I'm gonna curse everyone out there.
But I've been thinking a lot about Swag Daniels (Surprise, surprise)
And about something that we don't focus on a lot... He is Solum Bufo.
When he says he gets to be a hero, he talks about Clon Sol (The Sol we follow) because he's out there, he's gonna be the one saving the world. Sol Prime (Swag) is resisting, but he knows he's a goner... and yet, somehow, he's the hero. Because at the end of the day, Solum Bufo is still the hero.
It's some kind of pride, and knowing that, even if he dies now. Even if he's pretty much a goner in that body, in that life. His body and his life still continue. He got that freedom he wished in moonstone. He got that freedom he wished from mothership.
He lost his body, he was exploited, he was tormented, he lost his hope. And yet, and yet he knows... he can rest this body, because he is still out there. Sol Prime leaves knowing he's a hero for bahumia. He can rest because he himself is gonna keep fighting.
And we can talk about Clone Sol it pretty much a different view, seeing himself as Swag is a lot of complications about the self and about his place in the world and how everything he knows is a lie. Its a tormentuos thought to Solum Clone. But one of the things that would give peace to Solum prime.
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Look, this is what moral OCD is like for me:
I walk past a piece of paper. I don’t pick it up because I had a long day at work and it’s very cold outside. This then becomes my internal monologue:
I didn’t pick up that piece of paper, I should have. Don’t I care about the environment? It’s not my trash, I shouldn’t have to pick it up. But also that’s how these things happen right? We place the blame on others as our environment degrades. It was just a piece of paper, it’s not like it can do that much damage. But also how do I know: I’m not an environmental expert. Maybe stray paper scraps are killing the frogs. You’re literally killing the frogs. You should look up how many frogs die a year so you know how shitty you are-No stop it.
I care about the environment, and I recycle and I joined green activism movements but is that enough? I could be doing more. I should be doing more. I should donate my entire check to charity. But isn’t it self serving to think that my one check could help that much? Do I really think I’m that important, how self entitled and-no stop it, reset! You are obsessing and if you fall for it, you will not eat dinner. Let it go.
Okay it’s just a piece of paper. It’s okay you skipped it this once: it could have had something dangerous on it. Yeah that makes sense. But also, that means I’m putting my own safety over trying to help the environment, which is very selfish of me. I’m just one shitty person: god how could I be so self absorbed. I should have picked up the piece of paper. I’m so selfish, and shitty and-no, no, stop it! This is not helpful. It’s fine.
It’s been a long day and I’m cold, that’s not a crime- no that’s being selfish again, you’re making excuses. You’re just a lazy piece of shit who doesn’t care about others, and selfish and God the fact you’re thinking this much about one piece of paper shows how selfish you are, you care more about if you’re a good person than anything else, you’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit, YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.
I get home and open up Tumblr. The first post I see says “if you don’t reblog this post about the environment you’re as complicit as an oil billionaire.” I close my computer and resign myself to looking up the state frog populations until I go to bed.
I don’t eat dinner.
The amount of frogs that die a year is somewhere from 200 million to over 1 billion.
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I put it to you that Scaphiophryne marmorata is peak frog.
Why?
Well first, it's pretty round, which is key.
Now get a load of those fingers.
Big, expanded discs at the end, ideal for climbing.
But what's happening back there with those toes? No discs there. Those are good for walking and hopping around on the ground.
Now, let's gently turn them over
First, excellent tum, 17 out of 10, no notes.
But what's that at the base of the foot? Those big projections? Yep, those are spades. This climbing, hopping frog is an excellent digger!
I like to think of these Scaphiophryne as all-terrain frogs. They're basically good at everything. They defy our categorical labels of 'arboreal', 'terrestrial', or 'fossorial', and say 'por qué no los tres?'—but in Malagasy, so 'nahoana no tsy izy telo?'
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will doesn't talk to clarisse unless necessary after the battle of manhattan.
she refused to fight and held back her whole cabin because of a petty argument. yes, will knows that his cabin wasn't any better, but clarisse literally wanted them to die. and guess what? they did! will lost all of his siblings and she comes back only because silena stole her armor.
and her apologies? her suddenly caring about the fight and campers? fuck that. she lost her chance; no matter of how sorry she is and how many monsters she killed will return him his family.
you'd think that'd be all, but she keeps on defending silena, the traitor. the person who has as much blood on her hands as every other ta member, who is personally connected to the murder of his cabin. she keeps on calling her a hero, dismissing the fact that she was one of the first to know about silena being a spy.
will might go as far as call the two partners in crime.
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There is a happiness no-one else knows:
the feeling of mud between fully webbed toes;
the caress of a breeze on your moist shiny skin;
the warmth of the sunlight that slowly soaks in;
the gentlest hum of a thought far away,
as you sit and you soak and let time tick away.
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