#get rid of rodents
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beaconpestcontrol · 10 months ago
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Looking to get rid of rodents Beacon Pest Control has you covered! Our team provides fast, safe, and effective rodent control services that eliminate infestations and prevent future issues. We tailor our solutions to suit your unique situation, ensuring your home stays rodent-free.
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dr-gl0rbiez · 21 days ago
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I love seeing my moots take advantage of my lack of an official nickname, cause it ranges from “glorbiez” to “glorbius” to “glorius”
Other times it’s “gleepus” but most of the time it’s “that damn alien”
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cyberwolf606 · 9 months ago
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Can rain world fans stop fucking making human Slugcat shipping AUs? I don't fucking care about saint and rivulet as characters in a relationship I care about their actual motivations + the fact that they can backflip really cool and shit.
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gravedigest · 1 year ago
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Spins the Deimos dying in that Doing Something short fic and the relationships between him the others. Especially Hank who downright REFUSES to let Deimos die, unacceptable to them and practically in denial about it. Dei pilots Hank and I wonder if that caused some kind of semblance to attachment, from Hank for Deimos. People die, Hank kills them. What’s so different about Deimos dying compared to the rest? Too many resources? Because Doc or Sanford is attached? I feel like that’d be the coverup because there’s no reason to handle Dei’s rig so gently, it’s metal and wires it can handle some roughhousing. There’s no reason to take the rig at all if he’s replacement, another body. There is no reason to plug a cable into it after everything and once again declare that Deimos won’t die, cannot die. And just
They are fascinating to me. So so fascinating and I want to know what goes through Hank’s mind. I adore the harsh, coldness of Hank to Deimos while also tolerating him, their often intimidating interactions with him. It’s all so very interesting and I’m less than normal about them
(All good if you can’t tell bc if spoilers I’m just very very excited)
Pointing at you like a stage magician.
I thhhhink it’s not too spoilery, at least most of my thoughts here are just my own personal headcanons and vague reasoning along with things Krinkels has said.
Like, people have asked Krinkels why Hank actively protects Sanford in 11, to which he answered “Well, Sanford’s useful.”
Which is kind of my general basis for figuring out how much of an asshole to make him.
The more overtly useful something is, the further he goes out of his way to get it.
Or more fun. IE: Reaching for a chainsaw over a gun.
Like, in MPN, Hank humors Deimos. He can’t differentiate between Sanford and Deimos on the spot but he’s marked Deimos as The Funny One. He’s got a sense of humor and he’ll take on Deimos’ race to the top of the tower.
I don’t think I got to go too deep into it in Doing Something since it only takes place over a few days, but that hypothetical death scenario would probably be set further out, theoretically giving Hank time to categorize Deimos as Fun and Useful. He can take the brunt of the technical work off and it leaves Hank with the ability to just enjoy his side of the job, literally just dropping out the moment they have to do something he’s not interested in. The less Hank has to think about things he doesn’t want to think about, the better. And Deimos sure does a lot of thinking for a guy thats head is full of nonsense.
But Deimos is Fun and Useful.
Ergo, by Hank’s very normal and healthy logic, and because Doc has kind of made them each others problem by way of pairing them up in such a fucked up and entangled manner, Deimos is, objectively, his thing he wants to keep. That’s his Touy. No one’s allowed to 💥💥💥 his touy.
And when he does break it’s like a kid bringing their torn doll to their parents and being like “You have to fix it,” to Doc. There’s no room for not fixing it.
I have a set of targets all set up to mash them together further but that’s definitely spoilers and I’m loading Chekov’s shotgun and racking it for later.
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nipestcontrolproofing · 3 months ago
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Effective Pest Control Belfast Northern Ireland: Wasp Removal & Insect Pest Control Solutions
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Pest infestations can be a significant nuisance, affecting homes and businesses across Belfast, Northern Ireland. Whether you’re dealing with wasp nests, insect invasions, or other pest problems, effective pest control services are essential for maintaining a safe and hygienic environment. In this blog, we’ll explore the best solutions for pest control Belfast Northern Ireland, focusing on wasp removal in Belfast and insect pest control methods.
Professional Pest Control in Belfast, Northern Ireland
Belfast experiences a variety of pest problems throughout the year, from rodents to insects and seasonal wasp infestations. If left untreated, these pests can pose serious health risks and structural damage to properties. Professional pest control services in Belfast provide expert solutions to eliminate infestations safely and efficiently.
Why You Need Professional Pest Control
Health Protection – Pests like cockroaches, flies, and rodents carry diseases that can contaminate food and surfaces.
Property Damage Prevention – Termites, woodworms, and rodents can cause extensive damage to furniture, electrical wiring, and wooden structures.
Long-Term Solutions – DIY treatments may provide temporary relief, but professional pest control ensures long-term eradication.
Safe and Eco-Friendly Methods – Certified pest control services use industry-approved techniques that are safe for humans and pets.
Wasp Removal in Belfast – Safe & Effective Solutions
During the summer months, wasps become a common problem in Belfast, often building nests in roofs, sheds, and garden areas. Wasps can be aggressive, especially when their nest is disturbed, posing a serious risk of stings and allergic reactions.
Signs of a Wasp Infestation
Increased Wasp Activity – If you notice a large number of wasps flying around your property, there could be a nest nearby.
Visible Nest – Wasp nests are often found in lofts, wall cavities, trees, or under eaves.
Buzzing Sounds – If you hear constant buzzing noises, it may indicate wasp activity in hidden spaces.
Why Professional Wasp Removal is Essential
Safety First – Removing a wasp nest without proper equipment can be dangerous. Professionals use protective gear and safe removal techniques.
Effective Treatment – Pest control experts use industry-approved insecticides that eliminate the wasps without harming other wildlife.
Prevention Measures – Once the nest is removed, professionals provide tips and treatments to prevent future infestations.
If you need wasp removal in Belfast, always contact a licensed pest control service to ensure a quick and safe resolution.
Insect Pest Control – Protecting Homes & Businesses
From ants and cockroaches to bed bugs and flies, insect infestations can cause significant distress in homes and commercial spaces. Professional insect pest control services in Belfast provide tailored solutions to tackle different types of insect infestations.
Common Insect Pests in Belfast
Ants – Often invade kitchens in search of food.
Cockroaches – Thrive in warm, humid environments and spread bacteria.
Bed Bugs – Hide in mattresses and furniture, causing itchy bites.
Flies – Carry diseases and are attracted to food waste.
Best Insect Control Methods
Professional-Grade Treatments – Targeted insecticides and fumigation for severe infestations.
Preventative Measures – Sealing cracks, maintaining hygiene, and reducing moisture to deter insects.
Ongoing Monitoring – Regular inspections to prevent reinfestation.
Reliable Pest Control in Belfast
For effective pest control in Belfast, Northern Ireland, it’s best to rely on expert services that offer comprehensive solutions, including wasp removal belfast and insect pest control. Whether you’re facing a seasonal wasp problem or a persistent insect issue, professional pest control ensures a safe and pest-free environment.
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piknim · 6 months ago
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I want mice so bad i miss having them!!!
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elfdragon12 · 8 months ago
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Me: Tova added another rodent to her kill count today. She didn't even dig for it. She was just nosing around in the grass and then I suddenly noticed she was nibbling on something. I think it was a vole instead of a mouse.
Brother: A medieval peasant would pay a pretty coin for a good ratter like that.
Me, thinking over some conversations at work with folks having rodent problems: Hah! People today would too!
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lakshmirani778899 · 9 months ago
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All Types of Pest Control Services
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no-wave-forms · 1 year ago
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bad news
My husband noticed something weird in our ceiling fan so we took it apart and it was a mouse nest! They made a hole into it through the attic so we checked the attic and found more mouse droppings 😭
I'm feeling so defeated. Living in the house is constant problems. We're going to have to vacuum out all the insulation, clean everything in the attic, find all the mouse holes and block them, then replace the insulation. It's going to be so expensive and time consuming. I'm still at my 12hr rotating shift job. I'm getting my pay cut next month. This is such a nightmare.
Nothing can ever be easy with this house.
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pestquote · 1 year ago
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Rodent Extermination Services | Pest Service Quote
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Looking to rid your home of pesky rodents? Pest Service Quote specializes in top-notch Rodent Extermination Services. Safeguard your space with our expert team, dedicated to ensuring a pest-free environment. Contact us at 1-888-810-0136 to schedule your comprehensive pest assessment. Rely on us for effective and reliable solutions that keep rodents at bay. Say goodbye to unwanted guests and hello to a pest-free home.
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beaconpestcontrol · 10 months ago
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Beacon Pest Control provides comprehensive Rodent Control Services to protect your home from the health risks and damage caused by rodents. Our experts conduct detailed inspections, apply targeted treatments, and implement long-term prevention strategies to ensure your home remains rodent-free. We use safe, humane methods to address infestations and prevent future problems. Trust Beacon Pest Control for reliable rodent control solutions tailored to your specific needs. Call us today to schedule a free inspection and get started.
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owlthex · 1 year ago
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I am thrilled when my cat brings me a rodent in real life and will be doubly thrilled when I have to get rid of a virtual dead squirrel.
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mo0nfairy · 1 year ago
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ᥫ᭡ . # ۫ , ⸺ STREETS !
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summary :: over 20 years of kenji’s life has been spent preserving the surviving scraps of innocence from his childhood. since then, he has been desperately searching for anything to fill the rotten void in his chest. when a news reporter gives him everything he could ever ask for by merely existing, kenji fears the man he may become without them near.
word count :: 8.3k
content warnings :: mdni! yandere!kenji, obsessive!kenji, g/n reader, blood/violence, alcohol, stalking, drugging, kidnapping, nausea/sickness, mentions of sex, use of ‘daddy’ honorific (but nothing sexually explicit occurs).
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kenji sato's yandere traits are . . .
nurturing, heroic, & smothering
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──── Over the course of his childhood, Kenji possessed the same desires every child had. The same wishes he’d whisper to planes he mistook for shooting stars.
He remembers climbing the blunt limbs of the oak tree in his backyard, pretending to be a hawk and searching the grass for any delicious rodents to sink his claws into. He can still feel the dirt under his fingernails when he’d get lost in the woods, pretending to be a tiger and barring his teeth to any predators after his kin. His only worries would consist of his next meal and where he'll settle in for the night, instead of the loneliness that resided back home.
However, as all stories go, Kenji grew up. As the years passed, though, the more constricting his grip became on this childhood dream. For every candle Kenji blew out, he only wished to be one with the great outdoors and rid himself of the expectations shoved upon him. As any child innocently wanted.
Now in adulthood, every candlelight snuffed out was a silent plea for peace. And so desperately, he is trying to protect the bird nest he intricately crafted. Woven with strands of his young, raven-black hair, chunks of sidewalk chalk, tufts of fur of his favorite stuffed animals — every forgotten, sacred piece of his childhood that still remains unscathed.
Year after year, the relentless abuse of the world and his responsibilities reign down on him, prying their violent, eager fingers into his beloved bird nest. Today, Kenji holds whatever scraps still remain close to his chest, nestling them beneath a canopy of creativity and everlasting hope. Protecting whatever bits of innocence and childlike luster that survive the weight of the world.
When he pictured his father’s role of Ultraman as a child, he imagined perseverance and bravery. Now with that title bequeathed to him, Kenji is anything but. He is clumsy, reckless, and negligent. The very last thing he wishes to do now is follow his father’s footsteps, but alas, he has been given no choice.
The Neronga waltzes through the city streets, exuding chaos with every step it strides. Tossing around chunks of buildings and fistfuls of debris. And begrudgingly, Kenji trails after it like a parent trying to tame their exuberant child. 
A booming roar echoes from the beast's throat, angry bolts of electricity sparking from its horn. One swift punch to its jaw and the creature is out cold, leaving miles of destruction and disorder in its demise. With the threat neutralized, now comes the clean-up. He plucks citizens like they are tiny dolls and drops them to safety, who all thank him profusely for his aid. All except one.
Several bystanders crowd over a pile of rubble, waving their hands in an attempt at garnering the attention of Ultraman. 
“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming, I’m coming…” Kenji mutters, stepping over passing cars as though they’re scatterings of colorful legos. 
Piece by piece, he brushes past the lumps of bricks and metal. Disinterred from beneath the rubble is you. Hauntingly beautiful in your unconscious state. 
“Oh…” He exhales breathlessly, chest rising and falling with rapid pants. 
And there it is. 
That canopy of creativity enveloping him; that bird nest suddenly overflowing with rebirth and life. Everything bursts in colors so prismatic, Kenji finds himself at an impossible balance between feeling weakly heavy and ecstatically light. Never has his soul been so completely satiated before, even in the brightest days of his childhood.
Love, that’s what this must be! Love, warmth, happiness — every inkling of light this world has to offer! How could he ever feel dejected again with this angel now in his-? 
“Your heart rate is spiking.” That familiar, robotic voice interrupts. “You know what happens when Ultraman gets stressed.” 
Like clockwork, his color timer blares in distressful hues of light blue and sharp red. Though, how could Kenji possibly pay attention to such trivial matters when he’s holding you in his hands? How could he pay attention to anything else? 
Unfortunately for his sake, reality tears him away from his entranced state by brute forcd. A blinding flash of white permeates the street and in a blink, Kenji has returned to his normal self. He is back to being the notorious baseball player, worldwide heartthrob, and, most notably, smaller than his heroic alter ego.
When he shifts his gaze up, he finds you descending from the grasp he once held you in. Just like the fearless prince in every child's imagination, he scurries to catch you before you meet the unforgiving ground.
When his bare hands meet your skin, a gasp is yanked from his chest. His heart lurches, obtaining speeds he did not deem possible. Even sprinting from base to base did not garner this physical reaction out of him. You just feel so good against him, so perfect. Like the missing puzzle piece he’s been tearing apart the house looking for, now within its respected place. Bound to be cemented there forever – that sounds good to Kenji. 
“Ken, they can see you!” Mina’s frantic voice interrupts once again. 
When he pulls his vision from you, he finds a collage of people begin to surround the adjacent area. Their mere gaze threatens to jeopardize his identity once and forevermore.
“I’m sorry, ‘m so sorry, baby.” Kenji whispers into your ear.
Pressing a hard kiss to your cheekbone and relishing at the sensation of your skin beneath his lips, he reluctantly guides your limp body atop of the rubble. A few final caresses to your warm flesh and he is scurrying off into the night, completely inconsolable with these brand new emotions. New emotions he fears terribly, but has now clasped all coherent function in his body.
A single week had passed since the city's last Kaiju attack. These several days have proven to be nothing short of torturous for Kenji.
He has been rendered miserable after latching onto the light he’s been chasing for years, only to have it torn from his hands like candy from a baby. All because he’s been forced into a gig he never signed up for. Kenji has lost the love of his life and nothing can reprimand the grief it has left behind. 
Through extensive, but fruitless effort, he has assigned Mina the task of dissecting all of Japan in search of you. With only a description of your face, coated with dirt and blood, there is very little the efficient robot can do. And once again, his desires are left to collect dust in the hollow corners of his soul.
Kenji now resides in his ‘man-cave’, as he so confidently calls it. “Healthy body, healthy mind.” Mina teases, displaying the assortment of coconut water stacked in the fridge. With a sigh of defeat, he takes a resentful sip and cringes at the horrid taste. His efforts to stuff his face with junk food like some heartbroken blonde in a chick-flick were rejected by Mina, as she is always pushing him to pursue greater health. Waving his white flag, he asks for Mina to just turn the TV on, searching for anything to mend the pain poisoning his heart.
“Ken. I wonder if you might consider taking a break.” Mina confesses. 
He stares at the robot, searching her metal face for reasoning.
“From TV?” 
“From finding that citizen.”
His face scrunches in disdain. 
Quit you? Is she serious? How could he ever do that? Could he even survive such a predicament? 
“Give up the one thing that puts a smile on my face?” Kenji questions. “Sorry. No. TV, please.”
Some sincere praise from saved citizens will surely fill the hole in his chest, he assumes. Help him in his efforts to protect that bird nest he cradles close. 
The TV flickers to life and presents Channel 7 News, the place in which Kenji is featured most on. Seeing his most recent work with a bold “WOUNDED NERONGA AFTER ULTRAMAN EXIT” beneath the scene granted no surprise to him. 
What does stun him into a defying silence is when the screen shifts and your face fills up the expanse. Bandage on your scalp and microphone in your hand, you inform viewers at home of the recent neutralized threat and your new status here on the channel.
“Well, this has been quite the warm welcome! I’ve just arrived here in Japan and I’ve already been greeted by the Neronga, evident in this bandage on my noggin’.” 
The coconut water in his mouth spews out like a sprinkler when Kenji spits out the beverage. He chucks the open can across the room, ignoring the stain it will inevitably leave on his lavish carpets.
“That’s them! That’s them, that’s them, that’s them!” He exclaims to Mina. 
Shuffling off the couch, he crawls over to the television as though his legs had completely given out beneath him. His hand caresses the surface where your cheek is. 
“Sources tell us you were rescued by Ultraman himself!” A news anchor speaks. 
“Yes, that is true. Unfortunately, I was a bit too woozy to thank him properly, but he did save my life. It is heroic acts like Ultraman that help keep this city alive.” 
Unbeknownst to you, your words made a certain baseball player melt into putty. Hearing your praises, even when it is probably written on a script behind the camera, is nothing short of heavenly. 
The anchors, third-wheeling between two soulmates, continue to blabber about other fresh events taking place in Japan. Pressing languid kisses to the fuzzy static, all Kenji can listen to, all he can focus on, is you. Every twitch of your brow, every curve of your skin, every stretch in your smile — it all has him mesmerized. Like a siren lulling a fisher into the sea, where he would dive straight into oblivion had it been you in the deep waves.
“This was Y/N L/N with Channel 7 News.” 
Your name sits like honey on his tongue. Sickeningly sweet and absorbing of every word. 
“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N.” He repeats your name like a magic spell, almost as if you’d manifest into existence had he whispered it enough.
“Signing off.” 
The screen cuts and you vanish from the screen, overtaken by irritating advertisements. As though you were physically there with him, Kenji reaches for you. Desperate to bring you, his Y/N, back into his unwavering embrace.
Now, if there is anything renowned about Ken Sato, it is his charm, which also serves as his most powerful superpower. So, with enough flexes in the mirror to give himself a good ego boost, his “put a ring on Y/N’s finger” plan has now ensued in full effect. 
The foundation of this plan resides in who you are, what intricacies and threadings course through such a marvelous creature. He demands Mina, stronger than he ever has before, to learn every little detail there is to know about you. There cannot be a stone left unturned. Kenji needs to know everything. 
And every fragment of information she delivers to him binds his presumption furthermore: you two were made for each other. You’re like a page torn straight from an ancient fairytale. Crafted by God himself to hold his hand. He’s sunk his fingers into your background, your dreams, your hobbies, and he has nestled them all into his bird nest, entwined with the elements of himself. Bound to remain at one another’s side for eternity.
To enlighten you on these matters, however, Kenji has to find clarity through the whirlwind of emotions overpowering his senses. Then, he is positive he’ll be granted the ability to finally speak to you. However, the thought alone is enough to send a sun-hot shiver down his spine. He’ll need some thorough caresses to his ego before he can garner the confidence to merely stand in the same room as you.
It certainly does not help when everyday is spent battling the intense waves of euphoria, obsession, and of course, the suffocating guilt.
He left you behind. He abandoned the one thing that matters most to him and nothing can atone for this mistake. All because of Ultraman being most imperative, which Kenji had been force-fed to believe. Never again will he choose his occupation over you. Or anything, for that matter. You outweigh everything in terms of vital importance. 
He begins these efforts with baby-steps. To start, he assigns Mina to leave expensive gifts upon your bed. Bouquets of flowers, lush clothing, rich chocolates, luxurious jewelry, action figures and plushies galore! All you have to do is look at something in the store for more than a picosecond and it’s wrapped in a bow for you the following day. You also cannot forget the amount of times you’ve arrived home to find your favorite meals freshly made on the kitchen table.
In your overworked, lethargic brain, you assume everything is left by your sweet, elderly landlord who misses her grandkids and needs a fresh face to spoil rotten. You just choose to ignore how the gifts are impossibly far out of her budget.
Miles away from you, Kenji is tearing himself apart as he assumes your lack of recognition to be rejection. He knew he should’ve purchased those shoes in a different color! What was he thinking buying you roses instead of carnations, God, how cliché can he be!? 
He should’ve known you wouldn’t lend him your heart in return for his riches. You are not that foolish or shallow; you’re far more meticulous than the greedy pigs he’s so accustomed to feeding. 
Kenji will not claim defeat yet, though. He is never one to waver so easily, especially when it is you that is the golden prize. If he cannot flaunt his riches, why not himself? The richest item of all? And if his money cannot slither himself into your heart, he is positive it can push him in the intended direction. 
He’ll leave lumps of cash in the hands of massive corporations, all to cast his face wherever it can reach. On billboards, on buildings, on blimps — whatever place you may possibly be. Inevitably, you will have no choice but to see his gorgeous face and fall head over heels with him. The same way you so easily made him fall for you. 
Unfortunately, though, there are not enough cans of coconut water or buckets of chicken drumsticks in the world to bring you to his doorstep, there to fall into his arms and promise forever at his side. Kenji has failed in claiming your heart as his, once again, but another failure is not nearly enough to get him to welcome defeat. Not when it is you he is promised, never when it is you.
From here, he’ll pursue grander efforts. You’ll be occupied in the studio, skimming through your lines while makeup artists poke and prod at you. A squeal of excitement will permeate through the expanse, shouting out for a man by the name of Ken Sato.
Loud rumbles echo through the city streets as Kenji revs the engine to his motorcycle, complemented by his famous hair-flip and heart-throbbing wink. And feverishly, he scrutinizes every face behind the window, desperate to see those gorgeous features smile and melt at the sight of him. Then, he can spring straight into your studio, gather you in his arms, and race off into the sunset with you. Just like the fairytale dream you deserve. 
But alas, the universe refuses to give him such a privilege. You’re too engrossed with the tasks at hand, not some money-obsessed athlete who adorns the walls of teenage girls across Japan. 
If he could hear your assumptions, he’d assure you are sorely mistaken. Kenji doesn’t want the accolades, the riches, the fame. He just wants you. The one who showed him what it truly meant to be wild; the one who showed him what it truly meant to be free. So desperately, he wants you to know this, as well. To feel it with every beat your heart passes, to feel it imprinted in your skin with every kiss and caress he leaves. He could lose everything, just not you. God, not you. 
The man is speeding off with the pieces of his shattered heart before you can even process what had even occurred.
Kenji, once again, is met with another revelation. If it is not his name that can bring you into his embrace, then maybe it is his second self, the one you so wholeheartedly praise for his heroic acts.
Dressed in these ridiculous garbs, Ultraman leads danger towards your direction to “save” your life, all other innocent bystanders be damned. These efforts do not ever bridge on being dangerous. Merely a quick scare or two. And it definitely pays off, oh, does it pay off. Watching the fear in your eyes ease into relief at the sight of him never fails to get him numb with rapture.
“Fear not, citizen! Kenj- I mean, Ultraman will save you!” 
The last occasion he ever abused his role consisted of an orchestrated car accident. Nearly caught in the crossfire, you ever-so-gracefully dove away from the scene and skidded your knee in the process. A thundering “NO! BABY!” rings through the air. So absorbed in adrenaline, you do not even process the volume of the sound. 
What does grasp your attention is Ultraman taking you into his hand and lifting you far, far away from the ground. You ensnare yourself around his finger in response, clinging to him like a lifeline. Kenji melts from the action, as well as the underlying implications. You, relying on him, your silver-armored prince, for protection — that is everything he could ever wish for sat right in the palm of his hands. 
“Shh… It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay… Daddy’s here…” 
The words, shaky as they are, fall from his mouth like water through a cracked dam. It’s all just so easy, assuring you of his protection and comfort. The only way of preventing him from caring for you is to end his life. And Kenji has a lot of fight in him before he’ll allow himself to be separated from you.
You remain in his hands until an ambulance arrives. For the umpteenth time, he is forced to let go of you again. He cannot hide the perceptible agony it brings him to watch you rely on somebody else for aid. 
One day, it will be him, he assures himself. One day.
In the meantime, your rejection continues to take a heavy toll on him. Kenji is now famished without you, emaciated and starved to the bone. In some feeble attempt at satiating this hunger, he’ll try to find these fragments of you in others. He will drink himself ill then bring a blurry face to bed, all to shake the memory of you out of his head. These efforts, once more, only result in failure.
This time around, a harrowing guilt rots in his chest. There is no one else like you, he should’ve seen it clear as day. Kenji was a fool to ever think there could be. Now, he has cheated on the one who matters most to him. And there is nothing to placate the anguish he’s tormented by.
This perceptible ruination does not go unnoticed by journalists, either, who do not waste the opportunity of an eye-grabbing headline. Articles about him flood the web, detailing his miserable failures out on the field. Crawling to base seconds too late, sprinting directly into walls, and receiving more strikes than anyone can count — Kenji and the famous Sato name are falling apart by the seams.
He examines the glistening trophies and signed baseball cards in another attempt at protecting his ego and its butchered remains. None of it is enough, though. None of this success is notable without you at his side.
In a fit of rage, he throws his Giants helmet against the basement floors, landing with a harsh thud.
“They reject me? Ken Sato!? Best baseball player of all time!? The one and only Ultraman!?” 
His poor helmet is victim to his abuse, once more, as he leans all his might into a forceful kick. 
“Nobody can resist Ken Sato!” 
Another attempt at thrashing around in anger results in his knees buckling beneath him, sending his body to the cold ground. That was the final failure Kenji needed to break down into a sobbing fit. Head buried in his palms, he begs, pleads, for mercy. 
“I… I’m doing my best, okay? God!”
His body curls into itself, like pathetic prey trying to protect itself.
“I buy you everything you want, I save your life again and again, I-” 
Kenji cuts his tangent short by choking on a gagged cry. His fist clenches over his heart, overwhelmed from the sheer pain the organ is enduring. His chest stutters and twitches from the force of his blubbering. Globs of snot and spit gush across down his face, some clumps managing to pervade across his tongue.
“Ken? Are you crying?” A monotone voice speaks. 
“No! I’m… Not crying!” 
His coughing whimpers and wet face reveal the truth. Weakness is something he was taught to be ashamed of, after all. What kind of man would he be if he let himself crumble over such petty matters? Would you ever fall for him after witnessing such a dramatic sight?
“Want me to load up Y/N? That might make you feel better.” 
A few snivels through the silence and Kenji answers her. “Yeah… Yeah, I-I’d really like that…”
Maybe this is what he needs, just a few hits of his favorite drug to keep him in stable condition. Then, he’ll utilize the newfound strength to revive his honor, finally earning your affection in the end.
Pixels unfold in varying colors across the ground, spreading across the walls and ceiling like a reaching wave. The scene overtaking the basement now displays a romantic scene. Cherry blossom trees dance with the warm wind, petals drifting through the Spring air. A grand waterfall descends from a moss-covered mountain and leads to a river, where fish swim along with the stream. As he stands to his feet, Kenji finds himself at an arched bridge stretching over the river as the gentle melodies of nature sing around him.
When his gaze drifts around, he feels his heart practically plummet into the pit of his stomach when he sees you. Leaning over the wicker barrier and tossing out handfuls of kibble for the hungry fish.
Turning over your shoulder, you look up at Kenji with those glittering eyes, causing his breath to get caught in his throat. To make matters even worse for Kenji’s weak self, your face then breaks out into a candy-sweet smile. You are so innocently oblivious to how you’ve reduced his heart rate to an old engine, stuttering miserably. That smile could make even the devil repent, he’s sure of it. With luminosity like that, the greatest evils would have no choice but to succumb to their contrition.
Dusting your hands off, you frolic over to where Kenji stands. A lighthearted giggle escapes past your lips in the process, nearly bringing him to tears from how precious the sight is. Your hand slips into his and he might as well have crossed the pearly gates of heaven. Fuck, why hasn’t he made Mina do this before?
“Come on! Come feed the fishies with me!” You cheer in that captivating tone. That adoring voice could ask so sweetly for death and he’d deliver you buckets of blood. Just keep talking to him like that.
The impact you have on him is so immense, in fact, Kenji falls to his knees. The throbbing ache that his fall courses through his body might as well have been background noise, not when his senses are overwhelmed with how blissful your presence is.
His arms enclose around your legs, burying his face into your fuzzy sweater. With an amused hum, you sink your hands into his dark locks. The gesture makes him dizzy with elation. Spinning around the merry-go-round of devastating jubilation.
“Tell me you love me.” Kenji whines, his sensitive voice muffled against your stomach. 
With another giggle that squishes his gooey heart, you respond.
“I love you, Ken.” 
… Ken? 
No! No, you wouldn’t call him that! 
You’d call him Kenji, or better yet, you’d conjure up some adorable nickname in that witty head of yours. Anything but Ken; anything but what everyone else sees him as. 
And just like that, the fantastical facade shatters and reveals what really lies beneath. None of this is real. As much as he wishes it would be, as much as he’d throw away everything for you to be beside him in this moment, all of this is merely a figment of his imagination.
“No! You’re not real! Y/N- They would never-!”
The tears return and leave his body through broken wails. Once again, he has been forged into a mess of cracked hiccups and ground-shattering sobs.
His clenched fist meets the solid ground, piercing pain invading his entire arm from the impact. The punch was thrown far from where you stand. Even as a hologram, Kenji cannot bear to hurt you. He couldn’t wish violence upon you even if he wanted to. 
The dreamscape stood before him crumbles as quickly as it was formed. Darkness spreads once again and the romantic scene of cherry blossoms and fish kibble fades away. A physical manifestation of what he has become without you present.
Chasing after a sliver of your attention has now thrust Kenji into a staggering state of despair. His sob playlist shakes his house with its ear-splitting volumes, pushing more tears down his face while he stuffs his mouth with donuts. 
The weight of the pain pushes him toward drastic measures, as he is now a hollow shell of who he used to be. Measures he assured himself he would never come to, but has inevitably crashed landed in.
If you do not fall for his riches, his charm, his fame, then Kenji will just have to… “persuade” you towards that goal.
Cameras flash and flicker in his face as he charms his way through another press conference of millions. Only this time, he has ground-breaking news to share. 
“Fans have seen you blow supposed kisses to someone outside the venue. Is there a special someone in your life?” 
Directly across the field is your studio, but he will not tell others this fact. It is his duty to protect you, after all. But, scattering a few breadcrumbs won’t hurt anyone.
“Yes. Yes there is.”
The room erupts in hushed gasps and the rushed scribbling of pens. Another wave of questions tumbles toward Kenji’s way.
“They mean everything to me. I owe all my success to Y/- I mean, my baby.” 
A knowing smirk grows on his face. The Sherlock’s of the internet will surely connect the dots. Netizens will also fawn over how misty-eyed he became speaking of you, while others will rage in jealousy over their dream man falling for someone else. No matter what occurs, he will protect you during your sudden shift to fame. You have his word on that.
Days later, Kenji receives an email. And he almost considers admitting himself into a hospital for the near heart attack he receives upon reading it. 
Signed by none other than Y/N L/N, you ask him to meet with you in order to “clear the air” and “sort out this drama”. 
Several times, he scans the username to find some sort of fault, something that shows him it is just the works of an envious hater. However, his suspicions are never confirmed. The message is purely and undoubtedly you, no online troll or basement hologram in sight!
Without another second to waste, he responds to your email with a place and time, that being two hours from now. Kenji intends on fulfilling his role of the dashing boyfriend and to drive you there himself, flaunting his sumptuous motorcycle in the process. Mina, however, has since been programmed to detect every potential danger in your path, even something as minor as a crack in the pavement. When she displayed the graphic results of recent biking accidents, his heart lurched in his chest.
For now, he will simply have to meet you at the luxuriant restaurant he booked the best table for. In the future, he will convert to safer forms of transportation and your foot will never touch a pedal again. Not with your prince charming around.
Arriving an hour early, Kenji bursts through the bathroom doors and wipes the beads of sweat seeping down his face. All the makeup and detail he put into his appearance, all melted to a mess because of the anxiety you pump through his body. 
It is almost comical. He, Ken Sato, is nervous? He’s done the classic dinner-date over a zillion times, delivering his suggestive pick-up lines and swift winks. Staring at his exasperated face in the mirror, he is at a loss of where to go from here. What will he even say? What famous lines can he use? How can he give you his black card and a copy of his house key without you running away? 
Kenji finally sits down at the reserved table, located on a far balcony and looking over the grand city. His wristwatch blares red and presents the stack of missed calls from his dad, of which he willfully ignores. He went twenty years without his father and survived. Meanwhile, he went one week without you and thought he was on the cusp of death. He cannot bring himself to care about anything else. Not when he’s finally got a hook on you.
A waiter then asks him if he was feeling alright, concerned over the sight of his pale skin, shivering body, and twiddling thumbs. Kenji assures the man he is alright as he restlessly taps his foot, stalking the door ahead for the face he loves most to saunter through. The building could just about crumble to ash and he’d still sit here, waiting for your arrival.
And just like a movie, you pass the threshold and rob all the air from his lungs. 
You merely walk his way, but to him, you resembled a fawn frolicking through a green meadow, an angel wandering across roads of fluffy clouds. Those sporadic nerves die at the sight of you, rendering him to a melted pile of twitterpated nonsense. You tread closer and closer and closer and Kenji does not know how much more his body can handle before you completely dissolve him into a puddle.
“You have five minutes.” 
Your voice perfuses into his ears like birdsong, real and raw this time. That noise greeting him every morning is the only wish he’d ask from a magic genie. 
“Wh-Wh-?” He stutters like a lovesick loser, mentally slapping himself across the head for such a pathetic introduction.
“I said you have five minutes to explain yourself. Then, I will le-” 
“I love you.”
Surprise eases out your scrunched expression. You’ve never met this man before. Yet here he is, spewing out this gibberish. All of this has to be some form of joke, you assume. Where those irritating Youtube pranksters will sprint out from their hiding spots and shove their cameras in your face, cackling like hysterical hyenas.
“I am in love with you.” 
Maybe this is just his way of leading partners into bed with him. A powerful effort to add another name to his lengthy body count. And for whatever reason, he plans to jot down your name on that list.
“And you are worth more to me than anything.” 
You scrutinize his face for some inkling of rationality, something to explain what the fuck he means by that. Your efforts prove to be futile, as those teary, doe-eyes peer into your soul with nothing but sheer, unadulterated devotion. As though you were both fresh newlyweds enjoying the luxury of your honeymoon, complemented by the glimmer of your new wedding rings.
“Okay.” You swallow dryly, unease bleeding through your body. “You get another five minutes to explain yourself. On one condition.”
Kenji perks up at your proposition as though you had offered your hand in marriage. 
“Yes! Yes, whatever you want!” 
The man in question ponders over what riches you could ask him for and how elated he’d be to give you them. Taking you on shopping sprees and serving as your adoring husband, paying every penny and carrying your bags for you while you peruse to your liking. Just say the word, maybe flutter those pretty lashes, and he’ll personally deliver the very planet into your hands.
“I want you to leave me be.” 
If it weren’t for the fact this man was a complete stranger, you’d feel a sting of guilt over the perceptible emotion that washes over his face. Kenji anticipated the demand of clothes, foods, travel tickets, of which he would gleefully fulfill. Not this. Anything but this. 
“Alright, f-for how long? 10 minutes? 20?” 
“Forever.” 
You might as well have surged your fist into his chest cavity and torn his heart out, stomping out the ba-bump beneath the force of your boots. You might as well have climbed the tree behind his childhood home and ambushed his bird nest, tearing apart the array of twigs and squishing the healthy eggs. You might as well have just killed him right then and there, as nothing could pain him more than such a fate. Forever without the one he loves most is a life you couldn’t pay him to suffer through.
His bottom lip begins to tremble, stomach gurgling with nauseated shock. A few gags masked by coughs go unnoticed by you, as you could’ve sworn you saw a bright flash of white in the distance. Did someone… Take a picture? 
“... What’s wrong, baby? What are you looking at, huh?” 
Shifting your gaze back to Kenji, you find his features sheen with sweat and sickly-green from the queasiness you’ve forced upon him. What you especially notice is the accent of smugness beneath it all, etched into the smirk stretched across his lips.
Hushed whispers in the distance accelerate in volume, until the entire restaurant erupts in flashing lights.
Paparazzi!? What the fuck are they doing here!? 
Kenji leans back into the chair and slings an arm around the back post, seemingly posing for the photographers invading your conversation.
“Oh, no! We’ve been caught! The horror! Whatever will we do now that our secret is out…?”
If it weren’t for the sake of your career, you would’ve socked that smile clean off his face. Maybe even knock out a few teeth while you’re at it.
Critics have now officially cleared the name of Ken Sato due to his recent spike in excellent performance. Sports commentators even toss around jokes of how Sato’s new partner has knocked some sense into him.
Another game of hundreds and the cologne of arrogance around Kenji could suffocate the entire arena. A recent report detailed by you is casted on the billboard outside your studio. He blows yet another kiss your way as he jogs onto the field, ignoring the shouting fans who seethe with envy. He has made it official across the nation that his heart is sewn into your hands. And not even God could level the happiness coursing through his body. 
That is, until an uninvited visitor opens his mouth. The Swallows catcher begins to taunt him about his lover on the big screen, unaware of the lethal consequences it would harbor.
“You let the team hit, Sato? Shit, I might talk to coach about a transfer so I can get a piece of th-” 
The baseball bat in Kenji’s hands collides with his jaw before he can finish his sentence. 
Several more plunges into his skull and a swarm of teammates swarm around to break apart the scene. The crowd is alive with excited hollering, drowning out the noise of the blood-stained threats Kenji barks his way, strings of saliva spurting from his mouth like some feral mutt. 
The onslaught of players quickly, albeit with struggle, overpower him, successfully retrieving the weapon from his grasp. The edges of his manicured nails dig into the meat of his palms, forming maroon crescents in his flesh. Blind with rage, more threats that will surely put him behind bars are screeched into the air.
A few harsh yanks from the group of men and Kenji is finally pried from the catcher. He is dragged off the field past the rushing paramedics before he can fulfill his promises.
“And now it looks like there are words being exchanged between Sato and the Swallows catcher... Oh! Oh, no. We haven’t seen a brawl like this in a long time! Both benches have cleared. They’re throwing punches…” 
Soothing his sore muscles in an ice bath, Kenji watches the recording of his public meltdown with trepidation. Your eyes are not far and surely, you will bear witness to the violence his hands are capable of. He fears you daring to think he will treat you as such and his chest aches from the thought alone.
All he wants at this moment is to tear down the door to your apartment, take your precious face into his hands, and speak the utter truth as he assures you he will never bring harm to you. He’ll inform you of the context of the fight and what sparked such a reaction out of him. Then, you’ll thank him profusely for his heroic defense and drown him in your sugar-sweet kisses. Just like he has dreamt of every night, often waking up in the morning with his puckered lips against his knuckles.
Now, however, Kenji has surely destroyed any chances of gluing you to his side forever. You resent him for that stunt he pulled at dinner, and now, you are afraid of what he and his baseball bat may do. The ongoing success of Ken Sato has crashed and burned, resulting in the loss of what he cared for most.
“Ken!” Mina calls out to him. “I have something to show you!” 
Assuming it is another plan of millions to stamp the title of ‘lover’ all over you, he rushes out of the bath and throws his clothes on. Venturing into the basement, he is met with the very last thing he expected.
The containment unit has been raised. Inside is you, fast asleep with a bow on your head. Wearing just his jersey and holding onto a plushie designed after himself. 
“Surprise!”
Mina’s robotic arms stretch out, presenting the gift she captured retrieved for Kenji.
In addition to your permanent presence, the containment unit has been extensively decorated. The adornments are all pink and fluffy, like a cloud draped over a sunset. A circle-shaped bed is strung above the ground, supporting the weight of you and the mess of plushy comforters. It rocks you from side-to-side like a fussy baby who skipped out on naptime.
The scent of lavender pervading the air eases you into a deeper slumber. Tranquil white noise hums from the surrounding speakers, suffusing with the sounds of a light rainstorm. There are even holograms of shimmering stars and a full moon hovering over you, like some colossal mobile strung above a crib. Among the stars is a constellation, of some sort, that reads “Y/N SATO” in glittering letters.
And poor Kenji doesn’t know if he wants to beat Mina into shambles of wires or give her as many HTTP cookies her synthetic heart could ask for. For now, he is too woozy to make a coherent decision regarding her well-being. As he stated before, you always remain of utmost importance.
“My God…” He gasps out through stuttering breaths. 
His heart pounds so violently, he can barely hear the sound of his own voice over the persistent thumping. Kenji wobbles over to you as though he had just stood on his two legs for the very first time. He is almost positive there is a certain air suffusing from your body, entering his bloodstream and choking him with fervent stress. Every step forward renders his body weaker and weaker.
Images then begin to haunt his mind, preceding what may happen in minutes time. Kenji sees your weeping face, crying to release you from this bird cage. He can hear the thundering volume of your voice declaring you will never fall in love with him, how you’ll soon vanish and leave him to forever rot in solitude.
The emotions these thoughts garner stir in his gut like a meal that doesn’t agree with him. Gags poke and prod at his throat, threatening to release the butterflies fluttering around his stomach. A glob of bile then spurts from his mouth and splats against the floor. Kenji, horrified and sick with worry, races away from the scene before he spills his guts in front of you and humiliates himself even further.
What on Earth is he meant to do now?
When you finally awaken, you’re convinced you’ve been melted into jelly. Maybe even restrained in a tank of thick oil. Limbs weak at wet spaghetti, you cling to any fragments of energy in your system as you try and discern your environment. 
“Well, look who woke up!” A female voice greets you. “Do you want to see daddy?” 
Something globe-shaped hovers around the barrier you’ve been ensnared in. If it weren’t for your groggy state, you’d verify it to be a robot and not a talking basketball. 
“’Daddy’? What the hell are you talking about?” Your confused voice protrudes broken and sluggish, still stained with the sleep you’ve just woken from. 
A screen forms above you and before your distorted vision, you find the very last sight you wished to see. Ken Sato, your own personal parasite, sits stiff in the living room just upstairs. Bouncing his leg in an anxious rhythm, he seems to be engrossed by a video on his laptop. As you listen further, the contents become more distinguishable.
“When the moment is right, lean into your partner slowly and tilt your head to avoid bumping noses.” 
The robot clears her throat in an attempt at grasping his attention, but fails to do so.
“Close your eyes and let your lips connect naturally. Match the pattern of your partner to-” 
Another noise of acknowledgment from the robot and Kenji’s attention is finally held. Barely, that is.
“What, Mina?” He answers curtly, eyes refusing to part from the information he is currently absorbing.
“Someone is waiting for you down here.”
In all the years you’ve lived on this planet, you don’t think you’ve ever seen someone move so fast before. Not only did Mina’s words arouse a visceral reaction out of Kenji, but they practically shoved him off the couch from the sheer force of her insinuations. His foot even gets caught behind a chair leg and causes him to land splat on his face, but this is not nearly enough to deter his acceleration. 
The screen you were studying then folds into itself as an elevator descends from above. Through the cyan, blurred exterior, you see the frame of no other than Ken Sato. The doors open a mere inch before the man in question is squishing himself through the tight space. Always the acrobat he is, he gracefully trips onto his face, once again, before clumsily scrambling to his feet.
Now, you’re given the ability to absorb his appearance. Messy locks of black hair lack their normal gelled accentuation. Dark eyes are blown wide as though he were some feral animal. Tan arms are covered in red scratches from the relentless, anxious scratching he abused his flesh with.
The bold ‘ICON’ on his shirt mocks you. Is that what he is? Is that what he expects you to perceive him as? Would an ‘icon’ do such a thing like this?
You ponder over how much time has passed since you’ve been brought into this horrid basement, how much time has passed before friends and family have deemed you missing.
Kenji knows the answer to your questions. It had only been a day; twenty-four full hours of crazed, restless worry. He even skipped out on the championship for this moment, just to ensure you remained safe in the basement. He trusts Mina, of course, but he cannot rely on her to restrain you. The grasp he has on you is dangling by a thread, worn thin by his own stupid antics from before. 
He knows now that if you were to take one step out the door, you’ll be gone forever. And Kenji will die before he allows that to happen. 
Meanwhile, you’re still trying to garner pieces of your memory together. After returning to your apartment from a hectic day at the studio, you allowed yourself to indulge in the hot meals always waiting for you at your kitchen table. Normally, you’d chuck them in the garbage out of distrust. Tonight, however, you were so overwhelmed with lethargy, you couldn’t conjure enough energy to cook yourself a meal. So, the magic dinner-fairy would receive your blessing in the meantime.
One bite in and you were out like a light, oblivious to what exactly is waiting for you once you wake.
What was waiting for you now dashes toward the edge of your dog kennel, as you’d describe it. Kenji places a hand to the surface and his forehead lands against the wall with a light thud. His quickened, gasping breaths fog the glass. He does not leave even a centimeter between himself and the barrier separating both of you. The legs that have scored him more wins for the Giants than any other played in history suddenly grow weak, trembling as they try to support his weight. 
Kenji’s half-lidded gaze is devoted to you only. A curl forms between his brows from the fervency of his emotions the longer he stares. His cheeks go red as two ripe cherries while he just stands and watches, all dewy-faced and blushing.
“Lower the containment unit.” He pants breathlessly, the sheer tone of love drooping from every syllable that parts from his mouth. Like pockets of honey seeping from a honeycomb. 
“Ken. That might be a bad idea. We cannot anticipate how they will react.” 
He presses lazy kisses against the glass as her words go through one ear and out the other. Ignoring her warning, he assures her of these concerns.
“I got ‘em, I got ‘em… My baby…”
To your horror, the walls plummet and grant this monster full access to where you lie. Kenji collapses, again, not realizing he had been leaning his full weight against the walls of the containment unit. This sudden intrusion causes you to flinch and you crawl away from him, attempting to shield yourself beneath the thick covers. 
Body shivering with feverish need, his hand grasps onto the corner of the mattress to stabilize himself. Mere inches away from your foot. His chin lifts to look your way, his eyes only needing to bathe in the sight of you forever. Within his irises, you find swirling pools of darkness illuminated by specks of glitter. Sparkling for you and you alone. 
A smile pokes at Kenji’s lips, bright and formidable, before he addresses your sour expression. 
“Aww, why the long-face? Is my baby hungry, maybe?” 
At the foot of the bed, a fraction of the floor folds open and rises a platter. On this platter is an array of all your favorite foods. Snacks, candies, sodas, juices, whatever your heart could possibly desire. Mina has correlated an all-you-can-eat buffet just for you. Similar to the dishes left for you back in your apartment.
As it spins, displaying every inch and corner of its delicious offerings, you curl further into yourself. You do not want nourishment, you want to leave! To part from this maniac and never hear of his name again! 
With your refusal to eat, Kenji determines the reason behind your dismay to be because of him. Or, in his egotistical brain, the lack of him. The works of an absurdly large ego, you’d surmise. 
“Do you… Do you need… Me?” The hope in his voice is akin to a child in disbelief over receiving surprise tickets to Disneyland.
And Kenji just melts from how gut-wrenchingly adorable you are. By simply existing, you’re yanking at his heartstrings like a puppeteer, guiding him further and further towards the edge of sanity. With eyes peering up at him like that, he’ll welcome the predicament warmly.
“Oh… I’m right here, baby. Daddy won’t leave you.” He coos in your ear, the warm cadence practically oozing into your brain. 
Still overwhelmed with exhaustion, you do not have a morsel of strength left in your body to fight off his affections. Despite how desperately you wish to. Instead, you have to remain pliant as Kenji guides you onto your back, soothing and shushing you as you sink further into the plush surface.
Tearing his shirt from his body, the loss of the ‘icon’ status, he crawls beneath the opulent covers with you. His arm snakes around your waist, while the other cradles your cheek. Hands shuddering and heart pattering as he presses himself against your back, he wonders how he had not simply died right in this moment. You’re too perfect. It’s too much for his poor heart to take. Cupid may as well have discarded the pink-hued arrows and plunged a knife straight into his chest.
Kenji leaves an array of kisses on the back of your neck as you drift back into a tranquil slumber. All those wishes he set on shooting stars have finally returned and placed you directly in his beloved bird nest. All to stay at his side forever.
All to never leave.
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⁺ 🎧 , 🪷 you are currently listening to . . . ⁺ 🪺 , 🎵 ꪆ
❝ WHY CAN'T I FIND
NO ONE LIKE YOU . . . ? ❞
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gif creds .
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nipestcontrolproofing · 4 months ago
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Comprehensive Pest Control Services & Rodent Proofing in Belfast
Rodents are a growing concern for homeowners and businesses in Belfast. Whether it’s rats, mice, or other pests, these unwanted intruders can cause significant damage to property, spread diseases, and create an overall unpleasant environment. If you’ve noticed signs of a rodent infestation, it’s essential to act quickly. Professional pest control services can help you eliminate rodents and implement rodent proofing measures to keep them from returning.
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some-bakugo-icon · 5 months ago
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CHAT. NEW HEADCANNON
hello dear aftg socmed creators can you please give Andrew some rats I think he’d love them
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wheels-of-despair · 1 month ago
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The Sluttiest Squirrel Pairing: Eddie Munson x You Summary: Eddie brings home a surprise. Insert Evil Woman eyeroll. Contains: An introduction, a taste of one's own medicine, a merry chase, an idiot getting a little too… excited? It's a wild one, dudes. 😉 Words: 1k
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"If I brought home a pet, would you be mad?"
You close your eyes, let your head fall back against the couch cushion, and let out a long sigh. You fumble for your bookmark, place it between the pages, and throw the book toward the coffee table before lifting your head to look at Eddie.
He's standing in the doorway, hands behind his back. Which means he's already brought it home. Whatever it is, it's already in your house. He's going to be heartbroken when you tell him it has to go.
"His name is Roscoe," he says, taking a step closer. "He'd be very quiet. He wouldn't eat much. And I'd feed him and clean up after him and all."
"Eddie," you whine.
He grips whatever's behind his back tighter and comes to sit next to you on the couch. You hear a scratch against his leather jacket. Great. It has claws.
"Will you at least meet him before you make me throw him back out in the cold?" he pleads, his eyes in full puppy mode.
There's also a spark of mischief in there. Your eyes narrow, but before you can speak, he whips his hand out from behind his back to reveal…
A squirrel puppet. A squirrel finger puppet, to be exact. There are four sets of plastic claws and a head, on each of Eddie's fingers. He brings two fingers together to make it look like the squirrel is holding its hands together and begging.
It's the ugliest freaking thing you've ever seen.
"Can we keep him?" Eddie whispers.
"Can I keep him and get rid of you?" you ask.
Eddie shrieks indignantly and cradles the plastic monstrosity to his chest.
"Roscoe is my best friend! We've been inseparable since I bought him in the gas station fifteen minutes ago! You can't tear us apart after all this time!"
"Oh my God," you groan, leaning back on the couch and looking at the ceiling in annoyance.
You feel claws on your boob.
You look down to confirm. Yup. Eddie Munson has used all four of those horrendous little plastic claws to grab your boob.
You feel your eyes flash at him, and are pleased to see fear in his. He withdraws the gross little puppet and puts his toy-covered hand in his lap, covering it with his other.
"Roscoe apologizes for his impulsive actions, and promises that it will never happen again," he says seriously.
And then he makes the squirrel nod in agreement.
"Can I hold him?" you ask.
Eddie narrows his eyes.
"If he's gonna be living here, I need to get to know him," you smile.
Eddie stares at you suspiciously for a moment, and then offers you his hand. You pull each piece of the ugly little squirrel off of his hand and put it on yours. You wiggle your fingers, getting a feel for him. Eddie looks on with amusement.
That's enough of that.
"What's that, Roscoe?" you ask, bringing him to your ear. You nod your head like you're listening to him. Eddie's brow furrows. You grin and turn to Eddie.
"Roscoe says he wants to play with your nuts."
"No," Eddie says firmly.
Roscoe, aka the plastic rodent on your hand, goes for Eddie's crotch. He jumps off of the couch with impressive agility, for a person as clumsy as he usually is, and backs away. You rise and follow, holding the puppet out in front of you and making its little claws click together.
"Stop," Eddie says, holding his hands out in front of him. Like that's going to stop you.
"The squirrel wants what the squirrel wants, Eddie," you grin, still advancing.
"You're not funny," he warns, his voice wavering as he backs through the kitchen.
"There's nothing funny about denying a hungry squirrel a nice fat sack of nuts."
Eddie turns and flees, scampering toward the bedroom. He loses several precious seconds by tripping over nothing, and you catch up to him before he can slam the door. He decides that his best defense is to go down on the bed face-first with his legs clamped tight.
You wait until the mattress stops bouncing to make your move.
You sit next to him and start at his heel, letting Roscoe skitter up his leg like a real squirrel would. Eddie shivers. When Roscoe reaches his butt, Eddie tenses and squeezes his legs and cheeks together.
Roscoe is left with no choice but to attack. Five pieces of plastic go wild, stabbing and pinching at Eddie's ass through the denim of his jeans. He squeals and starts to flail, like he's actually being attacked by something other than a plastic puppet operated by you.
Which, of course, means that his legs are no longer locked together.
Roscoe dives between them, and Eddie makes an inhuman sound that you've never heard before. You wiggle your hand with its squirrel appendages as much as you can, out of sight and trapped in the space between Eddie's thighs. He bucks and writhes and tries to escape your torture, and you cackle at how the tables have turned.
And then, you feel something wet.
Did he just…?
"Did you just cum from being attacked by a plastic squirrel puppet?!" you shout, giving a mighty tug to free your hand. All you have left are two little clawed squirrel hands; the other three pieces are underneath Eddie. In his mess.
"Sometimes it's just nice to be wanted," he sighs.
You take off the remaining claws and smack his ass.
He moans and wiggles his hips. You crawl over and lie beside him, propping up on your elbow.
"No more pets."
"Kay," he mumbles, grabbing a pillow and pulling it under his head. He nuzzles his cheek into it. His mop of hair covers everything but his nose.
"Especially if you're going to cheat on me with them," you smirk, brushing his hair out of his face.
"Don't be jealous of what Roscoe and I have," he grins. "He tried to make a move on you first, remember? And you cruelly rejected him?"
"Of course you had to pick the sluttiest squirrel in town," you tease.
"Let's turn that into a children's book," he chuckles.
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ROSCOE! ATTACK!
(I don't remember what I was looking for when I spotted this, but I know I stopped searching and started writing immediately. 🤣)
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