#geez i still dont know why i wanted to post all this personal stuff but eh here you go

[britneyshakespeare]

ppl will just reblog posts w outright historical misinformation in them

[bigbroemen]

me to my group: we should make all our criteria in comparing these two songs revolve around different aspects of the pieces’ composition, because you cant talk about the piece without talking about its composition my group: we totally understand and agree :/// but we just think that breaking up the composition into three different criteria is a little much. we can make one criteria the composition and the other two stuff like intensity and tone me: but the intensity and tone are the results of the piece’s composition and including those two with the criteria of composition would be redundant and we’d lose points. i guess we could just make the three criteria results of the composition and that would work fine my group: yeah ://///// but dont you think the composition is an important component of the two pieces? i understand you have your own views on how we should do this but i think we need to agree on something ://

[lunavadash-creates]

Have I ever told you that you are the sweetest cupcake ever?❤️ It’s impossible to not smile at your posts! I sincerely thank you for all your sympathy towards me! My heart just melts! It’s so rare to find such a pure and kind soul like you. Please, don’t change. Ever.

You made me worried a bit with your last paragraph - maybe I am oversensitive, but I am really worried. It breaks my heart honestly, I feel like you belittle yourself. Babe, you are wonderful! I am not saying this just for you to feel better, but because you REALLY are. Think for a moment about things you’ve already achieved! Darling, you graduated! It’s really something. It is even more something when you study two different majors at the same time and study in language school at weekends. It’s real hardcore! I am proud of you. SO FREAKING MUCH! You did so well and you did so much! Please, be aware of it. You are incredibly talented and creative. YOU are hard working, not me. And you know what? Please, have a proper rest. Don’t overwork yourself anymore. You have to have some space just for you. You have to rest and regain your balance. Don’t think about writing as your duty. I know you feel responsible for all requests you have. But they really won’t run away or disappear. They all will be waiting to be written when you rest. Don’t pressure yourself, I beg you. You know I love your writing. We all here love it. But we love you even more. Taking a break it’s not bad. It’s necessary. When you rest you will be able to concentrate, you will have a fresh mind and new ideas. Just remember that you are a priority.

Speaking of your visit to Prague. OMG, THIS ASTRONOMICAL CLOCK!! I envy you soooooo much! I wish I could see it by myself someday! Thank you so much for the photo! And geez, you are the very first person admitting that museums are wonderful! No one amongst my friends likes them and it hurts so much, because I couldn’t go to the Uffizi museum and Palazzo Vecchio in Florence. I would love to go to any museum with you then! Museum of sex toys sounds really interesting, mostly because it’s not about modern toys. Like, I would never thought that people could have such rich sex life! I heard that in Amsterdam and Paris there are similar museums. But! I bet you would love icelandic museum of punk. Ohh, I am pretty sure you would enjoy it! It’s really small, because well..Its former public toilet. Buuuut, if you like non-obvious museums this is definitely for you. Whale museum was also pretty good. Or I enjoyed it just because I love whales. I was also in a museum of teddy bears in Seoul and it was the cutest museum I have ever been in! Tell me more about that vegan restaurant! What good did you eat? I am not vege myself, but I avoid eating meat on a daily basis so it’s easy to make me excited with such things!

I am not sure if I am better. I mean, I changed my mind about being able to sleep all day. I am not able to sleep at all at the moment. I am tired and my eyelids are so heavy, but sleep never comes. I guess insomnia hits again, it's a never-ending circle. But I am concerned about your leg! I guess you had spoken with doctor since you got xray and usg. Did they say anything? Any ideas of what it could possibly be? It has to be something serious if you have problems with walking! How did you manage to go sightseeing in Prague? Babe, please, take care of yourself! And what does “health problem AGAIN” mean?! Have you had such a problem before?? It scares me like.. we just started adulthood? My friend sneezed and it made him lay in bed for 6 days not being able to move. Literally.

Yeah, I was in South Korea, but please, do not perceive me as your role model. Gods, it would be a terrible decision, really. But, I would love to share some stories with you if you want! I know it's a popular destination these days because of kpop. I used to listen to it, but I think a few years ago kpop was better? More interesting? Now I’m more into khh, but I think I can’t say that I’m into it anymore.

Talking about music! I discovered two new songs and I bet you know them already, but for me it was huge woah woah woah! First of it - Sabaton. Thay covered Metallica’s For Whom The Bell Tolls and they did it so good! Secondly - The Heart Asks Pleasure First. They basically made their own song based on one of my favourite piano songs. Oh my.. it’s sooo good!

And still talking about music! I just wanted to say that I also love our Wombo edits! That one with Ezio singing Stressed out was perfect! Mr Auditore looked very believably singing it. I liked the one with Edward and Haytham. I don’t know the song but it had such a christmas vibe! It made me think of Edward and Shay singing Last Christmas or some other shitty Christmas song together. Why them? No idea. I love Altair, but your latest headcanons could make me love them even more.

And! I just wanted to tell you that you inspired me to take japanese lessons on Duolingo. I am aware that such app won’t help me with learning such a language, but at least I can tell you that katakana sucks. Gods, I hate it so much. Hiragana is so pleasurable to learn. And I know katakana is visually similar, but it is a no no from me. I have learnt some basic kanji signs. And I just admire you so much more.

I hope you will have wonderful and peaceful week, Babe! Once again, please take care of yourself. Remember to have proper rest, sleep at least 8 hours and drink water! I hope your leg will be better soon!

🔪

Hey Knifey! I finally have the right mind set to respond to this ask!

So first of all thank you. You always make me blush with your kind words and I have no idea how to react! I want to squeaze you in a hug and give you all the sweets in the world!

As for the rest. You see i have always worked to hard on studying, so hard it actually burned out everything inside so now all i want to do i nothing! But i cant, i really want to go back to spending my free time in more creative way!

Omg Knifey! Finally i met a museum lover! And gods i want to visit them all! And you know? That Icelandinc museum sounds like such a goal, i want to go there 🥺 and Seoul museum of teddy bears?! I want to go there!

Honestly I love all museums and generally history. I enjoy visiting ruins of castles and villages, going to museums of everything! Art, machines, objects! There are always so many things and so many different ways to find the inspiration! And I always take so many photos for 'future references'. Some time ago i was in a gardens which showed different time of gardens of the world and there was this amazing exhibition of demons from Slavic mithology. That was so awesome! As well as Japanese garden!

In began restaurant i have this fried soy bites in some sweet-spicy sauce. So tasty! Im trying to recreate this recipe but so far its 1:0 for the soy :/

As for my leg. Its swollen AF bht i just... Put on my shoe and pretended it didnt exist. I can walk in good shoes but still im worried. As for that little again... I generally have some weird health issues. I had 5 surgeries for different stuff (spine, tumor, nose) so like... Generally i am healthy... Or at least i was until thst damned foot decided to show off. Its been 4 weeks and im still looking for a solution, running different tests and all. Hopefully they will figure out whag is going on.

Yes TELL ME ALL THE STORIES ABOUT KOREA.! I love stories, tell me everything!

Tbh i never listen ed to k-pop. I guess its just nkt my type of music but I enjoy some Japanese and Chinese songs (one i like is Arrogant by Xiao Zhang). I know songs you sent me and gods they are amazing! I love sabaton, rock/metal im general but I listen to all kind of music. Like Italian soundtrack from Winx, music from burlesque, Dragonforce, shanties. If there are k-pop songs you like you can always send then to me! Ill gladly listen to them all!

Im glad you like those wombos i guess i should make more! 😂😂

And gods. Katakana. 4 years of learning Japanese and I still need katakana board to remember those signs! And tbh i feel like Japanese duolingo has some mistakes ;/ but for Japanese i used lingodeer app and it was nice!

Knifey Im very sorry you have troubles sleeping. Is there something you can do to make it easier for you? Maybe you can take some melatonin pills? Maybe you are stressed? Can you maybe contact doctor, maybe they can help? I dont want anything bad to happen to you! Please take care of yourself? Pretty please?

Love you so much Knifey, you are such a sunshine and I just want you to be happy and healthy!

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

[kwamiwayzz]

Why I Left...Then Eventually Came Back (Vent)

Geez...I don’t know how I came to this, but I wanted to vent this out after looking at the last thing I posted before I abandoned took a long-ish hiatus from this Tumblr. 

It’s gonna be kinda long since it’s gonna go over a bit of history on the way I felt towards shipping Elsanna back when I was still deep in the fandom and why this account was made...

Warning: A lot of personal baggage under the cut [and I guess you could put mentions of suicidal contemplation] 

A bit of background on how I even got around to shipping these two in the first place. I’m not the kind of person to ship things so easily; it may come from the fact that I’m partially asexual/aromantic, who knows? I’ve had smaller ships on the side throughout high school and part of college like KiGo, FlutterDash, Korrasami, and Pearlmethyst (and I guess Bubbline sorta counts?) but the only major ships I’ve ever had in the past were Negitoro (MikuxLuka - Vocaloid), YumiKuri (YmirxChrista - Attack on Titan), and eventually Elsanna (ElsaxAnna - Frozen 2013). 

In my junior year of high school I had this huge crush on a friend who I thought I could trust with my feelings despite knowing they could never be reciprocated. She said it was fine at first but not long after she kind of turned around and said she was uncomfortable around me and didn’t want to be seen with me. I was really confused as to why she wasn’t honest in the beginning, but as a young teenager who was still getting used to the feeling of constant rejection it didn’t sit well with me and I panicked a lot because I got really scared of losing a friend also. She wanted to distance herself from me which I reluctantly agreed with, the went on a horrible breakdown that nearly led me to wanting to commit suicide. Holy shit...and this happened when the school year was starting also. 

I went along my days hoping the year would end. I was honestly so dead on the inside and didn’t think anything would help me get out of that even though my friends were there trying to cheer me up. I came across Frozen and after seeing the way the sisters interacted I don’t know...I guess it came from what I wanted in a relationship; not necessarily romantic, I just happened to ship it in a romantic way also. So, naturally I gravitated towards that and it distracted me and helped me get out of a 2-month long depression. And it really made me happy...for awhile.

Fast-forward, I came across some buddies on what’s now known (and possibly now-dead) as the ECC, the ElsannaCollabCorner, out of enthusiasm for wanting  write and collaborate with other people in this ship. It was pretty fun, I met awesome people like canitellusmthin, not-rotting, the-wandering-quill, and many others, despite not contributing as much as I would have liked (I was still iffy on my writing skills for that particular ship so it was difficult for me to actually put something out there).

I ended up making this account, and to be honest, I also may have lied a bit to some people on the ECC when I mentioned this account is my first experience on Tumblr. It’s not. Previously, I had another account which I’ve long abandoned due to it being associated with so much negativity directed towards Frozen/Elsanna. And I thought making this account would be a fresh start being involved in the fandom. 

There was a particular issue that I noted to myself time and time again that explains why I kept disappearing, then reappearing again and it mainly came from me trying to distance myself from the ship and the Frozen fandom in general because of how unhealthily attached I got to it. As much as I loved this pairing (and still do to a certain extent) I hated the way I got super stressed out over not being able to find new content or finding out other people who I’ve followed who shipped it, have lost interest/left the fandom. The biggest blow, I remember, was when one of my favorite EA artists, Patronustrip, had packed her bags and left the fandom completely due to her issues with the fandom itself, issues with the movie franchise, and slow disinterest in the pairing. To me, she was a bit like the Frozenmusings of the EA fandom, so having to see her leave on a bit of a bad note was really depressing, especially since I still wasn’t over what happened to me in junior year.

It was pathetic and horrible and the ship that was once seen as something I took comfort in to get away from heartbreak back in high school, from both rejection of that person and losing them as a friend afterwards, ended up turning into the equivalent of me being trapped in a ridiculously unhealthy, maybe abusive, relationship. That was how I spent most of my college freshman days and in the end I knew that I had to get away from it. 

Even after my messed up attachment to this pairing started to dwindle significantly, it didn’t feel right coming back to an account that mostly revolved around Frozen/Elsanna. And seeing nothing but that on my dash...I don’t know...stressed me out in a way? In the end, EA stuff just feels like a bit of a chore and it might be due to the fact that I’m so overexposed to it or that I’ve been spoiled enough by it that it doesn’t really feel like EA anymore. 

That’s why after I recently started shipping Saber/Irisviel, it really put things into perspective how spoiled I was being in a popular ship like Elsanna. A large fandom can sometimes attract not the greatest people and those people end up making the ship itself look bad. Lord knows how many times I’ve dealt with seeing bullshit Kristanna vs. Elsanna or Helsa vs. Elsanna bitch fights that went on when I was still in the fandom. Like, KA fandom has their stupid moments, but there were times I sometimes felt like the EA fandom would shift the blame away from themselves (some people, not all). So, in a way, the fandom was one of the few things that drove my interest away from both the pairing and movie for a while. It was a combination of that and me getting sick of running into certain NSFW art and fics that would clog up my dash even though I could easily blacklist it (kinda). It wasn’t always on Tumblr, but some people I recall on Reddit have made remarks on just taking whatever even if its low-quality, which I understand in way but doesn’t entirely apply to EA since the fandom is technically in abundance. I have other issues with the fandom as well, looking back as someone who is no longer really in it anymore, but I’m not sure if I want to go into detail about it right now for the sake of not extending this post any longer

I ended up coming back after curiously wondering what’s been up with some people I’ve been following, and after spending time away from my previous fandom, it’s kind of refreshing that I’m no longer really tied down to it anymore.

In the end I guess I came back because I missed the interactions I would have with some followers and having fun with that on Tumblr. I know I have my other account but I tend to be quiet on that one since I don’t focus on a specific fandom over there. I might not be into EA as much as I used to but I didn’t really have to abandon this account entirely...or the people I somewhat talked to on here. 

TL;DR: Left because EA was becoming toxic for me, needed to take a break, came back because I wanted to know how y’all were doing :) 

[the-angry-pixie]

So have you come up with any risque Byeler hcs lately?

Kind of.

The other day I was thinking about how Mike would totally be the sort of dork to call or go talk to Will right after he loses his virginity.

Like its senior year, him and his girlfriend have been going steady for awhile and they’ve just had sex in his car down at Lovers Lake.

But as soon as he drops the girl back off at her house, he suddenly feels this overwhelming urge to talk to someone about what just happened. This is HUGE. He’s so hyped. He just HAS TO share! Now he could go to Dustin or Lucas, both of whom have already lost their V-card. They would highfive and congratulate him and it would all be swell. But he doesn’t do that. For some reason the only person he wants to tell about this is Will.

And so he drives right over there and knocks on his window. Will is surprised to see him, but he’s never denied his friend entry to his house before and he’s not about to start now.

[below is what was meant to be a HC post, but somehow ended up as a story. and yes, there is some risque stuff throughout so don’t read if thats not your thing]

“So, I got to fourth base with Angie.”

“Mike, I really don’t know much about baseball but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a fourth base.”

“Oh yes there is.”

“No there isn’t. There’s third base and then there is home.”

“Exactly.”

And for some reason Mike really enjoys seeing the penny drop and watching as it translates onto Will’s face.

“Wait… wait home. You got to home base with Angie?! Like… you went all the way?!”

“Yup!” Mike is practically beaming. He hasn’t even sat down. He’s still too jittery. Watching Will as he stares down at his desk, kinda looking stunned. But then he looks up and his face is completely different and Mike doesn’t quite know how to interpret it.

“Wow uh… well congrats man! That’s great!” 

“Thanks.” Mike can’t help kind of feeling bashful. He knows Will is still a virgin, so he doesn’t know why he’s suddenly got all these nerves tingling through his body.

“How um… how was it?”

“Warm and… wet and… tight…”

Mike can’t help laughing as he watches Will scrunch his face up in disgust. 

“Wish I hadn’t asked…” Will does a full body shudder, as though trying to rid himself of Mike’s words. Which only makes Mike laugh harder though he tries to muffle it with his hands.

“Sorry. I meant nice. It was nice.”

Will seems to level out after that. He fixes Mike with a look, and then eventually rises from his desk chair to walk over to where Mike is standing there fiddling with the zipper on his jacket.

“I’m happy for you man. Well… well done?” it comes out as sort of a question as he reaches out and awkwardly claps his hand against the back of Mike’s neck a few times. Like the football coach does to the players he’s pleased with. Its such an odd gesture coming from Will that they can only hold it together for so long before they both break down into sniggers.

That cracks apart the tension and Mike mumbles ‘thanks’ as they share a brief hug. 

“Oh ew. I can smell it on you! You smell like sex! Didn’t you shower before coming to see me?” 

Mike is coming to love this hilarious disgusted face that keeps popping up on Will’s face. 

“Nope” he grins. “I just had to come tell my best-friend-forever straight away!”

“You’re weird Wheeler. Does Angie know how weird you are?”

“Nope. And you better not tell her. Otherwise she’ll never have sex with me again!” Mike says jokingly poking at Will’s sides.

“You would deserve it for making me smell your damn sex musk. Get away from me you filthy heterosexual!”

This of course quickly dissolves into a game of Mike chasing Will around his room. Just for the fun of it. Just to razz him. He’s glad he came to Will. He made the right choice. 

Finally they both collapse onto Will’s bed. Mike being banished to the foot of it where he sits cross-legged next to Will’s feet.

“So do you feel different now? Do you feel like a maaan?” Will teases with a derivative snort.

Mike chuckles too. 

“I know its stupid but yeah I do. Feel different that is. It just feels good to have it done now. No more waiting, no more worrying about how it will be. I managed to not fuck it up I think. Angie was smiling when I dropped her off. Sooo yeah. I feel different.”

“Oh. Right. Huh…”

Mike looks over at Will, trying to decipher his expression. He’s currently looking down at the hands in his lap. A charming pink peaking through on the apples of his cheeks. He would probably kill Mike for suggesting it, but he almost looks wistful.

And suddenly Mike feels a queer pang in his chest. A desperate longing that was somehow not fully his own. It was weird - like an empathy thing. 

Suddenly Mike found himself sympathising with how hard it must be, being the only gay kid living in such a small town. With people and society being the way they currently are. 

Unless something outrageous happened, Mike figured Will probably wouldn’t be  experiencing anything like what he’d done tonight for a long, long time. 

And that thought made him kind of sad.

Life goes on and Mike forgets all about that night. He remembers the sex of course. Not the conversation that followed. 

Never in a million years would Mike have imagined that the favour would be returned though. That he would find himself on the receiving end of a conversation like that.

Which is why Mike is wholly unprepared for the phonecall he receives almost 2 years later from Will. 

Will, whose voice is practically vibrating with so much excitement that Mike almost doesn’t catch the part where his best friend tells him he’s just lost his virginity.

He just… doesn’t know how to react.

It’s Friday night. He had no plans and so was catching up on his assignments. He had just been considering going to bed when Will (one state over at his own college mind you) had apparently popped his cherry and… 

… decided he needed to tell Mike all about it??

“Mike? You’ve gone all quiet.”

“Yeah! Yeah I’m fine I’m just uhh… processing… why are you telling me this?”

There’s silence on the other end for awhile.

“Oh I… well its just… you told me when it happened for you… I know that was years ago and I know I’m a bit of a late bloomer but… well you told me so I thought I would… never mind it was stupid I should go.”

The aching awkwardness of his tone lanced through Mike.

“No don’t go! Shit I’d forgotten I’d done that! Man what a dork move. Not that you’re a dork! That came out wrong. I’m glad you told me! I’m happy for you! Yeah its uhh… well, how was it?”

Mike waited anxiously, hoping Will hadn’t been spooked away. Geez for someone majoring in English Lit he sure wasn’t good at picking his words sometimes. 

“It was– it was good.” Will’s voice had lost a lot of its previous exuberance and Mike wished he could personally kick himself in the mouth.

“C’mon Cleric you can do better than that! Details man, give me details!” he encouraged.

“What sort of details?” Will’s voice sounded wary but at least his tone seemed less halfhearted now.

Mike scrubbed a hand over his face, racking his brain for something to say. “Well heck I dunno. How about you tell me what its like on the other end of things? What’s it like being the girl?”

As soon as the words left his mouth Mike knew he had made a fatal mistake. 

“What?!” Will’s voice was completely flat and deeply unamused.

“Fuck. I shouldn’t have said tha–”

“I am not a fucking girl!”

“I know tha–” 

“Fuck you Mike!” The yelling stung at Mike’s sensitive ears and he wished a hole would just open up in his dorm room floor and swallow him up.

“I deserve that I’m sorry. Fuck I’m bad at this!”

“No fucking shit! What the fuck am I doing even talking to you about this?! I’m fucking hanging up right now!”

And Will did just that.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Mike was wide awake now as he jumped out of his bed to pace the room. His hands scraping tensely through his hair.

Well he’d royally screwed the pooch on that one. 

Will sounded furious and Mike didn’t blame him. Why had he said that?! 

He knew he needed to talk to Will as soon as possible. But he also knew Will. He knew if he called back straight away Will would either ignore his calls, or worse, take his phone off the hook. 

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

He had to wait. He had to be patient.

But really, can he be blamed if maybe he was a little shocked and overwhelmed at this whole damn situation?! If maybe he doesn’t automatically know how to deal with the idea that some anonymous stranger has apparently just fucked his best friend?? 

Or maybe his best friend had fucked him? 

It didn’t matter. It was that sort of bullshit thinking that had gotten him in trouble in the first place! 

But fuck! He hadnt even known Will had been dating anyone!! 

That was the trouble with going to college in different states though. Mike knew he should have insisted on keeping Will close. He knew it was a ridiculous demand but he couldn’t help thinking it. 

Mike looked to the clock. 15 minutes had passed. Enough time for Will to have come down from his initial anger.

He quickly dialled the number, neurotically twisting the cord as he sat anxiously down on his bed.

“Will speaking.”

“Don’t hang up! I’m sorry! I know what I said was stupid!”

“Its okay Mike” Will’s voice sounded strangely small. Devastatingly quiet. “I dont know why I expected you to understand. I shouldnt have called you in the first place.”

“No!” Mike practically shouted. “No don’t make excuses for me being a complete ass! I’m so happy for you! I know I’ve kind of shown it in a shitty way but… I’m just glad you told me that’s all…”

“Ok…”

“And I’m sorry for being–”

“–weird and kind of offensive?”

“Yeah that. I’m sorry. Please forgive me?”

Silence. Enough to make Mike want to bite his fingernails off.

“Please Will! Pleeeease??”

“Weeeelllll….” Will’s tone was soft, but playfully considering. Mike knew his friend was coming around.

“Pwetty pweeease? With rainbows and sprinkles on top??” Mike cooed in a sickening baby-voice. 

“Rainbows? Sprinkles? Is that meant to be a gay thing?”

“No, thats a Mike thing.”

“Ok then. You’re forgiven.”

“YES!” Mike pumped his fist in the air to the sound of Will’s chuckles on the other end.

“But don’t be weird. I can’t deal with you being weird about this” Will’s voice scolded as his giggles subsided and his voice returned to normal.

“I’ll try. I promise.”

“Ok then.”

“Ok then.”

There was companionable silence for a beat or two. 

“So… who was the guy? Was he like… your boyfriend or something?”

“Boyfriend? Ha! Nah I’m way too shy to be able to get a boyfriend.”

“So you slept with a stranger?” Mike couldn’t help the worry seeping into his tone.

“No no. He wasn’t a stranger. We’ve hung out a couple of times before. And like, we’ve done some “stuff” together before. But he’s not like my boyfriend or anything.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

“Did you use protection?” 

“Of course! What do you think I’m an idiot!”

“I’m just checking since apparently you’re hooking up with people you hardly know like thats completely normal.”

Mike heard Will scoff. “Like you’ve never done that before Mike!” 

“Yeah but like… first times are special! They’re meant to be with someone you care about!”

“Says who?”

“Says… I dunno says everybody!”

“It doesn’t really work that way with gay people Mike.”

“Well it should! Was he at least like… nice to you. I mean did you like, enjoy it?!”

At this Will paused as though he were thinking and Mike found himself leaning forward, as though anticipating the answer. 

Luckily he wasn’t kept in suspense for long.

“Yeah I did. It was like, real intense and it hurt at first but I don’t know, I kind of liked that. He was kind of rough. I liked that too. He didn’t treat me like I was some fragile, delicate thing. It was kind of hot.”

“Oh… ok…” Mike didn’t really know what to say to that. It hadn’t been what he’d been expecting. Will kept speaking regardless.

“Yeah. It was good. I guess I’m a man now huh?” Will finished jokingly. Mike remembered how he’d teased him about it all those years ago.

“You were already a man Will” he murmured snappily and heard Will sigh on the other end. He knew Will thought Mike was being too precious with him. And he also knew how much his friend hated when he did that. But he couldn’t help it. This was Will. His Will.

“Anyway now thats done. I’m gonna go shower and go to bed. Sweet dreams Mike! Thanks for listening.”

“Uh, sure. Anytime.”

And they both hung up.

It becomes a thing. 

Mike isn’t quite sure how it starts but somehow it totally becomes a thing. 

Like it becomes completely normal for Mike and Will to talk to each other about their sexual encounters. 

The good, the bad, the very-very good and the ugly.

They even go out of their way to do it. Like a gossip session. Or a debrief. Or something.

Mike doesn’t even really know. But he learns things about his friend in that year that he’d never thought he would. Intimate things.

Gay sex sounds weird and interesting. At least the way Will flippantly describes it. Mike doesn’t know why he always expected Will to be the sort to settle down quickly with the one person but that is certainly not the case here. Hell Will seems to pull way more often than Mike does from the sound of it. Though Mike never really takes notice of the guys names, maybe there were double-ups in there. 

THE POINT IS, Will is kind of insouciant when it comes to sex. 

Not the sex itself. It seems he’s wildly enthusiastic when it comes to the actual act. Dare Mike say it, almost rowdy. 

But the partners… Will doesn’t seem to be bothered about his lack of boyfriend. Even though his shyness seems to have melted into a thing of the past. Whenever Mike questions him about it he always jokes that he’s waiting for Mike to propose to him and then maybe he’ll settle down. 

And that usually shuts the conversation down because Mike gets all bashful. Its probably why Will does it, the sly devil.

Mike supposes its a two-way street. Will learns a few things about him too in return. They’ve moved past calling each other as soon as “the act” is done now. They’re way too cool for that. Usually it comes up in the weekly phonecall they share. Mike has to admit it’s kind of fun to giggle away to each other like a couple of school girls. 

But on the whole Mike feels like his sex life… his heterosexual sex life at least�� is kind of boring.

Cause well… theres something he hasn’t told Will yet.

There’s a small matter of Mike becoming a bit… curious within the last few months. 

How sometimes when Will casually describes fingering a guy… 

… or pushing their head down towards his asshole so they’ll eat him out… 

… or sliding balls deep inside such a tight channel… 

… or all manner of other acts you can only achieve with another guy… 

Somewhere along the line Mike had started to wonder what it would feel like.

Its not really something to freak out over right? So he’s tried fingering himself a few times in the shower and found that he likes it. That’s no big deal right?

So what if he’s maybe asked for a few more details than strictly necessary when Will is talking about fucking a guy so that its easier for him to picture later on when he’s jacking off. Its whatever man.

Buying a dildo is no big thing right? Going to a gay bar and making out with a few dudes isn’t worth telling Will about right?

Sometimes… sometimes imagining Will when he’s jacking off is to be expected right? Its only natural that Will would be his point of reference for imagining gay sex. He’s the one telling him all these salacious details. Giving him all these ideas.

So Mike can’t really be blamed for imagining Will can he? Its nothing. 

Wrong.

Its certainly something. 

Mike is a logical person. Someone who likes to plan ahead. To be in control. To understand everything around him.

But right now… he kind of feels like he’s on a train. He doesn’t know where the train is going but somehow he just knows that the tracks are eventually going to run out.  Just how much tracks there are left before he goes careening towards a bloody and spectacular finish, he does not know.

It’s not the most comforting thought.

The answer comes in 1991. 

Their second year of college. Spring break. Mike is finally going to visit Will at his college. Its all set. Will is staying in the dorm for the holidays while his roommate is headed home. There’s a spare bed in his room just going begging and Will believes its about damn time they spent some quality time together!

He’d actually said “quality FUCKING time together” but Mike is trying these days to not think too much about “Will” and “fucking” in the same sentence. 

Doing so makes his stomach churn and his head hot and his jeans tight. Its an affliction he really could do without.

And so… they spend quality time together. 

They eat shitty microwave food. They run riot in the practically empty dorm building. They go for walks and throw a frisbee back and forth. They watch movies. They turn their music up way too loud. They talk into the night, passing a bottle of rum back and forth. 

They ignore the tension that seems to be both there and not there at the same time. Mike tries not to think about how he sometimes catches Will just looking at him. An inscrutable look of consideration adorning his features. Like Mike is an abstract painting. 

They go out clubbing one night to one of Will’s locals. Mike tries not to seethe with jealousy into his cocktail when it looks like Will might go home with some guy that he seems to know suspiciously well.

It doesn’t happen though. Will returns to him at the bar. Mike still feels queerly deflated though. They have a few more drinks and then they head home.

“I wouldn’t have gone with him you know…” 

Will slurs only slightly. It’s later that night and Mike is sitting on his assigned bed applying moisturiser to his feet. His heels have a tendency to get really, really dry overnight.

Mike looks up and gives him a questioning glance.

“Benji” Will clarifies, “I wouldn’t have gone home with him. Not while you’re here. I just want to be with you when you’re here.” 

“Oh. Right. That’s good.” Mike smiles up at where his friend appears to be swaying to imaginary music, his fingers clutched around a glass of water.

Suddenly Will is bouncing down on the bed next to him.

“Ya know. You’re cute when you’re jealous.”

“I wasn’t jealous” Mike replies immediately. 

Water slops over the edge of the glass as Will holds both his hands up in surrender.

“Ok I retract. Sulky then. You’re cute when you’re sulky.”

Mike is blushing. He can’t help it. He should really be drinking water too. Blood and alcohol are pulsing through his veins, rendering his brain-to-mouth function slightly useless. Before he can think better of it he’s responding “You think I’m cute?”

Will seems to pause and look at him then. His lips curling into a impish smile as his head bobs up and down slowly in a nod.

Was it hot in here? It was as if Mike could feel the sweat pooling into the collar of his nightshirt as he plucks at it nervously.

“Truth be told…” Mike’s head whips back up as Will continues to muse. Irritatingly casual. He is looking at his glass of water as though its a snow globe. As though the precipitation beading on the outside of it is a thing of beauty. “… I think you’re fucking sexy.”

His eyes slowly slide from the small droplets of water back to Mike’s shocked face. And there must have been something that he is seeking. Something he finds in Mike’s eyes - because he smiles. And Mike can’t help but groan.

“Don’t say things like that…” Mike croaks, his throat dry and his blood buzzing.

The smile grows into a chesire grin. “Why not?”

“Because” Mike only takes an eighth of a moment to bother with hesitation, “because then I have to do this.”

And they are kissing. The water glass drops to the floor with a thud as hot lips crash against hot lips. As gasps are sucked from one mouth into another. Hands gripping hair. More hands bunching up sleepshirts. 

Mike pushes Will down against the bed and feels a little put out when Will giggles with the action. Like he knew this was going to happen. He kisses him fiercely in retaliation, his body climbing over Will’s slighter form. All the better to feel everything as he lowers his body down to lie deliciously against every inch of his friend’s.

This pulls a moan from Will who interrupts the kiss to throw his head to the side and pant, his hands rubbing over Mike’s lower back. He looks up at Mike angelically as he proceeds to grab two handfuls of Mike’s ass and grind his hips up into Mike’s undeniable erection.

Mike’s breath hitches and his arms tremble where they are standing as unsteady columns either side of Will’s head.

“You fuck” he pants. “How did you know?”

This gives Will pause. He lets go of Mike’s ass and smoothes his hands back up to the middle of his back.

“I, I didn’t know” his eyes blink widely, and he sounds almost completely sober. “I– well… I hoped. I’ve kind of hoped for years… but I didn’t, well– I didn’t know for sure. I guessed. An educated guess. But a guess all the same.”

“Hmmm” Mike’s head lowers to tuck under the curve of Will’s chin. Just taking a moment to breathe in those words like he is breathing in the scent of Will’s sweat.

“Was I…” Will’s voice almost seems to be trembling. “Was I right? Is this… okay?”

Mike smiles privately as he noses down the side of Will’s neck. He kisses lightly at the mole tucked away there before returning to look into his best friends beautiful sea green eyes. 

“It’s more than ok” he murmurs, his smile growing as he witnesses the almost boyish excitement bloom in his friend’s expression.

Will pulls him down into a much more intense kiss. His hand eventually pushing at Mike’s shoulder until he gets the idea and turns over, pulling Will on top of him. 

Now Will was the one holding himself up above him. Their only point of contact where Will’s hips are weighted down against his own. The exquisite feel of Will’s cock laying against his upper thigh.

Will dips his groin in an experimental thrust and grins as Mike stutters in a breath.

“As much as I would like to be all lovey-dovey right now” Will murmurs as his hips sway into an unrelenting grind. “Would it be okay if we just skipped all that and go right to part where you fuck me senseless first?”

Mike couldn’t help barking out a laugh. “Mister, you got a deal.”

Will licks his lips in such a ridiculously unaware way it should really be a sin. 

“Deal” he nods agreeably.

And well, they do.

Fuck each other senseless.

Turns out all of their knowledge swapping over the years majorly comes in handy. They both seem to already know what the other wants. What the other needs.

It isn’t… its weird how not weird it is. 

Mike knows to not treat Will like a delicate flower. Knows he likes to be in control of things.

Will knows the spots that will make Mike weak. Which touches will have him keening with surprised delight.

There is only one time when Mike seems to surprise Will.

The moment he pushes the lube Will had handed him back into his friend’s hand with a slightly pleading look.

For the first time all night Will looks genuinely unbalanced. Mike just chuckles. 

“It’s my first time. I want it to be all special and shit. Don’t worry–” he states quickly when it looks like Will is going to argue. “You’re not the first thing that has been up there. Heck you won’t even be the tenth. I’ve been… practising.”

It’s kind of silly how Mike takes some weird sort of pleasure in how wide Will’s eyes go. How his mouth momentarily hangs open in an astonished ‘O’.

It melts away quickly though. And Mike receives his wish.

Thoroughly.

It’s lucky that the dorm is practically deserted.

The next morning finds Mike waking up hot and content and sore in places he’d never known were a thing. 

He looks down to where Will is cuddled under his arm. Drooling onto his chest and still gloriously naked. How often had he imagined this over the last few months? Waking up like this. 

Sated and dehydrated and so very, very happy.

He just HAS TO share this moment. The urge is overwhelming. 

He shifts underneath Will until his mouth can slot against the other’s. He kisses and kisses and kisses at his face until Will lets out a sleepy chortle and pushes him away.

Mike watches contentedly as Will stretches and groans and blinks against the sunlight coming in through the dorm window. 

“Mike” he murmurs groggily. “I’m going to need you to do something for me.”

Mike is quick to jump in with a giddily enthusiastic “Anything.”

“Ok. Ok. I need you to go home–”

Mike’s jaw drops and his foggy brain is suddenly dowsed in a wave of shock and self-doubt and all sorts of horrible things that he had not prepared himself to be feeling.

Will reads his face like a book but gives nothing away as he leans forward and lays a sweet kiss against Mike’s nose. Sending him cross-eyed.

“I need you to go home right now. You see, I need to call and tell you all about this really amazing guy I slept with last night…”

His teeth show through in a grin and a sly little wink makes an appearance and Mike…

… Mike is in love.

A.N. So yeah. That’s that. Quick and dirty and unpolished. And probably not as N*SFW as you were hoping for (sorry I suck at writing smut). Hope you enjoyed it anyway and sorry for all the mistakes and tense changes.

[wolfwhiteflowers]

ranting on TWD s9 again. :] ... other rants in #*twd or #*twd s9h

uh this is more about recent news, recent filming spoilers. Also FTWD deaths. -Carol, shows, pro-Rick. 

‘wait and see’ is hard. I guess I just want TWD AU to be good too and hoping/waiting is hard.

i guess i go rant till next year lol.

vvvv

Lately im just waiting for more info on Carol. I wanna know what Carol will be like in s9, TWD AU or the fumbling dead...BUT the filming spoilers tho...it’s like rubbing salt in my wounds about TWD’s potenial runied/AL leaving over and over.

It’s all just a bummer. I should not read into the filming spoilers that much. ..and omg avoid forum drama.

 Like I wanna see spoilers and I can’t help but hope for good Carol spoilers. Like getting spoilers about Caryl (and answers about C/E), Carol & Henry, and Carick/TF. :((( But then I get sad again and again. Idk what’s going on. I guess I assume there’s no good Carol spoilers and no Carick. :((((  Actually it’s just seeing any Rick spoilers is just sad. Also this whole Rick (and Maggie) dying/leaving the show thing is like dragged out rubbed in our wounds all till like when the ep airs their death/leaving. Like November or December.  Ugh. I just wanna get it over with it and to know what’s canon. Cry and move on. :\ So then we can make TWD AU fanarts..or do it now. ......I think it’s good to know what’s canon so then we don’t wonder and worry about avoiding it. It doesn’t mean to watch the show live but just reading it and know it and then just let it go and then make fanarts. xP

I was gonna not watch s9 anyways but dang just learning about s9 or what is canon ...is hard. sigh. but in time we will be alright. ...

------------------

TWD s9 speculations ~

so some filming spoilers coming out sounds like the gory comic death scene will happen. The heads on the pikes, killed by Alpha. They’re gonna film a zombie herd soon and whisperers may be part of that, I guess. i think of FTWD s4A and the deaths of Nick and Madison and how it seems like cheap deaths. I guess Rick and Maggie will go out like that... boring. not moving,imo. Doesn't impact the story or..............I’m just bitter. I just really want a good ending for Rick (thee main character). Like he saved his people and he dies and everyones lives without walkers as a threat and they’re safe in a community forever. 

  Travis’ death was meh (k it was really bad. wtf). ..I know I just won’t like whatever will happen with Rick and/or Maggie. For some reason, I feel like some characters got a good death scene for the overall story. Like Glenn, Sasha and Carl,imo. Their deaths were like they brought a new chapter to the story/show. Idk I liked Sophia and Merle’s deaths too. Anyways, their deaths changed the story. ..Or I guess they changed Rick characterwise in his story.  sigh.

Dang it’s like three weeks and AMC still didn’t confirm it or anything about AL leaving news. It makes me think AMC/writers wanted it to be a surprise that Rick dies/leaves the show (like how Nick and Madison died). ugh that’s even more lame. 

Dang it’s like AMC/showrunners? doesn’t let fans to trust them or get them excited at all for the story. It’s like some writers/AMC don’t care about the story’s core story and the fans.   So blah. I know some fans were disappointed that they were ‘spoiled’, but like that’s way to hard for me to handle that. I’m glad it was leaked and for me to know ahead of time...though the waiting and the dread sucks. 

UGH Skybound mailbag thing makes this hiatus worse by dragging the unknown..rubbing the salt..with their vague spoilers. And saying it in a troll way too. It’s cos we don’t know what’s up with Carol and writers made it that dumb way on not making it clear in their lackluster s8 finale (s8 finale shouldve been like s2 finale foreshadowing timeskip and next arc-Michonne/prison). I just wanna know if C/E happens or not, or Caryl be endgame, or will Carol ever have romance, will Carol interact with TF/Rick/Henry, in this TWD AU. geez. ...I want spoilers. I want confirmations and then leave the show-canon alone.

Carol speculations in s9.

- uh it seems like Carol is in Kingdom and just hanging out with Henry and Kingdomers in 9A. idk about Carick but we got a lit bit of something from filming spoilers, in 9x01. meh. :\ Some Caryl moments but how Skybound answered it, idk it depends on how I see it (on tumblr). As long as Caryl still be soulmate-y. Sigh I miss Carol or I miss what the show used to be and the potential. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

AMC is having a bad year/June, huh? lol ..partly their fault, anyways. wtf TWD shows are like destroying itself and then now the Hardwick (TTD) news of him being an abuser. sigh. Damn we really got BTS drama. :\ With the shows losing their leads, is it part of the lawsuits and diverting away from Kirkman’s story or something? idk.

I just wanna say, poor FTWD fans who watched recently. Writers/Gimple/AMC? litterally just scraped off the original storyline of the Clarks family for to focus on newbies, Morgan. So it’s a spinoff show within the show. ( It’s like TWD in s9 will be doing...with changing to Daryl’s) Anyways that’s really awful to the FTWD fans to suddenly to change the storyline. That’s like ..probably something I would just quit the show ..It’s something to feel like I won’t the trust the writers. Gotta have trust in the writers and the writers gotta gain your trust.

---------------------------------------------------

I was thinking about fandom stuff..and reading some posts. i guess i let it slide that the TWD show was going downhill early on. idk when. most say s6 is when it got worse. i always say that TWD was not the best but it was just a fun drama ensemble show for me. Well thats what fandoms do..they want the very best of the show/media. Also fandom is all opinions...it’s best not to read into it too much.

s2 is my fave season...even when I didn’t feel the TF love like on other shows or when I got annoyed with Shane/love triangle. (why is everything relate to OUAT wank. I learned a lot from that show/fandom. maybe just being deep in the fandom. it hurts more.) Ok like s2 or other seasons compared to s6-8 is different.. Different style and stuff-writers/showrunners.., idk. There are some good moments. It’s also like based on the comics’ story. Most say s5 is the best is what comic fans say is loving the Hunters arc. (s3 and the prison arc-tho i dont like this season). So yeah ..kinda depends on the comics and it’s all show business. Kinda hard to compare or not idk, Kirkman’s comic story may be better because it’s original and flows better naturally. There’s more personal intimate moments with like 5 main characters but the show got other good parts too. (better medium story telling) idk. like the show has Carol and other plots went better, but lack TF moments and many dull characters. Also Kirkman isnt the best writer either so...idk what im saying. TWDG telltale game has the best storytelling. tho super depressing but also got realistic moments.

Just idk Oh well. I watched TWD for the main characters, Caryl, Carol. But lately things are not happening like I want or like it was in s5-6. There’s Less TF (like how the comics are..tho s9/after AOW was hopeful but AL and LC wanna leave.)Caryl and Carol/ TF interactions or Carol part of main plot haven’t happened since s6 and Idk if we come back to that. Like will Caryl’s relationship grow and does Carol and TF moment return-like will we have Carick moments? SIGH Waiting and hoping. It’s tiring. do whatever you want. I’m still a fan of Caryl, Carol/TF/Carick, Richonne.

Idk I’m just bummed and having a hard time with s9 and yet Rick and Maggie are leaving. Yeah ..I just wish I have an ending to just end it but I don’t have one. There’s no end...Idk it’s hard to make an ending to stop and to not hope or expect more. 

I want to not watch s9 yet I want/hope this TWD AU to end it right..blah. I guess till I get more info ..wait and see...

Whatever this rollercoaster ride continues and I probably rant again soon. :P

[oshoro]

Tagged by: @sumi98 thank u

Rules: Answer 30 questions. Tag 10 blogs you want to get to know better.

Nickname(s): Final, Nedy, Enny

Gender: Vaguely gestures at a sign that says “ g orl”

Sign: Leo

Height: 5′5 and a wee bit more

Current time: 12:29am

Favorite band(s): Not really listening to them all that much atm but Mindless Self Indulgence, Wildways, Mother Mother, Korn, Poshlaya Molly, In This Moment, Missio

Favorite solo artist(s): Blue Stahli, Sullivan King, Igorrr, Utsu-P, Zardonic, 

Song stuck in my head: “Intro 2″ by NF

Last movie I saw: Uhhhh ᵈᵒ ʲᵒʰⁿ ᵐᵘˡᵃⁿᵉʸ ⁿᵉᵗᶠˡᶦˣ ˢᵖᵉᶜᶦᵃˡˢ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ

Last show I watched: Lucifer

When did I create my blog: according to post limit checker, around “Wed, 01 Jul 2015“

What do I post: I dont post jack shit but I reblog anime, anime ships, animals, art I really like, sometimes memes

Last thing I googled: "paraphernalia definition”

Do I have other blogs: My animal crossing blog is @mayor-nedy and I have a blog literally dedicated to Hatsune Miku figures I want @mikollection

Do I get asks: nope

Why did I choose my url: I wanted something that sounded Japanese and semi-og. I looked up prefectures in Japan and after many, many attempts for an available name, oshoro worked. I’m kinda attached to it now

Following: 782 but my dash is still dead

Followed by: 110, which for never posting anything original and blocking all spam bots is aLrIgHT i think

Average hours of sleep: 10-12

Lucky number: 7 or 4 or 2 uhhh theyre all nice numbers very soft looking

Instruments: I kinda want to learn the ukulele but considering how unmotivated I am I probably wont. 4th grade I was MAD on a xylophone tho watch out

What I’m wearing: Green tinted sweatpants that have never ending clumps of my own hair and my cats hair attached to it. A black short sleeved shirt with lil white and red galaxy type stars all around. (also has clumps of my cats hair on it)

Dream job: Crime scene cleanup was a recent dream of mine but honestly no idea I push that question far into the back of my mind

Favorite food: Tagalogs, Mac and Cheese, and maruchan Ramen

Nationality: US

Favorite song: Uhm a couple I think. I listened to “Deviate” by Circle of Dust/Blue Stahli non stop all of last year. “Privately Owned Spiral Galaxy” by Crywank is special to me. Recently as in the last 3 days “Break Stuff” by We’re Wolves has been a fav. Anything loud I like tbh

Last book I read: Last full book I read was one flew over the cuckoo's nest and I hated it with a passion. 

Top 3 fictional universes I want to join: Animal Crossing, Animal Crossing, and uhmmmm Animal Crossing: Happy home designer.

OHhhh Geez UhHhH honestly the only person I’d know to tag is the person who tagged me and im NERVOus and Tired uhm

[gizmosisbuttons]

Episode 4 was a fandom wide callout post.

all you fools too busy being pissed bc Coran went all show crazy and basically re-characterized the paladins to what the masses found entertaining, to notice that the entire episode was literally a fandom wide call out post. they literally called us out guys. 

lets go over the list of things Coran said/did in ep 4 and compare them shall we?

let me preface this by saying he literally wasn't himself and i still love him just as much as before, my gorgeous man.

”I worked up very specific personas for each of you. This is going to help the audience connect on a much deeper level with each team member.” 

as if they didn't already have defining personalities that make them very likable and awesome? sounds familiar right? its one thing to speculate and theorize based on what we know about a character especially if we don’t know a lot about said character. the writers put a lot of time and effort into developing these characters and even said during an interview once that one of the things that bugged them about og Voltron was that the only properly developed character was Keith. the other guys didn't get a chance to be loved. and that was what they aimed to do, to give every paladin and character the chance to be loved. since the beginning the fandom has been bad at this. taking one teeny trait from each character and twisting them so that the only thing that matters is that trait. 

         “lover-boy lance”

throughout the series lance is known  to flirt with...pretty much every cute alien girl. of course. hes handsome, charming, girls love him. Coran wipes away all of the actually relatable things about his personality in favor of this charming flirt who would win over girls. Lance is insecure, he’s witty, he is the freaking sharpshooter, the teams sniper and their glue. he’s voltrons right hand now for a reason. he got into the garrison which is a military space exploration base, not just anyone gets in. hes incredibly intelligent and a great pilot. amazing really. bc simulations are always absolutely terrible and rarely help. oh yea, and hes charming.but god forbid anyone forget that hes a flirt. who cares about the other stuff that will actually help the audience connect with him. 

        “science wiz pidge” 

its no secret that pidge is incredibly intelligent. she is one of the characters who haven't gotten their developing points until this season. in one of the first flashbacks we learned she nearly gave up studying because some kid decided to be a dick and bully her. Matt pulled her out of it and encouraged her to work hard. later on in ep 4 coran says that her science doesn't need to be factually correct because noone will understand her either way. he undermined her intelligence because . well. noone cares what she says as long as it sounds smart. fanfic writers do this a lot. like. a lot. i understand that you may not have the same knowledge that the girl who hacked herself into a military school base undercover at he age of 14-15 (if the theory that the garrison is a high school program is correct) because she had gotten banned for sneaking in and hacking into the computer system, but if you really do insist on focusing her on her smarts, do some research. no to mention. pidge may be the youngest, but she really is more than science and calculations. shes intelligent yes, but she can hold her own in battle (at the age range of 15-17 with no prior battle training), shes afraid of the possible reality that all her efforts are wasted and Matt and Sam are dead, she is actually pretty social with the paladins (she can even be seen hanging out in the kitchen while hunk makes glass cookies.) and beyond her intelligence, shes wise. shes not just random science facts, she knows how to hold her own in situations outside of battle and books. shes street smart. 

       “lone wolf keith”

now i know this was said to allura, and ill get to that. but if the keith vlog showed us anything, its that  hes not just a moody loner teenager.  i am very guilty of this myself. i portray keith as a human disaster. we don’t know hen he was left alone, we don’t really know much of his story. i head canon that his dad left him to fend for himself but every month woul drop off food or money or something. i head canon hes terrible about taking care of his body. but at least i don’t call him moody and move on.  i give him a background to fill in the blank space, but sometimes i forget and focus too much on his folded arms and  pouty face. he smiles. he laughs. hes an actual precious bean.  but hes also afraid of being pushed away. hes guarded and does his best to be strong. he hides his feelings and protects his heart with everything he has. (geez boi who hurt you). he is not the human embodiment of “teenagers” by mcr. aka he has feelings too. not to mention he also got into the garrison, and was the top pilot regardless of how he got in, if it happened to be by recommendation like most people think. 

      “humourous hunk”

as a hunk stan this one annoys me the most. throughout the episode hunk is consistently embarrassed, and even protests the fart noises, fart jokes, etc. he is purposely tripped for laughs. the fandom forgets that hes not just the fat funny guy, or just the personal chef. hes overcome so much since babies first lion flight, he used to get sick, constantly had to be the voice of reason to keep his teammates out of trouble,  he is just as intelligent as pidge and is actually one of the only people that can keep up with her science stuff. keith and lance even stated that they didnt understand anything they'd said. hes a fantastic engineer even if he had a few tummy mishaps. hes an amazing pilot too, and extremely sassy. he and pidge probably rigged the game console to work in space, And hes pretty friendly and cautious. he is NOT meant to be the comic relief. (say it louder for people in the back)

     “shiro the hero”

a lot of the fandom has taken to calling shiro daddy, sexualizing him (”now put on this tight shirt”) and focusing on shiro and only shiro (shiros the “favorite character” of corans little show). hes great. he really is. and the man needs a break. voltron is a kids show. he isnt meant to  be sexualized, none of them are. hes more than his arms and his leadership abilities. the biggest issue i have with the whole shiro thing. regardless of if hes a clone, when shiro returned he cut his hair differently, and wore short sleeves. everyone i know, including me, said they'd be fine with the clone if he had kept his hair long and “as much as i love the arm view” and didnt change his outfit. its a kid show. his body shouldn't matter.i am also guilty of this, and ep 4 opened my eyes to it. coran lifted shiros arm as if to prove that thats what the audience really wanted. he treats shiro differently bc hes the real star here and everyone should know it. ofc, hes the black paladin. (i wonder where the whole “the black paladin is the only one who really matters here” mindset came from. looking @ u ‘84). shiros may have ptsd, and hes constantly trying to hold himself together for his team, and its obviously not easy. maybe thats why hes got a cute white floof. the stress. 

      alluras erasure  

another point that always bugged me. the fandom either forgets allura exists, or that she is just stealing lances place temporarily. Allura is the blue paladin. while keith is gone, she is not filling in. shes a paladin now too. for coran to call her keith, and constantly call her keith, even though she obviously has a few choice words to say about it, its distrespectful. she says his plan is working and he replies with “why thank you keith...i like to keep you in character” once again, erasing her existence. now im not as well versed in this particular topic, but id like you to keep in mind that he talks to his princess with that mouth, and that she IS the princess and not a fill in while keith leads. feel free to elaborate on this more. 

     coran “fires “ team voltron. 

this. i find extremely entertaining. remember that legal trouble last year bc of the leaks? and right around that time the klance shipper started threatening them if they didn't make it gayer and put keith and lance together? the  fandom, who wanted all of this to happen their way, were threatening to get it cancelled and such just because things didnt go their way. shiro, the leader, disagreed with coran and tries to shut him down. and coran in fit of rage says:

you're a bunch of quitters! quitters! i’m a visionary! i have thoughts, ideas, i dont need you anyway. ill rewrite the show, get rid of the whole lot of you, replace you with new paladins! and the show will be better than ever before!...except for you shiro, ill never get rid of you, you're our most popular character!

this is essentially what the fandom was saying. now, was this definitely their plan, to call us out with this bit, in not sure, but honestly, its almost too coincidental.

the writers have made it clear that they heard us, and have always been listening. and really, thats why i love ep4. you're angry because you know you got called out but haven't admitted it to yourself. the writers do their best to bring us the best show possible, but they cant satisfy everyone. why cant we just be happy about Actual Meme (tm) Matt, and look forward to season five instead of fighting them because we got our shit handed right back to us. weve gotten a  taste of our own medicine, so chill. i enjoy them keeping us on our toes, surprising us with every turn, theyre great writers.who cares if one or two things pissed you off? we both know youre not gonna stop watching.

[purge-that-urge-rhackathon]

Fanfic Author Interview

I was tagged by @dokt0rgunn​ and @thirtysixsavefiles​ awww yissss baaaabes

1. What inspires your work most? (The show it is based on, the actor who portrays a certain character, maybe the character itself…? It could even be an experience.)

No. Fucking. Clue. My own neediness to read things I can’t find? That’s the whole reason I’m even in this fandom ya’ll (and why I’m getting into some Fallout fic writing). I’d say the biggest inspiration comes from tiny tiny things. Like a turn of a phrase in someone else’s work, or a random word or sentence. The whole reason I wrote Efficiency was because I saw an AU imageboard/gif thing (idk wtf its called-- I saw a single gif) for a teen wolf thing (i don’t follow that show so I dont know about it) but the gif said “Look at him. I’m gonna have his babies” and i was like YUP OKAY WE’RE DOING THIS THIS IS HAPPENING. 10 fucking chapters and 70k words because of a sentence on a gif. That’s pretty common for me.

2. What is your favorite fandom to write for?

Borderlands yaaaas. Also I may or may not be getting into writing some Fallout fic... I have a soft spot for MacHusband and cynical liar-face mcgee in a hot polyamorous relationship with the ss yep. So that’s happening.

3. Which perspective do you prefer writing in? (First-person, third-person)

Always third person. Can’t even read first person unless the writer is like insanely good.

4. Do you prefer writing reader fics or OCs?

I had to look up what ‘reader’ meant, cuz back in my day we just called it self-insert/2nd person AHAHAH JFC i’m old. I’ve only done the reader thing once, never finished the fic, half of it’s on livejournal from the grand migration, and I still get emails asking about/for the rest of it AHAHA...I need to just post that shit.

5. Do you prefer writing longer works or one shots?

I prefer one-shots if only because I have a very short attention span, and I also think I can stay truer to characterization if I go one-shot. I get lost pretty fast if I go longer and start doubting myself. But I’m a HUGE slut for comments and if I think I can get more comments (or if I’m having fun with the smut/relationships) I’ll write longer pieces. It’s about the reward system for myself haha. Once I start to lose interest in a longer piece, it’s only the comments that keep me going. Ahahaha I.M. A HACK.

6. Do you take requests?

Always, but I don’t do all of them just because I’m a hack and don’t put any effort into things I write so if it requires brain power then I sometimes turn them down just based on that xD I’m also picky about what/who I write about, so I’ve gotten some really good prompts but just haven’t been my cup of tea, but I’ll always acknowledge them! Fic writing is my escape right now so I’m less-inclined to do things that’ll be challenging (AKA I’m L A Z Y).

7. Do you enjoy getting random Asks?

YAS fuck yeah I do. I don’t get them often though. If they’re requests, I leave ‘em back here with me a while to ruminate unless I know I won’t fill it. If it’s a random ask, I generally get to stuff same day cuz I love that shit. I was the kid that used to get excited over spam in the mailbox growing up HAHA

8. What inspires the names for OCs (or extra character names) in your works? Do you pick them from real life or just select them at random? A mix?

I just try to think of a name that’ll sound good, and then question if it’s giving the feel of the character the right...uh, feel. Haha. Like if I call ‘em Melvin, they’re a nerd (apologies to any Melvins out there haha). Sometimes no names work way better though.

9. If your story(ies) have OCs, are their appearances based on real people or celebrities? If so, who?

Any background characters I write I try to leave intentionally vague because a lot of meaning (this person being described as gorgeous/handsome/etc) is subjective person to person so unless they’re important, they don’t get much of even a smear of an idea from my brain. I also try to be generic-enough with descriptions that people can picture background folk their own way without forcing my own white ethnocentric view on that shit even subconsciously. I like diversity in my fic bitches, I’m just a lazy fuck.

10. How long have you been writing fanfiction?

Geez we’re coming up on 15 years now o_o started late in high school doing round-robin type things with friends haha I was writing original stuff much longer though. Fun fact: I’m the one to have exposed my freshman-college-year English professor onto fanfiction. She didn’t know what it was and was intrigued.

Hope you’re doing well Professor Nava hahaha

I tag @thethespacecoyote, @bigevilshine, @frog-batter, @ofstrangeshadows, @feralprince, @erinchu and anyone else who wants to (say i’m the one who tagged you, betches <3).

[tumblunni]

aaaaaugh that was a weird adventure of a normal thing seriously wtf how did I Almost Die from just trying to pay my electricity bills?? the electricity went out at midnight and I was having a WHOPPING GIANT MIGRAINE and seriously i suck at talking to cashiers on the best of days but now i have to call a taxi at midnight and sit there feeling awkward for like half an hour while the guy drives me several miles away to the only electricity place thats open 24/7 and like five minutes in i realized OH SHIT THIS MIGRAINE IS MORE SERIOUS THAN I EXPECTED but like i was trapped in a car and trapped in an awkward social situation! so i was here all dizzy and disassociating and like it felt like the window was a computer screen?? cos im nearsighted a lot and of course its gonna get even worse when i have a dizzy migraine of death doom. i was just so out of it with pain and tiredness and the car shaking me about and just it felt like i wasnt really there but i was still in my house just watching all this on the tv or something. i had to look down at my hands cos they were the only non blurry thing, i had to remind myself that i actually existed and wasnt somehow being erased from the world and replaced by a film reel of some guy sitting in a car?? So I am like Absolutely Fucking Nonfunctional here, and being acutely aware of how i forgot to wear my glasses and apparantly also my socks. Tho in my defense it would have been hard to put them on in the dark anyway! and seriously THIS POOR CAB GUY! like it seemed english wasnt his first language and i felt so bad cos like how can i make it clear that I am the one messing up here?? dude you didnt mishear me i really am slurring everything i say and forgetting half the dictionary. HE WAS SO NICE! I wish i could have like.. been able to register any of his individual faceparts as a coherant whole. I have problems with prosopagnosia even on a good day, but like whoa man i did not have the energy left to concentrate on what this guy even looked like. i feel bad cos i dont know his name either, im gonna remember him as just this big helpful shadow void with a nice accent. HOW DID YOU PUT UP WITH ME EMBARASSING MYSELF SO MUCH, YOU WONDERFUL CABMAN actaully wait do you call them cabs in america aa im sorry this post isnt very america translated i try and generally self-correct to america english cos i know like 90% of my followers seems to be america for some reason i do not understand HELLO AMERICDA FRIENDS TODAY okay so i was Dying in a taxi which is also called a cab, and the company was Capital Cabs which is very good and i love them and they have an automated system so you dont have to talk on the phone and seriously that cut like 50% of terror from this terror day SO ANYWAY I WAS DYING we go all over the place looking for the 24 hours electric place, and then for some reason they are closed?? there was a line outside and i think actually the doors got stuck and the cashiers couldnt get out??? what happened?? i guess i will never know cos i had to leave that mini story behind and find another electric hilariously we found one LITERALLY ACROSS THE ROAD there was THE SAME SHOP ACROSS THE ROAD FACING EACH OTHER MIRROR IMAGE WHAT like seriously fuck im already in a dizzy daze floating halfway out my own body like i didnt need any more evidence im currently in wonderland i want to know this story too, dammit! are those rival stores?? of the same brand?? somehow?? or are they owned by the same person?? because why?? is it like the area was so in-demand of small 24/7 shops that they had to make two within five metres of each other? or is it like they’re the same shop but they didnt have enough space to build the full size they wanted so they purchased two smaller land plots? or something? DID IT JUST EXIST FOR THIS SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCE OF ME NEEDING THE SHOP WHEN THE SHOP IS CLOSED “tumblr blogger tumblunni will show up fuckin migraine stoned on the 9th of november, as the prophecy foretold” omg i just mispelled prophecy as prophey and that sounds like a cute ass oc name holy shit ANYWAY im here dissacoiating my ass off and trying and failing to stick my debit card in the card machine and all the time im like FUCKIN OBSESSING over how sauboh is a really better name. Like faba is still a cute name but sauboh is a COOL name! no name is better than sauboh! and why u wanna this evil man have a cute name anyway?? when u be all cruel in the anime and sand off even the slightest non horrible edges he ever had, like seriously im unreasonably upset that everyone hates faba even more now. when will i get my sneaky science grandpa guy who is not evil for once but merely misunderstood and then i adopt him and hug him many and the all is resolved so yeah im fuckin haviung trouble focusing on what im actually doing jesus christ then i stumble into the store and i pay for my electric and im like ‘no no no fucking shit this migraine is WAY worse than i expected, im going to fucking die’ so i ask if they have any paracetamol but i cant remember the word for paracetamol and its all super embarassing. and like THE GUY LOOKS AT ME AS IF IM CRAZY. He’s all ‘ugh why would we have that, geez’. like wtf?? i mean i know i couldnt remember the name of it but i said ‘headache medicine’ so im sure he understood what i meant. i had a long rambling discussion with the taxi man about how weird that was, he was like ‘no, seriously EVERY 24 hour newsagent sells that stuff’ and i was like ‘no seriously he was rude to me for asking, like wtf’ and then i repeated the story about three more times cos i was currently in the throes of brain death in retrospect maybe the cashier thought i was drunk or something?? or high? i mean you cant get high from headache pills but i dunno maybe they mix badly with booze and he thought he was saving my life. i like to think the best of people! i wish i hadnt jumped to the grumpy conclusion during that moment and then whined like a lil bitch to this poor cab man and seriously he was SO NICE! he was like ‘dude seriously we’d have to drive anothr five miles to find another newsagent shop, im trying to save you money’ and he tried to give me some of the paracetamol he had in his wallet and i was like YOURE SO FUCKIN NICE IM DYING, I COULD NEVER ACCEPT THAT but also in retrospect probably that was a good decision cos even if the guy seemed super nice and trustable its like Good Life Policy to not take medicine from people you don’t know. I am 100% sure tho that he actually was genuine and wasnt gonna fuckin murder me with fakeacetamol HE WAS SO NICE! HIM AND HIS NONDESCRIPT FACIAL REGION! why cant i remember ANYTHING about this man oh and also I was able to give some money to a lady on the street!! i don’t know if she was actually homeless, she said that she had some trouble with a hotel booking or something so she was just stuck sleeping outside for the night. i cant remember if she had any luggage so i cant verify if the story is true, it just made me really sad wondering if it WASNT true and its like she needed to lie or people wouldnt give her money?? like seriously homeless people are the most vunerable yet theyre the ones people have the least sympathy for! wtf having to like like ‘i need the money less’... anyway i also couldnt remember her face and was kinda slurring my words to death and i didnt have much money to give but aaaa i hope i helped!! so yeah fuckin SMASH CUT to the next newsagent place and seriously i swear i blacked out for a minute cos it was just like wow we’re there in 48 seconds yet the clock says a bunch more miles and THEY HAD PARACETALMOL AND I WAS FUCKIN CRYING IN A SPAR MART thenk u cashier man who was probablyh very confused at this guy with no socks also for some reason my mind was wandering to the topic of what i’d do if i got misgendered in a cinema, like holding this fuckin entire fictional argument with this manifestation of my own self doubt WHAT EVEN INSPIRED THAT THOUGHT PROCESS so i’m nigh passing out and the nice cab man takes me home and he tries to make me pay less than the fee on the clock and im like NO DUDE IT WAS MY OWN CHOICE TO GO 2 PARACETAMOL SHOP seriously he was SO NICE why cant i remember his faaaaaace and i usually like to give a tip to the taxi guy even though tipping isnt really a thing in my country cos just i feel like Being Nice Is Nice and i want to thank them for their nice but i DIDNT HAVE ANY MORE MONEY LEFT so aaaa i was only able to give him an extra £0.50 but thank you taxi man i hope you have a good night and good life and the universe rewards you for helping a migraine fucked bunbun this eve and now ive shoved medicines in my fave and im just waiting for them to kick in and i know i should eat something but i feel so nauseous aaarglefargle also nice taxi man told me a story about how the same thing happened to him once except the electric went out while he was in the shower. So he just got blasted by cold water AND had to stumble down the stairs in the dark, and then friggin buy electric while his ears were still fulla soap. Whoa dude your bravery in face of embarassment exceeds my own! i love you platonically mr cab man thanks for making me feel less nervous and such while i was Die so yeah hopefully i will be less die soon ok bye also sauboh is a best name and i need to steal it for an oc or something NINTEND U LET IT SLIP AWAY

[crescentmoonrider]

@kakashiobitos i hope youre prepared. you asked for it so dont complain afterwards

but yeah lets talk about kakashi’s various coping mechanisms this will be fun

first one is obviously kid!kakashi’s total rejection of his own emotions following sakumo’s death (kakashi no) and therefore rejection of just anyone’s emotions especially obito’s (who is so emotional and kind and if faced with a choice between his team and the mission he would definitely choose the team and Die one way or another) (we’ll get back to his projection problem later bc this is a whole other issue he has) mixed with typical kakashi “this is a memento of my father” hatake hypocrisy

because if there is one thing kakashi cant do, ever, its letting go

dad died ? let me just bury all my emotions and pretend i manage to not feel stuff while also keeping a piece of my dad with me at all times

obito died ? and gave me his eye ? oh geez i guess im gonna have to fuCKING ABSORB HIS PERSONALITY AND BECOME THE ULTIMATE FRANKEN-NINJA oh and lets not forget about how he spent half his life in front of the memorial stone

im... actually kind of suprised i dont find any for rin but i guess a mangekyou kind of makes up for this wait nevermind i forgot about ANBU, obviously the best way to cope with someone’s death is trying to get yourself killed in S-class missions haha (he probably falls back into hand-washing in dire times i think tbh)

kakashi no

but seriously his absorption of obito (of his idea of obito) is. scary. and like, the way its handled in gaiden is. so g o o d kishimoto did not fuck around with the gaiden. he fucked around with a lot of things but not the gaiden but yumi we dont see kakashi absorbing obito’s personality in gaiden - no youre right we just see hiM COMPLETE HIS SIGNATURE JUTSU WITH OBITO’S EYE, PREFIGURATING THE WAY HES GOING TO ACT HIS WHOLE FUCKING L I F E

im fine this is fine

so about his projection issues - where do i fucKING START

i already mentioned sakumobito before, but let me just add that obito never gives up why does he never give up why did sakumo give up but not obito it makes kakashi so goddamn angry

but really no projection issues could ever prepare him to the absurdity that is Team 7. like. who thought it would be a good idea to put kakashi in there. making him an instructor is already a bad idea enough and now you put him with The Cold Genius, The Village Idiot, and The Sweet Girl With A Crush and ask him to keep it together and not fuck it up ? what is wrong with this village for real

(a good thing sakura doesnt actually look like rin that much aside from the crush and medic stuff - which only comes later, kakashi’s hell-brain thanks you)

oh god seeing sask try to kill sakura must have been so terrible for him oh god this is why you dont project yourself onto your students kakashi you never know when one of them might turn into an actual friend-killer

but the worst. the very worst of it all. is narutobito like. he idealises obito so much. and then projects all of it onto nard. “i will kill the current obito and protect the obito of the past” *picture of naruto there* Kakashi my boy this is. not healthy. for anyone (yes i remember this page by heart no im not going to look for it bc im lazy)

(seriously everyone projects their dead loved ones on naruto pls leave the boy alone holy shit how is he supposed to live with everyone’s impossible expectations thrown at him fuck)

also im sure the mask is probably A Thing(TM) because no one keeps the same look for 25 years (and also @ sakumo why is your 4yo son hiding his face he is 4 being a genius ninja doesnt explain everything)

(please let me talk about my headcanon for kakashi’s mask it physically hurts me and its all my friend’s fault)

anyway you wanted to talk about the ninja system ? lets talk about it. in bullet points after the cut bc its going to be Long

first of all this is the same village that let sask live in the compound where his whole family got slaughtered im like 100% sure no one took care of 5yo orphan kakashi who found his father’s dead body after weeks/months of hearing people badmouth said father

what could possibly go wrong

speaking of which why is a 5yo even allowed with weapons, im not even talking about the missions just giving a 5yo weapons is never a good idea

also the Rules are so. fucking. this is a 5yo child why does everyone think him killing his emotions is a good idea

not even talking about the Actual killing

what even happened between the time he passed genin and the time team minato was formed who took care of him was it minato was he working on his own instead of in a team

also chuunin at 6 ? really ? what about the Emotional Maturity(TM) kotetsu and izumo were talking about during shikamaru’s match that a 6yo does definitely Not have

like i get it was war-time but still what the fuck chuunin can lead teams why would you let a 6yo lead a team of people most likely older than him im like 100% sure they wouldnt like it

also a 11yo jounin like. ok. at this point i dont even know why i ask anymore

HE A CHILD KAREN HE SHOULD NOT BE FIGHTING A WAR AND KILLING PEOPLE DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA OF THE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE 

shit soldiers get so many complications from that and you put a child through the same stuff how do you expect him to be even remotely alright

also did anyone take the time to talk with him after obito and rin’s respective deaths

like im not even talking about therapy that im pretty sure doesnt exist in this world but like. did minato know about the nightmares/hand-washing/stuff ? or did he wait until kakashi was Ready To Talk ?

wait nevermind i keep forgetting about the ANBU what the fuck minato you know the child has problems with emotions and you put him thERE ??? minato why

sure let the child who feels guilty for all his friends’ deaths into the squad that does the most danagerous missions im sure this will go well

why would he try to kill himself (or get himself killed same thing really)

nothing can go wrong with this plan

There Is No War In Ba Sing Se

also how old was he ? 13 i think ?

‘dont let the children fight the kyuubi’ yeah sure minato because there are no children getting themselves almost killed on the regular none at all

like he Tried but. i guess when you grow up in a ninja system you have trouble finding the right ideas so. another point to the fucking up of kakashi indirectly this time

who even let kakashi instruct children

who even let kakashi-the-never-child-never-adult instruct children

no i mean seriously if you dont let a child have a childhood theres no way he can grow up correctly and become an Adult(TM)

did no one tell him absorbing the personality of his dead best friend isnt a good idea

gai is the only good thing in kakashi’s life and thats. Bad. gai is a lovely man but seriously why does kakashi have no one else

oh wait theyre all dead

sorry

is kakashi sent on missions underground too sometimes or do they actually have some sense

kakashi is the main reason i believe they dont know therapy in this world

probably dont even have meds

this is stupid mentally sound soldiers are more effective than completely fucked up ones

are there even some studies on the consequences of war ? shell shock anyone ? ptsd ?

the only guys who know some stuff about the human mind are I&T guys and thats not good

this post is already too long i cant talk about Obito AU here sorry

[patroncrow]

even numbers :>

same face~

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

probably but i think theres a good chance ill end up alone bc i seem to attract the wrong kinda ppl and im hoping this trend doesnt prove true in the future

4. Are you in a relationship?

nah im still trying to get my ex to piss off 

6. Are you single this year?

see above point

8. Describe your crush

cute af & a cool cat

i was dead gonna tag you bc i love doing power moves like that but i havent the courage

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

i think you can be like “i wanna hit that” from the first time u see them but its not truly love if its a stranger

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

not easily unless im lying to myself

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

;)

16. Do you have any tattoos?

yes and i intend to have more in the future

20. Do you shower every day?

i try

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

maybe

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

idk if ill be existing in that long

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yeah i had to hear it like last night, and today i had to actually tell him to leave

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

yeah by the same moron ive been bitching about

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

not seriously

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

dont think so. i have no interest in going after someone i dont know is intersted

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

unfortunately no

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

nah

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

ive only liked like 3 ppl

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

im not a singer or a writer or that cheesy

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

idk, mine havent been the first to move

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

like 2 

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

i cant count like that

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

idk

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

haha how much am i gonna end up talking about this guy in here? id be like fuck off

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

dont get me started

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

geez

56. State 8 facts about your body

uhh 

-my hairs naturally a milk chocolate color, but its a little different rn bc ive dyed it

-i get self conscious about the size of my hips sometimes

-ive had the thought that everything you could need to know about me is on my legs alone, nothing else would matter. this led to a drawing i never finished that was kinda neat

-im a bit high & this is hard rn

-im actually not terrible at singing, i just never do it without music/around ppl

-i can lug roughly 200 lbs of milk around a cooler

-also legs: i quite frequently have bruises on my knees and sometimes ankles from work

-theres this certain emotion that feels like an energy in my arms and an urge to fight

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

SHIT

-food

-more food

-treating me as an actual friend

-sharing interests

-just being like,,, a good person??

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 

whats that rule, half the older ones age plus seven?

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

hmm

64. What is your definition of cheating?

romantic/sexual interaction with someone you arent committed to (while committed)

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

all roleplay ive done was nonsexual nerd stuff

68. What is your sexual orientation?

ive been going by pan recently

70. What turns you on?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

(fun fact, i can make a face vaguely similar to this one that gives the same effect)

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

havent really had any talkers

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

i have this... golden ratio for face sharpness. i dont like them as sharp as that one overwatch lady or the winchesters but i dont like them like.. totally soft

its not a dealbreaker to not be in it, but its a big thing i notice lol

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

cleaned.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

i said that in a different post. not gonna say which one or where, yall can go hunting for it

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

the other day, in a regrettable knee-jerk reflex

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

same person i keep having to bring up

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

thats a wall of text you dont wanna see

86. You’ll love me if…

not sure.

[kingnickrusso]

Long Overdue Exhaust

I just went back and realized it’d been almost two years since I wrote a blog. February 2018 was the last one. 

I’ve become very restricted with social media. There was a time I was updating 3-10 times a day with every other thought but now that doesn’t work for me. Apparently, that means you’re self centered or you’re egotistical or a douchbag or inconsiderate person by many of the people I work with. 

At least that’s the way it comes across when I listen to their criticisms. Funny enough, confidence has never been a lacking point in my life so I am still confident in myself but I express it much differently these days. 

I have found that social media was how I escaped loneliness. It’s where I could muster up some attention to fill the void in my mind.  As my following has frown to well over 150k people across all platforms, I get plenty of attention from not as much posting. So I try to make my posts more poignant, less emotional, more directed at a portion of my audience, more brand oriented so that they go further with each one. 

Sometimes I miss being able to be blatantly honest and blissfully ignorant with my posts because it just felt so good to spray thoughts without a filter. Honestly, I think people appreciate that but the environment is conducive to that type of expression anymore. Everyone is on edge. Well not everyone but a lot of people. A lot of other people also filling the void in their lives. 

Ironic, eh? To fill a void in their life they engage others to fill the void in their life. Maybe that’s why we’re all on social media and so addicted. Maybe. 

I really do think it’s just endorphins. We get endorphin release when we get message notifications or a tweet or a like or a comment from someone we hold dear to our heart. The more we get, the more we want. It’s never ending. 

Well, the only way to end it would be to stop going to it for the endorphin. Break from it so that you merely take it for what it is versus taking it as something you need.

It’s definitely a habit at work that I log into Facebook first, then Twitter, then my email. I notice it every day but it’s the way of the world. 

I used to love drunk tweeting. Not so much anymore. I wake up regretting my tweets if I do that. So now, I just tweet “this is my tweet about everything i wanna say right now.”

Anywho, it’s been 5 1/2 years in Houston on The Bull. 4 years doing afternoons from 3-7. This is what I was dreaming about doing back in my Corpus Christi days. I mean, not specifically this but certainly this arena. I always had dreams of NYC or LA but never very concrete. Lately, I’ve been trying to envision getting to host a television show or game show or something to that effect. 

Earlier today I was talking with some friends about Spring Break 05 or 06. Or 04. Not really sure but we got hammered in South Padre Island, stayed at a best western about 8 people deep. One of my friends reminded me of when I got us in as water boys for a wet tshirt contest at Clayton’s. I vaguely remember it but can certainly pinpoint a couple of moments from that night. 

Whew, the 20′s were wild. I’m damn near 40 now. Yikes, hated to write that.

Truth is, I’m so happy right now. I was a little depressed earlier this year. I think I didn’t want to admit it and it lingered for a while but I’d lay on my floor and just stare at the ceiling. It just started to feel like time was closing in on me and things were becoming stagnant. They weren’t stagnant but that’s what my mind kept suggesting. I also battled some severe back pain. Two herniated discs that were extra swollen which was causing major muscle spasms around my abdominal area and back. Could barely walk, couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t roll over in bed. Couldn’t sleep. It was awful. 

Thankfully, chiropractic help and physical therapy got me back to a great place. Unfortunately, this process led to me finding out I have ankylosing spondylitis which is a form of arthritis. Auto immune disorder that causes my body to send inflammation to my joints for no reason. Causes pain and discomfort but I’m doing 1000% better than this time last year. 

I’m still single at this point. I feel like I’m ready, though. I’m ready to get married, stop chasing and flirting and stop thinking that every girl I find super hot I have a chance with. HA! 

Geez, that’s not really what I think but I have always been super quick to love the way a woman looks. I get hopeful every time I see a woman I’m attracted to. I’m working on fine tuning that attraction. 

I wanted to start a dating app again but the bio or my place in life or what I’m looking for is so hard to explain. Let me try it here:

I want a woman who is a professional in her field or on her way to becoming a professional in her field. Mainly, because I am a professional in my field. I’d rank myself as one of the best in the entire radio industry and I want someone who will respect me for my achievements and push me to achieve more and wallow in success alongside me. I’d love to have my lady to take to shows, concerts, vacations, dinner, just chillin on the couch not even talking. I really want that. The catch is that I want who I want and I want to be mad about them. mad as in crazy. crazy as in every time I see her I want to kiss her. Maybe I dont kiss her everytime I want to but if I did she’d be okay with it. 

Personality wise, I’d want her to be intelligent and want to know more about everything. I want to respect her for her and I want her to be ready to tell me everything she’s ever thought or wanted in life without fear of judgement. Because that’s what I want. I want to not feel like I have to write a blog to exhaust all the things I’m thinking about.  I love to talk so she has to enjoy listening and I love answering questions and playing out scenarios. 

I did meet this woman at Discount Tire a few weeks ago. She agreed to grab lunch or dinner next week so I gotta figure out the next line for the invite. She’s absolutely stunning. I mean....drop dead gorgeous. I saw her and she smiled at me so I smiled back and just started talking to her. We talked for about 30 minutes before her car was ready. 

Needless to say, I hope when we meet up and talk we pick right up where we left off. I think there’s an opportunity there and I know she’s looking because she just got back into town after recording a reality show about dating. 0_0

Anyway, I’m almost out of energy to keep this going and I’ve been all over the place but it sure felt good to just think, type and express. Things come out so much easier when you dont have to say it out loud. I’ll be back because there’s a lot to say about work that I can’t say on any other medium and I’m not even sure anyone reads these anymore but thats really okay with me. As my older blogs would say redundantly, I love coming to tumblr because nobody is on here reading my stuff with judgment and if they are they tried really fucking hard to find this page. 

[dajoezenone]

Remember when I did Reviews and posted them here?

DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL AIRED AND IM POSTING THOUGHTS HERE. LETS GOO

MAJOR SPOILER ALERT, YA HEAR? DONT READ THIS IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED TWICE UPON A TIME YET. DONT BE STUPID. Im serious.

I feel like Moffat wasted this idea. He had this great setup to do an episode about how the show has changed, and questioning if thats a good or a bad thing, but this was ultimately not that. 

Sure, there are a few jokes about how the Doctor has changed, and in the end we see the seeds of the older Doctor in the younger one, but ultimately that isn’t the focus. Which is kind of weird because, again, I feel like using this idea on a story that ISNT about that is a waste. 

But Im getting ahead of myself. 

It starts out by showing us scenes from the episode where Bill Hartnell’s doctor regenerates, and then cuts off, leading into where the previous episode ended. There’s some text narration that I dont like because it is 1- unnecessary and B- weird? When has the show ever done this? Why was it so obviously something done in post? And if it was written in, why’d they make it look like a last minute decision done in post? 

Anyways, the two Doctors themselves are both great. Or at least, the Actors are really great. They’re not written very impressively. This is not Moffat at his best. Which is a shame, because I loved the Moffat era and Im sad that it feels like the man himself was phoning it in at the end.

After the theme tune, we’re introduced to Mark Gatiss’s character, who is a WWI soldier, moments before his death. Time is frozen all around him, and then he’s transported to where the two Doctors are. 

His character isn’t bad. I didn’t mind him while I was watching, but looking back on the episode he was mostly there to serve the plot, which was ultimately pointless. So he does kinda bug me.  Anyways they all go into the TARDIS. Theres some jokes about the secret alchohol stache we saw a few Christmases ago which is fine. Some humor about the guitar, which I dont like. A Couple of the Doctors have played musical instruments. Having a personality trait thats consistent across Doctors be insulted by the original Doctor makes very little sense in my mind. And Capaldi is embarrassed of it? Capaldi’s Doctor is many things but embarrassed of one of the things that is legitimately cool? Weird conversation imo. 

Oh and here we’re reintroduced to the fact that First Doctor was a bit sexist. Which, fine. He kinda was. Its an area where the Doctor has changed with the times. Except that its implied in other Capaldi episodes that Time Lord society just is actually more progressive bc they can change from male to female with a simple regeneration. This is why I feel like this was such a waste of potential. A trait that they implicitly retconned to not have changed over time is one of the main differences between the two that they focus on. Why? Nothing interesting is really learned there. It just lets Moffat virtue signal which is unnecessary. 

Back to the plot, the TARDIS is captured by “The Dead” who dont explain whats going on, which is dumb of them, but offer to trade soldier Gatiss for Bill Potts, who is apparently among the dead. Nice. So glad they brought back a character whose arc ended with her getting a happy ending in order to show that it didn’t last long and that when they brought her back for an episode, it was for a plot related gimmick and she cant stay on the show still. I know they weren’t going to, but it still annoys me. I was ready for more Bill. I love Bill and this felt like a tease. Speaking of which, they let you think it really is Bill. Its not like in Day of the Doctor where you know that isn’t Rose the whole time. No, they let you think it maybe really is Bill. Why? 

After some banter, the four of them escape the glass dead people. Or, person. Who looks very fake and not very intimidating. Which makes sense considering SPOILER ALERT the glass dead person isn’t evil. She’s not evil at all. She’s the main antagonist and in the end of the episode the Doctor’s basically just like “Wow OK well thats fine keep doing what you’re doing”. Nothing really even comes of it. Its all just padding and setup for the episode to end in the way that we all know it will. 

Getting ahead of myself again. They spend some time on some Dalek controlled planet, where Rusty (The good Dalek that Doctor and Clara went inside back in season 8) sits in a tower and shoots at other Daleks all day. Rusty is old and cranky now. I guess. Actually he’s basically just a regular Dalek actually. But he will help the Doctor bc the Doctor convinces him it’ll hurt other Daleks. But actually all it does is reveal the twist I spoiled for you. 

That said the main point was to give the characters a backdrop other than the old TARDIS set while they interact. We get some stuff with not-Bill and the Doctor which is pretty good. Some stuff with not-Bill and Gatiss which is actually really really good. And some stuff with the two Doctors which was... fine? Again, my main problem with the episode was that the two of them could have been used so much better but they simply aren’t. The two actors are phenominal, but I just dont buy Moffat’s writing in this episode. Give them intersting stuff to say, geez. Its all just kind of... what you’d expect. 

Then we get the ending, which is again just nothing really unexpected. Doctor Capaldi changed stuff around so that when they unfroze time, it was right before the Christmas Armistice of 1914. Which is weird bc its like simultaneously showing that the world needs the Doctor to save people like Gatiss, but also showing that regular people, even soldiers in the midst of war, can be kind. Its a confusing message that tries to have its cake and eat it too. So see? This isn’t just me being upset that they didn’t focus on the stuff I would have. Its also me being upset with how they handled what they did choose to focus on. 

Capaldi’s last scenes, saying goodbye to the Testimony versions of his companions, and his last monologue, are as great as I could have wanted them to be. Both drag on for a bit and had some stuff that could have been left on the cutting room floor and we never would have missed it. Its very obvious that Jenna Coleman wasn’t able to be there on set with the other companions Capaldi says goodbye to. And the Doctor rambles a bit in his monologue about children being allowed to know his name, which isn’t very coherent. I guess that was the point. We’re not supposed to understand. But still. Cut that then. 

Then finally, Jodie Whitaker's first scene. Which is fine. Way too similar to Matt Smith’s first scene but with so much less dialogue. All she says is something like “Aw Brilliant!” which is instantly Doctor-ish. She’s great I love her. And then she stumbles around the exploding TARDIS set a bit before falling out of the ship entirely. Which again just makes me think of End of Time / Eleventh Hour. Like, I’ve seen this before but the character was given so much more room to breathe.  As I’ve said before, its not the female Doctor Im worried about, its Chris Chibnall not giving her anything interesting to do. This doesn’t change that at all. 

Small notes I didn’t know where else to put:

-I swear Capaldi gets emotional for a brief instant when First Doctor mentions Polly. Could be my imagination though since its not indicated at all by the dialogue he says.  -Gatiss getting sad when he’s told he’s from “World War I” is a nice touch. They really believed that their’s was the war to end all wars, the idea that humanity would do it again was so unthinkable and its depressing.  -I could be wrong but I dont think we’ve seen the date the Testimony was from before in Doctor Who, which is interesting because usually future humans with time travel tech coming back are usually from a specific time period in Moffat episodes. Weird that he didn’t stick to that in his last romp. -Rusty was kinda broken when the Doctor first found him. Howd he live for, what did the Doctor say? Thousands of years? MOFFAT JUST BC WE DIDNT SEE A CHARACTER DIE DOESNT MEAN THEY LIVE FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS DANGIT. Also why was Rusty never a contender for the fulfillment of the Hybrid Prophecy if he lived that long? 

All in all, not the worst Moffat story, but far from his best. The message and point are obscured to the point of meaninglessness, but the emotion and characters are there, just not in as strong a force as they should be. :(