#george would be a wonderful student. 100% on everything. and he would drive me crazy.

[berenshand]

im only halfway through book 2 but im really enjoying lockwood and co so far. these kids are such assholes and i love that for them. they feel like real teenagers. ive taught them in my english classes and they made me hate my job.

[purple-vixen]

John Constantine as a Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher - Headcanon

A/N: Fun fact: I had this idea after seeing a meme about John becoming a DADA teacher and asking his students for a cigarette. Sorry if it's not 100% accurate, this is mostly based on the Constantine from NBC TV series and the DCAMU one because I'm more familiar with those versions of him (but there might be a few references to the comics here and there) - Vix

Warning: Swear words

• The reason why Constantine ends up at Hogwarts is probably because he owed Dumbledore a favor after Albus saved John's ass or lent him money.

• Albus was having a hard time finding a new Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher because every single one of the candidates would flip their shit and run to the exit after hearing about all the things that happened in the recent school-years *COUGH COUGH* Harry Potter *COUGH COUGH*.

• Dumbledore casually commented about the incidents and John's reaction was shrugging his shoulders and saying with indifference "I've been through worse."

• Dumbledore: There was that time an evil wizard latched his body onto a former DADA teacher.

• Constantine: I'm telling you, that's child's play compared to what happened in Bristol. Some goth punks got wasted on wine in a cemetery and set free an entire army of demons. Fucking amateurs, if you want to open a portal to hell, don't forget to close the bloody thing.

• On the first day of the DADA discipline, both Ron and Harry arrive late for class. The first thing Hermione does is scold them.

• In the middle of Hermione's speech on how Harry and Ron need to organize their schedule better because it might lead to being expelled, Constantine arrives even later than the students.

• Needless to say, he was hangover.

• Before anything, John stares at the students and ask "Do any of you kids have a cigarette? I forgot mine in the teachers' dorm."

• That one kid from Hufflepuff who walks around wearing a fanny pack opened the fanny pack and pulled out one single cigarette from it and handed to Constantine.

• "Five points to Hufflepuff!" John exclaims as he lights up the cigarette by conjuring fire from his hand.

• The students act like it's the most ordinary thing in the world because they stopped asking questions a long time ago after that time they've seen that Hufflepuff kid pull out an entire quidditch set from his fanny pack. He literally has everything in that fanny pack.

• Constantine introduces himself to class with that monologue from the TV series.

• "My name is John Constantine. I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and arrogance. I'll drive your demons away, kick 'em in the bollocks and spit on them when they're down, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack. I walk my path alone. Because, let's be honest... who would be crazy enough to walk it with me?"

• As soon as John finishes his introduction, all the muggleborn kids in class, who are all familiar with the Justice League, start booing and complaining about how they would have preferred either Zatanna or Batman to teach them Defense Against the Dark Arts.

• Pure-blood (and also some half-bloods that were unaware of superheroes) are either thinking that this is an utter disrespect towards the teacher or are wondering if the muggleborns really wanted a vampire as their DADA teacher (or both).

• Fred and George secretly organized a sweepstake among the students for how many times John says a swear word during class and how many times he specifically says the word "bloody".

• When John found out about the sweepstake, instead of snitching the Weasley twins to Minerva, John agreed on taking 30% of their profits from the bets.

• As soon as Draco said his first "My father will hear about this." To John, he answered back:  "Since that wanker will hear about it, tell him to kiss my ass."

• Did I say that John hates Draco?

• Because he does.

• John has a special moment in his classes dedicated to roast Malfoy if he hears him talking shit during his lecture.

• Also if some student happens to roast Draco in front of John, be it in his class or not, he gives that person 5 points to their respective house.

• That one Ravenclaw girl got 25 points after pranking Malfoy's gang and making their hair and robes turn Joker green and Joker purple, respectively.

• Hermione secretly slips on John's desk pamphlets about the health risks of smoking.

• John probably scares off 1st year muggleborn students by telling them that Batman sends kids who cheat on exams to Arkham.

• Not that he actually cares if they're cheating on their exams or not, he was just bored and thought it would be fun to scare the first graders.

• Constantine probably had a fling with Madam Pomfrey.

• And also a fling with one of the ghosts.

• And Dumbledore.

• And maybe even a dementor or one of the paintings.

• C'mon, he had a fling with King Shark, the spirit of Los Angeles and Satan. There's enough Constantine for everyone, be it a human or a supernatural being from the wizarding world.

• If there were a Yule Ball in the year John is lecturing, at some moment he would climb the stage and drunkenly sing to the songs from his old band Mucous Membrane.

• Chas would often visit Hogwarts to catch up with John, ask for his help with some shit or help John with his shit.

• And every single time Chas went to Hogwarts, he managed to get killed.

• In the first few times, the students were all shocked but eventually they got used to it to the point if someone saw Chas dying they would just yell "God dammit, Chas!"

• Fun fact: That became a Hogwarts slang and every time someone screwed up they could just say "God dammit, Chas"

• The Weasley twins also organized a Chas Bingo among the students. The bingo card is sold for 5 sickles, everyone fills out each square with a cause of death, the first to bingo gets 14 galleons.

• This is heartbreaking but I bet John's boggart is Astra.

• John would totally be the type of teacher that starts the school-year hating all of his students but as time passed by he slowly started to genuinely care about them.

• And with caring I mean he would still be an arrogant fuck but he'd always find a way to help one of his students if they needed. But in a very chaotic way.

• Like, if some student wanted to go to Hogsmeade but their parents didn't sign the permission form, John would go there and fake their parent's signature.

• Quidditch team needs a new set of brooms? John would disappear for a while and come back with 7 brand new Firebolt Supremes stolen from the Diagonal Alley.

• John saw someone bullying one of his students? Ok, time to anonymously put on that someone a curse that every time they start acting like douchebags, that someone's head turns into a balloon

• Coincidentally, Malfoy always had that curse set on him at least once a month.

• He probably fucked up with the Dursleys by unleashing a demon that ate all of the leftovers in their fridge at the most ungodly hour and danced on their beds every night.

• And the WORST pranks the Weasley twins ever did on school grounds were all suggested by John Constantine.

• By the end of school-year, although growing fond of his students, John decided to quit teaching at Hogwarts because he thought he was better off alone.

[fredweesleyismyslut]

Class Has Started - Weasley Twins x reader smut

A/N:  Sorry it took me so long to get to this.  I finally finished my exams for summer classes and actually did quite decent so yayyy!!  Anyways, I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it while singing along to BTS and jpop songs at the top of my lungs haha.  Bye!!!

You were left to go to Hogwarts alone, well you still had your friends, but your boyfriends had gone.  During Umbridge’s tyranny, they had a grand exit which you along with the other students celebrated.  The look on Umbridge’s face, you wish you had your camera with you right then, the utter horror of what the twins had done left her stunned. Well, for a good minute before she started yelling at everyone again.  Now it was your last year and Umbridge was gone, everything was back to normal, as normal as it could be the looming knowledge that he-who-must-not-be-named was coming back.  The twins had opened up the joke shop that they had always dreamed of and it was very popular, you were incredibly proud of them, the loves of your life.  You were shopping for your new items along with Ginny, whom you had gotten incredibly close to since you spent most of the summer at the Weasley’s.  You saw her give Harry a quick glance as you whispered in her ear, “Keep staring and his hair might catch on fire.”  Face reddening the color of her hair, she slapped your arm softly, as you chuckled.  You walked into the joke shop, watching as items buzzed around, children running around to buy things.  A finger poked your shoulder, thinking it was one of the twins you turned, smiling brightly.  Instead, you were met with a face you were vaguely familiar with, a Ravenclaw boy you had classes with the year before, his name was...Jack...no Jeff?  Well, Jack/Jeff or whatever, smiled brightly as he gave you a very obvious once over, focusing on your chest.  Rolling your eyes softly you politely asked, “Can I help you with something?”  He nodded before answering, “I was wondering….Well, maybe you’d like to go out sometime….maybe tomorrow?”  Scoffing slightly, you replied, “Sorry, I’m going out with my friend tomorrow.”  you replied, motioning towards Ginny.  His face darkened slightly, “I’m sure you’d have a lot more fun with me than those Weasleys.  I mean, what can they give you...hand me down towels?”  You scowled softly, before putting on a smile as sweet as you could, “Well, I’m sure I will have an infinite amount more fun with her than you.  I mean, heck I’d have even more fun with a slug than you.”  You gave a quick once over, as you continued, “And since I’m not in the act of giving out charity, I’ll kindly decline hanging out with you before I kindly put my fist in your face.”  Grabbing his chin you whispered, “Talk shit about my friends again and I promise I won’t be so nice next time.  Now run along.”  He scowled, “Whatever, you’re not that hot anyways.  Little too round for me”  

Rolling your eyes you ignored the comment and walked off before quickly bumping into two broad chests.  “Hey beautiful.” a voice said as an arm draped around your waist, you looked up see your favorite Weasleys, who were both sporting frowns.  Fred continued, “We were about to butt in but you handled that very nicely, sweetheart.”  You blushed softly, “Well, I can’t always depend on you two...especially since you won’t be-”  George cut in, “You know we’ll be around, y/n especially if dickwads like that wanna hang around you.  But we really are genuinely sorry for doing that without telling you, we just didn’t want to drag you into it.”  He offered a soft smile as his finger traced your jaw, “We know how much finishing school means to you, and we would never want to drag you down with us, bunny.”  Looking up into his eyes, you motioned around the place, “I think you guys made an upgrade if I say so, should’ve dragged me in, I could’ve been your receptionist or something.”  They both chuckled as Fred considered thoughtfully, “Hmmmm...I mean if it’s an opportunity to see you in a sexy pencil skirt-”  You elbowed Fred’s stomach, “In your dreams, Weasley”, lowering your voice to a whisper, “And if you wanted to see me in a pencil skirt all you have to do is ask, we could do some teacher-student…”  A red-faced Ron cleared his throat cutting you off, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear any of that.  I might have to bleach my ears out later though, thanks y/n.”  The three of you collectively looked at each other as you laughed, as Fred said, “What’d you want, Ron?”  “How much for this?” he said holding something up, “Five galleons.”  the twins replied in unison.  “But I’m your brother.”  They both looked at each other before replying, “Ten galleons.”  You chuckled softly, as Ron scoffed before walking away.  “You two mess with him too much.  Oh, since we’re talking about Ron, I was going to take Ron and Ginny out for a little dessert date later.  Ginny wanted to try out that new shop down the street.”  The twins nodded as they smiled down at you, “That’d be nice.”  George replied, “It’s nice that you get along with them.  You know I’m pretty sure Ginny loves you more than us.”  You chuckled as Fred added, “Our own mother even had the audacity to say she wished you were her daughter instead of having us two.  I mean who would want to replace our genius minds.”  Laughing you replied, “I think the two of your IQs added together is less than 100, boy genius.”  Fred rolled his eyes as he stuck his tongue out at you, tipping onto your toes you licked his tongue.  A look of surprise crossed his face, “You violated me” he said, dramatically grasping his heart.  Sticking your tongue out, “Don’t put your tongue out then.  Anyways, see you two later, I have to finish up shopping.”  They nodded and before walking to find Ginny you walked back, kissing both their cheeks, “And congratulations on the shop.  I’m so proud, honestly...and if you two are good I have a surprise waiting tonight.”  Finishing with a wink, you found Ginny and walked out of the shop, continuing your journey to find school supplies.  

Later that evening, you had an owl fly by the joke shop with a letter, “Come over to my place for your present.”  Sweet and to the point, you lived near the Weasleys and your parents were gone for the night.  Once the sun had gone down you heard a doorbell ringing.  The twins had arrived at your door, George holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers.  “For me?!”  you asked, dramatically placing your hand on your forehead, “Thank you, but we’re celebrating you two.  Okay, so don’t upstage me in my present.”  Fred chuckled as he kissed your forehead, “I smell something delicious.”  Motioning to the kitchen, you smiled, “I made a cake, to celebrate.”  They practically drooled as they filed in, “We were starving, thank you, y/n.  I didn’t think it was possible to love you anymore but apparently it is.”  George nodded along, as he sat in the dining room.  As they were eating cake you excused yourself to the bathroom, pulling out a pencil skirt, tights, and tight button-up blouse, along with a fake pair of glasses.  Grabbing a pointer stick you slowly walked down the stairs you dramatically stopped at the front of the dining table, raising on leg up on a chair.  “Time for class to start.”  The twins’ jaws were dropping as they took you in before Fred stuttered out, “Y-Y/n.”  Softly tapping him with the stick you smiled, “It’s Miss.Y/n to you.  Finish your cake and we can really get this party started.”  You didn’t think it was possible for someone to shove a whole piece of cake in their mouth but the twins managed it as they gulped it down.  Fred jumped up from his seat as he threw you over his shoulder as he shushed your protests of being to heavy for him to carry, “What do you mean, you’re light as a feather.  You sure you’re eating?”  he continued, “You know you can’t do this to me, baby.  I can’t handle myself when you look like this.”  George followed in pursuit as you giggled.  

Fred practically threw you down on the bed before quickly going to remove your tights, ripping them off.  George settled behind you, hands skillfully unbuttoning your blouse, slowly letting it fall off your shoulders.  George ran his hands down your arms, shivers going down your spine as goosebumps arose.  He huskily whispered in your ear, “We should punish you for trying to be a tease.  I’ve been thinking about you all day.”  His hands ran down your chest before stopped beneath the curve of your breasts as his lips pressed kisses down your neck, biting and sucking.  Fred, on the other hand, was driving you crazy as his hands wandered up your legs, pressing kisses on the inside of your thighs, biting at the soft flesh.  A moan left your lips involuntarily, as Fred’s two fingers pressed against your core, as he pushed the material of your underwear aside.  “We haven’t even started and you’re already this wet, kitten.”  “Stop teasing…” you muttered out to both of them.  George whined softly, “Isn’t this our present?  We just want to enjoy it as long as we can.”  A short guttural whine arose as Fred continued to bite your thighs, fingers pinching your clit before pulling his hand away.  “Don’t be so impatient, y/n.  Good things come for those who wait.”  You whined even louder, needing to feel some sort of friction.  Chuckling he pushed the skirt up, “Do you see how hard you’ve got me?” he questioned.  You looked, his cock was practically begging to be let out from his pants.  You leaned forward, palming him through his pants, before unbuttoning them, swiftly pulling them down along with his briefs as you gulped greedily.  Wetting your lips, you pressed your lips around the tip of his cock, tasting the precum, as you took it whole.  Suppressing a gag as it hit the back of your throat you relaxed, breathing through your nose as Fred praised you,  “Good girl, taking my cock like that.”  You continued bobbing your head on his cock letting it hit the back of your throat as you felt George’s hand slide up your legs.  His fingers rubbed your sensitive clit as you moaned.  Feeling the wetness drip down your legs at George’s attention to your clit made your nerves flare up with sensitivity.  “So, wet for me,” he whispered in your ear, as you felt George’s cock press against your core before sliding in.  His hips thrust forcefully, as you almost lost balance.  The sound of skin smacking skin filled the room as George’s hips met the curve of your ass, as one of his slapped down.  Fred’s cock twitched in your mouth as he reached his high, licking up the side with shorter strokes you finished with taking him whole again and breathing through your nose, letting his hands take your hair as his hips thrust forward.  Fred’s breath hitched as he rode out his high, thick cum filling your mouth as he pulled out.  His finger cleaned away some that slipped from your lips as he smiled, “You took me so well, y/n.”  George’s thrusts seemed to get sloppier as his fingers reached around to give more attention to your already sensitive clit from all his attention earlier.  Moaning filled the room further as your walls squeezed around George’s cock as you felt a feeling of euphoria wash over, head slumping on the bed as you tried to catch your breath.  George thrust a few more times before stopping as you milked his cum out, as he gave a last couple sloppy thrusts before pulling out.  Cum slipped down your thighs along with the empty feeling as you both caught your breath.  George leaned forward pressing a kiss to your forehead, “Thank you for everything today, my love.”  Fred returned from the bathroom which he had retired to take a shower after finishing earlier, “Thank you, sweetheart.”  He ran a cloth over you, cleaning you off as he threw a second one at George, “I’m not cleaning you off, mate.”  “Didn’t ask you to.” George replied, with a hint of humor in his voice.  Fred leaned down, pushing hair away from your face and pressing kisses all over.  You laid down on the bed as George and Fred climbed in on either side, “Love you guys…”  Your eyes fluttered softly as you tried to stay awake, as you heard a reply in unison, “We love you too, y/n.”  Then, you heard the soft banter of the two redheads arguing over who was taking too much of the blanket before you shut your eyes soft smile on your lips, wondering how you got so lucky.