#fucking open the package containing the meat

[thedeviltohisangel]

That cliffhanger!!! Here for the idea that Bucky tries to give Cass his rations and then she sneaks rations back into his food that he thinks he's going insane and then realizes it's her

in relation to this blurb i wrote a little while ago

also continued here

prompt a little different but more or less the same...

The bowl in front of her looked like it was brown water but she hoped it was broth. It was better than the moldy bread they had thrown at her while they'd quarantined her away from the rest of the camp. At least this had a chunk of unidentified protein floating in it. There was retching in the corner as she continued to just stare at it.

"Eat it. You'll need the protein," John ordered as he tucked into his own bowl. Cass knew she was capable of stomaching whatever it was. She just needed to get the first bite out of the way. He chewed slowly as he observed his wife out of the corner of his eye. Her wounds were healing but slowly. There was very little color to her cheeks. Maybe a bit of dried blood in her hair if he looked hard enough. "Eat." This order was pointed at her. He was still only speaking to her in short snippets.

"I will. Just need to convince myself first." With a steadying breath, she brought the hunk of meat to her mouth and nearly swallowed it whole before quickly tipping the bowl down her throat to wash it away.

"Fuck, Cass," Hambone said as he watched in awe.

"That was incredible," Benny echoed with his eye wide in adoration.

"Thank you, gentleman, I-" She looked down where another piece of meat had appeared in her bowl. John was already up and moving to his bed, but she knew where it had come from. She wanted to argue. Force him to eat it knowing he needed it more. He was bigger and had more muscle to power. But he barely wanted to look at her. Let alone speak to her. Let alone hear her voice argue back at him. She ate it quietly. He watched to make sure.

-

John was the last to wake up the next morning, Cass outside watching the boys work and scratching some kind of code into a tree stump. He had wanted to ask her about it but then remembered he wasn't speaking to her. The early morning, when he could watch her out the window with the privacy of an empty room, was the only time he let his guard down. The only time he allowed himself to admire her. Remind himself that he was the luckiest man in the entire world that this beautiful, intelligent, tenacious woman was his wife. That she loved him fiercely right back. So fiercely she would put herself here. So fiercely she desired to spend her last moments with him even if it was in hell.

Dinner was the same. Cass choked her food down in a gulp or two and John slipped a bit of his own when she wasn't looking. He didn't say anything. Neither did she.

the next time mail came, his mood soured infinitely. The letters from Cass shoved in a box under his bed while she watched him with a sad look. He didn't open them but she was grateful he didn't rip them either. It was the unmarked box that had him curious.

"What's that, Bucky?" Crank asked as they all huddled around the table to look at it.

"Dunno. There's no address anywhere on it," he mused as he slid the paper loose and opened it up. Inside where assorted packs of nuts. A container of peanut butter. A small portion of jerky.

All the men were muttering about the mystery package of food. Salivating at the contents. Told John he must have a guardian angel.

"Eat it," came her feminine voice from the back of the room. "You'll need the protein." One look, he allowed himself on look, and he knew she was responsible. Couldn't even imagine what she had offered the guards in return for the goods. Didn't want to ask for fear of knowing the horrible truth.

"Cass," how sweet her name sounded falling from his lips, "this is..." He didn't know what to say. Not after the distance he had forced between them in the name of keeping her safe. She stopped by him on her way to her bunk. Rested a tentative hand on his shoulder and goosebumps erupted across her skin at the contact.

"This only works if we both make it."

[aricat7]

🔞DON'T FUCK WITH BUCKS 🔞 (Alastor X Reader X Vox)

Chapter One

Summary: An opportunity of a lifetime enters your taxidermy shop, adorned with a smile.

Warnings: Will contain smut and may contain eventual rape/non-con elements in future chapters.

“Imp heads….imp heads….I know I have one…” You say to yourself as you search through your back stock. Normally, you're a bit more organized and have all your ducks in a row so to speak, but business for you has been booming recently. So, less popular items - such as imp heads - are buried behind all the hot-selling items.

You're relieved when you spot a set of curved imp horns behind a majestic elephant head, but scowl as you pick it up and think back to how fucking disgusting this imp was to you. Most people from this side of hell knew not to ever fuck with you, the others either learn very quickly or end up with a price tag on their severed head like this imp.

You leave the stockroom with a kick of the door and return to your waiting customer at the register. You hear him utter sounds of approval as you package up the head for him. As he's excitedly retrieving his wallet, the front door chime dings and a face you've never seen before steps into the low, ambient lighting of the shop.

And, wow, is this a face you're not gonna forget anytime soon. Or more frankly, the smile.

Perhaps you weren't the only one who found this particular visitor unsettling, for other patrons within the shop frantically scurry out the door when they take notice of him. Striding with a smooth grace, holding a staff with hands placed behind his red-suited back, he halts in front of the buck mount on the wall nearest to you.

Switching your focus, you process the transaction for the customer in front of you and hand him his purchase. “Perfect!” He exclaims, hugging the box as if it's his last meal. “I've got a question though.”

“Yeah?” You say without looking up at him, doing a count of all the money in your register.

“You got any…phallic items, perchance?”

“No.”

“What if I uh… show you what I got on my display, huh?”

You slowly turn your head to him, eyes like daggers. “You need to leave.”

“Oh don't be like that, sugartits-”

Naturally, you grab the pistol in your desk compartment and point it at him.

The smiling man enthralled with the buck mount watches the situation intently out of the corner of his eye with his deer-like ear flicked in your direction.

Aggravated by the gun in his ugly face, the customer rolls his eyes and mutters, “Tch. Whore.” He turns on his heel and leaves with a huff, leaving you and this tall, mysterious man alone in the shop.

“What a charming fellow~”

His staticky voice throws you off completely, your body stiffening for a split second as you put your pistol back in your desk. You steal a quick glance at him, his mannerisms and appearance giving you an old-timey vibe.

“Yeah,” you continue counting your money. “Last time it was a cannibal who got all mad when I told them I don't sell fresh meat.”

“Well, I'm sure that also makes for some lofty entertainment now, does it not?”

“Sure,” you shut your register and look at the man again, the buck on the wall still absorbing all his attention, “until they threaten to gouge my eyeballs out and eat ‘em like olives.”

“Oh?” The man meets your gaze and it's as if that creepy smile of his is stuck permanently. “And what do you do next in such a situation, my dear?”

You nod your head at the display adjacent to him. “Add ‘em to my collection.”

He studies the cannibal section in what appears to be wonder, hard to tell with that damn smile. “My my, so slaying cannibals is your specialty?”

“Pfft, take a look around, dude. I own this place. All of what you see is my work.”

He cleans his monocle with a puff of air and scans the entirety of the shop - from the stoic wildlife to the variety of sinners who have crossed you. “You don't say? All by yourself?”

“Mhm.” You open up the display case of your entomological collection upon your desk and do a bit of fine-tuning, ensuring your array of roaches and moths are in orderly fashion.

“Very impressive. You've got quite the sickening talent, darling~ No doubt it's part of how you wound up being here in hell, I'm sure.”

You look up from your mindless task and catch him staring at the buck mount again, realizing the man has small antlers atop his red hair. “‘Guy you're looking at related to you or something?”

“Say he was, would you provide me with a discount?~”

“Nope.”

The man chuckles. His eyes wander your frame from head to toe, but that's unbeknownst to you, since you're already glued to your next task: making a spreadsheet on your computer of everything you've got in your inventory - that way you’re not ripping your hair out looking for an item like earlier. Just as you're about to head to the back to get a count of everything, the man walks over to you and outstretches his hand across your desk.

“The name’s Alastor, darling. Pleasure to meet you, quite a pleasure.”

“Yeahhh, no. I don't do introductions.”

“What a shame.” Alastor retracts his hand and sets his staff out in front of him in a poised fashion. “Such a lovely establishment, from the authentic - and overly priced - craftsmanship, to its spik and span environment!” He sighs dramatically, “Oh, if only I could know the name of its owner, the brilliant mind behind it all~”

You roll your eyes. “You gonna buy one of these ‘overpriced’ craftsmanship or not?”

He tilts his head to the side. “How long have you been here in hell, sweetheart?”

Your hand hovers over where your pistol is kept. “Enough with the nicknames. And it’s…almost been a year now.”

“A year?! Why, it takes many moons here in hell for someone to be as reputable as you are right now. You're quite the little entrepreneur!”

You refrain from grabbing your pistol because something is tugging at your brain, telling you to tread lightly; to play whatever this game of his he’s playing and to play nice.

“‘Preciate that.” You cross your arms and nod to a poster that advertises the Vees on the storefront window. “‘Think I’ll be as big as them?”

“Ah, the notorious Vees. Well, my dear nameless business woman, with one simple deal I can make that happen.”

You raise your eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Your ignorance is excused,” he retorts, sudden malice creeping in his tone and demeanor. He steps closer to you till he’s towering over you. “You really aren’t aware of who I am and what power I hold, are you?”

So much for playing nice.

You whip out your gun and point it at his chest. “How about you enlighten me before I decide on making a face mask for good ol’ buck up there?”

“Ooo, such a feisty one. I like that.” He puts his palm to the barrel and traps your weapon in his slender, pointed fingers. “I’m the radio demon, darling.”

Your eyes widen in fear, your hand loosening its grip on the gun. He gently, yet assertively, pulls your gun down to rest atop your desk - neither of you letting go of it. You've heard of the radio demon and the stupid amount of power he has - toppling over overlords at an unbelievable rate. A pure evil.

“I thought the radio demon had disappeared and has been gone for years.”

“And now I’ve returned~”

“Right…” You clear your throat and regain your composure, despite now knowing you don't stand a goddam chance against him. “Well, I won't make a deal of any kind with you. Please respect that.”

“Even if it means having the opportunity of a lifetime? To meet the Vees in person at the ball tonight, where overlords from territories far and wide shall gather in comradery and regal fun?”

“Yeah, like they’d let me in-”

Letting go of your pistol, he snaps his fingers and a fancy-looking document appears from thin air. An invitation for the ball, but the part showing who it’s addressed to is blank.

“Just tell me your name and the invitations yours, dear. But, this is a deal I’m trying to make with you here, so I’ll need something from you in exchange.”

“Let me guess, my soul?”

“Oh-ho! While that is a very tantalizing idea, I have something else in mind.” He places the formal document on your desk and twirls his staff, positioning it behind his back. “I’d like your company over a nice dinner with me, after the ball.”

You flinch. “Not…not my soul?”

“No, no. Not your pretty little soul,” he eerily soothes. The corners of his smile stretch ever so slightly. “Unless, that is, you’d like to make a second deal where you’d allow me to have it~”

“Uh no, no…” You tap your fingers on your desk and stare at the invitation.

I could meet successful people. I could gain insight and ask them questions on how to better my career…all at the cost of going out with the radio demon, without having to hand over my soul…

“If we do this, you stay out of my life after, alright?”

“But of course! Who am I to defy an astute and beautiful young doe?”

Slightly cringing, you take a deep breath. “Okay.”

He lifts his hand and delicately cups your cheek. “Your name, miss?”

“y/n.”

“y/n…” His thumb caresses your cheek with a feather-light touch. “Oh how lovely your name tastes, my darling. Let’s see what it looks like on paper, shall we?”

With another snap of his fingers, an invisible pen signs the blank space with your name. “Perfect! Looks as if it was meant to be, like it was written in the stars, those of which we cannot see from hell! Now, y/n, let’s finalize this.” He extends his hand before you. “Do we have a deal?”

You nod and shake his hand with a blank expression.

“Wonderful~” He raises your hand to his lips and plants a kiss on your knuckles before letting go. “Put on your best gown for tonight, darling, and do please bring a smile~”

A pitch-black shadow rises from the ground and shrouds Alastor, making him disappear. You blink, processing what the fuck just happened, and then yelp for joy. You're about to meet your idols!

You take one last look at the poster of the Vees and start closing up shop early.

[tinkabelle24]

To Build a Home

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back (PART 3)

A/N: This chapter was initially going to be super long (like, 7-8 thousand words, but I ultimately decided to split it in half as the next scene is pretty self-contained... and long 😅

I hope you're still strapped in; the super uncomfortable ride is still in motion 😭

TW! Verbal Abuse (hinted).

Masterlist / Chapter 23

---

Val usually smiled while she slept; that beautiful, lopsided, dimpled smile... This time, those lips were pulled taut. Jaw clenched; Raph swore he'd heard her teeth grind together a few times. She wasn't necessarily sleeping well, but at least she was finally sleeping.

His lap had been her pillow for over an hour. With one hand gently smoothing out her coconut-scented tresses, the other aimlessly tapped and scrolled away on his shell-cell as he struggled blocking out the intensifying cries of his very empty stomach.

They didn't end up cooking nor eating the steak dinner Casey and April left for them. Raph had the opened meat package in his grasp and griddle on the stove, but then he spied his half-naked girlfriend traipsing into the bathroom and, well...

His body heaved rougher than anticipated as exasperation escaped him, causing Val to stir.

"Sorry- sorry..." The panicked terrapin muttered, deftly returning her head to her pillow as he eased off the mattress.

With bated breath, he watched her mumble and restlessly shift under the sheets for several moments, before finally, thankfully, resettling.

This was nowhere near ideal.

He had plans for them today. Mostly sex, admittedly, but other activities also. I swear. He'd booked this place for a reason - quality alone time.

They haven't gotten much of it since Maggie entered the scene. Being out from under Leo's prying gaze has been a welcome experience, but their sweet, scrappy little girl - whom Val extricated from below freezing December streets, literally ready to pop - hasn't made life any less chaotic.

She's been a handful and a half to raise (understandable, considering where they presumed she'd lived most of her young life), and often sleeps wedged between them. It's no secret Val's her favourite; she follows her around like a goddamn lovestruck puppy.

Nevermind who feeds ya! Heh...

Another uncomfortable grumble emanated from the terrapin's stomach. With a soft groan, he finally relented, making a beeline for the kitchenette.

---

Raph spent the following couple hours hanging about inside and outside the cottage; collecting wood, stoking the fire, scrolling through his gallery...

...downing three Americanos consecutively, to stave off that familiar, unbidden itch...

Though he tried thinking of other, less anxiety-inducing things, his mind kept shifting to the decision he had to make tonight; and the bedside drawer in which the subject of said decision hid.

After this morning, he no longer felt so sure...

"Raph...?"

The terrapin lifted his gaze from the screen with a half-mustered "Hm?", finding Val finally sitting up; knees to her breasts, rubbing the sleep from her still tired face.

"Mornin', sleepyhead..." the growing lump in his oesophagus impeded his attempt at a lighter tone. "Feelin' any better?"

"Yeah, I guess..."

His eyes eventually found hers. She had that look; the look she always gave whenever she was about to tell him something she knew he wouldn't like...

"Can we talk...?"

---

"Okay..." Raph bit back a snarl as indigence promptly surpassed concern. He would've equated it to a kick in the guts, but then he realised he'd have much preferred that over whatever the fuck this was turning out to be...

"So, I'm curious to know exactly what compelled ya to call him, of all people, at two o'clock in the mornin'? What the fuck was so important that ya couldn't wait till Sunday to say, hm? Riddle me that."

A soft scoff escaped Val's chapped lips as she tore away her gaze, wedging her clasped hands between her thighs.

She hated when he got like this.

It didn't happen often; thrice, including this one, throughout the course of their entire relationship. But the words he spat at her during those times, the names he used, will forever be scored into her memory...

She could understand the hurt, the fear, the anger... but this? She couldn't abide.

"Don't talk to me like that, please-"

Incredulous, Raph began sneering, "Like what-"

The woman shot him a dangerous look.

"Like I'm beneath you."

Val caught something akin to shock mixed with guilt flicker in her boyfriend's eyes as he broke contact and straightened up atop the mattress, finally exiting her personal space.

"You're hurt. I get it, alright? But that doesn't grant you the right to be a condescending asshole... You wanna know why I called him? Then please, just... let me finish."

Raph was silent now, tentatively searching his girlfriend's face as she attempted composing herself. After a long, unsteady breath, she finally continued.

"I didn't like the way his and my conversation went yesterday. I let my emotions get the best of me, and I b-blew up... I was a bitch. I didn't say everything I needed to say and it was eating me alive, so... I called him. It doesn't look great - I know it doesn't look great. I just... I didn't wanna risk ruining- well, ruining this weekend more over a thought I couldn't get unstuck..."

A tense silence fell over the couple as they continued scrutinising each other, attempting to will the other's innermost thoughts out into the open.

Every word that had fallen from Val's tongue felt incriminating, like she'd just confessed to the thing she desperately wanted not to be true.

She could only hope her exhausted mind was simply messing with her...

"Do you have..." Raph swallowed hard as he mustered the strength to finish his question. He didn't want to know - he had to. "F-feelings... for him?"

At that, Val's expression hardened. She neither blinked nor breathed for several moments - just stared.

---

Mol's phone vibrated and dinged loudly beneath Maggie's belly, prompting the young feline to dig her claws into her unsuspecting guardian's jeans-clad thigh as she leapt to the carpet.

"C'mon, Mags..." The raven-haired woman groaned, rubbing the offended leg as she lifted the device into view. Upon unlocking it, she couldn't help the frown that tugged at her face; nor the anxiety that bloomed in her chest...

It was a text - from Raph.

[It's off.]

Mol's blood ran cold.

A panicked "What?!" escaped her as she shot out of her seat, trembling thumbs darting over the keypad as she attempted drafting a response.

No... This can't- t-they can't possibly have... NO!!!

[WTF HAPPENED???]

She needn't wait for his response to receive her answer. The moment 'send' was pressed, the unmistakable jangling of keys snapped the woman's attention toward the front door.

Don't you dare, Val...

She flinched at the door finally clicking unlocked, then creaking open.

Don't you fucking DARE...!

A familiar Doc Martens boot stepped through, and her heart plummeted to her stomach.

"V-Val...?"

Her best friend, face swollen and blotchy and eyes brimming with tears, finally made a full appearance; gripping the handle for dear life. Crumpled up tissues laid in her other hand...

No sign of it.

Oh, God...

Their eyes eventually met. Val froze, a strangled whimper slipping from her lips as her suitcase toppled to the floor. She clearly wasn't expecting company.

"Val, I'm so sorry-"

The brunette's gaze abruptly shifted; her rigid body and wide, frantic eyes now crumbling with patent despair. Following it, Mol winced at what her friend had found:

Leo's gift - the bonsai - sitting atop the dining table.

It wasn't there last night, when she left; he must've snuck it in afterward... and that fucking letter.

When she stumbled across that - Val's name skillfully etched in sumi on the envelope's face - it took everything she had not to tear the fucking thing up, douse the pieces in alcohol, then set them alight.

She wanted desperately to rid any and all trace of the interloper from Val's life, so he could finally stop confusing the everloving fuck out of her best friend.

But then, as she was moments from following through on said impulse, she realised: this was not her business.

"Hey- n-no, it's okay-"

Val had suddenly veered off, fleeing into the bathroom.

"Val-!" Mol (and an excited Maggie, meowing shrilly) attempted following, but the door was promptly slammed in their faces.

On the other side, ignoring her friend's desperate knocks and pleas to be let in, Val finally succumbed to her heartbreak.

---

The truck was still running when Raph slammed out of it, hollering at the top of his lungs, "LEO!"

I'm gonna kill'im.

I'm gonna FUCKIN' kill'im!

Striding into the Lair, he spotted Mikey first; gawking at him from his recliner in the common area. Having left his video game unpaused, his character was unceremoniously cut down by a giant, crown-wearing toad.

"Uhhh, hey-?"

"Where is he?!"

"...L-Leo-?"

"Nah, Fathah Christmas- of course fuckin' Leo!"

As the red-banded terrapin continued his tirade, Donnie finally traipsed out of his lab, envelope in hand.

"He's gone."

Raph immediately fell silent. Slowly, he turned to his brother, amber orbs narrowing in disbelief. "He didn't-"

"He did," Donnie affirmed, through gritted teeth. Raph had his (very valid) reasons for his current feelings toward their eldest brother but, now, so did he and Mikey. "Last night. No warning, no goodbye; just took the van and... l-left."

He thought they were closer than that...

Mikey no longer appeared engaged. He'd long turned from the two; slumped in his seat, eyes forward as he silently carried on with his game.

Listening. Thinking. Resenting his eldest brothers' seemingly endless feuding...

With a tremulous breath, Donnie lifted the envelope to Raph's gaze, drawing his attention to it, before dropping it onto the dining table. "This is yours, by the way..."

Recognising the handwriting, Raph promptly let loose a roar, flipping the table, and everything atop it, onto the floor.

His brothers didn't even flinch.

---

---

I had to; curiousity got the better of me 😅

---

Masterlist / Chapter 25

@android-cap-007 @happymoonangel @miss-andromeda @raphaelismybae @jasminarts01

[llscafe]

so i recently saw a $50 off promo for purple carrot. it's not something i would ever normally order due to the price, but with the promo it came out to be fairly affordable, so i ordered some of their meals. and here's my review!

i went with the prepared meals so i could easily heat them up at work, but they also offer meal kits.

meal #1:

that's a rather paltry serving of green beans, isn't it? the quinoa had a mild flavor, savory with tomato and olive notes. the topping on the green beans had an odd texture; i would have rather had a spice coating or a sauce. but it had a bit of tang to it. upon mixing both sides of the meal together, the flavors melded well and the texture was more satisfying.

meal #2:

more green beans! at least the container is (almost) full this time.

the noodles have the strangest smell. i can't describe it with any word other than: diapers. unused ones, thankfully, but it's still rather off-putting. it's that perfumey, chemically smell... it tastes ok, but it's definitely lacking something. sweetness, i think.

i took the second half home and ate it as leftovers the next day, with a touch of sweet chili sauce, and it was MUCH improved. the weird smell was gone and it was actually really tasty. not sure if it was the air exposure or the extra cooking time, but it was like a whole different dish.

meal #3:

right off the bat, i was confused by the "enjoy cold" message right above the generic heating instructions. i tried it cold - the bean salad has the expected vinegary taste, the sweet potatoes are just slightly firmer than i prefer but they do indeed have a mild chipotle tang to them. some bites have so much vinegar that my tongue tingles.

as before, mixing both sides of the meal creates a more interesting flavor profile. i then tried heating it up - it didn't enhance the flavor of the bean salad, but the sweet potatoes became softer and overall, the meal felt more hearty and satisfying.

meal #4:

finally, something with a bit of fake meat. though there could definitely be more - so far these meals are rather lacking in protein. it's hard to fuck up pasta, so of course it was a good meal. one of the tastiest so far, but nothing special compared to other frozen pasta meals.

meal #5:

looks great, right? as i opened the package i realized there was already a tear in the plastic, but i'm a daredevil so i ate it anyway (don't be like me.)

despite the initial appearance, this was one of the tastiest so far - not surprising when you look at the nutrition facts lol. i love pesto, i love tortelloni, how can you go wrong. quite flavorful.

more reviews coming soon! i still have another box to get through.

[actualaster]

The Saga Of The Soup Trial (master difficulty):

Decide to make soup for dinner, because it is Fuckoff Cold Outside and also dental work so soft foods are Good

Go to the grocery store to get whatever is on the list

Notice Key Ingredient for making soup base is on list, but think “Hm, I have some at home so I don’t have to get that, it would be good but not vital”

Completely forget about picking up some to replace what would be used in the soup

Get home, pop open the stuff to use!

CONTAMINATION.  Not sure 100% what it was, but looked/tasted/felt sort of like plastic bits???  Might have actually just been something fine but not taking any chances

Heave deep sigh and go to grab the backup option which I hate using but is viable in a pinch

Container is Bulging, which is never a good sign.  Pop it open out of curiosity anyway, despite being dry goods fucking REEKS what the hell ew gross

Realize that Everything Else is here but There Is No Key Fucking Ingredient

Have a minor crisis because Brain has run out of mental spoons needed to process and act on changing dinner plans

Give up and go BACK to the store in the Fuckoff Cold Outside weather with the Wind That Bites Through Bones at It’s Goddamn Dark Outside And My Night Vision Is Shit o’clock because that’s somehow LESS mental spoons than trying to make a frozen pizza or some shit

STORE DOES NOT FUCKING HAVE ANY.  All store has is either liquid versions of brands I’ve never heard of or a New Brand I’ve Never Had.  Brain does not have the spoons to handle “what if Taste is Different” and also not in the mood to discover a food allergy or something if I try a different brand that has a different ingredient.  Liquid also sometimes lasts much less time once opened.  (New Brand of the dry stuff was also like at least $2 more expensive)

Go across the street to a different store and pray, already planning out a possible route if I have to drive all over town or even the next town over to try and find some

FUCKING SUCCESS.  STORE HAS IT.  Get the Name Brand instead of the usual Store Brand because the Name Brand is good shit, and I don’t know how this store’s Store Brand will be--see above about “What if Taste is Different”

Get several despite cost because Not Doing This Shit Again (and also it’s Soup Season so they will all get used over the next month or three)

Get in car, panic about “What if THESE Are bad???”

Examine through clear packaging for visible contamination and open each to make sure Freshness Seal is not bulging and straining

SUCCESS AT LAST

Finally fucking get home and begin Crafting Soup

Go carefully, in case there’s some sort of issue and need to start over--do NOT want to waste the carrots hand-picked for the soup or, worse, the meat

“This Tastes Like Too Much Flavor But Also Water At The Same Time What The Fuck” (too much basil, not enough anything else probably)

Add More Spices

FUCKING FINALLY

Add Carrots Painstakingly Sliced Nice And Tiny

GOOD SHIT!!!

Add The Fucking Meat

soup is now ready to cook for the next four (4) hours and will be ready around midnight THE FUCKING END AT LAST

[oonajaeadira]

Happy Sunday Adira! For your sentimental asks, 14, 24, 40!

Hello, my Lovely Jam. My Lucky Jellybean. My Luxurious Jalapeño. Having a good SundaySundaySunday???

I'm making chicken Kiev and tater tots. Because I can.

.

What’s your favorite food from what you grew up eating at home?

Oh ho! A loaded question because my mom has always been kind of a terrible cook!! She's gotten a little better over the years; mostly because of things I taught her. And I am really not a great cook. Actually, the reason I don't eat ham or pork that isn't processed is all her fault. The way she overcooked things...and what she roasted them with...the salt....the unrendered fat....the texture....*shiver* I remember spitting meats into napkins when my parents weren't looking and flushing them later.

ANYWAY. As a child, I loved Twinkies, Oscar Meyer hot dogs (sometimes cold, right out of the package), milk with Quik chocolate powder in it, and pizza burgers. Pizza burgers is something my mom made up to use up stuff in the kitchen. It's basically toasted burger buns, spread with mustard and some kind of spam mix and then baked until crispy.

DISCLAIMER: All of these things make me make the Pukeface™ 🤢 now and I wouldn't touch them with a festooned hazmat shield. Except the Quik, of which I have a big Costco container of on my kitchen counter because when I want something sweet but don't want to eat, it scratches that itch.

Let's see if you can spot it.

.

Is there any sort of folklore or mythological creature you were told about as a kid?

My parents are basic, so it was Santa and the Easter Bunny. I knew they weren't real very early on, but I also knew that the minute I didn't believe anymore, they would stop giving me presents in my stocking and basket. So that was more my con than theirs.

.

YouTube videos you genuinely enjoy watching.

I truly miss Glove and Boots. They were my favorites. I have a few witchy channels I'll pop by every now and then, but I don't really jive with the prescribed pagan thing, so I'm mostly just there for the tarot deck reviews. And when I'm sad, the fastest way to cheer me up is to play me anything shittyfluted (esp. Take On Me. Classic.).

I think my favorite channel is Arnold Mackey. He's just some old dude in his house doing lipsyncs into the camera. I mean, maybe "lip sync" is generous. More like just opening and closing his mouth. They're pretty awful, but you can tell he really enjoys the songs. He's recently switched over to just doing karoke in his easy chair and that's fun too. Am I laughing at him? Sure. Is it partially out of being stupidly endeared of him? Fuck yes. Is he my hero? 100% He reminds me of the old guy who used to come to my college karoke night and sing a tone-flat version of Madonna's "Crazy for You" and whom I adopted as my grandpa. This lovely, genuine human often supplies me with beautiful serotonin and he is an angel.

I found him when I was researching the old song "Isle of Beauty" for a show I was making. I think this is my favorite of his. Especially since it's one he sang himself and then lip syncs badly to a recording of his own self....singing terribly. I love it so so so much.

.

sentimental asks

[hitaka5ever]

Finished watching and commenting on one of Charlotte Dobre's Petty Revenge videos and I want to say this, as its very important and worthy of bringing attention to

The video was perfectly fine, until the last tiktok. Basically this girl, who didn't actually say what her ex did, made fake profiles to have "women" ghost him. This "prank" was so hurtful that the ex ended up severely mentally ill and had to go to therapy over it

THIS IS NOT PETTY REVENGE, THIS IS ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR

No one deserves to be mentally ill or physically harmed to the point of being disabled for any reason. Using people like me as the butt of your jokes or to think people like this ex "got what they deserved" is ableist af

It wasn't just the people commenting that it was perfectly fine to do this to people that I'm disappointed in, but the team that Dobre has hired to help her find her videos to react to and that edit her videos. Her team should have realized how fucking messed up that tiktok was and removed it from the video before Dobre even reacted to it. Dobre should have also told them that the tiktok wasn't okay to include. She's their boss, she can tell them not to include certain videos from her reaction videos, so I'm just disappointed in everyone that approved this tiktok

If you're an influencer, be mindful of your entire audience, especially if your audience includes children. Think about what you're posting or saying before releasing it to the entire world via the internet, bc you might reach someone who is hurt by your actions. If at any point you think "this might be taking it too far" then don't post it. It's really that simple

Mentally ill and physically disabled people shouldn't be used to smear people who aren't plagued by these disabilities or people you simply don't like for whatever reason. We especially shouldn't be used for you to make a profit off of via social media. My mental illness is not a punchline

.

.

.

Other things you shouldn't use to seek revenge on someone are:

Letting another party take the blame for your actions (eg: this POC named John Doe did it, not me!)

Using people's phobias against them (eg: if someone is arachnophobic, giving them a package or container full of spiders that escape onto the person after they open the container is horrendous and mean)

Knowingly giving someone a food or drink that they are allergic to. You could murder someone by doing this. Or knowingly giving a vegan meat, which can cause digestive harm

Stealing someone's life saving drugs or devices (eg: Stealing the insulin of a diabetic or hiding the inhaler of an asthmatic)

[marsbutterfly]

Hello there! I see that your requests are open so I just needed to request bcs I'm sick rn TvT. Can I request a oneshot dor Draken, with a sick s/o?

( my first time requesting for anything, so tell me if I made a mistake, n e way thanks! )

a/n: hey, I'm so honored to be your first request fpasjfops I hope you enjoy this. <3 wordcount: 1.4k

The Meaning Of Care

Summary: When you get sick, you try to avoid your boyfriend but he clearly doesn't care one bit.

Your phone rings one, two, three times in a row but you have no strength left in your body to answer it. Draken’s name blinks on the screen for a fourth time and you reach for the device before allowing your hand to drop at the side of the bed.

From your head to your toes, every inch of your body aches due to the sickness you have within you at this very moment. Your head constantly feels like it is getting pounded by a hammer and your nose runs like a river.

It isn’t the beautiful sight Draken is used to so you choose to ignore him for a few days. Not only that, you would like to avoid getting him sick as well because you know how it would affect Mikey and the rest of the gang.

The ringing stops completely and there is a few minutes of silence in your room before you begin to hear small pebbles being thrown against the window. It takes every ounce of effort for you to stand up and walk the short distance.

Outside in the snow stands your boyfriend, rocks in his hand as he throws them.

“Oh there you are.” Draken says, flashing you his best smile. “I’m going to climb through the window, I just wanted to give you a heads up.” He says loudly enough so you will be able to hear him.

“Draken, I’m sick.” You reply, coughing almost immediately after the words come out of your mouth. You are now a messy mixture of sniffles and shivers. “Go home.”

But before you notice, he is already up on the tree outside your window. He throws the backpack inside before jumping on the ledge, gently pushing you away to open space for his massive body.

“I brought soup from the little store at the corner of my house that you like.” He says, grunting as he lands right in front of you. In response, you giggle and wrap your arms around his waist, burying your face in his chest.

“I don’t want you to get sick.” You say, pointing at the disposable masks your parents put out for you and he laughs.

“Nah, I don’t give a fuck.” He replies, pulling a blanket out of the bag and handing it to you. “I knitted it myself.”

The blanket is warm and fuzzy, made out of colorful yarn. You can tell how much effort he put into this and so you wrap yourself in it as soon as it touches your hands. It eases the cold feeling due to the fever and you sigh in relief.

The smell coming from the to-go package is amazing, the first smell in days that did not make you feel nauseous or gave you a headache though you are not quite sure why. Maybe it’s because Draken is the one who brought it or because you are finally starting to heal.

You sit on the bed, back against the wall in an attempt to support yourself while crossing your legs. Draken walks towards you, carefully stepping away from all of the used tissues on the floor. He sits by your side gently, trying not to move the bed too much.

“Put this pillow behind your back.” He says, handing you a small cushion. You silently thank him before coughing what feels like your lungs out.

He unties the knot on the plastic bag before pulling out a clear container filled with a brownish liquid. He removes the lid, placing it on your bedside table so he can use it again, just in case you aren’t able to finish the soup.

Draken takes out a spoon, dipping it in the liquid and bringing it towards your chapped lips. You make a slurping sound while taking it in, the warm feeling in your stomach feels rather nice seeing that you haven’t been able to eat much.

He slowly feeds you the soup, always making sure to include pieces of the meat for protein and some of the noodles. “The perfect bite” as he likes to call it. He pushes the spoon past your lips and you hum delighted as the flavor washes over your taste buds.

“How was it?” He asks, scrapping the last of the liquid off of the bowl and slowly handing it to you.

“Delicious, thank you baby.” You reply with a gentle smile. In response, he pumps his fist in victory, earning a genuine laugh out of you.

He wraps an arm around you while pulling you closer but as you prepare to settle and get comfortable, a sneeze attack sneaks up on you and before you notice you have become a mess of snot and tissues.

He doesn’t seem to mind at all, he even takes the used papers out of your hand and throws them in the trash for you. Once it passes, you begin to shiver as a cold current enters the room through the open window.

Draken places his hand on your forehead, feeling your temperature while using his other hand to reach for the spongebob thermometer that lies on the bedside table. He hands you the yellow object and you place it under your tongue. When it beeps after a few seconds, he looks at it with a concerned look in his eyes.

“102.2” He says before placing the thermometer down. “Take off your clothes.”

“Draken!” You yelp, crossing your arms above your chest and in response he simply laughs.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Y/N.” Draken answers, getting up from his spot on the bed. “I’m giving you a cold shower.”

“You are doing no such thing.” You say, cocooning yourself with the blanket he knitted as a present. A second passes and he pulls you out of it, carrying you in his arms towards the bathroom that is attached to your room.

The cold water runs into the bathtub and Draken adds a few bubbles to it as an incentive to get you to stay in. He takes your hair into his hands and strokes it for a few seconds before twirling it around, carefully to not pull at it, and placing it in an unstable bun.

Afterwards, he gently places you in the tub before using a cup to rinse your body up and down, washing away the sweat that pools around your skin.

You shiver at every contact with the water but you know it is for a good reason. Draken uses a soaped up washcloth to scrub your body, always making sure to do it lightly. His touch is caring and you can’t detect any ounce of dirty intentions.

Once he is done giving you a bath, you realize he was right all along, a bath was everything you needed at that moment. He wraps you in a towel and you raise your arms, quietly hoping he would carry you back to the bedroom. He smirks and obliges to your silent request.

The last thing remaining in his backpack was an oversized shirt, especially so you could use it. It had the smell on his skin engraved on its material and you can’t help but smile at how thoughtful he is.

Before you have time to put it on, he hands you a small white cup with a few little pills inside and you recognize it as your daily medicine that you had completely forgotten about. With some blue gatorade, you take the capsules and show him your mouth just so he can be sure you actually took it.

He takes a small, pink container from his pocket and quickly takes the lid off revealing the vanilla flavored lip balm. He takes it towards your chapped mouth and carefully spreads it around, making sure to cover it entirely.

While you are putting the clothes on, Draken makes sure to close the window so the cold air won’t come in contact with your warm skin.

Now fully dressed, he pulls the covers over your body before adjusting himself behind you. His arm wrapped around your waist while his chin rests on your shoulder. He pulls you as close to him as you could possibly be.

“Thank you for coming to take care of me.” You say, feeling as his free hand combs through your tangled hair.

“Of course.” He replies, “I will always take care of you.”

A few minutes of silence go by and it is only broken by Draken’s voice as he nearly coughs his lungs out. His nose turns a bright shade of red and you can tell his throat is getting scratchy by the way his words now sound.

“Maybe I can take care of you in a few days.” You say, a caring yet playful tone to your voice and you can feel as he nods his head.

“I would like that very much.” He responds and you settle yourself in your arms, allowing your mind to drift into a much deserved deep sleep.

[scientiastudy]

The Night Shift

It wasn’t always like this with Ignis. It used to be sweet. 

Chapter II.

Pairing: Ignis Scientia x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Rating: T

Content: Angst, pining, established relationship, workaholic!ignis, servant!reader

Author’s Note: Thanks to TikTok “The Night Shift” by Lucy Dacus has been replaying in my mind over and over, and it made me think of Ignis. He’s kind of... not great in this but I feel like it’s accurate at the same time. So enjoy?

You peer over your coworkers as you do a last once-over of the palace kitchen to make sure everything is in order. Everything has been washed, dried, and returned to its original place. The floors are freshly mopped and swept, shining from the light of the slowly brightening sky filtering through the windows. The ingredients for the prince’s breakfast are all set out in a basket for when the day shift takes over, the supplies for lunch and dinner marked in containers in the refrigerator. You check to make sure everything is there, scanning over the meat, bread, fruit, and scant vegetables that make up the basket. Satisfied everything is there, you give your coworkers a smile and say your goodbyes.

The walk through the palace back to your quarters is a familiar one. After so many years it almost feels like a dance between you and the palace itself, twists and turns set to the beat of your footsteps as you make your way through the corridors. 

Once upon a time, you would be hurrying back to your shared quarters with Ignis to wake him up with a cup of coffee and a kiss. You’d be thinking of how to quickest prepare breakfast so he could eat before he left for his shift monitoring Noctis, and you could eat before you sunk into bed to sleep.

But unfortunately, this is not a fairy tale, and not every “Once upon a time,” gets a “Happily ever after,” especially when you’re a lowly servant with a retainer to the prince. 

Now you take your time as you pace through the corridors. You’ve taken to walking slower when you get off shift so that you and Ignis have less of a chance to meet in the coldness of your shared quarters. The silence between you both in the wee hours of the morning has grown and grown into a deafening roar, drowning out the little sweet nothings that had once been whispered in those same four walls.

You sigh as you reach your door, steeling yourself for whatever awkward and grating interaction may be waiting for you with the stranger on the other side. You put your wrist up to the lock in the door, the red LED turning green as it registers the identification chip in the jewelry. 

When you open the door, darkness is all that greets you. 

A tiny breath of relief escapes your lips as you turn the light on before you walk to the kitchenette and pull a package of instant ramen from the cupboard. In your mind you can see the disapproving glare Ignis would be giving you if he could see you now.

You tell mind-Ignis to fuck off.

After the water has heated and the ramen is steaming its way to edibility, you sit down at the table. The newspaper sits at Ignis’s seat, the faces of King Regis and Prince Noctis staring at you from the front page. The headline  “The Royal Family Prepares for Wedding!” emblazoned across the front.

You’re all too familiar with the inner workings of Noctis’s life, you think as you shovel the now-done noodles into your mouth. It’s baffling to you how one person can have such a large impact on your life, but you have no impact on theirs. Prince Noctis is your prime example of this phenomenon. If Noctis has a bad day with training, or if he has a temper tantrum over something trivial, his entire staff has to scramble to accommodate him. Favorite foods are procured, new video games are ordered, schedules are re-arranged, and the staff is on their best behavior. 

You and your cohorts aren’t afforded the same privilege. You have a shitty day? You go to work. Get screamed at by a vendor who insists you’re scamming him? Go to another one. Water pipes burst in the kitchen? Cook a royal meal in the servants’ quarters. Sick as a saberclaw? Pop some medicine and tough out the day. Some days you wonder if the royals would even notice if one of you died. You doubt it. Your days are spent in and out being reminded that you are disposable, but Noctis is not. Who would blink an eye at someone disposable being disposed of?

As you get up to throw out the cup from your ramen, you flip the newspaper over, unable to stand the faces of your employers any longer. They still haunt you through printed eyes as you shower the sweat and grease from your body, your feet screaming in pain from running back and forth all day. Finally, you’re greeted by the warm and welcoming arms of your bed as you sink into slumber.

-

It wasn’t always like this.

You had first met as children, you being a servant to House Lucis and Ignis being a royal retainer. Back then your post had been to cleaning the royal wing of the castle, including the Prince’s quarters and his study. Regis had thought it would be less jarring for Noctis to have servants around his age instead of adults. In hindsight, it was a bit comical, a horde of children trying to take care of another child. 

You were the same age, both coming into the employ of House Lucis at age 6 after rigorous training for your respective posts throughout your brief childhoods. You would often pass each other during the day, you scurrying to your next chore as Ignis guided Noctis to his various obligations. 

You had always known who Ignis was, how could you not? He was the future Hand of the King. You had been taught by the other staff that he and Gladiolus were above you in rank, and to stay out of their way whenever possible. Houses Scientia and Amicitia were royals in their own right among the staff. You honestly doubted he even knew who you were, let alone your name. 

You formally met when you were both twelve. You had been promoted from a scullery maid to a housemaid, now assigned to work more closely with the Prince and his retainers. It had made you giddy with satisfaction.

You were introduced by the Senior Housemaid. Gladiolus had given you a crooked smile and shook your hand, and you found yourself reeling at just how big he was. Even at thirteen, he was massive. 

Ignis, by comparison, was much more understated. His gloved hand shook yours, a cordial smile gracing his features.

“Ignis Scientia. Charmed.”

-

When Ignis had first wooed you he resolved to do it properly. There was little ambiguity to his advances, always prioritizing clarity and communication. He had taken you to one of the nicer restaurants in the city for your first date. He had gone the whole nine yards, pulling out your chair, helping you up when the meal was done, and dropping you off at your quarters when the night grew long. 

You began doing little things for him at work, putting small notes in your grocery shipments or slipping a new ingredient you found at the market into the basket. There were stolen moments between errands and chores, sweet nothings in dark corners of the palace and stolen kisses behind the kitchen. You moved into Ignis’s quarters after two years, the housekeeper approving your request to move out of the female servants’ quarters on the condition you continued your duties uninterrupted. 

Ignis was nothing if not professional when the prince was around, but softened when it was just the two of you. It felt special to see the soft side of Ignis Scientia. To the other staff, he was cold and professional, the do-it-all retainer who was just as unapproachable as he was capable. But to you? To you, he was the man who melted when you ran your hands through his hair, the man who held you like you were the most delicate and precious thing in the world. He was the man who woke up thrashing because of night terrors and the man who held you as you cried and cracked under the pressure of your training to become the next Housekeeper. Who whispered promises into your hair and enveloped you in warmth.

It was sweet, it was intoxicating.

It was impermanent. 

Your relationship had been one everyone thought was strong. Ignis was to be the picture-perfect boyfriend you’d hear the girls in the shopping district swoon over, and you worked hard to be the perfect partner in kind. It had been sweet and exciting, butterflies appearing in your stomach when your hands intertwined. 

Things had eventually fallen into a steady rhythm, you would eat breakfast together in the wee hours of the morning before setting off to your respective jobs. On the occasion one of you had to wake up earlier than the other, you’d cook breakfast for both and leave the other’s portion on their place with a note. You’d steal small moments between responsibilities and eat your other meals at your posts before returning to your shared quarters. You’d both shower the day off before settling into the small couch, Ignis’s head in your lap as he turned the pages of his latest novel before you both set off to bed. It was those delicate moments that made everything worth it.

However, as the Prince got older and his responsibilities increased, so too did both of yours. Ignis was attending policy meetings, going to balls, and making political visits to neighboring kingdoms. You were preparing the palace for visitors and cleaning the royal wing, a never-ending revolving door of nobles and royalty alike passing through the palace. All were trying to earn Noctis’s favor as he became older and Regis became weaker. 

And in your opinion, all were fucking annoying. 

Years of being spat on, cursed at, and disrespected by the nobility of the world had soured your once rose-tinted view of the royals. You knew there was nothing you could do about it, your fate had been sealed centuries ago when your ancestors had pledged the service of their bloodline to the royal family. It didn’t stop you from yearning for freedom or resenting your position, but it was at least a small consolation that when the Prince left for the wedding you’d have a reprieve. King Regis was easy to handle, he was clean, kind, and didn’t ask for much. He treated you like a person, sometimes asking about you and Ignis or your latest endeavor in the kitchen to pass the time while you cleaned.

By contrast, Noctis was a bit of a terror. He was lazy and messy, never bothering to even put his clothes in the hamper when he changed in the morning. When he and Prompto had managed to figure out that you and Ignis were together they had done everything in their power to embarrass him over it, and while you understood that seeing Ignis flustered was an entertaining sight, they simply took it too far when Prompto joked you should wear a more… scandalous maid uniform. 

You had recused yourself to kitchen duty for a week after the incident, refusing to even acknowledge the blond when he sheepishly appeared to apologize at your doorstep. 

Astrals, you were sick of this. 

However, while your resentment grew, so did the work. As the wedding approached every noble from every house with even a modicum of power wanted to visit to win the Prince’s favor. You had taken on extra staff, now working in shifts to get all the work done. The night shift would procure the ingredients for the next day’s meal at the night market and write instructions for the day shift. They would ready all the decorations and silverware, water the gardens, and scrub the floors so everything was ready to go in the mornings.

You had avoided the night shift at first, still trying to keep your old schedule with Ignis. However, as the prince got busier, so did he. You found yourself coming home to darkness more and more as Ignis worked later and later, and often you’d find yourself alone for days when he accompanied the Prince on various excursions around the Crown City. Your notes went unanswered, and your breakfasts together became less frequent until they didn’t happen at all. You’d often slip into bed alone and wake up alone, the only evidence Ignis had even come home being a coffee cup in the sink and the newspaper on the small table you shared. 

You switched to the night shift partially to see if he cared, if he’d even notice. It had been a logical decision more than anything, the housekeeper had taken on a new group of junior housemaids to train and had assigned you a group as well, so it made sense to split them between shifts so they were easier to monitor. 

Ignis had said nothing, only giving you a slightly puzzled look when you came in at five o’clock in the morning frazzled from work. You ate together in silence, the blond leaving without a word.

That day you had screamed into the pillows of your shared bed for hours. You hated Noctis. You hated how he took everything from you and gave nothing in return. He took decades of your labor, took your emotional stability, and now he was taking away the man you loved. Not once had he given you an acknowledgment past a simple “Thanks,” other than the time he asked, “Oh, so you’re Specs’s girl?” which had led to one of the most awkward cleaning sessions of your life. He took and took and took, and you hated him for it. 

You hated whichever ancestor had sealed your fate with no regard to what you might feel, you hated the staff for robbing you of your childhood, you hated the walls of the palace that trapped you like a massive gilded cage, you hated the nobility that breezed through and treated you like a bug under their shoe. You hated Ignis for choosing Noctis over you.

But most of all? You hated yourself. 

You hated yourself for not being strong enough to break the cycle of servitude, you hated yourself for falling in love with a man who would always be loyal to someone else. You hated your foolishness, your naivete, the glimmer of hope that appeared every time Ignis was home. 

Sometimes you debated breaking things off, packing your scant belongings and moving back to the servant’s quarters without a word. You fantasized about screaming at Ignis, throwing his stupid book out of his hands and screaming for him to “Look at me damnit!” But in the end you never did. Ignis was security, he was routine. And as much as you hated it– you loved him. 

You’d always love him.

-

When you woke up that night you walked into the front room fully expecting it to be empty, only to be greeted by the sight of Ignis sitting on the couch. The solemn look on his face was enough to make your stomach sink into the floor. Your thoughts raced, was he going to kick you out? Why else would he wait up for you? He never had before. You felt panic rise where your stomach had fallen, choking you in an all-consuming wave as it clogged your throat and froze your limbs.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.”

[moodymelanist]

canon nessian cooking together 🙏

ugh yall are after my heart with all these soft!Nessian requests, and I am but a humble servant 🧎🏽‍♀️

also I just realized I can’t fucking read and completely missed the canon part, but modern AUs are my thing anyway so I hope you don’t mind that I took liberties 🧍🏽‍♀️

Nesta was waiting patiently in the kitchen for her boyfriend to get home. He’d called her on her way home from work and told her he had something special planned for dinner, and she’d spent the rest of the drive home wondering what exactly he had up his sleeve.

She turned at the sound of the front door opening and smiled once she saw him. “Hey, baby.”

“Hey sweetheart,” Cassian replied. He came over to give her a quick kiss before placing a reusable grocery bag on the counter.

“What’s in the bag?” she asked curiously. He grinned at her and started taking things out, revealing two boxes of pasta, two cans of red sauce, and a large container of ground turkey. She guessed they’d probably be making spaghetti and meatballs, one of his favorite meals.

“I want to make dinner together,” he said. She looked over at him in shock — everyone knew how horrible she was in the kitchen. If left to her own devices she’d probably figure out a way to burn water.

“Are you confusing me with one of your only girlfriends?” she asked dryly. “We both know I can’t cook for shit.”

“Nope,” Cassian replied cheekily. “But we’re going to change that today. Wash your hands.”

Nesta rolled her eyes but made her way over to the sink to do as he asked while he started setting up everything they would need. When she finished drying her hands she saw he’d taken out a pot to boil their pasta in, a pan to cook the meatballs in, and a cutting board so they could shape the meat over. He was in the middle of taking out various seasonings and she was more than content to watch his muscular arms reach for things.

“Where do you want me?” she asked.

“For now, fill up that pot so we can start boiling the water,” he instructed. She did that while he went to use the bathroom.

When he got back he clapped his hands together. “Okay, operation teach Nesta how to cook has officially begun.”

“It’s your funeral,” she muttered under her breath. He chuckled and moved to open the package of ground turkey before motioning for her to stand next to him.

“It’s really easy to make meatballs,” he began. He scooped some meat into his hands and effortlessly shaped it into a perfectly round meatball, cupping his hands together to form the proper shape. “You just cup your hands together and shape it into a circle.”

“If you even think about making a joke relating to me handling meat, I won’t be handling yours later,” she warned.

He laughed and gently bumped her with his hip. “Keep your eye on the prize, Nes. You’re doing great.”

Eventually he trusted her enough to make his own meatballs while she finished up with hers. She was moving much slower than he was, but she wanted to make sure she was doing it right. She ended up with a couple of questionably-shaped meatballs compared to his perfect ones, but she felt a sense of pride that she’d managed to make more than one in the first place.

Cassian gave her a wide grin before taking all the meatballs and putting them on the hot pan. “Nice job.”

“High praise, coming from you,” Nesta replied. She let him wash his hands first so she could then wash hers and the cutting board. “What next?”

“Just waiting for everything to be done, really,” he answered her. She watched as he used various seasonings on the meatballs and added some salt to the pasta water. “The pasta is the easy part.”

“I know how to make pasta,” she said indignantly. He turned and gave her a look before opening the two boxes of spaghetti and adding them to the boiling water.

“In theory you know how to make pasta,” he corrected her.

“I didn’t come here to be insulted on my cooking skills,” she grumbled.

“No, you came here to learn how to make spaghetti and meatballs, which you did,” he said, one of his famous shit-eating grins spreading across his handsome face. “The insults are just an added bonus.”

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

unfair, m | myg, jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader, ft. yoongi

summary: Min Yoongi lived a simple life, alone in his apartment with his dog, Holly. Then he (and his dick) noticed his next-door neighbor. And her boyfriend. But nothing was going to come out of that. They weren’t trying to seduce him... right?

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; established relationship (jk/you); pining/slow burn; overheard smut; smut (fem reader, threesome, m and f-receiving oral); lil fluff; starts off with Yoongi’s POV, then changes to yours when it gets... fun. ;)

--

Min Yoongi had a problem. A problem most men probably had, but not a problem he was used to. He wasn’t a thirsty kind of guy. For most of his life, he really didn’t care about sexual shit. He had fallen in love, sure, but that was the gradual feeling, the kind that grew slowly but surely, and ultimately burned out when the girls would basically tell him he was boring as fuck. Which he knew he wasn’t. He was just… really garbage at being romantic.

Of course, he was older now, so he had some idea of romance and showing affection, not for his sake but for the sake of loving someone. Even if he was bad at it, the whole point was to try. To be honest, he hadn’t actually put that theory into practice yet, but that was what he had concluded after his last break-up. But now he had a problem.

It was not fucking fair how fucking hot his next-door neighbor was.

It just wasn’t. To whatever higher power was up there, what the actual fuck? Why do this to him, Min Yoongi, of all people? He was a kind boy. A good soul. He didn’t need to step out of his apartment to walk his dog Holly to see his next-door neighbor in a sports bra and leggings wiping her brow with a towel after her morning run. A little sweaty, cheeks flushed, skin glistening. Holy fuck. To top off that banging body, she looked up at him and gave him a confident smile and a polite nod before going into her apartment. Not even embarrassed.

Fuck. Now he had to walk his dog with a hard-on. Great.

To make it even worse, he was pretty sure she was taken. A guy would come around and they would leave together, probably to go on dates. Usually he was in sweats and a bucket hat but this time Yoongi saw him in slacks and a dress shirt.

And, oh, holy hell.

Of course, the guy was fucking handsome as fuck. Nice broad shoulders and muscular arms. Cute face with a mischievous smile and nose scrunch when he laughed. A sweet, tiny mole underneath his lower lip and another on his cheek. Neat black hair swept to one side, begging to have hands running through those strands. Round, brown doe eyes. Thighs could probably crush him and Yoongi would be happy about it. And then she came out of her apartment in her tight black dress and heels, sliding into the guy’s arms so easily and giving him a kiss. The dress showed off her nice round ass and juicy, squeezable thighs.

It was all fucking terrible for Yoongi.

“Ooh, you’re looking pretty for me today, love.”

“Wow, Jungkook, contain yourself for one second so we can at least eat first.”

“I’m ready to eat something, that’s for sure.”

He was not creeping; he was collecting a package outside his door. That was it. He was not the least bit interested in what was going on next to him.

Holly raced out of his apartment, his tiny fluffy brown butt bouncing as he rushed to the people, barking excitedly. Yoongi nearly dropped his package in surprise, shoving it under his arm and rushing over.

“Holly, no! I’m so sorry–”

The guy, Jungkook, laughed as he crouched down, barking back at Holly playfully.

“Aren’t you cute? What’s your name, little one?”

His next-door neighbor smiled at him. Yoongi was ready to crawl into a hole in embarrassment. Not only was he looking frumpy as fuck in a stained white t-shirt and black sweats, but he was also struggling to wrangle Holly with a large box under his arm. To top it off, Jungkook was not making it any easier by chasing Holly around. Yoongi’s black hair was messy and unbrushed, long enough to almost cover his eyes. He was basically a hobo compared to these two.

“I’m sorry for interrupting, he’s a bit–”

“It’s okay.”

He froze up. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

“What’s your dog’s name?”

He swallowed. “H-Holly.” Oh shit. He accidentally looked at her chest. Why did she have such pretty collarbones? She seemed not to notice. Instead she looked over to Jungkook who was wrestling with Holly on the floor and rubbing his belly.

“He’s really cute,” she said with a smile. “You don’t mind if Jungkook plays with him a little, do you?”

“N-no,” Yoongi mumbled, biting his lip. She had plump, shapely lips stained red.

She held her hand out. “I only moved in last month.” He placed her hand in hers. She had a nice, firm handshake. She was telling him her name and he was imagining her hand wrapped around his cock. He needed to get a grip.

“Min Yoongi,” he said robotically. What are social skills? Yoongi didn’t remember any of them at the moment.

“That’s Jeon Jungkook,” she was saying, pointing to the young man on the floor. Holly was licking his hands excitedly. Yoongi noticed a small heart tattooed onto Jungkook’s right hand. Fuck. He had nice hands too. His cock was waking up. Oh fuck.

“Come on, Holly, we have to go now.”

“Aww,” Jungkook whined. Why the fuck was this guy so fucking cute? Please have mercy. Jungkook waved to Holly with a smile. “See you later, Holly!”

Yoongi bowed awkwardly and scurried back into his apartment, Holly bounding in behind him as he shut the door. He barely even squeaked out a goodbye. He didn’t have a chance because – yup, now he had a giant boner.

Holly wagged his tail and barked up at Yoongi, who sighed and shook his head.

-

His brother asked to take Holly for a while. It was fine with Yoongi; his older brother was going camping with his wife and Holly loved being outdoors. Actually, he invited Yoongi, but Yoongi knew he wasn’t an outdoorsy kind of guy and suggested Holly to go instead. Holly loved Yoongi’s brother – maybe even more than Yoongi himself, the traitor. To be honest, if his brother decided to have kids soon, Yoongi had always said it would be a good idea for Holly to grow up with them. Dogs were an essential part of childhood, after all.

That’s why Yoongi was sitting alone in his apartment, reading, with no dog noises around him to distract him. It was nice, quiet, and serene.

Or it would be, if it wasn’t for his next-door neighbor literally fucking up a storm.

Instead, Yoongi was seething at the shared wall next to him as he was very clearly hearing someone getting banged. Which was fine, because people were allowed to do what they wanted. Yoongi didn’t care. Except he did kind of care, because he was absolutely sure it was Jungkook fucking the daylights out of his hot-as-fuck next door neighbor. It was also upsetting because his dick was suddenly awake and saying hello as if he had been called to attention.

But, nope, it was just Yoongi sitting alone glaring at the wall that separated him and giving the two of them a piece of his mind.

Or his meat.

He frowned and made a face. He didn’t have thoughts like that. No, not him, Min Yoongi. He was pure, he definitely did not have any naughty thoughts, nope, not a single o–

A particularly lustful moan of Jungkook’s name cut though his thoughts.

Was he sitting at the chair closest to the wall? Maybe. Well, he was. Could he just move to his kitchen and not hear anything? Yes. Was he going to move?

No.

What number was this anyway? Did Jungkook have the stamina of a horse or something? Not that Yoongi cared, mind you. He certainly did not. It was interesting to think about, that’s all. And then he heard something he thought he would never, ever hear.

“Oh, fuck, Yoooongi!”

Um, what? Did he hear that correctly? Yoongi sat up, raising an eyebrow at the wall. It must have been his imagination, surely, because the sound of skin on skin was not stopping. There was no way she had said the wrong name by accident, right? And Jungkook wouldn’t just let her blurt some other guy’s name out for no reason, right?

He glared at the wall suspiciously, as if it could answer.

Eventually the sounds died down, which was a relief. Hours went by and all Yoongi could think about was her saying his name. There was no way she accidentally said his name while getting fucked by Jungkook. Making that kind of mistake was unforgivable. He ended up ordering take out because to be honest he couldn’t really concentrate on cooking. Yoongi frowned as his doorbell pinged, walking to the door automatically. He must have manifested his thoughts or something like that. He placed his hand on the knob and opened it. It was his imagination, surely–

“Hey, did you order delivery? The person accidentally dropped it off at our door.”

Yoongi almost fell over.

His next-door neighbor blinked at him as he struggled to find his words. She was wearing a big baggy white t-shirt that clung to her body. No pants. The bag was in front of her chest. He could barely see the light pink of her panties.

“Ah, it wasn’t the other door. Is it his?”

Jungkook bounded over, black hair messy, his doe-like eyes wide with curiosity. Grey t-shirt, gray sweatpants. Tattoos going up his right arm. Yoongi nearly had a heart attack seeing his muscular arms.

“Uh, ah–yes, it’s mine, sorry–”

She smiled and held it out to him.

“Here you go.”

His eyes almost bulged out of his head – she wasn’t wearing a bra, holy shit – and he nearly dropped the bag if it wasn’t for Jungkook’s quick reflexes placing his hand at the bottom of the bag.

“Whoa, careful there.”

Thankfully his arm was now blocking her tits so Yoongi snatched the bag and bowed profusely, mumbling apologies.

“Sorry to trouble you.”

“It’s no problem,” she said brightly. “Enjoy your meal.”

She waved and Yoongi finally looked up, seeing her body turned away from him. Oh, whew. Then he looked up to their faces.

And found both of them smirking at him before they went back into her apartment.

-

“They’re fucking with me, Hoseok!”

“Calm down, hyung. I think you’re thinking about it too much.”

That’s what his best friend Jung Hoseok told him over dinner. Yoongi was having none of it.

“How can I be over-thinking it when they’re smirking at me at my front door?”

Hoseok winced. “I don’t know, maybe you imagined it. Why would your next-door neighbor and her boyfriend do something like that?”

“I don’t know, it’s not bad, it’s just–”

“Wait, you like it?”

“… I didn’t–”

Hoseok had burst out laughing like a lunatic.

The laughter rang in Yoongi’s ears as he stood at his front door, silently fuming. He shouldn’t have told Hoseok. But who was he supposed to tell? He wasn’t that close with many of his friends, after all. And Hoseok didn’t end up being mean about it in the end. Yoongi rubbed his forehead, shoving his hair under his black cap. Ah, it was probably just an empty hope after all. He was over-thinking it. Only an absolute loon would think that his next-door neighbor and her boyfriend wanted to have a threesome with him.

“Yoongi?”

He jumped, jerking away from his door suddenly. She stared at him, lip quivering, a worried look on her face. Cropped pink sweatshirt and leggings. Whew, at least she was clothed.

“Sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you. Is this a bad time?”

“I wasn’t scared,” he said automatically. “Only surprised.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, what was it?”

“Oh, I just…” She rubbed the back of her head sheepishly, fluffing her hair. Fuck. Stop being cute. “I don’t mean to pry, but I haven’t seen you walk Holly lately. I was wondering if he was okay?”

Oh. Right. His dog. “Ah, Holly is with my brother right now. He’s fine. We sort of have shared custody of him since we all grew up together,” Yoongi added with an awkward smile. Ack. Social skills, what even are they?

“Oh, that’s a relief!” She placed a hand on her chest and smiled. “I’m sorry if I was being too nosy.”

He waved a hand. “It’s okay. I’m surprised you noticed.”

“Who wouldn’t notice? You always looked so happy walking him.” He was pretty sure his heart was going to burst if she kept smiling at him like that. “You’re so cute when you smile.”

“Ah…” Hang on, what? His cheeks began to warm.

“You must love dogs.”

Right. His dog. He chuckled. “I don’t usually, but somehow Holly made his way into my heart.”

She looked rueful. “I’m jealous of him.”

What?

“It must be difficult to win your heart.”

Was she… flirting with him?

She smiled innocently at him but those eyes were giving him a different story. The mischievous sparkle made his response die in his throat. He stared at her for a good minute.

“What… about Jungkook?”

“What about me?”

Yoongi felt his entire body freeze. He was caught. Shit, shit, shit.

Jungkook brushed past him ever-so-slightly, hand lingering on Yoongi’s jacket-covered arm before he hugged her tightly, kissing her forehead. She smiled up at him. Jungkook grinned at her and turned back to Yoongi with a bright bunny-like smile.

“Hey.”

Yoongi looked away quickly, realizing he was observing much too closely. “Er, hello.”

“Hey, Yoongi.”

He swallowed and looked up, raising his eyebrows. “Yes?”

Her lips curved into a sly smile.

“If you’re ever feeling up to it, we would love you to come over sometime.”

Jungkook grinned. “Any time!”

Oh, fuck. Jungkook’s hands were on her waist, sliding down slowly. Tongue in his teeth as she leaned against his chest with that foxy smile. Yoongi opened his mouth, but the only sound he made was an awkward croak. He coughed and looked away.

“I’ll… keep that in mind.”

Yoongi hastily fumbled with the door lock and ran into his apartment, praying that neither of them could see his blushing face and his massive hard-on.

-

“They said you could come over any time. You are not crazy. You are just being nice.”

Yoongi stood in front of his next door-neighbor’s door like a zombie, clutching one bottle of red wine and a bottle of whiskey for dear life. He had contemplated his outfit three times before deciding that a long-sleeved white shirt, black jeans, and ripped gray denim jacket was not trying too hard. But just to be sure, he wore his nicer black boxer briefs and not the ones with holes in them.

Just…

In case.

“They don’t want to fuck you. They’re being nice.”

The door suddenly opened.

Yoongi’s eyes went wide. He sputtered. “A-ah!”

Oh my god.

Was it even possible for a woman to be this pretty? Decked in a floaty, red dress with a delicate bow around her neck and fluffy white slippers, his next-door neighbor seemed surprised to see him. The fabric floated down and clung to her curves, dipping inward in between her legs. Her eyebrows raised in surprise and her plump lips curved into a small ‘o’.

“Yoongi! I wasn’t expecting you for another ten minutes! Jungkook told me he just arrived.”

“I’m here, darling.”

Jungkook’s deep voice purred behind Yoongi. The older man nearly jumped and turned to see Jungkook right behind him – how long had he been there? Black t-shirt, black jeans, chunky black sneakers.  Jungkook’s lips curved into a mischievous smile and he leaned over Yoongi, his chest brushing against Yoongi’s shoulder. Yoongi felt his heartbeat skyrocket at the sudden closeness until he realized Jungkook was kissing his girlfriend on the forehead, patting her head gently.

“Fancy for a just watching a movie,” Jungkook teased. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“I just bought this dress! I can wear whatever I want.”

“Yes, you can, and you look cute in it too.”

Yoongi would have been paying attention except he suddenly felt Jungkook’s hand against his back, sliding slightly downwards. He froze, breath caught in his throat. It wasn’t that he was starved for intimacy or anything. Okay, maybe he was a little bit, but, shit, what was he supposed to do with two very obviously hot as fuck people were seducing him? Ignore it?

No, he most certainly was not.

Yoongi stumbled, nerves rattling him. He felt strong arms hold him straight.

“Oh, sorry, did you trip?” Jungkook asked, worry laced in his voice.

“Ack, where are my manners? Come in, come in.”

He felt Jungkook push him lightly. Yoongi swallowed and stepped inside the apartment, still clutching the two bottles of alcohol for dear life. He was afraid that if he let go, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from… uh. Things. Breathe deep, Min Yoongi. You are not fifteen.

“These… are for you.”

He held out the two bottles to her. She tilted her head as she read the labels, taking them from him. It took all of Yoongi’s power not to grab her tits.

“Oh, thank you! Look, Jungkook, he bought red wine, your favorite!”

Jungkook bounded past him excitedly and took the bottle from her. “Ah, yesss! All for me!”

Yoongi blinked. “You don’t drink?”

She tapped the whiskey bottle. “I do. Just not wine.”

-

Watching a movie? Yeah, right.

How was Yoongi supposed to watch anything at all? One look at Jungkook in his loose black t-shirt and, fuck,  he was reminded the guy’s entire right arm was tattooed. Holy shit. And her? Wrapped so nicely in floaty red fabric with that bow around her neck. It meant the dress had a deep neckline and he could see the curve of her cleavage, the plushness of her breasts.

Fuck this movie. Yoongi literally had no idea what was on the screen at this point.

She leaned against Jungkook as he sipped his wine. Every so often, she poured herself a shot of whiskey and drank it. Like… what? Granted, it wasn’t very much, but he had never seen a woman just… do that. She would smile and settle back onto the couch, into the curve of Jungkook’s arm. His tattooed arm. Jungkook would then drape it around her again, fingertips almost touching her breast. All this, happening within ten inches of Yoongi, who was sitting on her right side.

He didn’t know what number he was on now. Yoongi wasn’t a lightweight but he couldn’t calm his nerves either. Nerves or growing lust?

Both.

Yoongi looked away and stared at the screen. He didn’t know what he was looking at. All he could think about was faceplanting into those tits and Jungkook’s hands all over him. Or her sitting on his face as Jungkook sucked him off. Or, her sitting on Jungkook’s face and him sucking Jungkook off–

“Yoongi.”

He nearly flung his glass in surprise but she reached over and took it from him. Her breasts brushed against his arm and Yoongi stiffened, trying to keep his face neutral.

“I think you need to slow down. Are you okay?” she said worriedly, placing the whiskey glass on the coffee table.

“No.” He shook his head quickly and cleared his throat. “I mean, yes. Yes, I’m fine.”

Jungkook and her stared at him.

Yoongi raised a hand and took a deep breath. “Er… I am getting this feeling,” he said awkwardly.

She tilted her head. “Hm?”

“It’s nothing.”

Jungkook shook his head. “No, no. If you’re not comfortable, then we understand. You should go home if you’re not feeling well.”

No, that’s not really what I want. I want to fuck, damnnit!

“Ah…” Yoongi swallowed at the sudden attention placed on him. “It’s not that.” He was a straightforward person. He didn’t know how to make it sound metaphorical or pretty. “You two have a very strong… presence.”

She frowned slightly. “Is that bad for you?”

“N-no. It’s, er… attractive.”

Oh shit. He said it.

“Ah, I meant–” Yoongi coughed, looking away quickly. “The other day… I thought I heard my name… But it must have been a mistake, right?” He laughed awkwardly. “Sorry, I shouldn’t say such–”

A softness pressed against him. Yoongi wasn’t wearing his jacket, only his long-sleeved white shirt. He froze. The softness slid up his arm. He could feel the weight of her body against him. His brain was turning into mush. Oh god, oh god, oh god…

“You heard me?” The words purred against his neck, hot and heavy.

He couldn’t turn around. He couldn’t. Yoongi tried to collect his words, fumbling through them.

“N-not on purpose…”

“You want me to say your name again? So you can hear it in person?”

The weight lifted. Slowly, Yoongi turned his head. His eyes trailed up her legs, to the floaty red fabric, to her waist, then up her chest to her face. She smiled slyly at him. Strong hands, one tattooed, one not, slid up her sides, grasping the bottom ties that held the bow together. Jungkook’s mischievous face popped up from behind her head. Yoongi just stared at them, eyes wide, mouth slightly open like a surprised kitten.

The bow teased apart, slowly. Jungkook’s hands slid inside the fabric, pushing it away. Yoongi’s breath caught in his throat. Jungkook cupped her breasts gently, rubbing his palms over them. She was wearing heart shaped pasties to cover her nipples. Yoongi was aware that he could run right now. He could have just stood up and walked out and that weirdness would have been over. Except, well…

His hand lifted. Yoongi hesitated for a moment, looking into her eyes.

She smirked and wrapped her fingers around his. His heart thumped loudly in his ribcage as she led him to her chest.

“You can take it off, if you want,” she said gently.

Yoongi swallowed as his fingertips touched her breast. Oh, so soft. He hooked a nail underneath the sticky material and pulled lightly. Nothing. She chuckled and shook her head.

“Little harder, Yoongi.”

His name was a soft purr. Yoongi bit his lower lip and yanked a little harder. It came off in his hand. He blinked rapidly in surprise, hoping he didn’t hurt her. His second thought was…

Holy shit, her nipple.

It was prominent, sticking straight out at him. It would have been visible through the fabric of the dress due to its size. Thinking about that was arousing him. Yoongi felt as if his whole face was heating up. He vaguely registered Jungkook peeling off the second one and dropping it on the coffee table. Now there were two – great math there, Yoongi, he scolded himself – and he sat like a statue, unable to comprehend that this was real.

Jungkook pushed her breasts together, trapping her nipples between his index and middle finger. He rolled them slowly. Yoongi watched in fascination as her eyes slid closed and her head tipped back, a breathy moan dripping from her lips. Jungkook squeezed and kneaded her breasts, nose buried in her neck as he inhaled deeply, murmuring her name. Her eyelids fluttered.

“A-ah… Yoongi…”

There was no wall blocking his view now. It was real.

Yoongi sat up a little straighter, leaning forward. He was still too afraid to touch.

“Y-yes?”

Her hand came up and stroked his cheek softly. He leaned into her touch, hungry. Her thumb pressed against his lips.

“Wanna kiss you.”

He cursed his bad habit of chewing on his lips, but leaned forward delicately. His eyes flickered to Jungkook, who was watching him with amusement. He wanted to ask. Are you sure? Jungkook seemed to understand and he nodded, smile turning gentler at Yoongi’s nervousness.

His eyes found hers again. Her lips parted. She led him to her face, closing her eyes slowly as her lips touched his. So soft, so gentle. It wasn’t the kiss he expected from his daydreams. It was warm and calm, soothing his nerves. His hands came up to cup her cheeks as the kiss deepened, tongue dancing against tongue. Everything just felt so soft. So lovely.

He felt Jungkook take his hands and slide them down. Yoongi gasped into her mouth as his palms touched her nipples. She moaned at his touch, nipping at his lower lip as he squeezed them, rolling her nipples with his thumb. They were just the right measure of hardness and softness. Her hands found his jeans and she pulled him closer by the waist, his body against hers.

“Yoongi-ssi…”

It wasn’t her voice. It was Jungkook’s, leaning forward and pushing up his shirt, running his hands over his skin. Yoongi gasped, suddenly feeling embarrassed. It was so obvious that Jungkook was more muscular and stronger than he was. But she held him close, kissing his jaw and neck. Jungkook’s face came into view, small smile dancing on his lips.

“I can call you that, right? Even though you’re my hyung?”

At this point, Yoongi didn’t even remember what honorifics were. “Whatever you want,” he muttered breathlessly. Jungkook chuckled and leaned forward, placing his lips on his. Oh, yes. More passionate, intense. Yoongi felt himself moan into Jungkook’s mouth and the younger man sucked on his tongue, hands along his back, pressing him into her.

It took a moment to untangle slightly. Breathing hard, Yoongi found himself looking into two pairs of lustful eyes.

“What do you want to do, Yoongi?”

-

Seducing Min Yoongi hadn’t been easy. There had been moments where you wondered if you had gone too far, or if Jungkook had teased him a little too much. It had been a long, carefully laid out plan. In fact, Jungkook almost gave up in the middle at one point and tried to convince you that he should hump him to get the message across. It had been a little difficult. But it was all worth it.

Because now you two managed to get Yoongi in the bedroom, flat on his back, your pussy in his face and Jungkook’s mouth on his cock. And oh, fuck, his fucking tongue. It had taken some more fondling and kisses to make Yoongi say it.

“Could I… eat you out while Jungkook sucks me off? Is that too much or–”

You grinded your hips into Yoongi’s face, sucking in a breath as Jungkook’s head bobbed up and down on Yoongi’s cock. Jungkook naked was already enough to make you wet. His muscular back, that ass, his tattooed arm, and his forearms flexing as he held Yoongi’s hips down. Could he suck dick as well as you? No, but he had a pretty good idea considering you were excellent at it. Watching Yoongi’s cock slide in and out of his mouth was a delicious sight. Yoongi’s tongue lapping at your clit had you dripping into his mouth. Somehow, he had just the right amount of pressure and roughness as he stroked you to climax, nails digging into your thighs.

You moaned in satisfaction, panting Yoongi’s name. Jungkook’s brown eyes flickered up to you and he made a muffled noise as he witnessed you playing with your nipples, squeezing and pulling on them lightly. You saw his hips jerk, humping the bed. You grinned. Teasing Jungkook was fun.

Yoongi tapped your leg and you got up, concerned. But he was clutching the sheets, gasping, head thrown back as he groaned, shoving his crotch into Jungkook’s face. Jungkook’s eyes widened and he gripped Yoongi’s hips, swallowing nosily as Yoongi’s entire body shuddered.

“F-fuck!”

You smiled as Jungkook sucked him dry, slowly rubbing his tongue around Yoongi’s cock as he cleaned him up. Yoongi did not seem like he was expecting this at all and moaned loudly, probably a little too loud. Jungkook dipping his head slowly, down, down, until the sensitive head hit the back of his throat. Yoongi’s face scrunched up, slipping into a moan as Jungkook slowly pulled back, Yoongi’s cock popping out of his lips.

Jungkook grinned. “Did I do good?”

You smiled. “Of course, my love.”

Yoongi squinted at him. “How the fuck did you learn how to do that?”

Jungkook pointed to you. “From the best.”

You smiled and Yoongi raised an eyebrow.

“Can I try something?” Jungkook asked, tugging on your arm.

You nodded. “What is it?”

Jungkook pulled you to him and kissed you, smiling against your lips. He readjusted you to be on top of Yoongi, your back to his chest. Yoongi made a disgruntled noise, but you rubbed your ass against his still sensitive cock, making him gasp. His hands wrapped around you. Yoongi had pretty hands, the kind of hands that made you pause the first time you saw him, the kind of hands you dreamed about touching you, the kind of hands that made your body melt. You were a bit disappointed that you couldn’t see Yoongi’s handsome face in his position but Jungkook was lifting your legs now, setting them on his shoulders. The condom was already on.

Jungkook smirked.

Was this man really going to expose your favorite position right now?

“Jung–fuuuuuck!”

His cock slid into you, slow and deep and hard. You yelped, feeling Yoongi grab your breasts and knead them. You liked this position for several reasons – one, Jungkook had you basically trapped under his body, and, two, Jungkook had power and gravity on his side. Thus, he could fuck you hard and deep at the same time, absolutely ruining you. And watch your face while he was doing it.

“Jungkook, ah, so deep,” you moaned, leaning against Yoongi’s chest as he pinched your nipples. Your pussy clenched, squeezing Jungkook’s cock inside you.

“That’s how you like it,” he drawled, rolling his hips into you, making his cock throb. You whimpered, looking deep into Jungkook’s eyes. Yoongi pinched your nipples and you whined as Jungkook thrust into your leisurely, burying himself in your folds.

“Whose idea was it to scream Yoongi’s name while we were fucking, hm?” Jungkook teased, fucking with such force that your ass bounced against Yoongi’s dick each time. You could feel him getting hard as your ass rubbed against it.

“M-mine,” you reply, earning you a slightly harder pace.

“So naughty,” Jungkook purred, licking his lips. “You wanted Yoongi so bad, didn’t you, love?”

You could only moan as Jungkook began to fuck you harder. Yoongi’s cock was smearing pre-cum all over you. You tried to desperately rub your ass against his cock, feeling it throb underneath you. It wetly slapped your ass every time Jungkook bounced you up and down.

“Fuck,” Yoongi grunted, kissing your neck. “Fuck, you two are seriously not fair.”

“Yoongi, ah, Jungkook…”

Yoongi rolled your nipples against his fingers and pinched them. You cried out, pussy clenching as your orgasm hit you, so overflowed with stimulation that you could barely think. Jungkook gritted his teeth, maintaining his pace as they worked you up again, Yoongi’s fingers rolling your nipples and Jungkook fucking you deep. It was an absolute mess of your own cum dripping down and Yoongi’s pre-cum mixing with it. The head of Yoongi’s hard cock was rubbing against your ass. You could watch Jungkook thrusting in and out of you, shiny and glistening.

“Ah, fuuuuck!”

You moaned as you came again, thick juices gushing down and coating Yoongi’s cock. Jungkook shuddered at your pussy tightening around him. You felt Yoongi’s hips shudder as he sucked in a breath sharply, groaning at the sensitivity as he came on your ass and up your thigh, splattering onto Jungkook’s legs.

Jungkook grinned triumphantly before fucking you even harder. It didn’t take long before he hissed, cock jerking inside you as he came, your name dragged out in a long moan. His jaw clenched, hips thrusting a little to get the last drops out of his softening cock.

After a moment, he pulled out, leaving you panting and sore in Yoongi’s arms. He got up to clean himself off, looking for a towel. Yoongi buried his face in your neck. You could feel his warm cheeks.

“Sorry about the bed,” he mumbled.

You reached back and petted his hair, breathing his name. You rubbed your ass against him and Yoongi stiffened. It made you grin.

“Stay the night, Yoongi.”

He nuzzled your hair even though he grumbled a bit.

“F-fine.”

-

part ii

--

masterpost

[purpleorchid85]

Buddie Fic Rec List (Part 1)

5 Times Eddie & Buck Knew They Were Dating & 1 Time Everyone Else Figured It Out 

by Onlymystory

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24012025

A Diaz By Any Other Name (Should Be A Buckley) 

by CaseyStar

Summary: Evan's lack of confidence in where he fit with the firefam and over how easily Bosko was brought in to take his place, rears it's ugly head when he hears about how Eddie escaped the warehouse when the police arrived.

AO3:https://archiveofourown.org/works/21783802

And They Were Roomates

By cherishingstydia 

Summary: Buck needs a place to live and Eddie has a guest room.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22828072

 And...They Were Zoommates

By emquin

Summary: Buck and Eddie work for the same company but have never met until working from home during the covid-19 pandemic has them using zoom video conferences.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23420866

 Asked, Offered, Given, (He's) Taken by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Summary: People like to flirt with Buck on calls. It kind of makes Buck uncomfortable. And that makes Eddie frustrated.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24762892

 Be My (Secret Santa) baby

By smartbuckley

Summary:  It's this year's secret santa, and as Buck is about to open his sixth gift, he remembers the previous gifts and his feelings about them.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21809878

 Bi Me A Drink 

by Wolves_of_Innistrad

Summary:  Hen takes the firefam out to a gay bar as a means of getting Eddie and Buck together. Fic contains lots of flirty Bi!Buck, Jealous and handsy Eddie and some extra twists.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21414100

 Breathe You In

By Pline

Summary: Eddie can’t stop staring. This selfie is going to be the death of him. Buck is shirtless, and giving the camera an intense look that leaves Eddie panting. Or Buck sends a picture that tips their relationship into something new.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25070953

 Bruises and Bitemarks 

By Tarialdrion

Summary: When Chimney invited Buck to see his first live MMA fight, Buck had no idea that the night would end with him on his knees and the most gorgeous man he's ever seen happily devouring his mouth. Life is full of surprises.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24800731

 Buck's Not-At-All-Secret Admirer 

by R_E_R6

Summary: Buck has a 'secret admirer'. Everyone knows it's Eddie, even Buck.

Eddie has a plan though.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22650847

 Calendar Shoot 2.0 

by Araloth

Summary: It’s that time of year again, time for submissions to the annual LAFD sexy firefighter calendar. Buck is eager to try again, only this year he plans on actually taking Eddie up on all his free photography advice…

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21229880

 Check Yes or No 

by rebeccaofsbfarm

Summary: Eddie finds a note in Christopher's backpack and realizes that his son has a girlfriend. When he tells Buck, he has a reaction Eddie didn't anticipate.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24783445

Cruiser Bruiser 

by FandomLife54

Summary: A close call on the side of the freeway has Eddie reevaluating his relationship with Buck, particularly how strained it's become due to Eddie's anger since the lawsuit. Some domestic love and more than a few heart to hearts have Eddie confessing things he should have a long time ago.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24126379

Darling It's Better (Down Where It's Wetter) 

By onlymystory  

Summary: "Who the hell is that?" asks Buck. Like he doesn't know exactly who that is. Like a week ago he wasn't enjoying one of the best fucks of his life with Eddie Diaz. Or the reason for Buck's surprise at the new recruit isn't quite for the reasons everyone thinks.

AO3:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/23197093?view_full_work=true#main

 Dirty Little Secret

By smartbuckley

Summary: Buck and Eddie have been sneaking around together hooking up but it has never been just about sex for Buck and he keeps asking Eddie for it to be more. But Eddie doesn’t want anyone to know, even though he does love Buck (he’s scared) and can’t bring himself to talk about it. Buck gets upset about being Eddie’s dirty secret and cuts off their hookups, it hurts too much to be that close. He won’t let Eddie touch him even platonically. Eddie realizes he needs to do something about it.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21498331#main

 Don’t Hate The Player, Hate The Game

By FancyfulOfLife

Summary: One day one too many firehouse 118 betting pools are going to bite them in the booty. Today just might be that day.

AO3:https://archiveofourown.org/works/22129198

 Don’t Need To Question The Reasons. I’m Yours.

By technicallyi’mawriter

Summary: The one where Buck is his flirty self and Eddie reminds him that he is his and his alone.

AO3:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/24207109#main

Dosed, Again

By ApplepieandCinnamon

Summary: In retrospect, eating cookies that clearly inebriated strangers gave you as a thanks had not been a good idea. Well, you’re always smarter in hindsight. Sleep deprived Eddie Diaz is a danger to society and ends up drugging both himself and his best friend.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24742834

Eddie 'I Get What I Want' Diaz

By EdithBlake

Summary: Buck encounters an ex of his on a call. It puts things into perspective for Eddie.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22488685

 Eddie Hates The New Guy

By EdithBlake

Summary: Rick is Hen's replacement while she is undergoing investigation. Eddie hates him. He especially hates how Rick looks at Buck like he is a piece of meat.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21438241

 Eddie's Not-So-Secret Feelings 

R_E_R6

Summary: 5 times Eddie says sweet things about Buck in Spanish so Buck doesn't find out he's in love with him +1 time Eddie realises Buck speaks Spanish and knew all along. With special guest stars: Eddie's entire family.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21729094

 Eddie Swiped Right On Buck

StaceyBlake

Summary: It's been over a year since Eddie has had sex. He is a bit desperate and downloads Tinder. When Buck's picture shows up on his screen and he swipes right, things take a sexy turn for these best friends.

AO3:https://archiveofourown.org/works/21818059

 Even The Bartender Knows

StaceyBlake

Summary: The Bartender at The Manhole gets a lot of guys coming into his bar who are questioning their sexuality. Helping them through it is kinda part of his job. But when a pretty Blond comes in and starts going on and on about how in love he is with his best friend, only for a man fitting said description of that best friend, walks in a few nights later going on and on about how in love he is with his best friend, well he's never seen that before.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21497890#main

 Feels Like Home

Mansikka

Summary: After a fire devastates Eddie's home, the logical thing for him and Christopher to do is stay with Buck. Though Buck's apartment isn't ideal; would it be such a crazy idea for the three of them to find a place to live in permanently together?

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24840859

 Friends To Make and Walls To Climb

By mansikka 

Summary: Eddie and Christopher just moved to Los Angeles, and they have lots of things to be happy about. Eddie loves his work on the 118, Christopher can get to know his mom again, and maybe Eddie and Shannon will relearn how to be friends. Christopher is also thriving in school, coming home every day with new tales about his new favorite teacher. Eddie needs to meet the incredible Mr. Buckley for himself, to see what all the fuss is about.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27957527

 Grand Guestures

By red_to_black

Summary: Buck didn't think too much of taking the Diaz boys out after a rough shift - until Hen and Chimney point out to him that he used to do the same with Abby. And really, if he was going to have a sexual crisis at the age of twenty seven, did it really have to be about Eddie?

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22208095

 Helping Hands

By Shaniamr

Summary: Everyone wants Buck to heal from the past year, and they think getting laid will help him. Buck doesn't want to revert back to Buck 1.0, but he also doesn't want his friends to worry about him. So Buck enlists the help of his best friend Eddie in fooling his friends. 

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22132669

 It Started With A Bang And A Hostage Situation

By JayJay_884 

Summary: Buck goes to the store one late night to buy food because of Maddie's pregnancy cravings. Whilst at the store, Buck accidentally gets caught in the middle of a robbery and gets knocked out. After waking up in the backroom, Buck finds himself as a hostage with a handsome and caring stranger.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30733649

 I Hit the Accelerator (But the Car was in Reverse) by exasiswings & letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

Summary:  When Buck is forced to confront the truth about his breakup with Abby, having casual sex with his hot new coworker seems like the best rebound idea. Unfortunately, that hot new coworker turns into his best friend. But best friends can keep having sex with each other, right? There's no way this could possibly go wrong.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21614971

 I Might Have To Tell You

By Ingu

Summary: Christopher gives Buck a list of how to cheer Eddie up while he's gone, and Buck accepts without reading the terms and conditions first.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24803128

 Is This How You Get A Cat?

By Whis

Summary: Buck didn't know he just needed to climb a tree, rescue the kitten, fall down, get a concussion and a huge nail through his hand to get a kitten, no that he was looking for one, although, if he had known Eddie was included in the package he would have done it earlier.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21614971

 Keep It On

By R_E_R6

Summary: When Eddie walks in on Buck, bent over in nothing but a hoodie, their plans for the night immediately change. Buck's outfit though? Well, Eddie requests that it stays the same...for reasons.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26679433

 Kissing Booth Fiasco

By Lilacsheen

Summary: Buck plans on tending a kissing booth on a Halloween bash... but the kicker? He's blindfolded the entire time.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26987998

 Kiss With A Fist 

By florenceandthemachine

Summary: A meet-cute au where Eddie takes Chris to the gym once a week and they box a little together before Eddie spars; usually Chris sits by the ring and reads but one day Eddie finds him laying on a bench, lifting an empty bar while this really cute blond guy spots him and gives him encouragement...

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25415776

 Lift Me Up

By CaptainSif

Summary: Buck gets stuck in his apartment building's broken elevator with his good-looking neighbor from the sixth floor.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28452156

 I, Hildy

By red_to_black 

Summary: The many ways in which Hildy interfered with Eddie and Buck's life, until they got the picture.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29511051

 Lightly Stabbed 

By  Every_Version_Of_Me

Summary: Buck gets stabbed and takes the time to call Eddie to tell him he can't make it to dinner.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21743812

 Love Language 

By red_to_black

Summary: Eddie's love language is acts of service, and Buck doesn't totally get it.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23403196?view_adult=true

[sadsilktrader]

Secret Admirer

I apologize for my extreme tardiness for posting to the Geraskier Holiday Exchange. This was written for @gotfanfiction 

A modern Geraskier AU in which Jaskier is receiving gifts from an admirer.

...

"I'm telling you Yen, the man doesn't even know I exist. It can't be him," Jaskier paced the living room of his small apartment, small watering can in hand, completely forgotten. His plants looked on forlornly. 

"Hm," she replied, he could hear the scritch-scratch of the emery board while she only half-listened to his prattling. "All I'm saying is that he was there at the pub the night you played and he lives in your building and he can hear you when you practice and those have all been the nights you've got gifts from your secret admirer." 

"Half the building goes to that pub, it could be anyone! Plus, he doesn't even know I exist. " He flopped dramatically onto the couch, spilling water on himself. "Anyway, I'll let you go do whatever important business you have to do. You'll be here before my show on Saturday with Triss, right?" 

"We'll be there. We just have to drop Ciri off at her dad's first. Now promise me you'll at least talk to him next time you see him."

"Maybe." He grumbled. 

"What was that?"

"Fine, fine! I promise!" 

"You better. I'm tired of listening to you wistfully sigh every time we speak."

"You're the worst."

"I love you too Jaskier, bye." 

The phone clicked. 

He'd met Yen online, a friend of a friend of a friend. They played DnD together, starting off as catty enemies and somehow developing into the deep friendship they had now. She was a good person, just a little rough around the edges. Well, very rough around the edges. 

She'd settled down a lot over the last few years when motherhood had fallen into her lap though. He wasn’t certain about all the details, they were close but she was a private person. She shared custody of her adopted daughter, Ciri, with her ex. He'd never had the pleasure of meeting the man but he'd heard enough about him to form his own opinions. Heart in the right place but not exactly open about his feelings. 

Sounded a lot like his own mysterious love. He sighed again, there was no way it was his gorgeous and stoic upstairs neighbor. The man was gorgeous and kind and lovely. He was tall and pale with silky white hair. Not to mention outrageously muscular. Jaskier had seen him in their apartment's gym working out on more than one occasion. It had taken every ounce of his self-control to keep himself from openly ogling him. He'd seen him feeding the feral cat that lived in the parking lot. Helping their elderly neighbors with their groceries. Playing with his daughter on the weekends. The man was too good to be true. Which was why he was absolutely positive he couldn't be the one leaving the gifts at his door. 

The mystery man was perfect but he, Julian Alfred Pancratz, college drop out, jobless, barely squeezing by with the money he made by doing odd jobs in the apartment complex and occasionally performing at the neighborhood pub, was an absolute mess. There was no way someone like the man would give him more than a passing glance. 

He sat up quickly leaving the forgotten, spilled watering can to the side to search for his notebook and pen. At least all the angst and longing seemed to also be a fantastic inspiration. 

...

He chewed his lip, the leather-bound notebook balanced on his knee. He strummed a few chords on his guitar before setting it back carefully down to scribble something down. 

The sun was fully set now and his balcony light had flicked on giving the small area an ethereal glow. He loved the process of writing and creating outside where he could feel the world around him. There was something about feeling the gentle breeze against him, the sun and moon shining down on him, and the fluttering hummingbirds that visited his feeder that just felt right.  

He stretched and yawned and was contemplating packing up for the night when he heard it. A barely-there, soft knock at his door. Eyes gone wide he all but threw his things down and ran to the door to open it. No one. As always. There was however a small box tied in a ribbon and a note attached. 

A voice so sweet deserves something sweet in return. -love, your admirer 

He undid the ribbon and opened the box. Inside was an assortment of homemade chocolates. He popped one in his mouth and let it slowly melt over his tongue. Dark chocolate, caramel, sea salt. He couldn't help the sappy smile that plastered itself on his face and would stay there the rest of the night. 

It had been a little over a month since the gifts started arriving. Most of the time they were baked goods or sweets of some kind but occasionally it was something different.  A clutch of flowers, a silver bracelet with music notes engraved, once there was even a picture of a particularly beautiful sunrise left for him. He treasured them all. 

He was a hopeless romantic down to the core of his being. He had never met his admirer but he was sure it would be love at first sight.

…

He was bone tired. He'd spent the day hauling furniture away to the thrift store and painting the walls of one of his elderly neighbors who was soon moving to a rest home. For all the work he was paid thirty dollars and a batch of very good snickerdoodle cookies. He knew it was all the woman could afford to give him and he was grateful for that. Not exactly enough to pay the rent but enough to buy a few groceries at least. 

He stood in the deli section, weighing out the pros and cons of value pack meats when he saw him. The man, his white hair hanging loose around his shoulders, dark jeans, and a leather jacket. His breath hitched and his mouth went dry. 

Gods how can anyone look that attractive just going to the grocery store. 

The man looked up, catching him staring. His eyes the color of amber and honey. He felt like a deer in the headlights caught in his gaze. A few faint scars visible on his face and neck. He couldn't help but wonder if there were more on the rest of the man's body and felt a blush rise to his cheeks. 

"It's leaking." The man said.

"What?"

"The honey ham your holding, it's leaking."

He stared at the gorgeous being before him for a moment longer before it clicked. 

"Oh fuck," he dropped the squishy package on the ground, ham juices splashing on the both of them. 

"Oh, gods I'm so sorry," he wasn't sure his face could get any redder. 

"It's okay, really. I've had much worse things spilled on me before. You looked pretty lost in thought."

An employee glared at him with a mop and trash can. He smiled awkwardly, wishing he could just disappear. 

"You're the musician, right? I live in the apartment above yours. I can hear you playing from my living room." The way the man said it had him wondering if that was a good thing or not. 

"I'm Julian, well Jaskier to my friends and fans." He mustered up the courage he usually reserved for the stage and gave the man his best smile. 

"Geralt. I'd shake your hand but," He nodded to his arms full of groceries. "You know when you go into the store thinking you only need one thing?" 

"Well, you're in luck," he gestured to his cart, "I just so happen to have the best cart in the store. Not a squeaky wheel in sight." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Absolutely! The life of a musician leads to a very sparse diet. More than enough room for both of us. Plus we're headed to the same place." 

Geralt had an amused smirk on his face that made Jaskier's heart skip a beat. Conversation between them came easy. Geralt was the quieter of the two but his dry wit and cheesy jokes had him laughing harder than he had in ages. Handsome and funny. 

They made their way back to the apartment complex walking slower than was necessary, he noticed. 

"So you have a daughter? I'm not stalking you or anything, I just noticed her around the complex sometimes."

"Ciri," he replied. "My ex and I share custody, its-" he sighed, running his hand through his hair, "it's a bit of a complicated situation actually. But they’re moving closer soon and that should help.”

The elevator stopped at his floor and he stepped off. 

“So, I’ll be seeing you.” he mentally berated himself for not being able to come up with something more clever. The door was closing between them and he suddenly shot his hound out, stopping the door. 

“Actually, and please forgive me if this is too forward, maybe I could give you my number and we could grab a coffee sometime? Or do our grocery shopping together again?”

Geralt chuckled before reaching into his pocket, tapping at the screen a few times, and passed it over. He added his number with the name Jaskier followed by a heart and music note emoji. The moment the elevator door closed he was dancing, groceries in hand, for his forwardness paying off for once. 

…

It was colder tonight but he still played outside until his fingers were near numbing. His cheeks were flushed red from the cold. After his run-in with the man, he felt like he was walking on clouds. The world was at peace and he was the luckiest man in the world. He’d almost forgotten about his secret admirer completely until the same soft knock came from outside the door. Today was different though. Today he was brave and he had left a note for his admirer to find.

I beg of you to reveal yourself to me. I will be performing at the Royal Oak this Saturday. Please, wear this token so I may recognize you amongst the other patrons. Love, Jaskier

He strained his ears and purposely walked slowly to the door, giving his admirer time to leave the gift and find his note. He swore he heard mumbling of words. He closed his eyes and counted to ten before opening the door. 

His note was gone and in place of it a container he opened to reveal a miniature-sized three-layered cake elaborately decorated with chocolate-covered strawberries. It was, as always, delicious to the point of sin. 

He felt a twinge of guilt. He didn’t want to string along his admirer, especially if things with Geralt turned out well. But he was getting ahead of himself. They had spoken once and here he was already planning their life together. 

…

The next few days passed quickly. His wish of getting more work around the complex had come true but he was, unfortunately, unable to do any more practice for his upcoming performance. Every day he came back to his apartment with every intention of playing only to wake up from an unintentional five-hour nap on his couch. 

To make matters worse, he hadn’t received a single text from Geralt, and since his sleep schedule was completely messed up he hadn’t caught a single glimpse of him since their last accidental meeting. He thought of swinging by his place to invite him to his show but decided against it. Maybe he needed some space? Maybe he had come off as too clingy? The doubts and second-guesses were mounting.

He arrived at the pub early to set up and get some practicing in before going on stage. Geralt wouldn’t be there but at least, he hoped, his soon-not-to-be secret admirer would be. Inside the note, he’d left a silver brooch of a songbird in flight. It was small but something he would instantly recognize. The glimmer of it from the stage lights would catch his attention. At least that’s what he was hoping. He felt more nervous about this performance than he had in a long while.

“You okay there Jaskier?” The voice came from behind him and he turned to see Triss, her curls down, beautifully framing her face. 

“Oh thank the Gods,” he hugged her tight. 

“Where’s your better half?” he asked looking around the growing pub’s crowd. 

“Outside on the phone. It’s her ex, they don’t argue often but when they do,” she made a face. “Something about him needing her to watch their daughter.”

“Doesn’t he only see her on weekends? What an asshole.”

“Right?” 

He felt more at ease with a friendly face by his side and felt even better when Yennifer joined them. He was smarter than to ask her about the phone call and instead chatted about everything and anything to get his mind off his nerves. Time went by more quickly now and soon it was time for him to play. 

The second he stepped on stage his demeanor changed. Gone was any trace of nerves and doubt. The stage was his solace, the place he could bare his soul to the masses, or in this case to the forty-odd people crammed into the pub. 

It was halfway through his third song when he remembered to keep an eye out for his admirer. He scanned the crowd hoping for the familiar glint to catch his eye but there was nothing. He chewed his lip. 

The third song blended into his fourth and fifth. Still nothing. He took a break to grab a drink. He made small talk with Yennifer who raised a delicate brow at him. 

"Alright, spill it. What's got you so distracted?" 

He finished his drink and let his smile fall into a grimace. 

"I left a note. For my admirer. I asked them to come tonight. I left them something to wear so I would recognize them and-" 

"And they did show?" She finished for him. 

"Nope. Wait how did you know?" 

"First off you're terrible at hiding your emotions, and second I was fucking right and you owe me.”

“What?”

She laughed, shaking her head. “I guess I’m partially to blame, I should have realized it earlier.”

“I- what?” he asked again. 

“Jaskier. Darling. Sweetheart. I was right.” she said the words slowly as one would do to a small dog. 

“Right about what?”

“Your admirer. It’s your neighbor. You never told me but let me guess. Pale, white hair, roguishly handsome, looks like he could snap you in half like a twig?”

“How do you?” He was feeling a little faint now like he was at the edge of realizing something terrible.

“Your neighbor, your admirer, and my ex are all the same person.”

His eyes went wide. It all made sense. All the clues were there but he had just been too dense to put them all together. He’d seen pictures of Yenifer’s daughter but he’d never spent more than a passing glance at Geralt's visiting daughter. 

“Oh fuck.” he sat down, suddenly unsure of his legs beneath him. 

“He called me right before I came in going on about needing to go out for a few hours and if it was alright with me if he left Ciri alone.” she chuckled. “I told him to not be an asshole and spend time with his daughter.”

Jaskier’s head perked up. Geralt had wanted to come. He hadn’t blown him off. 

“I have to go. Fuck, I can’t leave in the middle of a set though.” 

Yennifer waved him off, “I’ll sort things off here, you go to him.”

He kissed the top of her head and gave her a quick, tight hug. “You would tell me if this bothered you right? I mean, he’s your ex and all.” 

“I think you two would do a very good job at evening each other out, now go!” She smacked him on the shoulder and off he went. 

…

He ran home, or at least halfway home before running out of breath and proceeded to briskly walk the rest of the way. He was still trying to decide what to say when he found himself outside the door, sweating profusely and looking an absolute mess. He knocked on the door before he talked himself out of it. 

“One minute!” A voice from beyond the door answered followed by the sound of an oven door closing and the chain sliding from the door’s lock. 

The door opened. He looked beautiful, even like this, wearing an apron covered in flour cocoa powder. Especially like this maybe. 

“I’m friends with Yennifer and she said it was you but I didn’t believe her and I didn’t realize that your daughter Ciri was also her daughter Cirilla which in retrospect should have clued me in but-” he took a deep breath in. Geralt looked nervous and his rambling wasn’t happening. He started over. 

“You’re my secret admirer?”

The man blushed. “I am. Is that okay?”

“Very, very okay.” He smiled. 

“Would you like to come in? I was just baking. For you.” his blush deepened and Jaskier heart felt like it would burst with affection. 

“I’d like that very much.”

[wiypt-writes]

Riding High

One Shot- Whamageddon

Summary: Frank loses a Christmas time bet…

Warnings: Bad Language words

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: This is my first entry for @sweater-daddiesdumbdork and @sagechanoafterdark s Festive Writing Challenge. My prompt is- “Did you put antlers on the dog?” This takes place in the Riding High timeline, alongside Ch12- ILY which was their first Christmas together.  (FYI Whamageddon is a real thing that me and my friends play every year without fail...and its HARD!!!  https://www.whamageddon.com/)

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding High Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Frank parked his truck in the space next to Fliss’ jeep and hopped out, making his way over the lawn to his apartment. That had been an awkward job, really awkward job if he was honest. It had taken him a lot longer than anticipated to locate the problem in the fuel pump, and at one point he was expecting to have to roll it over and finish in the morning which he really hadn’t wanted to do, as Saturdays were the one morning of the week he was able to lie in, uninterrupted and the thought of having to drag himself away from that pissed him right off. Thankfully, Bill had come to his rescue and collected Mary from school, dropping her with Fliss at the yard, something he knew Mary loved and Fliss seemed to enjoy too and it had given him the extra couple of hours he needed to finish up.

As a result whilst he was now tired, dirty, covered in grease and ready for a beer, he could relax that evening knowing he didn’t have to haul his ass out of bed at six am. He’d be able to at least sleep until Fliss’ alarm went off at eight. Mind you, even then he tended to go back to bed after they’d had breakfast, or nap on the couch until about fifteen minutes before Mary was due home. After all, he didn’t have horses to muck out and ride.

Fuck that.

As he traipsed up the steps to his apartment he could hear the sounds of Last Christmas by Wham playing and he cursed. “Fuck!” With a groan he pulled out his phone and opened up the group message, rolling his eyes in annoyance. He typed a single word “Whamageddon” and hit send. This was a game he and the boys played every year. It was a contest to see who could go the longest time over the holiday period without hearing that infernal fucking song. The rules were simple, you weren’t allowed to be a dick by tricking each other and sending messages, videos or emails containing it, and it had to be the original version, so covers, remixes and people singing it didn’t count. It also relied on all of them being honest enough to own up, but they were the Circle Of Truth after all. So far it had claimed Simon and Greg, leaving him and Jake in the running…and now he’d just lost meaning Jake won the forty-dollar pot. Mind you, the last 2 years they’d played it said forty-bucks had been used to purchase drinks on their night out so it wasn’t like he’d actually lost anything, just the satisfaction of beating Jake. But the fact he’d lost that was annoying in itself.

Fuck you George Michael.

Shoving his phone back into the pocket of his dirty jeans with an annoyed growl, Frank yanked the door open and instantly was hit with the sweet notes of nutmeg and ginger as something baked in the oven and the loud sounds of giggling and singing from the lounge. He passed through the small kitchen and paused in the doorway as he saw Mary on the couch,  bouncing up and down, her hands in Fliss’ as his girlfriend danced in front of Mary, twirling round, Thor bouncing along with her occasionally issuing the odd, excited bark. Fliss’ wore a headband upon which a pair of reindeer antlers were fixed whilst on Mary’s head sat a Santa hat which was adorned with light up stars.  The irritation of losing instantly left Franky’s system as he could do noth8ing but smile as he watched the pair of them dancing like idiots before Mary glanced up and saw him and gave him a grin. Fliss turned and smiled, waving him over. He shook his head, gesturing to the fact he was filthy but she simply grinned even more, and bent her finger at him, arching an eyebrow. The fact she seemed to get turned on by him being covered in grease greatly amused Frank and he simply met her down right filthy look with one of his own before she pouted at him as he was refusing to play. As usual when she fixed those eyes on him, he simply rolled his own and gave in, striding over the room where he dropped a kiss to her lips as Mary plonked the hat she had been wearing on his head just as the song ended.

“You just lost me a bet.” Frank looked at Fliss, then Mary. They both frowned at one another before Fliss gave a groan.

“Whamageddon?”

“Whamageddon.” He confirmed.

“Sorry!” she winced, shrugging as he returned Mary’s hat to her head, pulling it down over her eyes “We made sugar cookies though if that’s any consolation?"

“You’ve been busy.” Frank smiled and Mary nodded, pushing the hat up so she could see.

“We’re gonna decorate them tomorrow afternoon before we got to V and Bills.”

“Who’s we?” Frank arched an eyebrow.

“Me and you” Mary shrugged.

“That so?”

“Yup.” Mary nodded “We got ready made tubes of icing and stuff so even you can’t mess it up.”

Fliss laughed at the affronted look on Frank’s face as he narrowed his eyes at Mary before he reached out and grabbed her causing her to shriek as he tickled her sides.

Mary giggled, her protests becoming louder and lounder as did her laughter until, after one particular loud shriek Frank gave a yell and jumped, looking down at Thor who was stood behind him, his head cocked to one side, tail wagging furiously as he issued a loud bark.

“He just bit my ass!”

Fliss laughed even harder “he’s only playing. If he meant to bite you properly, you’d know about it. He’s never bitten anyone properly in his life.”

“Ha, he’s my bodyguard!” Mary straightened her hat once more before she hopped off the couch “Are you taking me to Roberta’s now?”

“Damned straight I am.” He mumbled, shooting the dog another glare before he turned back to her “You got your stuff?”

“Yup.”

“Okay come on. What do you say?” he nodded towards Fliss who rolled her eyes.

“Thanks for watching me and baking and stuff!” she wrapped her arms around Fliss’ waist and Fliss smiled, bending over to give her a hug. “Night Lissy.”

“You’re welcome babe. See you tomorrow.”

Mary skipped off and Frank turned to Fliss giving her another quick kiss.

“You know, you don’t have to make her thank me.” Fliss smiled as he pulled away. “She comes as part of the package.”

“She can still mind her manners.” Frank shrugged “Be back in five.”

Thor made to follow but Fliss grabbed his collar to stop him, before she grinned and after faffing with him for a second let him go. He padded after Frank and Mary, neither of them paying him any attention, although Frank didn’t fail to notice the grins the three of them were getting as they walked down to Roberta’s. Most likely thanks to the hat Mary had on.

Mary pushed Roberta’s door in and they all stepped inside, Roberta coming out of the kitchen to greet them.

“Mary Christmas!” Mary grinned and Roberta scoffed “Geddit? Mary, Merry…”

“Yeah I get it.” Roberta shook her head as Frank let out a snort. Her attention turned to him and she folder her arms, looking him up and down “You look like you just crawled outta some kind of pit. You’re filthy.”

“Yeah, well, been working.” He shrugged as Mary padded past into the living room. “Erm…forgetting something Stack?”

“Oh….” She turned and grabbed her little rucksack off him before she continued.

“Night then.” He shot sarcastically, receiving no response. He shook his head and turned to Roberta “We’re not going out so any issues…”

“There are never any issues Frank.” Roberta rolled her eyes “So, get….” She trailed off as her eyes fell towards Thor “Did you put antlers on the dog?”

Frank turned to look at Thor who was indeed sporting the antlers that had five or so minutes ago adorned Fliss’ head. He gave a snort, now realising why everyone they’d passed had smirked or laughed at them. “No, I didn’t” he shook his head as Thor’s tail began to thump on the floor. “That one’s down to Lissy.”

“You sure you’re not just feelin’ extra festive this year?” she teased and Frank gave a little smile.

“I’m looking forward to it, yeah.” He admitted, his eyes flicking back to the dog before he looked at Roberta. “Been a funny year. Some ways I’ll be glad to see the back of it, in others…” he trailed off as Roberta lay her hand on his arm.

“It was tough, I know. But…it all ended well.” She shrugged “You got that little girl in there and, well, a bigger girl waitin’ for you back home.”

“I’ll tell her you said that!” he grinned and Roberta slapped his arm.

“You know full well that wasn’t what I meant, besides, I’ve seen more meat on a damned grasshopper than there is on Fliss.”

“So now you’re calling her skinny…you know, I never had you down for size shaming Roberta.”

“Get outta my house before I hit you with the mop.” Roberta pointed behind him to the door causing Frank to laugh.

“See you tomorrow.” He turned, patting his thigh signalling for Thor “Come on Rudolph.”

Obediently the dog trotted after him as he left and made his way home, a soft smile playing on his face. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, snorting at the message of victory from Jake. He then noticed he had another message from Fliss. 

His phone wasn't great on picture messages, it was old school after all, but it was good enough to make him stop in his tracks. Her red, lace bra clad breasts flashed back at him along with the message "on second thoughts, maybe sugar cookies aint enough of an apology...I'll say sorry properly"

Frank swallowed as he shoved the phone back into his pocket and set off home, his pace doubled.

Thank you Whamageddon...

*********

Everything 

@momobaby227  @marvelfansworld  @cobalt-gear @djeniiscorner @ayamenimthiriel​  @coldmuffinbanditshoe​ @nerdofthefandoms​ @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ @southerngracela​ @goldenfightergir​ @kellymat​ @what-just-happened-bro @jennmurawski13​ @joannaliceevans-fanficblog​ @jtargaryen18​ @onetwo3000​ @ourfinest-hour​ @redhairedfeistynerd​ @charmed-asylum​ @saiyanprincessswanie​ @just-one-ordinary-fangirl​ @before-we-get-started​ @anika-ann​ @icanfeelastormbrewing​ @gigglegirl77​ @bval-1​ @princess-evans-addict​ @mes-2016​ @theladybiers​ @hurricanerin​ @kelbabyblue​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @rebloggingeverything​ @chezdricks​ @gotnofucks​ @nerdypinupcrystal​ @i-just-like-fanfics​ @xlanawriter​ @angrybirdcr​ @mariestark​ @aubreeskailynn​ 

Frank Adler

@patzammit​ @lovingonshawn​ @smediumsmeatbae​ @itsmycorneroftheinternet​ @chezdricks​ @aldu-p​ @mariestark​

[hazbincalifornia]

Midnight Snack

Chapter 25: Blitzo gets peckish.

Warnings: As always, mpreg, and implied animal death. Also stuffing if that needs a tag I guess, and BABY VIOLENCE. (Violence committed by a baby, not against a baby.)

Likes, replies, and reblogs are all appreciated, both here and on ao3!

Ao3 link

Blitzo’s stomach gurgled, and his arms tightened around the pillow that he was hugging to his chest. A fussy, hungry stomach wouldn’t have necessarily been a problem, except for the fact that it had been doing it for the past hour, and he was just about ready to tear it right out of his skin and rip it in half. Acid sloshed around audibly in his empty gut- or maybe the freeloader wanted more room and was just squashing the organ down so much that it had resorted to griping as loudly as it could. Relatable fuckin’ content right there.

Dinner had been two burgers and fries smothered in hot sauce and mayo from the grease trap down the road, which was more than enough to coast through until breakfast. Besides, he’d be damned if the kid was going to make him deal with the grocery store any more than he had to in this condition. No, he was staying right where he was, especially considering he’d been denied any sleep last night. One day low on sleep was manageable with reduced caffeine, two would suck satan’s left tit.

“C’mon, that was enough and you know it, I don’t want you ruining my figure any more than you already have,” he grumbled as the muscles clenched around his stomach, wringing it out like a sponge and drawing a pitiful whine out of his throat. “I’m not gonna just- give in and give you whatever you want, daddy’s gotta do him sometimes and I’m not letting you empty out the fridge. I ate enough, siphon blood outta my system like a normal leech does. I’ve got plenty of that.”

The reply was another gurgling groan and a hard clench as Blitzo’s empty stomach demanded sustenance, this time loud enough to make his middle vibrate even through the pounds of baby. He stuffed the pillow over his mouth, drool leaking down the case and over his chin as he forced out a scream.

He had to take a few seconds to pant before setting a hand on the side of his stomach, fingers drumming. “This is a battle of wills, and I am not letting you win. Your baby-daddy already started all this shit, so I’m just going to treat you the same as him- by ignoring you as long as feasibly possible until you decide to pop up and make everything difficult. Sound good? Yeah, sounds perfect.” There was a nudge from inside and Blitzo nodded in satisfaction at the apparent agreement, settling back down on the bed. He’d gone to sleep hungry plenty of times before, the baby gut notwithstanding, he just had to muscle through this for the next few-

There was no time to muffle the next scream as a sudden pinching pain went from ‘noticeable’ to ‘holy shit who’s tearing up my guts with a chainsaw?’, and there was a thud and a shuffling of feet before Loona started pounding on the door.

“You having a heart attack in there or something?”

Blitzo clutched at his stomach, wheezing as he was clawed apart from the inside out. “N-no!”

“Look, if you die, I’m on the hook for the rent.” Still, there was a semi-worried vibrato to her voice, and he swallowed down the coppery taste flooding up with the saliva to his mouth.

“I’m- fINE-!” His voice pitched up at another pinch-turned-horrorshow and his claws dug all the way through the pillow, stuffing spilling out like viscera.

“What the fuck are you doing in there?” The doorknob jiggled. Where was a portable x-ray when you needed one? Or ultrasound, or whatever the fuck you used to look at a baby that was trying to kill him before it even got out yet. What kind of horrible mouth or claws must it have- oh, fucking hell, Stolas had said something about his kid having a razor-sharp beak from birth, hadn’t he?

“Okay, I’m coming in.” Loona eased the door open, already in her pajamas and clutching a package of opened peanut butter crackers tightly enough that crumbs were sticking to her fingers. “You look like shit.”

“I feel like shit, so good-” Sharp inhale for breath, let it out- “-To know that I’m all on the same page.”

She dropped down on the bed with a metallic creak. “What’d the kid do now?”

“It feels like they’re biting me again, but w-worse- fuck!” Another nip, this one dragging a line on the inside of the womb like they were drift racing in there. Wait, dragging? He swallowed down more coppery bile. “Okay, fine, fine, sheesh, I’ll fuckin’ eat something, happy you little shithead?”

Loona raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t say anything.”

Blitzo shoved himself up off the bed to wobbly knees. “Junior’s gotten real bold, and instead of just sucking up the meat I’m eating for them like a good little lump, they decided to put me on the menu- ow, fuck, I’m going, keep your baby-tits on!”

“Babies don’t have tits, Blitzo.”

“They do if I say they do, sweetie.” Blitzo ruffled Loona’s fur between her ears as he waddled across the room, pausing next to the TV to take a breath.

Loona raised an eyebrow. “Do you need me to bring you something? I don’t want you passing out in the middle of the apartment and tripping over you tomorrow morning.”  In response, Blitzo just waved a dismissive hand.

“I can handle walking across two rooms, Loonie.” The active chewing had paused for the moment, but whatever they’d shredded in there was still shredded, and he’d rather not make it any worse- he had work tomorrow, dammit.

The fridge bathed him in a sickly, hospital-like glow as he tugged it open, and drool immediately started leaking from his mouth as the smells of half-forgotten, time-ripened leftovers hit him. A small mouse with four red eyes leaped up from the floor when he opened the door, burrowing into a box of takeout on the bottom shelf that Loona must have gotten when he’d been at Stolas’s place. His tongue snapped out automatically, snatching its furry body up and slurping up the tail between his lips before swallowing, and it took a second for his brain to load enough to register- after it slid down his throat.

Holy shit, did he just…? It squirmed a little as it descended, little hairs stuck in his teeth, and his fingers tightened on the side of his stomach before he reached for the box it had been after to wash out the aftertaste.

Everything after that was a bit of a blur, although he did retain enough sense of mind to avoid the six-pack of cheap beer in the back that still had four cans on it. Better to not risk puking all of this up or ruining the kid any more than they already were. Carbs, meat, a few wilted veggies that Moxxie had pawned off on him, sweet, sour, cold chili and whole untoasted bagels- it didn’t really matter what it was as long as it was at least mostly edible (he was pretty sure he swallowed a wrapper at some point), he just needed it inside of him now. Smothering everything in hot sauce and salsa and mustard made it more palatable anyway, especially the ice cream. The kid didn’t start taking chunks out of him again, at least, so he must have been doing something right. More and more of the white fridge walls became visible as the floor around him littered with containers, and his stomach grew tighter before he finally slumped back against the nearby counter with a groan. His legs sprawled out on the cool tile, both hands now stained with a mixture of about five kinds of leftovers, and he cradled his stomach after muffling a burp.

“Are you happy now, you needy little shit?”

Blitzo didn’t really expect a reply and almost didn’t hear it over the churning gurgles of digestion, but a soft ‘eee’ of a hoot, more a whisper-screech than anything, murmured from his midsection. He stared down at it, the warmth of his full stomach counteracted by ice dripping down his back.

“Oh, of course you sound just like him.” His claws dragged along the sensitive, itchy-while-stretched skin before the protection spell sprung up and pushed the fingers away. It only let him touch his own stupid body when he laid his palm flat. “Sure, it’s cute now when it's all little and squeaky, but you’d better not be as entitled as he is, alright? Or as you are now, since I’ve gotta do everything for you until you’re born. Considering you just settled right down in there without even asking in the first place, I doubt it. Rude.”

There were no more noises other than his stomach grumbling about going from empty to full so quickly, and he stayed slumped against the cabinet for long enough to let some of it digest. He must have been more tired than he thought, because he swore that he already looked bigger than he’d been when he’d finished binging. Maybe it started swelling in a bad reaction from whatever fucked-up food cocktail he'd accidentally made.

When he didn’t feel quite so much like a boulder had gotten stuffed inside his guts, it took three tries to haul his ass off the tile and drag himself back to bed, huffing like a cop running for the last doughnut in the process.

The ice had crept from his spine to the rest of his bones and muscles as he tugged the blanket tight around himself, but at least the churning food kept his stomach warm, and he passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding High

One Shot- Whamageddon

Summary: Frank loses a Christmas time bet…

Warnings: Bad Language words

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: This is my first entry for @sweater-daddiesdumbdork and @sagechanoafterdark s Festive Writing Challenge. My prompt is- “Did you put antlers on the dog?” This takes place in the Riding High timeline, alongside Ch12- ILY which was their first Christmas together.  (FYI Whamageddon is a real thing that me and my friends play every year without fail...and its HARD!!!  https://www.whamageddon.com/)

Chapter Song:  Last Christmas by Wham

Series Masterlist //  Main Masterlist

Frank parked his truck in the space next to Fliss’ jeep and hopped out, making his way over the lawn to his apartment. That had been an awkward job, really awkward job if he was honest. It had taken him a lot longer than anticipated to locate the problem in the fuel pump, and at one point he was expecting to have to roll it over and finish in the morning which he really hadn’t wanted to do, as Saturdays were the one morning of the week he was able to lie in, uninterrupted and the thought of having to drag himself away from that pissed him right off. Thankfully, Bill had come to his rescue and collected Mary from school, dropping her with Fliss at the yard, something he knew Mary loved and Fliss seemed to enjoy too and it had given him the extra couple of hours he needed to finish up.

As a result whilst he was now tired, dirty, covered in grease and ready for a beer, he could relax that evening knowing he didn’t have to haul his ass out of bed at six am. He’d be able to at least sleep until Fliss’ alarm went off at eight. Mind you, even then he tended to go back to bed after they’d had breakfast, or nap on the couch until about fifteen minutes before Mary was due home. After all, he didn’t have horses to muck out and ride.

Fuck that.

As he traipsed up the steps to his apartment he could hear the sounds of Last Christmas by Wham playing and he cursed. “Fuck!” With a groan he pulled out his phone and opened up the group message, rolling his eyes in annoyance. He typed a single word “Whamageddon” and hit send. This was a game he and the boys played every year. It was a contest to see who could go the longest time over the holiday period without hearing that infernal fucking song. The rules were simple, you weren’t allowed to be a dick by tricking each other and sending messages, videos or emails containing it, and it had to be the original version, so covers, remixes and people singing it didn’t count. It also relied on all of them being honest enough to own up, but they were the Circle Of Truth after all. So far it had claimed Simon and Greg, leaving him and Jake in the running…and now he’d just lost meaning Jake won the forty-dollar pot. Mind you, the last 2 years they’d played it said forty-bucks had been used to purchase drinks on their night out so it wasn’t like he’d actually lost anything, just the satisfaction of beating Jake. But the fact he’d lost that was annoying in itself.

Fuck you George Michael.

Shoving his phone back into the pocket of his dirty jeans with an annoyed growl, Frank yanked the door open and instantly was hit with the sweet notes of nutmeg and ginger as something baked in the oven and the loud sounds of giggling and singing from the lounge. He passed through the small kitchen and paused in the doorway as he saw Mary on the couch,  bouncing up and down, her hands in Fliss’ as his girlfriend danced in front of Mary, twirling round, Thor bouncing along with her occasionally issuing the odd, excited bark. Fliss’ wore a headband upon which a pair of reindeer antlers were fixed whilst on Mary’s head sat a Santa hat which was adorned with light up stars.  The irritation of losing instantly left Franky’s system as he could do nothing but smile as he watched the pair of them dancing like idiots before Mary glanced up and saw him and gave him a grin. Fliss turned and smiled, waving him over. He shook his head, gesturing to the fact he was filthy but she simply grinned even more, and bent her finger at him, arching an eyebrow. The fact she seemed to get turned on by him being covered in grease greatly amused Frank and he simply met her down right filthy look with one of his own before she pouted at him as he was refusing to play. As usual when she fixed those eyes on him, he simply rolled his own and gave in, striding over the room where he dropped a kiss to her lips as Mary plonked the hat she had been wearing on his head just as the song ended.

“You just lost me a bet.” Frank looked at Fliss, then Mary. They both frowned at one another before Fliss gave a groan.

“Whamageddon?”

“Whamageddon.” He confirmed.

“Sorry!” she winced, shrugging as he returned Mary’s hat to her head, pulling it down over her eyes “We made sugar cookies though if that’s any consolation?"

“You’ve been busy.” Frank smiled and Mary nodded, pushing the hat up so she could see.

“We’re gonna decorate them tomorrow afternoon before we got to V and Bills.”

“Who’s we?” Frank arched an eyebrow.

“Me and you” Mary shrugged.

“That so?”

“Yup.” Mary nodded “We got ready made tubes of icing and stuff so even you can’t mess it up.”

Fliss laughed at the affronted look on Frank’s face as he narrowed his eyes at Mary before he reached out and grabbed her causing her to shriek as he tickled her sides.

Mary giggled, her protests becoming louder and lounder as did her laughter until, after one particular loud shriek Frank gave a yell and jumped, looking down at Thor who was stood behind him, his head cocked to one side, tail wagging furiously as he issued a loud bark.

“He just bit my ass!”

Fliss laughed even harder “he’s only playing. If he meant to bite you properly, you’d know about it. He’s never bitten anyone properly in his life.”

“Ha, he’s my bodyguard!” Mary straightened her hat once more before she hopped off the couch “Are you taking me to Roberta’s now?”

“Damned straight I am.” He mumbled, shooting the dog another glare before he turned back to her “You got your stuff?”

“Yup.”

“Okay come on. What do you say?” he nodded towards Fliss who rolled her eyes.

“Thanks for watching me and baking and stuff!” she wrapped her arms around Fliss’ waist and Fliss smiled, bending over to give her a hug. “Night Lissy.”

“You’re welcome babe. See you tomorrow.”

Mary skipped off and Frank turned to Fliss giving her another quick kiss.

“You know, you don’t have to make her thank me.” Fliss smiled as he pulled away. “She comes as part of the package.”

“She can still mind her manners.” Frank shrugged “Be back in five.”

Thor made to follow but Fliss grabbed his collar to stop him, before she grinned and after faffing with him for a second let him go. He padded after Frank and Mary, neither of them paying him any attention, although Frank didn’t fail to notice the grins the three of them were getting as they walked down to Roberta’s. Most likely thanks to the hat Mary had on.

Mary pushed Roberta’s door in and they all stepped inside, Roberta coming out of the kitchen to greet them.

“Mary Christmas!” Mary grinned and Roberta scoffed “Geddit? Mary, Merry…”

“Yeah I get it.” Roberta shook her head as Frank let out a snort. Her attention turned to him and she folder her arms, looking him up and down “You look like you just crawled outta some kind of pit. You’re filthy.”

“Yeah, well, been working.” He shrugged as Mary padded past into the living room. “Erm…forgetting something Stack?”

“Oh….” She turned and grabbed her little rucksack off him before she continued.

“Night then.” He shot sarcastically, receiving no response. He shook his head and turned to Roberta “We’re not going out so any issues…”

“There are never any issues Frank.” Roberta rolled her eyes “So, get….” She trailed off as her eyes fell towards Thor “Did you put antlers on the dog?”

Frank turned to look at Thor who was indeed sporting the antlers that had five or so minutes ago adorned Fliss’ head. He gave a snort, now realising why everyone they’d passed had smirked or laughed at them. “No, I didn’t” he shook his head as Thor’s tail began to thump on the floor. “That one’s down to Lissy.”

“You sure you’re not just feelin’ extra festive this year?” she teased and Frank gave a little smile.

“I’m looking forward to it, yeah.” He admitted, his eyes flicking back to the dog before he looked at Roberta. “Been a funny year. Some ways I’ll be glad to see the back of it, in others…” he trailed off as Roberta lay her hand on his arm.

“It was tough, I know. But…it all ended well.” She shrugged “You got that little girl in there and, well, a bigger girl waitin’ for you back home.”

“I’ll tell her you said that!” he grinned and Roberta slapped his arm.

“You know full well that wasn’t what I meant, besides, I’ve seen more meat on a damned grasshopper than there is on Fliss.”

“So now you’re calling her skinny…you know, I never had you down for size shaming Roberta.”

“Get outta my house before I hit you with the mop.” Roberta pointed behind him to the door causing Frank to laugh.

“See you tomorrow.” He turned, patting his thigh signalling for Thor “Come on Rudolph.”

Obediently the dog trotted after him as he left and made his way home, a soft smile playing on his face. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, snorting at the message of victory from Jake. He then noticed he had another message ftom Fliss. 

His phone wasn't great on picture messages, it was old school after all, but it was good enough to make him stop in his tracks. Her red, lace bra clad breasts flashed back at him along with the message "on second thoughts, maybe sugar cookies aint enough of an apology...I'll say sorry properly"

Frank swallowed as he shoved the phone back into his pocket and set off home, his pace doubled.

Thank you Whamageddon...