#get the understanding and kindness i deserved until i could explain my dx and who i got it from

[prehistorictriforce]

fuck you people who fake tourettes fuck you people who say they want tourettes fuck you people who have made having tourettes into smthn cute quirky and desirable!!!!! i’m mad!!!!!!!! fuck you fuck you fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[minijenn]

Universe Falls Chapter 64

Yesssss Three’s a Crowd is finally here, and as promised, its a DELIGHT involving a bunch of fusion and feels! I honestly don’t have a ton to say about it aside from the fact that Stepper and Dipevebel are both precious babies that deserve to be loved and protected. And with that outta the way, might as well get started!

Previous: http://minijenn.tumblr.com/post/182514454899/universe-falls-chapter-63

Chapter 64: Three’s a Crowd

RVT TGYT SYH QH XRS PRP STJW OAP MD WPGIZ E GYDLWC XCEU MD IZTWC EOH YHE IS CIMT EZW XR DX DPPDZAC NIF

With the question of leadership on the project answered, construction on the drill was now underway. Even after the robot rumble the day prior, the barn still had plenty of suitable materials that Pearl, Ford, and Peridot were able to scrounge up to use on the machine. For the time being, McGucket had taken his leave back to his humble shack to draw up a proper blueprint for everyone to work off of, but for now, laying the proper foundations on the project would certainly prove to be a good first step forward in their efforts to stopping the Cluster once and for all.

“Hm… yes, this should all work nicely…” Pearl mused to herself, looking over the list she had created before checking over the pile of scraps and supplies resting in the yard before her.

“Yo, P! Brought ya more junk like you wanted me to,” Amethyst reported before dropping her load of various items.

“Now, now, Amethyst, this ‘junk’ might just end up contributing to the drill that will hopefully save the entire planet from impending doom,” Pearl concluded with a thoughtful smile.

“Oh yeah?” the purple Gem asked with a smirk as she briefly rummaged through the pile. “So uh… how exactly do you think this is gonna help us save the world?” she asked playfully as she held up a deflated whoopie cushion.

Pearl rolled her eyes as she snatched the cushion away from the chuckling purple Gem and tossed it back into the pile. “Well, you never know,” she said, her amused smile fading as she looked back to the mess before her. “Still… we’re going to need to clear some space out so we’ll actually have someplace to build the drill… To be honest, we… probably should have done that before moving all of these supplies out here…”

“Ugh, so you mean we gotta move all this stuff again?” Amethyst asked, already exasperated by the mere thought alone.

“No need,” Garnet interjected as she stepped up to the pair. “All we need to clear some space is a little muscle.”

“Oh, Garnet…” Pearl took in a bit of an anxious breath. “You don’t mean-”

“I do,” Garnet nodded firmly before offering the purple Gem beside her a small, cordial grin. “Amethyst?”

Upon realizing what the Gem leader’s intention was, Amethyst was unable to hold back a huge gasp of excitement, stars in her eyes as she eagerly showed her agreement with this plan. “Yes, yes, YES! Let’s mash it up, G!”

Garnet simply let out a small laugh at this as she took Amethyst’s hand so they could prepare their dance. Though still slightly apprehensive, Pearl took a step back to allow them the space they needed, hoping that they’d reign themselves in this time when compared to before. All the same, Garnet and Amethyst moved smoothly and fluidly as they strutted towards each other, their usual dance bringing them together in a burst of bold, bright light. And out of that light emerged bombastically large, familiar figure: Sugilite.

“Awwwww yeah, baby!” the rowdy fusion proclaimed, towering high over the entire barnyard. “Ya girl is back and ready to bust it up! Now… lets drill out a space for this drill…”

“C-can we possibly do so in a way that doesn’t raise half the barn?” Pearl asked rather nervously.

“Too late!” Sugilite exclaimed, swiftly summoning her flail and giving it a mighty swing. Pearl let out a small squeak of fear as she quickly ran for cover as the supplies for the drill went flying at random. The rowdy fusion let out a wild laugh as she entertained herself with her thoughtless “land development”, largely unaware to the fact that the white Gem wasn’t the only one watching her reckless display.

“Whoa…” Dipper mused in amazement as him and Ford stood near the barn, observing Sugilite’s strength from afar. “They make it look so easy…”

“They certainly do, don’t they?” Ford agreed with an enthused smile. “Fusion is by far one of the most incredible abilities I’ve witnessed from Gemkind. The fact that they can merge their light-based bodies and gem-based minds completely together to create larger, stronger beings is simply astounding! It’s always been one of my favorite topics to study when it comes to Gems and its an absolute treat to see it again for myself.” The author paused briefly as Sugilite tossed her flail once more, rattling the entire area as a result and nearly knocking Ford and Dipper to the ground entirely. “E-even if Sugilite is… quite a bit to handle…”

“So, is that why you wrote so many notes about fusion in your journals?” Dipper asked, as curious as ever to hear perspective from the author himself.

“Oh, yes, absolutely,” Ford nodded before letting out something of a wistful sigh. “After all, its about the most I could do to document my research on such an amazing phenomenon, even if that research is somewhat… inadequate…”

“Inadequate?” Dipper frowned, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you see, Dipper, I’ve always believed that the best kind of scientific research is born from firsthand experience,” Ford informed astutely. “Its for that reason that I accompanied the Gems on so many of their missions back in the day—so I could see their mysterious powers at work for myself. But fusion is… something on an entirely different level. Its complexities, its true nature, the sheer experience of fusion in and of itself is something that is unfortunately beyond human’s capacity to understand due to one single, simple, unfortunate fact alone: humans cannot fuse.”

“Well… I don’t know if that’s completely true…” Dipper muttered without really thinking.

“What was that?” Ford asked, looking down to his nephew inquisitively.

Dipper flinched, suddenly anxious as he realized that he’d now have to explain exactly what he had just implied. An explanation that likely wouldn’t be the smoothest to provide given how he was still occasionally baffled by it himself. “Um… w-well… I know this might sound… kinda crazy but… I’ve sort of—ok, well not really sort of as much as I’ve actually fused before… So… yeah.”

At first, such an admission was only met by a look of complete confusion from the author, though he soon broke out into a small bout of bemused laughter that only flustered his nephew even more. “Oh, that’s a good one, Dipper!” Ford chuckled, warmly patting the boy on the back. “You nearly had me going there for a second, but I know better. Like I said before, fusion between humans and Gems is a complete and utter scientific impossibility.”

“N-not for Steven it isn’t!” Dipper protested earnestly. “I… I mean, Steven’s half Gem and half human, so I guess that means he can fuse with both? A-anyway, he has fused before, with Connie, and with Mabel a-and… and with me.” He finished quickly, only barely noticing how warm his cheeks were with the recollection of his own fusion with the young Gem.

“…Really?” Ford asked, now quite intrigued as he realized that his nephew was completely serious. “W-well, that’s… that’s incredible! By all accounts something like that should be impossible, but then again the fact that someone like Steven, who’s simultaneously both Gem and human even exists at all is a miraculous impossibility in and of itself! Still, Gem and human cross fusion… it’s a scientific marvel! I’d simply love to know more, that is, if you don’t mind filling me in with all of the details, Dipper.”

“Oh, of course!” Dipper readily agreed, more than eager to aid in his uncle’s important research. “Well, first we—wait…” he paused briefly, a smile spreading across his face as he came up with a plan that would no doubt impress the author even more than the knowledge of human-Gem fusion had. “You know what? I have a better idea. Instead of just telling you about it, why don’t we just show you instead?”

“Show me?” Ford asked, raising a confused eyebrow.

“Wait right here,” Dipper advised quickly, already glancing around to see if Steven was anywhere around in the immediate area, which he wasn’t. So instead, he began hurrying off to go find the young Gem for himself, refusing to pass off the opportunity to amaze the author in more ways than one. “I’ll be right back!”

“Oh, w-well, alright then,” Ford smirked, waving his nephew off, even if he really didn’t understand whatever he could possibly be planning. At least not yet. “In that case, I suppose I’ll be right here until you return!” A mere second later, however, a large piece of upturned earth crashed down right next to the author, courtesy of Sugilite’s recklessness, prompting him to step into the barn for his own safety. “O-on second thought… maybe I won’t…”

“The hat feels… redundant…” Peridot scowled as she glanced up at the colorful party hat Mabel had perched atop her triangular hair mere moments ago.

“Aw, come on!” Mabel exclaimed brightly as her and Steven stood before the green Gem. “I think it looks pretty on you, Peri!”

“Yeah! And besides,” Steven added with a smile. “It’s to celebrate your first time eating Earth food! I mean… technically coffee was kind of your first food, but then again, coffee is a drink so… I don’t think it really counts.”

“Then… what’s the chair for?” Peridot asked, glancing down at the high chair the pair had set her up in.

“Safety!” Mabel and Steven chimed in pointed unison.

“…So… how does this work exactly?” Peridot raised an eyebrow as she looked down dubiously at the plate of macaroni and cheese before her.

“Oh, its really easy,” Mabel informed. “First, you take this fork, then you grab some food with it and bam!” She acted the movements out, shoving a forkful of mac and cheese into her mouth to demonstrate. “Ya get yourself a yummy meal!”

“How dignified…” the green Gem remarked sarcastically. “So… what is the point of this whole ‘eating’ thing anyway?”

“Oh, well, the point is that food tastes really good!” Steven shrugged with a small laugh. “And you eat it so you can enjoy how great it tastes! And… so you won’t starve to death, but then again, I guess that’s not really a problem for Gems so… for you, it’d probably be more about the taste thing.”

“Hm…” Peridot’s expression was still rather critical as she looked down at the food in front of her yet again as she picked up her fork experimentally. “Very well then, I shall try this so-called ‘eating’, but only for the sake of gaining further intel on this planet and its bizarre customs…” Steven and Mabel both stood by, watching expectantly as the green Gem clumsily used her fork to pick up a single piece of macaroni and lift it to her mouth. However, right before she could actually eat it, their unofficial ‘experiment’ was suddenly and unexpectedly interupted.

“Steven!” Dipper shouted as he rounded the corner of the barn. However, in his excitable haste, he accidentally ended up tripping himself up as he did so, resulting in him face-planting hard onto the ground. The racket was more than enough to startle everyone, especially Peridot as she jolted forward in her high chair, ultimately knocking it, and herself over in the process and spilling what was supposed to be her first meal all over her.

“Dipper!” Steven exclaimed, concerned as he hurried over to help his friend up while Mabel moved to assist Peridot. “Are you ok?”

“Steven,” Dipper repeated, his tone very earnest and intentful as he tightly gripped the hand the young Gem offered to help him up. “We have to fuse. Right now.”

“WHOA!” Mabel gasped in shock as she overheard this, accidentally letting Peridot fall back down to the ground. Ultimately, the green Gem picked herself up and stormed off, too perturbed to continue her first attempt at eating now, especially since Steven and Mabel were distracted. “What did you say, bro-bro?”

“I said,” Dipper began a bit breathlessly. “Steven and I need to-”

“Yes!” Steven interupted, his expression an elated smile as he swiftly helped Dipper up and pulled him into a tight, excited hug. “Yes, yes, of course I’ll fuse with you, Dipper! Its been such a long time since we’ve formed Stepper, and I’ve really been wanting to give him another go since we had so much fun together last time, so of course I’m up for fusing, especially if you are!”

“W-well, that’s great!” Dipper smiled just as excitedly as their embrace disbanded. “Then let’s do it!”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Mabel interupted, casting a suspicious glance at her brother. “Not that I’m not super hype to see my favorite four-armed Ste-bro again, because oh my gosh I am, but… what’s the catch here, Dipper? Why do just wanna suddenly fuse with Steven outta the blue like this?”

“Oh, well, y’see…” Dipper began somewhat apprehensively as he glanced away. “I was… sorta telling Great Uncle Ford about how Steven can fuse with other humans and he was really interested in hearing more about it so I figured we could maybe… show him an example of a Gem/human fusion? Just so he could see what that looks like for himself and all.”

“Aha! I knew it!” Mabel remarked with a knowing grin as she placed her hands on her hips. “I had a feeling this had something to do with you bein’ a huge nerd and wanting to impress Grunkle Ford!”

“Oh, come on, that’s not what this is about,” Dipper rolled his eyes. “I just wanna help him with his research! He’s always studying all these incredible things, and what’s more incredible than someone like Stepper?”

“I can’t think of too many things that are!” Steven chimed in brightly as he took Dipper’s hand again. “I think this is a great idea, Dipper. Mr. Ford is just gonna love Stepper, I know it! So come on!” The young Gem didn’t hesitate to pull Dipper after him as Mabel hurried not too far behind. “Let’s go introduce him!”

Despite Dipper’s instance on forming Stepper as soon as possible to keep Ford from waiting in suspense for too long, Steven and Mabel had a bit of a different idea in mind. With ample space to build the drill cleared out, Garnet and Amethyst had unfused, and not long afterward, Mabel quickly gathered the two of them and Pearl to congregate in front of the barn for unknown reasons. Meanwhile, Steven also made sure to round up Ford and even Peridot, still not explaining the reason why they were all being brought together, save for the fact that it was to “watch something”. And needless to say that upon realizing the pair had gathered an audience to bear witness to their fusion, Dipper was less than pleased.

“Are you guys serious?” he asked Steven and Mabel in a harsh whisper as everyone settled in front of the barn. “Do we really need everyone to watch us fuse?”

“Well, yeah!” Steven exclaimed with a grin. “Last time we fused, the only one who got to see it was Mabel. But now that the Gems and Mr. Ford are here, they should get the chance to see us form Stepper too, shouldn’t they?”

“Uh… I don’t know about that…” Dipper frowned, rubbing his arm uncomfortably.

“Oh come on,” Mabel reassured. “All you guys need to do is dance and just pretend like nobody’s watching you. Or that everybody’s in their underwear. Your choice.”

“Hey, are you guys actually gonna do something over there?” Amethyst called as she leaned against the side of the barn. “Or did you just get us all together to watch a whole bunch of nothin’?”

“Oh, its not nothing,” Steven said brightly. “Me and Dipper are gonna fuse!”

A round of surprised murmurs arose from the group near the barn, though Ford in particular stepped forward out of immense interest as to what was about to take place. “T-they’re actually going to do it!” he exclaimed, rushing to pull his journal out of his coat so he could take notes. “If they manage to actually pull this off, then this will be a true breakthrough in my research! An absolute wonder of science and magic!”

“And… rather unprecedented…” Pearl frowned, a bit less enthused. “Steven and Dipper don’t really have much of a logistical reason to fuse right now, so why are they-”

“Because they want to,” Garnet concluded with a hint of a smile on her face. “That’s why.”

“Ha! As if those two clods could even pull something like fusion off,” Peridot scoffed, crossing her arms. “And even if they could, said fusion would likely be barely even functional given that a Gem and a human are hardly compatible and shouldn’t even be together in the first place!”

“Uh, Peridot?” Amethyst spoke up with a bemused grin at the irony of the green Gem’s doubtfulness. “I hate to break it to you, but-”

“Alright, boys!” Mabel interjected loudly, grinning over at Steven and Dipper as she pressed play on the nearby boom box to give them some music to dance to. “Get fusing!”

“Oh, come on, seriously?” Dipper asked in immediate embarrassment upon realizing the song playing in the background was none other than BABBA’s “Disco Girl”. “Do we really have to fuse to this song?”

“Well, it is the song that we fused to the first time around,” Steven pointed out with a small laugh as he already began moving to the pop beat. “And besides, its starting to grow on me a little too. I can see why you like it so much. You… do still like it, don’t you?”

Dipper paused, not really paying too much mind to the question as much as he did the hand Steven had extended out to him so they could properly begin their dance. “Heh, yeah,” he said with a warm, genuine smile as he accepted the young Gem’s invitation. “I still do.”

Without any further hesitation, Steven readily pulled Dipper into a fast, free spin, both of them twirling together, their hands joined as they moved about in wide open circles. With this immediate momentum, it was easy for both of them to forget the spectators watching them as they spun each other out, only to immediately pull each other back in. There wasn’t too much grace or elegance to their dance, but their hardly needed it as their shared elated laughter spoke volumes about just how much this dance was truly bringing them together.

However, their laughter wasn’t the only show of excitement between the boys. For as their dance continued, everyone watching it soon let out a shared gasp of amazement as Steven’s feet slowly began to rise off the ground first, followed by Dipper’s as a result of his tight grip on the young Gem’s hands. The others were all awestruck as they watched the boys rise a good bit into the air together, somehow still spinning in jubilant circles with their eyes closed and their laughter unending. The Gems exchanged a stunned gasp, all three of them silently and collectively realizing that Steven had just very well unlocked his mother’s renowned floating abilities. And yet, they didn’t bother to point that out right then and there, lest they interrupt what was, by all accounts one of the most astonishing fusion dances any of them had ever seen.

Of course, eventually Dipper did open his eyes only to realize that him and Steven were in fact, more or less dancing in mid-air. He let out a sharp, fearful gasp as he gripped the young Gem’s arms tightly, trying his hardest not to look down at the ground several feet below them and doing little else. “S-Steven!” he squeaked anxiously, his grip on the young Gem tightening ever so slightly as they continued spinning winding circles in the air. “W-we’re-”

“I know!” Steven laughed warmly as he looked to Dipper, apparently not even noticing their lifted elevation at all. “I’m having a great time too!”

For a moment, the most Dipper could do was state at Steven with apt disbelief, especially as the young Gem let out another jovial, liberating laugh. And, upon realizing that he’d stay safe and in the air so long as his hands were intertwined with Steven’s, it was a laugh that he was ultimately helpless to join back in on once more. Everyone was still completely awestruck as they watched the gently floating pair, but their amazement only grew as a warm, pale pink light began to flush out from Steven’s gemstone, enveloping both boys as their separate gales of laughter soon became one.

In fact, Stepper didn’t stop laughing, even as he did stop spinning, both sets of his four arms wrapped around himself tightly in an elated, affectionate hug. The newly-returned fusion was more or less hanging in midair, that is, until he happened to notice his precarious perch several feet above the ground. “Uh oh…” he muttered, his laughter quickly dying out, especially as gravity decided to kick in for him yet again. Stepper let out a fearful cry as he quickly plummeted the thankfully small distance to the ground, face-planting onto the grass with a very audible thud.

“I-I’m ok!” the fusion announced, using both sets of arms to pull himself up into a sitting position. He let out a gasp, however, upon noticing the very fact that he did indeed have four arms in the first place, stars filling his eyes as he burst into a delighted smile. “No, I’m even better than ok! I-I’m back! We did it!” Stepper broke into another round of cheerful chuckling as his upper arms pulled himself into an excited embrace once more. “And it feels better than ever before!”

“STEPPER!” Mabel’s ecstatic shout caught the fusion off guard, especially as she plowed right into him, knocking him flat onto his back as she locked him into a heavy hug. “Oh my gosh, its so great to see you again! It feels like its super long since the last time you were around!”

“Aw, come on, Mabel,” Stepper chuckled, sitting up as he returned her hug. “You technically see ‘me’ all the time. Ok well, maybe not me me, but Steven and Dipper me… Oy, this is getting kind of confusing… But still, it is pretty great to be back together like this!”

“Ooo, I am lovin’ those super harmonious vibes you guys got goin’ on there!” Mabel exclaimed as she effortlessly climbed up to sit atop the fusion’s shoulders as he stood. “That’s it! Operation ‘Find the Harmony’ is officially a success! Now we just need to come up with a new mission for you! Now let’s see… hm…”

“I know,” Stepper spoke up with a bit of a wry grin. “How about Operation “Who Said You Could Sit On My Shoulders”?” He asked playfully as he used both sets of arms to hoist her off his shoulders and hold her out in front of him.

“Hey! Its not my fault that you make such a good lookout post!” Mabel protested, sticking her tongue out at the fusion.

“Oh, so you’re finally admitting that I’m taller than you then?” Stepper asked with a knowing smirk.

“Ha! Not a chance!” Mabel shook her head triumphantly. “I’ll never admit defeat! Never! NEVER!”

“Mabel, I’m literally double your height right now,” Stepper pointed out, still grinning.

“…And your point is?”

“Heeeeeyo!” Amethyst called as her and the other Gems began to venture over to the pair. “There he is! Our four-armed main man Stedip!”

“Uh… actually, Amethyst, its Stepper,” the fusion pointed out with a bit of an amused chuckle.

“Oh, yeah, I know,” the purple Gem remarked. “I just think Stedip sounds funnier.”

“Heh… right…” Stepper said a bit sardonically before Pearl spoke up.

“Well, it certainly is a treat to see you again, Stepper,” the white Gem said, gently pushing the chuckling purple Gem aside. “You know, while you’re here, we might just have to fit in some combat training if at all possible. I’d love to see what you’d be able to pull off with Steven’s shield, Dipper’s sword, and that special journal of yours all at the same time…”

“Oh my gosh, that’d be so much FUN!” Stepper exclaimed with an amazed gasp. “I’d be unstoppable with all three of them! Plus, I got plenty of hands to hold them all in,” he grinned, waving three of four of his hands before raising the final one enthusiastically. “And one to spare!”

The others all shared a warm laugh over the fusion’s humorous quip, though it gradually died out as Garnet approached Stepper next. However, the fusion simply took in a deep breath and straightened his posture, offering the Gem leader a solid expression as he allowed her to silently inspect him. “So, Garnet? What do you think?”

It took a rather expectant moment of apparent scrutinization from the Gem leader, she finally broke out into a small, pleased smile accompanied by a nod of certain approval. “I think you’re looking pretty stable, Stepper,” she confirmed warmly.

“YES!” the fusion cheered loudly, only to quickly catch himself and reign his excitement back in. “O-oh, I mean, uh… that’s cool. Ya know… just like I am. Cool and stable all the way!”

“DORK!” Mabel shouted teasingly, letting out a rowdy laugh as Stepper spun around to face her in faux offence.

“Hey!” he snapped, grinning himself as he geared up to chase after her as she ran off. However, before he could, his attention was quickly diverted by a very loud, very angry yell from a very perturbed green Gem.

“YOU!” Peridot shouted, her tone and expression both burning with fury as she stormed up to the somewhat startled fusion. “You’re that four-armed abomination that destroyed my attack robinoids with your information log-based projectiles!”

For a moment, Stepper simply regarded the green Gem with a bit of confusion before he realized exactly what she was talking about. “Ohhhh right, the… dumb robot things,” he said, boredom filling his expression briefly. “Well… I’m sorry about breaking them, Peridot, but—actually, wait, no, we’re not sorry because you tried to use those things to destroy the Gems and Mabel!”

“Well, it’s your fault that I even came to this doomed planet in the first place, you malformed pebble!” Peridot retorted harshly. “I would have never requested an envoy to Earth if not for your destructive actions against my beautiful machines!”

“Ugh, whatever, Peridot,” Stepper scoffed, rolling his eyes as he scowled down at the green Gem. “What matters is that you’re here now, so you might as well try to make the most of it by helping us build that drill.”

“I will not take orders from the likes of YOU!” the green Gem ranted, furious. “I should have figured all along that you were merely the despicable fusion between the Steven and that irksome Dipper given that they’re both just smaller clods coming together to make one bigger one!”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Garnet interjected just as it seemed as though Peridot was reeling back her first to strike the fusion’s legs since she couldn’t really reach the rest of him. So instead, the Gem leader easily lifted the green Gem into the air, even despite her angry struggling as she tried her best to even so much as land a hit on Stepper. “I think its time for you to go cool down… again.”

“Honestly, that’s like the third tempura tantrum she’s thrown today alone!” Pearl remarked as her and the other Gems began to take their leave, with Peridot sending hostile, though ultimately empty threats Stepper’s way all the while.

“I’m not finished with you yet, you four-armed… whatever it is you are!” she yelled fiercely as she pounded against Garnet’s secure hold on her. “You’ll pay for ruining my precious robinoids, you hear me? PAY!”

“Pfft, yeah, sure,” Stepper remarked with a small smirk as he crossed his upper arms. “I’d like to see you try.” The fusion’s calm demeanor was soon broken, however, as he noticed the only member of the group he hadn’t spoken to yet slowly make his way over to him with wide eyes of awestruck amazement.

“O-oh! Hi, Mr. Grunkle Ford!” Stepper greeted excitably, only to quickly cover his mouth out of embarrassment over his accidental slip up. “I-I mean, h-how’s it going, Great Mr. Ford! N-no, I… what I meant to say was, i-its great to finally meet you—ok, well not really meet you since we both already know you, b-but you’ve never met us like this even though you have met us when we’re apart and—you know what? I’m getting confused again, I think I’m just gonna stop talking before I make this any worse than it already is.”

“Again I say…” Mabel grinned as she leaned over towards the scatterbrained fusion. “DORK!”

“Mabel!” Stepper exclaimed hotly, his already red cheeks burning with even more embarrassment than before. However, Ford hardly seemed to take any notice of how flustered Stepper as he instead continued staring at him, absolutely captivated by the supposedly impossible fusion standing before him.

“I-incredible…” the author murmured, astonished. “You boys actually did it! You’re a… a fusion! A true, genuine, Gem-human hybrid fusion!”

“Yep! I sure am!” Stepper grinned excitedly. “T-though according to Pearl, I’m actually like… 75% human and only 25% Gem or something? So, there’s not a ton of Gem in me, but I still have this,” he pointed down to the exposed pink gemstone on his navel. “So, I guess that still counts for something, right?”

“Fascinating…” Ford said, circling the fusion to get a better look at him. “And you appear to be so stable as well… ‘Stepper’, was it?”

“Heh, yeah,” Stepper confirmed with a bit of an awkward laugh. “Though to be fair, it… did kind of take us a while to get us this stable…”

“A while?” Mabel spoke up. “Psh, come on, be honest, Ste-bro! The first time you guys fused, you were an absolute mess! In fact, you were so scatterbrained and all over the place, that you almost-”

“O-OK, Mabel, that’s enough!” Stepper quickly interjected as one of his lower hands hurriedly covered her mouth. “I-I’m sure Mr. Uncle Ford isn’t interested in any boring old recaps of things that don’t really matter anymore! R-right?”

“Hm…” the author mused, tapping his pen against his journal as he looked between it and the fusion. “You know what I would be interested in? Being the first scientist in history to document accurate, fully-researched notes on a Gem-human cross fusion! W-with your permission, of course.”

“…You… you wanna put me in your journals?” Stepper asked, his eyes wide and his expression absolutely stunned. Ultimately, he failed to provide a proper answer, instead opting to stare at the journal in the author’s hands in disbelief, even as Mabel lightly elbowed his leg.

“Uh… Grunkle Ford?” she frowned back at the author. “I think you might have broken him…”

“YES!” Stepper suddenly shouted, stars in his eyes as he bounced on the balls of his feet in obvious elation. “Yes, yes, YES! Oh my gosh, YES!” Even despite his boundless excitement, the fusion was quick to notice the bewildered look Ford was giving him, and as a result, he forced himself to calm down by putting a rather forced aloof front on. “I-I mean… yeah, I… t-that sounds cool. I’d… I’m totally down for that i-if you are.”

“Excellent!” Ford exclaimed brightly. “Then come along, boys—or I suppose I should say, boy. There’s much important research to be done!”

“R-right behind you!” Stepper called after the author as he began to head towards the barn. Even so, the fusion lingered behind for a moment, breaking down into a bout of delighted, outright ecstatic laughter the moment Ford was out of earshot. “I-I can’t believe it! I’m gonna be in THE journal! This is seriously one of the coolest things that’s ever happened to me! Y’know, aside from fusing, which is also totally awesome since I wouldn’t even be in the journal at all if not for that!”

“Only you would get so excited about showing up in some nerd book, Dipper,” Mabel pointed out with a playful wink.

“H-hey, no fair!” the fusion said defensively. “We’re both excited! I mean, its not every day that we get to fuse, and now we get to be in the journal too! Its like a two-for-one deal, just like me!”

Mabel was unable to hold back an amused chuckle at this, one that Stepper gladly joined her in, given his already quite upbeat demeanor. “Wow, you guys are so much more fun together this time around than you were the first time!” Mabel pointed out with a bright grin. “We gotta hang out for some real fusion fun while you’re still fused! Just the two of us! Wait, no… three of us. Two of us? Eh, you know what I mean.”

“Oh, yeah, of course we can hang out later, Mabel,” Stepper readily nodded in agreement with this plan. “Just let Great Mr. Ford get in a few notes in the journal about me, and then I’m all yours for the rest of the afternoon, I promise.”

“I’m holding to that promise, Ste-bro!” Mabel quipped cheerfully as Stepper began to head off to join the author. “Don’t you go and have too much nerd fun without me, k?”

“Well, I can’t make you any promises on that,” the fusion called back with a chuckle as he glanced over his shoulder. “But I’ll try!”

Mabel easily returned Stepper’s send-off smile, confident in the fact that she’d get to have some quality time with the fusion of her best friend and brother later on. Of course, what she didn’t know was that quality time would come in a way that none of them, not even either half of Stepper himself, could have ever expected.

While the Gems continued going through and organizing their supplies for the drill, Ford and Stepper had taken to the far side of the barn so the author could get a chance to properly study the fusion with few distractions to stop them. And needless to say that Ford had already filled up several pages of notes on Stepper alone as the fusion eagerly and readily answered any and all questions the ever curious author asked him.

“So, you can control each of them simultaneously and individually then?” Ford asked, referring to Stepper’s extra set of arms.

“Yeah, pretty much,” the fusion said, holding both one of his upper and lower arms out to demonstrate. “I’m never really sure who’s controlling which arm exactly, and… sometimes they can be kinda awkward, like-” Stepper cut himself off as he accidentally bumped his lower arm against his upper one. “Like that. But they are nice for things like multitasking or carrying a whole lot of things at once, so I guess you could say they’re pretty handy. Ha! Handy!” he chuckled to himself as he waved his hands a bit. “Good one! Thanks!”

“Hm…” Ford mused, tapping his pen against the journal in his hands as he looked down at it. “You know, one thing I can’t help but wonder is whether or not the extensive fraction of you that’s solely organic inhibits any Gem abilities you may have had…”

“Uh… what do you mean?” Stepper frowned, confused.

“What I mean is that the fact that the two of you have fused is already incredible enough on its own,” the author explained. “But imagine how much more incredible it would be if you could shapeshift, or heal, or summon a weapon-”

“Oh! I can summon a weapon!” the fusion exclaimed excitedly before he reeled himself back in as he remembered exactly what that weapon was. “Uh, w-well, I mean… its… kind of a weapon, but not really. I-I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested in seeing it-”

“Actually, I’d be very interested!” Ford exclaimed, his pen already at the ready to document notes about it. “Fusion-specific weaponry has always been quite a point of fascination to me, after all.”

“Ah… right…” Stepper sighed though he was quick to perk up once more. “Ok then! Here goes nothing!” At this, the fusion closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, his four hands surrounding his Gem as it began to glow brightly. Stepper couldn’t help but smile warmly to himself as he glanced down to see the telltale orb of light emerge from the stone as he guided it upwards with his lower hands, watching with anticipation as it flashed and transformed into the shimmering pink book he was familiar with.

“Is… is that…?” Ford trailed off, amazed as he looked over the book as Stepper held it up.

“Its… a journal, yeah…” the fusion blushed in embarrassment. “I think its kind of based on your journals? I’m not really sure why that is but… yeah… sorry…”

“Oh, don’t be sorry, my boy,” Ford said with a wave of his hand. “Honestly, I find it to be quite flattering. Do you mind if I take a closer look at it?”

“Oh, sure, go ahead,” Stepper agreed, handing the journal off to the author to allow him to leaf through it. “So, um… for some reason, half of it is full of notes about Dipper while the other half is all about Steven. Again, I have no idea what the deal with that is, though I kinda like Mabel’s theory about the journal being 50% about each of them, which makes it 100% about me since I am them.”

“That’s certainly a novel theory,” Ford noted with a grin as he continued skimming through the book. “And by all accounts, this journal is a very special one indeed. Though… I fail to really see how it can be considered a genuine ‘weapon’…”

“Oh, well that’s ‘cause it can do this,” Stepper smiled as the author handed the journal back to him. The fusion opened it flat, and as a reaction to him, it began to hover slightly above his upturned lower hands. The book glowed with a pale pink light, Stepper’s Gem and unique birthmark doing the same as his smile widened ever so slightly. And then, in a swift, solid movement, the fusion summoned a glistening, projectile shield from the book’s center, quickly flattening it out before sending it flying far off into the distance until it disappeared from sight.

“Absolutely astounding…” Ford whispered, awestruck as he adjusted his glasses and turned back to the fusion with a wide grin. “Can it do anything else?”

“Uh… well…” Stepper trailed off, uncertain. However, the shield journal itself seemed to provide an answer to this question as another shield materialized over its pages, this one featuring clearly sharp, serrated edges. Intrigued, the fusion tossed it, watching with amazement as it soared through the air much like a buzz saw would. In its place, the journal replenished itself with several smaller, almost miniature shields, which Stepper sent off all at once, allowing them to fly through the air like tiny, yet deadly seeker missiles. Still, it seemed as though the journal wasn’t done showing off what it could do yet as it flashed brightly, garnishing Stepper’s attention as it flipped several pages back towards what was no doubt Dipper’s half of the journal. It stopped on a page depicting a detailed drawing of the Sword of Seasons, and when the curious fusion skimmed his hand against it, a pink, ethereal rendition of the blade itself rose from the pages, allowing Stepper to grab it and give it a wide, experimental swing. While it was bereft of its usual elemental powers, the sword was still physical and material so long as the fusion held onto it, and the moment he released his grip on it, it disappeared into thin air as though it had never existed at all.

“Wow…” Stepper gasped, stunned as the journal finally snapped closed and fell back into his hands. “I have no idea what just happened but… just… wow. I thought this thing was cool before but now its gotten even better somehow! I didn’t even know it could do half that stuff!”

“That was quite an impressive display!” Ford agreed, just as amazed. “I take back what I said before; that journal isn’t just special… it’s… its phenomenal! I’d love to be able to study it even further to learn all of its no-doubt incredibly intricate secrets!”

“Yeah, considering what we just saw, I’d kinda like to know what’s up with it too…” Stepper said, still rather bewildered as he held the book up at examined the star and constellation emblazoned together on its cover.

However, before either of them could begin investigating the matter further, they were suddenly interupted altogether as the fusion let out a startled gasp as he suddenly fell forward, his journal disappearing as he looked back to the sudden weight sitting on his back. “W-what the—Mabel!” he exclaimed as he attempted to shrug her off of him.

“Ha! Gotcha!” Mabel exclaimed teasingly. “That makes it Mabel – 1, Stepper – 0!”

“Who’s counting?” Stepper quipped with a smirk as he picked her up and sat her back down on the ground before standing himself.

“I am!” Mabel proclaimed proudly. “So what are you guys up to anyway? Still doin’ all that nerdy fusion research stuff?”

“Well, actually,” Ford began to eloquently explain. “We’re-”

“Oh man, Mabel, you just missed it!” Stepper cut in, stars of excitement in his eyes. “I just found out my shield journal can do all these amazing things like make these cute little tiny shields or even summon my sword, it was so cool!”

“Oh my gosh, I wanna see!” Mabel exclaimed, jumping up and down. “Can ya show me?”

“Uh… well, maybe in a little while…” Stepper admitted, his smile falling a bit. “We’re still sort of in the middle of the whole research thing and we’re on the verge of uncovering something huge, isn’t that right, Mr. Uncle Ford?”

“It absolutely is,” Ford nodded. “For all we know, Stepper, uncovering the secrets behind that ‘shield journal’ of yours could very well unlock untold secrets about the very nature of Gemkind and humankind themselves! Its an opportunity we simple cannot pass up!”

“Yeah, so ya see, its… pretty important,” the fusion said as he glanced down at Mabel, immediately noticing that her smile was all but completely gone by now. “B-but don’t worry! I promised you that we’d get the chance to hang out later, Mabel, and I meant it. Its just… gonna be a little later than I thought. You understand, right?”

Mabel didn’t respond right away, though when she did, it was with a relenting sigh as she realized she couldn’t very well bring the fusion down from his palpable excitement now. “Y-yeah…” she said, hiding her dejection well. “I understand…”

“Great!” Stepper replied, sending her four thumbs up as he began to hurry on after Ford once more. “See ya then!”

“Y-yeah…” Mabel forced a smile as she watched the fusion leave her behind yet again. “S-see ya…” As soon as Stepper had fully turned away, she was unable to hold back another sad sigh, wishing that they didn’t have to keep putting off their sought-after time together like this. In truth, she did understand exactly why the fusion wanted to spend this time with Ford; after all, the very reason why Steven and Dipper had fused in the first place was largely for the sake of assisting in the author’s research. But even still, Mabel couldn’t help but feel somewhat lost in the shuffle of it all, knowing that it was a rare event to get to see the fusion at all, much less in the newly found harmonious state he was now in. Even just a few minutes of free, boundless fun with him would be more than enough to suffice, but at this rate, it didn’t seem like Mabel would ever even get those moments as distracted and distanced as he seemed to be.

However, as she stood alone and upset as she was, Mabel largely failed to notice a certain green Gem approach her until she spoke up dryly. “What are you doing just standing here like this doing nothing?” Peridot asked, her hands on her hips as she raised an eyebrow at the girl.

“Oh! Peri!” Mabel exclaimed, startled out of her thoughts. “I was just… uh… waiting for Stepper… as usual…”

“Ugh, the Stepper,” the green Gem groaned with disdain, rolling her eyes. “What’s the big deal about him anyway? As far as I can see, he’s nothing more than a four-armed, impetuous, robinoids-destroying clod.”

“Aw, he’s not a clod, Peri!” Mabel chuckled slightly. “Stepper’s really great once ya get to know him! Heh, it’s probably cause he’s made up of two of the people I care about the most… even though I don’t really feel like he’s caring that much about me right now…”

“Well, why do you care if he cares about you at all?” Peridot asked, not following the concept.

“Well, its just… he promised me that we’d get the chance to hang out and have some good old fashioned fusion fun…” Mabel explained. “But he’s been so busy with Grunkle Ford that he just… keeps putting me off. He keeps saying he’ll have time for me ‘later’ but who knows when later is gonna be!”

“Hm… so you’re upset with that bothersome fusion too then?” Peridot asked somewhat leadingly.

“Well, I don’t know if I’d say I’m ‘upset’ with him, but-”

“Then, I have the perfect idea!” the green Gem interrupted with a vindictive smile. “Revenge!”

“Revenge?” Mabel asked, confused. “Revenge for what?”

“For him destroying my machines, of course!” Peridot snapped hotly. “Alone, there’s not much I can do against him and those projectile shields of his, but if I recruit you to my cause, then together can get even with that nuisance of a Stepper once and for all!”

“Uh… I don’t really wanna get even with him for anything…” Mabel noted with a frown. “I guess… all I really want is to get his attention somehow… Maybe if I could just get on his level or somethi—OH! That’s it!”

“What’s it?” Peridot asked.

“I just got the perfect idea!” Mabel exclaimed with a daring grin. “What’s the one, sure fire way to get the attention of a fusion like Stepper?”

“I don’t know and I don’t ca-”

“Fusion!” Mabel interupted brightly. “Which means… Peri, you and me are gonna fuse!”

For a moment, Peridot said nothing, instead opting to send the girl a look of complete and utter bafflement above all else. “We’re going to what?”

“No time to explain,” Mabel said quickly, grabbing the green Gem’s arm and pulling her after her so they could spring her newfound plan into motion. “We gotta find ourselves one of Grunkle Ford’s spare lab coats pronto. I have a feeling this is gonna work great!”

“Well, its certainly composed largely of Gem magic,” Ford concluded as him and Stepper stood over the shield journal as it rested on the small table before them inside the barn. “That much is obvious. But I’ve never seen a Gem weapon… ‘behave’ like this one does, so to speak.”

“Maybe its because I’m a fusion?” Stepper guessed. “Though even then, it is sorta weird that my weapon is a journal which… isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when you think about weapons…”

“It is rather peculiar…” Ford agreed thoughtfully. “Which is why I believe this warrants a full-on scientific investigation. Allow me to go fetch my camera. We’ll begin by taking several expository photographs for later use. Just you wait, Stepper; I have a feeling this research is going to wield some of our most integral and exciting research yet!”

“Sounds great!” Stepper called after the author enthusiastically. Once he was gone, the fusion let out a contented sigh as he placed a fond hand against the cover of his shield journal. There was no telling what sort of secrets its sparkling, mysterious pages might hold, and he was quite excited to uncover them all alongside the author himself.

“You know, I gotta say,” Stepper said to himself as one of his lower hands gently skimmed one of his upper ones. “This has seriously been one of the best days I’ve ever had. Yeah! I’m having a great time too! Makes me wonder why we haven’t done this sooner… I don’t know, but… I think I’d like to try doing it more often from here on out. Really?! Yeah, why not?” he chuckled as his upper arms embraced himself excitedly. “It feels… really nice.”

“Oh, Steeeeeper!” The fusion jolted in surprise at this call as he glanced over his shoulder, only to be met with a sight that baffled him instantly.

“Mabel?” Stepper frowned in confusion as he turned to face the oddly tall figure before him. Mabel had apparently commandeered one of Ford’s tan lab coats, draping it over herself and Peridot, who she was clearly sitting on the shoulders of if the obviously triangular shape under the folds of the coat was anything to go off of. The fusion watched curiously as the pair awkwardly shuffled over to them, clearly struggling to so much as balance at all, much less move coordinately at all.

“Wrong-o, Ste-bro!” Mabel quipped pointedly, grinning excitedly as she realized she was about on the same eye level as the fusion. “I’m not Mabel, I’m… Mabeldot! Or Peribel. I haven’t decided which one I like more yet.”

“Uh… ok?” Stepper raised an eyebrow. “So… what are you guys doing exactly?”

“Isn’t it totally obvious?” Mabel asked with a wide grin. “We fused! Just like you guys did! Isn’t that right, Peri?”

“Ouch!” Peridot shouted underneath the lab coat. “Will you just sit still up there already?!”

“Um… I hate to break it to you guys, but… you guys didn’t fuse,” Stepper pointed out with a frown.

“Whaaaaaat?” Mabel asked in faux appalled shock. “Of course we did! Would we be as tall as you if we hadn’t?”

“Mabel, that’s only because you’re sitting on Peridot’s shoulders,” the fusion noted. “Wait, don’t tell me you’re actually upset about the whole thing about me being taller than you know, ‘cause if you are, then that was just a joke-”

“No! That’s not what I’m upset about!” Mabel huffed, forgetting her fusion façade.

“Uh… then what’s… this whole thing about?” Stepper asked, motioning to the false “fusion” before him.

“It isn’t about anything!” Mabel snapped, frustrated. “M-maybe I just wanted to fuse with my new best friend Peridot because having only one Gem and human fusion around here wasn’t enough.”

“Uh, ok, but just one problem with that,” Stepper crossed his lower arms. “You and Peridot can’t even fuse in the first place.”

“See!” Peridot spoke up as she suddenly shrugged Mabel off her shoulders, prompting them both to fall to the ground with a resounding thud. “I told you! This so-called ‘plan’ of yours was complete and utter foolish waste of time! We wouldn’t have fooled anyone! Now, if you’ll need me, I’ll be plotting out an actual revenge scheme instead of some ridiculous, implausible masquerade!” And with this, Peridot stormed off, Ford’s lab coat still hanging onto her as she made no attempts to shrug it off as she took her heated retreated, leaving Stepper and Mabel alone.

“Mabel, come on,” Stepper said evenly, his expression sincere, concerned even. “I can tell something’s up with you. What’s really going on here?”

“I already told you, nothing’s going on!” Mabel retorted crossly. “I’m fine, everything’s fine, especially you! You’re just off, having a great time together and with Grunkle Ford doing your ‘super important fusion research’, and I get it, ok?”

“Get what?” Stepper asked, still not following.

“That you’re so busy that you don’t have any time to hang out with me!” Mabel exclaimed pointedly. “Even though you promised that you would, but I guess you guys would rather spend your time doing way more important things than having fun with me!”

At first, Stepper had no idea what to really say in response to such an intense, emotional outburst, though he quickly made a move to correct it the moment he noticed tears starting to well up in Mabel’s eyes. “Aw, Mabel…” he began gently as he knelt down to her level. “You know I didn’t mean to blow you off. I really do wanna hang out with you, its just…”

“Its just I gotta wait till you’re done with Grunkle Ford, huh?” Mabel finished, her hands on her hips.

“Um, yeah? That’s pretty much it,” Stepper said, standing. “I won’t be that much longer. You can wait a few hours, can’t you?”

“That’s not the point!” Mabel refuted, stomping her foot down. “The point is that you guys are finally stable together! You’re finally fun, or at least I thought you were until you decided you wanted to bury your head in all that boring research again!”

“W-well, why do you have such a problem with that?” Stepper asked somewhat defensively. “We’re just trying to find answers to questions that deserve to be answered! We could learn so much about fusion, and Gems and-”

“Ugh, who cares?!” Mabel interupted impatiently. “You guys could always just study all that stuff when you’re not fused! Why do you gotta waste your time with it now when you are fused?”

“Well, why does it matter to you so much that we hang out with you while we’re fused in the first place?” Stepper argued back, growing readily more annoyed. “You spend time with Steven and Dipper every day, so why are things so different when I’m around? I am them, for crying out loud!”

“It matters because you’re-” Mabel sharply cut herself off with a frustrated sob, not wanting to give the fusion any sort of high ground in this fight.

“I’m what, Mabel?” Stepper asked a bit harsher than he had meant to as the girl quickly turned around to wipe her tears. While half of the fusion did feel rather guilty about being the cause of those tears in the first place, the other half was far too incensed with what he believed to be justified frustration to let her win this fight. “I think I get it now,” he said, his tone cold as he pulled himself to his full height. “You’re just being selfish.”

Mabel was unable to let back a sharp, bitter laugh upon hearing this as she turned back around to face the fusion. “Yeah, ok, I’m being selfish,” she remarked with a rare sense of biting sarcasm. “Says the fusion who broke his promise and doesn’t seem to even care!”

“I didn’t break my promise!” Stepper snapped fiercely. “You just too impatient to wait for me to finish with Great Mr. Ford! Face it, Mabel, you’re are being selfish, just like you always are!”

A heavy, shocked gasp escaped Mabel at this, her offense to such a burning remark immediately clear. Stepper himself took in a suddenly anxious breath as soon as he said it, knowing that he had crossed a line and wanting to take it back, though at the same time, he forced himself to let it be, still refusing to back down now. “I’m not selfish,” Mabel finally spoke up as she glared up at the fusion squarely.

“Yes, you are,” Stepper countered with a bit of a tired sigh.

“No, I’m not!” Mabel argued, this time much more intently.

“Yes, you are!” the fusion exclaimed. He knew this entire argument was somewhat futile, but even so, a large part of him was far too angry and far too stubborn to simply let it go.

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you are!”

“No, I’m NOT!”

“Yes, you—STOP!” Surprisingly enough, Stepper cut himself off, his lower hands clenched in tight fists as he continued almost desperately. “Stop fighting! Please, I don’t wanna-” The fusion interupted himself again, this time with a sudden gasp as his Gem and birthmark flashed brightly. “B-but… but we shouldn’t…” he trailed off, closing his eyes tightly as he placed a hand against his head. “We shouldn’t say things like that, she’s your sister—yeah, she is and she’s wrong! But being angry like this isn’t gonna—I don’t care! She needs to realize she can’t always have her way! B-but we—Ugh, forget it! I’ll handle this!” The fusion finally managed to steady himself as he took in a deep breath, meeting Mabel’s somewhat startled gaze with a stern, serious glare. “Mabel, I’m sorry, but… we didn’t fuse just so we could hang out with you. And… if you’re going to be so jealous and clingy and selfish then… then maybe I just won’t hang out with you at all!”

Mabel let out another harsh gasp at this, recoiling back a bit as if Stepper’s words had physically hurt her. And for as much pain as they brought her, they might as well have. “O-oh yeah?” she asked challengingly, aggressively fighting against her pressing tears as she returned the fusion’s glare relentlessly. “Well… m-maybe I don’t wanna hang out with you either if you’re gonna be so boring and stubborn!”

“Fine!” Stepper snapped, swiftly spinning around to face away from her, his upper arms crossed tightly.

“Fine!” Mabel repeated just as angrily as she did the same.

And for the next several minutes, that was it. Neither of them said another single word to each other, their argument ending on a sour, stated stalemate. However, as seconds passed on into minutes, Stepper couldn’t help but glance over his shoulder back at Mabel, even if half of him clearly didn’t want to. All the same, his expression softened quite a bit as he noticed her shoulders hitching ever so slightly in what was clearly a mournful sob. With a small sigh, he turned to face her once again, his expression rather neutral as a result of the disagreement between both of both of his halves over the matter. A part of him was clearly angry with her, there was no question about that, seeing her behavior and lashing out as nothing more than immature and foolish. He believed that the best way to handle such an attitude was to simply let her stew in her frustration with him, knowing that she’d get over it eventually and maybe even learn a lesson in patience and acceptance in the process. And yet… while his other half did understand those sentiments, and even did agree with them to some extent, he still couldn’t help but feel rather guilty all the same. True, Mabel’s outburst against him had been harsh and demanding and even possessive to a point, but the only reason she was so upset in the first place was because of his failure to keep his promise to her. He had gotten distracted, and in his distraction he kept putting her off until later, always saying that they’d have time to spend together, but never actually following through. He couldn’t really say that if he was in her shoes, he wouldn’t feel at least a little left out and forgotten as she likely was.

And maybe… that’s exactly what the problem here was in the first place. Though Mabel hadn’t said so in those exact words, the more sympathetic half of Stepper was quickly starting to suspect that was what this conflict was actually about. With Dipper and Steven as fused as they were, it stood to reason that Mabel might have felt as though she was being left out on all of the fun they were having together, and in turn, those feelings of loneliness soon turned into those of bitterness. It all made sense, but even so, it was a problem that he really had no idea how to fix. What they needed was a way for all three of them to work this out without devolving into another hostile shouting match. A way for them to work out their differences on common ground. A way for them all to see things eye to eye.

Or better yet… a way for them to see things through the same eyes.

Stepper moved carefully and intentfully, keeping all thoughts of his newfound plan out of his mind, lest his other half pick up on them and stop him altogether amidst his own frustration. Still, he could feel that half’s palpable confusion as he stepped forward towards Mabel, who couldn’t help but glance over her shoulder at him in equal bewilderment, especially as she noticed one of his lower hands was extended out to her in offering. The fusion’s expression was mingled with both that same almost disgruntled confusion as well as what almost appeared to be a sense of sad sincerity as he nodded at her, silently asking her to take his hand. And, even despite her own currently mixed feelings about the fusion at the moment, Mabel did so, curious to see exactly what he was planning on doing.

However, the last thing she could have ever expected was for Stepper to do was grasp her other hand before pulling her into a slow, first initial spin, one that soon turned into what was clearly an impromptu dance. The fusion himself seemed ever bit as surprised as she was as he met her bewildered gaze evenly, yet even so, they continued on in easy, almost waltz-like twirls gradually leading them out of the barn and into the yard. Neither of them said anything as they tried to piece together exactly what was going on, which was something only one half of the fusion knew while leaving both his other half and the girl completely in the blind. In truth, he had no idea if this would actually work or not, but for the sake of restoring the peace and bonds between them all, it was at least worth a shot.

Unable to hold her immense curiosity in any longer, Mabel was about to speak up to finally ask Stepper why they were apparently dancing in the first place. However, before she could get a chance, she was suddenly blindsided by the bright burst of light from the fusion’s gemstone, one that seemed to flood and fill in over both of them. And, in that brief moment, both of them, or rather, all three of them finally realized exactly what was happening.

Their eyes opened swiftly, all three of them wide and easily depicting their shared shock. Their breath caught in a sharp gasp, their uneven trio of hands trembling as they caught sight of them, as well as the rest of their newly amalgamated form. Even so, they were clearly struggling to take it all in as one single thought ran through their now shared mind: against all odds and all impossibilities, Steven, Dipper, and Mabel were all fused together at the exact same time, resulting in neither Stepper nor Maven even, but in someone entirely different altogether.

“W-wha…” the new fusion whispered, their voice just about completely neutral when it came to gender. They slowly shook their head, still completely baffled as they noticed that their only extra arm rested underneath their left one, while their only additional eye rested evenly above their right. They weren’t able to make much else about their appearance, aside from their attire which was clearly a mix of that of all three of their components. And yet, that hardly mattered to the fusion as much as the fact that they even managed to exist at all, especially as they managed to realize that only a third of them had hoped for this to happen in the first place. “W-what… what did you do?!” they asked, their voice suddenly rising in both fear and fury. “I-I’m sorry! I just thought-”

The fusion gasped again, their shoulders jolting as they suddenly became aware of the several sets of eyes watching them from afar. Despite their new, rather-tall legs, they quickly spun around, only to find Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Ford, and even Peridot all standing near the barn, all of them staring at the new fusion, completely dumbfounded.

The fusion’s breathing began to pick up under the sudden scrutiny, a wave of unbridled anxiety washing over them. All three of their components felt it rush through them almost painfully, but it was clear it hit one of them much harder than the others. They let out a startled cry as their form flashed briefly, turning amorphous and unclear as one of their components began to fall out of the fusion entirely. Dipper didn’t even have time to let out a fearful gasp as, before he could even fully split apart from the fusion, a hand suddenly grasped his tightly. He glanced back up to find Maven, still somehow left over from their fusion and still clinging onto him, their expression morose and pleading, almost as if they were silently begging him to not let go just yet. And, despite the countless emotions running through him at that moment and the stunned audience that they had just a few feet away, he found that was a plea that for some reason, he couldn’t refuse.

Light silhouetted the kids once again as their three-way fusion reformed, still clearly in a state of shock as they glanced down at themselves briefly, before looking to everyone watching them again. To say that they were overwhelmed would be an understatement, and with so many thoughts and so many feelings pouring through their shared mind at once, the one thing they did know was that this was something they had to figure out on their own. Which was why, before anyone could so much as say a single word to them, the fusion turned on their heel and bolted, running off towards the distant fields and hills of open farmland before them, not bothering to look back even once.

“W-wait!” Ford called after them as soon as he shook himself out of his shock, more than curious to learn about something as incredible as the fusion he had just seen. However, before he could attempt to run after them, Garnet stopped him, shaking her head calmly.

“Let them be,” the Gem leader said, watching as the fusion disappeared off into the distance. “After all, this is between the three of them and no one else.”

In their ongoing state of emotional frenzy, the fusion had no idea how long they had been running or even where they were really going. The late afternoon landscapes sped by them as they maintained a steady pace, tears welling up in all three of their eyes the entire time though none of them ever fell. When they finally did come to a stop, it was out of exhaustion more than anything else as they gradually came to a breathless halt against a tall, wide tree standing alone out in the midst of the otherwise empty fields. Their trio of hands were still shaking as they took the time to stare down at them in disbelief, their own existence bewildering them more than anything else at that moment possibly could.

They had fused. By all accounts, something like this should have been impossible, and up until now, each of their components would have readily believed that it was impossible. True, three or more Gems could fuse at a time, but the fact that Steven could fuse with more than one human at a time was something no one had ever anticipated or thought of before. But sure enough, it had happened, and despite how baffled the fusion was by how they had come to be, all too soon their thoughts began to turn to why they had come to be.

“W-we… you… I… I don’t understand,” they began, their voice soft and diffident as they conversed to themselves. “Neither do I… You… you just… pulled all three of us together like this and… and now we’re…” They took in a deep breath, all three of their eyes closing as they tried their best to compose themselves amidst their countless mixed emotions. “Why? What’s the point? Why would you—b-because I thought this would help!”

They stopped briefly, sighing almost sadly as they leaned back against the side of the tree and rubbed their spare arm gently. “I… I thought… you were both so upset with each other… I could see it, heck, I could even feel it… I just thought that… maybe if you could get inside each other’s heads for just for a second, t-then… then it might help you—help us what?” They cut themselves off sharply, a sudden burst of familiar, bitter anger running through them. “See just how wrong she is? What?! I’m not wrong! You’re the one who’s wrong! I am not!” They stamped their foot down harshly. “Everything was going just fine until you came along being all impatient and jealous! Guys, wait, we shouldn’t—I wasn’t jealous! I just wanted to have some fun with you guys, which is something you clearly weren’t interested in. We were having fun! But every time I have fun, you always have to have a problem with it! Come on, you guys, we have to try to get alo—I never said I have a problem with that! Then what is your problem, huh?! M-maybe… No, come on, don’t say it, you don’t mean—maybe my problem’s with you!”

The fusion let out a loud, appalled scoff at this, one that quickly turned into an exasperated groan as their least angry third realized exactly where this was going, as hard as they were trying to diffuse it. “S-seriously, we shouldn’t fight, especially when we’re like this!” they urged desperately. “I don’t see why we shouldn’t! After all, I’d love to know more about this so-called ‘problem’ you have with me! N-no, we don’t—Oh, you wanna hear more?” They asked themselves challengingly, set to deliver this bitingly honest opinion in a unique, yet heavy-handed way they wouldn’t soon forget. “Fine! I’ll be more than happy to tell you!”

The fusion took a bold step forward, two of their arms crossed and their other hand clenched into a tight fist as their other two components finally realized that they were all about to burst into song, whether they wanted to or not. “My problem with you,” they began, their melody upbeat yet carrying a certain catty, unapologetic swing to it. “Who me?” they interupted themselves, confused. “No, you,” they clarified, eliciting a sarcastic eye-roll from only one of their eyes. “Is that you always have to be better. Says who?!” they asked with another doubtful scoff. “You do! And if you asked me twice, well wouldn’t it be nice, if you were just WRONG for once! Ohhhh…”

Incensed by these accusations, the fusion turned their nose up, initially wanting no parts of such a petty argument before they ultimately decided not to simply let these callous claims hang as they were. And so, ignoring how flustered they already were, they decided to play themselves at their own game and offer their side of the story in the exact same musical way. “Well, MY problem with YOU—wait, me? Yeah, you!—is that you always have to always have to be selfish—not true!” they protested before part of them finally spoke up rather timidly to these claims, only to be drowned out once again. “But you—You always get your way, but no, not today, until you did anyway! Ahhh…

They sighed, partially to let a bit of their frustration out and partially out of sadness as they continued walking, almost dancing forward. After all, they had hoped that their newfound, unique existence as a fusion would bring them together; but ultimately, it was only pulling them apart even more than before. “You guys, the problem with us,” they began rather solemnly, only to angrily interrupt themselves once again. “No, him! There’s no us! I-is that we have to try to—stop complaining! Don’t fuss!”

The fusion cringed in spite of themselves, realizing that even though their voice was steady and strong, they still seemed so out of harmony, in more ways than one. “How can we get along? It’ll take more than a song—just admit that you’re wrong!” they snapped bitingly, pressing a hand against their head as they tried to make sense of all of the conflicting emotions and opinions running through it. “Wrong,” they stomped forward once again, their eyes shut tightly as their tone grew progressively more intense. “Wrong, wrong, wrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrongWRONG—”

The fusion ultimately cut themselves off with a sudden gasp of surprise as they tripped, their foot catching on a rock as they fell forward into a small stream running through the field that they hadn’t even noticed as caught up in their song as they had been. They quickly sat up, shaking themselves off and letting out a disgruntled sigh as they still dripped with quite a bit of water. Their song was all but forgotten as they began, trying to dry themselves off, more than ready to get back into their bout of heated arguing. Until…

They paused, froze practically as they happened to glance down at the crystal clear waters of the stream before them. Or rather, at their own reflection staring back at them from within it. Until now, the fusion hadn’t put much thought into what they might have looked like, as caught up in their own internal conflict as they had been. But now, all thoughts of that seemed to fade away as their own appearance practically captivated them. They were tall, much taller than even Stepper or Maven were, and indeed, they had an extra arm on the left and an extra eye above the right, yet somehow, neither appendage looked out of place or unsightly. In a way, they almost seemed to balance each other out, contributing to the unique, completely new being they now were together. Their hair was a medium length and shade of brown, loose, and free and recklessly curly as it spilled out from the unmistakable pine tree hat atop their head. The rest of their attire was clearly a testament to who they were made of as well, from Steven and Mabel’s shirt and sweater respectively combined into a bright pink top underneath Dipper’s usual vest. Likewise, their pair of loose jean capris rested underneath a purple skirt, their shoes mismatched yet comfortable all the same. In fact, despite how seemingly mismatched and at ends they seemed to be in general, their appearance somehow still made sense. Their fusion made sense, oddities, imperfections and all.

And perhaps… that fact spoke to more than just their fusion too.

Throughout the entire summer so far, one thing had always seemed to be a constant; no matter what danger or threat or trial they faced, Steven, Dipper, and Mabel faced them all together. Through thick and thin, Dipper and Mabel were stalwart siblings; they always had been and they always would be, no matter what, and in the midst of that close sibling bond stood Steven, an endlessly loyal and ever-supportive friend to them both. Regardless of minor spats and petty arguments, the three of them belonged together; the fact that they had even been able to fuse at all was proof of that. And perhaps, they all realized at the exact same moment, it was time to stop letting themselves, of all people, get in the way of the bond of family and friendship they all cherished so very much.

“T-the problem with us…” they began their song again, this time softer and gentler as they kept their sights on their own reflection. “No wait… not ‘us’… Is that I’m not just one or the other…” Slowly, they stood, still looking down towards the stream first, before their gaze gradually drifted to their trio of hands stretched out before them. “I’m not one or two… but something just brand new, so what do I do? Oooo….”

“Maybe…” they trailed off with a sigh, a bit of shame filling them as they thought about just how foolish their conflict had been in the first place, and just how much it could have damaged between them as a result. Which meant that regardless of what was said in the past, it was finally time to put an end to it once and for all.

“It wasn’t me…” they admitted, wrapping all three of their arms around each other in a bit of a lose hug as they slowly passed by the creek. “It wasn’t you… You know, they say it takes two…” They finally cracked a small smile at this joke, though it didn’t last long as remorse entered their melody, though hints of forgiveness and empathy were mingled in there just as much. “I couldn’t see… I wanted to be… part of this too…”

Their pace picked up just the slightest bit as they looked ahead towards the horizon, the sun just starting to sink over it and casting everything in a deep, rich glow of twilight. It was a rejuvenating glow, one that filled the fusion with hope and warmth as they smiled once more, finally, finally ready to declare exactly who—and what—they were. “But now that we’re three,” they began, their smile gradually widening as they walk soon started to turn into a job before evolving into an energized run. “Both us and we,” A small, bright laugh escaped them, one filled with building joy and ecstasy that they knew they would soon be absolutely powerless to contain. “And that makes you… ME!”

At this, the fusion acted on sheer impulse, leaping into the air in the blazing light of the setting sun. For a brief, breathless, blissful moment, they felt almost weightless until gravity began to pull them back down, yet surprisingly enough, it wasn’t enough to ground them completely. For instead of their feet hitting the grass below, they seemed to hover above it ever so slightly, floating gently above the earth as they started down at it in amazed disbelief. And yet, for as elated and excited as they were, they decided not to question it, instead opting to make the most out of such a bizarre yet brilliant opportunity for all it was worth.

“And there’s NO problem with me!” they sang, their melody triumphant as they hovered forward with grace and agility. “Cause as far as I can see, we’re singing in perfect harmony!” The fusion preformed a deft spin at this, more or less practically ice skating on thin air and loving every single second it, knowing that this was what they should have been doing from the moment they first fused. “A sister—a brother—friends caring for each other, like its supposed to be!” Once again, they pulled themselves into a fond, tight embrace as they leaned back a bit, still keeping their mid-air momentum going all the while. “Like it was meant to be!” they proclaimed, proud of who they were and what their fusion represented and glad for this experience, despite its less than ideal beginnings. After all, it had indeed done its part in not only bringing peace between them all, but bringing them all together, in a way that got them closer than they had ever thought possible. Which was why, with a warm smile on their face and a contented song in their heart, they gradually began to glide their way back towards the barn, ready to face anything so long as they faced it together. “Like it will always be…”

An air of confusion had hung over the barn ever since the fusion’s unexpected formation and subsequent flight. Ford, Pearl, Amethyst, and even Peridot each had their own respective abundance of questions, to which Garnet simply assured them to wait for eventual answers to them upon the fusion’s return. Still, as minutes turned into hours with no sign of the fusion or any of the kids who composed them in sight, worry was starting to fill the air, mingling with that same confusion as the sun soon began to set.

“I hope the kids are alright…” Pearl frowned, staring off into the distance the fusion had disappeared into. “Its getting awfully late for them to be out there alone…”

“They’re not alone,” Garnet reminded, casually leaning against the side of the barn. “They have each other.”

“Heh, yeah, cause they fused,” Amethyst interjected with a grin. “Which is totally nuts when you think about it. Like its already crazy that Steven can fuse with Dipper and Mabel each on their own, but all three of them mashin’ it up? This is like… a whole new level of awesome!”

“It certainly is an absolutely phenomenal discovery,” Ford commented as he enthusiastically continued taking what notes he could of the new fusion down in his journal. “Just think of the implications here! A human-Gem hybrid, not only fusing with one organic human but two at the same exact time! I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes! I have so much to ask them when they return, like what the balance between the three of them sharing the same headspace is like, what possible weapons and abilities they might have at their disposal, what they might possibly refer to themselves as-”

“Dipevebel.”

Everyone jolted in surprise as they all turned to see none other than the fusion themselves, strolling over to meet them from around the corner of the barn. Their expression was relaxed and bright as they smiled at the stunned group, barely even seeming to take notice in just how shocked they all were at their sudden, unexpected return.

“W-what?” Ford spoke up, his eyes wide as he looked the fusion up and down.

“Well, I dunno how to really answer those first two questions,” they began, two of their hands in their pockets while their spare rested casually behind their head. “But I do have an idea for what I’d like to be called and that’s it: Dipevebel. I know its not exactly the easiest name to roll off the tongue, but its kinda the best you can expect when you have to combine Dipper, Steven, and Mabel together, like I do. Still… I think it fits. Don’t you guys agree?”

While Ford, Pearl, and Amethyst were still much to baffled to really even say anything, Garnet stepped forward, demonstrating that even she was a bit shorter than the newly-named Dipevebel. “I do,” the Gem leader nodded with a clearly proud grin as she extended out a hand for the fusion to shake. “Its nice to finally meet you, Dipevebel.”

“Heh, honestly, it was nice for me to meet myself,” Dipevebel chuckled warmly. “Wait… that doesn’t make any sense. Or maybe it does in some deep poetic sort of way? …Eh, forget it. Guess what I’m trying to say is… its good to be here! Even if I… sorta ran away at first—ok, you know what, I should probably just stop rambling.”

“Oh, I like this one!” Amethyst laughed, amused. “They’re like all of Maven’s fun and all of Stepper’s funny awkwardness wrapped up into one rad, three-eyed, three-armed package!”

“Huh… a fusion of Maven and Stepper…” Dipevebel mused. “You know, I haven’t thought of us like that before, but in a way, I guess that’s exactly what I am. Neat!”

“Well, you three certainly are impressive together,” Pearl said with a good-natured grin. “And I’m not just saying that because your mere existence is an incredible feat in and of itself—wait! T-that’s not what I-”

“Nah, its ok, Pearl,” Dipevebel laughed, setting the white Gem’s belief that she had offended them at ease. “Even I gotta admit that it is kind of crazy that I can even be here at all, but just for the record, I’m really glad that I am.”

“And we’re glad that you are too,” Garnet nodded supportively.

“Indeed we are!” Ford chimed in with renewed enthusiasm, his pen ready to take down as many notes as he could about this incredible new fusion. “Now, you kids wouldn’t mind if I asked you one, or two, or several questions about your physiology and abilities as a fusion, would you?”

“Ah, w-well…” Dipevebel trailed off, glancing down with a bit of an awkward smile. “I’d love to, but if its all the same to you Mr. Grunkle Ford, we’d—or, I’d… kind of like to have a bit of time just to ourselves, if that’s ok.”

The author took pause at this, surprised, and though disappointment briefly flashed across his expression, he ultimately smiled in acceptance, knowing that there’d certainly be time to investigate this miraculous, newly-formed fusion again some other day. “O-of course it is,” he nodded humbly as him and the Gems stepped out of the fusion’s way. Dipevebel offered them all another cordial grin as they left, only to be stopped by a certain green Gem as she happened to venture out of the barn at that exact moment.

“Hey!” Peridot snapped as she accitentally ran right into the much-taller fusion. “What’s the big ide—oh, great…” she groaned, glaring up at Dipevebel, unimpressed. “Its all three of you clods, fused and formed into one giant clod, just what we need around here…”

Instead of taking offense at the green Gems disparaging remarks, the fusion simply smiled in amusement at them, playfully patting Peridot on the head as they stepped passed her. “Its nice to see you too, Peridot,” they said, bidding her off with a friendly wave before heading off on their own.

“Ugh, fusion…” the green Gem groaned in disgust as she stood alongside the others and watched Dipevebel head past the edge of the barn. “What’s it even good for anyway?”

“More than you could ever know,” Garnet replied, her pride in the trio still apparent as she glanced slightly upwards, to the roof of the barn where their fusion took up their perch. “They’re proof enough of that.”

The summer sunset was peaceful and warm, accented by a light, easy breeze and early crickets chirping in the early evening. Dipevebel sat alone and silent on top of the barn, taking it all in and not needing any words to convey just how harmonious and happy they felt at that moment.

They had been told before that fusion represented relationships, bonds formed between Gems (or in their case, between humans and Gems), brought to life in entirely new, but familiar beings. Dipevebel themselves had already realized that, in a way, they represented not just one relationship, but several: the dedicated, devoted sibling bond between Dipper and Mabel, the unlikely, but undeniably close connection between Steven and Dipper, the warm, playful friendship between Mabel and Steven. All of these things were what created Dipevebel, what tied them together and kept them close. The fusion themselves cherished those connections and the feelings they brought them deeply, knowing that for as long as they or any of the individual parts that composed them existed, they’d never let any of them go.

As the sun finally disappeared beyond the distant hills and the sky settled into the cool shade of night, Dipevebel finally slowly came undone on their own accord. The act of unfusing was smooth and mutual, but even as they came apart, they were still together, enveloping each other in a loose yet fond three-way hug. None of them said anything as they kept up their contented smiles and upheld this comforting embrace, wanting to hold onto it and the simple happiness it brought them for as long as possible, and even after that.

Next: 

[saucywenchwritingblog]

What kind of bipolar do you have? What is like being medicated? Manic? Sorry if this is intrusive but I don't know anyone to ask. You spoke about it before so I hope it's OK.

Sorry it’s taken me so long to answer, Mous.  I am open about being mentally ill, but I don’t usually go into a lot of depth about it. 

NAMI and DBSA have some general info on bipolar disorder.  They explain the differences and criteria for the types without a ton of technical jargon. 

Uncomfortable personal details and real talk about mental illness behind the cut. It also got kinda long.

I’m bipolar type one with psychosis with rapid cycling.  I also have a lot of secondary diagnoses, but let’s stick to the BP for now.  A lot of people tend to freak out over the psychosis thing, but it isn’t like you see in the movies.  In my case, it means I tend to have a hard time figuring out reality if I am having a particularly bad episode.  BP one means that I have full blown manic episodes, compared to BP two which has hypomanic episodes.  The main difference between one and two is the severity of mania.  I can still have hypomania, but I also get the full ride.  Rapid cycling means that sometimes these episodes - manic or depressive - come and go fairly fast. It can get exhausting.

Mania is sort of a pet peeve for me.  People see a hypomanic episode in some TV show where the BP person is full of energy and having a great time, and then they tell me they wish they could be manic too.  No, trust me, you really don’t.  I mean sure, hypomania can be fun if it works out to be a mild euphoric hypomania.  It doesn’t always work out like that, though. 

There are different types of manias.  There’s euphoric, and the opposite end of the spectrum is dysphoric.  Ask five different BP people about them, and you will get five different descriptions, but right now you’re stuck with just me.  With either type, you have a lot of energy and get very little sleep, your eating habits will change so odds are that isn’t helping, and you have a lot of reckless behavior.  You also get a lot of intrusive thoughts.  The best way I can describe that is imagine standing in the middle of twenty people.  All of these people are yelling at you, wanting your attention, wanting you to do what they say and listen to them and they want it all right fucking now. Except all of these voices are inside your head, and there is no way to turn them off or make them stop.  That’s mania.

Euphoric mania is on the happier end of the spectrum, but that doesn’t mean it is fun.  This is where that reckless behavior really comes into play, because everything is interesting and fun and you do not ever think of the consequences.  Hypersexuality is a common symptom, and I don’t want to admit to some of the one night stands I’ve had.  Or I’ll pick up a guy while manic and date him until the mania goes away.  When he figures out that I am not the party girl he met, he breaks up with me - that’s what happened to my last long term relationship.  Euphoria also means that I get all sorts of great ideas like painting my house, or putting in a garden, or some other big project, except I can’t stop and concentrate long enough to actually finish it.  I have all this energy, but can’t ever get anything done because I am exhausted, can’t focus, and literally cannot stop moving.  So when people laugh and tell me how they wish they could be manic so they could clean their house, I just roll my eyes.  Trust me, your house won’t get clean, and you will probably ruin any relationships you have and lose your job while you are at it. 

Dysphoric mania has the same problems, except instead of everything being fun, it just pisses you off or makes you cry.  A doctor told me that a dysphoric mania is the most dangerous to a bipolar person because you can get suicidal and depressed, and you have the intrusive thoughts yelling that you don’t deserve to live, but because you are manic you have the energy and recklessness to act on those thoughts.  It’s not uncommon for a BP person to attempt suicide during a dysphoric mania.  It’s also common for them to do things that, while not an overt suicide attempt, may still result in death.  When I am having a dysphoric mania, I flip between being angry at everything and depressed and angry at myself.  This is where that psychosis can come in, and I get really paranoid sometimes, too.  Is that person in the store staring at me?  They are on their phone, are they calling the police?  Do they think I should be locked away?  Is that person driving behind me following me to my home?  When you add in a couple of my other dx like panic disorder and PTSD, life can turn into a real shitshow. 

No matter what type of mania you get, it is draining both emotionally and physically. 

Bipolar people have a complicated relationship with medications, and I am no different.  It’s usually a cycle. 

Realize that life has become intolerable and you cannot function as a human being anymore.

Find a doctor who prescribes you medications.  This is usually complicated by having to try several different meds and combos before something starts to work.

The meds are working, and you feel like a real person again.  Huzzah!

Get tired of having to take handfuls of pills every day, and having to see that doctor, and having to get your blood drawn every couple of months because the meds have side effects like liver failure and diabetes. 

You’ve been doing just fine for a while.  Maybe you are cured?

Stop taking your meds, usually without a doctor’s supervision.

Coast for a little bit, but then you start feeling bad.  This is where a lot of people start to self medicate with alcohol or drugs. 

Have an episode.

Go back to the beginning.  Rinse and repeat. 

There’s also a little secret that a lot of BP people won’t admit to someone who does not have it.  We get used to the crazy ups and downs, and the intensity and drama.  Being medicated, being stable and ‘normal’ and just like everyone else?  It’s safe, predictable, and boring.  I know there were times when I felt like I was going to scream if I had to keep doing the same old routine for one more day.  There were other factors that fed into that, but I blamed it on the medication and quit taking them.  Bipolar might be miserable and dangerous, but it is anything but boring. 

I’ve heard people describe being medicated as feeling like they are wrapped in cotton, or feeling like a zombie.  I don’t know if I agree with that totally, but I can understand it.  When you are medicated, you don’t feel emotions as sharply as you do during an episode.  Things aren’t as important or urgent.  It can make it feel like your emotions are muffled.  Don’t get me wrong, because that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  Crying in the grocery store because they are out of your favorite yogurt isn’t exactly healthy behavior.  But having everything be dulled down can be awful if you are not used to it being like that.  You know there are bold, vibrant colors out there, but all you can see are pastels. 

I hope this was of some help, Mous.  Feel free to hit me up if you have any more questions.