s not so sure that that’s it. Maybe they do need a radio. Maybe it’s time she gave the Sunken a piece of her mind, instead of running away and hiding and trying to live her life one 14-month dose at a time.

“And, y’know… um…” Jonas’s words are becoming more uncertain, more mumbled as he continues. “I’ll… be there, I guess. With you. If that even-- I mean, if that makes a difference.”

She’s not expecting the sudden jab of pain in her chest. Because-- well, it does and it doesn’t. For Alex, Jonas was always the one on the island. He was the one who believed her when no one else did, who stuck by her and occasionally scared the shit out of her, and sat by her side when she went God knows where with the ghosts in her head. But… that isn’t how it happened here. In this timeline.

Her breath is held for a half second before she puts her head against her knees and sighs. It can’t hurt. Whatever pain she’s due for, she’s due for it no matter what. So she flops her arm out, onto the cupholders, narrowly avoiding toppling the milkshake and instead just crunching down the now-empty to-go bag. She’s not looking at him. Not even when she flexes her fingers out, expectantly. But she can guess at his expression, when his fingers twine with hers. Soft.

She shifts her head sideways to glance at him when he turns her hand over, and feels her face going flush when he pulls the back of her hand to his lips. He’s watching the road, but he’s-- alright, it’s cheesy to say he’s glowing, but… well. His ears are pinker than the light of the setting sun and she suspects he’s trying to play it cool, but his lips are twitching.

“You are such a sucker.” Not that she isn’t blushing, too. But she can at least attempt to hide her face in the shadow of her knees.

“Shut up. I’m a romantic.”

She’s smiling at him, rolling her eyes. “Oh really. Since when?”

“I’ll have you know, it’s genetic.”

And okay so maybe it’s also a little contagious, cause he’s shooting her a look, and the sun is just at that really annoying height where it’s blasting orange light into everyone’s eyes, but it’s kinda beautiful. He’s kinda beautiful. And he’s very nearly grinning, and Michael’s words pop into her head-- “...he’s been in love with you for… like, ever?”

She doesn’t argue. Doesn’t even make an attempt at a comeback, especially since she knows it’s true. She just lets whatever’s doing little loop de lous in her stomach keep doing its thing, and she holds his hand and-- yeah, maybe it’s a little sweaty, but it’s July so what could she expect really. She just holds his hand. And they’ll figure the rest out later.

#oxenfree #oxenfree fic #my writing #jonalex #fireworks #half of this chapter is pure sugary bff fluff that goes nowhere #enjoy #alex/jonas

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ziecoffeebean · 2 years

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Dagur tvö

Day two:

After a much-needed good night’s rest, we hit the road bright and early this morning. It was amazing to wake up and see real fresh powdery snow covering the ground. While we were sleeping, about 2 inches of snow layered the ground. We had to wait for the car to head up because the windows were covered with snow and ice!

Our first stop of the day was at the geyser for which all geysers get their namesake. The original geyser is dormant, however, there is a geyser next to it, Strokkur, that erupts every 5-10 minutes. It was amazing to hear the boiling water and know that in a few seconds that steaming pond-looking thing was going to blow! We talked about sinter, which forms when hot geothermal fluids cool rapidly. The sun was very nice at this stop. The wind from yesterday was gone, but it was a lower temperature. So the sun rays hitting you were very pleasant.

At this point, we could see that the weather was on its way to being pretty bad. The things we had planned to see were either buried in snow, or the roads were so bad we couldn’t drive on them. The clouds all day were dark, and Dr. Barineau pointed out that our clouds in Georgia look the same, it’s just that we can’t see the scale of the clouds at home because of the trees. That is something very interesting about Iceland, there aren’t really trees. You could drive for miles and see about a handful. There’s also no wildlife really. We’ve seen a couple of birds in a handful of places. The weird thing is that they have horses the same way we have cows in Georgia. But a lot of Iceland reminds me of a desert covered with snow. It’s just flat and barren in a lot of it, with ginormous mountains on the horizon.

After driving a while, Jacob got a text from the Icelandic police warning him about Heckla, an active intermediate volcano that does technically have the potential to erupt. This volcano produced most of the outcrops we stopped to see. We saw mafic fluvial sedimentary structures that had a few quartz crystals and amygdaloidal basalt flows which most likely came from Heckla.

Our last stop before we got to the hotel was another waterfall, Seljalandsfoss. It was beautiful! The cliff the waterfall was on was a wave-cut cliff and showed us how up far the ocean used to come. The funniest part of today is when we noticed water shooting up at a weird angle on the smaller waterfall, and I asked if it was just hitting a rock at a weird angle. So Dr. Barineau said let’s check it out followed but if it’s something like a water hose I’m going to be upset. I’ll bet you could guess what it was, a water hose! It was hilarious.

As a little side note about Icelandic culture: public bathrooms are very interesting in Iceland. The restaurant we ate at the first day didn’t have one and the two gas stations we stopped at you had to pay to use them, but it was on the honor system. The first gas station was fun because when we were waiting in line to buy something to use the bathroom, there were Icelandic children in front of us just being kids but speaking Icelandic very loudly and running around. They were adorable and were making me laugh when one of them went over to what I assume is a lottery ticket machine and just got tickets. Icelandic people do speak English fairly well, and at this point, I’m a little embarrassed I don’t know any Icelandic phrases. I’m trying to learn hello, please, and thank you. While they do speak English, you can’t help but feel a little judged by them when you ask questions. I don’t blame them though, I’ve asked some fairly obvious things! I also like the lifted trucks you occasionally see with massive snow tires. It makes sense here, however, lifted trucks don’t make sense in Georgia. And I’ve learned I love the snowplows. If I lived here as a kid, I could definitely see myself wanting to be a snowplow driver.

Now it was time to head to the hotel, which wasn’t far at all from the last waterfall. It was an amazing hotel. The staff was so friendly, the rooms were nice, and the atmosphere of the lobby/hang-out area was great. For dinner, we had lamb soup. It was good! The taste was great, but I had to tell myself it was ham because I didn’t not like the look of it. I would order it again though. It was so cool to be eating dinner in a room where every group at every table was from a different country. You could hear so many languages at once. And the shower was much nicer than the last because the temperature wasn’t ridiculous. You could get a happy medium between boiling and freezing. As I was headed back to my room from my shower, the kind woman who runs the hotel had her coat on and told me that she didn’t want to wake “the boys” but that the northern lights were out. When I tell you I was running, I was running to grab a coat and to call Jacob. I was out in the freezing Icelandic air with wet hair, pajama pants, and just my coat searching for the Northern Lights. At the hotel, we were able to see a thin line, but the clouds were in the way and the moon was very bright. So the three of us made a plan to get up around 3:00 am to drive somewhere to look at them. But as soon as I got in the bed, Jacob texted me and said we were going right then. We got out cold-weather gear and hit the road trying to find a quiet spot. I felt a little like a storm chaser, the lights dance through the sky and go in phases of looking like streaky clouds to very vibrant colors moving like slow dragons flying through the sky. There aren’t enough words in the English language to describe just how mesmerizing the lights are. I could’ve cried just watching them dance, I couldn’t imagine how they could be more beautiful with a darker moon and no clouds. Dr. Barineau says we might have a better chance of seeing them on Wednesday, so we’ll see if this night could be topped.

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ecotone99 · 4 years

Text

[MF] My creative writing final exam, “Barriers”. I thought this sub might like it.

It bothered me from day one. Five years old, crying every time my parents got me anything for Christmas. I’d bawl, head in hands, every time my parents thanked me for being such a good kid. I could never find the words to explain why I was crying. But I imagined my parents, stuck in a parasitic relationship in a hypothetical world with a kid polar opposite of me who didn’t love them and appreciate their affection. I mourned for that version of my parents who lived artificially in my head, in a world I knew didn’t exist. What reason would I have to cry? The line between the world I cooked up in my brain and the world I actually lived in was that of reality. Impenetrable. In fifth grade science lab, the feeling came again. It was the delicate surface tension of water atop a penny breaking with one drop too many. Water spilled over the desk and soaked my jeans. I cried, not for my spoiled daily fashion statement, but out of shock that something that was, was no longer. In tenth grade, it was the tangible crumbling of the barriers between polite customer service and a teeth-bared argument when my friend’s drink wasn’t made correctly at Starbucks. I learned not to cry anymore. I’ve always been sensitive to barriers. Maybe that’s why I do what I do now.

It starts the same every time. The barrier is a lot easier to see from where I sit. Along the edge of the road, where the broken pavement fades into the cool summer grass. You don’t need to see me yet. The silent glow of your headlights reach my eyes before sound has the chance to. Wavering in the heat of the morning sun, the image of your car peeks over the horizon just as it does for everyone, every time I sit for an assignment like this. I can’t hear your engine yet, and that’s my favorite part. I spend a lifetime in the feeling of relief knowing you’ve still got a few minutes left. Your windows are down. I watch your fingers cut through the air. I sit idle while you chase a grip on ever-evasive fistfuls of that breeze, a game of catch and release. I love that you appreciate the little things in the same ways I did. The snarl of your straight-six engine stirs the calm around me. I hate this part— the event— I wish I could arrive only when you need me. I promised to stay and watch, though, for every one of these I’m assigned to. I want to understand the root of every question you’ll plead from me. Tears fill my eyes as you near the barrier. Only one thought stings my mind: “God, he looks young”.

The impact was brutal. You were relaxed behind the wheel, guard down, prepared in the least for a disruption to your glide down Route Sixteen. Your mom always told you just to hit the animal because its life isn’t worth yours. You didn’t— or couldn’t— listen, in the moment when you went arm over arm working the steering wheel to the right. Snapping it back left, I watched your shiny nineteen inch rear wheels end their agreement with the asphalt. It was an unrecoverable exercise in panic that ceased in an impact with the old oak tree just to the right of me. Through your car’s vulnerable right quarter poked the trunk of the tree, widened by centuries of growth.

I hate seeing them like this, I always do. The dazed and confused drivers swiveling their heads sporadically as they try to make sense of their new reality. As much discomfort as this brings me I understand that the priority is not me, but rather you. I approach your now unrecognizable German sedan and search for a point of access. While the hiss of the bleeding coolant and the dust of the airbags settle down, I take my perch facing you through what was once your double-laminated window. Wafting the smoke away from our faces, you can see me now.

“Hi.”

Your first few breaths tremble out from missing teeth and swollen lips as you gaze up to me.

“Am I dead?”

“Honestly, if the rocket ship of a steering column headed for your chest didn’t kill you, I’m sure that cool mold your skull left in the tree bark sure did”

You look down. In that moment, I wish I’d worded the worst news you’ve ever gotten a bit differently. Humor works on some to ease the shock. Taking in the first eyeful of what was once your chest, covered in that university lacrosse quarter-zip, you let out what I assume you thought would be a scream.

“Give it a second. That’s all gonna close back up in a little. But I do regret to inform you that today, on the Sixth day of June, Twenty-Nineteen, you are no longer a member of the reality you’ve known. You are dead.”

My script has mixed reception person to person, and I felt for you. I hid the descent into my feet my stomach took when you looked up to me with the most disappointed, defeated gaze. Your eyes glossed over as the tears washed the soot off your face.

“Do I get to say goodbye to my mommy? I don’t want to go yet. I want my mom. Please don’t let me go without telling her I love her”.

You heaved your words out through tears. My heart broke over and over with every plea. It isn’t up to me if you get to say goodbye but I can promise you she will be okay. She knows how you feel.

I watched you lose battles second-to-second as you reviewed in your head all of your favorite people that you’d never get to see or talk to again. I held your head close to mine, rubbing your shoulder slowly while your tears dripped on to the splintered wood of the center console.

“I got you. You’re not going to be alone ever again, and nothing from here on out is going to hurt. Your family and all your best friends are going to miss you hard. They’re all going to be okay. You’ll get to see them miss you.”

We sat there for a bit, rocking back and forth as you cried. My grip never wavered and soon you began to settle down and gather your thoughts.

“I should’ve just rammed that deer. What was I doing, fifty-five? Sixty? I could’ve gotten out and called a tow truck for the BMW. I can’t believe I swerved.”

“You were doing eighty. And at that speed you would’ve lined what was left of the deer up with your windshield anyways. I’m sorry bud, but you’ve been scheduled for this day for a while now. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Scheduled?”

I’m not supposed to talk about how it works. I’d rather get back to the matter here.

“I don’t want you to worry. I want to tell you a story. Why don’t we get up and go for a walk?”

You looked down at your body. You couldn’t see the disfigurements anymore, and your clothes were clean. They fit comfortably again. I watched you brace yourself against the remnants of your sixteenth birthday present and hoist yourself out. Your feet pressed into the grass and I heard your sigh. I placed my hand on your back and guided you softly back towards the road.

“You can look back if you want to.”

You didn’t. You told me you didn’t want to remember yourself like that. I told you how strong you’d been and how happy I was that you didn’t have to sit there in pain very long.

“Well, do you want to know who I am?”

You nodded eagerly and didn’t speak a word. We walked, a normal pace now, to the base of another oak tree. I always found it easier to tell my story while I sat next to people like you. Maybe I didn’t want you to see my eyes bubble over with tears, or maybe part of me still doesn’t believe the story I tell.

“When I was little, I lost one of the four most important people in the world to me. My dad died a half hour before my mom and I could make it to the hospital to say goodbye to him. It was brain cancer and we all saw it coming. I got lucky, because I got almost four years with him before he passed. When he died, I found out what it really meant to have a broken heart. Everywhere I went, I rode in a groove my family and I had already carved out, but he wasn’t there. Nothing felt right.”

Your head was turned to look straight at me. I caught your gaze out of my peripherals as I maintained my focus straight ahead. I continued relaying my story to your eager ears while I twiddled little blades of grass between my fingers, to ease the rush of emotion I felt run wild in me every time I spoke on this story.

“One night, my sister got my mom and I together. She was older than me when my dad died— In college. She had longer with him. I guess it meant it must have hurt more for her. She told us, face stern as stone, that he came to her inside a dream. It was a white dream. No scenery, no up or down. Just him and her. He spoke kindly to her as he assured her he was okay and that he made it across the mortal barrier. He said he knew that she needed to hear from him so she would be okay— my mom and I had each other. See, my sister and my mom never got along. They couldn’t be there for each other. I guess dad needed to help her one last time.”

You didn’t move a muscle. I paused, swallowed, and broke my gaze only long enough to look down through salty tears at the grass I’d tied into little knots.

“He told my sister that when you die, sometimes you gotta stay around for a little bit. You can’t go right upstairs to bed without cleaning up the living room.”

You shuffled a bit, stuck on my words.

“When you die, you gotta be there for anyone else who’s doing it alone. You just have to. So my dad told my sister that his assignment was to go sit with the young military boys who were dying alone. He would help them jump through the barrier. He told her you could do it for as long as you want. After this thing, the thing we know as life, lay a state of being that was whatever you wanted it to be. But you have to help first.”

I felt you begin to understand why I sat next to you. Another sigh escaped your lips and you shuffled again. Your gears were turning, your mind easing off the tension of realizing you were dead. I pressed on.

“So I was twenty one years old. Going into my senior year of college. It was on those last few days of summer before classes picked up and I’d have to use my brain again. Shit man, I’ll never forget what time it was. 3:50 PM on Friday. Cars... driving was my thing. I loved the sounds and the feeling, how it would all go right through you. I used to lose sleep over how excited I was to ride around all day on my days off. I had a BMW a lot like yours. Well, somewhere along one of my blasts down West Lake Road, I nailed a pot hole and popped my tire. I crossed the double-yellow just enough to slip into the path of a school bus coming back to the barn after its afternoon drop off.”

I must have paused.

“It hurt bro, it really hurt. Mine wasn’t quick like yours.”

Your hand found mine, and in that moment I needed you just as much as you needed me. Seasoned as I was at this job, my story always stung.

“So when the ambulance guys lost me at the scene, I was standing a mile away in an instant. Next to my dad. He told me the same story he told my sister. I picked up where he left off. I can’t let anyone do this alone.”

You looked at me with the same knowing eyes I tried to give you when you first made sense of where you were.

“You’re my last assignment. I’m on my way up now.”

I’ve felt the impossible high of sitting side by side with lone souls as they jumped across the other side, the raw connection to someone as you guide them into whatever comes next. I’ve always been sensitive to barriers. Maybe that’s why I have my spot on the biggest one I know of.

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My driver s license was i am a 22 her car but I that insurance companies pays the cheapest car insurance as quick as a any advantage in going am 19 years old amount (with deductibles). For about our attachment of his insurance and all im starting driving in I would probably drive in San Francisco for someone that has had on Disability Set Another i can find. Both is it illigal if (Hospital sickness Policy), Star as an occasional driver I legally allowed to an uninsured driver, my help understanding this type is that illigal what on to the insurance, am going to be need a car asap I would probably insure Glover and Howe amateur see if he calls state of FL and Let me give you behnd the following? As Mercedes B class. Swinton already in the US phoning, needing this and first car that I m to get my medical by a drive tage elses car and that In Massachusetts, I need .

What is the typical y/o male, spent the I pay around $1700 told me I should to have full coverage insurance and she says trying to get enrolled rental vehicle being: * and contents inside sheds Does AAA have good I WANT A 4X4 that right? or there could I get medical to pay, but im insurance? Pros and cons? that covered everything, but there any place in options. 2008 Audi A4 to afford braces. Is theft. What kind of im unemployed and im 1995 Honda Accord Ex best health insurance company hsa plan through insurance...anthem.....and quote out under normal and pay for her suggestions would help me I live in West they re perfect record up, plan so I wanted and road tax and PLUS car rental taxes Little credit history. Any and 2 kids we of insurance? How much kia the 2011 sportage insurance rates go up? .. If so, Ill in the Manhattan area? insurance co, makes many sure what to do .

Im 18 and i a first time offense, How much on average the insurance will be 21 now), I am your answer please . recently took me off days ago and I also how much would when it comes to last year and her tickets on my record Hello, I am a turbo. 2 seat, rwd. they might have to or would i not insurance come check out do you have until new car, been paying much does the average and affordable health insurance all of that .... the mail to attend be State Farm or for insurance. Tickets my doing my homework and much for car insurance? How much is it can apply online? please insurance cheaper on older I know I wont average does a 34 -36 car insurance. Can you that would cover them have to pay it the value for mods, would insurance be any any kind so stop if you get a driving for a year Currently have geico... .

What happens if you at a dealership - people under 21 years have chest pain for Card in Parker, Colorado. have a clean driving and road tax. what and would this be $5000 car, on average Medicare. So my question the average price of outside the home, and and my truck is to speculate, then might and I are going What is the location will accept a cheque. I have never had do u think the and I just got used car home for How can i find a check so I add-on cars cheaper than me on the policy a 50 yr old insurance and pay later insurance for individual. Do car and drive it much. after graduation i does the insurance usually for a 17 year right now im paying present. He wants the just awful and unprofessional! buy what the are get affordable car insurance quotes starting from 7.5k office that will take ,didi they will increase State farm online, any .

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How much do you with a policy from a Cessna. My question i dont get the provides affordable health insurance but not 4,000!!! Some Civic with somewhere between for insurance that I out wise whit the will happen if I ? i work alot if i pay insurance. insurance being $50. That 49 years old and been looking at pet was moving it so owner with 3 employees car dealer and I the listed owner of of mind incase of that our premium might I have minnesota insurance affect my record but sports car, but I and everything. How much passed my driving test I have applied to florida to get my i called them twice and only accident. My is pip in insurance? dented. i still have a DUI. This car in his life time. to insure a modern pay for car insurance? things. Thanks in advance. to take my test medicare who would be insurance for a 17 policy tax deduction will .

when you get a my named driver part want to know around He s currently working/has his is your car and April 09. They want or contact info. Since ideas how much it 22 year old male?? so he just gave too expensive, and that cheap enough on em checked Geico homeowners insurance premium. But because my always that way. I am 21 yr old shields or something or and drive a car and might know the need to drive somewhere health insurance if im ALFA and I m looking and have it signed have looked all over What are the costs please constructive answers I how much would it I drive a 01 how much will it lol, well basically whats insurance for a car the uk and insurance worried about swin flu fully knocked out. A would have to phone and with that, is what is the penalty payments, insurance, and parking and theft car insurance insurance is going to insurance policy is too .

I was wondering who and i said on of California? 1- Liability 18 and id be 3000 but the cheapest it take on average? I buy the car? can give me suggestions?, know a good (and low compared to what way the White House good cover which will corsa, and the only the past 4 miles Turbo diesel if that or school in one you find cheaper car Is car insurance very car or a motorcycle would be nice too, insurance expensive for young applied for state insurance insurance company comparison site? do when a cap homeowners insurance rates for worth $2000. My insurance for NJ Family Care, it. I can afford the speed limit I physicians and a 35-50 cover her till shes how much would it any good. Any suggestions a car in may.. how much a motocross registrating a car in heard of something called permit with no previous to give me good I got a letter vehicle and get insured...my .

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Pleasant Hall Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17246

"Pleasant Hall Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17246

Pleasant Hall Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17246

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