#fuck this isn’t nearly as funny as it was in july but i refuse to let go of the bookending

[diluc33rpm]

2/2 Do you hate anyone at the moment?

Morbius, the Living Vampire, real name Michael Alexander Morbius, M.D.,[1] Ph.D.,[1] is a fictional character appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. Created by wri

[theficpusher]

Fireworks by damaged_danzy | G | 442 Harry and Louis go to watch fireworks, but things don't go as planned...

Fireworks In Our Hearts by thebravedontsurrender | nr | 994 a drabble where louis and harry have a four year old son and they go see fireworks with him

like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow by supernope | T | 1495 “Fireworks,” is all he says before he’s scrambling for a pair of shoes in the bunks and stumbling out the door. Also known as: incredibly self-indulgent Fourth of July tour fic.

Rockets’ Red Glare by armadillosunset | nr | 1776 Harry Styles hates fireworks. It is known. But Louis always comes through for his baby, even if he doesn’t know he needs it.

Happy Fourth of July by Midnightprincess | M | 2966 A celebration of America's independence might turn into a celebration of something else.

To Give You a Hand to Hold by gettingaphdinlarry | nr | 26150 When he spoke again, Harry’s voice was low. “Ever think of how many birthdays they don’t get?” Louis avoided Harry’s eyes. “What do you mean?” “Martinez was what, nineteen? Missed a good sixty of them.” Harry took the last of his cake and passed the plate to Louis. “Figure sixty missed birthdays each. Just on our side. How many is that?” Louis used the edge of his fork to scrape frosting off the plate. “Never thought about it.” “What would your shrink say?” “‘Focus on the positive.’” Harry ran a hand over his head and scratched the back of his neck. “How’s that working?” :: Marine Louis Tomlinson is medically discharged when an IED explodes in Afghanistan. Months later, he's reunited Stateside with his Navy medic Harry Styles. The two of them shelter each other even as they refuse to admit they're in the throes of PTSD, until one night nearly destroys them.

the sun's been quite kind by hemakeshimstrongx | T | 53753 “You know I can see you looking at him, right?” Lottie says pointedly, right in Harry’s ear so Louis can’t hear them; although it’s not like Louis is paying attention anyways, Tommy is there and they’re talking about something entirely different now. Harry gives Lottie a funny look, even though he knows exactly what she’s talking about. “Even after all this time, huh?” she asks. Harry shrugs. “I dunno. It’s probably just a nostalgia thing.” - Or: Harry and Louis haven't spoken in eight years. Harry finds himself unable to free himself from Louis' captivating pull. It's definitely not just a nostalgia thing.

Say Something by kingsofeverything | E | 105497 At fifty years old and recently divorced, Omega Harry Styles isn't interested in dating. When his doctor suggests a heat and rut matching service, he signs up out of necessity. It’s the only use he has for an Alpha in his life. Twenty-eight-year-old Alpha Louis Tomlinson aims to change that.

Given a Chance by Fabby | E | 173511 Five years after One Direction took their last tour, the last thing Louis Tomlinson ever expected to happen while on a tea run at the local Piggly Wiggly was to run into his ex-boyfriend and ex-bandmate Harry Styles. The odds of them ever running into each other again had to be super slim, right? Wrong. What happens when you mix ex-boyfriends with a large serving of Small Town America? Will Louis and Harry be able to set aside their differences, or will Louis be able to stay breezy as fuck in the wake of Harry’s arrival? (or, the one where Louis and Harry run into each other five years after One Direction ends and learn how to love each other again. Featuring: Reggie as the overweight labrador, Niall as Louis’ last grip on reality, and Nowheresville, North Carolina as the setting for Louis’ worst nightmare to come true.)

[tofuchi]

I don’t have anywhere for these feelings to go except a platform on which I can write that isn’t a word doc that’ll sit on my desktop.

I hate you. You were a predator whether you realize it or not. I was insecure and young, just like your last ex-girlfriend. You made me feel bad about my feelings. You always blamed me when you did things with other girls behind my back. Somehow, everything was always my fault. I was crazy, you had NOTHING to do with it. It was all ME. I made myself that way, I perpetuated it. I kept myself crazy because I liked the attention you gave me when I threw my fits. That’s what you always said. You “rewarded” my “bad behavior.” You are such a creep and a fucking asshole. I cannot stand that I wasted what should’ve been some of the best years of my life on you. They were wasted on you and they were wasted miserable, depressed, and so incredibly insecure. I stayed with you because I felt bad. You were so much older than me and I knew you wanted a family. If I broke up with you, you’d have to start over and it wouldn’t be as easy for you as it would for me. When I did muster the courage to break up with you, you basically said no and told me I was giving up. I told you I was unhappy, I told you I didn’t like how I felt together, I told you I did not want to be with you, and you refused. You guilted me into staying with you. This happened twice. When I finally broke up with you, you had the nerve to tell me “everyone” was “talking bad about [me]” and then you said you wanted to kill yourself. That’s manipulative and disgusting. I told my cousin that you said that and she told me to be strong and not listen to you. She told me that was incredibly manipulative and nothing you do would be my fault. I’m glad I listened to her.

I asked you to stop speaking to girls I caught you fooling around with. Somehow it was my fault I felt that way. It was my fault I didn’t trust you even though I’d found messages and photos on your phone and your computer. It was my fault I didn’t trust you and snooped. It wasn’t your fault at all that they were there. It was my fault that I looked at your things and saw that, years later, you were still talking to her. That was somehow my fault. It wasn’t your fault — you were just “taking an opportunity that came up.” I was the bad girlfriend for having the audacity to ask you to stop speaking to someone this happened with repeatedly. And I was “the only one who [kept] bringing it up.” I always compared myself to other girls because you were always looking at other girls. I was too good for you. I honestly don’t even know how you got other girls to send you the photos they did. I realize now, I was far too good for you. I was too pretty. I was too smart and funny. I was too kind. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it’s true. You mask your small dick — I mean, small man syndrome — well, but at some point, people see through it. I do not know what I saw in you. The insecure, young girl saw someone “mature” showing interest in her, validating her. I cannot stand the thought that you touched that version of me. That you touched me at all. It makes me sick.

I just...I don’t think I will ever stop hating you and I know I lose in that sense. When you said hi to me at that concert a few months ago, I wanted to hit you so badly. I wanted to tell you to fuck off and I wanted to hit you in your stupid face. I always hope I run into you somewhere so I can treat you like trash. Your best friend asked one thing of me when we broke up: to hide it if I started dating someone, to hide it for at least 6 months to give you time to heal. I said yes to appease him but I knew I wouldn’t. I wanted you to see that I was finally happy, and with the type of guy you always knew I wanted. I hope it dug into you like a knife. I wanted you to see that, in a month, I pushed nearly 7 years with you out of my mind and started over. You know why? Because I was over our relationship from 2014. July 2014 is when I stopped loving you completely and just pitied you. I pitied you, but I still hated you. And it took me 3 years and 11 months to finally, really wake up and realize life with you would be horrific. Id be married to someone I hated. I’d probably have a kid with someone I hated. Someone who is a slob, someone who is a pig, someone who is a creep, someone who is lazy, entitled, narcissistic, and emotionally stunted. You were “broken” and I’d moved on in a month, because I was over it for nearly four years at that point. You were too deluded to realize it because you were happy. That’s all that mattered to you — you.

You don’t deserve even half the happiness I’ve found within the last almost two years. Not even a fraction of it. You are selfish and self-centered and you do not know how to treat someone with respect or love them. I would not wish you on any other woman. You are a plague. Stay in your house not because of this Covid-19 quarantine, but because you and your horrible personality should be kept from the world and everyone in it.

[chadnevett]

Books Read in 2019

As usual, this is really “prose books completed in 2019.” It doesn’t count parts of books read or comics. So, if I decided to randomly read half of the essays in a Chuck Klosterman book or haven’t made it through that history of Canadian international trade just yet... well... Dates are when I finished them. Anyway, I’ve added little blurbs where I felt like it.

1. TV (The Book) by Alan Sepinwall and Matt Zoller Seitz (January 6). Babylon 5 was overlooked.

2. Waiting to Derail: Ryan Adams and Whiskeytown, Alt-Country’s Brilliant Wreck by Thomas O’Keefe with Joe Oestreich (January 9). I haven’t said anything about Ryan Adams in public since the spring. I haven’t listened to any of his music since then either. Not sure if/when I will again. It has meant a lot to me over the years. I understand the difficulty in reconciling the love of his art and what came out about him. I’ve struggled with that. I can understand people who say that they’ll listen to the music anyway, because it means something to them and, in their mind, has nothing to do with the person who made it. I have that disconnect for some things. This one is still too fresh for me; too personal. But, man, the people that I don’t understand are the ones who refuse to think any of it is true. As I said to my wife, I didn’t think this was who he was, but I wasn’t particularly surprised either. Quite frankly, nothing he does would surprise me. Anyway, good book. Entertaining book. Well-timed read, I guess, unfortunately.

3. Dead Pig Collector by Warren Ellis (February 13).

4. CoDex 1962 by Sjon (March 17). I can’t imagine reading this as three separate novels and feeling satisfied with any. Still not convinced it even works as a whole.

5. The Border by Don Winslow (April 22). It ain’t Power of the Dog. It isn’t even The Cartel. And the imprisoned child illegal immigrant plot felt completely unnecessary. But, it was alright.

6. White by Bret Easton Ellis (April 28). Not nearly as extreme or out there as portrayed. I disagreed with some of this, was bored by other parts, and enjoyed others... s’okay.

7. Thanos: Death Sentence by Stuart Moore (May 11). I read this; you don’t have to.

8. Freak Kingdom: Hunter S. Thompson’s Manic Ten-Year Crusade Against American Fascism by Timothy Denevi (May 15). This was good, but it just sort of... ends.

9. I Can’t Breathe: A Killing on Bay Street by Matt Taibbi (June 3). If you want an unbelievable work of nonfiction that will leave you shaking with rage...

10. Basketball (And Other Things) by Shea Serrano (July 9). Really entertaining and funny.

11. The Farnsworth Invention by Aaron Sorkin (July 13). I’d like to see it performed.

12. Raised in Captivity by Chuck Klosterman (July 27). Like any short story collection, it’s a bit hit or miss. But, when it hit, it really hit. The story about the father with his son at the park really hit me for obvious personal reasons. I identified with it strongly. And I learned that Klosterman searches for his name on Twitter as he liked my tweet about that story despite it not tagging him and being a reply to my Goodreads update. No judgment, but good to know.

13. This Storm by James Ellroy (August 16). Once you get past the first two hundred pages and the idea of everyone in the past being so casually racist that the lingering racism of the present doesn’t seem so overblown, it’s a pretty good book. I was worried that he wouldn’t finish this new LA Quartet, but he’s already talking about another trilogy after this...

14. Three Years by Anton Chekhov (August 25). A novella about how love fades and learning to live with another person can be difficult. A favourite of mine.

15. Movies (And Other Things) by Shea Serrano (October 14). Didn’t like this as much as the basketball one. Our tastes don’t overlap quite enough for this to work for me.

16. Hate, Inc. by Matt Taibbi (November 21). Oh, it’s not just politics and the police that’s completely fucked? Thanks, man.

17. V. By Thomas Pynchon (December 1). Kind of all over the place.

18. The Crying of Lot 49 by Thomas Pynchon (December 6). More focused.

[mst3kproject]

Tarantulas: the Deadly Cargo

 I tend to associate this movie with Killer Fish – probably because I originally watched them on consecutive days, but they’ve got many other things in common.  Both feature dull 70’s actors facing off against small animals that aren’t nearly as dangerous as pop culture would have us believe.  Both go out of their way to avoid showing us anything genuinely exciting or cool.  Both have boring, contrived climaxes, and both have titles that are technically accurate but dismally forgettable.  If this one had dropped the Tarantulas and just called itself Deadly Cargo, that would be ten times better already.

A couple of crooks fly out of Ecuador with no idea that their cargo of coffee beans and illegal immigrants is, for some reason I cannot even begin to fathom, infested with spiders.  A bad engine and the aggressive spiders lead to a crash landing in Finleyville, California.  This is a sleepy little hick town that depends on the citrus industry, and they clearly haven’t had an emergency in about twelve years but they do their best to rise to the occasion.  Unfortunately, their attempts to help only unleash the deadly arachnids on their community.  Eventually, the townspeople find that the spiders have made themselves at home in the town’s fruit warehouse.  If they cannot be somehow removed, the oranges will be unsalable, and Finleyville will go broke without a crop.

No shit.  The greatest threat presented by the spiders in this movie is to the town’s economy.  I don’t know why I find that so funny.  Most spider movies present us with the horror of a slow venom death, often while playing up the omg, it’s touching me! angle. Giant spider movies give us huge monsters that can entangle and devour us. Tarantulas: the Deadly Cargo threatens that not only might we be bitten by spiders, we won’t be able to afford health insurance afterwards!

The economic angle is the key to what this movie is.  It’s trying to be something, and the first time I watched it, I wasn’t paying enough attention to pick it out.  On the second viewing, when the owner of the orange-packing plant refuses to shut down operations because of a few spiders, it clicked – this was a Jaws ripoff!  It’s got the shark and the Fourth of July Weekend and the whole thing!  There’s even a Little Alex Kitner, in the form of a kid who climbs a truck to see one of the spiders after the driver assures him it’s perfectly harmless.  Deadly Cargo has changed enough details that it could have been an interesting variation on this formula, but by the time the movie’s over its choice of shark stand-in has pushed it into a couple of corners it just can’t get out of.

I’ll come back to that – first, it’s Spider Nerd time again, and I actually do have to give Deadly Cargo some points for research.  Characters present a dead spider to some sort of scientist, who identifies it as a Brazilian Wandering Spider, Phoneutria nigriventer.  This species can be dangerous to humans, but usually only to small children, and they’re one of the few spiders capable of delivering a ‘dry’ bite that’s intended to scare rather than to kill. They’re sometimes called banana spiders because of a reputation for hanging out in shipments of fruit, but I don’t think they’ve ever been found hiding in coffee beans.  Why would a spider hide in coffee beans?  Spiders like small spaces to crawl into, such as those you find in between bunches of bananas or oranges in a box.  Coffee beans are too small to create spider-sized hidey holes!

The Nondescript Scientist also notes that Phoneutria isn’t a tarantula – another reason why the word Tarantulas should not have been in the title.  It also got a snort out of me because almost all the spiders we see in this movie are in fact Mexican Red-Knee Tarantulas (there are also a couple of Chilean Rose-Hairs).  These are the same spiders we saw in Ator: the Fighting Eagle, and are the spiders of choice for horror movies because they are docile, easy to handle, and don’t bite.  So yeah, if you ever actually see one of these in real life, you can just push it the hell over.

As long as I’m talking about the spiders in this movie, I’d like to know how they got into town so fast.  One minute the spiders are at the crash site in the middle of empty fields, the next they’re harassing the faculty at the School for Autistic Children (are you already cringing?  Wait until you see the kids marching in lockstep to an obnoxious whistle).  Spiders move at like one mile per hour.  Did the plane explosion just spray them across the entire state?

Plane explosion?  Yeah, of course there’s a plane explosion in this movie, and it’s fucking annoying because they came so close to not having one. After the crash the plane develops a fuel leak – but the town’s fire chief immediately notices it, and directs people to dig a trench the fuel can flow into so it won’t pool.  He goes around making sure nobody lights a cigarette or anything, and for a moment I really thought this might be a movie in which common sense prevails… but then some jackass on a motorcycle drives straight into the trench.  Seeing a giant fireball in a movie has never left me more disappointed.

I have digressed, though.  Let’s talk about the climax of the movie, which is one of the places where it most strongly resembles Killer Fish.  Killer Fish had the whole cast trapped with piranhas all around their boat.  Tarantulas: the Deadly Cargo has them all in a warehouse full of spiders, as a power outage simultaneously shuts down the noise that had paralyzed the creatures and locks the doors.

This situation is so forced that it probably requires more explanation.  The spiders must be removed from the oranges so that they can be shipped, but the townspeople cannot just spray the fruit with insecticides, because their buyer specifically paid for chemical-free (somebody does try to argue that he didn’t pay for spider-free, which amuses me more than it should).  Therefore they paralyze the spiders with the sound of angry wasps and go around shoveling them into buckets of booze.

Like Banana Spiders, Spider-Wasps are actually a thing – the family pompilidae lay their eggs inside living spiders so that the larvae will hatch surrounded by something they can eat.  What I can’t find when I looked these up is any reference to the spiders being paralyzed by terror when they hear the wasps coming.  This seems pretty counter-productive from the spiders’ point of view – if you hear your deadliest enemy closing in on your, wouldn’t it be far more effective to run and hide, rather than roll over and present your belly to be ovipositored?

So that’s all ridiculous, and then we don’t even get a real sense of anybody ‘winning’ at the end.  The supposed moment of triumph isn’t the spiders being out of the oranges, it’s the trapped people escaping through the roof.  In Killer Fish the piranhas ate the human villain and Kate escaped with the jewels. Deadly Cargo doesn’t have a human villain – the greedy plant owner looks like he might be able to fill this role, but no, he’s later treated as vindicated when they almost lose the orange crop!  This means the only ‘bad guys’ here are the spiders, and dropping their helplessly paralyzed bodies into poison just doesn’t feel like a victory. Neither does watching boxes of oranges go out on a train.  It’s just lacking something.

It doesn’t help that the end of both movies also just leaves the killer animal problem lying there.  In Killer Fish the whole area is still infested with piranhas – what does that mean for the tourism industry?  Is there any way to get rid of them?  In Deadly Cargo we can’t possibly be a hundred percent sure all the spiders are gone. Some might still be hanging around in somebody’s fruit bowl.  Someone in another part of the country might find a hairy leg in their organic marmalade. We never knew how many spiders there were, so we can’t be sure they’re all gone and not out invading ecosystems where they have no natural predators.

Another big part of why Deadly Cargo is so unsatisfying is not only does it lack a villain, the good characters are never well-defined enough for us to really identify with any of them.  There’s a young couple and a fire chief and the plant owner, but I can’t remember any of their names.  The only people we get a sense of are the spider victims, who are introduced just enough to tell us that they either deserved to die (Mrs. Beasley, cheating on her husband) or didn’t (Little Alex Kitner).  We can’t even feel for the girl weeping over her dead brother.

There’s a heap of other silly bullshit in this movie. Like the guy who opens a trapdoor in the ceiling and then just stands there screaming like an idiot as three or four spiders fall on him – a shot that probably looked way cooler in the director’s imagination.  Or the straight-faced implication that the spiders could sense the warehouse full of oranges from four miles away and headed directly for it.  Most of this is just mildly amusing rather than laugh-out-loud funny.  I’m sure Jonah and the bots could make a diverting episode out of this, but I don’t know if even they could make a memorable one.

[jaeminlore]

Redemption // Jeon Jungkook

-

the prompt: Jungkook scenario when your pregnant unplan baby he finds the test when you get home he starts yelling, blaming you throwing things,tells you to gtfo of his life with the baby saying fucked up things. So you leave Korea 3 year later you come back with your daughter and you guys see each other again he tries to win you back angst beginning but fluff ending?

words: 8942

category: heavy angst + fluff ending

author note: it’s time to see how good destinee’s character development skills are. also y/n didn’t leave, jungkook did. hope that’s okay. im so proud of myself for writing this?? I didn’t give up and I’m glad i didn’t. anyway, this took forever to write you can literally see my writing improve as you keep reading its kind of funny anyway let’s go!

- destinee

-

You sat on the edge of your bed, your head in one of your hands, as the other held the reason you were so stressed.

A positive pregnancy test stared back, the two lines mocking you; a permanent reminder of the mistakes you had made.

You felt stupid. You and Jungkook were still young, and no matter how much you loved the boy, you weren’t sure you wanted to have a baby so soon.

There was nothing you could do about it now, since you definitely didn’t want to abort the child. You would keep them and raise them with love, for that you were certain.

You were just wondering if the father would also be there, raising them as well.

Your nerves shot as you waited for Jungkook to get off of work, you called up one of your closest friends, Taehyung.

“Hello?“

“Tae? It’s Y/n. I have some news and I’m scared Jungkook isn’t going to like it.”

"Are you okay? Jungkook said you’ve been under the weather for the past few days.“

You gulped. "Tae, have you heard of morning sickness?”

“Yeah,” he replied casually. “It’s when you’re pregnant and you get queasy— Wait, you’re pregnant?”

“Keep it down!” you hissed. “I don’t want Jungkook to know.”

"He��s nowhere me. Plus, he’s going to find out eventually, Y/n.“

"I know.” You shut your eyes tightly, wishing this was all a dream. “How do I tell him?”

“Just tell him,” Taehyung said casually. “Jungkook should be happy.”

“But he wants to go to university. How can he afford that with a baby?”

“I don’t know, talk to him about that when he gets home.”

You shivered in the fear that Jungkook might not want the child. “I think I’ll keep it a secret just a little longer.”

“Be careful,” Taehyung warned you before closing the call.

Since that was decided, you threw the pregnancy test in the trash, being sure to cover it with some toilet paper, and left to prepare dinner for when Jungkook came home.

-

Jungkook arrived home the same time he always did. “Babe, guess what?”

“What?” You smiled, trying to hide your anxiety.

Jungkook handed you piece of paper. “Read it.”

You read over the form, and it didn’t take long to realize that Jungkook had been accepted into his choice university, three hours away from you. “Congratulations!”

“I’ll be moving in two weeks.”

“That’s great,” you said. It truly was, because you were thinking of all the ways you could hide a baby belly while you were in a long distance relationship.

“I know!” Jungkook cheered, smiling at you. “I’ll get my degree and then we’ll start the proper life we’ve always dreamed of.”

“Right.” Your smile only faded slightly. If only you hadn’t gotten pregnant with his child, maybe you could have that life.

Luckily, Jungkook didn’t notice your shift in behavior.

-

The ill-fated day came two days before Jungkook prepared to leave.

While you were sitting on the couch, reading a book, Jungkook slammed something down on the coffee table. You jumped and hesitantly peeked over your book. Your eyes widened in fear as you saw the familiar blue object you had used to confirm your pregnancy.

Jungkook’s expression did nothing to comfort you, as his face was contorted in anger and confusion. “How could you do this?”

You put the book down and looked at Jungkook, “I can explain.”

Jungkook raised his voice, “Why would you get pregnant when I’m going away?”

Your eyebrows pressed together in confusion. “It was an accident, Jungkook! And don’t act like you aren’t a part of this.”

“I’m not a part of this,” he snapped, his eyes widening at the realization of what he just said. Still, he didn’t correct himself.

His actions were stiff, as if he was struggling to keep from exploding in anger. His eyes were narrowed into slits and his notriles flared every once in awhile. You had never seen this side of him before, and it was scaring you. You placed a hand over you stomach defensively.

“It’s your baby too,” you said, feeling small under the harshness of his gaze.

Jungkook scoffed and looked away. He began pacing back and forth in the living room. Finally, he clicked his tongue and looked at you. “I don’t want it. I can’t have distractions like this when I go to school.”

You stood up and grabbed his forearm, “Jungkook, you’re just stressed right now. I know you don’t mean any of this. We can figure it out.”

Jungkook shoved you away. “I don’t want to figure anything out,” he spat. “I want you and that baby out of my house by this weekend.”

You stepped back, feeling tears begin to pool into you eyes. “You don’t mean that.”

Jungkook looked into your eyes, and your lip quivered to see the raw emotion in them. You could see that you were no longer wanted. “I do.”

So you did as he wanted you to, and left.

-

Many people were there to help you throughout your pregnancy. Taehyung had you move in with him, so he could help as much as possible. As your best friend since kindergarten, he vowed to never leave your side despite everything that had happened.

He lived with another boy, Jimin, who would not get within ten feet of you. According to Taehyung, Jimin was afraid he’d hurt the baby. He helped in indirect ways, and those tended to be buying stylish clothes for the new baby. So now you had nearly an entire dresser filled with onesies that would guarantee your child would be the most fashionable baby on the block.

Taehyung wanted to decorate the nursery, despite your pleas to pick out the design. According to him, since it was his house, he got to pick out the design. So he chose art. He wanted the entire nursery to look like some kind of art museum. You figured this was just his way of keeping all the extra paintings he would have to sell if he couldn’t find room for them.

Really, though, the only reason they were offering so much material needs was because they couldn’t really do anything to help your emotional needs.

No one really knew how depressed you were for the first few weeks after Jungkook left. You kept a smile on your face all day long. Even when you had to quit college to work full-time, you acted as if it was no big deal.

When the day came for you to go for your first sonogram, you were a bit deflated that your mother couldn’t come along with you. You would’ve liked another mother’s support during an important time like this. Instead, you got Taehyung in his scrubs, half asleep from his long day at the pediatric office.

Everything was fine. The doctor showed you the screen, where you were able to see your baby for the first time. Taehyung gripped your hand excitedly, his smile widening as he looked at the screen.

When the doctor left the room to go get the pictures for you to take home, Taehyung turned to you. “This is so amazing, Y/n! I can’t believe Jungkook won’t be here to see this.”

It was a slip of the tongue. He hadn’t meant to say it so insensitively. He had, though, and you burst into tears for the first time since Jungkook left you.

Taehyung held you close to him, apologizing over and over for what he had said. “Hey, Y/n, I’m sorry. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.”

You sniffed, feeling hot tears flood down your flushed cheeks. “What if it’s not, Tae? What if it’s not okay?”

He couldn’t answer that.

-

The rest of the pregnancy went up and down, mostly with the weather. For the most part, however, you were able to stay cheerful towards the birth of your child.

In July, you gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. You named her Yuna, after one of your old friends from high school. For the first time in nine months, everything seemed worth it. As if a huge weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

All that mattered now was the little girl in your arms. You would make sure she had everything she needed. You were going to be the best mother you could be.

“I love you, Yuna,” you whispered to the newborn in your arms.

-

Three Years Later

-

“Look, Taehyung, I don’t care how much you spent on it, I will not put a Ryan Mcginley painting up in my daughter’s room and that’s final.” You hung up then, ignoring the protests of your best friend.

You were no longer living with Taehyung and Jimin. In fact, before Yuna’s second birthday, you had saved up enough to go live on your own.

They were still a huge part of Yuna’s life, mostly since they refused to leave the child alone. They were the best uncles in the world, spoiling her with trips to the zoo and ice cream, even when you told them not to.

Luckily, you weren’t too strict when it came to your daughter. As long as she ate her vegetables and didn’t take candy from strangers, you were a pretty chill mother.

Yuna was a good daughter as well. She took a lot from Taehyung and Jimin, like a love for dance from Jimin and an ear for classical music from Tae. From you, she received a resilient spirit and a soft voice.

You could even see hints of Jungkook inside of her. She had his mouth and eyes. She even had his laugh, and his spirit of competitiveness. If only he could see her now, you wondered if he would be proud.

You had made your peace about Jungkook a long time ago. Yuna brought out the forgiving side of you. She was your one reminder that there was nothing more important than your daughter. So you let the past go, choosing to move on and make the best of things.

There had been a few men in your life, although no one ever stayed long. Most of the time, they left as soon as they found out about Yuna. It was just as well, since you didn’t want to date a guy who wouldn’t make time for her.

The phone rang again, and you rolled your eyes as you picked it up. “Taehyung, I told you I’m not putting a painting of a naked woman in my daughter’s room.”

“Y/n? You picked up this time!”

You froze. Without a word, you hung up your phone.

It wasn’t Taehyung. It was Jungkook.

-

Yuna sat on your lap, contently munching on a cookie while you brushed her hair. Aladdin was playing on your television and your daughter watched, transfixed at the bright blue genie that danced around on the screen.

“Mommy?”

“What is it?” You asked, focusing on the tangles in her dark hair.

“I answered the phone while you were in the bathroom the other day.”

“What?” You turned Yuna around. “Was it Tae or Jimin?”

“No.”

“Who was it?”

“I don’t know.” Yuna’s eyes widened as she looked at your fearful expression. “Am I in trouble?” Her lower lip began to quiver.

“No, sweetie! Just try not to pick up the phone if Mommy isn’t in the room, okay?”

“Okay.” She nodded and rubbed under her nose. Then she giggled, “It was a cookie.”

“A cookie?”

“I talked to a cookie,” Yuna confirmed, holding up her own unfinished cookie.

Waves of memories came to your mind, back to a few years ago when you called Jungkook Kookie. Why was Jungkook calling now? Why was he trying to get in touch with you?

Had it already been four years? Did he already graduate from his university? Shouldn’t that mean his actual career is starting up? Shouldn’t that mean he already forgot about you?

“Why don’t we get ready for your nap, Yuna. Alright?”

“Okay!” Your compliant child hopped off of your lap and darted for your bedroom instead of hers. “But I wanna sleep in the big bed!”

“Fine, as long as I get to pick the bedtime story!”

-

As soon as Yuna was asleep, you grabbed your phone and called up the last number on your call log.

"Hello? Jungkook speaking.”

His voice sounded exactly like it did years before, but you couldn’t get the hurtful things he had told you out of his head.

“Listen, it’s Y/n. I don’t want you calling my phone anymore. I don’t want you talking to my daughter, alright?” you spoke with the same authority you used when you caught Yuna’s hand in the cookie jar.

He was silent on the other line for so long that you were about to hang up, until… "So it’s confirmed. I have a daughter. Wow.“

You frowned. "What are you getting at, Jungkook? Why are you calling all of a sudden after all these years? Don’t you have a career to get to?”

Okay, so there was still some bitterness piled up inside of you. Apparently it was a special feature that could only be unlocked with Jungkook’s return.

"Y/n, I was thinking about it and if you let me, I want to get to know her. Yuna, is it?“

"She’s not your daughter, Jungkook.” You told him in a warning tone. After all you did to forget him, he couldn’t just ask to be in Yuna’s life, could he?

"I just want to meet her,“ he begged. "Introduce me as an old friend or something. Please, Y/n? I want to talk to you as well and apologize properly. I’ve grown up a lot the past few years.”

“Fine,” you grumbled. “I’ll text you our address. One day. You come and see her, apologize to me, and leave. Nothing more and nothing less.”

He breathed a sigh of relief into the receiver, "Thank you so much. I promise that’s all I’ll do.“

-

Yuna was a good kid. She never asked questions she shouldn’t have, and she was more than willing to role with the punches. For instance, when you told her one of your friends would be visiting, she was happy. When you told her it was the "cookie” she had talked to on the phone, she was ecstatic.

She insisted on wearing her favorite clothes to meet her new friend. This consisted of a purple skirt, bright pink hightop sneakers, and a black tracksuit top. For the final touch, she placed her fake tiara on top the long hair she wouldn’t let you brush out.

“I’m going to see my cookie friend!” she sang as she followed you around the house.

“Yuna, help me pick up your toys so it will be clean for your cookie friend, okay?”

“Okay!” She did help you clean up. Albeit, this consisted of her trying to shove all her toys into the bathtub.

“That’s not where they go, Yuna!”

The doorbell rang, drowning out your daughter’s mischievous giggles. You ran to open the door.

“Hey, Y/n.” There was Jungkook, dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans and a tucked in t-shirt. You almost laughed at the fact that his clothes were practically the same as they were a few years ago.

You opened your mouth to greet him, but the running faucet interrupted your thoughts. “Yuna!”

You addressed Jungkook as you walked backwards into the bathroom, “Make yourself comfortable while I go tame the monster. I don’t know why she’s so hyper today.”

Jungkook chose to follow you into the bathroom instead. He leaned against the doorway while you scolded Yuna.

You quickly turned off the faucet, and Yuna shrieked in laughter, stomping her feet excitedly. “They’re swimming, Mommy!”

“Yes,” you agreed. “But what did I tell you about putting your stuffed animals in the water?”

“I don’t remember,” Yuna said with an impish shrug. She turned then, noticing the tall man in the doorway. She pushed past you and ran up to him. “Hello! Are you my cookie friend?”

Jungkook squatted down to get on Yuna’s level, and the action made you wonder ruefully what it would’ve been like of Jungkook had stayed. Sure, Yuna had plenty of father figures in her life. She had Taehyung, Jimin, and your own father. Still, she knew none of them were her dad. She knew her dad wasn’t in the picture.

A part of you wished for Jungkook to stay for her sake. So she could grow up with a father. You wanted her to be able to brag to her preschool friends next year about how cool her dad was. How he was a photographer with a degree of sports medicine under his belt. You wanted more than anything for Yuna to have the father she deserved. He was so close to the two of you. Yet, instead of Dad, he was a cookie friend to your daughter.

The thought was upsetting.

“Since you’re a cookie, and you’re really really tall, can you get the cookie jar for me?” Yuna pleaded, finding nothing awkward about a new person in her home. “Mommy put it on top of the regurgitate.”

Jungkook looked at you for reference.

“She means refrigerator,” you said. “Of all the big words she knows, that’s the one she can never remember.”

“But she can remember regurgitate?” Jungkook asked you as you ushered them both out of the small bathroom.

“I didn’t study child logic, so how would I know?” you asked rhetorically. “Yuna, how about you go play in your room for a moment so me and Jungkook can talk.”

“Is Jungkook the name of my cookie friend?” Yuna whispered to you politely, as if the question might offend Jungkook.

“Yes,” you whispered back. “I’ll call you when you can come out, okay?”

Yuna agreed casually, mentioning that she did need to have a tea party with some of her dolls. “G. I. Joe still doesn’t know his table manners,” she explained to Jungkook in a scandalized voice, as if she were gossiping.

When she left, you laughed quietly, “She asked for G. I. Joes, but all she’s done with them is criticize their manners. I think she sees me scolding Taehyung too much.”

Jungkook smiled softly in the direction of the hallway Yuna disappeared into. “She’s beautiful. Well mannered, too. Those aren’t from my genes.”

You grimaced, “Just wait till you play a game with her and you can see the clear amount of Jungkook. She looks like you, too. Doesn’t she?”

“Yeah. She has my eyes.” Jungkook licked his lips nervously. “Look, Y/n, I’m really sorry I left you two. I was obviously immature back then, and it took me forever to finally return. I’m sorry you had to go through the pregnancy alone. I’m sorry you had to raise her on your own.”

You waved away Jungkook’s apology, your feelings too guarded to speak honestly with him. Instead, you acted unbothered. “I didn’t raise her on my own, so don’t worry about it. Taehyung and Jimin helped me, as did my parents. My job pays well too, so I’m able to afford this apartment for the two of us.”

Jungkook nodded. “Did, um, did you get your business degree?”

You smiled bitterly, “I had to drop my classes to work full-time. It’s okay, though. Once Yuna is in preschool, I’m thinking of taking night classes. It all depends on whether or not my boss gives me the raise I’ve been asking for.”

“I could help,” Jungkook said timidly. “I mean, I could help take care of Yuna now so you could start school a whole year early. Then I could spend time with her while you get your degree.”

“I don’t know,” you said, “I don’t think I’m comfortable leaving you with her when I’m not here.”

Jungkook nodded in understanding. “Okay. It was just a thought. Can I still visit her?”

“I suppose,” you said, “I guess I can’t deny a father of visiting his daughter. However, if that’s decided,” you said, “Let’s set some rules. Yuna has no idea you’re her dad and I don’t want her to know right now. Not until I’m sure you’re going to stay and not leave like last time. You’re just her friend for now, like Taehyung and Jimin. That’s it. If you want to come back into her life as a father, you need to prove yourself a father first, got it?”

“Got it,” Jungkook gulped nervously.

You smirked at the fear in his eyes. You had gotten pretty authoritative since becoming a mother, and it came in handy when putting your foot down. Everything you had said was true, however.

You didn’t really want Jungkook back in your life. It was all too sudden and painful. Like an unexpected, undocumented flood that just appears on your finest day. The day you thought everything was going to be okay. The day you though everything was finally okay. Yet suddenly all your plans are changed because waters are building up and up and destroying everything you ever worked for.

It had been you and Yuna for the past three years, alone and happy, content to leave your past in the past. Yet now Jungkook just shows up, out of nowhere, asking to come back into your daughter’s life? It hurt. Every memory of his and your past relationship swam around in your mind as you watched Jungkook.

As floods go, whatever levee hiding behind your eyes was being rapidly overtaken by the salty tears you had kept in for so long, until suddenly…

“Hey, are you crying?” Jungkook asked, reaching to touch your face on instinct, as if he had never left.

“I need you to go, Jungkook.” Your lip trembled and your fingers shook as reality finally set in.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Jungkook reached for you once again, but you found yourself recoiling with clenched teeth.

"Just go.“

So he did. He was silent as he grabbed his coat and left.

As soon as the door was shut, you walked into Yuna’s room and leaned against the door, "Hey, Yuna? Why don’t you sleep in Mommy’s bed tonight?”

Yuna looked up from her tea set and peeked around you, her eyebrows furrowing. “Where’s Kookie?”

“Kookie had to go home,” you said. “You’ll see him later, okay?”

Yuna smiled, “Okay! I have a lot to show him. We’re going to become the bestest of friends!”

You sighed internally, because you knew in that moment that no matter how much it hurt, you would have to invite Jungkook back. For Yuna had become attached to her father, even if she didn’t know who he was.

So for Yuna, you would let Jungkook back into her life. Which, unfortunately, also meant letting him back into yours.

-

The next day, the weather seemed to reflect the dread that was permanently settled in your stomach. Rain poured throughout the morning, causing Yuna to be rather pouty at the breakfast table. She had unearthed her raincoat and boots, and they sat on the floor beside her chair. “Can I please go outside?” she begged.

“No,” you answered, doing the dishes while Yuna ate her cereal discontentedly. “I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

Yuna pouted. “If Kookie is coming to take me out to the park, why can’t I go outside?”

You took your opportunity, “Maybe we’ll cancel with Jungkook and have him come another day.”

As you reached for your phone with the intention of doing just that, the doorbell rang.

Yuna dropped her spoon, letting it fall into the leftover milk with a splash. “Kookie!” She squirmed out of her seat and ran to the door.

You followed begrudgingly. Why did she have to become attached to Jungkook? He wasn’t that interesting, honestly. It was just your luck that Jungkook would become someone your daughter attached herself to. In one instance, it would be nice for her to get along with her father. In another, you were afraid of letting her get too attached, when he might simply leave later.

Playdates were fun, especially when you could leave the child with her mom for the night. However, taking care of child when they were sick, or punishing them when they’ve done something wrong, or struggling to put the child down for a nap… these things weren’t easy. Jungkook had no idea what it was like to take care of a child. The very thought of it sent him running away four years ago. Who’s to say it wouldn’t send him running again this year?

With your guard up, you opened the door. Yuna had chosen halfway to the door that she was too shy to open it up to Jungkook, so you had to do it for her.

Jungkook looked up from his phone, his face hidden by a black hoodie. He cracked a smile, “Hey, Y/n. Hey, Yuna.”

Yuna looked up from behind your legs, “Hi.”

Your eyes unconsciously traced down Jungkook’s body. You suddenly let out a chuckle, “Why’d you wear your Timberlands in the rain?”

Jungkook smiled and looked down at his feet, “It’s always a good time to wear Timbs.”

“You’ve ruined them,” you said.

Yuna looked down at Jungkook’s shoes, “They’re wet! You need rubber boots, like me!”

Jungkook smiled down at her, “I’ll bring them next time.”

His soft voice sent a gentle ping in your heart as you remembered all the times you two used to go out.

-

You could remember the day the two of you moved in together. It was a new apartment, and the two of you had been too tired to assemble the bed. So, you both placed the mattress on the living room floor and piled blankets over it to keep warm. You used Jungkook’s chest as a pillow, his slow heartbeat lulling you to sleep.

In the darkness, Jungkook’s soft voice had broken the silence, “Babe?”

“What?” you asked.

“Do you think my parents are right? Do you think we’re too young?” he whispered his doubts into the night.

You rubbed Jungkook’s chest comfortingly, “We’re going to be okay, Jungkook. We’re going to prove them wrong.”

“But we’re not even in college yet,” he said. “We’re barely out of high school.”

“So?” You asked him. “We’re working on it, and we’ve got good jobs. It’s not like we’re using their money. This was all from our own hard work. We deserve to feel unworried in our new home.”

Jungkook sighed and kissed your forehead. “You’re right. Thanks, Y/n.”

“No problem.”

Jungkook’s parents had warned you to be careful when moving in. They had reminded you that Jungkook was young and impulsive. You knew that your boyfriend was immature. He was also prideful, and had a quick temper.

Still, you loved him and wished to ignore his parents. You assumed Jungkook would grow and mature with age. You had assumed, in that innocent hour, that whatever trials came forth, you and Jungkook would get through it.

You never thought he would up and leave you because of a child. Yet he had, and now after four years he had returned.

Had he really changed like he said? How could you trust him long enough to tell?

-

“Okay,” you spoke as you pulled the raincoat over Yuna’s shoulders. “Make sure she keeps this on. I don’t want her getting sick. She’ll try to persuade you to take it off; don’t listen to her,” you advised.

Jungkook nodded. “I’ll bring her back before lunch.”

Yuna pouted as you pulled rain boots onto her feet. “Why can’t I eat with Kookie?”

You bit your lip.

Jungkook saved you from having to be the bad guy, however, by answering for you. “Well, you need to spend time with you mother, don’t you?”

“And Tae’s coming,” you said.

“Tae Tae?” Yuna squealed and clapped her hands. “I hope he makes me sandwiches.” She then turned to Jungkook and said very seriously, “I like it when Taehyung makes sandwiches.”

Jungkook chuckled and reached down to ruffle her hair. “I’ll make sure to bring you back in time to eat them. Are you ready to go jump into some puddles?”

“Yeah!” Yuna accepted Jungkook’s hand, her small one only able to latch onto about two of his fingers. “Let’s go, Kookie!”

-

A few days later, you tapped your feet angrily as you held the phone up to your ear. The dial tone rang twice before he picked up, his voice nonchalant, "Hey, Y/n.“

"Jeon Jungkook, you disobeyed me,” you griped into the receiver. “Yuna woke up today with a cold!”

"…“

"Jungkook!”

"I’m sorry, okay? She gave me these puppy dog eyes and so I let her take her coat off for a few minutes. The rain had stopped by then so I thought it would be fine.“

"Well it’s not fine,” you snapped, “When it comes to my daughter, I need you to listen to me.”

Jungkook sighed on the other line, "Look, Y/n, I know you’re sensitive about this whole thing but it really is just a cold. Give her some fluids and she’ll be bouncing back in no time.“

"That’s not the point and you know it. This is about you thinking you can do whatever just because she’s your daughter, but she’s not. Okay, Jungkook? She’s not your daughter and no matter how much time you spend with her, she will never be. Got it?”

There was a pause on the other line, then a rustle as if Jungkook was switching the phone to his other cheek. "That’s not fair. I’m back now, trying to make up for the years I’ve lost and you’re giving me little to no room to do it. I know your worried and scared that I’ll leave again but I won’t. I promise I’m not going anywhere so please let me continue to hang out with Yuna. Please.“

You sighed. "I don’t know, Jungkook. There’s no way for me to know if you’ve really changed from that immature person you were years ago. There are years of damage and hurt in this family because of you.”

"I know,“ his voice sounded strained. "You don’t know how much I regret it. That’s why I’m back now. I’m trying to make things okay again. I’m trying to give Yuna a father.”

You sighed. “We’ll see, Jungkook. I want to believe you, but I can’t. I can’t believe another empty promise.”

"I’ll prove it you,“ Jungkook proposed, "Go back to school and let me take care of Yuna. Let me learn what it’s like to be a real parent. Then I can prove that I’m worthy enough to be in Yuna’s life.”

“I’ll think about it,” you answered. “Bye, Jungkook.”

Hours later, you were reading a bedtime story to Yuna, who was half-asleep and miserable with her stuffy nose and cough. Your dialogue was interrupted but the doorbell ringing. “Maybe Tae brought some medicine,” you whispered, knowing that you had run out a few hours earlier.

You got up, but Yuna whined and stretched her arms out, “Don’t go, Mommy.”

“You can come with me, okay?” You picked her up and balanced her on one hip. Her head found the dip in your shoulder and her lithe arms wrapped around your neck.

You opened the door, surprisingly not surprised to see Jungkook, standing in the pouring rain with a sheepish smile on his face. He held up a grocery bag. “I’ve got medicine and snacks.”

Yuna turned to look at Jungkook, and you could see his gaze melt at the sight of her being sick. “Hey, Kookie,” she said through a stuffed nose.

“Hey, Yuna,” he replied, reaching out to rub her back comfortingly. “I’m sorry that you’re sick.”

“It’s okay,” she replied, breathing through her mouth. “Mommy let me have ice cream.”

Your eyes widened as Jungkook turned to look at you, a smirk on his face. “It was so she would take her medicine!” you defended.

“Sure, it was,” Jungkook chuckled. “Has she had another dosage?”

“No,” you answered, “She needs one before bed.”

“Alright, let me go measure it and I’ll bring it back.”

“Actually…” You reached out to stop him from entering the kitchen. “I usually give her less than the required amount, and she had a special cup she always likes to drink out of afterwards…”

Jungkook smiled, “Then you go pour the medicine and I’ll hold Yuna.”

Yuna must’ve heard the conversation, because she tiredly spun around in your arms and stretched her hands out towards Jungkook. He pulled her into his own hold, and smiled when she began to play with the hair that brushed the back of his collar. “Go ahead, Y/n. I’ve got her.”

You went into the kitchen and poured the correct dosage (but a little less) for her age. Then you grabbed her favorite Minnie Mouse thermos and filled it with juice.

When you returned to the living room, Jungkook was sitting on the sofa with Yuna on his lap. Jungkook had his phone out and was showing Yuna different selfie filters. They were both giggling, in their own little world as Jungkook chose different filters for the two of them.

You unconsciously leaned against the wall, marveling at how natural Jungkook was with her. Who knew he would be good with kids? It had taken you months to get the rhythm of being a mother down. Yet here Jungkook was, winning Yuna over with something as simple as the snow app. You were sort of jealous. However, it confirmed one thing you were worried about. Jungkook might be able to take care of Yuna on his own, if the need ever arose.

It was Jungkook who noticed you first, and he licked his lips nervously before smiling at you. “You’re back.”

“Mommy! Me and Kookie were puppies!” Yuna shouted excitedly.

"Kookie and I,”you corrected, which made Jungkook scoff and roll his eyes.

“What?” you asked, offended.

“Nothing…” Jungkook sang. Then he looked at Yuna, “Let’s take some medicine, okay?”

Yuna pouted. “I don’t want to.”

Jungkook clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “But you have to. How else are you going to get stronger?”

Yuna rose her eyebrows. “I want muscles like you, Kookie.”

“You do?” Kookie smiled and flexed his bicep.

You rolled your eyes. “Please stop.”

Jungkook laughed as Yuna poked his muscles. She turned to you, “Can I have biceps like Kookie?”

“If you want,” you shrugged. Then you glared at Jungkook, “Put your arm down you weirdo.”

Jungkook wriggled his eyebrows. “Why? See something you like?”

You ignored him and walked over, handing the medicine cup to Yuna. “Drink up.”

Yuna pouted and looked at Jungkook. “Do I have to?” she whispered to him.

“You do if you want to be strong and healthy like me,” Jungkook whispered back.

Yuna nodded and tipped her head back, swallowing the medicine with a strangled gulp. You handed her the thermos quickly and she began to chug her apple juice to get rid of the gross taste in her mouth.

Jungkook laughed and looked at the medicine cup. “It’s like she was taking a shot.”

“Mommy, what’s a shot?”

You groaned and fell back onto the sofa dramatically. “It’s what Kookie is going to get if he doesn’t watch what he says around you.”

“Harsh,” Jungkook mumbled. “Hey, can I have some apple juice?”

You stood up, seemingly annoyed as you walked into the kitchen. “I signed up for one kid, not two!”

Jungkook laughed as he watched you leave, “Thank you!”

-

You were an adult now. So was Jungkook. Perhaps things healed faster the older you got, because the more Jungkook hung out with you and your daughter, the more you found yourself believing him. Perhaps he really meant it when he said he was going to stay this time. It was getting easier to forgive him as well, and Jungkook could sense it. He could sense you opening up to him a bit more. You even allowed him to stay over one night on the couch, just because it was too late and he was too tired to drive home.

The point was that you and Jungkook had gotten closer. As had Yuna and Jungkook. In fact, you were considering telling Yuna the truth soon.

One day, you called Jungkook and asked him to watch Yuna for the night, “I’m going on a date,” you explained, looking through a pile of clean laundry to fold.

“Go Y/n!“ Jungkook teased from the receiver.

"Look, he’s really nice and I’m really excited about this date. Can you please watch Yuna for a few hours so I can go?” you begged.

"No offense, Y/n, but does this guy know about Yuna?“

"No,” you answered, “and you’re not going to tell him, alright? I never tell guys on the first date. It turns them off.”

"It shouldn’t,“ Jungkook said.

"You’re one to talk,” you snapped as you folded some of Yuna’s pajamas.

"I’m just saying, Y/n. You should tell the guy about Yuna beforehand. If he doesn’t want you after knowing you have a kid, than he isn’t that interested in you.“

You pressed your tongue against the side of your cheek. "I don’t really think I need a lecture from you of all people.”

"Look, I’m saying this because of what I did. You need to find a guy who wants to date both you and Yuna. You’re a package deal.“

You sighed, "I’ll tell him Jungkook. I’ll bring it up at dinner, alright? Except I don’t know why you have to lecture me like a parent. It’s my decision.”

"I know,“ he answered. "but this guy could be Yuna’s future stepdad. If he isnt ready for her in the beginning than he isn’t ready for her at all.”

“Is it the same for you?” you asked. “Or does the fact that you left without getting to know your daughter not hold any recollection in your mind?”

"Y/n—”

“No, listen to me,” you interrupted. “I appreciate all of what you’ve done for me and Yuna. Seriously, you’ve been a huge help. However, we aren’t on that level, Jungkook. You don’t get to tell me who to date and how to date. You don’t get to waltz in unannounced and pretend like you didn’t leave us four years ago. You did. I think we’re both adults and can properly admit it by now. Own up to it and stop acting like you didn’t used to be a bad person. You did, Jungkook. You left us to pursue a career and that hurt. If I’m to go and start dating after Yuna was born, you don’t get to tell me how to do it. I’m sorry, Jungkook, but you have no say in either of our lives.”

The other end of the line was silent for a moment, and you felt a sting of remorse. Had you been too harsh on him?

“I understand,“ he finally said. "You’re right. I don’t have a say in either of your lives and it kills me every day to know that if I hadn’t of been such a selfish kid, I would’ve seen her grow up and she would’ve had a father. I know. I’m doing my best to make up for it here and you’re making it hard. Can’t you see I’ve changed? Can’t you see I’m trying?”

You sighed, “Okay, okay. I can see that you’re trying. I really can see the change, and Yuna loves you. I wouldn’t want her to miss out on you just because we had a fight.”

"Thanks. I’ll be there tonight. Is five o'clock okay?“

"Yeah,” you answered quietly. “It’s okay.”

-

Jungkook never could figure out your pattern. It was like that when the two of you were dating. He never quite knew what set you off. You were unpredictable; a ticking time bomb of emotions. Jungkook loved that about you.

He loved how you always spoke your mind, even if it came out in emotional rambles that had him confused from the start. It kept him on his toes. It made him love you even more. There was always a surprise around the corner.

He hadn’t really expected it that fateful night when he found the pregnancy test in the trash. Panic had been the first think in his mind.

How could he be a father? How could he take care of a child? Where would he get the money? Where would he find the time? How could the two of you be parents so young? Would he even be allowed to go to college now? All of his money would go to the baby, wouldn’t it?

Jungkook felt like there was only one option. It was extreme, but it seemed like the only option. After all, wasn’t it your fault that you were pregnant? You told him you were on birth control, so he hadn’t used a condom. That is what the two of you agreed on. So the only logical explanation is that you had lied about the birth control.

It was all your fault. That way, Jungkook could go to school and feel no guilt of leaving you with the baby.

That’s what he had thought, anyway. It worked fine for three and a half years. He was working hard and getting his degree. The last thing on his mind was that fact that you were a mother, trying to support your child. It wasn’t until he began studying for his finals in his last year of college that he remembered you.

He was walking alone in the park, trying to find a break from his constant exams. The bench was his favorite place, since it served as a solace away from his schooling. As he was resting his eyes, he heard a small, high-pitched voice.

“Daddy! Come swing me!”

Jungkook opened his eyes to see a small boy running towards the swings, a grown man in tow. “Wait up!”

The child giggled and ran ahead anyway.

As Jungkook watched, he found himself smiling. Then, frowning as he remembered the past he had tried so hard to forget. He wondered where you were and if you had chosen to keep the child. He wondered if the child was a boy or a girl and what you had named it. A sensitive pang hit his chest as he thought about what it would’ve been like if he had been there. If he had stuck through and been a true father to the kid. Would he take them out to the park as well? Would you and him fight over who the child loved more?

Jungkook cursed under his breath. It didn’t matter now, did it?

It did, though. After tossing and turning for nights on end, Jungkook finally lost it. After his final exams, he picked up his phone and called the number he remembered, although he couldn’t quite remember the last digit.

"Hello! Mommy can’t talk right now!“ a small voice picked up the phone, startling Jungkook.

He quickly composed himself, "Hello. Is your, uh, Mommy named Y/n?”

“Well… Tae Tae calls her that but I usually call her Mommy.”

“Can you tell her I called?” Jungkook asked, feeling a lump in his throat. He had a daughter. She sounded content and happy, like everything he could hope for.

"I’ll tell her! What’s your name?“

"I’m Kookie,” he answered on instinct, forgetting to use his real name.

"Cookie? I love cookies! You can be my new cookie friend, okay?“

Jungkook laughed, "Sounds great. What’s your name?”

“I’m Yuna. Yuna Jeon Y/l/n.”

Jungkook stilled. You kept his last name? As a middle name, yes, but you still kept it. He was still connected to you, through his child.

He would try his hardest to redeem himself and make Yuna proud to carry his name. He had to.

That was his goal and he wasn’t going to be discouraged into leaving you two again. He was going to stick with it this time. He was going to redeem himself.

-

When Jungkook arrived, he rang the doorbell like he always did. Most of the days he visited, you always opened the door hastily, wearing sweatpants and shouting at Yuna to get away from something semi-dangerous. It was an endearing habit Jungkook had come to love because it showed that your life truly did revolve around your kid. That was amazing to him.

Today was even more amazing, in a different way, because you were dressed up when you opened the door. Jungkook could feel his jaw scraping the ground as his eyes raked down your body. You were dressed in a flowing red dress, paired with heels and a shining smile.

“Hey, Jungkook.” you greeted him like you always did. “Yuna is playing with play dough in the kitchen. Try not to get it on the carpet.”

Then you leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “Go into the kitchen before he picks me up. I don’t want him to think I have guys over.”

Jungkook obeyed, feeling too shaken to argue. You kissed him on the cheek occasionally, as a friendly way to convey your thanks for him watching Yuna. However, it never felt like that. Or it hadn’t since four years ago, at least. Memories were flooding back to Jungkook as he felt the obvious spark between the two of you.

He felt pathetic and immature again. He had missed his chance. It didn’t matter if he came back to find that he loved you and your daughter all the more. It didn’t matter that he was trying to help around as much as he could. You would never see past what he had done. There would always be that fear the he would leave again. It was his own fault that you felt that way. He couldn’t deny it. He could only pray that you would change your mind.

“Yuna?” He walked into the kitchen to see Yuna on the floor with actual dinner plates, making meals with the never ending abundance of play dough. Jungkook had never seen so much play dough in his life. Yuna had obviously mixed all the colors together before, because it was just a big brown pile squashed into a giant plastic container. “What are you doing?”

“I’m making dinner!” Yuna replied as she rolled the dough into a big ball. “Right now I’m making bread rolls for your app-e-teaser.”

“Appetizers?” Jungkook corrected softly.

Yuna smiled at him, “Mommy taught me that word today. She said she’s going to a restaurant. Since I can’t go with her, I’m making my own just for us.”

Jungkook heard the door close and knew it was a sign that you had left to go on your date. “So, how do you feel about your mom going to a restaurant.”

Yuna filled her cheeks up with air and pouted, “She’s finding me a Daddy but I don’t want her to.”

“Why not?” Jungkook asked, feeling bitter that he couldn’t just tell her the truth right there.

“I want a fun daddy. If he takes Mommy out he should take her to the zoo! Or the aquarium! They can look at the animals together and be happy! Sitting at a table and eating is too boring. I want a daddy like you, who takes me out to splash in the puddles.”

Jungkook stilled, feeling his heart stop for few seconds before restarting. “You mean it?”

Yuna nodded, unfazed and she handed Jungkook a giant lump of brown. “Now make me some steak, please.”

-

You slammed the taxi door shut after paying for the ride. You were angry and sad, wishing to do nothing but curl up with Yuna in your pajamas and watch a Disney movie.

How dare he, honestly. As soon as you mentioned you had a child, your date began asking questions. She lives with her dad, doesn’t she? She doesn’t? Will she be out of the house when I’m over?

And your favorite: You raised her all by yourself?

“Why yes I did, you ambivalent meat sack,” you griped to yourself as you made your way to your apartment door.

You pushed the key into the hole, wondering if Jungkook had gotten Yuna to bed yet. It was nearly eight o'clock, and she should at least be ready to sleep, if not slumbering.

You were met with Jungkook and Yuna on the floor of the living room. It appeared that they had made a blanket fort and proceeded to climb into it and fall asleep together. Yuna was dressed in her nightclothes and her hair was wet, so you naturally assumed Jungkook did his job of washing and clothing her before bed.

Quietly, so as not to wake them, you went to your bedroom and got yourself ready for bed. One shower and a pair of pajamas later, you came back to wake Yuna up so Jungkook could go home.

“Don’t,” Jungkook warned quietly, his eyes still closed as you reached for your daughter. “It took me an hour to get her to sleep and she wouldn’t sleep in her bed. It had to be with me. I’m really happy but also annoyed because my arm is asleep and I can’t move it in case I wake her up. Just leave us here and I’ll get up in the morning.”

You laughed quietly, “What about your job?”

Jungkook sighed. “It’s flexible. I can choose when I work and when I don’t work. I don’t have any set time I have to work.”

“That’s nice,” you mentioned.

“It is,” Jungkook agreed, “It gives me more time with Yuna. That’s also why I proposed you going back to school in the first place. If you wanted to, I really can stay with Yuna no matter the hours.”

You grabbed a large blanket that had been shoved in the corner and pulled it over the pair, along with you as you cuddled close to Jungkook’s side. “I might have to take you up on that offer.”

“Hey, you wanna know what Yuna told me?” Jungkook reached his arm around you to rub circles into your back.

“What’d she tell you.”

Jungkook suddenly smiled and leaned down to make sure you were looking at him. “She told me she wanted a dad like me. How cool is that? We can tell her soon, right? Since she’s cool with it?”

A soft smile bloomed on your lips, “When do we tell her?”

Jungkook bit his lip, “The zoo.”

“The zoo?”

“Yeah, we’ll tell her in front of the giraffe exhibit or something.”

“That actually sounds like fun,” you said. “I’m off tomorrow. Do you want to go then?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Jungkook smiled once more before returning to his sleeping position.

-

“I’m telling you, Jungkook. If you buy her one more animal-themed dessert we’re leaving the zoo.”

Jungkook pouted and looked at Yuna. She was currently balanced on his hip, contently eating a lion-shaped popsicle. She was dressed in a t-shirt and overalls, with her very own pair of Timberlands, curtesy of Jungkook. You weren’t sure why you allowed them to be together honestly. They always teamed up against you.

“But she looks so sad when she asks for it!” Jungkook argued.

“That’s the point!” You told him as Yuna giggled into his shoulder. “She’s playing you like a fiddle and you don’t even know it.”

Jungkook grinned. “Does it annoy you that she likes me more than she likes you?”

“Yeah, it does, since I was the one who pushed her out of my vag—”

“Not in front of my daughter!” Jungkook shouted, reaching forward to cover your mouth.

Your eyes widened, as did Yuna’s when she heard the word “daughter”.

She suddenly grinned, “I knew it! You are my fun daddy because you remembered to take Mommy to the zoo!”

“What’s she talking about?” you whispered.

“Heck if I know, am I right?” Jungkook laughed awkwardly. Then he cleared his throat. “Let’s go sit down on that secluded bench over there.”

Once everyone was settled onto the bench, Jungkook nodded at you. You took a deep breath, “Yuna, we need to tell you something.”

Yuna grinned, “Is Kookie going to be my new dad?!”

You grimaced, “Well, he’s kind of already your dad, Yuna. Jungkook is your dad.”

Yuna furrowed her eyebrows and looked up at Jungkook, “Then where did you go?”

Jungkook opened his mouth to answer, but you spoke before he could. “Jungkook went to school for a bit to become smarter.”

Yuna nodded, “He takes pictures and helps fix people’s muscles!”

“He does,” you agreed, “and now it’s Mommy’s turn to go to school, so Jungkook is going to be taking care of you a lot more in the future.”

“Okay,” Yuna agreed rather nonchalantly. “Are you guys going to get married? All my friend’s parents are married.”

You looked at Jungkook nervously. He only shrugged, “We’ll call this our first date and see how it goes from there, yeah?”

You smiled and looked down at your lap, flustered. If he was willing to try again, you were sure you could be willing too.

Yuna giggled. “Can our second date be at the aquarium?”

Jungkook kissed the top of her head. “You got it, Kiddo.”

~the end~

[confessions-of-a-former-fat-guy]

Confession 17: Tales of a hopeless jokester.

I've written a lot about how getting healthier and more fit has increased my confidence. I've mentioned the benefits of having more confidence at a high level. How it's helped me in my personal life. How it's helped in my professional life. It's made an incredible difference in my life. It wasn't until recently I realized the biggest impact confidence has had on my life.

I know this has been mostly a fitness, health, and sometimes motivational blog, but I'm going to deviate from the norm and gush about my relationship for a bit. Somehow I'll wind this thing back around to some fitness and good clean eating. Or I won't. Deal with it.

If you were to look back at my life over the past 12 or 13 years (I wouldn't suggest it, I'm incredibly boring) you wouldn't see much dating. Or any really. As previously documented, I wasn't exactly in any shape to be dating. Not physically. Not mentally. Not emotionally. Not financially. So, I pretty much took myself out of the “game”(eye roll). At least that's what I told myself to make myself feel like I wasn't the most unappealing human on the face of the Earth. For years I felt sorry for myself. I watched my friends meet people and get married. I was constantly asking myself why not me? Well, the answer was simple. I was an extremely overweight, underachieving, mopey, miserable sack of flesh. I was no good for anyone, including myself. Shit. Especially myself.

It wasn't until I did something about the things I hated about myself that I felt like I could even entertain the idea of dating. How do you dive into that pool after standing outside the fence watching for more than a decade, though? How do you fight the urge to let old thoughts in? How the hell do you even talk to a girl? I didn't have answers to any of the hundred questions that swirled in my head. So, after months of refusing the suggestions of my friends, I tried the online thing. I made a profile with what wasn't nearly as witty of a title as I thought it was at the time. I uploaded pictures taken at flattering angles. And I answered the 9000 word questionnaire created to find me my perfect mate based on a completely made up compatibility algorithm. WEEEEE!!!!

All I'm going to say about the online thing is that it wasn't for me. I will never deny my old fashioned nature. It just feels unnatural to start a relationship with someone you never would have met without technology or the fact that you both like dogs and nice weather. (DISCLAIMER: EVERYONE LIKES DOGS AND NICE WEATHER. THIS IS NOT THE BASIS FOR A LASTING RELATIONSHIP)

So I jumped that ship and focused on other things. I started CrossFit. I buckled down at work. I wasn't avoiding dating or trying to date. It just seemed like there were other things I should be spending my energy on for the time being. It's also entirely possible I wasn't nearly as ready for dating as I thought I was. There was (is) still a lot of working on me that needed to take place first. So that's what I did. I busted my ass at work, then I busted my ass at the gym. I did this for months. Incredibly, things started falling into place little by little. Promotions and PRs were becoming the norm. I started gaining more and more of the confidence stuff I keep talking about. Things were as good as they could be...or so I thought.

The funny thing about “as good as it gets” is that it can always get better. We may not think so at the time, but life has an interesting way of surprising us when we least expect it. My moment came on a hot day in July on a random Tuesday afternoon at the gym. There wasn't anything extraordinary about that day. I went to work, then headed to CrossFit just like any other day. The second I walked into the box from the entrance everything changed. I've told this story to people before. About how I heard her before I saw her, which is true. That laugh that's grown to be one of the things that gives me life rang through the gym. Once I heard it I followed it to the source. There standing in the corner was this tiny thing that couldn't be much over five feet tall (exactly five feet tall it turns out). She had the biggest, most beautiful smile I've ever seen. She was one of those girls that no matter what room you walk into, she's where your eyes are going to go first...and if you're like me, that's where they'll stop. She was friendly, energetic, beautiful.

I tried real hard to act like I barely noticed her. I can't show my hand this early in the game, right? (I have no idea what I'm talking about). I did my best to warm up like it was just another day at the gym. Eventually, though, I found myself introducing myself. Now, I have to hit pause here. She will tell you I told her I'm “the jokester of the class”. I have no recollection of this and I can guarantee my best friend would have destroyed me for using the word “jokester”, which has never come out of my mouth in my entire life, but I digress. She was likely in much more of a sound mental state at the time, so I'll give her this one. Anyway, that was about it for that day. I can write words all day, but when it comes to face to face conversation with the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life the words don't come quite as easy.

I didn't see her again for quite a while. It wasn't for lack of trying, though. This next part may SEEM a little creepy, but let's just write it off as a boy just trying really hard to put himself in front of a girl he couldn't get out of his head. I found myself altering my work schedule to try to go to the same classes I thought she'd be at. No luck, though. So I employed the services of a friend's wife who said she was sometimes in her class to maybe drop my name or get insider info. (This is the part I like to think of as romantic instead of creepy). Much to my chagrin, I kept striking out. Then one day I got a notification on my phone that someone started following me on Instagram, so I checked it out.

IT. WAS. HER!

You know those moments in movies where they say they had to pinch themselves to see if they were dreaming? Well, that's still bull. Nobody has ever really done that. BUT, if they did, this would have been one of those moments for me. I totally kept my cool, though. I definitely didn't run through the house dancing like Tom Cruise in Risky Business. Nope. I mean, I'm 32.

I waited a while before I followed her back because, you know, guy code or whatever bullshit dudes try to convince themselves is a thing so they feel cool. Before long, though, we were messaging each other, joking around. I AM the jokester after all. Then, as luck would have it, we found ourselves in the same CrossFit class a couple weeks later. I ignore my instincts to hide inside myself or my inherent male instinct to play it cool. Anyone who knows me knows I don't play it cool. Instead, I did the thing that would normally be scariest. I talked to her. That's right, boys and girls. I talked to a beautiful girl. And thank God I did because shortly after I got home I had a new message waiting for me on Instagram. “I don't want to seem forward, but would you want to exchange numbers?”

Uhh. Yeah. I do. I really fucking want to do that thing you just asked me.

My first text to her was asking her to dinner. See, kiddos. Confidence. 28 year old me never would have asked. 29 year old me never would have talked to her. 30 year old me never would have considered a girl like that could ever even be the slightest bit interested in me. 31 year old me would have thrown up and never gone back to CrossFit. 32 year old me isn't any of those old mes, though. 32 year old me knows himself. 32 year old me knows what he wants. 32 year old me knows he deserves more than he ever considered. 32 year old me knows when he's used the third person way too many times. That all came with confidence.

That girl and I went on that date. And then another and another and another. That girl and I spent days together. That girl and I fell in love. That girl and I are making plans for OUR future.

This is all still very new to me. For most of my life I never thought I could be any good for anyone. Now I know I had to endure the hard years, put in A LOT of work, and become the man I am today to be ready for the RIGHT girl when she came around. And I was ready. And I am the man I need to be for her. I am the man I need to be to make sure she always has everything she needs to be happy. I am the man I need to be for ME to be happy. And I'm SO ready for everything that will come.

None of this would have happened if I hadn't made healthy changes to my life. Changes that are still taking place every single day. The idea is to always get better. Get better for you. Get better for someone you love. Get better for your future. Get better for your today. Just KEEP getting better. Become that person you don't think you can be. Get the girl or boy you never thought you could.

Trust me. Any amount of effort it takes is SO SO worth it. If you question that, look at the smile I can't peel off my face. That should be proof enough.

[acethena-discourse]

@grungedyke Tumblr own’t let me reblogged, and i’m not sure if its being dumb or you blocked

Thanks for showing up dumbass. Your presence and your type of thinking in that server is like a tumor, do you realize that? You’re a spineless liar if you think a member saying they were leaving is “strongarming” someone, and those mods are truly either desperate or foolish to keep you in there. No wonder people are uncomfortable with the environment in there – you and other active users have a habit of distorting any disagreement into violent persecution while pretending everything on your side is completely “valid” and brave.

I’m allowed to stay because i don’t break rules. Even now, this isn’t breaking rules. I rarely interact with minors in the server unless they directly talk to me first. But please go off about how I’m terrible for thinking that demanding a mod force someone to stop unhealthy coping, and cropping that out is bad.

My claim that rules are more heavily enforced is directly addressing the fact that i have gotten in trouble for things i legit forget. Ie. THe server does not allow the word b*tch. So often i’ll type “bitching about’ and get a warning from dyno. Thats p fucking strict. I’ve also phrased things v poorly, and been told to either delete the message or clarification, I often opt to EDIT THE INFORMATION because I know exclus will screenshot the bad one, and not the new one. But okay.

Recently a rule has been implimented for triggers, telling us that server anouncemnts will be modifed with new triggers/squick as they appear. Now if you have issues with these instances of rules, please go take that up with the mods.

Now, as for your screenshot, yes, I did tell them to archive it, and how I’ve both handled people baying for blood over the art of 2 ocs in a server in the past. I locked the channel, put an NSFW ban in place, and then *archived them* something I’m surprised you are more grateful for. Considering not only would archiving the channel would keep the good advice (ie yes use lube, do not use soap like in fanfic etc.) along with the bad that yall screenshotted before.

You may pretend to be nice, but that typical tendersoft nerd innocent-white-person shit does not stop you from being predatory.

There is no pretending. I genuinely believe it or not, believe in being nice to just about everyone I come across. That includes you, or a stranger on the bus or even someone walking by my house in a fucking ski mask. Being polite, and kind is just something I believe in. Until you give me beyond a reasonable doubt, I don’t even owe you basic compassion, then you’re gonna get it. Yes, that includes for big mistakes like not having age roles when you were finding your feet in discord moderation. That includes, people like you, who are trying to accuse me of “preserving gross content” when the reality is archiving a chat is a neutral suggestion because it favors no one. But i see, clearly i should go around kicking random babies and yelling don’t touch me. Because clearly if i’m not openly 100% mean to everyone, i must have some ulterior motive for my kindness right?

Can you name a single change to the rules aside from this recent “keep all the messages and let the adults keep reading them” shite?

See the above. In the past when users got banned all their messages would be deleted. They started keeping this for context. Then there's last year where someone decided to doxx a bunch of discords and said “Btw I did this bc uwuw you don’t edit screenshots” it took two weeks to give or take for mods to come to a verdict on what to do. So they made the rule that screenshots may not have their og username in them. Based on this, alone, i suspect the nsfw channels and sex ed might not be reopened for a similar period of time until the mods make new rules and clarify old ones.

It’s irrelevant and maybe even suspicious for you to bring up the wrongdoings of people who are completely unrelated to this situation. You’re already deflecting onto other people, offering no evidence of the “context,” and bitching on behalf of the mods. If you were in any way committed to safety or improving the situation, you wouldn’t be bringing up random people and downplaying things you obviously witnessed.

“offering no evidence of the context” for someone in the server you would know a handful of things about me 1) mobile tumblr is hell and i attach information from pc once I can. 2) I was out of town for someone so eager to screenshot me funny how you were so eager to forget that information.

So heres screenshot 1

Funfact i did not, and still don’t know what agere is. Now i will say my stance on cgl is that its not for me. I don’t like it, i don’t want to hear about it. But as long as both participates are 18, i also don’t need to know about it. Now if a minor was in chat, said “i participate in cgl with my partner” i would full stop be like what the fuck. And would leave if the mods decided to condone it, but that isn’t what happened. But you can see the mods do point out that if an unhealthy relationship or it was discussed at all outside of nsfw- channels they would be warned, banned, or reported.

Then there is the obvious mention that age regression isn’t a consenting adult, yeah. Ya dang right it not motherfucker. But let's talk about the word AGERE in relation to this. I’ve never once heard that there is a special word for nonsexual coping mechanism. So like damn, I’ll just add that into my vocabulary.

But I didn’t know that word exists, me saying “non sexual cgl” or “coping cgl” is literally me acknowledging that I find that eh but ultimately okay between consenting adults who are not aged regressing vs sexual cgl.

screen shot 2

In this a user tries to suggest the mods have a moral obligation to inform someone its “unhealthy” when mods point out that no they do not, but nor do they allow users to go off telling everyone “Oh cgl is a great coping mechinism you should do it to.”

Which is important. Because again, I hate cgl, but I also am of the mind that, i can’t stop it. I outright can’t, so no i’m not gonna get involved in someones personal road to recovery and be like “you’re disgusting”. I can however tell them to keep it away from me, and not to discuss it in channels minors can see. (a policy that has been in place for a while now.)

screenshot 3

More of the mods not condoning it, and stating p clearly that policies have changed since 2017/early 2018. I’ve been in the server since july 2018ish. And things have been nearly constantly evolving.

screenshot 4

Mods again emphasizing that you can find the policy changes since the messages have changed. Because that is important. They confined this to other channels. Why they didn’t delete the information in sexed, i can’t actually say one way or another. They might have kept it because they believe in mistakes of that caliber being left alone. But you also have no evidence for why they kept the og messages.

But the reason, i consider what herpcourse did lying by omission, is herpcourse led you to believe the above screenshots were out in the open. The ones i just posted happened in some random channel. They did not, they happened in an age locked channel. That only adults are in. And mods are under no obligation to 1) be your personal therapist, 2) nor are they obligated to go “uwu reminder cgl in all situations no matter what is disgusting you dirties” because doing so is preformative. One of the mods is squicked by it just like me. But please go off about how admitting past mistakes happened, refusing to performatively disown something, and refusing to tell anyone who mentions it in the age locked channels is actually gross and unhealthy when you know nothing about them is bad.

I did not, in fact, witness anything in sexed, because I don’t go there. I only witnessed the stuff that followed herpcourse callout, which means the above messages. I have sexed muted.

I also didn’t bring up random people I brought up a known predator who is on youtube, actually sends salacious photos to minors, and is p safe to say fucking gross, my point was there are actual sharks in the water, please stop focusing on the tuna. Because you can surprise, call out both behaviors. But i’ve yet to see an exclus call out someone like pkrussel, instead choosing to focus on people who might have a seemingly large following in one community. Me pointing out sharks in the beach and asking you to stop focusing on tuna, is not telling you to ignore the tuna.

I’m only as committed to this situation as anyone can be, which isn’t v much considering I’ve yet to witness someone grooming a minor in gen chat. Or witnessed them grooming minors at all. The only skin i have in this game is the following: Minors still being allowed access to decent sex-ed resources and being allowed to ask questions. And 2) my own personal discomfort with all cgl. My hope is that rules do become more clear, maybe only discussion of sex ed by users to be direct questions only. Meaning a minor can come in ask a direct question and receive a direct answer. Which while not ideal sex ed, is sitll better than what i got, what you probably got, and what they’re likely getting (if getting any at all)

The mods are not level-headed and not passive when they actually care and think they have control. They’re cowardly, that’s the difference. They literally got more mad over someone making fun of one of their icons and a minor saying genuine trauma with the q slur is possible.

I don’t expect them to be 100% level headed. I’d honestly be kinda upset if they didn’t display emotions when shit like this happens. But please give me a source on the icon thing (which btw, no you shouldn’t make fun of people, period) and for the minor saying ‘queer can have trauma’ bc I do think it can. But if you join fya, you can’t request it be tagged as qlur. Because there is a lot o discussion not only of queer as a personal identity but also queer as a history. Which means groups like queer nation, or shows today like queer eye. And just like I hope if I’m discussing the motorcycle gang made up of lesbians called dykes on bikes and their history, you’d not want me to censor, or remove their history and accomplishments by calling them “d-slur on bikes uwu” you don’t expect me to censor the discussion above. But to my knowledge, the denial is not “queer isn’t used as a slur” its “queer as an identity deserves respect, and to insist its evil is to take the word our oppressors used and give it back to them.”

Also what’s with you specifically and always bringing up “afab” as a gotcha descriptor in arguments? What are you trying to say?

Bc lets be real, when you talk about ddlg, you’re talking about an afab person dressing up as a child and calling her partner daddy while he fucks her most times. Didn’t know to point out the difference between that and agere was in fact a “gotcha” based purely on the agab of the person. But okay.

You need to leave and delete your five blogs from anywhere you can speak to minors like yesterday.

Okay, what are the five blogs? Bc I’m only aware of...literally none that interact with minors in conscious effort.

I highly doubt there’s any reason for them to have changed, considering the execrable atmosphere in that server, so here’s a screenshot of one mod (toytulini) going Karen mode along with a bunch of other 20+ year olds while the minor they were targeting tried to defuse the situation as mentioned above.

What is the context? Bc i legit don't’ see any. I see them arguing, btu about what, I don’t know, if i  was involved myself, I do not remember. So again, not much of a smoking gun. It looks like they were trying to get someone to actually *understand* what was being said, but that wasn’t appearing to happen. But again, missing context such as what the argument was about, why that started, so on so forth. also if the person was told not to argue there, yeah, they should have moved it. as per server rules, there are channels to argue in, that wasn’t one. So no matter the context, if they were breaking rules, and did not move when requested, yes, they should be given a ban based on whatever the conversation topic was.

Now, i’ve provided evidence. I’m gonna go to bed, please feel free to dm me here if you need me to clarify anything or want to throw out accusations about how being kind must be predatory af since i’m barely an adult and adults lose compassion after becoming 18.