#fun fact you can tell how much a catholic man has complicated relationship with his mom/trauma relating to his mother

[mpreg-nouveau]

Since I'm in a Kurt Wagner mood...If y'all don't think Kurt Wagner's Catholicism isn't a huge crutch for being abandoned by both his mothers you are dead wrong.

Dude probably has a little figurine of Mary he talks to and prays to on occasion. Hell maybe has his own little collection of them. He fell into the "Mary is every Christian's mother" mindset hard. Probs refers to her as his mom sometimes reflexively. Dude has a rosery on him at all times and probably prays with it whenever he thinks too hard about his abandonment to comfort himself. Knows the Fatima prayer and hail holy queen. Has visited the various Mary centric holy sites and absolutely believes in the story of our lady of Guadalupe, Fatima, and the crying Mary statue.

You can talk shit about the Catholic church all you want to him. Talk shit about God and religion and he will nod along and listen respectfully. You say shit about Mary tho he will stab you.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 412

Only one more week until Droughtlander, y’all! To start with the positive, I fucking love the Murgsali parts of this episode. Seriously, I know I sound like a broken record but saving Murtagh was literally the best choice this show has made. I would watch the shit out of a spin-off of just that trio’s adventures. Germain can come too.

I still can’t muster a single fuck, flying- or otherwise, to give about Roger. So basically this episode was pretty much like every other episode. I loved some shit, hated some shit, and overall came away with the lingering question of why I still spend so much time on a show that’s barely recognizable as the one I used to fucking love.

At least Dry January is still going strong. Quite proud of myself about that, tbh...

Roger: *runs the gauntlet* Marie Kondo: Does this spark joy? Me: Absofuckinglutely.

Guys I fucking love the Murtagh and Fergus relationship. I love it so fucking much. I cannot wait to see where that goes next season, especially since they’re all headed to live on the Ridge now.

And since this episode isn’t focused on LJG being in love with Jamie, I’m so here for him in this episode. I swear this show gives me whiplash with its characters. Like it’s not a “people are complicated” sort of thing. It’s a “crappy trope that needs to go away” or a “they just did something out of character, wtf” sort of thing.

I get Jamie not wanting Bree to murder Bonnet. I totally understand him not wanting her to have to live with taking a life. But I’m not fully on board with the whole “you need to forgive” stuff. Both here and in the book. Holding hate in your heart will eat away at you and prevent you from moving forward, sure. But you can put things behind you without forgiving the people who wronged you. What Bonnet did to Bree was fucking awful. He’s completely unrepentant. If Bree wants to forgive him, fine. It happened to her, so it’s her call and no one else’s how she should proceed. For me personally, I don’t think he’s worthy of forgiveness. I wouldn’t forgive him if it were me. I’ve thankfully never been in that exact situation, but I’ve been through my own shit and honestly, I’ve chosen not to forgive some people, because that’s asking me to not only endure what they did but also do the emotional work of forgiving them when they’re not sorry. That’s asking a bit too much, imo. Just put them aside and move on, it comes with its own sort of acceptance and peace. Each to their own, I guess.

“This man cannot be good. He was sold by his own people.” I mean, where’s the lie, haha. Yeah he was sold for the wrong reasons, and it’s never ok to SELL SOMEONE INTO SLAVERY (FFS!), but yes, Roger’s a twatwaffle.

“You have learned nothing.” The Mohawk elder speaks the truth, tbh.

Kaheroton telling Roger that he should not smile upon Johiehon had me like yaaas. Sure, Roger’s starved for human kindness or whatever, but like he’s also a chronic inappropriate interact-er with women/crush haver. Like he literally becomes a minster because people think he’s having an affair with one of the Ridge widows. He gets himself hanged because he kisses his great-great-etc.-grandmother. He’s creepily into Claire. I am so here for him being called out for being a fuckboi, haha.

This show is two for two in failing to make me care about rando fallen priests.

Marsali seeing right through Fergus’ attempt at blaming Germain and seeing exactly what he’s up and being like fuck yes, let’s do this thing is my fucking favorite.

I LOVE MARSALI A LOT OK. I AM FUCKING RIDE OR DIE FOR THAT WOMAN.

Y’all have I mentioned how much I fucking love Fersali? Because I fucking love Fersali. They remind me of what Claire and Jamie used to be. *pours one out for the couple that was*

Question though, are we assuming that Fergus knows all about Wentworth because they told him about it after he was raped for Jamie’s story in season two? Getting rull tired of being expected to fill in a bunch of shit that should be shown...

But man, I am so fucking pumped for them to move to the Ridge. I hope it means we get much more of them next season.

I know I’m biased because I have a lot of Opinions about organized religion but basically all this stuff with the priest has me just rolling my eyes. Like cool for him that he like believes in stuff, but also like, do what makes you happy, bruh? You only have one life? *exercises what little self-restraint I have to not go off on a ramble that ties this whole plot line into how being raised Catholic really fucked me up*.

I literalol’ed every time they show Roger trying to fucking Shawshank his way out of the fucking Idiot Hut. Like bro. This thing is made of leaves and branches. Just fucking snap the string or whatever is holding the branches in place and shift them enough to make a hole to squeeze out of.

The Idiot Hut is aptly named.

So in this episode, handfasting means they’re married again. I cannot even with how frustrating it is that this show can’t make up its mind about what it means.

This whole speech of Roger’s about how he’s an idiot is like yeah, no shit, Sherlock. You’re a fucking douchecanoe.

By the end of it, it comes off like he’s the guy from You. Like yeah, you didn’t deserve to be sold into slavery, but buddy. You’re not the victim in your relationship with Bree here. You might not be a serial killer, but your inner Joe Goldberg is showing...

“Like an idiot, I pursued her through time and space, determined to prove to myself and the universe that I did love this woman, just like all those great love stories written by all those great idiots.” Red flag number one, you wanted to prove to yourself and the universe that you loved Bree, but not prove it to Bree? The one person you’d think you’d want to make things right with?

"I pursued her and chased her and finally tracked her down and convinced her to marry me.” Holy fucking stalker, Batman. This comes off as the opposite of romantic. Get yourself a restraining order, Bree!

“We said angry words to each other.” That’s a funny way to say “I was a complete fuckwad to her,” Rog.

“I intended to go home, but then I changed my mind and went back, like an idiot.” Sorry not sorry, but if I were ever with a guy who thought choosing to be with me made him an idiot, I’d fucking run for the hills.

The writers clearly think this is supposed to be like endearing us to Roger and his love of Brianna but really it’s just making him seem like a fucking toxic stalker who’s convinced he’s a Nice Guy™. Roger just keeps channeling his inner Frank. He wants his personal ideal of a relationship with Brianna, with no thought to what she herself wants. He’s fucking repulsive, just like Frank was (even pre-stones). So naturally the show wants us to root for him. *wishes it were February so I could have a drink*

Uh, buddy? Do you know Johiehon wants to leave with the priest? Or are you just being you and assuming/not caring what the woman feels/wants for herself?

Fun fact, we’re still with these idiots in their Idiot Hut and I still can’t muster a single fuck to give about either of them.

Don’t @ me that I’m a dummy because I’m missing the deep and meaningful and yada yada whatever bullshit that they’re doing with these scenes. I know what they’re trying to do. It’s not working for me. At all. Sorry not fucking sorry.

#TeamBadFan5Eva

If we forget about the blackmail and rape threat and creepy being in love with her dad, I’m 10000% more invested in Bree and LJG’s fake engagement than I am in Bree and Roger. But jfc, that’s a lot to be asked to forget.

I’m still not really here for the Bree side of the prison stuff, but the Fergus and squad rescuing Murtagh part is excellent.

I really wish they would have put a definitive end to Bonnet in this episode. Ed Speelers does a great job with him, but he’s honestly not an interesting enough character to merit sticking around as long as he does in the books. Like if we have even more condensed seasons five and six, why the fuck can’t we just be done with him now?

FUCK YEAH FERGUS AND HIS REGULATOR SQUAD!

I hated Bree visiting Bonnet in the book and I really hate it here too. Like yes, if this is what Bree wants and she thinks it will help her, then great. She gets to decide what she wants to do. But this whole comforting your rapist thing just reeks of a fucking woman doing fucktons of emotional labor for the sake of the person who caused her so much fucking trauma. Literally the only part of this scene that remotely works for me is when she gets angry and tells him that he will be forgotten. Like, he’s a sociopath and he gives no shits about you or what he did to you. Why are you trying to make him feel better? I know it’s supposed to be for her, but that’s not how it plays to me...

Le sigh.

I fucking love the scene with Lord John and Fergus. Fucking love it.

(I’m guessing we’re supposed to assume that Fergus and Lord John met in Jamaica at the party in a bit we didn’t see? I think it might have been mentioned at some point, but I can’t remember specifics...)

Murtagh and Lord John fighting over who’s going to take Bree and then agreeing on what’s best for her? Here. For. It.

Y’all, I just want a whole show about this exact squad. Jamie and Claire are so meh now that it’s tough to be invested in them anymore. Roger’s still the fucking worst. But this squad. This squad is my fucking JAM.

But for real, why did we not get a scene where Bree meets Fergus and Marsali. Because this prison break is literally the first time we’ve seen them together and we don’t even know if they’ve met before. You’re killing me show.

Since Murgsali is moving to the Ridge, we’d better get a bunch of Bree and Jem with Marsali and Germain and Fergus next year.

This whole monologue of Roger’s as he’s deciding what to do is supposed to be like showing that he cares for people more than himself (despite his whole creepy spiel in the Idiot Hut) or some shit but like he’s just again ignoring what someone told him to do because that’s his MO. He’s like constantly playing the martyr card when no one even wants him around. Fuck off, Roger.

This priest and his girlfriend honestly don’t merit the amount of screen time they got. Like cool that Roger puts him out of his misery or whatever, but also this is the second to last episode so why the fuck are we spending it on two randos we don’t care about? Because it’s Outlander. So of course this is how we’re spending it.

Johiehon throwing herself into the fire is supposed to be like romantic and shit or reminiscent of Claire offering to die with Jamie at Culloden or whatever, but it really doesn’t work for me. Because honestly, she deserves better. The priest could have chosen to be with her but he picked his faith instead. So why should she die for a man who made her his second choice.

Also like, Kaheroton crying also comes off as creepy because like, dude she just wasn’t into you. Him being upset that Johiehon died doesn’t play like him being sad that a woman from his village killed herself, it comes across like the guy who was “friendzoned” (don’t get me started on that concept...) being sad the woman he was fixated on is gone so he doesn’t have a chance (he never had a chance) with her anymore.

But hey, remember how awesome Murgsali is? Murgsali is the fucking best.

MURGSALI 5EVA!!!

[myletterstoyoumrzubair]

Dear Mr Z edition 16 12/04/17

My journey of faith and fighting for our relationship to survive against the odds.

Hassan,

Do you know what day it is today? Its my anniversary of converting to the catholic faith. On this day back in 2009 after months of study, and a year before of dropping out of the RCIA (rite of catholic initiation) scheme, I was baptised and confirmed and took my first holy communion within the catholic church as a catechist. A catechists are a new member of the catholic faith. 8 years on, I am now under a new journey, a journey with Islam, but I am still proud of that day, and still proud of stepping out from my family norm and going against the grain. I am still proud of setting an example that I am very strong in faith and my belief in god, now Allah, i am now going against the grain again, being the first Muslim in my family. That journey started 10 years ago when I knocked on the door of Fr Floody’s house and he invited me in for a chat, and then RCIA classes. In these 10 years I had made very many church friends, been invited to perform at a wedding, the song of Ave Maria, a catholic prayer, and seen my mum follow in my footsteps following me in joining the catholic faith. 10 years on, now today, everything is different. My faith and believe in god (Allah) is growing all the time. I have vowed to myself to try and give up alcohol, and last weekend that caused many questions with my friends when I went to their night in, being pestered to why I wasn’t drinking. I never once told them it’s because I have a new faith, that I have started practicing Islam. I told them many truths like; it’s bad to drink with my medication, and that I don’t want to be drunk when you call me in the evening, and I don’t need drink to have fun. It felt so awkward. I even had my ex telling me that if I want to be with them I should be joining in to the extent that they are. I have also started eating halal meat and on occasion wear hijab, mainly when I pray, I never pray without hijab. I never thought in a million years this would be happening to me. So much has changed in the last few months. When I left hospital my catholic faith was growing. I studied the bible on a daily basis, but then I got reading the Quran. The more you told me the more I became intrigued, I loved how women are highly respected, even though society makes it look like we are suppressed. There has always been odd points in my life I read the Quran, but for fun, not for belief. The more I learned the more I felt that what I knew in catholic church was fraught with many contradictions. No one not even you has made me do this, I have always loved and appreciated how you have always told me that you don’t mind what faith I belong to as long as I am happy. Now that I practice Islam you are talking about the idea of us getting a nik’kah, so that we are married under the eyes of Allah, and so that Islam is at the heart of our marriage. What Islam has done for me already is dramatic. I used to backchat my mum all the time, although when I did it I wasn’t really aware that I was doing it. I am trying my best to be that ‘perfect’ daughter. And with you, it has helped me understand you perspective of things. I have often compromised when you and I had opinions which differ, purely cos the Quran says which way it should be, especially when it comes to money, and when it comes to things that you tell me that I should do, just because you are my ‘husband’, and husband to be in law, I listen. With you, yes at times I stick up for myself and tell you what to do too, but that’s when I am concerned you are not looking after yourself or when you mess me around. By the way, I hate being messed around, if someone says they will do something they have to do it.

I never imagined that I would also be in a position where I would find myself fighting for a relationship because British law says that we can’t be together in the UK without meeting their terms of finances. I have a year to go at uni, and against the odds I am thriving with it. Second time round at uni, but yet I am hunting for jobs, just so I can be your sponsor. Some of these jobs I know I will never be able to do for ever, but I apply out of desperation. I really don’t want to be separated from you, not even for one minute, other than when we must work in order to pay the bills. I know Islam says I don’t have to work, because it’s the man’s responsibility to work to bring in money to clothe me, feed me, meet my needs, and educate me and keep a roof over my head. But then again I have never been in such a complicated or serious relationship as this, but I have also never wanted to be until I met you. When I met you in person I knew I wanted to be with you, even though it took a while for me to accept how I feel about you, and the fact that I love you. Even before we met up  for a while I was going behind my ex’s back just to be able to talk to you. No one knew that I was talking to you, that you were in my life, even if it was only over facetime. I often spoke to you when he slept or wasn’t looking. I hadn’t been happy in that relationship for a long time, not since Easter last year, but it wasn’t till I was basically shut out for weeks on end I started looking for a way out. There were many time I felt like I was cheating on him, and I have never cheated on anyone and that’s why I was scared. Although I wasn’t happy being his girlfriend I knew I didn’t want to lose his friendship. When I was in hospital it just clicked. I knew that you would be there for me, I knew that you just cared. I called you everyday because you wanted to know how I was. Yes, at first you very naïve to how severe my illness is. I remember you telling me all I needed was to be loved and cared for and that I don’t need medicine. The fact is, I do need medication. I know I need people to care for me too, but I also know that if I don’t take my medication I get very sick, at first my body goes into withdrawal from the effects of the medication, it makes me nauseous, unable to eat, sleep, etc, and then over a period of a couple of months I lose control over my condition, and it deteriorates. Not taking my medication puts me a risk of needing to be in hospital under 24 hour watch to protect me from self-harm and suicide. If I don’t look after my mental health it can be potentially deadly. Over time you have started to realise how important this is, not since that day where you made a naïve comment have you thought I can be medication free, although I may need to be medication free, when in the future I become pregnant, due to some medicines not being safe in pregnancy, which if the case, it would put me at risk of my mental health deteriorating, hence why I’d rather talk to a consultant first. Today you realise that there may come a day where you must step in to potentially save my life. I have never hidden this from you, not even from day one. Anyways, my point is that I feel and can trust you will be there for me no matter what, both when I am well and when I am not. I feel so lucky and fortunate to have found you. There are very few people who understand how I feel, without me saying a word. You just look at me and know. I know Islam says you must look after me as your wife, but you make me feel special. It’s because how I feel about us that makes me want to fight with all that I have for this relationship to stay here in this country, even if that means doing a job I may not be able to keep after the point I can sponsor you. I also know and appreciate you are doing you best to get a distinction in your dissertation so you can try and apply for a doctorate course. I have never wanted anything so much in my whole life. I have even started thinking what I would do when I graduate, once and if we have a family of our own, would I stay at home and run the house or work too. I don’t know, but I have thought about it. All I know right now is this relationship is something I want so so much, and in some ways even more than my degree. I fight so hard for this, in the last few weeks I have applied for over 60 jobs, and I have my first interview for a job next Tuesday. I also spend most of my prayer time, other than mandatory salat, asking Allah to give us strength and guidance and to help us achieve our dream of being married in the UK, and to give you the courage, determination and strength to be able to get this grade that you need, and for your doctorate.

I am still so worried what people are going to think about us getting married, and I wish I could tell the world. I want my family to know. Of course no one knows that we are wanting to marry close to our birthdays but your friends and family know that we want to marry, mine don’t even know we are engaged, and that is so frustrating. I know that it will probably come as a shock to some people. People who are unaware that we have had a form of relationship since October, would probably turn around and tell us to slow down, and that it not sensible to be doing what we are, it makes me nervous to tell people, but they really must know. If people are going to be at our wedding, we don’t have much time to tell them and invite them. Despite this I spend my free time brainstorming and trawling the internet to find my idea of a perfect wedding dress on a tight budget, and I think I have found it. Its not a Muslim friendly dress, but then again, I am only going to marry once, I will only every have a wedding to one person, and I want a dress that speaks my name all over it, so that would never be Muslim friendly anyway. I am so excited to be seeing you in a few days time where I can introduce you to you future mother in law and sister in law and your future nephew, I just so wish I could tell them that’s what they are.

Love you with all my heart

Shelly x