#and i really wanted to capture how. ultimately it was his decision to sacrifice himself- to do the great seal

[crescentfool]

reunion 🌸

[jkrobertson]

as both a ulquihime and ichihime shipper, what do you like about both ships?

This is probably way more than you asked for, but here you go: As a preface: I watched the anime for the first time in the early 2010s, binging it until it ended in 2012, then set the series down until I picked up the manga around the beginning of 2016. During that time, I was not involved in the fandom AT ALL. When episode 3 came out and Orihime and Ichigo saved Sora’s soul, I decided I wanted them to be together. Then things changed. Ulquiorra captured my attention, and the Orihime was spending all her time with him, and I could see it. I could see it and I didn’t hate it. Ulquiorra was terrifying and seemingly unstoppable, but he was hot. I couldn’t hate the idea of him and Orihime together. But then, the protagonist came back and somehow asspulled himself back to life and Ulquiorra died, and with him, any idea of Orihime and him becoming more. So I regrouped and cheered for Ichihime and was elated when the epilogue came out.

But I never, ever, forgot about Ulquiorra.

When the final arc was starting to wind down, I decided that where canon ended was never going to be enough of the Bleach universe for me, so I started dipping my toes into the fandom. In the beginning, I alternated between which of these ships was my OTP. There was a time when I liked both ships equally. There was a long time after chapter 686 came out when I was still all about getting more Ichihime.

But I still couldn’t forget Ulquiorra.

These days, I like Ulquihime more, largely in part because it was never and will never be resolved. That open end is fuel for my imagination, whereas Ichihime has their happy ending. I can be satisfied with that, even though I never got a comprehensive story.

Now, to FINALLY get to your ask, what do I like about both ships:

Ichihime

General:

The canon OTP

The looks. The softness in their gazes when they look at each other. The fire in his eyes when he resolves to protect her. The adoration in her eyes when he makes a good decision.

The way they worry about each other.

The way Ichigo can relax and be the sweet, loving boy around her that he was with Masaki before her death stole his innocence. The way that Orihime is inspired to invest in herself and learn how to be strong enough to be an asset to him instead of a liability; to meet him at his level, instead of bringing him down to hers. Their bond is not performative. It is quiet, slow building, and strong. It feels healthy and organic and it makes me comfortable.

They are also physically and aesthetically compatible. To put it in animal husbandry terms, they make a good breeding pair. To put it in more pleasant terms, they are a good-looking couple. I want them to make the sweet, sweet love, and it doesn’t take a lot of imagination to consider the possibilities.

Although they are not as dynamic as other ships, I don’t find them dull. I think they are the opposite of dull, really. He thinks she is wonderful and mysterious and a good confidant and source of moral support, but he also thinks she is funny and they share taste in manga. She thinks he is cool and hilarious and worthy of admiration. They stick up for each other and gently tease each other. I prefer this kind of dynamic to a confrontational, bickering, competitive one between lovers. I have had both kinds of relationships IRL, and I would not wish the bantering one upmanship type on my worst enemy. I find it exhausting, demoralizing, and abusive. Give me a more soft spoken kind of love any day of the week.

The fandom:

The passion in the pre-canon days that went into analyzing the interactions between the characters - there were a lot of excellent arguments presented that helped me feel validated in shipping them before Kubo gave the ultimate validation.

There are a lot of really good ichihime fics (been a long time since I read one - now that ichihime is canon I don’t have to wonder about what could have been and just be satisfied by what is) and a fair amount of super cute artwork.

Ulquihime

General:

The other canon OTP/my favorite OTP

IT IS TABOO, NEED WE SAY MORE? Lol jk

THE AESTHETIC - monster/cinnamon roll; black/auburn; pure princess/devil; maiden/mercenary - all high drama/high beauty archetypes

THE CHEMISTRY IS FIRE - while it never even comes close to anything as obvious as flirtation, the body language between them - the proximity, the posturing, the way he stands between her and any rival for her attention, the way she drops her guard and makes her body vulnerable to his despite being aware of the danger… It’s like watching a tango. The tension between them is always strung tight and delicious. Also, it is projection on my part here, but Ulquiorra isn’t interested in anything, ever, EXCEPT ORIHIME. Who wouldn’t want hot goth daddy’s full attention? Especially a fair maiden who has, for all intents and purposes, thrown away her old life in a noble sacrifice and has made peace with that, who finds herself in a strange, hostile new world with only said hot goth daddy (HGD) to talk to and tend to her needs. If she were to stay in that situation, I can only imagine the ways she might adapt to make her life more tolerable, including, but not limited to, experimenting with HGD and fantasizing about him.

THE LITERARY TROPES - I really don’t need to say more here, do I?

The huge effect they had on each other - people often take lifetimes to learn the deep lessons they taught each other in a short time.

THE WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEENS - The tragedy of Ulquiorra’s potential redemption and Orihime’s potential alternative destiny being lost to the sands of Hueco Mundo is both sorrowful and poetic as hell.

The unending What ifs that can be explored with these two is inspiring, which leads me to...

The fandom:

THE ART!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG THE ART!!! THE FICSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Overall it’s sexier in this ship in regards to art and fics.

The community is small but just happy to still be alive, and is overall really lovely.

To sum up, there is a lot to love about both ships. Ichihime is a lovely, hopeful ship that has fulfilled its destiny. Ulquihime is a darker, enthralling ship that is ripe for the fandom to rekindle and ignite. Ichihime is Dvorak’s New World Symphony: Largo, and Ulquihime is Vivaldi’s Four Seasons: Winter. Both are good. Both have substance. They are different flavors, different timbres, different themes, and I love them both (but obviously one a little more than the other).

[albino-whumpee]

Demon Angel AU: Ritual sacrifice

Will I ever actually work on my WIPS or follow an schedule? Sigh.

Anyhow, a bit more of the AU with the boys for a late @whumptober2020! Sann discovers what did the gods capture a demon for! He´s not very happy about it and the fate of his friend.

CW// blood, ritual sacrifice, deity whump, captivity, pet whump (of sorts), forced to watch, torture, defiant whumpee, manhandling, creepy whumper and noncon touching (non sexual), wing whump, threats of murder, escape attempt and betrayal. Ask to tag!

Taglist: @as-a-matter-of-whump @grizzlie70 @orchidscript @giggle-evil-puppy @rosesareviolentlyread @haro-whumps

He was molded by his god to be perfect. Or their definition of perfect. Six pairs of wings that would allow him to soar through the sky as ordered. Perfectly white and soft for his God´s fingers to run through as he sang along to an ancient song the angel had never listened to but knew word by word.

Kneeling at his God´s feet, and singing to them like the perfect bird toy the demon had told him he was when he had gotten close enough to get a “hey, Angel, are you gonna tell me your name today?” instead of warning snarls. The angel had gotten defensive at first. Offended by the captive´s words when he was so much more to his God. So thankful to have been given the important job to stay by their side to serve them.

“You love flying don´t you?” the demon had told him shifting on his cell with his limbs going black from the friction of chains that cursed his touch.

He had a piece of cloth tied around the edges so it would pacify the pain for a little while, it was too risky to leave it, so the angel had to take it away when he went back to bed to his lord.

The angel bit his lower lip. Remembering his night strolls through the clouds, when he could simply put the three pairs of wings to work for him and him only.

“I do, but-”

“Then if your creator loved you so much they wouldn´t force you to stop. They would love to see you flying in the sky instead of forcing you to stay with them on the ground to show your devotion or whatever”

“It´s to bring honor to them! Besides, It´s my choice to do it or not!” the angel had yelled at him. The demon stood up and stomped his way to the bars of his cell. Until the chain yanked him back and he let out an exasperated groan before turning to watch the puffed out angel.

“Yeah? Is it really a choice when you´re terrified of saying no?” The demon refuted. “Do you even…Do you even know how they will fuck up your wings?”

The angel had frowned at the softening of his voice. He shook his head as the demon sighed.

“Come here, Angel” he said and the angel doubted moving, but ultimately walked towards the demon, curiosity itching to be satisifed. He jumped in horror as the demon pinched his hand with his own claws and black blood pooled on it.

“What are you-!?”

“Shh, I´m ok” he said crouching to take into his hands one of the feathers that had fallen off on one of the angel´s earliest visits. The three feathers hidden in a crack on the wall was his little treasure, but nobody, and most certainly not the Angel needed to know that “I´m not here just to be a party entertainer, Angel” he said dipping the feather in the blood as a sizzling sound crossed the air. The Angel´s heart stopped for a second.

The feather dissolved in less than a few seconds.

“I´m the main ingredient for your ritual. Once they dry me, you will coat your wings bloody black. But after suffering for a few hours, your god will give you wax wings. If you pretty please ask for them, they will give it to you. Just as perfect but absolutely useless”

“H-H-How do you know all this?” The freckled Angel heaved staring at the demon´s grim face.

“Demons disappear all the time you know? Who, besides your god´s soldiers, would take them? The humans? They wish! The Elder told me to avoid capture at all costs but I…” he sighed “I didn´t see them coming from above”

The Angel had never felt so betrayed. He couldn´t even say goodbye to the demon that night. He had wanted to sit next to his god at night, as the demon danced in his injured feet and enjoy along…but he couldn´t. He felt disgusted, afraid, of being forced to be the cause of pain inflicted on the demon. Of his friend. He could try to look away for as long as his god didn´t take his chin and make him watch.

It took guts to make a decision, and it had a cost to save the demon.

At night, his god called for him and he prostrated before them to be informed the ritual would be at dawn.

The Angel should have stayed quiet. Should have shown his excitement just like when they told him he was chosen among all the other angels to become theirs.

But nothing but questions and the need to cry came out.

“What´s wrong, Sann?” they asked him gently wiping the tears off his face. A name was given to him to respond to, but only the giver knew what to call. Only his god could call him Sann.

“My lord, I have a wish for you to answer”

“Ask and I may consider”

“What will happen to the white demon on the dungeons after dawn?” Sann asked with a knot forming on his stomach as the god took their hand away.

“Worried about your own enemy. What a pure little one I made. But don´t fret, it´s only natural for living things, no matter how cursed their existance, to cease. You should know that, Sann” suddenly the finger tracing his jaw didn´t feel like a gentle touch, but a warning. Sann´s wings shivered as his god planted a kiss on his forehead “You´re far more important to me than that funny creature of the underworld, Sann. I expect nothing less but perfection from you and you have relentlessly proved your worth to me. Do it one more time and get ready, my perfect little bird”

Sann knelt in one knee as they walked away to the gardens “Yes, my lord”

The Angel couldn´t focus on the gorgeous scent of the flowers that bathed their body and the brush that groomed their wings, neither on the voices that praised him for getting such a promotion and telling him how beautiful he looked on his ritual gawns. They all had been angels like him, promoted, without any lower angel seeing. He had always wondered about why such secrecy…

“Sister?” She asked the black skinned angel mussing his hair and hummed in reply. Her wings were always shiny and immobil behind her. Always dragging on the ground as she walked behind her own Lady “What are your wings made of?”

At the question he felt a sudden pull back. He let out a pained yelp through gritted teeth.

“Oh my! I´m sorry! I…what kind of question is that, sweetheart?” She said and didn´t speak again until she was finished and pushed him to the next room.

He didn´t miss how she didn´t answer his question.

They never did.

—

It was past midnight when the Angel started with his meditation. He was supposed to last until dawn, but no matter how hard the effect of the tea they had given him, he couldn´t force himself back into that state. Slightly dizzy, he stumbled his way to the window. Just to check how much time he had to get his last flying before the ceremony.

He saw the sky turning that pinkish tone he had soared through in his first flight. Racing the sun to see who could come higher faster. He remembered how the wind felt on his wings, how the currents carried him higher, how the clouds melted without touching, they had never been fluffy cutton, but scurried through his fingers like water.

More than once he had asked despite himself, what were they made of. What was everything even himself made of. Despite been forbidden from questioning the greatest god´s creations, he kept wondering. He wanted to know and appreciate it, not deminish it.

Why was it so wrong to ask?

At the thought a tear spilled off his cheek.

Because the answers may not be as innocent as he thought, he now understood.

It pained him to admit it. It hurt so much to make a coocoon of his wings and touch them in longing. The demon was right. He didn´t want to dissapoint his god, but he also didn´t wanna lose his flight.

He would prefer to fall.

The demon should still be on the dungeon. He could…he could save him. He could take him and.. He needed to…

He suddenly was yanked up by the arm by his sisters and brothers. A procession trapped him until they arrived to the plaza, just a few minutes before dawn.

In explicit detail he was instructed about the ritual´s procedures. Such was his shock that, before he knew it, he was on his knees in front of his god and…

“Control that beast!” the blonde, winged soldier cracked his whip at the demon. Hitting him plain in the face, blood splattered on the floor but the demon kept squirming and growling under the ropes holding him down. His tail tightly bound to one of his legs. He was kneeling with a muzzle over his face and a rope tightening more and more around his exposed, vulnerable neck. The more he moved the more it digged on his skin, black blood ran down in rivulets through the rope and to his wrists. Struggling just made it worse, but his eyes didn´t lose the fight in them. Like a red twilight, his eyes were filled with the omen of blood.

The demon was finally seized with the help of two other soldiers. Holding him in place to stare directly at Sann. His eyes widened as he found the sword on the angel´s hands and Sann understood immediately he bared his fangs in fury, in betrayal and then closed his eyes and stopped struggling.

The soldiers let him go and the demon jerked forward. His forehead barely brushing the Seraphim´s feet in defeat. He saw his eyes and there was no need for words to understand what they meant.

“I trusted you”

The demon lowered his head as Sann began with the first step of the ritual: singing an hymn in honor of the highest god. The creator of all. Even the demon´s elder.

It should be carried on with a dance with the sword on his hand. Gentle steps that got framed with the movements of his wings. The gods and Sann´s god watched his performance delighted.

The ritual dance stopped with Sann bowing at the demon with the sword on his back.

He whispered to the white haired demon then.

“I want to know your name”

The demon´s snort was muffled by the muzzle.

Golden bowls on the sides, so in his sweaty state he had to take them and put them right below the demon. He carefully moved slower, trying to make as much of a curtain as his wings would let him cover in a place filled with gods and soldiers.

“I´m not gonna hurt you” Sann whispered, moving gracefully behind the demon, sword on one hand and grabbing a fist of white hair to uncover the neck. He glared back with a venemous look.

It wasn´t part of the ritual to cut the muzzle off his face with the sword, yet it fell to a sudden silence of the public. To the demon´s amusement.

“I promise” he mouthed to the demon. Eyes were nailed on them in all directions, but the tension seemed to ease and quicken as he set the sword right over the tender skin of his throat.

The demon squinted but his lips twisted up, sensing the honesty of the winged creature.

“Tell me yours, and I will tell you mine”

The angel looked above and took a deep breath where he extended his wings and lifted his sword. Using the sudden roar of cheering to mouth his name at the demon. The sword pointed in a direction without guards.

The joy at the barbarie vanished just as quickly as Sann´s sword cut through the ropes, switching it for horror as the demon ran free. He was not an strong demon, he himself had told him so, yet he pushed the angel off his way and ran with little equilibrium with his tail still bind to one of his legs.

The soldiers were torn between going for the demon or for Sann, which he used to extend his wings and flap the three pairs of wings down, giving him enough power to impulse him up.

He was a fallen.

Sann had fallen and he could sense his god´s ire high up above the clouds.

But, if they had given him a chance to choose, they should´ve been prepared to hear a no.

He turned in the air and plummeted down towards the demon running to one of the borders. Saw him stopping cold and fighting inercia to avoid falling over. Sann extended his arms and curled on his wings to go faster and catch him right when the soldiers were about to reach him. Flying off with a twist and going down and down.

The demon screamed.

“DON´T LET ME FALL DON´T LET ME FALL DON´T LET ME FALL!!!” He panicked as he gripped to the angel´s chest.

“Hold tight!” Sann screamed back, as the muscles on his back protested the strain. They would have to hold on. Until they could lose the fifteen soldiers after them and their arrows.

The cold air pierced his lungs and the demon´s screams were starting to make his ears ring.

He turned through soldiers popping out, but if his calculations were correct, they could get through the barrier into the human world in just a few more meters.

Just a little bit and there would be freedom.

As soon as Sann flew away, his god trembled in fury but quickly collected themself to bark left and right to bring them their bow and a frask of poisoned demon blood.

If Sann refused to be theirs, if Sann had the guts to defy them and decide they wished to fall trying to protect a filthy demon, then Sann had been a failure needed of extermination.

The god prepared themselves. Picked up one of the arrows and submerged it on the frask. Then pulled back and waited. They knew their creation was fond of his wings and his flight, they had taken pride of a creature so devoted they would take what was most precious to him, himself.

“What a pity. But it´s alright, with your flesh, we will create a better version. Just like you surpassed the one before you” they let the arrow go “My sweet little bird”

Sann didn´t sense the arrow, but the demon did.

“Watch out!” He screamed turning Sann by pulling one of his wings. Right out of the arrow´s direction but in turn, it blew up one of his horns making him lose his grip around the angel.

He wasn´t a strong demon, he was not a shape shifter or had herculean strength. He was just a low class demon that was perfect for an angel without any battle training, to handle.

It was strange.

So, so strange to know he was gonna splat on the floor and he couldn´t avoid it, but had an angel rushing to meet him. Hand extended and screaming something he didn´t understand.

He was falling too fast and too hard, he was loosing consciousness, the last he saw were trees getting bigger and closer.

Ah, the human world.

The demon saw the black blood spill above him and made the effort to cover it.

He didn´t want the angel to get burnt with his blood.

In such dire situation his mind wondered back to those gray eyes telling him his name.

Sann…

He hadn´t been able to tell him his name.

He closed his eyes when he saw the angel´s wings expand and frenetically rush down. The last he felt was the angel´s…Sann´s arms wrapping around him. His wings covering them to protect them both as they fell into the woods.

[fixielixie]

Wei Wuxian is selfish, actually~ is the deeper meaning of mdzs? I can't believe I had to read this with my own two eyeballs. Exactly how low is the reading comprehension on this site lmfao. Was his decision to give his golden core to Jiang Cheng without telling him Not A Great Idea™? Yes I think so. Objectively giving your "organ" to someone and not telling them is fucked up. But was it selfish? Exactly how? It was arguably the result of his upbringing and him feeling indebted to the Jiangs. He said it himself if I remember correctly that without the Jiangs he wouldn't have a gc anyway so he owes it to them. Which feels like unhealthy attitude to have towards oneself but like the exact opposite of selfishness. If we tried to stretch this to max, one could argue that wei wwx keeping the transfer itself a secret was selfish because he didn't want Jiang Cheng mad at him. But Jiang Cheng was mad at him anyway and if that theory was true, if Wuxian did give up his core for selfish reasons and because he's somehow selfish then this would be the first thing he'd throw into Jiang Cheng's face the second he needs to guilt trip him. You know? Like Jing Huangyao did to Xichen with "Didn't I take care of you?" in the Guanyin temple. sorry for the rant

tbh i think the person who bore the worst of the bad decision of the golden core transfer was wwx himself. its one of the main factors that lead to his downfall and then his death. jc wouldnt have been able to be the sect leader, but it would have been his family pride and his own that would have been hurt in this situation. im sure given time he would have been able to make something out of himself, plus at this stage he was already out of immediate danger, so he wouldn't have been able to fight in the war, but he could have stayed alive but sticking to his sisters side.

wwx tho, through giving up his golden core, was immediately beaten and thrown off a cliff where he had to survive in corpse hell for three months, inventing a heretic path that made him unbelievably powerful but also an enemy because of said unknown power, and then died.

like clearly giving up his core here was the worse option here for everyone but jiang cheng. but like you said, this version of wwx would always give up his golden core for jiang cheng, because he thought it was what was owed to him, that he didnt have any right to a core if jc didnt because without the jiangs he wouldnt have had a chance to cultivate one in the first place. and again like you said, this is a really unhealthy way to look at it, because ultimately the golden core was his and no one elses, he cultivated it using his own talent and merits and how powerful he was really had nothing to do with the jiangs. its the same thought process he had about yzy cuttin off his hand, than he would gladly lose a hand for the sect, because that was what is expected of him. to give up every little bit of himself for the jiang sect, whether or not they ever repaid back that loyalty to him like... at all. he was expected to blindly follow along whether they treated him well or not.

and youre right, if we stretch it you could argue that wwx didnt tell jc about it because he didnt want to have to deal with him getting angry at him. but also, i think the main reason he didnt tell him is because he knew what sort of mentality jc had, and that jc wouldnt see this as a sacrifice wwx was willing to make for the jiang sect, but rather wwx trying to one up him once again. tbh wwx doesnt even view this as a noble sacrifice on his part, he did it because he believed it to be his duty, and i dont really blame him for not wanting to deal with jcs bullshit over it when he could just pop his core into him and they can all go about his life (but heres where wwxs actual flaw is, believe that everyone can let things go as easily as he can. which is clearly not the case, and it leads him into situations such as this one).

and thats also a good point, if he did it for selfish reasons, what was stopping him after he came back to life and jc was trying to capture him, from rubbing it in his face?? trying to make jiang cheng suffer for spending a decade obsessed with finding him and using his own core to whip demonic cultivators in effort to prove it was wwx. why wouldnt he use this to his advantage to try and escape the blame that jc constantly puts on him. because he didnt do it to hold over jiang cheng or to help himself sleep at night, he gave up his core because thats what he believed he should've done as a head disciple/to pay back his debt, thats about as deep as it was for him.

also never apologise for ranting, look at what i post and im sending you back! if anyone should apologise its me D:

[mca-attack21]

The Sacrifice

Hi guys, this was an interesting concept that I thought I would try out. I haven’t quite decided if I want to leave it as a stand-alone or add a second part. Anyways, grab your bow-ties and enjoy!

You had gone on so many incredible adventures with The Doctor. As a side-effect, you had often been placed in dangerous situations, but you were never truly scared because you always knew that the Doctor would come for you. You knew that at the end of the day, everything was going to be okay because that was who he was, the man who saved the universe. You loved him with all of your heart and you chose willingly to put your faith in him. 

But this time was different. This time you were absolutely terrified.

The Doctor and you had traveled to a planet to waste some time as Amy and Rory were ‘honeymooning’ in Amsterduke. You would never pass up a chance for one on one time with the Doctor and were excited to see what the day would bring.

And everything was going great, at least until the two of you were captured. When you woke up, you were being held in some type of pod. You couldn’t move to even begin to try to get out. You saw that across the room the Doctor was strapped down to some sort of table, the aliens were hovering over his seemingly unconscious body.

“Why are you doing this?” you yelled gaining their attention.

“We have been waiting for centuries to find someone with time vortex energy to use as a stabilizer. He refused us, so we are going to take away his option to disagree with us by making him autonomous,” one of the creatures said bluntly.

“What does that mean?” you asked already afraid of the answer.

“We will end his independent brain function, and put his body in a permanent state of homeostasis. But don’t worry, he won’t feel it.”

“You’re going to kill him!” you yelled.

“We have no other choice. But don’t worry, as he stabilizes the ruptures in time, his existence will be rewritten, you will not remember him,” the creature tried to reason.

Your mind rushed as you realized what it had just said and with complete confidence you said, “Use me.”

“What?” the creature, who you later learned was the leader, asked.

“I am covered with vortex energy, and am entirely willing, let me take his place,” you pleaded.

“Stop, what you are doing,” he order those that were working on the Doctor. He then turned back towards you. “You would be erased from time like you never existed.”

“I know, please, just let me take his place.” 

“Why would you do that?”

“Because he is the most important man, the last of his kind, the savior of the universe. Killing him would devastate the world, but me? It wouldn’t even leave a mark.”

“Do you love him?” he asked.

“More than anything in this world,” you answered sincerely.

“Okay, we will test you, if you are compatible we will make the trade and let him go free, you have my word.”

With that, you were escorted to another room where a female came in and ran tests.

“You are very brave,” she said.

“Thank you,” you mumbled.

“Don’t worry, we can make it to where you will never feel it.”

“What if you don’t? What if I want to stay cognizant? To be able to remember everything?”

“You would be in agonizing pain, why would you want that?”

“Because then I wouldn’t lose him.”

“It would ultimately be up to you, though I wouldn’t recommend it.”

The tests came back and it was confirmed that you were compatible. The leader came back in and said that it was the most honorable thing to make a sacrifice for love. He asked if there was anything that you wanted to do before they put you in the capsule. You asked him for the chance to say goodbye to the Doctor and the ability to make a phone call to assure he’d be taken care of afterward. He agreed.

As you were led back to the room, you tried to prepare yourself. You knew that you could never tell him what you were about to do. He would try to talk you out of it, but the leader had been clear that it was you or the Doctor. If you tried to escape, he would kill you both and after what you witnessed earlier, you knew that he could. You took comfort in the fact that the Doctor wouldn’t remember any of this. You knew that if he did he would blame himself and it would absolutely tear him apart. But it was okay because he never would.

You put a brave face on and pushed the door open. The doctor was now sitting up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He still looked awful, but managed to shoot you a weak smile as you entered.

“I don’t know how you did it, but you saved me, they are letting us go,” the Doctor said.

“Well, I figured it was my turn. You’re always saving me,” you replied taking a seat beside him. ‘But not this time’ you thought.

“I just need about an hour to recover and then we can go back to the TARDIS and forget any of this ever existed.”

Those words hurt you and you hadn’t really realized that you’d started crying until the Doctor reached up to wipe your tears.

“Y/n? What’s the matter?” 

“It’s nothing, I’m just glad that you’re okay. I was scared for a minute there,” you answered.

‘Even if that means that I will never see you again’ 

“Come on Y/n, I’ll always be okay as long as I’ve got you,” he promised.

This sentence brought more tears, which caused him to pull you into his arms with a painful inhale. You had to remind yourself that this was the only way. It was either you or him. And he would be fine, he wouldn’t remember you, he’d still have the Ponds and River. He would still be the Doctor, alive to fight another day. 

Without really thinking, you whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/n,” he whispered into your hair.

The two of you stayed like that until there was a knock on the door signaling that your time was up. You felt like it wasn’t enough time, but you knew deep down that no amount of time could have ever felt like it was enough.

“That’s my cue, I have to go check on something. Just stay here and rest up,” you faked a reassuring smile.

“Oh, okay,” the Doctor said with confusion in his voice. He could tell that something was off, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was.

You gave him a tight squeeze and in a moment of weakness you kissed him. You hadn’t even really meant to do it, but something inside of you took over. The Doctor was slightly caught off guard, but happy nonetheless. Another knock was heard at the door and you pulled away, leaving the Doctor with a slight pout.

You walked towards the door, knowing better than to turn around and look at him again. He mistakenly took this for embarrassment over the kiss.

“Was I that bad?” he joked, longing for you to smile over your shoulder and laugh.

But as you refused to look at him, he realized that it was something else. You hesitated for a moment as you reached the door and said, “Goodbye Doctor, thanks for the adventures,” and without missing a beat exited the room.

“Wait? What do you mean goodbye? Y/n?” he asked trying to push himself to his feet ignoring the aching in his muscles and the fire in his lungs. He watched as the door shut behind you and tried to force it open. His hearts sank as he realized that his feeling that something was wrong was being confirmed. He forced himself over to his suit jacket to get his sonic, knowing deep down that he was running out of time. But it wasn’t there, someone must’ve taken it. 

He was starting to panic, he was trapped in here while you were out there. He wasn’t there to protect you. He was also incredibly frustrated as he now knew that you were hiding something from him, him. That could only mean that you were about to do something incredibly stupid, something that you didn’t think he’d be able to fix, something you didn’t want him to see. A tear rolled down his cheek, that wasn’t your decision to make. He forced himself back over to the door, and tried to open it. The exertion eventually came to much and he sunk down with his back against the wall. He felt so helpless, this was all his fault. And for the first time in a very long time, the Doctor cried. But even as the tears fell, he started to forget why he was crying.

By the time the door opened, he was surprised to see who entered. For it was the woman who perplexed him endlessly. The one he was pretty sure that he was going to marry someday.

“Hello Sweetie,” River said with a smile, though he saw the sadness in her eyes, but, he knew better than to ask. Spoilers.

“River? What happened? Where am I? Where are the Ponds?”

“Amy and Rory are on a honeymoon adventure in Amsterduke. You decided to come here and waste some time, but bit off a little more than you could chew. Your captors almost killed you, but it’s okay, everything has been handled. Should we go find the TARDIS?” she asked pitching him his sonic.

“Of course,” he said, though he had this strange feeling that something was missing.

River grabbed his coat, which he gratefully accepted. Something was missing, where was his bow-tie? Oh well, he had plenty more in the TARDIS. Though he couldn’t help but feel a bit out of sorts. The two of them made their way back to the TARDIS and the Doctor made himself some tea to help his body rebalance itself. When he returned to the console room, he was surprised at River’s unusually quiet demeanor. 

“So, aren’t you going to ask where we are this time? Pull out our diaries, do the whole nine yards?” the Doctor asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, of course,” she said smile brightening her face. River knew how to put on an act for him. She was practically the only person alive who knew what had actually happened that day. But she could never tell him, time didn’t work like that. If there was any chance of getting you back, the Doctor would have to remember you for himself.

[a-secret-bolton-vampire]

Brief Thought on Theon in TWOW

Theon has been a huge mystery for me and a lot of people, because his story could go just about anywhere. He's currently held prisoner by Stannis, who plans on executing him (after interrogating him, of course). Although he is to be executed by fire, Asha comes in to tell Stannis to instead execute Theon himself with Lightbringer at the weirwood islet, all the while the caged ravens scream "Theon" and "tree"... hello Bran, hello Bloodraven.

Now, the fact the ravens are screaming about the tree and Asha mentions executing Theon at the tree to me is a clear indication that it is going to be an important location. Now, I don't quite think Theon is gonna die here (see below), but rather Bran is going to find a way to keep him around. He already called to Theon when Theon went to beg absolution in the Winterfell godswood. Summon some ravens to interrupt the execution, maybe even appear in the tree like he did to Theon at Winterfell.

Such a display from the old gods might make the northmen think it is a sign that Theon has paid for his sins. Stannis might not really care, although... if you get a sign like that, I'm not entirely sure what Stannis would think. Regardless, I think Theon is going to survive, and Bran wants him to. Why? Well, I don't actually think Bran is manipulating Theon here. It's been months at this point since we've had a Bran POV, and who knows what he's been doing this whole time. However, if he has been focused on Winterfell, he probably has seen Theon being tormented by Ramsay.

Theon betrayed the Starks. He took Winterfell. He killed two boys and passed them off as Bran and Rickon. He is a traitor and a turncloak and a murderer. But seeing Theon in this light might change Bran's perspective on him. He's suffered so much. He may have deserved execution for his crimes, but the torture he endured from Ramsay was not justice.

At the end of ADWD/beginning of TWOW, Theon is pretty resigned to dying. He wants to die, and he feels immense guilt for what he did. Bran is tapping into the power of the old gods and communicates to a broken Theon at Winterfell. Even though Theon has prayed to the old gods (really praying to Bran) and gotten some sort of reply, he doesn't know what it means. If Bran stays Theon's execution, that's a huge change for Theon. He believes he deserves to die for what he did.

If the old gods show some sort of presence that stops Theon from being killed, that changes everything for him. If the gods don't want him to die, what is his purpose now? What reason is there for him to be around? Does he truly deserve to be killed? Can he redeem himself? Part of the reason why I don't believe Theon is going to be executed here is because I think there is much more rich narrative and thematic depth to explore than him simply resigning to his fate and getting it.

As for what he will do in TWOW, apart from the theories that he simply just dies, some people also believe he might stay Stannis's prisoner, or be used by Asha to undo the kingsmoot on the Iron Islands. The latter theory is based on the mention of Torgon the Latecomer, by Rodrik Harlaw and later Tristifer Botely.

"When you put your name before the captains you submitted yourself to their judgment. You cannot go against that judgment now. Only once has the choice of a kingsmoot been overthrown. Read Haereg."

Archmaester Haereg wrote History of the Ironborn. And what was this one time the kingsmoot was overthrown? Well, Tris explains it the very chapter Asha has this memory of Rodrik.

"Torgon Greyiron was the king's eldest son. But the king was old and Torgon restless, so it happened that when his father died he was raiding along the Mander from his stronghold on Greyshield. His brothers sent no word to him but instead quickly called a kingsmoot, thinking that one of them would be chosen to wear the driftwood crown. But the captains and the kings chose Urragon Goodbrother to rule instead. The first thing the new king did was command that all the sons of the old king be put to death, and so they were. After that men called him Badbrother, though in truth they'd been no kin of his. He ruled for almost two years." Asha remembered now. "Torgon came home …" "… and said the kingsmoot was unlawful since he had not been there to make his claim. Badbrother had proved to be as mean as he was cruel and had few friends left upon the isles. The priests denounced him, the lords rose against him, and his own captains hacked him into pieces. Torgon the Latecomer became the king and ruled for forty years."

This is often used as evidence that Asha will use Theon in a similar manner; since he was presumed dead but is actually still alive, he did not put his claim forth, and thus the kingsmoot is invalid, as is Euron's ascension to the Seastone Chair. Theon the Latecomer will be Euron's undoing. While Theon is in no fit enough state to even be considered king, perhaps his presence will be enough to assuage Euron's control on the Iron Isles.

I think that the fact this is mentioned is important, and something like this might happen. Personally, I think that when the battle of ice turned against Stannis's favour, Theon escaped with the help of Asha and her supporters, and they grouped together at Torrhen's Square, which is held currently by Dagmer Cleftjaw, master-at-arms at Pyke, whom Theon had a close relationship with. And the idea will be to use Theon as a tool to invalidate the kingsmoot and Euron's role. Also, it would be very neat to see Theon reunite with Dagmer after all he's been through, since Dagmer was an important figure in his childhood.

The problem is that I don't think Theon Latecomer is going to change anything. For one, although he doesn't need to be king, just be used as a way to invalidate the kingsmoot because he never pressed his claim, what is that going to change? Is Theon really going to press his claim? And if he did, he would be laughed out. He has no interest in kingship, and he is not in any state to rule as one. So he's definitely not going to be elected. Who does that leave?

Well, Victarion is away in Meereen. Asha might have supporters but her gender works against her. Perhaps old Erik Ironmaker might try his hand again, but I doubt that will work any better. Aeron is supposedly in hiding (although really he's being tortured by Euron). Gylbert Farwynd wanted to sail beyond the Sunset Sea and see what lands lie west of Westeros.

Meanwhile, Euron is bringing the Old Way back to the ironborn in a way Balon never accomplished. He took the Shields and gave lordships to the raiders there. He has been sending ships up and down the Mander, in the Whispering Sound, even sacking the Arbor. He is giving the ironborn a great deal of wealth. What's even more, it appears that some of the things he wouldn't have dared before are a lot safer to do now. For instance, at the kingsmoot, he put on his facade as doing everything for the Drowned God. Now look at how his captains talk about the Drowned God in The Forsaken:

"Your curses have no power here, priest,” said Left-Hand Lucas Codd. “The Crow’s Eye has fed your Drowned God well, and he has grown fast with sacrifice. Words are wind, but blood is power. We have given thousands to the sea, and he has given us victories!”

It's not "the Drowned God" but "your Drowned God". They don't care anymore. They don't care if it's different or against their traditions. Euron has been giving them victories and riches and glory, and that's all that matters. This is something that is easy to see in the real world too (just look at what Donald Trump did in office and how the GOP reacted to his actions). Euron has taken the bulk of the Iron Islands military strength with him, and is living up to what he's promised so far. Why would they want to go back?

However, the most important part, for me anyways, is that ultimately, Euron doesn't care. He doesn't care about the Iron Isles. His goal is Westeros and the Iron Throne. The islands mean nothing to him. He loses some people there, so what? What's there for him to use? He's gonna try to become a god-king anyways so the Iron Islands aren't important.

In the end, even if Asha wanted to use Theon for these purposes, it won't do anything. The ironborn are in southern Westeros having the time of their lives, why would they return here? Now, if this is doomed to do anything against Euron, then why mention Torgon? Why have Theon go through that? I think it's all part of his internal journey of identity and allegiance.

He's always been stuck between Greyjoy and Stark. He didn't feel like he belonged with the Starks, but he wanted to. When Balon rebelled against Robb and insulted him, Theon wanted to prove himself to his father, so he betrayed the Starks. He was outsmarted and captured by Ramsay, however, and now regrets doing what he did. But he still hasn't chosen, Greyjoy or Stark. He wants to simply die.

I think that this journey for him is him recovering from Ramsay and finally finding his true self again. Theon has been a puppet of Ramsay's, and is poised to become a puppet for Asha and her followers. It's time he start to make his own decisions. I think this journey as Theon Latecomer (whether he literally returns to the isles or not) is him dealing with his own internal struggle, before finally resolving it. My theory is that he will decide to choose the Starks, because they are his true family, and there is nothing for him that he wants or can do with the Greyjoys.

[pallasperilous]

So It Goes

So, forgive me this indulgence as somebody who does not ordinarily write meta; a friend asked me why I thought that the manner of Dean’s death in 15x20 is an incredibly lovely and mature writing choice. I think it is so, for reasons that also happen to explain why so many fans of the show fucking loathe it.

There is some Vonnegut at the end. Hang in for that. 

PART ONE: 

Chuck's story direction has always made sure that the boys, if they died, did so in a mega intense or glorious fashion (minus the *Mystery Spot* meddling by Gabriel, and those weren't meant to be permadeaths). Those deaths were awesome heroic television deaths that FED the story rather than ending it. Every time, the surviving brother would do some extremely stupid and destabilizing shit to bring the other back, often feeding an entire new cycle of death and retrieval. 

If he *didn't* (cf: Sam in the Cage, Dean in Purgatory), it caused a massive rift between them, which then fed *further* wild-ass decisions. The dudes were in the dictionary under 'codependency'. People knew that killing or capturing one of them meant the other wasn't far behind. 

Chuck's endgame for Sam and Dean was literally to *die fighting God.* How much more heroically wanky can you get?

But they beat him. They’re free. Jack takes over, and makes it clear that he isn’t going to be a God who meddles or directs; he’s not going to be their in-house writer. He’s just going to set things back where they belong, reform the systems that Chuck established out of ego or cruelty, and then integrate himself with the universe so that anything that happens to it…happens to him, too. He’s won’t be a character anymore. He’s a setting.

PART TWO: 

So, minus Chuck, with Jack’s goodbye and Castiel’s sacrifice…the boys get to experience plain old…real life. Tuesday! Drinking beer, kicking the laundry machine, filling out shitty job applications, enjoying the little consolations of food and pets and free time. (I think that messy room and dog-bonding and staring into the internet bespeaks a Dean who is really doing his goddamn best to not implode with grief as he has in the past, but to try to thrive in the face of deep grieving). 

When Sam expresses grief over losing Cas, Dean's response is basically: yeah, it sucks. But our job, that our loved ones sacrificed for us to have a shot at… is to stop trying to reverse all of our losses, and to learn to live with them, like normal people have to. That’s the price of the gift they’ve been given — accepting whatever real life deals them.

They can literally do anything they want; circumstances won’t herd them into Season 16. What’s the first thing Dean really does, after this little break? 

He hears “missing kids, dead parents” and he dives right back in. He opens his Dad’s goddamn notebook for the info. He’s immediately choosing to go right back to where they started, for the sake of helping other people. He books them to fight some of the very first basic bitch monsters he and Sam dealt with. That is unforced 100% Dean’s choice. 

(Sam has demonstrated an ability to not take on the responsibility of eliminating all monster-based misfortunes in the world and pursue a life beyond just hunting, so long as Dean has been off the map…but Dean’s one attempt to take a job and settle down with Lisa ended up being so obviously hollow that Castiel felt SO BAD he took time off from RUNNING HEAVEN to rescue Sam FOR DEAN.)

PART THREE: 

Remember Chuck's little fit earlier where Dean wound up getting his teeth drilled etc? That bad luck was being magnified by Chuck being pissed at them, but the brothers truly did find themselves facing ordinary people shit they had never really had to deal with. It drove the point home -- Sam and Dean had been exempt, this whole time, from the petty little ways that failure and misfortune work in the normal world. That extended to their hunting, too — they found out that there were people they could fail to save, despite their best effort. People who, according to the rules they’d been operating under, should have been savable. 

So we see this hunt — which is really rough and tumble. They’re still doing amazingly considering how outnumbered they are, but this was some of the most intentionally graceless fight choreography I remember seeing on the show. They seriously almost lose the fight, and Sam kills that last vamp pestering Dean with the kind of “whew!” last minute heroics we’ve come to expect from the show.

And Dean realizes: something has gone wrong. Something that no pulp TV action genre writer would ever, ever draft for a hero’s death. There was some scary rebar sticking out and Dean got shoved into it in the scuffle and it hath Fucked Him Up. It’s the kind of shit that happens on construction sites. It’s an accident. It’s a random misfortune. It has nothing to do with his heroism or skill or the cleverness or powerfulness of his opponents. It just happens.

Under show rules, here is what would happen next: Castiel would heal him. Jack would heal him. Sam would call an ambulance and Dean would be DOA and Sam would whip out his cellphone and call Rowena or a crossroads demon or Sister Jo or research a spell and we’d be off and rolling for Season 16.

But Dean says: Don’t do that.

Because that is what Chuck would write.

Dean realizes — this is exactly the world they have fought to exist in. A world that is randomly wonderful, randomly shitty. This happened because he chose to be here. Nobody made them pursue this hunt. Is he surprised that it happened so soon, that he ended up having so little time to give unscripted life a shot? Yes, to the point that he clearly thinks it’s honestly kinda funny. Cuz who’d write it like that? Nobody! He likes the part that he gets to die on a hunt, standing up, in his boots — that’s what he’s always seen for himself. Not in a bad way, not in a “killing machine” or a “daddy’s little soldier” way, but because it means he kept fighting for other people up to the last second. He’s upset that Sam is so upset — he’s more worried about calming Sam and reassuring him than he is about how cool his death is gonna look on IMDB, or how they can cheat circumstance to buy him more time. 

Instead of buying more time, at the expense of living like real people instead of TV characters…he decides to make the most of this one moment. He tells Sam how much he loves him. He tells Sam that Sam will be okay; he’s going to go live a whole life on whatever terms he and the universe can work out together, and the fact that Dean isn’t there is gonna be a painful but acceptable part of those terms. Dean says: don’t go running off trying to change this. Just spend this last little bit of time with me, while the universe does its thing. That’s what they do.

TL;DR — this death is fucking awesome because Chuck would absolutely fucking hate it. He wanted Sam and Dean to go down in a ball of fire together, fighting their coolest foe ever, CHUCK! 

Instead: Dean dies like a normal person, from an accident bred under circumstances that he chose for himself. Chuck loses half his prize, not to some other big bad, but to a damn piece of construction material on a mundane job.  And Dean gets to die in a way that unshackles Sam’s fate from his own. Like Castiel did for him, he gets to say: I love you. This is enough for me. Go live your life.

He finally gets to drop his kid back off at Stanford.

Chuck would be so pissed.

And we, the viewers of Supernatural...well, hell, we’re ultimately fans of Chuck’s writing, aren’t we? So of course something so unprecedented, so un-heroic or badass, so mundane and intimate and random...of course it shocks. Because that’s not the show we’ve been watching!! But isn’t that the point? The author is dead. We can put aside his tastes, and we can look at Dean’s death, and say the words of Dean’s actual favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut --  So it goes.

[linkspooky]

What do you think about Kaneki x Eto?

It’s my favorite Tokyo Ghoul ship? If you want to know my opinion of it, I did write a whole fanfiction on the ship. However, I can also explain my reasons for liking the ship with some character analysis. Basically, Kaneki and Eto are the same person. Kaneki loving Eto is him learning to reconcile the ugliest parts of himself. Falling in love with someone who’s just basically you in the mirror is a good way to learn some self esteem. Kaneki and Eto are the same because they’ve felt ostractized and unloved their entire lives due to having selfish and manipulative mothers, and uncaring or entirely absent fathers. 

Their response to their total sense of isolation and status as outsiders is to write a story. They both have a narrative coping mechanism of the world, that’s why of all the characters they are the most highly associated with reading and books. It’s just they assign themselves different roles in the narrative. Kaneki is the protagonist of the tragedy, and Eto is the author of the tragedy. It doesn’t change the fact they see the whole world as one big tragedy. More under the cut. 

1. The Protagonist of the Tragedy

Kaneki’s coping mechanism has always been to imagine himself as the long suffering protagonist of the tragedy. His statement is twofold. “I’m not a protagonist or anything” and then “However if you were to write a story with me in the lead role it would certainly be a tragedy.” 

This is paradoxical thinking. What Kaneki is saying essentially is that he is not a protagonist, but he is. The difference between a protagonist of say, a heroic epic, and the protagonist of a tragedy is that a tragic protagonist is ultimately helpless before their flaws. 

Kaneki has always been outside of things. He is someone extremely isolated and lonely. He has difficulty connecting even to his lifelong best friend. Hide describes him as thus, he’s always pretending around other people and hiding his true self. Kaneki has this genuine fear of being well... genuine. He avoids emotional intimacy at any cost even though it’s the thing he craves the most. 

Which is why it’s easier for him to cope with things through a fictitious lens. He wants to be important to people, but he doesn’t really know how to be loved, so he always, always, always, chooses fighting for their sake instead. He plays pretend hero, pretend vigilante, and even pretend king depending on the circumstances. He is always, playing roles for the sake of others instead of trying to be his own self. He pretends to be a protagonist. 

However, because of his abuse from his mother Kaneki is also unnaturally fixated on being a good person. He can’t bear to think he’s unkind, or cruel, or even violent like his mother was to him. He has such a strong, nauseous reaction to violence, he can’t even accept it within himself even when circumstances have dirven him to become violent. 

So, rather than the protagonist he also wants to keep playing the victim. The victim is helpless. The victim is sympathetic. The victim isn’t to blame for their actions. Kaneki is afraid of being in control of his own actions, because he finds it hard to face himself and his own flaws and bear that responsibility. Kaneki’s coping mechanism is to feign helpelessness. To never truly make decisions because therefore he’s not responsible when he makes the wrong one. 

It’s not just Kaneki who is coping poorly however. Whether or not he intends to his actions will always affect the people around him. Kaneki isn’t a protagonist, he’s merely pretending to be one. The problem with pretending to be a protagonist is that as a result you assign other people as supporting characters in your story, and forget that they have feelings outside of what you perceive their feelings to be. 

This is specificallly what Touka calls out in 120. She doesn’t want to be the heroine of his tragedy. She didn’t ask for him to protect her. Kaneki does all of these things without thinking or consulting her about her feelings at all and just assumes he knows best. Pretending you’re the protagonist gives you a self-centered view of the world. Kaneki can’t be with Touka at this point, because he can’t accept Touka’s feelings for him. 

The most poweful sign of Eto and Kaneki’s connection ever is the fact that Eto has Kaneki completely read like an open book, without even really meeting him in person. It’s because they are in essence the same person. She understands Kaneki’s total sense of isolation because she’s lived it as well for her entire life. 

Kaneki feels unloved and disconnected from others, and everything he does ultimately is in response to the lack of love he was shown as a child. That’s why Takatsuki’s lines, your parents failed in raising you. Echo so strongly for both of them. 

Now kiss you two. 

2. The Author of the Tragedy

If Kaneki is someone who will feign helplessness, and avoid being in control of his own life then Eto is the opposite. Eto will pretend to be in control of everything because helplessness is what she fears the most. Eto was born outside of any framework or sense of stability for the world she can’t handle any of it. She longs to knock all of the structures down because they will always reject her and never include her, in the same way that Kaneki longs to be accepted by others.

Eto reacts to the whole world like a book too, but she sees herself as the author in control of things. She’s the one writing the scenario. She chooses to bloody her own hands bcause it makes her feel in control of the violence that’s been inflicted upon her, her entire life. The things that Kaneki avoids because he’s afraid of being seen as a monster, Eto embraces willfully and becomes the monster. Eto, just like Kaneki sees everyone else as a fictional character. Whereas, Kaneki assigns them the role of support to his story, Eto sees herself as the author pitting all of the fictional characters against each other. 

Kaneki lets himself be manipulated and Eto manipulates. Eto never sees herself as backed into a corner, or desperate. Everything is a planned move on her part. Everything is an intentional sacrifice. If she’s captured, it’s because she willfully walked into their plan and let herself be captured. She’s here because she wants to be. She pretends at all time that everyone is doing what she wants them to.

Even when captured and imprisoned in the cochlea, Eto intentionally walked in as a part of her big plan. The thing about Eto’s plans, and plans, and plans is that she’s bad at admitting when she’s losing or things are out of her control. Aogiri could never win an all out war against the CCG. Which is why Eto was too quick to burn Aogiri in a deliberate sacrifice to try to weaken the CCG as a part of her plan, rather than try to take her hands off and try a different approach. 

The same way that Kaneki never wants to take control of his own life, Eto never wants to let go of her sense of control. Which is why she’ll pretend to be control even when she isn’t. Eto is just good enough at reading and manipulating people that she can delude herself into thinking that the situation is always in the palm of her hand when it’s not. Which is why things that are genuinely out of her control and impossible to predict have a tendency to explode in her face. 

Even when Eto loses, she always sees it as a controlled lost. She wanted Kaneki to defeat her on the Tsukiyama Tower and devour her Kagune. She gave him that victory. She is still in control. She is always the author writing down the tragedy.

The key difference between both of them is that Eto externalizes, and Kaneki internalizes. Eto is trying to fix the world to make up for the inadequacy she sees inside of herself. Kaneki is trying to fix something in himself so people will find him lovable. 

We see in Takatsuki’s flashback chapter that Eto’s resentment of Kuzen and his cowardice, has just as much to do with her desire to destroy V and as her wish for a better world. Kaneki and Eto’s trauma informs their actions just as much as their genuine desire to improve the world. They are wholly created by the traumatic circumstances that have affected them and been poorly coping all of their lives. 

The best example to show them poorly coping with trauma is to show how they lash out. Kaneki and Eto are both children raised without any love, and they’ve come to two different conclusions. Kaneki sees himself as unlovable. That nobody is capable of loving him so he sees all relationships as a transaction and services rendered. Eto is the opposite, rather than an internal quality she focuses on an external one. She believes actual love doesn’t exist. That all love is selfish, just like her parents’ love for her ultimately was.

It’s shockingly different the way Eto and Kuzen tell the stories of her birth. Kuzen focuses on the love story aspect, as if Eto was genuinely the product of a love that bridged the gap between two different worlds. Eto believes that her mother was only using Kuzen and sleeping with him to get information, and that she was just an unplanned pregnancy. Eto is incapable of understanding her mother’s love for both her, and her father and chooses to believe no love exists at all. Kaneki on the other hand is incapable of understanding his mother’s contradictory love for him, and chooses to believe himself unlovable.

The person I loved so greatly beat me. I loved my mother, didn’t I? 

Kaneki and Eto are hurt not because they don’t love their mothers, but they do. Their mothers are extremely important to both of them. Yet, neither mother seems to love them back. Ukina chose Kuzen over protecting her child. Kaneki’s mother chose her sister, and everyone else in the neighborhood to take care of while neglecting and outright beating her child when he asked for basic care. Eto does everything she does in Ukina’s memory to complete her mission, and Kaneki does everything to try to be the good boy his mother wanted him to be for a good portion of his life but neither of them feel loved by that mother figure. Kaneki and Eto were failed on the most basic level by the parents who were meant to be responsible for them and loved them and as a result they are continually coping with that lack of love. 

The difference in their coping can be seen how they both treat Kanae. Kanae has an incredible amount in common for both of them. She lives seeking love, she has been orphaned and unloved and treated like an outsider in the Tsukiyama household her entire life even though they were supposed to take care of her as her direct family. She always had a close relationship with her mother before she died. She lives by pretending to be something she’s not in order to look stronger.

Eto’s response is to insist that Kanae’s love is selfish. That she’s an ugly, monster for trying to force her feelings upon Tsukiyama. Eto goes out of her way to try to prove that love is a lie. 

However, Kaneki much more passively also resents the hell out of Kanae. Kaneki’s wish to be loved is the same as Kanae. Kaneki will even become violent for the sake of that wish. 

However, this is his response to Kanae at her lowest point. 

Kaneki’s choice to internalize all of his trauma inside of himself is one that also results in destruction. Remember that this is after Tsukiyama begged Kaneki for mercy on Kanae. 

Kaneki’s habits of pretending to be helpless to avoid conflict, lead him into as much conflict as Eto gets into. The coping mechanism is different. The end result is the same. As Haise he spent the entire arc putting off conflict, but he ends up fighting Tsukiyama anyway, ends up brutalizing Kanae in the worst way possible, and even ignores Yoshimura’s wish to save Eto. 

They cope very differently. Kaneki is always trying to change himself to suit the needs of other people. Eto is always trying to change other people to suit her own needs. However, the end result is the same. Kaneki’s seems more selfless. He’s letting himself suffer rather than make others suffer. He’s trying to hold it all in, rather than Eto who pushes all of it out. But, both are unhealthy. Eto wants to destroy the world, Kaneki wants to destroy himself. 

The result is still destruction regardless. Which is why the way Kaneki and Eto both treat Kanae is so important, they’ve both projected themselves onto Kanae, and want to destroy her because of it. They’re coping mechanisms which are meant to preserve them are instead self destructive. Which means ultimately they’re both terribly unhealthy people. The question of which one is good or bad doesn’t really have anything to do with it. 

Kaneki and Eto’s relationship is so interesting because they’ve both been pushed to the point, where they’ve stopped hoping for things, and just want to destroy everything. It’s just what they choose to destroy is different, Kaneki wants to self destruct, and Eto wants to take the whole world down with her. That’s why I think they should work together to smash everything into tiny little pieces, and maybe kiss a little bit. There’s just something to be said about a relationship that’s built around learning to love the unhealthiest parts of yourself. 

[musical-chick-13]

And Theon bc I love him

WHAT A COINCIDENCE I LOVE HIM TOO (this answer is gonna be a combination of books and show)

Send me a character and I’ll tell you the following:

• Did they live up to their potential? / In what ways was their potential unachieved?

-I would say yes. The only negative I have about his general arc is his death (which, see below). But Theon from the very beginning was, though not a particularly nice person, still relatable. Feeling othered, wanting to be accepted by an immediate environment that doesn’t accept you, isolated from and ostracized by your family, and the tension that comes between serving the different types of familial relationships in your life. Theon has no idea who he is, tossed aside by his blood family for not growing up with them and being “soft,” aka sort-of moral and having emotions that aren’t selfish rage or smugness (which, yep, that second part is a mood, see: my entire childhood and how no one wanted to be around an “emotional” “soft” child). And from there, he spirals out of control in a way that, while certainly not admirable by any stretch of the imagination, is still understandable in the context of the narrative and his characterization. And from there, after going through hell and quite literally losing himself (even to the point of straight-up denying rescue), he builds himself back up gradually, to the point where he expressed extreme regret for what he’s done, helps an innocent woman escape a truly horrifying situation, acknowledges that his family is generally garbage, and (in-show b/c again books aren’t finished), helping to restore his sister to power, rescuing her after his PTSD relapses while confronting Euron, and ultimately opting to protect the Starks come hell or high water in order to genuinely atone for what he’s done. He is no longer conflicted because he wants to do the right thing, and that right thing is defending the kingdom from the White Walkers and making sure Sansa and Bran are safe. And it’s no longer about fulfilling a duty or finding a family to fill the void. Because now he has found himself. I will contend that Theon has one of the best, most nuanced, most organic redemption arcs of all time. I will forever be grateful that I got to see that piece of storytelling unfold.

Although, I would love to know what he thought of Dany. A missed opportunity, that.

• How they negatively and positively affected the story.

-Positive: His arc of identity and finding where your loyalties lie ties into the overall theme of “How do you find yourself in a world where goodness, authenticity, and honesty are often punished and increasingly rare?” And it proves that governmental politics aren’t the only defining factors in decisions: familial politics can be just as difficult and dangerous, which adds yet another rich, complicated layer to the overall story. He has a genuine, honest-to-Drowned-God redemption arc, which is...not really present anywhere else in the story (no, Jaime is not on a Redemption Quest, I will die on this hill). But I think the biggest draw of Theon’s presence is that it deconstructs the whole “Character Revenge Fantasy” idea. He does bad things. We want him to be punished. But not like that. No one deserves that. How far is too far? What does retribution really look like? Given how easily that idea can be abused and go off the rails, is retribution even something to strive for? What is the point of using extreme violence/torture/mutilation/breaking someone’s psyche when it doesn’t really accomplish anything? Isn’t atonement and genuine justice a better option? It certainly was for Theon. He could only piece himself back together and do anything meaningful once he was out of his abusive environment. All of these are imporant questions that are posed by his existence in the narrative.

-Negative: Idk if I have much to say here. My biggest problem is his death (see below), but that’s not really a negative story effect so much as...being disappointing and narratively irrelevant. I gotta say, his introduction via his sister was...really weird. I genuinely have no idea why GRRM wrote that. It never came up again or had any kind of narrative ramifications and kind of cast a strange, uncomfortable light on his relationship with Asha/Yara for the remainder of the story. I can ignore and enjoy their later relationship it if I don’t think about it too hard, though, so I guess I’ll chalk it up to GRRM having a Bad Idea.

• What my favorite arc for them is.

-All of it?? Theon’s journey is kind of...one big arc, which is why I think it works so well. He has this overarching redemption plot which spans the entire series and informs every decision he makes (for good or for bad, depending on where in the aforementioned journey he is). The redemption arc isn’t bogged down with side plots or other pieces of narrative clutter, meaning it has time to grow and, thus, be gradual and realistic. If I had to choose a specific point, it’s probably when he tries to reintegrate back into society via supporting Yara. Gaining the Iron Islands’ support for her ruling, spiriting away with Euron’s fleet, and ultimately rescuing his sister after her capture. He can’t just go back into society. He’s scared. He has really bad PTSD. But he recognizes that putting his home in good hands is something bigger than just him because it’s Yara’s home, too. I just...I really love family relationships, y’all.

• What I think of their ending.

-I’m not really sure how I feel about this one. I get that the series is GrimDark™ and that people who make the right choice and fight for good die all the time, but Theon dying just felt...wrong. To me.

And, like...I get it. It makes sense to parallel his original descent into villainy (cemented by executing those two boys and pretending they were Bran and Rickon) with him dying to protect Bran himself. It ties into the whole very common trope of completing a full redemption arc by committing a completely selfless act at great personal cost. It’s kind of like the whole Missy thing in Doctor Who (which...hoo boy, that post is coming, make no mistake), where selfishness is directly opposed by making the ultimate sacrifice with no motivation for personal gain. And the fact that the last words he ever heard were “You’re a good man?” I cannot even begin to describe how much that makes me sob. But...honestly, I’m really tired of this idea that redemption has to end in death in order to be achieved or “complete.” I think it’s much more poignant to have a redeemed character live to help build a better world. Because what’s the point of telling people to be better if the “reward” is death? No one’s going to want to reform themselves if they think that’ll be the result.

I think the thing that Bugs Me™ the most is that Theon never really got to have a moment of peace when he was alive. Sansa gained the North’s love and at least had a secure childhood. Ned and Cat were happily married for years. Arya had parents who loved her and a good relationship with Jon. Jon fell in love with Ygritte and found his Night Watch Bros, and Robb (in show verse) had some very happy moments with Talisa. Davos put great stock in what he considered fulfilling friendships with Stannis and Shireen; Brienne was treated respectfully by Renly, Catelyn, and Sansa; Missandei and Grey Worm had each other and their friendship with Dany, who herself had many personal successes in her quest for the Iron Throne and saw the death of her abusive brother. Cersei even had moments with Jaime (who himself had several notable military victories and at least some time with Myrcella, as well as being gladly and deeply in love, however dysfunctional that love was), times when she successfully fought off enemies (including her dad), and some sweet moments with Tommen, as well as a huge victory via blown-up sept at the end of season 6. Theon was treated as a second-class family member by the Starks his whole life by being “traded” to them as a condition of war resolution AS A BABY, is immediately disparaged and mistreated by his immediate family when he tries to return to them, makes terrible decisions that almost cost him his conscience completely, is brutally tortured by Ramsay, is on the run with his sister from Euron almost immediately after, and has a PTSD attack that ultimatly results in him having to launch a rescue mission. And then he fights ice zombies. And then he dies. He never really...got to be happy at all? There was never any kind of “win” for him. Not even survival. The narrative couldn’t even give him that.

TLDR: Theon’s death seemed less shock-value-y than others (like, for example, Shireen or Missandei or, heck, Melisandre even), and it isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen. It’s narratively-informed and it makes sense as an emotional through-line, but, ultimately, Redemption Cemented By Selfless Death is a tired trope, and I honestly thought this story (which...you know...serves as a deconstruction of common fantasy tropes/book tropes in general) was better than that.

• When I wish they had died. / If I think they should’ve died.

-So here’s where we get personal™ kids.

So, it’s no secret that I am...severely mentally ill. I’ve talked about expression/presentation of mental illness in regard to Cersei a lot on this blog, and how that (as paradoxical as it may seem) helped bring a sense of comfort and emotional resonance to me. Theon, post-Ramsay, has, I think, a very clear case of PTSD. Theon is one of the few characters I’ve seen where his mental illness isn’t the cause of the bad, violent, dangerous choices he makes. It only takes root after he has made the decision and conscious effort to better himself, and it, rather than demonizing him, serve to humanize him. His trauma didn’t define him. And although a PTSD attack led to him unintentionally losing Yara to Euron’s capture, he makes every effort to rescue her, a goal he does end up achieving. It is so rare I get to see a character who goes through these things, successfully fight them and come out with positive qualities at the end. Like...switching topics a bit here, Jaime going back to King’s Landing to (try to) escape and ultimately die with Cersei made sense to me because, as Jaime says, he is a hateful man. He never made much of an honest effort to be anything else. And he never truly wanted to be good; he just wanted to be liked. He wanted to adopt some personality that would make him feel less disconnected from the rest of the world. But Theon...genuinely feels remorse for everything he’s done. He makes a concerted effort to do everything in his power to improve the lives of people he believes are good and deserve to be safe. So, just...killing him off in a Completely Selfless Sacrifice (like...you know how a lot of mentally ill people put themselves through suffering-like OCD rituals, bottling feelings, self-harm, even suicide-in a misplaced attempt to “help” or “protect other people”) seemed antithetical to everything we saw of his arc.

Ultimately, with such a humanizing, empathetic portrayal of trauma and mental health struggles, seeing Theon be killed off just...pissed me off. I am so tired of seeing mentally ill characters die. I really want to believe that I can live through and thrive in spite of the things that afflict me, and I get example after example of characters not being allowed to do that. It feels awful, quite frankly. And it makes hope that much harder. 

I also just feel like...there was nothing the story gained from his death? I get the thematic parallels as mentioned earlier, but it didn’t really move the story forward in any significant way. It didn’t motivate other characters to do anything, it had no political ramifications, it didn’t serve to contribute to any kind of happy ending or commentary on society, it just...was sad. Again, I thought this story was better than that.

[langdxn]

Hi love, trying to distract myself and thought of another random Cody character question...how would the boys react to you telling them you got on birth control (any kind)?? Love you hun, hope you're doing better than me.😚🖤

Hey gorgeous, I hope you’re feeling better today 🖤🖤🖤 I’m always here if you need me, here’s a little Cody in the hope it might help you smile a little!

Outpost!Michael’s a little hurt at first, he can’t deny that. Once you break the news of your birth control to him one night as he idly twirls your hair in his fingers, he falls silent pretending to be asleep to avoid breaking down or some form of confrontation. His silent treatment lasts a few long, drawn-out days as you pass each other in the Hawthorne corridors. The tension builds as you walk past his office one evening and find him palming at his forehead. “I—I don’t understand... I thought you wanted to help me with my father’s plan?” You’ll need to remind him it’s solely to save a child being born into the chaos of Outpost 3, that as soon as you return to the Sanctuary, you can start your family. The warmth returns to his gaze before he captures your lips in a delicate kiss. “As long as we can make plenty of babies when we get home, my darling.”

Ever heard of a bull in a china shop? That’s Xavier as soon as you let him know you’re on the pill. Wherever you happen to be in camp at that moment, he’s frantically tearing at your clothes and laying waste to every piece of goddamn fabric standing in his way. Hurriedly pushing you up against the nearest tree, Xavier unzips himself and rams his hardening length through your dampening folds. Between fractured gasps, you ask his intentions with a chuckle at his fevered motions. “I’m fucking you any chance I can get, babe,” he stutters with his head buried in the nape of your neck, frantic bites trailing along the column of your throat. “Now I can fill up this pretty little cunt, you’re gonna have my cum inside you every,” he crashed his hips into you. “Single,” again. “Day,” again.

Jim’s a family boy but he’s aware he’s not quite old enough for children just yet, he’s got a while before he’s even worked out what he wants to do with his life. So when he has you bent over the edge of his bed, plowing into you from behind as the ocean sun pours through the blinds, you blurt out that you got a coil fitted so he wouldn’t have to worry so much. “Doesn’t that hurt like crazy?” He leans over to place a gentle, sympathetic hand on your abdomen, pressing his chest against yours and planting gentle pecks on your shoulder. “Thank you baby, that means so much to me. I’ll be gentle with you, I promise.” His entire demeanour changes around you, a protective veil draped over him day and night that realises the sacrifices you made for him, for you, for you both. You haven’t got the heart to tell him he really doesn’t need to treat you like you’re made of glass, he’s too cute to refuse.

Conflicted: Duncan’s overriding feeling as you return to your apartment after your implant appointment. He spots the incisions in your forearm and winces as he ghosts the pads of his fingers over the cuts — part of him wants to go and punch out the hospital staff for carrying it out when he wasn’t there to hold your hand. The mere thought of inflicting any harm on you clouds his vision, seeing red every second of the day. That’s until he realises you’re helping him focus on his career, his app and his consuming family issues. In theory, he’d love nothing more than to come home and find you with a positive pregnancy test, but he knows now isn’t the right time for both of you. “I understand and I’m not angry,” he coos as he tucks your hair behind your ear, a hand placed on your tummy. “We’ll have so many children when we’re ready.”

Richard takes it all in his stride. Hell, he’s spent his time in the clinic downing meds, it’s no surprise to him that you’re adding another pill to the mix but he’s ultimately concerned about your welfare. “It doesn’t mess with your sleeping meds, right?” Once he’s reassured the pill only saves you both from an unplanned pregnancy, Richard softens and shows his gratitude in every way possible. Gently stroking your hair as you fall asleep in his arms, he daydreams about holding you close, pregnant with his child, glowing and swollen and perfect. Richard is nothing if not patient, he’ll wait until you’re completely ready to have his baby so he can be a father at last. And boy, he’ll be the most perfect dad.

Jerome is both elated and gutted at the same time, if that’s at all possible. Your Travelling Salesman is desperate to see you carrying his child, to cradle your blossoming bump and feel those little kicks that tell him he’s going to be a father. He can’t stop himself planting a flat palm on your abdomen as he pictures that dream in his mind, he can’t switch off how he feels. But when you let him know you’re going to start taking the pill so he can concentrate on his career, he shows the utmost support for your decision and adds his signature splash of sexual enthusiasm to the matter. “So this means I can fuck you without a damn rubber? Then I’m all for it, baby girl.” Internally, Jerome is waiting for you to change your mind and, in a husky lust-blown voice, beg him to knock you up. But until then he’s silently hoping, wishing, praying the pill doesn’t work one day soon.

[amessageonthewind]

The Difference Between Strength and Power

Word Count: 3308

Pairing: Naga!Connor x Rachel

Content Warnings: Mentions of verbal and emotional abuse, coarse language, mentions of killing and consumptions of souls, general unpleasant attitude from Connor.

Based on a dropped rp thread with one of my partners on my rp blog and inspired by Netflix Castlevania Season 4.

            It had been a few days since the elderly gorgon woman made their situation direr. That she laid the true stakes before them, stipulating that without the other, disaster would befall the village. If the detective were to be slain by outside forces, the naga would be captured and the village pillaged and exterminated and everything plundered and looted. If Connor killed her or incited her wrath that would lead her to try to fight him in a battle she couldn’t win, the curse would claim her as a host and would destroy everything in the village and the naga’s own mind. Or at least what was left of it. And if Connor was taken from the village, they would not be able to stop the onslaught from the invaders that encroached on that territory.

            So, Connor was forced to be more patient with her. Kinder. She knew it was false. She knew that he was just behaving, but it was better than the constant verbal and emotional abuse he would unfairly barrage her with. And she, in-turn, would still be patient and empathetic towards him. Even if he was still rather unpleasant and she made that fact very clear. She wasn’t having his nonsense, especially with their being forced to work together.

            While he initially rejected her offer to attend to the large sapphire snake god, the marble-white gorgon reminded him that they had to work together and that that meant they needed to begin actually spending time together. When he pointed out that it was the breeding season, which meant he was particularly volatile, she retorted that that was none of her concern. After all, it was his fault that it was so volatile, since he insisted on rejecting his base naga needs to lounge around for three days at a time and drink himself into a slumbering stupor.

            So, Rachel tended to him every day since. She performed tasks for him around his cenote, with the irritable god keeping a close eye on her.

            And, naturally, her curiosity got the better of her. “Why do you consume souls?” She asked him one day, whilst shining some of the weapons he had collected in his hoard. His long tail cascaded on practically every crevice it could, the iridescent scales making it look like the cave opening was filled with auroras. He looked rather bored watching her work, swirling a glass of wine in his hand as his amber eyes glittered with annoyance. “You’ve already got enough power and strength to last for lifetimes. What’s the point of continuously doing it, especially if you know that the more souls you consume, the worse your mental state will be?”

            Glaring at her, his tail tip began to lash quietly. “I don’t have to answer such insolent questions, you witless maggot.”

            “You should if you actually care about preventing your own worst aspects from destroying the things you value.” Rachel pointed out, clearly unfazed by his foul attitude at this point. “People can accommodate much better if you make it clear what actually needs to be accommodated and why. And at least if people are properly informed, it doesn’t invite further questions. Also, withholding that information is extremely irresponsible on your part.”

            Scoffing, Connor continued to scowl at the small human. “You still know nothing, foolish human.”

            “And whose fault is that?” Rachel asked, his insults having no effect on her.

            “Yours.” He retorted, his anger billowing off him like an angry storm cloud as his tail began coiling closer to him, retracting into himself. “You constantly speak as though you have something of value to say, yet when you are told something, you fail to listen to it. You hear only to respond. You don’t actually listen to learn.”

            “Then give me something actually helpful to learn instead of berating me for not knowing.” The detective hissed, getting fed up with his immature and entitled behaviour. “It’s not fair that you blame me for not knowing things when you’re the one who withholds that information from me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re doing that on purpose just so you can have an excuse to be angry. Which, speaking of, you should probably go hunt, soon.”

            Connor still couldn’t believe the audacity of this woman. She was doing him a service and she still acted as though she was in a position to tell him what to do. To give him, the god and guardian deity of this place for centuries, orders as though he were stupid. “Stop telling me what to do, foolish human.”

            “I will when you stop making the worst decisions possible for your self-care when you’re not in a position where it’s wise for you to neglect them.” Rachel deflected easily. She just as much had no patience for his nonsense when there was much more at stake here than his easily bruised ego. “The entire village is in danger because of your insistence on maintaining self-destructive habits. You make a big deal out of me pushing you to such points and putting the village in danger, but it is not my responsibility to coddle your bad habits. It’s yours to fix them. You’re the one in the position of power and it’s unfair to place the responsibility in the hands of those without that power. And the thing is, your problems have very easy fixes.”

            Every response only made him angrier, but even when shouting at her, she showed no fear. And while that did not help his ire, he quickly learned that responding to the woman with anger would not yield the results he ultimately wanted. So, begrudgingly and with what felt like a searing hot knife cutting through his pride, he relented. “Such as…?”

            “Hunting.” Rachel replied easily with a cocked brow, putting away a sword and moving on to what looked like some sort of spiked club. “I know you’ve got plenty of good food prepared so lovingly for you, but hunting is more than just for food. It’s also for enrichment. It’s mentally and physically stimulating and engaging. Even housecats, who don’t need to hunt for their food, need their hunting instincts stimulated through play or they become violent and destructive to their environment and the people around them. I suspect that a lot of your pent-up anger is made worse when you drink yourself into lethargy. You’re not properly stimulating yourself in the way you actually need. There’s a reason creatures of all kinds get angry and irritable when left alone for long periods of time with nothing to do and nothing to stimulate them. Enrichment is vitally important for one’s mental health.”

            Looking at Connor, she fixed him with a stern look. “I know you hate being compared to humans, but there is an irony in that the more you abstain from the aspects of yourself that make you inhuman, the more of your humanity you sacrifice. And the worse you end up becoming. Do you see my point?”

            He didn’t want to. The naga didn’t want to admit that the days when he’d spend laying around in the sun, there was an unbearable prickle under his scales. Impatience and boredom eating away at him like beetles and termites to wood. It was both his body’s need for a mate and the growing bristling that would just build and build until he emerged from his cenote. And as much as he didn’t want to take pleasure in it, devouring the assassin that entered their village was as close to relief as he’d been able to get.

            Perhaps…she had a point. Not that he would admit it verbally.

            Instead, he decided to answer her earlier question. Just to make her stop questioning him, though Connor was certain she would still find something to criticize him over. “Each soul grants me strength.” He answered, garnering Rachel’s full attention as she regarded him, pausing her task to take in his words. “My powers grow stronger the more I consume. Which allows me to maintain the safety of the village and its strength.”

            Tilting her head at him, she had about a dozen more questions. “How many souls have you consumed?”

            “Countless.” Connor replied. “By the hundreds of thousands, if I were to make an educated guess.”

            That…was a lot. “Surely that’s more than enough.” She figured. “Especially if each soul just makes your mental health worse. Surely you can just…kill people without eating their souls. It doesn’t really sound worth doing, at this point. Does your power diminish if you don’t?”

            Once again, the sapphire naga found himself irritated by her questioning. The fact that she would dare question him at all was a disrespect most vile. But, as the Pool of Truth most blatantly showed him, he needed to keep himself from just killing her on the spot. But if it would get her to drop the topic, he’d comply. For now. “I’m not keen on finding out.”

            Seemed this wasn’t a good enough answer for her. “You could always pay the gorgon a visit and ask the Pool of Truth for the answer to that.”

            That made him bristle once more. “I don’t need to have the answer for how my own body and mind works. I’m only tolerating you and that hag because she has powers I cannot compete with in my own fucking territory and if I kill you, then you will destroy everything I have ever worked to build.” He leaned in close, leering down at her with his bright eyes that held much contempt for her. Not that she cared. Like he said, there was little he could do to her now that he knew what was at stake. “Do you have any idea how it feels to be made powerless where you should feel strong?”

            “Yes.” Rachel responded without a second’s hesitation. “I do know how that feels. And if you actually care, then you should stop trying to make others feel that same way if you hate how it feels, yourself.”

            Again with giving him orders. But at this point, he was too tired to argue further with her. With a huff, he slithered away from her and slumped over another rock as he watched her continue to clean and polish his weapons. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of victory over him.

            After a moment’s silence, the woman’s voice broke through it once more to ask him another question. “Is that why you do it?” She asked him, glancing over at him with her dark eyes. “So you can feel strong when the world around you tries to make you feel weak? Is that it?”

            “I am strong.” Connor retorted, insulted that she would dare insinuate that he was weak. “Others who try to dethrone or slay me learn very quickly of that. That I am strength itself. That I embody strength that they cannot hope to achieve.”

            “Then why are you so quick to anger if you’re so secure in that?” Rachel asked him. “Anger comes from a place of caring a lot about something. It’s passion derived from feeling slighted because it comes from a place that’s personal. It’s something you care about deeply and that’s why it makes you angry. That’s where slight comes from. If you’re really so secure in your strength that has no equal, then why do you care so much about who knows it? Why do you care so much about the paltry opinions of humans who, at least in your view, can never be your equals? If that’s really what you believe, then in theory, none of it should matter. It shouldn’t even be worth anything other than simple dismissal, if it means that little.”

            Once again, Rachel really had no concern for holding her tongue. If she wasn’t in the position she was in, he would’ve gladly cut out her own tongue before flaying her alive and leaving her to rot where the animals could devour her. But he was not willing to condemn his people to a fate worse than death because of an angry spiteful gorgon his father once battled and defiled.

            So, through gritted teeth as his pride was wounded more and more, he answered. “Nagas are…prideful. We have every reason to be.” He explained, though the venom behind his words did not go unnoticed. It was clear how much being forced to practice humility was taking out of him. “We are powerful gods who inspire fear and wisdom in humans. There’s a reason we are worshipped as much as we are. We naturally want to be treated with that reverence and don’t react well when it isn’t given to us.”

            “Ah, I see.” Rachel said, though her tone was bored. “So, you’re used to being treated with utmost reverence in awe of your strength. And when you don’t get it, you feel wronged and thus you’re angry. And in your mind, those who can’t show you the respect you deserve shouldn’t get to exist at all. After all, for you it’s natural to be revered and worshipped. So, if someone doesn’t give you that, it must be their fault and not yours because that’s the natural order of things. That there’s something wrong with them and not you because that goes against the way things should be. Is that it?”

            Her phrasing and tone was not appreciated. While she seemed to understand the nucleus as to his ideology and nature as a naga, she said it with derision. As though she were speaking to a spoiled brat who needed to be knocked down from their pedestal. Something Connor hated more than anything.

            But even if she did not like that, she seemed to understand. “In a sense, yes…” He relented, growing more and more tired of this exhausting and unsavoury conversation. “We are immortal. There is nothing that can kill us. We also don’t feel fear and the only way to kill a naga is to strike their heart at the moment when they do feel fear. Otherwise, we live forever.” Of course, there was another way, but that wasn’t relevant information for the human to know at this point. Or ever, realistically speaking. “As such, we strive to maintain the natural order of things. While we understand that the world around us changes in chaotic ways, we do not. And so, we maintain this in everything that we govern. A natural order that must not be disturbed. Therefore, we don’t react well when that order is threatened.” For a moment, he paused to think, letting out a breath as he tried to think of a way to put all these ideologies into a simple expression. “It’s…the naga’s virtue. We want everything to remain the same. To remain stable.”

            At that, Rachel scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Ah, ‘the naga’s virtue,’ fucking Hell…” She grumbled, clearly not taking that notion very seriously. “There’s an act of philosophical acrobatics for the ages.”

            “Oh, would you silence with your incessant need to be clever for once, you foolish human?” Connor snapped, though the volume in his voice did not change. More irritated than angry as he was putting more effort into trying to explain himself than in maintaining his anger. “You humans spend decades wandering and bumbling around and you call that a life. We have to take a longer view. So, we want stability.”

            As per usual, the detective was unaffected by his poor attitude. Raising an eyebrow, she paused while she was polishing the weapon she was currently working on. “And you’re saying you have that? That you have had that?”

            Blinking at her for a moment, the scaled deity shifted positions idly as he continued to speak. “I do.” He replied, easily. Of course he had stability. His village has had stability separated from the rest of the world’s chaos thanks to him. The fact that she would even question that was ludicrous, but for now, he let it go. “As this land’s protector, I have strength and I have always had strength. The strength to enforce a stable environment.” He paused, searching for the right way to explain his position. “Strength can fight wars, yes. But it can also build a shelter.” He then fixed her with an inquisitive look in his reptile-like eyes. “Are you following me?”

            “Just wandering and bumbling around.” Rachel replied, with a little bit of good humour to lighten the mood just the slightest bit. “Smaller shapes are better than big ones, Connor. And from what I understand about nagas, they typically want more than just weatherproof shelters.”

            “But it all comes from that virtue, don’t you see?” The naga replied back with, tilting his head at her with narrowed eyes.

            At that, Rachel shook her head. Seemed she had a much different take on things than he did. “Strength and power are different.” She deflected once more. “You claim to want strength. To maintain strength. To embody strength. But what you seek and consume is power. You consolidate and hold power. You embody power.”

            And there she went, assuming things about him once more. But he was honestly too tired to be angry with her. This entire exchange had exhausted him and he just wanted it to be over. “That was what my father did. What my father wanted.” He said, looking down at the stray bits of gold, armour, and weaponry strewn about on the ground before him. The naga reached down to fiddle at one of his coins, turning it over with his claws and more or less just moving it around out of boredom. “Which is…what ultimately ruined my life.”

            Looking down at his unfinished wine glass, Connor took another sip from it, looking at his own reflection. A mirror opposite from his father. His father, pearlescent evil and himself iridescent midnight that struck him down and took his place and made a home out of what was once Hell on Earth. And it all came from the desire for power. It never seemed to be enough for his father. He never seemed satisfied. “Power…” The sapphire naga hissed, bitterness coating the syllables. “Big, all-encompassing, projected power…is something else. It lends you more might, but it doesn’t have the utilities of strength. It lays eggs in you and it becomes a parasite you have to feed. Power does nothing but eat.”

            Connor continued to stare down into his glass of wine, but Rachel stared at the naga wide-eyed. A realization was forming in her mind as she stared absolutely speechless, putting a hand to her mouth as pieces started to put themselves together. Conclusions were being drawn, and the next sentence she would speak would have the weight of worlds behind them.

            “Like a naga…?”

            Only then did Connor look her directly in the eye. For a moment, and a moment alone, they were perfect mirrors of each other as the realization of his very nature, his very sense of self, was upended and recontextualized. Put in a new light that neither of them had been previously able to put to words. Both in the short time that the detective had known him and the centuries that Connor had been alive.

            Looking back down at his glass of wine, the scowl on Connor’s face was evident. He wasn’t just angry. Not at her. He was just…angry. In the cold, bitter, and heavy way that one was angry when their worldview was pulled out from beneath them.

            “Like…a naga.” He repeated, taking one last drink from his wine glass before his grip tightened on it and the glass shattered against the cave wall. He didn’t raise his voice.

            In fact, the detective was certain that that was the quietest she’d ever heard him speak.

[tomahawk-swing]

One More Time

Dingo couldn’t tell how long he’d been staring at the ceiling. His eyes had beome accustomed to the darkness, and picked up on the slimmest sources of light in his bedroom - the faint orange light from a power strip, a distant streetlamp’s glow, filtering through the blinds ...

He brought a hand above his PET, triggering the device’s clock. The current time was immediately displayed in glowing, red numbers on the wall.

5:12.

There was no point in trying to sleep again. His alarm would ring in less than an hour, and Dingo wasn’t tired. His mind raced at full speed with all kinds of concerns and thoughts, which was unusual for him. Dingo hated nothing more than to sit down and think about life.

What was there to think about, anyway ? School was fine. At least, it was better than it used to be. He still dozed off in most early classes, but he’d learn to accept help. What he’d missed during class, he could catch up with his friends in the evenings. He still found enough time to make a little money at the shop, and cleared some free time to spend NetBattling with friends ... or chilling with Sam.

Yet something was missing. And Dingo knew exactly what. 

In an outburst of frustration, Dingo blindly fumbled for his PET, until he felt the device brush against his fingertips. He reached a little further, but the PET escaped his grasp, and tumbled down his mattress.

Cursing and grumbling, Dingo figured that this had to be a sign. He closed his eyes again, and waited. And waited. And waited.

Dingo flung his bedsheets across the mattress. He cursed out loud, before went fishing for his PET on the ground. Given Tomahawkman’ silence, the Navi had to be in sleep mode.

Perfect. This left him some time to finally gather his courage, and do what he’d been terrified of doing for so long. 

Dingo sat on his bed, opened up his PET’s contact book, and scrolled until he found the right name. He took a deep breath, eyes closed, head facing the ceiling. It was just a phone call with a friend. He was just asking for advice.

It couldn’t be that hard, could it ?

Dingo initated the call. Each ring of the tone made the vice-like grip tighten around his throat. He was about to throw his PET out the window, when the dreadful tone finally stopped, and his interlocutor’s face appeared right in front of him. For a second, Dingo was too blinded to make out more than a patch of mint hair.

“Dingo ? Isn’t it the middle of the night in Japan ?” Laika questioned. A suspicious frown tugged at his traits. “If you need me to come and fix some mess you’ve caused, call someone else. I was about to go to sleep ... as you should be.”

“Why d’you assume I’m in trouble ?” Dingo retorted. He recalled the actual reason of his call, and wished he’d actually been in trouble instead. “I’m at home. I just ... I wanted to ask you something.” 

Laika frowned. Dingo’s face was only illuminated by the screen’s dim light, but Laika could still read the concern on the boy’s face. It was unusual for Dingo to call him, even less in the middle of the night ... and to ask him for help.

“So ... remember how I quit the NetSaviors a while ago ?” Dingo’s mind raced to find the right words. “Well ... it’s been a really long while now, and all the reasons that made me quit ... they’re not really valid anymore. So I was thinking that I could try and apply again. Since you’re the one who recommended me in the first place, and I kinda let you down the first time, I just ... I wanted to run the idea by you first.”

Dingo gulped down, without looking away from the screen. He was prepared for his idea to be shot down right away. It would only make sense - Laika had staked his reputation by recommending Dingo, and it had led to nothing good. Their very first mission together had led to Laika’s capture and torture. Dingo’s solo actions had been a complete trainwreck, all leading to his eventual resignation. There was no way in hell that Laika would-

“I see.” Laika cleared his voice, interrupting Dingo’s thoughts. “I appreciate that you wanted my opinion on the matter, but ultimately, the decision is yours. That’s why I have only one question for you : do you really want to join the NetSaviors again ?”

Dingo’s mouth fell agape. He had expected Laika to make a full, structured rebuttal, explaining why his idea was stupid, and he should give up before he made a fool out of them both. 

He couldn’t hesitate. Dingo’s surprise faded into a frown - a determined frown.

“Yeah. I want to do it.” Dingo nodded at his own words. “I’m doing alright at school. I can cut back on work hours at the shop if I need extra rest. And I’ve never stopped training my body, either. It’s just ... it’s like I left my job unfinished, and I hate that. I hate feeling like I just ran away.”

“And it’s not just for me ... I know there’s always enemies lurking, waiting for the chance to strike. And when that happens, I wanna be there to protect everyone.”

Dingo awaited judgement again. He had spoken from the bottom of his heart, as always.

“Good. If you have such a strong resolve, then there’s nothing I can do to stop you. Right ?” There was a hint of amusement in Laika’s voice. “You have my approval, if that’s really what you wanted.”

“Really ?” Dingo couldn’t mask the joy from his voice. “You don’t think it’s crazy ? Or stupid ?” 

“I think it’s crazy and stupid.” Laika corrected. “Anyone who cares just a little about you would tell you the same. You’re signing up for more dangerous fights ... but you’re aware of it, aren’t you ?”

Dingo looked to the side, annoyed that Laika could so easily read through the lines. “... Of course I am. But I’ve learned some lessons too. I know we’re a team, and if there’s ever big trouble, we’ve got each other’s back. I just thought ... the mistakes I’ve made were unforgivable.”

“We’ve all made mistakes.” Laika’s expression was entirely serious now. “Some worse than others. What matters is that we learn from them, as you just said. I’m sure that Commissioner Kifune will take that into consideration, as he accepts your application. I don’t regret recommending you to him in the first place ”

A smirk tugged at Laika’s lips. “Or do I need to fly to Japan, and make you grovel at his knees as you beg for his pardon ?”

“No way !” Dingo protested. “I’ve heard enough. I’ll ... I’ll go request a meeting tomorrow.”

“Good.” Laika’s smirk faded to a gentler smile. “I’ll be waiting for your confirmation. It will be a pleasure working with you again ... providing that you pass the physical checkups again, with all the curry I’m sure you’ve been eating.”

“Eating curry is part of my training ! I need fuel !” Dingo’s expression softened. “Thanks, Laika. I’m looking forward to our next mission, too.”

“We’ll be seeing each other soon, I’m sure.” Laika’s lips curled into a sarcastic smile. “The NetSavior’s annual black tie gala is in a few months. I’ll most likely see you there. Have a good night, Dingo.”

“W-wait ! The what now ?!” Dingo yelled, too late. Laika ended the call with a last wave, leaving Dingo alone in the dark again.

Dingo let himself crash flat onto his bed, arms sprawled by his sides. His nervousness was all gone, replaced by excitement - elation, almost. He hadn’t told Laika a single lie ; his determination had never been stronger, and this time, he wouldn’t let the chance slip away from him.

For the first time in his life, Dingo turned off his alarm just a minute before it even rang. He got up from bed, and grabbed his school uniform. He was going to survive the school day, sacrifice a class or two to solid naps, and he would make an appointment with Commissioner Kifune in the evening.

He was going to be a NetSavior again.

[twisted-wonderful-tales]

Hello and welcome to the fandom! So since you haven't made a master post I'll keep my request rather tame unless you wanna crank it up a notch. Can you do some angsty headcanons for Riddle and Vil (separately) on how would they react to thinking s/o died/was killed but really they are barely alive (wether there is a happy ending or not is up to you!)

Ash: Why thank you! ^^ I’ll be sure to start drafting up a master post for you and my other darlings~! I actually originally got rather excited by “angst” alone and didn’t read your request properly (I’m sadistic I know-!!) and wrote a scenario so if you would like that too I’d be more than happy to share it; but for now here are your head-canons~

-Vil Schoenheit

This whole mess merely began as a short excursion in the woods when they came upon a feral beast, a small dragon 

 -Surprisingly Y/n was the first to sense the beast’s presence and in an effort to protect Vil; leapt forward casting a spell ( a weak one at that as they only had a few seconds to spare!) 

 -Vil although loyal and determined to save his s/o was simply over-powered as although the dragon was small in size; had better environmental advantages and knowledge in general.

 -He reluctantly cases a spell to contact the principal to make sure they’re on guard and aware 

 -However due to the dangerous and unpredictable nature of the beast is ordered to return at once

 -He doesn’t want to, but at the same time seeing Y/n’s still body covered in gashes and blood isn’t particularly holding well with him.

 -Swallowing his pride and a many hot tears he runs as fast as he can, his vision blurred.

 -He whispers a soft and shaky,”I’m so sorry for everything �� Y/n” before leaving the scene.

 -The whole way back he’s torturing himself over getting them in such a situation . 

 -Days pass and the principal and other staff haven’t mentioned Y/n at all; as if they’ve just completely disappeared and it angers him greatly.

 -They were special, not just to him as a lover but to everyone else; sure they weren’t naturally as powerful or high on the hierarchy but they were pure of heart and he loves them …

 -During this time he is extra bitter and snappy; bursting into frustrated fits and breaking down into tears randomly. 

 -He has a hard time sleeping from here on, often looking out into the forest in the distance, wondering if his Y/n is truly gone or whether they’re alive but lost.

 -He’s extra quite and doesn’t make a habit to take conversations and tends to just hum or nod.

 -He day-dreams extra in class and so his grades take a nose-dive down. 

 -He can be found moping around rather depressed in his room; the sleep deprivation in turn makes him more irritable and dark eye bags start to form which just make him pure nasty as a whole.

 -It takes smashing a few mirrors and what not to allow him to stop killing himself over his deteriorating beauty. 

 -He starts trying to heal but in a rather unhealthy way; he stops investing so much trust and time with his dorm mates Epel and Rook and starts blaming himself for and reliving through the events over and over again.

 -Often pushing himself into mental break downs; he has a rather tough time before his self-loathing dies down.

 -He tries taking more ‘self-care’ days which he convinces his class/dorm mates are to maintain his beauty; his dorm mates however know him to well and want to help.

 -He often can’t go a day without thinking of the incident and has night terrors; Rook tends to be the one who has to wake him up and comfort him once he comes back to his senses. 

 -All in all it’s a nasty and traumatic experience, from here on he isn’t as bubbly as he was in the past and is rather cautious about who he holds close as he’s convinced himself they too will meet a gruesome fate. 

 -He tries to avoid romance as a whole, as he believes Y/n’s sacrifice shouldn’t be shunned as in vain (after all he’s only here because of their sacrifice).

 -However, once they learn of Y/n’s re-emergence at the college; he’s teleporting around trying to locate them asap. 

 -He’s angry/relieved/in shock and just pure happy; like truly happy.

 -The first thing he does when he sees them is bring them into his embrace, before growling some shaky scolds.

 -”H-how dare you worry me like that … you have no idea how worried I was, you were completely reckless and out of line!” 

 -Before he realizes it he’s a sobbing mess, although he’s not as violently sobbing as he was previously. 

 -He really feels like slapping his s/o for worrying him so badly but knows he couldn’t push his luck that Y/n was actually still able to breath and walk. 

 -From then on after they heal he keeps a VERY close eye on Y/n at all times. -He avoids any out of college excursions from then on.

-Riddle Rosehearts

He’s minding his business one day when Ace runs in informing him of finding Y/n’s still, unbreathing body right in front of their dormitory.

 -Needless to say he is beyond furious,he’s almost crying from frustration; he first hand runs to the scene of the crime to make sure this isn’t some cruel prank or misunderstanding (although if it would that’d be the end of that person-!)

 -Sure enough it’s them as Riddle finds it even more confronting than he had imagined; he starts barking orders to find the culprit and to try reviving them and to not rest until they find the culprit and to kill on sight.

 -He doesn’t leave his s/o’s side whilst they try and revive them; he’s holding onto their cold,pale hands squeezing them wishing to breath life into them or command them to arise and they’d do so; but it of course isn’t that simple.

 -When the killer isn’t found; he goes on a rampage ordering the be-heading of random by-standers; many of his closest dorm-mates are keen to stand up to him and his unreasonable decisions despite his horrid mood and temper and ultimately the fate they may face as a result.

 -At this point Riddle feels completely alone and defenseless; he doesn’t feel like half the Queen of Hearts he used to be … 

 -The thought of even abdicating of Queen enters his head, however ultimately it leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

 - Just when they start organizing a funeral; a servant rushing to Riddle’s side informing him that Y/n is indeed alive but barely. 

 -He’s beyond thrilled and even snaps at the servant for he truly believes he’s just toying with him; however checks anyway and once he sees his s/o’s e/c eyes and their small weak smile in person his heart leaps out of his chest right into his throat.

 - He orders his servant away before he bursts into tears in front of his s/o. 

 -”You can never leave my side from here on,or I’ll be-head you myself; understood-!?” he sobs with a rather relieved yet pained expression. 

 -He’s still on guard from then on as the capture was never found/ he’s extra snappy and harsh with punishments from then on to deter all of messing with who’s what’s his.

 -Taking a small hum as an adequate response he orders the funeral to be called off and for all servants to tend to Y/n for weeks on end until they’ve been successfully rehabilitated. 

 -Makes sure there is a huge party to celebrate their life; from then on they had an extra party a month just because they could.

[calliecat93]

Star Trek Into Darkness. I had heard a LOT of negative reception to this one. A lot of it is due to the casting decisions with Khan that I’m not touching with a 39 1/2 foot pole. But in general it’s. It seen as a great film at least in the areas that I’ve circled. But that’s other people’s opinion, I need to form my own. So my opinion?

It’s... slightly better imo than 2009, but still not great.

Pros are still the same as before. Good cinematography. Good acting. Good effects. Very good action. I also failed to mention this the first time, but the films ARE more diverse with the Enterprise staff than in TOS. We not only have varied PoC, but different alien species and styles as well. It’s one of the advantages of being closer to modern times and just helps add so much.. well, life. I also continue to love Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov in these things. They’re allowed a little more than they got int he show without overpowering the main... well duo since Bones sadly isn’t that lucky. But still, they’re great characters and I love them.

Kirk is... better. I feel like they did a better job making some of his actions understandable and sympathetic. He loses his mentor, almost loses Spock and being reprimanded for breaking Prime Directive for it, and his failure to have these feelings properly addressed is messing with him. It’s understandable and makes me feel bad for him and he is trying to do the right thing. I fully sided with him when justifying breaking Prime Directive to save Spock and while he’d have done a FAR better job explaining it to Starfleet, it’s what TOS Kirk likely would have done. Him also trying to have his crew spared also shows that he HAS grown and despite his recklessness, he has a heroic soul. However... I DID agree that Kirk deserves to lose his captaincy. He DID get it handed to him. He IS immature and unprepared, as his reactions here and how he’s still sleeping around (which WHY is that still a thing after the first?!) only emphasizes the point. So I am liking him more and I can say that I like him, but Beyond better do a better job because this still is not James Tibirius Kirk, just a standard action hero with the same name.

Spock was fine. Felt like we should have heard more about how he’s been doing since... you know, the destruction of his planet last film and all. But he still felt good here. He has a better grasp on himself compared to before. Still don’t like his forced relationship with Uhura, though they don’t drag out their conflict at least. They bring up his self-sacrificial nature and his seeming lack of care about how it would affect him or his loved ones and while maybe it got wrapped up too quickly, it was properly addressed. Essentially he felt like Spock. He felt more like TOS Spock while still being his own character compared to last time so that’s good! I was overall happy with him here. Also glad that he was smart enough to contact Prime Spock in case he had faced Khan before. Prime Spock sadly felt included for fanservice, but this would be Nimoy’s final time as the character, so I can’t complain about it. It was nice to see him one last time.

Bones once again gets screwed over. I will give them some points since he does at least get to show his intelligence and medical skills FAR more than last time where they only used it to have him drug Jim. Ut otherwise he exists and is still a fun character with Urban continuing to put his all into it. Him helping Spock with the torpedos got a grin out of me. But again, the filmmakers completely ignored his role and importance. In a film where Kirk is going through some major emotional trauma, this would have been a great place to let McCoy shine since it’s his role to be the one who gets Jim through his emotional issues. The episodes Obsession and The Ultimate Computer are excellent TOS examples of it. But they don’t. His reaction to Jim’s death and slaving away to save him was good though... even though he doesn’t even get a thank you for it (nor Uhura for that matter). Appreciate your doctors folks.

The Triumvirate is a tad better, but still not formed or given any focus at all. It’s still mainly Kirk and Spock who ARE more friendly and who I actually believe are friends. I actually care about their relationship now and it doesn’t feel forced or just that way cause canon said so. But they still have the two on opposite ends and not Kirk being the balance to Spock and McCoy. I will say though that while it only happens a little, I DID enjoy the three interacting together. It felt like ‘yes, they are together and it feels RIGHT’. I don’t get how the perfect package is sitting there in front of them but they ignore it. But it IS better. But these three were at their greatest potential together and the films just seem afraid to tap into it for some reason. I really don’t get it except they want to use Kirk and Spock to keep cashing in cause they think that’s what the audience wants. Yeah you get your money and general satisfaction... but you lose true story and character potential and fan respect for those who want to see those characters and their dynamic again.

Also... yeah the ending was trying to pull the reverse form Wrath of Khan with Kirk dying instead of Spock. While it DID have emotion behind it and was very well axted, filmed, and the score was perfect, it didn’t work. Not only because we know that there is no way they’re going to kill Jim off so the impact of his death is killed instantly, but because it is only there for the reverse. You wanna know why Spock’s sacrifice in WoK worked? Even if one could see it and predict that he’d come back and are fully aware of it in the years since? Because we’d had 80 episodes of seeing Spock. We had gotten to know him. We had seen his relationship with Kirk. We had seen them go through so much together. We had seen Spock’s struggles and related to him. When I watched WoK despite knowing that he’d be back. i was sad because of all that time I’d spent with him, and was relieved and happy when he came back in Search for Spock. The films don’t have that time. They had a film that didn’t portray their relationship properly and a second that did better, but still misunderstands it. Thus, the film succeeded in making it sad, but they failed in capturing the powerful emotions and meaning that it had before. It’s there to essentially cash in on WoK without any of the effort, and that pisses me off to no end.

Khan was okay. Again not going into the casting thing, but the character is nowhere near as food as TOS Khan. Carol was okay, but we needed the scene of her undressing because...? Plot was better than last time with good pacing and actual emotion/themes in it. The Nurse Chapel reference pissed me off especially for it’s implications about Kirk’s ‘womanizing’ ways that shouldn’t exist and considering that was who Roddenberry’s wife played, seems pretty damn disrespectful to the woman. Marcus was just a standard ‘evil authority’ character who IDT was needed at all. Also again, HOW did the timeline changing cause ANY of this?! The films see no reason to explain, it’s just an excuse to justify their own vision no matter if it works or not. It’s their way of doing what they want without puttin any work into justifying anything. I think that the film IS better than 2009... but it’s STILL not Star Trek. It’s a sci-fi summer blockbuster that uses the Star Trek name and characters to bring the viewers in. I’ve heard that Beyond had new writers and directors that actually DO understand TOS, so I am hopeful that that’s true and we get a good movie out of it. But Into Darkness, while I don’t agree it’s worse than last time (though the blatant cashing in without the work makes me fully understand why people feel that way), it’s still a film that doesn’t understand it’s source material.

[jisssooyah]

Hi you... if you were going to curate a little season of films for me, which ones would you choose and why? They don't need to be horror, I'm just curious what you would choose 🌸

I don’t know if you’ll like these movies, or if you’ve already watched them, but after i watched these films, i felt like they might need to belong to you now. i hope they make you smile, roll your eyes, and cry just as much as i did.

1. city of god (2002): this is one of the most immersive and gorgeously shot films i’ve ever seen. it’s set in rio de janeiro during the 60s and spans decades exploring the drug culture in the slums and how this can affect kids just as they are trying to figure their own selves out. the way this film is shot, feels like you were at the sea with them as the sand crunched underneath your feet. but the way that the director captures these individuals, makes you so fucking relieved that you don’t live through any of the circumstances that they go through. 

2. the dreamers (2004): set in 1968, this film follows three students in Paris who come of age and explore one another and their limits during the revolution. while these students prop themselves up as individuals obsessed with sex, running underneath themselves is a current of jealousy, obsession, and blurred familial relationships that made me increasingly uncomfortable. you find yourself feeling bad for the children, and ultimately upset at their upbringing because of their parents. 

3. if beale street could talk (2018): this movie is based off of james baldwin’s titular 1974 novel. in it, the director expertly and vigorously explores love: a love that feels so real that it hurts. the cast is what sold this film to me. the way they talk, laugh, cry, and smile at one another is achingly beautiful and terrifyingly sad. i wanted to transport myself back to their time period and watch the main characters fall in love because the film didn’t seem like enough. 

4. the neon demon (2016): this film follows an emerging model who sacrifices herself to the demands of the industry in order to be attractive and beautiful. there are so many stunning colors in this film that it makes you dizzy, like you’re in a trance and that’s what this world is for the main character: a trance. as she oscillates between reality and fantasy, her world and the characters in it, increasingly seek out to alter her personality. 

5. death becomes her (1992): a deliberately ultra-campy parody of trashy, pandering "women's pictures," soap operas and paperbacks from the '80s and '90s. The three leads all do some of their best work - it's hilarious watching Meryl Streep play a terrible actress, Goldie Hawn is particularly hilarious during her character's cat lady phase, and all around just a really fun and eccentric film. 

6. princess cyd (2017): i can’t think of anything to write for this but i just wanna say that this is literally one of the most pleasant movie experiences i’ve ever had. so much light and genuine interaction in warm sun rays radiating positive energy and an openness that is far too uncommon in movies nowadays. people talk, people connect, people grow bonds and are allowed to be sexual or intimate or personal without an air of shame or judgement. just pure kind and curious human association. 

7. spiderman: into the spiderverse (2018): the message of Spider-Verse is not "gentrify yourself! stop expressing your personality and just conform to what society wants you to be!" After all, what makes you different makes you Spider-Man, and Miles' final expression of himself as a superhero still retains much of his personality and individuality...they're just being used in more productive and fulfilling ways. It's the little things that drive the point home, like noticing that the title page for Miles' finished Great Expectations essay has been stylistically doodled and colored like street art. Rather than seeing his artistic gifts as an opposition to his schoolwork, Miles infuses them together to make the best of the hand he's been dealt.

8. my life as a zucchini (2016): initially heartbreaking and sad, but slowly becoming more joyful and heartwarming as the plot moves along. The film really feels like it captures the essence and child like wonder of these kids, all of them going through hardships but managing to find something to help each other out. It’s so refreshing to see the actual orphanage portrayed in a more positive light, not the usual horrid dump that a lot of lesser movies play them out as. The animation is stunning. One of the best uses of stop motion I’ve seen, everything is so colourful and detailed. There’s some moments set in snowy mountains and these look incredible. There’s clearly been so much love and care put into each and every scene here. The music too, sounds spectacular, it really works well with each scene. 

9. lovesong (2016): Mindy and Sarah have that type of relationship where they don't need words because they speak in a language made out of glances and touches. This movie is about the fear of ruining a meaningful friendship and losing an important person, about love that is so complicated that one might not even try because the outcome seems to be so obvious.

10. her (2013): Heartbreak is formative: it changes you heart side out, and leaves your muscles a little stronger, your skin a little thicker, your bones easier to repair. Before this film, I’d never seen anything constructive in having your insides pulled apart by the seams by another person, but this film taught me how. Being in love and then being forced out of it is an experience that changes you fundamentally, but Her taught me its purpose – you don’t need them to leave you so that you can find someone who’s a better fit, because perhaps you never will. You need it to participate in humanity. The common denominator is being hurt, and without it, you’re barely alive.

11. shoplifters (2018): bittersweet and richly transportive, Shoplifters is a film that nonchalantly eases you into its tragic beauty in a way that doesn't punch you hard until the end. It simultaneously made me want to be part of the film's world and also very glad that I'm not. The setting the characters live in is messy and cluttered and full of dysfunction and lies, but it's also got family, and laughter, and fist-bumps, and slurping warm noodles while rain pings on the tin rooftop. So nuanced, so many tiny moments of delicate beauty and unassuming heartbreak, so many people making terrible decisions with good intentions.

12. god’s own country (2017): though it is a love story between two men, this aspect is only addressed briefly in a single scene. Rather, the film is about finding someone who makes you want to be a better person, someone who comes into your life just when you needed it most. Gheorghe helps Johnny open up and realize the beauty of the simple life. From this relationship, Johnny begins to feel comfortable with expressing himself, and his love and gratitude towards others. He also begins to appreciate life in the country, surrounded by stunning landscapes and the beauty of simplicity. Addressing the Yorkshire countryside, Gheorghe says "It is beautiful, but lonely." Johnny is presented with the notion that he doesn't have to be cold and miserable, slaving and drinking his days away. He is presented with the possibility of no longer being alone and finally finding happiness and contentment - and it is more than gratifying to see him accept it.

13. disobedience (2017): a tender star-crossed daydream. the three main character dynamics are special enough on their own, but the romance that blooms at the center is cathartically intimate and even magical: a reunion that feels so inevitable. catching glimpses of a past life, details we aren’t privy to. all the stolen kisses and whispers and promises. a bond so strong that they fall back in sync with each other like second nature, even if they try to fight against it. even if it won’t work. and yet they choose each other, even if for a few minutes.

14. raw (2016): this film is so gross and I like that. There is tons of blood and unique body horror and it all works perfectly for the tone the film is attempting to set. The use of color, specifically neons, creates a constant feeling that you are traveling through some sort of weird ghost world, which I really like. Overall, it's a very well put together film with flashes of brilliance.

15. the night is short, walk on girl (2017): what an absolutely magical adventure of a film. Essentially this is a heavily episodic look at a night in the lives of several people, centered on a woman and a man as she gleefully floats from event to event while he neurotically obsesses over how to "coincidentally" talk to her. The storytelling is incredible; while the overarching narrative is simple there are countless threads woven together to connect everyone in the story to each other. That in itself is a big theme: connections between people, how everything is interrelated, and what a large impact seemingly insignificant things people do can have an impact on everyone around them.

16. coraline (2009): Coraline is the best stop motion movie ever made in my opinion. Before the film released in 2009, I read the book and was completely blown away by its creativity and story. It’s a pretty dark tale featuring many scenes of fright that work well in both a horror setting and an animated kids setting. On surface value, this film is quite horrifying, which is something I’ve always loved about it. While it does make a few minor changes to the book, it improves upon a piece of art that was already jaw-droppingly good. Coraline feels like a real little girl with some real problems. She’s selfish but likable which is something most films cannot translate well. Of course, she has a pretty awesome arc as well which brings this movie to a perfect close for her character. The other-mother is also perfectly done. She is almost exactly how I imagined her in the book and the animation on her is spookily gorgeous. There is not one dull moment in this film. It is literally a perfect piece of cinema.

17. the third wife (2019): haven’t seen a film this visually delicate in a while. Ash Mayfair works with the looming mountain surroundings to make her characters —these women, these girls— as small as possible, as isolated as possible. Uneasiest of all is the protagonist May, so young and so weighed by responsibility, her position blurs between being one of the wives and being one of the daughters. It’s an extremely bleak tale of circumstance. An old tale, certainly, but so beautifully crafted it doesn’t matter. Mayfair holds a fearful tension throughout, and it only ever shatters in the cruelest of ways.The abundance of women and display of sisterhood begin as a comfort, but horror takes over as we realize how conditional and fragile that comfort is. Even the daughters are subconsciously aware, one of them praying to the gods to grow up and become a man, shearing her hair off in naive triumph. It’s a doomed cycle of girls performing roles which are unfortunately their best option, right up until the final scene of May with her daughter, still in their mourning clothes. She, like the older wives, finally realizes they’re the same as the cattle laying on their side for too many days.

[milan-chica]

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They served as Atty Gen the same time it took the same big they took on the same big fights to get California bow here in Delaware big fights helped change the entire country I know how much bow respected and her work that matter a Free Spirit Brave Soul Medical Assistant Leopard Heart T Shirt From AllezyGo lot to me to be honest with you as I made this decision so now we need to get to work playing this nation out of these crises we find ourselves. America cabinsand resolve to go offand find buckyand bring them back to normal meanwhile buck is off killing hydra scientistsand trying to become more human as you imagine with the shield team yeah finding out everyone’s hydra is a pretty big mess john garrettand grant were exposedand start shooting people in the faceand a big battle between hydra shield ensues in the cast that follows the us government declare shield a terrorist organization that’s fun for colson the gang john garrett breaks initials facilitiesand steals a bunch weapons from colson’s past ventures pheasant simmons end up in a medical pod which grant ward then chucks to the bottom of the ocean fits almost sacrifices himself to save simmons because they’re in love but in a fury shows up just in time to save them during colsonand team upand eventually defeat garrett to make schools in the new head of shieldand jesse were up to date his team now includes this dude called macand the studio tripletand this dude called patton oswalt after the spirit wasn’t hiding with the excellent disguise of a beanie however colson is now starting to experience side effects from being resurrected using cree fluids the main side effect is he start sketching a map of that ancient cree city for humans to find is that sin is brain now meanwhile the soon to be human is been running around the show for a while now called reyna goes to daisy’s dad calvin who is still looking for after all these yearsand tells him she’s found his daughter he really was sincere so he sets out to do that this has been the because he almost drownedand now he’s got brain damage simmons is nelson’s work undercover in hydra with the help of fellow shield agent bobby morse shield team lost recruit sassy british man lance hunterand some other people but they’re not as important agents also start fighting this inhuman called carl creel the absorbing that back over to calgary now he discovers it is usb stick with information on it that he would like to have however it’s currently in possession of guest to reva connors luke cage’s wife so he is jessica to find usb formand then orders her to kill reva jessica does it but it’s so dramatic that she manages to break free from kill race controland walks away he is then promptly hit by a bus just giving he’s dead but he survives in later forces a guy given both of his kidneys so he can live after all this jessica jones decides to become a private investigator while luke cage is pretty devastatedand also now running his bar okay now were going to go to space for quite a bit that is a still looking for those infinity stones after loki stuck to getting the tesseract so he lists run the accuser’s old cree crazy fanatic friend to help them in case you forgot the cree are still war with the no vampire the good police of spaceand it was a peace treaty involved that decree signed but ronan went rogueand started terrorizing secondary people send r is the capital of the vampire enemies a lot of weird names once i’m sorry anyway ronan with the help of dennis’s adopted daughters nebulaand gomorrah is now looking for the orb that contains the power infinity stone on places like praxis nine process nine at data know but so far no luck also grew rocket or start collecting bounties for example on this guy called balto so this point most everyone is looking for this infinity stone orb dennis wants it to come to the universe once it’s usand give it to the collectorand this random urgent wants it because it can probably be sold for a lot of money this merchant hires yonder in the rafters to get a form peter quill now going the name star lord is all grown upand despite what they taught him once to move away from the ravages so he locates the orband takes it for himself just before running into ronan’s henchmen started quill escapesand gomorrah center treated on the planet of zande are guerrillas attacked by gomorrah for the orband by writing group for huge bounty on his head in the end all capturedand sent to prison called the kiln where they meet tracks the destroyer tracks his family was killed by running under the command of panos so once revenge on both those guys which intends on getting through gomorrah in the end these unlikely five team up to get out of the kilnand plan to get the order to the collector so they can all get paid now you got the rogers were medic will the notochord who would uphold the lawand ronan once the orb on the tail is to know where a celestial head where the collector is peter so I love it gomorrah jackson arcata getting drunkand fighting but eventually through all these distractions they doand of giving the orb to the collector however one of the collector’s assistance to the stoneand a big explosion happens because it’s an infinity stone was as good markwell to take the stone back in a fit of junk vengeance just goes run into the planet a fight in a fight which she loses badlyand tries to kill more in spaceand gets the orb that peter saves her at the last minute right as a captured by the raptors ronan as the stoneand decides to betray santos giving it for himselfand paying to distressand areand then santos the crew now going by the name of the guardians of the galaxy eventually regroupand team up with the ravages to guard the galaxy they team up with another court as well a big clinic to bounces during which grid sacrifices himself to save his new friends eventually after some paddlingand dance off peterand russ the guardians grab the stoneand kill run with it saving the day in the process peter is able to hold the power of the stone for sunday does because he’s part celestial areas of the stones than of the court keep safe I wonder that’s agoand they often become kind of guns for hire also rocket pics of the twig from grits corpseand plants that create a new gruden baby form who grows with the team meanwhile the collector gets mocked by herod the duck ego the living planet celestial is my someone who held infinity stoneand realizes it must be some of his day yonder never delivered is a plan to get peter to’s planet they can join forces so we can consume everything everywhere nebula has escapedand is now hated by pretty much everyone in the universe but she really wants to kill her dad that us she tries to steal some superpowerful batteries from these aliens called the sovereign but is caughtand taken prisoner however there’s a giant monster called the obelisk that slowly drain those batteries power to the sovereign the guardians to defeated they greeted so if they get nebula as payment after they succeed however rogge still similar batteries because he’s kind of a dick that’s not a joke that’s pretty much what he did it still battery the summer discover this since in the fleet to kelly guardians but ego shows upand destroys that fleet reveals himself as peter’s dadand him peter gomorrah jackson egos helper mantis who can read people’s emotionsand make people feel emotions go back to ego’s home planet his body meanwhile rocket baby groupand nebula stage repair the ship meanwhile the ravagesand the undo off on some hooker planet celebrating the victory against ronan when yonder runs into sylvester stallone after all these years stone is a bit of foreshadowing that how yonder won’t have a nice rabbit your funeraland yonder is not too happy about it but soon after the sovereign approachand then ask them in the ravages to catch the guardians for them that’s the planet where the guardians crash landedand after b skirmish take rocketand baby group prisoner one of the ravages taser face please yonder was getting too softand stages of mutiny nebula helps the ravages take out jan doand then goes off to kill her sister onceand for all is really she just was to kill her whole family at this pointand his mentor killed the mutiny but eventually yonder rocket bondand escape with the very very slow help of baby groupand yonder’s number two crack when you gets a new arrow controlling mohawkand the murder all the ravages mastered’s in the coolest way possible meanwhile on egos planet egos teaching peter how to use his celestial powersand peter is loving it something seems off thoughand that is his beginning friends with tracksand wants to tell them about egos deep secret as in all the child murdering young to know as well that child murdering so him craband daily gruden rocket getting the shipand jump across the universe to save peterand the gang from ego nebula get steel spina first invites gomorrah but eventually they stop fightingand talk out their differences peter is getting really into ego so celestial thing welcome nebula discovered cave of the children under the surface peters advertised may goand almost as long would egos plan until ego reveals that he killed peter’s mom at which point peter steps out of itand the battle begins the process of all the cd the plantand transforming has already begunand the stuff starts expanding all over the universe including honor the guardians by egoand the sovereign as they just arrived peterand ego to get out in the weirdest way possibleand ultimately yet the guardians when an ego is no more in the process peter loses his celestial powers is not totally op when infinity work comes however to say peter yonder redeems himselfand sacrifices his own life freezing to death in outer space youngest funeral followsand all the raptures including stallone come back to honor him since they realized he wasn’t such a bad guy after all nebula gomorrah become somewhat loving sisters nebula leaves to find a way to kill santos which I guess takes another four years to get around to doing kremlin takes over yonder zeroand still reunites an old ravaged team then yonder’s honor the sovereign still pretty upset with the guardians create adam warlock to be the ultimate weapon against them though that’s also to take a few years to fully manifest also this old man has been an informant for these beings that watch the universe called the watchersand that’s all you need to know about them nowand go back to earth there’s this guy called jonathan sanborn who gets in an accident at the factory work sadand is paralyzed he seeks medical helpand physical therapy but those do nothing for so he hears about ties for the masters of the mystic art still hang outand has over there here he meets the one entries in the way of the mystic artsand eventually leaves as he can use the magic to walk again this year team is having more adventures mainly revolving around trying to figure out those weird drawings colson is doing this includes may find an agent with a mask that makes you look like me it’s probably burned onto a face that guy verna reinhardt also comes backand get his hands on the diviner again over hell’s kitchen not murdoch confesses at his church about his vigilanteand because he’s very catholic but decides to give it up anyway to make a city a safer place in the same area reporter called karen page discovers some shady activity involving money laundering going on with this companyand tries to tell one of its employees but wakes up the next morning next to his dead body holding a blade knife she’s accused of murder against nelsonand murdoch to defend her she’s doing some investigatingand so some people want to killed matt in his vigilante outfit safes are become known as the daredevil that karen such working as a secretary for nelson murdoch ever since that you turn invasion a bunch of house prices have dropped new york or something real estate related like that so they’re more russian gangstersand mobstersand all that taking advantage of the situation wasn’t fisk that the range kid from before returns him to make the city a better place but a better place for him isn’t better for a lot of people also he falls in love the woman called vanessaand start being people’s headsand with car doors those two things are mostly unrelated so that as daredevil fights back against him involving lots of dark hallwaysand alleysand beating up russians in bidding of ninjas called nobu in the process thought he discovers who he isand has a big scene of acting on the way that also provides a nurse called claire temple finds a new year’s at houston to his wounds wasn’t fisk also starts working with mme. Ways you really know why when I very dearly out there on how the world can the larry down cleanup every note and an been cresting to the returning energy are you willing to give out to joe biden here is my answer going on recollections can break your heart they can make to gain from the here was interesting to hear what the president experienced intelligent and actually believe in the rule of law was starting to see the soul of this nation and my favorite things to fix sacrificing your ideals or your commitment to family who better to introduce your children biden sleep joe biden is our dad now about it when I tell you what kind president our dad will be will be and honest caring principle to listen will be there when you need him tell you get to when you get when you will never let you down the rock candy strongly shouldering you can ever lean on every time you succeed will make your grandkids fielded what they’ve got to see others treat cream on the line get up no matter how many times he’s been knocked down

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New Jersey Connecticut Detroit in New Orleans all appear to be passed their peak and we are seeing consistent declines in hospitalization and cases in regions across the country are only conclusion is that were getting their as the American people are put into practice presidents guidelines of social distancing because you been listening and adhering to the guides the state and local officials we are of making or making meaningful progress in a Free Spirit Brave Soul Medical Assistant Leopard Heart T Shirt From AllezyGo very real sense sparing Americans to be exposed to the coronavirus and no less extent on saving lives are task force actually believes Mr Pres that if we continue these mitigation efforts in the days ahead as states implement their policies including phased reopening that will preserve those gains we do believe by early summer we could be in a much better place as a nation with the with much of this coronavirus epidemic behind us earlier today we also had a conference call led by Sec Ben Carson and leaders from hot about the president’s announcement yesterday and. Delay the Election and Suggested That He Will Not Leave Office If He Loses His Is Not Normal and We Must Never Treated like It Is under This Administration Authoritarianism Has Taken Root in Our Country I and My Family and Many of Yours Know the Insidious Way Authoritarianism Destroys the Democracy Decency and Humanity As Long As I Am Here I Will Work with Progressives with Moderates and Yes with Conservatives to Preserve This Nation from a Threat That so Many Although Heroes Fought and Died to Defeat This President Is Not Just a Threat to Our Democracy but by Rejecting Science He Has Put Our Lives and Health in Jeopardy Trump Has Attacked Doctors and Scientists Trying to Protect Us from the Pandemic While Refusing to Take Strong Action to Produce the Masks Gowns and Gloves Our Healthcare Workers Desperately Need Nero Fiddled While Rome Burned Trump Golfs His Actions Planned This Pandemic Resulting in over 170 000 Deaths and a Nation Still Unprepared to Protect Its People Furthermore Trumps Negligence Has. A call and so anybody of anything to say again young people are almost immune to this disease the younger the better is the stronger and stronger to have a stronger immune system it’s incredible See Other related products: My Favorite God Calls Me Son Clover Cross T Shirt