#game that quite literally saved me after i had a Really shit breakup that sent me into a depressive spiral

[doomednarrative]

God I still carry so much love for Pathologic sometimes tbh

[veronicaduartes]

Thoughts

So, the thing is... I feel devastated.

I loved somebody, gave him my all and he trew me away like a pile of trash. As if he never cared for me and the last 2 years of my life were just wasted.

I worked so hard on these last 2 years, I come from a broken family, abusive father, emotionally-unavailable mother (she did her best though, she had it DAMN hard all her life). On January 2020 I got into a car crash and no one believed my version of the story, they prefered to believe I was drunk-driving (which I wasn't) and it was all my fault (which it wasn't).

So I got really resentful and decided to get myself a job, stop depending on my mother and having to put up with all the shame inflicted on me. I started working at a call center, barely made minimun wage salary but I was saving as much money as I could to get out of my house (rent a room somewhere since it was all I could afford).

At the same time, I was dating a really nice guy, that I had only met a couple of months prior. He was 6 years older than me and already had a stable job so he decided to move out with me, wherever we decided to go.

It's April now, and on the 24th night of the month we moved in together. I was on cloud 9, we were so happy, I had a the shittiest job but coming home to him and watching TV together was everything I wanted and it was worth every damn second answering the phone.

But as the months passed the guy I loved grew apart from me. Suddenly we were not spending the nights together, all he did was play videogames with his friends all night until 7am in the morning sometimes, while I was growing lonelier and lonelier. Sex wasn't even happening, and I thought he didn't want me anymore. I told him about my discomfort and he promised to make some time for me.

Some more months passed and it was ok, but the situation repeated itself, and of course I was sad again. Many hours of thinking and analyzing patterns later, I decided it wasn't working anymore for me and it was time to call it quits.

I don't know what I expected that night but as the time came, I told him to break up. He seemingly reacted very calm and peacefull so I told him we could stay friends. The next day I had to go to work, I felt really sad but hadn't even realized in my mind that our relationship was over, until I received a text from him that said "I'm moving out on Thursday". That text just sunk into my stomach and as I got home to find an empty house it felt even worse. He had already gone to his parents' house, without even saying goodbye.

I was incredibly dissapointed, I thought that if he loved me he would've fight back, or at least not ran away on the first shot he got. Anyway, so he told me he was coming on Wednesday to organize his stuff into boxes and move out Thursday in the morning. I told him we could have a last dinner together, just to give some closure to me, as I felt I needed closure and so we did. Turns out on Wednesday night after talking a couple of hours he ended up crying and asking me if he could stay. I told him he had made the strongest desition by hiring that truck to move out and getting all his shit into boxes so, there was no backing off now. (By the way, some of the appliances were his' such as the refrigerator which he did not hesitate to leave me with all the food on the floor to rot as he took his damn refrigerator). On the next morning I told him goodbye and we went our separate ways.

Since I couldn't pay the rent all by myself I was left with no other choice than to go back to my parents' house. They helped me with the moving but I still felt like a damn failure coming back, while I still mourned the end of our relationship and cried myself to sleep every night.

Some weeks passed and one morning, I woke up with a text of his telling me "I miss you". I told him I missed him too (which I really did) and so we agreed to meet once again to talk. We met and the inevitable happened: after some crying we got back together. Still living apart though. Months passed and everything was going great! Still had our arguments but by this time we had already figured out how to talk our differences with love and patience.

**At this point I need to give you some important context: since I come from a broken family, I DON'T want kids. I really don't want to have kids of my own, not as of now or in the future. I don't discard adopting, I believe that's a very beautiful way to become a parent, but I really do not want to go through pregnancy and all those things having a baby comes with. I have always been very honest about it when I'm meeting people because on past relationships I've had this issue. So, since I was meeting this guy I was talking about, back on 2019, I told him I didn't want kids and he seemed to be on the same page as me. He even told me he wanted to get the male contraceptive injection that was soon going to be available on the market. Everything seemed fime.**

So, back to the story. On January 2021, my boyfriend's sister found out she was pregnant, everyone on his family was really happy because, on the contrary as myself, they have a really beautiful, happy and healthy family (everything I wished for). I was really happy for them as well and my boyfriend and I even went shopping some nice things for the baby. We bought the cutest and fluffiest bear costume. It was adorable.

As more months passed, I saw my boyfriend getting more and more excited about babies and the idea of having babies. Since he knew my position, he eventually taked to me about wanting to have babies in the future. I told him my position has not changed and most likely it will not change. I can't predict the future of course and can't know what my mind will think on 5-10 years, but I was honest with him and told him that the odds of me changing my mind are quite low, not to say inexistant. But he was confused, he still didn't know if he wanted kids or not. So I told him "think about it and whenever you have made up your mind, let me know".

On August 27th, about 12 am in the morning, his nephew was born, strong and healthy. I was really happy for all his family, since I know how much they already loved that boy. I sent them my best wishes and since he came out by c-section, they had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days.

Later that same day, I published some stupid game on instagram which really doesn't matter much what it was about but somehow it got us into a discussion and he told me "this is one of the best days of my life for you to fuck it up"... Those words really took me by surprise, I was happy and silly, literally just joking him around but he reacted very strongly and rude.

How in the hell is it ever going to be my intention to ruin his day? I thought he was very defensive. He stoped taking to me and returned hours later. However, I was really hurt and I felt like we really needed to talk about it. He sort of apologized but we couldn't continue the conversation since he was already sleepy and told me if we could continue the next day. I told him it was fine, of course.

The next day came and he didn't remember to get back to the conversation, he just pretended as if everything was fine. Another day passed so I reminded him and he told me it was late already and he was tired, so if we could talk the next day (again). A week passed and he never remembered to catch up with the conversation (or ignored it). I still felt sad and hurt and so, when making plans for the weekend I told him how I felt and that we needed to talk. We agreed on a day and place, but he followed telling me he knew I have been upset but he just ignored me... So basically that started the fight once again. How the hell if you know someone you love is upset and sad you just ignore it? Do you care how I feel at all? Some things were said and I didn't understand where did this sudden hate come from.

Ever since the baby was born he had been defensive and treating me badly like that (something I had never seen before on him). I was utterly confused until he confessed it to me: he was somehow angry with me because I do not want kids..... I had no words, how the hell was I supposed to knew that? It did make a lot of sense though, his behaviour was immediately explained to me. However he started blaming me on his smoking and a bunch of other crap I have no blame on. Turns out he told me: he decided he does wants kids and therefore I no longer had a place in his life. I told him to tell me, to confirm me if that meant we were breaking up, to at least have the guts to tell that to my face (metaphorically cause this conversation was all by text). I begged him for a goodbye, once again, to get some closure. I deserve closure, but he wasn't even able to tell me goodbye. To tell me I was a good girlfriend, to thank me for all the love I gave him, for all the times I had advised him, for all the memories we had together, to thank me for at least giving him my all. He knew I loved him, he really did.

And I respect his reason, I really do. If he wants kids and I don't then there's no point of staying together if we're going on different paths. However, it's been a week from the breakup. I'm still here devastated, crying, stalking his twitter every 5 minutes to see if there's any clue that he might be thinking of me. But all I see is the opposite. He's saying that he's happy, posting pictures with his baby-born nephew, it's almost as if I never meant anything to him. One week with the baby and I'm already out of his life. Am I so damn disposable? Does he not remember any of the happy moments we spent together? All the love that I gave him? How I even fought my own family to defend him? How I cared for him... It sucks, it really sucks.

The next morning after the breakup he had already deleated all his pictures with me on social media. So, on the next day I did the same. Oh how damn hard it was to delete that video I made about us and our adventures... I spent about 8 hours collecting little clips of our trips and I loved the end result so much... and now it's gone... forever, along with our memories.

It really sucks, some days I am ok, with just a little hole inside of me but overall ok... and some other days I feel like I want to die (yes, literally die). I cry everytime I remember. I have no friends. I can't tweet about how damn sad I feel because I don't want any of his friends or my friends even to see me how devastated and dependant I am.

The thing is, I don't believe he understands how much he meant to me... how much I loved him and how safe I felt on his arms. He's got lots of friends, a supporting family, tons of hobbies... while I'm here depressed, no job, no friends, nobody to talk to, living in my parents' house. I literally feel as if this 2 years, I tried so hard and it ended up being all wasted. I'm back to square one: no job, no money, no relationship. Lonely and sad once again.

I wish I could be like those strong women who stay single for very long periods of time... but I'm lonely. I usually need someone to hear me, someone to talk to. I like having someone to share my life with.

Sometimes I hate myself for having this romantic expectation of a perfect relationship that lasts forever and the love flame never dies... I guess Disney channel really damaged me. The dream is slowly dying though, at this moment I'm all out of hope. I know there are some men out there that would like to be with me, but I see no point in that.

First of all, I'm not interested in anybody. I don't like anybody, I don't even want men near me. I'm literally out of hope and I don't even want to meet anybody because eveything will eventually end up this way. I don't believe anymore. And it's dangerous to be out of hope.

Sometimes I'm scared, like, literally scared to become suicidal or something. Right now I'm not, sometimes I wish to die but I don't think I'm brave enough to do it myself. And then I stop to think that my mom doesn't deserve that pain. But yeah, sometimes I'm scared I may end up like Chester Bennington; with so many songs that basically were a cry for help but nobody ever took it that way because he looked so healthy and confident.

And I know I'm a great actress, I know people don't even suspect I have been fighting depression for years now. Every single day is a struggle and I'm tired already. I'm honestly so tired to be battling every day I just want to be free and give up but I can't since my demons are all inside of me.

I quit my job a month ago cause I thought that would give me happiness but guess what? Yeah, it didn't. Somehow it was easier having something to blame, than realizing that the only one to blame is yourself.

My boyfriend knew I was having a hard time with these thoughts already, he told me I should go to therapy. But I have no money to spend on therapy... and also, as I said in the beggining, nor do I have a supporting family, if they know I want to go to therapy they will think I'm crazy.

I have always been very strong, and showcased myself as a really strong woman, who thinks and analyzes and makes rational desitions... but it was always been just an act, when I'm by myself I cry a lot, I have a lot of traumas which I have been working really hard on for years now, but as I said, I'm tired.

I'm so tired of having to fight a battle everyday, I honestly just want peace and I'm scared I will never find it. Cause I can't stay like this for much longer. I know I won't hold up all my life with this sadness.

I quit my job because I wanted to start my own business. At first I was so excited about it but now I just can't find ANY motivation to work at all.

I don't know if he left me because I'm crazy and too much to handle, which reinforces my lack of hope in relationships. It has happened to me before, I don't know if all men are the same and they all forget you once they have you, which really sucks... Or if on the contrary, I keep seeking emotionally-unavailable people, just as my childhood attachment...

At least right now some friends have showed up and I have told them I've been having a hard time with this breakup (haven't told about all the other issues though, but it's a first step)... though I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it. I don't want to burst into tears and dramaticly crying in public, but oh well... We'll see how it goes.

Right now, all these thoughts are making me crazy. Sometimes I'm angry with my ex-boyfriend for leaving me right when I needed him the most... but it was a relationship doomed to end, and somehow deep inside me I always knew it. Still, that doesn't remove all the pain I'm feeling right now. If anything, just makes me blame myself for letting it come this far and letting myself fall so hard in love with somebody I knew wasn't right.

I don't know what to do right now... I'm dying to talk to him, but I know I must not. He doesn't miss me, he never loved me as much as I loved him (I don't know if he even has the capability of loving so deeply as I loved him) and we're not even compatible and I wasn't even enjoying his company so much lately... but you know, my feelings do not act by reason and I HATE them so much because of that. I feel like they dominate me, instead of me dominating them.

I gotta be strong and reasonable... These are the moments where I wish I had faith in God or something to give me strenght but I don't even believe in anything.

Why do we always cry and suffer so much about people that don't even deserve it? People that are no good for us...

Songs in my mind right now:

* Phil Collins - Against all odds

* Olivia Rodrigo - Good 4 u

* Olivia Rodrigo - All I want

* Taylor Swift - Cardigan

* Selena Gomez - The heart wants what I wants

Most likely no one will read this, but it helped me try to organize some thoughts in my head so that's enough for me. Luckily, no one uses tumblr anymore.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #361

“the world is a vampire, sent to drain”

Have you ever been through a phase of thinking emo guys were hot? A phase? Hunny, they're still hot lmao. Have you ever dated someone that could play an instrument? Yeah. Juan could play guitar, and Girt played I think the tuba in band. What’s so horrible about wearing leggings like pants? I've actually never understood why people freak about this. Like so long as they're not sheer and fit you fine, why exactly is this a problem...? Weirdest picture you’ve ever taken of yourself? Oh dear. When someone claims to be suicidal, do you take them seriously? FUCK you if you don't. Honest to god, fuck you. This is NOT something you just don't even blink at. Even if it's surprising to hear from that person, you take that shit seriously and try to talk to them about it. Ever been kicked out of anywhere? Colleen's house. Ever had Skittles vodka? No, but that shit sounds good. Ever punched someone in the face? No. If you haven’t, do you want to now? Uh, I'll pass. Do you truly HATE anyone? No one I know personally, but people like rapists, pedophiles, etc., I sure as hell do hate them. Most historical/famous landmark/building you’ve been to in your country? No clue. Favorite flavor for most things? Strawberry, watermelon, or blue raspberry, depending on what the thing is. Ever taken pictures in a photobooth? Who with? Yeah: Summer, Jason, and I'm pretty sure Sara and I did? What is the closest book to you? It's a full collection of Poe's poetry that Mom got me. Are you reading it or someone else? I'm not right now. I may eventually. Milkshakes or Sundaes? Hm, I gotta go with milkshakes. Do you like watermelons more or cherries? I'm not a fan of either, but I'd definitely pick watermelons over cherries. Who was the last person you ate with? My family and I went to Ichiban (a Japanese steakhouse that we have here where they cook directly in front of you) yesterday to celebrate Nicole's graduation. Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Broccoli. I hate asparagus. Do you have any bug bites? No. Do you have any flowers in your room? No. Do you know anyone that owns horses? Loosely, anyway. It's a family I took pictures for, and I still have the mother on Facebook. When you were little, did you ever go to feed the ducks? Yes, I LOVED doing that. Don't feed ducks bread, by the way. Have you seen any of the seven wonders of the world in person? No. Have you ever won anything out of one of those crane machines? Yeah. Can you remember being taught how to ride a bike? Was it hard for you? Yeah. I don't THINK it was too hard. Did you get carded the last time you ordered an alcoholic drink? No. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? No, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. Which was the worst phase in your life? 2016 was. Towards the end of '15 was the breakup, and through aaaaaaall of 2016, I was just dead inside and totally useless. Every day I wanted to be dead. Can you remember your last dream? I had a nightmare some stupid kids were fucking with my snake Venus, so I was trying to protect her. Do you ever use Snapchat? No, I don't have one. What’s your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. What happened at the last party you went to? Summer prepared some little Halloween treat bags for us guests, we watched a horror movie, and everyone but me smoked some weed. Are you more comfortable sitting or lying down? I would assume everyone is more comfortable lying down... Have you ever been a fan of N*Sync? Yeah, as a kiddo. Favorite kind of cake: Red velvet, yum yum. What is your middle name? Marie. TV shows and anime you watch regularly: None. Do you want to have a big family in the future? Just a big family of pets with a spouse. What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Oh boy, I couldn't tell ya. Is Vegas one of your must-see places? No. Pet rat: yay or nay? YAY!! I've had many, but I don't think I'll get any more. I've just had bad luck with them, save for one that died of cancer at an old age. Would you call yourself a writer? Written any stories lately? Yeah. I haven't really written any big RP posts of the late, but I did recently write a poem. Are needles something that you’re afraid of? Okay, so this is super weird. Tattoos and piercings? No problem. Little prick, getting blood drawn, that sorta little stuff, no problem. I am, however, NOT a fan of big needles, which used to not be an issue. It's actually kinda recent, and it's why I'm nervous about my second Covid shot coming up, aha... What was the last unexpected hug you gave/received? I really haven't had an unexpected hug since Jason asked for one before he left my house after our final talk. Who was the last person you held hands with? Either my niece or nephew. Have you ever been in a parade before? If so, was it on TV? No. Do you have a fear of rollercoasters? If so, were you ever forced to go on one? If you don’t, what is your favorite rollercoaster? I have a big fear of them, yeah. Post a picture of you from a recent time. Don't feel like it. Who was the last person to give you some of their food? Miss Tobey let me try one of her dumplings yesterday when we were at Ichiban for dinner. The last person you met, what was your first impression of them? I actually didn't quite like her. Have you ever been to a football game? Yeah, because my sister was a cheerleader. Do you like the snow or rain better? Snowwww. Have you ever faked sick? Yeah. What is your blood-type? A-. Have you ever eaten a bug? Not knowingly. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Salsa. Mom got these veggie chips at the store and they apparently taste better with salsa, which it did. They weren't great, though. Are you listening to anything at the moment? It's Gab Smolders' turn for me to watch her Resident Evil 8 upload, haha. I'm literally watching three different people (Mark, John Wolfe, and her) play it. Can you take a bra off with one hand? I haven't tried, I think? I doubt I could, given that I'm not exactly small. Do you have an innie or an outie bellybutton? Innie. Can you crack your neck? NOOOOO AND DO NOT DO IT AROUND ME YOURSELF. Are you donating your organs? Yeah; what am I gonna use 'em for? It just seems like a waste otherwise. They're just gonna decay. When was the last time you talked to you mom? Before she left with Tobey to go to the store. Do you like pumpkin pie? NO. I don't like pie, and I hate pumpkin. Do you own your own computer? Yeah. Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? Yeah; growing up, my little sister and I did. Is there any piece of technology you want to buy? I REALLY want a PS4. Did you ever have a night light when you were a kid? Yeah. What TV show had you hooked from the very first episode? Meerkat Manor, 100%. I had to know that Shakespeare was okay. What is your least favorite Sour Patch Kids color? Orange or red, can't pick. Have you ever seen the movie Matilda? YES! I love that movie. What is the weirdest chant you have ever heard? Uh, idk. How are you feeling? Annoyed and hurt as fuck because shit Miss Tobey says without thinking for a single goddamn second. I'm honestly beyond sick of this woman. Do you know anyone with a unibrow? I don't think so. Doughy or saucy pizza? Doughy. Do you have anything that’s limited edition? Yeah. Do you have an air freshener in your bathroom? If so, what scent? I... think we do? If so though, I just don't notice it. The bathroom doesn't smell like anything in particular. Do you like Jalapeno Cheetos? Oh man, I forgot about those! Love 'em. Are you a fan of salads? Yeah, they're fine. I have to be in the mood for one, though. What’s one random thing that you don’t like? Uhhh carrots. What’s one random thing that you like? Shrimp. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I don't. Is it easy for you to accept loss? NOPE. I'm the absolute worst with it. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? I really wanna see Sara, so take me to Illinois. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No, but a former best friend had her birthday the day before mine. Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without? Not anymore, honestly. After Jason, I stopped that "I can't live without you" mindset. Truth is I'm going to lose people through life, and I'm not attaching my ability to happily exist to anyone. Are you wearing a ring? Two. Have your friends ever stopped by your house just to say hi? In the past, yeah. Do you like Chinese food? Not really. I only ever get pork fried rice and eggrolls from Chinese restaurants. Have you done any shopping for something in specific recently? No. Do you still live in your hometown? No. What was the reason behind the last time you stayed up all night? I don't recall, honestly. I haven't done that in a very long time. Have you ever had a UFO sighting or a sighting of strange lights in the sky? A very strange light, yes. Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? Yes to both. Seeing Mom drunk is very, very rare though. My dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up, so I saw him drunk plenty. Do your parents vote? Mom does, idk about Dad. Who’s the most romantic person you ever went out with? Jason. What restaurant has the best fries? Nowhere has anything on Bojangle's, y'all. Have you ever had a surprise party thrown for you? No.

[popculturebuffet]

Star Vs the Forces of Evil Reviews: The Blood Moon Ball (1-15)

Welcome back.. though to most of you probably just joining me, welcome. I’ve been on a sorta hiatus from revewiing due to a combination of procrastination, depression, and being really busy. But I finally decided it was time to put boots to the ground and get back to doing what I love: Going on way too long about children’s television.  As such, with She Ra taking a bow a few weeks back and nailing it I got to thinking about another show that just so happened to end the year before: Star Vs the Forces of Evil. Part of it was very simple: She ra ended on a trriumphant note, making a well set up romance that had been it’s backbone canon, having a wonderful final battle, tons of payoff and a throughly happy ending that satisfied all involved and got tons of well earned coverage for having a deep, meaningful relationship between two lesbians finally coming together being the thing that saves the universe. It was freaking great.  Meanwhile a year prior Star Vs, after having been treated like toilet dinner by disney for no good reason by having it’s final season shoved out over a few sundays after a yearlong hiatus.. ended not with a bang, but with a wah wah trumpet. The series ending was unsatisfying, left more questions than answers, had the title character loose all likeablity and was in general miserable. I hadn’t been this pissed off at a finale since How I Met Your Mother and hadn’t seen a romance botched this badly in animation since “Merry Christmas Mordecai”. It was BADDDDD.  However it did make me want to go back to the series; To revisit the good, the bad and the just plain weird to remember what made me love the series, what made me want to throw my tv into a river before reminding myself “No dude, shit’s expensive. “, and what COULD have been, what SHOULD have been and what WASN’T. So i’ll be reviewing assorted episodes.. and the best place to start for me was with the introduction of one of the series best characters, as well as at the same time the start of a ship that was a good idea at first but would slowly take the series down with it as it started to fall apart. This is Blood Moon Ball. There will be blood, and a dead horse, after the cut. 

Before we get into the episode, one of the series most notable and honestly a damn good one, for those 2 of you not familiar with the series a quick refresher: Star VS is the story of Star Butterfly, a rebelious 14 year old princess from the Kingdom of Mewni. Mewni is your standard medievil fantasy kingdom.. but you know with wifi because they have magic compacts that work as phones and large sale acess to the multiverse. Their also ruled over by a long sucession of queens with great and terrible magic power, which is channeld through an increidbly powerful wand that’s passed down from generation to generation.  On her 14th birthday Star gets her turn with the wand.. and not long after sets everything on fire. Not wanting the kingdom to get blown up while Star figures out thing, her parents send her to Earth, and after bribing the school principal into enroling her, that’s not a joke on my part but an actual joke from the pilot, Star soon becomes an exchange student, boarding with the Diazes and soon becoming best friends with their teenage son Marco, a saftey obessed, shy talented martial artist. The two are frequently forced to beat up the hordes of Ludo, a spoiled monster king who wants the wand for himself. Things would get way darker... like in literally two seconds as the revelation star’s people stole mewni from the monsters and Star’s hatred being revealed to be partly racisim instead of standard hero and villian stuff. But that’s for future reviews. Today we have demons, internet commentors and ship tease to get to. So with the basic premise set up let’s finally get on with it.  We open on the arrival of my boy and yours, hopefully, Tom Lucitor. Tom is the prince of the underworld, basically exactly what it sounds like: fire, brimstone, demons spooky scary skeltons sending shivers up your spine. He’s also Star’s ex boyfriend. How they broke up is.. never really explained. While more details about their relationship, includign the fact Tom bought Star her iconic Devil Horn headband on their frist date, were revealed in the tie-in spellbook, and reveals that star’s arson that got her sent to mewni happened right after her and tom broke up, but never explains WHY.  My guess is since the series clearly frames the breakup as Tom’s fault in this episode and on his anger, they probably didn’t want a scene of him screaming his head off at star, either to keep him sympathetic or , more likely, because a scene of a teenage girl watching her boyfriend having a rage fueld breakdown that leads to htem breaking up would be MASSIVELY uncomfortable to watch and unlike some uncomfortable to watch scenes, wouldn’t tell us anything we didn’t know already. So unlike some later things they never pulled the trigger on this one at least makes sense.  Anywho, Tom arrives, parking in the handicap spot (a nice little gag as Star’s crush at the time Oskar points it out, while the dead skeletal horse pulling tom’s carriage turns around to look at him), and all the girls stop and stare.. including Janna, who would probably regret this moment once she realize tom was a bad boy because he’s socially awkard and has anger issues. Basically he’s Kylo Ren but his redemption dosen’t come straight out of JJ Abrhams ass.  Tom arrives at Star’s classroom, removes his shade and damn if he dosen’t have game.. but naturally showing up unnannaounced to her school (Not that TOm probably gets what school is as Mewni dosen’t have those, but still), basically assuming she’ll go out with him, after they had a messy breakup it dosen’t go well and we get a great cut of Star shoving tom back into his carriage.. we also get the best joke of the episode.  Star: So take your invitation and your fire and your dead horse and go.  Dead Horse: wait.. i’m dead? Sad but hilarious. Anyways it’s quickly conved to viewers like us that Tom has anger problems, but he insists to star he’s doing better: he has an anger managment counsler he takes with him places, Brian, voiced by the wonderful and weirdly in Disney’s pocket these days Stephen Root, and a bunny he pets. Before star can pet said bunny Marco , KARATE CHOPS TOM’S HAND OFF.. I just.. until this review I hadn’t sat back to consider just how freakishly strong that boy is , that he can just accidently chop off a hand. I mean tom may have weak joints or something but even after taking far worse blows later on his hands just.. don’t come off. Tom flies itnto a rage and it becomes clear that yeah, whatever happened, it was tom’s fault, and given the kind of rage she flies into, you can see why i’d assume the writers really didn’t want the audience to see him at his worst. I certainly don’t.  Star both worried and clearly having seen this sort of thing go bad before urges Marco to run but tom quickly recovers, both reuniting with his hand and having calmed down, and he and Marco are formally introduced, with star explaning the invite. We also get a great line with marco encouraging her “Star never go with a preadator to a second location”. This show was damn good at getting shit past the radar and i’m here for it. Anyways, Star isn’t quite sold despite tom clearly TRYING to get better, and Tom , in a really nice  move, gives her a bell and tiny hammer to summon his carriage with if she decides to go but leaves it up to her, not pressuring her or anything. For how selfish tom is initially.. this is a spark that shows h’es not a TERRIBLE person, just one who has some growing up to do. Marco however is not convinced and wants to go with, with Star teling him no because A) he wasn’t invited and it’d be rude to ask and B), she appricates the concerns but she can handle this, and implicily, despite her reckless nature knows this is a risk but knows if the night turns she can handle Tom, and that maybe he’s changed. Marco insists Tom can’t change.. which I find hilarious given his massive character arc to the point I had as eires ofessays planned, and one don about his growth before deciding to change formats to doing each ep of his journey instead every so often, to the point where two years on in the series timeline.. we’ve gone from Marco thinking Tom is a predator to...

But star decides to go and .. it’s clear from the subtext that while part of it is clear concern for star, Marco’s line about “it being fun here all the time” may mean that while he DOES have the best intentions.. part of him is jealousssssss. More on that in a bit.  For now we go to the underworld with the second best gag of the episode as Tom is toning down the spookiness to please star, and one of the guys in the picture at the top insults him... and when tom asks which one he says me. We sadly don’t get an answer but it’s small gags like this that made me want to do this episode by episode. Star arrives.. and things quickly go south. Tom tries giving her a corsage that’s a live spider and she rejects it. This admitely looks bad on both as Tom , living in you know, a hell dimenson probably sees it as a sweet gesture, and Star is refusing it.. but star does so POLITELY, and for understandable reasons, and Tom is still clearly pissed about it. Not long after, they line up for what’s essentially a prom photo.. and to get Carried by a bucket of unicorn blood, another nice little gag. Star refuses since well her best friend is a unicorn, one of them anyway, or at least it’s head.. and yes one of the species in this series multiverse is a bunch of headless unicorns. IT’s wonderful. And star also notices tom needs his anger managment bunny and is clearly pissed about it when, having dated her for several months, clearly should’ve KNOWN this might bother her.  That’s really tom’s problem here: He wants everything his way on his terms and only compromises if he thinks it’ll get star to do things with him. He’s made the PRETENSE of changing.. but he really dosen’t WANT to yet. He just wants her back and wants to change just enough to get her back so he can stop trying again. He also may , due to the underworld being diffrent and a place where being covered in a bucket of blood is a time honored tradition instead of the thing that turns a young mutant into a mass murderer, and yes I think a carrie x-men crossover would be the shit. He probably dosen’t GET that star wouldn’t like a spider corasge or bathing in her best friends blood.. but the problem isn’t that. that’s culture shock, that can be bridged with some talk.. the problem is tom dosen’t want to talk, he just wants her to do what he wants and things to be all cool and to get his way. Being a prince with two loving parents, we’ll meet them soon enough just not this episode, and tons of servants, I get the impressionf rom this and other episodes tom simply isn’t USED to not getting what he wants.He’s not USED to being told “No”, and thus has no way to deal with it healthily and isntead lashes out like an angry toddler. It dosen’t make his actions RIGHT but it does make them more understandable and makes it so Tom’s later growth FEELS natural depsite some of his sketchier actions beforehand. 

Back at Marco’s house, Marco is depressed eating nachos in a sumbrero.. which if I had corn chips, cheese and a sombrero would probably be my daily life right about now. It’s then we get a WEIRD dropped bit, as Marco hears a weird piratey voice telling him the blood moon is the moon for lovers and stuff. This is IMPLIED to be his monster arm, from an earlier episode.. but it’s.. never explained. Whatever it was going to be was dropped. Which would be fine if the blood moon itself and the end of this episode didn’t get a full explination in season 4 with the writers clearly going back to it to resolve the dangling thread.. but still not explaning the spooky voice. I mean what was it? Marco’s pirate ancestor? the sea captain from the simpsons? the monster arm? terry that bastard? Burt Macklin FBI? Old Man Withers the guy who runs the amusment park? Dirk Dastardely? A sentient payphone? The alps? Tell us damn you! Okay that tangent aside Marco decides to party crash at the advice of the ominous voice.. seriously is it Flintheart Glomgold? Nevermind. Back at the ball star is bonding with a small skeletal fish int he magma punch whent his random asshole comes up and whines for a good minute,if hilariously so, about the ball being changed.

He’s feels, looks and acts like the combination of those morons who were mad adora wasn’t “as hot” in the she ra reboot and was aged down to a teenager and the threw it on the ground guy.  After that interlude, tom shoos away a guy asking star to dance and the guy makes vauge comments about tom wanting his and star’s souls to be link while making kissy nosies. Before Tom can explain what he means by that, or at least lie about what he means by that, the blood moon is about the drop, the lights turn red and tom walks off because he wants the music to be perfect. And then Marco arrives in his really damn cool calevara outfit. Which fair play, I can see why, besides ship reasons, it gets a lot of art: it looks really damn neat.  Speaking of shipping.. it’s time. Star, not realizing it’s marco, dances with him.. quite romantically in fact. It’s here that the show conciously starts Shipping star and marco together. Starco is born, and the scnee is really good: romantic, well animated, jsut great all around. While the ship would .. end up done rather poorly and lead to some really terrible stuff at the time.. it wasn’t abd and already shipping them I loved this and even now, even knowing what woudl come later... it’s not a bad sequence. The only bad thing is what would come later, but I can’t fault the writers of THIS EP for what they would do in a LATER ONE. That’s just not fair. The ship wasn’t bad to start and the later arc springing from it in season 2 would be good.. it just quickly went in bad directions as the series went on , then disappeared, then how it finallyc ame about was just awful. But as much as I want to.. I can’t blame the sequence on this. It didn’t create rabid shippers or poor writing, it was just good and deserves to be praised as such.  Naturally tom takes this about as well as me when I found out HBO max wouldn’t be on roku at launch and prepares to murder Marco.. and promptly gets frozen by star who decides to wisely get out of there. It’s a ncie moment.. and  reminder that Star is crazy powerful, as is the wand itself, because as we’ll see later, tom is no slouch himself in the power department, but even if her attack was from behind, she still stopped him in one move.  So Star takes marco home and dresses him down for sneaking in, understandbly so: while it was an iffy situation, Star knew who she was dealing with and as shown at the end, was strong enough that tom was no threat to her, and given what we learn later, Tom’s parents would likely never let her come to real harm. For all her reckless decision making, Star thought this one out and Marco shoudl’ve repsectied that and didn’t for his own reasons. To his credit though he apologizes, Star admits to liking the dance, then the two speak in unison a few times, and we wont’ get followup on that till the last season! Roll credits. I don’t have the credits for this episode so enjoy this instead:

Final Thoughts: Blood Moon Ball is a spectacular ep. A good plot, a great introduction for tom, and great animation and humor really make the episode pop and it’s nice to get our first look at the underworld and tom himself. Tom would be back, and i’ll be back to tom eventually, but on it’s own the episode is really good and it’s standout sequence still holds up even as starco ended up in the sewer quality wise. All in all a great ep and a great starting point if you haven’t watched the show yet.  Coming Soon: A return to Star in the near future probably since Tom is great and his second ep deserves love too, as do several other star eps, as well as a look at the saluna episodes of the loud house because i’m in a gay mood for obvious reasons, and a loud house mood for less obvious reasons. Until then, feel free to hit me up with asks with suggestions or commisosns for future reviews, and until next time, later days. 

[the-anime-idiot]

Okay, so I practically made up the structure of this story, and I won’t fic it because I can’t and won’t. I’ll be using the 1998 version as a reference and overall guide because for some reason I haven’t seen the 1961 version. (I promise I will when I can!) Also, this won’t have any Claire/Jack romance because ew and Claire’s gf/wife Kaia would come in the second “movie” when Jack and Claire are grown up, like in The Parent Trap 2.

Starting with how the breakup went and the camp our two protagonists went to, as well as their fight that got them in the secluded cabin.

Another time the world is saved, or just a hunt gone really wrong. Both Cas and Dean do something so stupid they have a full on argument. There’s books swept off tables and choice words said. Dean is the one that storms off, saying he’s going to take a drive. This time Sam knows he’s not coming back anytime soon. Cas takes Jack because somehow he was brought up in the argument. Jack flies them both to London so they can relax and Jack can learn Enochian and anything else he wants. Dean drives to Sioux Falls and picks up Claire, and they both go on a huge hunting trip across the states until they reach California, where they stop and make a small living. (At this point, most monsters are kept under control and the Men of Letters is running steadily.)

Sam has tried for many years to get Dean and Cas back together, but they are really pissed at each other and the hate only grew after the years. About a year into their “divorce” and Sam practically giving up due to his new duties, Cas calls about a summer camp Jack could go to in the states. Something about terrible camps in England and the photography business (What?). Sam realises holy shit they could get back via parent trap and recommends a small camp in wherever that accepts and doesn’t discriminate genders. (This will be relevant later)

Sam then calls Dean to recommend the same camp, so Claire can have time to make friends or whatever and Dean can work on his auto shop some more (taking after Bobby, of course).

Cut to about a week later when both Claire and Jack go to this camp. They both play poker, and eventually challenge each other to a poker game. Jack loses because Claire has practised more and their shenanigans build up. After Claire’s entire cabin almost burns down, Claire and Jack are sent into a secluded cabin where they have to make up. (This is where the gender thing comes in, because most camps would never allow them to be in the same woods tbh)

In the cabin, Claire shoves her stuff under the bed and doesn’t talk. Jack pins up some pictures of Cas, and one ripped up photo of Dean, who looks very happy.

After a painstaking week of glaring at each other and planning each other’s death, Claire storms up to Jack, preparing to cuss him out for doing some things. It was an excuse on her part to make Jack comply and get a look at his weird photos. As they are arguing, Claire notices that the photos are of Cas and Jack. She stops and asks Jack about them. Jack replies that Cas is his father, well, one of them. He didn’t want to talk about Dean. Claire then spots the photo that looked ripped in half and asks about it. Jack breaks and tells her it‘s his other father, but after a big fight they ripped their one favourite photo and secretly took each other’s side. Claire explains that Dean is her father and Cas was her other, but after that very same fight Dean took her in. She hurriedly grabs a photo from her little box under her bed. She brings it to Jack. It’s a photo of Cas, who is beaming, looking at the ripped side of the photo. They put two and two together (quite literally) and temporarily tape their two halves together.

They still had to act pissed at each other during the day, but after hours they devised a plan to get Dean and Cas back together. Claire happily cuts off her hair, saying it was too long for hunting anyway. Jack hesitantly lets Claire pierce his left ear, insisting it would complete the look. Then, with some makeup and choice clothes, they finally had a good disguise to fool people long enough to get each other to opposite ends of the world.

When Claire gets to London, she storms up to Cas (who was on a call) and, after the call, just stares at him. He flips out, because “holy shit this is my vessel’s child” and demands to know how and why the hell is she here and where is Jack. Claire explains how Jack is in Cali and they want Cas and Dean to get together. Also Sam basically set this up, and they had 3 days before Jack got to Cali (Claire drove to the camp, and Dean had some hunters escort her just in case) so they better make a quick plan to exchange children and (hopefully) make up their little fight. Cas, with the help of Sam and Claire, makes a plan to meet each other in a cool resort in California.

Jack took a direct route home, keeping in mind how to text Dean like Claire. [Dean and Claire both unimanimously agreed to not call each other. Dean can sometimes hears Cas in Claire, and Claire finds it easier to text anyway.] After about a day, Dean texted Claire Jack that they should meet up at a resort in a few day’s time. Just because why not. Jack texted back the a-okay, just like Claire had instructed him. Sam called Jack, who answered. They talked for a bit about their lives since the “divorce” and then how the plan was going to go.

A few days later, everyone arrives at the resort, Dean being slightly late so Claire and Jack can exchange phones and then Claire can pretend she drove all the way. Dean meets with Claire first, curious about her new look, which she explains as “trying to look like Jody a bit, to remind her of family and not leaving anyone behind.” (Sneaky plotsposition by Claire)

Claire, Jack and Sam arrange a dinner so that Dean and Cas can meet again. It’s a little spot by the sea. Cas comes first, early as always. Dean is escorted to his table, confused as to why Claire isn’t there when —

Cas smiles, wearing his same old trench. He looked as handsome as ever. Dean wore his fed suit, expecting this to be a daddy/daughter dinner.

Dean and Cas have a romantic and kind of awkward dinner. Cas explains everything and the two of them eventually make up. The trio of trouble watches this from a separate room in the restaurant, all sighing in joy when Dean and Cas look to be back together.

Dean and Cas go for a walk on a nearby deserted pier and the trio who set this up go back to the resort hotel to relax and celebrate. Dean and Cas come back to the resort with eyes shining. (They kissed!) Everyone stays at the resort for a couple more days. They retake that old picture, now with Claire and Jack. Dean and Cas officially get married (thank you California for your legal marriage laws) and go on a honeymoon to a nice spot in Mexico that cute hunter couple from the Chitters episode recommended. Dean, Cas, Claire and Jack live a happy domesticated life in California while Sam runs a basically perfected Men of Letters. Sam always checks up on the happy family, bringing cool gifts from hunts on birthdays and anniversaries.

Fin

Wow. That took ages. Thank you anyone who decided to listen. Maybe I should actually make a movie script for this. Also, thank you to the kind soul who gave me idea for how Jack and Claire would switch. I honestly could not have thought of a way besides “they stole each other’s IDs and somehow didn’t get caught by anyone.” Happy Pride Month, y’all, and have a nice day!

[jupiterjunebug]

WHERE'S THE WEREWOLF ESSAY, OP??

@malaloba @bisexualducknewton You also dared me to say this so you get a tag

Okay so fun facts about Tyler Keegan Casey (I literally just wanted to make a joke about Tyler Casey abbreviating to Tyler K.C):

His parents, Edgar Casey and Rebecca Wilson, got married at 18. Their reasoning was "hey, we've been together all of high school, we still like each other, and I think our kids would be really hot." A bit of the shine wore off for Rebecca, though, when it turned out Edgar inherited a controlling streak from his parents. He got it in his head that his growth as a person required moving as far away from tiny little Casper, WV as he could. Which was fine, and would've been true if he’d put any actual EFFORT into growing up, except he made that decision without consulting his wife. Family was the most important thing in the world for her, which meant she didn't want to leave. Unfortunately, family was the most important thing in the world to her, and Edgar was technically her family.As far away as possible turned out to be Fortville, Indiana. At around 3000 people, it was certainly bigger than Casper, but much smaller than Edgar's ambitions. Unfortunately, they'd run out of gas, and got stuck in town long enough for Rebecca to work up her courage and deliver an ultimatum: they were eight hours from Casper, close enough to drive over, and she'd live no further away than that.Tyler was born a few years later and grew up the only "daughter" of the household, pretty in a generic way and polite to a fault. His homesick mama taught him that he'd know when he found his people on account of the decision to give up everything for them would only hurt a little. His pyramid-scheme chasing daddy taught him that the key to success is for people to think you're one of their people, and who gives a shit if it's true or not?Up until he was twenty he was a full-on social chameleon: he wore the closest thing he could get to the "right" clothes, he did his hair in the "right" way, he laughed at the right jokes and had a crush on all the right boys. Third runner up for prom queen, dated at least three members in the football team (the breakups were never his fault, of course. He'd take a relationship as far as the other person wanted, he only dated them because they wanted to date him after all), popular but not so popular for people to consider him a threat.Every holiday, Tyler and his mama went off to Casper to visit her family. That meant he ended up at the kids table with his two younger cousins Franc ( @keplersheetz) and Vicki. Franc and Vicki were practically sisters, Franc lived with Vicki's parents whenever her ma was off dealing with her host of mental issues, which meant that Tyler was kind of the third wheel.

Tyler ended up the responsible one, and town gossip went on about how they hoped he'd be a good influence, because wasn't he just a perfect little child? Gossip about Franc went on about how she was wild, about how she didn't follow rules, if she wasn't careful she'd end up just like her mother and didn't Vicki's parents worry about if she was a bad influence? No one gossiped about Vicki at all.

It created a weird circle of jealousy, where Tyler envied Franc for having the guts to be herself, Franc worried that Vicki would end up liking Tyler better than her, and Vicki wished somebody might talk about her instead of other people’s “influence” on her. In general, Tyler and Franc didn't get along on account of they were very different and had no interests in common, but when you spend months each year as an obligatory playmate you end up developing at least a little fondness.Tyler went to Indiana University Bloomington, close enough to home for both his parents and also in possession of a Bachelors program for early childhood education. He quickly acquired a job at the library, a reputation as "a pleasure to have in class," an overcommitment to several clubs, and a thoroughly mediocre boyfriend. He also ended up in two classes with and as a coworker to Monet, ( @pleasekalemenow). In sophomore year, the two were roommates and in three classes together, which was haha a funny coincidence. Then in Spring term Tyler had a stress breakdown and Monet was so thrown by composed, fake-ass Tyler losing his shit over something completely minor that she ended up sitting with him for four hours and now they're best friends.In the summer before Junior year he was like "hey wait a fucking second, if I'm completely changing my personality around other people so that they'll like me...do they actually like me?" and decided that fuck it, I'm going to just have my own personality and work my hardest to make it so people find that person likable. The most obvious shift - aside from him breaking up with his mediocre boyfriend and quitting half of his clubs - was coming out as, you know, a dude.

His parents didn't really...get it? His mom continues to this day to treat it as something she supports but just can't understand, and his dad kind of took it as a personal attack because his dad is a self-obsessed jackass. The rest of the family didn't really express an opinion on any of this, on account of Vicki had a baby and Franc ran away from home just a little while later. Compared to having a daughter under 18 and just straight up disappearing, being trans wasn't all that embarrassing to them.Things went pretty decent for half of Junior year. Then one day while he was watching a kindergarten class, the last kid to be picked up at the end of the day turned into an eldritch horror and ate the other student teacher. The FBI’s Paranormal Research and Investigation division showed up and was like "hey I'm pretty sure you can guess that we're going to tell you to keep this hush hush, so keep this fucking hush hush." Tyler went "wow you know I don't like being kept in the dark about all this," so he changed his major to criminal justice and worked his ass off to graduate at the same time as everyone else. Then he joined the FBI, and when they were interviewing him he dropped some line about "oh, I saw something once and the, uh, I think it was PRI? Said that it was top secret dangerous business. I'd like to solve murders like that :)" and the PRI kind of went "well...I guess? we can hire? Him? He did a god job on all of his exams...we have no reason not to."At around this time he played the love interest in Monet's breakout limited access TV show, Once Upon a Cryptid. This show eventually gained Dr. Horrible levels of cult-classic fame, and Tyler is eternally thankful that T has at this point changed his look enough that no one really recognizes him beyond people he talks to on case being like "haha isn't it funny that you look kind of like actor Tyler Casey and you're an FBI agent just like his character?" And he just says "haha yeah I get that a lot :)"The PRI was also like "hey can you keep an eye on this person who is causing trouble with conspiracy theory shit?" Tyler says "uh yeah, sure? Anything I should know?" And the PRI is like "well it's your cousin, but other than that, nah, glhf :)"Tyler found this situation Vaguely Uncomfortable, so instead of being actually good at his job he took this opportunity to leave reminders to eat and warnings to keep her head down when she overreached. They were all signed with "The FBI Agent That's Watching You Right Now" and wow isn't it fucked up that they're closer as anonymous FBI stalker and conspiracy theorist than they were as proper childhood playmates? It fucks me up sometimes.Five years before the game starts, he goes on an investigation into what may or may not be a supernatural murderer. While in the area he runs into August Caraway ( @transagentstern), who is. Super his type. He immediately starts finding excuses to spend time w/ the hot, sensitive, painter, asking August to be his guide around the area. And also if he could see that painting that August is working on because it sounds really :) great :). Eventually he comes to the conclusion that the long periods of time between attacks and the COD indicate either a werewolf attack or a very patient predator. He goes "well, it's the new moon tonight...so if I take August out on a da-I MEAN INVESTIGATION into that clearing in the woods it'll be safe."Spoilers! It isn't!They get attacked by a werewolf. Tyler says "well, I'm an FBI agent so I should be the one to sacrifice myself" and tries to shoot the werewolf. It quickly takes him to the ground, but hey! At least August has time to run! Except instead of running, August goes up to try and save Tyler. Which ends in them both getting bitten before the silver bracelets August always wears fend the thing off. August manages to drag Tyler to civilization before losing consciousness, and the two wake up in separate hospitals. August is told Tyler got sent to a special FBI hospital, but is fine. Tyler is told August got tired of waiting around for him to wake up and left. (More fun facts: this happened the day before Pigeon's birthday! Wow! Terrible)Tyler is kept under observation for the rest of the month, just to make sure he's fine. He is, of course, not fine. The PRI is super stoked to have access to someone who is fully willing to spend the rest of his month j chillin' and then come in on the full moons, on account of most of the werewolves they have access to are ones they caught and have to keep hold of all the time. Which, like, unlawfully contained civilians are a shitty baseline.So, despite having research in their name, the PRI kinda fucking sucks at research. Their methodology is to just try shit until they figure out 1. How to kill the monster and 2. How to spot the affliction/how it progresses. They are perfectly aware of how to kill werewolves, so really all they do is stage observations under different stress conditions to play “how to spot a werewolf”.

Every experiment is just put them in a cage with moonlight access, see whether the transformation is faster/slower when the person has a certain diet/fitness level/etc. Most of the subjects can’t leave bc they’d run away and are also liable to transform sometimes which is inconvenient.

The PRI isn't especially concerned about Tyler, because they know one of the conditions for a transformation is high stress and if there's one thing he's good at it's completely repressing an anxiety attack, so he's able to pretty much do his job aside from the whole "locked up under the full moon" thing. Of course, he's ostracized by his coworkers on account of he's like. Literally a monster. But that's fine! He has Monet! Who he never tells anything about all this because he doesn't want to worry her, and also because her brother (coincidentally August, though Tyler doesn't know that) died around the time of his attack and he doesn't want her to blame herself for never trying to come see him.Good things that happen in these 5 years: he has an amicable relationship with Franc. He gets good at his job. He and Monet discover that the uncanny coincidences which led to them always having classes together carry over into their adult life, and they constantly run into each other while performing their respective jobs. She sometimes invites him to parties to stop men from hitting on her, and because he looks vaguely like Jake Gyllenhaal (that's Tyler's face claim) they get to laugh about all the tabloid rumors that Monet is dating Jake.The bad news is Tyler never had access to the other werewolves prior to the attack (it wasn't his division, and he wasn't usually in a position to take anything alive) which means he's never been around to see a new one, to watch the arc of their deterioration. Usually it goes like this: they wake up, alone and naked in a room with only a bed, a desk, and an uncomfortable wooden chair. They are given clothing by an FBI agent, sometimes that agent is sympathetic, sometimes sneering, but usually expressionless. Each full moon they transform, and remember nothing of it save pain, hunger, and the feeling of their claws digging into the metal walls. Fear is a trigger for transformation, as is anger. They are always afraid, always angry. Eventually, it becomes rare to see them in their human forms.The PRI is fucking stupid. A reasonable person might say "duh, werewolves turn when they're scared, maybe if we put them someplace less scary they'll stop turning so much." Instead, they write in their notes, the notes Tyler receives, "we're fairly certain that, at some point, the humanity of a werewolf is completely lost." He only sees werewolves that have not been human in months, or even years. Or, he sees the ones who are even worse off.The worse news is that Tyler is told there's a cure. Sometimes, the PRI manages to poke and prod at a werewolf and for reasons we just don't understand they never transform again. So he doesn't argue with the tests, and even if he writes a will he doesn't tell Monet anything because he might be fine, and he doesn't want to worry her. He throws himself into his work and into making Monet happy, because he wants to make sure that if he is lost he leaves a legacy. There's something to prove that Tyler Casey's existence was justified.Then he finds out what the cure entails. It's not recovery, not at all; it's pushing someone so hard, making them so afraid, that their body can't take being afraid anymore. A person who’s too tired to feel doesn't shift, not even under the full moon, because the werewolf's state of mind is defined by the person's emotions before it happens (so if someone was actually CALM, really truly calm, then they'd manage to control it, but hunger and anger and fear can all throw that out of wack). If the person is numb, there is nothing for the curse to react to.Tyler Casey would rather die after trying his hardest than live longer but not be able to do anything. So, when he manages to find a job opening at The Askar Foundation, a secret society with more funding and more knowledge than the FBI could ever hope for, he has no qualms spilling the PRI's secrets in exchange for a position as a field agent.As you can probably guess, August, Monet, and Franc are all there as well. The circumstances of their recruitment were significantly less...consensual than his (Monet and Franc recently saw too much and got pressganged in, and after nearly killing Franc while transformed August got dragged in for Askar's own brand of tests). This leads to a veritable five layer dip of fucking drama:1. Franc and Tyler have a private conversation which leads to the revelation of several character secrets on both their parts. This ends when Tyler and Franc both insist that they saw different things during one of the scenes. Franc has always had the ability to tell when people lie to her, but she is also convinced she's right about their topic of conversation (which uh, she IS right, so). That means that, despite the fact that she can't feel him lying, he MUST be. She's convinced that he's had the supernatural ability to get around her own uncanny powers this whole time, and thus they engaged in a Comedy of Errors where instead of mistaken identities it’s Tyler saying things that further convince Franc he's trying to manipulate the entire team2. The Askar foundation would very much like to keep their shiny new field agent, and also Tyler still has connections to the FBI and him snitching to them would be.........inconvenient. So they're willing to put effort, within reason, into making sure he doesn't find out anything that might cause problems, like the fact that August is a kind of monster Tyler has a massive vendetta against. Or uh...anything else that might make him question them. This leads to3. Askar shutting down a conversation between him and Monet, leading to her concluding that talking about their past experiences with the supernatural OR the workings of Askar will never go well. (Exacerbated by the fact that Askar had already been trying to keep her from finding out shit about her brother) 4. Consequently, Monet will no longer talk to him about deep personal topics if they lead back to these things at ALL5. Franc ended up in a romantic entanglement w/ the monster of the week, who is a shapeshifter unwillingly being used to bring about...the apocalypse. He thinks the reason she doesn’t trust him is because she figured out he was a werewolf, and doesn’t trust him/is keeping an eye on him so she can put him down when he becomes dangerous. So he thinks she hates him bc he’s a shapeshifter that has no control over himself, but then she’s fine with...the OTHER shapeshifter that has no control over himself.6. August thinks Tyler hates werewolves because of the attack, and is afraid to enter a relationship with him because he wouldn't be able to keep his condition a secret7. Tyler refuses to let himself entertain notions of actually DATING August, because Tyler thinks he's going to die and doesn't want to hurt even MORE people when he goes8. Tyler and Monet platonically love each other so much and are also living together in Seinfeld's mansion that she stole the keys to, and Tyler is an idiot which means August thinks Tyler wants to date Monet (August's SISTER)So tl;dr, Tyler thinks that after Franc gained access to more Askar files she suddenly doesn't trust him (he assumes she knows he's a werewolf), he knows that Monet suddenly doesn't want to TALK to him and knows that if he discovers anything suspicious he thus cannot tell her, and he knows he......really, really, REALLY is starting to enjoy August's companyThis means that conversations oscillate between Tyler being professionally friendly with all his coworkers, Franc interpreting something random as a personal attack, Monet deeply wishing she could tell Tyler something, and then a completely stupid conversation where Tyler and August are flirting about something stupid and getting cockblocked by Tyler's hangups and August remembering that as far as he's concerned Tyler and Monet should get together.Oh and also Askar definitely is fucking with his head at least once a session.

[danielleslie1]

[LTR] Not trying to get her back, just need to get it off my chest.

I used to post here. I used to have good game, be a player, sleep around. Reached the point where I felt like I could get anybody I wanted, which was great (that’s the point where I switched to that pseudo; had a lot more posts to the previous one, which some people here might remember; doesn’t matter much anyway). But it also left me feeling like I could never be satisfied. Like a long-term relationship would be impossible for me, I would get bored fast, and I would spend my life just doing hookups. Hence that profile picture. Than I met that girl. She was just supposed to be a one-night stand, but the connection was real, intense. Suddenly no interest in other girls, at all. Just the idea of kissing another girl feels gross, like kissing a dude. Didn’t think it was possible, unless I experienced it myself. Fast-forward to 2 years and a half later. We moved to her native country (Japan). We’re engaged. We’re texting all day long. We lived together for a bit, until she started that new job: 4 months in-house training, living inside the company. Suddenly, no time to chat, no time to meet (they have curfew (Japanese companies are effed up)). She’s two months and a half in, and last night she said she wasn’t sure. She doesn’t want to live together anymore. She doesn’t want to get married anymore. She wants to take a break, and focus on her job for now. This… hurts. I guess I kinda saw it coming, but I didn’t think she would go all the way. I told her I was worried her job would change her and she would lose interest. I told her I was worried because when we met I was a player (I mean, I stole her from one of my roommates, and then slept with her two best friends while we were on a one day break; as I said, I was f*d up, and that was the only way I had of helping my poor self-esteem), and now that I was becoming a settled down good guy she would lose interest. I told her I was worried because all of my previous LTRs ended up after 2 years and a half with girls losing interest, and her job was coming at a terrible time. I figured talking about it would prevent it, guess it didn’t work (quite the opposite). On the other hand I wasn’t going to cheat on her just to keep her interested, or prevent her from taking the job, so not sure what I could have done. I started acting angry and whiny, until I remember my PUA training: baaarely saved the situation and managed to take control, said it was ok, said a break was probably good for both of us. I set down some rules (no hooking up with other people (both of us), and we meet at least once before she leaves for her final work place (every previous issue has been settled as soon as we saw each other eye to eye, so it will be the final test). Warned her that it was awkward but a package was on its way already to her place (sent her her favorite chocolate a couple days ago as a surprise, to show some support for her work) and she could keep it, have a good night, turned off my phone and went to “sleep” (aka “6 hours of turning in bed wondering wtf I’m going to do with my life”). My Plan moving forward Soooo I’m going full NC now I guess. This is weird considering it’s the person I’ve been exchanging texts with every 10mn for the last two years and a half, and it’s honestly painful. But luckily I have very good discipline and willpower - something that saved me soooo many times back in the day, and allowed me to get lays waaay better than I deserved, by keeping a strong as steel frame at all times. Like taking brutal shit tests from HB10s without flinching, or pushing that HB10 even though your whole body is screaming to pull. That small PUA voice at the back of my head, who keeps emotions in check, and whispers “it’s ok man, believe in the game, believe in your experience; you want to do something else, but you know what you should do.” She already texted me actually, asking what’s in the box (;)) but again, keeping my frame, not answering until tonight, and then just short sentences and no feelings or whining or whatever. I read again some posts here, that also helped a lot. In the last 4-5 years, this community and this site helped me a lot, and I’m really grateful about that. And to be honest, I’m considering it over. I know it’s only a break, and I know her, it’s not a lame-ass excuse to go see what’s out there. I know she’s working and studying every waking hour, and I know she really wants to focus on that. On the other hand, I don’t believe in breaks. It’s just a slow break-up. So I’m not hoping on getting her back (I mean, there is a tiny sliver of hope, but I’m trying not to listen to it). If I do, cool, but I’m already preparing for the break-up and for single life. Already packed all her stuff and hid it (to help with going NC), already accepted several party invitations I would have been too lazy to go to otherwise. I’m not planning on hooking up any time soon (I’m too rusty, and honestly sleeping with someone who’s not her would probably be more depressing than anything else), hence the “no hooking up” rule. Instead, I’m taking this “break” as “2-4 weeks of training to go back into single life”. What I’m looking forward to

Getting a life back. If I’m honest, my life recently was almost only about us, and was kinda boring. Now that it’s gone, I’ll have to find again who I am.

I finally have a settled fulltime job, a good apartment, a long term visa, I make good money, and I had a stable relationship. After years of fighting every day, it felt honestly boring. At least now I get something to fix

I honestly love the game. I spent the last two years missing it - not sleeping with other girls, just the whole banter, the texting, the shit tests, the dates. The hunt, basically. Now I can enjoy it a bit more

Girls in Japan are seriously HOT. So many hot girls everywhere

Honestly, it was a great relationship. I was in love, something that I would have thought impossible a couple years ago. No matter what happens in the future, I can always be satisfied that I’ve been lucky enough to feel this in my life

It’s not the first time it happens, and every time it did, it went the same way: I worked hard to improve myself to get the girl back. Became a better value person. Met someone new who was twice better than the ex. Felt a bit embarrassed for the ex when she tried to come back. So now that this girl was literally perfect (funny, smart, independant, super cute AND great body, loved sex more than me, same values), I’m kinda curious who will be next. If she’s twice as good too… damn.

What I’m NOT looking forward to

Other people. I can get over the breakup, but the idea of having to tell my family, my friends, my roommates, coworkers, that my fiancée left is just crushing. And then having to introduce a future new one to everybody (especially the family) is fucked up.

It was a very intense and fusional relationship, with a lot of sex. So I’m worried about how long it will take to hug/kiss/sex another girl without having flashbacks of her

It took 10 years of sleeping around to find a girl as good as her. Not looking forward to 10 more years. I’m just tired of that shit.

On that note, I’m already 32yo. Considering the time to find a new relationships, go through a couple relationships that don’t work, then start to settle, get engaged, married, etc., I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever manage to have kids some day. That’s honestly the most depressive point, since it my one last objective in life.

Proposing again. I did the perfect proposal. Got the perfect ring, the perfect place, made the perfect plan, the perfect surprise. It was exactly like I wanted it to be, was wonderful. Now, if I have to propose again, either I do the same thing again, which would feel terrible, or I have to do something subpar, which isn’t much better. Going back to the jewelry shop again and asking for “another engagement ring please!” is as sad as it is funny.

No offense, but most Japanese girls are dumb as posts. They’ve been taught since childhood that being smart was bad, that going to a good university meant you couldn’t get married, etc. A lot of Japanese guys also shun girls who are too well educated or too smart, which doesn’t help. As a result, finding a cute girl is easy, but a cute girl who can have a conversation… really tough.

Also, meeting new people in Japan is incredibly difficult, as there are a lot of social barriers. And since like in most countries people hang out mostly with their network from their university years (something I don’t have here), it’s going to be tough. Not impossible, but tough.

Anyway, not sure why I posted here. I really needed to get it off my chest, and people here have always been supportive, which I needed right now. Also it helps a lot preventing those human but beta urges such as passive-agressive posting on Facebook, drunk texting her, and whining to our mutual friends. If anybody took the time to read all this, thanks a lot, and have a great day m(_ _)m

from PUA Forum http://www.puaforums.com/how-get-your-ex-back/31981-ltr-not-trying-get-her-back-just-need-get-off-my-chest.html from PUA Forum https://puaforumscom.tumblr.com/post/161879106968

[puaforumscom]

[LTR] Not trying to get her back, just need to get it off my chest.

I used to post here. I used to have good game, be a player, sleep around. Reached the point where I felt like I could get anybody I wanted, which was great (that's the point where I switched to that pseudo; had a lot more posts to the previous one, which some people here might remember; doesn't matter much anyway). But it also left me feeling like I could never be satisfied. Like a long-term relationship would be impossible for me, I would get bored fast, and I would spend my life just doing hookups. Hence that profile picture. Than I met that girl. She was just supposed to be a one-night stand, but the connection was real, intense. Suddenly no interest in other girls, at all. Just the idea of kissing another girl feels gross, like kissing a dude. Didn't think it was possible, unless I experienced it myself. Fast-forward to 2 years and a half later. We moved to her native country (Japan). We're engaged. We're texting all day long. We lived together for a bit, until she started that new job: 4 months in-house training, living inside the company. Suddenly, no time to chat, no time to meet (they have curfew (Japanese companies are effed up)). She's two months and a half in, and last night she said she wasn't sure. She doesn't want to live together anymore. She doesn't want to get married anymore. She wants to take a break, and focus on her job for now. This... hurts. I guess I kinda saw it coming, but I didn't think she would go all the way. I told her I was worried her job would change her and she would lose interest. I told her I was worried because when we met I was a player (I mean, I stole her from one of my roommates, and then slept with her two best friends while we were on a one day break; as I said, I was f*d up, and that was the only way I had of helping my poor self-esteem), and now that I was becoming a settled down good guy she would lose interest. I told her I was worried because all of my previous LTRs ended up after 2 years and a half with girls losing interest, and her job was coming at a terrible time. I figured talking about it would prevent it, guess it didn't work (quite the opposite). On the other hand I wasn't going to cheat on her just to keep her interested, or prevent her from taking the job, so not sure what I could have done. I started acting angry and whiny, until I remember my PUA training: baaarely saved the situation and managed to take control, said it was ok, said a break was probably good for both of us. I set down some rules (no hooking up with other people (both of us), and we meet at least once before she leaves for her final work place (every previous issue has been settled as soon as we saw each other eye to eye, so it will be the final test). Warned her that it was awkward but a package was on its way already to her place (sent her her favorite chocolate a couple days ago as a surprise, to show some support for her work) and she could keep it, have a good night, turned off my phone and went to "sleep" (aka "6 hours of turning in bed wondering wtf I'm going to do with my life"). My Plan moving forward Soooo I'm going full NC now I guess. This is weird considering it's the person I've been exchanging texts with every 10mn for the last two years and a half, and it's honestly painful. But luckily I have very good discipline and willpower - something that saved me soooo many times back in the day, and allowed me to get lays waaay better than I deserved, by keeping a strong as steel frame at all times. Like taking brutal shit tests from HB10s without flinching, or pushing that HB10 even though your whole body is screaming to pull. That small PUA voice at the back of my head, who keeps emotions in check, and whispers "it's ok man, believe in the game, believe in your experience; you want to do something else, but you know what you should do." She already texted me actually, asking what's in the box (;)) but again, keeping my frame, not answering until tonight, and then just short sentences and no feelings or whining or whatever. I read again some posts here, that also helped a lot. In the last 4-5 years, this community and this site helped me a lot, and I'm really grateful about that. And to be honest, I'm considering it over. I know it's only a break, and I know her, it's not a lame-ass excuse to go see what's out there. I know she's working and studying every waking hour, and I know she really wants to focus on that. On the other hand, I don't believe in breaks. It's just a slow break-up. So I'm not hoping on getting her back (I mean, there is a tiny sliver of hope, but I'm trying not to listen to it). If I do, cool, but I'm already preparing for the break-up and for single life. Already packed all her stuff and hid it (to help with going NC), already accepted several party invitations I would have been too lazy to go to otherwise. I'm not planning on hooking up any time soon (I'm too rusty, and honestly sleeping with someone who's not her would probably be more depressing than anything else), hence the "no hooking up" rule. Instead, I'm taking this "break" as "2-4 weeks of training to go back into single life". What I'm looking forward to

Getting a life back. If I'm honest, my life recently was almost only about us, and was kinda boring. Now that it's gone, I'll have to find again who I am.

I finally have a settled fulltime job, a good apartment, a long term visa, I make good money, and I had a stable relationship. After years of fighting every day, it felt honestly boring. At least now I get something to fix

I honestly love the game. I spent the last two years missing it - not sleeping with other girls, just the whole banter, the texting, the shit tests, the dates. The hunt, basically. Now I can enjoy it a bit more

Girls in Japan are seriously HOT. So many hot girls everywhere

Honestly, it was a great relationship. I was in love, something that I would have thought impossible a couple years ago. No matter what happens in the future, I can always be satisfied that I've been lucky enough to feel this in my life

It's not the first time it happens, and every time it did, it went the same way: I worked hard to improve myself to get the girl back. Became a better value person. Met someone new who was twice better than the ex. Felt a bit embarrassed for the ex when she tried to come back. So now that this girl was literally perfect (funny, smart, independant, super cute AND great body, loved sex more than me, same values), I'm kinda curious who will be next. If she's twice as good too... damn.

What I'm NOT looking forward to

Other people. I can get over the breakup, but the idea of having to tell my family, my friends, my roommates, coworkers, that my fiancée left is just crushing. And then having to introduce a future new one to everybody (especially the family) is fucked up.

It was a very intense and fusional relationship, with a lot of sex. So I'm worried about how long it will take to hug/kiss/sex another girl without having flashbacks of her

It took 10 years of sleeping around to find a girl as good as her. Not looking forward to 10 more years. I'm just tired of that shit.

On that note, I'm already 32yo. Considering the time to find a new relationships, go through a couple relationships that don't work, then start to settle, get engaged, married, etc., I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever manage to have kids some day. That's honestly the most depressive point, since it my one last objective in life.

Proposing again. I did the perfect proposal. Got the perfect ring, the perfect place, made the perfect plan, the perfect surprise. It was exactly like I wanted it to be, was wonderful. Now, if I have to propose again, either I do the same thing again, which would feel terrible, or I have to do something subpar, which isn't much better. Going back to the jewelry shop again and asking for "another engagement ring please!" is as sad as it is funny.

No offense, but most Japanese girls are dumb as posts. They've been taught since childhood that being smart was bad, that going to a good university meant you couldn't get married, etc. A lot of Japanese guys also shun girls who are too well educated or too smart, which doesn't help. As a result, finding a cute girl is easy, but a cute girl who can have a conversation... really tough.

Also, meeting new people in Japan is incredibly difficult, as there are a lot of social barriers. And since like in most countries people hang out mostly with their network from their university years (something I don't have here), it's going to be tough. Not impossible, but tough.

Anyway, not sure why I posted here. I really needed to get it off my chest, and people here have always been supportive, which I needed right now. Also it helps a lot preventing those human but beta urges such as passive-agressive posting on Facebook, drunk texting her, and whining to our mutual friends. If anybody took the time to read all this, thanks a lot, and have a great day m(_ _)m

from PUA Forum http://www.puaforums.com/how-get-your-ex-back/31981-ltr-not-trying-get-her-back-just-need-get-off-my-chest.html