#gina was upset because she realized it was just impossible to be rickys friend with how she felt

[donutcats]

rewatching s2 rina scenes and I think I’ve somehow converted myself into the mindset of ‘ricky doesn’t have anything to apologize for since it was just a bunch of moments of two kids having very complicated feelings and not fully understanding how to handle them’

[iridescentides]

i watched the ep twice bc i didnt take notes the first time BUT. hsmtmts 2.04 thoughts under the cut

gina first. my favorite part of the episode was when she admitted that she feels out of place living in someone else’s house and that she wanted a bigger part in the play. i was SO worried they were gonna just let her happily sideline herself in a “yay she learned her lesson about not being the center of attention” kind of way bc i would not be able to handle that two seasons in a row. let her be angry!!! she has a lot to be upset about

the gina/carlos conflict was awful bc theyre making carlos unreasonably annoying this season. last season he was nice, he was enthusiastic, not competitive and just rooting for other people. idk why they needed to flip him so drastically to being spoiled, rich, selfish, pushy, and bitchy. and on top of that i have not been vibing with the pieces of dialogue theyve been giving him this season just to score woke points. its so unbearably obvious that even though hes a brown gay character, he was written by a white gay person who thought, on some level, that he was giving the gen z kids the #hashtag representation they wanted. his delivery of every line that screams “remember, im mexican” is so awkward, it doesnt land well, and im begging them to stop. they want so badly to commodify his character and parade him around as a “look how diverse our show is!” thing and im so so sick of it bc you can tell, with all the surface-level pieces of dialogue, that they dont actually care at all

(”look around, theres not a lot of me at this school” we GET it, this show wants to be glee so bad)

im honestly starting to slowly ship rina less and less. in season one i loved seeing someone make gina happy, especially since she had no friends before opening up to ricky. but now its just a whole mess and i wish she would love herself a lil more to realize that its not worth all this stress. he made a choice and no amount of conflicted moments of eye contact is going to fully take that back. im not necessarily against love triangle plots, but i HATE the whole “women wait around hopefully while male character, whose decisions have already hurt multiple people, makes up his mind” bullshit

that being said, gina handled the situation like a CHAMP, im dying over how quickly she was able to mask her pain and make the joke about the twix bar. im love her

we were absolutely ROBBED of an ej/big red performance this episode!!! i am at my LIMIT we better get gaston next week or i will riot

on the ej train, him not getting into duke was extremely predictable. we all kinda saw that coming and knew that would be his main point of growth this season. im glad they didnt wait super long to do it. now please @ writers i am BEGGING you to give my man more screen time than one scene per episode

its very odd that they keep making mr mazzara have emotionally tough conversations with the students. i will do a parallel gifset of those once the season ends. i liked his convo with ej for the most part, but he really didnt have to beat him over the head with the “youre an emotionless robot” thing again. its clear ej is gonna throw himself into av club or whatever (even though at the end of last season that was supposed to be big red?) and discover that he has a lot going for him. because he does, he literally has everything going for him, thats why they had to make his “problem” not knowing himself. bisexual ej caswell ftw

i love the parallels between ej and nini this episode? i think since the beginning ive felt that there was a lot about them under the surface that was similar. it was interesting seeing ej tell nini about duke first, instead of the obvious choice of ashlyn. i wouldve loved to see how that scene wouldve gone with ricky, gina, carlos, or big red though bc each reaction and attempt at comforting him wouldve been so different. i didnt love that nini had to be pulled away from the conversation, but im glad they can still talk to each other after everything that went down. and i love the juxtaposition of ej’s convo with mazzara directly following nini’s convo with miss jenn bc theyre essentially the same.

speaking of, i loved miss jenn in this episode. her stories are always so funny, but i loved seeing her care so much for nini and guide her, like a teacher. i loved how she pointed out that everyone who loves nini just wants her to be happy

im glad nini is leaving yac bc there was no good way to keep that up honestly. but im pretty annoyed that they were so obvious about it? like, they immediately made it the worst place in the world without exploring it very much. the place is super unrealistic, ive never been to drama school but im sure it wouldnt be like that. no creative arts place for KIDS would be so impossibly limiting. plus the weird bluish coloring in comparison to the nice warm tones of the rest of the show was, again, a dead giveaway. why send her to the school at all if it wasnt even gonna matter?

even though im glad nini left yac, im NOT looking forward to the way miss jenn is about to bend over backwards to put her in the play somehow. she plays obvious favorites and im so annoyed

(sidenote: nini just? decided to leave yac without consulting her parents??? ummm)

granted is a very good song, one of my faves so far

ricky deciding to tell nini he wants her to stay was stupid. what did he think that would accomplish? who in their right mind would drop out of a good school for you?

i loved when nini said yac was missing something, and miss jenn said “ricky” and nini said “you.” that was so so sweet and cute

i think the kourtney/howie thing is gonna grow on me. i hate amatonormativity so im not a big fan of them introducing a whole ass character exclusively so kourtney can have a love interest, but i loved the gesture he made of bringing her the pizzas and her flashcards. i feel like kourtneys love language is acts of service, and she was literally this meme when he did that for her:

i liked seeing ashlyn try to be there emotionally for gina! i want more of them together

overall this episode was okay. not enough songs, and i wish they were spreading out the emotional conversations through the season instead of packing them all into literally one episode, but what we did get was pretty good.

after watching the preview i see that next weeks episode is gonna be about carlos’s party, and i love party episodes. BUT i hope that after that ep we finally get an advancement on the north high stuff! i dont give too many fucks about lily, but i wanna see my son asher angel

[seblos]

there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach - ch 5/10

chapter title: well, are you busy tonight?

word count: 5,534

notes: tw // mention of animal death

[one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine (coming soon)]

read on ao3

It’s Friday, which means it’s another early morning dance lesson with Seb. So far they have had two together: the last Friday when Carlos first mentioned it, and the previous Tuesday.

Seb had definitely been improving, nearly nailing the entire ‘Bop to the Top’ choreo. They had decided to practice that song more outside of rehearsals because they practiced ‘Stick to the ‘Status Quo’ more often in rehearsal. Carlos was constantly running around that he would never be able to assist any time Rico and Seb ran ‘Bop to the Top’ during that time unless he was teaching them something new.

The few glimpses Carlos was able to get from Seb during rehearsal, though, it seemed like he was struggling every time. It was strange since Seb had been doing well in their private rehearsals, but it became very apparent to both Seb and Carlos that Rico was having trouble leading. Carlos at one point considered inviting Rico to the private rehearsals but decided against. He might in the future, but for now… it was just nice to spend time alone with Seb even if it was just for the show.

Today, though. Today was different, and for one reason only.

Homecoming.

Seb had been telling Carlos and Natalie that Wednesday during lunch about how Nini didn’t want to go to homecoming anymore because she had no one to go with, and that’s when it hit him. He had no idea if Seb was planning on going to homecoming, but maybe, maybe this was his chance to finally ask him out. Or, at least ask him to the dance. Same thing though, right?

He recalled the conversation he had with Ashlyn over FaceTime the previous night about possibly asking Seb to homecoming. Of course, she was 100% behind it, but Carlos still had doubts, even with her constant assurance that Seb almost definitely liked him back.

“I see the way he watches you during rehearsal”, Ashlyn had told him, which had also made Carlos immediately blush like crazy. “If our choreographer was anyone else, there’s no way he would voluntarily go to school early.”

“He already wakes up at 5:30 in the morning, though. He’s passionate about dance and performance, maybe he just genuinely wants to improve!” he had countered with.

“I’m sure he does, Carlos but I don’t know if he would have accepted so quickly if it didn’t mean hanging out with someone he likes,” Ashlyn had explained, which earned her an eye roll from him. “I love you, but you’re crazy. Why are you trying to deny it anyway?”

That comment had left Carlos wordless. Honestly, he didn’t know why he kept deflecting the possibility of Seb liking him. He knew what Ash was saying was probably true, but that little bit of uncertainty was holding him back from telling Seb the things he wanted to. It was the first time he had met someone passionate about the same things he was, and he so easily clicked with. He didn’t want to go and ruin that. 

And yet, every moment he shared with Seb felt real. The looks, the conversations, and subtle touches, it was like they were both holding back from something.

Carlos didn’t want to hold back anymore. 

Their rehearsal ran as normal, once again running through the same dance sequence. Seb had nearly perfected it at this point with Carlos, but maybe that was only because he had both sides of this choreo memorized front to back. That’s why dancing with Seb was nice; he never had to think too much about how close the two of them were together or what to do if either of them messed up. This was his field, and not even a cute boy and his cute smile, riffing, and commentary, while they rehearsed, could take away from that.

“You’re improving,” Carlos grins when they sit down together after ending because he is. 

“Am I?” 

“Yeah. At least, with me you are. You seem to still be struggling a bit during rehearsal.”

Seb blushes, and Carlos hopes what he said wasn’t shady (he didn’t mean for it to be, of course.) Thankfully, though, Seb keeps talking.

“I mean, I don’t get it. When I dance with you it’s easy. When I dance with Ryan, I’ve got two left feet.”

“You just gotta drill it, Seb,” he tells him with a laugh, although he wonders if Seb’s phrasing was intentional. Does he mean during rehearsal in general, or does he mean it’s hard as Sharpay and Ryan, but not as Seb and Carlos?

“I mean, I practice for like an hour every night in our barn!” Seb defends. “My parents think I’m bonding with the livestock.” He leans over slightly as he says it, looking Carlos right in the eye. They both laugh, but it makes his stomach flutter all the same.

Seb then gets up, placing his water bottle back into his backpack as he prepares to pack up for the first period. “I need more practice with someone who… actually knows how to lead.”

It confuses him at first because Carlos thought that was what they were doing. The way Seb says it almost implies something more though, and he wonders if this might be him trying to drop a hint. Either way, hint or no hint, Carlos decides in that few seconds he has that this is his moment. 

He stands up too, taking a deep breath. “Well, are you busy tonight?”

“Tonight?” Seb asks, and Carlos curses himself internally at the genuine confusion from Seb. Of course, it wasn’t a hint, it was just Seb being Seb. 

He decides to go with it anyway. Too late now. “Yeah, y’know, homecoming.”

Seb’s expression is blank for a moment, but Carlos holds his smile, praying that the universe will just give him this. 

And, apparently, the universe was listening, because a smile grew on Seb’s face. “You mean, like, you and I… dancing together… in front of like all the non-theatre kids?”

The emphasis he put on each word really solidified the idea in Carlos's mind, making his stomach flutter again. The idea of him and Seb slow dancing together not for rehearsal but just because they could was almost too much to handle.

 “As far as I know, that’s how homecoming works. This would be my first time going” he says, and he hopes Seb won’t back out now. 

Seb turns around and finishes zipping up his backpack, and Carlos feels like he really messed up. He wants to apologize for making him uncomfortable or getting the wrong message. Before he can get the words out of his mouth, and after the longest 10 seconds of Carlos's life, Seb turns back around. This time, his grin is impossible to miss.

“Text me a pic of what you’re wearing,” he says, eyeing Carlos for a moment before walking out of the room.

Carlos feels like his heart might explode. Seb had just agreed to go to homecoming with him.

It all seems too good to be true.

—

And maybe it was because almost 3 hours into the dance and Seb still hasn’t shown up. No text, no apology. 

Nothing.

He should have known.

Carlos feels numb. He should have known. All day, he had a sick feeling, but he blamed it on nerves. When he had gotten to the dance and Seb wasn’t there, he tried not to think too much of it. Even when Gina showed up with EJ as her date, he tried not to think about it. But they were too far in, now, for this Seb to be late or for this to be an accident.

Of course, Seb was too good to be true. How could he fathom the idea that someone like Seb could actually like him? Just when he thought that his personality and his passions might not be too much to handle, the one person who was able to make him feel that way wasn’t here. Not like Carlos could blame him. 

Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe it was just Seb being too nervous to dance in front of the majority of the student body. But in that case, wouldn’t he have sent Carlos a text? Or not agreed in the first place? No, he knew what he was getting into. Seb really stood him up.

Ashlyn could see Carlos spiraling. Every time a couple passed them, holding hands or dancing, he sunk deeper into his chair.

“He’ll show up, okay? Maybe he just hit traffic,” she says, putting her hand on his arm in an attempt to comfort him.

Carlos furrows his eyebrows sadly. “We live in Salt Lake City. There hasn’t been traffic since the 2002 Winter Olympics.”

“Don’t assume Seb stood you up, okay? Maybe he was just in a farming accident.”

“Not helping,” Carlos sighs. Even if he’s upset, he doesn’t want him hurt either, obviously. If anything, he wants it to be his fault for his absence, not Seb’s. He’d rather know he ditched him on purpose than being rushed to a hospital right now or something. 

After a few more minutes of sadly staring at his phone while Ashlyn tries to comfort him, as well as more drama between EJ, Gina, and Ricky, Carlos stands up from his chair. He’s tired of moping and tired of dragging down Ash with him. That, plus the awkward quietness from Big Red and EJ after Gina and Ricky left is not the energy he wants to be around anymore.

“I’m gonna go get something to drink. Want anything?” he asks her, who smiles and shakes her head politely. 

A slow song starts to play as Carlos approaches the table, and he tries not to think about how it was one of many that he and Seb could have danced together to.

“What can I get you?” a voice asks, and for once Carlos is thankful that Mr. Mazzara is interrupting his thought process.

“Something wet?”

“Something wrong?” he asks as he prepares the drink.

The question catches him by surprise. “You think I’m actually going to confide in you?” Why does Mr. Mazzara, the person who told him that he needed to find more friends, actually care about why he’s upset?

And oh great, here he goes thinking about Seb again, and that day in the bomb shelter. The day that Carlos realized he had a crush on the boy. The way his heart would skip a beat when Seb grabbed his hand comfortingly when Carlos had told him what Mr. Mazzara had said, and how his stomach fluttered with butterflies from the way Seb looked at him while they sang. How he had called Seb’s overalls that day cute, and the blushy look on his face when he did so.

Even today in their chemistry class, the two kept looking at each other and smiling instead of doing their lab like they were supposed to. Seb had even whispered “see you tonight” as they left class that day.  

It all was too much. Now instead of butterflies in his stomach, it just twisted with painful nausea. 

“I contain multitudes, Carlos.”

Carlos doesn’t say anything for a moment, Instead, he turns back to stare at everyone coupled together on the dance floor. He wants to scream “what isn’t wrong?!” but he’s still not really sure if Mr. Mazzara actually cares, and honestly he’s so tired by this point of moping over this. This is his first time at homecoming, he’s supposed to feel at home here with everyone dancing. Yet here he is, no idea how to act.

“He didn’t show up,” Carlos says finally. “My date.” Saying those words makes his heart hurt. Carlos wants so badly to not accept it, but there was no more denying it by this point. Seb was his date, and he didn’t show up. He hears Mr. Mazzara let out a small “oh” and it just makes him laugh sadly. 

“It’s my fault. I’m the fool who thought he’d actually dance in public with me,” he explains, shaking his head because it doesn’t matter. Not anymore, anyway. 

“Well, the night’s not over.” Carlos turns back around, and Mr. Mazzara is holding out the plastic cup of punch. He takes it wordlessly. 

“Look, uh,” Mr. Mazzara starts, barely making eye contact with Carlos, but his voice sounds genuine. “We’ve all seen your moves. You don’t need a dance partner to dance.” With that, he walks over to the other students waiting for a drink, leaving Carlos confused but feeling strangely better.

He stands there for another minute instead of heading back to the table as the slow song that was previously playing comes to an end and the familiar intro notes of one of his favorite songs when he was younger begins to play. Carlos can’t help but stare at the dance floor, the words of his chemistry teacher ringing in his head, but this time he doesn’t mind their presence. 

Nothing is stopping him from walking right onto that dance floor by himself.

And so, with a deep breath, he does.

He gets a few surprised looks as he marches out, but no one is making fun of him, so Carlos closes his eyes as he sways side to side. At first, he imagines Seb dancing with him, but the image disappears in his mind and is just replaced with the music and the lights and all the surrounding noise.

 He keeps sort of swaying, although he knows he could actually start to dance. Just being out here though is already making the gutted feeling drain from his body.

It shouldn’t surprise him, honestly. Dance has always been his outlet. But in a way, he feels like he’s taking back a moment that was almost a ruined memory. 

‘Cuz I was born to be brave

I know who I am inside, and I won't apologize

Made my mistakes, 

and they gave me wings to fly to my castle in the sky

The music is pulsing through Carlos's body as he barely registers hearing EJ’s voice, just before he opens his eyes as Ashlyn grabs his arms, beginning to dance with him. He has his eyes open now, and every bad thought he had earlier in the dance was gone from his mind. All he felt was a pure rush of joy as they bounced around together. It was such a quick change Carlos almost felt dizzy.

The more they danced together, the closer everyone else got to the two of them. And yet, not for a moment did Carlos worry that they had malicious intentions. Everyone just seemed so genuinely happy to be in the moment, and the energy is something Carlos has never experienced before. It feels like the same way he feels in the dance studio, but with everyone feeling the exact same as him. It’s nauseating, but Carlos will take this  nauseous feeling over the one from earlier.

And then, somehow, at the beginning of the last chorus right after the musical interlude in the song, Carlos found himself in the middle of everyone. It was genuinely surreal the way everyone was pointing at him. For once, it really did feel like he was the star of something. He didn’t need Seb or anyone else to make him feel special, because he was. Or, at least at that moment he was. 

He was joyfully exhausted from dancing by the time the song ended. Even with heavy breathing, Carlos couldn’t help but to grin wider than he had all night as Ashlyn pulled him into a hug

“I mean, that was amazing,” she said while she squeezed him, and Carlos really couldn’t stop smiling by this point. 

That is until he noticed something (someone, actually) out of the corner of his eye.

Ashlyn followed his gaze as he stood frozen in place, before squeezing his arm reassuringly as Seb Matthew-Smith crossed the gym floor to meet Carlos.

Neither of them said a word as Seb slowly got closer, although he could see the blonde boy taking it all in. Carlos must not have noticed when Seb walked in. Clearly, he had arrived at some point amidst the song judging by the soft, starstruck look on his face. Either that, or it was the suit Carlos was wearing, which matched perfectly with Seb’s. 

Before he can figure out what to say, Seb talks first. “Looks like I missed a lot,” he says softly, meeting Carlos's eyes. He can’t help but feel his heart leap to his throat at how happy Seb looks. 

“The dance started three hours ago,” Carlos responds in an attempt to ignore the feeling, and he notices how hurt he sounds. He is hurt, and he’s scared for whatever excuse Seb is about to give.

Seb winces a bit. “We lost one of our cows,” he explains.

“You could have texted.”

“We have bad reception at the barn,” Seb says, and he sounds so desperate that Carlos almost wants to cry. He really did want to come. It makes Carlos's chest tighten. 

“I’m really sorry about being so late,” he says, and he’s still looking at Carlos right in the eye. They’re so dark in the dance lighting they almost look black, but he can see the tiny bit of blue reflecting in the light that is searching, begging for his forgiveness on this. 

“I’m really sorry about your cow,” Carlos says finally because he believes it. Maybe he just wants so badly for it to be true, but Seb is here in his matching suit even though they only have an hour left of the dance. He’s here for Carlos, and Carlos can’t just let go of that. After tonight, he deserves a final dance and a happily ever after with the boy he likes. 

“Hey,” Seb smiles, softly taking Carlos's hands, and that nauseous, butterfly feeling is back in his stomach. “At least our ties match.”

They both laugh softly, and Carlos swears Seb glances down at his mouth. It makes Carlos mirror the action, and he considers just leaning in and kissing Seb right there. The jittery energy from the previous song is mostly gone, replaced by the nerves from being around Seb, and he’s reminded that he’s in the middle of the gym surrounded by their entire class. 

Instead, he leads the other boy to the center of the dance floor, pulling him into a slow dance. It’s different from all their private rehearsals. They aren't Sharpay and Ryan here, they’re just Seb and Carlos. His arm is wrapped around Seb, and they’re slowly spinning, just holding each other.

And yeah, he doesn’t need a dance partner to dance. But it’s so much better with one.

—

The dance is winding down, and Carlos is just basking in the past hour that he did get with Seb. They made the most of it, not sitting down until the last 15 minutes and instead dancing to each song that came, whether it was slow or fast, and pulling Ashlyn, Big Red, and even EJ out to join them. Whether it was the lasting effects of ‘Born to be Brave’ or dancing with Seb, or heck, even the words of Mr. Mazzara, Carlos wasn’t for a moment embarrassed or anxious about what he was doing. He just danced.

They ended up back at the table as the crowd dispersed and people slowly began to leave. Carlos was tired, sure, but he was sitting next to Seb and they were holding hands and talking to Ashlyn and Big Red and EJ. He kind of didn’t want this night to ever end.

Carlos's phone buzzes with a notification, and he pulls it out of his pocket to check it with his free hand. He’s expecting it to be a text from his mother asking about the dance and when he would be home, so it surprises him when he’s met with multiple texts under Seb’s contact name. (Especially considering Seb’s phone is sitting in front of him on the table, and he hasn’t touched it since they sat down a few minutes ago.) He swipes open the notifications nonetheless though.

The first two texts are a response to the photo Carlos took in the mirror in his suit. 

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: oh wow

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: you look great! :) & i think i have something that matches perfectly! <3

It makes Carlos bite his lip as he tries to hide his smile, though he can feel his cheeks burning. He continues to scroll through the texts. The next few are clearly distressed, and Carlos can imagine that’s when Seb realized he would be late.

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: carlos im so sorry i might be a bit late. georgies favorite cow died and she was supposed to be my ride but she’s taking it hard.

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: parents are dealing with the cow, josie is watching isaac, so im trying to convince cohyn rn to drive me. im so so sorry

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: i dont know if youre getting any of these but i really hope you are

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: carlos i get it if youre mad but please respond if youre getting these 

Carlos's heart hurts for past-Seb. He’s so absorbed in reading them that he doesn’t even notice the blonde glancing over at him curiously.

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: just call me troy bolton bc im so late you shouldnt forgive me but im really hoping you will

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: im serious though. im on my way right now.

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: save me a dance?

“What are you smiling at?” Seb asks, and Carlos looks up in surprise to see the other boy studying him with soft eyes. He doesn’t seem concerned, just genuinely curious. 

Carlos flips around the screen so Seb can see. “Your messages finally came through,” he smiles, and Seb’s cheeks flush as he reads them.

“I just kept trying to resend them the entire way over and I guess they finally decided to,” he explains. “Remind me to never panic-text you ever again.”

“Please,” Carlos squeezes his hand. “It’s cute.”

Before Seb can come up with a reply, Ashlyn interrupts. “Glad to see there are no hard feelings,” she grins, looking between them, and the two of them blush, as they realize that she, Big Red, and EJ witnessed the entire conversation. Well, kind of. EJ is more concentrated on his phone, and Big Red just looks lost.

“Yeah,” Carlos is smiling softly, now matched with Seb, and he squeezes his hand again. “I don’t want it to be over yet.”

Ashlyn shrugs. “Who says it has to.”

If she didn’t have their attention yet she does now. 

“What do you mean?” Carlos asks, tone switching from soft to intrigued. They both turned their heads to face Ashlyn.

She shrugs again, this time with a grin. “I mean, it’s not that late,” she says with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “If your parents aren’t expecting you home… anyone up for ice cream?”

Both Seb and Carlos grin at the same time. Even Big Red, who finally seems to have caught on to the tail end of the conversation, looks interested.

“I’m never not up for that,” Carlos says, and Seb nods excitedly.

Big Red bites his lip. “Who’s gonna drive, though?” he asks. “Ricky took my car when he left with Gina, and you guys only have your permits, right?” 

They all look at each other for a minute, before four heads are turning to face EJ, who looks up for his phone when he notices them all staring at him.

“What?” EJ asks, clearly having missed the entire past five minutes of conversation.

Ashlyn tilts her head, still grinning. “Wanna drive us to get ice cream since I’m your favorite cousin?” she asks, although EJ doesn’t look convinced.

“And you end the night on a good note!” Seb adds leaning forward.

Either he actually considers Seb says, or he just feels like he can’t say no to him because come on, it’s Seb, because EJ rolls his eyes and digs his keys out of his pocket.

“Fine,” he says, and the four cheer silently. “But make it quick.”

Seb and Carlos turn to look at each other. Yeah, there’s no way they’re making it quick. 

—

The two are sitting on a bench outside of the ice cream shoppe later that night,. Ricky came back to get Big Red, since he needed to give his car back, and they had both turned down a ride from Ashlyn and EJ.

Now it was just them.

Carlos really doesn’t want this night to end. Everything that has happened today, even with Seb arriving late, has been built up ever since they started getting close together that day after rehearsal. It’s almost like the feeling of post-show depression. He just feels so safe and happy at this moment with Seb that if he has to leave, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get this feeling.

But, because he does eventually java to go home (and probably sooner rather than later), and he can see Seb looking very cute as he’s trying to hold back a yawn, Carlos pulls out his phone with his free hand to text his mom to come pick him up.

Oh yeah, they’re holding hands. They basically had been all night, ever since Seb took his hand when he arrived back in the gym of East High. It’s barely been an hour since then, but it’s felt like a lifetime holding Seb’s hand at every moment.

That safety with Seb is what allows him to feel okay holding his hand in public. If they get weird looks or glares, Carlos doesn’t notice. He doesn’t even care what anyone thinks anymore tonight, because he’s here tonight, he’s the and he’s the most himself he’s ever been. Everything is okay. 

And Seb, of course. Seb is okay, too. Better than okay. Seb is wonderful. 

“Georgie is on her way if you want us to drive you home,” Seb tells him, and Carlos snaps out of his daydream. He realizes the entire time he’s just been sitting there, staring at his phone and thinking about his hand in Seb’s long enough that the screen has gone dark.

He smiles softly at the blonde. “Yeah, okay,” he says quietly, swiping open his phone again to tell his mom that he’s getting a ride home. 

It’s so quiet around them, the only sound being the employees closing the ice cream shoppe and the few cars pulling out of the lot where the store is located. And yet, it’s a comfortable silence, just the two of them sitting there together, soaking in the last of the night together. 

“I’m glad you didn’t leave before I got there tonight,” Seb tells him, and it breaks Carlos's heart to think how guilty he must feel about what happened.

Carlos squeezes his hand. “I’m glad you were able to show up.”

Seb chews on the edge of his lip, before smiling. It’s different from his usual excited grin, the one that could light up a stage on its own. This one is softer and more genuine like he can’t help it. “Yeah. Me too.”

“And our ties do match,” Carlos laughs quietly, referencing what Seb had said earlier. 

Neither of them say anything. Carlos doesn’t know what else to say. Seb deserves a whole essay, but he doesn’t have enough words to describe the way he makes Carlos feel, like how his chest tightens like his heart is going to explode. Or how it feels like his face is constantly heated near him, but its never uncomfortable. 

Nothing feels uncomfortable around Seb.

Like a natural reflex, his face inches closer to Seb’s. Carlos doesn’t mean to, exactly, but he doesn’t pull away either. And neither does Seb. 

It’s entirely possible that Seb wants to kiss him right now. Carlos thinks he wants to kiss Seb. Honestly, he doesn’t really know. He’s never kissed anyone before; he doesn't know what it would be like or what that feeling is supposed to be. It feels like there’s heat pooling in his stomach, though, and he keeps inching closer. If this isn’t the feeling you get when you want to kiss someone, Carlos doesn’t know what is. 

He’s about to just bite the bullet and lean in all the way when a familiar car pulls into the lot. Before she can see them (or maybe she already has; they’ll find out when they get in the car) they pull away from each other. Both Carlos and Seb are blushing intensely, but Seb still shoots him that same soft smile before they get up to go in the car.

They both greet Georgie, who’s already in her pajamas, including an Ariana Grande shirt that he's pretty sure he's seen her brother wear, shark print pants, and slippers, as well as her hair in two braids. Carlos can’t blame her, to be honest. 

He slides down in his usual seat behind the driver's seat (it’s easier for Seb to be able to face him that way from the passenger's seat.) To Carlos's surprise, though, instead of getting in the front seat like normal, Seb joins him in the backseat. 

“Taking the middle seat, huh, Sebby?” Georgie teases, catching his eye in the rearview mirror. “Usually you’ll do anything to not have to sit there.”

“Yes, because there’s no reason for me to sit in the middle when Paisley and Sophia are so much smaller than me,” Seb argues. “But that’s only when I have to sit next to you. This is different.”

She just hums before pulling out of the lot. “I’m happy to see you two ending the night together, at least.”

Seb’s hand finds Carlos's next to him, and he laces their fingers together. “Yeah,” he says softly, looking at Carlos instead of Georgie. “Us too.” 

Georgie asks a few questions about homecoming, accompanied by the typical car playlist. Carlos answers a few of the questions with Seb, but for the most part, he just sits back and enjoys their last moments together before the weekend. He doesn’t want to think about how he probably won’t get to see the other boy in person again until Monday, considering all their weekend homework mixed with Seb’s chores and Carlos's dance lessons. 

They arrive at Carlos's house what feels like quicker than normal, and he unbuckles his seatbelt reluctantly. 

“Thank you for the ride home,” he tells Georgie, who gives him a two finger salute. Before he can say anything to Seb, the blonde is gesturing for him to go out. “Let me walk you to the door,” he tells Carlos.

As the two walk to the porch, he tries to figure out what else he can say to Seb. Truly, words cannot describe how genuinely magical this night has been. 

“Thank you for everything tonight,” he decides on, facing the other boy as they reach the front of his door. 

“Don’t thank me, Carlos,” Seb says softly, biting his lip, and Carlos allows himself to memorize his face at this moment for the last time.

Just as he’s about to open the door, Seb leans in kissing Carlos softly on the cheek.

“Goodnight, Carlos.”

He ignores the heat rushing to that spot, eyes focused on Seb as he smiles. “Goodnight Seb.”

Seb nods briefly, his smile growing a bit before he turns. He gives Carlos a quick, shy wave before climbing down the steps of the porch and back to Georgie’s car, getting in the passenger seat this time. 

Carlos watches for a moment as they pull out, before turning to open the door. 

His mother is sitting on the couch in the front room as he steps in. Her glasses perched on the edge of her nose, and her hair tied back as she reads a book, the light shining softly from the lamp next to her.

 She looks up at Carlos as he walks in. “Good night?”

“Yeah,” Carlos nods. “Amazing. Buenas noches, mamá.”

“Buenas noches, mijo. Get a good sleep, you have an early dance lesson tomorrow.”

He nods, shuffling upstairs. The energy from the night has been accompanied now by exhaustion, and Carlos feels like he’s about to collapse. He forces himself to quickly shower, do his skincare, and brush his teeth before he collapses into his bed.

As he sets his alarm for dance the next morning, he notices a new text notification.

From: Seb Matthew-Smith: tonight was amazing!! do it again sometime? <3

And even though nobody can see, Carlos smiles to himself 

From: Carlos Rodriguez: yeah, definitely. <3

Carlos hits send, then turns on his sleep playlist before switching off his phone and plugging it in next to him. 

He’ll talk more to Seb in the morning.

For now, he allows the moment of Seb kissing him to replay in his head. And with that, Carlos falls asleep with the feeling of Seb lips on his cheek.

It’s great to be in love on Valentine’s Day.

[seblos]

there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach - ch 3/10

chapter title: tornadoes come and go, dance is forever

word count: 1,972

note: it doesn’t occur until close to the end, but italics is carlos, bold is sbe, & both is both!

[one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine (coming soon)]

read on ao3

Seb catches Carlos after rehearsal the day after his… interaction with Mr. Mazzara. They had been talking more in class and during lunch, as well as rehearsals whenever they had time to break and if Miss Jenn didn’t need anything. 

It had been their thing, now, to either drive Carlos home if they end early, or at the very least walk out the door and through the parking lot to their respective cars. It gives them a chance to catch up on whatever drama happened in rehearsal in person before they’re forced to text about it or wait until lunch the next day to talk. 

Seb had been absent the previous day though, and when he had asked Carlos about what had happened, Carlos responded vaguely about running through songs and the new Status Quo dance break with Gina. 

Truthfully, what came to mind was not either of those, but instead the conversation he had with Mr. Mazzara pre-rehearsal. Just thinking about it makes Carlos’s stomach sink as he hears the voice of the STEM teacher echoing in his head, reminding him that maybe you should spend a little less time worrying about your drama teacher and a little more time making some friends under the age 35.

He had only been trying to help, as Miss Jenn looked distressed (how was he supposed to read the conversation?) but that comment hit him like a wall of bricks. 

After Miss Jenn had shooed him away from the conversation and into the bomb shelter to practice Status Quo, Carlos’s head was pounding, only hearing those words over and over again. And of course, that had been that day that Seb was absent, which only made everything feel so much more real. He had put on a happy face for the sake of hopefully having the cast actually listen to him, but on the inside, he had felt like he was going to be sick.

“You ready to go?” Carlos asks, breaking his train of thought as he swings his backpack over his shoulders. He begins to walk towards the door, trying to focus on something else, like how Seb is wearing cute overalls today over one of his button-ups.

Speaking of Seb, though, he realizes the other boy is still planted firmly in place across the room. “Seb?”

“Are you okay, Carlos?” He asks. “You were fine on Wednesday, but I was gone yesterday and you just seem… different. If it’s something I did, please tell me because I-”

“It’s not you, Seb,” Carlos smiles slightly, although his chest feels tight. 

“Then what is it?”

Carlos sighs, walking back over to Seb and sitting down in the nearest chair. Seb follows suit, and he has to admit that Seb genuinely caring about him feels really nice. 

“Yesterday before rehearsal, I was just coming to give Miss Jenn coffee, and she was in the hall talking to Mr. Mazzara,” both Seb and Carlos cringed at the name (neither of them exactly loved him as a teacher) before Carlos continues. “She looked upset, or, like, freaked out about whatever he had said. I didn’t have any context to the conversation so I was trying to make sure she was okay, ‘cuz, like, you never really know, and um,” Carlos swallowed, picking at a fray in his jeans.

Seb, who was nodding as he talked, took Carlos’s hand comfortingly, which sent electric currents through the boy’s body. It was enough to make him continue, though.

“When I kept pushing Miss Jenn to make sure she was good, he told me that I shouldn’t be so focused on her, and I should try and actually make some friends. My own age, I mean,” it stung to repeat, even with Seb rubbing his thumb on the back of Carlos’s hand. 

Seb stopped all of a sudden, as Carlos was finally able to make eye contact with the other boy. “He said that to you?” he asked, painfully calm.

“I mean, not in those exact words, but yeah. Basically.”

Seb suddenly grabbed his other hand, fully tuning his body so he was facing Carlos. “You know that’s not true, right? I mean, first of all, you have friends,” he squeezed Carlos’s hands when he said that. Carlos opened his mouth to respond, but he wasn’t finished. “And not just me, I mean. Natalie, and Gina, and honestly Ricky, and Nini, and Ashlyn, and the rest of the cast. We’re all your friends. And there’s nothing wrong being friends with your teachers, as long as you aren’t friends with him. I mean, you and Miss Jenn are basically coworkers since she’s not technically a teacher anyway,” Seb rambled.

Carlos felt his chest release as Seb defended him and tried to make him feel better. For once since that conversation with Mr. Mazzara, it felt like the weight of the words had lifted a bit from his body. 

“I’m serious, Los,” Seb squeezes his hands again. “That was so mean of him, and its absolutely not true.”

Carlos smiles softly. “Yeah, I’m kinda figuring that out. Thank you, though, Seb.”

“Of course,” Seb returns with a soft smile of his own. 

They sit like that for a moment, ignoring how both of their rides are probably already at the school. Carlos tries not to overthink how casually Seb is holding his hands. 

“Mr. Mazzara did walk in while we were running Status Quo, and the look on his face was priceless when he saw us singing. I guess he assumed we weren’t actually good, but it was the best we’ve ever sounded!” Carlos says suddenly, and Seb laughs. “I wish you were here though, so he could have heard you sing. Your solo in the song is amazing.”

Seb blushes slightly, breaking eye contact for the first time and looking down at his overalls instead of Carlos as he responds. “Thank you! No thanks to your impossible choreo.”

Carlos shrugs. “I only give you what I know you can handle. Even without it, though, your voice is amazing. I love to hear you sing.”

“So, let’s sing!”

“What do you mean?” Carlos laughs as Seb stands up suddenly, still holding Carlos’s hands as he pulls him over to the piano and down onto the bench.

“You didn’t get to hear me sing yesterday, and you had a bad day, so let’s sing!”

“When you say let’s do you mean us?” Carlos asks, but Seb is already playing the beginning of What I’ve Been Looking For.

“You wanted to hear me sing, and I need to practice this song,” he tells Carlos, nodding at him to start out the song. Before Carlos can say anything, the song starts, and he sings.

“It's hard to believe that I couldn't see you were always there beside me. Thought I was alone with no one to hold but you were always right beside me”

Seb jumps in when he’s supposed to, still playing piano as he sings, and Carlos relaxes into the song. He doesn’t usually sing in front of people, but he’ll make the exception here.

“And this feeling’s like no other. I want you to know.”

Seb’s voice is amazing, of course, and Carlos is so stunned by it that he almost forgets to join back in. 

“I've never had someone that knows me like you do (the way you do!)

 I've never had someone as good for me as you (no one like you!)

So lonely before, I finally found what I've been looking for!”

As he plays the piano break before the next verse, Seb turns to Carlos with a grin. “I’m surprised you know all the words!”

“It’s what happens when you’ve been listening to the soundtrack for a decade!” Carlos replies with a laugh

“Well, it’s cute. And I like your voice!”

Carlos almost thinks he misheard Seb for a second, but they’re both blushing, so he assumes he did it. Before he can figure out how to respond, Seb starts singing again.

“So good to be seen, so good to be heard! Don't have to say a word!

For so long I was lost, so good to be found!

I'm loving having you around.”

Carlos holds a fake microphone in his clenched fist, mocking the moves of Ryan from the movie that play so clearly in his head as he sings the next lyric. “This feeling's like no other. I want you to know..”

“I've never had someone that knows me like you do (the way you do!)

 I've never had someone as good for me as you (no one like you!)

So lonely before, I finally found what I've been looking for!”

Seb is still smiling at Carlos while they sing, and for the first time, Carlos hears the lyrics. It makes him wonder why two siblings sing it in the show because seriously! Maybe it’s just him, or just the company, but this sounds like the most romantic thing in the world right now. He tries to not think about how close he and Seb are squished together on the piano bench.

They both scat dramatically, still laughing and smiling at each other as Seb finishes the song with dramatic flourish. 

“Too bad there was no jazz square in there,” Seb sighs happily when he hits the last note.

“Oh, don’t worry, there will be,” Carlos laughs. 

Seb sets his hand down on the bench, and for a moment, he glances at their hands merely centimeters apart. Carlos notices it too, and he swears Seb moves his hand ever so slightly closer so that their pinkies are touching. (Which isn't much considering Seb was literally holding his hand a minute ago, but it still makes Carlos’s heart beat rapidly.)

He’s about to suck it up and just grab Seb’s hand, but a notification goes off from Seb’s phone (it’s placed in the front pocket of his overalls. Has Carlos mentioned he’s wearing overalls?) Seb picks it up, glancing at the screen.

“My sister’s here, I should…” he trails off, standing up from the piano and going to grab his backpack.

“Yeah, I’m sure my mom was here, like, 5 minutes so me too,” Carlos grabs his backpack, and they walk out of the bomb shelter together.

They walk down the hallway in comfortable silence as Carlos reflects on the past five minutes. He had never experienced this feeling before, but Seb made him feel dizzy, in a good way. The blonde boy could put butterflies in his stomach just by looking at him, and all of their interactions made Carlos’s heart race and always made him smile.

He thought he had crushes before, but this was so much different. This was so much more real. 

When they walked out the front door of the school, the fresh air hit Carlos’s still burning face. 

Seb turned to him. “Well, this is where I go.”

Carlos nods. “Yeah, same,” he replies, and he’s definitely still blushing. “I’ll probably text you tonight about the chemistry homework.”

“Yeah. Or just text me, like, about anything,” Seb shrugs with a smile, and Carlos feels a little bit better when he notices the pink still dusting the other boy’s face. He reaches his hand out for a second, barely brushing Carlos’s shoulder as he says “See you tomorrow, Carlos!” before he turns in the direction of his sister’s car.

“Hey, Seb?” Carlos calls quickly before he can lose his confidence.

“Yeah?” the boy turns right before he can step into the parking lot.

“Cute overalls!”

Even from the distance, he can see Seb flushing an even darker shade of pink. “Thanks!” he calls back, and Carlos nods, smiling.

And even when he gets in his own car and his mom asks him a million questions about why he’s late, it’s worth it.