#fun fact medic is actually a morning person but his sleep schedule is less of a schedule and more of a vague suggestion

[triptychofvoids]

Hello hello! Can I request engineer cooking medic breakfast?

someone get this guy a coffee

[whump-town]

Heart Attack

This one goes out to whoever said “death. this is how i confess love”. 

I will write the other fic as well 

Warning: Major Character Death (rip my favorite big old idiot)

The initial weakness in his left arm is not noteworthy. The deep ache, daggers shooting from the inside of his wrist to the clavicle, are sadly not either. Chronic pain is just a part of his daily life and after the ugly, deep scars Foyet left on his forearms, not even simple movements are free. He’s always assumed Foyet put them, the long slashed scars that look nearly self-inflicted, there just for show, claiming him perhaps but certainly to maim. Doesn’t matter right much now, all he knows for certain is that it hurts and there’s nothing he can do about it.

It happens so frequently that it nearly slips his mind-- as much as pain can but what he really means is that the coffee in his hand slips. He’s standing in the kitchen, contemplating taking an Advil to at least dull the pain enough to better concentrate on the book he’s been trying to finish since Friday. “Fuck.” His left hand just releases the mug. He liked that mug. Advil it is.

His days pass in quiet contemplation. Just him and these beige walls. He misses the days that were filled by Jack’s toddling steps, rampant little footsteps, and happy squeals of delight. Coming home to the sound of some new band Jack’s conjured up and is going to torture him with for the next week until he moves on to the next. He misses Emily and Dave and having drinks on his couch. Being forced to go to Dave’s for family dinners and Emily coming by, uninvited, of course, to eat his ice cream and make fun of his documentaries.

Now he’s alone most of the time. Well, unless Jessica coming by to count to his pills counts. He doesn’t really think it should but she means well. Someone has to make sure he doesn’t just die on them but would they even notice?

Not immediately, not for a while.

Maybe if something strange happens on a case but those calls come less and less frequently. No one needs his specific knowledge. Emily is becoming an assured leader and she doesn’t even call him to fuss about the idiots that he hired and left her to deal with. He and Dave don’t really talk anymore. The best he gets, these days, is a quick update if someone gets hurt just so that he doesn’t worry if it pops up on the news.

Jack is off at college now. Hotch can’t blame him for being fairly radio silent but it does give him something to work with every few weeks when Jack does remember that he exists and sends a thousand-odd texts his way.

So, if he just… died no one would notice until Jessica’s Thursday visit. Even then, she’s just here to look at the pillbox he leaves on the counter for her easy access. She just checks what she has to and leaves. Life goes on.

As he’s crouched on his kitchen floor, mumbling very inappropriate and obscenity-ridden things, he feels that lightheaded fog encroach. Something that he really only knows from other encounters, one that he doesn’t associate with immediate danger. He takes a fist-full of medication each morning and roughly two list lightheadedness as a side-effect. While a dangerous fallout of Foyet’s stabbing is this strange platelet problem that messes with his iron. So while he sits for a moment and breathes through the feeling of his body trying to give out on him he assumes this problem is what it always is: his awful health.

He gets the coffee cleaned up with a towel but leaves the towel over the broken bits of the mug. The cartilage in his knees saw better days roughly twenty-years ago and by the time that the coffee has been contained, he can hardly stand the pain in them. So, guiding himself with a hand on the counter (then leaning on the wall and using a kitchen chair and so on and so forth until he gets to the couch) Hotch limps away from the kitchen.

He’s never been so thankful for his habitual manners as he sinks into the cozy couch and finds his heated blanket already plugged in and sitting on the lowest heat. A fire hazard? Yeah probably but if this damned blanket kills him one day then so be it. He finds some background noise in a nature documentary about penguins and closes his eyes, waiting for the blanket’s heat to soothe his old bones.

Despite how far he’s pushed himself down into the blanket, his body breaks out in a cold sweat. His chest tight and arm throbbing or maybe stabbing-- he can’t tell the difference right now just blinded by the pain. Blind and so stupid and as he sits up, shaking he’s shivering so hard, he knows what’s happening.

Haley used to dismiss his fears with soothing promises. She wouldn’t let something like this happen to him. They’d get old together “so old we start to wish one of us would just die and get it over with but every day I’ll turn over in our bed and find your craggy, old face right beside me and I know I’d still love you so much it hurts”. But Haley died before she even turned forty and he’s spent too many birthdays and anniversaries alone to know she couldn’t have meant that.

Drunk, vulnerable with the recent loss of Haley and the sudden return of Emily he’d admitted to this fear. Not just dying alone but of dying like his father-- a hated bastard on the outside with no family and no loved ones. To paint the wall with the horror in Dave and Emily’s face could stand as a solid reminder that he is loved but those faces mean nothing. The way that Emily had hugged him that night is nothing. Despite their assurances, he can feel his heart skipping beats. Painful kicks, each one.

He is alone. Gasping as he struggles to fight off his anxiety and crying through the agony ripping chest. Alone. Curled down into himself to try and find some comfort.

He manages to call 911. As he’s blinking tears from his eyelashes there’s a moment where the only number he can think of is Garcia. For years her number was his emergency number and now … He’s still thinking about her when the operator picks up but he’s losing his functions so fast. Settling back on the couch, using what’s left of his energy to tuck his feet back under his black he does his best to stay awake and hum in response to questions.

He thinks about Garcia. She’s always there, he finds, in his mind and every accident he’s had. Even during Boston despite the fact that she just joined the BAU. She’s always there and he wonders if she’ll appear this time. Talk his ear off about David Bowe but hold his hand tight enough that he never has to question if she’s really there.

Heart attacks hurt a lot worse than internal bleeding but he’d, personally, still put it under being actually stabbed.

He doesn’t hear the paramedics arrive or even feel the IV being placed in his arm. Though unconscious, he gives the faintest whimper of discontent as he’s lifted and pulled away from the couch. Not given the chance to brace for the cold winter air of March in Virginia just moving and moving fast.

“Agent Hotchner?”

He groans, turning his head from the penlight shining down in his face. Though he moves his face, he can’t escape the tight pressure across his ribs. Constricting tightly. The agent bit catches him by surprise-- he’s been “Mr” now for some time. Very few people still throw the “agent” in there.

“There you are--”

The sirens make it hard to hear. His hearing has been going for some time but if there’s one thing he can take from this encounter it might be that he should invest in the hearing aids he’s been putting off for a while now. He blinks up at the woman talking to him. Gently pumping a blood pressure cuff around his bicep and calling his name when his eyes slide back shut. He does try to stay awake but he’s in a lot of pain and he’s tired. Even retired he doesn’t get much sleep.

He’ll have to remember to tell JJ that. She’s always worried about his sleep schedule (or lack thereof) and thought, or rather hoped, his retirement would bring him the chance to finally catch up on two decades’ worth of lost sleep. She’ll be disappointed but not surprised.

It’ll give him a reason to reach out, to talk with them.

“Stay with me, Agent Hotchner.”

The world rocks and something that taste like plastic is placed over his face, wrapped around the back of his head.

“Deep breathes, you’re doing just fine.”

The cold air hits his sternum and his eye fly open, panicking as hands touch his bare skin. Oh, God. Foyet. I have to stop-- someone much stronger than him grabs his wrist. Two hands push his shoulders down into the gurney and he can’t fight. Can’t move.

“Agent Hotchner,” someone tries to calm him. “We’re trying to help you. I understand you’re in a lot of pain--”

He wants to go home. Away from the cold and the hands that keep touching him. “Dave?” he pants, turning his head and searching through the hazy mess of people. He cries softly, tears stinging his face as they slide down his face. He wants to recognize one person, to know one of the hands belongs to someone he trusts. Dave is okay. He likes it when Dave touches him. It’s calming and reassuring and he wants someone to call Dave. “Please,” he whimpers, curling his legs as he feels someone tear the worn fabric of his jeans. “No. No.”

He’s confused and he’s in pain and he wants all these people to stop touching him.

“Aaron--”

No, no he doesn’t like that. He cries out, failing to dislodge the hands as he kicks out. All his height, all the power he’s spent decades learning to command is useless. “I want to go home,” he rasps desperately. He can’t move, anymore. They’re holding him down and he can feel the drugs pumping into his arm. Too cold and too fast and it all hurts. Why are they hurting him?

“Just stay with us, Agent. We’re almost done and then--”

For the first time in nearly twenty years, all of his pain just is gone. He feels nothing for a blissful second. Around him, there’s a panic. The machines attached to him frantically going off as his heartbeat goes from rampant, wrong to gone. The pain comes back suddenly, sharper than before, and he turns his head with a moan as his lungs contract painfully. He coughs, rasping as his chest heaves.

He slips back under the haze but this time the pain stays.

He chokes as they try to intubate, fighting weekly but he’s too far gone to even move away from the touch anymore. Dave isn’t there. He wishes Dave were here. Dave always cups the side of his head, speaking in soft Italian that he’s never managed to pick up. But it’s soft and gentle and Dave. Garcia doesn’t hold his hand-- she always holds his hand. There’s not the soft scent of lavender that comes in with the hard rain that is Emily Prentiss. No one to jostle him for his carelessness and then crawl up into the bed with him. Reminding him of memories he’s nearly forgotten of when they were just kids.

No Jack.

Jack’s at college.

He comes in at 9:45 a.m.

By 10:15 a.m. there’s a doctor over his chest. A nurse makes quick work of trying to get a hold of a medical proxy. There’s a kid, he has a son, but there’s no contact information listed for him. She gets voicemail twice from the numbers that are listed.

Jessica is in a meeting. Her phone is on silent. It wouldn’t have mattered if she’d had her phone. He’s thirty minutes away and his heart gives out only twenty minutes after he arrives at the hospital.

Dave is in Seattle, sitting in a puddle of rainwater and trying to contain his anger as Luke changes a tire on the SUV. His phone is too wet to work. He won’t get the news until nearly two hours later when he and Luke arrive back at the precinct. Emily will not cry for nearly a week after she gets the news. She tells Jack.

The doctors assure them that there was nothing they could have done. It was a freak accident. They always knew this was a possibility, an outcome that was very real with the amount of damage done to Aaron’s heart. It’s been broken so many times… And standing in that hospital, shivering under the intensity of the air conditioning and the white burning paint, they are left with the burden of knowing he protected them tell the very end.

But they never reciprocated that care.

[hold-me-sickfics]

Day 2: Jin’s Prompt💙

Good morning everybody 😊

TW: Scat mentioned, heavy emeto, I don’t think food is mentioned, but if I missed anything please let me know and I’ll fix it!😁

—————

“That is it! I’m done!” Jungkook stood up and partially threw the game controller halfway across the room.

“Jungkook!” The leader scolded. Namjoon was not one to put up with Jungkook’s occasional spoiled attitude towards games.

“He’s cheating! He couldn’t beat me normally! There is literally no way.” The youngest pouted and huffed as he pleaded his case.

Taehyung decided to fan the flames.

“Or maybe you’ve just lost your touch Goldie.” Taehyung snickered at his reference to Jungkook’s “golden maknae” title.

“Shut up Taehyung!” Jungkook shouted, falling back on the couch.

“Make me!”

The two continued to bicker. Namjoon decided to intervene (meaning lecture both of them for at least a very long, long half-hour, and had delegated another important task to Jimin. Jin was late waking up, so Namjoon told Jimin to go check on him. They had a huge conference today, and Jin never liked being out of routine on these kinds of days.

Jimin’s house shoes tapped the floor as he walked quickly down the hallway. When he reached Jin’s door, he was shocked to find it locked. Jimin tapped lightly, and then heard no movement so he knocked a bit harder.

“Hyung? Are you awake?”

“Mh- yeah, what time is it?”

“Nearly 10:15… we have to leave for the conference in forty-five minutes. Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m good. Just tired. I’ll be out there before time to go.”

Jimin gave an affirmative “okay” and then went back up the hallway to watch his two younger members get scolded. It was always so funny to watch.

On the other side of the door…

Jin bent down to set his bucket in the floor. The simple motion made his stomach feel like revolting. He’d been awake since nearly 3:00 that morning, but hadn’t left his room. He knew the other members needed sleep if they were going to do that conference today, so waking them up would have been counterproductive.

His feet touched the cold floor, sending shivers up his back. He had a fever, he’d already checked. At 5:00, it was almost 100.8, but he was sure it was higher now. He’d attempted to take fever reducer, but it wouldn’t stay down no matter what he tried. He had just hoped that it would go away eventually.

He took out the thermometer once again, and closed his puffy eyes hoping that just maybe his fever went down and the house was just cold. After a couple seconds, the familiar beep sounded, and he took it out of his mouth.

“101.3”

He leaned on the side of the countertop, feeling more lightheaded than he ever had before. His eyes welled up with tears, but he wiped them away quickly with his sleeve. He felt vulnerable, like a little boy. His lips quivered, and he sniffled as he tried to regain composure.

He hated the fact that he had to be sick today. This conference was big, and they really needed to do well. He had to suck it up and do well… if he just didn’t let any of the others know he was sick, he’d be fine.

Taking his pajamas off was one of the most painful experiences he’d ever had. Each time the fabric brushed his skin, he felt like thousands of needles were just jabbing him over and over. Somehow, he managed to make it through that, and went on to brushing his teeth. This would be a difficult task.

He usually used a charcoal toothpaste to whiten his teeth (those maknaes made you need wine sometimes. And coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.) However, today he used a mint flavored paste since his gag reflex was already beyond triggered. As he slowly brushed his teeth, he stood crouched around his stomach, attempting to ignore the cramps which meant he’d need another “bathroom break” and soon.

He was able to put clean clothes on and brush his hair, but he still looked like he was sick. He couldn’t let the others know, or they’d worry. Not to mention, he loved taking care of them, but the thought of them taking care of him? That was just weird. He felt like he should be independent since he was the oldest… although, he’d kill for some tea to calm his stomach and maybe a heating pad? And a hug? Please?

He put his shoes on, and then went over to his vanity mirror. The dark circles under his eyes didn’t do anything to help his pale, sickly complexion. He applied a bit of foundation and powder to his face just to hide the lack of color. He was desperate to keep the secret about him being sick, which is probably why that was the best makeup he’d ever put on himself. He hoped to remember how to do it again when he felt more like a living person.

He stood up slowly, and felt his stomach drop. He shuffled quickly to the toilet, and let out everything he could. He felt bloated and crampy, so he wrapped his arms around his taut stomach as he tried to empty himself.

Though he tried, his efforts were less than successful. He cleaned up, and flushed, still feeling beyond full.

He walked up the hallway, and out into the living room. Namjoon had finished playing “father figure” to the maknaes, and they were already hugging and making up.

“Morning Jin- woah, are you feeling okay?” Namjoon got a good look at Jin’s sweaty, pale, and weak appearance. Adding the “sleeping in” part, things were starting to look suspicious.

“Yeah, I’m alright. Just ate something that didn’t agree with me. But I think I’m about done so I’m good.” Jin lied pretty convincingly. His story would allow him some bathroom breaks, and the other members wouldn’t question a story that embarrassing.

“Okay,” Namjoon raised an eyebrow. “But if anything starts bothering you and you don’t feel well enough to go, just tell me alright?” Namjoon was always so caring. He placed a strong hand on Jin’s back. The gesture itself nearly made Jin bust out crying. He needed someone to be his strength right now, and Namjoon, though he didn’t know it, had just reassured him that everything would be okay.

A few minutes passed and it was time to load the van. Jin made sure to get the back seat, and put his bag in the seat beside him. He wished he could have Namjoon there, but he didn’t want to risk extra exposure for the leader, or risk Namjoon actually finding out his temperature. Earlier had been a close call anyway. Luckily, he’d been wearing a jacket so Namjoon couldn’t really tell.

The car ride passed relatively smoothly. For one, the tight, confined sections in the van helped Jin to feel warmer and more protected. For two, it was rainy and that made the guys keep slower, more calm songs on the radio. Jin wasn’t sure he could handle “IDOL” or “Cypher 4” at the moment. Although, they had thrown on Namjoon’s “Expensive Girl” for kicks and giggles and Jin had to admit: even with how bad he felt, hearing all that come out of Namjoon’s mouth made him laugh a bit. (Side note: there had been a night in the studio where Namjoon and Jin were alone reviewing tracks. They’d gotten a little drunk, and Namjoon might have performed “Expensive Girl” whilst dancing on a table. It always brought back good memories.)

The minute they got onto the premises of the conference building, Jin felt bile rush up his throat.

“Not in the bus” he thought, “Anywhere but here.”

He swallowed thickly, bringing the bile back down. He gagged again, but was able to jump up and get some fresh air before it came back up.

“Alright guys, we don’t have much time. Our scheduling manager made a small mistake and brought us in an hour late. We won’t have time to get hair and makeup done, but we do all have time to run to the restroom real quick if any of us need to.” Namjoon subconsciously turned to glance at Jin. Thankfully, Jin didn’t catch him.

Jin was just trying to focus on the cool rain that was dripping from the roof of the awning to his palm. Somehow it helped his nausea to calm down.

The others went ahead into the conference room, but Namjoon stayed back with Jin.

“Jin?”

Namjoon saying his name broke his trance.

“Oh, sorry. I got distracted.”

Namjoon took Jin’s hand and pulled him inside. He then took off his jacket, and wrapped the older boy in it.

“I know you’re sick Jin. You need to rest. Honestly, you need to be at home asleep. Why did you try to hide the fact that you feel bad?” the leader then helped Jin to sit down on a small bench.

“I’m…” he paused. “I’m sorry Joonie…” Jin started to tear up. Namjoon wiped his tears, and started to whisper to him sweetly.

“Hey, it’s all okay. Everything is okay. I just don’t like that you feel bad and you aren’t able to rest. Was it because of this conference?”

Jin felt dazed, but was able to say yes.

Namjoon’s eyes softened. He was about to brush Jin’s hair out of the way, but one of the staff members came to get them both. Namjoon would have stopped them from taking Jin, but Jin had gone back stone-faced too quickly. He was back to pretending he was fine.

They were into the room and in their seats quickly. Namjoon was furious when he learned that Jin’s seat was on the other side of the table. He wanted to help him… and he couldn’t even touch him.

The cameras started rolling quickly, and Namjoon put on his “stage face,” pretending he wasn’t about to hyperventilate over Jin.

Namjoon answered question after question, translating for the rest of the boys. Jin could feel his stomach becoming more and more active as time went on.

Eventually, a question came for Jin.

“Kim Seokjin, how did you decide to dye your hair purple?”

It was a fun question that Jin would have normally enjoyed answering. However, his stomach decided to answer first.

Jin cried out in pain as his stomach was overtaken with a sharp cramp. He doubled over, and immediately felt bile come up his throat again. This time, he couldn’t stop it. In no time, both the medical team and Namjoon were at his side.

“S-s-sorry.” Jin sobbed.

Namjoon was speechless. His heart was broken into hundreds, maybe thousands of pieces. Jin was in front of him, doubled over in pain with vomit on his pant legs and shoes.

“Okay, let’s check him out.” The medical team went straight to work examining him. Jin squirmed against them, partially becoming afraid of all the people around.

“It’s alright bud, look at me.” Jin nodded, but still squirmed quite a bit as numerous people came close to him.

His fever was found to be back at 100.4, but that didn’t stop the team from giving him a pill version of fever reducer. The hope was, even if it didn’t all get digested, at least some would.

The other members stepped up quickly to help out with whatever they could. Hoseok called the driver, Yoongi talked to the interviewer, and Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin waited for incoming orders from their hyungs.

The medical team deduced that Jin was suffering from a stomach virus, one that was contagious at that. They said that there was really nothing they could do to cure him. It just had to run its course and leave his system. The conference was scheduled for another day, and the boys headed home.

Since Jin had to stay behind and change clothes, Namjoon and Jin rode separate from the others. Jin was sick practically the whole way home. Luckily, he had a bucket to throw up in, so all he had to do was just hold it.

Jin retched painfully, and having thrown up all of his stomach contents already, this time he didn’t have anything left to bring up.

All Namjoon could do was stroke his back and encourage him.

“You’re doing great Jin. Just close your eyes. It makes it easier.”

Jin couldn’t protest. Any advice was relevant when you were puking your guts out.

That continued until they got home. The others had gotten home first, and when Namjoon and Jin got to the door, they realized just how sweet the other guys were.

At the time, they were all in their rooms, but they were being quiet as mice. They had turned the lights down just in case Jin would have been sensitive to them. They’d made the bed in Namjoon’s room, and had even left a couple cold bottles of water on the countertop. Namjoon smiled at the boys’ efforts, but quickly focused his attention back to Jin, who was using his shoulder for support.

They walked to Namjoon’s room, and the leader leaned Jin down on the bed.

“So I’m gonna let you borrow some of my pajamas since your room is down the hall.” Namjoon might have just used that as an excuse to see Jin in one of his own hoodies. He picked out a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a yellow hoodie that he’d worn to a fan sign.

Jin looked pretty weak, so Namjoon decided to offer his help in changing clothes.

“Want me to help you change?”

“Yeah... I don’t think I can sit up without my stomach hurting.”

Namjoon nodded, and then gently got Jin dressed. He looked much more comfortable by the time he got done.

“Joon-“

Namjoon turned around just in time to see Jin gag over the blanket. He quickly grabbed the waste bin and put it in his Hyung’s lap.

“That’s it Jin. Just let it up okay?” Jin leaned into Namjoon’s side, but kept his head over the bin. Namjoon rubbed Jin’s back a bit, and that helped to relax him. He ended up not throwing up again, but retching so harshly had caused him to feel even weaker. He was so tired.

“I feel so bad...” Jin’s eyes were red and puffy. He was going to cry.

“I know Jin. I know.” He wrapped the older boy in his arms and held him close. His heart hurt as Jin’s chest started to bounce with sobs. He couldn’t catch his breath once he started to cry.

“Breathe Jin, you’re okay, it’s all okay. I know you feel bad. I’m gonna take care of you. I promise.” Namjoon gently guided Jin’s face to his own neck, hoping that Jin would feel safer there.

Thankfully it worked and in a couple of minutes, Jin was calmed down again.

Even then, Namjoon could tell his Hyung was exhausted, and decided to help.

“Wait here alright?” Namjoon went over to the television and turned on one of Jin’s favorite KDramas. He looked back, and was relieved to see Jin smile a bit.

Namjoon got into bed with Jin and pulled the covers over them both. Within five minutes, Jin was asleep, but he had subconsciously curled himself around Namjoon. Jin would never admit it, but it made him feel safe and protected when he was close to him. Namjoon didn’t mind at all, and had even readjusted the way he was lying to accommodate more room for Jin’s head on his chest.

Namjoon looked up at the television and since Jin was asleep, he decided to change the channel. Unfortunately for him, the remote was out of reach, and he wouldn’t dare move, so he was stuck watching whatever this was. Less than ten minutes after that, he was pretty well invested in the show.

“I love you Suk. Don’t leave me.” The girl had whispered those words to the leading male before drifting off to sleep in his arms. “I’ve got you Lee-hyun. You’re safe with me.” He had kissed his hand, and pressed it against her cheek. Namjoon looked down at Jin. “I’ve got you Jin-ah. You’re safe with me. I promise.” He kissed his hand and pressed it to Jin’s feverish cheek. Namjoon didn’t see it, but Jin smiled in his sleep.

[imanativeofswlondondahling]

Becoming A Stark (14)- Peter Parker x Stark! femReader

Word Count: 1869

Warning: Swearing

Author’s Note: So we’ve hit the half way point I think (I think I did my math right lol). Also I loved doing the field trip chapters! I wanted to do something more fun before we get into the Spider-Man Homecoming Chapters which will start next! Let me know what you think and if you want to be added to the tag list!

Chapter One || Previous Chapter || Master List

“So is this what you do every day?” You ask Pepper as you sit in the chair next to her desk. Your hand fidgets with the medical alert bracelet on your right wrist, needing to fiddle with something.

“Goodness no. Every day changes. But it’s a lot of meetings and lunches, paperwork, press conferences, things like that. And about 90% of it is redirecting your dad when he gets on a tangent.” Pepper says with a smile. 

“What…” You let your sentence drift off, not wanting to voice your question.

“What….?” She prods slightly, but doesn’t push like your dad would.

“What if I decide I don’t want to run the company? Like everyone keeps telling me it’s my name on the building and stuff but what if I don’t want to ascend to my birth right or whatever?”

“I’m not a Stark.” Pepper states.

“Yeah but you and my dad are basically going to get married one day and then you will be.” It’s not that much of a secret that your dad wants to marry Pepper, he just hasn’t asked yet.

“Well... yes, but that’s not the point I was trying to make. The point is that you don’t have to be a Stark to run the company. When you turn twenty one, should you decide that running the company is not for you, you would just pick another CEO, or I can keep running the company if that is where we are depending on what happens seven years from now.”

“Would my dad hate it if I didn’t step into it?”

“You know your dad chose to step away from running the company right?” You nod. It was big news when Tony Stark had stepped down from CEO. Nana and Pops had talked about it for like a week when it happened. “He wouldn’t judge you or love you any less for choosing to do the same thing. He wants you to be happy. First and foremost. He’s already looking towards which schools have the best English Lit programs because he knows that his pull at MIT is going to have nothing for you. He doesn’t expect you to be him. He wants you to be better than him.”

“But he’s Tony Stark. He’s Iron Man. How can I be better than that?” You ask.

“Quite easily actually. Tony Stark, Iron Man, psshh. They’ve let a lot of people down.” Tony’s voice enters the room. “Honestly there’s probably even one of those Buzzfeed articles about the top ten ways that Tony Stark has let down people.”

“Tony.” Pepper’s voice alone tells you she disagrees, but Tony ignores it and continues.

“But you, Y/N Stark, you have the chance to do anything in the world. And you will make me a proud dad by doing that. You don’t have to do anything with the company if you don’t want to and I will be completely happy with that you know why? Because you are my daughter. And that’s the only thing I need to make me happy.” He places a kiss on the top of your head. “That and doing whatever it takes to keep Pep here happy.” He smiles at her across the desk.

“What would keep me happy is if you actually met your deadlines.” She teases. 

“I’m right on schedule. Ahead some might even say.”

“Some might, but would I?” She raises an eyebrow as she pushes some papers onto a different pile.

“I’d rather not sleep on the couch tonight so I’m going to go with I’m on schedule today.” Pepper rolls her eyes at that. 

“So then, what made you come all the way up to the office that you despise?”

“Other than the fact that my two favorite people are here?”

“You sound like you’re just trying to distract Pepper, Dad.” You tease him, knowing he had to have some motive, because Pepper was right. Dad hated the CEO office, even if the two of you were in it.

“I was making sure the two of you take a break for lunch. Especially since your class is heading down for lunch and I figured since your friends are there, you might want to join them.”

“And because my friends are there, you want to join them and embarrass me.”

“I’m just making sure you eat lunch.” He throws his hands up, trying to show you he comes in peace.

“You hardly ever eat lunch when you’re supposed to.” Pepper points out, but she knows that keeping you on a schedule is important with keeping your basals on a good schedule. “But Tony does make a good point that we should get some lunch for you. And how often do we get to have lunch as a family?”

“You don’t have like a lunch meeting or something?” You ask, surprised that Pepper isn’t running off to some fancy luncheon.

“Not today. Today I can take an actual lunch with my two favorite Starks.” She smiles standing up and walking to the other side of her desk. Tony’s arm wraps around her waist, pulling her in close. He places a kiss on her cheek.

“Lunch is my treat.” Tony teases. “Let’s go!”

“Lunch is free for any employees or family of the employees.” Pepper explains rolling her eyes as the three of you walk towards the elevator. 

“FRI take us to the cafeteria.”

“Sure thing boss.” The elevator takes you down the twenty floors and as you walk out the doors you see your friends sitting at tables.

“I’ll get you food. Go sit with your friends.” Tony kisses the top of your head as he walks over to get food with Pepper. You make your way over to where Astrid, Betty, Liz, Ned, Peter, and a girl that you think her name is Michelle sit. There’s still a couple open seats at the table so your dad and Pepper will be able to join too.

“Y/N!” Betty and Astrid call your name out as you sit down.

“Are you ok?” Betty’s concern is voiced quickly.

“I’m fine, I came back into range before Peter joined back up with the group.” You explain taking the empty seat next to Peter, who already knew all of this.

“Then why didn’t you come back to the group? Your dad told Mr. Shah there were important Stark matters.”

“I’m spending the rest of the field trip with Pepper. Dad thinks it makes more sense for me to learn about what she does since I’m supposed to take over the company one day then to learn the public tour side of things.” You shrug. “Although I’m not sure how much of Pepper’s job is public knowledge so I’m not sure what my report about what I learned at SI will be about.”

“Just take a page out of your dad’s twitter and write you know who I am. Short, sweet and to the point.” Michelle says not even looking up from her book.

“I think that would be hilarious but I don't think I’d pass with that. And I need a passing grade so I don’t have to take biology over again.” You explain. “I’m Y/N by the way.”

“My friends call me MJ.” The dark haired girl explains.

“I thought you didn’t have any friends?” Ned questions.

“She has at least one.” You defend quickly, sensing something about this girl that you like. MJ and Ned both look up at you, but Peter just shakes his head like he should have seen this coming. What he didn’t see coming, was Tony and Pepper coming to sit with a group of teens. 

Tony sits in the seat next to you, placing a tray of food in front of you, before acknowledging the silence that has fallen over the table. “Yes yes I know it is shocking. Pepper Potts, CEO. She is just as amazing in person and you think she would be.” He flashes a smile at the table and you roll your eyes.

“I think you all probably know my obnoxious dad. And this, as he mentioned is Pepper. She is amazing.” You can’t help but agree with your dad on that one. “Dad, Pepper, you know Betty, Astrid, and Peter of course. Then we have Liz, Ned, and MJ.” You gesture around the table before finally looking at the food in front of you. Pasta with spinach and cheese, some fruit, a brownie, and… “Another green juice?” You look at your dad.

“Chef Louis makes the best green juice.” You dad says taking a sip of his own.

“Good for him. I already had my one for the day.”

“Think of it as balancing out the soda from earlier.”

“It wasn’t like I went out of my way to have a soda. I was dying.”

“And now we’re going to give your body something better.” You roll your eyes. 

“Pepper help me out?” You plead.

“He’s pretty set on this one.” Peppe says as she lifts her own glass from the other side of Tony. “This one tastes different than the ones he makes in the mornings though.”

“You know I thought the paparazzi was the worst part of being a Stark. But it’s the fucking green juice obsession in this family.” There’s a burst of laughter from next to you. “Something funny Parker?” 

“Absolutely nothing funny Y/N.” He says lifting a soda to his own lips.

“You not going to make your intern get on the green juice trend?” You ask your dad.

“He’s not my kid. You are.”

“I’ll trade you.” You offer the glass to Peter.

“If you give her the glass that has as much sugar as a Snicker’s, I’ll ban you from all labs for a week.” Tony’s voice drops an octave.

“You not going to just blast him with your gauntlet?” You tease.

“That’s saved for bad guys and boyfriends.” Betty and Astrid look at you with a look that you can read to see that they understand what you meant about trying to get a Homecoming date now.

“See if I tell you when I get a boyfriend then.”

“Remind me to tell FRIDAY to lock you in the brownstone until you're 25 then.” Tony teases back.

“Pepper’ll save me.” You say, sure that Pepper will reign him in before he could even get this far. 

“I got your back.” She responds with a smile. As you put the carbs into Queenie, the conversation picks up around you. Your dad starts talking to Peter about some missing part of a calculation for one of the many projects they were working on. Betty and Astrid are talking to Pepper about what it’s like to be CEO and you’ve fallen into listening to your two worlds falling back into one. You even take a sip of the green juice and shouldn’t be surprised that it’s not that bad. To be honest, it’s even better than the one you get in the mornings. But you won’t let your dad know that. But of course he notices anyway.

“Told you it was good.”

“Never said it was good. It just didn’t kill me.”

“Sure kiddo. Whatever you say.”

Becoming A Stark Tag list: @persephonehemingway  @iamaunicorn4704  @furiouspockettoad  @daughter-of-stark  @eternalharry  @huntective-kyeo @riiis-stuff @sunnyoongles @cosmicqueenieb @sovereignparker @bbarnestan @teenwishes08 @iamthescarlettwitch

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[lilyhoshikawa]

Futaba headcanons master post time >:3c

Much credit to @a-missing-ache for talking to me a bunch about this girl so I could put this together~! Many of the ideas here were either ideas she had that I adopted, or things that came up in conversation with her.

- Autistic trans girl with depression, PTSD, and psychosis. Experiences paranoid delusions and visual and auditory hallucinations prior to her arc in the game. Prone to suicide idealization and intrusive thoughts. Susceptible to self-harm if her self-hatred goes unchecked.

- Some of her main special interests are computers, video games, and anime. She gets extremely hyperfixated on games that she really likes and will play them basically nonstop. She’ll play Animal Crossing for a full day if someone isn’t there to cut in and stop her.

- The coat she wears in winter is her favorite, it’s a very good texture stim and she likes to rub her face against the fluffy bit at the top. She also likes to stim with arm flaps or kicking her leggies, but she gets nervous about doing this in public.

- She wears her headphones pretty much all the time as a sensory tool. Often times she won’t have anything playing, but the headphones have a noise-cancelling mode that she leaves it on most of the time to avoid sensory overload and feel safer. She basically only takes them off if they need to charge or she knows it’s safe to. She panics when they run out of battery, but she has an additional pair of wired headphones to use when her main pair is charging. She has basically the longest battery life she could get on her wireless headphones, but since she frequently passes out at random times without turning them off or plugging them in they still die fairly frequently on her. She can’t go to sleep without some headphones on playing white noise or a podcast or quiet music from a video game.

- She goes nonverbal fairly frequently, and typically makes use of texting to communicate with others instead. If she’s alone, she’ll often call one of the other thieves (Ren most often) to have them talk to her and ground her, and sometimes speak for her if need be. After her initial arc, Sojiro learns about her texting thing and gets help from Ren with learning how to use a phone to text and starts using it to text her when she needs to.

- Sojiro’s curry is her staple food, and she eats it pretty much at least once a day for the most part.

- She’s a big coffee drinker, and she takes it black. Sojiro previously would make her a cup in the morning and bring some back from his work when he came home at night, with her leaving the room to make her own cup during the afternoon. She finds drinking it relaxing.

- Prior to meeting the Phantom Thieves, she experienced fairly regular hallucinations and delusions, often being convinced that her mother was in her room or was out to get her somehow. She would hear her mother talking to her or see her appear in her room and usually leave in a panic if she could manage to get up. Sojiro did his best to help her but really didn’t have the tools to understand what she was going through. After her Palace, she gains the confidence to be open with him about her experiences and is eventually put on medication to help with them. It doesn’t make it stop entirely, but becomes far less frequent and allows her to live a more normal life.

- She’ll sometimes have panic attacks which usually result in her laying in bed for awhile experiencing suicidal thoughts until they go away, but as time goes on she learns to manage these attacks a lot better, and avoid hurting herself or letting her intrusive thoughts run wild.

- Part of her shyness and social anxiety comes from a mix of autism, dysphoria, and a general lack of experience being out in the world. She’s easily startled and frightened and usually still needs someone to go with her any time she leaves the house. She likes to make herself small, which is why she frequently sits the way she does, and a lot of times she’ll just sit down on the floor, because she likes it there. She’ll frequently ask others to stop if she’s in too noisy of an area and begins to experience sensory overload, sit down on the floor in a quieter place somewhere and recharge.

- After the Hawaii trip, Ren decides to do video calls with Futaba sometimes so he can show her where he is or what he’s doing when she’s not feeling able to go outside that day. If she doesn’t want to show her face, she holds up a plushie or Morgana in front of her end of the screen instead.

- Part of her social anxiety is with presenting well in public, having fits of big dysphoria, and she’s pretty self-conscious about her voice, so she likes to do the texting thing a lot when she gets nervous and also just speak quietly sometimes, especially if it’s with Ren.

- She retains an issue with eating normally and still has a hard time convincing herself to eat sometimes, and will skip meals on occasion. She has a habit of texting one of the Thieves and asking them for permission to get a snack or a meal, and they always immediately tell her it’s okay, and that confirmation is enough for her. Sojiro sometimes takes her and Ren out for ice cream as a family bonding experience and she loves it. It was meant to be a one-off celebration after she recovered but she loved it so much Sojiro decided he had to make it a regular thing.

- She’s prone to taking depression naps, though before she starts recovering it’s less “depression naps” and more “she stays in her room with lights down and her curtains drawn so she has no concept of time and just kinda passes out and wakes up at random intervals with no consideration for what time it is”. She gets better about it but she falls back into weird and irregular sleeping patterns fairly often and she always hates resetting her internal clock. It’s at least easier than going until she collapses for days on end, though.

- She’ll often take naps inside her Persona, Navi, if she randomly gets tired while the group is just exploring and confirms they don’t think they’ll need her for some time. She’ll also sometimes nap in the Mona car. They’re safe, cozy little spaces that make her feel protected and comfortable so they’re prime napping spots.

- Ren has insomnia and Futaba has a really messed up sleep schedule so sometimes when they’re both awake at like 4am they’ll just text each other and sometimes play a game with one another to pass the time.

- She’s still very prone to nightmares and will sometimes wake up in a panic, and if no one is around it sometimes results in a full meltdown and in the worst case scenario she ends up getting hurt, so she tries to keep people on standby.

- She is, in fact, very funny and snarky when she wants to be, and is actually good at communicating her infodumps with humor and casual speech that makes it understandable for the others.

- If she’d not immediately involved in a conversation that involves a large enough group of people, she’ll just zone out until she’s mentioned again or feels a time to interject. Sometimes she’ll start playing phone games.

- She plays trading card games. She sometimes joins competitive tournaments online when she can, but is too scared to go to them IRL. She promises herself she’ll try it some day.

- As a disaster pansexual, she is very prone to developing crushes on any random girl at a coffee shop who’s even the littlest bit nice to her. She’s still got crushes on Ann and Haru, both of whom know it (it’s fairly obvious), but they don’t let her know that.

- She likes to pose, or do silly energetic motions just for the fun of it. She takes joy in just doing a little dance while she’s talking to someone sometimes. She likes to go “nya” also, especially around Morgana.

- She has nicknamed the position she always goes into whenever she sits (usually to make herself feel cozy and safe and also to be as small as possible) the “Futababall”.

- Before meeting the Thieves, she actually didn’t play multiplayer games very much, as even that level of interaction with others intimidated her to some degree. Ren was the first person she ever played video games with, and she kicked his ass at Smash Bros.

- She experiences periods of severe dysphoria during which she struggles to look at herself and often feels hopelessness or despair. During these periods Ren and Sojiro have taken to putting up a blanket to cover the bathroom mirror so that she can still shower normally and wash her hands and go in and out of the bathroom.

- Before her Palace, she would often go days without eating, or only eat once, through a mix of forgetting to eat, losing track of time, and convincing herself she didn’t deserve it. She sometimes relapses on this but is usually good about bouncing back after a day or two.

- The Thieves star making Futaba’s room one of their main meeting places because she feels safe and comfortable there.

- She doesn’t like it when her room is brightly lit up but if it’s pitch-dark with no lights on she becomes extremely anxious and terrified, gets jittery and sometimes has panic attacks or experiences visual hallucinations. Her preferred method is to use the light of her computer to keep the room dim, but bright enough to see everything, or having curtains half-drawn.

- She sometimes forgot to take her meds when she first started on them and this bothered her so much that she eventually began setting five distinct timers for each dose, and sometimes they’ll just all go off in succession when she’s with the group and confuse them all.

- She collects plushies of her favorite anime characters, because it’s merch you can hug!! She loves cuddling her plushies, especially when she’s feeling a bit nervous. They’re a nice sensory feeling, they remind her of her friends, and they feel safe.

- Sometimes when she’s having a hard time sleeping, she’ll invite Ren to come to her room to hang out while she falls asleep to help her feel safe. He’ll often invite Ryuji over for a date or something and she’ll help them set up a video game to play with each other while they’re there. Ryuji initially had a problem of yelling when he lost in the game and waking her up but he got better about it after awhile.

- Every morning around 5-6am Ren wakes up usually due to insomnia or nightmares and he immediately goes to check on Futaba to see if she’s asleep yet, he often finds her in her room on her laptop unaware of what time it is and when she sees him she does a little yell and jumps into bed and he reassures her that it’s ok before leaving and going back to bed.

- She likes to make fun of Ren for having a criminal record sometimes, noting that the hacking she’s done with Medjid is by far more illegal than him beating up a rich abuser once.

- She like spending time with the lady Phantom Thieves because she really likes girls and they all think it’s cute how gay she is, and try to give her tips about it. If Ren isn’t available she opts for inviting one or more of the girls to hang out with her and it makes her feel very good to be around them. Ann sometimes gives her some of her old clothes and it feels super validating for her.

[neshabeingchildish]

Hensley & Char: Friends or Whatever || Part 3

@just-a-j-reallly @junknstu1f @henryharts I absolutely pushed this bad boy out in a couple of hours, since I’m trying to hold myself to a somewhat organized schedule, with going back to a second job on mornings that I don’t have to work nights. If there are typos and such, please just remember that this is free and that I am busy. Lol. I promise, whenever I’m not pressed for time and energy, I do everything to give y’all my best, but when I am those things, my best has to dwindle a little, in terms of editing, hopefully not content. I’ve been missing Chasper, so this chapter is kind of Chasper heavy, from Hensley’s view of them, and also I wanted to get into the universe that we’re more familiar with, so while I didn’t feel like certain things needed to change - like meeting Ray and getting the job, I wanted to just sort of do the ff thing we do and look at other areas of the world while all of that was happening.

The Danger Befriends

“We’re almost 12. Her issues might strictly be hormones, and maybe that means that she’ll be less mean soon,” Jasper said.

“Shut up about hormones!” Charlotte snapped at him. “You ALWAYS blame women being rightfully angry with you on hormones! It’s NOT hormones, Jasper. It’s YOU. YOU are the reason we’re mad!”

Hensley didn’t want to get in the middle, but these were both her beast friends and she knew that this was all just a misunderstanding. Jasper wasn’t inconsiderate or stupid… Just very, very gullible. This was dirt from Jupiter all over again. “Jasper,” Hensley said, as gently as she could, “I think what Charlotte means is that instead of telling us the reason why you’re holding a filthy cat instead of our carnival tickets, you’re focused on her reaction to the fact that you handed a stranger the money for the tickets and they gave you a disgusting animal.”

“She’s not disgusting. She just needs a bath…” Jasper said, but before he could complete the thought Charlotte lunged towards him and Hensley had to collect her in a restraining hold to keep her from getting her hands on Jasper. Jasper’s eyes widened and Hensley cooed in Charlotte’s ear to try to calm her. 

“It’s okay, Char. It’s Okay. I carried a little extra money and I’LL get your ticket. Okay?It’s all good. It’s ALL good.” Charlotte struggled Hensley’s hold off of her and glared at Jasper, shaking her head, before she marched off and went to stand in line, herself. 

Jasper shook his head, “I think that a good counselor and perhaps even medication will help her with that.” Hensley just sighed. He had a point,  but he also missed the point. But, moments later, a guy in a trench coat really did come back with their tickets and three drinks, because they were waiting out in the sun with his cat. 

Hensley pulled Charlotte from the line, explained that this time, Jasper hadn’t screwed up and Charlotte said, “Well, it still was careless and under normal circumstances would have been a scheme.” Then, they got on rides and all was forgotten for a while. 

The moments where the three of them had fun and enjoyed each other’s company were Hensley’s favorite. She frequently felt like she had to pick sides because they argued so much. Jasper loved Charlotte. He had always liked her as a person and spending the past couple of years around her only accelerated that for him. The three were together everyday and always made plans as a team. No one would be left behind, because to Hensley, that would feel like choosing between them. And she really couldn’t.

Jasper was her yes man. Charlotte was her voice of reason. Those were things that she needed to always receive both of in order to make good decisions. She did not always make them, but she couldn’t comprehend what life would be without the two varying options. They were like the little angel and devil on her shoulders, except Jasper was the clueless angel and Charlotte the all knowing devil. You’re SUPPOSED to listen to the angel, but this particular angel was only right every now and then. The devil was always right, but she was an angry little person and threatening… That made her truth seem like it wasn’t so. Yet, she was usually right, and Hensley only SOMETIMES listened to her.

But, in those moments whenever Jasper couldn’t be around - they flowed better. And in the moments that Charlotte didn’t show her face, Hensley and Jasper made more sense. It was… confounding to Hensley. She NEEDED both of them, but it was so much easier to deal with them separately, usually. She wondered if they were like that too. Did Jasper and Charlotte have a harmonious dynamic whenever Hensley wasn’t there to demand both of their attention? She wondered what that was like. 

She imagined that Jasper was sweet and that in spite of herself, she would soften for him and smile a lot, maybe even giggle… She… kinda felt a little bit jealous about it. WHAT did Charlotte and Jasper do whenever SHE wasn’t there? Sometimes, if they studied together, or Charlotte’s mom gave him a ride home or something, even at times, he stayed the night over there??? WHAT? They could barely get along, WHY would he be able to sleep in the same room as her? AND… He was a boy!

Hensley watched Charlotte reading and Jasper leaning up against her, getting ready to fall to sleep. She made a frowning face at him and he quickly shuffled away and made a makeshift, non-Charlotte pillow of his over shirt and backpack. But, when he drifted off, Hensley noted that Charlotte sighed, grabbed a bandanna out of her bag, wiped his sweat off and tucked the bandanna in his pocket. Why had she done that? Did she LIKE him? Why was Hensley so preoccupied with these details?

Charlotte stared at her and looked confused for a moment, then figured it was because of what just happened. She explained, “Jasper’s medication for his sweating problem has changed. The new one makes him a little more tired. I don’t want him sweating all over me or my carpet.” Rational. Reasonable. Nothing to be concerned about, and even if it WAS… She wouldn’t be concerned, because she and Charlotte were just friends anyway. Just like Charlotte and Jasper were. But then, “He looks different when he sleeps. When he’s shut down and silent - he’s actually cute, right?” Charlotte asked. 

Of course, she meant like a roly poly rodent, but Hensley just heard cute and while she agreed, denied it. “Jasper? Cute?” She laughed. “Why don’t you just kiss him?” 

“I would get sweat on my lips,” she said, cringing, “Jasper sweat. I don’t even want my own sweat on my lips…” She looked at Hensley like she was extremely gross for even attempting such a joke, and Hensley relaxed and didn’t think about it again. 

There was no way that Charlotte liked Jasper. He wasn’t gross, but Charlotte found a lot of his habits to be. Plus, he irritated her very easily and even though she was nice to him sometimes, there was just this… Hensley couldn’t find the right word to describe a disconnect, so she thought of it as a no-no region… Though that sounded like their private parts, so she just simply stopped trying to find words and counted it as “would never happen.” Yet, she spent about a year convincing herself that Jasper and Charlotte were just friends and woul;d always just be friends. 

It was hard though. That Charlotte had two best friends of different genders who both liked girls and she seemed to like both of them sometimes and like neither of them sometimes. All of Hensley’s life, there were people who would say things like she and Jasper would wind up dating someday or that they were probably soul mates/would get married, etc. They made it out to be like boys and girls couldn’t have friendships that were just that and it never moved her before because she knew that Jasper was not her type. She and Jasper had the SAME type, for as long as she could remember thinking about it. But, now… That could/might include Charlotte. 

Charlotte wasn’t really the kind of girl that Hensley tended to be attracted to, but by 13, she definitely had become aware that it was probably because she didn’t see other girls that were like Charlotte, and that she hadn’t for as long as she had been in school, and not because Charlotte wasn’t totally pretty. She absolutely was. But, the more time went by, the more she realized that despite that Jasper had always noticed Charlotte. He knew her name. He knew about her plans and her life. He treated her like  a person who he cared about… and he did this before she became Hensley’s best friend. It wasn’t a competition, but Hensley had a problem not competing. 

.

The feelings were exacerbated whenever Hensley happened upon a part time job… No, Charlotte found her a part time job. Hensley was now, not only a productive member of society, but the actual sidekick to Swellview’s superhero, Captain Man, and that required secrecy and discretion. That required leaving Jasper and Charlotte alone and going to work to keep the city safe, to keep them safe… and she made an oath never to tell them.

“Why aren’t we allowed to stop by your job?” Charlotte asked, while Jasper drank from his bucket thermos as they walked from school. “We aren’t going to ruin anything, and we just wanted to be able to look around and possibly even make a purchase and contribute to your paycheck. You barely let us in the door…” 

Hensley nervously laughed and shook her head, “I… don’t need your money for my paycheck. You two don’t even have jobs..”

“Yeah, upon further research, I found out nobody really hires 13 year olds for anything…” Charlotte started.

Jasper quickly spouted out, “Oh, it’s illegal. It’s one of Swellview’s many stupid laws.”

“It’s not just a Swellview law, though. It’s most places. My research concluded that the jobs available for kids under 16 are generally permissions for entrepreneurial ventures, Internet personalities, highly regulated child celebrity gigs, and family businesses where they aren’t actually on payroll. I wonder why the junk store doesn’t have to follow those regulations…” Charlotte said, suspiciously. The last thing that Hensley needed was Charlotte being suspicious.

Jasper offered, “It may be a historic building, in which case, in Swellview, they are allowed to hire as early as 13, but only in a part time capacity, and if the training for said job is at least one year.”

“That’s gotta be it! Ray’s father bought the place when he was a kid,” Hensley said, unsure of what even constitutes as a historical building, but hoping that Charlotte wouldn’t investigate it. She wasn’t even paying attention to her, though.

Charlotte smiled at Jasper, “You really know Swellview laws.”

“One of Dad’s main rules is if he ever has to get a call that I’ve been arrested, it better be a misunderstanding,” Jasper said with a shrug.

“You almost always get in trouble at every bit of fault of your own,” Charlotte told him.

“Yes, but not illegally.” 

Hensley was happy to have the conversation off of her work. 

Jasper’s dad was a defense attorney, so Jasper knew a lot about laws and ordinances and stuff. Maybe that was why he was so good in social studies and language arts. He knew laws, history, and wordplay. Charlotte was good with sciences and math. Between the both of them, Hensley was able to keep her head above water in school. She would need them now more than ever, because her job as Kid Danger was taking everything out of her and she hadn’t even been doing it for very long. But, whenever she looked at her two friends, who bickered like an old married couple, but also loved on each other, she knew that this job wasn’t just about the money or even the newfound high of fame. It was about what was best for Swellview. For Hensley Hart, Swellview was her two best friends…

“So… Can we stop in sometime, though?” Charlotte asked, not being deterred.

“Oh, my boss Ray is kind of a stickler about it…” Hensley said.

“Probably doesn’t want something to happen where he has a liability,” Jasper said. 

Charlotte looked disappointed as she shrugged her shoulders and tugged Jasper’s sleeve, “Well, I guess that means we’ll see you tomorrow. Jasper gave Hensley a hug and the two walked beyond the store, debating whether they were going to get snacks before heading to Charlotte’s, or trust that her mom had something other than organic/vegan/no added sugars or flavors stuff that Jasper always felt like was a crime against taste buds…

Hensley went into the store. Just another day of Danger, for her. And her friends would be alright.

[csolarstormhealthjournal]

This is a pretty thorough vent, and could be too scary for people already dealing with the coronavirus.  There is no major news about me in this post, so you can avoid it if you’re not interested in venting.  Take care.

This is screwing me up.  Pour a little bit of global crisis into this basket-case, why don’t you.  Riiight after I incur 800 bucks by screwing up financial aid again and having a meltdown about there being no way to get around the fact that going to graduate school was a bad idea altogether, because getting a job will endanger my family’s financial wellbeing and could kill me by separating me from my doctor. 

This was after the prior crisis where I was sorting through my fears of getting another kidney infection and subjecting my mom to more cries of hip pain that are exacerbated by sickness.  And the arguments I’d been having with both of my parents about me being selfish and not considering their needs.  Sometimes it feels like people want me to let them help me, but then bristle when I actually let them. 

I had a talk with my mom yesterday where I asked her for help researching MediCal and whether you can keep it if you have a job, and she kind of rambled.  She said she’d already researched it, and just gave me a bunch of disconnected information/guesses mixed with a thousand ways to say “I can’t help you and I feel inadequate, please forgive me”.  And that comes back to the fact that inevitably it becomes about other people’s needs.  I ended up giving her a hug.  I told the therapist about this about a week ago before this happened.  It’s just difficult to think of everybody’s emotional wellbeing and feel like nobody can really support my own.  When I reach out and sincerely say how I need help, people treat me like a pariah.  Sometimes my parents end up acting dismissive or even end up scolding me.  My therapist is paid to do it, less than once a month.

It’s so weird that my mom refuses to just say she’s worried about the idea of me losing my kidney stone doctor.  It’s so hard to even get her to say she understands why I’d be worried about it.  She’ll say “everyone has problems like that”.  She’ll say “well the world is screwed up, what can you do”.  It feels like she’d rather say “well everyone dies someday” than express support or solidarity with my fear of losing my doctor.  She seems so beyond it.  She will go to my surgery for the same doctor, take care of me, mail in the papers so I can keep my insurance for another year, but when it comes to expressing any concern for the future or motivation associated with these actions, it’s not happening.

It’s hard to tell how much that all matters now.  I hope it still does; I think people have concluded that society will sustain some long-term changes from the Coronavirus crisis, but I’m not sure.  I don’t know how benefits programs will be affected when a huge portion of the nation needs government assistance of some kind.  It also can’t help that apparently Trump is using the crisis to give more power to medical companies.

I’ve been spending two long days listening to coronavirus coverage, starting with CalPoly rapidly responding to watching everything else get canceled while people hoard supplies.  It hasn’t done good things for me.  I’m going to try to get myself back on the routine I was on before Wednesday.  I was doing pretty good for a while, dealing with my meltdown over the financial aid mistake by keeping a good sleeping schedule, tending to homework in the morning and then watching a fun drama or anime before bed each night.  Hopefully I can get back to that; today it does feel like people are adjusting a little bit.

What I was originally going to say though was that it’s especially hard to read what is happening in Italy.  My heart goes out to Italy and any of my followers who are experiencing what is happening there.  Their hospitals are jammed up with a huge population that is all sick at once.  They’re having to graduate nurses and doctors early to provide enough professionals to treat everyone.  Apparently they responded to the Coronavirus too late, and I’ve heard that the US is in the same boat.  It’s believable; the president has blood on his hands after trying to cover this up, and even now he’s using the response to it to enrich the private sector.  He can never just help the citizens he serves.  Maybe tests will be more widely available, but that won’t help if everyone already has it.  In a week or two we might be in the same boat as Italy.

So, just about the time of my surgery.  Now it comes back to my fear of getting another kidney infection.  Only this time, I’m afraid the hospital just won’t be there for me at this point.  I suspect we might have more hospitals per person than Italy, but I don’t know.  I read that they’re having to invoke wartime triage; they’re turning away people who have a lesser chance of surviving.  I don’t have to say what I'm worried about.  In a medical sensitive time for me, I’m seeing the literal manifestation of my suspicion about how society really feels about handicapped people.  I can only feel terrible for handicapped people in Italy.  The news breezes right past you in conversation to make others feel better: “It’s okay, if you don’t have any underlying medical condition, it’ll probably be like a regular flu.”  People rant and make jokes about baby boomers succumbing to the virus.  Yet us chronically ill and handicapped are right there, in the open, plainly there in the conversation, and yet we’re just not.  Nobody stops on this group; it’s older people that are visible, really.

So let’s be visible to each other.

[talabib]

Simple Stress-Busting Strategies That Deliver.

It’s often said that the past is a foreign country. That certainly applies to the world of work. From the perspective of our relentless 24/7 business culture today, the old days of nine-to-five shifts and three-martini lunches look about as mysterious and decadent as the lives of the late Roman emperors. Today, it’s hard enough switching off in your free time, never mind during office hours!

That’s hardly surprising. After all, the mid-twentieth century and the present are, technologically speaking, light-years apart. Innovations like the internet, email and smartphones have made it harder than ever before to get away from work. If you have an iPhone, your boss is always right there in your pocket waiting for you to open that email she sent at 10:00 p.m.

And that’s starting to take its toll. Professionals have never been so stressed and sleep-deprived. They’re unhappier, less productive and staring down the barrel of burnout. So it’s high time to make some changes! This post walks you through a series of simple, stress-busting strategies and explains the science behind them. Start integrating them into your professional life today, and you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll soon feel.

Life is becoming increasingly hectic, and stress levels are on the rise.

There’s no sugarcoating it – life has become more stressful. Getting up at six, grinding out a grueling shift at the metaphorical coalface and collapsing into bed at eleven in the evening is the new normal. But it wasn’t always like this. In fact, things have gotten a whole lot crazier over the last decade.

So, what’s behind our increasingly hectic work lives? Well, let’s rewind to 2008. The economy was in freefall, and companies were scrambling to adjust to the harsh new realities. Lots of companies only managed to survive by downsizing their staff and restructuring workloads. The result was fewer people shouldering a whole lot more than their fair share of responsibilities.

Then there’s the smartphone. Apple launched its first iPhone in 2007. Soon enough, it had taken over the world. According to a 2012 study in the MIT Technology Review, the iPhone conquered 40 percent of the American mobile phone market within just a couple of years. That’s pretty astonishing when you consider the fact that it took computers fourteen years to achieve anything close to that level of market penetration.

The problem, however, is that smartphones don’t just make life more convenient and fun. Sure, you can check Instagram and send tweets, but this also means you’re always on standby mode. Your work is never more than a click away. A 2013 study carried out by the Center for Creative Leadership highlighted this trend. The surveyed executives and managers with smartphones spent an astonishing 72 hours every week engaged in work-related activities!

That’s not sustainable. When work gets too hectic, our stress levels shoot through the roof. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, 33 percent of all Americans suffered acute work-related stress in 2013, while 48 percent claimed that their stress levels had increased over the previous five years.

A full 83 percent of interviewees in the study believed that stress was negatively affecting their health. They’re not wrong! When the Benson-Henry Institute in Massachusetts looked into the matter, they found that between 60 and 90 percent of all trips to the doctor were stress-related.

Practicing mindfulness counteracts the natural fight-or-flight response triggered by stress.

Have you ever had the urge to jump out of your office chair, run right out the door and never come back? That’s a pretty good sign you might be suffering from work-related stress. The desire to flee is one of the body’s natural responses to stress. That’s part of the “fight-or-flight” response, a cerebral and hormonal reaction to life-endangering events. Here’s how it works.

Imagine someone jumps out from behind a corner with a weapon. Your brain – or, more precisely, the command center of your brain known as the thalamus – is the first to react. This, in turn, triggers the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions. This then activates the hypothalamus, the area in charge of regulating the autonomic nervous system, which transmits a message to your adrenal glands. These start pumping out adrenaline – a hormone that prepares your body to react quickly and, if need be, violently. Once it runs out of adrenaline, your body switches to cortisol, another hormone with a similar effect.

This reaction makes you more alert and prepares you to fight or flee. Strange as it may sound, a difficult boss or impossible deadlines are just as likely to trigger this response as a knife-wielding maniac. That’s a problem. If you’re sitting in your office producing adrenaline and cortisol for hours on end, this creates a hormonal imbalance that can be damaging to your health.

So here’s a great tip: learn to beat the fight-or-flight reaction by practicing mindfulness. A quick and dirty mindfulness routine involves nothing more than focusing on your breathing. Take ten deep breaths followed by a pause, and you’ll already feel a lot better.

The second option requires a bit more practice, but it’s an invaluable anti-stress tool: meditation. That’s not just good for your mental well-being – it’s also good for your physical health. That’s the conclusion of a 2000 study by Herbert Benson, a professor at Harvard Medical School. It showed that regular meditation could actually shrink the size of the amygdala and thus counteract that unwanted stress response!

The best way to minimize stress is to develop a supportive daily work rhythm.

You’ve probably heard the old Chinese proverb that says giving a man a fish feeds him for a day, but teaching him to fish feeds him for a lifetime. That’s also a good motto when it comes to stress reduction. Quick fixes like nipping out for a coffee have their uses, especially when you’re in a pinch, but the best way to minimize stress is to develop a long-term anti-stress plan.

Here’s an idea: start by trying to work out a supportive daily work rhythm. That’s precisely what Hilton Hotels CEO Chris Nassetta did. In his case, that involved getting up earlier to free up time to mull over his day’s responsibilities. Nassetta gets up at five every morning and aims to be in the office by six at the latest. Since his work officially only starts somewhere between eight and nine, that gives him at least two hours to prepare for the day ahead. The upshot? He can think through his tasks without losing focus or worrying about what’s coming up later. Rather than drifting off in the middle of a conversation because he’s worried about what he’ll say in an upcoming meeting, he can be fully present and engage with the people he’s talking to.

 It’s worth noting at the outset that you won’t always pull off your ideal work rhythm. In practice, you’ll have to be flexible and roll with the punches. Take it from Crystal Cooper, the vice president for public representation at global IT company Unisys. She initially resented the demands her work placed on her schedule. No wonder – being on call 24/7 is pretty intense! But after a while, she decided to go with the flow and adapt her expectations. Rather than planning to spend two hours of quality time with her family between seven and nine in the evening, she made sure she fit those hours in whenever the chance presented itself throughout the day.

Having clear routines and feedback systems supports you both personally and professionally.

Imagine you had to summon all your willpower to do even the most mundane tasks, like brushing your teeth or tying your shoelaces. Life would be unbearably exhausting, right? Luckily the human mind has an autopilot function that helps you do these things without wasting too much brainpower. And here’s the thing – you can get the most out of that nifty cerebral technology by cultivating routines. That’s good news for your personal life.

So, how can you start putting that into practice? Well, there are three words you need to remember: cue, routine and reward.

Let’s take Patricia as an example to see how it works. Jeff met Patricia at a workshop, where she told him about a routine she’d developed. When she got home from work, she entered her house through a side door that leads to a small washroom. That was her cue to take out her phone and plug it into the charger attached to a socket above the washing machine – that’s the routine part. Once she’d done that, she could spend the evening with her family, free from all distractions – that’s the reward. Because the reward was something she genuinely enjoyed, the routine was quickly established.

What about work, though? Well, if you want to improve your professional life, you might want to think about establishing feedback systems. Take Doug, a man struggling with his role as a project leader. The issue was simple: Doug’s colleagues weren’t happy with the way he always focused on the negatives.

Rather than ignoring the problem, Doug took this feedback to heart and resolved to change his ways. He developed a feedback mechanism. Every time he started getting too negative, his colleagues gave him a signal by raising three fingers. It was an informal and friendly gesture that allowed him to directly and effectively address an uncomfortable issue. The result? A happier, more efficient and satisfied team!

Exercise is a highly effective stress remedy.

Lots of people accept stress as a fact of life and try to put a brave face on it. It’s only when they finally burn out or get seriously ill that they start considering changes. But that’s not the right approach. In fact, you can spare yourself no end of suffering by taking action today. And here’s the good news: you don’t even need to make particularly radical changes to boost your well-being.

Sometimes all it takes to beat work-related stress is exercise. That doesn’t necessarily mean taking out a gym membership, though. Simple rhythmic and repetitive movements like walking, jogging, cycling, dancing or even going through some yoga poses can significantly reduce stress.

Why? Well, there are a couple of reasons. First off, movement helps your body eliminate those stress hormones that were mentioned earlier. Nothing purges them from your system like a spot of exercise. Then there are the psychological effects of movement. Focusing on your body for a few minutes is an excellent way of getting out of your head and interrupting those obsessive thoughts that go hand-in-hand with stress.

That’s not just a theory, either. According to an article in the Wall Street Journal reporting on the results of a one-year study of professionals, workers who regularly used a treadmill experienced less stress, interacted more with their colleagues and were more productive than their peers who didn’t exercise.

That said, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. Your best bet is to try out different types of exercise and see what works for you. The most important point to remember is that if you choose something you enjoy, you’re much more likely to stick with it. If you like taking walks around the park, do that. If you prefer jogging with a friend, well, do that. What you opt for will also depend on your commitments. If you need to be super-flexible, developing an exercise routine you can do in your office might be a good idea. If you’re the organized type, weekly swimming lessons might be the way to go.

Visualizing stress-free success and savoring the moment are also useful stress-busters.

As we’ve seen, physical movement is an excellent way of relieving stress. Unfortunately, that’s not something we can do whenever we need a bit of relief. After all, you can’t just leave your office to go for a jog whenever you feel like it! That means it’s also a good idea to develop some cognitive strategies to quiet your mind. Lets look at two top techniques that’ll help you do just that.

Let’s start with being in the moment. Stress is all about worrying about the past or the future. Learning to appreciate the present pushes those anxiety-inducing thoughts to the back of your mind. Best of all? You can start practicing this kind of mindfulness without making any changes to your routine. The reason for that is simple. Remember those autopilot activities like brushing your teeth we talked about earlier? Well, those are the kinds of things you can focus on to become more present!

All you have to do is make a conscious effort not to zone out and instead direct your attention to what you’re doing. That’s about learning how to appreciate, say, the way the water is running down your body or feels on your skin when you take a shower. Whenever you find your mind wandering, make an effort to refocus it on those sensations.

The second technique involves visualizing stress-free success. Start by asking yourself what you want to achieve and then concentrate on what it is you’d need to do to pull that off. If you’ve got an important presentation coming up, for example, and you really want to impress the audience, what would that take? Well, you’d need to be well-rested, prepared and punctual. Visualize those steps and work backward from there. What do you need to do to make sure you’re well-rested, for example? This is a great way of pushing vague anxieties out of your mind and really honing in on the things that are in your control – a guaranteed stress-reliever.

Cultivating new friendships and staying in contact with old friends is great for your mental health.

What’s worse than those endless shifts that bite into your evening? Getting off work and not having anything to do or anyone to do it with. The simple truth is that isolation just isn’t good for your mental health. Friends matter – a lot!

That means it’s in your best interest to make an effort to stay in touch with old friends. How you do that depends on your personality type. As Susan Cain points out in her book Quiet, introverts will generally prefer seeing more of fewer people. Cain, a self-professed introvert, says she spends 80 percent of her free time with just 10 percent of the people she knows. That means it’s important for her to regularly reach out and give a select number of old friends a call or invite them out for a drink.  

Extroverts are the opposite. They generally prefer seeing more people less often. Take psychologist and author Adam Grant. He goes out of his way to reconnect with someone he hasn’t seen in a while once a month. That’s a great way of reactivating old contacts and keeping the connection alive.

Then there are new friendships. Few things can help you beat stress more effectively than cultivating new friends in your workplace. Why? Well, as a 2006 Gallup study showed, having just one good friend at work increases your morale and engagement levels up to seven times more than the normal amount. That’s easier said than done, of course, so let’s take a look at a couple of tips you can use to help you get to know your colleagues.

The simplest option is to respond enthusiastically when colleagues reach out to ask for help or invite you to take part in some after-work activity. If you’re pressed for time, you can be more strategic. Position yourself outside the main exit at lunchtime and pretend you’re waiting for someone and you’ll have a great opportunity to exchange a couple of words with your colleagues.

Being grateful can help you beat stress.

We’ve talked a lot about stress and how to overcome it. As we’ve seen, stress is inherently harmful. That’s why one of the simplest and most effective ways of getting it out of your system is to stay positive.

That means learning to be genuinely grateful for the things that are going well. Take Kaye Foster-Cheek, a senior executive at the Boston Consulting Group. She’s found that making time to experience gratitude has boosted her well-being significantly. So it’s the first thing she does when she wakes up. Rather than jumping out of bed, she takes a moment to reflect on how grateful she feels to simply be lying there with a new day ahead of her.

Alanson Van Fleet, an executive in the financial sector, takes a similar approach. His moment of gratitude comes when he walks through his office door and sees the small statue of the Buddha he keeps next to his computer, which reminds him how grateful he is that his company pays for his personal office space.

Those are great examples of how paying attention to those little details we all too often take for granted can help you beat stress. Here’s another tip: use visual cues in your workplace to reconnect with your core values.

When you’re under intense pressure and feeling adrift, catching sight of something familiar and loved can be a real lifesaver. Personal manager Tracy Columbus, for example, keeps Native American art in her office. Whenever she’s feeling blue, she turns to the images and their joyful colors. Peter Block does something similar. When he looks at the artwork in his office, he thinks of the time, patience and dedication the artists put into their creations – a reminder that that’s also something he seeks to do.

That goes to show that stress isn’t inevitable or inescapable. So, if you’re feeling under pressure, try out some of these stress-relieving strategies. You’ll be amazed at what a difference a couple of minutes of mindfulness or a quick walk around the park can make to your personal and professional life!

Increased workloads, demanding bosses, increasingly intrusive tech and a 24/7 business culture – no wonder today’s workforce is more stressed than ever. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Follow the simple stress-busting strategies in this post and you’ll be well on your way to beating burnout!

 Action plan: Get a coaching partner. Building a new routine is hard work, especially in the early stages. That’s why it’s a good idea to find a coaching partner who’s embarked on the same path as you. Together, you can support each other on your journey. Whether that’s just a phone call to check in now and again or a gym buddy, having a partner who’s got your back is the best way to make sure you follow through on your resolutions.

[emilyyhill]

Doing the health thing.

As many of you know, the past four to six months has been an absolute roller coaster for me health wise. I have had more diagnoses than I can count on one hand but nothing was drastic enough for to elicit a dramatic response. So I kind of just wandered through this ridiculous season until everything clicked and we worked something out.

Now I’ve only felt good for three weeks, so I’m still taking this very slow. I am not getting too excited just yet. But:

I went super MIA for a good while there. As I’ve reemerged and shared what’s been happening with friends, I hear so many people saying “I feel like that too!” or asking “How on Earth did you get better?” So here we are. The list of things I’m doing to help get/keep me healthy.

Now I’m not a doctor or health professional by any stretch – this is purely what I’ve done and what MY TEST RESULTS informed MY DOCTORS and HEALTH PEOPLE. So please don’t take this as gospel truth.

But I feel like I have some advice for those feeling a bit stuck in a cycle of health that definitely isn’t what it should be.

First things first, it’s not normal to be exhausted. Full stop. We live in a society where we are busy all the time, and a lot of us are unknowingly addicted to a substance (*cough* coffee *cough*) to try and alleviate underlying sleep deprivation. This is not sustainable – you should never be that busy that you are always feeling like you need a weeks worth of sleep.

It’s also not normal to feel tired after 8-10 hours of sleep. Fatigue and daytime sleepiness is a HUGE indicator that your body is not functioning at its peak. It means that something is lacking: whether it be sleep, nutrients, water, positivity – all of things contribute to our energy levels.

For example, fatigue and daytime sleepiness can be a symptom of: • Low iron or excess iron – iron’s can be annoying like that; • Mental health conditions like depression or anxiety; • Food intolerance and IBS; • Sleep apnea or poor sleep routines; • Low blood pressure; • Glandular fever or cytomegalovirus (or a bunch of other viruses); • Super simple things, like dehydration, jetlag or overeating (that post Christmas nap is definitely supported by s c i e n c e); • About a million other things.

So if you are feeling tired even after a regular night’s sleep, first consider your schedule and then consider a further investigation into the inner workings of that hot lil bod of yours 😏

I hear you: “That’s great Em. But who can help me? My doctor doesn’t care because I don’t have blood gushing out of a limb that’s falling off!” I feel you: My doctor ignored me for YEARS until I crashed real bad, and even then, he didn’t really care. *sigh* Not a fun time. Obviously I don’t go to that doctor anymore.

Go see a naturopath. But a good one. Not a hippie one.

Not that I’m against hippie naturopaths, I’m sure they are helpful too. But if a naturopath is going to be your main port of call for recovery, make sure you are seeing an experienced, degree qualified natural health specialist. Looking into your eyes with a shiny light is not enough on it’s own. Make sure they know their stuff.

Make sure they are using reputable brands of supplements (Metagenics, BioCeuticals, MediHerb etc.) that require practitioner prescriptions – in other words, you can’t just buy the supplements “over the counter”. And, they should recommend more than just essential oils.

Naturopathics can be a slow process, and it might take a while for you to see some changes. They look for the cause of the problem and try to resolve that, rather than putting band aids on things (an approach typically taken by mainstream medical doctors). But, for me, once we worked out what was causing my issues, it was a BINGO moment and I hit the health jackpot within DAYS.  

Heads up: naturopaths by definition are a bit alternative. They’ll definitely ask about your poo, want to poke you and their machines make weird sounds but hey, it’s usually pretty non-intrusive.

It can also be expensive, especially when you start taking supplements and vitamins. It’s also not recognised by Medicare or most private health insurance, so it’s usually an out of pocket expense. I totally understand that may not be feasible for everyone. But – if you can, I totally recommend.

I go to Don Graham at Vitage Naturopathics (Springwood). He and his wife Sandy are AMAZING, drop them a line here.

Don’t abandon your general practitioner or specialist.

Look, when things hurt or are causing significant disruptions – GO TO THE DOCTOR. When I’m covered in a heinous rash and I can’t sleep because of it, I can’t wait another three weeks to see the naturopath and then go on an elimination diet and try this, that, and the other. I NEED TO SLEEP DAMMIT. Get me onto those steroids, stat. But not before I take photos to show the naturopath later. It’s teamwork, look it up.

Keep a symptom diary.

We all like to think that we have a pretty good memory. You don’t. Your memory is shit. Write stuff down. Track your period, track your headaches, track the days you have explosive diarrhoea and the days you are constipated. TRACK ALL YOUR SYMPTOMS. 

Whether you go to a naturopath or a doctor, having it all on paper with dates will help you figure out if there are any patterns or if you’re just a loose cannon (still sad about Luke from Survivor, so here’s a meme in his honor).

Find yourself some good friends.

Heck, chronic illness can be lonely as hell. You miss out on parties, on coffee catch ups. you have to drop activities that you did with friends (like going to gym classes or walking your puppies together).

Research has shown that people who report high levels on loneliness are also more likely to develop both short and long term illnesses, ranging from colds to dementia. Loneliness will make it so much harder for you to get better, both physically and mentally.

So what happens when you might drop off the radar for days, weeks, or months at a time?

Rely on incredible friends who understand that every plan is tentative pending health. Find those people who will check in with you when you’ve been a bit MIA, and are willing to ditch the cute café for a cup of tea in your lounge room when can’t get yourself out of the house.

In saying that, reach out to people. Don’t expect everyone to know what’s going on, and still try to take the small steps you can to show people you still care (and just need a little extra love right now).

Be gracious with yourself and the state of your home – you don’t have to have everything perfectly together to invite someone over. Maybe you sit on the couch in your pyjamas and chat for a grand total of half an hour because that is all you can manage. If so, that’s okay! You made an effort, and when you have such little capacity, that will scream volumes to your friends.

Embrace the discomfort of making changes.

I cringe a little bit every time I, a girl wearing a dress with cons, order a soy flat white in my pink Pottery for the Planet keep cup, but hey, we’re embracing the discomfort.

I had to give up God’s most precious gift to humanity: the humble smoked almond. Don’t even get me started on hummus. Yet here we are, feeling a million times better for it. Thank God for a sneaky cheat moment here and there (not a whole day or I’d look like a 22 week pregnant lady…).

Problem was – unbeknownst to me, I relied on food for comfort. It was always familiar; I KNEW I’d feel emotionally better after some cheese and a choccy milk. I had to realise that I needed healthier coping strategies now other than food – like meditation and exercise and… actually dealing with my problems. Ugh.

I also had to embrace the fact that people loved me even when I couldn’t do anything for them. I was still a part of my church when I couldn’t serve on team. My family still loved me when I didn’t contribute to the dishes for a while.

My worth to people isn’t attached to what I can do for them and that was a huge thing for me to learn. I probably would not have fully understood that lesson had I not been so absolutely unable to do anything for anyone but myself.

Embrace the discomfort – you’ll grow from it. I promise.

Find things that you like!

Let’s talk about healthy juices. With this list of food intolerances rounding up at SEVENTEEN, a lot of my faves got the cut (see ya honey, pineapple, mango etc. etc.). You know what didn’t get the cut? BLOODY SPINACH. What is full of iron and good for your belly? SPINACH. What am I eating a lot of right now? SPINACH. 

I don’t love spinach, but when combined with other things and blended to a pulp, it can be good. The only way you are going to stick to a new lifestyle is by finding things you like. Plus, life is way to short to drink gross smoothies every day.

It could be that you try to find new forms of exercise that are better for your condition - I recently discovered yoga and climbing, both of which are heaps less taxing on my adrenal glands and therefore better for my fatigue.  

It may be new routines – I have to go to bed earlier than before which means I often can’t spend time with friends on “school nights”. I had to shift my hours at work from 8 to 4 to 10 to 6 so that I could do what I need to do in the morning before work.

It might be swapping to new products - I changed my skin care products because I was allergic to one of the chemicals in the one I had been using for years. 

It’s trial and error – you have to be open to trying new things, and deal with the fall out of some changes doing more damage than before. But when you work out what works, it’s like a whole new person. Trust me on this, yeah? It pays off in the long run.

Be diligent.

It can be frustrating and it can be so hard not to see the pay off until the long run. Taking your pills twice a day, drinking your veggie smoothie thing twice a day, consistently putting your health first when you just want to go out and eat freaking cheese pizza. I get it, it’s tedious. But consistency is key. It’ll happen and you’ll build a new routine and relish in all your new found health and wellness. YAY.

Pay attention to your mind, not just your body.

The way we think about our body has HUGE implications on our physical health. I touched on this earlier with the loneliness thing. The same principle expands to positivity, to courage, to telling ourselves that our body is strong and rebuilding, not a piece of shit that’s not doing its job. Spend time meditating, reading, reflecting, feeding your mind good thoughts while we feed our bodies with good food!

Wow this got pretty long. If you’re still here, congrats. I really do hope you got something good out of it – even if it’s that you should definitely go buy some smoked almonds because they are something wonderful that this Earth does not deserve.

Hit me up if you ever want to chat! Always open, always keen, available sometimes (because recovering and still kinda tired…).

All my love, E x

[ghostofasecretary]

hooo boy, this week. it would be good to record things that happened this week, because Feelings are happening about said things

Sunday:

attempted to plan things with the Rat Bastard. that failed

applied to Wellesley

really, really, really did not do my ADLs

watched ASoUE

decided that, instead of homework, i should…hang up pictures? spent four hours hanging up pictures with help of parental unit

and then i had a bunch of new stuff on my wall

Monday:

no school! everybody panic! breaks are terrible and no one should have one!

finished ASoUE

plans with people. talking to people. people are good

GOT OBSESSIVELY LOCKED INTO CLEANING

like. usually i am able to focus on stuff for a while and then stop, but here? no. i moved everything in my room. i went through a substantial amount of papers of me, being a dork from 7th grade til last year, and felt extremely awful about all of them

i hate throwing stuff out! it is very good to do so, but also, ugh

moved and collapsed a bunch of stuff

got freaked out by how empty and new my room is

hung up new art

got extremely pissed at the movie “V for Vendetta,” because THAT IS NOT OKAY TO DO TO PEOPLE, HOW THE FUCK, WHAT KIND OF ABUSIVE SHIT SHOW, i don’t really have flashbacks but if i did, uh. yeah.

made some rice

had a panic attack in the shower, as one does

just felt really really terrible for mostly indiscernible reasons, which probably round to “breaks: they aren’t good”

felt okay by the time i went to bed, though

Tuesday:

fuck tuesday

did my homework in the morning because brains, what are brains

hey the principal needs to talk to you and your mom! for reasons! apparently!

HEY GUYS MANDATORY SURPRISED UNSCHEDULED SENIOR MEETING RIGHT WHEN YOU ARE SCHEDULED TO LEAVE WITH YOUR FRIEND

OOPS NOPE NOW THAT IS CANCELLED

then i got to see Joe, which was lovely

we went to the best coffee shop and hung out, and bullied each other into making lists, and we talked about our vastly different suicidal feelings and how i just sort of - process my suicidal intent as background noise, not really anything, like pain, like habit - don’t feel suicidal in the same way i don’t feel like a redhead, and i showed him all of rusalkii’s “the paint pettiness” tag because it is fantastic, and so that was delightful

then we went to an art studio so he could work on photos

i derped around and read poetry and walked out on the freaking awesome porch and admired pretty spiderwebs and sunlight

and then settled in to read for anatomy

and then Joe came in and did stuff in the computer lab, which was nice

AND THEN

hahahahahahhahhahah

a girl! blue eyes, blond hair, tan skin! name of “Maddy!” came in! to sit next to me!

like, i have a couple of things that basically always trigger me and they are all pretty unfortunate. like, being complimented by authority figures, especially in private, makes me want to die. certain bible verses. people making animal noises. churches, as a general rule. but the number one thing which upsets me is people who remind me of Maddy

like, fictional characters named some variation of “Madison”? yeah. can’t read Worm because there’s a short blond blue eyed bully with that name

people with a certain facial structure, even, if i’m having a Bad Time

which! guess what! the past couple of months! i have been having a Bad Time! for a while i could not go to coffee shops without screaming because tall black haired people had snub noses, okay, it has not been a fun season for the Traumz

and, to top it all off, i don’t actually remember her face or how she spells her name! i don’t! i just remember how her full name sounded/really accurate animal sounds/wanted to be a surgeon/blue eyes/snub nose/ambivalent coloring/blond bob, stacked, she didn’t use conditioner and then she did???/had duck pajamas at one point/SUPER AWFUL THINGS SHE DID AND SAID TO ME AND THEN THE THINGS I DID AND SAID FOR HER, hahahhhahaaahah!

so. had a really long and quiet panic attack

frantically texted Joe to ask if he knew her last name, which he did not

it was so horribly triggering, mother of g-d

then she left

and i cuddled Joe a bit, and he was v calming and good, and we talked about random shit and his photos and The Future, and i read him the english major articles and stuff, and overall it was quite distracting

and she came back, and then we left, and we had a brief interaction but it was...fine

and we went down in the elevator

her sign in didn’t include a last name

we walked to the car, and drove further in, and walked til we got to the gelato place in the deco building

the ice cream barista was v v v cute and relatively interesting and recommended pen&ink for tattoos

i really enjoy Joe, he is a good bean and a good friend and Quality

we walked back

i shouted “you go, running man” at a dude who was running very quickly, which was an Incredibly Impulsive decision and then something i felt shitty about, but it was also kinda funny

and people kinda were screaming as we neared the car, so that was weird

i wouldn’t have gone out unless i were with Joe

but it was nice

and i kinda. felt shitty and lived with it, and didn’t think about stuff, and we talked about How To Comfort Ghost When They Are Dead - Joe has improved a lot and it’s nice to have these discussions - and i helped plan for Joe, and he tried to reciprocate, because trying to help other people is really hard to do well, and i really really love my friends and i love Joe and i love feeling comfortable and safe and alive around people. it was good

and i was home by 8

and my sister had moved to my bathroom? which doesn’t sound like a big deal, but also. ugh. i moved downstairs, despite it requiring a lot of leg movement for me, because she is so exhaustingly untidy. i had to force her to clean up, which was unpleasant

and i think this is when i learned about the subject of the mystery meeting? mr. Post decided i could not fully join the alum association because i am not a christian, even though he had earlier said i could! and i was never less than honest about who and what i am! and so either i could do something half baked or i could do nothing. so. wasn’t that a lovely surprise to top off my day :/

and then i went upstairs and my room was empty and i was empty

got to sleep by 9:30, which was at least one good thing

Wednesday:

i was so tired and everything was 10x harder

by lists, this was the busiest day of the week. gotta love that.

got to school at 7:15, due to my mother’s job

did classes

ugh

N, another good bean, immediately got why i was so stressed and was super sympathetic and also asked if it was the Maddy, and i hadn’t thought of that, and i don’t know, i don’t know, i hate my brain doing this to me

we had a super passive aggressive and rather inefficient senior meeting led by the principal, which exposed School Drama

and a disturbing view of how classes work, but that is another topic

i asked good questions and it was incredibly obvious that certain people were at fault and other people were acting decently and still others had no idea that this was happening and did not enjoy the guilt trip and scrupulosity triggers and, in fact, the knowledge of other people’s stupid high school bullshit

who doesn’t get their drama done in 5th grade and get super traumatized and decide to never do that again? honestly

AND THEN

(warnings for a lack of clarity in the next section, because rage)

ms. Cathey yelled at us for being “selfish”

and said we were “spoiling your reputation”

and more importantly, “spoiling my reputation. this reflects badly on me and my job.“

FUCK YOU

THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TREAT KIDS

THAT IS NOT HOW YOU LEAD PEOPLE

the only reason classes have a reputation is because you tell other classes about them

ALSO: PLEASE DO NOT INSINUATE THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE BEHAVING SELFISHLY WHEN, IN FACT, THEY ARE ACTING LIKE PEOPLE AND YOU SEE YOURSELF AS A DIVINELY APPOINTED MEDDLER AND THUS THEIR PROBLEMS ARE A SELF CENTERED ATTACK ON YOU, AS A PERSON

you know the only person who was really, lastingly hurt by this? her aide, who spends 8 hours in her office and has her ear as no one else does and has noticeably become more like ms. Cathey in the last year

this is a fucking adult. a 30 year old woman. yelling at high school seniors about how they are selfish for attempting to solve their own, mostly self generated problems, without talking enough to the person you hear most from, who is probably being influenced by your own propensity for inefficient, ineffective, and frankly inaccurate communication

YOU ARE BAD AT YOUR JOB AND BAD TO PEOPLE AROUND YOU AND I WANT YOU TO BE FIRED, PLEASE STOP BEING AROUND PEOPLE WHO ARE EASILY HURT, PLEASE STOP BEING SO DUMB, JUST. Fucking stop.

(that’s not very kind, but at this point i am incredibly angry with her and my anger is justified, and so i will have to construct a positive case in defense of her, that’s good practice. once i graduate, though, i am asking for her to be fired)

no one came out of that meeting with anything resembling sanity

and then my meeting with the principal got cancelled

and i went to a coffee shop and hung out with The Coolest Dietz, which was pretty great

except i was, as noted, dead and full of rage and anxiety

but mostly it was awesome

and then i had philology club

and then i took a friend home

and then i took a bath

and then i figured out how to dress for prom

and then i had that kind of dissociation that’s so stark and unsubtle it can’t be anything but dissociation, where your hands aren’t your hands and your body isn’t your body and you aren’t alive, at all, really, you’re a floating falling non being in static space

and then i read someone’s trauma blog a bit

and then i talked to a person

and then i failed to do things, because exhaustion

and then i went to sleep really early

Thursday:

did not have homework done, which was unfortunate but could be fixed. also did not have headache medications.

why?

because who has the energy to remind people multiple times of your pressing need for medication

it was an understandable mistake, but also. ugh.

PAIN HAPPENED

skyped my principal while i had a migraine. that was…fun.

i don’t feel like detailing it but it went well, i guess, and we decided a thing, mostly

apparently i am “groundbreaking” or w/e

remember how compliments from authority figures in private make me want to die? yeaahh

laid in the dark while in pain for a while

got meds at 12

read about s t o y a, because why not

got increasingly horribly anxious about my freaking homework for Friday

talked to a person; said person attempted to help and had me do some ADLs, which was good

got an SD card, which was a surprise but a good one

still did not even begin to do things. SO. TIRED.

stayed up til 11, decided this was unproductive because i could not move

went to bed

Friday:

decided to go to school even though i had done nothing and was dead, because i have a fun Dr. V class on Fridays

read the German in a rush before school

went to class

went to break. oh! turns out! we’re streaming the whole inauguration! and today has no schedule! and Mr. Post’s secretary isn’t here, so we can’t ask her why!

i hate surprises

one of my two classmates is incredibly, incredibly pro-Trump

it’s so exhausting.

the other was absent

we read some stuff, it was good, the fact that i didn’t have my homework mattered less than expected

Dr. V did not actually call me and The Coolest Dietz, who decided to hang out in our classroom, quote man-hating dykes unquote, but holy shit, that was hilarious

and very inaccurate, in Dietz’s case. after he left Dr. V began talking about how he could “clean up nice” and “all the boys at our school must be blind,” which was even more hilarious

(also this saga was a bit awful, but there are things that you forgive in order to live in the world, so)

S U R P R I S E

YOU HAVE TO GIVE A SPEECH! 

SORRY THAT I, THE GREAT MS. CATHEY, DIDN’T TELL YOU THIS

ALSO I GAVE YOU BLATANT MISINFORMATION ABOUT THE BANNER, SORRY

WHO DOESN’T LOVE FUN SURPRISES

ALSO I WAS GONE ALL DAY BECAUSE I WAS GETTING MY HAIR DONE, LOL

called a college b/c application bullshit

prepared for Teh Prom

was at Teh Prom

it was exhausting and i was temporarily blinded due to masks

Surprise! the person who made last year’s third quarter miserable with her wedding showed up and hugged you from behind! gotta love it!

she wasn’t at my table, thank fucking god

sat next to M and K, and M wanted to talk about 3D printing and K wanted to write notes, and it was altogether pretty satisfactory

the food wasn’t great, but it existed, so that was good.

i waltzed with Joe’s little sister, the same K, which was pretty fun

wrote a lot of notes, always a delightful Teh Prom activity

i wrote a speech in the car on the way there

THAT WAS SO ANXIETY INDUCING

it was a Work for me and my co-banner-bullshit-committee-member to divide the speech into a nice, thematically appropriate thing, BUT WE DID IT

THANK GOD

and my jokes carried! and we played off of each other! i fucking love public speaking

and the NOA thing happened

it was surprisingly not awkward, if anxiety-inducing

and then it was over

and i went home

and i was home

and i slept

Saturday:

slept for 12 hours and woke up at 11

good talks in the morning

mostly was a person

felt bad

did laundry

took a bath

cleaned my room some more

went to a tea shop, which was nice

cleaned some stuff

read about how to resist Trump

goofed around on tumblr

drank a delicious oatmeal type mocha and had an extremely filling triple layer chocolate mousse

went home

ate a lot of food

kinda crashed

talked to people

realized HEY, i feel like an automaton or a cyborg and usually that means i am festering

wrote this thing! thanks again, rusalkii, you are a delight and an extremely helpful human

now: put up laundry

slep

i don’t know how i feel, still, but i now understand the magnitude of shitty stuff which has happened. the thing on Tuesday has made everything 10x harder, even though i was able to ground and be comforted and think the past was post, it still sucked a lot. and there were other triggering things this week! there was a frankly ridiculous amount of pain and also walking!

surprises kill me so much and so thoroughly and i never remember this.

next week will probably be hard. i might not feel it. i first thought i wouldn’t react for a while, but i seem to be reacting a bit. maybe something will pop up later and maybe it won’t, who knows. it’s okay that things suck.

a few quotes: not the spring dawn: i strained, i suffered, i was delivered. this isn’t the present. nature isn’t like us, doesn’t have a warehouse of memory.

lucky nature.

(not everything has to bloom. that’s how gardens work: you plant seeds, you wait. something imperfect grows, still, maybe.)

[ntrending]

Yes, cabin fever is real—here's how to prevent it

New Post has been published on https://nexcraft.co/yes-cabin-fever-is-real-heres-how-to-prevent-it/

Yes, cabin fever is real—here's how to prevent it

We know winter can endanger to your physical health, but it’s bad for your mental health too. As the weather becomes more intense, we huddle indoors, reluctant to go out because of cold or snow—and thus cut off from other people.

This isolation can trigger cabin fever, an extremely unpleasant state of mind. But you can fight it off if you know what to do.

What is cabin fever?

Cabin fever is a folk term, not an official medical diagnosis. In fact, even people trained in psychological analysis have overlapping but not precise definitions of this term. Still, researchers have determined some common symptoms that tend to go along with being trapped in the house during a winter storm (or otherwise stuck indoors). These include irritability, restlessness, boredom, excessive sleepiness, and a feeling of dissatisfaction.

These feelings might sound relatively innocuous, but they can lead humans to act out in frightening ways. Polar researchers and their support staff—who often work isolated together for months—offer some examples of how cabin fever drives people to scary extremes. Over the years, various explorers and scientists have attacked each other with hammers, poisoned a colleague to death, and quit by burning a research station to the ground. On a less violent level, it’s not unheard of for scientific missions to nearly collapse over minor disputes, to the point where neutral arbitrators have to fly in.

True, you and I are unlikely to grab axes if we get snowed in for a weekend. But this still demonstrates the degree to which cabin fever can affect you.

What causes it?

What seems to induce cabin fever is isolation, whether a person is entirely alone or stuck with a small group of people, such as a family. It also seems to get worse when everybody marooned in the building with you has to follow a specific routine. One study subject noted that his frustration wasn’t due so much to the routine as it was to the fact that he couldn’t escape his home.

The season only exacerbates these effects. Winter is already hard on the mind, disrupting our biological clocks, as well as causing the notorious seasonal affective disorder. So many people are already in an unhappy mental state before they start staying in.

Why does isolation seem to grate our nerves to shreds? Researchers have found two culprits: lack of socialization and boredom.

Spending time with others is important for our health; even self-proclaimed introverts need a small number of awesome friends to stay happy. For example, solitary confinement is a point of ethical concern for prison doctors due to its ability to aggravate and possibly even cause mental illness.

What if you’re snowed in with a couple friends and see those familiar faces every day? This contact might not be enough: In the 1800s, pioneers on the American frontier often had their families with them, but they still developed so-called prairie madness.

We can blame our social needs on evolution. The rising scientific consensus is that our brains are wired for the kind of stimulation that being with other people gives us. This is actually an evolutionary advantage; our ability to work together and empathize with each other helps us gather resources and coordinate efforts in a way few other species do.

Beyond the social aspect, boredom is dangerous. Long periods of time with nothing to do—or when we’re following the same exact routine over and over again—will wear on the mind. This drives people to seek distraction in any way, shape, or form. Psychologists have found this state makes risky behaviors seem fun, and it can drive us to political extremes just because the brain craves something, anything to do. That’s why ennui can swing us from sleepiness to leg-jittering and back again.

Combine boredom with the absence of social stimulus, and we have a potent and nasty state of mind. That makes preparing for it particularly important.

How can you fight it?

Maybe you can’t import additional human company. In that case, the key to avoiding cabin fever is to deal with its other root cause: boredom. Staying busy, whether it’s with fun or work, and changing up your daily routine will help.

Put in a large supply of new books, board games, crafting projects, and other things to keep yourself amused and productive. Make sure you’ve got plenty of entertainments that work without electricity, to avoid problems with power outages. Speaking of which, keeping a power bank or two on hand isn’t a bad idea, either.

If you’ll be with a group, look for things you can do together; submariners face cabin fever-like conditions, but have relatively few problems because they work closely together and have strong shared bonds. Putting together a craft project may not be the same as running a nuclear reactor, but it’s the teamwork that matters.

Vary a few aspects of your daily routine, especially if you’ll stay indoors for a long period of time. Switching up the order of what you do and how you do it, like working out at different times of day or swapping around different activities, can help stave off boredom and re-engage your mind. If this a snow day turns into a snow weekend, avoid behaviors like binge watching, which can affect your sleep patterns and overall emotional well-being. Instead, watch one episode, then do something else.

That said, you need to maintain certain routines as well. For example, you should stick to your usual sleep patterns and avoid napping or staying up too late. Keeping your body on a regular schedule is already tricky when the snow flies, so setting a specific bedtime and a regular morning alarm will make it easier to fall asleep and wake up. Another way to maintain your body’s schedule is to work out regularly, because physical activity helps keep your circadian rhythms on track.

While you’re caring for your body, lay in a stock of healthy foods. and remember to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Chowing down on junk food rather than regular meals can mess with your mood. Eating to amuse yourself isn’t great for either your brain or your waistline.

Finally, remember that this will end sooner or later. Even polar researchers go home eventually, and most cities manage to clear the roads within a day or so. So take heart; your cabin fever will soon break.

Written By Dan Seitz

[theleftoverurl]

               As is our new routine, when I got out of bed, Kate was in the living room/kitchen to greet me. Because it was a nice day, we went for a stroll down to Coog on the lookout for doggos. There was the fluffiest black poodle outside Barzura but apart from that not much. The tide was quite low yesterday morning, so the baths actually looked quite appealing but we weren’t in the mood for a swim. We went to Coo Pav for a morning coff instead and I had a raspberry friand. Then we walked down to the rocky section of the beach and I got to climb my rock for the first time since I have arrived in Sydney. It’s so peaceful up on my rock, and despite the fact that people are nearby, it feels just isolated enough that you can watch the coastline and the many colours of the ocean, listen to music and reflect.

Then it was back home to chill for a bit. We ate the leftover rice paper rolls that Veronica had made the night before for dinner, and I realized that I had to start prepping for my first time cooking a meal pretty much ever. I have dabbled in baked eggs and other small meals but I have never had the pressure of providing edible and decent quality food to a group of people and I was lowkey feeling it. I was also keen to try prove myself though. After lunch, Kate went to prepare her schedule for her classes and I caught the bus to Coles (Woollies is closer but I can’t be fucked walking with all the groceries, therefore Coles is actually more convenient for being slightly further away) to buy groceries for what I was intending (according to the recipe) to be a Pad Thai but ended up just being a noodle stir fry type of thing.

The first issue I encountered was that Coles doesn’t sell vermicelli. This was a bit of a problem, and so I had to go to the Asian supermarket next door and buy what looked to be rice noodles but I wasn’t really sure. This turned out to be the major snag of my dish, as the noodles kept disintegrating as I was frying them and the noodles + tofu was only $3.80 which should probably have been my first warning sign. Anyway I bought all the ingredients for my prawn pad thai/stir fry and headed home.

Once I was home, even though it was only 2pm, I wanted to start prepping because I was worried about timing for the whole thing. I sliced all of the vegetables, made the sauce (the second problem being there was not enough sauce so I ended up having to make 3 rounds of it as I was frying the noodles) and it all went quite smoothly although it took 1.5h which is definitely too much time to prepare what should have been a simple dinner. Then I tried to do some pre-work for med to kill time till fry-time but I have been slightly demoralized in terms of my medical life because my portfolio was so dismal which has made me worry I’m not really cut out for the degree after all. Don’t worry, I’m sure the feeling will pass because it always does, I just get quite affected by negative feedback haha.

I was disappointed by my timetable, because I guess I just didn’t really think about the consequences of picking a hospital for placement so far from where I live. I start at 7:30am every Tuesday, meaning that I have to be on the bus at like 6am which is ridiculously early and I also have 5h gaps in the middle of my day where I will be stuck in Kogarah and probably the hospital with Kuheli and nothing to do. Maybe it will help my study life and make me work a bit harder/I will be less behind. Who knows? Maybe it will be an opportunity to become really close to my hospital buddies. I kind of hope so but now I really hope they are cool people. Anyway, I suppose only time will tell. I started trying to learn how to analyze chest X-rays from this website linked in Prof. O’Sullivan’s first lecture (see me trying to work ahead) but it was so fucking confusing and I am so bad spatially I really could not for the life of me see the structures being pointed out to me on the website so when Vron came by about to go on a walk I seized my opportunity and tagged along.

We walked down to the Maroubra side of Coogee which for some reason is a place that I have never gone. The ocean was made of beautiful blues and the water was quite rough, so it looked amazing from up on the cliffs. Vron was quite chatty, and I was glad that I got to spend some time with her because I feel like we don’t often spend quality time to chat.

After our walk, I tried to read a bit more of the book I borrowed from Vron. I want to persist at it because it’s by that Japanese-American author who is very renown – Kazuo Ishiguro? Generally I quite like fantasy books but I find the lyrical sort of style of his writing actually quite hard to read. Still eventually I will get through it. Evidently not yesterday because I was so tired from all the walking that I had a 12min nap instead of reading and then my alarm to start cooking woke me up oops.

Lucky Vron was around, because I discovered that we didn’t have cooking oil in the house, so the two of us did a quick walkies down to Woollies to pick up some and also a humongous can of olive oil which will definitely last the flat the whole year. Then I started stir-frying and came across the third major problem with the cooking – the wok/pan I was using was not big enough for the quantity of food I was making so I had to cook all of the components individually and then transfer them into a pot. It actually worked out alright. I found that the noodles did not really soak up the flavor of the sauce, so I reckon that this dish would actually just improve 100% if I had just used less cheap noodles. I just don’t really know what sort to get, but life is a work in progress. Josh was out, but Vron and Kate were super positive about dinner which really helped my spirits and rather small cooking ego. My mum rang and for some reason I didn’t feel like talking to her, so I feel like we didn’t really have a very good quality chat. I stayed on the phone with her purely because I didn’t want to do the dishes lol.

Afterwards there were choc chip biscuits that Vron had made the day before, warmed in the oven and Kate and I had a huge chat – well, Kate read me a huge chat that she’d had the night before with Claudia because she’s worried that Linley’s mad at her. Josh came back and we filled him in a bit on the drama which was funny because he’s so distant from this friendship group and all of the people involved. Listening to the texts just made me love Clauds more because I honestly think out of all the people from the Floor 7 group last year, she is the only one that will end up being my friend – the rest are more Kate’s friends. She’s just one of those good-hearted, normal people and I’m glad for that. I also just don’t understand why if Linley is such a difficult friend because she’s possessive over Max (just boys she fancies in general) and has mood swings and is petty and requires fairly consistent attention people like Kate are still so keen to be her friend. I suppose that she’s very fun when things are working out and she wants to be and that must be enough to make up for all the hang-ups but personally I guess because she isn’t all that interested in me so I haven’t really experienced that fun side I don’t see how that can possibly make up for it.

Then Kate and I forced ourselves to eat a whole mango each because we bought them before and had not even begun to eat them and they really weren’t going to last in the fridge much longer. For some reason the absurdity of eating an entire mango gave me the giggles – maybe it was a sugar high and then I felt bloated and sick so we lay on the couch and watched this ridiculous show called 100% Hot or something. It was like an MTV show where they picked people who dressed badly and unconventionally, got people to rate them terribly, then made them over. It was quite bad because I thought that the people running the show were actually quite mean to the girls they were making over, and I didn’t even think the person in charge of dressing them was any good. We watched the whole show anyway despite noting its trashiness because there wasn’t much else on/to do and we wanted to see what the people looked like after the makeovers. In bed by 11pm, and I had such a good sleep-in till 9am today and then lazing around in bed all morning.

Today Kate’s out visiting Linley (to sort out their friendship problems lowkey, and I’m a bad person for being snide that this show of attention will fix things) and then she’s seeing friends for lunch and dinner so I’ve pretty much got the whole day to myself to kill. For dinner I’m going to this fried chicken place in Barangaroo with Wilson, Will, one of their friends from Ruse (I think) called Eric and potentially Bruce. I hope it goes okay and is a nice night. What to do with myself now though? Maybe I’ll visit my rock. Maybe I’ll even write another entry tomorrow and you will find out, poor Tumblr account stuck with my words. Till the next time.

[talabib]

Simple Stress-Busting Strategies That Deliver.

It’s often said that the past is a foreign country. That certainly applies to the world of work. From the perspective of our relentless 24/7 business culture today, the old days of nine-to-five shifts and three-martini lunches look about as mysterious and decadent as the lives of the late Roman emperors. Today, it’s hard enough switching off in your free time, never mind during office hours!

That’s hardly surprising. After all, the mid-twentieth century and the present are, technologically speaking, light-years apart. Innovations like the internet, email and smartphones have made it harder than ever before to get away from work. If you have an iPhone, your boss is always right there in your pocket waiting for you to open that email she sent at 10:00 p.m.

And that’s starting to take its toll. Professionals have never been so stressed and sleep-deprived. They’re unhappier, less productive and staring down the barrel of burnout. So it’s high time to make some changes! This post walks you through a series of simple, stress-busting strategies and explains the science behind them. Start integrating them into your professional life today, and you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll soon feel.

Life is becoming increasingly hectic, and stress levels are on the rise.

There’s no sugarcoating it – life has become more stressful. Getting up at six, grinding out a grueling shift at the metaphorical coalface and collapsing into bed at eleven in the evening is the new normal. But it wasn’t always like this. In fact, things have gotten a whole lot crazier over the last decade.

So, what’s behind our increasingly hectic work lives? Well, let’s rewind to 2008. The economy was in freefall, and companies were scrambling to adjust to the harsh new realities. Lots of companies only managed to survive by downsizing their staff and restructuring workloads. The result was fewer people shouldering a whole lot more than their fair share of responsibilities.

Then there’s the smartphone. Apple launched its first iPhone in 2007. Soon enough, it had taken over the world. According to a 2012 study in the MIT Technology Review, the iPhone conquered 40 percent of the American mobile phone market within just a couple of years. That’s pretty astonishing when you consider the fact that it took computers fourteen years to achieve anything close to that level of market penetration.

The problem, however, is that smartphones don’t just make life more convenient and fun. Sure, you can check Instagram and send tweets, but this also means you’re always on standby mode. Your work is never more than a click away. A 2013 study carried out by the Center for Creative Leadership highlighted this trend. The surveyed executives and managers with smartphones spent an astonishing 72 hours every week engaged in work-related activities!

That’s not sustainable. When work gets too hectic, our stress levels shoot through the roof. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, 33 percent of all Americans suffered acute work-related stress in 2013, while 48 percent claimed that their stress levels had increased over the previous five years.

A full 83 percent of interviewees in the study believed that stress was negatively affecting their health. They’re not wrong! When the Benson-Henry Institute in Massachusetts looked into the matter, they found that between 60 and 90 percent of all trips to the doctor were stress-related.

Practicing mindfulness counteracts the natural fight-or-flight response triggered by stress.

Have you ever had the urge to jump out of your office chair, run right out the door and never come back? That’s a pretty good sign you might be suffering from work-related stress. The desire to flee is one of the body’s natural responses to stress. That’s part of the “fight-or-flight” response, a cerebral and hormonal reaction to life-endangering events. Here’s how it works.

Imagine someone jumps out from behind a corner with a weapon. Your brain – or, more precisely, the command center of your brain known as the thalamus – is the first to react. This, in turn, triggers the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions. This then activates the hypothalamus, the area in charge of regulating the autonomic nervous system, which transmits a message to your adrenal glands. These start pumping out adrenaline – a hormone that prepares your body to react quickly and, if need be, violently. Once it runs out of adrenaline, your body switches to cortisol, another hormone with a similar effect.

This reaction makes you more alert and prepares you to fight or flee. Strange as it may sound, a difficult boss or impossible deadlines are just as likely to trigger this response as a knife-wielding maniac. That’s a problem. If you’re sitting in your office producing adrenaline and cortisol for hours on end, this creates a hormonal imbalance that can be damaging to your health.

So here’s a great tip: learn to beat the fight-or-flight reaction by practicing mindfulness. A quick and dirty mindfulness routine involves nothing more than focusing on your breathing. Take ten deep breaths followed by a pause, and you’ll already feel a lot better.

The second option requires a bit more practice, but it’s an invaluable anti-stress tool: meditation. That’s not just good for your mental well-being – it’s also good for your physical health. That’s the conclusion of a 2000 study by Herbert Benson, a professor at Harvard Medical School. It showed that regular meditation could actually shrink the size of the amygdala and thus counteract that unwanted stress response!

The best way to minimize stress is to develop a supportive daily work rhythm.

You’ve probably heard the old Chinese proverb that says giving a man a fish feeds him for a day, but teaching him to fish feeds him for a lifetime. That’s also a good motto when it comes to stress reduction. Quick fixes like nipping out for a coffee have their uses, especially when you’re in a pinch, but the best way to minimize stress is to develop a long-term anti-stress plan.

Here’s an idea: start by trying to work out a supportive daily work rhythm. That’s precisely what Hilton Hotels CEO Chris Nassetta did. In his case, that involved getting up earlier to free up time to mull over his day’s responsibilities. Nassetta gets up at five every morning and aims to be in the office by six at the latest. Since his work officially only starts somewhere between eight and nine, that gives him at least two hours to prepare for the day ahead. The upshot? He can think through his tasks without losing focus or worrying about what’s coming up later. Rather than drifting off in the middle of a conversation because he’s worried about what he’ll say in an upcoming meeting, he can be fully present and engage with the people he’s talking to.

 It’s worth noting at the outset that you won’t always pull off your ideal work rhythm. In practice, you’ll have to be flexible and roll with the punches. Take it from Crystal Cooper, the vice president for public representation at global IT company Unisys. She initially resented the demands her work placed on her schedule. No wonder – being on call 24/7 is pretty intense! But after a while, she decided to go with the flow and adapt her expectations. Rather than planning to spend two hours of quality time with her family between seven and nine in the evening, she made sure she fit those hours in whenever the chance presented itself throughout the day.

Having clear routines and feedback systems supports you both personally and professionally.

Imagine you had to summon all your willpower to do even the most mundane tasks, like brushing your teeth or tying your shoelaces. Life would be unbearably exhausting, right? Luckily the human mind has an autopilot function that helps you do these things without wasting too much brainpower. And here’s the thing – you can get the most out of that nifty cerebral technology by cultivating routines. That’s good news for your personal life.

So, how can you start putting that into practice? Well, there are three words you need to remember: cue, routine and reward.

Let’s take Patricia as an example to see how it works. Jeff met Patricia at a workshop, where she told him about a routine she’d developed. When she got home from work, she entered her house through a side door that leads to a small washroom. That was her cue to take out her phone and plug it into the charger attached to a socket above the washing machine – that’s the routine part. Once she’d done that, she could spend the evening with her family, free from all distractions – that’s the reward. Because the reward was something she genuinely enjoyed, the routine was quickly established.

What about work, though? Well, if you want to improve your professional life, you might want to think about establishing feedback systems. Take Doug, a man struggling with his role as a project leader. The issue was simple: Doug’s colleagues weren’t happy with the way he always focused on the negatives.

Rather than ignoring the problem, Doug took this feedback to heart and resolved to change his ways. He developed a feedback mechanism. Every time he started getting too negative, his colleagues gave him a signal by raising three fingers. It was an informal and friendly gesture that allowed him to directly and effectively address an uncomfortable issue. The result? A happier, more efficient and satisfied team!

Exercise is a highly effective stress remedy.

Lots of people accept stress as a fact of life and try to put a brave face on it. It’s only when they finally burn out or get seriously ill that they start considering changes. But that’s not the right approach. In fact, you can spare yourself no end of suffering by taking action today. And here’s the good news: you don’t even need to make particularly radical changes to boost your well-being.

Sometimes all it takes to beat work-related stress is exercise. That doesn’t necessarily mean taking out a gym membership, though. Simple rhythmic and repetitive movements like walking, jogging, cycling, dancing or even going through some yoga poses can significantly reduce stress.

Why? Well, there are a couple of reasons. First off, movement helps your body eliminate those stress hormones that were mentioned earlier. Nothing purges them from your system like a spot of exercise. Then there are the psychological effects of movement. Focusing on your body for a few minutes is an excellent way of getting out of your head and interrupting those obsessive thoughts that go hand-in-hand with stress.

That’s not just a theory, either. According to an article in the Wall Street Journal reporting on the results of a one-year study of professionals, workers who regularly used a treadmill experienced less stress, interacted more with their colleagues and were more productive than their peers who didn’t exercise.

That said, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. Your best bet is to try out different types of exercise and see what works for you. The most important point to remember is that if you choose something you enjoy, you’re much more likely to stick with it. If you like taking walks around the park, do that. If you prefer jogging with a friend, well, do that. What you opt for will also depend on your commitments. If you need to be super-flexible, developing an exercise routine you can do in your office might be a good idea. If you’re the organized type, weekly swimming lessons might be the way to go.

Visualizing stress-free success and savoring the moment are also useful stress-busters.

As we’ve seen, physical movement is an excellent way of relieving stress. Unfortunately, that’s not something we can do whenever we need a bit of relief. After all, you can’t just leave your office to go for a jog whenever you feel like it! That means it’s also a good idea to develop some cognitive strategies to quiet your mind. Lets look at two top techniques that’ll help you do just that.

Let’s start with being in the moment. Stress is all about worrying about the past or the future. Learning to appreciate the present pushes those anxiety-inducing thoughts to the back of your mind. Best of all? You can start practicing this kind of mindfulness without making any changes to your routine. The reason for that is simple. Remember those autopilot activities like brushing your teeth we talked about earlier? Well, those are the kinds of things you can focus on to become more present!

All you have to do is make a conscious effort not to zone out and instead direct your attention to what you’re doing. That’s about learning how to appreciate, say, the way the water is running down your body or feels on your skin when you take a shower. Whenever you find your mind wandering, make an effort to refocus it on those sensations.

The second technique involves visualizing stress-free success. Start by asking yourself what you want to achieve and then concentrate on what it is you’d need to do to pull that off. If you’ve got an important presentation coming up, for example, and you really want to impress the audience, what would that take? Well, you’d need to be well-rested, prepared and punctual. Visualize those steps and work backward from there. What do you need to do to make sure you’re well-rested, for example? This is a great way of pushing vague anxieties out of your mind and really honing in on the things that are in your control – a guaranteed stress-reliever.

Cultivating new friendships and staying in contact with old friends is great for your mental health.

What’s worse than those endless shifts that bite into your evening? Getting off work and not having anything to do or anyone to do it with. The simple truth is that isolation just isn’t good for your mental health. Friends matter – a lot!

That means it’s in your best interest to make an effort to stay in touch with old friends. How you do that depends on your personality type. As Susan Cain points out in her book Quiet, introverts will generally prefer seeing more of fewer people. Cain, a self-professed introvert, says she spends 80 percent of her free time with just 10 percent of the people she knows. That means it’s important for her to regularly reach out and give a select number of old friends a call or invite them out for a drink.  

Extroverts are the opposite. They generally prefer seeing more people less often. Take psychologist and author Adam Grant. He goes out of his way to reconnect with someone he hasn’t seen in a while once a month. That’s a great way of reactivating old contacts and keeping the connection alive.

Then there are new friendships. Few things can help you beat stress more effectively than cultivating new friends in your workplace. Why? Well, as a 2006 Gallup study showed, having just one good friend at work increases your morale and engagement levels up to seven times more than the normal amount. That’s easier said than done, of course, so let’s take a look at a couple of tips you can use to help you get to know your colleagues.

The simplest option is to respond enthusiastically when colleagues reach out to ask for help or invite you to take part in some after-work activity. If you’re pressed for time, you can be more strategic. Position yourself outside the main exit at lunchtime and pretend you’re waiting for someone and you’ll have a great opportunity to exchange a couple of words with your colleagues.

Being grateful can help you beat stress.

We’ve talked a lot about stress and how to overcome it. As we’ve seen, stress is inherently harmful. That’s why one of the simplest and most effective ways of getting it out of your system is to stay positive.

That means learning to be genuinely grateful for the things that are going well. Take Kaye Foster-Cheek, a senior executive at the Boston Consulting Group. She’s found that making time to experience gratitude has boosted her well-being significantly. So it’s the first thing she does when she wakes up. Rather than jumping out of bed, she takes a moment to reflect on how grateful she feels to simply be lying there with a new day ahead of her.

Alanson Van Fleet, an executive in the financial sector, takes a similar approach. His moment of gratitude comes when he walks through his office door and sees the small statue of the Buddha he keeps next to his computer, which reminds him how grateful he is that his company pays for his personal office space.

Those are great examples of how paying attention to those little details we all too often take for granted can help you beat stress. Here’s another tip: use visual cues in your workplace to reconnect with your core values.

When you’re under intense pressure and feeling adrift, catching sight of something familiar and loved can be a real lifesaver. Personal manager Tracy Columbus, for example, keeps Native American art in her office. Whenever she’s feeling blue, she turns to the images and their joyful colors. Peter Block does something similar. When he looks at the artwork in his office, he thinks of the time, patience and dedication the artists put into their creations – a reminder that that’s also something he seeks to do.

That goes to show that stress isn’t inevitable or inescapable. So, if you’re feeling under pressure, try out some of these stress-relieving strategies. You’ll be amazed at what a difference a couple of minutes of mindfulness or a quick walk around the park can make to your personal and professional life!

Increased workloads, demanding bosses, increasingly intrusive tech and a 24/7 business culture – no wonder today’s workforce is more stressed than ever. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Follow the simple stress-busting strategies in this post and you’ll be well on your way to beating burnout!

 Action plan: Get a coaching partner. Building a new routine is hard work, especially in the early stages. That’s why it’s a good idea to find a coaching partner who’s embarked on the same path as you. Together, you can support each other on your journey. Whether that’s just a phone call to check in now and again or a gym buddy, having a partner who’s got your back is the best way to make sure you follow through on your resolutions.