#getting through

[makingsenseofwhathappened]

You're still here

Maybe you still talk about it like it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe you laugh when you tell the story. Maybe you change the details each time, depending on who’s listening. Maybe you say “it was weird” instead of “it was wrong.”

Sometimes, survival looks like contradiction. Like forgetting on purpose. Like trying on different words until one of them feels safe enough to hold.

You don’t owe anyone a neat version of what happened. It was messy. You’re still here. That’s the truth.

[girlwithlandscape]

[protectyouropacities]

“I am going to outlive myself. Eat, sleep, sleep, eat. Exist slowly, softly, like these trees, like a puddle of water, like the red bench in the streetcar.”

— Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea

[christinaroseandrews]

Winston wants to know how everyone is doing. He's a good listener and an even better cuddler.

[theartisticapparition]

Dont feel great for awhile.

What neglect feels like

Like dissolving. when emotions start seeping through and you feel suspended and cant move. Watered down.

[jessafer94]

Bottom line..the one of the only things that have kept me going recently are my cats. The last 3 months have been some of the most rock bottom devastating months I’ve ever experienced.

Everytime I’ve ever had a thought of ending it, one of my seven cats have either laid on me or just sat there next to me. And in that moment it’s like they’re telling me hey.. I’m here

And then I’m like wait..If I’m gone who’s going to keep them all together? Will my family keep them? They’ve all been raised together..I can’t stand the thought of them being sold off separately…Will they be taken care off correctly? Will the new family know their little quirks? Will they search for me in their new homes? Will they be as attached with me to their new owners?

So then I decide to see another sunrise and drift asleep with my cats all curled up with me . So t

[serenityquest]

[makingsenseofwhathappened]

Career change (nervous breakdown optional)

Feels like a Friday post. But you can on Saturday too if you want.

Either way, you want to chase the hat.

NGL leaving my job after was terrifying.

No backup plan and no health benefits. Just me, a spiked nervous system, a trashcan LinkedIn bio I abandoned circa 2017 with honours.

I spent the first two weeks crying, I did that. Then reorganizing my fridge, using a lot of Windex around the house, checking my email like a raccoon checking dumpster locks. Nothing came. And sigh.

No word from HR. But the world didn’t end. My old boss didn’t send an apology or even a passive-aggressive emoji. Just hot red radish silencio ad absurdum. For a while.

And then something weird happened.

I started sleeping again. My shoulders unclenched for the first time in six years. One day I laughed. Can you / I believe it? Like really laughed. And it was not a coping mechanism sliding into an entropic spat of sob sobs.

It turns out walking away from a place that gaslights you into thinking you were the problem can be the best career move you have ever made.

I’m still broke and scared and still always figuring it out. But at least now when I cry, it’s not because I’m being slowly turned into spirals of flesh-coloured chaff in the old pencil grinder gig 'conomy, know what I mean?

Anyways, freedom’s weird. I think I want to hesitatingly and forcefully recommend it.

[girlwithlandscape]

Brennan Lee Mulligan making me cry again

[protectyouropacities]

“However bad life is, what’s important is to make something interesting out of it. And that has a lot to do with the physical world, with looking at stuff, snow and light and the smell of your screen door and whatever constitutes your phenomenal existence from moment to moment. How consoling—that this stuff goes on and that you can keep thinking about it and making that into something on the page.”

— Anne Carson, The Paris Review

[strongwarrior6]

[quietflorilegium]

“Be prepared for the worst, my love, for it lives next door to the best.”

King Carles of Lumatere, Melina Marchetta, "Finnikin of the Rock"

[eveschild]

“What are your future plans?”

Getting through the day Jessica. I just need to get through this fkn day.

[tolunarvalleys]

it is January 7th and I’ve cried all but two days so far this year :’)

[mahgck]

you have to outlive donald trump