#girl who is only vulnerable through her music voice nice emotion you got there have you considered putting it to song

[deatheless]

@crushsung sent: i have this dream of being whole, of not going to sleep each night, wanting. / accepting.

that's something she understands. mina knows what it's like to not be whole ( in more ways than one, she thinks, the ache in her chest from more than just her lack of heartbeat ), and she knows the longing to no longer be even more. she has to bite her tongue to stop herself from asking why, from asking for more details than the ones already offered, though her curiosity burns in her throat. she's pretty nosy for someone who'd run for the hills if asked that same question herself, isn't she?

❛ yeah, i know what you mean, ❜ she says, eventually, her voice lilting over the underscore of muffled music coming from the shut doors behind them. instead of elaborating further, mina takes a sip of her drink, painted nonchalance across her expression, and she wonders if she should go back inside. to avoid asking the wrong questions. to avoid being asked the wrong questions. but before she can stop herself, she speaks again. ❛ that's pretty. sounds like it could be a lyric. ❜

[theoreticslut]

The Start of Something New // s.r.

spencer reid x reader

requested: nope! the first of seven (!!!) fics for my 2k writing challenge event!! I used the prompts “weddings” & “did you need something?”

summary: A wedding for a mutual friend might just be the start of something new for you.

word count: 2k

warnings: weddings, fluff

A/N: I LOVED writing this one so much! I’m kind of thinking about writing a second part to it, but i’m not sure yet. I’ve got a handful of other fics I’d rather get out beforehand. But if you want one, definitely let me know! I’d love to write more for spencer and I think it’d be really cute to show the progression of their relationship. Anyways, I hope you like this! & if you’d like to join the challenge, you can join up until this sunday! 

“Oh wow, she looks gorgeous.” You whisper to Penelope, smiling when you catch sight of JJ’s smile.

She looks beyond happy to be marrying Will, and you couldn’t be happier for her. After what she’s been through, she deserves every moment of this.

“She does.” Penelope quietly coos, emotion overtaking her voice as she watches your guys’ friend.

“I can’t wait until your wedding day. I just know it’s going to be perfect.” 

“My wedding day? Penelope, you’re dreaming.” You scoff, laughing at the idea. You couldn’t be any more single if you tried. Between this job and your deep-seated fear of abandonment, you have little ability to hold a relationship.

Sure, you’d love to have someone to come home to and to share yourself with, but the reality is that it’s not going to happen for a while. At least not until you do some serious work on yourself.

“I wouldn’t be so sure, muffin. I see the way you look at our young doctor.” 

“Spencer?! No. You’re delusional now, Garcia.” You whisper-laugh, ignoring the light blush you can feel warming your cheeks.

“Am I though?” She retorts, giving you her knowing look before turning back to your friend as she makes her way down the aisle.

You shake your head, trying to ignore her as you turn your attention back to JJ, but you can’t help yourself from glancing towards Spencer. 

You can’t deny that he’s cute in his own adorable way, but you wouldn’t say you're crushing on him or anything. He may fill your daydreams from time to time, but it doesn’t mean anything more than the fact that you spend a lot of time around him due to work and that you find him nice to look at. 

Putting it out of your mind, you watch as JJ meets Will at the altar, both of them carrying bright smiles filled with love for the other. She really does deserve to be this happy. 

It easily brings tears to your eyes as they say their vows, JJ herself getting watery eyes as Will slides the ring on her finger.

You can’t help but cheer as they’re finally allowed to kiss, both you and Penelope clinging to each other at the cuteness and overwhelming happiness of it all.

“Our girl is married, Penelope.” You sigh, pouting slightly although you couldn’t be happier.

“I know. It’s beautiful.” 

“It really is. God, I’m so emotional right now.” You chuckle, carefully wiping at your watery eyes.

“How are you doing, momma?” Derek asks, his words directed at Penelope as he and Spencer join the two of you, his arm wrapping around her shoulders.

“We’re emotional.” She chuckles as she wipes at her eyes as well.

“We can see that.” Derek laughs, squeezing his arm around her, attempting to console her.

“Did you know, biologically the reason you are so emotional right now is due to your parasympathetic system?” Spencer starts, demonstrating his brilliance once again. You’re not complaining, though, as you actually enjoy hearing his random knowledge.

“Psychologically, however, your emotional state could be due to an unconscious perception of helplessness or it could be to show vulnerability, solicit sympathy, advertise trust, or the need for attachment.” 

“Alright, mr. smarty-pants. Ladies in this state just want consolation, yeah?” Derek retorts, drawing a laugh from both you and Penelope.

“We’re fine. It’s just such a happy event.” You chuckle, wiping yet another stray tear from your eye.

“That it is, y/l/n. JJ deserves this.” 

“She does. I’m actually going to go find her and congratulate her. If you’ll excuse me.” You smile, dipping out of the conversation.

~.~

You can’t help but smile as you look over the small crowd, all of them basking in the happiness of the night. 

It’s been a couple hours now and you still can’t believe that one of your best friends is now married to the love of her life. She is definitely one of the lucky ones to have found such a love, and to have such a beautiful kid with him too. You can only hope that you’ll have this one day too.

Thinking about your own special day, you can’t help but recall your earlier conversation with Penelope. Are you really looking at Spencer that differently that others can notice? 

Sure, Penelope seems to be more observant than others, but you must be looking at Spencer differently for her to even consider you liking him, right?

Let’s say that you did like him, it’s not like he feels the same back. You are just coworkers, teammates. Sure, you could be considered friends, but it’s not like you spend much time together outside of the office.

“Are you alright, y/n?” You hear Spencer ask, drawing you out of your thoughts. 

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Yeah.” You smile, nodding lightly as you take a sip of the champagne that Rossi brought out for the event. It’s honestly amazing how perfectly he put this together. You don’t think it could be better if anyone else did it.

“Are you sure? It’s just, you seem like you’re pretty distracted over here.”

“Yeah, I’m good. Just thinking about a few things. Nothing important, though.”

He nods lightly, clicking his tongue as he gently rocks back on his feet. You can’t help the little quirk of your lips, entranced by the fluffy-haired boy.

“I’m sorry, did you need something? Or were you just, uhm, checking on me?”

He laughs a bit, looking down at the ground as he attempts to hide a smile. Even now you can’t help but find him adorable. It’s just who he is.

“Sort of. I, uh, I was wondering if you’d like to dance? With me?” He questions, blushing lightly as he watches you for a reaction, finding himself relieved when a soft smile finds its place on your lips.

“I’d love to, Spence.” 

At his smile, you feel your own lips quirking up more. You set your glass down, letting him lead you out to the makeshift dance floor, joining your teammates as they all dance with each other.

You see Penelope give you a smirk and you just roll your eyes, turning your attention to Spencer as he wraps his arm around you.

“You look really nice tonight, by the way.” He smiles as he spins you around to the music.

“Thank you! You look very nice yourself, Spence.” 

At your compliment, you notice him flush, smiling giddily. He doesn’t say anything, however, and you take it as he’s just not sure what to say.

You dance to another song, smiling and laughing occasionally, before Rossi decides to cut in - which you happily let him do as he’s been a father figure for you since you joined the BAU.

“You know, you and Einstein look good together.” He starts, nodding towards Spencer who joined in a dance with Penelope.

“Do we?” You chuckle, smiling as he nods.

“The next wedding I put together better be yours, kid.” 

You can’t help the small laugh that leaves your body as you shake your head. 

“I’ll make sure to inform you whenever that may happen, Rossi. I think you’re good for another few years, though.”

“You better. Now let me show you how to dance, because watching you was an eyesore.” He jokes, earning a boisterous laugh from you as you slap his arm.

~.~

By the end of the night, you’ve spent far more time dancing than your feet would have liked, but you can’t complain. You managed to snag a dance with each of your teammates, including JJ, who couldn’t stop smiling. 

You had indulged on Rossi’s phenomenal cooking, and you even happened to miraculously catch the bouquet - which had earned cheers and more teasing from the girls. 

Now, at nearly 1 am, you were beyond ready to get home and go to bed. You had had a wonderful time, having a bunch of fun with everyone, but you were tired and there was no denying it.

“JJ!” You call, spotting her at the refreshments table grabbing a drink.

“Y/n! Hey, how are you?” 

“Good. How are you, JJ? God, I can’t believe you’re married now. I’m so happy for you, though.” You smile, grabbing a small glass of water for yourself.

“Amazing. This has been so...perfect. I can’t believe Rossi did all of this for us.” She chuckles.

“I know, it’s been such a wonderful night. I think I’m going to head home though, okay? I’ve danced myself out.”

“Oh, absolutely! Get home and get some sleep. I am so glad you were able to spend the night with us and celebrate.” 

“Of course, JJ! I wouldn’t have missed it. You have a good rest of the night, yeah? I’ll see you on Monday.” You beam, pulling her into a hug.

“See you on Monday. Good night, y/n.”

You hug her goodbye before making your way around to the rest of the team. You're wishing Penelope and Derek a good night when Spencer joins the three of you.

“Are you leaving?” He directs to you, noticing how you’re hugging Penelope.

“Yeah, I think so. I’m exhausted. I’ll see you on Monday, alright spence?”

“Wait, I-if you don’t mind, I think I’ll head out with you?” He suggests.

“Oh, sure. I’m just catching a cab, though.” You explain, wanting to make sure he wasn’t planning on just catching a ride with you.

“Perfect, I’ll join you.”

“O-okay . Well, I still need to find hotch and Rossi.” 

“No problem. I’ll see you guys on Monday.” Spencer waves, wishing Derek and Penelope a goodnight.

“You too, pretty boy. Behave on the ride home, yeah?” Derek smirks, winking at the two of you.

You silently groan, rolling your eyes as Penelope smacks his arm but is laughing along with him.

Spencer nods awkwardly, looking more than confused, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he follows along behind you as you make your way through the small crowd to find hotch or Rossi.

“Spencer. Y/n. Are you heading out?” You hear hotch ask as you’re still trying to weave through the few guests still celebrating.

Pausing, you turn to find hotch and his guest - beth - smiling happily.

“Hotch. Yeah, We were actually trying to find you to say goodbye.” You smile, looking between him and Beth as she holds onto his arm gently.

“Ah, well I’ll see you both on Monday then. I’m glad you’ve stayed awhile.” He smiles, nodding politely at the both of you.

“Me too. It’s been wonderful, especially seeing JJ so happy. Rossi really did a wonderful job.” 

“He certainly knows how to throw a celebration together. Have a good night, both of you.”

“You too, hotch. Beth, it’s been wonderful to meet you.” You smile, nodding politely as Spencer says his goodbyes.

You eventually find Rossi, wishing him a goodnight and talking for a few moments while Spencer finds Emily and JJ. Within a few minutes, though, you’re both making your way down Rossi’s driveway, laughing lightly as you stumble in your heels.

“Do you want to take those off?” Spencer questions, steadying you as you stumble a little more.

“When I get home. A cab should be here soon, Rossi called one for us.”

“Sounds good. Thank you for letting me catch a ride with you.”

“Anytime, Spence. Having you come with actually makes me feel safer taking a cab this late at night.”

“I’m glad?” He chuckles, not really sure what to say to that. 

“You really do look nice tonight, y/n.” He compliments after a moment.

“Thank you. I don’t get to dress up often, but it’s kind of fun.” 

“You’re good at it.” He mumbles, but you hear him, a shy smile finding its way onto your face. 

All this time you thought that he couldn’t possibly like you as anything more than a friend, but here he is saying things like this. You can’t help but wonder if maybe he does like you.

As the cab pulls up, however, and he opens the door for you, helping you in before getting in himself, you don’t mind finding out if there is a possibility that you could be walking down the aisle soon enough. You especially don’t mind as he carefully interlinks your hands in the middle of the backseat, after motioning for you to rest your head on his shoulder upon seeing you yawn.

Maybe, just maybe, the rest of the team knows what they’re seeing between the two of you that you had failed to notice before now.

------------------------------------------------------------------

General - @jillys-feral-fandoms @your-hispanichufflepuff @yikesyikesyikes95 @livvysnaps @i-love-scott-mccall

Spencer - @stoopidwithtwohoes @harrysboo28 @roonilwazlibswhore @justfangirlingoverhere

[lavendersugarplum]

☂︎ZEROᵗʰᵉ ʳᵉᵈ ᵘᵐᵇʳᵉˡˡᵃ

(The Umbrella Academy x Sibling! Adolescent! Reader)

sᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴀᴜɢʜᴛᴇʀs

─━━━━━━⊱☂︎⊰━━━━━━─

ZERO WAS OBSERVING HERSELF in the mirror imagining what her day would be like this morning. The change in the weather already had her feeling gloom, but she didn't really expect much from today. It was probably just going to be just like every morning, or so she thought.

Seconds later, Pogo came in, gently, through the door. "Miss Y/n, Luther, and the rest of your siblings are here." As soon as those words fell out of the chimp's mouth she froze as if she didn't know how to process what he just said. She couldn't believe it. Zero didn't think that they would even attend. After how so Sir Reginald treated them, this must be some kind of joke. Once Zero fully processed what was happening, she positions herself around and raised an eyebrow. "Why hadn't you told me they were coming before?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise." Pogo smiled gently at her before walking up to fix the tie on her uniform. Once he was done tying it, he looked at her with his big brown eyes. "You'll do fine. Just talk to them." Zero nodded in understanding, eyes furrowed. "I see....... and Pogo?

"Yes?""You don't have to call me Miss. I'm not quite grown up, as you can see."

"Well, I think you've grown to be a mature young lady," Pogo said smiling.

"Too bad Mr. Hargreeves didn't think so." Zero thought as she walked out of the room.

~☂︎~

TO SAY THAT SHE WAS nervous was an understatement. It had been forever since she had seen any of her siblings at all, including Luther. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of Zero's head in anxiousness. Within every step she took getting closer to the living room, the feeling of her throat closing up came with it.

When Zero arrived in the living room, the first person she saw was her bulky brother Luther along with Diego, Allison, Klaus, and Vanya. They had all looked so grown up. It almost made Zero envy for how mature they had gotten.

"Zero has arrived." Pogo announced causing the five to have their eyes zapped straight to Zero. Vanya was the first to walk up to her with welcoming arms. "Zero." Vanya went over to hug her, causing Zero to back away trying to contain her abilities from being triggered. "I'm sorry." Vanya apologized as she backed away.

"You came back." Zero said, putting what had just happened aside. She was just overjoyed and slightly overwhelmed to see her family again.

"I told you I would come back." Vanya shyly smiled, running a hand through her dark brunette hair. The next person to the conversation was Klaus.

"Oh my, Zero! Well I'd say you don't look a day over..... Since I last saw you!" Klaus said acting surprised but was just really being a tease."Some family reunion, huh?" Zero slightly rolled her eyes at him. "Go on, M-I mean Zero. Go sit by Luther." Pogo held his hand out in the direction of the couch. As Zero made her way over to the couch, she tried to avoid eye contact with her siblings in pure shyness.

"So do you come out of your room now or is it just for stupid occasions like these?" Diego asked, clearly annoyed.

"Diego." Allison warned.

"It's fine." Zero said quietly, voice barely above a whisper. As soon as she said that Klaus's eyes widened.

"Wait. She can talk now?"

Klaus asked, but everyone just ignored it as a question.

"Why am I always the last to know about stuff?" Klaus groans as he fixes himself a drink.

A pensive silence starts to enclose over the room. Zero understood it was kinda awkward because none of them saw each other in such a long time.

Zero observed her siblings as they had their moments of silence. She looked to Luther who looked the same just as when he had left. With the chimpanzee DNA he took, he had gotten taller. She remembers when they were younger, with him being the leader. She knows Luther tried his best, but Reginald didn't think that was enough. Luther was always the leader, and she could feel how much it always got on Diego's nerves. Those two were always getting into rivalries.

Sh started to feel bad that he's going to realize he went to the moon for no reason. Reginald didn't read his reports at all; and she knew that.

Even though Luther was raised to be the best and most useful, Zero couldn't deny that he went through some trauma. They all did. He was raised to believe he was the best and a leader. Another example of Reginald's bad parenting. And as a result, his ego is still here, as Zero noticed. He's the only one that still cares for his father, while Zero just doesn't know how to feel after all the things he did to her. They say it's always better to forgive, but Zero just doesn't know.

Luther loved being hero more than anything, she had to  just hope that he wouldn't put that over himself and his family.

Her pupils bored over to Diego. He may be brash, but deep down Zero senses that he's insecure and still wants to prove himself. Still trying to measure up to Luther, even though Diego has become very skilled in Zero's eyes. She still remembers the time when they had first interacted.

~☂︎~

ZERO WAS WALKING DOWN the hall with Reginald's reports in her hand; taking them to him. A thud into her shoulder made every last one of the reports fall out of her hand, but like magic, she reached her hands and the reports defied gravity to arrive back into her possession.

"Sorry"

Zero was about to walk away but Diego stopped her.

"W-wait. I heard you in my mind. What kind of ridiculous trick are you playing on?"

"...... I can read minds and feel emotions."

"Well don't do that on me. I-i don't need a weird girl like you looking through my mind." With that Diego walked away, keeping a guard on his mind.

~☂︎~

ZERO THEN PEERS AT ALLISON. She had grown up to be a very pretty girl, as so Zero thought. Allison was always nice towards everyone in the Umbrella Academy. She never once talked bad about anyone behind their backs, which is quite admirable to Zero. How much Allison craved for attention is what she didn't notice.

Then there's Klaus. Still the same rebellious person he is. Zero admires how he can just move on and not dwell on the past too much. Sweet and vulnerable as a boy, and also her other close friend thanks to Ben. Besides herself, Klaus got experimented on by Sir Reginald the most. Through the years he has become not all himself, which awakens her concern for his well-being.

Finally, there's Vanya. Zero learned that she became a writer. She remembers when she sent her book to Reginald, but he never read it. Zero finds herself wondering how her music career was doing. Though in the past she seemed aloof, not want to have anything to do with her siblings, Zero had always watched them from afar, knowing their feelings and insecurities.

But sometimes it would be too much feelings and insecurities.

Zero's thought process was interrupted when Luther began the gathering speech.

"I guess we should get this started. So, I figured we could have a sort of memorial service in the courtyard at sundown. Say a few words, just at dad's favorite spot."

"Dad had a favorite spot?" Allison asked, astonished, an expression of surprise crossing her face along with the others.

"You know, under an oak tree. We used to sit out there all the time. None of you ever did that?" Luther asked, like it was a usual thing.

Not all of us were his Number One, is what Zero thought.

"Will there be any refreshments? TV? Scones? Cucumber sandwiches are always a winner." Klaus asked as he nonchalantly popped a joint, joining his siblings in the living room, drink in hand. Luther's face scrunched up at Klaus.

"What? No. And put that out. Dad didn't allow smoking in here."

"Is that my skirt?" Allison says in tone, referring to the skirt Klaus was wearing. "What? Oh, yeah, this. I found it in your room. It's a little dated, I know. But it's very breathy on the." Klaus motions his hands. ".... Bits."

"Listen up. Still, some important things that we need to discuss, all right?" Luther proceeds.

"Like what?" Diego asked dryly and uninterested.

"Like the way he died."

"And here we go." Diego rolled his eyes, uninterested.

"I don't understand." Vanya mumbles. I thought they said it was a heart attack."

"Yeah, according to the coroner."

"Well, wouldn't they know?"

"Theoretically," Luther explained.

"Theoretically?" Allison asked.

"I'm just saying, at the very least, something happened. the last time I talked to Dad, he sounded strange."

"Oh, Quelle surprise!" Klaus exclaimed gurgling his drink.

"Strange how?" Allison asked.

"He sounded on edge. Told me I should be careful who to trust. Hearing these things made Zero look up from her lap, at Luther.

"Luther, he was a paranoid, bitter old man who was starting to lose what was left of his marbles," Diego said walking over to him.

"No. He must have known something was going to happen. Zero, you must know something. Did he say anything out of the usual to you?" Luther said kneeling to Zero.

".........No." Zero replied, looking back down.

Luther sighed and got back up. "Look, I know you don't like to do it, but I need you to talk to Dad," Luther said referring to Klaus, causing Allison to scoff.

"I can't just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, "Dad, could you just...stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?"

"Since when? That's your thing," Luther encourages.

"I'm just not in the right frame of mind," Klaus replied.

"You're high?" Allison exclaims.

"Yeah! Yeah! I mean, how are you not listening to this nonsense?"

"Well, sober up, this is important. Then there's the issue of the missing monocle." Luther said.

"Who gives a shit about a stupid monocle?" Diego said.

"Exactly. It's worthless. So whoever took it, I think it was personal. Someone close to him. Someone with a grudge."

"Where are you going with this?" Klaus asked.

"Oh, is it obvious, Klaus? He thinks one of us killed dad." Diego said, eyes trained on Luther.

"You do?" Klaus said in awe.

"And I already know exactly who is the main suspect is. He thinks Zero did it." As soon as Diego said that everyone's eyes went wide and Zero tensed up.

"No, Zero. That's not-" Luther reached out for Zero, but she backed away.

"Why......do you lie?" That was the last thing she said before walking out of the room, heading for her bedroom.

"How could you think she would do that," Vanya said in disbelief.

"She's a kid, Luther," Diego said.

"You're crazy, man. You're crazy. Crazy."

Klaus, Vanya, and Diego started to storm at the room not wanting to continue with the conversation anymore.

Allison started to walk away too with a disappointed look on her face.

"That went well," Luther said sarcastically. He sighs and settles down on one the couches and rubs his head in exhaustion.

"Master Luther."

Luther's thoughts were halted by Pogo, who walked in; wooden walking stick glued to his paw. Luther had called him in to ask him about Sir Reginald's Monocle which turned to be missing.

"I'm trying to locate Dad's monocle. Have you perhaps seen it?"

Pogo simply shakes his head.

"No, unfortunately I haven't, but I would assume it would be one of his personal findings."

"It's not there... I've already checked." Luther goes silent almost about to give up.

~☂︎~

ZERO WAS IN HER BEDROOM reading the book Ben gave her. She already read it a thousand times, but this book is the only thing she has of Ben. She soon started to hear the music play in the house. She shook her head and kept reading. Zero' started to think about what Luther had said about their father seeming off. It wasn't just him, she also noticed he was a out of character months before he passed. Reginald started telling her more about the world beyond the Academy. Of course they would have their usual sessions, like playing chest or eating breakfast together. Sometimes they would just sit by the fireplace in silence. No lectures, no teachings, just silence.

Zero's thought process was diminished by a Thunder clap and sound clouding her ears, along with bright blue shadowing over her room. Zero decided she would stay in a room since there is no way she was going outside. A blue glint casted her eyes as she just stared in awe at the illuminating glow. It was some sort of a wormhole forming in mid-air. She saw her siblings going out to look at it as well.

"And just what do they think they're doing?"

She saw Klaus coming out with a fire extinguisher throwing it in. She then saw Luther directing them to back away from it. All the Hargreeves just stared at it with the wind ferociously blowing. The unbelievable happened. A small figure fell from the whole. As soon as the person hit the ground, the wormhole instantly closed up.

The siblings started to inch closer to the figure, along with Zero who examined the person with curious eyes, eyes widening at what it was.

It was her missing brother.

Five Hargreeeves

[mae-gi-writes]

Obtuse | Bang Chan (Stray Kids) - PART ONE

Summary ☆ "I don't know. I want to be his friend but then again, I don't. I mean, how can you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them, you're thinking about how much more you really want?"

Genre ☆ bestfriends to lovers au, angst, slowburn, suggestive themes, college au, fluff, soft Chan x oc (Micha)

Word count ☆ 6k ish

. ° ☆ ° .

PART ONE

. ° ☆ ° .

Micha hated being wrong.

Her fingers tapped an unsteady rhythm over her notebook as she stared at the block of text she had been supposedly studying for the past hour, her desk lamp casting a yellowish hue over her page as if the book itself was a sickly entity with the sole goal of rendering her mad. Attached to her ceiling, her fan kept on whirring in a noisy hum which -- while she normally managed to tune it out --  grated at her nerves. The world bustled outside, cars honking in the distance while soft rain splattered over her bedroom window as she sighed for what must’ve been the nth time that evening, slowly lifting her arms up in a stretch. 

It wasn’t in her nature to be so scatter-brained, for once she set her mind to something, there could be little to stop her. That was one of the qualities she could pride herself on considering that there was hardly any skill she could flaunt to the world -- surely there were far more interesting things than reciting off a long list of human body parts and their required functions? 

But this recent issue popping up in her brain was doing a great job at knocking her off her feet. Dear god, she felt the same sense of unbalance as when she was five and her mom had enrolled her into ballerina lessons. 

Long story short, it hadn’t ended well.

Micha’s eyes darted to her phone that she’d tossed onto her bed a few minutes ago. The cause of her restlessness, the cause of unease stirring inside her stomach like an angry beast prowling back and forth.

The words from his earlier message felt like they were etched into her memory: 

Chan: SHE SAID YES

Just three words. Three little stings that made her wince every time she thought of them. Three little needles that pierced at her heartstrings.

Why? 

Her grip tightened onto her pen. So hard her knuckles turned the colour of chalk.

Why didn’t she feel happy for him as she was supposed to? 

Micha’s tongue poked at her cheek. 

Why did it feel so wrong? Why did she feel wronged when she’d done nothing of the sort? 

Wasn't it just a few weeks ago that she had spurred Chan's obvious interest, urging him to hustle a little closer to that particular girl in question when she had caught the said young man casting her quick, shy glances over the rim of his drink?

"Just ask her," Micha told him when he'd sought her out looking like a lost puppy amidst the heavy bass of the music. It had been the summer right before their final year of University and on this special occasion, Minho had thrown a small party to which every high school classmate of their year had been invited.

"You know I can't. I don't know how...you know," he scratched the back of his head, dark locks ruffling as the summer wind. It was in those small, stolen moments -- where Chan was the most vulnerable, where he let down his guard to deploy his array of unspoken feelings -- that she remembered the young man for who he was: the familiar fullness of his full lips, the curve of his nose, the simplicity of his monolids.

"You won't know till you try," she took a sip of her rum and coke.

Truthfully speaking, Chan had never been in a serious relationship. He was friends with everyone, the kind of person that was easy-going and who could engage in any kind of conversation with anyone and everyone. The only consequence was that Chan was thrust into the friendzone without even trying.

But then again, he was a nice guy. And nice guys finished last.

“What’s the worst that can happen anyway?” Micha joked as she downed the rest of her drink, “she’s been eyeing you since we got here.�� 

“Really?” 

“Really.” 

He leaned closer with squinted eyes as he tried to find the lie in her words, “you’re not just saying that to be nice?”

He was so close she got a whiff of his scent. Reaching up with her index finger to push him away, Micha proceeded to roll her eyes, “I don’t do nice, Chan. We both know that.” 

She shouldn’t have been surprised to see him slip away a few minutes later to seek her out. Ayeong was her name. Beauty, in Korean. And which suited her perfectly, what with her tiny waist and her big set of doe eyes that could make any man weak at the knees, her supple legs that seemed to go on and on forever and that cupid bow’s mouth that was always puckered in that innocently cute, yet sensual way of hers.

And if not for her physique, Ayeong was known for her kindness and for her outgoing, free-natured and confident spirit. That was the killer blow for any man that sought her out. 

Micha had known her since high school, hung out with the same friends and admittedly could classify her as one too, even though college life had pulled them apart like boats that had left the harbour only to find each other after a year.

Memories of Micha’s last night flickered behind her open lids and leaning back into her chair with a sigh, she gave way to the sudden urge of homesickness suddenly flowing through her heart. 

Their last movie night had ended and despite Micha’s frantic eye movements towards Ayeong’s figure, Chan had immediately volunteered to walk her back home. 

Micha kept her gaze forward, noticing how the golden glow of the street lamps did little to light their way. She turned her head to the right, where the road gave way to the landscape littered with golden lights, now bathed in deep hues of blue as light slowly slithered from behind the mountains. 

“So this is it huh?” Chan’s murmur sliced through with a hint of sadness in his deep alto, “you sure you’re not going to come back home for Christmas?” 

It was tradition after all. They had made it adamant to travel back at least every three months and up until now, they had kept that promise. 

Now though, with Micha’s piling workload and with Chan’s busy thesis schedule, this year might be the one exception.

“I can’t, Chan. I have my internship,” Micha didn’t dare look at him, fighting the tightness winding in her chest, “you can always drop by. My university is just a train ride away I suppose.”

"You’re not gonna kick me out if I turn up at your door one day?” 

“I can’t promise that.” 

He gasped, grabbing onto his chest in mock hurt, “Ouch. Okay, what if I turn up with your favourite bubble tea?” 

"Then we might have a deal.” 

They both laughed softly, pushing each other with their elbows as they walked up Micha’s street. At one point, Chan had looped his arm around hers before shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets and as they talked about their recent adventures and all the dumb things they’d done, it was clear that he was avoiding the pain of saying goodbye right until he stopped at her front door.

She turned to him and forced down the tears burning at the edges of her eyes. The morning light had slithered through the landscape now and hit the side of Chan’s face in a scarlet shade of golden, reflecting the caramel of his orbs pinning her down with a sadness that made her throat choke up.

“Stop it,” the words flew from her mouth without warning and Chan blinked, head tilting with confusion, “What? Stop what?” 

“Stop...looking at me like that,” she finished her sentence in a mumble while she averted her eyes in growing embarrassment.

“Like what?” 

“Like you’re going to cry.” 

“I’m not!” 

“There are tears in your eyes!” 

“N-No there aren’t!” And he quickly wiped at his face before angling his head to the side, “why would I cry for you?” 

“You tell me.” 

“Well I’m not!” He turned away to walk down the driveway in a huff, “bye now!” 

“Ugh bye loser!” 

Micha turned so quickly she almost smacked her face onto her front door, hurriedly trying to erase the image of Chan’s back walking away from her before she broke down into a pool of hot tears.

She didn't want to think about that. Didn't want to linger upon the way her throat seemed to choke up as she fought the emotion--

"Micha?” 

Chan’s voice. It floated between them, a lingering question. The said girl felt rooted in place, fighting the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. 

And when she turned, she was met with his arms lacing around her middle to pull her close. 

His chin on her shoulder, head pressed against hers. Holding her tight. 

“Video calls every week,” he murmured, “at least one text per day.” 

"What are you? My boyfriend?” 

“Micha.” 

“Fine, fine.” 

Chan's warmth felt like sunshine on her back. If she closed her eyes hard enough she could travel back to that very moment she allowed herself to be swayed back and forth in those strong arms of his.

In the weeks following the start of their final year Micha had plunged headfirst into her studies to avoid the slow build-up of homesickness crawling through her heart. And the more work piled up, the less she found time to update Chan on her life. What with her endless hours spent in the library and the small bursts of freedom that she spent with her course mates, it made it close to impossible to sit down and have a proper talk.

So when Chan video-called her one day, her burst of excitement was soon rendered to something akin to annoyance when the only reason was to tell her about Ayeong’s visit to his campus. She couldn’t ignore the slight sting of jealousy coating the back of her tongue as he blabbered off like an excited child, eyes shining and all. 

“I think I might ask her out at the end of this week,” he grinned with dreamy eyes, “I think there’s definitely something.” 

“Good for you.” 

He’d noticed her irritation, as if there was an itch under her skin she couldn’t quite reach, “You okay, Mi? I didn’t even get to ask--”

“I’m fine,” she snapped and softened almost instantly when hurt flashed through his face, “I’m sorry,...just stressed out.” 

“Hey,” concern immediately clouded his features over, “you gotta take care of yourself too. Are you eating well? Sleeping well?” 

A sigh of frustration escaped his lips when she’d shook her head reluctantly, “Don’t make me come over. You know I can do that.” 

“That would be nice,” came her mumble which didn’t reach his ears, for he asked, “What?” 

“Nothing,” she sighed, brushing off the wistful thoughts swimming inside her head and focusing back on Chan’s face at the other end of the screen, “keep me updated with the Ayeong thing.” 

She’s not right for you, her brain seemed to scream. 

But Ayeong did. She did say yes.

And Micha wasn’t sure why she was feeling so bitter about it.

. ° ☆ ° .

"Please sign here, miss.” 

Micha’s surprised orbs quickly flitted up from the large cardboard box to the postman’s clipboard being shoved in her face, “Uh--sure.”

She scrawled her initials, gave back the clipboard with a muttered ‘thanks’ before the postman shoved the box in her arms and walked away without even giving her a second glance. 

Had she ordered something online by accident? That wouldn’t be surprising. Since midterm season, time had been irrelevant to Micha, flowing like a ticking time bomb the more the days approached towards her final deadlines.

To say that she was a walking corpse on campus was not an understatement. 

She got her answer a few minutes later when she answered the phone from a very excited, puppy-like Chan. 

“Did you get it?!” he bellowed with barely contained excitement. Still wrapped up in his blankets with his hair dishevelled and his eyes barely open, Micha couldn’t help but grin at the comical picture he presented, “did you get the package?” 

“By package, you mean this big-ass box?” Micha turned the camera to the floor, causing him to squeal like a child who got his Christmas presents early. 

“Oh nice! Open it, come on!” 

“Chan, I swear if it’s something like one of those scary muppets you like so much--”

“You have so little faith in me.” 

“Can you blame me when you were the one who put salt in my coffee?” 

“It was just to experiment.” 

“That coffee was of good quality!” 

“Just open it." 

She tore open the package while grumbling under her breath at how bossy he was being, cracked open the box to blink at the different flavours of tea filling it up to the brim. 

“You--” she couldn’t help the laughter from bubbling up her throat, “you got me tea?” 

“Wait--unless I got this wrong -- you like tea right?” 

His panicked tone made her burst out in even more laughter, “Oh my god Chan!” 

“You always tell me to spill the tea--I was just trying to be punny.” 

“It’s--Oh my god--” she doubled over laughing and Chan joined in with giggles of his own, “Chan, you’re so bad.” 

“Admit it, it’s funny.”

“It’s lame!” 

She grinned back at her phone as warmth spread through her middle. It was admittedly in moments like these that she missed Chan the most. The longing to see him suddenly surged through her with such ferocity in the form of tears slowly brimming at the corner of her eyes and she had to turn away while changing the subject. 

“Got any plans this weekend?” she asked while looking over the various flavours of tea.

“Oh didn’t I tell you? Ayeong’s coming.” 

She almost choked on her own spit. Right. She’d forgotten about the whole Ayeon situation and Chan hadn’t updated her since then. 

"We’re spending the weekend together, I think I might bring her to the aquarium. Oh, I was gonna ask you -- what do girls like on their first dates?” his face was now alight with such a joyful glow, a spark in his eyes, that it almost hurt to look at him. 

“Does Ayeong like aquariums to start with?” Micha asked even if she secretly adored going to aquariums herself. It was admittedly a very romantic notion, to hold hands in the darkened rooms as you would watch the fish swim about. 

Chan shrugged on the other side of the screen, “dunno, thought it might be romantic.” 

You thought right, Micha’s subconscious responded, “what about just dinner?” she proposed, “maybe Ayeong wants to spend time talking. You know, getting to know each other.” 

"Hm, true. Yeah, I might look up a good restaurant. Girls don't like fast foods do they? Or anything that makes them gain weight?"

The angry creature was slowly rousing in her stomach, growling, "how would I know?"

"Well, you're a girl."

"That's exactly what the lame redheaded sidekick in Harry Potter said."

"FYI, his name is Ron and he’s not lame."

"That's not the point I was trying to make."

"Michaaaa~" Chan whined, wriggling his shoulders with a pout, "I gave you tea, stop being mean to me."

But it was useless. All the giddiness that had erupted through her at his sweet gesture was eaten up by a bitter taste on her tongue and with that she hurriedly made up a petty excuse about having class before quickly cutting off the call.

She brought her phone to her chest as she looked down at the tea boxes with growing tiredness. That was probably it right? She was in a bad mood because she was tired.

Right?

. ° ☆ ° .

"I still don't get why we have to watch it with you," Micha grumbled, plopping down beside Felix's lanky frame on the couch and careful not to jostle the bowl of salted caramel popcorn in her hands.

"Because I can't be the only one who can't sleep tonight," Changbin stated dryly like that statement totally made sense. He plopped down on her other side while Jisung settled himself against Micha's legs, "if I go down, you go down with me."

Felix snorted, "that's just a nice way to say that he likes bullying us."

Midterms were over, meaning that reading week would be a pleasurable moment of calm and serenity before assignments picked up again. It was a liminal space between deadlines, a gap that Micha and the rest of her course mates had gladly welcomed with open arms. Being the movie fanatic that he was, Changbin had jumped at the chance of hosting movie night, much to the group's displeasure for they knew that his taste in entertainment was rather jarring. Sometimes violent. And sometimes, brought about nightmares that lasted a week.

"What are we watching again?" Jisung twisted his head to look at the trio, causing both Micha and Felix to shoot Changbin accusatory looks.

"The nun," Changbin replied.

Felix whistled as Jisung jumped up crying, "Do you want me to die?!"

"No. But do you mind if we sleep in the same room tonight?"

"Fuck you I'm out of here," Jisung was already scrambling to his feet when Micha's hand shot out, clamping down on his forearm, "oh no no no, you're going down with the rest of us, Han."

"Do you know how scary that movie is?!"

"Yes, which is precisely why we're going to murder Changbin once it's ov--"

Felix's phone sprang to life amidst the conversation, "oh Chan's calling!"

The group wasted no time squishing up, limbs entangling and elbows pushing onto ribs as they all crowded around Felix's small smartphone that he held at arm's distance before sliding his finger over the green button.

"Hey mate!" Felix's Australian accent slipped out the moment Chan's face appeared onscreen and Micha would've lied to say it didn't sting a little seeing her best friend's face after so long.

"What's up Felix? Oh you're all here?" Chan's grin widened.

" Changbin's forcing us to watch the Nun with him," Micha said.

" Tattletale," muttered the said hooded-eyed man as he shoved her head. Micha laughed.

" And you? What are you up to?" Felix asked while Jisung was struggling to push Changbin's arm to get into the camera frame, " Bin, fucking move."

"Language."

" Oh I'm with Ayeong right now. Hyunjin and Minho are playing FIFA," Chan moved the camera around until Ayeong's petite face came into view, causing a knot to form in Micha's abdomen.

"Hello!"

" Ayeong! Lookin' good!"

" How's Channie treating you?"

" Has he farted in front of you yet?"

" Guys!" Chan's checks proceeded to flood with colour while the said young woman giggled in the background.

" As a matter of fact, he's been nothing but respectful."

Ugh. She was so sweet that it made Micha feel sick in her stomach. But as though Ayeong had read her mind, she immediately asked, "Micha, are the guys treating you well? How's your thesis coming along? Chan tells me you practically live in the library."

" What?” Jisung snorted, “that's not true, she--" 

Micha elbowed him before he could splutter out the truth when she had been lying to Chan all along and blabbered out, “Yeah I've been trying to finish my thesis in time because the first deadline is in two weeks. And you? How’s your internship at the hotel going?” 

Micha was thankful when Ayeong chatted on about her experience as a hotel management trainee at one of the best hotel chains in the country. It was a close call and she smacked Jisung some more for good measure, throwing him a narrow-eyed glare which he returned with a scowl of his own, rubbing the sore spot on his arm. 

As the conversation moved on to the topic of the holidays, Micha’s eyes automatically drifted to the diminished space between Chan and Ayeong’s shoulders, noticed the way he kept leaning back with his arm slowly crawling its way to Ayeong’s backside. Something tugged at her heartstrings, caused her to swallow hard. It was clear from the obvious grin on her best friend’s face that he was the happiest he’d ever been since...well, since.

All Micha wanted was to be happy for Chan. Genuinely happy. 

Not the kind of happiness that made her wish she was miles away and blind, not the kind that made her chest ache and her heart hurt as though someone had just gutted her insides out.

At some point, she excused herself and walked out into the backyard, hands shoved in the pockets of her hoodie as she looked up into the murky, cloudy sky above. How long had it been since they’d last spoken? There was no one to blame for that. They were both sprinting at a hundred miles an hour and she couldn’t blame Chan for falling so hard, so quickly, too quickly for a girl that was so easy, so loveable. Ayeong was the perfect match for him, now that Micha thought about it. 

And plus, Chan had been talking about her for ages.

But she still didn’t get it. Still didn’t understand why it constantly felt as though someone was slapping reality in her face. 

Over and over again.

“Micha!” 

Felix’s head popping out from the kitchen doorway made the said young woman swivel around, quickly rearranging her features in a cold mask of indifference, “Chan wants to talk to you.” 

“Why?” 

Even in the dark she saw Felix’s eyebrow quirk up, “you’re asking?” 

That was stupid, Micha’s subconscious rolled her eyes as she reluctantly trudged to the kitchen door and grabbed the phone from Felix’s hold. She waited for the door to close behind her before lifting the camera to her face.

“What?” 

Chan’s arms were crossed in an attempt to appear mad, though they both knew it would take a lot more to ignite that anger in him, “ Well hello there, stranger. Nice of you to show your face after weeks of going off radar. No messages, no phone calls. We were supposed to call every week. What have you got to say for yourself?” 

In any normal circumstances Micha would’ve shot back with a witty comeback without thinking as she usually did. That was the nature of their relationship after all; that endless bickering, that back and forth sibling relationship that made her feel so at ease in her skin that she sometimes forgot Chan wasn’t even part of her family.

Right now though, she felt her free hand twitch, index finger pressing onto her thumb as she nervously grated at her skin.

Biting onto her bottom lip, the only thing she managed to muster out was, “sorry.” 

Surprise flashed through Chan’s face. There was a heavy silence for a minute.

“Micha,” Chan murmured, “what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” 

" Sure. Care to tell me what 'nothing' is about?"

"Chan, please," She rubbed a tired hand over her face, " I'm just not feeling it today."

He stared at her for a whole minute. Micha felt herself starting to squirm.

" Okay," he mumbled out, " Okay."

Regret instantly bit at her subconscious. She loathed the slight disappointment on his face and in a half- hearted attempt to lighten the mood, she quickly veered into another subject and ignored the poignant stare he kept sending her way. She'd rather be oblivious than try and extort some coherent sense out of the tangled ball of feelings in her stomach.

When they said goodbye though, Chan leaned a little closer to the screen, an undecipherable expression on his face, " call me when you feel better."

Micha nodded and swallowed thickly.

" I mean it Micha," his voice was stern, " call me."

Maybe it was the guilt whispering at the back of her conscience, maybe it was the way she saw a flash of his face in a stranger's every time she walked the streets that made her reach out to Chan once more in the next few days after that, willing herself to make as much effort as he did. Because Chan deserved that much.

They would text in-between classes, a mixture of casual jokes and an exchange of anime-related jokes that he kept sending her and causing her to burst out laughing in the middle of her classes. But while she was glad to see that Chan had no grudges to her lack of response, she still tried to steer clear of mentioning Ayeong.

That was starting to become more and more problematic.

Chan: Ayeong is allergic to crab. Did you know that?!

Micha: No

Chan: we went to eat at that snack stand, the one near the skate park we used to go to. She blew up like a goldfish.

Micha would've given anything to see that ridiculous sight. That was quickly overtaken by the stubborn pang of jealousy at the thought of them going to places she visited so frequently with Chan. 

It didn’t stop there. 

A few days later, Chan had texted her about their dinner to his parents' house and her stomach dropped like she'd just fallen down an elevator shaft.

Chan: They loved her. They actually loved her. I think my heart is gonna explode.

Micha had to force out a reply:

Micha: what did your mum cook?

Chan: guess.

Micha: pork ribs and braised beef?

Chan: yess omg! You actually remember. Ayeong loved it. She eats a lot for her size. And dad sat her down after dinner to show off his chess awards. The nerd.

Micha: cool.

Thankfully, her internship started a few weeks later, which meant that it was easier to ignore the glow of happiness in Chan's face and the way he seemed to be drifting away from her arms, slipping through her fingers no matter how much she tried to grasp at the strings of their relationship -- or what seemed to be left of it.

"You sure you don't want to come back home for Winter Break?" Felix asked once when he'd turned up at her shared flat uninvited just as she was closing the door to hurry for her night shift. He’d followed her down the staircase, long legs easily matching her pace as she took two steps at a time. 

“I can’t,” Micha replied breathlessly through her scarf, “I’ve got my internship.”

“Surely you can ask for a few days off? Just for Christmas?” 

"Nope."

Beside her, Felix grumbled, "You're no fun."

"Never said I was."

Micha had to admit that the reason why it hadn't been as hard to ignore the growing hole in her heart where Chan was supposed to be was all due to the three young men standing by her side. As childish as they were, they all had good intentions and it made Micha's heart fill with warmth whenever they did make it obvious that they cared.

Her phone buzzed suddenly just as the pair reached the bus stop. She quickly fished it out of her bag, eyebrows pinching in a frown upon seeing her father's name flashing across the screen.

"Hello?" She gave Felix a shrug when he mouthed whether everything was okay from her side. Nothing. 

She repeated, "hello? Pa? You there?"

"Micha."

Her frown deepened at the sound of her father's voice. He sounded breathless, a tone higher than his usual alto.

"Pa, what's wrong?"

"It's your mother. There was an accident."

. ° ☆ ° .

"What happened?"

Less than six hours later, Micha sat in the hospital corridor right outside her mother's room. She still had on her nurse uniform, completely dismissing all of her responsibilities and obligations the moment her father had informed her of her mother's accident.

If she were to be honest, she wasn't entirely sure how she'd managed to make it back without her knees giving away. But Felix had been there, a silent stone figure at her side as she'd thrown a bunch of clothes in a carry-on suitcase and grabbing the laptop from her shaky hands to book the earliest flight which was to depart in merely two hours.

Nothing had mattered then. Nothing but the need to see her mother and make sure that everything was fine. She didn't remember going through security, didn't even remember the plane taking off while gazing out of the window with a glazed look in her eyes and forcing down all the tears strangling her throat.

Micha's brain only came into focus the moment she was greeted by none other than her father’s face, heavy bags under his eyes and the tip of his nose red. 

Multiple lacerations. A broken femur. Heavy concussion that might result in potential brain damage. Words that Micha knew off by heart, could recite them in her sleep if she wanted to. Words that she’d spent months and endless sleepless nights poring over. 

Words that shot bullets through her, each one leaving an open wound. 

“She was waiting for the bus.” 

Her father’s voice, old and gravelled and shattered, brought her back to the reality of the hospital. His alto strung through the air of the corridor like a tightly coiled string about to snap. 

Micha took a shaky breath.

“I...I was late. At the restaurant. Too many people,” all the time that her father spoke, his gaze was glued to the operation door where Micha’s mother laid as if he could will her back to good health if he stared at it hard enough, “So she went back home first because she had to feed the cat. That stupid cat...If it weren’t--If it weren’t for him she wouldn’t have gotten hit--” he choked on his words, “--by the bus.” 

Cold dread threaded through Micha’s stomach and squeezed so tight she thought she would pass out. Her brain was already trying to put two and two together; finding the solution, figuring out the case, the damage. The solution, the--

“They said there’s little chance that she’ll wake up.” 

Reality struck like cold ice.

“What...” her mouth was dry, “...percentage?”

“fifty-fifty.” 

Her eyes slipped closed, squeezed tight. Silence trailed on with only the bustling sound of medical equipment and a hushed flurry of voices in the distance. 

Do something, her brain screamed at her, just do something! 

There was nothing she could do. Nothing. Her hands clamped into fists so hard her nails stung her palms. All she could do was wait.

So she did.

She must’ve dozed off at some point. Time seemed endless as the hours ticked by and by the time her mother was wheeled out, exhaustion was pulsating through her every muscle, her every limb. She stayed awake long enough to listen to the doctor’s statement, only to storm out in frustration upon realizing that there was no real answer and that the only thing that had been possible to do was stitch up her mother’s wounds as best as they could. 

In short, the doctor himself didn’t know when she’d wake up.

Micha was so intent on walking out for some fresh air that she barely processed a familiar alto calling her name in the distance, until a pair of arms snatched her shoulders back. 

She whipped around, “What?!--”

Her eyes fell upon Chan. 

Time stopped. Her mouth parted. 

Red-faced and with his beanie all the way down to cover himself from the cold, she would’ve barely recognized him if they were passerby’s on the street. But as he stood there with his runny nose and eyes that looked like they’d just cracked open, a wave of emotion hit Micha with such intensity that tears brimmed through her eyes. 

“Felix told me what happened. I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner, I--”

And that was when Micha broke down into ugly sobs, legs giving away only to be saved by Chan’s arms wounding around her middle to pull her against his chest. 

Amidst it all, she swore she heard her heart breaking.

She wasn’t sure whether it was because of her mother. Or because throughout it all, even in the worst of times, she had come to a realization that knocked the breath out of her. 

She loved Chan. 

. ° ☆ ° .

Tagging: @elysianxshepherd​ @maedesculpaeusoubi​ @missskzbiased​ @freckledquokka​ @allyg-onz​ 

[hopelesshawks]

Love and Admiration Part 19- Goodnight Princess

18+ Bakugo x fem!pro hero reader

Summary: (Y/n) has known Bakugo since middle school, admired him since high school, and had a crush on him since the first time they met. Even now, a top pro hero in her own right, she can’t shake her school girl crush. Too bad Bakugo literally has no idea she exists. Well that’s not entirely true… He does know pro hero Mercury exists, but (y/l/n) (y/n)? Never heard of her.

Warnings for brief depiction of sexual harassment (not from Bakugo), unprotected sex, fingering, oral (female receiving), degradation, praise kink, dacryphilia (crying kink), overstimulation, and dirty talk

Masterlist Help Lulu <3

As you walk up to the AHA building you spot Aizawa talking to a man with his back to you in a black bomber jacket, a white hood pulled over the back, with a black baseball cap on. Curiosity drives your feet forward a little faster until you get close enough that recognition finally hits and causes you to slow down again. Even with his back to you you’d recognize Bakugo Katsuki anywhere. Part of you wants to turn around and run home, message Aizawa some half hearted excuse about getting tied up in a villain attack and no longer being able to help out. Before you can though Aizawa notices your arrival and waves you over. “Here’s who you’ll be working with,” you hear your former teacher tell Bakugo and just as it sinks in that Bakugo was also clueless as to who he’d been working with, he turns around to see and your heart skips a beat. Yes he looks unfairly attractive the way he always does but what really caught your attention is his outfit. Right there in the center of his white hoodie is a black Mercury symbol, the same symbol stamped somewhere on almost all your merch and the same one you’ve been using as your profile picture on social media since your debut. Bakugo follows your gaze down to the incriminating symbol, his cheeks going bright red. He mutters out an excuse about tossing bags in the car so he can turn away although you’re a little surprised when he extends his hand out to you expectantly. You consider the man in front of you who still won’t meet your gaze. Hurt still burns unpleasantly in your chest but you hand over your duffel bag and with little more than a sheepish glance and nod as acknowledgment, Bakugo moves to the trunk of the car to load it up. “You and Bakugo can handle this right? I saw the news call you a dynamic duo so,” Aizawa asks and you nod immediately. “Yea, we’ve got this. You got nothing to worry about,” you assure the older man. “Good. Get into town, get some rest, one of the local heroes will fill you in on the situation in the morning,” he explains. You nod your understanding and then go to join Bakugo in the car. Once you’re settled in, Bakugo starts up the engine and pulls off into the night.

The silence is awkward. You stare out the window as the cityscape slowly starts to thin out. Once Bakugo pulls the car out onto the highway it doesn’t take long before you’re leaving the city lights behind entirely. When the silence becomes too oppressive you pop open the glove box and root around until you find a USB port. You use your phone charger to plug in your phone, scroll through to one of your chiller playlists, and press play. Music floats through the speakers and you feel yourself relaxing although a quick glance at Bakugo reveals he doesn’t feel the same. He’d discarded his jacket in the backseat once he’d gotten in the car and, as usual, had pushed the long sleeves of the hoodie up to his elbows. As a result it’s easy to see the tense line of his shoulders and the popping veins in his forearms. His grip on the steering wheel is so tight his knuckles are almost white. You’ll be genuinely surprised if there aren’t permanent indentations of his fingers in the steering wheel by the time you two reach your destination. You’re tempted to just let him stew in whatever emotions he’s feeling at seeing you again for the first time since you’d hooked up, but then your eyes fall on where your hero name is written on the sleeve of his hoodie and you decide you’re feeling just generous enough to break the silence.

“You’re wearing the hoodie I got you.”

“Yea.”

“Why?”

Bakugo’s hands somehow tighten even more on the steering wheel before he bites out “Because I like it,” defensively. You roll your eyes and return your gaze to the window. No one can say you didn’t try. You’re about to give up and lament your fate to the groupchat when you hear Bakugo sigh next to you. “That’s not it. I mean I do like it but I didn’t think your dumb ass was gonna be here and it’s not the only reason,” Bakugo confesses. “Insulting me is not a strong start but what’s the other reason?” you ask. The pause is long before Bakugo speaks up again to admit, “I’ve missed you.” The incredulous look you give him almost makes him wince. “You’re the one who stopped messaging me you asshole!” “I know that!” “Then you don’t get to miss me!” “Well I don’t know what the fuck to tell you cause I do!” “Then why’d you ghost me?” “I panicked!”

Both of you go silent after that particular admission. This time it’s Bakugo who speaks up to break it. “Look I don’t date,” he sighs. “Who the fuck said I wanted to date you?” you ask defensively, your cheeks heating up the slightest bit. “Will you shut the fuck up? I’m trying to apologize.” “Apologize better.” “If you shut the fuck up I will.” “I don’t think apologies are supposed to include telling the other person to shut the fuck up.” “I’m trying here (y/l/n),” Bakugo growls and the almost desperate edge to his voice is enough to make you swallow your next retort, instead motioning for him to continue. “I don’t date and I don’t usually fuck people I enjoy having around. I already fucked up with you enough so I didn’t want to do it again. I panicked and that only made shit worse until I didn’t know how to fix it, ok? People care about me and I’m shit to them, that’s just how it goes. I’m sorry you got caught up in it,” he finally admits.

You weren’t expecting that level of honesty from him, nor were you expecting his answer to be so vulnerable. You turn to face him as much as you can within the confines of the seat of the car and take in his body language. Had he always been this insecure about his relationships with the people around him? Maybe if you hadn’t spent years cataloging his every move and expression from afar you would’ve missed it, but looking at him now he looks cracked open. You get the distinct impression that as small as his list of people he likes is, the list of people he’s allowed to see him like this is even smaller. “That’s not true,” you offer but that only makes Bakugo scoff. “It’s not!” you insist. “I don’t need your fucking pity,” he grumbles. “Jesus Christ you really are an idiot. Midoriya, Kirishima, and Denki all have plenty of other friends asshole. If what you said were true they would’ve dumped you a long time ago so cut the pity party bullshit and give me a real fucking apology so I can forgive you already,” you insist, and it reminds you a little of how he’d encouraged you during the reunion. The glance he shoots you is calculating, as if trying to assess how much you mean those words. “You’re going to forgive me?” he asks skeptically. “With an actual apology? Yea. I swear to god you’re the only one who still sees you as the same person you were when we first got to UA,” you reply with a roll of your eyes. “I’m sorry for ghosting you,” he grumbles out, cheeks slightly flushed as he does so. “Good. You’re forgiven. Now what songs should I play the rest of the drive?”

The ride gets a lot easier after that. You’ve missed Bakugo and it’s nice slipping back into the groove the two of you seem to have with each other. He talks shit about your song choices but you still catch him humming along or tapping the steering wheel to the beat a few times. He reveals he got around to finishing your favorite movie and so you guys spend a long time talking about that and your recommendations for other movies going forward. It’s comfortable and before you know it Bakugo is driving past the welcome sign for the tiny town the two of you will be working in. There’s only one hotel. It’s small and could probably use some updating but it’ll do just fine for the short duration of your trip. As the two of you grab your bags and start to head inside Bakugo asks “What are the odds the old man sprung for us to get our own rooms?” “Doubtful, you know the association is cheap as fuck. It has to be. You’re stuck with me,” you tease. “Guess that ain’t so bad,” Bakugo shrugs, which causes your heart to pound a little harder in your chest. “I’ll check us in if you wanna grab some shit from the vending machine,” Bakugo offers and you easily agree, the two of you heading in opposite directions to complete your tasks.

As you make your way over to the vending machine you catch the attention of a middle aged man, likely another guest, who follows you over that direction. “Well hello beautiful, what’s a pretty little thing like you doing around here?” he calls as he makes his way over. You roll your eyes but otherwise ignore him as you instead focus on selecting something from the machine in front of you. “C’mon hot stuff, don’t ignore me. I can tell you’re a big city chick, probably been around the block right? What’s one more?” he insists, sliding his body in front of you. “Do you mind? I’m trying to grab something,” you reply as levelly as possible. It’s moments like this where you hate the spotlight of heroism. You would love nothing more than to make the man blocking your way move but that would be unbecoming of a role model for future generations. “Aww don’t be like that doll, lighten up,” the man grins before having the audacity to move away from the vending machine just enough to smack your ass. You are livid, your hand immediately grasping hold of his wrist to stop him from touching you again. You whirl on him to tell him off but before you can he’s being wrenched out of your grip and violently tossed to the floor. Before you can even fully process what’s happened Bakugo stands like a wall between you, all fury and fire and brimstone. You haven’t seen him this angry in a very long time and even if the man who’d been hitting on you doesn’t know who Bakugo is, the glare and overall body language is still enough to have him cowering at Bakugo’s feet. “If you ever fucking touch her again, if you so much as fucking look at her, I will make you wish you were never fucking born,” Bakugo growls out and god maybe you do have a murder boner like Nejire said because you should not find any of this hot but you definitely do. The older man scrambles to his feet with a nod and runs off with barely a glimpse behind him and certainly not one in your direction, allowing you and Bakugo to heave a sigh of relief. “I know you had that handled but dude pissed me off,” Bakugo explains. His voice is still rough and anger-laden and you try to ignore the way it sends shivers down your spine. “Thanks Bakugo,” you reply, grateful both for his defense of you and his acknowledgment that you don’t need defending. “Katsuki,” he corrects you immediately. “What?” “You’re not mad at me anymore right?” “No?” “Then call me Katsuki,” he insists gruffly. You can only nod in response, afraid that if you open your mouth something embarrassing will come out of it like how incredibly fucking hot it was watching him defend you or how saying his first name right now is bringing back a few too many memories of when he’d first demanded you use his first name in the alley.

Bakugo leads you to your room as you try in vain to rein in your rampant thoughts. Even as you finally arrive all you can think about is the feeling of his lips on yours, the feeling of him filling you up, and what it was like to, for a moment, be the sole owner of his attention. He tosses his stuff on his bed and sits down as you move towards your own but your mind insists on picturing him fucking you relentlessly into it. “What’s up with your face dumbass?” Bakugo suddenly asks and the question makes you jump about a foot in the air, warmth filling your cheeks as you realize you’ve been caught mid-fantasy. “Nothing is up with my face!” you defend and you hope it’s the truth because you can feel how much wetness has pooled in your panties already. Bakugo rises up and stalks towards you and you can’t help but feel like prey, stepping backwards away from him until he’s got you crowded up against the wall. The similarity to that day in the alley is not lost on you and it only makes things worse. “What’s running through that head of yours princess?” he asks and the nickname is too much, a breathless curse slipping past your lips unbidden. You don’t have much time to be embarrassed by how obviously flustered you’re getting because one of Katsuki’s hands finds your waistband as if on instinct at the sound of you breathless. “If you don’t stop I won’t be able to hold back,” he admits and you can tell by the flush in his cheeks that he means it. “I thought you don’t sleep with people you like,” you reply with bated breath. “You’re the exception,” he growls out, pressing closer before seeming to think better of it and closing his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose as if trying desperately to control himself, before adding “if you want to be.” “God yes,” you reply and no sooner have the words left your mouth is he pressing a bruising kiss to your lips as if he’s been quietly suffocating and you’re the last bit of oxygen left.

Katsuki tugs you away from the wall and you go easily, allowing him to push you towards your mattress until you’re lying down on it and he can comfortably hover over you, his lips barely leaving yours the entire time. It doesn’t take long to get you both down to your underwear, the entire process a blur. “You’re such a fucking mess for me princess,” Bakugo practically purrs as he runs his fingers along the damp fabric of your panties. Your hips buck up into the attention eagerly as you nod your agreement at the statement. “Yea, it’s only for you,” you tell him breathlessly and it might’ve been embarrassing if not for the way it draws a deep, satisfied growl from Katsuki’s chest his mouth dropping to your neck and then your chest and working further and further down. “Think you deserve a better apology then I gave you in the car,” he says suddenly looking up the length of your body to find your eyes. “What do you mean?” you ask with what little breath you have in your lungs. “I’ve always been better at doing shit than talking. You thought that apology before was good just wait,” he grins up at you cockily and it already has your stomach doing somersaults even before his teeth find the waistband of your panties and start tugging them down your legs. The moan you release at the sight is completely unfettered as your already dripping wet pussy clenches desperately around nothing. Katsuki is nothing if not a tease so even once he’s done with your panties he doesn’t immediately head to the main course. He lavishes attention on your inner thighs, leaving countless hickeys in his wake but no matter how much you whine and squirm he shows no signs of moving his mouth to where you really want it. “Katsuki,” you finally whine desperately. “What is it princess?” he asks and you can feel him smirking against you, the bastard. “I don’t think apologies are supposed to be teasing like this,” you pant. “Oh really now? You got something to say about my apology princess?” Bakugo asks, the smirk sliding away. “I think you’re not much better at this kind of apology than spoken ones.”

That was the wrong thing to say.

“I didn’t realize my princess was such a whore. You want my mouth that bad? You want to cum that bad?” Katsuki asks and there’s an edge to his voice you’re pretty sure means trouble for you but you nod anyway. “Please Katsuki.” “Well if my princess wants to be a greedy fucking slut then so be it,” he agrees in that same lethal tone before diving in to devour you with an intense voracity you’re unprepared for. You moan loudly, hands grasping hard onto the blankets as he licks a hard swipe all the way from your twitching hole to your sensitive clit before pulling the nub into his mouth and sucking hard. He continues to lave attention on your sensitive clit even as he shoves two fingers into your dripping cunt and starts setting a brutal pace. Eventually he brings his free hand to take over for his mouth and stimulate your clit while he moves his tongue to join his fingers, stuffing you absolutely full. The attention is almost overwhelming and it isn’t long until you’re seeing stars, crying out Katsuki’s name. As you come down from your high you realize Katsuki is still pumping his fingers slowly in and out of you. “Katsu- ah!” you cut yourself off with a shout as he resumes massaging your swollen clit. “S-slow down,” you moan but if anything it only makes him move his fingers more aggressively. You grit your teeth, grasping the blankets even more tightly. “What’s wrong? Thought you wanted this,” he taunts as he pushes you into your second orgasm of the night.

Your entire body is tingling now, thoughts filled only with Katsuki, but he still hasn’t stopped and you’ve never been so overstimulated in your life. “Kas’ki ‘s too much,” you moan, eyes watering as he continues to relentlessly massage your almost painfully sensitive clit. “Don’t tell me my greedy little slut is done already. I still haven’t filled you up yet,” he teases you as he finally removes his finger only to line his dick up with your entrance instead. “Come on baby, I think you’ve got one more in you. Don’t you want to be good for me?” he asks and every inch of your body is saying that you should tap out but instead you find yourself nodding. “Use your words baby.” “Wanna be good for you,” you pant and the devilish grin you get in response has your heart practically in your throat. Slowly but surely Bakugo starts pushing into you. It’s so much, too much, stimulation but even as tears start to run down your cheeks you can’t bring yourself to tell him to stop. He curses under his breath as he finally bottoms out inside you, taking a moment to collect himself so it won’t be over too soon. As he starts moving he lavishes you with praise while all you can do is whine and whimper, alternating between barely intelligible expressions of how fucking good it all feels and broken cries of his name. “God you look so fucking beautiful like this. You know that? Fucking gorgeous,” he groans as his hips move faster and faster. You can tell when he’s close, his rhythm starting to get sloppier. “You ready to give me that third one baby? Can you do that for me?” he asks and you nod frantically, coasting along that razor thin edge between pleasure and pain. He leans down to kiss you then, swallowing each broken sound you make, as he rocks into you harder and harder until you’re both too strung out to do much more than pant and breathe into each other’s mouths. You topple over the ledge first but Katsuki isn’t far behind, your walls fluttering and clenching around him. You sob out his name one final time as praises pour from his lips about how perfect you were for him. “Knew you could do it for me princess. So good for me,” he sighs as he continues to paint your insides white.

When Bakugo is finally spent, he rolls over and practically collapses next to you. You both have to take a minute to recover, chests heaving as you try to catch your breath. Unsurprisingly, Bakugo recovers first so he carefully pulls back the covers before bringing them back up to drape over the two of you. “You good?” he asks, eyes scanning over your body as if trying to catalogue any damage he might’ve done. “More than good,” you sigh contentedly. “Good. C’mere,” he commands and you’re more than happy to oblige, allowing him to pull you against his chest. He carefully wipes the tears away from your cheeks before wrapping you more fully into his arms. “I take back what I said,” you mumble into his chest, exhaustion creeping in as the steady beat of his heart starts to lull you to sleep. “What are you on about now?” he asks, but the fondness in his tone belies the harshness of his words. “You’re fucking amazing at apologies,” you mumble. “Shut up and go to sleep dumbass,” he replies but you can practically hear the pleased smirk in his voice.

“Goodnight Katsuki.”

“Goodnight Princess.”

A/N: Apologies are difficult for Bakugo. He’s a very actions speak louder than words kinda guy. Also as funny a trope as the whole “forced to share one bed at a hotel/motel cause there are no other rooms” trope is, it’s more meaningful to me if there are two beds and they still choose to share.

Taglist: @pixelwisp @oliviasslut @larkspyrr @heroacadema @kozukatsuki @captaincyberqueen @undead-nyx @ineedtofocusfr @i-heart-fictional-boys

[hologramband]

The Hollywood Ghost Club p1

(gif by me) 

Luke x Reader

Word Count: 3k

A/N: In this chapter I reference the song “Welcome to Wonderland,” By Anson Seabra, and yes it was partly a tiktok trend a few months ago but I really liked the idea of having it work here. Anyways give it a listen while you read for a fun time and let me know what you think! (I rly love feedback 🥺)

Link to the pre-Summary thing (x)

It was a busy day at the club, Caleb had more than the usual number of new additions to the club so you had to spend most of your day running around and getting the rooms ready. 

This is the most stressful part of the incoming process, but the one that you thought was the most important. 

Coming to terms with your death and realizing that you will be living in this hotel for the rest of your undead-life is hard to grasp, and it seems to be taken a little easier when the room is nice and cozy looking, with little welcome notes and words of encouragement from you saying they can reach out whenever they need. 

That was your goal, to make sure that they had someone, who had their best interest at heart, to be there when they felt low, or needed help. It’s what you thought you had in Caleb, only to find out just how wrong you were. 

Caleb wanted power, that’s the only reason he was so sweet to you when you got here. He saw the potential you had and wanted to get his hands on you so you wouldn’t use your powers against him. 

As soon as you found out what he was doing, you made a vow to not let him do it to anyone else, if they had powers like yours, you couldn’t let him get his hands on them. 

You had just just finished setting up the last room when you heard the familiar sound of wheels on carpet around the corner from where you were. 

“Willey, I told you not in the hotel! You’re gonna tear up the carpet!” you scolded as you rolled your eyes. 

Willey came into view and you could tell something had happened, his smile was unusually wide at the moment.

“You know the boy I was telling you about? The cute ghost I ran into the other day? He and his band want to talk to you, they want help understanding their ghost stuff, and I mentioned you, so uh.. I’m bringing them over this afternoon!” He rushed everything out in one breath and started jumping up and down in excitement. 

You smiled at his actions and shook your head,

“You seem to really like this boy, don’t you?” You eyed him and giggled as he started to blush. 

“I should be done with my incomings by 1:30 if you want to bring them then, and Caleb should be out until show time this evening so we should be good on that front. I’m excited to meet them.” You smile and look at the boy in front of you get worked up again. 

“Oh, (y/n) you’ll love them! They are so much fun, Reggie can be a little slow sometimes, but I can see you really getting along with Luke, he has some similar attitudes that you do, and then Alex, ugh what’s not to like about him?” Willey was falling into a daze and you placed your hand on his shoulder to bring him out of it. 

“It’s gonna be great, but I do have some newbys to welcome before you bring them here, so I gotta get going, see ya later!” You smile and walk away towards the entrance gate. 

--

Welcoming the new ghost was both rewarding and tiresome, you did what you could to make each person feel welcomed and at home, but some guests were harder than others. 

“Okay, (y/n), we’ve got one more, she should be here in 5 or so minutes. Here’s the profile you asked for!” One of the other ghosts, Kendra, said as she handed you a folder with some basic information on the new ghost. 

Kendra didn’t have powers like yours, but she wanted to help you in any way she could, it was her idea to start collecting data on the new ghosts for you to use to make this an easier process. 

You opened the file and your mouth dropped in shock, tears prickling behind your eyes. 

“Kendra,” You gasped out and she came back and looked at the file with you, “she’s, she is only 6 years old.” You shook your head to get your thoughts straight. 

“Okay, we’re going big for this one. Get some of the dancers for tonight down here in fancy dress, I have an idea.” You decided and she nodded. 

You don’t typically do anything more than hand a personalized welcome bag to the new ghosts or give them a small memento to help them feel like they were in a new home. 

You have never had someone as young as her, this child died at such a vulnerable age, what could Caleb want with such a young ghost? 

You were in the middle of rushing to set things up when you heard the voices of Willey and some other boys coming your way. Checking your watch you realized it was 1:30 and these were probably the boys that he wanted you to meet. 

“(Y/n)!” Willey called and his face fell when he saw your expression, then looking around and saw other ghosts rushing to clear the space. 

“What’s going on? Did something happen?” He continued and grabbed your arm to stop your movements. 

All you had to do was hand him the file and he understood. You turned your attention to the group on boys that came with Willey. 

“Hi guys, I promise I’ll have a more formal introduction in a bit, but right now I really need your help, you sing right?”

The group nodded and you stepped into action. With a snap of your fingers you had changed them all into suits that resembled something out of the “Alice in Wonderland” movie, as that was your goal. 

“Woah,” The blonde boy took a step back and looked up to Willey to see him poofing into a similar style outfit, “Look, not that I mind an outfit change, but what’s going on?” He asked. 

“My job here is to welcome new additions to the club we belong to, I play a somewhat vital part of making the transition from life to death a little easier for those struggling to accept it,” you took a breath as the next part still made you feel a variety of emotions, “We have a new ghost that is coming any minute now that dies last night, she was only 6 years old. I can’t even imagine what she is going through or what she is thinking so this is going to be the most magical and happy welcome I have ever put on.” 

The boys all had a sad look in their eyes, looking at each other and nodding, solidifying their decision to help you with this process. 

Willey handed you back the folder and squinted his eyes, noticing the dim color in your own. 

“(Y/n), how much magic have you used today?” He went to grab your face to look closer but you poofed away, knowing he wouldn’t like what he saw. 

“I’m fine, just follow my lead and, well, catch me when I finish.” You smirk and snap your fingers, causing the room to change from the open ballroom to the looks of an open field with trees and small flowers. 

Hearing a small knock on the door you smile big, 

“Here we go,” you clap your hands and the music starts, the melody of “Welcome to Wonderland” flowing from the band. 

The girl walked in and you smiled and sang the first few lines of the song, opening your arms wide and gesturing to the scene around you. 

“Welcome to Wonderland, we've got it all, Potions and pastries that make you grow tall” 

You snapped your fingers again and a tray of drinks and small snacks that the young girl liked appeared beside her, she grabbed one of each and looked back at you. 

You squatted beside her and motioned to the rest of the room,

“Forests and cottages, castles and cards that can talk” You sang again, allowing her to take in the many sights that the room held. 

“Welcome to Wonderland look where you're at, maddest of hatters, the Cheshire Cat, magical cabins and lovely white rabbits with clocks” As these words were sung you motioned some of the actors to skip out and do a small show of dancing and fun. 

You grabbed the small girls hands and spun her into a dance of your own. 

“Dancing through a dream, underneath the stars, laughing 'til the morning comes. Everyone that leaves has a heavy heart. Oh, Wonderland I love.” 

You take a step back and bow to the child while signing the next line, taking her  hand  directly after.

”Welcome to Wonderland, I'll be your guide. Holding your hand under sapphire skies” 

With another snap of your fingers you change the ceiling to appear a deep blue, with lots of small stars peeking through, pointing out a shooting star to the girl.

“Let's go exploring or we could just go for a walk, Welcome to Wonderland, where should we go?” 

You lead the girl down a path where you see Willey and the boys wait, instruments in hand, ready for their cue. 

“There's a tea party along down the road, make an appearance and maybe they'll sing us a song” You sang, then the boys launched into a slight solo that you all danced around to. 

“Dancing through a dream, underneath the stars, laughing 'til the morning comes”

While this part played out,  you put fireworks in the sky and had everyone come back out to dance with you. You kept snapping your fingers, using more and more of your limited magic to make this the most magical moment for the child. 

You look down and see her eyes gleaming back up at you, bringing a warmth to your chest. 

Knowing you had to wrap this up, you start snapping closer to the girl's head, making her sleepy, and filling her mind with warm and happy thoughts. 

“If this was a dream, then at least I've got memories for when morning comes.” 

You continue the snaps, feeling your magic fading with each one, leaning on a chair for support. You’ve learned in the past that your magic seems to be directly linked to your energy levels, so you knew you had a short amount of time left before you collapsed, so you gave this last part your all. 

 “Now that I must leave with a heavy heart, Oh, Wonderland I love.”

You smiled at the girl as she fell asleep in your arms. You quickly handed her off to Kendra to take her to her room, which you quickly poofed the snacks and other goodies to so she had them when she woke up. 

Knowing this place needed to be spotless before Caleb came back, you used the last of your power to clap and the room put itself back together. 

Directly after you felt your knees start to buckle and you gasped as you started to fall, but knew you wouldn’t hit the ground. 

Within an instant Willey had caught you and poofed you over to a couch where you could rest. 

“That was AMAZING!” the dark haired boy exclaimed, “I do have a question… were those bunny people real?” he moved in closer, “where did you send them?” he had his eyebrows scrunched and was looking at you very seriously. 

“Ah, you must be Reggie,” you laughed, then looked at the blonde boy, “and Alex, I've heard alot about you,” this caused both him and Willey to blush, “and I guess that makes you Luke.” you turned to the brunette, meeting his gaze. He smiled in return and then coughed to break eye contact.

“Ehm, yeah. So, you’ve got some serious power, what you did for that girl, that was truly amazing.” Luke looked around and back to you. “Are you okay though? You look, um…”

“Dim? Yeah, she doesn’t know how to limit herself,” Willey handed you a glass of water, “She has some limitations to how much she can use at once, and then when she succeeds, this happens.” 

You roll your eyes at Willey and take a sip of the water. 

“I’m fine, really, I’ll gain my energy back soon enough,” You brush off the worry and try to change the subject, “So, Willey was telling me you guys had questions?” 

The boys looked between each other and back at you. 

“Well, there's this one girl who can see us, and then when we play music with her everyone can see us perform. We are trying to figure out if there's a way that we can be seen even when we aren’t playing?” Luke stepped forward to ask. 

You tried to hide the shock on your face when Luke said they could be seen, if Caleb knew about this then he’d mark them, so you tried to steer away from that. 

“So there’s nothing I can think of right now, but I can definitely keep my ears open to see if anyone else has ideas. Who is this girl that can see you?” You responded after a bit. 

“Oh! Julie! She’s great, so is her dad, he’s really good at taking pictures and stuff, and her brother-” Reggie got cut off by Alex putting his hand over his mouth.

“Dude, she asked about Julie, not her family tree. Julie was cleaning out her mom’s studio when she found an old CD of ours, when she played it we kinda, just, fell into her life.” He explained. 

“Did you guys die recently?” Taking a once over at what they were wearing you knew they hadn’t, but wanted to give them a chance to explain. 

“We died in ‘95. Uh, an accident of sorts…” Luke scratched the back of his head. 

“We ate bad street dogs.” Reggie dead panned and Luke turned to him in annoyance. 

“DUDE! Not everyone needs to know.” He threw his hand to his forehead as you giggled, then launched into a cough fit. 

“Ah, little bird, why so weak?” Your eyes shot open and met a matching scared expression from Willey. 

You shot to your feet, mustering all the power you could into holding a strong stature. 

“Caleb! I thought you were out until the show tonight?” You questioned.

“Finished early,” he traced a finger under your chin so he could look in your eyes, “why so dull?” 

You gulped and planted a smile on your face.

“Just welcoming today's batch, it can really take it out of me,” you turned to Willey and motioned with your gaze to take the boys away, but sadly not quick enough. 

“Ahh, and who do we have here?” You close your eyes and try to think of something, Willey speaking first. 

“Just some ghosts I met, we were just going,” He tried pushing them away but before they could get out Caleb called them back. 

“Oh, don’t rush on my account! Please, stay for my show tonight, or if you have to go, at least come back for it?” He clapped his hands together and you felt a burn start on your wrist, and his gaze shifted to you. 

“(Y/n) is performing tonight, she’d just love it if you boys could join.” He smiled down at you and the burn intensified.

“Ah, um, yeah! You guys should definitely come back!” You faked a smile and looked back at Caleb. 

“Uh,” Luke started, smiling as he switched his gaze from Caleb to you, “We have a gig at 9, but I’m sure we could swing by for a bit, I’d love to see you again.” He looked at his band mates and they shrugged. 

You winced when he mentioned they were playing tonight, knowing Caleb would ask you about it later, and you couldn’t lie to him, the mark made sure of that.

“Excellent, I look forward to getting to know you boys tonight.” Caleb smiled and started to walk away, but turned at the last second, “(Y/n), darling, can you meet me in my office after you show the gentlemen out?” 

You nodded and he continued on his way, as soon as he was out of sight you turned to Willey. 

“Um, I guess I’m gonna go talk to him, but uh, wanna meet me in my dressing room later?” You prayed he knew what you meant, you guys had to talk about how to go about this situation. 

If you tried telling the boys not to come, you would get shocked, same if you tried to warn them, it was a lose-lose situation. 

Willey nodded and turned to the boys, all of them about to start leaving when Luke turned to you quickly, 

“See you later (y/n)! Can’t wait to see you perform!” He smiled wide at you and you couldn’t help the grin that broke on your face. 

You waved as you watched them leave, the smile falling off your face as they disappeared, knowing what was coming next.  

You slowly walked towards Caleb's office, delaying what was inevitably about to happen. 

Eventually, your walk came to an end, you raised your hand to knock, but before you could, the door opened on its own, Calebs voice speaking from within. 

“Ah, my little songbird, nice of you to join me.” He smiled a wicked smile and the door closed behind you. 

“So, tell me about these boys.” 

.

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Tag List! (inbox me to be added) 

@lolychu 

[chaos-caffeinated]

Emotions help you remember: Final Draft

Alright everyone, the story got too long to post, so this is the final piece to connect all three. Please enjoy!! It was a pleasure working on this part!

~

~

A silver knife was revealed from the black coat, the face hidden in the shadows as he twirled the knife in his hand. Frozen from shock, you stood there with your lips trembling slightly as your voice froze in fear until you felt your foot jolt and you turn to run from the mysterious man behind you. You let go of the coat that were on your shoulders and used the strength you had to run for your life. You cried out in pain as your feet throbbed in the heels you were and the frustration of having such a bulbous dress when a memory flashed in your head: Madam Hopkins had given you insightful information, an additional information regarding the dress she was lending you.

“(Y/N), I want you to take this dress instead of just a dress you typically wear, you should wear something nice, you are a tailor: be one. I shall even grant you this special one I made with my new inventions on it. Just pull on this thread here and it will fall off.”

“Fall off? Madam such a dress could stir controversy-”

“Controversy, controversy, it won’t be long before women will be able to wear this with confidence like moi!~" before she spun after she tore away her skirt to reveal the shorts underneath with the visible garters.

Desperately looking for the thread, you felt your chest compress as you were beginning to tire out. You heard the rapid footsteps before you heard a nearing voice, “As entertaining you were, I must end it already-”

“No!” You cried out before your hand grabbed a handful of your dress and pulled it away desperately. You now felt many chills on your bare legs as the shorts, fitting perfectly against your skin, were exposing you into the cold night and you blushed at the vulnerable position. She had made a replica of her shorts with garters, at first you were confused as to why you felt the garters in place when you first put on the dress.

Blushing a dark red from the vulnerability, your body felt much lighter to move as the skirt flew back, tangling the man’s legs only to cause him to trip over it.

The man was in shock to see the skirt fly back, not even thinking for a second that it was possible before he watched his vision focused from the girl ahead to the dried up leaves and mud. Landing face-first on the ground, he let out a short grunt before he got frustrated, blushing from his embarrassing situation and turned to sit up and using the knife in hand to rip the skirt in pieces. He growled, “Now I will not take you down with ease!” He slammed his knife-bearing fist against the dirt.

“I’m afraid you won’t take anyone for that matter.” A voice rang within the shadows, a mixture of a windy laced with an ominous tone, “Mr. Kindred.”

Flinching from the novel voice, the man on the ground looked around in an attempt to view his next victim, shouting, “Who are you?! Make yourself visible!!”

“My, what a rude guest, tormenting the guest of honor as well as shamelessly ordering around.”

The man on the ground was still looking around before he met with a pair of piercing red eyes, a chill ran down the man’s back, fear entering immediately as he began to drag himself back, “What the hell are you?! Get away from me!”

“And now ordering to step back? What a delusional human you are indeed. However, my young master has ordered me to ensure that you, as well as Miss. (L/N) return back to the manor.”

Dried leaves were crunched as the footsteps got closer, “Unfortunately, I only need one of you alive,” His voice growled towards the end as he appeared out of the shadows in his sharp butler outfit, his shoe stepping over the gravel. It was silent, surprised to see the man on the ground watching the butler walk out of the shadows and his eyes were back to the dark eyes of his.

This is what his victims must’ve felt, unease, nothingness, but also knowing that everything will stop. Every woman he killed and dismembered were all pleading for their life hopelessly, knowing very well they were going to die for his sadistic pleasure. He felt chill after chill from his presence and he opened his mouth to say something only to stutter or mouth words.

Fear...that is what he felt, fear of a being stronger than him. Fear of losing control.

“Oh...cat got your tongue?” The butler taunted as he leaned forward slightly, “You seemed very sure of yourself that you would get away from yet another merciless murder tonight in my master’s grounds. However, as the Head Butler of the Phantomhive Manor, I can not allow that to happen...for you see, I am one hell of a butler.”

Gripping the knife in his hand, Mr. Kindred had the realization that he had the weapon in his hand, something to fight as his expression slowly began to change, “You have nothing, butler...nothing! I at least ha-” He raised up to slash at him only for a ripping and broken sound was heard ahead of him. It seemed so slow as he saw his own arm twisted horribly, body instinctively cringing and screaming out in agony as he fell back onto the ground.

“A pesky knife. I know what you’re feeling...hopelessness, a rush- not a kind one either- controlling your whole body as the idea that I can take your life-” he snapped his fingers before flashing his teeth, startling the man below him.

“Like that...and you don’t like that idea because all this time you believed you were much stronger...simply slashing women's throats...while I can do...so...”

He inched closer and closer to the shaking man below him, the dangerous smirk plastered on the demon’s face, his eyes shifting to his fuchsia color, “much worse than you humans can even grasp.” The air around shifted, a weight so immense you could die of suffocation. The man flinched when he saw from his peripheral feathers falling through. He looked up once again at the demon only for him to be covered completely by the falling feathers. The amount of fear possessed by a single man, scarred forever at the interaction.

The agonized screams traveled far and beyond, but not even the hypnotizing music can break free the audience’s attention, but one.

The screams reached to your ears no doubt, only pushing you further and further away into the deep forest.

~

Sebastian remained in the position for a second before huffing, “What a mess indeed-...” He glanced to the side, only for his eyes to widen at the skirt you were earlier in the ball entangled between the man’s legs. His eyebrows quirked, “Is she...?” He asked himself, placing a finger over his chin, before his smirk became more mischievous, releasing a chuckle as he removed the skirt, “Miss. Hopkins, you have aimed to surprise me even without your presence.”

You panted desperately, leaning against a tree. You tried covering your mouth, you shook in place as you tried to get smaller to not be spotted. tears streamed down your cheeks as shook. Having not realize that absence of the murder, your mind raced images, and the mere fact that he could be taunting you by making you believe you were safe was terrifying enough. Your eyes wandered in many places, side to side, up and down, any clues that he was nearby. You didn’t even know how far you were from the manor, to get to Ciel, to get to Sebastian-

“My, my, has mon chaton lost herself in the woods? What a pity indeed.” A sound so soothing, and calming with a tinge of mystery wrapped around it like a bouquet. You thought you had gone mad, to need him so much that you envisioned him rescuing you. His voice alone calmed your essence, yet your eyes aimed towards the source. You yelped and jumped up, running a few steps before turning to face body. Anything and everything kept you edge, even if you were unarmed, you were willing to even use a stick to once again distract him.

Sebastian, once again, appeared from the shadows under the light from the moon, lightly smirking towards you with his arms raised slightly in defense. In his right hand, however, he was holding a bunched-up skirt, “Everything is alright, my lady, your assailant is no longer in the premise. It has been handled.”

You gulped, still shaking from the anxiety, “N-no, he is still here-”

“If he was, this skirt would have been deemed useless as a capturing device.” He took a few steps forward, “Which I very much recommend wearing, my dear. It’s not only cold outside, but you are improper at the moment.” He guided your emotions into a calm one, “I promise you, my lady, no one is here other than you and I.” He reached out his hand, awaiting for yours.

Hesitating, but trusting him, you raised your shaky hand on top of his hand, “...I could have died...” you commented.

“But you did not, my dear. For as long as I am by your side, you will never go through that.” He raised your hand towards his lips to place a kiss before slowly helping you back into the skirt, “There. You look as wonderful as before. Now then, shall we go back?”

You took another shaky step before you yelped from the sudden rush of Sebastian lifting you in his arms, “You are still unsure, so I will carry you, my lady while you rest up. Do leave your concerns with me, I will be by your side for the rest of the night if that helps reassure you.”

You nodded slightly, confirming as you pressed against him, “Please...Sebastian.”

He smirked slightly at you as he proceeded forward to the mansion.

~

With you standing next to the earl himself, and Sebastian by your side, most of the guests could not help but glance towards your way. You noticed some women responded ill with their eyes, someone commenting to the person beside them about you as they walk by, and you could not help but sigh deeply, “...I believe I feel better...I must retire to my room now. I do not want to continue spoiling the party.” You were saddened to have to see the party end so soon, already stepping away when you heard the same voice that managed to wrap around your essence speak.

“But my lady, I seem to recall you wanted to have at least one dance?” Sebastian asked, turning halfway to meet your eyes.

You looked downwards with a sad look, “I did..but...it just... feels off now with what occurred...”

Now it was Ciel’s turn to speak, “He has been arrested quietly, (Y/N)…his presence will no longer disturb your moment of happiness.” He stared at the ball before he slightly turned to you with a small smirk, not of arrogance, and not of confidence, it was a soft, gentle one, “Do not let an opportunity pass by like that. Enjoy it wile you can.”

You stared at the earl for a few seconds before your eyes trailed off, thinking of your choices, “...Yes, Lord Phantomhive.” Then you walked towards Sebastian, surprising him the slightest at your upfront being, “Sebastian. I would like to have my dance with you.”

Sebastian was slightly surprised, but at the same time he was not. Smirking softly, he tried changing your mind, “But my lady, I am simply a butler, there are multiple chaperons whom would enjoy to dance with you.”

Feeling the slight confidence to smile softly at him, you responded, “Lord Phantomhive said not waste the moment, and it is you who I do not want to waste the opportunity to dance with.”

Ciel smirked at your quick-thinking, glancing at your incoming strength as he viewed his butler look slightly surprised, yet accepting. He watched as Sebastian, now smiling softly, bowed slightly with his hand over his chest, “Very well then, my lady,” he offered his hand in the same position as he raised his crimson red eyes to yours, “It would be an honor to have this dance with you.”

~

As he guided you onto the dance floor with a few other couples dancing to the music, you sensed something change within the musicians. As a matter of fact, you sensed the atmosphere change with the strand that the lead violin was stroking.

You both stood in front of each other, feeling his hand gently place on your hip and the other awaiting for your hand. It was then you felt the sparks, the tingling sensations he sent over, the  way your body responded to his touch, triggering memories from earlier. You blushed, your cheeks tinted softly with a red shade as you place your hand on his.

The room was silent for a few seconds before-

Voom-Ba-bum, Voom-Ba-bum, Voom-Ba-bum, Voom-Ba-bum...

The way the violins and cello captured the way your heart was pounding loud in your ears was extraordinary because as soon as it started, the more it became evident of how much he had influenced you: he completely corrupted you for himself. The way Sebastian lead their dance in a perfect unison, despite you never learning the dance before surprised you even. He swayed with the notes in the air, the violins carving a path and him following it, or could it be the other way around? It was all so warming, enveloping your body as a whole to the rhythm of the strokes before you listened to the next part with your heart. You looked up to see his gorgeous, captivating eyes once more before you felt yourself weaker, and weaker, and weaker-

(Ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum)

The way he approached his head near yours while moving was enticing, you needed him close to you, your body needed him-

“My lady, I must say, as we dance so close together...I cannot stop envisioning our ‘studies’...” He smirked softly as he squeezed your hip ever so softly. His grip tightened when he heard you gasp softly, trying to regain as much strength needed, “...P-please...not here.” your voice trembled. You were weak enough that any word he let out would not help your situation.

As the music rose in speed and volume, you heard him chuckle, “You remember so well, mon chaton... as expected from my favorite student. I must admit, that even your being has captured me in a way that I never thought would have such an effect...your skin, your hands, your body...the way you begged for me without raising your voice, the way you gasped, the way you moaned...you will never cease to exist in my being...even your bite I will remember very well. Your markings truly changed me...” he whispered.

You whimpered softly, mentally begging him to stop, the images overwhelming you in a state of steam. You were embarrassed, your cheeks tinted ever so dark, once again you can hear your heart pound, but this time it grew louder and louder, beginning to deafening you until you tried biting back with his own medicine, “And what about you...” you chest heaved slightly, the heat radiating from you, “The way you took me without mercy, your weakness and your strength becoming one. The way you felt me like I was your life source, the woman that marked you as hers. The way you clawed me as a desperate need to get ahold of, it all penetrated my thoughts. And for that I blame you Sebastian Michaelis.”

As your list grew, Sebastian’s fascination towards you more and more, internally smiling and breathing deeply. The way you handled yourself with his words was truly amazing. You tried to get at him with his own words, and though it did not work, the effort was there. His own heart pounded, and he refuses, at full, to leave your side.

The music around them rose in tempo once again, the rhythm beating identical to their heart soundings. Neither wanting to leave the other. The want, the yearn, the desperation, the urge was lingering closer and closer and they could not do a single thing. Inching closer and closer to their lips nearly locking, the music ended. They did not make it, yet they remained like that, Sebastian first to react as he smirked and let out a chuckle, “You have done a certain type of damage in me, my lady.” He blushed slightly as he panted ever so slightly.

Panting as well, you responded as quickly, “And you as well...diable.”

Sebastian sucked in air, ready for a comeback when he stood back, bowed, and stood back up, “Well done, my lady. Would you like another dance, or would you like to take a small rest?”

“...No...I think I will retire.” you spoke, but Sebastian capturing the truth behind those words, “Goodnight, Sebastian.” You took both sides of the skirt and bowed slightly before heading to your room.

Subtly, but effectively, Sebastian was able to mask biting inside of his cheek, “Goodnight, my lady. I shall return to you.”

You simply smiled small at him before leaving from the ball.

~~ ~~ ~~ ~

Sebastian had dismissed the guests along with Ciel, his behavior seemed rushed, with each wording having no charisma he usually portrays with many. Some men could understand why, holding a smirk with a tinge of jealousy, but the women saddened from the shortened conversations. It felt so quick, and Ciel noticed as they stepped inside the manor, “I’m guessing this has to do with (Y/N)? You were rather quick to dismiss the guests.”

“I do apologize my lord, but she did make a request of my presence.” He justified, “She said she was not feeling well.”

Ciel suspected for a different reason, but he understood why you would be shaken, “Very well. Do so after I’ve retired.”

“Yes, my lord.” he guided him to his chambers before helping him to his bed.

Meanwhile, you rested in the tub of hot water, sighing with content as you rested your head against the tub, your hands feeling your skin, each giving you a flashback of your affair.

His hot, full lips pressed against yours in a passionate kiss, his dominating groan as he pressed your body close to his.

The flashback ended abruptly as you heard a knock on the door, “My lady?”

Blushing, aside from the temperature, you answered, “Come in.”

The door opened, and coming in was the butler himself you imagined not even ten seconds ago, “From the unfortunate events earlier, I brought you some tea to calm your nerves. How are you feeling?” He asked, closing the door afterwards with a hand, the other holding the tray with great balance.

You took another deep breath, swaying the water in front of you, “I’m feeling better now.” You smiled small, “I am just...focusing on the water...” your voice went softer and softer, your eyes feeling heavier as your body, feeling safe, decided to rest up.

Sebastian gently opened the door to the bathroom to see you close your eyes and he smiled subtly, “I am glad to hear that, my lady. Shall I finish you up and help you to your bed?”

“Mm...no...are you currently free at the moment, Sebastian?” You asked, opening your eyes to meet him with a soft smile.

“My duties have been completed, my lady. I am all yours tonight...” He reciprocated the smile, creating butterflies in your stomach.

“Then,” you rose in a sitting position, your arms crossing over your chest as you leaned forward slightly, “Come join me in the tub please. It’s still hot.” You invited him, “Nothing ever beats a hot bath.”

Eyes widening from the invitation, he rose his fist, the side of his finger covering his lips as he chuckled lightly, “Not even the studies, my lady?”

Blushing already, you simply remained silent as you gently patted the water.

“Your generosity overwhelms me, my lady.” He turned slowly before proceeding to remove the articles from his body. You even shamelessly watched as he removed his clothes.

“Staring is an improper thing to do as a lady.” He teased without turning.

“Mmm...then at this moment I am but a simple being enjoying a wonderful view. I might even reconsider this being better than a hot tub.” You teased back.

“I feel ashamed for not fixing anything about that mouth of yours.” He remarked with a smirk, turning his body to you as he took your chin between his fingers, lifting it in the process. He purposely tilted your head to make eye contact, to make you feel weak in front of him, but you bit back like always.

“I would have enjoyed it, Sebastian...but right now...” you say to increase the anticipation, raising your wet hand to place on his abdomen, only to caress his lean muscles, “I just want to relax...and you are perfect for that need.”

“I am honored to serve you in this way.” His lips slightly part, “Let us begin.”

~

It felt heavenly, it felt sublime, it felt like a happiness that you have yearn for so long, the missing puzzle to your day-to-day life. You wished to remain in his arms, those strong arms, the ones placed on your sides, resting on your skin. Those same arms that have caused damage, but in such a pleasurable way. You let out a  breathy sigh as his fingers brushed against the bruises that were prominent over your body, reminders of his attempt of corruption.

You leaned your head back against his shoulder, tilting your head to the side slightly before arching your back. His heat, his presence alone made you want to back out what you said earlier and take him head-on, but for once your mind had different plans.

Sebastian smirked as his hands lightly brushed against your skins, occasionally massaging some parts of your breasts, “If you allow me, my lady, a massage is a suitable, don’t you agree?” He placed his hands on your shoulders, kneading the trapezius. The stiffness in your shoulder caused you to yelp from surprised, the pain threw you off, yet you concentrated on the kneading. The way he pressed harder on a few places than everywhere, making you groan softly made it pleasing.

“My, my. You have a lot of knots, you really must have worked so hard, Lady (Y/N). Working day in and out to please your Madame. You remind me of the essence of a butler, and for that I highly place my respect for you.”

You rested the side of your head on his shoulder, interrupting his massage. His words, his gentle words. Though he may not see it, the fact that he managed to to pull flashbacks forward to you made you numb, and silent. Each event that occurred, the passion that sparked to initiate your education with Madame Hopkins. Madame Hopkins is a savior, a savior that brought you onto your feet once more. The extra thing you needed in your life, her ability to see new when everyone else got stuck in the past. You enjoyed it enough to be a part of it.

Sebastian was surprised to see an extremely soft side, he was not used to the sudden change of heart, to see you so quiet, so vulnerable. His raised his hand behind your head, inching closer and closer to your hair as he smirked with confidence before he stopped.

He felt the cold breeze before feeling drips, his crimson eyes following the path to your teary eyes, “Crying, my lady?” he maneuvered his hand to wipe your tears off, “Has today really brought so many emotions to your eyes?”

You sobbed, “No...Sebastian.” You raised your face to see him eye-to-eye, facing him with your tears, pride enveloping you, “Sebastian, weakness is not shown in the act of crying, is the act of developing.”

Remaining silent from the impressive resilience you possess, he stared at you with such a surprise look on his face. His hand cupped your chin subconsciously, holding it in place for a couple seconds before pulling you in.

As your lips connect, the chills stored send to each other’s body, surprising the demon butler all in all at the immense amount of influence from a single human. How does one human like her possess such power in hand, then he remembers just then:

“crying...is the act of developing.”

His appetite increased tremendously as his master further his goal, but for something that you would say, something was emphasized, and that emphasis he made loud and clear. His kiss deepened, his arms holding you closer and closer to him. His high regard he held for you has overwhelmed him at the slightest, and that brought concern to his being.

“Her soul...I want her soul...”

You pulled away at the slightest, only for Sebastian to pull forward reveled the realization which forced him to back down.

“And I thank you, Sebastian. Without you, I would not have realized just how much my memories mean to me; the ability to remember so much. So with that, I really thank you, Sebastian Michaelis.”

You picked yourself up, the water dripping from your body as you were careful to get out, “Feel free to use the tub, please. Don’t let my absence rush you.”

You took the towel and wrapped around your body before walking back to the room to select your night gown.

When the door close, the lonely demon butler stood in his sitting position with his head tilted downwards, bangs covering his face. His lips were parted in a emotionless rest, and yet...he slowly rose back to his usual self. His smirk penetrated the still room, the water flowing around his body dropped in temperature. His raised his hand up to his face before rubbing downwards, chuckling darkly, “Oh, My lady (Y/N), you truly possess a soul so exquisite, so divine...” He eyes, so dark, and so filled with the hatred shifted into his instincts, possessing those bold fuchsia eyes.

Fin

~~ ~~ ~~ ~

AHHHHHH I FINISHED! I feel so satisfied with this piece, so much so I cannot believe that I wrote so much. I also did so much when I used so little, I wonder if you can figure it out (mueeheheh). Anyways, I would like to thank you all for reading, for taking this time to be part of this adventure, to leave your comments, and your sharing. I appreciate that with all my heart. 

That being said, I have to say adieu, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!~~

[loserholland]

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐲

Pairing ➺ Spencer Reid x SSA!Reader

Warning ➺ None really, just flashbacks to episodes from season 7 

Word Count ➺  6,408

Summary ➺  When the Reader needs a date to her sister’s wedding, Spencer volunteers to be her date.

A/N ➺ Please enjoy! Maybe I’ll do a part two, who knows! But the bold text are the readers thoughts (:

✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @loveyathreethousand @taronxfiction @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine@spideyyypeter @lou-la-lou @babebenhardy @rivervixenbaby @acklesholland@zabdisamor @keepingupwiththehollands @sweet666pea @sspider-parker@jackiehollanderr @caro0512 @thewinchesterchronicles @cporter003@kisses-holland @spideysnugget @cryszus @sunflowerharrystyles@peterunderoos @jessybellsworld @spider-mendes @ohbabycal​ 

@nerdgirljen​ 

@iloveyou3000morgan @random-things-i-love

*The strike through your name just means I couldn’t tag you, please message me if anything*

☞  Masterlist  ☜

“Shots!” 

Garcia shouted as she placed a the tray onto the table of the booth, it had been one hell of a long week and they finally had a free night. And with a free night meant head to the local bar make it one hell of a night.

Everyone reached for a shot glass whereas Reid raised his glass of Arnold Palmer.

The bar was slightly packed, mostly by FBI agents, the sound of music plus the amount of chatter in the club brought a smile to everyone’s faces. It’s been a while since they had gone to the bar as a team.

The booth was filled with laughter, the team had been talking about anything and everything, passing around jokes about one another.

Originally it was supposed to be a girls night, but the boys had begged that they allow we allow them to join. Well Rossi and Morgan were the ones who pleaded and insisted on dragging Reid and Hotch along.

(Y/N) felt her phone vibrate causing her to bring it out of her pocket wondering who was texting her at this time.

𝘚𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘰’𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦?

She groaned loudly reaching for another shot placing her phone face down on the table. Morgan raised his brows lightly noticing her sudden mood change.

“What’s up with you (Y/L/N)?”

(Y/N) leaned back into the booth drawing out a long sigh before answering “Nothing, my sister was just asking who’s my date to her wedding which is next week.” 

Rossi chuckled lightly before asking, “Who’s the lucky fellow?”

Yeah that’s the thing

There was no lucky fellow.

“Funny story..”

The team had just gotten back from Atlantic city. It was one of those cases where Hotch had given the team a long weekend off.

(Y/N) sighed lightly opening the door to her apartment kicking her boots off as she entered and locking the door behind her. Shrugging her coat off and placing it on the coat rack, she walked over to the kitchen placing the stacks of mail she had gotten before coming upstairs. 

After one hell of a week, she opened a new bottle of red wine and poured it into a glass before heading into her room for a nice hot bath.Once she was done relaxing she headed back into the kitchen, sorting through her mail till she stumbled upon a wedding invitation.

𝗝𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘂𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗱𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳 𝗥𝘆𝗮𝗻 𝗔𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗲𝘁 (𝗬/𝗟/𝗡)

“𝘋𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘴”

“𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴”

“Are you bringing a date?” (Y/N) mumbled to herself as she read the options to check off, of course only Scarlet would want to include that.

Not, number attending but are you bringing a date. Letting out a deep sigh her eyes gaze over to the pictures scattered over the fridge. (Y/N) was the second oldest of four siblings. She was the one out of four siblings to not be:

One- Married

Two-Soon to be married

and Three

Recently engaged.

Without thinking, she grabbed a pen and checked off to where we are now.

Morgan bursted into a fit of laugher before saying in between breathes “So, what I’m hearing is you don’t have a date?”

She glared at Morgan sticking her tongue out at him like a five year old child. It was already bad enough that every time she goes home to visit her family will ask: “Found anyone special?”

“Yeah, I don’t.”

It was a simple mistake, and well that simple mistake left her with no date. The last thing she wanted was to text her sister, “I actually have no date lmao.” because if that were to happen bridezilla would make quite the show. And she’d also never hear the end of that. Now, she has a week to find a date. That can’t be that hard right? Just who?

Morgan could barley catch his breath, (Y/N) kicked his ankle in annoyance “It’s not funny Derek! All I hear from my aunts are, oh you’ll find someone sweetie or you’re getting order you’ll find someone soon enough!” she leaned her head against the wall continuing to glare at Morgan.

“I could be your date.” Spencer spoke up trying to ease the tension that filled the booth.

Emily used her foot to nudge (Y/N) leg, she glared at the woman sitting across from her who wore an amused smile. (Y/N) glanced over at Penelope and JJ who also had the same expression on their face.

His brows furrowed, he didn’t see anything wrong with what he offered so- why was everyone staring?

“What? I-It was a suggestion.. that’s all.” His nose crinkled as he spoke pressing his lips into a thin line focusing his attention to the table in front of him.

Spencer may have an IQ of 187, and (Y/N) may be the youngest and second smartest of the team. These two are blind. Literally blind. It was quite obvious that boy wonder and miss.young and beautiful (well said from the one and only Penelope Garcia) have feelings for one another. 

If there was someone who can talk Spencer down, to get him to bring his walls down, it was (Y/N). Just a few months ago when everyone found out that Emily was in fact alive and not dead, everyone was happy that she was alive but that also came with being questioned by the Senate Committee for our retaliatory action.

But before Emily had came back everyone was dealing with her death differently.

There are five stages of grief:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

With those five stages, everyone deals with their emotions differently. (Y/N) and Garcia did as much as they could to honor Emily’s name. Whereas Morgan felt guilty, telling himself he if he were there a second early he could’ve saved her. Spencer took it the hardest, he had gone to JJ’s house crying for almost 10 weeks.

Now with Emily back, the team felt back to normal. Well, some what back to normal. We had been called to Oklahoma, and it wouldn’t be a lie to say Spencer was not Spencer adding into the conversation or throwing in "Did you know.. facts”

He was quiet, distant.

“It’s too late alright!”

“Reid?” Emily spoke only watching as walked away.

(Y/N) looked at Hotch before saying “I’ll go talk to him.” giving her a nod of approval she grabbed one of the car keys and headed out towards Spencer.

Running out she watched as he continued to walk away, “Spencer!” she shouted yet no response.

“Spencer Walter Reid!”

Nothing

“Reid!”

The nearly 6’1 genius continued to walk away ignoring your calls. 

“Hey loverboy! I am talking to you! You know I don’t like being ignored!”

Spencer stopped in his tracks throwing his head back lightly “I don’t want to talk.” he spoke without turning around.

The heels of her boots clicked against the sidewalk once she was next to him she linked her arm with his pulling him towards one of the SUVS.

“Who said I wanted to talk? What if I wanted to get some coffee.”

Luckily there was a coffee shop that was a few blocks down the road, the car ride was silent- comfortable silence. (Y/N) never pushed Spencer to talk, she waited patiently for him to bring it up on his own.

In which, he did.

“I cried.. for ten weeks (Y/N).. ten weeks back to back.”

His voice barley above a whisper.

(Y/N) brought her right hand forward taking ahold of his left giving him a reassuring squeeze.

“Spencer, Hotch and JJ kept Emily safe. The less people knew that Emily was alive, the better because Doyle was still out there. If he found out Emily was still alive, he would’ve gone after not only Emily but the rest of the team as well. Trust me, it’s odd to have Emily back I mean we ‘buried’ her for christ sakes. But she’s here, with us again. Not six feet. under. I can’t speak for JJ but, I know she never meant to intentionally hurt your feelings or make you feel vulnerable. We were bound to find out sooner or later Spence.”

Truth be told, (Y/N) hated seeing Spencer sad and angry. Something she never saw all that often but knew him being sad made her feel sad.

They had spent an hour an a half in the coffee shop, now they were walking back into the station. Slowly Spencer had opened up more, she let him go uninterrupted allowing him to speak as she listened.

“Thank you by the way.”

(Y/N) smiled nudging him with her elbow, “Anytime loverboy.”

-

"Look at pretty boy go!” Morgan chuckled raising his enclosed fist towards Spencer who awkwardly fist bumped him back. She watched as he pursed his lip his gaze fixed on his drink avoiding eye contact with the rest of the team and especially (Y/N).

Hotch sighed lightly glancing at his phone before giving Rossi a nod, “I better get going, I don’t want Jessica to stay too late. Have a nice weekend guys, I don’t want to see any of you at the office.” 

It was just fifteen minutes past eleven and everyone was ready to head home and call it a night. Stepping out of the nearly now packed bar greeted by the cool air of Washington D.C. They had bid their goodbyes and headed to their cars. 

All she could think about was what Spencer had said, “I could be your date.” I mean, there is no problem with him being her date right? Beside the fact that you have a huge fat third grade crush on boy genius. 

Once she got home she kicked off her boots padding over to the kitchen for a glass of water placing her belongings on her couch. A loud ding echoed throughout her apartment, it may be her sister again wondering who her date is.

Grabbing her phone out of her purse the notification flashed across the screen:

A message from Scarlet. Swiping her thumb across the screen unlocking her phone to read the message.

𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰? 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘰'𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦?

𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦?

𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸.

𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘭?

𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰?

𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦.

𝘗𝘴, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘢𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘦!

“Love you too whore.” (Y/N) mumbled placing her phone onto the coffee table walking away to her room to get changed. Another loud ding caught her attention, “I thought she was going to sleep?” (Y/N) thought to herself.

Instead it was a message from Emily.

𝘚𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘦𝘴! 𝘛𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦!!

Plopping herself onto her couch running her fingers through her hair.

He’s awake right? I mean it’s only twelve-fifteen? She held her phone in her hand tapping it lightly against her thigh contemplating whether or not to call him. 

“Just call him.” she mumbled to herself

Her family didn’t have any problems with Spencer. The one thing she’ll never forget is when he had told you father "The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss." The look on your fathers face was priceless.

Besides that her family had no problems with Spencer. They just describe him as being bit awkward and rambles on about well anything. It’s almost been four years since she joined the BAU. She was lucky enough to join at the age of twenty-three. And she’s been with them ever since.

When (Y/N) first joined the team Jason Gideon had just recently retired and David Rossi had returned voluntarily. You know that new kid feeling? New school, fresh faces, no friends? Yeah, that was the was her current feeling.

(Y/N) had barley gotten any sleep the night before. She felt anxious, tossing and turning the almost the entire night only to get about three hours of sleep. She had gotten up thirty minutes before her alarm, and had gotten there thirty minutes early.

Now she was currently sitting in SSA Aaron Hotchner’s office. You’ve heard many amazing things about his team, they are truly one of the best. Brushing her hands against her skirt for what felt like the hundredth time.

Pull yourself together, there’s nothing to be worried about.

“Agent (Y/L/N), would you like to meet the team?” Hotch spoke, (Y/N) turned her attention to the door giving him a nod of approval. Standing from her seat she followed him into the conference room.

“You’ll be fine.”

(Y/N) chuckled lightly, “Sorry, I’m just extremely nervous.” he smiled lightly opening the door to the conference room, the only person she knew was David Rossi, the BAU wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Gideon and Rossi.

“SSA (Y/L/N), this is SSA-”

“David Rossi, I’ve read your books and they are magnificent.” Rossi chuckled lightly sticking his hand out for her to shake in which (Y/N) gladly shook. She had just met one of the greatest profilers of all time.

(Y/N) looked up at Hotch before quickly apologizing “This is SSA Prentiss.” The beautiful raven haired woman smiled “Emily, nice to meet you.” moving to the man standing next to her “SSA Morgan.” he smiled shaking her hand “Derek.”

“(Y/N).” she replied.

“Our Communications Liaison Jennifer Jareau.”

“You can call me JJ.”

“Our tech analysis Penelope Garcia.”

Finally, the last person whom she had grown closes too.

“And Doctor Spencer Reid.”

That was your team. And they were more welcoming than you thought they would be, they were your second family. If you guys weren’t on a case, you’d be at the bar raking up Rossi’s tab. You were able to talk to them about almost anything, if you needed time off Hotch understood.

The first year she had worked with the team, they were very welcoming. Hotch had partnered you with Spencer most of the time, either you two would check out the M.E or stay back at the police department. It was safe to say it was a bit awkward at first when you were partnered with Spencer. But, she wouldn’t have wanted to be partnered with anyone else.

“Hello?”

Shit! He’s awake. Wait, when did I call him up?

“(Y/N)?”

Say something, he knows you’re on the other end of the line.

“Are you okay?’

Are you having a stroke right now? Say something!

“H-hi, sorry to bother you so late.”

It was fifteen minutes to one, did it really take me almost thirty minutes to call him?

“It’s fine, just getting a little bit of reading in. Did you need something?”

She bit the bottom of her lip getting up from her seat on her couch, just say it! Tell him you’d love to have him as a date.

“If your offer still stands.. I’d love to have you be my date.” she paced around her living room. Please say yes, this would be totally awkward if you said no but- you did offer to be my date?

Spencer smiled widely “Yes! I-I mean of course, I mean- I’d love to accompany you.” though (Y/N) couldn’t see him she knew he had his hand covered over his eyes mentally curing at himself.

“Great! I’ll text you the details tomorrow? Thank you again Spencer, I appreciate it.” 

“Y-yeah cool cool, um good night, sleep tight.. don’t let the bed bugs bite.” 

He could be such a dork sometimes. A cute dork. Rambling on until someone says something or he’d catch himself and apologize. Usually the team would exchange looks but, you’d sit there listening intently. It’s amazing that someone so young has already three PhD’s and as the genius said himself “I just keep getting PhD’s”

“Good night loverboy.”

Spencer had his nicknames, from Pretty boy, boy wonder, kid, doc etc.

Loverboy however, kinda just slipped. They had been working a case and Spencer was deep in his thoughts, she had been trying to get his attention for the last five minutes. When she had said it, he cheeks were painted a deep shade of red. Ever since then, the nickname just stuck.

(Y/N) tossed her phone onto the couch squealing loudly, surely enough she knew one of her neighbors would file a complaint against her but she didn’t care. All she cared about was the fact that Spencer Reid was her wedding date, and she couldn’t be more excited.

-

The entertainment capital of the world

Sin city

Fabulous Las Vegas.

Home to Spencer and (Y/N), the two were going to be staying with her parents since they live the closes to the venue. The drive to her parents house meant passing by her high school, and without a doubt she knew Spencer would have something to say.

“Isn’t that your old high school?” 

She glanced at Spencer for a short moment before answering, “Yup, class of 2003.”

About a month ago the team had gone to Boise,Idaho where a serial killer is murdering the survivors of a high school massacre that took place exactly ten years earlier. Hotch had sent (Y/N) and Spencer to examine the crime scene. 

“The unsub has to be tied to the school somehow. Maybe a current student, alumni, or a family member who lost someone?” (Y/N) mumbled as she scanned the crime scene 

“It could be a Slade groupie celebrating his hero. He taped nails to the exterior of the bomb. Specifically to rip open flesh-” Spencer spoke turning his head slightly to see (Y/N) examining the various pieces of nails.

“That’s a Slade detail of Slade’s the unsub copied.”

“Except he tricked Givens into blowing himself up.A groupie probably wouldn’t show that much self-control.” (Y/N) pointed out her eyes looked from the ground to the ceiling.

“But someone with an ax to grind against the principal would. Maybe he’s a surrogate for the tormenters in high school he can’t punish...” he examined the photos he held in his hands, “who were yours?”

(Y/N) chuckled reaching forward to touch the piece of nail in the wall, “I don’t even remember.” she mumbled.

Spencer raised his brow in confusion, “You don’t even remember?” his voice filled with disbelief. He stepped forward still stuck on the subject, “Wait, were you one of the mean girls?”

She turned around in surprise her eyes widened at his question, “What? No!” Okay maybe there were some people she was a bit rude to. That only being her  younger brother who was a freshmen when she was a senior.

“Track star with a full ride scholarship to UNR and was accepted by many universities, one of the valedictorians of her class, and the student body president? That not only screams popular but you could’ve been one of the mean girls!”

(Y/N) gasped loudly walking past Spencer to get to the other side of the room, “Could’ve been, I was actually one of the nice popular girls! I was even friends with guys like you!” 

“Guys like me? I'll have you know that my social standing increased once I started winning at basketball.“ now that was hard to believe.

“Spencer Reid playing basketball no way.” (Y/N) snickered causing Spencer to press his lips into a thin line, “Okay, I coached basketball. I broke down the opposing team's shooting strategy.” Now that sound more like Spencer.

“Is that why Morgan kicked you out of the pool last week?“ Rossi held a BBQ last Sunday, inviting the entire team over and Spencer and Derek were going at it in the pool bickering with one another.

“Yeah. Took him three rounds to realize I was hustling him.”

(Y/N) pulled into the driveway shifting the gear into park, she turned slightly to face Spencer. “Spence.” she whispered, he turned his head in confusion. Spencer had met her family, but he was about to meet MORE of them. As much as she loved them to death, they could be a little too much.

“First off, I wanna say thank you so much for being my date. Second, my family.. they are loud and can get very.. touchy? If you feel uncomfortable in any given moment please tell me because I don’t want you to think you made a mistake by coming.” He gave her a warm smile, placing his hand over her’s.

“(Y/N/N)!” a voice shouted causing (Y/N) to jump slightly pulling her attention away from Spencer. Her mother smiled happily, she was beyond excited to hear that (Y/N) was bringing Spencer as her date. The two exited the car retrieving their luggage from the trunk. 

“Hey mom!” (Y/N) shouted as she closed the trunk watching as Spencer waved hello to her mother.

“Hi Mrs.(Y/L/N).” 

“Oh Spencer! How have you been? Come in get settled Steven and I are treating you two to dinner tonight!” She watched as her mother followed Spencer into the house, it would be an understatement if I said my mom loved Spencer.

I mean who wouldn’t?

Later that night when they had gone out to dinner they just so happened to run into one of her family members that every so gladly invited themselves to dinner. 

And the immediate question was, “So (Y/N), who’s this?” that lead to a somewhat awkward dinner. You know how everyone has that one favorite cousin? Then there was that one cousin that was a tattle-tale and much of a show off? That was the cousin that was at dinner tonight. 

“This is Doctor. Spencer Reid, he’s my partner. I-I mean the partner on my team, a-

“So what I’m hearing is you’re single?” Gwen questioned causing (Y/N) to gasp lightly watching as Spencer shifted in his seat “Um- well yeah but-” his voice had gone up a couple octaves. Drawing his hand away from the table watching as Gwen’s cheeks tinted a deep red.

“Gwen quit it, you’re making him uncomfortable!” (Y/N) snapped annoyed with her cousin’s behavior. This was the last thing she wanted Spencer to feel, uncomfortable. She didn’t want Spencer to think he made a mistake, before she could say anymore he glanced at her for a second before whispering “It’s okay.” If only she could strangle Gwen right here, right now. The table was filled with awkward silence, (Y/N) mother chuckled lightly before quickly changing the subject “So, who’s ready for tomorrow?”

-

The only thing (Y/N) always looked forward to was the reception. Her least favorite part was the ceremony where most of her family members would be asking her one too many questions. She had spent half of her morning mentally preparing herself for what’s to come today. What she was not prepared for was the suit Spencer had worn, well the velvet suit jacket to be exact. It had matched perfectly with the red dress she had worn.

Spencer sat with (Y/N) siblings watching as she chased around her niece and nephews, “I’m gonna get you!” she shouted causing her niece to squeal loudly running father away from her aunt. (Y/N) had always gotten along with kids, they’d easily adjust to her. When they had cases dealing with kids, it would either be Spencer, JJ, or (Y/N) to be the ones to talk to them.

“Remind me, the next time Garcia tries to get me to go to a shoe sale I need to say no.” (Y/N) spoke in between breaths settling next to Spencer, Wonderful tonight began to play bringing almost everyone to the dance floor. She took ahold of his hand dragging him up from his seat, “Spence we need to join them!” 

The sound of his heart beat was music to her ears, beating softly. The feeling of being so close to him, left butterflies in her stomach. It felt so, domestic? It’s not an everyday thing to dance with Spencer Reid.

“Do you see yourself having kids some day?”

(Y/N) pulled her head away from his chest looking up at him with a raised brow. That was a bit out of the blue.

“Just the way you interact with your niece and nephews, you’re good with kids. i’ve noticed that when we work on cases dealing with kids. you’re patient with them.” Spencer glanced down at her, she looks so beautiful.

(Y/N) sighed lightly before answering, “Yeah, ideally... I want to have kids by the time I’m thirty and well, I have three more years to make that happen.”

Spencer hummed at her response allowing (Y/N) to continue.

“My parents... they had told my siblings and I that I would be the first to have kids, and well-“

Her eyes gaze over to her older sister whom was the first to have kids, her beautiful niece and nephew. Seated at the same table her brother whom was recently engaged and his fiancée awaiting their first child.

And now her younger sister wouldn’t be too far behind.

“I’m not a profiler, but aren’t those two completely oblivious about their feelings for one another?” Isabelle commented watching as her sister dance with her date.

“That’s what I was thinking the entire time! The FBI should hire us, we’re good!” Cole exaggerated lifting his hand for Isabelle to high-five.

(Y/N) turned her attention away from her siblings back to look at Spencer. If only she could hear her siblings conversation.

“I’m gonna be the last to get married.” she said with a light chuckle.

There was no one to blame, i mean at this point she was married to her job and she knew the pros and cons. But there’s still time for her, time to find someone, to have kids.

“What about you doc? Do you want little geniuses?”

Spencer sighed lightly moving his right hand that was resting on her waist taking ahold of her left, spinning her around.

He held her hand for a moment swaying the two from side to side, “Of course, as much as I love being a godfather.. I wanna have kids of my own. An entire soccer team as one may say.”

That was something the two had in common, being a godparent. (Y/N) loved spoiling her goddaughter, even before she was asked to be the godmother.

(Y/N) giggled at his response, any woman would be lucky enough to have a child with Spencer. He’d make a wonderful father, he’d be ever so patient with his little boy or girl.

“Well your future wife is in for it.”

He felt a slight tug on his suit jacket, he looked down to see (Y/N) niece Lyrical, “I wanna dance.” the four year old said moreover demanded.

(Y/N) gasped lightly before letting go of Spencer’s right hand and moved to wrap her arms around him.

“No he’s mine.” she joked sticking her tug out at the four year old.

If he was standing in front of a mirror right now, he’d be as red as a tomato.

“No! My boyfriend!” Lyrical huffed wrapping her chubby arms around her chest with a pout. That was something Lyrical basically established during prior visits.

Whenever they’d have cases in Vegas the night before they leave the team goes to hangout with (Y/N) family. Her second family meeting her well family

(Y/N) drew back her arms from him as she looked between Spencer and her niece, “So- who’s it gonna be loverboy?”

Spencer hummed at her question before picking up Lyrical causing her to giggle lightly wrapping her arms around his neck swaying from side to side.

She held onto him, her fingers slightly tugged at the back of his hair. (Y/N) smiled, the warm fuzzy feeling she felt earlier was back again.

If Spencer’s first born child is a girl, she’d have him wrapped around her fingers before she was born.

She walked up to her niece peppering kisses onto her chubby cheeks earning a burst of laughter, the song changed into a more upbeat rhythm causing almost everyone to come to the dance floor.

“So, who was going to tell me they were dating?” Scarlet questioned, walking over to sit at the same table her siblings were seated. Isabelle snorted reaching for the glass of water in front of her.

“Why would we? They aren’t dating.. yet.” Cole answered sarcastically earning a slap to the back of his head. He glared at his younger sister, “I answered your question why did you have to hit me!” Scarlet shrugged lightly taking a sip from her champagne glass.

(Y/N) looked over to her siblings, who were bickering as usual.

“I’m gonna go sit for a bit.” Spencer nodded watching as she walked back to sit with her siblings before turning his attention back to the four year old.

“Woah Lyrical stole your date.” Cole snickered causing (Y/N) to roll her eyes playfully, “I know, better watch out she’s gonna have boys waiting on her beck and call.” The table rose with laughter, as they moved onto a different topic.

It felt like old times, sitting around with her siblings as they talked about childhood memories and embarrassing moments. She needed to come home more often instead of having them fly out to only spend a day or two.

Her eyes gazed over to Spencer and her niece who were stilling dancing, that warm fuzzy feeling. It’s unexplainable. She couldn’t help but imagine, what if. What if her and Spencer do end up together? Oh would their daughter be his princess. He would do anything for her. Whoever get’s to be the future Mrs.Reid would be the luckiest women in the world, his kids would be blessed with such a wonderful dad.

Scarlet looked over to her older sister who was too deep in thought as she watched her date dance with their niece. She couldn’t help but notice the smile that tugged at (Y/N) lips.

“So does that mean you’re next?”

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her train of thought coming to a screeching halt. Next?

“For?” (Y/N) questioned back, unsure of what Scarlet was trying to lead on.

“You and that handsome Doctor Reid.”

(Y/N) eyes widened causing her to shake her head from left to right, “What? No no, we’re just friends.” she tried to suppress the smile that dared to paint over her lips.

Her siblings look between each other before bursting into a fit of laughter, “Sure keep telling yourself that.” Cole spoke in between his laughter.

Y/N rolled her eyes crossing her arms over her chest before responding “Hey! We’re just friends.” 

Cole leaned back into his chair raising a brow at her, “So, you’re telling us you don’t have any feelings for him? Zero, nada, zilch?” she glared at Cole kicking his ankle lightly. He winced at the sudden action reaching down to sooth his ankle.

“I don’t have feelings for him.”

Isabelle rose her brow at her younger sister, “You’re doing that thing.” If there was one thing she was bad at it would be lying. You’d think for a profiler she’d be better at lying and would be able to keep a poker face.

“What thing?”

Scarlet sighed loudly, “(Y/N) you may be a profiler but, we’re your siblings we know when you’re lying.” That only caused (Y/N) to scoff loudly and shake her head at her siblings.

Why are they attacking me right now?

“You cross your arms over your chest and you smile, A LOT it’s kinda no it IS creepy. Plus you get defensive, like very defensive.” Cole pointed out only for the rest of her siblings to agree.

Let’s forget what I said early about visiting more often. They can continue flying out to D.C.

(Y/N) got up from her seat slipping her heels back on causing Cole to flinch slightly, growing up the only boy meant dealing (Y/N) scared him. A lot.

 “I wasn’t going to hit you ass clown!”

Maybe, just maybe she was spending a bit too much time with Rossi.

 “I’m gonna go for a little walk.” 

The three siblings looked between each other. If there was something she knew all too well of doing it was avoiding her feelings. Not opening up to others, building walls high enough so no one can look over and see what she’s feelings or thinking. 

“Don’t close yourself off! Say what needs to be said!”

It felt like deja vu. 

Emily had told her the exact same thing a few days ago.

"Oh my sweet angel face (Y/N)! You and boy wonder are blind!” Penelope slurred as she attempted to place her glasses on (Y/N) face. JJ couldn’t help but laugh at Garcia’s actions.

“My vision is 20/20 as a matter of fact!” (Y/N) answered earning another laugh from Emily, “Pen is right you know? Don’t close yourself off! Say what needs to be-”

“Hey, you missed the bouquet toss.”

(Y/N) blinked a few times before looking up to see Spencer.

“Did you know the tossing the bouquet is a tradition that stems from England. Women used to try to rip pieces of the bride's dress and flowers in order to obtain some of her good luck. Today the bouquet is tossed to single women with the belief that whoever catches it will be the next to marry.”

This was one of the many things she loved about Spencer. The amount of knowledge he holds in that huge brain of his. Usually the team isn’t much of a fan when he rambles on but, you loved it. The way he uses his hands to explain what he was thinking, or how he basically has an answer for well everything.

“Who caught the bouquet?”

He chuckled lightly taking a seat next to her, “Well Scarlet kinda threw it at me and said you know what to do. But your mom made her redo it, got a laugh out of everyone though.”

“Pretty sure you’re suppose to catch the garter.” (Y/N) giggled turning her head slightly to look up at Spencer who was laughing along with her. There was a sudden cool breeze causing her to wrap her arms around her chest.

“I knew I should’ve brought my jacket.”

Spencer shrugged off his dress jacket draping it over her shoulders. It was ever so slightly bigger on her she slipped her arms through the sleeves

“Thank you... and another thank you for being my date. I really hat- dislike attending weddings.”

“Did you know the first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 B-“

Her eyes fell towards the ground in front of her. Fixated on the shoes he was currently using.

The converse she had bought him for his 30th birthday, well belated 30th birthday. Not only was he using the converse she bought him but the mismatching socks as well. The team had been called to San Francisco to investigate a possible Zodiac Killer copycat. There was something up with Spencer however, he was quieter than usual. 

But it was only because he had doubts on why he’s in the FBI, questioning that he should be doing something more in his life with the amount of knowledge he had accumulated over the years. The team didn’t even realize they had missed his 30th birthday, and (Y/N) felt so bad for it. She was the one to always bring in the birthday boy or gal their favorite donuts and a cup of coffee. 

When the team had gotten back to Quantico she had stopped by to get him a new pair of converse and of course mis-matched socks.

“How did I not notice you’re using the shoes and socks I gifted you?”

His brows furrowed,“Is something wrong (Y/N)?”

(Y/N) sighed ignoring his question “I read that a crush only last four months. But if it last longer you are considered to be in love. is that true?”

“Actually, many people often mistake crushes and infatuation with love. The initial feelings of crush and falling in love are very similar. The rush of euphoria happens in both cases. The butterflies, and the feelings of pure joy at the sight of them happens in both cases. It’s easy to see how the two are mistaken for love because the feelings are so intense, but there is a difference. Crushes and infatuation go hand in hand, and are very similar-

He paused for a second catching his breath before continuing, “-a crush is defined as a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone inappropriate or unattainable. Infatuation is defined as an intense but short lived passion or admiration for someone or something.

Involuntarily she rest her head against his shoulder, “What about love?” she questioned. You glanced up for a second watching as his tongue swiped across his bottom lip.

“Love is truly seeing and accepting their object of affection. It’s an intense feeling of deep affection. to be patient and understanding, love is forgiving. It desires a deep connection. When we truly love someone, we see their flaws, and we accept them. there are thoughts of a future together, and realistic expectations of ea-“

JJ sighed, “Just tell him say I love you. Not as a friend. But I love you, on a deeper connection. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I’m in love with you.” her eyes fluttered shut, her heart was pounding in her ears, she felt Spencer tense at what she had just said. Oh god did I make a mistake?

She pulled her head away from his shoulder, tell him why just tell him.

“You’re the most sweetest, yet awkward guy I know. Not only are you sweet, you’re also so smart. I love to hear you ramble on about, honestly anything. You’re so caring, and kind. It hurts me when you beat yourself up, I just want to hug you and tell you why you’re wrong and tell you that I love-” 

Spencer placed his hands on her cheeks pulling her into a slow passionate kiss, everything happened so quickly it took her a moment to process what was happening. Wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him deeper into the kiss, the feeling was so surreal.

He pulled away slowly his hands still on her cheeks as he rest his forehead against hers, “I love you too.” he spoke as he stared into her (Y/E/C). (Y/N) smiled from ear to ear, stealing another kiss from Spencer.

“Finally!” a voice spoke startling the two. (Y/N) peeked over Spencer’s shoulder to see Cole standing there with well the rest of her siblings, oh yeah she was never going to hear the end of this. 

[kittyprincessofcats]

She-Ra S5 E05 - Save the Cat

ARE YOU READY TO HEAR MY THOUGHTS ON THE BEST SHE-RA EPISODE EVER? SO AM I!

Sorry this took so long. I was pretty nervous to talk about this episode, to be honest, because I love it so much and was scared I’d forget something or wouldn’t do it justice. Don’t know if I still need to say this at this point (since it’s been so long), but there will be spoilers for the rest of the season in this post!

- First of all, and I’ve already talked about this in my review of Stranded, but I need to say it again: Just the premise that Adora is going back to save Catra from Horde Prime really makes their story come full circle: Back in the pilot, Adora left the Horde without Catra, and Catra has been accusing her of “leaving her behind” ever since. In Catra’s mind, Adora leaving the Horde meant that Adora didn’t care about her, and it’s been a huge source of grief and bitterness for her. And now, so many seasons later, even after Catra has hurt so many people, even after she’s asked Adora not to come for her, Adora is literally walking up to Horde Prime himself (way more dangerous than Hordak’s version of the Horde) and endangering her mission and the entire world because she doesn’t want to leave Catra behind again. Because Catra means that much to her. It’s such good storytelling! If Corridors was what started Catra’s redemption, then I think Save the Cat is what redeemed Adora in Catra’s eyes (or at least, what made her understand that Adora does care about her).

- I love how determined Adora looks in that beginning shot. That’s the look of a girl about to go save her gf!

- I thought it was a bit strange that the clones didn’t notice that Adora’s talking to the others on her way to Prime, but since Prime later reveals he knows her friends are there, they probably actually did notice and just didn’t say anything.

- I wish they’d kept that scene of Glimmer having a more elaborate flashback, but I get that they just didn’t have the time for it.

- I love how Entrapta just goes *heart eyes* at the many clones. And Bow asking if they’d believe they’re the inspectors 😂 - great way to bring back that gag.

- “You would never risk the safety of your Catra.” PRIME SHIPS IT. No, seriously though - Prime says he “sees all” (and we know he’s seen Catra’s thoughts) and he said “your” Catra. This, and some other lines in this episode, made me realize it would be canon. (Also, fun fact, because I watched some bits of this show in other languages for fun: As awful as the French dub is for changing that “Kyle had a crush on Rogelio” line to “Catra had a crush on Rogelio”, in this instant they did really well: In French, Prime goes a step further and says “your precious Catra” instead of just “your Catra”.)

- The way Prime touches his clones is so creepy.

- Entrapta asking Wrong Hordak (thinking he’s Hordak) if he recognizes her made me so emotional. I wasn’t even that into Entrapdak back in s2/s3, but the way their relationship was written in season 5 really made me ship it. It’s about the PINING, the LONGING, the TRAGEDY, the way his memories of her make him overcome two mindwipes... I’m here for it!

- I always wonder if it hurts Entrapta when someone grabs her by the hair. Since her hair is magical and all that.

- “We’re not keeping him.” “But we broke him! We’re responsible for him now.” Okay, I love Wrong Hordak. I love how Bow talks about ‘keeping’ him as if he was a pet. And I also like how Entrapta immediately realizes how useful having him around could be. Also, I love that they name him “Wrong Hordak” and seriously just keep calling him that. 😂

- “I don’t fight for the first ones. I fight for my home, for myself and for my friends.” I honestly really like that the show never showed us the first ones or Adora’s birth family. Not that it would necessarily be a bad thing, but I like the message that it doesn’t really matter where she came from - Etheria is her home and what she’s fighting for and that’s enough.

- “Of course, your Catra.” He said it again!

- “She hoped you would come for her, poor thing.” Oh, the angst is real, I love it! Just thinking about Catra (who’d told Adora to stay away) eventually getting so scared that she started to wish Adora would come for her after all... I love angsty stuff like this.

- Oh, that first look of Catra with the gelled back hair and green eyes is so properly creepy.

- When Wrong Hordak complained about the ship being designed “so that it may only be navigated by one who access to the hivemind” it reminded me of Entrapta’s castle that only she can navigate. I think some people have pointed out before that Entrapta and Horde Prime are foils to each other (especially when it comes to Hordak), so that’s a really nice parallel there.

- How did Glimmer manage to open that door when she’s running from the clones? I thought only the clones could open them? Is that a mistake, or is there some canon explanation?

- “What did you do to her?” Oh, I love it when Adora’s so worried about Catra. These two and how cute they are will be the death of me.

- Oh, Prime’s so creepy when he touches Catra... I love him as a villain, but I love to hate him, you know?

- “My place is with Horde Prime, Adora. I don’t want to leave.” Can we talk about the parallel between this line, and Catra insisting back in season 1 (in Promise, I think) that she doesn’t want to leave the Horde?

- “You broke my heart.” I mean, come on! That’s gay!

- Catra and Adora’s fight is so tragic because it’s the first time they’re fighting but both genuinely don’t want to hurt each other.

- “I’m not leaving without you.” Exactly what Catra wanted to hear from Adora back in The Sword Part 2 - You know what I said in the beginning of this post about their story coming full circle?

- “I don’t wanna hurt you!” “But you have already hurt me.” This is supreme lesbian drama, and it’s so good! (I’ve been waiting so long for a show to give a lesbian romance this kind of attention!)

- Adora’s terrified expression when Catra almost lets herself fall is so painful. And the way she hugs Catra afterwards... my heart.

- Catra and Horde Prime talking together is creepy in just the right way.

- “I always hated that guy in particular.” Hell yes, Glimmer!

- “She was afraid in the end. And she suffered. Perhaps I will make her my new vessel, though she would not last me long.” Oh, the angst hurts so good, I love it! (Why do I love seeing my faves suffer?) Also, this slicked back hairstyle on Catra looks kind of amazing.

- “Why did you come back? We both know I don’t matter.” “You matter to me.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Yes, tell her, Adora! Tell her you care! Don’t let her talk herself down like that!

- “Come on, Catra! You’ve never listened to anyone in your life. Are you really going to start now?” I love how this is what gets through to her. I could also just quote the entire dialogue from here because everything about it is pure perfection:

Catra: “You’re such an idiot.”

Adora: [smiling and crying] “Yeah. I know.”

Catra: [laughs]

Adora: “I’m going to take you home.”

Catra: “Promise?”

Adora: “I promise.”

Catra: “Adora...”

I mean, what do I even say to that? Catra affectionately calling Adora an idiot, the callback to Promise, how Adora doesn’t hesitate to say “I promise”, how Catra breaks free of Prime’s control... it’s all so perfect. 😭

- Adora just not hesitating to jump after Catra - that’s love, holy shit!

- God, Aimee’s voice acting when Adora cradles Catra... so good. (And that’s their childhood theme playing in the background.) Didn’t Aimee (or someone else?) say on Twitter that that was intentional since your most vulnerable moments make you feel like a child again, or something like that?

- Adora’s transformation into She-Ra gives me chills every single time. Best scene in the entire show, don’t @ me (or at least second best after the kiss). The way she cradles Catra’s lifeless body, Horde Prime’s taunting words, and then she opens those glowing eyes... amazing. And what makes it even better is that this is her first proper transformation after breaking the sword. We got a tease of it in Stranded, but this is when She-Ra really comes back, and it’s her love for Catra that enables her to transform. PERFECTION.

- “You miscalculated.” Yeah, you miscalculated how gay she is.

- Entrapta whistling Darla over like a dog is amazing. 😂

- Adora carrying Catra bridal style while that epic music plays... I’m living!

- Also, side-note: Adora’s new She-Ra look is SO MUCH BETTER than the old one! She also seems a lot stronger now - look at that fancy stuff she can do with the new sword! (I like the idea that the Sword of Protection was only holding her true power back.)

- That healing scene! Adora’s healed people before, but it’s never looked this gay. And Catra waking up and saying “Hey Adora” is just so fitting.

- That hug... I’m not crying, you’re crying. They’re finally together! And Catra’s clinging to Adora so tightly! 😭 Also, she’s purring! (When I first watched this ep with my sisters, one of them literally went “Finally!” at this moment - mood.)

- Hordak finding the LUVD-Crystal and saying Entrapta’s name also gives me chills. I also just realized that he thought Entrapta was dead until this moment - holy hell!

- One more thing I love about this episode is that their plan to save Catra actually worked. Because it’s a plan that seems so stupid and risky at first, and while you’re watching you kind of expect it to go completely wrong and expect Horde Prime to catch them... and then it seems like he does, only for Adora and her friends to turn things around and succeed. I love that.

- Another thing worth pointing out is the whole symbolism of Catra’s death and rebirth and how it marks the beginning of a new chapter in her life.

So yeah, this is the best She-Ra episode ever, I rest my case. Before I watched season 5, I expected it to be gay (I even estimated the chances of Catradora becoming canon at around 70%), but I didn’t expect it to be THIS gay. This episode went beyond my wildest dreams and expectations. Horde Prime saying “your Catra” twice, that whole “You broke my heart / Prime has set me free of that pain” talk, Adora being so scared for Catra during their fight and so determined to save her, the whole “I’m going to take you home / I promise” part, Adora jumping after Catra and cradling her in her arms, her love for Catra bringing back She-Ra, the bridal carry, the healing scene, the hug, and I could go on. Noelle said on twitter that there were two versions of this episode and the gay version is what we ended up getting - AND IT SHOWS.

This is when I knew for sure that Catradora was going to be canon. Before season 5, I gave it a chance of 70%. After those little hints in the first few episodes, I said 80%. But after Save the Cat, I was 100% sure. I basically already considered it canon after this. I kept wondering how it would happen, but the "if" wasn’t a question to me anymore - so I decided to just lean back and enjoy the ride through the rest of the season :)

[Previous episode]  [Next episode]

[liannyeong]

i think this is the end (we're different)

Summary: han jiyeon fell for park jinyoung in almost the same way as any other girl out there. what's so different about her, right?

Word count: 4795

Pairing: Jinyoung X OC

Warning(s): Mutual pining, fluff

A/N: Happy belated birthday to my bias wrecker (T_T) Park Jinyoung ~ Also, yay for a new completed fic since June 2020 lol. The title is from a line in DAY6′s Tick Tock because I’ve been listening to all their songs and covers non-stop and it seems fitting :’(

"rising actor park jinyoung has made the headlines for another hit drama in the year 2020--"

jiyeon thinks jinyoung has it easy. he has a pool of opportunities ready for him. he doesn't need to go through the trouble of uncertainty or instability. he's a star; everyone wants him.

jiyeon stares at the screen, the words from the reporter just goes over her head. she's happy for jinyoung, of course. she has always liked his mannerisms through the shows he appeared on. she always thought that anyone who dates park jinyoung is lucky. well, isn't dating a celebrity a kind of fantasy that one can only daydream? who wouldn't want to? the top star has the luxury to pamper her with gifts. whatever she needed, she just had to say it and he would get it for her.

but han jiyeon has never been a materialistic person. she is attracted to actor park jinyoung not because of his wealth or fame, but because of his personality. the way he was courteous to the people around him, the way he takes care of them even in the littlest of things. the way he pays his full attention on the ones who are speaking. or his calming voice. or the cute wrinkles around his eyes when he smiles. han jiyeon fell for park jinyoung in almost the same way as any other girl out there.

what's so different about her, right?

she reckons it's easy for him to move on too. jinyoung can easily find another girl to date. it’ll be easy for him to find another one to fill her space. he doesn't need a han jiyeon in his life. after all, what is she but a photographer who once worked with him?

---

jinyoung regrets the words he spat the moment he leaves her apartment. it has been a long day of filming. he's already struggling his work schedule with his lack of sleep. it's hard to control your emotions when you're dead grumpy and tired. it's no surprise that he lashed at the female with her unnecessary comments. but as he drives back to his own home, he can't help the ringing of her voice in his ears.

"you wouldn't need to choose between me or your career if i was the right one."

she looked so broken when she said it. why did jinyoung only realize it now? unless his memory fails, her body language showed how vulnerable she was. one arm crossed around her stomach, the other just dangling by her side. her voice was small, her eyes were looking at anywhere else but not him.

but he had to response in the worst way possible.

"then there's no reason for us to see each other anymore. we're done."

his tone was so cold, as if he had no emotions for her. jinyoung just spat those words and left. but now, regret blooms in his chest and he wishes he could turn back time.

he doesn't know what went down between them, or when exactly it all started. yet, he hasn't given himself the time to ponder over it. perhaps he gave himself the excuse that there is no time in his busy schedule. so he chucks it away, day after day, until it turns into weeks and months.

just like that, six months have gone since han jiyeon and park jinyoung broke up.

---

"rising actor park jinyoung is confirmed to be dating his co-star jeon sonee--"

jiyeon's heart hurts. the news channel shows jinyoung with the girl in tow. they are speculated to be on a date at night,  smiling wide, looking great together. jinyoung truly has moved on. fairly easily too, just as she expected.

jiyeon reckons it makes sense. they spend a lot of time together on set. they get to know more about each other as the filming goes on. they've even worked on a few projects together, the casting staff finding their chemistry perfect. it is unsurprising that they could develop feelings for each other.

jiyeon shouldn't be jealous. how can she when she was the one who suggested their break-up?

"i'm only a threat to your career. maybe the person you were meant for is someone who wouldn't jeopardize your career."

she only said it because she couldn't bear living with a man who hadn't been around for her. she wanted jinyoung to placate her, soothe her. she wanted jinyoung to say that they'll work it out. but she didn't think of the possibility that maybe, he was sick and tired of her endless worries. that he could have been waiting for the right moment to end things, but never got the chance. she was the one who propose their relationship to end. she doesn't deserve to be jealous of jinyoung's new love interest.

still, jiyeon wonders. why does it seem that she is the only one still unable to move on? how is it possible for jinyoung to get on so quickly? did he love her at all? or were all those lies, disguised beneath his actor mask? or was jiyeon just another experience on his list, so that he can portray emotions better on screen

no, don't put yourself down, jiyeon scolds herself. whatever that has passed, let it stay as good memories.

she loves him dearly, but their story wasn't meant to last long.

---

jinyoung is dressed handsomely in a suit. it's an acquaintance's wedding that he is invited to -- one of the art directors he worked closely with in the past.

he sees familiar faces, greeting all of them politely. but upon setting his eyes on a particular person, his breath stops.

han jiyeon.

of course, she's invited to the wedding. how can he forget? it's her colleague's wedding.

jiyeon has her hair tied in a low ponytail, some strands intentionally left loose to frame her face. she's donned in a light purple cold shouldered dress. the chiffon material flows elegantly as she walks. the man watches as she congratulates the groom, her smile is still beautiful in jinyoung's eyes.

he once dreamt of proposing to jiyeon. he once dreamt of building a home for the both of them. he wanted to lead a life with her by his side. but perhaps, such dreams are not meant to be achieved. perhaps, such dreams are for another man, not him.

---

there is no mistaking that jinyoung is here, in the same room as her. jiyeon can recognize that eye crinkles, that unique hahaha anywhere in the world. she may have stiffened at the realization that they're the closest they've ever been since their break-up. but she tries to play it cool. she may not have been trained to act, but having dated an actor, she may have picked up a thing or two.

the guests prepare for a cascade of group photos, neatly categorized according to the type of connections that the newlywed couple has. coincidentally, jiyeon ends up a row in front of jinyoung and his plus one.

"jiyeon-ssi," he greets formally, in the midst of aligning themselves in an orderly fashion.

she bows politely. "hello, jinyoung-ssi."

right, this is how they are. this is how they've always been. something like strangers in the public, but intimate behind closed doors. they've always kept their distance whenever they're seen together, not even an inch close. they don't even do any car dates as popularized by other celebrities. that's the difference between her and sonee, she realizes.

"hello, jiyeon-ssi," greets jinyoung's plus one. it's only now that jiyeon turns to look at her directly.

how insanely pretty, jiyeon mutters grudgingly in her head. the actress' hair is swept to one side, a shiny silver pin clipped to her fringe. she wears a baby pink dress that ends just past her knee caps, a string tied around her small waist. jiyeon can't help but think that sonee just came straight out of a webtoon. god, she can't help but think that jinyoung and sonee make a good couple too.

jiyeon tries not to think about it too much. after all, it's over, and they've come here to celebrate another couple's joyous occasion. so jiyeon puts on her most friendly side.

---

"ah, so you're the jeon sonee," jiyeon smiles. "congratulations on your relationship." jinyoung feels his stomach churn. jiyeon's smiles are wide but he can't tell the real emotions behind it. is she genuinely happy for him? or is there spite beneath her words? "you do seem like jinyoung's type," she chuckles.

jinyoung hopes she knows it's not true. he's never had a type. he used to say that the person he likes is his type. but jiyeon is the one who changed it all. jinyoung has never felt at ease with a person as much as with her. they clicked instantly, and they are so similar in their tastes in music, books and movies. there's no way he can find another like han jiyeon.

sonee smiles abashedly, tugging onto jinyoung's arm out of embarrassment. the man doesn't miss the way jiyeon eyes that movement.

"everyone, look at the camera!" instructs the main photographer.

jiyeon turns back, making a quick fix to her dress and hair. jinyoung can't help but stare at the crown of her head. how is it possible that someone is so close yet so far away? how is it possible that the person he spent his days with is suddenly a stranger? what went wrong, really?

"one! two--"

jinyoung flicks his eyes to the photographer, just in time before the flash goes off. they take a couple more shots before they are allowed to go back to their seats.

jiyeon turns around. "it was nice meeting you, sonee-ssi. have a great night," she politely says. then she faces jinyoung, not quite meeting his eyes, "and you too, jinyoung-ssi.”

---

"i think we should cast celebrity couple park jinyoung and jeon sonee for our upcoming pictorial," jaebeom, a creative director and jiyeon's supervisor, suggests during a meeting.

jiyeon stiffens at the idea. but her silence goes unnoticed by the excited murmur of the team.

"looking at this month's concept, i do think this two celebrities match it perfectly," jaebeom further expands. "besides, they're a hot topic in the entertainment industry now. it would be a waste to not use the chance!"

that earns nods from various members.

"that's true..." jiyeon hesitantly responds.

"jiyeon-ssi," the said girl flinches when her name is suddenly called. jaebeom doesn't inquire about her zoning out. "we both worked with jinyoung before. surely, i can trust you to contact him?"

jiyeon nods slowly. "i'll do my best, sir."

"very well!" jaebeom claps his hands together. "let's confirm the concept now--"

jiyeon breezes through the meeting, heart heavy with anxiety at having to work with jinyoung. she lets out a sigh.

---

when jinyoung heard from his manager that jiyeon came forth with a photoshoot offer, he didn't know what to make out of it. was it a company decision? or did jiyeon suggest working with jinyoung again? or... did jiyeon wanted to see him again?

no, jinyoung scolded himself mentally. he shouldn't put weird ideas in his head. what they had is now a thing of the past. jiyeon would have moved on. she must have. why else was she able to maintain that cool composure when they met during the wedding? why else was she able to treat sonee that kindly? jiyeon must have gotten over him. there can't be any other explanation.

"sure, hyung. i should be able to accommodate to jiyeon-ssi's project," jinyoung answered finally.

but now, breathing in jiyeon's studio, jinyoung feels out of place. he used to frequent here, especially when jiyeon works late into the night, when all the staff has gone home. no one knew of their relationship, not even their close colleagues. heck, jinyoung even made sure to hide from his manager.

"are you okay?" sonee pipes up next to him, having done her make-up and changed into the model clothes. "you seem a little tense."

"my schedules have been a little tight this week," jinyoung lies smoothly, adding a tired smile as extra measure.

"you can do it, jinyoung," sonee smiles sweetly at him, pumping her fists in the air as a gesture to give him strength.

jinyoung can't help but laugh heartily. "how cute my sonee is," he coos at her, pinching her cheek lightly. she whines--

there'a clear of a throat and jinyoung's smile nearly drops when he sees jiyeon. she pretends as if she didn't see anything, only casts jinyoung a brief glance before bringing up a notepad, briefing the couple about the concept and the poses she'd like them to do.

"just be natural," jiyeon ends the conversation. "just like how you two are, in your own bubble."

jinyoung can only nod.

---

she says that so easily but she's the one who's suffering alone. directing her ex-lover with his new partner to pose in a certain way, watching them gaze at each other in such a loving manner... how can her heart not crumble in sadness? her heart can't bear the pain. the way jinyoung looks at sonee is the same as how he used to look at her: that pure happiness and love. why, oh, why does the universe want to hurt her like this?

yet, amidst it all, jiyeon has to maintain her professionalism. she can't crack underneath all these romantic shots. she can't drop everything and run off, no matter how much she wants to.

in one particular setting, jiyeon has jinyoung resting his head on sonee's lap, his legs dangling over the arm of the couch. they look at each other, eyes smiling along. jiyeon can't help but feel the swell in her chest. she has to consciously control her breathing, to even it out.

jinyoung used to lay on her lap as he goes through his drama script. in the meantime, jiyeon would sketch out a particular storyboard idea for her project on the arm of the couch. that was how they spent their free days together, in comfortable silence. when he's tired of the lines, jinyoung would bury his face into her stomach, craving for her attention. and jiyeon always ends up giving in, after which they would just spend the rest of the day cuddling on that small couch, watching whatever show they randomly pick.

but now, times have changed. such memories don't matter anymore, especially not to jinyoung. it would have been replaced with new ones. they no longer exist in his mind. any emotional attachment would have been long gone from his heart.

jiyeon shakes herself from such thoughts. she brings up her camera and snaps away.

---

"representatives for actor park jinyoung and actress jeon sonee have confirmed that the celebrity couple has parted ways--"

"actor park jinyoung releases a statement of hiatus. netizens react."

user jl***09:

lol a coward running away from the media

user st4njinn1e:

i'm so sad... i have been a fan of jinyoung and his acting is so good, i'm sad that he'll be on hiatus... i hope he has a good break :(

user se0nii:

i always felt that it was a one-sided relationship between jinyoung and sonee... it seems like sonee was the only one in love.

user ilypjy94_:

stop with all your assumptions. we don't know what went down between the two of them. let's just support them with the best we can!

jinyoung's phone doesn't stop blowing up: media outlets wanting to know the reason for the breakup, some tarnishing his reputation. some of his fans even turning their backs on him. the pressure from the society is too much for him to take. he tries to block it out, but it's too difficult when you're a celebrity. your privacy is always at risk, paparazzi and stalker fans camping near his home. he doesn't even feel safe in his own home, he can't be himself and let loose.

his screen lights up again, at another message. despite telling himself not to check his phone, it's a habit that is difficult to break.

from han jiyeon:

hello jinyoung, this is han jiyeon. i saw the news... just wanted to check if you're okay?

jinyoung stares at his screen. it's from jiyeon. they haven't contacted each other in person for so long. jinyoung didn't delete her number off. and from the looks of it, jiyeon didn't either. she must have assumed jinyoung did with the way she introduced herself first.

jinyoung bites his lip. how should he reply? he wants to spill out everything that has been contained inside, but it'll be too much for the listener. besides, as a high profile celebrity, there are only a handful of people he can trust. jiyeon is one of them.

a string of messages pops up on his lockscreen.

from han jiyeon:

it's okay if you don't reply. i just want you to know that it'll be fine. the media will leave you alone soon. take a mental break, or travel to somewhere, away from the media. perhaps it'll give you peace from all the noise. you're a strong person, park jinyoung. i believe you can get through this. you're not one to give up so easily. just look at how far you've come, the awards you received.

take your time to heal, jinyoung. we may not have been in close contact for so long, but... you listened to my problems back then. i can lend you a listening ear if you ever need one.

i hope you find happiness again, jinyoung. have a good night.

jinyoung tears up at the message. how can jiyeon be so kind to him? how is it that she knows the right things to say, the right words he needed to hear? it has been two years since their breakup, how is it that she still knows him well?

jinyoung shuts his eyes and sinks back into his bed, phone clutched to his chest. he empties his mind, pushes any thoughts away and sleeps away.

---

jiyeon held no expectations that jinyoung would reply. what is she, but a thing of the past for him? she knows this and yet, she goes out of her way to drop him a message. out of goodwill? out of worry? or out of pure concern, jiyeon doesn't know herself. jinyoung may not even read it. god, he might have even blocked her number.

which is why she was surprised when she received a message from jinyoung, asking if her address is still the same. an hour later, jinyoung appeared at her doorstep with food in hand.

and now, they're lounging at her dining table, talking as if no time has passed. as if nothing has changed. as if nothing happened between them.

"i'm glad you're feeling better," jiyeon says.

jinyoung smiles, though his eye crinkles doesn't show. "thank you, jiyeon, for listening."

"it's fine. we all need someone to listen sometimes," she reassures. "sonee must have meant a lot to you."

jinyoung blinks.

silence ensues. then--

"you must know that's not true," comes jinyoung's soft reply.

---

jinyoung didn't mean to say it out loud. but as he looks at hyejin, he needs to come clean. he has to be honest about his own self.

"no one can take your place," jinyoung admits. "sonee liked me a lot but i-- i dated her because i wanted to make you jealous."

jiyeon seems at a loss for words. she looks uncomfortable, fidgeting. but jinyoung has to say it out. he has to get it off his chest.

"but you seemed fine. you didn't seem to care if i dated another. you seem like you've moved on. so i tried to like sonee," he continues. "but i just couldn't return her feelings. it was unfair for her. i felt like i was doing something wrong. my conscience wouldn't let me go. so i had to end it before i hurt her any further."

"she knew, from the beginning, that i wasn't that interested in her. she was happy that i agreed to go out with her though she didn't understand why. she tried her best to appeal to me but we both realized that it couldn't work. in the end, we parted on good terms."

jinyoung fiddles with his fingers. he glances up, but he can't read jiyeon's expression. is she angry? does she find his words outrageous? jinyoung just can't figure out.

"why are you telling me this now?" her voice comes out soft.

why? jinyoung asks himself. he, himself, is not certain. what does he want from this? jiyeon's love? jiyeon's attention? or does he want someone to lean on, someone that can provide him comfort?

"i... don't know either," jinyoung answers with a slump in his shoulders. "i just wanted to get it off my chest. and i wanted to be honest, at least to myself."

jiyeon nods slightly, then she takes in a deep breath. "then i'll be honest too."

jinyoung's ears perk up.

---

listening to jinyoung pouring out his thoughts, jiyeon feels that it's only right for her to do the same too. it gives her the courage to express herself without fear of jinyoung's judgment nor her own feelings.

"i thought that you moved on easily," she begins. "you continued to star in many dramas, and in all your interviews, you were smiling wide as if you felt no pain. as if our break-up didn't matter to you."

"when the news broke out that you were dating sonee, i just felt..." she trails off, unsure of how to describe her emotion at the time. heartbroken? disappointed? jealousy? or was it envy that sonee receives jinyoung's attention?

"... lost," she realizes. "i felt lost because you were my anchor. even though i was the one who initiated the break-up, i thought we'd patch things up again. but you dated someone else and i felt as if i was cast aside."

"i tried to soldier on, but it breaks me every time i see pictures of you and sonee," jiyeon confesses. "but it also hurts me to see you this sad."

there's a slight pause. then jiyeon concludes, "i guess i haven't moved on from you."

---

jinyoung didn't even realize he was holding his breath at her words. is she meaning to say that-- "do you want to start over? with me?" jinyoung's tongue slips faster than his mind could stop.

jiyeon folds her arms, avoiding the actor's gaze. "i don't know..." she trails off. "i don't think it's the right time. you're still healing. i don't want you to make decisions without thinking through it."

"give it some time. i think we both need to figure out what we truly want," jiyeon adds.

jinyoung keeps mum, a little disappointment in his heart but he finds himself agreeing to that suggestion.

---

"the drama that actor park jinyoung starred in breaks the record for the highest ratings on national broadcast!"

jiyeon stares at the screen, the words from the reporter just goes over her head. she's happy for jinyoung, of course. jinyoung has regained the trust and the love of the nation after his six months long hiatus. initially, he wasn't given as many drama offers prior to the hiatus, but slowly, he worked his way up again. jiyeon is more than happy to watch the man rebuild his life.

the chimes in the cafe ring, and jiyeon turns to the direction of the door. jinyoung waltzes in, most of his face hidden by the black cap and the scarf wound around his neck. he pads over to her table and takes the opposite seat.

"sorry, i'm late," he says first, unwrapping the scarf around his neck but leaving his cap on.

jiyeon waves her hand. "it's fine. it's not easy to meet mr. top star," she jokes.

jinyoung laughs. they fall into easy conversation, the cafe not that busy yet. it's a weekday morning after all.

"so," jinyoung starts, after completing his plate of pancakes. "what is your answer?"

jiyeon has been waiting for this moment. it's nerve wracking as how she imagined it to be.

"what was your question?" she counters, a smile tugging at her lips.

jinyoung exhales. then he leans forward, face serious. "back then, i wasn't the best at prioritizing. i couldn't effectively manage my time. and because of that, you suffered. we suffered. now, i believe i'm better able to manage my life properly. so, han jiyeon, would you give me another chance? to start over what was between us?"

"yes," jiyeon replies without hesitation. "let's try again. and this time, i'll be more understanding too."

jinyoung smiles wide, the crinkles around his eyes appearing.

---

they walk in the bustling streets of seoul side by side, but never touching. jinyoung knows jiyeon is trying to keep a distance between them in public places. but he wonders how long will they be a secret from the world. as long as they hide themselves from the eyes of the world, they can never achieve total freedom to date freely in public. there'll be no way they can be like any other couple out there.

so jinyoung halts in his tracks and pulls off the scarf that has been wrapped around his neck to cover his face, along with his cap and sunglasses. people stop to stare, some of them gasping to see the top actor in the streets of seoul.

"han jiyeon!" he yells after her. she hadn't noticed that jinyoung wasn't walking with her. when she hears her name being called, she flinches and turns around hastily. her eyes go wide at the sight of the actor with his bare face shown in public. she strides forward and tries to cover him with the scarf.

"what are you doing?!" she hisses, worried for the actor's safety.

"i'm in love with you, jiyeon-ah!" he declares out loud, enough for the people around them to hear. "you were there for me when i was going through tough times! you made me who i am today, the top actor that i am today!"

"jinyoung, you can't do this in public!" she hisses again, haphazardly still trying to cover his face. 

but jinyoung's adamant on staying at that spot, on exposing his face to the world. he grabs her shoulders.

"i'm not shying away anymore! i want the world to know how much i love you, jiyeon," jinyoung confesses.

then he brings his hands to his mouth and yells at the top of his lungs, "han jiyeon! i love you!"

jiyeon just stares at him, stupefied. darting her eyes left and right, she tries to stop him, "yah, you can't just--"

"i love you, han jiyeon!!" the man screams again.

"yah!!" she steps forward, pressing her palm against his mouth.

"i know," she says softly, a fond look on her face. "i know."

the hand around jinyoung's mouth loosens and he matches her smile. then he cups her face and connects their lips, uncaring about the bystanders. if they gasp, or there's a series of snapshots being taken, jinyoung doesn't hear it. because in this moment, there's only the two of them in the world.

---

"actor park jinyoung wins the daesang in 2025 seoul drama awards!"

jiyeon swoons over how handsome jinyoung looks in a suit. his hair purposely tousled to make him look even younger. she watches on the screen as the man receives the grand prize and a bouquet of flowers. he bows politely to the audience before saying his speech.

"first and foremost, this award is for the drama staff who had worked hard to put out such a great drama that is loved by many. i'm grateful to the director who brought out the best in me and my fellow co-stars who helped me be a better actor. to my fans, thank you so much for your constant support and love. i will work harder to become a better actor who deserves this prestigious award."

then jinyoung stares right at the camera, and jiyeon feels as if he's looking right into her. her heart pounds. "finally, to my dearest wife, han jiyeon, who is at home. thank you for being there for me throughout, for comforting me whenever i feel low. thank you for being my pillar of support, for encouraging me and supporting my dreams. i love you."

jinyoung blows a kiss to the camera and jiyeon smiles wide. she repeats the same action, uttering a soft "i love you too" in the quietness of their apartment. she makes a mental note to truly kiss him later, when he gets back home. 

[creativewritingpracticestudio]

Soulmates, Sort Of (Axl Rose x Reader)[Smut]

@classydizzyflowerchick sorry for the wait🥺hope you enjoy!

Description: This takes place in 1987. You and Axl meet at a bar, and strike up a conversation. The two of you end up confiding in each other and bonding over your abusive childhoods, realizing how alike you are. Axl’s entranced, to say the least, and things quickly get sexual. The next morning, Axl has to decide: has he found a soulmate, or was this thing just a one-time connection?

Warnings: Smut, mentions of drugs and alcohol, cursing, talk of abusive childhoods(brief mentions of past physical and emotional abuse!)

Every night, it’s the same old thing.

The thought creeped into your head in the spare moments between knocking back glasses of vodka and shooting wary glances at the awkward bartender who’d been eyeing you all night. This was your fourth night in the bar in a row, and the workers had definitely noticed. There wasn’t much else to do when you had no family or friends to be with.

You raised the glass back up to your lips, eyes trained on the ceiling, and were about to order another drink when a rough, deep voice spoke from beside you. “Rum and coke, please.” You glanced up to see a tall red-haired man, about your age, leaning against the bar as he spoke to the bartender. The bartender nodded, never breaking eye contact, and walked away slowly.

The man plopped down in the chair beside you, watching the unnervingly creepy bartender walk away with a weirded-out look on his face. “Creepy asshole.” You smirked, and he realized you’d heard him. “Isn’t he? I had to double-check my drink for pills when he brought it to me.” The man laughed, and reached his hand out for a shake. “Axl Rose.” You raised an eyebrow.

“As in, Guns N Roses? Thought you looked familiar.” He nodded. “Yeah, that’s me. You a fan?” You smirked and shook your head. “Haven’t listened to music that much lately, only heard a couple of your songs. Not bad though. You got a gift for sure. So, what the hell is Axl Rose doing in a shitty local bar?” He shrugged, picking up his glass as the bartender set it in front of him.

“Quieter than other bars, I guess. What about you? Wanna tell me your name?” You smiled. “It’s (Y/n). And I come here every night. Not much else to do.” Axl nodded, taking another sip of his drink. “That’s for sure. You come here with anyone? Some of my band’s over there.” He pointed towards the game room of the bar, and sure enough, the curly haired guitarist named Slash was playing pinball with the bassist, Duff.

They were drunkenly yelling at each other as they played, Slash threatening to smash his empty vodka bottle over the other man’s head. You laughed. “They look lively. No, I’m not here with anyone. Not too many friends in my life, if I’m being honest.” Axl looked suprised. “Really? You’re awfully pretty not to have any friends. What’s wrong with you?” You almost choked on your drink, surprised at his bluntness, but laughed. “Too much, let’s just say.”

He smirked. “Fair enough. So, you come here often, I’m guessing?” You nodded. “This is my fourth night in a row.” Axl raised his eyebrows. “Alcoholic much?” You rolled your eyes. “Fuck off, I get water sometimes.” He smiled, and you couldn’t help but smile back. He was surprisingly easy to talk to. “So, you got family out here?” You winced. Sore question. “Yeah, negative. I haven’t seen my family in like 5 years. Got out of there as soon as I could, you know?”

“So you’re a runaway?” You nodded, and Axl grimaced. “So you’re just like me, then.” You raised an eyebrow. “You ran away from home?” He nodded. “Yeah. There was some shit with the cops, but it was also cuz my old man was an asshole.” You sighed. “Yeah, so was my mom.” Things went quiet for a second, and then he spoke again, softer this time. “Kinda dark to say, but looks like we got something in common.”

You laughed. “Yeah, that’s true.” Axl started to say something, but hesitated. “Do you..wanna talk about it? I don’t usually meet people like me. You don’t have to, obviously, I get it.” You were silent for a moment. You’d never really talked about it, especially not to a stranger. But then again, he’d been through the same shit. Ah, fuck it. You’d probably never see him again after this night, anyway. “Sure. My mom was a screechy-ass bitch. My dad hooked up with her and got her pregnant, and they had to have a shotgun wedding.”

You continued on. “She was always angry, always complaining about everything. She took it out on my dad all the time. One night, he couldn’t take it anymore. He just left. I was 10. That’s when she took it out on me. She’d beat me up and throw shit at me and scream about how ugly and useless and stupid I was. Eventually, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Ran away as soon as I was 18.”

Axl stared at you thoughtfully. “Same situation as me, then. My dad beat on me and my siblings a lot. Pretty sure he did some gross shit to me as a baby, too.” You glanced up in horror. “Dude, that’s awful.” He nodded. “Right? Fucked. Nice to have someone who can relate. Glad it’s a pretty girl, too. Two-in-one bonus.” You smiled. He was charming, you had to admit. Maybe a hookup wasn’t such a bad idea.

————————————————————

After another hour and another 3 drinks, the two of you had talked about basically everything. Your childhoods, your shitty parents, your goals in life, your issues. He was an insecure, anger-filled primadonna, you were a lonely, apathetic bar fly. It was an odd combination, but you felt a connection in a way. Things had also gotten steadily more tension-filled as the night went on. He had moved his body closer to yours, and every time you made eye contact there was a hint of lust.

When the conversation came to an awkward halt(his bandmates had come over to ask for more quarters for the pinball machine), you fidgeted with your skirt and stared off into space. When you glanced back at him, he was dead-staring at you. “What, Rose? See something you like?” You teased him. He nodded. “Yeah, I do. Just not quite sure how to get it yet.” A hint. You thought over what he was implying, wondering if you really were willing to hookup with a stranger from a bar. Well, he wasn’t really a stranger. You’d spoken for a while, and he was cute, and he seemed to understand you in a way no one else really did. So, you took a chance. You leaned forward, lips brushing against his, and whispered a soft reply. “Just ask.”

That was enough. He leaned forward, completing the kiss, smashing his lips against yours, one hand reaching up to cup your face. The other slid around your waist, and pulled you closer to him. After a second, you pulled away and stood up, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the back room that the employees had let you crash in before. Slash and Duff called out cheers and wolf-whistles as you passed, but he ignored them in his haste.

You threw open the door, turning on the dim lamp and closing the door behind you, revealing a room with a single bed, a tv, and a table. Axl quickly pulled you back in for another kiss, and this time you led him to the bed and pulled him down onto it with you, his body pressed against yours so tightly you could feel his bulge forming beneath him. You pushed your hips up against his, and he groaned loudly, grinding against you and deepening the kiss. “Fuck.” His lips were red and swollen.

“You sure you’re down for this?” You nodded quickly. “Hell yeah. Take those fucking pants off so I can suck your dick.” His eyes widened at your lust-filled statement, and he quickly undid his pants and threw the belt to the floor. “Don’t have to tell me twice.” You yanked his pants and his boxers down, tossed them aside, and pushed him into a seated position on the edge of the bed. His shaft was long and hard, the tip red and dripping with pre-cum.

You fell to your knees, hands reaching down to push his thighs further apart, and rubbed his tip teasingly. He hissed in pleasure and bucked his hips upwards. You pumped your hands over the shaft a couple of times, and then leaned down and took the head of his cock into your mouth, sucking it lightly as your hands continued to pleasure his shaft. He groaned loudly, throwing his head back, his ginger locks falling into his face sexily as he gripped your hair.

Axl pushed your head down further, begging you to take his whole shaft in, and you obliged, greedily slurping his precum up as you deepthroated his cock and licked at his balls. You glanced up to see his expression, and felt a wave of shock. His eyes were squeezed shut, lips parted open slightly, cheeks flushed, hair messily hanging in his face. He no longer looked like an arrogantly confident primadonna; he looked like the vulnerable 24 year old boy he was.

You felt a wave of affection, and pulled off of his cock to kiss his tip, taking it back into your mouth and suckling the head and rubbing his balls. He threaded his fingers through your hair, mumbling words of praise under his breath. “Fuck, baby, that’s so good..fuck, I’m gonna cum.” You pulled off abruptly, kissing his cock one more time, and stood up. He stared at you in confusion. “Can’t cum til you’re inside me.”

He grinned, and quickly pulled off his shirt, reaching out to grab you by the waist and pull you on top of him. He flipped over so you were beneath him, and hastily removed your shirt and bra, giving your breasts a bit of attention before his eyes wandered down to the skirt that concealed your pussy. He reached under and pulled your panties down to your ankles, but kept the skirt. “Pull it up enough that I can see that pretty little pussy, baby.”

You squirmed with pleasure at the compliment, and hastily yanked the skirt up to expose your pink, dripping pussy. Axl’s eyes lit up, and he moved down to press a kiss against your clit before pulling each of your legs over his shoulder and beginning to eat your pussy like a starving beggar. His tongue teased your clit, sucking at it as your legs tightened around his head. After a minute, your hips began bucking up against him, and you moaned loudly as you started to cum.

He pulled away at the last second, a grin on his face. “Payback, baby. Not til I’m inside you.” You flushed in irritation, but it was quickly forgotten as he began to tease your clit with the head of his cock. Axl settled above you, one hand resting on the bed beside you and the other holding his cock in place as he slowly began to push it down inside of you. You gasped at the sensation as his cock head stretched you out, and a groan left Axl’s lips as your tight, wet heat wrapped around him perfectly.

“Fuck, that’s good, baby. So tight and wet for me. God, your pussy feels amazing.” Your nails dug into his back, his body pressed tightly against yours as he slid his cock in and out of your soaking wet heat. The sound of your hips slapping together filled the room, as did his heavy breathing and your loud moans. He adjusted his position and began to thrust in from a different angle, his cock slamming against your g-spot at a rough pace. You were practically screaming in pleasure; it wouldn’t be surprising if the patrons of the bar could hear you.

Axl’s pace became sloppy, his hips stuttering and his breathing getting heavier and more erratic. Quiet, deep moans and soft words of praise began to spill from his lips as his orgasm neared; judging from the knot in your belly, so was yours. He thrust in one more time and then quickly pulled out, fingers automatically taking his place to rub and play with your clit until, with a shuddering gasp, you came hard all over his fingers.

Axl steadily jerked his fist over his cock, cumming as quick as you had with a loud groan, his head falling back as his cock painted white stripes of cum on your bare tummy. His breathing finally slowed, and he leaned down, kissing up and down your sweat-slicked neck and exhaustedly burying his face in your shoulder. “Holy fuck.” The only words he could seem to summon.

After a quiet moment where the two of you steadily came down from your highs, he carefully got up and grabbed a roll of paper towels from a cardboard box; he sat down on the bed next to your tired body, and lovingly began to clean you up. When he’d finished the job, he threw the roll aside and climbed in next to you burying his face back in your neck and wrapping his arms around your waist. The heat from his body was soothing.

“That was amazing.” He whispered softly to you. You smiled. “Yeah, it was.” Axl was quiet for another moment, and then spoke again, tentatively, as if he was worried he would upset you. “Is this a one time thing?” You thought it over. You didn’t want it to be. He was a lot sweeter than he seemed, and you were definitely more attached now that his cock had been inside you. “Do you want it to be?” “No.” It was quick, simple, honest. He meant it.

“I know we fucked and we barely know each other, but I kinda feel like there’s something here. A connection or whatever. I don’t know, I feel like this could go somewhere. But it’s fine if not. Let’s go to sleep here. If you wake up and don’t want this to be anything more, leave. If you do, stay.” You nodded. “Alright.” You could tell he was trying to sound more apathetic than he was. You brushed aside the heavy conversation and focused on your exhausted mind and his warm body. The two of you quickly drifted to sleep.

The next morning, Axl awoke to an empty bed and empty arms. His heart sank. He should have known this was a one-time deal. But then, his eyes landed on a folded-up piece of paper on the bedside table. He snatched it up and soaked in the loopy, slightly messy scrawl.

Axl-had to leave early, forgot I had work today. Last night was amazing. Call me tonight, we’ll go to a restaurant or something. xoxo, (Y/n).

Your number was at the bottom of the paper. Axl’s face broke out into a grin, and he flopped back down onto the bed, smiling up at the ceiling like a good, the memory of last night replaying in his mind. What a pair. The barfly and the primadonna. Soulmates, sort of. You had to be. That pussy was just too good to not be magic.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. “Ax? You in there? That chick you banged left like 2 hours ago.” Duff? “You and Slash are still here? It’s like 10am.” Axl could feel Duff’s grin from behind the door. “We stayed outside the door so we could hear. Chick must have some kick-ass pussy.” Slash drunkenly joined in from behind the door. “Yeah, that’s for sure. Let me have a go.” Axl groaned and pulled the covers over his head. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could go back to sleep, escaping his obnoxious bandmates and dreaming of you-and that kick-ass pussy.

[comradelup]

intertwined.

In the soft glow of Lup's bedroom, Lucretia finds herself talking more than she usually does. And Lup, she listens. What's the point of loving a woman to the point of prayer if you don't get worshiped in return?

ao3

The room is warm, in every sense of the word. The snow outside seems like it’ll never let up, so the heat’s been cranked. The lights strung around the room are shining in a sunset golden glow like fireflies. Music plays softly from a speaker on the shelf, a never-ending lo-fi radio that completes the atmosphere. It’s girls’ night, and the only two girls on the ship are hanging out.

Or… they’re doing separate things in the same room, that’s more accurate. Lup is seated on her bed, her long hair swept over her shoulder as she braids it, concentrating on her reflection in a mirror on the adjacent wall. Her back is to Lucretia, who is on the floor by the bed with a mirror of her own. She’s carefully applying makeup to her face, and she’s almost done. She tends to not wear it if she has no reason to, but Lup is insistent that there is one. She still doesn’t know what it is.

With a purse of her lips to apply the lipstick, Lucretia leans back to admire her reflection in full. It’s pretty, soft edges and cool colors. She finds herself smiling at her reflection.

Then Lup breaks the silence. “Lemme see.” She’s turned around to smile down at her like a kid at Candlenights.

Lucretia looks away from the mirror to present her face to Lup. Her smile softens and she says, “You look great, Lucy.”

Her heart flips in her chest. How can Lup just say things like that, nicknames and everything, and act as if her smile couldn’t make flowers bloom? Stars pale in comparison. Lucretia, a writer by trade, can’t conjure the words to describe the way she feels. She says, “Thanks.”

“It’s unfair, actually,” Lup says, hands pulling a hair tie around the end of her braid as she keeps studying Lucretia’s face. “You’re smart and pretty.”

Lucretia’s heart jump ropes now. “What?”

Lup chuckles. “You heard me.” With her hair done she slides over on the bed and pats the empty space. “Help me do mine.”

“Are you sure?” Lucretia asks, but she’s already gathering up the assorted products.

“Why wouldn’t I be? You’re good at it,” Lup says. She takes the stuff from Lucretia’s hands and their fingers brush momentarily. For all the flames regularly licking them, Lup’s hands are soft, incredibly so.

“Wait, lemme just… here.” Lup moves around, sweeping away brushes and pallets as she sits on her knees against the headboard. “Okay, I’m good.”

Lucretia lays out the makeup, giving herself time to think. She thinks about what look she’ll do— maybe sharp warm colors to compliment Lucretia, it certainly fits Lup— and she thinks about how she certainly won’t survive touching Lup’s face so much. The other crew members can have her things, let them use her journals for origami. They’ll see her when the next cycle begins.

Her hands move through the motions on autopilot but she hesitates right before touching Lup’s face. They’re close, knees touching. Lucretia’s vision is all Lup, Lup, Lup.

“Go ahead,” she says, voice low due to the proximity. “I don’t mind.”

So Lucretia goes, applying makeup on a face she’s trying very hard to not look at. She has to lean in a bit and tries not to think about it too much when she has to brace herself on Lup’s thighs.

After a few moments of music, Lup asks, “Are you having fun?”

“Of course I am,” Lucretia says immediately, the answer obvious. She cherishes every moment spent with Lup. Even before she developed these sappy feelings that turn her heart to a hummingbird and her legs to jelly. She likes having Lup as a friend.

“Oh. Cool,” Lup says, looking at the wall as Lucretia presses a sponge to her face. “You’re just being quiet.”

“I’m always quiet?”

Lup makes a well duh expression. “I guess I’m just used to being loud when I’m happy. I’m loud most of the time, actually.��

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Lucretia says, more of a mumble as she focuses on getting this right.

“I know. I’m trying to understand you, is all. Constant silence doesn’t really clue me in on your emotions, you know.”

Lucretia pauses, finally making eye contact with Lup. In a rare moment of vulnerability, she looks nervous. “Sorry, that was rude wasn’t it?”

“No?” Lucretia says, then again, “No.”

“No?”

“No.” Lucretia tilts Lup’s chin slightly up with her pinkie, then goes back to work. Lup looks away again, and Lucretia can breathe. “You’re not wrong. I just never thought about that. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Lup says softly, keeping her mouth from moving too much as the sponge is pressed around her mouth. “You have your ways of expressing emotion and they’re fine, just… different from mine.”

“How so?” Lucretia asks. She puts the sponge down and picks up a brush.

“Well…” She thinks of the words for a moment, eyes idly traveling the room. “I grew up around people who didn’t care much. Not Taako, we love each other, but our guardians. Aunts and uncles and stuff. Half of them didn’t want anything to do with us and the other half got annoyed. I had to get loud and obvious to get what I needed.”

Lucretia focuses on her brushing, feather-light across Lup’s cheekbones. The twins have mentioned their past before, in the rare times they’ve let their walls down. Lucretia always feels bad for them, but she knows they don’t want pity. They’re Taako and Lup, who would feel bad for two of the greatest wizards in existence? If anything, Lucretia is envious of their resilience.

“I see,” she says.

Lup makes a humming sound, the vocal equivalent of a nod. “What about you? How weird are emotions in Lucy’s head?”

Half of Lucretia’s mouth quirks up in a grin. Emotions, huh? Tricky, especially for her. “I’m an artist. The weirdest part is the result of my expression.”

“Really? I’ve only ever read your chronicles.”

“I’m not just a writer, even though that’s my passion. I paint, I draw, I make music sometimes.”

“Bragger,” Lup says, fixing Lucretia with a grin. Lucretia smiles sheepishly and shrinks away. Lup says, “Oh come on I’m only teasing.”

She pulls Lucretia towards her by the fingers, chuckling as she gets Lucretia in her face again. Lucretia lets herself be led— she’d let Lup lead her into battle, she could eradicate the Hunger with Lup looking at her like that— and she resumes her makeup application.

“Seriously though, how am I supposed to tell how you’re feeling? I don’t wanna assume you’re happy when you feel like shit.”

Lucretia shrugs. “I use art to deal with things. I don’t really have trouble with day to day emotions, but big stuff that really messes me up, I use art to get through it.” She nearly wrote a novel when she was accepted into the Institute. She paints night skies when she can’t bring herself to feel anything. She finds herself humming nowadays because she’s so head over heels for Lup.

“I should see more of your art then,” Lup says.

Lucretia nods. She’s hesitant to show people her art, it gets too personal, even if buried under metaphorical uses of colors and phrases. But… it’d be nice if Lup understood her as much as she wants to.

She puts down her brush and picks up a pencil. Eyeliner is… trickier. She has to get closer to get it right. Lup sees her fumbling and says, “It’s fine, I really don’t mind.”

Lucretia looks from the pencil to Lup’s face, uncertain. “Here,” Lup says, taking Lucretia’s wrists in her hands. She gently pulls, guiding her closer and closer, until Lucretia’s hands are placed on Lup’s shoulders.

Her hands move to Lucretia’s waist and the air is sucked out of the room. Lup guides Lucretia until she’s sitting in Lup’s lap, Lucretia’s knees straddling either side of Lup’s own.

“There, we’re all good,” Lup says with a smile. Now that’s just not fair. Lucretia’s been K.O.ed, let someone else into the ring.

Lucretia nods, one hand gently pressing against Lup’s face as the other starts to work the liner onto her lid. She goes slow, not wanting to mess up.

“Can I ask you something now?” she finds herself asking though. The curious part of her commandeered her vocal cords.

“That’s only fair.” Lup’s voice is even quieter. A combination of even closer and not wanting to mess up the pencil right near her eye.

Lucretia hesitates for a moment as if this question could pop the bubble they’ve slowly been blowing during this conversation. “Why did you have us dress up tonight?”

“Hm?”

“You said there was a reason we needed to get dressed.”

There’s silence for a moment, before, “I wanted to spend time with you.”

Lucretia pauses, pencil moving away from eyelid. “What?”

Lup keeps her eyes closed. “We don’t hang out enough. We should be closer.”

Lucretia is shocked for a moment. Lup wants to hang out with her for no reason? Like, sure, they’ve spent time together that both of them enjoyed, but there was always a reason for it. They’re teaming up for a mission, testing out spells together, doing chores. She thought this night was for a reason, maybe Lup wanted her makeup done by someone other than herself. None of the other crew members can do makeup.

But Lup wants to just be with her. Exist in the same space. It’s obvious that Lucretia felt that way, but it’s… it’s good to hear that the feeling is mutual.

“Oh. Cool,” she says, finding herself echoing Lup.

Lup smiles as Lucretia goes back to applying. She says, “It’s cool if you wanna do something else next time. I just thought this could be fun.”

Oh gods, next time. Doing this all over again sounds unreal to Lucretia. Partially because she doesn’t want this night to end.

“I’m up for anything,” she says, and she is.

“That’s good. We’ll coordinate next time,” Lup says, “I know it was weird for me to just walk up to you and ask to hang out.”

“It’s alright.” It’s more than alright.

“I just blurt out random things sometimes. I know you’re a lot different.”

That’s the understatement of the cycle. Lucretia makes sure that every word that leaves her mouth is as thought out as the words she writes. That sometimes leads to lapses of silence during a conversation as Lucretia thinks of what to say next, but the crew is used to it by now. They don’t think twice about waiting for her response.

“There’s nothing wrong with spontaneity.”

“There’s nothing wrong with strategy.”

Lucretia leans back again and Lup opens her eyes this time, smiling at Lucretia. She looks like an angel.

Lucretia kind of wants to kiss her.

…Okay, not kind of.

Lup says, “You should just say what’s on your mind sometimes.”

They don’t break eye contact. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Silence weaves between the sentences they say, letting a tense something build before each response. “Don’t think about my feelings. You don’t have to say it to me, just say it.”

“Why would I say something if I’m not talking to a person?”

“Some things just need to be said.”

Lucretia pauses. Her arms have fallen away from Lup’s face, and the pencil sits forgotten on the covers. Lup licks her lips and says, “You don’t have to practice for me, Lucy.”

Lucretia closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and opens them. “Can I kiss you?”

Lup looks surprised. “Hm?”

“I want to kiss you.”

A beat. “Then do it.”

She doesn’t need to be told twice. Her head leans forward and closes the distance between them, her hands following shortly after. Careful of the makeup, she keeps her hands to the back of Lup’s head. Her braid leaves the base of her skull bare and Lucretia cups it with her hands. She feels bone and hair and skin, such simple things to make up a person who makes Lucretia feel so complicated.

Lup kisses her back immediately, hands finding Lucretia’s thighs. She rubs her thumbs in small rainbow shapes that light her on fire. Lup is an evocationist, after all.

Lucretia hasn’t kissed anyone in a long time and can count on one hand the number of times she has kissed someone. She’s clumsy and inexperienced, but Lup isn’t. Lup, ever genius, ever gentle, ever perfect, takes the lead. Lucretia is happy to follow.

She was wrong, Lup isn’t an angel, she’s more than that. Lup is holy and Lucretia is devout.

The kiss breaks when they need to breathe, but they don’t go far. Lucretia still cradles Lup’s skull and touches their foreheads together. Lup's hands move, wrapping her arms around Lucretia’s waist. She smiles, soft, and opens her eyes to look into Lucretia’s.

“You’re amazing,” Lucretia says.

“Says you.”

“I mean it. You’re… powerful and beautiful and graceful and you… you make my life bright. You’re art incarnate, and you’re the brush it’s painted with.”

Lup looks stunned. She leans up and forward to kiss Lucretia again, though it’s much slower than before. It lingers. When she pulls back they’re not exactly eye level, Lucretia’s a little taller from being in Lup’s lap. She watches Lup think for a moment as she plans what she says.

“If I’m art then you’re poetry. You’re… intricate, you’re carefully constructed, you— fuck, Lucretia, I love reading you. You’re so different from me and I love it.”

Now it’s Lucretia’s turn to be speechless. She’s very rarely addressed with her full name, and it sounds like a prayer on Lup’s tongue. She kisses the corner of Lucretia’s mouth. “You have to appreciate yourself too, babe. You write about other people, for other people, all the godsdamn time. You’re art too. Treat yourself like it.”

Lucretia closes her eyes and sighs heavily through her nose. She doesn’t want to cry, not with a face full of makeup and effort. When she opens her eyes she notices—

“I got my lipstick on you.” Her voice is oh so soft and shaky. It’s almost completely drowned out by the long-forgotten music.

Lup smiles. “I can’t seem to care.”

Lucretia finds herself smiling too. “What about this?” She leans in and kisses Lup’s cheek, leaving a mark.

“Oh no, what ever will I do about that?” Lup says, not sounding at all bothered.

Lucretia giggles and kisses Lup again and again. Lips, forehead, nose, lips, cheeks, chin, lips. Lips, lips, lips. They have to break the make-out session, though, because they both keep giggling. Lucretia, at Lup’s lipstick-stained face, and Lup, at Lucretia’s reaction.

“You have the best laugh, babe.”

“So do you.”

“Yeah, if you like snorting.”

“Of course I do.”

They’re leaning closer, gravitational pull, about to kiss each other again. Their voices are so sappy and flirty. Lucretia loves it.

“Yeah, you would say tha—at.” Lup yawns mid-word. Lucretia giggles again at the sight. Lup has no right to be this adorable.

“Are you tired?” she asks, and Lup shakes her head as if the notion is ridiculous.

“No way, elves don’t sleep.”

“You and Taako sleep all the time.” Lucretia’s hands have migrated to Lup’s neck. She reaches a thumb up to massage under Lup’s earlobe, and she leans into the touch, eyes slipping closed. Seeing Lup so tired reminds her that she’s tired too, and a yawn escapes her too.

“Let’s get this makeup off and we can go to bed,” Lucretia says.

They do, taking the time to wipe it all off, still lazily kissing in between. After that Lucretia stays in Lup’s room, only leaving to grab a cap for her hair.

Is it… weird to share a bed with your girlfriend after just getting together? Are they even girlfriends? Sometimes people make out and it goes nowhere, is that this? She certainly doesn’t want it to be.

But those are questions for the morning. Right now, Lup is snuggling up to her, pulling the covers up to their shoulders. She buries her head in Lucretia’s shoulder, taking a deep breath in. Lucretia holds her close, running fingers through her hair as it’s falling out of its braid.

The lights stay on, the heat stays on, the music stays on. In this perfect atmosphere, with a perfect girl in her arms, Lucretia falls asleep thinking maybe she’s perfect too.

[mindingmyownbusiness]

Rescue (4/?)

Pairing - Bucky x Reader Soulmate AU Summary - You’ve always believed your soulmate was out there somewhere, Bucky not so much. What happens when he finally takes a leap of faith and reaches out to you? Warnings - some canon-typical violence in later chapters, the occasional curse word, but I promise to make up for it with loads of fluffiness Chapter Word Count - 1757 Notes - I’m hoping to post new chapters about once a week on Saturday nights so wish me luck (and any encouragement you can offer is always welcome!). Inspired by Rescue by Lauren Daigle and by a lot of the concepts in Sense8.

Series Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

His POV

Bucky Barnes had been through a lot in his life but nothing from his past seemed quite as terrifying as the silence he was experiencing at the current moment. It was as if a switch had been flipped, nothing but radio silence. A thousand thoughts were screaming at him as he paced back and forth in his room, his heart rate and panic skyrocketing. Is she okay? Is she hurt? What if someone attacked her, hurt her? Bucky didn’t know what was happening with his newly discovered soulmate and it was completely debilitating. He felt useless, helpless… he didn’t even know her name, where she was, had no way of knowing if she was hurt or worse… “This was a horrible idea, I don’t know why I ever listened to Sam in the first place.” Resisting the urge to punch the wall he slumped to the floor, head in his hands.

Your POV

What the hell just happened…? You grimaced as you moved to sit up, gingerly touching the throbbing lump on the back of your head that unfortunately was becoming more painful by the second. Leaning back carefully against the wall you closed your eyes and took some slow, deep breaths, trying to get the room to stop spinning so you could figure out why you just woke up on the floor surrounded by cocoa splatters and the broken remnants of your favorite mug. I remember taking the brownies out, fixing my drink, looking out the window and talking to my soulmate like I always do, and then… It was like time stopped as your eyes flew open and you remembered hearing words that clearly weren’t yours. Did he…? Was that really…? N-no way… could it be? Or did I finally completely lose it and project my desires so hard I passed out…? You pressed trembling fingers to your lips as you silently prayed that it wasn’t all in your head and then you listened, reaching out with your whole being for that connection you’d dreamed of your whole life. Please be there, please be there… You held your breath, your heart feeling as if it would burst any moment. 

Later you’d swear that you felt him before you heard him, that pull, that connection deep within, giving you the tiniest moment to prepare before you finally heard his voice growing stronger and clearer with each word he spoke. 

“--rible idea, I don’t know why I ever listened to Sam in the first place.” You exhaled with a soft laugh, overcome with joy and emotion and literally blurted out before you could stop yourself--

“Who’s Sam?”

His POV

Bucky’s head snapped up. “You’re alive?!”

Your laugh was like music to his ears. “Sure feels like I am, got a bit of a bump on my head though… and my favorite mug is toast.” He could hear the twinge of sadness in your voice and immediately felt the strange need to fix it.

“That explains the sound that scared me half to death...”

“You shoulda been here to see me keel over, now that would’ve been something.” There you go giggling again, he was quickly becoming addicted to that sound.

As your laughter faded away the silence descended again. One beat, two beats, three-- “So…” you both started and then immediately chuckled in individually adorable, awkward ways.

“It’s really you? M-my um, soulmate?” He could hear the cautious hope in your tone.

“Yeah, looks like it is.” He hoped he didn’t sound as nervous as he felt. 

“This should feel weird, right? But somehow it doesn’t, and that should be weird, right? Sorry for rambling I-I just can’t believe it’s really you...”

“It’s alright, I just found out today that soulmates were a real thing so I’m still trying to decide whether or not I'm hallucinating all this.” 

“Same here, but mostly because I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment.” The longing in your voice was unmistakable.

“Oh,” he deflated a bit, suddenly worried that he’d ruined things before they’d even started. “I-I’m so sorry…”

“Oh no, don’t be sorry okay? We’ve found each other now a-and that’s all that matters.” He sighed in relief, the tone of your voice instantly putting him at ease. He was feeling more and more thankful for.. for..  He groaned, facepalming as he realized his mistake. Nice move idiot, he thought as he cursed himself internally.

“What’s wrong?” Your worried voice pulled him from his thoughts.

“I just realized I don’t even know your name,” he said apologetically.

“Oh, It’s um, it’s (Y/N).” Wow you really can hear when someone is smiling, he realized.

“(Y/N)... that’s a beautiful name. I’m James, but everyone calls me Bucky.”

“Bucky hmm? Can’t wait to hear the story behind that nickname.”

“Not much to tell, it’s just a play on my middle name.”

“Well, I still look forward to hearing all about it. So, soulmate James slash Bucky, how much do you know about what we are, about soulmates?”

“Not much actually, not sure what’s fact or fiction since my only sources are my roommate who doesn’t have a soulmate yet and the cesspool that is the internet.”

“Well consider me something of an expert, my parents were actually soulmates and they told me all about it. What questions do you have?”

He thought for a moment. “Is it true that we could see each other, if we wanted?”

He could hear you hum thoughtfully. “Yes, ‘if we wanted’ being the key bit there, consent is absolutely essential.”

“My roommate, that’s Sam by the way, said that since I was seeing and hearing you in my dreams that you must have been pretty open about connecting with me, is that true?”

“Dreaming about me already, huh?” He couldn’t help but smile at the affection in your voice. “Well Sam is right, I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be ready for my soulmate whenever my soulmate was ready for me. It seemed like a natural first step.” 

He pictured you in his mind’s eye, the girl literally of his dreams. You were probably dying to know what he looked like as well. Bucky suddenly worried about all the things that made him a very complicated soulmate. His past, his age, his current occupation, his arm… his thoughts quickly spiraling out of control.

“Bucky? A-are you okay? You’re awfully quiet...”

“Y-yeah I just… I’m not sure I’m ready to show you what I look like yet.” He knew his voice sounded strained but he couldn’t help it.

“It’s okay, if you’re worried that I won’t like the way you look or something you don’t have to, worry that is. The soulmate bond goes so much deeper than the physical, we are literally made for each other, it’s gonna be okay.”

“I just… I think I’m gonna need some time to process all this, to get comfortable with it. Is.. is that okay?” He hated sounding so vulnerable.

“Hey of course it’s okay Bucky, you’re not gonna hurt my feelings. I’ve waited my whole life to find you, just knowing you are really there is the most wonderful thing that’s happened to me in, well, ever! I love being able to finally talk to you and the rest, well the rest will happen when the time is right. I’m not going anywhere.”

Yet again everything about your voice eased his anxiety and he felt himself relax. “Thank you doll, that means a lot.” 

He heard your tiny sharp intake of breath, then your timid whisper, “Oh, I like that.”

He was momentarily confused until he realized what he said. “Like what? Being called ‘doll’?”

“Yeahhhhh..” You sounded a bit flustered, something that interestingly enough gave him a small sense of pride.

“Are you--- are you blushing right now?” He knew he was being cheeky but gosh he was loving it.

“Mayyyyybe?” You were definitely flustered and Bucky was hooked.

“Now that I look forward to seeing.” He was legitimately grinning at this point. 

You gasped, “Who knew my soulmate would be such a charmer? Bet that works on all the girls where you’re from.”

“Nah, not any other girls, not for a long time anyway.” The sound of Bucky’s phone alerting him to a text pulled his attention away. “Shoot I gotta go… I’m late to meet up with Sam. Um, so how exactly do I contact you again?”

“Well, if everything works the way it’s supposed to, all you have to do is listen for my voice. This sounds nuts but I actually talk to you all the time, like an embarrassing amount, about the most mundane things. You just don’t hear it all the time because you aren’t tuned into me.”

“So I just need to ‘tune out’ when we are done and then ‘tune in’ when I wanna talk to you? That seems too easy.” He couldn’t help but sound skeptical, but then again he’d learned a lot of impossible things in his long lifetime.

“Yep, and it’ll probably get easier as time goes on honestly.” You paused before continuing, your voice thick with emotion. “I-I'm so glad we finally met, Bucky.”

“I am too (Y/N), I really am.”  He wished he could be there to wipe the tears he knew were falling down your face. “It’s not goodbye, never goodbye, okay? We’ll be talking again before you know it.” 

“I know,” you were audibly sniffling at this point. “It’s mostly happy tears, I swear. Just.. j-just promise me that you won’t disappear on me? That you’ll be back?”

Now it was Bucky’s turn to fight back tears. “I promise, we’ll talk again, real soon.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that mister.” He could hear your happy leaking through your words.

“That’s my girl.” He smiled, picturing your face. “Later, Doll.”

“Talk to you soon, Bucky.” 

And just like that he felt the connection end, but not sever though. There was still this feeling, a pull that didn’t go away when their conversation ended. He put his hand over his heart, closing his eyes and taking a moment to embrace the feeling, knowing somehow that somewhere out there you were doing the same thing. 

Another incoming text from Sam had him scrambling for the door. He was definitely in for a Captain America sized lecture for his lateness and undoubtedly a giant Sam sized ‘I TOLD YOU SO’ when he explained exactly what or rather who had made him so late.

Part 5

[asbcblog]

TOP SONGS OF 2020 WRITE UP!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6WDeuRMOV8neAhU2zd193d?si=lZ9gDIp0TsCCEOeCS7_QGw

1. I remember everything - John Prine

I was going to write an incredibly earnest and long review of this song that outlined just how much John Prine meant to me. I can’t really do it and I think this song probably says enough alone. With only a few chords he always manages to express all the little things that make love what it is, all different kinds of love. Long lasting, short moments, love with places, sounds, going places and staying home, endless family ties, and the often fragile but in the end tenable love between all human beings in the face of catastrophe. The pandemic stole a lot of things from a lot of people this year, including John Prine, but he will remain one of the greatest songwriters of all time and his songs will live on forever.

2. Dream Palette - Yves Tumor

I can’t drive but let’s pretend I’m driving, I’m in LA and it’s night time or something, my elbow’s out the window, don’t know why I’m wearing sunglasses, this song comes on the radio, I’m the coolest person alive.

3. Boylife in EU- Yung Lean

Not to repeat my review of Garden but when the chorus comes I feel like I’m on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and im screaming but this time its because of a no-deal Brexit.

4. Garden- Joseph Futak

My review was already used as part of Joe’s promo campaign and it said: “feel like im on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and I’m screaming when the drums come in x x”

5. Circle the Drain- Soccer Mommy

I like this song because I too, am often alone in my room, and I have also become obsessed with subtle breakbeats to an extent where people around me have become very bored of the subject.

6. The Brothers William Said- The Innocence Mission

I listened to this song over and over when I was travelling round London in January just after my birthday, it felt like I’d been listening to it for years, like it was in a movie I’d forgotten. It felt at the time like I was saying a lot of goodbyes, recognising that things weren’t really like they used to be.

7. On the Floor- Perfume Genius

Say it with me ladies: I CROSS OUT HIS NAME ON THE PAGE!!!!

8. Shameika- Fiona Apple

She may not believe it but I bet Fiona Apple looked tough with a riding crop.

9. Song for Our Daughter- Laura Marling

Everything about this is fantastic, mellow and bright at the same time. Every part is brought forward individually and no part of this song gets left behind. A stunning vocal from Laura Marling and purposeful lyrics set to a cinematically emotive instrumental. Pure magic as always.

10. Building site outside- Piglet

Not going to lie, I was in a very vulnerable emotional state when I listened to this song for the first time, but I think that makes it no less powerful and just, sad. The lyric ‘she smiled at me so much last time’ is just so simple and devastating that you forget this would’ve been on every indie film soundtrack from 2000-2008 if Piglet was an industry plant.  

11. I wonder- Shamir

One word: EPIC

12. Crimson Tide- Destroyer

Listened to this every time I came on my period this year.

13. In the Dining Room - Joe Pera talks with you

Adam showed me Joe Pera when I really felt incredibly sad at the very beginning of this year. It’s a show that’s made me feel good, no matter the circumstances. This moment in the show made me smile, and I love hearing Gene come in a bit too early.

14. Stupid Love- Lady Gaga

Shakin my little booty in the kitchen to this x

15. Might bang, might not- Little Simz

Livid we didn’t all get to go to End of the Road and see all the hot dad’s loving Little Simz.

16. Fire- Waxahatchee

A truly insane vocal. I listened to this song on my way to work almost every day from September to December and fantasised singing back up at some kind of outdoor gig in the summer and it made everything significantly less bleak.

17. Hannah Sun- Lomelda

This song is too nice and genuine for me to say anything other than, “really lovely song :)”.

18. Scroll of Sorrow- Machine Girl, guayaba

Listened to this a lot this year while sitting on my kitchen floor staring into an empty oven, wondering if I was ever going to go to a party again.

19. Build a nest- Jeff and Ruby Parker

Have put this on in the flat because the guitar solo reminds me of everything my dad listens to at home. A really great piece of music that kicks off a really exciting album.

20. Kiss me thru the phone- That Kid

Ned said yesterday that he thought it was funny how much the original of this song is so foundational to hyper pop and I agree. Also I’ve started saying ‘Bitch’ like That Kid does every time I stub my toe.

21. Cuckoo- Sam Amidon

I am punting down a creek, looking in the branches that hang over the water for the bird that shall lead me to my next clue.

22. Places/ Plans- Skullcrusher

Used this song to comfort myself in moments where I also just don’t understand why I’m not famous.

23. Sweetjoy- Jam City

Finally….. HAIM for dudes.

24. Clean Living- Slow Weather

I saw someone listening to this on the side of my Spotify so I decided to give it a go and it was a fantastic decision. It’s mental that half of this song is an outro.

25. Summer All Over- Blake Mills

Along with the music video visuals and the dampened piano tone, this wins the competition for least summer-y song with the actual word summer in the title.

26. Ready Cheeky Pretty- CHAI

All of my joy this year has been brought to me by CHAI. I have nothing negative to say about CHAI. If you have anything negative to say about CHAI you’re gonna have to go through me.

27. Diaphanous- Land of Talk

This band was recommended to me by a guy I was trying to flirt with at rough trade east but everything closed before I could impress him by saying ‘I think they’re really cool’.

28. Anything - Adrianne Lenker

Anyone who has ever attempted to write a song with me knows how much I simply love rhyming. Seriously though, every thing rhymes, brilliant stuff. (It’s also such a brilliantly full and constant song that still manages to move and remain exciting from start to finish. I imagine this is partially due to Adrianne Lenker’s almost nursery rhyme- esque structure and also due to her beautifully colloquial approach to family dynamics.)

29. Blow- Dj Gigola, Kev Koko

This song makes me wish I was Jason Bourne- just wanna jump really far while something explodes behind me.

30. Money Can’t Buy- Yaeji, Nappy Nina 

‘Well I’ll buy some Yaeji tickets, they’re for NOVEMBER, there’s NO WAY they’re gonna get cancelled’.

31. Only the Truth- Johanna Warren

When I first listened to this song I felt like I was floating in the ocean looking up at the stars as the drums came in on ‘what more can I do’. An incredibly beautiful and careful song.

32. Gasoline- Haim

2020 could probably be summarised with the phrase ‘WHY AM I NO LONGER IN CALIFORNIA? WHY DID I LEAVE CALIFORNIA?’ And this song is the 3 minutes 13 seconds seconds of escapism I needed to not topple into a full spiral.

33. Mapuu - Ic3peak

No one can convince me that Ic3peak are real people. They are a collective made up of child ghosts.

34. Don’t Worry- Bladee

Whenever I have an anxiety attack in the night I wake up and see Bladee’s ghost of the future over my bed, he says ‘Don’t worry’ and mumbles for a bit as I fall back into a peaceful sleep.

35. The biggest tits in history- The magnetic fields

The most relatable magnetic fields song imo.  

36. Sand Castle- nijuu

Yujin is a genius and my answer is yes, I do want to just walk for a while.

37. Curl Up- Darren Hayman

Ned reminded me how much I used to love Darren Hayman, and both of them have been a pretty big part of my year.

38. When Will Death Come- Sarah Mary Chadwick

‘Wow, mental voice’ - Ned, while doing the washing up.

39. Dear Dad - Sylvie Wiley

‘But I didn’t cry, you’d be proud’ Sylvie, I’m weeping forever.

40. 34+35- Ariana Grande

Hehehehehehehehehe

41. Garden Song- Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is a pretty unparalleled lyricist and this song feels like a disconnected series of thoughts that somehow all make sense together and come to create something that doesn’t build, but all just kind of sits? What I’m trying to say is that I don’t really know what she’s talking about but like, I get it.

42. Ringtone (remix) - 100 gecs, Charli xcx, Kero Kero Bonito, Rico Nasty, 

I love the way it sounds like everyone got just one take and had to improvise all the lyrics but it still bangs.

43. Changer- Andy Shauf

Thank you lord for another album about a smaller than average man overthinking all of his social interactions with lots of lovely clarinet parts.

44. What’s your pleasure - Jessie Ware

My pleasure jessie? Probably just sitting by the fire with a tough crossword and a glass of merlot x

45. Slime- Shygirl

Shygirl’s series of singles this year made me even more livid that I had to take out my eyebrow piercing for my new job this year.

46. Sears Tower- Salem

Perfect halloween release.

47. Title track- happyness

Ned turned to me and said: ‘so is their new thing that they sound like Elliot Smith’ and I said: ‘and that’s a bad thing?’

48. Cross-sound ferry (walk on ticket) - Hamilton Leithauser

Have found unbelievable joy in chopping veg and shouting GREEEEEEEN PORT, NEEEEEEWWWW YOOORK alone in my kitchen.

49. Lowswimmer- Hailaker

I’ve loved hearing Jemima’s voice when I haven’t got to see her much this year. I normally take the piss out of the Hambledon line but I haven’t seen that this year really either. I guess we find sentimentality in strange places.

50. XS - Rina Sawayama

This song made me feel very decadent on those days where I didn’t wash.

51. Emily- Clem Snide

Let’s be more kind and brave in the face of it all.

52. Building a fire- Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy

P.O.V you’re doing bushcraft in the garden with your husband Bonnie Prince Billy and he’s here to protect you.

53. Asexual Wellbeing- Okay Kaya

This song absolutely bangs but I am truly bewildered by the way they singled out the line ‘if they could put a pulse into a spinach leaf, can they turn the two of us into a tree?’ in the production as if that was a true piece of genius. As I say great tune tho.

54. Anthems- Charli xcx

The soundtrack to couch to 5k

55. Never Better- Kitty Fitz

A SE London queen bringing us huge pop tunes in 2020. So so excited to see what 2021 brings us from Kitty, she’s gonna be a real force!

56. Deep in Love- Bonny Light Horsemen

This is such a delightful song which (mainly due to the time I actually got around to listening to the whole record) for me really rang in the spring. A beautifully recorded testament to the feeling of love getting stronger meaning you have a lot more to lose.

57. Malibu- Kim Petras

My song of the summer, made me feel like I was at the beach when really I was in Lewisham.

58. Like I’m Winning it- Girlpool

I’m so delighted that the turn girlpool have made this year is towards dramatic goth music with breakbeats. Their voices both sound amazing and they look simply incredible.

59. Azad- Frazey Ford

I have no idea what she’s saying as always but I love it.

60. Helio- Charlotte Dos Santos

I’m literally so excited for what Charlotte Dos Santos is gonna put out next. The production is fantastic and her aesthetics are flawless.

61. Lost in the Country- Trace Mountains

‘I checked my email twice as I cried’. Safe to say we’ve all been there this year amirite girlies x

62. Unfold You- Rostam

I hated this at first, I thought, what’s this lo-fi beats to study to shit, but it’s now my classic ‘I’m just gonna pop to the shops, anyone want anything? x’ song. Huge.

63. Oh Yeah- A.G cook

One of 2020s realisations is that me and A.G Cook kind of look like we could be cousins.

64. Can’t cool me down- Car Seat Headrest

I would like to personally thank will Toledo for giving me a tune that got me off my ass when I was too warm to do exercise this summer.

65. Take back the radio- Katy J Paerson

In love with Katy J Pearson’s voice and the way this song builds. Just pretty flawless and feel good in my opinion. I think she’s such an exciting new artist who’s gonna be around for a very very long time.

66. Good Woman- The Staves

‘I’m a good woman’… speak for yourselves.

67. A Little Love- Jack Francis

Feel like I’ve been singing this song for about 5 years! It’s amazing and I’m so excited about what Jack’s going to bring out in 2021, he’s a genius and also the nicest man on the planet.

68. Lullaby No.4 - Snailbeach

This song makes me feel like I’m being hypnotised on a haunted carousel in a very relaxing way.

69. Boyfriend in every city- Roma Radz

Sucks that she can’t see any of her boyfriends cos of covid :(

70. Jaja ding dong- Will Ferrell

Get back in there and play Jaja Ding Dong !!!!

71. Highway- Jonatan leandoer96

Man, would be pretty sick to have 20 boys outside the club but alas the clubs are dead and I’ve only regularly texted about 4 people this year.

72. De nadie- Kali Uchis

Felt v sexy listening to this for the first time in a Morley’s in Honor Oak.

73. Weird Fishes- Lianne La Havas

This album was a pretty triumphant return for Lianna La Havas and me teenage self simply couldn’t be happier.

74. Micro Creature- Aya Gloomy

Love that despite everything about this song telling me otherwise, that the artwork for this single looks like Aya Gloomy is just chilling in the fields by my family home in Hampshire.

75. Si Ella Sale- Bad Bunny

Better get on the duolingo now if I’m gonna know what this guy’s saying at Porto next year.

76. Through my sails- Mountain Man

Truly gentle reimagining of an already incredibly beautiful song, mountain man make every word seem new!

77.Christmas Day (get me outta this funk) - Baggio and Blue 5 Years- Bath days

In joint 77th place are two banging Christmas songs that have soundtracked a pretty bleak Christmas period and have made me feel pretty joyous in their ways, despite one literally being called Blue Five Years.

[steveusesfaberge]

Sunsets Back Home (pt. i)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader

Summary: Billy longs to see a California sunset again, he misses the way the sun kisses the rim of the ocean; how the wind carries salt...how the sand feels. He doesn’t think it can ever be the same now that he’s stuck in the middle of Indiana... But...it seems in his dark days, he’s forgotten that despite where you are...the sun always sets the same. A few hours talking with little miss Y/N and he can’t help but give in to a ridiculous arrangement...too bad she can’t make it happen....or can she?

Type/Style: Imagine, female pronouns

Warning(s): None really...a bit of angst (it’s Billy, c’mon now..)...lots of fluff...and...a hopeful promise to be fulfilled!

Word Count: 7k

a/n: I thought of this on a whim!~ I decided that Hargrove needed a lil’ more love because that boy is....so much more than what people cookie-cut him to be <3 (sorry it’s a bit long, got carrrieddddd awayyyy...<3)

Also...that wink in that gif...hadddd meee weakkkkkkkkk -- WEAK; I say!

Please send requests! I’m excited to write for you all! I have many stories coming out soon, as I’ve got burs/ideas of them written out and ready to be flushed out and made reality! Can’t wait! I wish there was more time in the day..what can ya do? What can you do...<3

Part 1 (you are here) - Part 2 - Part 3

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Most wouldn’t think it, but he liked sunsets. Yes - the Billy Hargrove - enjoyed witnessing the sight of what most would consider; sentimental and considerate. The dance of light finally meeting its downfall finding solace in the horizon and touch of land as a welcoming embrace. Yes, Billy enjoyed them. If you spoke anything about it though - you’d surely never be able to speak again - he’d make sure of it...(that classic Hargrove style of his).

Back in California, he’d drive down the winding roads linning the coast; to one of the many piers, or find a nice, withdrawn, abandoned stretch of beach and watch the sun dip into the water; simmering with the last lights of day. The smell of the ocean, the feeling of sand underfoot, the sounds of tranquility, and the sight of such a beautiful phenomenon...how could one not love it?

He found himself at peace when watching the great ball of flames and gases have its own tragedy - reminding him that everyone and everything has its own weaknesses; its own flaws. Reminding him that even with those flaws, the sun is still able to rise once again - banishing the darkness of night to the corners of the world. An endless, honorable cycle.

 He knew that even if his father’s heart was made of what the sun chased away - Billy could still wake up each morning and go on living. Sitting in his bedroom, staring at the ceiling, his mind wandered back to The Golden State.

He had a cigarette hung loosely from the corner of his mouth, one hand on his chest, the other jaded off the side of his bed. He was in a plain, white tank top, accompanied by denim jeans hanging shyly off his hips. His door was shut and there wasn’t anything he wanted to do on this early evening besides brood in his own thoughts and emotions.

Hawkins, Indiana was nothing like California...nothing like it. They didn’t have beaches - not the kind Billy was looking for (lakesides didn’t count, they didn’t carry the same grand-gestures or even the vast mileage of just...ocean). It was drab, cold, and shit always seemed to be lurking around every damn turn. Hawkins didn’t have the same style as Cali either - with its energy, the air of freedom... Here, Billy felt trapped. Suffocated. Alone. Nothing. He felt nothing here.

They say home is where the heart is, but Billy forgot long ago what such a phrase meant. Throughout his years, he found that if you gave away such a vulnerability, you’d only end up stabbing yourself in the back. People were not to be trusted, because they were snakes who had venom dripping down their fingertips, hiding in the grasses ready to strike a weak heart down without a second thought. A handshake was a deathwish, and a smile was worse.

Home is where the heart is - to Billy this meant: you cannot trust anyone, because if home is where the heart is - your heart is in your own goddamn chest -- and who else better to trust than yourself? Yes. That was the motto of a lifetime.

And Hawkins...Hawkins...was not home, to begin with. There was nothing to keep him here (besides...begrudgingly...Max, he knew he wasn’t always kind to her, but...he needed her to learn to never rely on someone else, because it would only end up in tears and disappointment. If she knew how to keep herself guarded and hold a level mind...he’d say success to his job as an older brother). He’d always felt alone, even back home...but...now? Billy had nowhere to go. Nowhere at all. Home being miles away from...here.

There wasn’t a California sunset waiting for him at the end of the road; just some crappy gas station adjacent to downtown Hawkins. At the end of the paved road, all Billy could see was his own violence, longing, frustration...he figured driving slowly would only prolong those feelings within him. So he drove fast. Always, always driving fast. If it was all a blur around him, maybe he’d forget who he was and where he was...

Because God...all he wanted was to be found...maybe if he drove fast enough, wished hard enough...someone would see him. The pitiful man he’d become - and they’d see he needed someone...anyone...just...a hand to hold, a heart to love, and a mind to cherish.

And as they say; (though Billy thinks they say a lot of things...can’t they shut the hell up and mind their own goddamn business?) there is more to life than simply increasing in speed. Billy hoped someone would stop him one day. Ask him why he was driving so recklessly...he’d only ask them a question in return. Did I lose the road yet? If they told him no; he’d sigh. I guess I’ll have to be faster then.

Knock, knock, knock.

It came in threes, followed by a soft, even tone. “Billy...can you take me to El’s house?” Max’s voice was heard from behind the door, only muffled to a slight distortion. He rolled his eyes; he wasn’t doing anything - but...the silence of collecting his own mind was more than enough to be doing for an entire decade. It would keep anyone busy if they decided to take a look in that head of his.

“Yeah, yeah - whatever. Just be ready by the time I’m out the door or your ass can walk for all I care.” He heard a soft okay and her gentle footsteps were gone. He wondered briefly if Max too felt alone - but...the images of her smiling and laughing with her friends...that...that was all the family she needed, besides she had Susan (his step-mother) as well, it wasn't like she was completely on her own...He was there too... Billy wiped a troubled simper from his lips, throwing the butt of his joint out the window.

He slid his boots on, grabbed his car keys, and slung his leather jacket over his left shoulder. “C’mon, Max!” He yelled down the hall while tapping his sunglasses down.

The drive was quiet. It always was. Maybe it was because Maxine couldn’t ever speak above the music Billy played, or maybe she just didn’t have anything in particular to say; not to him anyway. He didn’t mind. Her presence was enough.

He slammed on the breaks, and out of the corner of his eyes, catching the redhead brace herself readily (she’d been in a car with him enough times that his driving was more than normal). He watched her climb out, carrying a small bag with her. He raised an eyebrow in question, fingers rapping the steering wheel.

“She asked if I could sleepover,” Max explained while holding a hand up to close the passenger door. He gave a curt nod. “Call me--,” “Yeah, yeah, I know...if I need something or whatever.” He wondered if Max thought he said that out of mockery and habit. Billy meant it...despite how he may sling it, as much as he’d hate to admit it - he’d be back here in less than six minutes if she asked...

He watched her knock on the door, and expecting to see the sheriff - he was greeted with a face he’d never seen before. Leaning forward in his seat, he tilted his head in slight curiosity, not really caring if it was odd he was still parked outside.

His window was open, and their conversation flowed through with ease. He even turned down the radio a few notches; to make sure he didn’t miss a single note.

“Hey, Max! You here for El?” the y/c/h haired girl chipped, holding the door open.

“Yeah! Are you babysitting tonight?” Mayfield asked hopefully.

“Yup, Hop asked me to -- he’s got a late shift at the station, I think,” the young woman explained.

Billy wasn’t quite sure who this was, but he could tell Max was well acquainted. She looked roughly his age - she’d probably gone to Hawkins High without him even noticing; Hargrove rarely ever forgot a pretty face - especially if it had been hers (names, sure - but he remembered their face at least)...he’d have known if they’d met before.

She had y/l/h y/c/h hair, and from what he could make out - y/c/e eyes that seemed excited to see his little sister. He wondered who this babysitter was. So, instead of leaving right away, as he usually did - he killed the engine, the music freezing abruptly - both heads turning just as Max was entering the house.

“Does uh, your brother need something?” Y/N asked while tilting her head, looking down at the younger female.

“Beats me, he never really sticks around this long,” Max didn’t waste much breath on it - not really caring what Billy wanted. Disappearing into the cabin a second later, calling for El.

The y/e/c-eyed girl stepped outside, closing the door behind her with a soft click. “Hey! It’s Billy, right?” She greeted kindly while walking to meet him at the front porch’s steps. Of course, she knew who he was...No one knew his name without his face to match (not a face like his anyway...and certainly not a name like his). 

Sure, she’d seen him a few times when dropping Max off - or picking her up. A few more times around the halls at school, and at the basketball games (almost all of them to be truthful)...and once at the pool (deciding to hide instead of being caught by the particular lifeguard).

“Glad you know the name, do I get the pleasure of yours?” Y/N was taken back by his wave of...charm and confidence. She’d seen him around school, philandering up a storm; walking like he owned the place...but...that didn’t matter anymore, because they were both graduated. There shouldn’t be a single title to his name; other than Billy Hargrove. No, Billy The New King, or Boy Toy Billy, or even The Billy Hargrove...as of now - he was just Billy Hargrove...the kid dropping off Max for a sleepover.

“Y/N, Y/N L/N,” she offered, leaning against one of the support pillars holding up the roof over the porch.

“L/N? By chance, you have a--,” “Brother? Yeah, he used to play basketball with you for the school.” Y/N filled in for him. She wondered if he had ever realized that she’d been to all their games, had seen Billy play, and how much of a commotion he made when he got fouled...(she’d laugh about it on the car ride home, her brother only rolling his eyes telling her that if Hargrove ever found out you make fun of him - he’d have your neck).

Billy had no knowledge of this, he didn’t think L/N had a sibling - let alone a sister as attractive as the girl before him. How come he’d never heard him talk about her? Not even a hint of lockerroom talk from any of the other boys either...

“Who knew little Davy was hiding you at home,” he chuckled while lifting one foot to rest on the second step of the porch. Leaning back on his grounded leg, hands in his jacket pockets. He looked like a god on earth and Y/N could understand why David told her to stay away from him. All he cares about is alcohol, sex, and his own skin, Y/N/N -- don’t even think about bringing him home. She’d never believed all of it - well, some of it...from first-hand experiences of watching him have girls fall to their knees with just a wink... Nonetheless, Y/N liked to judge a character for herself - which was why she got along with the party so well -- she lives next door to Henderson for Christ’s sake! She can smell the geek on him...(not that Y/N cared, she’d often go to his house and just hang out with the kid - seeing as he was an only child, and his darling mother worked most of the time. Y/N was an avid babysitter for him - a good friend of Harrington’s at that; which explained why Dustin had a hard time deciding who was his favorite sitter; he told Steve it was him...but...he was really only protecting the brunette’s, dainty heart).

“Ha, well -- little Davy -- is literally, the most overprotective guy, you’ll ever meet,” she explained with a shake of her head and a good-natured sigh. The number of boys David had run off “for” her...He wasn’t any good! He was looking at your ass! I just don’t like him! He was acting out of line... If he saw Y/N now - talking to Billy Hargrove, the catch of them all...he’d have had a heart attack for sure.

Billy only nodded, he understood why. The same reason that he cared for Max in his own way...what did they call it? -- Brotherly love. 

He fancied the way Y/N could pull off a solid grey T-shirt like she was wearing Ralph Lauren - preparing to walk the runway. He liked her casual air...a lot.

“Well, seeing as you’re still here - is there something you need?” Y/N asked while trying to steer the attention away from herself and back to the topic of babysitting El and Max (she had a strange feeling that Hargrove didn’t just come here to make sure his little sister went to bed on time).

“Just wanted to see who’d be watching Max for me,” he shrugged earnestly. He ran a hand along his chin and the dirty-blond pushed back a few curls from his view. “Glad to see she’d be in good hands.”

The conversation carried on longer than Y/N and Billy both thought it would, he ended up coming inside when it got dark.

He was sitting at the small kitchen table, the distance so short, if he reached out his hand, Billy could grab Y/N’s. The girls were in El’s room - intimations of laughter would bubble up every now and then, allowing for both Billy and Y/N to breathe easy that both were okay and not doing anything troublesome (so they assumed).

“So, you just expect me to believe...that?” she snorted while shaking her head, using her hands as if to push away the thought and the words he’d spoken, back to where they’d come from.

Billy was leaning in his chair -- slouched -- having one arm resting on the tabletop, the other hung over the back of his seat. He shared a smile with her (and damn did he have a nice smile...whether it was fake or not, Y/N found herself staring for a second too long. Even with the sneaky wink he’d shoot her when he noticed her gaze - she still felt that Billy was being...genuine), while lightly drumming his fingers on the table. His left leg was bouncing up and down...up and down...Billy was clearly the jittery, go-go-go type.

“I’m for real! She didn’t even realize she’d left without them!” He chimed, noting the way Y/N’s y/c/h hair was held back messily with a polka-dotted scrunchie; thinking it was kinda cute how she held such a childish essence.

“But...they were her underwear!” Y/N sputtered, lowering her voice as she spoke, pulling a hand to her lips in obvious disbelief.

Billy shrugged, running his tongue over his bottom lip. “What can I say? One night with me and you’ll forget your own damn name, sweetheart.” Oh, he was smooth...

Y/N had so far taken him as a flirty guy - but she’d also noticed he’d listen when she spoke. He’d give her all his attention, and it washed her in a sense of simple understanding. He’d not be a step out of line when not necessary, and he hadn’t raised his voice once (like he was oh-so infamous for).

 Yet, Y/N was reminded by the small voice in her head, that he had almost killed Steve and Lucas only last year...and she recalled the multitude of fights and parties Billy’d pick and crash; sleeping with anything with legs and a pretty face...remembering the distaste the majority of the party held for him (she’d even comforted Max once when she was frustrated with the said boy, claiming that he was just the worst to live with - so moody, so cold, and hateful of everything).

It shocked her honestly, to see Billy act so...normal. It kept her on edge, curious to see if this was just a facade or his charm acting up - assuming those old habits would die hard with him.

“What’re they doing out there?” Max questioned while pressing her ear to the door. She’d heard laughing and talking, and when she and El realized Y/N had invited Billy in - and he’d accepted it...both were left suspicious and confused. Max had expected Billy to burn rubber as he left, the second she got out of the car, heck, he’d have done it with her half-way in. So, she was more than astonished to see he’d come in the damn house.

They were both pressed to the door, trying to understand why Billy was being so...weird. “He better not try anything with her,” Max grumbled while listening to her brother’s hearty chuckles - narrowing her eyes at the sound. Max couldn’t tell if he were being serious or not, his charm held such a captivating lure...no one was safe.

“Maybe he likes her.” Eleven’s honesty had always shocked Max and the gang. She always spoke her mind, and always had something to say with such heart and interest (of course, she knew that El wasn’t the most versed in speaking, but she could speak well enough by now).

“Maybe...,” Max offered lightly, her eyes dodging to the girl,” But Billy doesn’t like girls - he doesn’t like people, for that matter! Not like that anyway,” The redhead explained, only partially listening to the conversation held between the two eighteen-year-olds about Billy’s job as a lifeguard. She was too fixed on but Billy Hargrove hates getting to know people...Billy Hargrove hates small talk and cuts to the chase of whatever he does...Billy Hargrove hates going slow...

“Maybe it’s different this time,” El proposed while offering a shrugged solution, lifting a hand to scratch her neck.

“Maybe.”

“Are you sure you wanna go now, Billy? It’s really la--,” “It’s fine, dollface. This isn’t my first time driving in the dark, L/N,” he chuckled as he stood himself to full height. His sunglasses now hanging from the collar of his tank top.

Y/N frowned, playing with her fingers as she glanced outside the nearest window. “Yeah...but...it’s...really dark, and the road here is like - at this weird angle - you know? Like, right where you turn in to get to Hop’s cabin? Yo--,” “If you wanted me to stay. You could’ve just asked.” He cut through her rambling, smiling to himself as he watched Y/N’s face paint pink at his “humor-filled” suggestion.

“O-oh! I mean...I...uh..It did kinda sound like that,” Y/N offered sheepishly, not believing her own feeble-minded mistake (saying such a thing in front of him...of course, he’d take it as...an offer...). That hadn’t been her intention, she just wasn’t sure if she liked the idea of Hargrove driving blindly without a proper road, save for dirt cut through the woods...

Billy only waited, watching her; arms crossing over his broad chest. “You want me here or not? Make up your mind, princess...I can’t just stand here forever.” His tone was teasing, and yet, it was sincere in the oddest way. Y/N bit her lip and glanced around the small cabin, trying to decide what to do with this...rather sticky situation. The girls had long gone to bed - Y/N had peaked in for a check-up, and found them asleep on the floor for some reason...by the door at that. (Billy had been kind enough to carry each to the bed and help Y/N tuck them in, seeing as she wasn’t apt enough to do it as effortlessly as he. She was thrown off to see him so willing and so helpful for someone who Max described as senseless and selfish).

“Um...,” she brushed past him, Billy eyeing her as she did, wondering what she was up to - turning to watch her step to the couch. “This pulls out into a bed - I know that ‘cause Hop lets me stay here a lot.” Y/N confessed a bit shyly.

Billy was so surprised to hear that, that he didn’t even fight her while she was casually offering him to spend the night. “You...stay here...a lot?”

“Oh...uh, since Davy left to Virginia for college, the house is...kinda..ummm...lonely,” she admitted softly. Now that, had Hargrove stunned. He was surprised to hear that leave her lips as a follow-up.

“What about the rest of your family?” He asked while walking over to help Y/N remove the cushions from the pull-out. He was interested in her response, Billy hadn’t known the L/N estate was...lonesome.

Y/N pulled the left seat off and plopped it to the floor. “The only person there is my aunt - but she works....like...a lot. So, I don’t see her very often. She’s a businesswoman or something like that.” Y/N told while struggling to pull the actual pull-out bed from its original placement. “Here, let me do it.” Billy offered.

He didn’t even break a sweat...usually Hopper grunted in inconvenience, as the stubborn old thing was always a bit finicky - it seemed those muscles of Billy’s weren’t just for show (Y/N had presumed they helped him pick up chicks or just to be manly). She thanked him, and then shuffled down the short hallway, looking for the pillows and blankets - Hop usually had them in the closet in his bedroom.

“You home alone most of the time?” Billy asked while following her a bit awkwardly - not really knowing if she’d need help again, nor knowing what to do with himself still there. He hadn’t expected...well...any of this to happen. He was hoping to snag Y/N’s number and leave, or even persuade her to ditch the babysitting and come home with him...(the options had been endless in his mind...Billy supposed he just hadn’t thought of this being one of them).

Y/N didn’t really tell people about her absent home life - from what she knew, she had it easy (she’d heard a few stories from Max...and it had her heart twist for Billy). Y/N was surprised she was so easy to tell him (of all people) - maybe it was just the heat of the moment...

“Yeah - well, since Davy’s gone now - and my aunt doesn’t come back for weeks on end...it’s just me,” Billy admired how she could say such a sad thing without faltering - in fact, he thought the smile on her face was too gently worn for such words.

“Oh, I have a cat named Lolly...-- but I know you meant...like...real company,” Y/N added with a soft laugh. Finding the spare pillows and blankets on the top shelf in the sliding door closet (Hop’s rather messy closet, that is) she reached up on her tiptoes to seize them.

Getting a hold, Y/N passed them down to Billy who stood behind her (closer than she’d like to admit, and closer than Billy realized). He chuckled.

“You sayin’ Lolly isn’t real company? That’s harsh,” he joked.

Y/N could only giggle - she didn’t take Hargrove as the...witty type. She expected a poke about pussy-cats or something lude, she almost felt shameful for how much she undermined him.

“She’s good enough I suppose...likes to hide more times than not though, so really...I’m the victim here.” Billy only offered a crooked grin.

“There, you’re all set up!” Y/N announced, clapping her hands together at the finalized work. Billy was standing a few feet to her left, an eyebrow raised as he glanced over the mismatch pillowcases and random maroon comforter - along with a few other sheets that clearly didn’t make a set. Not that Hargrove was complaining, he had learned to take blessings in life with ease; as they were rarely given out and when they were, they didn’t last long).

He ran a hand down his chin, nodding at their so-called quick thinking and handy-work (as Y/N placed it). “Okay...and where are you sleeping? Hopper’s  room?” Y/N hadn’t thought about that...she wasn’t a fan of sleeping in a someone else’s bed (some could argue that sleeping on their couch wasn’t any different, but she begged to differ. The bedroom was a private space and she didn’t feel swell invading that).

She also wasn’t sure if she even had permission to do so - Jim was only expecting Y/N and Max to be staying the night...and not a third guest as well... (if she called him asking about it, he’d get suspicious - and as it was, Hopper treated her as a second daughter - and would drill her about who was there, and if he found out it was a boy...Hargrove at that...he’d flip his lid. Probably never trusting her again - goodness sake...Hopper would hire another babysitter for her as she watched the kids...a sitter for the sitter...).

“I um...I mean yeah...I guess,” she replied while thinking over her options thoughtfully. Hop staying the night at the station meant he’d be back by...she calculated...maybe sometime tomorrow morning. She could fix his room back the way it was, still leaving enough time for Billy to wake up reasonably and---

“Look...if it’s too much trouble, I’ll just go,” Hargrove answered quickly, seeing the slight alarm in her y/c/h eyes. As much as he’d like to stay over - he wasn’t going to stick around if he were a bother. He knew what it was like being bothersome to someone...he didn’t need to add to a new list.

To be frank, Billy himself wasn’t sure why he was being so considerate to someone else’s troubles in the first place. Normally, he’d kill to be out of the house - unsure of what mood his father was in...and how he’d react to Billy being home so late...

Maybe it was because he learned Y/N’s favorite bands were The Rolling Stones, Queen, and Guns N’ Roses (all of which, he approved of). Or that she liked talking with her hands - allowing him to be entertained as she told her stories (Billy thought it was amusing to see such excitement over something as little as that one time I fell because I missed a step and everyone saw it moment). There was also the fact that Y/N talked about Max so highly (while Billy had rolled his eyes, scoffing lightly - as he had a reputation to keep up... he was beaming to think that Y/N thought so of his little sister).

She’d also mentioned a taste for late-night drives and hating a kid named Vance Kerr back in her Junior Year (You wouldn’t know him - he moved to Ohio before you and Max came ‘round. But God...was he awful - let me tell you about this one time he--), and the time Davy and her snuck out to met with Harrington (to which Billy groaned on cue, earning a smack to the chest and a laugh. Oh, shut up, Hargrove!) for a party...

Point being...Billy didn’t do much for other people. He didn’t see a point in putting more energy than it was worth. People were disappointing; conniving; and cruel...that’s what they said about him anyway. That’s what they’d made him believe...

So, for Billy to give Y/N a soft smile - reassuring her it’d be fine if he just...drove home...it took a lot out of him. But...for her? He didn’t mind letting his reputation slip.

Standing on the front porch, arms rubbing away the chills of a summer’s night; Y/N watched as Billy strode to his car. “Billy, I really don’t--,” “Relax, princess. I’ll be fine. I’m a big boy, and fully capable of driving fifteen minutes down the road without losing my way in the dark,” he eased while chuckling. Billy’s left arm holding himself up on the side of his Camaro. While he came off calm and collected, he was truly shocked at her display of...care.

Billy didn’t think it was possible to be so sincere and endearing with someone you’d just met less than twelve hours ago. No one had ever cared enough to ask him to stay the night - not for sex - but to simply make sure he wasn’t driving in the dark...that was honestly...something...he’d consider....sweet (and he rarely used said word; You want your ego stroked? Go ask Harrington to give you a-- it was too...soft...for a guy like him to use and, or be referred to as).

“Will you be okay here with the girls?” He asked, switching the attention back to Y/N, his eyes never leaving her as he popped his driver’s door open. She stood there, leaning against the wooden pillar, arms holding her heat as close as possible before the chilled summer swept it away.

“Oh, yeah! I’ve done this plenty of times! - Though I’ll admit, sometimes I have Steve’s help - I’ll be fine, really! He’s usually only around when all the kids are with us, but I’ll be fine with these two.” Hargrove didn’t like when people talked too much (nor when they brought up Harrington), but for some reason...he didn’t mind Y/N’s rambles...he almost...enjoyed them.

Noticing the slight shiver run down her figure; Billy clicked his tongue shaking his blond head of hair - walking back in her direction. Y/N raised her eyebrows, going to question his actions - wondering if he’d decided to just spend the night instead of going home. She was tempted to crack a joke - but he stopped her.

“Here, you’ll get cold standing there like a moron,” he muttered, sliding his leather jacket around her shoulders. “Bu--,” “I’ll get it back when I pick Max up. Don’t worry, L/N,” he paused, and she swore it, that her heart skipped a beat at that smile of his. Illuminated by the soft glow of the cabin’s porch light, Billy’s skin was glowing golden and his eyes were rimmed with a glittering warmth, their blue color seeming to intensify at that moment. Hargrove’s curly hair had a golden hue - and Y/N had to blink away a faint streak of fatigue to realize that it was simply a few out of place strands and not a halo of sorts...

“No seriously, I’m just gonna go back inside--,” she was cut off again as Billy sighed, a roll of those pretty blue orbs and a tug of the coat to be more snuggly fit about her torso. His hands stilled as he fixed the collar; lingering there for a few heartbeats extra.

Billy licked his lips, glancing away from her for a short instance (but all Y/N could see was the way he bit his lip nearing the end - and the way his long eyelashes brushed his cheeks gently). “Can’t you give a dog a bone, Y/N? I’m trying to say, I wanna see you again...but you’re not lettin’ me do it!”

She was speechless. His hands slowly falling from being so close to her neck, dropping to dig into his jean pockets. “I’ll keep the jacket, Billy. Until you come back tomorrow.” He smiled at Y/N’s response - her gentle blush even evident in the dim lighting. He thought that despite having her back to the light; it really wasn’t fair - because a soft glow seemed to haunt her silhouette anyway (and that just wasn’t fair for him to have to walk away from without looking like a fool).

“Thanks, princess,” he hummed while winking, trekking back down the set of stairs and towards his car. Y/N admired the defined muscles of Billy’s arms, seeming to show-off without him even having to try. She also thought his white tank top was tastefully tight. Shape up, Y/N! You’re drooling! God...

“Oh, and Billy?” He hummed, slowly spinning back to Y/N on the balls of his feet. He was just a few steps from his (still) open car door and questioned her by cocking his eyebrow.

“I-I...I liked talking to you...,” Y/N admitted while playing with the edge of the too-long sleeves (Billy’s jacket fell down to meet her mid-thigh and it was still warm with his presence). “You’re...a...a nice guy.”

Billy only smiled, offering her a soft goodnight, Y/N, and then he was in the car - and pulling out without another word. The music still as loud as ever. Y/N only waited a minute or so before she could no longer see him - silently crossing her fingers that he’d make it home okay...

Closing the front door, she pressed her back to it, soaking in the night’s events at their truest form. She’d talked to Billy Hargrove...and it hadn’t been about sex...(he’d made a few cracks at it - but it was lighthearted nonetheless). Y/N wasn’t even sure why she offered him to stay the night; she told herself it was because she didn’t feel okay with him (or anyone) zipping down the road in the dark...but...Y/N knew there were other reasons. She wasn’t the type to invite guys to stay over; heavens no! (Steve and the boys didn’t count because they were honorary family - even Steve who she’d agree was good-looking...he was too much of a dork to even attempt flirting successfully).

Maybe it was because Billy’s favorite drink was Jolt Cola (an overly spiked energy drink, bursting with caffeine...so much, that she didn’t think it was safe for anyone to be consuming), and he liked late-night drives just as much as she did - windows rolled down, music turned up.

Or how he hadn’t interrupted her unless he had a suitable reason (like when she nervously rattled off, Billy had put a hand to hers and gently changed the subject) - staying respectfully quiet and nodding when Y/N spoke, as a sign of acknowledgment to him listening.

Maybe it was the fact that Billy had a sweet-tooth, claiming he could introduce her to the best kinds of chocolates she’d ever had...or...maybe it was because he enjoyed watching sunsets. Yeah...Y/N liked that about him.

Oh, and the other night - this was after the whole pranking Harrington thing - I saw the most beautiful sunset, like...you won’t believe how gorgeous it was! I...um...know it’s kinda stupid to...rememeber... she’d trailed off when he began chuckling under his breath. A hot new color finding her face, hands tampering with a chipped corner of the kitchen table. No, no -- I don’t mean to make you embarrassed! I...I just think it’s ironic. I...uh...like sunsets too.

When Y/N had asked Billy if he’d seen the one she was talking about, he’d only shook his head, tapping the table with his pointer. Not the sunsets here, L/N. I’m talkin’ ‘bout the ones back home in Cali. I haven’t watched a sunset since I came to this crappy little town. Y/N hadn’t taken offense; too focused on the fact that Hargrove had been missing out on such pretty moments in time - the only chance he’d get to see the sun ready itself to rest, draped in painted colors of pink, red, and orange... It happened every day, and he still managed to miss it.

God -- you’re crazy, Hargrove! What’s the difference! He’d only shaken his head, his tongue skimming the skin of his teeth as he leaned back in his chair. Billy had explained that back home, the sun was different. A California sunset is better than any skimpy one you see here, kid. I’m sure the sunset you saw, was nothing compared to the one happening three hours later in Cali.

Tightening her scrunchie (gifted to her by Eleven - promising to always wear it), Y/N pursed her lips. Well then, Hargrove - you haven’t seen everything this... ”skimpy” town has to offer. Using hand gestures she’d used air-quotes on his words - narrowing her eyes playfully.

Billy had rolled his eyes, lifting his eyebrows once in understanding, though Y/N could tell he was still unconvinced. Sure, doll. Whatever your little heart wants to believe. Y/N had then and there, decided one thing - Billy Hargrove -- I’m gonna show you the most...amazing sunset you’ve ever seen! It’ll blow those California ones out of the water! They shared a smile, Billy’s bordering smirk (at her poor attempt of a clever pun) while competing in a short staring contest. It was as if Billy was trying to have Y/N take her words back if she blinked. She hadn’t. And so he ruined the lovely moment by mentioning she could always blow something else...

Y/N tried settling down on the pull-out bed (previously set up for Billy), drawing the maroon quilt to her chin. She had the radio humming lowly in the background, as she found white-noise the most excellent way to fall asleep. Y/N lifted the jacket, still adorning her body, up to her nose. The collar smelt of cigarettes, a classic Aramis cologne, and what she could only describe as...Billy Hargrove (Y/N made a mental note to tell Billy when returning his jacket that he pulled off Aramis’ scent flawlessly...woody, with a fresh smell she couldn’t place...spiced with cinnamon maybe...and garnished with that masculine touch she thought represented Billy perfectly).

She drifted to sleep with only good thoughts of her night - hoping to prove to Hargrove that he could truly enjoy a sunset...even if it wasn’t Cali’s beach dime reflections and beauty.

Who would’ve known...Billy Hargrove enjoyed sunsets. Y/N wasn’t sure what to anticipate anymore - he’d already thrown all of her expectations out the window (and of course, she’d thought some of it was simply for appeal...as he was notorious for flirting, to which by now, Y/N suspected him to have perfected it - she did not deny him that). Either way, it made her smile as she fell asleep, thinking it possible she had Billy Hargrove all wrong...

The drive home was quiet. Though it was always quiet. Billy didn’t have someone to talk to - the melodies of music being his only company. He was speeding down the road, nodding his head lightly to Scoprions ‘You Rock Like A Hurricane’ as it lulled the night’s silence to something more his pace.

He was rewinding and replaying his night spent with Y/N... Puffing an air of smoke out from his lungs - he held his hand out the window to get rid of the ash (he didn't like getting it in his car after all).

She was unpredictable. Absolutely someone Billy wouldn’t have given the time of day if they’d met in a different situation (and if it hadn’t been Y/N that he’d met, it wouldn’t have been worth a single breath - he’d be certain of it).

Y/N had this...enchanting air surrounding her - leaving Billy with more questions than answers. He wanted to ask about how she felt - now that David was gone...how did she...feel...being home...alone. And if she didn’t mind; he wanted to ask her - shaking her by her shoulders either for the truth - or for an answer of how? How she managed to be okay with being alone... weren’t nights dark and days indifferent? Y/N had mentioned staying at Hopper’s house more times than not - so maybe being alone bothered her more than she led on. If so...they had more in common than he’d originally pinned her for.

Billy would also criticize what Y/N thought was a good sunset. Throughout their talk, he’d learned that she had never left Hawkins - not once in her lifetime. He’d been floored. So..you’ve like...never...been to the beach? She had bashfully said no. God, you would love the beaches in Cali! Our house was like...on the beach...and surfing -- wait, don’t say you haven’t even thought about it before?! Y/N had only rolled her eyes, grin on her lips as she reminded him where they were. She was admiring the way he seemed to lit up like a little kid at the topic of something he really loved. No beaches around here, Hargrove. I’ve never even dreamed about it. Billy had promised, then and there - that he’d one day, take her to the beach to teach her to surf. And as a payment...I suppose you’d need to wear a bathing suit...I like the color red, by the way, L/N. He just had to go there.

In return, Y/N had promised him the most amazing sunset he’d ever lay eyes on. I’m gonna hold you to that, L/N. He’d teased. Oh, I won’t disappoint, Hargrove! On my word! Why he even told her his interest in gentle dying evenings was beyond Billy... He had never told anyone; as it’d totally throw off his image of being this badass, chick-magnet, with no regrets or regards...mainly because desolate failure who missed his old home, dragging daddy issues wherever he went, who also squealed at sunsets didn’t have a ring to it, nor did it fit...

Now pulling up outside his house, Billy cut the engine quickly, his music having already been turned down to a low muted static. Neil wasn’t a fan of Billy’s favored engine roars and revving. Getting out of the midnight blue Camaro, he stepped out his cig and made his way down the busted walk-way in easy silence.

Slipping into the house undetected was a blessing, and he was able to make it to his room without any issues. Kicking his shoes off, he stripped to his boxers. Laying on the bedsheets with nothing but the ceiling to look at...Billy wondered how Y/N was seriously going to pull off a sunset better than California’s.

Billy still believed that leaving your heart carelessly on your sleeves would only result in disaster...but, he was reminded that he’d given his entire jacket away - so screw the sleeves...he had neither.

He could only hope Y/N spared him that...mercy was the gift of a genuine soul...and good God...he hoped she was forgiving - because Billy wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but he’d found himself slowly letting his guard down. All of that time spent building it up - brick by brick with stones of malice and contempt.

All that being threatened by a lonely girl with a grey T-shirt and a polka-dotted hair-tie...topped off with (a now) sick leather jacket.

“This damn sunset better be worth it, L/N,” Billy mumbled to the darkness. Lord knows how she’d have answered such a remark.

Falling asleep, Billy thought it possible he had Y/N L/N all wrong...

--

Sooooo~ what do you think about part 1 of Sunsets Back Home? I wasn’t planning on it being a possibly two-parter (or three), but here I am...XD

Part 2 anyone? <3

--

Tag List:  @novaddictx @mairalynn416 @wefracturedmotivation @truthdaze @xxcxrolinexx @billyhargrovescigarette

[independentartistbuzz]

7 FROM THE WOMEN: RED FLOWER LAKE

Red Flower Lake is lush, heady electro-pop. Aloe vera for our dried-out hearts. Sweeping melodies and understated yet complex soundscapes. These songs are open doors to a relationship: two people who know each other about as well as two humans can, singing to the other, about each other, offering a brave and heartfelt depiction of the territories they have survived and navigated together. It’s all here: intimacy and distance, heartbreak and ecstasy. Vulnerability, insecurity and courage.

1. What have you been working to promote lately?

It feels like I have been working on promoting a lot lately (internally and externally). Things like honesty, clear communication, empathy, patience, naming emotions, opening my heart, peace in my family, etc, etc.

But that’s not quite what we are talking about. ;)

I have been working alongside my husband to promote our EP Three Truths as well as an exhibit of our multi-media work at the Torosiete museum of contemporary art - a virtual museum unlike any other. Our exhibit just opened at the end of October and will be open for all of time - as long as there is internet.

Our EP Three Truths consists of three songs, Heart is Breaking, Baby Don’t Go, and Brave. The first two were written when we had super young kids (about 8 years ago).

When we were first considering releasing some songs this past May, we weren’t sure which songs to begin with. We were pretty tired of Heart is Breaking and Baby Don’t Go but also felt like they were worth something, belonged together, and like they might be the beginning of a story. We figured we would see what mixing one of them would do and take it from there. We sent out Baby Don’t Go and after trying a couple different mixers, we landed on Mike Pepe through a family friend named Kelly Musgrave at Linear Management. He did his thing and we actually got inspired enough to completely redo the vocals which was pretty satisfying. I had started voice lessons several months earlier and felt like I had more to offer the song. Once the energy was back in Baby Don’t Go it was pretty exciting to see what some mixing would do to Heart is Breaking. Deciding to release those particular songs really felt like the end of a pretty challenging time. It has been nice to have them out in the world where people might be able to relate to them giving voice to an experience that is painful but also real. I don’t know how many emotions we get away with leaving unturned but I appreciate a song that can help me reflect on a feeling.

Heart is Breaking was the kind of song that was so of a moment, it didn’t feel worth it to try and enunciate the words better or change what I was unsatisfied with after hearing it mixed. I am curious whether that choice will actually impact my satisfaction long term but, so far, I have found it both surprising and amusing that putting something out into the world that is a little bit vocally unfinished doesn’t bother me at all.

As for Abel’s vocals though, they are straight from the heart. They are also his original vocals. I remember when I first heard them I felt a lot less significant as part of our musical duo. He just put it all out there and it sounds so good. Heart is Breaking speaks to the experience of wanting love even though it seems to always end in heart break. An experience that, as a young parent, felt very prevalent.

Brave to me is all in the title. My setup is such that if I want to play around on the keyboard with a feeling I’m having, I still need to pull up ProTools and title the session - even though I don’t know what I am going to play which is the case a lot. Often when I am sitting down to play music, it is to explore something in my mind and on my heart and in this case I wanted to be brave about that exploration so I titled the song Brave. Brave is about sticking around and being present to see what is true even if it is scary.

All of the songs I write are deeply personal. In the past, it has sometimes surprised me that Abel would even touch the material, considering how blatant it is but I’ve learned that I’m not the only one in the relationship that sometimes feels paradoxical and complex feelings.

Having made music together for such a long time now without releasing any of it, we are both really excited to share more of the story and more of our music. It feels like an epic tale that is still revealing itself in real time. Three Truths feels like the beginning of a bigger message - this first message being “Damn this is hard but relationship is sort of like that sometimes”.

2. Please tell us about your favorite song written, recorded or produced by another woman and why it’s meaningful to you.

Sade’s Smooth Operator. There are a lot of songs and a lot of reasons why to pick them but this one pulls me right back to a time in my life when not a lot of things were easy but at that moment, the house was warm, the whole family seemed happy and there was an abundance of food. I was maybe 5, my family was living with my great aunt and her daughters who were at least ten years older than us. We were all still getting used to living together and my family was still getting used to living in Va after moving from New Mexico. When Smooth Operator came into my awareness, it was the day after Thanksgiving and there was a bounty of leftover mashed potatoes, peas and onions in cream sauce, and stuffing that needed to be eaten. While we formed those leftovers into little balls and baked them, we were introduced to that song. I think we may have listened to the whole album a couple times through but we named our food creation after Smooth Operator and it is one of the special happy memories I have from an amazing but also pretty heavy childhood. Throughout my childhood from then on, Sade was a voice I leaned into. I remember one night my twin sister and I lay down in the dark of her empty room in middle school and listened in consecutive order through Diamond Life, Promise, Stronger Than Pride, and Love Deluxe on our tape player to the light of a big moon. One of my all time favorite nights.

Smooth Operator felt like a warning. Like watch out girls, they’re everywhere. The first song of their first album. Her voice was always my reference. I wanted my voice to sound like hers. I wanted to make songs like hers - with a point, with heart, and with a voice you want to listen to. Smooth Operator is our family anthem, made so by a moment we all recall fondly - an odd anthem perhaps but my family is as odd and as amazing as they get.

3. What does it mean to you to be a woman making music / in the music business today and do you feel a responsibility to other women to create messages and themes in your music?

Having an opportunity to use my voice as a woman at this time feels very special and important and I hope that I am doing my part in honoring the power of the feminine, and the important work of keeping it real in all my relationships at all levels.

I work to be authentic and express as clearly from my heart as I can. Making music - making art,  is a way for me to connect with my emotions, my inner wisdom, a way to express those feelings, ultimately it is a way to communicate something that means something to me. I recognize that this is a potentially self indulgent process and I pray that my purpose of honoring the human experience and reminding us of our power is conveying.

It is important for me to be super honest because there are so many feelings I have felt ashamed of and wouldn’t even admit to in the past that I am now realizing are actually just part of a human experience. Honoring and expressing my truth thus far has been a thousand times more empowering than the results have been of hiding from my truth as a result of believing I should be ashamed of my feelings and for believing in my worth - what I know is true in my heart. Denial of my truth has wreaked havoc in my life and it isn’t worth another moment of time to feed or encourage such disempowering paradigms.

I recognize that we all have a lot to heal from and a lot of healing work to do individually and collectively. I think a large part of that healing work is around being brave enough to honor our feelings, identifying their source, and getting empowered to speak/know/honor our truth - a truth that is both unique and valid.

Perhaps if we are able to honor ourselves in this way, we will be able to hear each others’ truths with compassion, recognizing ourselves in each other's struggles.

A big step for me in my healing journey has been accepting and being willing to hear and honor my own truth. No more wars - internal or external. When I am not fighting myself, I am one less person who is fighting themselves and that is extremely motivating. I think all of my fighting ultimately comes from internal conflicts so I might as well start with that and find some way to work that stuff out. I have been working on not making other people the bad guy but, if I see ‘bad guy’ out there in the world, to note that I see a reflection of parts of myself I still am in a healing process with.  

I am not sure what the depths of our world’s healing will entail but I know my responsibility is to my own healing and it is empowering to own that responsibility. I pray we all honor ourselves like the magnificent and unique creations we are and honor ourselves like we are somebody’s child who adores us. Even if we can argue that our parents did not or do not love us, there is still and always will be immense love for each of us in the vast universe and from our mama earth. We are worthy of our best life. In fact. I think it is the only sustainable future.

My responsibility is to honor and stay true to my truth.

4. What is the most personal thing you have shared in your music or in your artist brand as it relates to being female?

All of the songs I write are extremely personal and expose my deep internal struggles. But I am okay with being a voice and a sound. Being an image has not been easy. Learning to embrace my face, my body, my movement, my inner style, etc, feels much more exposing and personally challenging. The entire world of what is sexy, what is beautiful, what is inspiring, what is useful, etc. has been out of reach for me since forever. I find that the more I turn toward my spiritual truth, my spiritual purpose, toward awe and gratitude for the children in my life, the more permission I have and the more energy I have for exposing my physical person on a true and personal level. What feels beautiful, what feels empowering, what feels good and right?

I have in the past, been absolutely disempowered around beauty and sex that I feel like only now am I getting access to any answers internally about what is beautiful, empowering and what feels good for me. I am a mother and it is important to me that the children in my life have examples of real women and men in their lives who are empowered and strong and honest- not because of our physical form but because of our clarity in purpose and our open hearts.

I know the sexiest thing a person can do in my heart/ mind is their inner work, get straight with themselves about what they are doing here and live and breathe their purpose.

On the level of the eye, I think playing with what my spiritual guides have to say to me at any given moment feels the most appropriate and fun. I’d rather be in a conversation with them about physical expression than with old paradigms of sex appeal and survival on this physical plain.

5. What female artists have inspired you and influenced you?

Oh my goodness, So many. I really believe that the unapologetic art of all women throughout time has molded me as part of the collective creative conscience. Art begets art.

I come from a family of bohemian artists and I would be remiss in not honoring them particularly and their absolute influence in my life. Their authentic expressions have absolutely shaped and inspired me and I am so grateful to each of my family members for their conscious participation in living their best lives.

My highschool teacher and friend Zap McConnel reinforced and added to what my family already inspires in me. She was my first real mentor and example outside of my family in living a life of integrity and breaking the molds of our boxed beliefs.  

And Beatrice Ost. She has been part of my family for a long time but it really wasn’t until her grandchildren connected with our kids that we became better acquainted and, just as kids tend to do, through our children we have been led into a most beautiful and inspiring relationship of collaboration and inspiration. We wouldn’t be where we are now without her and really everyone in the world. The ripples are real.

6. Do you consider yourself a feminist? If so why and if not why?

I consider myself a feminist because I believe in the unique and essential wisdom of the feminine and its absolute importance in the balance of life. I could also consider myself a divine masculinist but that movement is really in conjunction with the healing of the divine feminine. It is for all of us to heal from this woundedness - not just women.

There is no denying that women have been oppressed for millenia - longer than any other human group except children - and it feels important to me to keep raising the collective awareness to the long lasting effects of oppression that continue to weigh on the lives of everyone. If mama is oppressed, everyone is oppressed because if mama is oppressed she does not have the power she needs to stand up for what she knows in the depths of her heart - to care for the hearts of her family and that kind of pain and injury is passed down a long way.

I have been considering the narrative of our media history around witches - how they have been conveyed so terribly in our social history. I am interested in those stories from the witches’ perspectives. I’d love to hear the backstory of Ursula the deep sea witch in The Little Mermaid. It seems to me that she may have wanted to say something to someone… An easily identifiable sentiment for most human beings at this point. There can be no more pretending how much we have all suffered because of fear and domination. I don’t think we need to gender specify suffering generally but just like with race, it is true that there are some significant stereo types that have been disempowering for a long time.

We are still living in the antiquated world of shame about menstrual cycles for God’s sake! It’s bonkers. I can attest that this particular gift has felt like a burden in this worn out world of 9-5 schedules and limited sick days and - if any - and our basic needs for survival are not cared for enough so that we don't even know this immense gift as an honor. But as we each recognize our person as an immense gift and when we honor ourselves and each  other as such, we change the world.

I am a feminist and a masculinist because I strongly believe that each of us as individuals needs to feel empowered as part of something larger than just our individual egos. Each of us is essential and honoring our unique gifts will and does heal our world in deep and profound ways. Each of us knows something, has a purpose here that needs to be respected by everyone. Men and women both would benefit from honoring the feminine in all that is and vice versa. It is a balance and as long as the balance is off there will be a need for feminism. And just as much there is a need for honoring the divine masculine. It truly is a matter of balance - one that needs support internally and externally as individuals and as a collective.

7. What was the most challenging thing you have had to face as a female Artist?

The most challenging thing I have had to face as a creative being is myself. My own pride and jealousy, self doubt, and a need for external approval have kept me from taking risks, whether it is going into action or taking a nap. Everything I did or didn’t do was based on what I thought somebody else might think which gave me very little room for actual self expression. Giving myself permission to exist independently of other people’s approval and trusting the creative flow has been a matter of challenging oppressive systems - both external and the ones and the ones in my head that I have defended as part of a fear based world. As I continue to grow wiser and my body becomes more of an ally for my heart rather than a sculpture project, I find myself in battle with old paradigms around self image.

It is an interesting time to be alive and I have lots of hope for us as a collective as I continue to break my own belief systems because if I can do it, it can be done. Breaking out of old and limiting beliefs, considering new paradigms, recognizing my inner/outer calling and prioritizing that calling beyond all else has been liberating and empowering. My dream is that all our dreams come true. I know my heart is based in love and that all the struggle has been for learning. This knowledge has helped me come to terms with trauma but I would say I think oppression is systemic and the more we can break free of our own excuses and reasoning to defend oppressive systems, the more swiftly and easily we will transition to a new world. I am more than happy to be inviting in a paradigm of inclusivity, kindness, inquiry, compassion, and honesty. An undeniable breath of fresh air from so many oppressive paradigms past and present.

Listen to “Three Truths”

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