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echologname · 1 year

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Murder Drones fan fic: Kindergarten

Site 3's school bus rolled to a halt outside of Door 1 as the morning sun made the fallen snow sparkle and the disarrayed parts from slain worker drones shine. Its passengers, teenage worker drones who had just come back from a harrowing camping trip, began to exist and made their way towards the big metal door to enter their colony's bunker. Uzi turned toward N, "I'm gonna to talk to my dad," she said gesturing behind her, "So, we can meet up later, OK?"

"Yeah, go on ahead!"

"Great! See you!"

She waved and sprinted off. Maybe V would want some company? He wondered. He looked around for his fellow disassembly drone and spotted her talking to her worker friend, Lizzy, a short distance away from everyone else with a slight smile on her face. Oh, she looks busy, I won't bother her then. N stood awkwardly for a moment thinking about what to do when he suddenly noticed Uzi's teacher was silently standing next to him watching his students with a vacant expression.

"Oh, hi Mr. Teacher! Is there anything I can do for you?"

He thought for a moment, "Hmm...now that you mention it, I could use some help with another class."

Soon, the teacher and a bewildered N, stood at the front of a classroom with the alphabet lining the wall behind them watching small worker drones chasing each other with scissors, coloring on the walls, ripping pages out of story books and one was changing their face into various emoticons. The teacher turned to walk away, "Good luck." N watched him leave waiting to see if he would elaborate on this assignment but he simply yawned and closed the door behind him without saying another word. OK…I can do this! There's nothing that can harm them here! He encouraged himself to deter the twinge of guilt gripping his heart from failing to protect several of Uzi's classmates from meeting tragic fatalities. He sprung forward and announced enthusiastically, "Hiya kids! Who's ready for a fun day of learning?" However, the petit drones carried on with wreaking havoc completely oblivious to their substitute. N tried again, "Um, excuse me? Hello?" Still, no response. "Can I have everyone's attention please?" He waited a moment then sighed. Alright then… "Hey watch this!" He said trying to project his voice above the noise and stabbed his hand with his nanite acide filled tail leaving a gaping hole. He peered at his now stunned audience through it. "Now you see it…" he stuck his hand in his mouth and after a little bit revealed the freshly repaired hand. "...Now you don't!" The children oohed in unison then excitedly shouted, "Do it again!", "Again!" Touched with their enthusiasm, N punctured his other hand and healed it. The children giggled and clapped, "Again!" "Again!" He gladly continued to stab various body parts, afterall, it hurt far less than one would imagine. Even his foot, which they all laughed watching him try to lick it. Once he finally got it, he stood and said, "OK, OK, I think that's enough for now." The class collectively awwed in disapproval. "It's OK," N reassured them, "There's plenty of fun things for us to do later! How about we start with getting to know each other? I'm N and I'll be your substitute teacher for today." He then produced a clipboard and pen from behind him, "Now, is Opal here?" A girl in front with a pink face and black hair partitioned into fine braids raised her hand. "Nice to meet you! And Jordan?" A boy with a teal face in the back called out, "Here!" "OK, and Demitri?" The worker with the emoticon face responded by displaying:

(●>ω<) ﾉ"

N looked at the student for a moment, confused. "Oh, it's a wave! Hi!" He waved back and checked Demitri off on the list and continued to call out the rest of the names.

Once finished, N said, Now, how about we go over the ABCs!" The class moaned, "Aww…," "Nooooo," "Do we hafta?"

"Um, sorry but that's what your teacher asked. How about just once and we can have a break for recess?" The responding mumbles sounded reluctantly compliant. "Great!" He put his arms above his head to resemble a pointed arch, "A…" then he turned to the side and made a loop with his arms in front of him and another below with his tail, "...B…" next he moved his arms in an outward arch with his tail mirroring below, "...C…" and then closed the gap, "...D…" The students remained transfixed as their new teacher contorted himself into seemingly impossible shapes to form the alphabet. "...V…" He raised his arms above him at diagonals, "Wait! That looks like a Y!" He sat down and crossed his legs so the deviation of his arms from his torso would be lower to the ground. "There! Now what's next?..." He stared off in thought for only a few seconds when lots of high pitched voices shouted in unison, "W!"

"Oh right! Thanks!"

Uh…how do I make that? He wondered. He made the "A" arch again but this time spread his wings out in upward slants. The children oohed and their eyes widened. N noticed their reaction, "Oh. These are just my wings, I mostly use them for flying."

"Wow! You can fly Mr. N?" Asked one kid in a baseball cap. "I want to fly!" Said another. "Me too!" "Me three!" The class was buzzing with excitement.

"Uh, maybe I can show you when we go outside for recess?" N suggested. Just as those words were spoken, a small boy with glasses stood up, cleared his throat, and politely recited "X, Y and Z." before bellowing, "RECESS!"

In an uproar, the class flocked towards the door, giddy with excitement and flooded the hallway.

"Ah, wait for me!" N called after them.

The midday sun was overcast by dark clouds of yet another storm, typical of a planet inhospitable to organic life. N stood watching his students, some were building a snowman and jamming drone arms into the large middle snowball. Some were climbing an old car and dubbing whoever's on top the "Ruler of the world." Demitri held a head with a, "Fatal Error," notification still displayed on the screen in a dramatic Hamlet pose while making a sad face:

(T⌓T)

The rest were collecting miscellaneous junk and building micro cities with tall skyscrapers. Then N noticed a little girl with shoulder length dark brown hair and a magenta face sitting alone poking the snow with her index finger. He walking towards her, "Hey Allie! What'cha doin'?" She drew a few lines in the snow but the wind swiftly erased them and she groaned in frustration. "Oh, you want to draw! Would you like to doodle with some crayons and paper instead?" She looked up at him and her eyes gleamed, "Yes please!" She stood up and N lead her to the open door where Ron, the worker in charge of guarding it, stood. Behind Ron an old card table was situated donning noticeable weathering and spots of dried oil. N pulled out a chair for her and as she sat down N retracted his hands into his arms and replaced them with a box of crayons and a roll of blank paper. Grinning N said, "Here you go!"

"Uh, thank you?" Allie carefully took the crayons and paper, curiously peering into the mysterious abyss they came from and laid them out in front of her. "Mr. Door Man can keep you company while I supervise your classmates!" He said gesturing to the white faced worker who was politely watching. N turned and gave him a thumbs up and Ron gave one back, "I can watch her for you N! It's no problem!"

"Thanks!" N beamed, filled with the warmth of having a good friend to help him.

They all exchanged goodbye waves before N made his way back. As the play area came into view, his cozy feelings suddenly ran cold at the sight before him. A cou with the car kids raged as two sides fought to usurp the current monarch whacking each other with the arms they stole from the snowman kids, who in retaliation, raided the micro cities and repurposed the junk as ammunition against the car kids. The junk kids with their collection completely depleted resorted to using Demitri as a battering ram, carrying him under their arms as they charged towards the ensuing chaos ignorant of the terror on his face:

(〇_ｏ)

Horrified at the violence, N desperately tried to get their attention to break up the fighting, "Excuse me! Could you all stop please?" To no avail, they continued to hurl fists and insults, "You rusty head! Give those back!" "Rahh!" "May Robo Jesus have mercy on your circuits when I'm done with you!" "For his majesty! Charge!" "Take this and that!" I have to stop this, NOW! But how? He spotted the child closest to him cower as a jagged clump of metal careened towards their head. In a flash, N jumped in front of them and shielded them with his wings. Then utilizing his speed and agility, he swiped projectiles from the air, twirling and tumbling like an acrobat shielding as many kids as he could from further harm. Disturbed snowflakes leapt into the air in a frenzy after him, and clouded the battle field in a tempestuous haze. As they gently drifted back to their place of rest on the ground, arose a looming angelic silhouette accompanied by a growling rumble of not too distant thunder. It was accented with yellow luminescence which pierced the white throng and encircled with every color aglow. Its silver-esque pinions retracted with a metallic, "Shink!" N stood in the freshly fallen snow and frowned at the juvenile soldiers, who were far too hasty to fight a pointless war, as they stared at him stunned. One was frozen mid punch, one had his peer in a choke hold, another looked up from their fetal position on the ground with their hands covering their head, a boy tenderly held his injured arm, another pressed their hand over their cracked face and even though speaking was a great difficulty for him, for once it wasn't just Demitri who had no words:

☉_☉)

The disappointed disassembly drone looked at the rusted scrap in his hand. Charcoal colored liquid invaded the dusky crimson, oozing down its erratic edges and marring the pristine powder below. He effortlessly crushed the dense material and let the bits and pieces trickle to the ground. He hung his head and in a low voice laced with pain announced, "Recess is over." He took a few steps in the direction of the bunker and the children parted for him. The students were overcome with remorse at seeing the lighthearted robot quietly walking away with his tail dragging behind him and obediently followed.

Back at Door 1, Ron was doodling alongside Allie, he looked up when he heard footsteps. "Hey buddy! Recess over already?"

N awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and failed to sound more cheery. "Uh, yeah, I think the kids have had enough play time outside. The storm's getting closer anyways."

Ron knew his friend wasn't himself but wasn't sure if he should ask what was wrong. He noticed the class filing in with solemn faces and an idea popped into his head. "Y'know, there's about 20 minutes left of recess, why don't the kids spend it here? I'll close the door so the storm doesn't get in and they can color, play cards or just take a break." He gave N a reassuring smile and a thumbs up and N reciprocated, thankful for the assistance.

Before long, everyone was drawing and in much better spirits. After some time, N felt a light tap on his shoulder. He looked up from his artwork and noticed the whole class was giving him their attention. "Mr. N…" started Tort, who donned short side swept hair and a wardrobe of yellow, white, purple and black, "...we're very sorry for the trouble we caused."

"We should have used our words, not our fists." Added a boy with long, braided hair and a tie dyed t-shirt.

"Quarrels aren't fashionable anyways." Remarked Ashley, frowning at her large, snuggly fitting, elegantly ruffled white blouse that had suffered a nasty tear and oil stains.

Though Demitri wasn't a willing participant in the skirmish, he still felt a bit contrite over the ordeal:

(｡•́︿•̀｡)

Then a seemingly masculine student by the name of Brianna, who wore a pink, blue and white striped dress stepped forward, "We made you this…" and she revealed a colorful folded piece of paper from behind her back and handed it to her teacher. The front featured an abstract yellow and black figure with a hat and tail forming quite an unnatural, twisted pose and below two yellow circles was a wide upturned line. The character was surrounded with red and pink hearts and smiley faces. N's heart began to swell at the sentiment and opened the card to view the inside. A vibrant dance of colors swirled the pages, scrawled penmanships of every individual student who signed their names around the askewely written message, "WƎ Я $огǝe ☹." Enraptured by the gift, N stood and reassured them, "It's OK, I forgive all of you. I probably shouldn't have left you all alone, even if it was only for a few minutes." Then proclaimed tenaciously, "I promise I'll do better!"

"But Mr. N…" started a boy with teal hair, wearing a matching headband with cat ears, "...you're already SO cool! You're SUPER fast like the blue hedgehog in my video game!"

"Aww, thanks, Michael." N replied smiling.

"And really funny!" Added a kid with their black hair covering one eye and wearing a black jacket with spiked sequins, grinning with genuine joy.

"¡Haces que quiera ser una mejor persona! [You make me want to be a better person!]" Confessed Danny, whose shirt sported green, white and red stripes.

"And not boring like our regular teacher." Pointed out another. Pretty soon everyone was chiming in: "You're amazing!" "You actually like us!" "You're the nicest teacher in the world!" "I didn't know learning could be fun!" Overwhelming with their love and adoration, N, thanked them, "Aww, you all are the best students! Even if you make mistakes, you're all still good kids and I'm still proud of you all!" Then with teary digital eyes, knelt down, held out his arms and cheerily asked, "Group hug?" The miniature drones swarmed him and encapsulation him with their tiny arms. Not comfortable with hugs, Allie, standing on a chair, lightly patted him on the head. As N embrassed them he thought, I guess everything's going to be OK! Even though bad things happened, I now have lots of friends to help me with taking the scary stuff a baby step at a time. He glanced up at the door and under a pink flower magnet, hung the card he gave Ron a while ago to apologize for murdering his colleagues once. Just like that, he forgave me so easily. These mini workers too! If they can forgive me of whatever big or small thing I've done, maybe I can forgive me too.

At the end of the school day, the friendly murder drone was thoroughly exhausted from a traumatic night followed by a strenuous yet therapeutic 6 hours, some of which was spent applying saliva to the wounded children. He shuffled his feet through the hall hoping to go back where his kind resided, a spire of deceased worker bodies, hang upside down from the top, and take a rejuvenating shut down. Suddenly a door opened and a familiar voice called out, "N?" He looked back to see Uzi staring at him with a confused expression. She eyed him up and down, "You good there?" She was referring to her friend oddly covered in stickers, glitter glue, construction paper bits and multi colored squiggly lines, not to mention a sparkly, colorful trail of such items retraced his steps. N yawned and groggily replied, "Heeey Uziiii! I'm Good...I'm super duper! I'm just going to… go…" He slumped mid sentence and dozed off, his head lights diminished to a faint glow. Uzi gently took his hand and led him through the door she exited. "You can tell me later. For now, take it easy. I have a ceiling rafter with your name on it."

At the end of the bunker, illuminated by the lights above Door 1, surrounding N's apolagy card, hung all the drawings that were created that day, including the one he had been working on. It depicted a yellow halod gangly lad sporting a huge grin while wrapping cartoonishly long arms around a mass of tiny smiling faces with the inscription, "Thank you for loving me."

Noteable Students

Opal

She/her

Named after Black Lives Matter co-founder Opal Tometi.

Demitri

He/him

Mute. There's nothing physically wrong with his speech synthesizer, but there's some disconnect between it and the language processing center on his motherboard.

Allie

She/her

Autistic

Ashley

She/her

Her limbs and torso are of greater diameter than her peers. Named after the plus sized model, Ashley Graham.

Brianna

She/her

Trans, named after trans girl, Brianna Ghey, who was killed.

Tort

They/them

Named after NB environmental activist, Tortuguita, who was also killed.

Michael

Drone personification of N's voice actor, Michael Kovach.

Danny

He/him

Named after Mexican American actor, Danny Trejo.

#murder drones #serial designation n #uzi doorman #murder drones fan fic

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diaryofabeautyfiend · 2 years

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Freedom Is A Kiss

Dean Winchester x ofc

Read with caution ⛔️ dub con with a demon/p in v/angst/supernatural typical violence/drinking/soulmates

It is said that you don’t have just one soul mate but a soul family. There are souls with whom you’ve traveled through space and time for millennia. You may all change roles and dynamics but, at the core, your souls have always been a unit. Sometimes though, there is one soul that your soul is drawn to. One soul that matches yours so perfectly and so completely that you might consider them your most perfect mate. But, since this is real life and not some fairy porn romance, not everyone finds their mate. Hell most people don’t even believe in that sort of thing. But it's as real as any of the horrible things we hunt. And, damn me to hell, Dean Winchester is mine.

Most people aren’t even aware there is such a thing as a soul bond. But I can see the energy of the bond between people. The bond between lovers is the strongest connection there is. And, the only way to lock it into place is if both lovers acknowledge and accept it. If it’s ever broken, the pair rarely survive.

How do I know all of these things? Well I come from a long line of psychics. My mother Pamela had the unfortunate experience of doing business with the Winchesters. Didn’t end well for her. She’s fine now. We chat. In fact, she’s the one who led me to these boys. Not without many words of caution. But, they always seem to be in a bind so here I am. And I’ve been here for five years since I’ve graduated.

I was supposed to be a lawyer. I went to law school. Passed the bar. Had an offer at a big firm in New York too. But, duty called or some shit like that. My mom talks to me usually in my dreams. We mostly catch up just like any mom and kid would if they lived far away from one another. One night she came to me so vividly that I swear she was corporeal. “Baby girl, you have to get to South Dakota. Find Bob Singer. He needs you to help him find his boys.” She practically screamed at me. I left two hours later. Never went back.

I hadn’t seen Bobby Singer since I was a kid. After Mom left to chase greener pastures, I stayed behind with my dad. For my safety she never told anyone about me. Bobby was the only hunter who knew.

As soon as he saw me that fateful morning, I watched the relief wash over his face. “‘Mom sent me.” I said as I shouldered past him.

“Damn glad to see you, kid.” I helped him find Sam and Dean. Helped him fight a jinn. That was the first time I ever stabbed something. I wish I could say it was my last. When we freed the boys and got them back on their feet, Dean stared into my eyes and with actual gratitude and something like recognition in his eyes and said, “Thank you for your help…..I’m sorry” he laughed softly, “I don’t even know your name.”

“Jessamine. Like the flower. But everyone calls me Jesse. You knew my mother. Pamela.” He laughed and then smiled at me in a way that stopped my heart. That’s when I knew. I knew that he was my soulmate because I recognized him too. In every conceivable way he was mine and I was his. Too bad Dean Winchester doesn’t believe in soulmates.

So, for the last five years, I’ve been following behind him and Sam saving people and hunting things like it was also my birthright. I rode couches and slept in seedy motels until they found the bunker. Now I stay here to “do research”. Sometimes I babysit the angel who blinded my mother and Lucifer’s kid. Fun times. The boys never let me hunt with them anymore. I got kidnapped by the king of hell one time and they never let me out with them again.

It’s just as well. The longer I ignore my bond with Dean the more it tears me apart. I can see it eating at him too. He looks at me differently now. Less like a sister and more like someone he would actually want to fuck. One night we even got drunk enough that we almost tumbled into bed together. Almost. I’ve never seen him sober up that fast. His rejection sent me spiraling into a depression that I couldn’t shake. It doesn’t make it any better that Cas and Jack can see my bond with Dean clear as crystal. I forbid them from telling him. It would only complicate things. Dean doesn’t think he deserves happiness. He’s said as much more times than I care to count. So I just sit back and let our bond slowly eat away at both of us.

In any case the boys were on their way back from taking down a vamp nest. Nothing major. Just another day at the office. Jack and I finished cataloging a few things Rowena left behind and I’m headed to bed when I hear the familiar clang of the door. Instead of going out to greet them I scurried off to bed. Dean's scent after a hunt is too much for me to handle. I have to control myself but it’s getting too difficult. Best if I just keep to myself.

While I brush my teeth I could hear Dean’s gruff voice and the sound of bottle caps hitting the glass table. Doesn’t sound like things went well. I hesitated but turned down the corridor to my room when I ran smack into Cas. He stared down at me with a grave expression. “Save it, Cas. I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.”

“How can you take this? I’ve seen true soulmates turn themselves inside out for each other. How can you just let it fester? It will never go away, Jesse.”

I had to. These boys were my family and I loved them, something fierce but nothing good comes from being in love. Not in this world. It’ll end bloody. “Just drop it.” I said quietly, not noticing him looking over my shoulder.

“Drop what?” My spine stiffened. My eyes plead with Castiel to steady his face. He was such a shitty liar. Before he could open his mouth I turned to Dean yawning.

“Nothing. I’m going to bed. Glad you both came home in one piece.” I tried to walk away but Dean was in the mood to fight. That’s how he dealt with stuff sometimes. I noticed Sam had already retreated to his corner with Eileen. He probably got the brunt of it on the way back.

“Out with it, J. If you have something to say, say it.” His eyes were hardened glass clear and laser focused on mine. These are the times when my knees are weak and I can’t muster up my quick wit. Every instinct in my body was urging me to touch him, feel his warmth, soothe him.

“I have nothing to say. You know I get antsy when you two are gone for too long. And save the speech about this being the lifestyle. I know it is. Is it a crime to give a crap about you?” He softened a little, letting his face relax.

“No. It’s not. Come on. Have a beer with me. I feel like less of an alcoholic when you drink with me.” A smile tugged at his lips not quite reaching his eyes. I fought the bond hard and won this time thank goodness.

“You don’t need me. Not when Casa Erotica 27 dropped this morning” I sang. The dopey grin on his face told me I was in the clear.

“I love how you know me so well.” He kissed the top of my head and practically skipped to his room. I let out a sigh and went to my room still aching for him. Sleep wouldn’t come easy for me tonight. It rarely did.

The next morning I went to the kitchen to make some coffee and Sam was already awake. Eileen must have already left. She preferred to keep her place in Lebanon, KS to escape the constant talk of hunting though her upbringing was just as bad as Sam and Dean. I couldn’t blame her for wanting a place to retreat to when things were quiet.

Sam was already at work looking for the next job. The two of us have developed a routine in the morning that consisted mostly of grunts and raised eyebrows to communicate. I knew how he took his coffee and eggs. He always had the lemon water waiting for me at the table. Sam was easy to get along with and I appreciated his willingness to be quiet in the morning.

He finally broke the silence as he cleared the breakfast dishes. “I think I found something in Lincoln. You up for a drive?” I was shocked but kept my cool. No way Dean was going to agree.

“What are we looking at?”

“A string of bizarre deaths all classified as ‘broken heart syndrome’. But get this, all of the victims are relatively young. Usually occurs in women. But every one of the victims are male and under 50.”

He turned his laptop towards me so I could see the article in the local paper. “Weird. So what does this have to do with me?”

“Their partners have all gone missing and were later found sucked dry.” He said warily.

“Vamps?” I continued to read looking for answers.

“I was thinking an Incubus. They don’t leave a lot of evidence behind other than the body of their victims. They rarely strike in the same place twice. There are ten victims…5 couples. I thought maybe if you were near the bodies, you could get an echo or something. Maybe sense what happened.”

I was definitely up for a little adventure. “Yep. I can be ready in twenty.” Sam and I left the kitchen to get ready while Dean was still asleep. No sense in waking him. A few minutes later I heard the two of them arguing.

“Absolutely not. Not after what happened last time.” Dean barked.

“The Crowley situation has been dealt with. It’s ancient history. She’s ready to get back out there with us. And, frankly, we need her help.” Sam was always good at getting Dean to see reason. But, when it came to me, he rarely backed down. Cas said it was an instinct due to the soul bond. While that might have been part of it, I think he feels guilty for not being able to save me.

“No. Find another way.” I stood in the doorway and cleared my throat to announce myself.

“Don’t I get a say?” Dean rested a protective hand on my shoulder and bent to look me in the eyes. His hold was disarming. I could barely focus on what he was saying.

“Look, Jesse, I trust you. You’re a damn good hunter. But I was out of my mind when we couldn’t find you last time and I promised I’d never let that happen again.” It was true. He slaughtered every demon who held me by himself. Damn near killed Crowley too.

“I can take care of myself.” I said deadly calm. Our eyes were locked neither one of us wanting to back down.

“Ok. Fine.” He scrubbed his hands over his face and turned to Sam. “You never leave her alone for a minute do you hear me? Get what you need and get back here.” Sam nodded and we both headed for the stairs. I looked back at him before closing the door. His brows were drawn and his breathing harsh. We didn’t speak a word to each other. Didn’t need to. He was terrified and he had no idea why.

Baby roared to life and we pulled away music blaring. I caught Sam glancing at me every few miles out of the corner of my eye. “You ok?” he asked.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I’ve never seen him so worried. Kind of feels like how much I worry when Eileen goes out by herself.” A knowing smile played on his lips.

“Dean and I aren’t the same as you and Eileen. You’re in love with her. It’s different.” I shuffled through the cassette tapes until I found something loud enough to drown him out. I popped in Alice In Chains and turned it up.

Sam shut off the radio completely leaving nothing but the rumble of the engine and road noise to fill the car. “I thought Jess was my soulmate until I met Eileen. It was like we recognized each other. Not that it surprised her.” he smiled to himself “Of course she knew all about actual bonded soul lore. The only person Dean ever went postal for was me. That is until Crowley’s flunkies caught you. I have never seen him like that.” For several minutes I didn’t respond. Just kept staring at the road flying beneath us. “But if you don’t want to talk about it…” he went for the volume knob when I spoke up.

“I know he’s my soulmate. Cas and Jack can see the bond but I knew before Jack said anything. I can see it too. Smell him. Sense him when he’s miles away. I can sense his moods. Sometimes I think I can hear his thoughts. Probably can. You know what would happen if he acknowledged this thing even existed. I can’t take the rejection.” Sam didn’t respond. He knew exactly how Dean would take this information. He would push me away out of fear. Fear of the target that would inevitably be placed on my back. Fear that something would happen to me every time I left the bunker. But, more than anything, fear of the pain I’ll endure for simply loving him. Being in love with Dean Winchester was a full contact sport and no one made it out unscathed.

We didn’t speak about it again. I knew I was placing an unnecessary burden on Sam. He didn’t meddle in my personal life. Never says a word when I try to sneak in in the wee hours after a hookup. He lets me live my life and that is why I feel terrible about him keeping this from his brother. But he knows it’s for the best.

We made it to Lincoln in a little more than three hours having changed at a gas station just outside of town. He gave me my badge with an unremarkable name typed on the ID. Only Sam and I knew Agent Wilson was after Ann and Nancy Wilson from the band Heart.

The medical examiner went through his preliminary autopsy with Sam while I examined the body on the slab. He was male, 25 and newly engaged to his high school sweetheart. His fiancé was found a dried out husk on the floor of their bedroom. He was five feet away, hand extended like he was reaching for her. His heart gave out less than ten minutes after her T.O.D. near as the ME could figure. I placed my hands on his temples and waited for the vision that would slam into me. I waited to feel his horror and pain but I didn’t feel any of that. I felt intense pleasure and like I was satiated. I wasn’t seeing through his eyes but the eyes of the killer. I watched the whole horrific scene play out and promptly vomited into a trash can.

Sam and the doctor watched confused from the doorway. “First time seeing a dead body.” Sam explained as I grabbed napkins from above the sink. I tried to listen to their conversation but everything was muffled like I was under water. The two men finished their conversation and Sam lead me quickly back to the car.

“What did you see?” He asked slowly as I regained my composure. I recounted the whole sordid tale not leaving out any details.

“I get the feeling. I think I know where it’s going next or where it just was. I don’t know, Sam. I think I opened a link to it.”

His brows knitted together with worry, “You could have inadvertently. Can you still feel it? Can it be closed? I mean, before the thing realizes.”

I tried severing the link when I went hurling back into another vision. I could smell the victim's perfume. Heard her partner screaming. She was warm beneath me. This wasn’t the past. This was happening in real time. I went back. Back as far as I could to see any details of their location. Anything that could pinpoint where they were. It would be too late. I saw an address on an envelope and snapped back to consciousness. “516 Meadowdale. Go!”

By the time we got there, they were already dead. “Do not touch anything. I’m going to call this in anonymously and we’re getting the hell out of here.” Sam dialed 911 as we were speeding towards the freeway.

I was utterly drained and couldn’t keep my eyes open. Every time I fell asleep I was seeing through the monster’s eyes. He was reliving his kills over the last few days. The psychopath was getting off on them.

We made it back to the bunker by nightfall and I headed directly to my bed. Dean was waiting for us to get a full report but I couldn’t stand. “What happened?” He asked Sam. I kept walking.

I didn’t even bother taking off my boots. Sleep came fast and I was deep in another vision when I jolted awake. Dean was sitting in a chair at the end of my bed watching me. “What time is it?” My voice sounded like it was dragged through gravel.

“A little after 2am. Another nightmare?” He handed me a glass of water which I drained in two long gulps.

“Yeah. I assume Sam told you everything?” He nodded, planting his feet firmly on the ground ready to scold me.

“He did. We have to figure out how to get you unlinked from this thing. Sammy’s on the phone with Rowena now. If anything changes. If it becomes aware, you need to let us know.” He hesitated to touch me but he tentatively took my hand in his. “You scare the shit out of me sometimes, kid.” I wondered if he could sense me like I could sense him. If he even realized he could. He pressed his lips into a hard line and then pressed his mouth to the top of my head inhaling my scent as he did.

“I scare myself sometimes too.” I said quietly. “What do we know about the demon?” All I wanted was to change the subject and get out of his hold. I didn’t want his sympathy or fear to overwhelm me. I could link with the demon and I could find out where it would strike next. I scooted to the edge of the bed and tied my hair back readying myself to head to the war room.

“Whoa whoa slow down. Sam’s working on putting together the victim statements. We have time. Rest.” Dean grabbed for me but I was just out of his reach already making my way down the hall. “J, stop. We’ll handle this.”

I was absolutely livid that he wouldn’t let me hunt this thing with them. I was our best shot at preventing anymore killings. “You sidelining me, Winchester?”

“And what if I am, Barnes?” I kept walking and he stalked after me. “Do not walk away from me. You need to rest.”

“I can’t! Every time I close my eyes I’m letting my guard down. The deeper I go the more I can feel, see and hear. It’s only a matter of time before it catches on. You need me.” I left him brooding in the hall making my way to the rest of the boys. I pulled up a chair and grabbed a folder out of the pile in front of Sam. The newest victims' smiling faces stared up at me from a picture, frozen in a happier time. A small bag of personal effects was stapled to the front of the folder. No way I could touch it. I’d relive the whole thing. Sam and Cas stared at me waiting for me to say something. Anything. Dean walked past us into the kitchen grumbling under his breath. Fuck him. I let him throw his temper tantrum and gave Sam and Cas a look pinning them to their chairs. “What do we know?” I asked, keeping my eyes focused on the pages.

“None of the couples have anything in common except they’re all from Lincoln. There has to be something connecting them. He’s not choosing them at random.” Sam scowled at the table. We’d keep looking. Until the wee hours if we had to. “Anyway. Rowena gave me a spell to cloak you from the demon. It’s simple and I have everything we need here.”

“Let’s go.” I said dropping the folder. Cas and Jack would keep looking into the couples. We got a few family member interviews that the sheriffs office already conducted. Maybe that would shed some light.

Sam gathered the spell ingredients while I cast a protective circle. It was a simple incantation and some muddled herbs nothing major or life altering. Sam recited the spell while I closed my eyes and opened the psychic link with the demon.

meos, sed videam. Odi odor, sed sensus. cor pallii, sed benedictum Dominum sentio

Sam’s voice was distant, a mere breath on the wind as I went deeper. Everything was cloudy, almost veiled but I could see clearly. It was on the move. Through its eyes I could see the sign “Now entering Kansas: The Sunflower State.” He was headed south but I had no inkling on where he’d end up. I tried going through its memories to gather information. I went back to the date of the last murder and saw Sam and I running from the victims house. It knew who we were. I stayed in the trance much longer than I should have. The demon started to feel a pounding in its head. It wouldn’t be long before it realized why it was in pain. I pulled back quickly, my eyes flew open to see three horrified faces staring back at me and one pissed of Dean calling my name. “Call Eileen. Tell her to pack a bag. It’s headed south. It was still at the scene of the last murder. It knows us. Sam, no stops. Get her here fast.”

Sam nodded and left to call Eileen right away. Before I could head back to the war room Dean stopped me. “What the hell was that? Do you have a death wish?”

“No. But if I’m the best way to find this thing why wouldn’t you use me?” He was unusually protective of me this time. Then again, I rarely fight this hard to hunt. “What is going on with you, man?”

“Why are you pushing this so hard? It’s like the demon owes you money or something.” We sized each other up, both of us more than ready to fight. No way I’m backing down. He’s right though. I’m taking it personally. I felt…the demon felt like it was looking for something specific. Like the more love the victims felt for one another the more he enjoyed the game. Got off on it when they begged for their soulmate's life. Soulmates! It was then that I realized it was looking for bonded pairs.

“All the victims were soulmates.” I said before I took off for their files. I held their personal effects in my hands and let the whole horrific scene play out like a crappy slasher flick. The guy fought like hell but the demon was stronger. It immobilized him and made him watch his wife get sucked dry. His eyes held hers the whole time pleading with it to take him instead. I couldn’t see the demon’s face but could see his body, it’s hair draping strategically over it’s features. When she drew her last breath, the guy wailed and thrashed trying to get out of the demon’s hold. The sick bastard just left them there. Vanished into thin air and left them there. It wasn’t long before everything went hazy. I dropped the bag and collapsed into a heap on the ground sobbing into my hands. I was right. I saw their bond bright as sunlight and then I saw it go dark. And now the thing was coming after Sam and I. It would take Eileen. No way I would let that happen. Later I’ll go somewhere quiet and open the link again. Maybe it got somewhere that I could recognize.

Cas and Jack were at my side checking me for injuries. I didn’t realize it at first but blood was dripping from my nose. I batted them away. They had no reason to fuss. When I went to grab another folder Dean stopped me. His face was twisted in pain and his hands trembled. “No more. I can’t watch that again. I don’t care if you solve the whole damn case. This ends now.” His nostrils flared and his chest heaved. He was like a coiled spring waiting to tear apart whatever had me in its grasp. “You were screaming like it was happening to you, Jessamine.”

Jessamine. He only calls me that to tease me or when he’s beyond pissed. Last time he called me Jessamine was when I had a few too many and took Baby. She was fine. It was all “Jessamine Lorien Barnes, if you ever touch my baby again I will not hesitate.”

I got to my feet looking towards the table for another folder. “It could go after Sam and Eileen!” I pushed past him to the table but he was quicker.

“It could come after us!” The whole room went still as death. He knew we were bonded. Knew it and never had the balls to acknowledge it. The sting of rejection left an acrid feeling in my stomach.

“You knew about us?” Tears stung my eyes but I willed them not to spill.

“Of course I did. Why do you think Crowley took you instead of Sam? The damn thing is like a beacon for every creep we fight. And if we actually did solidify the bond it would be endgame for us. You would never be safe. This can’t happen. We will never happen. You know better than anyone how things end with me. Look at what happened to your mom.” He paced back and forth ranting but I couldn’t listen any longer.

“I get it, Dean. I understand.” I was t minus seven seconds away from bawling like a schoolgirl. I had to get out of there. “I um…I’ll leave it alone.” The first tear spilled before I could look away from him. His guilt washed over me and made me feel ten times worse. I quickened my pace and slammed my door shut then I let it all out. He didn’t outright reject the bond but it felt like agony nonetheless. I knew they could hear me wailing. Knew Dean was hovering outside of my door. Mercifully enough they let me be.

Once I collected myself and I could no longer sense Dean I slipped out of the bunker and drove up to a nearby diner. This was my go to place when I needed time to myself. The coffee was strong and the burgers were greasy. Perfect for wallowing in my self loathing. I pulled a book out of my bag and slid into a booth in the back where I wouldn’t be bothered. My favorite waitress was on tonight. She knew my order and asked me only pertinent questions. The thrum of the diner offered me peace and, before I knew it, I was adrift in my own consciousness.

I drained three cups of too strong coffee and polished off half of my burger when I was jarred by a vision. Normally I had to touch something but this one felt different. It felt like it was sent to me. I saw through the demon’s eyes an address to a house where it watched from the bushes. It was showing me its next victim. It was daring me to find it. I had absolutely zero doubts that I was walking into a trap but I didn’t care. I had to end this. I lowered the veil so it knew I was watching. I could feel its amusement tickling up and down my spine. Once the vision ended, I paid my check, entered the address into my GPS and started driving. Everything in my gut told me to turn back or to at least call one of the boys for back up. My pride got the better of me and I drove on.

I thought of my interaction with Dean during the entire drive. I knew he would react the way he did about being my soulmate and I still couldn’t handle it. I had really never given much thought to being Dean’s person. Sure we were great friends but anything more had never crossed my mind. The longer I suppressed the bond, the harder it became for me to be around him. Like my baser instincts were taking over pushing me towards him. I suppose there are lots of ways to be family. They didn’t always have to be romantic. But, the more I thought about it I didn’t want to just be his close confidant. I wanted to be his. Wholelly, unequivocally his. Something deep within me told me that we were meant to be. Dean didn’t believe in “meant to be” or “happily ever after”. I hadn’t really either until now. I sure as hell don’t believe in happy endings. Hell, I suppose any hunter who ends up with another hunter is bound by shared trauma more than tender loving feelings. I understood his fear. Both he and Sam are constantly in the cross hairs of all manner of beings. Eileen was a strong hunter but Sam worried just as I’m sure she worries for Sam. But isn’t that what a relationship is? Your pain is their pain right? Dean seemed to shoulder the world’s pain. He couldn’t possibly find space within himself to shoulder mine too. Dean was also notoriously private about his feelings. If he thought for one second that I was possibly taking on anything he held, he would push me away even further. Hell, maybe he did know which is why he constantly kept me at arms length. There were times though that he couldn’t seem to leave me. Those were the nights we drank and laughed together. He said it was how he forgot all the crap in his brain and it was just better to do it with someone else. I think he can’t fathom doing it without his other half. I had to put these intrusive thoughts out of my head and get my game face on. There was no time for lamenting.

I finally arrived at the address the demon showed me and the place appeared abandoned. It wasn’t lit up warm like the vision it sent. Now I know it was probably a memory and I was very much walking into a trap. It knew I was here so there was no turning back. I sent my location to Sam and held my breath as I walked up a long driveway to a sprawling broken mansion. “Hello?” I clicked on my flashlight and surveyed the place. The furniture was broken and dusty and covered in fallen faded police tape. The whole place smelled of decay. I could feel the demon’s presence as I got closer to the upperrooms of the house. “I know you’re here. May as well show yourself.”

“If I told you where I was that would take all the romance out of it now wouldn’t it? Come find me, little mouse.” Its voice was low and enticing. I kept searching rooms until I got to what I assume was the primary bedroom of the house. The demon sat in a chair next to a ruined bed illuminated by dozens of candles.

“With all this kindling around here are you sure candlelight was the way to go?” I asked, hoping my sardonic tone masked my fear. The meat suit the demon infected was beyond normal conventions of attractiveness. The human host was tall with mysterious dark eyes and muscles in all the right places. “You called me here. What do you want?”

“You and your friend were so interested in what I was doing I would be remiss if I didn’t invite you to play with me. And I am nothing if not well mannered. Tell me, little mouse, did you enjoy what you saw?” Strong hands stroked the arm of the tufted chair and I found myself wondering what those hands would feel like stroking my body. I could feel my resolve slipping. I let my hand slowly drift to the hilt of my demon blade as I walked closer to where it was waiting. “Now now. You won’t be needing that.” My hand was pinned to my side and I kept walking though I willed myself to stop.

“I’m not here with my mate. He rejected me. So if that’s your kink I’m sorry to disappoint.” My voice was shaky as I lowered myself onto its thigh. My core was hot and sticky to the point that I could no longer hide my arousal. The smell of the host’s skin sent me spiraling and I leaned into its touch.

“He didn’t reject you, sweet little mouse. Your bond is strong as ever. That Winchester boy will come. And when he does, he’ll watch me take you just like all the others. Then I’ll watch his heartbreak take him too. It will be too delicious. Who knew how simple it would be to take down Dean Winchester?” it chuckled against my throat. Its lips brushed over my collarbone and down to my decollete. My body betrayed me at every turn. I couldn’t help but press myself down onto his thigh to relieve some of the ache building there. I whimpered as it put its hand at the small of my back and encouraged me to move. “Yes, that’s a good little mouse. Look at how hot and bothered you are and I am barely touching you. What would happen if I touched that sweet little pussy? Hmm? Would it be as wet as I think?” Its hands slipped into the waistband of my panties and brushed against my clit causing me to cry out. “Mmmh even wetter. That boy doesn’t know what he’s missing.” My mind was screaming to stop but I physically couldn’t help myself. I rocked against its hand allowing my orgasm to build. Just when I thought I would break it stopped. “Now, slow down, Sugar. Let’s wait for the rest of the party to arrive.” It lifted me off of its lap leaving me panting and frustrated.

I have no idea how long I was in that room before I heard the front door burst open. The demon laughed when he heard Sam shouting my name. I was naked and splayed on the floor watching the demon divest itself of its clothing. The host’s cock was already dripping, waiting for the perfect moment to sheath itself in my waiting core. It lined itself up between my legs and began its slow tortuous ministrations on my aching cunt making me moan loud enough to hear over the sounds of splintering wood. “Yes, little mouse. Call out to your mate.” Crack went another door and I heard Sam again. My whole body shook from another orgasm. “Call his name, little mouse. Let him know where you are.”

“I’d rather say yours” I managed to say. “You’re the one making me cum.” I couldn’t move my hands to touch it but I could stroke its ego. The way the host’s face lit up let me know I was on the right track.

“My name? Oh, little mouse. I have many names. But for tonight, you can call me Master.” It spread my legs wider fucking hard into me bringing me into another mind shattering release.

“No, demon. Your real name. I’m calling you out. You have to answer” It’s whole body went stiff and it grabbed my chin to stop me from talking. Demons have very few rules but telling you their name when called out is one essential rule they cannot break.

“Saleos!” It grunted. “Crafty little mouse. Say my name then. Scream it for your mate to hear. Let him know how good I’m making you feel.” It rutted into me so hard I could barely speak. But when it lifted the host’s head and stared into my eyes I could see its pleasure building and I knew I had it.

“Saleos huh? Don’t want to blow your load before he’s able to see right? Better hang on for me. Or is my pussy that good?” I wrapped my hands around the back of its neck and pulled it close to kiss and began to whisper instead. “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica…..” The demon inside started to twitch and flicker but I held on tight continuing the words that I had committed to memory. The black smoke plumed from the nostrils mouth and eyes, weakening it enough for me to grab the knife it hadn’t thrown far enough away. I plunged the knife between the hosts ribs and saw the black fade from its eyes just as Sam and Dean burst through the door. It’s naked body fell limp and heavy on top of me. I managed to push it off and quickly grab a few shreds of a ruined bedsheet.

Sam turned away to give me a bit of dignity. “You ok?” he muttered.

“Fine. Can you give a girl a second?” he left the room but Dean remained wordlessly staring.

“Save it. Whatever speech you’re about to give me about my safety I do not care to hear it.” I managed to find my clothes and surprisingly none of them were torn. Dean seemed to be in some kind of trance. “What’s wrong, Dean? You act like you haven’t seen a naked woman before.”

“Did it…did it finish…I mean did…I don’t know what I want to say right now. So many thoughts are running through my head and all I want to do is rip those panties off of you. I literally cannot focus on anything else.” He stalked toward me like a lion about to devour its prey. He unfastened his belt and tore his shirt over his head revealing his tattooed chest already glistening with sweat. The scent of his arousal was so overpowering that I had no choice but to comply.

“Uh uh.. I didn’t give it a chance to finish.” I whispered too stunned to speak any louder.

“But it made you cum.” He pressed against me letting me feel just how much he needed to be inside me at this very moment.

“I couldn’t help…” A brutal kiss stopped me from saying any more.

“I can do better” he growled. “Sammy, get lost for a while!” he shouted. Sam’s heavy footsteps retreated out to the Impala as fast as he could carry himself. Dean kissed me again soft and slow, still managing to get the rest of his clothes off without breaking away from my lips. I was already soaked from the demon but when Dean looked me over I was a goner. A fresh wave of arousal hit me and his nostrils flared when he scented it. With one swift movement he grabbed my hips and slammed into me. We both moaned at the sensation. He moved inside me like he was possessed himself. “I was so scared, J.” his head fell forward onto my chest, whining as he drew closer to his release. “I thought I lost you.”

“But you didn’t and I’m sorry I scared you.” I retorted breathlessly. We didn’t speak anymore. The only sounds to fill the decrepit room were the sounds of our moans and the slap of our bodies. His pace became erratic and I knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. I placed my hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look down at me. We said nothing but stared long and deep into each other’s eyes as we both met our end then he collapsed, satiated and warm onto me. We held each other in the darkened room simply feeling each other’s feelings and thoughts. This was right. It felt like we belonged together. I knew at that moment that I loved him. Could feel that he loved me too. But something was off like he was conflicted. I didn’t want to ruin it by asking so I let him lay on my chest for a while longer.

After several moments we heard Sam calling from the foyer, “Are you two going to be much longer? I’m bored and hungry.” I laughed but Dean didn’t so much as crack a smile.

He stood up grabbing his clothes and throwing mine over to me. There was a hint of regret playing at his face which started to enrage me but I shut it down and finished dressing. “Do you want me to ride with you? I’ll let Sam drive my car home.” I was searching for anything that let me know he was happy with this. He gave me nothing.

“Why don’t you take Sam with you? I’ll meet you at the bunker.” He never made eye contact with me once. And it wasn’t lost on me that he said “the bunker” instead of calling it “home”.

“I’ll go alone.” I murmured. No response. “Hope you enjoyed yourself.” I said as grabbed my shoes and headed for my car. He didn’t follow me and I didn’t expect him to.

“You two good?” Sam asked with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. But then he saw my face and the tears that were about to spill. “Ok, not good? I’m confused.”

“I need to get out of here.” My voice broke as I fished my keys out of my pocket. “Move, Sam. I have to go.”

“Jesse, look at me. You are a wreck. Let me drive you.” he grabbed my keys but I pushed his hand away. Dean started to descend the stairs looking down at his feet instead of towards me.

“Please, Sam. Let me go.” I pleaded with him. He finally relented and I took off before Dean could stop me if that was even his intention. Once I was in my car I plugged in my phone, put it on “do not disturb” and found a song loud enough to drown out any memory of what just happened. Fuck Dean Winchester. Fuck him and his stupid self loathing. I pounded my fist on the steering wheel in time to the drums in the song I had blaring through the car’s speakers. I needed a drink and a shower and to start looking for a new place to live because I was done. Fucking done with his bullshit. I didn’t want to talk about it to anyone. I just wanted to get lost.

Once I made it into the bunker I grabbed a bottle of something brown and headed for the shower. Cas and Jack were smart enough not to say a word to me as I stormed past. Sam and Dean made it a few minutes after I did. I hurried out of my clothes and started the shower. Not only did I lock the door but I barricaded it with a chair that I grabbed from in front of the desk in my room. I turned the water on as hot as my body could stand and used my loofah to scrub every place Dean and Saleos had been. I scrubbed so hard at my thighs that the skin began to turn red and split into fine scrapes. I watched the blood well on my skin through blurry tears.

I got myself together and went back to my room to start throwing things into a bag. I had a few credit cards that I hadn’t used. What was left on them would be more than enough to get me a few towns over. I chugged from the open bottle relishing the sting in the back of my throat. I had no real plan other than getting as far away from Dean and this ridiculous bond as possible. I could hear him and Sam arguing from the other room but he didn’t come after me. He must have wanted me gone as much as I wanted to leave.I drained the rest of the bottle feeling the effects of the liquor starting to take hold. It only made me feel bolder and ready to throw some punches. I trekked back to the main room where everyone, including Eileen, were silently drinking. Eileen and Sam signed to each other but no one interjected. I didn’t say anything as I headed for the stairs. Dean watched me, making me angrier with each step that I took.

Jack was the only one to get up from his seat. He put his body between me and the stairs and placed his hands on my shoulders, “I don’t know what happened but I won’t let you deal with it alone. If you have to go, fine but I’m coming with you.” He held my shoulders tight, his eyes pleading. “You don’t have to do this alone, Jesse.” How did this kid know exactly what to say to make me feel guilty?

“Thank you for always taking care of me but I have to go, baby boy. I love you so much.” I hugged him tight, swaying a little from the effects of the alcohol.

“Stop her, Dean! You're in love with her. Don’t you feel it? The woman you love is walking away from you.” He begged and begged while I took the slow trudge up the stairs to the door.

“She wants to go, let her go. She wants to act like a little girl, that’s her right.” Dean grumbled. “All of you stay out of it. This is none of your business.” A laugh bubbled up from somewhere deep in my belly.

“Fuck you, Dean.” I flipped him off before yanking the handle on the door.

“No! This is absolutely our business. We are a family!” Eileen hugged Jack around his shoulders trying to shush him. I couldn’t take it anymore. It was now or never. Do or die. Walk out the door and reject the bond once and for all or stay here and live with this hot and cold act that Dean does.

“You’re right, Jack. We are a family. And sometimes it’s ok when Mom and Dad fight. But we aren’t fighting are we, Dean? Wanna know what happened? Sam and Dean walked in at the exact moment that I ganked the demon all by myself.”

“Because that’s how you wanted it!” Dean shouted, taking the stairs two at a time to get in my face. Like that would intimidate me.

“You’re right! That’s how I wanted it. I let that black eyed piece of shit fuck me and I finished the job. But instead of being fucking concerned about me.. instead of giving a shit about how I was feeling you let your primal instincts take over and you fucked me. Had to mark your territory didn’t you, baby? Like you have some claim on me. And now he regrets it. So he’s letting me go to assuage his guilt. Does that sum it up?” I stood back and waited for him to say something. Anything to let me know that he cared even a little.

“Yeah that sounds about right. I feel fucking guilty. I regret that I couldn’t control myself. I feel fucking guilty that I wasn’t there to stop that fucker from violating you. And I’m pissed that you didn’t let me do this with you because I promise it wouldn’t have gotten that far. I went absolutely insane when you sent that SOS to Sam. Broke every traffic law on the books to get to you. And that’s what I had to walk into? Had to see that..that thing on top of you? Inside of you? The bond took over and I reacted and I feel like shit for taking advantage of you. Happy now? Go if you want. I won’t stop you. But you walk out…you walk away from me…from this, say out loud that you reject the bond so we can both move on.” We stared at each other, neither of us willing to relent. The problem was we were both incredibly stupid and stubborn and neither of us had the guts to really say what we felt. I guess he did just then but in general. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and let him hold me the way I knew he wanted to. His hands were curled into fists causing the veins to pop out on his forearms. He was holding himself back just as much. Like I said, we’re idiots. His eyes narrowed and he moved closer to me, “Say it.”

“I love you.” I blurted out. It seemed to take all of the wind out of his sails. From some distant corner of the room I heard Sam laugh and Eileen smacking him for doing so.

“I love you too!” he shouted back. “Don’t ever leave me again. It hurts my feelings when you do!”

“Fine! I had no idea where I was going anyway.” He tried not to smile but he lost that battle.

“Holy hell you two are idiots.” Sam shouted from the lower level. “Someone order a few pizzas before Jesse sobers up. She gets cranky when she’s hungry.”

Jack happily bounced up the stairs and took my bag while Dean and I continued to stare at each other. And we stayed that way for several more seconds before I walked past him to plop into a chair next to Cas. The angel put his arm around me grinning like a fool. “This relationship is going to put us all in harm's way isn’t it?”

“Oh none of us will survive it.” The

#dean winchester #dean winchester angst #dean winchester smut #dean winchester fluff #Dean Winchester x ofc #supernatural #sam and Dean Winchester #spn

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andromerot · 3 years

Text

MABEL / THE CRANE WIVES

ids after the cut

episode eight: the freeze / easier

episode sixteen: underworld / canary in a coal mine

episode nineteen: la peregrinación / how to rest

episode twenty: acting out / hollow moon

episode twenty-two: eternal return / tongues and teeth

episode twenty-two: eternal return / take me to war

episode twenty-five: chimera / safe ship, harbored

episode thirty: the consort / shallow river

infinity mirror part one: tressa / the garden

episode fourty one: a superfluity / curses

First image: An excerpt of Mabel, Episode 8, reading: “I feel strange. Not completely real. Disconnected from my body, disconnected from my thoughts. A spinal column trailing over a bed of nerves. This isn’t my house, I shouldn’t be here alone, but I am, I’m drifting through the hallway, I’m running my hand along the wall. If the house is a heart, I’m its blood. Do you know what I mean? Am I making sense? Once upon a time we were strangers. We’d never even heard one another’s names. Now, we’re – something else. Strange, maybe, not strangers. Not now.” Next to it, lyrics from the Crane Wives song Easier, reading: “If you woke and I was gone / From the house that we made our home / Would it bend you, break you, overtake your heart /Like it did my own?”

Second image: An excerpt of Mabel, Episode 16, reading: “Do you know that I love you? Can you hear me? I feel you, I can feel your heartbeat if I press my hand up against my own chest. What do you think happened to the thread, after Theseus had found his way out of the labyrinth? I think he left it there, like a memento. Like an offering. There is something – something in me that has curved around you. If I let you stay down here, if I let you die down here, that part of me will die. So maybe I’m selfish, really. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I love you, I love you.” Next to it, lyrics from the Crane Wives song Canary in a Coal Mine, reading: “Let the dirt hang heavy in your chest/Drag me deeper down the long, dark ground/Know that all my love will be your breath/I will save you when your lights go out”

Third image: An excerpt of Mabel, Episode 19, reading: “The sun is out. Of all things I missed, I think the sun is the most significant. Light and warmth. Is it just a poor substitute for you, I wonder? I don’t have your real world skills, Anna. I had to walk here. I never learned to drive, did you know that? The thought’s still a little distasteful to me. All that screeching metal. I’d rather know my feet stretch into the roots of the earth.” Next to it, lyrics from the Crane Wives song How To Rest, reading: “'Cause you'll miss the sun/The warmth of another's embrace/You'll need room to run/And something to chase/And that thing you fear will coax you out of that unholy place/As all you've ever wanted is an escape”

Fourth image: An excerpt of Mabel, Episode 20, reading: “Enough phantoms and masks. I think I understand the lesson, at the very least, I think there is to be no resolution for me, no ending to which I can cling and say, my journey is over. Now I can rest. There is enough rest in the Martin family for me already; all of us in the dirt, one way or another.” Next to it, lyrics from the Crane Wives song Hollow Moon, reading: “I won't be sleeping/There's too many monsters in the backyard/And I feel them creeping/Closer, closer, closer/I'm afraid/Is this a bunker or a shallow grave?/Either way I'm left/Holding onto the shovel and rope/Digging in the dirt/Finding bones, finding ghosts”

Fifth image: An excerpt of Mabel, Episode 22, reading: “You cannot love me, Anna. I am thorns and mist. Do you know that? Do you know what I really am? Or do you only want to matter? You told me that I made you matter. I could have been anyone then, couldn’t I? I could have been any girl made of your moonlit reflection. You had your little adventure, then, Anna. You had your flirtation with danger, your flirtation with the abnormal, with anything that exists outside of yourself. I will only eat you from the inside out. I am death, silver and black, come to ruin you. Do you still want me now? Do you still want the biting thorns of me?I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this. I just - push and push you, until you dissolve. I am a sharp and vitriolic thing, Anna; you must be unyielding. Or else all we will do is hurt each other. I have no real desire for that. Despite my outbursts, despite my cruelty, I have no real desire to ever bring you anything but feral joy. If I can’t, then I will let you be.” Next to it, lyrics from the Crane Wives song Tongues and Teeth, reading: “I've grown a mouth so sharp and cruel/It's all that I can give to you, my dear/And when you come in quick to steal a kiss/My teeth will only cut your lips, my dear/And I know that you mean so well/But I am not a vessel for your good intent/I will only break your pretty things/I will only wring you dry of everything/But if you're fine with that/You can be mine like that”

Sixth image: An excerpt of Mabel, Episode 22, reading: “ANNA’S DOPPLEGANGER: You’ve cornered yourself up there. There’s nowhere for you to run. I’ll circle you like a shark and wait until you’re asleep, and then I’ll tie up your hair again, and you’ll be mine, and mine, and mine./MABEL: All earth fears the purity of fire./ANNA’S DOPPLEGANGER: Excuse me?/MABEL: I brought my matches with me, you stupid, useless branch! [MATCH LIGHTS; FIRE CRACKLING]/ANNA’S DOPPLEGANGER: [SCREAMS]” Next to it, lyrics from the Crane Wives song Take Me To War, reading: “I watched a weed usurp the garden/And it poisoned the rest of the crops/It would take days of fighting stubborn roots/To tear the whole damn thing out/So I will leave it where it's standing/And instead I will find me a match/I'll turn it all to kindling/I'll burn it all down to ash”

Seventh image: An excerpt of Mabel, Episode 25, reading: “There is no world in which you did not create yourself. And in every way that is true – I know nothing of your mother, your father, your sister, your cousins, your homeland, your habits. I only know what carefully curated self you have shown me, gift-wrapped. A spread of all your bright, best qualities. Is that truth? Is that prayer? Do I have to take the rest of you on faith, Saint Anna? I have a natural inclination towards doubt, towards...questioning. Always a fist to raise against something. Not you. I don’t think. Unless this bower is another cage. Then. Well, then.” Next to it, lyrics from the Crane Wives song Safe Ship Harbored, reading: “Where does your faith fall?/Where does your faith fall in me?/Don't break the bottle/Don't waste your blessings on me”

Eight image: An excerpt of Mabel, Episode 30, reading: “ANNA: I don't remember what I saw, just that it was - someone, a connection, time unravelling, me and - I couldn't bear it. No, that's not. That's not fair, I was just too - weak, I was too weak to bear it./MABEL: To bear what? What was it? What did you do?/ANNA: I - tore it up. I snapped the connection, like a thread. I said I'll never see her, I'll never know her, not in this world.” Next to it, lyrics from the Crane Wives song Shallow River, reading: “Let her leave my sight/Make her leave my mind/Bring it down on my head/If these sins are mine”

Nine image: An excerpt of Mabel, Infinity Mirror Part 1, reading: “The bird – I swear, it laughed at me. It flew away – you know how ravens fly, they’re heavy, you can hear their wings almost whining through the air. And I was alone, and I knew, I knew, I knew that I was going to die. That I’d been tricked. That bird had looked inside me and seen how useless and foolish and disposable and, and impermanent I was, and it offered me a poisoned apple like Snow White’s stepmother and just flew away and left me alone to die.” Next to it, lyrics from the Crane Wives song The Garden, reading: “Tear it down, tear it down around my head/I need you to bury this beneath my bed/The crows in the garden are laughing at my expense/Drowning out all the lies that I might have told instead”

Tenth image: An excerpt of Mabel, Episode 41, reading: “MABEL: They grew too great for their cages. Both the mice and the rats. The experiments were repeated but it was always the same result: the implosion of their known universe, due to endless growth. If a world has boundaries, the seedlings are a menace. What are we supposed to do when the vines outgrow the walls of the house?/ANNA: Burn the house down.” Next to it, lyrics from the Crane Wives song Curses, reading: “Every word I say is kindling/But the smoke clears when you're around/Won't you stay with me, my darling/When my walls start burning down, down, down?”

#i worked on this for like two days hope u like it #mabel podcast #the crane wives #i was inspired by the tmg tlt post so thanks to whoever did that #and to sky from the underhill for the transcript doc <333

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perlukafarinn · 3 years

Text

this is a season 9 au i guess. don’t ask for more specifics, i just wanted to write dean and cas getting drunk and making out “for practice”

Thank fucking God, Dad can’t see me now.

The thought flutters through Dean’s mind, a tiny, bitter thing there one moment and gone the next. He’s too comfortable right now to dwell on such negativity, laying on the couch, warm and loose-limbed.

They’ve been drinking - him and Cas, that is. Sam is nowhere near the bunker right now and honestly, thank God for that too, because all they’ve had tonight is pitcher after pitcher of margaritas.

Not Dean’s idea, for the record. Neither is the music currently playing on the radio, some upbeat bubblegum pop that he usually wouldn’t be caught dead listening to but can right now admit, at least to himself, that he kind of digs.

Cas picked the music, and the margaritas, because it turns out he doesn’t really like beer or hard liquor but he wanted to try getting drunk anyway. Dean’s the sucker who went out and bought all that margarita mix, because he’s finding it more and more difficult to tell Cas no these days.

Which might be why he’s currently letting Cas paint his toenails, with some polish Charlie left behind after her last visit.

It’s bright blue and Dean is pretty sure Cas is getting it all over his feet but he can’t be bothered to care. It feels kind of nice, Cas’ hands brushing against his skin as he carefully applies the polish. Like being taken care of.

“Fuck me,” Dean mutters and he’s sure Cas hasn’t heard him over the music but then his hand stills.

“What?”

“Nothing, I just-” Dean laughs, rubbing his hand over his eyes. “Are we having a slumber party right now?”

“I wouldn’t know.” Cas resumes his work. He’s sitting on the floor next to the couch, which can’t be comfortable, but he’s probably too drunk to care right now. Just like Dean. “I’ve never been to one before.”

Dean hums, staring up at the ceiling.

“What does one do at a slumber party?”

“I don’t know,” Dean says. “This kinda crap, I guess. Paint each other’s nails, listen to music, get drunk on girly drinks. Talk about boys.” He snorts. “Or sex, if you’re not a preteen girl.”

“I’d rather not.”

Dean winces, thinking of Cas’ one sexual experience so far. Yeah, he wouldn’t be eager to talk about that either.

Still, “You’ve at least rounded first with some chicks worth talking about.” Dean wracks his brain - Meg is the first to come to mind, but he knows better than to bring her up, even drunk off his ass. “Daphne, right? She was hot.”

“I suppose,” Cas says.

“Why didn’t you ever hook up with her?” The question tastes bitter on Dean’s tongue and he’s not sure why. “Can’t tell me it’d be a sin, it’s not fornication if you’re married.”

Cas pauses his movements. Dean thinks he might have offended him so he raises his head, craning his neck to get a proper look at his face, but Cas doesn’t looks pissed, just deep in thought.

“We did round some bases,” he says, the words sounding stiff and alien coming from him. “But we rarely did more than kiss. Once tongues are involved the whole process becomes...” he makes a face, “unpleasant.”

“Unpleasant?” Dean repeats. He gets up on his elbows, sparing a glance at his toes - a whole mess of blue, Picasso would be so proud - before looking back at Cas. “Dude. You sure you weren’t just bad at it?”

Cas turns away, blushing. “Possibly. It’s not as if I’ve had much practice.”

“You learned some stuff from the pizza man,” Dean points out.

Cas huffs. The back of his ears have turned red, too. It’s kind of cute.

“If you want, you can practice on me.”

The words tumble out faster than Dean can stop them. His mouth goes dry when Cas turns to look at him, eyes wide with shock, but there’s a reckless pounding in his heart that makes him push past the doubt.

“Do you want to?” he asks Cas.

Cas glances down - at Dean’s lips and Dean licks them instinctively, heart racing faster. He’s not sure what he’s doing but his head is buzzing, a combination of alcohol and excitement, and he decides he doesn’t want to think too hard about it. Second thoughts can wait until tomorrow, when he’s sober.

“It would... just be for practice?” Cas asks.

Dean grins, easy. “Call it part of the slumber party experience.”

He tries to sit up further and Cas takes the hint to help him but between the efforts of two drunk, uncoordinated people, Dean somehow finds himself slipping off the couch, landing halfway on top of Cas and halfway on the floor.

“You’re heavy,” Cas complains.

“Fuck off,” Dean says but he’s laughing, giddy and for no real reason. He’s drunk and there’s some girl on the radio singing about being in love and Cas is right here, human but alive, smiling at the sound of Dean’s laughter and leaning in and, oh -

Right. They’re doing this.

Dean is still kind of on top of Cas so he has to grab Cas’ shoulder to keep his balance, which has the added benefit of bringing him even closer. Cas is a little sloppy right at the beginning, teeth bumping against Dean’s lower lip as they kiss.

Dean laughs, a little breathless already, mutters, “Careful,” against Cas’ parted lips.

Unpleasant is definitely not the word Dean would use to describe this. Cas’ lips are warm and he’s a bit clumsy, a little too eager, but then he sucks on Dean’s lower lip and bites down, gently, and Dean thinks he might have a knack for this, after all.

Dean’s the one to deepen the kiss, licking the seams of Cas’ lips until they part on a sigh. He tastes sweet and sour like those stupid margaritas, and Dean thinks he might be intoxicating like them too, because he’s sure as hell feeling more buzzed by the second.

Cas shifts underneath him, bringing one hand up to cup the back of Dean’s head, fingers digging into his scalp and Dean just about melts, humming nonsensical encouragements against Cas’ lips.

Dean feels like he’s in free fall, head swimming at the hot twist of Cas’ tongue, stomach swooping when Cas pulls away to take a shuddering breath and then trails his lips down Dean’s neck, licking, biting.

Dean should discourage him - like this whole thing isn’t middle school enough, now Cas is gonna give him a goddamn hickey - but he just tilts his head back, gives Cas more room to work. Cas presses a kiss against his Adam’s apple and then licks the dip of his clavicle, slow and hot like he’s savoring the taste of Dean’s skin.

At some point, Cas’ other hand landed on Dean’s waist and it’s maybe the only thing keeping him upright. Dean is on fire, he’s melting, he’s dizzy with desire, almost nauseous, and all they’ve done is make out for a couple of minutes.

“Dean,” Cas says, whispers into his skin, and fuck, he sounds wrecked. “Dean.”

He’s hard. Dean can feel it, poking him in the thigh, but somehow that doesn’t scare him half as much as his own answering hardness, quickly growing uncomfortable in his jeans.

“We should-” Dean pulls away, puts his hand on Cas’ chest to keep him from chasing, “-we should stop. That’s enough practice.”

Cas stares up at him, challenging. “Is it?”

Dean doesn’t give him the satisfaction of a stare down, clambering off his lap and out of his embrace. “Yep.”

He sits down on the floor next to Cas. He hears Cas huff and feels a little guilty, winding the poor guy up like that and then stopping as soon as things were getting good.

But they were just practicing, Dean reminds himself. If they’d gone any further, it wouldn’t have been practice anymore. At least not anything Cas could put to practical use the next time he hooks up with a chick.

Dean swallows past the sudden bitter taste in his mouth. He looks over at Cas, who’s staring at the ceiling.

“Want me to paint your toenails?” Dean offers.

Cas sighs. “...Yes.”

#deancas #destiel #perlukafarinn writes #spn fanfic #first kiss #canon divergent #human cas #it's 3:30 am and i'm not sure half this fic makes sense but here you go #i just wanted dean and cas to get drunk and make out for practice i didn't mean to make it so long

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loveanoutcast · 3 years

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ok but I read games and I am ADDICTED and I just thought I could maybe request something like-

Eren meeting the reader through a simple comment and a timeskip to them being v close until they eventually end up in a fight because reader was ranting to eren about how perfect their crush (who is actually eren) is and him just exploding and them getting into a fight until the reader eventually goes "that person is you, dumbass!" Or smth like that and from there it all just turns into a lot of kisses and smut👀

only if you're comfy/in the mood of writing smth like this tho! just had this random thought last night and thought I'd request a little erenxfembodiedreader

Anyway have a nice day, night, afternoon, morning, you're amazing :D

Oh my gosh, this is my first request ever and I am so incredibly excited to write this and I really hope I did good in writing something you would want. Thank you so much for submitting this request, please feel free to send more! I love writing fanfics of any aot character and will do my absolute best to embody them in these. Sorry for the long wait, when I say the last chapter had me all the way FUCK3D up. EreMika is canon and I haven't been able to stop saying "He loved her, oh my god he loved her" in that "and they were roommates" vine way because that's my coping mechanism and it's cheaper than therapy. Anyway, I give you-

"Assumptions."

Pairing: Eren Yeager x Fem!reader

TW: nsfw, smut, angst, jealously, swearing, yelling, a bit of fluff, unprotected intercourse, breeding kink, a bit of voyeurism, a bit of sexism, eren being denser than a rock, Levi having health issues because he's old

Other: aot world if the mess of season four never happened and eren didn't fall to sad bitch hours, reader is a regular girl with family issues, all characters are over 18, Erwin never died and Floch never went insane

It wasn't that Eren hated going into town, but he wasn't exactly used to going to town alone. He always had Mikasa and Armin flanking either side of him but since the discovery of the world outside the walls and the decreased threat of titans, scouts were needed more than ever in the recovery of the lost districts. Mikasa was the second strongest soldier alive and Armin was expected to take after Erwin. Eren was useful when it came to being the one who possessed the attack and founder titan, but lately there was no big threats that required his titan abilities.

That didn't stop Hange from poking him, nor did it stop Captain Levi from keeping him busy with even the most minimalist of tasks. Today was no different and when the options were given to him and Jean, who was still asleep in his bunker, on shoveling horse shit or going into town to stock up on supplies and check to ensure all market suppliers weren't being capitalist pigs to the local vendors, Eren all but hauled ass through the door, hand swiping the grocery list off the table and yelling, "Good luck Jean-boy!"

Everything seemed to be going just fine, none of the local vendors had any troubles and most seemed happier with the drastic improvements of the living situations for Eldians. The fear of being eaten any day now or losing a loved one to war had seemed to be the driving force that had led to problems before. Some people recognized Eren, but no one seemed to want to approach him. He had had encounters with people who thought of him as a god, but he usually ignored them or kept a level-headed composure. Despite knowing that he had a power no one else had, outside of being a titan-shifter, Eren didn't really know what he had to offer. Armin was smart, Mikasa was strong, and he couldn't exactly claim titan-shifter seeing that Armin was also the colossal and Ymir had been the jaw.

He let out a sigh, kicking a rock in his path and silently yearning for something beyond his knowledge. Despite knowing that he was never really alone, he felt lonely a lot of the time. He had never given much thought to settling down, with the clock running out on him he often thought what was even the point? He wasn't sure if he wanted to keep being a soldier or if he wanted to go back home one day, he didn't really try to dwell on the future, content with being in the present and having Mikasa always on the verge of tears when she was reminded that he would one day die, didn't really give him room to think of much else.

You weren't oblivious to the tales and rumors that went around the town about the scouts and their secret weapon in the form of a shapeshifting man and how him and his comrades were able to plug the hole in the wall of a district your family had come from long ago. Your father had long since escaped the walls of Maria before it fell, he made an honest living being a construction man, and your mother was a nurse who happened to catch his eye when he had a roofing accident. They built a life for themselves within Wall Rose. You weren't the richest family, nor did you have a name that was well known. Nonetheless, you were all hard working. Your brothers worked for the respect they got, one being a weapon maker and the other being a bar keeper was enough for the part of town you were in. Even their wives did well for themselves in being a seamstress and bar waitress. As the youngest, you were loved and cared for. You weren't the most beautiful girl in town, but you turned heads nonetheless, well until one of your brothers decided to glare or promptly hit whoever doted on you too long for their liking.

The people who knew you, thought you were trouble. Mostly the elders spewed of you and your ways of thinking being a disgrace to everything Eldians stood for and bringing only shame to your gender, you were a woman ahead of her time and they couldn't stand it. Like your mother you had entered the medical field, but even when you were small you claimed you would be a doctor one day. You shadowed and worked under the supervision of the town's doctors. Many amused at your antics, some who didn't care about you being a girl and just grateful to leave such responsibility on someone who was genuine in the intent, and others not caring one way or another and not willing to hear your screeching pleads to observe what they did. Your mom had spoken with you more than once about settling with being a doctor's aide, today being no different and you let out a sigh as you looked to your mother's pained expression.

"I just don't understand why you insist on making your life so difficult? It was bad enough when you proudly exclaimed your goals in front of the entire church, but now this?"

You could only look away, looking towards the fields where you saw your third brother grooming the horses. You hadn't said anything bad, you were approached with a job offer that would give you the title and respect you had been desperately craving, and it would bring greater honor to your family...or so you thought before your mother reacted the opposite in which you hoped.

"I will not have any daughter of mine chasing dreams and fantasies off in some other place where no one can protect you. This is a suicide mission and I for one will not stand by and watch you march forward to your downfall."

Your father stood behind your mother, not really saying anything and not even looking at you. You felt especially bad for the commander and captain who stood on either side of you and were bearing witness to the absurd exchange between your family.

"Mrs. Y/L/N, you have to know that if Y/N were to accept this offer, she would never be in the front lines. We have bases located all throughout the walls and she would do what she did best and be our primary doctor." Commander Erwin spoke with such calm words, his demeanor kind and patient.

"So you expect me to let her run off with a bunch of men whose brains are broken from the wars they fought and not worry? She is not even married!"

You grit your teeth so hard upon hearing that, you were sick of the standards put forth on you since your birth. You were sick of the expectations you were in no hurry to reach and you were especially tired of the lack of faith your family had in you to be independent and strong. Your fists clenched and you felt a steady gaze on you.

"I'm not an expert or anything on parenting, nor will I act as if I am, but instead of yelling at her, why don't you try asking your daughter what she wants to do?" You didn't silence the gasp you released, looking at Captain Levi in confusion and admiration.

All eyes turned to you, your mother crossing her arms as if asking you to try and defy her. Erwin looked a bit expectedly and Levi looking indifferent to the entire conversation. It was your father who beat you to it before you could even open your mouth to answer.

"You have a choice, my daughter. If you choose to stay, you'll make your mother and brothers happy. You can continue to help people but you will never be acknowledged as a doctor...but you'll have your family. Or you can choose to leave and live your life to your own accord, but you will lose the respect of the town and your mother will never speak to you again. Are you willing to put yourself above your family?" You expected this from your father, always neutral and never judgmental, what he was saying was true after all. Were you willing to lose your family over your dreams? Would you be able to survive on your own with only the scouts to rely on?

Your head was hurting and your frustration only grew when your brothers decided to come home and after your mother wailing at them about your plans to leave, they were quick to overwhelm you with their own opinions. The commander and captain apologized but they had to leave and return to headquarters.

"Take your time on making your decision. We will come back in a few days for your answer." Commander Erwin told you, giving you a smile as he continued, "I know its a lot to ask you to choose us over your flesh and blood, but if you do. You have my promise that we will protect you, and we may never be able to fully replace your family in your heart, but the scouts will be a family on its own for you."

"Tch," Captain Levi shook his head, "Look brat, you will see and do things that you won't always like. People will die no matter how hard you try to save them, but call Erwin and Hange delusional--they see something in you. Don't walk into this half-assed, if you choose to be our doctor and you choose to take on the title and everything it carries with it, you have to dedicate your heart."

You only nodded. Two days had passed as you walked through the market, the small basket in your hands carried apples and some citrus fruits. Your mother still wasn't talking to you and your brothers seemingly assumed you wouldn't be leaving, only your father knew how frantic your mind was, and one morning he admitted that he would be delighted to have at least one of his children carry the family name on a military standing. So you had his support.

You even spoke to the animal doctor you had been shadowing for the past few weeks, his eyebrows had rose in an impressed matter and he promptly asked when you would be leaving.

"I haven't made a decision, yet." You said.

"You would be an idiot not to take it." Was all he replied before asking you to give the cattle their medicine.

Idiot, huh? You wondered. You knew deep down he was right. Your mind continued to play in endless loops of thought before you heard a commotion to your right. Turning your head you saw a group of men, their huddling seemed a bit more frantic and it was not until one of them yelled that you noticed one man in particular on his knees.

"Help! Someone call a doctor!"

The man on the floor was bleeding rather profusely and you didn't have time to question what happened before you quickly made way.

"Sir, let me see."

"Hey! Woman don't touch him!"

"Make yourself useful and go get a doctor! What the hell do you think you're doing!"

"I am a doctor." You calmly said, inspecting the gash on his side and seeing the edge of what appeared to be a broken pipe sticking out from the building behind them. The drips if bloods glistening in the sun only confirmed what you thought.

"We were-" The injured man rasped out, "Just horsing around."

"It's okay." You reassured, grabbing a roll of gauze and stack of medical napkins you always kept in your basket. You apologized before applying pressure to the wound, and you heard the patter of rushing feet.

"A doctor is on his way! A real one!" One of the men sneered, and you did your best not to roll your eyes and focus on stopping the bleeding. You asked the man to lie on his back and he surprisingly complied, he didn't seem to care about you being a girl and only seemed thankful to not be alone and scared.

"Do you hear that? Move before you kill him!" The first man hollered, the hand on your shoulder causing you to sharply inhale.

"Excuse me for one moment." You told the man, and you were quick as you hand shot up to grip the disrespectful ass by his wrist and twist it in one fluid motion, you wasted no time in using the building wall as leverage, quickly running up and using his weight to stabilize yourself before you roundhouse kicked him so hard it sent both of you flying back. You landed on one foot, balancing yourself before going back to the patient.

You couldn't deny how satisfying it was to hear the impact, or the groan of pain coming from him. Your eyes met the others.

"If any of you touch me, I'll do exactly what I did to your buddy there, but ten times worse. Now shut the hell up and let me save this man."

Eyes widely stared at you as you resumed caring for the injured, a few minutes passed by the time the doctor got there.

"Oh!" His eyebrows rose, "Hello Y/N, didn't expect to see you here. If I would have known, I wouldn't have left the hospital on its own."

"Hi Dr. Goodwin," You looked up, two fingers on the injured man's wrist and the other held up four fingers from your counting. You blushed slightly from his confidence in you and you noticed the men who bullied you all sport faces of confusion.

"His pulse is stable. I wrapped the wound tightly, but he needs stitches."

"Thank you, miss." The injured man grabbed your hand and you smiled in return.

"Don't mention it."

"Actually, it's Dr. Y/L/N." Dr. Goodwin said, seeing your eyes widen and the smile he gave only made your heart swell that much more.

The doctor nodded, thanking you before asking his helpers to load him to the small gurney they brought. He could only thank you briefly before you waved them off. The other guys had stayed back, eyes wide in disbelief that the doctor not only recognized you, but acknowledged your work.

"Are you a nurse or something?"

"Are you morons deaf? Did you not hear Dr. Goodwin? I'm a doctor too."

The leader seemed to recover from the kick you gave him earlier as his lip curled in an ugly matter, "What kind of sick joke is that? No such thing as a woman doctor."

"Obviously there is if I'm standing right in front of you. Or did my kick knock a few more scews loose?"

Eren was walking buy, noticing the commotion from afar and as a soldier, his instincts to provide help in dire situations kicked in. He elbowed his way to the front. Seeing you standing defiantly in front of five tall muscular men. He stepped forward as the main leader got in your face, but when you shifted your foot, he seemed to coil back. Eren noticed a giant welt on one side of his face and wondered how the hell he got such an ugly bruise. It didn't stop their onslaught.

"Who the hell do you think you are? What makes you think you could do whatever the fuck you want?"

"Because in this world, I'm free to do whatever the fuck I please." Eren watched as your eyes narrowed in further defiance, the smile on your face sickeningly sweet and all he could think about was how he had never seen such a woman.

You hadn't even noticed the audience that gathered, you side stepped the group of men, going as far as waving a goodbye with a breathy giggle, you picked up your basket. You had a small hop to your step and despite not caring to even spare a glance to the onlookers, your eyes met a pair of pretty green ones. The prominent bone structure made you think, "Wow."

However, the tall muscular body you did a once over on had you follow that thought with, "Oh damn."

Eren seemed dumbfounded, your obviousness in checking him out made him flush. He had never felt self-conscious over his body. He knew even before he hit puberty that he would do well to grow muscles and abs, the necessary type of figure to have if one were to be a soldier of the scouts. He knew it was also something some females found attractive in the opposite sex but it's not like he ever had time to date much less dwell on what girls liked. Seeing the way you looked at him though, he couldn't deny that he silently hoped for your approval.

When you finally met his eyes once more, you had him floored when he saw you drop a wink at him.

The crowd murmuring as they watched you go made his own eyebrows furrow in confusion. He stepped to one of the members and demanded an explanation.

"Honestly, the little lady was crazy! She came in here claiming to be a doctor and helped patch up a guy who got cut by the pipe over there. Instead of waiting for a real doctor, she made a whole fuss."

"Where's the guy?"

"Dr. Goodwin picked him up. That doctor is mad too, he also said she was a doctor, but that's ridiculous. No woman can be a doctor. That's so many levels of wrong."

Eren felt the urge to punch the man in the mouth, but one glance at the ugly bruise his friend sported reminded him,

"What happened to your face?"

The leader grumbled a bunch of profanities, "That little bitch. I tried to get her off before she messed the guy up anymore and she kicked me."

"In your face?" Eren sounded impressed, and he was when he received a nod of confirmation.

He looked to the direction which you disappeared in and said fine words to the group, "Whether you men like it or not. The world is changing, everyone is free to be who they want. If women can join the military no problem, they can be doctors too."

He saluted before rushing off, not hearing the mutters of annoyance from the men. In all honestly, Eren had no clue on what he was doing.

You were scrubbing off the blood from under your fingernails near a fountain when you hear the shuffle of feet from behind you. You silently hoped it wasn't any of those morons asking for more trouble, but you were pleasantly surprised when your eyes met a pair of green ones from before.

"I'm Eren." You smiled at him, nodding and your smile turned quirked when he stuttered in, "Yeager. Eren Yeager."

Hmm, you had thought, His name suits him. You studied his demeanor, not missing the gear strapped to either sides of his hips or the green hood covering his shoulders. You knew immediately that he was a scout and you wondered if he knew Captain Levi. Before you got the courage to ask him, he beat you to it.

"What did you mean by what you said earlier? Do you really think that? That we're all free to do anything we want here?"

You smiled as you nodded, walking towards a vendors stand and Eren fell into step beside you, you felt nervous around him, but also safe with his company. He watched you as you picked up another apple to inspect.

"We have laws and rules though...so we're not technically all the way free?"

"I'm free to be me, just as you are free to be you...Eren...Yeager."

It was the way the sun hit your face in that moment, highlighting your strong cheekbones and giving a special glint in your eyes that made Eren want to hear your thoughts more. He spent the rest of the day asking you questions, never satisfied with the small responses you gave him and he even walked you home. The mean glare from your mother confused him beyond belief and it was your father's words that made you gasp in surprise that night.

"He's the titan shifter, the one who helped plug up wall Rose."

Your face had turned red in embarrassment, you were talking so casually to a literal titan and you even flirted with him. He even held your basket the entire trip to your house and you didn't even consider how informal you acted with your skirt. You had hitched one of them up your thigh to get better footing and hadn't missed the way Eren blushed at seeing so much skin. You knew the girls in the scouts wore pants, but even then they kept covered.

You were certain Eren wanted nothing else to do with a girl who held little to no morals, but you were caught by pleasant surprise when you saw him with Erwin and Levi the next day in town.

His eyes had immediately found yours and you didn't miss the blush on his cheeks as he gave you a small wave. You couldn't but laugh when Captain Levi suddenly kicked him.

"Who's got you turning red brat?"

"Uh-it's nothing, captain."

He didn't look convinced as you gathered the courage to approach. Erwin acknowledged your presence which Eren was grateful for, but his eyebrows still came down in confusion on how the commander knew your name.

"Y/N!" Erwin gave a polite smile which you returned, "So great to see you. We were actually just about to stop by your house."

"Really? What a coincidence, I was hoping to stop by headquarters today as well." Your smile was bright, and by the way the air around you seemed cheerful, Erwin returned your energy.

"Bearing good news I hope?" He still hesitantly asked.

You nodded as you laughed, "I would love to accept the offer if it still stands."

"Of course it does," Captain Levi scoffed, his arms were folded across his chest. You noted for the first time the soft grey color of his eyes and despite the deep scowl he was currently showing, he had chubby cheeks that made you want to squish, "We wouldn't be coming all this way for nothing."

"I thought we were coming to collect a new scout, Captain Levi." Eren asked, you felt yourself blush in realization that he had no clue it was actually you they were referring to.

"We are," Levi grabbed you by your arm and yanked you towards him as he pointed at you while looking at Eren like he was an idiot, "Meet the scout's new doctor. Dr. Y/L/N meet Eren-"

"Yeager." You finished, smiling towards Eren, "We've met."

Erwin and Levi exchanged looks as they watched you and Eren smiled at each other like a pair of idiots, the realization dawning over them and Erwin couldn't fight the smirk that crossed his face. Small world, he thought.

Six months had passed since the first fateful encounter you had with Eren. You had long since moved out of your home and besides the occasional secret letter from your father, you hadn't heard nor seen the rest of your family since your decision to become a doctor for the scouts.

It was a transition to go through as you lost one family and gained a new one, but everyone was so accepting and welcoming. The girls welcomed you with open arms, most notably was Sasha whose habit of eating everything and anything brought her to the infirmary on more than one occasion, Connie usually followed right behind her with a minor injury resulting from his carelessness. You had met Floch when he brought Jean in from a sparring session gone wrong and he immediately took a liking to you. Your level-headedness was like a breath of fresh air to him as he was constantly sorrounded by people he thought were idiots. Jean liked your confidence (The fact that you were easy on the eyes, didn't hurt either), Mikasa respected the way you didn't hesitate to put people in their place, and Armin admired that despite your obvious toughness, you were a kind and patient doctor who never turned anyone away. You were diligent and hard-working, yet your smile was always able to uplift any sour mood and you always put your best foot forward. The one time he had puked all over your hospital floor from eating too much undercooked meat was embarrassing for him, he thought for sure you were going to be angry and call him an idiot. Instead, you took his temperature, put a cold cloth on his head (despite his titan status guaranteeing a speedy recovery), and started a healthier diet plan for him. Armin was scheduled a weekly checkup with you, partly to ensure he was listening and partly for you to study him a bit more. Your research on the titan's ability to regenerate and recover from even the worst injuries was fascinating for you, you hoped to isolate the genes and figure out a way to maybe trigger it in regular Eldians without setting off the titan ability, the fact that Eren made it a habit to accompany Armin didn't hurt either.

Eren had grown attached to you, whenever he wasn't busy or in need of a place to hide from Captain Levi's wrath or Hange's insistence to poke and prod him, he would be hanging out around you or in your office. At one point you had to hide him under your desk when Commander Erwin stopped by to hold a meeting with you about providing first aid training to the scouts for excursions. You were always welcomed to accompany them outside the walls, but your work was enough to make you stay. You recalled the way Eren was pressed against your legs, the feel of his hands steadying himself on your calves and when your skirt had shifted up when you reached for one of the records, you felt Eren brush his fingertips along the muscle. You had stammered the rest of the meeting through and smacked him afterwards for putting you in such a compromising position. You were blushing furiously at the way he gave such a boyish grin and even that night while he walked you to your small cottage, he had a satisfied smile in place.

You always knew you liked Eren, you were also hopeful that the feeling was mutual. The both of you had grown close over the course of your stay, as the head doctor you were given your own living quarters, not too far from headquarters but not so close to the city that you would be given a hard time. Your cottage was fair in size and with the amount of income you were receiving, you were quick to furnish and decorate it to your liking. Eren had even helped by adding his own touches to the interior. The times you would go to the city with him was always met with many curious stares. Your age and gender made many turn heads when you walked in, the fact that you were the youngest and by far prettiest doctor the scouts had ever had made people naturally gravitate to you. Your ability to make friends quickly also made it that almost every weekend you were entertaining guests at your house. Sometimes it would be dinner with Sasha, Niccolo, and Connie. Other times you would be knitting and embroidering with Mikasa and Armin, there was even game nights with everyone until Jean and Eren became too competitive with one another. Other times when the higher ups had meetings (All of which you had to attend since you technically held an officer position within the military branch) you would offer your house where you all shared cups of tea and your famous baked goods. You had even seen Captain Levi grab seconds on your sugar cookies.

It was the times when Eren would swing by alone that caused your heart to flutter, he would walk you home almost every night now. At first he would find the poorest excuses to see you like needing a bandaid for his wrist from the biting (even though by the time you gave him the gauze it would be healed over completely) or try to "casually" be around the area when you would get out at three in the morning. Eventually your amusement turned to you asking him to walk you home every night under the guise that you were afraid of being targeted or hurt, even though everyone had seen you body-slam Reiner the one time he tried to hit on you when you were stitching up his eyebrow from an ugly gash. Nonetheless, Eren accepted. You would invite him in for tea every time and he would even bring you lunch on days he failed to see you in the cafeteria. It seemed like everyone under the sun knew about you and Eren's crushes on one another, so it was also a pain in the ass that neither of you had yet to make a move on one another. Even Erwin had assumed you two were together the one morning he stopped by your house on your day off to ask for your aid for a soldier who had broken their arm from a training exercise, his eyes had grown wide upon seeing you open the door in only your nightgown, you were rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you invited him in for breakfast.

Upon walking in, he immediately saw Eren exiting your bathroom in his casual jeans, his hair was wet and sticking up from the steam of the shower. Eren wasn't wearing a shirt and before Erwin could excuse himself completely you quickly explained how you hadn't wanted him to walk outside so late so he slept on your couch. You were washing his clothes and had left them out to dry and Erwin could only nod and stop himself from suggesting for Eren to bring spare clothes to yours, remembering that it wasn't his place to push or even encourage his team's doctor and titan-shifter to date even though by the way he saw you put jelly on Eren's toast while he made your cup of tea with three sugars was enough for him to almost just order the two of you to date. Instead, he gave a long rant to Levi, wondering aloud whether Eren was either oblivious to your affections or just an idiot, Levi only replied with, "Did you happen to bring any of the toast she made?"...he did and Levi later on answered, "He's just an idiot." while licking the excess jelly off his fingers.

It was another day at headquarters, the mid-summer day was hot and since the flow of traffic had been slow inside the infirmary, you found yourself mostly in the officer's lounge. You had opted to wear a long sleeve empire waist dress, the top had ruffles along your collar and the soft pink of the dress complimented your skin tone. It fell around mid-thigh and the black shoes you wore with them completed your overall look. Eren had stared at your bare legs for a while until he noted your haircut. You had only cut off the ends but your heart did a flip as you blushed from him noticing. You had been chatting with Hange about your research while Moblit spoke to Eren about the new set of routes to be taken during their next trip beyond the walls when Captain Levi walked in. Hange waved him over and he fell easily beside you.

"Hey." His arm brushing against yours and you hummed in response, leaning a bit towards him which didn't go unnoticed by Eren.

"Levi, did you take your medicine this morning?" About two weeks ago you had caught the captain asleep at his desk for the fourth time. You knew he overworked himself and refused to sleep in his bed no matter how many therapeutic pillows you got him, but while he was out like a light you decided to check his blood pressure, only to find it alarmingly high. You figured the amount of stress and cups of caffeinated tea were to blame. Levi kept in good shape, but considering his age and the fact that he never even considers laughing, you prescribed him medications to be take every morning and cut him off from his usual tea leaves. The former was easier to push as the calcium and magnesium capsules were easy to swallow, it was getting rid of all the tins in his desk that made him a bit unbearable to the new recruits.

He let out an annoyed grunt as he nodded. Your smile was soft as you put an encouraging hand on his arm and Eren was officially not listening to Moblit anymore.

"Thanks for sticking to your diet, Captain Levi. As a token of my appreciation, I got you these." You didn't let him reply, quick to act as always as you reached into the small basket you had brought and grabbed his hand to put the gray tin of loose leaves that you took out in his palm.

As usual, the captain was unfazed by your lack of appreciation for personal space. The past few weeks had done well to teach him how despite being yelled at, threatened, and even outright ignored at times, your cheeriness was impossible to diminish and you did whatever the heck you wanted even when it was at times impulsive.

"What is it?" He looked between you and the tin, the slight sneer on his upper lip making you release a giggle before you tapped the bow you tied on it.

"It's tea leaves." He raised a slim eyebrow which made you roll your eyes, "Decaffeinated tea."

"Let me guess, it tastes like shit." His eyes flickered to the purple bow, "Or it'll make me shit."

You laughed, you upper body leaning on his as you attempted to catch your breath. The joke wasn't that funny but the face he made was. You giggled as you shook your head and Hange watched in bemusement as you elaborated,

"It's the tea I always serve and judging by the three cups you had last time, I'm positive you'll like it."

Levi let out a nod, he hadn't even noticed that the tea you served had no caffeine but the heavy notes of honey in it probably explained its sweetness. He gave a quiet thank you before his scowl returned,

"So that's why I was on the crapper all night after the last meeting."

"With a potty mouth like that, it's not wonder you don't have a girlfriend." You deadpanned.

"I feel bad for the poor bastard who falls in love with you."

You let out a small tsk, smiling at him and hoping Eren heard as you said, "Well that depends if he admits he feels the same way."

Captain Levi quirked an eyebrow at you, his eyes knowing and you blushed under his stare. Your fingers fiddling behind your back and Eren hated the way Levi suddenly chuckled at you. His smile was a rarity and to have him giving it to you only meant one thing to Eren; the captain liked you.

"So there is someone you like? Who's the poor brat?"

When you were about to make another snide remark, Hange cut in and excused herself and Moblit.

"As fascinating as this is, there's a captured titan waiting my arrival and if I don't get to use this research Dr. Y/L/N just gave me before nightfall, I will lose my mind."

"I hadn't heard of us ever finding it to begin with." Levi sighed, taking a lock of your hair between his fingers and letting the curl bounce back before he excused himself to tag along with them.

"Someone's got to make sure four eyes doesn't get killed."

"That's why Moblit is going with her." You noted.

"And who do you think will make sure Moblit doesn't get killed?" He smiled once more, "Laters doc."

You waved goodbye to the three, the door clicking behind them and you turned to see Eren with his arms crossed. He was pouting like a child and you wondered what his deal was. You figured with your earlier comment, he would be over the moon to hear you hinting at liking him. You skipped up to him, getting on the tips of your toes as you poked his cheek.

"What's the matter? You look like a scolded child."

"Nothing." He muttered, looking away as his jaw clenched and you only poked him once more.

"Liar." You called him out, "Talk to me."

"You didn't answer Captain Levi's question."

You were sure that there was a giant question mark on top of your head, the gear in your mind shifting as you tried to recall what the captain asked before your mouth opened in realization. You couldn't help but smile as you looked down at Eren's shoes and he only seemed to grow angrier as he watched you blush.

"About my crush? Oh! Well I wouldn't call him a brat, but I guess his attitude could often warrant that title. He's got this sort of this determined mentality that I guess some people can find...overbearing." You played with the cuff of your dress, "But I personally find it charming."

"So he's charming?"

You hummed as you smiled, "He's a bit rough around the edges, but he always means well. He's easy on the eyes too. Got really nice hair and pretty colored eyes that makes me swoon around him. Not to mention his body looks like Zeus could be his father." To add emphasis, your body leaned side to side as you laughed.

Eren snorted, his eyes rolling as he thought of any guy he knew that was like you described. All he could think of was Captain Levi and Erwin. He hated to think of Levi as charming, but he was rough all around. Erwin had eyes that Historia had once described as pretty, but to think of you being attracted to someone as old as him made his stomach flip.

"Want to head back to my office?" You suggested, not wanting to leave Eren's side until he figured it out but also not wanting to stick around in case other officers walked in. You got a stiff nod and wanted to giggle when Eren still opened the door for you. As the both of you walked through the large building, you added a hop to your step as you continued,

"He's also such a gentleman. He respects me, he's never intimidated by my sharp wit, always opens doors for me, waits until I'm sitting before he starts eating, and he almost seems proud of me being a doctor. He's just so understanding and sure of himself as a man that I guess the idea of having a girlfriend in my position would never make him feel inferior." You turned to look at Eren sideways and noticed his shoulders hunched, you knew it was cruel how you kept teasing him but were hopeful that it would click for him soon, so you went on.

"Wow, sounds like a real keeper." He grumbled, now thinking of Jean or even Connie. Armin was too occupied with Annie and Reiner was too obsessed with Historia to hang around you. There was no way Beruto/Borrito/Bertoto would catch your eye as you had made it a point to always get his name wrong, but Connie made you laugh and Jean was always extra nice to you.

"I'm telling you, I think he's perfect. He's dependable, strong, and we share so many of the same ideas. I could talk to him for hours and never be bored and when I'm not with him, I feel...sad. I just constantly want to be by his side and if I'm not I want him to be thinking about me because that's exactly what I do."

You both entered your office, you walked up to your desk as you spoke, turning around and leaning against it to look at Eren. He had closed your door a little harder than necessary, the wood shaking against the frame as he crossed his arms and leaned his back on the door. He looked downright irritated and you bit your lip to keep from laughing.

"So why haven't you told him?"

You shrugged, "I think I've been pretty obvious about it, I'm always smiling when he's in the room, I always want to be with him, there's never a day where we don't walk together. I even wore this dress for him today."

You waved down at your figure, Eren's eyes looked over you twice and you jumped up on your desk, your thighs parting as you let the short skirt cover your panties and barely cover the tops of your thighs.

"I'm sure he'll love it." Eren spit out.

"I don't know..." You tilted your head, "Do you?"

Eren pushed himself off the door, going to your bookcase and letting his fingers brush the spines of the books, "It doesn't matter what I think. I'm not Mr. Pretty eyes. Sounds like a simpleton to me."

You let out an actual deep sigh and Eren met you with furrowed brows.

"What?"

"You're so fucking dense, Eren."

"What did I say?" He threw his hands up, "Just because I called him simple? I'm so sorry I don't care to hear you go on and on about this guy. I never thought I'd see you bend over backwards for some guy who opens doors for you. I thought you would have higher standards than that."

You let out a snort, "Keep talking Yeager, and I just might higher them."

"I mean I never thought looks would be so important to you. It's so-"

"So what?" Your tongue had a sharp edge that did not go unnoticed by Eren. He stood only a few feet from your desk, but you saw the awkward shift in his posture.

"Shallow." He spit out.

"Excuse me?" You gave him a look that said if he wouldn't apologize in the next ten seconds, he would surely live to regret it.

"What I mean is...what guy could possibly have this head over heels and you're just now telling me? I thought...I thought we-" He stopped, looking to the side and you relaxed before saying,

"We what, Eren?"

"I thought we had something special." He muttered. He looked to see your mouth opened in a small gasp and he began to turn to exit when you quietly beckoned him over.

"Eren...come here."

"No, I should g-"

"Please." You begged and the look in your eyes brought him to stand in front of you. Your hands reached for his shirt, yanking him forward and you hooked your legs around his calves. Eren gaped at you, not knowing what to do and say as you put one hand on his shoulder and the other cupped his cheek.

"You are such a dumbass." You laughed, "The person I've been going on and on about, that simpleton you bashed, is you. It's always been you, Eren."

It was like watching a light flicker on very very slowly, but once it was on you watched as embarrassment flooded Eren. His smile was sheepish and stupid as he stuttered over his words. His hands rested on your hips and you stroked his face from his temple to jaw as you asked,

"Do you maybe feel the same way?"

You didn't get a verbal answer, the sudden kiss Eren laid on you was an answer enough. His lips were soft and warm as they moved against your own, his tongue enveloped yours and you felt him lean more onto you. The moan that slipped out his mouth when you bit his bottom lip made something tighten in your stomach.

When you two finally broke apart you didn't miss the trail of saliva that connected the two of you and you whimpered for more. The second kiss was heavier, a clash of teeth and tongues as Eren feverishly wrestled to touch you everywhere his hands could reach. You felt him press against your core, the loud gasp you let out made him look at you in concern.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll stop if you want me to."

You shook your head as you met those green eyes that held you captive since day one, "More. I want more."

The smirk was something you had never seen, his eyes became half-lidded as Eren kissed your nose. Then your chin, then your neck. When he reached your collar, his finger hooked onto the top of your dress, pulling the fabric down as he kissed just above your breast.

"She wants more." He said to himself, the soft rasp in his voice made you attempt to close your legs. His hands pushed what little that had covered your legs up and Eren's fingers brushed your core.

The jump you gave made his smirk grow, "I haven't even touched you yet."

He saw the small patch of dampness on your panties, and before you could ask him what he was doing, you let out a sharp gasp when his fingers pushed the fabric to the side and he plunged two fingers into your pussy.

The moan he ripped from you was like music to his ears and as he began to slowly pump his fingers in and out he watched as your face became hot and red. It was uncomfortable as first, you could even say it hurt but that didn't stop you from rocking your hips up to meet his eager hands. You weren't entirely prepared as you felt a bit tense as Eren kissed your neck, the suckling on your flesh making small breathy whimpers leave your mouth. His other hand's fingers hovered over the buttons on the back of your dress and his eyes asked for permission as he glanced up at you.

A small tentative nod was all he received before he took out his hand from between your legs, his tongue skillfully licking the digits cleaned and you didn't think you would find such an act so erotic. You arm hooked around his neck as you brought him down to a kiss, you could taste yourself on his lips as he kissed you back eagerly, his fingers skillfully working the buttons on your dress and you wondered for a brief moment if he had ever done such an act before. You pushed the thoughts away, not wanting to lose focus or confidence while in the middle of being with Eren by letting unnecessary insecure creep into your heart. As if being able to read your mind, Eren said-

"Stop being in your head," A hard kiss against your lips, "Be here with me."

His nose rubbed sweetly against yours, fingers tilting your head up as you gave a hesitant nod. Your eyes wanted to focus anywhere but his eyes and you could felt warmth spread across your cheeks when the sleeves of your dress fell down your arms. The idea of letting Eren see all of you was as exciting as it was nerve-wrecking, the most he ever saw was your legs and back from that one time you walked out of the bath in only a towel. Seeing him shirtless was not new but you still felt your breath catch in your throat as you watched him yank the material off. Your hands explored the newly exposed skin, fingers dipping in every curve of muscle and your hand rested just above the waistband of his jeans. You noticed his breathing grow heavy, Eren's head falling forward on your exposed shoulder where you felt him nip and suck on the soft flesh. You returned the favor by kissing him on the chest, your eyes still casted downwards as you fumbled with the buckle on his belt, you let out a small curse from how hard your hands were shaking and Eren placed a gentle hand on top of yours, his eyes alight with amusement as his lips curved into a soft smile.

"Baby, relax." He murmured, he pushed your hands aside as he took over the task. You let out a deep breath as you heard the sound of his zipper being tugged down and you decided to be bold. You lowered the upper half of your dress, the cotton falling off your arms with ease and you blushed furiously once you remembered that you hardly ever wore bras and today was no different.

Your nipples were taut as you shivered from the cold air in your office and Eren stared at you in wonder his eyes raking your body as you looked to the side and brought your bottom lip in between your teeth.

"Fuck, can I touch you?" Eren blurted, his hands still near his trousers and you giggled when he added a last second, "Please."

Nodding, you figured it was time to stop feeling so shy. You had been dreaming about this moment for months, yet as the man you loved stood before you, eager to be with you, all you could think about was how scared you were that you wouldn't be enough to satisfy him.

One more glance at the way he watched you was enough for you to think, If he really didn't, he wouldn't be looking at me as if I put all the stars in the sky.

You felt the second wind of confidence hit you and you took Eren by surprise as you hooked your fingers on his belt loops and tugged the fabric down. You palmed him through the thin material of his briefs and his hips jerked from the contact before he melted against you. Lowering the elastic, your small hand wrapped itself around his shaft and you took a moment to admire his dick. It was something new and foreign to you, for a moment you wondered if all male penises looked like that but you pushed that thought aside as you found yourself not really wanting to ever know, as long as Eren's would be the only one you saw. You hand moved up and down, your thumb brushing across his tip as you swiped some of the liquid leaking out to use as lube.

You knew he was a few inches above average, the thickness was also enough to make you worry for a moment whether he would be able to fit in you as his fingers struggling to push inside of you were of any indication of how tight your body was. Either way you were determined to satisfy the both of you, the idea of him using you and watching his face come apart as he milked himself dry using only your pussy had your head feeling fuzzy with want. He rested his head on you, causing your body to lean back and you pressed one palm on your desk behind you and the other jerked him off a bit sloppily. His moans filled the space of your office, you secretly prayed to the gods that the scouts could be smart enough for once to not be injured or to be able to at least handle it themselves and your eyes flickered to the door for a moment.

"Eren," You murmured to the shell of his ear, his heavy breaths fanning across the span of your chest and you felt both your bodies getting hot. "The door, we need to lock the door."

His groan was the only response you got as he trailed kisses up your neck and shoulder, and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes, he was such a guy sometimes. You began to lower yourself from the desk before his hand on your leg suddenly halted your movements and he gave you a lazy smile, his half lidded eyes softly rolling as he let out an obnoxious groan of annoyance.

"I'll do it." He didn't even bother to tuck himself back into his briefs, his dick fully erect as he made way to your door. You felt your hand falling to your side and you bit your lip as you thought about what you wanted to do twice before letting your own hand push the fabric of your underwear to the side once more. You rubbed at your clit lazily as you softly moaned, your eyes closing at the sensation and you smiled when you heard the soft, "Shit." coming from a few feet ahead of you. Eren's eyes were transfixed on you, the way your head rolled back as your moans became louder and higher pitched was making him painfully hard and he wanted-no needed to be inside of you before he was sure he would come right then and there.

Your eyes were still closed when you felt him settle between your legs once more, eyes hazy and smile lazy as you felt him tug your panties down your legs. Your ass lifted briefly to help and you giggled when he grunted in annoyance from having to shuffle backwards to slip them off completely. He laughed with you as his hand cupped you by your jaw, lips finding yours in a tender kiss and the hand that had been rubbing at your clit was used to steady yourself by his shoulder. His muscles flexed under your touch and your breaths intermingled as he stared at you with such an intensity that you felt your stomach flip. You looked down to where he rubbed his length along your folds and gulped.

"I-I'm nervous." You admitted, cheeks blushing and Eren kissed your temple.

"It's okay, I'll take care of you. Do you trust me?" You gasped at the intensity in his eyes, Eren Yeager was one who never beat around the bush and you felt tears pool around your eyes as you nodded. Everything leading up to this moment overwhelmed you suddenly, losing your family, gaining your dream job, becoming independent so quickly, and falling in love with a man who turned into what so many feared but who let you place` flower crowns on his head during tea parties. He continued to maintain eye contact with you, your lips parting and eyes partly closing as he began to push past your labia. It all felt too much, but you wouldn't want to be anywhere else in that exact moment Eren pressed his tip into your passageway. There was a bit of resistance and the guttural moan he released made your eyes widen in an audible gasp, he looked ethereal with reddened cheeks, a slacked opened jaw, eyes that looked close to tears, and thin layer of sweat making his dark brown locks stick to his forehead.

He pushed another inch in, trying his best to not act too quickly or too harshly. All he wanted to do was fucking ruin you. Mark you as his by impregnating you and watching as you took every drop of his semen. It seemed you wanted it too as your hips jerked forward and took in another inch.

"Eren, please." You had no idea what you were asking for, he was being slow and gentle and as much as you appreciated his mindfulness, it had been six long months and if you had to go through another night of humping your pillow or rubbing one out with only fantasies of Eren touching you (Sometimes even Levi, depending on how much alcohol you had consumed) you were gong to scream.

Another inch and a deep chuckle was his response. Your eyes were set ablaze as the realization that he was teasing you.

"Please what baby?"

"Give it to me." You whispered, your hand tugging at his hair harshly and the hiss of pain he released was simultaneous when he completely thrusted his entire length into you. Your thighs jerked at the sudden intrusion and the cry you let out was loud enough that if anybody were nearby, the would have assumed someone struck you. Your hand smacked against his chest, your breath ragged as you attempted to give Eren an angry glance but your pussy betrayed you as it clenched hard around him.

You both released a gasp when Eren fully bottomed out inside you. His hips flush against your parted thighs and your foreheads pressed against one another, lips brushing but not kissing yet as you two came to terms of what was being done. You and Eren were one, there was no going back from what was about to transpire and you silently prayed that he wouldn't regret it later.

"Stop being in your head," He murmured against your mouth, eyes looking into yours, "Be here..."

He gave a heavenly thrust and you felt his arms wrap themselves around your waist as he forced you to fall back onto your desk with a small uff and your hands fell onto his shoulders. Your legs locked around his waist and the new angle caused him to be deeper inside you, but he continued to stare at your with that same admiration from that day he had met you.

"With me."

You nodded slowly, kissing Eren for what felt like the first time. A bit shyly and unsure as your mouth moved against his slowly, you savored the taste of tea and something sweet from his tongue and you let one of your hands hold him by his face as the other found solace in his hair.

Eren began to thrust into you, the rhythm a bit off at first as you two tried to find what worked and when he dipped his hips a little and heard the string of filthy words leaving your mouth, he gave a knowing smirk.

"Hmm, right there princess?"

You panted, your tongue lolling out as his began to go faster. One of your hands shot out to the side to brace yourself on something when Eren began to fuck you harder and instead you turned to see you hand knocked your bottle of ink over, the deep blue liquid was spilling everywhere but before you could let your brain process the mess, Eren began to suck on the flesh of your neck that you exposed when you moved your head. You moaned as you closed your eyes at the overwhelming sensations of it all, your hands grabbing at the muscles in his back and you arched your own and pressed your chest into him.

"Oh fuck," Eren moaned out, "This pussy is so good. You're taking me so well, princess."

"Yeah?" You panted out, "Going to cum in me, baby?"

Eren picked himself up on his forearms, too preoccupied with how pretty your tits looks bouncing with each thrust to notice the your hair was sprawled all over and the upper part of his arm was touching something wet, he figured it was the sweat you two were producing with your coupling.

"I'm gonna get you pregnant, make you mine forever."

"I'm yours!" You screamed as his hips slammed particularly harder down onto your own.

"Choke me, make me a mommy, cum in me, just please don't stop fucking me." You cried out, and a new sort of excitement showed in his eyes, his hand cupped just below your jaw and the light pressure he put on you made you moan louder.

The sounds of skin smacking, panting breaths, and heavy moans filled the air. Eren coaxing you to come all over his dick as you begged him to not pull out of you echoed of the walls of your office. You went on like that for a good while and you giggled in realization that your silent wish for everyone to leave the two of you alone for a while had come true.

Unbeknownst to you two, there had almost been three interruptions. The first being Captain Levi who wanted to ask if mixing his blood pressure medicine with wine would be too dangerous, but when he heard you scream he almost barged in before the unmistakable moan that followed made him fully come to a halt. He didn't even think twice about what was transpiring, briefly remembering that Eren was in fact with you this morning before quickly turning around and hauled ass as far from the hallway as he could. He wasn't sure where he was heading before he stumbled into Erwin's office, the commander looking up to see his captain look like he just ran a marathon.

"Levi? You look like you just saw a ghost?" His eyebrows creased, "Are you okay?"

"Yeager isn't as dense as we thought."

Eren stood to his full height, grabbing at your ankles and moving your legs onto his shoulders to they were fully parallel to his body. You let out another giggle at how your ankles were now on either side of his head, but the small kiss he gave your right one made you let out a noise of adoration. He gripped your hips, smiling as he noted the streaks of something blue all over your chest and neck but decided against telling you as your pussy began to pulsate around him. There was no way in hell he was going to stop you from orgasming.

The second time was Sasha and Connie as they wanted to ask if eating candies with the wrapper still on was anything they needed to worry about, but the sounds of your desk scraping across the floor with Eren commending you for being a good girl and taking him so well made the both of them stare at each other with wide eyes. The "Huh?"'s they exchanged were amusing to anyone else and Sasha grabbed Connie by the collar before they hightailed out of there. Connie wanting to see if Eren had really been capable of pulling you and Sasha calling it bullshit and stating that the real reason was that he wanted to see you naked.

His thrusts became wild and sloppy, the slushing sounds you two were making was the hottest sounds you ever heard. You held onto his wrists, your smile wide and beautiful and Eren knew he wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer.

"I'm not gonna last long," He let you know, you nodded as you reached down to rub your clit in circles.

"Fuck, you look so hot." He blurted, his cheeks a deeper red and you gave him another soft smile.

"Thanks, baby. You too." His abs were going to be the death of you and you hoped you would get the chance to suck him off later to lick them one by one in foreplay.

You felt him begin to twitch in you and you knew you were so close, your rubbing speeding up as Eren's thrusts were becoming more sporadic. The way his eyes began to roll upwards had you chanting,

"I'm-I'm cumming!" Your moan was breathy and high as you felt your release overwhelm your senses, you felt euphoria as you moaned so loud that Jean and Floch who didn't believe Connie when he said that Eren had managed to bed you stared at each other with wide eyes and gaped mouths as they stood outside your door. Their cheeks red as they rushed down the hallway as if their asses were on fire, not even halfway down the stairs when they felt their collars yanked at so harshly they almost trampled down, Captain Levi's glare knowing as he began to reprimand them for being nosy pricks.

Eren's cock dove into you hard and you felt him pulsate as he shot long ropes of cum into you, his essence overflowing as he filled you to the brim and painted your insides white.

His moan was unbelievably loud and low, the "I love you." That followed didn't go unnoticed by you and the smile he gave, made you realize how much he meant it.

"I love you." Your answered back, he pushed your thighs to your chest when he lowered himself to kiss you. His cock softening inside you and he slowed his thrusts down and milked himself dry. He tapped his tip on your sensitive clit, making sure he was empty before tucking himself back into his boxers and jeans. The creampie in you was beginning to ooze out and he used his two fingers to push it back in, your hips bucking at the intrusion and you whined about your sensitivity.

You sat up, your hand going to fix your hair, only groaning slightly when you felt the ink on some strands already drying. You huffed before jumping down and fixing your dress. Eren was putting his shirt back on, his back slightly turned to you and your eyes widened in embarrassment at seeing the blue ink in what was obviously your finger prints streaked all over. You looked down and saw that it had well faded from your hands, transferring to your lover who put on his jacket. You shrugged, figuring no one would see it and you could wash your hands later. Your hair would be a bit tricky to explain but you would be home to shower soon anyway, which reminded you-

"Do you want to stay over tonight?" You blurted, scaring Eren as his eyes widened, you bit the inside of your cheek and fumbled with your fingers.

He smiled, walking up to you and kissing you on the lips before replying, "I would love to. I have to do some work today, and pack an overnight bag but I'll be home by dinner." His eyes looked you over, stifling a laugh when he saw the marks of blue ink on your neck, debating on telling you but not being able to deny how cute they looked on you, a gentle reminder of what happened just moments ago and an odd turn on for him to think of it as him marking you as his, the lovebite also on the side making him watch you with love.

You nodded before giving a follow-up question, "Chicken or fish?"

"Fish." He nodded, you grabbed a few papers from your desk drawer and Eren asked if you were all set before taking your hand into his as the two of you began to walk out the office, you mentioned having to speak to Erwin about the cadet recovering from a broken limb and Eren listened patiently, your hands swinging in between the two of you and you both relished at how easy it felt to transition into a life of domestication together. He walked you to Erwin's office, his knuckles knocking on the door before a loud, "One minute!" replied.

You both shared a look of confusion before shrugging and stepping to the side. You fixing his hair and Eren's hand resting on top of your hips when the office door opened. You both turned to see Jean and Floch who sported sullen faces, their arms swinging in front of them as if they were children just denied a cone of ice cream.

"Boys?" You called, your free hand interlocking with Eren who stood in place as you took a step toward the pair. "Everything alright?"

They looked between you and Eren, Jean seeing the ink marks on your neck and seeing Eren's hair haphazard was enough to make him look to the floor, his cheeks reddening and Eren could only smirk. Floch was the opposite, he couldn't take his eyes off you as his face held a permanent grimace and you wondered if he was constipated.

"Baby," Eren called, tugging you back to him and Jean scoffed, Possessive ass is already showing her off. He thought to himself.

"They just got yelled at by Erwin, whatever they did was obviously bad, just leave them be."

You nodded in understanding, giving them a comforting smile and Floch didn't miss the knowing look in Eren's eyes.

"Sorry to hear about that. If you two ever need anything, you know where my office is."

"Yeah, that's the problem." Captain Levi's voice came from the doorway. Jean and Floch mumbled a quick goodbye before scurrying away and you couldn't help but fall into deeper confusion.

The captain and Eren exchanged looks before Eren bent to kiss your cheek.

"I got to go. I'll see you later, princess." You blushed at the nickname and public display, murmuring a soft okay in reply as your boyfriend? walked away from you.

You gave Levi a smile which he didn't return, you didn't miss the small blush on his cheeks and you figured it was from seeing such intimacy from Eren. You were almost positive Levi was still a virgin. Walking into Erwin's office, you all but skipped the man's desk, falling beside him and giving him a bright smile which he returned.

"Hey Erwin, just wanted to update you on the cadet's recovery plan. He should be back in training in a few months if he listens to my instructions, think you can help me?"

"Sure what do you need?"

"Well, I'd need you to sign these release forms first." You shrugged putting the papers in front of him, you looked at his desk and grabbed the pen, "Where's your ink?"

The chuckle the two men gave you made your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"What?"

"Seems like you're wearing it, Doc." Levi's eyes flickered to your neck.

You let out a gasp and your hands slapped to cover you and the laughs that followed only made you blush furiously.

Dammit, You thought, Eren you idiot.

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l-r-christian · 3 years

Note

May I ask for a part 2 of Winchester reader and Elijah?

Yes you can☺. A part two of this so enjoy.

Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x Winchester!F!Reader

Warnings: fluff, Elijah being a simp, angst,

Y/N was pissed after having gotten off the phone with her brothers. Y/N had been in New Orleans for two weeks going on three Y/N was healed so Dean wanted her to come back to the bunker. Since finding out about the prophecy, Dean's thought locking his big sister in the bunker was a great idea to keep her from getting pregnant while Castiel had informed him that Heaven will stop at nothing to be sure she have the child.

"Still nothing?" Elijah asked looking her over find her just gorgeous dressed in sleep shorts one of his botton up her reddish brown hair up in a messy bun with reading glasses on her nose.

"It was just Dean calling again. As for news on the baby front I have found nothing so far but I'll find something as your library is bigger than the bunker's."

"Dean wants you back home?" Elijah asked taking his suit jacket off then sliding behind her on the floor. Y/N smiled leaning back against his chest kissing the under side of his jaw.

"More like lock me away. But I am comfortable here....safe besides I have no problem having the kid as much as Dean is."

"Why are you comfortable having the baby?" Elijah couldn't help ask resting his chin on her shoulder as Y/N laced her fingers with his only doing that when she was going to remembering painful memory.

"A sense of normalcy.... you know how rough John trained me. Maybe I just want out.....to come back to you." Y/N whispered her heart aching as Elijah pulled her close gently grabbing her chin tilting her head back kissing her softly.

"I'll be your sense of normalcy, love." Elijah said softly as tears filled her eyes making her turn and hug him burying her face in his neck. Next few days Y/N was digging through books as Freya and Davina used magic to try and help.

"Where are you keeping her you bloodsucker!" Y/N heard Dean yell making her rush down stairs to find Dean pointing a gun at Elijah who was way too calm about the whole thing while Sam was watching Klaus and Kol closely.

"I am not holding Y/N against her will."

"For Chuck's sake Dean!" Y/N shouted coming down the stairs surprising Sam and Dean with how okay she looked. Elijah brighten up see his lady and finding attractive with her being angry while dressed in his shirt.

"Y/N?! Why are you still here?"

"Looking for answers about this prophecy. Now stop threatening Elijah."

"Elijah? Oh this is that Elijah." Sam said as Y/N nodded confusing Dean while Elijah felt his heart swell with joy that she talked about him. Y/N had only told Sam about Elijah not Dean as she knew how her little brother would act.

"Look we agreed to keep you in the bunker."

"No Dean, you agreed to keep me in the bunker. I didn't agree to a damn thing." Y/N said annoyed as Elijah stepped up behind her rubbing her shoulders.

"Y/N! We got something!" Davina said and Y/N was quick up the stairs with the others following.

"Is it?"

"We tried many things but Davina though of trying a spell mixing your blood with every old supernatural in New Orleans to work off that and well...." Freya trailed of as Y/N raised an eyebrow while Elijah moved next to her still hating the idea of her be touched by another.

"Elijah is the father of the child." Davina said just getting it out and everyone in the room was surprised. Elijah gently took Y/N's hand making her look at him and she blushed brightly as he kissed her knuckles with an under readable look in his mocha eyes.

"Y/N, you can't have the kid." Dean said making her look at Dean with her arms crossed.

"Why not?"

"Because you are a huntress and a baby isn't safe in this line of work." Dean said making her glare at her brother as anger flashed though her.

"I didn't choose this life Dean!" Y/N growled as Dean frowned looking at her as Kol moved to protect Davina just in case and Klaus doing the same with Freya.

"Sorry to break it to you but this is the family business."

"Is it? Or just the ghost John was chasing!? Dean, I had fucking died, went to Hell, killed and hunted. So why can't I be happy?"

"Y/N this isn't you. This is the prophecy speaking." Dean said as Y/N glared walking out of the room and her brothers followed and Elijah was quick to follow also.

"This is me Dean! A girl who had hopes and dreams! I never wanted this fucking life! Did John tell you I faked my death and ran off just so I could have a normal life?" Y/N said throwing her hunting journal at Dean who caught it noticing she hadn't wrote about monsters she hunted but her life with Elijah and what she wanted.

"For five years I was happy, for five years I had a normal life with Elijah, for five years I planned to have a baby with the man I love." Y/N said tears filling her eyes as Elijah stood shocked just as her brothers.

"But no John came and tore all away. So what if my child is the next Prophet! So what their father is a vampire! I just want something normal." Y/N said full on sobbing as everything up until then had broke what little self control she had. Elijah rushed to her side pulling her into his arms cooing softly and picked her up when he felt her legs shake.

"Please leave. When she is calm I'll have her call you." Elijah said his tone had been light but the dark glit in his eye told them all the needed to know and left. Elijah moved to the bed waiting for his girl to stop crying.

"So...so...sorry Eli." Y/N hiccupped as she slowly stopped crying. Elijah smiled gently peppering her wet face with kisses.

"No need baby even when crying your eyes out you are still beautiful. And I imagine you needed that." Elijah said making Y/N giggle wrapping her arms around him. Y/N moved so she was straddling his lap cupping his face kissing him deeply.

"Are you sure?" Elijah asked knowing were the kiss was going as he gripping her hips.

"Yes Eli.....making the feelings go away." Was all Elijah needed to hear as he kissed Y/N hungrily letting all his pent up feelings for her out. Y/N panted laying on Elijah as his fingers ran down her back.

"Wow....I forgot how amazing you were." Y/N muttered against his bare chest as Elijah chuckled pulling her up kissing her softly.

"And I forgot that you held such beauty." Elijah tells Y/N cupping her cheek rubbing it making her blush brightly. Y/N hit his chest while hiding her face in his neck.

"Getting shy on me now." Elijah teased her as Y/N nipped at his neck just below his ear making him growl flipping them over.

"Do that again and I won't go easy on you."

"Bring it.... Sir." Y/N teased Elijah nipping the spot just bel oil w his ear again and Elijah made sure she couldn't walk for a week both unaware of the new Mikaelson that will be coming into the world soon.

#L.R writes #elijah mikaelson x reader #elijah mikaelson imagine #Supernatural x reader #supernatural imagine #the originals x reader

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princessmisery666 · 3 years

Text

July 2021 - Fic Recs Master List

Please heed all the warnings on the individual fics. I am not responsible for what you choose read.

I challenge everyone who sees this to read and Reblog one fic from the list 🤩🥳 tag me if you do

📚 Sam Wilson

Here We Go Again - @xbuchananbarnes - Prompt: This Love by Camilla Cabello

📚 Frank Castle

All's Fair - @wonder-cole - Gif drabble with a flirty Frank.

📚 Steve Rogers

The Shadow at My Window - @cockslut-padalecki - Y/N is forever losing things, and when she misplaces her purse one day, it’s down to Steve to return it to her.

📚 Clark Kent

Stubble - @the-wrong-providence - Fluff | Long-term relationship | Mentions of smut | Bad writing

📚 Bucky Barnes

The Right Partner - @tarithenurse - This beautiful piece of music (“Ghost of You”) by Caro Emerald got me to write a little something about Bucky Barnes that can be either from reader’s or Steve’s perspective for when they are apart.

The Lost Converse - @firefly-in-darkness - Last nights party was a bit of a mad one, what do you do when you wake up in someone else’s bed?

Yes Ma'am - @sidepartskinnyjeans - Bucky Barnes has a thing for a girl in stockings, for a specific girl in stockings. And don't you know it. Tony is a meddling shit.

Shreds - @xxindiglow - Bucky's ex-gf goes to collect her things after a breakup wearing a skimpy outfit and deliciousness ensues.

Safe - @gogolucky13 - Bucky is out for a late night walk when you’re in need of saving.

Demon Bucky x Reader - @angrythingstarlight - I've been thinking about a priest trying to "save" the reader from Demon Bucky, only to fail miserably and gets forced to watch Bucky fuck the reader in his own church.

In My Dreams - @river-soul-library - Every night Bucky dreams about chasing you through the forest

📚 Erik Stevens/Kilmonger

The Dot Of A Leopard - @tarithenurse - Do a killmonger X reader fic please!!!

📚 Chris Evans

You and Me - @jamielea81 - Mostly fluff. Talk of trying to conceive.

Who On Earth Could Say No To That Face?! - @xxindiglow - I’ve had this fluffy/cute little blurb about Chris & Dodger that keeps popping up into my head.

📚 Sam Winchester

Riding Crop - @rockhoochie - Sam Winchester, in the Bunker Dungeon, with a riding crop.

Awakening - @b3autyfuldisast3r - Reader helps Sam get his soul back with the help of some physical persuasion

The (almost) Perfect Crime (ch.1) - @1000roughdrafts - SPN AU Sam is a shaddy lawyer.

Seriously - @capsheadquaters - “How is my wife/girlfriend more badass than me?!” / “Sorry isn’t going to help when I kick your ass!” / “Stop being so dam cute” / “What are you¦ five?!”

Soft Spot - @winchest09 - When you and the Winchesters are out on a case, it comes as no surprise that you and Sam clash over your theories of what you could be hunting. A clash that ends in something unexpected.

Gum - @watermelonlipstick - You help Sam get gum out of his hair.

A Hospitable Birthday - @calaofnoldor - It’s your birthday and you’re stranded at the hospital. Good thing your boyfriend’s a total dreamboat.

Hidden Heart - @idreamofplaid - Sam has been hiding how he feels about the reader. Finally, his emotions erupt.

Stripped - @pinknerdpanda - This is my offering for Smut Appreciation Day. I was wanting to write more sam x reader x dean, but didn’t have any inspiration, until I ran across this post x.

Guilt - @there-must-be-a-lock - With my remaining 5% battery, may I pls request a Dean/Sam/reader threesome but one of them is remote in some way (left a note/on the phone/gave instructions).

The T-Shirt - Part 2 - Part 3 - @lipstickandwhiskey-blog - Sometimes a t-shirt isn’t just a t-shirt.

📚 Dean Winchester

United Front - @justagirlinafandomworld - You and Dean set Sam up. Your intentions…purely selfless.

Dean's Jeans - @watermelonlipstick - A late summer afternoon on your cul-de-sac with Dean, Sam, your daughters, and their cousin DJ.

Heaven On Earth - @firefly-in-darkness - You finally get to spend time with Dean, all to yourself.

Money From Pie - @deanwanddamons - Gif drabble

Heard, Seen, Believed // Heard: Cursed & Blind // @stusbunker - After a messy witch hunt, you call your roommate desperate for some help with the aftermath. Everything changes between you.-

Put On A Show - @justagirlinafandomworld - Song Prompt: Circus by Britney Spears

📚 Ketch

Ketch-22 - @idabbleincrazy - Beka gets cursed on a hunt and the cure is not something she’d ever thought she’d have to do.

#pm666reads #July 21 Recs #Bucky Barnes #Erik Stevens #Kilmonger #Chris Evans #Sam Winchester #Dean Winchester #Frank Castle #Clark Kent #Steve Rogers #Ketch #Sam Wison

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dothwrites · 4 years

Text

15.19--freedom

“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose/Nothing, don’t mean nothing if it ain’t free, no, no”--Janis Joplin

---

Freedom.

Dean rolls the word around on the tip of his tongue and tastes how it feels. Freedom.

It’s a strange concept, especially since he always assumed that he was. Ever since Apocalypse Version 1.0 was averted, Michael and Lucifer locked in the cage, thanks very much, he’s always assumed that he was the one calling the shots. No matter how badly he fucked up (and he fucked up a lot), he could at least take comfort in the fact that those were his choices. No one’s hand up Dean Winchester’s ass, no siree.

And then Chuck came and ripped that certainty away from him in one quick motion and then...everything was suspect. Sam, Mom, Jack...Cas. Every word, every action, every emotion... He couldn’t trust anything, so he trusted nothing.

He still wakes up from nightmares with those words echoing in his head: You’re dead to me. He bolts upright, almost puking, because he can’t believe his past self, he can’t believe that those words came out of his mouth, to Cas, to Cas of all people--

He splashes water on his face and notices that his hand is shaking. His stomach churns in warning, but he doesn’t think he’s going to puke. However, he also doesn’t think he’s going back to sleep tonight.

He and Sam are in the bunker, but he knows they won’t stay. It’s too empty now, their voices echoing through the halls and rooms. Maybe once, he would have been all right with that, would have even enjoyed it, but now, he can’t bear it. He remembers all too well how it felt to have Jack’s voice bouncing through the kitchen as he talked about the latest movie they had watched, or how it felt to just feel Cas behind him as he moved through the kitchen.

Every time he makes his breakfast, he’s reminded of what he lost. Every time he and Sam come back to the bunker, there’s the sinking disappointment to find themselves alone once more. Dean ends up spending most of his days in his room because anywhere else freaks him out. He can’t stop whipping his head to look over his shoulder, halfway convinced that he’ll find someone standing behind him. He’s always disappointed when he finds himself alone.

He and Sam are going to leave the bunker behind. He doesn’t know when and he doesn’t know what for, but he knows that it’s going to happen.

He asks Sam one afternoon why he hasn’t left yet. Eileen is waiting for him, biding her time a hell of a lot more patiently than Dean would, and Sam still isn’t going to her and starting the American dream life. And one afternoon, Dean either runs out of fucks and gathers up his last little shreds of courage, and asks him.

“So when are you going to move in with Eileen? I can’t imagine that she’s going to wait for your gigantor ass forever.”

Sam looks at him from across the table. There’s a book open in front of him, but Dean doesn’t think that he’s read a word. He knows that he’s been stuck on the same screen on his phone for several minutes. Without the pressing urgency of saving the world, things just seem so...pointless. Which is not necessarily bad. But it means that he and Sam spend a lot of slow, lingering afternoons like this, with just the two of them wandering through the bunker and occasionally bouncing off of each other like two very faulty pinballs stuck in a malfunctioning machine.

“She’s fine,” Sam says, which isn’t an answer. “She understands what’s happening.”

Dean’s glad that someone understands because he surely has no fucking clue.

---

His life falls into a kind of routine. Wake up, make breakfast. Find pointless chores to do around the bunker. Make lunch. Watch some bullshit shows on TV. Make dinner. Have a beer. Fall asleep.

He feels like the worst kind of retiree, devoid of purpose.

Sure, there are occasional hunts, but he doesn’t feel the need to go on them. The world is turning, same as it always did, and there are other hunters in the world. If that’s one thing that he learned through these past years, it’s that he doesn’t have to do everything.

(Plus, he and Sam literally defeated God, so he thinks they deserve some time off.)

The forced retirement doesn’t make him happy. The bunker is the cleanest that it’s ever been and he doesn’t feel happy about it. There’s a gaping hole in his chest that’s shaped like the rest of his family, and he can’t sleep at night. He makes dinner and all he can think about are the empty places at the table.

Sam sticks his head into Dean’s room. It’s a regular day, though Dean doesn’t bother to note either the actual date or the day of the week anymore. Time blends together in an endless cycle of waking, chores, and sleeping, because without a purpose to hold him together, he’s slowly falling apart.

“I’m going to head out,” Sam says. Dean notices that he doesn’t put a timeline on his departure. “You should get out too.”

Dean raises his eyebrows but doesn’t ask the obvious question: Where would he go? Sam, slightly chagrined, scuffs his feet against the floor. “Maybe go see Jody, Donna, and the girls? See if Charlie and Stevie want a third on their hunt? Bobby said something about building up his library here.”

“Yeah,” Dean says, with absolutely no intention of following through on any of those suggestions. He’s not quite wallowing in his own grief and filth (every time he tries to crawl back into a bottle, he just remembers the pinched look at the corners of Cas’ eyes whenever he would find Dean halfway through a bender, and that memory effectively nixes any desire he might have had to crawl into the nearest bottle), but he’s not exactly the poster boy for healthy coping strategies either.

“Dean.”

Dean hates that note in Sam’s voice, the oh-so-soft and sensitive tone that could soothe widows and lull children. He hates even more that it’s being turned on him, hates most of all that he derives comfort from it.

“I don’t get it,” Dean finally says, because if Sam is leaving then he might be losing his chance to ask his question aloud. “I don’t get...I mean, Jack could have brought him back. He could have done it. I could have asked him. I was right fucking there, and I didn’t ask.”

He’s dissected those moments in his head until there’s nothing left, and he’s forced to cobble them back together like some Frankenstein of memories just so he can take them apart all over again. Why didn’t he ask Jack to bring Cas back? Why didn’t Jack do it of his own free will? Jack knew how he much he needed Cas; hell, Jack brought him back once before when he wasn’t God. So why couldn’t he do it then, when Dean needed him the most?

“I don’t know,” Sam says, still in that same soft voice. “Maybe...maybe it was like Mom? I mean, Cas made his choice. For better or worse, he made it, and maybe Jack thinks that we need to respect it?”

A thick lump rises in his throat. Cas’ face replays in his nightmares, tear-stricken and yet smiling, peace and grief shining in his eyes. I love you. Like it was the easiest thing in the world to say at that moment. Like it was all he’d ever wanted to say.

“I never...” Dean swallows, but he doesn’t manage to chase away the horrid feeling rising in his chest. “I never said it back to him, Sam. I never...all those times he said it to us, and I never...he died, thinking that no one loved him. The one thing I want, I know I can’t have, is what he said to me.”

Dean doesn’t necessarily have a list of his regrets (there are too many to really list), but if he did, then he knows this would be at the top of it. Cas sacrificed himself, Cas let himself get taken, Cas died, and all to save someone who he believed didn’t love him back.

How could he not know?

Dean knows he’s not necessarily Mr. Subtle; he knows Sam knows. Their enemies damn sure have seemed to figure out through the years exactly where Dean’s heart lies. How could Cas, as brilliant as he was, as insightful, as compassionate as he was, not understand that Dean’s been lost on him, quite possible since the first time he walked through those barn doors?

Sam’s face goes on a journey and it ends up at about the same place that Dean feels. Maybe now Sam understands why it’s so much effort for him to just make it out of his room.

“He thought it was worth it,” Sam finally says. “Even if he thought...At the end, it was still worth it to him.”

You were still worth it, is left unsaid, but Dean hears the echo nonetheless. There’s an accusation there which he doesn’t want to confront, but he has to nonetheless.

“I can’t stay here anymore,” Sam finally says. “I can’t...” When he looks at Dean, his eyes are glistening. There’s a plea for understanding in his face. “There’s a whole world out there that I haven’t gotten to see since...since Stanford really. Since ever. I can finally go out there and walk around and not worry that something’s going to come after me. I can finally...” Sam rubs a corner of his shirt between his fingers. “You always said that I wanted a normal life, and I did, for a while. Then, when I figured that it was never going to happen, I stopped myself from wanting it, because what was the point? When everything we had got ripped away from us, what was the point of anything? But now...”

“If you start now, then you can probably make Des Moines by night,” Dean offers. It’s all he can say, but it’s enough.

Sam smiles, his eyes glassy. “I’ll call you when I get there.”

It’s not a goodbye, but it is. It’s the bonds of desperation and codependency snapping and shattering and reforming into something else. Dean doesn’t know how to love his brother in this new world. All he knows is that Sam deserves to live the life he’s deserved.

Dean closes his eyes.

When he opens them, Sam is gone.

---

That night, he goes up on the roof of the bunker. It’s cold, but not unbearable. There’s a light drizzle falling which strengthens to a gentle shower the longer he stays outside.

Dean closes his eyes and looks up at the sky. Out here, the stars shine clearer than ever before, visible even through the rainclouds.

He can’t help but think of Jack. His son. He can say those words now, acknowledge that Jack gave him everything he really wanted; the chance at a family, the chance to erase some of his father’s sins. Jack was gentle, he was kind, he was loving, he was theirs. And then he was gone.

Cas, Jack, Sam...

“What am I supposed to do?” Dean asks the rain, the same wild pain rising up in his throat. “What am I supposed to do now?”

---

He makes it back inside, damp and cold, and strips himself. He should shower, but he can’t be bothered, so he falls into bed naked and shivering. Not like it matters; no one is around to see him anyway. He falls into a fitful doze and is only awakened hours later by the soft sounds of someone moving around his room.

He bolts upright, snatching his gun out from underneath his pillow, because old habits die never. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes as his heartbeat catches up with his adrenaline. “Sam?” he asks, and then, more tentatively, “Jack?”

His desk lamp blazes into the life with a soft snap. Dean’s heart leaps into his throat.

Cas smiles at him, the same as always, sadness always lurking in his eyes and at the corners of his mouth. Dean finally understands why he looks that way.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says. The sound of his voice sends shivers down Dean’s spine, but the hair on his arms doesn’t rise. Dean understands then.

“This is a dream.” He lowers the gun. His heart slows to normal and disappointment is bitter in his mouth. “You’re not really here.”

Cas’ mouth lifts in a lopsided smile. “It’s as real as you make it.”

“Don’t fucking Dumbledore me,” Dean mutters. He rubs at his temples. Somehow, even lucid dreaming has lost its appeal. Talking to Cas isn’t appealing when he knows that he’s just talking to his own subconscious.

“I fail to see what a fictional wizard of questionable sexuality has to do with this.”

“Good to know that my subconscious has your sense of humor down.” Dean glares at Cas. “Why the fuck are you here, anyway? It’s a dick move, even for my brain.”

“Maybe because I’m the person you want to see? I don’t know. It’s your head, not mine.”

“Yeah. No offense, but I think I’m just going to go back to sleep. Or wake up. I don’t know. Whatever it is, I don’t need to see you anymore. It’s just...It really hurts, all right?”

“I’m not real, so you’re not really hurting my feelings.”

“Good. Well, now that we have that sorted out.” Dean punches his pillow as a punishment for betraying him, before he turns back to Cas. “I miss you,” he says, because he’s weak and always has been.

“Dean.” The sound of Cas’ voice always manages to make Dean stop and now is no different. He turns around and looks at Cas.

Somehow, Cas looks more solid around the edges. The lines around his eyes are more pronounced, and if Dean turns his head at just the right angle, he thinks he can see grey silvering at Cas’ temple.

“Sam was right,” Cas says. “I made a choice. That’s what this was all about, ever since the beginning. Making choices, running our own course, picking our own path.”

“Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in,” Dean mutters. The last thing he needs is his subconscious reminding him that once again, Cas decided that he wasn’t good enough to stay with.

“But that doesn’t mean that you can’t make a choice as well,” Cas continues, ignoring him. “There’s nothing to stop you. You can make whatever choices you want and take the consequences that come with them. And if you make the right choices, then maybe...” Cas bites his lip, looking almost nervous. “Then maybe I can make some choices too.”

Dean opens his mouth to argue--Cas is dead, the time for making decisions has come and gone--but his subconscious is a dick, and before he can say anything, his dream fades away in a wash of black.

---

Dean wakes up energized. His eyes open into the same room, but it’s different somehow. It’s ridiculous, because the bunker is underground, but it’s almost like he sees the sun shining through his windows. Even the air tastes different. For the first time in weeks, he gets out of bed without dreading every step away from his mattress.

He glances at his phone. There’s a message from Sam along with a picture. In it, Eileen and Sam smile at the camera, their heads pressed together at the temple. There’s still a shadow of sadness in their eyes--they’ve all lost too much to be truly carefree ever again--but they look good. Happy. Whole.

Cas’ words echo back at him, both from the dream and from those last, horrible, terrifying moments.

Everything you did, you did for love.

You can make a choice.

Dean starts towards the library.

---

It takes him three weeks of almost non-stop research to cobble together enough spells to make something that has the potential to work. This isn’t his strength; Sam is much more suited for this type of work, but he won’t bring Sam in on this. If this thing goes really damn badly, then it has the potential to wipe him off the face of the earth, goodbye Dean Winchester. If this thing does what he’s halfway expecting it to, which is nothing, then he’ll have gotten Sam’s hopes up for nothing. He’s not going to expose Sam to either danger or disappointment, not when Sam’s finally managed to get to some kind of happiness.

If everything goes well...

Dean won’t let himself think about that.

He spends two days smoothing out the kinks in the spell, double and triple checking his translations. He gathers his ingredients, and then spends another hour pacing around the library. His stomach is roiling, and his nerves are jittery. He can’t bear to stop, but he can’t bear to move forward.

The memory of Cas’ smile spurs him into action. Cas went to his death a willing martyr for a man who he believed didn’t love him back. He can’t let that stand. If anything else, Cas has to know.

The drive to Pontiac, Illinois takes him the better part of a day. The impala springs forward across the asphalt, almost like she’s eager to eat up the miles after her forced retirement. Dean pushes hard down on the gas pedal, urging her forward. One way or another, this is going to come to an end tonight.

It takes him a while to find the barn. The last time he was here, he wasn’t in his right mind, still reeling from the horrors of Hell and the confusion of finding himself alive. He’d been scared and angry, lost and so very alone. And then an angel had walked through the door and told him that good things happened, that he deserved to be saved. The last little bit might have been a line fed to Cas by a bunch of dickhead superiors, but the sentiment behind it had stayed long after those superiors were all dead.

They replaced the doors which Cas shattered and painted over the walls which Dean and Bobby covered with sigils, but if Dean looks carefully, he can see the shadows of them behind the new coat of whitewash. He touches them gently for a second, remembering Bobby and all of the years which led him back to this place. Then he pulls out his can of spray paint and proceeds to deface the barn all over again.

When he’s done, he sets up the ingredients on the table. The table is where it was all those years ago, facing the doors to the barn. He doesn’t quite believe that Cas is going to pull the same trick, storming through the doors in a shower of sparks, but he can always hope.

“God...Jack,” Dean corrects himself with a wry twist of his mouth, “I really hope this works. Cas, wherever you are, I really hope you have your ears on.”

Dean looks at his translations and begins to speak. He’s hoping that intention counts for something as his tongue stumbles over the unfamiliar words. His heart beats an uncertain pulse in his chest. This has to work. It has to work.

He puts every ounce of belief into his voice, every bit of the faith Cas once accused him of not having. I have faith, he thinks, putting force behind his voice, sending his words rocketing into the dimensions. I believe in us.

What’s real?

We are.

The last syllables roll over his tongue, followed immediately by a peal of thunder. The barn shivers, a ripple rolling through the air to settle over Dean’s skin. Electricity crackles in the air, filling him with potential.

“Castiel?” he calls to the darkness. “Cas?”

There’s no answer, but the spells and research had been unclear on whether or not there should be an answer. He would prefer knowing that Cas was listening, but in absence of certainty, he’ll have to have faith.

“Cas, I really hope you can hear me,” he says. The words bring back the memories of Purgatory and a time when he and Cas could barely look at each other. He pushes those memories away and concentrates on the truth he can feel in his heart, the same truth which has guided him through the years and all the way from Lebanon, Kansas to the small barn where it all began all those years ago.

“I know you made your choice. I know you were happy. But...it’s not the same without you. I’m not the same without you. I wake up and think about you, and you’re the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night. Every moment, you’re there because you’re not there. I look at all the places you’re missing and I can’t help but think that everything would be better if you were there.”

Dean swallows. “I miss you,” he confesses to the night. “Cas, I miss you so much. And I want you to come back. Not because I need you or because there’s something to fight against, but just because I miss you and life is better when you’re around.” He thinks of what Sam told him before he went. “There’s a new world out there, and I can’t think of who I would rather explore it with than you, but in order to do that, you’ve got to make a choice, all right?”

His heart is pounding so hard he thinks it might explode out of his chest. “I want to share my life with you. I want to figure out this world together. I want to be able to look at you and hold you and experience everything with you. Cas, I want to tell you what I should have told you every single day for years. I’m sorry that I never told you while you were with me. And I’m sorry that the first time I say it, I’m not going to be looking at you, but it wouldn’t be our lives if something about this wasn’t shitty, right?”

Dean takes a deep breath. “I love you, Cas. Not because of what you can do or how useful you are. I love you because of who you are and how hard you try. And I want to say it to you, every single day, for years to come. I’ve made my choice, Cas. Now you just need to make yours.”

Silence overtakes the barn. The only sound is the faint whistling of the wind through the slats of the barn and the quick rasp of his breathing. There’s no flap of wings, no deep voice growling in his ears, no pop of electricity.

“Please, Cas,” Dean whispers, closing his eyes to try and stop the burning behind them. “Please.”

Thunder rolls through the barn, shaking through the wood down to the dirt floor. Dean’s head jerks upright as he scans the barn. “Cas?” he calls, hardly daring to hope. “Castiel?”

A thin, golden thread rips open in the air before him. It looks almost exactly like the rifts between worlds which Jack used to create, but that’s not possible.

It’s not possible, but Dean dares to hope anyway.

“Castiel? Cas?”

A single hand reaches out through the golden tear, and then Dean is moving, he’s practically tripping over his own feet in his haste to reach the rift. “Cas, Cas, please,” he’s saying, not quite aware of the words which are tumbling from his mouth. “Please.”

Until his fingers grip the hand, he’s not sure that it’s real, but that’s solid flesh and bone underneath his palm. Dean pulls, feeling resistance on the other end. “No,” he grunts, reaching into the rift. His hand touches skin, and his resolve grows. He didn’t come this far only to lose. They haven’t come this far only to fall apart.

“I want you,” he says, as though the force of his words can rip through the veil. “Cas, please, come home, Cas, please--”

With an almighty heave, he pulls once more and then he’s falling backward, another body tumbling against his in an ungainly pile of limbs and bodies. There’s skin and there’s warm, and there’s weight. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean sees the rift close up, as neatly as if it were never there at all.

He doesn’t care about that. He can’t, not now.

Dean looks down at the body sprawled across his lap. There are miles upon miles of naked skin for him to peruse, and he hopes that he’ll be able to do so later at his leisure, but for now, all he can concentrate on are those two luminous eyes blinking up at him.

“Cas?” Dean asks, hardly daring to believe. His hands cup Castiel’s face, fingers sweeping a few locks of dark hair off of his forehead.

Castiel blinks at him, his dark eyelashes fanning over his cheeks. A slow smile creeps across his face, like the dawn spreading across the horizon. “Dean,” he says, his voice the same as it always was, but this time it’s better, because it’s a voice that Dean never thought he’d hear again.

“Cas.” It’s the only word Dean seems capable of saying, but words don’t seem important anymore, not when he can lean forward and press his lips to Cas’, not when he can taste the small sigh of surprise on Cas’ lips. “Cas, I missed you so much, oh god, Cas, there’s so much I want to tell you, there’s so much I want to do--”

Cas interrupts him with another kiss, his arms threading around Dean’s shoulders to pull him closer. Gentle fingers tug at the hair at the nape of his neck, and Dean thinks that he could live in this moment forever.

But before he does that, there’s something else which needs to happen first. Dean pulls away, ignoring the small whine of protest from Cas.

“Cas, there’s something I need to tell you,” he starts, only to be interrupted.

“I know,” Cas says, his face splitting into a wide, gummy smile. No shadow lurks behind his eyes, no hint of tears glisten in his eyes. There’s just happiness, radiant and absolute, gleaming from his face.

“I heard your prayer.”

Maybe once upon a time, Dean would have been satisfied with that answer, but not anymore.

“I love you,” Dean whispers, pressing the words into Cas’ skin with gentle kisses over his temple and cheeks. “I love you, I love you, I love you, and I’m going to tell you every day until you get sick of it.”

“You’ll have to try for a very long time,” Castiel answers, his fingers tracing along Dean’s jaw. “I like hearing those words very much.”

Dean can’t help but kiss him again. As he does so, he feels the lost and scattered pieces of his heart knitting back together until he can finally breathe for the first time in months. “Come on,” he says, once he surfaces for air. “Let’s go.”

It only hits him then that Cas is naked. Apparently rebirth and snagging people out of alternate dimensions results in a distinct lack of clothing. Dean’s eyes want to travel over the skin revealed to him, but he waits. There will be time, he realizes with a tiny thrill of delight. He and Cas have all the time in the world.

He manages to find a blanket to wrap around Cas’ shoulders. It will do until they get out to the car where he has a spare set of clothes. For now, he helps Cas to his feet. Cas looks around him, his eyes wide and huge, as though he’s overwhelmed with the world around him.

“Where are we headed?” Cas asks as they head towards the door. The Impala waits outside, beckoning them forward once more.

Dean grins as the cool night air washes over them. It’s gentle and soft, eternity held in the breeze. There’s a world held within the palm of tonight, a world held within the rest of their lives.

“Wherever we want,” he answers, stepping out of the shadow of the barn and into the world.

As they walk towards the Impala, a light rain begins to fall.

---

“Before, I wanted to say: "I found love!" But now, I want to say: "I found a person. And he belongs to me and I belong to him.”― C. JoyBell C.

#spn spoilers #supernatural #spn15 #15.19 coda #coda fic #destiel #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #deancas #deancas fic #dean winchester #castiel #15x19 inherit the earth #fare thee well spn #dothwrites #not beta'd we die like men here

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youwerenevermeanttofeelalone · 3 years

Text

Payback | Dean Winchester

✦ pairing — Dean Winchester x female!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 2.2k

✦ request — I was wondering if you could do a dean winchester imagine that is like the reader is like young and has been with the boys since she was 18 and now she’s like around 21 or 22. She lives at the bunker with them and helps with research. So, basically she’s fallen in love with dean and has been in love with him for years. She never says anything because she watches him go after all these skinny girls and thinks she will never be good enough since she’s big and doesn’t think he’d ever like her. Then one day she basically just reaches a breaking point and it comes out to dean, and after some angst they get together. Then maybe some fluff or smut?

✦ warnings — angst, age gap (reader is in her twenties while Dean is in his forties), reader is kinda insecure at times, language, mentions of past sexual partners, mentions of a past ilegal relationship, a twinge of jealousy, suggestive stuff, some fluff.

════════════════════════

You heard laughs on the other side of the bar, right under the Bud Light neon sign. Unable to stop yourself, you looked that way.

A small friend group had erupted in laughter. There was a tall guy in the middle of two redheads — you couldn’t see very well, but you could tell he had caught you staring.

So you deviated your eyes to the right, where the bartender served one of your companions another beer. A couple of beers in fact. Dean was talking to a woman, undoubtedly charming her as he rested his elbow on the bar and leaned in to whisper in her ear.

You couldn’t look any longer, you would be sick if you did. He should’ve been doing that to you.

Realistically, you were probably twice her size or more, but you still could dream.

That was the problem, truly — you only could dream. Dean would quit hunting before even considering seeing you as a potential conquest. By this point, you should have been used to it.

Your eyes went back to the friend group from earlier. The tall guy held your gaze for a moment — you couldn’t figure out his eye color, or what his eyes showed under the uneven light, but you damn well could see he was handsome.

Not wanting to give him the wrong impression, you turned to your side and picked up your jacket.

Maybe you should also start to pay attention to the men who were actually interested.

But they weren’t Dean Winchester.

Comparing every man you met to him was a reflex, just like comparing yourself to the women he picked up at bars.

The Bunker was eerie every hour of the day, but there was something especially uncanny about an empty Bunker in the middle of the night. Devastatingly so.

Turning on the lights as you made your way towards the library, you made a beeline towards the kitchen. You weren’t in the mood for drinking anymore or for food, but you knew you needed to drink water.

Taking refugee in the library, you looked around a few news sites to see if you found something. It wasn’t difficult to find something shady or weird going on, but filtering out conspiracy theories was a pain in the ass.

Eventually, you found just what you were hoping you would. Dean and Sam rarely took you with them for hunts, but perhaps you could convince them this time to at least let you watch from the car.

Sam came home a little later, tipsy enough to be in a good mood. You told him about the case you had found, he said he would check it out in the morning and wished you a goodnight.

Dean didn’t come home. Why would he when he could have literally anybody he wanted?

You didn’t get any sleep. You had hoped that listening to an audiobook would lull you, but like most things, it wasn’t enough to even entertain you.

You were sick of this, of being into somebody who would never be into you. And who the fuck loses sleep for somebody who doesn’t see them as anything more than a sibling? You, apparently.

You needed coffee and a hug, but coffee by itself would have to do.

To your luck, Dean was already in the kitchen when you entered. His hair was wet which meant he was, thankfully, fresh out of the shower.

Instead of greeting you, he asked, “Where’s Sammy?”

You shrugged. “I haven’t seen him since last night.”

“He took the car.”

You didn’t even know Sam had brought the car home the night before. “He must have found the case interesting.”

“There’s a case?”

“Kind of. It’s not too far away from here,” you explained, “but I wasn’t sure it was something up our alley. I guess Sam thought it was.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you weren’t here.” You could tell your answer offended him. Good.

“You should have called.”

“Babying you isn’t my job, Dean.”

“Funny you say that when babysitting you isn’t mine and yet...”

“Can you stop treating me like a fucking child for two seconds?”

“Stop acting like one and I might.”

“God, you’re fucking insufferable. I can’t believe I’m in love with you!”

You didn’t know whose eyes were wider, if his or yours.

“Shit,” you muttered under your breath.

He tried to be nonchalant, but Dean couldn’t even move. “Sweetheart, come on. It’s okay.”

You effusively shook your head. “It’s isn’t.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“No, you don’t get to tell me what to do or how to fucking react.” You were yelling now. Why were you yelling over this?

“I— well, I don’t know what to say.” He stuttered. “I mean, you are a kid. I could be your dad who had a kid at a young age, okay? This is fucking crazy.”

“You weren’t supposed to know. It’s humiliating.”

“I’m not going to give you shit about it.”

“No, you are. And then you’re gonna go and fuck somebody who’s actually hot and interesting and you’re gonna make me feel worse.”

“Hey, you’re interesting.”

“I’m not. And even then, you don’t go for them because they’re interesting, do you?”

“What do you want me to say?”

You wanted him to say that you were attractive too, that he would go for you in a heartbeat.

“Nothing.”

Both of you remained silent then. He had many chances to make it right, to have enough pity for you to at least apologize for not realizing you were in love with him sooner.

“ I’m gonna go,” you announced, having decided that this wasn’t worth it. The humiliation hurt, but his reaction stung.

He reached over and stopped you. “Wait, wait, wait.”

“What now?” Your voice broke and your lip trembled. Not now, you thought. But now it was.

“Don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it.”

He hugged you to his chest. “I hate seeing you cry.”

His arms were tightly wrapped around you, a hand on the back of your head and the other on your upper back.

“You’re making me feel even more stupid,” you admitted through tears.

Dean sighed heavily. His hand twitched against your clothed skin as he tried to keep himself from rubbing his face. “You know, maybe you need a break.”

“Are you really trying to get rid of me already?”

He didn’t deny it. So you pushed him off you and stormed out. You couldn’t even get a fucking consolation hug.

════════════════════════

You liked to think you were doing a good job avoiding him. It wasn’t like he spent that much time at home either way.

Expecting him to care had been too much, it seemed. You hadn’t wanted him to beg, or even fantasized about him chasing after you — you just wanted him to care, to at least told you he would forget about it or pretend you hadn’t said anything.

Sam entered the library, feigning interest in the stack of books you had piled on the table two nights ago.

He stalled, opening the one on top as though he hadn’t seen it before.

You shuffled in your seat. Waiting for whatever he would say.

He cleared his throat so you’d look up. You did.

“Dean and I are going out for a drink or two. Want to come?”

“No, I’m gonna watch something on my laptop and go to bed early.”

Sam gave you a worried look. “Well, if you need anything...”

“Have fun.”

Maybe Dean had been right, maybe you needed a break, and maybe —just maybe— this wasn’t the place you were meant to be at.

But you wanted to be there, and you wanted him. It fucking sucked that you would never get what you wanted just because you weren’t thin.

Story of your life.

You stayed in the library longer than you planned and eventually your tv marathon was held there. You had everything you needed and the chairs were comfortable enough.

Your laptop rested on the other side of the table as you leaned onto said table with your forearms and laid your head on your arm.

A knock on the thick door startled you. Looking up, you found green eyes.

“Did I scare you?”

You pressed the space bar to pause your show. “I wasn’t expecting you guys to come back early.”

“Sammy left with somebody so he’s not coming home tonight.”

You hummed, unsure as to what you were supposed to say. Should you say that you were happy for Sam? Should you ask why he hadn’t left with somebody too?

Dean spoke before you could come up with something. “Can we, uh, talk?”

Seeing you nod, Dean approached the table. He didn’t sit down, forcing you to crane your neck.

“I’ll find somewhere else to live,” you assured him.

He frowned, looking down as he searched for your now shifty eyes. “You’re leaving?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted to talk about?”

“No.” He rubbed his palm against his forehead. “I don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

You twisted your mouth. “It’s a little late for that.”

He hurriedly said, “I don’t want you to leave. You’re part of the family.”

“I think I deserve space to move on.”

A groan slipped past his throat and lips, rumbling in his chest. He was growing desperate. “Look... I’m trying to be the responsible adult here because God knows you won’t be.”

“So now I’m an adult?”

“It was never my intention to treat you like a child. I just wanted to put some distance between us.”

“You could have said so.” You didn’t think you would need to state the obvious to somebody as smart as Dean.

“I didn’t want things to be weird or to give the impression that I could take advantage of you if you were too close. I would never do that.”

Not proud enough to pretend you knew what he was talking about, you admitted, “I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“You’re pretty,” he blurted. “Really fucking pretty and interesting and so attractive that’s kinda unfair. And you’re also too young.”

“Dean.”

“Mmmh?”

“Kiss me.”

“Weren’t you listening to me?”

“Just kiss me,” you insisted. “We’ll forget about it if it doesn’t feel right.”

Dean took the chair beside yours out and pulled it to the side. His eyes didn’t meet yours as he leaned in, but they did when his nose brushed yours.

He softly placed his lips on top of yours. You saw his eyes screw shut before you closed yours. It was short and sweet, and when he parted from you, you feared you would have to go back to hide the way you felt about him.

Grabbing you by the waist, Dean made you stand up. He wrapped an arm around you while you rested your hands on his sides as a reflex.

He kissed you again, hard. So hard he unintentionally pushed you against the table. His tongue tasted of whiskey and those bacon-flavored chips you had never had the heart to tell him weren’t that good.

You brought a hand up to the back of his neck, kissing him deeply.

Dean took advantage of the fact that he had you trapped between the table and his body to caress yours. He started with your back and dragged his hands down to your ass.

His hands traveled to your torso, where he could surely feel your belly up, fingers toying with the hem of your black t-shirt.

You stopped his fingers from lifting your top and pulled away from the kiss. “Wait.”

“Having second thoughts?” he breathlessly asked.

“I’m not what you’re used to,” you explained through ragged breathing. “At all.”

”Really?”

You nodded, ashamed. One thing was him knowing how big you were and other was him seeing it for himself.

“Don’t take this the wrong way...”

“That’s a great way to let me know you’re about to insult me.” Fuck. You were getting defensive again — what a way to kill the mood.

“I’m not!” he defended himself. “I was going to point out that you’ve been around for a relatively short amount of time to know what I’m used to.”

“I’ve never seen you with a fat person before.”

“And I’ve never seen you with somebody older than you before.”

Was he playing dumb? “Of course you have.”

“Huh? When?”

“That guy in Texas was well in his thirties. And I dated somebody in their twenties when I was 16, I’m not too proud of that one, but—“

He interrupted you. “Nevermind. Shut up.” Dean kissed you again, bringing you flush against him.

You smiled against his mouth. “Is somebody jealous?”

“Maybe.”

“Good. Serves you right.”

“You’re evil.” He bit down your bottom lip and pulled on it.

“It’s just payback, I promise.”

Dean snorted. “Can’t say I don’t deserve it.”

You remained silent, allowing him to dissipate the tension. You would let him do whatever he wanted, regardless of the outcome, but you were too scared to say it.

You didn’t have to.

“Hey.” He cupped your face. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” he assured you. His voice was uncharacteristically soft. “We can take our time.”

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