I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.
Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.
Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.
Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.
I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.
He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).
First, we get this:
Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.
They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.
It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.
We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.
What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?
He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.
In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.
Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!
...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.
Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.
And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.
I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.
And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.
Meals are the privilege of the living.
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something. about. the horror of being sent on an impossible (death) quest and obligations and hospitality politics. the trauma of not having a home, and then the trauma of being in a house that becomes actively hostile to you, one that would swallow you whole and spit out your bones if you step out of line. all of this is conditional, your existence continues to be something men want gone.
it's about going back as far as I can with the perseus narrative because there's always a version of a myth that exists behind the one that survives. the missing pieces are clearly defined, but the oldest recorded version of it isn't there! and there's probably something older before that!! but it's doomed to forever be an unfilled space, clearly defined by an outline of something that was there and continues to be there in it's absence.
and love. it's also about love. even when you had nothing, you had love.
on the opposite side of the spectrum, this is Not About Ovid Or Roman-Renaissance Reception, Depictions And Discourses On The Perseus Narrative.
edit: to add to the above, while it's not about Ovid, because I'm specifically trying to peel things back to the oldest version of this story, Ovid is fine. alterations on the Perseus myth that give more attention Medusa predate Ovid by several centuries. this comic is also not about those, either! there are many versions of this story from the ancient world. there is not one singular True or Better version, they're all saying something.
Perseus, Daniel Ogden
Anthology of Classical Myth: Primary Sources in Translation, edited & translated by Stephen M Trzaskoma, R. Scott Smith, Stephen Brunet
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ohhhhhh ghostlight loop we’re really in it now
FANART FOR @ghostlightfic GO READ GHOSTLIGHT NEOW!!!!!! i’m so so normal about this fic i prommy. anyways!!!! greyscale version + some design notes below! because i’m very normal about character design 😊
ok design notes time!!
for once i actually am normal about colors here. this is just colorpicked from my normal loop design! which is in turn colorpicked from siffrin’s design. not much to say here!
i generally tried to make them more angular compared to sif? their hair is a lot spikier, the silhouette of their sweater is more pointed, just Sharper shapes all around. idk. hard to put into words
hoping the glowy hair comes across well here. i also tried to make their hair look a bit less messy, since they actually take care of their hair! no flyaways here.
ahhhhhh i Had to make the sweater Fucking Massive i can’t reject my nature. i wanted to have the vague silhouette of the cloak while still keeping it it’s own thing?? i feel like sif could have something like this somewhere. idk. i tried to make it look a bit weathered, since it’s a hand-me-down from sif and that bastard does not take good care of his clothes.
don’t. ask me whether they’re wearing shoes or not. my normal loop design has Built In Heels but you can draw your own conclusions.
not a design note but for some reason i kept forgetting whether or not loop had a scar???? i literally had their description in the fic open as a reference and i STILL kept forgetting to draw it. i’m so so good at remembering things
anyways!!!!!!! go read ghostlight!!!!! it’s really good go read it. anyways. greyscale version as promised 🩶
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Steves always felt stuck.
Slightly out of place, like a character that was supposed to be killed off, but was kept alive instead.
Adrift with no friends and a family thats absent, Steve wastes most his life working a retro video store in a dying mall.
Nothing feels real. Has felt real, ever since a party he threw in high school got wildly out of hand.
Until some guy named Eddie shows up.
Eddie, who slaps down a copy of some former major TV show everyone used to binge.
Eddie, with his wild hair and wilder eyes and an outfit that looks like he himself came out of the stupid 80s show.
Eddie, who worms his way into Steves heart, the only bright spark of his day, and who no one else seems to be able to see.
It's easy to ignore at first. Easy for Steve to dismiss the weird looks and quiet questions--especially when Eddie flirts like he does.
Kisses up Steves neck in the work closet, whispering assurances that they can be quick.
Its a little harder when his concussions are brought up. His brain damage diagnosis thrown at him.
That it's his fault that girl drowned. It's his fault he sacrificed her to save himself, even if the lack of oxygen is the entire reason he's different now…
Steve is certain Eddies not a hallucination, or some kind of--imaginary friend.
So sure hes furious with it when confronted--until that night.
When Eddie sits Steve down and informs him no one else can see him because he is from the stupid tv show.
And so is Steve.
In fact it's not a tv show, its reality and Steve is caught in Vecna's evil mindtrap--except his very real brain damage caused things to go a little differently.
Steves trapped apparently, and El has sent Eddie to go get him--and Steve wants so badly to believe it.
That he's not this lonely.
That this--dull, friendless, family-less life he's barely living, is the fake one.
Except….
“So how do I wake up then?”
“That's the hard part, Stevie.” Eddie tells him, thumb running soothing little circles on overheated skin. El thinks you need to drown--just like Barb did.”
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Kaz never cried once, has anyone else noticed this? And he went through living hell as he was beaten bloody, tortured, didn't rest or sleep for days, was haunted by his past over and over again, suffered panic attacks, had to say goodbye to Inej, watched other people get close to her and it hurt because he couldn't, was in immense emotional and physical pain, book-wise and show-wise, but he never cried once.
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