#give back this boy’s happiness innocence amazingness

[bbaycon]

That moment when the idea is noice but yer hand say no

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics with dirty talk! There are many more amazing fics with dirty talk that we could have included, so be sure to check out others that are not included on this list. If you enjoy our rec lists, please show support by liking and reblogging this post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) Talk To Me, Baby | Explicit | 3667 words

Harry loves to talk and whisper little things to Louis during sex. Louis is pretty quiet, loves it, but just listens. But one day Harry really wants to hear Louis say some of the dirty things he loves Harry to do to him, so Harry really encourages Louis to talk to him during sex. Louis is self-conscious at first but then they really get into it and amazingness happens.

2) A Touch of Your Love | Explicit | 3586 words

Harry needs to work out. Louis wants him to pay attention to him. They find a compromise.

3) Your Reputation And Your Good Intent | Explicit | 4028 words

Louis is a pinup model and Harry is his photographer. The shoot is anything but innocent.

4) Gimme Gimme | Mature | 5957 words

He dragged himself to his bedroom and flopped down face-first onto the bed, groaning, and started thinking about that new neighbor. Maybe this was his chance. Maybe this was the time for him to actually try and find a love interest that lasted longer than 2 weeks. He rolled over and sat up on the bed, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked out the window.

And what he saw was probably the most amazing thing on the planet.

Walking into his new neighbor’s house was a man in a suit, carrying a briefcase while his Porsche sat in the driveway.

5) Too Nervous to be Lovers | Explicit | 6445 words

Louis doesn't want to spend quarantine with Harry, his straight roommate, who doesn't even acknowledge his existence.

6) Every Color That You See | Explicit | 6568 words

It wasn’t often that Louis would sacrifice an afternoon full of relaxing and eating coco pops to look at art from hundreds of years ago. But then again, most days aren’t Zayn Malik’s birthday.

Zayn likes art, Louis does not. Harry gives them both a tour of the National Gallery in London. Flirting and artistic dirty talk ensue.

7) You Let Me Violate You (You Bring Me Closer To God) | Explicit | 6872 words

Harry desperately wants to find Louis' prostate, they both get more then what was expected.

8) I Can Feel Your Blood Pressure Rise | Explicit | 9292 words

"Hello, your Highness," Harry heard a familiar voice coming from behind him. Chills ran down his body as he felt the coldness of something sharp poke the back of his neck, "Turn around slowly or I'll hurt you,” the voice said in a teasing tone.

Where Louis is some sort of Robin Hood and sneaks into the King's castle, only to be fucked hard.

9) Making A Splash | Explicit | 9557 words

“You want this?” Harry muses, fisting his cock as he drags his hand lazily up his thick length. Louis eyes the motion and nods his head absentmindedly. “You want to show everyone at this beach how much of a slut you are for Daddy’s cock?”

“M‘your slut,” Louis immediately replies, inching closer, inching closer with his eyes glued on Harry’s glistening cock, precome shining under the sun as it dribbles out his slit.

Harry grins widely and stops the movement of his hand to grip himself at the base again, pushing Louis’ head down. “Show everyone how much of a slut you are.”

10) I'm Asking You Please, Don't Talk Dirty to Me | Explicit | 9777 words

Prompt #68: Harry’s best friend Louis is a nice, well-mannered omega, at least when it comes to sex talk. He has always been closed off and quiet... until Harry hears how Louis talks during his heat. Now, it's all Harry can think about before his upcoming rut... (Original prompt wording edited for clarity)

11) You Know What They Say | Explicit | 10323 words

Nice guys always finish last.

12) Give It Up To Me | Explicit | 8134 words

"You're going to end up making me come with all the boys in our lounge," he finished, his tone softening the longer he spoke.

"And?" Harry murmured, placing his palm over the crevice of Louis' arse, keeping the plug nice and tight inside of him. "What if I wanted you to?"

13) The Seed Inside You, Baby, Do You Feel It Growin' | Explicit | 14796 words

Louis really wants Harry to get him pregnant.

14) Baby, Let Me Love You Goodbye | Not Rated | 20249 words

Daddy, he’d almost said. Daddy. That’s, that’s porn shit. Dirty and as far as he’d always thought, cheap and vaguely gross. He’s never wanted to say it, let alone even thought it. He doesn’t even know why he almost did. Isn’t sure which part made his fuzzed brain throw it out.

He can’t think of himself genuinely saying something like that. Not in bed. Not with Harry.

Not with Harry, fuck. His—his Harry. His friend with benefits?

15) I Would Follow You (To The Moon And Back) | Explicit | 20355 words

Everyone has baggage, some people sleepwalk, some have obsessive exes, and others turn into anthropomorphic wolf-like monsters that destroy furniture and run rampant in the forest. Perfectly normal.

16) Standing Here But You Don't See Me | Explicit | 22320 words

"Louis being with a guy is something Harry has always known was a possibility. Ever since Louis told them he was gay, he knew that this would come up at some point. But it was just that. At some point. It’s always been a hypothetical. Harry never thought it would bother him. But now, watching Louis squirm as he watches that other guy, it’s just not a hypothetical anymore. And Harry is very bothered by it."

17) At Your Fingertips | Explicit | 27399 words

Louis really should have seen it coming.

18) Short And Sweet | Explicit | 29658 words

Louis is a shy university student in a world scarce of male omegas. He's always dreamt of having an alpha despite his sheltered upbringing, fantasizing about being loved and cared for. He's immediately smitten by the mysterious alpha with curly hair, broad shoulders, and the addictive coffee scent.

19) Terror Of Surrender | Explicit | 31566 words

Harry instructs them to step into Crescent Lunge, stopping when he gets to Louis to adjust his hips. “I think you can bend a little more.” He helps Louis deepen the stretch, his hands tight on his hips. “Good boy.”

Louis gasps quietly, his eyes snapping to Harry’s, his heart pounding in his chest. Harry’s eyes drop to his lips, his hands smoothing down Louis’ stretched thighs, then he’s turning and walking to the front of the class.

20) Harry Poppins | Explicit | 32725 words

When Louis’ best friends pass away he finds himself with an instant family. Maddie and Thomas are wonderful children but take an immediate dislike to every nanny that sets foot inside their house. After nanny number six is summarily dismissed Louis is at his wit’s end, that is until an unusual man arrives on their doorstep. Harry Styles is like nothing any of them have ever encountered before, and perhaps, exactly what they’ve been looking for all along.

21) We Tripped On The Urge To Feel Alive | Not Rated | 33090 words

Harry and Louis have been sneaking around for years and their feelings are finally catching up with them.

22) Tell Me How To Feel About You Now | Explicit | 38220 words

Harry has been trying to convince Louis to date him for years, but Louis has always been wary of Harry’s fairly obvious commitment issues. Louis eventually gives him a chance, opening his heart up to the one thing he fears.

23) Maybe We're Perfect Strangers | Explicit | 39849 words

When an EDM festival in the Caribbean touts itself as a “life-changing and transformative experience,” Harry’s not too sure he buys into it. Regardless, Harry wants nothing more than to please his best friend, so he goes along for the ride. What he doesn’t expect is to fall head over heels for the festival’s organizer who Harry discovers is also the object of his best friend’s affections.

24) Strangers In Love | Explicit | 42207 words

Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.

25) Can I Not Like You For A While? | Explicit | 43343 words

Louis Tomlinson is awful. Harry is just as difficult, and they're both terrible to each other. it makes being in the same acapella group together quite complicated.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[darriness]

2018 Klaine Fic Exchange

Title: The Princess...and the Pea

Author: darriness

Word Count: 3417

Summary: Kurt and Blaine's child and Rachel and Jesse's child cannot stand each other. It's ... awkward

Author’s Note: Written for nadiacreek (who I can’t seem to tag...) for the Klaine Fic Exchange! The summary is the prompt! Thanks to my betas @mypatronusismalec​ and @darrenismydarcy​! Enjoy!! @todaydreambelieversfic

Side note: Written in the same verse as my Fic A Day 2018 so if you like this you can always read that too if you want! :)

AO3 Link

The day Elizabeth (Lizzy) May Anderson-Hummel is born is the best day of their lives to date. ‘Their’ is in reference to not only Kurt and Blaine and their entire extended families (Burt Hummel weeps openly holding his granddaughter for the first time), but also Rachel and Jesse.

There’s no question the pair will don the monikers “Aunt” Rachel and “Uncle” Jesse as they’ve become like true brother and sister to Blaine and Kurt over the years. So while not only is Lizzy the first child born into their group of friends, Rachel and Jesse feel more connected to her than, say, if Artie and Tina were to have a child. They’ve never said as much openly but…being Jesse and Rachel? It’s been heavily implied.

Lizzy is spoiled from the start. Kurt and Blaine try to keep the spoiling to a minimum, because as Kurt tries to remind everyone “Spoiled children are nasty as children and even nastier as adults”, but even they can’t help but dote on their little girl.

The foursome’s monthly games nights turn into “Lizzy nights” where Jesse and Rachel come earlier than they used to and the four spend hours just playing with Lizzy before her bedtime.

Rachel and Jesse are there for a lot of Lizzy’s milestones. They’re there when she eats solids for the first time, when she takes her first steps,, and Kurt is on the phone with Rachel when Lizzy utters her first word.

By the time Lizzy is three, she’s as comfortable at Rachel and Jesse’s house as she is at home, and even starts to have sleepovers with the pair.

“These sleepovers will help prepare you two for parenthood.” Blaine jokes when the sleepovers start.

The joke makes them all laugh but none of them know how true Blaine’s statement is until four months later when Rachel announces that she’s pregnant.

Everyone is obviously thrilled with the news, even Lizzy who doesn’t completely understand what it means.

“Where’s the baby?” She asks, looking Rachel up and down as if expecting a baby to magically appear from behind her back.

Rachel smiles, “It’s in my tummy.” She explains, patting her still flat stomach.

The explanation seems to confuse Lizzy even more. But when Kurt and Blaine explain it will be like her baby dolls, she’s sold.

It becomes a little more clear to her as Rachel’s stomach grows and she spends a great amount of time with her ear to Rachel’s stomach, trying to ‘hear the baby’ as she puts it.

“Hey baby girl,” Kurt says, one night, as they are tucking Lizzy into bed, “Daddy and I have something to tell you.”

Lizzy sits nestled in her pink pillows and blankets and smiles up at her fathers sweetly, “What’s up?” She says, making Kurt and Blaine laugh.

“Well you know how Aunt Rachel is going to have a baby?” Blaine starts and Lizzy nods, “Well, how would you like it if…we had a baby join OUR family?”

Lizzy is quiet for a moment, looking back and forth between them, and Kurt and Blaine wonder if she really understands what Blaine said, “Do you understand, love?” Kurt asks, running a hand through her dark curls.

Lizzy nods, but she’s still looking back and forth between her fathers, “You can ask us any questions you like.” Blaine assures and that’s all it seems to take for Lizzy to voice her confusion.

“Do you have the baby in your tummy, Daddy? Or does Papa?” She asks, innocently.

Kurt and Blaine smile. They’ve got some more explaining to do.

— — —

Lizzy’s four years and four months when Nash Barbra St. James is born (“Barbra? You’re going to saddle the kid with Barbra?” Kurt says as he cradles the new bundle to his chest.

“Says Kurt ELIZABETH Hummel.” Rachel emphasizes.

Kurt turns up his nose and says haughtily, “It takes a fabulous person to pull off such a middle name.” He says.

“And my son is going to be fabulous.” Rachel defends.).

And fabulous he is. Nash is an incredibly happy baby who, from earlier than anyone thinks he should, has a smile for everyone. He has anyone he meets wrapped around his chubby little finger, and that includes Kurt and Blaine.

Who that DOESN’T include…is Lizzy.

“Come on, Lizzy Bear! We’re going to see baby Nash!” Blaine calls up the stairs.

“No, thank you!” Lizzy calls from her bedroom.

Kurt and Blaine turn and look at each other at the bottom of the stairs with furrowed eyebrows, “It's time to go, Lizzy!” Kurt tries, shrugging at Blaine.

“I’m gonna stay and play with my dolls.” Lizzy calls, simply.

“What is her deal?” Blaine asks.

Kurt shrugs, “I guess we’ll have to go upstairs and find out.”

Blaine pouts, “I wanted to AVOID going upstairs. Isn’t the point of her being four that she can come to US instead of the other way around?”

Kurt laughs, laying a hand on Blaine’s shoulder and propelling him up the stairs, “Come on, old man. It’ll give you practice for when we’ve got a newborn in the house.”

Lizzy’s cagey about her reasons for wanting to stay home and doesn’t seem to quite understand that regardless of her reasons, a four-year-old cannot stay home alone. Eventually they get her out the door (not without a few ‘Elizabeth May’s being thrown around) and over to Rachel and Jesse’s, assuming she’ll perk up when she’s there.

She doesn’t.

“He smells.” She says sullenly, standing next to the couch where Blaine cuddles Nash to his chest.

Blaine chuckles, “He smells like baby powder and amazingness.” He argues.

“He looks like a booger.” Lizzy mumbles.

Kurt and Blaine make eye contact over Lizzy’s head and Kurt, who is sitting next to Rachel, turns to look at her. Rachel’s face is a mixture of shock and confusion and she also looks like she’s about to cry but that could be pregnancy hormones still wreaking havoc.

An awkward silence ensues. No one really knows how to deal with this tension and Kurt and Blaine aren’t entirely sure how to approach their daughter’s attitude.

Luckily for all of them, Jesse comes to the rescue, intentionally or not, “I mean...he does kind of look like a booger.”

“Jesse St. James!” Rachel shrieks, indignantly, but everyone else in the room is too busy laughing, including Lizzy, the tension broken for the time being.

-- -- --

It turns out that the tension between Lizzy and Nash is apparently not one-sided. He may only be a few weeks old, but when they finally get Lizzy to agree to hold him for some pictures (for which she refuses to smile), Nash wails like his arm is being ripped off.

“He’s never made that sound before!” Rachel says, alarmed, picking Nash back up and pressing him to her chest. Within minutes Nash is calm again, cooing up at his mother.

“What if she’s like this with her own brother?” Blaine whispers on the way home. All the adults assumed Lizzy would eventually warm up to Nash as the night wore on. They were sorely mistaken.

Kurt glances in the the rearview mirror at a sleeping Lizzy and sighs, “We’re just going to have to sit down and talk with her about it. She’ll come around to Nash and she’ll love her baby brother.”

“Well she doesn’t really have a choice when it comes to either of those. It’s just whether or not we’re going to have to keep fighting with her about it.” Blaine sighs, resignedly.

Lizzy’s kicking her feet absently at the breakfast table the next morning, eating her cereal, when Kurt and Blaine sit down with their coffees on either side of her. They look at each other and then down at Lizzy, who seems oblivious to her fathers’ attention; she’s now bopping her head to music only she can hear.

“Lizzy?” Blaine asks and Lizzy looks up with her spoon still in her mouth, “Papa and I wanted to talk to you about Nash.” He starts.

Lizzy sighs as she puts her spoon back into her bowl and she seems older than her four years, “I don’t like Nash.” She says.

Kurt nods, “Can you tell us why?” He asks.

Lizzy shrugs, “He’s not like my dolls at all. You said it was going to be like my baby dolls but he’s not like that at all.”

Blaine sighs, “Well I’m sorry but that’s not really a reason to not like him. I think if you tried, you’d find that you actually really like Nash. He’s awfully cute.” Lizzy doesn’t seem convinced.

“At the end of the day, love, Nash is going to be in our lives for a very long time.” Kurt says gently, “So we need to be nice to him and treat him kindly. Okay?”

Lizzy sighs again and uses her spoon to move her cereal around her bowl absently, “Okay.” She says, softly.

Kurt and Blaine nod at each other, pleased.

-- -- --

As is often the case when children agree to something, especially when it comes to their behaviour, they renege on it almost as quickly as they agreed to it.

Over the coming weeks and months, Lizzy continues to have difficulties with her pseudo-cousin. She refuses to interact with him unless forced, she hides his toys, goes selectively deaf when someone asks her to help with him, and is generally sullen in his company.

Lizzy and Nash’s tense relationship causes a strain in Kurt, Blaine, Jesse, and Rachel’s relationship. They spend more time discussing their children’s relationship than anything else. Their game nights turn into strategy sessions for how to get their kids to get along.

They are continually baffled by the evident hatred from Lizzy and the perceived hatred from Nash (who continues to be unsettled and whiny in Lizzy’s presence despite being a generally positive baby boy).

“Hey! It’s almost baby time!” Rachel enthuses the day before the due date of Kurt and Blaine’s son, walking into their house (that she inexplicably has a key for even though neither Kurt or Blaine ever officially gave her one) with Nash’s carrier hooked in her arm.

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Kurt grumbles.

Rachel’s smile crumbles into confusion as Blaine rolls his eyes and goes to take Nash out of his carrier. He settles Nash into his arm and bounces him slightly while tickling his tummy just to hear him giggle, “Kurt is stressing because he thinks Lizzy is going to hate her baby brother.” He explains.

“Well all evidence is pointing to the fact that she’s not a big fan of babies in the family.” Kurt argues, gesturing toward Nash, “Imagine what she’s going to do when there is a baby LIVING here.”

“She’ll be fine, Kurt.” Rachel soothes.

“That’s what I keep telling him.” Blaine says, kissing the four-month-old on the head before inhaling deeply, “Oh man I am SO excited to have another baby in the house. Why do babies always smell so good?” It’s a rhetorical question but no one is listening to him anyway.

“While I would love for Lizzy to like Nash more...” Rachel starts.

“Or at all.” Kurt interjects.

“...or at all, you can’t compare her feelings toward a baby that she sees once or twice a week, that isn’t related to her, to her baby brother.” Rachel finishes.

And while neither Kurt or Blaine will admit to Rachel being right, Lizzy absolutely adores her brother when Matthew (Matty) Devon Anderson-Hummel is born later that week. She refuses to let go of his hand when she visits him in the hospital, asks to hold him at every available opportunity, and even OFFERS to help care for him (though she does draw the line at dirty diapers).

Kurt, Blaine, Rachel, and Jesse all heave a giant sigh of relief at her reaction, assuming it means she will also begin to like Nash...

...well it’s not a HORRIBLE assumption…

“What are you doing, baby girl?” Kurt asks, one evening, two weeks after Matty is born, as they get ready to host Rachel, Jesse, and Nash for dinner. He finds Lizzy in the dining room setting out a plate in addition to the five Blaine had set out earlier.

“I’m putting a plate on the table for Matty.” Lizzy explains, simply.

Kurt smiles, “That’s sweet. You do know he’s too little to eat at the table though, right?” He says, gently.

Lizzy gives him what Kurt and Blaine have come to call her ‘bitch please’ look (that usually has them laughing when they probably should be telling her not to do it) and says, “I know that but he should still have a plate. He would feel sad without one.”

Kurt nods, “Fair point. What about Nash? Are you going to put out a plate for him too?”

Lizzy shakes her head, “No.” She says sweetly, “He can sit in the kitchen.”

Kurt’s eyes widen, “Lizzy, that’s not very nice.”

“Our table isn’t that big.” Lizzy says, matter-of-factly, before leaving the room.

Kurt watches her leave with an open mouth and confused eyes. He stands in shocked imbolility for a few moments before making his way to the kitchen to find Blaine.

Blaine’s taking the wine for the evening out of the fridge, Matty cradled in his arm, when Kurt comes in and lays his forehead on Blaine’s shoulder with an exaggerated groan, “Our daughter’s a bitch.” He says, sadly, bringing a hand up to stroke Matty’s curled up fist.

Blaine lets out a shocked huff of laughter, “Ummm wow. Explain please.” He says.

Kurt sighs and recounts his interaction with Lizzy. Blaine pouts his lips thoughtfully, “She’ll get over it.” Blaine says and whether he’s trying to reassure Kurt or himself he doesn’t know, “Maybe…” He muses as something occurs to him for the first time, “Maybe we’re looking at this the wrong way. What if Lizzy is having difficulty with Nash because he...took her spot?”

Kurt lifts his head up and furrows his brow at Blaine, “What do you mean?”

Blaine shrugs as much as he can with Matty in his arms, “Before Nash came along, Lizzy was not only our whole world, but Rachel and Jesse’s too. She had everyone’s full attention. But when Nash came along she had to share it.”

“Nash dethroned her.” Kurt says in awed realization.

“In her eyes, yeah. So her anger at being “dethroned” is directed at Nash as opposed to Matty.” Blaine finishes explaining.

“You’re so smart.” Kurt breathes, leaning down to kiss Blaine’s shoulder before resting his lips there.

Blaine chuckles, “I try.” He says, “Now comes figuring out how to help her get over it.” Kurt moves to put his chin on Blaine’s shoulder, “And just like parenting, I’m sure that will be a breeze of an experience.” He says before kissing Blaine’s cheek as the other man laughs.

-- -- --

Nash is almost three by the time he and Lizzy start to come around to each other. Leading up to that time, a highlight of their “burgeoning” relationship is Lizzy intentionally trying to trip Nash as he’s learning to walk.

“Good job, Nash!” Jesse exclaims holding Nash’s hand as the thirteen-month-old toddles his way around Kurt and Blaine’s living room. The little boy has been getting stronger and stronger each day with his walking and it’s probably only a matter of time before he’s walking completely on his own.

Lizzy’s sitting on the edge of the couch, digging her toes into the carpet, as she follows the pair with her eyes. When Nash gets close, she lets her toes slide against the carpet until they are blocking Nash’s legs, causing the little boy to stumble and then fall.

Jesse, whose head had been turned to answer something Kurt had asked, turns back when he feels the tug on his arm to watch Nash fall over Lizzy’s feet, “Lizzy!” Blaine scolds.

Another highlight includes Nash spitting food into Lizzy’s hair, which unfortunately happens more than once.

It’s his second birthday party when it happens for the first time. He’s hopped up on sugar and excitement and he’s been running around the house like a wild man for most of the day. Everyone at the party just laughs at his antics so he keeps them up.

He’s standing at the coffee table eating chips from a bowl and Lizzy is sitting on the floor next to the couch (with a scowl on her face because she has no interest in being at this birthday party). Without ceremony, Nash leans over and opens his mouth, full of Doritos, over the six-year-old’s head.

The orange mush lands on the crown of Lizzy’s head and she jerks at the sensation. She turns, bringing a hand up to feel her head, before shrieking when she realizes what must have happened.

“Nash!” Rachel scolds.

By the time Nash’s third birthday nears, both sets of parents are out of ideas. They’ve tried everything to get their kids to get along. Blaine and Kurt are blue in the face from the amount of talks they’ve had with Lizzy that always end in her fruitless agreement. They’ve tried timeouts, removal of property/privilege, and even, during a time of real desperation, bribery.

It gets so bad that the two families start decreasing the time they spend together. They go from meeting once a week, at least, to maybe once a month. It makes them sad but they just can’t seem to figure out how to make their kids like each other and their get-togethers are more stressful than not.

A couple of weeks before Nash turns three, the families go to the park together. They’ve discovered that not having the kids in a confined space lessens the arguments (which are epic despite the four year age difference. It’s like Nash’s dislike of Lizzy has overdeveloped his argument vocabulary).

Kurt, Blaine, Rachel, and Jesse are sitting on a bench as their children play: Lizzy is on the monkey bars and Nash and Matty are in the sandbox. The foursome have, unspokenly but mutually, decided that the fight between their children is a non-topic and they are actually really enjoying catching up.

Blaine notices it first as Lizzy jumps off the monkey bars and makes her way to the sandbox. He hits Kurt to get his attention and soon all four parents are watching, tensely, as Lizzy stands at the edge of the box.

They watch as Lizzy looks between Matty and Nash a few times before she shrugs and sits between them. The seven-year-old picks up a shovel and scoops a heaping pile of sand onto it. Both Matty and Nash are holding buckets but it’s Nash she turns to. She wordlessly offers the pile to him and he looks at her for a second before holding out his bucket to her.

She smiles at him and lets the sand in her shovel pour slowly into his bucket. He smiles back before going back to dumping sand into the bucket himself.

For the next ten minutes, the parents look on in awe as Lizzy, Matty, and Nash play pleasantly in the sandbox together - not a single bad thing happens.

And from then on things between the Anderson-Hummels and the St. James’ settle down. There is no evidence of past animosity as Lizzy treats both Matty and Nash like her little brothers and Nash takes to Lizzy like they had always hoped he would.

Kurt and Blaine are tucking Lizzy into bed one night, a few months later, when Kurt mentions as casually as he can, “Hey, love, Daddy and I have noticed you’ve been playing with Nash a lot more lately.” Lizzy nods, “That’s awesome,” He praises, “but we were just wondering what changed. You weren’t his biggest fan for a long time.”

Lizzy shrugs as she snuggles into bed, “He’s not so bad. I didn’t want to fight with him anymore. I have bigger problems to deal with now anyway.” She says.

Blaine’s eyes widen, “What bigger problems are those?” He asks.

Lizzy sighs, “Meghan in my class likes Nolan but *I* like Nolan.” She explains.

Kurt and Blaine stare at their daughter for a second before they turn to each other with wide, panicked eyes. This is the first time Lizzy has mentioned anything like this. They figured drama like this would be years away. They can’t help but wonder if they wouldn’t prefer her to go back to squabbling with her pseudo-cousin…

[neruran]

Jumping Through Hoops

Series: My Hero Academia

Rating: T

Genre: Gen, Humour

Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Kaminari Denki, brief appearances/mentions of Kirishima Eijirou, Ashido Mina, Sero Hanta, Jirou Kyouka, Bakugou Mitsuki

Other tags: Bakugou Katsuki Swears a Lot, rated for Bakugou’s potty mouth, Future Fic, mildly OOC

Summary: Bakugou walked into work with a sprained wrist one day.

Read on  AO3|FF.net

Inspired by Brooklyn Nine-Nine because I love that show, and that cold open is definitely one of the best. Wrote most of this two days ago at 4am and figured it was funny enough to post.

As the above tags state, this takes place in the future when the Bakusquad have their own hero office together. This is irrelevant to the story, but my headcanon is that the agency is named after Bakugou at his insistence, but they’re all his partners rather than his sidekicks. He throws a fit every time someone calls them his sidekicks because he doesn’t need underlings, they’re all people who stand on equal ground with him. They all point out that maybe if they changed the name to something more general people would stop assuming but nope, Bakugou’s too stubborn. Anyway, on with the fic.

It was an ordinary day in the Bakusquad Hero Office (that wasn’t the actual name, but all the heroes in said office except for Bakugou called it that anyway when the public wasn’t listening). At least, it had been until Bakugou walked in looking his usual Morning Disgruntled (as opposed to his Afternoon Annoyed or his Neutral Frowny Disinterest) and a brace around his left wrist. Immediately everyone became curious, because Bakugou hardly ever got any injuries that would require more than a bandaid and the few times he did usually meant extended hospital stays.

“Whoa, Bakugou, you okay?” Kirishima asked, standing from his desk. “What happened?”

“Fucking nothing, I’m fine,” Bakugou grunted as he passed them all, headed for his office. He was the only one of their group to have his own office room, having won the honour in an arm wrestling tournament when they first moved into the space, just barely beating out Kirishima. The rest of them had their desks gathered in the centre of the main room, something they found to be a blessing for socialization and a curse against focus.

“Yeah Kiri, leave him be,” Kaminari said, leaning in his desk as he watched Bakugou step into the office. “If he says he’s fine then he’s fine…”

The others exchanged looks with each other, not at all convinced by Kaminari’s attempt to not arouse Bakugou’s suspicion, but shrugged it off when Bakugou paid them no mind, kicking the door halfway shut. Once satisfied that Bakugou was going to be distracted, Kaminari turned back around, gesturing for everyone to move in closer.

“So I know our man Bakugou isn’t normally very forthcoming with this kind of stuff, but the fact he doesn’t look any more annoyed than usual and isn’t bragging or complaining about his latest arrest could only mean one thing,” he whispered once his friends and colleagues were huddled in.

“He’s...secretly doing some vigilante work?” Kirishima suggested, unsure.

“No, of course not, it means he probably hurt himself doing something stupid or embarrassing, but he’s trying to act like normal so we don’t get suspicious! Like, I dunno, maybe he hurt himself smiling like a normal person or something.”

“How the heck would he hurt his wrist of all things by smiling?” Ashido asked incredulously.

“I don’t know, Bakugou would find a way!”

“Maybe he just took up a new sport or something?” Jirou - who wasn’t part of their crew ordinarily, having her own hero office, but she was collaborating with Sero on a case that week - piped in.

“Like what? Last I heard, there hasn’t been anything called Murderball invented yet, and you really think he wouldn’t brag about a hard-won injury in something like that?” Sero countered.

Jirou shrugged. “Just a suggestion.”

“Oi, dipshits.” They all turned to see Bakugou standing just outside his office, glaring at them. Evidently they hadn’t heard the door creak open in their distraction. “I’m not fucking deaf, I can hear you just fine in my office.”

Kirishima was the only one who at all looked sheepish at being called out for gossipping; Sero, Jirou, Kaminari, and Ashido meanwhile all mimed varying degrees of innocence.

Rolling his eyes, Bakugou stepped closer, holding up his wrist. “Before you start getting some other dumbass ideas, an asshole plowed into me while I was walking home yesterday and I sprained my wrist when I fell over. Wasn’t an emergency and it’s been a stupidly slow week with work so I couldn’t get an appointment to have it healed until the day after tomorrow. Fucking simple as that,” he explained, storming over to the coffee maker and pouring himself a cup. “Didn’t think it was relevant to anything you idiots were supposed to be doing, so I wasn’t assed to explain.” Coffee poured, he turned back to the group, glaring. “Get your asses in gear. Since I can’t use my quirk with my left hand for the next 48 hours unless I want to make the sprain worse, you fuckers gotta pick up the slack, and anyone who’s sticking around to do paperwork will have me getting on their case to get it done.”

Disappointed with the lack of juicy details and properly cowed, the crowd dispersed, Kirishima and Ashido heading out on patrol while Jirou and Sero took to the break room to discuss their case in private. Kaminari pouted, turning in his chair to start work on some paperwork he was behind on.

“Hey Drooly.”

He looked up to see Bakugou standing beside his desk, expression carefully schooled to be unreadable. Idly Kaminari thought Bakugou’s “blank face” looked a lot like Todoroki’s default expression and had to wonder if that was on purpose. “Uh, yeah man?”

Bakugou did a quick glance from side to side, making sure the others were either gone or not listening before he leaned in closer. “Wanna how how I actually sprained my wrist?”

“Yes,” Kaminari answered immediately, eyes going wide in curious glee. Bakugou was confiding in him? Really? He knew they were good friends, but Bakugou generally chose Kirishima over him to tell secrets. This one must have been something big if he didn’t want to tell his best friend.

Bakugou paused a moment, then spoke quietly and seriously. “I was hula hooping.”

Well, of all the things Kaminari was expecting, that hadn’t been one of them, but boy howdy was it so much better than whatever his imagination could come up with. It couldn’t be real, Bakugou had to be pulling his leg. The disbelief must have showed on his face, because Bakugou pulled out his phone and tapped a couple times before showing it to Kaminari, revealing a picture slideshow of Bakugou indeed hula hooping. Kaminari couldn’t believe his eyes.

“My old hag convinced me to try a class out with her since Dad was busy, and it was actually surprisingly fun and relaxing,” Bakugou continued, swiping through the various pictures, likely taken by his mother. “I mastered all the tricks, because I don’t halfass anything. The pizza toss, the scorpion, you name it.”

This was too good to be true. Kaminari could feel himself practically vibrating in his seat at the sheer amazingness of this information. Oh, wait until the others heard this...Awestruck and so excited, he turned to Bakugou with wide eyes. “Why are you telling me this?” he whispered. Had he finally reached the same friendship level Kirishima was at? Was he beyond it?

Bakugou looked him dead in the eye. “Because no one will ever believe you.” And with those ominous words, he clicked delete on the photo album, destroying the evidence.

Kaminari’s face melted into absolute horror, a strangled sound coming out of his throat; Bakugou grinned deviously. “Nonono!” Kaminari wailed, reaching for the phone to try and reverse the deletion, but Bakugou cackled and moved out of the way. “Ugh! No matter, I can recover it, I’m sure it’s in a cloud somewhere!” Being the resident IT had to be good for something besides giving the shitty printer they’d gotten third-hand a little jolt to make it behave or performing percussive maintenance on the stubborn router.

“Nice try, but I already accounted for that. Those were the only copies that will ever see human eyes ever again,” Bakugou jeered. “Have fun!”

“You sadistic asshole!” Kaminari cried after him, dropping his head to his desk when Bakugou merely cackled harder and disappeared into his office, door properly closing this time. He wanted to sob.

Jirou and Sero poked their heads out of the break room curiously. “What just happened?” Jirou asked, voice confused and suspicious. Few good things happened when Bakugou cackled, she had a right to be wary.

Kaminari did sob, because Bakugou was right; he could explain all he wanted, but without evidence to back up his story, their friends would all think he was just making it up. Bakugou hula hooping, and enjoying it at that? You’d have be on some wacky substance to come up with that one. He regretted explaining to Bakugou how hackers and criminals cover their digital footprints and expunge incriminating information. His only other option was begging Mitsuki, and, well, Bakugou got his twisted sense of humour from somewhere. More than likely if he asked, she’d either withhold the evidence or deny it all together just to see him squirm more, especially if her son discussed his plans beforehand.

The next two days involved Bakugou casually dropping the word “hoop” in random conversations whenever Kaminari was in earshot (and twice managing to sneak “hula” in without raising any eyebrows) and relishing in his friend’s slow descent into madness. When Bakugou finally sauntered into work brace-less, Kaminari knew that he looked far too happy and excited than what was deemed normal, but he found he didn't care.

I'm pretty sure Bakugou is a sadistic troll when he's bored or properly motivated. Poor Kaminari. If you're wondering why he picked Kaminari, it was entirely because he was behind on his paperwork and was the least likely person to be able to convince his mother to send copies. Please leave a comment, kudos, or reblog this post if you enjoyed this!