#german isak meant a lot to me as a depressive

[angstics]

fun that skam was like here are all these female centred storiessss and also a gay man. Real asf

[inmyarmswrappedin]

So, because Fatou’s season ends today and, as far as we know, Druck hasn’t been renewed yet, I want to go over the things I feel the team did well in this season and the things I hope they take with them when they sit down to write the next season (which I’m manifesting will be Ava’s).

I think that s5 and, perhaps to a bigger extent, s6, were the team’s attempt to address fan feedback for and criticisms of s3 and s4. So I have hopes that, after possibly the most scrutinized season of any Skams, they are still willing to read even more feedback and sit down once again to craft a couple more seasons (possibly even 3 or 4 more seasons!).

So, without further ado, things that were done well! (Do I have to add “in my opinion”? Do I??)

I liked that for both s5 and s6, the thorough-line for the season wasn’t made obvious or shared in a press release, but rather it was up to fans to connect the story threads for themselves.

I loved that the team sought to address one of the biggest criticisms of s3, that is, that Matteo was given so many symptoms of a mental illness, but it ultimately went unaddressed in the narrative. They did this by giving Nora a dissociative disorder, and Fatou dyscalculia. (Matteo has been headcanoned as being mentally ill and having a disability.) It allowed the teams to develop both fan theories into full-blown seasons and give each of them the importance they deserved.

I have said this already, but I really appreciate that the team chose misunderstood, misrepresented and underrepresented mental illnesses and disabilities. I feel like s5 and s6 will be referents for many years, because they really took the time to portray a dissociative disorder and dyscalculia in a down-to-earth, unhurried way that isn’t meant to shock and awe, but simply allow us to understand why and when Nora and Fatou will struggle. Druck got the viewers to anticipate when Nora and Fatou would struggle, and that’s the first step in being able to anticipate and accommodate the needs of the Noras and Fatous of the world. I really can’t overstate how important this is and what a difference it makes in a real, tangible way. These seasons aren’t meant to be enjoyed for voyeuristic reasons, but they will legitimately help people.

One of the biggest criticisms of s4 was that Amira and Sam didn’t connect as women of color. In fact, it seemed like in s4 Sam was treated as another white friend, when in s2 both she and Amira were the victims of Kiki’s racism. The team addressed this by giving us Ava and Fatou’s friendship, which I want to say might be the first friendship between main characters of color where their race is a substantial reason for their bond. (There are the Sanas with their Jamillas, but the Jamillas aren’t main characters, and then there are friendships like Jo and Megan and Zoya, or Imaan and Liv, or Luca and Yasmina, but iirc in every case their bond as women of color isn’t made explicit.)

Another criticism of s4 was the way Kiki turned into the world’s most understanding white friend offscreen. The team addressed this with the Ava and Mailin storyline, which I think was wonderfully and subtly set up in s5, then built on with the biology test leaked answers.

On the topic of race, I think a major criticism of s3 was that David’s ethnicity wasn’t acknowledged (to the point where a white actress was cast to play his sister gvhvhv). The team has made up for this with Josh (more in the s6 sm than in s5, but I still count it) and with Kieu My. Fatou and Kieu My bonded over being first/second gen children of immigrants, and in doing so, they acknowledged that these characters aren’t white and have different experiences than white Germans.  

The first 6 episodes of this season were some of the finest writing in the Skams. The storylines all connected and built on each other. The motifs were just so good and beautiful and fitting. The themes were all clearly defined and easy to follow.

The tortoise plot was one of the most fun and imaginative storylines in any Skams, it connected Fatou and Ismail in a believable way. And not to rave about a fucking tortoise, but animals can be really uncooperative and that tortoise delivered every fucking clip. Druck has a reputation for being one of the most depressive versions of Skam, but the Maike/Burger plot was just plain fun.

I feel like some of the old gen’s instas were a bit self-indulgent. I’m thinking specifically of Matteo’s memes and how they they weren’t necessarily the kind of memes a gay dude born in 2001 would pick, but someone a decade older. I think this is much better done with new gen. Fatou’s memes reflect her age and her sexuality, and not just that, but Ava, Mailin, Kieu My, Josh, etc. all pick memes and even focus on different aspects of recent news, based on their gender, race, personalities, interests, etc.

I appreciate that the team found a way to fit a sex scene between Fatou and Kieu My to add to the small catalogue of wlw sex scenes on Skams (I’m including the scene in lovleg or we’d only have two lol). While I understood the reasons eskam opted not to include one, I thought there were ways to feature a sex scene that didn’t sexualize the actresses and didn’t require nudity. Cases in point: the lovleg scene, and this scene in Druck.

And it also needs to be said. This is the first original season with a main of color, and the third season overall (after Liv and Imane) where 10 episodes are given to a character of color and no one else. Of the three, it’s certainly the season that loved and respected its main the most. The bar is so low it’s in hell, but Druck did clear that bar!

With all that said, let’s talk about the things I would really want the team to address in following seasons:

The thing I most want them to fix might be small or unimportant for a lot of people, but I think it’s at the core of why the season has been unenjoyable or certain plot points haven’t come across the way the team wanted, for many people. I am talking about the overly expositional nature of the writing.  It appears as if the team approached the writing of the clips with the intention of hitting each beat as noted in their agreed upon outline, and absolutely nothing else was to be added. This is an issue both in s5 and s6. It’s just less noticeable in s5, because s5 is setting up stuff for Fatou’s season, and possibly even seasons that haven’t been written yet. The fact that absolutely every second counts makes for a stressful watching experience for me, because the narrative tension is always heightened. Whereas with Skam, the narrative tension would build throughout the clip. Take the Pride scene in Skam, for instance. The clip allows for Isak and Eskild to get increasingly more agitated as they butt heads. I feel like if this Druck team had done the Pride scene in s5 or s6, the clip would’ve started with both Isak and Eskild already on edge, and cut much of the dialogue that got them there.

On the topic of naturalistic dialogue, this season doesn’t have it. Here is an example from ep 10 clip 2, Wieder vereint/Reunited 11:37.

Fatou: I’ll get a certificate too and bring it over to you. And I checked it, I only have to change one course and my schedule will work.

Teacher: Miss Jallow, you are not the first one to come to me with an epiphany. We could fill entire school weeks with the lessons you missed. In addition, Doctor Steinberg told me about your, well… activities. You don’t have a lot of arguments on your side. 

Fatou: But I’ve spoken to all of the teachers and they said they are okay with it. 

Teacher: You seem to have friends among the teaching staff. Mrs Pavlovic put in a word for you. Okay then, do it and go before I change my mind. [translated by @kieu-tou! Thank you!] 

Like. This is the bare bones version of a dialogue. This should be the first draft, not the final version. The coordinator goes from absolute no to yes, with just one line from Fatou. The coordinator gives reasons that would necessitate more than one sentence of counterargument, like Fatou’s absences and the Biology test leaked answers. The coordinator even says Fatou doesn’t have a lot of arguments on her side, and yet it takes Fatou one line to change her mind!

And of course we viewers don’t want or need a lot of time with the coordinator. And particularly at this point in the season, no one would enjoy a naturalistic dialogue with the coordinator of all people.  But my point is that this is an issue with the dialogue all this season (and last season as well, but this season has been more scrutinized), the reason I picked this example is because of how easy it is to see here.

Which brings us to the pacing of the clips, and specifically the Friday clips. Because the script goes straight to the information the team wants to convey to the viewers, skipping the build up to it, many Friday clips have fallen flat, felt abrupt, and have been, tbh, unsatisfying. Again, I had this issue in s5, but as that season went on, I felt like the team had a better grip on Friday clips. But then they did it again in the first Friday clip this season, and so I think this is something the writers really should work on. The first Friday clip in Isak’s season closes on Isak being sandwiched by Emma and Even on a bench, visually setting up the love triangle, or more accurately, the personifications of who Isak should want to hook up with and who he really wants. But in order to get there, we’re shown a good amount of info, from the way Vilde, Eva and Sana are handling Noora’s absence, to Chris and Kasper, Even hovering around Isak, Emma trying to impress Isak, Isak escaping and, like, draping himself on the walls because he’s so over it all. Isak playing a game on the bathroom to stall for time. The paper towel maneuver to immediately give us a sense of what a weirdo Even is. A conversation between Isak and Even that gives us some clues about Even’s shame, as well as establish interests in common (like weed), and this is all before Emma even joins them! Just think of all the stuff we learn about who Isak, Even, Emma, Eva, Vilde or Sana are as people, before we get to the point of the clip! Fatou’s season simply didn’t have that. Compare it with the first Friday clip of Fatou’s season where the cashqueens quickly talk about the leaked answers, one of the major storylines this season that only gets a couple lines, before Fatou says she doesn’t want to talk about school (Fatou’s struggles with school, another major storyline), and then we’re onto the point of the clip, which is that Kieu My likes girls too. AND FADE TO BLACK. When people say they want longer clips, what they mean isn’t artificially inflate the clip length or add more plot stuff. Just let us watch the characters interact with each other so that we get a feel for how they relate to each other. I know I wish we’d have gotten more of Ava and Fatou interacting with each other before things turned to shit, and Ava with the other girls, so that I know why they all like and value Ava so much. I wish we’d have gotten more of Kieu My talking to the cashqueens about, like, why she didn’t make use of the biology test answers, instead of getting it on a chat. Or food combos they don’t like. So it makes more sense that later on Kieu My actually thinks she and Fatou are friends.  And every line doesn’t have to count. In Skam España, the characters are constantly talking and not everything they ever talked about ended up being relevant. When one of the characters lied about her house undergoing renovations to hide the fact that she was poor, the characters joked about Italian marble and put on bad Italian accents and made that Italian hand gesture. None of this was important to the plot because those renovations weren’t real to begin with, but they made viewers feel like these were real friends joking around, instead of characters needing to hit every storyline beat in a clip.

I have this joke with my friends about Druck always going 🤪🤪 in the last third of every season, in which a season that was very tightly written and cohesive suddenly pulls something inexplicable and pretty much impossible to resolve in 1-3 episodes. Hanna’s season suddenly switching to Mia, Björn creeping on Mia in episode 9! of a total 10, David getting outed in episode 8 and then disappearing for a whole week, Amira’s season pivoting to Mia and Hanna. It has happened in every season except Nora’s, so I thought the team had learned its lesson, but then the forgotten date with Ava happened. To be clear. It really makes no sense that Nora would have hung out with Ava several times since Tuesday, and the topic of the cashqueens being officially introduced to Kieu My wouldn’t have come up. it’s just not realistic.gif I feel like at that point the writing for the rest of the reason became super contrived to keep Fatou miserable and apart from Kieu My and Ava to artificially delay the reunions until episode 9 and 10. Why add a cheating insinuation and the main checking her partner’s messages in episode 8 if you know you won’t be able to properly resolve it? Why make Kieu My mock Fatou’s “uhm” if it’s not going to be addressed in their reunion clip? Kieu My had taken the initiative for a lot of the relationship, so it’s okay for Fatou to take the initiative when it comes to making up. You don’t have to add things that can only be resolved through an expositional info dump. (Please no more exposition than it’s necessary! I think we’ve established that at this point lol.) In the case of Fatou’s season, this is even sadder because I feel like Kieu My’s intimacy issues could’ve been the reason to drive them apart for two weeks, rather than the Maya/uhm stuff. This could’ve also been resolved through Fatou and Kieu My explicitly negotiating their boundaries and how they want to be comforted and how they want to comfort each other, which I thought was the issue with Fatou rejecting Kieu My’s attempts to help while wanting physical touch, while Kieu My didn’t want to be touched but rather seen.  

There are going to be many thinkpieces on why a myriad of stuff didn’t work for people, so I’m going to keep this simple and address one last thing. I think that choosing to focus on Nora’s mental illness and Fatou’s disability is a great choice that doesn’t complicate the themes too much, but Druck (and all the Skams, but I’m invested only in Druck succeeding at this point) still struggles with being intersectional. This is the major reason why the Ava/Mailin storyline ended not with a bang, but a whimper. There just wasn’t enough work done to connect Fatou’s struggles not just to her disability, but also to her race (and even her sexuality). I think that if people really want (and lbr, it’ll be mostly poc who will put in that effort and work), they can see how Fatou’s race affected the way other people and especially adults reacted to her, but this wasn’t made explicit. If Ava and Mailin are going to argue about racism all season, why not connect that with Karin firing Fatou from Aquarius? As it stands, Karin fired Fatou because of a disability neither of them knew Fatou has, and that was the resolution to that storyline. Why not make it explicit that the Physics teacher had preconceived ideas about Fatou because Fatou is black? Why wasn’t Fatou’s disability addressed in the meeting with the coordinator? Why didn’t Fatou express to Mailin that Fatou, too, had issues with how Mailin was acting wrt racism? It felt like, with the way the season was putting so much emphasis on racism, all these threads were going to be connected. In the end though, it almost felt as if only Ava is affected by racism (aside from Mailin mentioning Fatou in the last episode). It’s not like talking about how racism affects Fatou is going to make the topic redundant for Ava’s or Ismail’s season. As a light-skinned black lesbian with a disability, Fatou’s life is going to be impacted by racism in a different way than Ava’s will, as a dark-skinned black fat straight cis girl, or Ismail’s, as a Turkish-German possibly Muslim possibly non binary person. All these experiences are specific enough, and different enough, that they can be touched upon in different seasons without becoming redundant. The fact that Fatou’s season almost seemed to forget at times that she is a black lesbian, doesn’t bode well for Ava’s and Ismail’s season to acknowledge all their struggles.

The bottom line is that this season really was great and did a lot of good, and I feel like the writing just needs to be tweaked a bit for further seasons to be even better and more enjoyable overall. I am very pleasantly surprised by how the team took s1-s4 fan feedback to heart and worked to implement suggestions, and so I really trust them and hope they keep working on the show. It’d be a shame if Druck wasn’t renewed, with this team at the helm.    

[lightsandlostbells]

Druck episode 9-10 reaction

If they don’t renew this show I’m going to boycott Germany. 

a huge thank you to everyone who translated Druck and made the clips accessible to the international viewers! I know it was a lot of work and the geoblock was a pain. I really appreciate the continued effort.

Episode 9

Clip 1 - Hanna comes for Matteo

Jonas is really closed-off in their conversation; he’s not that warm to Hanna, which is kind of interesting since I’d say the other Jonases were a little less frosty in this scene. Especially because German Jonas and Hanna have such strong chemistry. But I get why he’d still be upset, I think less time has passed since he and Hanna had the talk about him not understanding her? He hasn’t had much time to work through it so he still seems really wounded.

Clip 2 - Hanna and Jule

Hanna appropriately has a “stronger together” shirt for a scene in which girls commiserate over how boys are such dicks.

Jule and Hanna’s conversation didn’t really have the meat to it from their previous interaction to set up how friendly Jule is here, I would’ve preferred a little more hesitation and maybe an apology from Jule. A little initial awkwardness just to acknowledge that they didn’t leave off on a cozy note.

I do love the initiative Hanna is taking and that she’s the one to extend the invitation/olive branch to Jule. It’s a nice mark of maturity. We’ve seen some scenes of her gradually gaining confidence and being proactive so we can chart how her character is slowly but surely moving forward.

Clip 3 - Fight on the stairs

I dig this artsy paint-splattered stairwell. I felt like it also made the scene a little more tense and awkward (in a tonally appropriate way) - instead of them running into each other in a warmly lit stairwell or hallways with lots of light shining through the windows, they’re in a closed space (very awkward) with cool coloring and no sunlight. There really is no way to avoid this conversation once they run into each other, and there’s still ice between them, unlike with Eva and Jonas where you could tell they did enjoy seeing each other despite the awkwardness.

Nice details are added to Matteo’s family story, that the dad wanted him to come along but Matteo chose to stay behind and take care of his mom. Oh baby :(

Jonas got rougher with Samuel than I expected, like he seems dead inside talking to Hanna but he came alive to slam Samuel up against that bar.

To be fair, Samuel was kinda asking for trouble with that comment, which was unprompted and meant to provoke. You guys are also in a tight enclosed space, you can’t really avoid each other. 

And Jonas doesn’t tear away from her grip, he firmly removes her hands. He is not happy with her at all.

Lmao, these random students staring at Hanna. She was just a bystander to that male aggression, yo.

Clip 4 - Drink your way out of obligations

Is it just me or did Sam’s hair get even bluer? Or is she just that radiant?

Nice that Mia acknowledged that Kiki behaved poorly even while expressing that they should include her. Because yeah, I feel bad for all the Vildes/Kikis knowing what they’re going through, but they also were nasty to their friends.

L O L Sam’s brilliant plan to get out of supervising the party - get drunk, get fired, go to the party. That’s kind of amazing. And they’re all like sure, we’ll roll with it.

Good that Amira mentions that Leonie and Sara called Kiki a slut previously and there’s a bit of a challenge between her and Kiki. Not a great look that Kiki wanted to disregard that incident at least in front of Amira, her defender.

You know, Kiki is one of the bigger jerks of the Vildes, but … I still kinda like her, I’m sorry! It’s not that she’s a great person, it’s that the way she’s acted and written feels very realistic. She feels like a clear social climber/popularity seeker but is messy enough to alienate people. Compared to the way that say, Kelsey is portrayed in Skam Austin, she’s also a jerk, but the depiction often veers into something cartoonish and broad - like a definite TV character. Kiki feels like a ton of people I’ve known in real life.

Sam is drawing an alien in her notebook to illustrate how her pal Kiki has gone to space. She also appears to have doodled a flower and a unicorn.

Clip 5 - Karaoke emotions

Okay, now THIS karaoke scene is exactly what I wanted from karaoke in S4 of OG Skam. Lovable scamps wailing their hearts out to beloved pop tunes.

Sam doing Wannabe by the Spice Girls!!! I'm not imagining that she dressed and styled her hair like Scary Spice, right?

YES AMIRA “DA QUEEN” IS NEXT! Dedicating it to her favorite Germans! Everyone cheering Amira :D :D :D Amira doing Rolling in the Deep!!!! We are blessed.

Are they all wearing pussy hats? Also love Hanna and Mia’s blatantly feminist shirts. Truly a ladies’ night.

It’s hilarious that Carlo and the other dude (do we know him?) are wearing matching pussy hats. Honestly from what I remember of him way back in the Dark Ages of March/April, he didn’t seem like a terrible dude. A bit obnoxious, but not rude or bad on Elias levels.

The Hanna and Matteo confrontation? My soul will never be ready.

Oh man, Matteo openly acknowledges his mom is going insane. There’s no feigned attempt to keep an optimistic attitude about his parental situation like with Isak. And he’s not putting in any effort to seem cheered up, except for having a drink.

Hanna doesn’t even toy with her food before eating it, she just lays it out for Matteo and confronts him directly about telling Jule.

And he looks so sad and depressed when she asks the reason. Worth noting that he doesn’t directly confirm her hypothesis that he has a crush on her, he just looks downcast and awkward.

He looks honestly near tears when he asks her how she couldn’t get it. Because as we know, he’s not really talking about him liking Hanna, he wants to know how she couldn’t understand his BLATANTLY OBVIOUS crush on Jonas. 

A drunk Kiki appears! Does she have a tattoo on her arm??

And she gives Matteo a hug … have they met before? Lmao.

Kiki staggering in just in time to steal Amira’s spotlight, scream a thematically appropriate song about how she and Alexander could have had it all, and then collapse is the most Kiki-ish thing I can think of. Yeah, that’s exactly how it would go.

Also I thought “we could have had it alllll” could apply to Amira and Kiki’s relationship , heh. Especially because it ends up getting downgraded a lot from Sana and Vilde’s relationship? It was so important that Sana was the one carrying Vilde and sticking her fingers down her throat and letting her puke down her front, and that their relationship in particular was affirmed. 

They just dragged Kiki to the nearest toilet and had her puke on some dude’s shoes (that’s Matteo’s friend, right?) which I will admit, more practical than carrying her like a romance novel heroine as a divine hymn plays.

Wow, so it’s just Mia tending to Kiki and we don’t get the girls all lying in bed together. On the one hand that’s a little disappointing; it’s one of the most iconic scenes of S1 and probably the whole show, and it’s a moment that really solidified the girl squad as a ride or die group of friends. But I also like them to try new things and not just redo big successful moments from the original show. I did like seeing Mia go through all these little steps of tending to Kiki, getting her dressed, sending a text to her mom. 

Pretty big difference that it’s Mia and not Amira taking care of her, though; as mentioned above, the Amira-Kiki relationship is downplayed. Not super keen on that because Kiki was quite nasty to Amira and visibly hurt her feelings on several occasions, such as the bus stop incident and the disastrous group meeting. Sana was better at adopting a harder attitude and not letting the hurt show. But then again, Kiki is the one who really needs to grovel, not Amira.

Also ...HUGE break in POV since Hanna isn’t there but lol I’ve accepted it’s a losing battle even if I’m still not super fond of it. You win, less-than-tight third person POV. I surrender.

Mia has a text from Alexander, because what is truly desirable in a man you have rejected is him texting you about changing your mind close to midnight while you take care of your friend who he fucked and then ghosted passed out beside you in bed.

JONAS PLAYING THE GUITAR AND SINGING FOR MATTEO WOW WOW

while wearing a pussy hat lmao, BEST REMAKE JONAS

I’m sure Matteo loved Jonas playing and singing a song dedicated to him, only for Jonas to slow down and get more serious once Hanna entered. Not to mention shifting that eye contact from him to Hanna.

Lovely scene of Hanna and Jonas, I’m a broken record but they have SUCH good chemistry. They just seem so into each other, and overall I would say they felt so much that they liked each other.

NOOOOOO don’t break up! Please!

Episode 10

Clip 1 - Honas and Janna

Honas and Janna fucking ADORABLE.Them snuggling… you’re hurting me, Druck.

He took her nose! Goddamn!!!

I love all this backstory and delving into the beginning of their relationship. This honest conversation that takes its time and really lets them talk ... what Skam does at its best, man.

Jonas looks so heartbroken in this flash forward where he’s holding onto Hanna.

And that painfully raw moment where he asks if she regrets choosing him and the answer is an unspoken yes, owwww

All this emotional soul-baring, such as Hanna talking about how once she got with Jonas, she was only happy when she was with him, and dependent on him for happiness. And that she became paranoid Jonas would cheat on her and thought she deserved to get hurt. And that she changed her personality so he would like her and wouldn’t have a reason to leave her. Really happy how plainly Hanna stated the truths, even the raw and uncomfortable ones.

I know they just laid out all the reasons Hanna should be on her own and they should break up, but I don't want them tooooooooo

The way they hold each other and cry and draw it out for so long because they don’t want it to end!

“I still got your nose.” “You can keep it.” FUCK YOU, DRUCK!!!!!

You realize that we need this show to run for many more seasons and eventually Jonas will casually mention to Hanna that he’s still got her nose and she says, “I hope you’re taking care of it.”

And then one day he gives her a fake nose like on one of those Groucho Marx masks and she puts it on and IDK, this is all a buildup to them kissing again.

Hanna as an independent woman, wearing her Femme Future shirt. Nice.

They’re honestly up there with original Eva and Jonas for me. Round of applause for the director and actors for making this couple as likable and believable as they are.

Clip 2 - Mia and Kiki in the mooooorning

Oh jeez, this is a TOTAL break from the POV, I wonder what the logic behind it was?

I guess they're setting up S2. Or who knows, maybe there were scheduling conflicts with the actors and they couldn’t have everyone together.

Seriously, what’s Kiki’s tattoo? I’m sure it’s just because the actress happens to have one.

Kiki saying she wants to die, oh no. She looks miserable.

Although how dare you show Mia’s flat but not her roommates.

Clip 3 - Doctor visit

So only Mia went with Kiki? They’ve really downplayed her relationship with Amira, and the other girls as well. I mean in a way, it’s nice it’s just the two of them, and I presume Mia will keep this incident a secret. I hope this will affect their S2 dynamic a little.

I got so hyped for this scene, though. I adore this doctor.

Did she tell her she was pregnant at first just to mess with her??? Omg. 

I doubt that’s the most professional approach but who cares, my love

Mia saying that the pregnancy was “Unplanned of course, she’s 17” and the doc mentioning the 5-year-olds in Peru or Chile who gave birth … I mean, 5-year-olds who get pregnant are the victims of rape, so hardly planned.

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away” but I want to see more of you! Can the whole cast just get like incredibly sick and have a reason to stop by?

Not only did she have an apple, she gave Mia a banana too, lmao! She just keeps fruit in her office for wayward teenagers not getting the proper nutrition.

We need this show to get to S3 so I can see this doc talking to Matteo.

Clip 4 - Mia giving Kiki the talk

I guess Hanna told Mia about hearing Kiki puke at school.

This is pretty direct referencing to Kiki’s ED when I think it’s been more or less implied before, in other versions. I mean it’s pretty obvious, it’s just not spelled out quite this much.

There’s also a more direct reference to Mia also having an eating disorder … “I know exactly how you feel.” That’s very pointed. Noora having an eating disorder was understated and mostly subtext in a lot of ways.

Again, a shame that Kiki and Amira’s relationship was downplayed, but hopefully the focus on Mia and Kiki in these scenes will add more to S2.

Clip 5 - Hero party

This was just a heartwarming clip so don’t expect commentary other than 😍😍😍.

Hanna and Mia and Amira just hanging out!!!!

Amira eating during Ramadan, though... the remakes are really bad at remembering this. (I’m not Muslim so if I’ve made a mistake in understanding when she can/can’t eat, let me know. And I do know that she can eat during her period, it’s more like in the absence of other acknowledgment of Ramadan, I tend to think it was an oversight.)

Amira giving Hanna a hug and telling her she’s strong … GOSH. Although she calls Hanna out on the similarities between what she did with Leonie and what Matteo did to Hanna, which I mean ... fair.

Amira encouraging Hanna to talk to Matteo .... I know this is for Hanna’s benefit, not Matteo’s, but man, I can’t wait for Amira and Matteo friendship. They’re both vulnerable kids with lots of buried feelings.

Oh my God, them putting on their security uniforms and being ADORABLE, ahhhhh! We get another slow motion power walk on the way to the party, Druck gets the essence of Skam.

Of course the power walk was just to lead up to them standing/sitting outside awkwardly.

Are they for real going to get drunk to avoid their responsibilities? Maybe not the best life choice, but in this situation, sure, why not.

Amira getting “high on Allah” was precious. GIVE ME S4 ALREADY.

Mia is drinking, which is quite a character divergence from Noora. 

Was that a peace offering of beer from Leonie? Love it. 

OH GOD JONAS AND MATTEO AND THAT OTHER DUDE ROLLING UP IN A CART

Sam is so magnificent. Her hair is a beautiful blue tower!! 

And she and her brother are too cute! She brought him and his Bass Bus to liven up the night!

SHE TOLD HIM TO DRIVE INSIDE. THE BEEEEST

Matteo and Hanna <3333 She said she realized she’d done as wrong to her friends, and she asks if they can stay friends. It seems like a really genuine moment, guys. I wouldn’t blame her for keeping him on her shit list for a time but it feels like they might not drift quite as much as Eva and Isak did, since there’s maybe a bit more comfort between them here.

Mia says she’s worried that Kiki is drinking too much again and that’s why she’s not there, suggesting that she hasn’t told Alexander to apologize to her and that’s not the reason she wants to call her.

OH GOD THIS AMAZING ADAPTATION OF THE “FUCK, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL” MOMENT

Mia tells Alex he’s creepy for that whole “no means I want you more” thing. She tells him it was blackmail to pressure her for just one date and then he’ll leave her alone. He tries the “fuck, you’re beautful line on her” and she turns around to make out with Hanna. Then she calls him a massive asshole and tells him she’s not her type, wink wink. She and Hanna walk away laughing.

This is the best remake, guys.

ALSO LET’S TALK ABOUT THAT HANNA AND MIA SMOOCH, A REMAKE FINALLY GAVE ME NOOREVA

On a more serious note, there’s absolutely reason to be concerned this is just queerbaiting. I doubt Hanna and Mia are going to be a couple, Mia and Alex are almost certainly going to have a romance arc, and the whole “two girls kissing in a bar so a boy can witness” is definitely enough to give off “barsexuality” vibes and make it seem like just a gimmick.

However, the production team has confirmed that Mia is bi, so hopefully that will be acknowledged in the show itself (other than “I don’t like labels” which is not actually an admission of bisexuality, and tbh which suggests that she won’t call herself bi on the show). But even if she doesn’t want to label herself, there are ways to address her interest in women and incorporate it into the story. And I hope to God they don’t make Alexander all “girls kissing is hot” or trying to pursue Mia even though she’s indicated she’s a lesbian (even if she’s really bi, her comment to him suggests she’s a lesbian), because that character does NOT need another reason to make me dislike him.

For real, Alexander better leave her alone after this, because Mia has told him she is not only not him, but not into dudes, and whether that’s true or not, he needs to accept it as truth. If they get together Mia has to make the first step in pursuing him.

Damn, this this makes me want to go back and rewatch S1 through shipper-tinted goggles. So was Mia really trying to hit on Hanna at the bar? I don’t know if that’s what they meant but I’m declaring it canon in my mind.

Plot twist: Toilet Sam pats Alexander on the shoulder here as foreshadowing for their upcoming love affair, Mia will be free to get together with a nice girl in S2.

Another plot twist: That awkward yet smoldering Jonas/Toilet Sam eye contact.

You know, if Alexander apologized to Kiki without any incentive - if Mia’s like “I’m gay” and then Alexander apologizes to Kiki anyway - then that makes me approve of him more, since he doesn’t think Mia is an option now. Unless he’s thinking, “Well, time to convert the lesbian!” But otherwise - a MAJOR step in improving Winterberg.

Kiki got a little sarcastic with Alexander, too. ”Wow, you know my name?: GOOD FOR HER. 

Group hug! I still feel that the girl squad is a little disjointed, mainly on the Kiki angle, but that’s to be expected.

Mia giving Kiki a slice of pizza … very nice to work that in, nice. And Alexander apologized so that may have something to do with it, that her image-related insecurities stemming from his comment have been soothed.

Also, props to Mia for waiting until the other girls left to bring up Matteo’s gay porn to Hanna.

L M A O it only took Hanna 10 episodes to realize Matteo’s deeply gay looks and feelings for Jonas. That’s impressive because of all the m/m Isak/Jonas pairs, Matteo was by farrrrr the most transparent about his 😍😍😍😍😍 

Speaking of, excellent smitten look Matteo gives Jonas there. Some of the remakes have been toning down the 😍😍😍😍😍 but no, Matteo is bringing it.

Awww, the cast dancing during the credits <3 <3 <3 Was this from their audition tapes or something?

General Comments:

This is my favorite remake. My ass will be so bitter if Druck out of all of them doesn’t get renewed. It’s the one that most captures the spirit of the original, has an age-appropriate and charming cast for the most part, great chemistry between the characters, and did a decent job of adapting the storyline while giving the story its own personality.

Moreover, Druck really captures the vulnerability of the characters, which is essential to Skam’s storytelling. A Matteo or Amira season really excites me because those actors have already displayed capacity for fragility in this season, and I think they could do decent jobs in their own seasons. 

Plus, Jonas would be SO amazing in a Matteo season! If I already loved him in S1, when he’s at his worst, imagine how awesome he’ll be supporting Matteo during his coming out process! 

Give me that Amira and Matteo friendship. Or Amira falling in love, jeeeeeeez. Matteo falling for a boy who can match him in longing stares.

I’ve had some reservations about Mia’s acting but she has honestly grown a lot on me as a character, I like how she’s written, and so frankly? Even S2 kinda has me excited. My personal feelings about the central relationship aside, Druck deserves a chance to have its S2 as much as any of the others.

IDK, it’s kinda frustrating that the geoblock and random production issues seem to have cut off a lot of the potential fanbase, so I hope the show gets another chance, and that they fix whatever lingering issues. 

They definitely could do better with social media output and overall keeping the interest in the show flowing between clips.

Anyway, for the most part, I actually enjoyed Druck S1 quite a bit, and I truly hope I get to see more of these characters. 

I don’t speak German, so if I missed some context, feel free to correct me.

If you got this far, thank you for reading! 

[milominderbindered]

thirty days of skam fic: day sixteen aka, isak takes care of even during his next depressive episode

beginning. accusation. restless. leaves. rainbow. flame. formal. under. move. silver. prepared. knowledge. denial. cans. order. thanks. look. summer. transformation. tremble. tent. mad. thousand. paper. winter. luxury. letters. promise. simple. future.

[ READ ON AO3 ]

It’s a while before Even’s next episode.  

Since December he’s been taking his pills, drinking less, smoking less, sleeping on a more regular schedule -- everything he’s supposed to do to keep his brain chemistry as balanced as possible. It gets even better when Isak and Even move in together, because life just develops even more of a routine.  They might be two messy boys with no real clue how to take care of themselves, but they fall so easily into domesticity; Isak never tries to control what Even is doing, he still remembers too clearly exactly what had gone wrong with Sonja before him, but he doesn’t think it counts when he lures Even to bed early so they can cuddle every night, or steals his weed and refuses to give it back until Even has given him fifty kisses, by which time they’re far too distracted to smoke anyway.  Things are going well, and not just for Even, but for both of them.  Life has a balance.

So for a while, they live in the sort of happy-messy-soft-real-blissful world that they’ve created together.  Even graduates from Nissen, and Isak is ridiculously proud, and they enjoy the summer together before Isak has to go back to school and Even starts working more, making the most of his gap year.  It’s not like Isak forgets that Even is bipolar, but he doesn’t think about the possibility of Even having an episode all that much either, because they’re still living in the moment.  Isak is happy for every day he gets to spend with Even, no matter if he wakes up the next morning and it’s all gone to hell again.

In the end, that’s not how it happens, anyway.  Isak doesn’t wake up to Even’s mania, because Isak is on a school trip with his German class when it happens.  He’d moaned and groaned and dragged his heels about going on the trip anyway, because being apart from Even for a whole week seemed like the most awful thing in the world, but eventually he’d given in.  

Over the week, he kind of knows something is up, because of Even’s texts.  At first they’re pretty normal, except more frequent, and at odd times of night -- then, by day three, Even has started sending Isak song lyrics again.  He does that quite often so it’s not unusual by itself, but when he sends the whole song line-by-line and then ignores Isak’s responses, Isak knows something is up.  He texts Even’s parents, and they say they’ve checked up on Even and everything is under control, but they don’t say anything else after that.  Even doesn’t text him again, either.

Isak tries not to be worried, because Even has gone through this before and his parents know what to do and it’s all going to be fine, but somehow it’s even scarier being so far removed from the situation.  Isak doesn’t know what’s happening, or what’s going through Even’s mind, or how he can help -- but all he can do is hope everything’s alright and wait for the trip to be over.  It drags on far too long, and Isak couldn’t care less about German class anymore.  He only wants to get home to his boyfriend.

Even had originally promised he was going to welcome Isak home stark-naked with dinner already on the table, but Isak isn’t surprised when Wednesday evening rolls around and he finally returns home to a dark, empty flat.  There’s a note on the table from Even’s parents.

Isak -- we didn’t want to worry you while you were away, but Even is at our house.  Everything is alright.  Feel free to come by when you get back, or call us to see how he’s doing, whatever you prefer.  We hope you had a lovely trip.  Love, Liv and Rune.

Isak doesn’t even take off his coat.  He just dumps his bags, turns around, and heads right out the door again to go and find Even.

-----

It turns out, he’s missed the whole of Even’s manic episode.  “It was a mild one, compared to what you saw last year,” Liv assures him, when Isak turns up on the doorstep.  She insists on dragging him to the kitchen and making two cups of tea before he can go to Even’s room, because Even hasn't been drinking much, according to her.  The fact that his mania wasn't so bad doesn't really reassure Isak much.  That's no guarantee the depression will be easier this time around.

When Isak finally says goodnight to Liv and gets to Even's room, all he sees is a lanky boyfriend-shaped lump under a duvet in Even's rickety cabin bed.  

"Hi, Even," Isak says, voice soft.  "It's just me."

There's no response.  Isak abandons the cups of tea and climbs up the ladder, peering into the mess of the bed.  From underneath a pillow, he sees Even's eyes half-open, and watching him dully.

Isak decides there's no point in any more talking.  He just squishes himself uncomfortably into the other side of Even's single bed, and together, they fall asleep.

-----

Even sleeps through the whole night, so Isak stays, too.  Despite everything going on, despite how worried he is and despite the fact that he’s crushed into the bars of a bunkbed that was never meant to be shared between two fully grown boys, Isak actually sleeps better than he had the whole time he was away.  Despite Even being a mostly unresponsive lump under a duvet, he’s still the most calming presence in Isak’s life.

The next morning, Isak wakes up long before Even.  He lies there for a little while, stroking the soft baby hairs at the edge of Even’s temple and watching him sleep, before finally carefully climbing out of the bed to go and use the bathroom.  Then he heads to the kitchen, where he can hear Liv making breakfast.  She gives him a hug.

“Maybe you can get him to eat some toast,” she says, offering Isak a worried little smile as she slices up some bread. Isak really likes Liv. He actually doesn't know where he'd be without both Even’s parents these days. So though he doesn't like the idea of getting Even to do anything he doesn't want to, he can at least deliver a plate of toast that will probably go uneaten if it's gonna make Liv feel better.

“I was thinking about asking if he wants to go home today, now that I'm back,” Isak says, voice coming out a little too tentative as he takes a sip of the cup of tea Liv has just handed him. “I know, uh, I know I might not have handled it so well last year, and maybe you don't want me just looking after him like this, but I think I've learned a lot more since then and I --”

“Isak.” Liv’s voice is always so soft; it's eternally obvious where Even got his warmth from. “It's not that we don't trust you with him or something, of course not. I think being with you actually really helped Even last time. And you're welcome to stay here with him too, you know that. It's just that we know how difficult it can be to see him like this, and we have much more experience dealing with it. Plus, I know you have school. Me and Rune can trade off our work shifts so there's always someone here to keep an eye on him.”

Neither of them say what they're both skirting around, what Isak knows now that he didn't know the last time he was dealing with this; that when Even is depressed, he doesn't just need people around to keep an eye on him for no reason. It’s less about having someone there to make cups of tea, and more about having someone there to make sure Even doesn't hurt himself. Isak doesn't think Even would attempt suicide again, not really; his life is so different now to how it had been when things got that bad before. But if Even’s brain chemistry rather than Even himself is calling the shots, there's always a chance. And after the long, long talk they had after everything went down with the Bakka boys and Even finally felt like sharing that part of his past, Isak can't deny that the mere thought of losing Even that way scares the shit out of him.

But despite all that, he’d still rather have Even at home.

“My attendance is good.  I can just skip tomorrow as well, and then it's the weekend,” Isak reasons, not quite meeting Liv’s eyes. “If -- if he's still feeling really bad on Monday, maybe he could come back here then, I guess?  I just thought it might be better to be home for a bit.”  

Liv settles her soft eyes on him for a minute, and Isak feels oddly like he's being assessed.

“Okay, honey,” she eventually says, just as the toast pops up. “Whatever Even wants.”

-----

Even hasn't moved at all when Isak steps back into the room. Isak can immediately tell he's not gonna eat the toast Liv had insisted on, but he brings it over anyway, balancing it nearby and then climbing back up the ladder into Even’s shaky bunkbed.

Even is completely curled up under the duvet so that he’s nothing more than a tuft of blonde hair sticking out of the top, so Isak lifts the corner and sticks his own head under there too, pressing forwards until he’s nose-to-nose with Even in the dark, stuffy space under the blankets.  Even’s breath smells pretty bad but Isak’s just happy that he is still breathing, under here.

“Hi, baby,” Isak says, voice quiet.  Even doesn’t say anything back, but his eyes do open, meeting Isak’s gaze in the dim light.  “I was wondering if you want to come home today, or if you want to stay here?  It’s fine either way, I just figured it might be more comfy at home.  What do you think?”

This is one of the most important things Isak has learned, from Even and from life in general, about dealing with Even’s mental illness.  It’s asking him.  No matter if Even doesn’t always feel like responding, making assumptions about what he needs is just never going to end well.  Even doesn’t respond for a few long minutes, but his eyes stay open and Isak can tell that he’s thinking, so he just lays there quietly and waits.

Eventually, Even opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.  “It’s okay,” Isak says, reaching over to curve one of his hands around the side of Even’s neck.  “Do you think you could just nod if you feel like coming home with me?”

It takes another eon, but eventually, Even nods.

-----

Even’s dad drives them home, Even all bundled up in his pyjamas and blankets in the front seat of the car while Isak sits behind him and occasionally reaches forwards to stroke his hair.  But Rune doesn’t linger after dropping them off, and after that, being alone together feels much more real.  It takes longer than normal to get up the stairs to their flat, let alone do anything else, but it’s alright.  Isak keeps silent, because he doesn’t have anything to say that will make any of his better.

Once they get inside, Even just heads right to the bed, crawling under the tangled up duvet that had been haphazardly left there whenever Even left last week.  He seems fine over there, so Isak takes a minute to actually look around the flat, which he hadn’t done after getting back from his trip.  There’s nothing massive to suggest that Even’d gone through a manic episode, except that their shoddy dining chairs have been painted a sunny yellow colour, which they definitely weren’t when Isak left.  Isak hadn’t wanted to ask Even’s parents about exactly what had happened for them to find it necessary to take Even back to their place; if Even wants to talk about it himself when he’s feeling better, he will.

Content that nothing drastic has happened to their home, Isak goes over to kiss Even’s shoulder through the duvet for a moment.  He smoothes his hand down what he assumes is Even’s arm -- though it’s all very tangled in blankets and it could be a leg for all he knows -- but then moves away again.  It’s impossible to really give Even space in their one-room flat, but they’d talked about it after last year, and Even had said one of the nicest things about spending his time at the Kollektiv when he was depressed was when Isak was just in the same room, but doing something completely separate, and focusing on Even.  It’s the difference between being there for someone and hovering over someone, Isak supposes.

So he sets about unpacking his luggage from the school trip, balling up his already crumpled hoodies and stuffing them into the overflowing dresser next to their bed, plugging his chargers back into the sockets, shoving some of the notes he took into his school bag.  He transfers all the unavoidably dirty stuff into their hamper; there’s definitely enough to start a load of washing, but Isak doesn’t want to go down to the basement and leave Even alone just yet, so he just sets the hamper by the door and ignores it.  

Next he goes to the kitchen and empties all the pasta in their cupboards into a pan, pouring boiling water on top -- boiling water from the kettle Sana had given him for his last birthday.  He hovers over the pasta and stirs it occasionally while it cooks, and then separates it in half, adding vegetables and tomato sauce to one lot, just cheese to the other, because he doesn’t know if Even’s going to feel like eating anything complicated or if he’ll just want super plain options.  It makes about six portions, and he puts them all in separate tupperwares in the fridge.  Isak is no master chef, but he knows how to make pasta -- and most importantly, it’s something that’s easy to keep and easy to heat up.  If Even wants food he can just go and grab one of those out of the fridge, no stress, even if Isak has gone out for a bit.

It’s really just something to occupy himself, but Isak feels better for doing it.  As he methodically cleans up everything he’d just used to cook, Isak looks across the short distance to the bed, watching Even shift under the covers, huffing a loud breath occasionally.  His head is now visible, and his eyes are half open, watching Isak move around the room.

“I just made pasta for the fridge,” Isak explains.  If he was feeling better, Even would be endlessly teasing about Isak actually getting in front of a stove.  As it is, he doesn’t say anything, but one of his eyebrows raises ever so slightly as he looks at Isak, a shadow of the disbelieving expression he sometimes adopts.  It’s tiny, but that small recognition that it really is still Even in there has Isak beaming.  “Uh, some is plain, and some has veggies.  So if you get hungry at all, you can just grab some of that straight out, yeah?  Unless -- do you fancy anything else?  We have, uh -- well, the bread’s gone mouldy, but I think we have yogurt, and, um, cereal but no milk.”

Isak hadn’t really thought about their grocery situation when he turned down all Liv’s offers to send them home with food.  But they’ve got enough to last them a couple of days at least, and he’d rather have Even in his sights than pop out to the shops just to get milk.  Anyway, Even isn’t showing any interest in any of the stuff Isak has listed off, so Isak just pours out the last of the orange juice from the fridge and brings it over.  He’s not sure how long it’s been since Even ate something proper, but at least juice has a few vitamins and things in it.

“Try to drink that, if you’re up for it,” he says, a bit quiet.  Isak is all too aware that he’s still no expert in this.  He likes to think of himself as an expert in Even, these days, but that’s not really the whole truth if he still feels so uncertain of how to tread when Even is depressed.  Or maybe it’s not that -- maybe it’s just that there is no perfect way to deal with this, and the two of them just have to get through it together, as best they can.

Isak reaches down to stroke Even’s hair away from his temples, watching with adoration as Even’s eyes drift closed again.

Then, because there’s nothing else to really do, Isak goes over to their TV and puts on a movie.  He picks something he thinks Even will like, despite the fact that Even has his eyes closed and doesn’t give any response when Isak asks if he wants to watch something.  One of the plus sides of their flat being so tiny is that the bed is where the TV is meant to be watched from anyway, so if Even does feel like paying attention, or just drifting in and out and occasionally appreciating a cheesy rom-com joke, he’ll be able to.

Isak sits on the floor with his back against the bed, and watches the whole movie through.  It’s not the kind of thing he’d ever choose for himself, but his mind goes a little bit blank, and he only really comes back to reality halfway through when he gets a message from the group chat with the guys, asking why Isak isn’t in school.  Isak messages back with a simple even not feeling well, i’ll probably be back on monday and then puts his phone on silent.

When the movie finishes, he turns off the TV, and looks up at Even again.  He’s fast asleep; his breathing has evened out, and he looks relaxed, if not happy, where he’s snuggled into the pillow.

So despite the fact that it’s the middle of the day, Isak takes off his jeans, climbs into the other side of the bed, and goes to sleep too.

-----

At 3am, Isak is awoken by something nudging at his back.  He’s drifted in and out of sleep a few times since the afternoon, getting up to have a snack and brush his teeth and text Even’s parents to let them know everything is good, but he’s still had more than enough sleep by that point, so he’s not really groggy as he rolls over and finds Even staring at him, big blue eyes hooded but more present than they have been since Isak got back.

In the dim light of the streetlamps outside filtering through their blinds, Isak watches as Even’s mouth opens and closes a few times, like he’s trying to get some words out but doesn’t know how.  Isak doesn’t push, or try to butt in; he just loosely twines his fingers around Even’s wrist so their hands are joined between their bodies, and waits.

Eventually, Even pushes out in a scratchy, quiet voice, “Pasta?”

So Isak goes and gets two kinds of pasta from the fridge, and they sit up in bed, Isak in his boxers, Even in a hoodie and sweats and three pairs of socks and two blankets, and they eat pasta together.  Even chews slowly, like he’s not much tasting the food, and occasionally Isak has to offer him a piece from his own fork to keep the process going, but he does eat.  And he eats the one with the vegetables, too.

After they’re done, Isak goes and dumps the tupperwares in the sink before crawling back into bed, kissing Even’s pasta-saucey lips.

“Feel good?” he asks, not really expecting an answer.  Even just looks him right in the eyes, and to Isak, that definitely feels like enough.

-----

The next day, they don’t do much of anything at all.  Even gets up in the morning to pee and brush his teeth, which seems like a victory, even if he does go right back to bed afterwards.  He lies down, and Isak sits up against the pillows next to him, biology textbook in his lap.  He balances his laptop halfway down the bed and brings up Netflix, starting at the beginning of a sitcom he knows Even has seen a hundred times and just letting the episodes run through.  Maybe Even’s watching and maybe he isn’t, but it feels nice to have the background noise.

Isak actually manages to read three whole chapters and get two worksheets done, all sat up in bed like that.  At lunchtime, Even’s stomach rumbles -- he doesn’t say anything about it, but Isak goes to the kitchen and gets a bowl of dry cereal, because simple food still seems good and they’re also still out of milk.

This time, Even eats without much fuss.  When Isak sits back down with another book after lunch, he notices that Even’s eyes are turned more towards the laptop, looking just a little bit more engaged in the silly show playing out on screen. Small steps, Isak thinks, smiling down at his textbook.  Small victories.

-----

That evening, Isak remembers there’s a pizza in their terrible little freezer.  Rather than just going and making it, though, like he has been with all the other food so far, he shuffles down the bed and looks Even in the eyes and asks, “Do you want pizza for dinner?”

He’s been trying not to talk too much all day.  He knows that to Even, the idea of just responding to words can be completely draining when he’s depressed, and that even having someone chattering without expecting a vocal response can be a bit exhausting, just because he feels like he needs to be focused on that.  He knows, because Even has told him.  Isak still feels like he’s not doing well at this, like he’s not as good at taking care of Even as Even always is at taking care of him, but it helps infinitely that he and Even have had so many honest discussions about their feelings in the last year.  Even might not be able to talk about it right now, but Isak at least has Even’s own words to reference.  He at least has a clue.

Even just lays there for a few minutes, looking back at Isak, but eventually he says, “Okay, that sounds good.”

It’s the most words in a row Isak has heard him speak in three days.  Isak smiles, and leans forwards to kiss his forehead.

He makes pizza, and they eat it in bed.  Even still isn’t talking much, and he still looks tired and not like himself, but he does reach out and change what’s playing on Netflix when the first show finishes.  

Isak loves him so much it hurts.

-----

For most of the time they’ve been living together, their sleep schedule has been ridiculously healthy, so it’s all too obvious that they’re both out of sync now.  Even has of course been sleeping long, strange hours, because the lack of sleep in his manic episode always takes so much out of him that he needs to catch up on rest afterwards, and also just because that’s what the depression makes him want to do.  But Isak has been sleeping in the day just to keep Even company -- so that night, they’re once again both awake as the clock blinks 3:52.

It should feel odd, or wrong, to be awake so early and not feel tired, but it’s actually fine.  Isak has always liked the middle of the night.  There’s something soothing about imagining the whole rest of the city fast asleep, and feeling like there’s nothing outside, feeling like the whole world has dropped away.  He hopes it’s just as calming for Even right now as it always was on the long nights Isak couldn’t sleep, back when his insomnia was bad.

It’s a pretty mild night, so Isak is just lying in his t-shirt and boxers, on his side so he can face Even on the bed.  For the first time in ages, Even has actually emerged from his duvet cocoon, presumably because it got too hot in all the clothes he’s wearing as well.  He hasn’t changed since they came back from his parents’, so he’s smelling pretty sweaty by this point.  Of course, Isak’s a teenage boy and the two of them have been living together plenty of time to not be bothered by a bit of stinkiness, but still, he wonders if Even might feel like a shower in the morning.  Usually everything seems better after a shower.  

“How are you feeling?” Isak asks, quiet, into the darkness around them.  He hears Even swallow, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, and then Even rolls a little bit closer to him across the bed.  Isak knows this isn’t an easy-fix kind of state, but still, every small step forwards, every tiny thing that makes it feel like Even is coming back to him, seems like cause for a parade.  He moves closer to Even as well.

“Not great,” Even says.  His words are slow and his throat sounds rough, but at least his voice doesn’t seem so hesitant anymore.  “A bit better.”

Isak nods.  He can’t exactly relate, but watching Even like this, he really hopes he’s beginning to understand how it all works.  

“Can I kiss you?”

He’s been dropping kisses onto Even’s hands and shoulders and forehead and nose, sure, but somehow in that moment it feels like he should ask.  While Even considers it, Isak shifts closer so their heads are resting on the same pillow, noses almost touching.

“In this minute,” Even finally agrees, and Isak smiles.  He pushes his chin forwards, brushing their mouths together for the simplest little kiss.  It drags on for a while.

Probably more than a minute later, he draws back, and looks at Even some more.  There’s something Isak’s been wanting to say, but he’s not sure if now is the right time, if Even is still feeling exhausted just from the idea of listening to anyone, if saying anything heartfelt will be pointless right now because Even is still feeling so low.  But in that moment, lying together in the dark, the rest of the world a million miles away, Isak thinks the moment feels right.

“Baby,” he whispers, reaching one hand up to cup the side of Even’s face.  “I just wanted to say thank you.”

Even stares at him, questions in his big sad eyes.  “For what?  Aren’t I --” He clears his throat, and his voice comes out almost rueful, but in more of a sad way than an amused one.  “Aren’t I the one who should be thanking you?”

Isak shakes his head, adamant, and presses closer to Even across the pillows.

“No.  I -- I’m the one who should be saying it.  Thank you so much for letting me be here.  Thank you for never giving up on me.  I’m sorry if I don’t know how to do any of this perfectly, but I love taking care of you.  I love you.  And even when I’m getting it wrong, you never give up on our relationship, and -- Even.  You’re just so strong.  So brave.  I’m so lucky that I get to know you.  To see every side of you.  I just wanted -- I just wanted to tell you, how thankful I am.”

Isak’s words fall into the space around them, lingering much longer than his voice does, but he doesn’t think they’ve been badly received.  Maybe he should have waited to say all that, for a time when Even was ready to hold a proper conversation about their relationship; but then again, Isak doesn’t think that’s the sort of thing that needs a conversation.  It’s just something he needed to say, and he’s happy he has said it.  He knows they’re young -- nobody will ever quit reminding him -- and that their relationship isn’t gonna always be smooth sailing.  But there is nothing, nothing, that he has ever felt more grateful for than the fact that he knows Even, and Even’s strength has shaped so much of who Isak is now proud to be.

After a while, Even just breathes out, “I love you.”

“I love you,” Isak agrees, voice soft.  

Even leans forwards just the tiniest bit, and Isak takes it as a cue to kiss him again.  No, nothing is perfect.  But in that minute, they are safe in their bed, safe in each other’s arms, and Isak just feels hope.