#give them credit for or even maybe think about. like i do think blackbeard as a physical manifestation of ed's heartbreak is still ofc

[bowieandqueen11]

Not Just A Trinket / Izzy Hands Imagine

Request: hi! ur writing is EVERYTHING btw. ur an amazing writer. you mentioned you wanted to write for izzy hands again and i have a request– feel free to ignore if it's not what ur looking for :) maybe izzy hands x reader where the reader has a small gift for him (a little trinket, a beaded crystal bracelet– something they made for him) but they're WAY too anxious to give it to him because they're scared he won't like it so they end up just carrying it around, trying to build up the courage to give it to him pfft

AHHH thank you so much my lovely, that's so sweet of you, and so is this idea!!! :3 Also I know I'm a little early in the timeline mentioning Davy Jones but I like to think of Izzy as a trendsetter ;)

Warning: mentions of fighting/ injury and strong language, some sexual innuendo!

(I do not own OFMD or its characters, all rights go to creators. Gif credit goes to @nadsdraws.)

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°

Izzy Hands was beginning to detest feeling like this.

He would rather charge sword first at a horde of raging Englishmen: would prefer to scrabble and scrape and scratch through the eye sockets of thousands of the Spanish with naught but his bloodied fingernails. Hell, even grovelling under the sole of the snivelling wreck that now possessed his former boss like a twisted nightmare, a horrid regret, would be preferable. If his hand wasn't too firmly attached to tangled rope of one of the shrouds in a death grip, if his glove wasn't close to bursting at the seams with how tightly he was gripping, he had half a mind to draw his dagger out of its scabbard and gouge his heart out right there and then.

He looked furious. So much so, that Roach was quick to side step him as he hopped down the steps with fresh sewing materials in his hand, giving a final look back at the intent man who only bared his teeth at the cook in response. Valuing his life, or at least the ability to keep all his fingers, if the sight of the keen blade being twisted between Izzy's free fingers told him anything, Roach is quick to recoil back and raise a concerned eyebrow in Wee John's direction. He in turn just rolls his eyes and lowers his head back to his sewing, but the rest of Stede's crew are astute enough, from where they're lingering around the deck, to notice the thick tension brewing like cold shivers of electricity in the air. Even Jim and Oluwande were giving each other side eyes, pausing their hammering at the helm to dart their eyes to their side and trace the path of Izzy's line of sight.

It never wavered. Every time they looked, it never changed. He had spent the last two hours gaping sourly towards the edge of the quarter deck. Gawking solely at you, without a single movement, without a single flicker outside the bubble where you hunched.

You thought he was angry at you for arranging a special outing for Ed and Stede at Datura Grotto, finally indulging in finding a way for them to spend some time alone after your Captain had begged and hounded you for days; he had become so accustomed to bursting through doors trying to find you and ask for your help, that the poor daunted man nearly burst into tears when he smashed your bedroom door into your nose and nearly broke it. The rest of the crew believed he was plotting something: trying to pick out the quieter members of their friends first, as payback for being stuck on this so called 'straight out of Davy Jones' arsehole' of a ship for so long.

Izzy, though. Izzy knew he was smitten. And he fucking hated it. He hated feeling so vulnerable.

Out of all the crew members still pretending to mill about, only Lucius was daring enough to purse his lips and look brazenly back at Blackbeard's first mate. Only Lucius, in fact, was feeling equally brave, and equally vexatious that fine afternoon to muster up the courage to slide up beside him. 'Someone in a bad mood today, are we?'. He taps the ships railing with the point of his nail, the broom he had been pretending to sweep splintered pieces off the floor a moment ago soon forgotten about as he leans it against the side of the ship. He replaces the loss by dropping his hand to his hip, cocking his head and smiling at an increasingly agitated looking Izzy. 'Would it have anything to do with that fine young sea farer over there by any chance? How romantic, Dizzy Izzy. Oh, I do love a good fix-me-up-'

Oh, he was enjoying this.

Izzy's quick to snap, not even bothering to look in Lucius' direction. 'Fuck off, before I do you a favour and cut that little seducing tongue out of your mouth for you.' Lucius watches Izzy's fingers tighten into leather clad black balls on the rope ladder, and doesn't need a second warning to trot off back towards his friends again. With a final wide eyed look of shock, he turns back to Black Pete and shrugs, holding his hands up as if to say that he tried his best.

All the while, you just keep your gaze steady out and onto the brewing horizon of the sea, watching as foam shook out like reaching hands around your ankles as they across cut through the wave crests, only the salty sting of thrumming silence keeping you company underneath his watchful gaze. The beaded necklace you had spent the last week or so threading together, carefully crafted by trembling fingers and a bit tongue during long evenings spent in your hammock, was beginning to feel like an anchor weight in your pocket. You tried to distract yourself with mundane, idle chit chat with a very thankful Lucius, who had swung over to your side after Pete convinced him to go scouting out for some more gossip. Swinging his legs between the latches of the port quarter, he merrily took the hammer you were idly holding from your hand and began to 'fix up the ship', his wrist barely moving as he turned to you with a scheming smile.

'So, do you know what's going on then? Why Izzy's acting like this? I swear, that man. If he doesn't bend over right now and try to get that stick out of his arse, he's going to be a miserable sad sack of repressed irritation forever. He's like a jack in the box. I swear to god, I'm just waiting for him to burst.' The tone of his voice sounds almost worried, but Lucius is smiling and waggling his eyebrows the whole while. 'That would be kind of funny, actually. I've always imagined him as a stamper. Or maybe a screamer-'

You have no idea what to say, not understanding Lucius' oh so unsubtle hints, so you just run your fingers over the bulge in your pocket once more and chime in to his rant from time to time with a disinterested 'hmm' or distracted 'oh, yeah. Definitely.' It really didn't help that you were beginning to blush the same champagne hue as the bubbles between your toes with how gravely Izzy was staring at the side of your face. It was growing increasingly harder not to give into the temptation: to not just swing your head around and meet his hard-set eyes head on.

Once he realises you're dead set on staying right there, away from him, hiding in the corner all day, he sighs and let's go of the sails, marching off to do another impromptu inspection of the boarded vessel. It's an easy distraction: yelling orders at Wee John, spitting insults at Roach as he scurries out of Izzy's way, stealing the Swede's cup out of his hand and spraying beads of coffee around Buttons' feet. All of it was a Grade A fantastic distraction, and Izzy was hell bent on forgetting just how quickly time had gone by that day: Ed and the moronic, sappy, massive twat of an arse Stede would be back from their foliage constitutional any minute now, and Izzy was acutely aware that he was running out of both minutes, and chances to ask you to take a walk with him on the island himself. He had spent far too much of the morning wasting away, leaning his back on Stede's antique armoire and watching you with crossed arms: like a weathered statue, the growing umbra he cast somehow seeming to reach its tendrils out and blanch the fringes of the doorway. Even Fang and Ivan had been too terrified to come near him, and so he had been left alone. A silent sentinel, trying to figure out why the fuck his heart was cracking against the cage of his ribs and tearing their ligaments to shreds.

You hadn't exactly made things any easier for the man: feeling so intimated, you had spent the whole morning begging your friends to whisk you away from him at the first sign of danger. Whether that meant ducking behind Frenchie's lute like a crab, or hiding like a bulky turtle under the large bit of crimson cloth Oluwande was fiddling with the tassels of, you had used any form of escape to save you from the embarrassment of having to be near him. To let him see how flustered you became just at the overwhelmingly intense pressure you felt in the air any time he swaggered over to your side: to hide the fact that your eyes would widen in abject horror, your breath hitching any time the back of his gloved hand would 'accidentally' brush against your wrist as he went on his merry way, pretending it was all by accident. That it was all just a little game to him.

Little did you know, that he was feeling exactly the same way. The one time he had dared to come over to you that day had been an unmitigated disaster. He thought he was being... well, as kind as he possibly could be by slapping you on the shoulder and saying 'how good of a job you're doing.' He was nodding his head between every word, that jilted, simpering smile on his face as he supplemented his sentiment with an incredibly heartfelt 'at least Y/n knows how to do a fucking thing on this ship, not like you lot of useless fucking fuckers they have to work with. The rest of you are embarrassing, really.' He went to walk away, the side of his wrist glancing against the back of your hand as he finished with a breathless 'you lot could learn a thing or two from Y/n.'

He had staggered away from you as if mortally wounded, tongue bitten between his teeth as he tried as nonchalantly as possible to make his way back to the stern of the ship. While you were busy trying to bury your head down into your chest and avoid the smirking faces of Lucius and Pete, you happened to notice from the side of your eye that with each step Izzy was ringing out his hand. To your surprise, he used his teeth to rip his glove off, tucking it under his armpit as he wrangled with his fingers; he couldn't stop every cell burning as if it had just been reeled under the bottom of the ship. Couldn't understand why his fingertips wouldn't stop shaking as he flexed them.

Lucius was right. He was about to erupt, and he wondered if he'd ever be alright again.

It took until the sun nearly bowing over the jaded unicorn surmounting the anterior of the Revenge for you to find the courage to finally slink away from your convenient hiding spot to go over to Izzy. Well, that and the feel of Lucius literally dragging you up by the wrist and giving you a well meaning shove in the back towards the helm.

'Oh, fuck me', Izzy hisses as he watches you approach, turning his back to you to hide how flustered he was becoming with each tugging step at his heart you take towards him. He nearly jumps high enough to fall face first off the side of the boat when he feels your hand tentatively tap his shoulder, but he manages to inhale sharply and compose himself as best as he can before he flicks his eyes to look at you.

'I-uh-', you swallow thickly, shakily drawing your hand away from him and tucking it behind your back. 'I-, uh. I, I mean, I-'. The two of you, a far change of pace from usual, can barely keep your eyes on each other.

You feel like throwing your shoe at Lucius when you register the all too familiar sing song-y chime of his voice murmuring 'say something!' from behind your back. 'Or I swear to god, I'll kiss the man for you!'

'Well, I-', you start again, shooting the most vicious glare you could strangle out of you back at your friend. With a final sigh, you continue: 'I saw your necklace, and I don't mean to pry- but since you're always wearing black, which of course is incredibly cool, I just- well, I thought it needed a burst of colour.' Without a second thought, you scramble to pull your makeshift necklace out of your trousers, and shove the glistening glass emeralds and burnished pearls into his fist.

'It's just a silly thing, really. I saw Stede fixing Ed's red fabric and I just thought... well, you don't have to wear it. It's just a trinket, it's stupid. Really, you don't have to wear it. I'm sorry-'. After a pause, the burning sensation is enough to make you turn on your heel and bashfully start to make a break for the Rec Centre, just to get as far away from him as possible.

'It's not just a trinket.' The softness of his tone, despite how harshly he sounds out the letters makes you swivel back in surprise. He takes the opportunity to take a step forward and grab onto your wrist. He tugs you closer, until you're standing dangerously close to him: if he were to inhale deeply now, to puff his chest out just a tenth of an inch, your belly buttons would be tightly pressed upon each other. You can already feel his buttons strain against your shirt as he whistles out through bunched teeth, the breath sharp and warm against the side of your jaw. 'Don't say that. Never say that. It came from you, so it's not-... just, don't say that.'

He blinks, slowly releasing his viper grip.

'I like it. I really do. Thank you.' He motions awkwardly with a flick of his fingers to the side of his neck. 'Would you mind? With the gloves, I'm... not very good with clasps. Haven't, haven't used one in a long time.'

You can't stop your head from nodding, feeling like a wound up spring toy as you unfurled his fingers again and took the gift back. With a final swallow, you try not to turn cerise as you gently roll down the collar of his shirt. It folds easily down over his vest, until your bare fingers are dragging over the naked line of skin on his neck, just teasingly hiding the tense muscles of his upper back.

'You really didn't have to do this for me, you know.'

'Yeah... but I wanted to. You're not as much of an arsehole as Stede tries to make out.' You manage out a giggle, before you're back to biting your bottom lip in concentration, brushing a few strands away from the back of his head.

He wants to say more, but his voice chokes in the back of his throat like rifting water, his mouth trembling as your fingers brush over the coiled grey hairs bristling at the nape of his neck. It feels like a red hot poker is being dragged across his skin; he shivers at the feeling, a tight coil rolling across his limbs before settling uncomfortably heavy in the pit of his stomach.

He looks like he's about to weep when you take a step back, reaching up with a final pat to make sure the little metal swallow that adorns the centre of your necklace is lying perfectly against his breast. You may have lingered there a little longer than necessary... long enough for your palm to begin burning against the firm muscle of his pec, and for Lucius to draw out an enunciated wolf whistle, but it was definitely worth it. Even the sound of Frenchie snickering from the barrel he was perched on down on the deck was drowned out by the thrumming toll in your ears: by the sound of Izzy's sharp breath piercing your ear as he wavered uneasily on the spot. He didn't want to move away from you, not yet. He could barely even hear them. For the first time in his life, he didn't even fucking care. All he could focus on, over the bridge of his nose - through the gentle curls of his tired eyelashes, was you.

He was intoxicated - but even worse, he was finally beginning to understand. By god, he wondered. What the fuck had you done to him? Could this really be what Edward feels? Could anyone, really, feel this much?

'I hear swallows are meant to bring good luck', you state with bated breath, fingering the charm you had picked up from a market stall at the Republic of Pirates for a final time. It had reminded you almost immediately of Izzy: a hidden treasure, glistening white-gold, like fresh sunlight flitting across the glitter combs littered across the sea beds. It had been well buried within piles of muck: old straw, rotten bits of moulding fruit, bloodied bones twisted into odd shapes that you could barely recognise, but it had been lying there. Waiting just for you. A needle in the haystack. The final piece of the puzzle.

Izzy's breath draws in sharply as you absentmindedly begin to brush your pointer finger up and up: tracing the edge of his jaw line before rolling over the same bird tattoo lacing his neck, your eyes still drawn to the gap between his shirt where his Adam's apple lay tautly.

'Yes. Very good luck', he states, amazed he even found his voice. Surprisingly, he doesn't even try to pull away. He lets you trace your finger over the beak, gliding across the round belly until they're dancing teasingly over its tail. In fact, without his wonderous, dipped eyes looking away from you, he seems to be tilting his head in time, allowing you easier access to brush against his skin and steal his soul with every movement.

Before he has time to think of the repercussions of what he was about to do, the leather of his gloves flex around your cheeks and Izzy Hands has bowed his back down over you, lips knocking against yours. It's terse, and rather urgent in its forcefulness; it was both a slip of outrageous passion, and a terse reminder of his years out of practice feeling any sort of physical affection, and yet you couldn't help but brush up even closer to the man. He welcomes you eagerly, even though this eternity lasted only a moment: with his thumb, he tilts the jut of your chin up so he can lick his tongue against your bottom lip all the more easily. His knee slides forward until it knocks against your own, lurching you forward and saving him the embarrassment of having to voluntarily admit to his weakness and slide his other hand around the pulse point of your neck, until he was cradling the bone of your shoulder.

He finally draws back, his tongue darting out to lick along the edge of his top lip. 'Yeah, very lucky indeed.' He seems sorrowful to be letting go of you, but the loud whistling and snorting that begins to bounce back and forth between Stede's crew snaps Izzy back to himself. With a final glance back down to your lips, he struts off to pick up Lucius' long abandoned broom and starts chasing him across the ship with it.

[adickaboutspoons]

Why are Ivan and Fang backing Izzy up in the doggy heaven scene?

So follow me here; we know by this point in the show that Izzy is a bit of a petty tyrant when it comes to giving orders, but we also know that Ivan and Fang don't particularly respect his authority.

After Izzy grabs Fang by the beard in ep 2, we hear Ivan and Fang discuss how unnecessary, unwelcomed, and unfair it is for him to do so with a strong implication that it happens with fair frequency. Perhaps it's just that I've worked for pettier tyrants than Izzy, but my co-workers and I knew well that any complaints or even questioning unfair managerial decisions had to happen well clear of the job floor or we would absolutely be censured or met with far less favorable circumstances than whatever bs had already been imposed. So for Ivan and Fang to be having that discussion within earshot of Izzy tells me they give approximately zero fucks about whether Izzy will be upset by their "insubordination."

Then, in ep 5, we get unmistakable confirmation from Fang that this is the case. Izzy tasks him with watching to make sure Lucius scrapes the barnacles off the hull, but it only takes a few words from Lucius to convince Fang to haul him up and skive off. Clearly Izzy's orders were not that important to him. When Wee John tells him Izzy is looking for him, Fang replies with a "let him look." He then proceeds to dish about Izzy's unfortunate nickname and the circumstances under which it arose. Even when Izzy wanders into the room he can't be arsed to get up from where he's posing for Lucius' drawing or even cover himself. Clearly he is not the least bit worried about getting in trouble over not fulfilling his assignment, nor does he show any deference to Izzy's face.

Then, toward the beginning of ep 6, we've got Ivan questioning whether the plan to kill Stede is off and Fang agreeing that it probably is. Izzy insists that it's still very much on, but Fang and Ivan both push back on that assertion. Fang notes how Ed is having "an awfully nice time" telling ghost stories with Stede's crew. "This is the most open and available I've ever seen him," Ivan says. And not in a way that suggests any disgust or derision. He sounds genuine and possibly even a little admiring. I wouldn't go so far as to suggest that either Fang or Ivan sound relieved to think that they're not going to be killing Stede, but neither would I say they sound at all disappointed.

So what did Izzy do to get them so riled and willing to back him up? And how did they get them to the point that they agreed with him that Stede, a whole ass human man, was essentially the same thing as a pet?

Did he play upon their sad memories about their pets until he achieved affective override and harp upon Blackbeard's policy, which he well-knew they opposed? Did he promise them a chance to confront Ed about the unfairness of this policy and the emotional turmoil engendered thereby?

I mean, it seems the most likely course to me, but it also seems to give Izzy a bit more credit for subtlety than I'm strictly comfortable granting him. After all, he's not a great tactician like Ed, nor a master manipulator like Calico Jack. Don't get me wrong, we do see him attempting to be manipulative a few times; clearly when he lied to Ed about telling Stede that Blackbeard wanted to meet him, he did so with the intention of evoking Blackbeard's wrath toward Stede, and we see him finessing Stede toward the fuckery after Stede's gotten frustrated and called it off. It's just that Izzy's not very good at manipulation? I mean, it works with Stede, but lbr, Stede barely needed the nudge because doing a fuckery was something he wanted. It backfired spectacularly with Ed. More often than not, Izzy is more of a brute-force-it kind of problem solver (for certain values of "solving" problems). Maybe I'm not giving him enough credit?

Thoughts?

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

one of my pet peeves for modern aus is the ones where they make izzy ed's best friend or longtime friend because if ed's gonna have one... its jack. it's literally supported by canon. like put izzy and jack next to the revenge crew and your answer for who fits in better is jack, whose only crimes in the show were trying to pull ed away from stede and committing seagull murder (all of which to save ed in a plan IZZY made) im so salty about all the hate jack gets in fics

Oh for sure. My least favoriate thing ever is when people put Izzy in another character's position. Jack is Ed's buddy at the very least. Izzy is just a coworker. Jack is who Ed would choose to hang out with 100% of the time if his options are Jack or Izzy. Also if you're gonna give Ed a best friend who is antagonistic to his new boyfriend, Stede and Jack being mean to each other is so much more fun in my personal opinion because Stede is mean to Izzy and Izzy's head explodes and steam starts coming out of his ears like he's in a cartoon and he yells something incoherent, where as Jack and Stede can have a bitchy little back and fourth that leaves Jack crying for sympathy and Stede's self esteem buried six feet under. It truly is the dynamic ever.

I don't usually have a problem with Jack hate in fics actually because jack is hateable and there often needs to be a villain, and in Our Flag so far the roster of villains has been Izzy, Jack, and the interchangeable badminton twins. Maybe the rich french fuckers but I don't want to give them that much credit tbh. so you know he's one of three and a half bad guys so I get it. However! there is one trope that frustrates me, and I think the main reason that it frustrates me is because its a trope that I hate with all of my guts and is pernicious in the calicobeard tag and that is the idea that Ed and Jack's relationship was non-consentual. There are tons of reasons to hate him, you don't have to turn him into a rapist. That's my pet peeve and my line. Otherwise yeah he's a villain, good. I like it when he causes problems. It's my favorite thing.

That being said I do think he's the most easily rehabilitated villain out of every villain in ofmd (I'm only counting Nigel, Chauncey, Izzy, and Jack as villains.) Simply because he's a pirate that we frankly don't actually know that much about. We don't even know why he's doing this. Yeah Izzy probably slid him a slice of that sweet sweet navy money under the table, but for all we know Izzy had that meeting with Jackie and Chauncey, found Jack afterwards and went "Hey man, so me and Blackbeard are on the outs right now and he's got this new boyfriend who is being super hunted by the British navy, the boyfriend is a rich guy and I know how much you hate those. But anyway Blackbeard doesn't know that Stede is being hunted and I just told them where they can find them so somebody should probably go get Blackbeard out of there and it shouldn't be me, because he's mad at me right now." and Jack said "Oh my god, you made a deal with the british navy? I'm gonna love watching Blackbeard kick your ass when I bring him back here. I'm going to now go do some insane shit to save his life again. Yeah sure I'll make sure the boyfriend dies just so that Beardy doesn't run back and get his ass killed, but only if you slide me a few dubbies for my troubles." It's also possible that he's full chaotic evil joker mode and when Izzy told him the plan he went "Yeah alright, haven't seen Beardy in a while could be funny." We simply do not know. Is he destitute because he's been mutinied three times and he needs the money? Has he never been mutinied in his entire life and he's minted because he's Calico fucking Jack and he's just here for shits and giggles? I tend to go with the "he cares about Ed" reading because I want to fuck him, but it's up to you. His backstory is wide open baby. What we do know Ed likes him a lot actually, Ed cares about him and Stede getting along. We know he saved Ed's life, even if he does hold it over his head because he's a shit head(although how often he does that is also a question mark, there's so much blank space to work with with him, he can be anything you want him to be other than nice).

And you know what, until the thing with Karl the crew liked him too. The crew never liked Izzy, whatever Jack's got going on is way more compatible with the crew than Izzy, and yet I see all these fics and headcanons where the idea that Izzy will stick around after all of this is over is just taken for granted. But they could easily forgive Jack if he sucked Ed's dick, moonbathed with Buttons, and slid Olivia some birdseed because he's funny and cool and Ed's buddy. Where as Izzy can never ever be trusted in a million years, he was never fun to be around, and no one likes him. (I'm sure Jack and Ed have fucked each other over before, they're messy bitches.)

Now I don't think Jack's getting rehabilitated in cannon, in fact we're probably never gonna see him again. I'm hoping for a flashback but I won't hold my breath. It's part of why I'm writing I'm Not Going Anywhere. Because somebody needs to put this man through the st*ddyhands treatment and it's not gonna happen in the show, so it is the realm of fanfiction and no one else is doing it. Jack was fucking built for an enemies to lovers because he's the kind of man who stands too close to his romantic rival at the urinals to prove his dick is bigger. Enemies to lovers is incredibly fun to do with Jack and Izzy because Izzy is eminently bullyable and also the kind of guy belongs in one of those "don't bully me I'll cum" shirts, but it can also be fun to do with Stede "pissboots" Bonnet. I'm not sure if INGA is going that direction I haven't decided yet, but someone should do it post haste I'm so serious.

I don't necessarily want everyone to see him how I see him. I'm fine with being his only apologist. back in april the universe decided he'd gone long enough being the most hated character and decided he needed one apologist and it spun the wheel of OFMD fans and it landed on me and I became the public defender appointed to him. I am over worked and underpaid and he is a terrible client. I have made him take a plea deal on the Karl murder charge.

This has gotten unhinged thank you for letting me chew on Calico jack for like 25 minutes.

[run-me-through-but-not-like-that]

Four's a Charm Chapter 10

Read here or on Ao3:

Chapter 10. Storytime

A lot of your free time had been spent in the captain’s cabin and you knew that it had to be a change noticed by the rest of the crew. How many times can you share breakfast and dinner in the captain’s cabin instead of with the rest of the crew like you usually do before somebody became curious. However, you missed meals times with the crew, a moment where everyone comes together and gets to catch up.

So, you had joined the crew for dinner this evening, sitting in your usual seat. Nobody had questioned you; everything was normal. You should have known that it wouldn’t last, the crew enjoyed a little bit of gossip.

“We’ve missed ya at supper” Black Pete grinned at you. He sounded sincere, you doubted he meant to prompt the conversation that was about to follow.

“Aw, thanks. I’ve missed you guys too” you really had. You spent your days with them out on the deck, but it was the mealtimes that got the crew to come together every evening.

“Bit weird though. Like, the captains always eat together. Weird that they’ve been asking you to join them so much” Roach commented offhandedly as he ate. “No offence or anything” he waved his hand dismissively and you believed that he genuinely meant no harm, he was just curious.

“You have been spending a lot of time with them, and Izzy actually…they training you to be first mate or something, Mijo?” Jim questioned, as if that would be the only reason you were spending so much time with the three men. To be fair to the crew, the possibility of a relationship between the four of you had surprised you, you couldn’t blame them for coming up with other conspiracies.

“First mate? No, that’s Buttons’ place” you shook your head, quickly shutting that down. You didn’t want anyone thinking that you wanted to take anyone’s place. You didn’t want Buttons putting some sort of hex or curse on you. “We’re just friends, y’know?”

“You mean friends with Izzy, too?” Swede didn’t sound judgemental with his question, but you were sure that the others were silently judging. You couldn’t really blame them, Izzy had been…insufferable for the most part.

“Yeah, I guess. He’s not so bad when he’s not being a dick” you confessed, without giving too much information way. You hoped a casual answer would put an end to the conversation.

It didn’t. “Then you’re seeing something we didn’t” Fang hummed, sounding a little curious, Ivan nodding in agreement.

“So, can you tell us why Izzy is suddenly aright with the whole thing? Y’know, with Stede and Blackbeard” Frenchie asked. Another honest question. It would be so much easier to tell them all to drop it if they weren’t all being so sincere.

“Yeah, he was real upset about them before” Oluwande reminded you, as if you needed reminding. You had been the one to talk to him about it.

“Stopped trying to kill Stede, doesn’t get all pissy when the captains are together” Wee John added.

You opened your mouth to speak but shut it again, thinking about what you were going to say. Lucius was looking at you, waiting to see how you would answer, being the only other person at the table who knew the truth. “I dunno guys, maybe he’s just accepted it” you shrugged, acting like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Yeah! Like, he’s been easier to be around, probably just got over himself” Lucius agreed loudly, but it was a little…unconvincing. You could help but give him a slightly exasperated look, silently reminding him to not say a word. Still, you had to give him credit for trying to help. He wasn’t a good liar, but he was a good friend.

“Yeah, totally” Black Pete agreed with an eager nod. Okay, so Lucius has definitely told Pete everything, good to know.

“Wish I could tell you more, but I really don’t know anything” in all honesty, you hadn’t really thought about what you would tell the crew until now.

Thankfully, the crew didn’t always have a strong attention span, so they eventually did go back to sharing their own little conversations. Meaning you didn’t have to answer any more questions and instead could begin to overthink.

Whenever Ed or Stede were out on deck, you would talk to them, laugh with them. You would share little touches, nothing too blatant but not because you were trying to hide anything, it was just what felt natural with them. Of course, you and Izzy usually spent more time on deck since that’s where you worked. He had stopped chastising you about tasks, always been nicer about it to you and you were sure that didn’t go unnoticed. Maybe the little smiles you occasionally managed to pull from him hadn’t gone unnoticed either. You had never purposely tried to hide anything but now you wondered if you were supposed to.

Were you and Izzy meant to be a secret part of the relationship or could people know?

You knew they wouldn’t care; Lucius and Pete weren’t monogamous; they weren’t in an exclusive relationship, but they loved each other, and everybody accepted that without a second thought. Though, you were in an exclusive relationship, just not a monogamous one. Okay, you were giving yourself a headache now.

-

The question kept nagging at you that evening, the uncertainty of the answer making you uncomfortable. However, you allowed yourself to relax and distract yourself once all the daily tasks were done and Stede had come out to lead a story time.

The crew had settled down on the deck, making themselves comfortable, while Stede flicked to the right page in his book. Edward was sat beside his co-captain, watching with those big eyes, just full of adoration.

You had joined the crew, of course. You always joined story times, listening to whichever story was picked out before retiring to your own cabin. Well, the captains’ cabin these days.

The only members of the crew missing were Buttons, who was staring out at the inky waves like he knew something he shouldn’t, and Izzy, who was stand at the helm. The latter looked furious as he glared down at the crew, it would be fair to say that he still hadn’t come around to story times.

“Alright, is everyone ready?” Stede asked when he found his page, receiving a round of affirmatives. Stede looked around at you all before looking up at the helm, where Izzy stood. “Izzy, join us why don’t you?” the first mate was clearly caught off guard by the invitation, the furious look falling from his face in pure shock.

“Reckon you’d like this one, mate” Edward called up to him, trying to encourage him.

“Do you even know which one it is?” Izzy asked with a scoff, but he was still begrudgingly approaching the crew.

“The one about the puppet” Edward told him smugly.

“Wee John picked it” Stede nodded.

“We’re pirates” Izzy gritted out. He didn’t have to say the rest of it, you all knew what he was saying. You were pirates, you shouldn’t all gather around to be read too, but, hell, it made the crew happy and it made Stede happy.

“If you don’t want to listen, piss off. Don’t ruin it for the rest of us” Roach huffed. Thankfully, Wee John and Frenchie were quick to begin whispering to him. Whatever they were saying, you couldn’t hear them, seemed to be easing his irritation.

“Make yourself comfortable, Israel” Stede welcomed him, overlooking the hostility from both men.

Izzy faltered for a moment, his expression hardening some more, he still hadn’t got used to being called by his full name.

Hoping to both distract from his irritation and to encourage him further, you spoke up. “Here, I’ve got room” you lifted the blanket off of your lap and pat the space beside you, welcoming him to sit beside you with a smile.

Despite his huff and the way he grumbled to himself, Izzy sat down beside you. You knew the crew was watching, witnessing the miracle of Izzy Hands joining them for any sort of group activity.

“This is stupid” Izzy muttered to himself, just loud enough for you to hear.

“It’s nice. Shut up and just enjoy it” you playfully knocked your shoulder against his. If the crew saw the lightness and familiarity in your actions, they didn’t comment on it.

Stede started to read, getting the crew’s attention back on him. It only took a few paragraphs for the crew to start becoming sleepy. Edward was still watching his fellow captain with a fond expression, admittedly enjoying his stories as well.

A slight breeze whipped past you, making you shiver. Without thinking, without even taking your attention away from the story, you shifted closer to Izzy and his warmth. Pulling the blanket a little closer to you as you lay your head against his shoulder.

It was all just so…nice. And while that brought a smile to your face, Izzy had to choke down bile. It wasn’t something you should take personally; he just couldn’t remember the last time somebody found comfort in being close to him. Perhaps Edward when the two of them were younger, because he closed himself off. He was also madly aware of how close the crew were, how much they could see, even if they were paying no attention to either of you.

Edward managed to tear his gaze away from Stede long enough to glance over to the two of you, giving you both a smile when he noticed the way you sat together, even if Izzy did look red enough to explode.

Once Stede had noticed the last member of the crew nod off, he finished reading to the end of the page and quietly closed the book. He stood, helping Edward to his feet as well, making sure to shush him to avoid waking the crew.

You stretched your back before standing up, taking the blanket you had been using and draping it over Swede. He seemed to have had his blanket stolen by the cuddle pile beside him that was Roach, Frenchie, and Wee John.

You turned back to Izzy’s slouched figure with an amused smile. He was asleep, having allowed himself to properly relax once the others had begun falling asleep. Now he was propped up against the crate behind him with his arms folded over his chest. It turned out that he could find Stede’s voice rather soothing.

You, Edward and Stede shared a knowing look. The three of you crouched down around him, quietly waking him up. He woke with a startle, resulting in the three of you having to shush him and calm him down, assuring him that it was just you three and that it was time to head back to the cabin. It took him a moment to even remember falling asleep, listening to some story about a puppet.

Izzy grumbled and complained, batting all of your hands away as he stood up, pretending like the attention wasn’t having any effect on him. Once the first mate was back on his feet, the four of you crept away from the sleeping crew and made it back to the captains’ cabin.

Your nightly ritual was a simple but consistent one.

The four of you would strip and/or change into more comfortable clothes to sleep in. Stede had offered some of his night shirts to each of you, but the offer was, mostly, politely declined. You all had your preferences when it came to sleeping attire.

Then one of you would apply lotion to Edward’s knee, one that Stede had informed him helped to reduce swelling and ease aching muscles. Edward would happily admit that it had been helping at least a little. One of you would rub his knee for a little while if it had been a bad day, Izzy had showed you and Stede the best way to do it, just as he had taught you how to set his brace properly.

Sometimes Stede would prepare some tea to share before bed, explaining that it could have soothing effects that help you sleep.

Finally, the four of you climb into the bed, the places that you had negotiated previously. You would share some quiet goodnights, little kisses and tender words, Izzy blowing out the last burning candle on the bedside table before you settled down to get some sleep.

It was simple. It was consistent. It meant a lot to each of you.

[phantom-ellie]

The Man who has Never Felt Anything Chapter 3: A Hair’s Breadth from Life

Click here for CW/Full Chapter List

Sometimes my mouth is so dry, it's like I am on a baking pan, I am dough rising in the oven, I am the flour dusting the pan, turning brown and crispy, but it's extra seasoning, I suppose. Sometimes I am sand, on a sandy beach, fuck all I'd wanted was a vacation. Vacations are stressful. Who has ever had a proper, relaxing vacation?

I don't think I've ever been relaxed in my life. At least not sober.

Sometimes I feel like my head is made of smoke, and I keep my eyes closed because what if they glow? What if it's me, after all? What if I'm the monster?

But I think that's giving myself too much credit. Monsters go out with a bang, me with a whimper.

Sometimes I'm just staring out into the cabin from my bed, watching him watching me. Blackbeard, and he's the one with the head of smoke, spear pointed at my heart. What did I ever do to him? Probably nothing. That's probably why he wants me dead, because I've done nothing, not one thing my whole life. Except that one time, when I ran away. Blackbeard doesn't like cowards. Rich people. People who fall into traps. People who get stabbed.

And that's why he's glaring at me there, and yes, a head of smoke can look angry, thank you very much. Try making a head of smoke look gentle, kind, soft, like the hand I feel resting on my side. It's been caressing me up and down, like a mother for a sick child, and this I know must be the nightmare, the hallucination, because who would do that? To me?

Not Blackbeard. Because that's not what we do to pirates.

And, of course, even at running away I was useless. Didn't run very far at all. Because Mary has found me. And all she can talk about is the letter I left, as if it wasn't everything I could possibly give. I couldn't give her love, affection, a conversation. It was impossible, it was insurmountable. The letter was enough, should have been enough, and everything else I had. But she wanted my heart.

But deep down I've always known that I have no heart to give away. Not the love kind. I don't think I've ever felt it, not even once. Or if I did, it wasn't enough, it wasn't good. Maybe I'm allergic. Maybe there's a problem with digestion, maybe love enters me and slides right through and out like a thief in the night, and I've never noticed it. Not even once. That could be it. It would check out, I guess. If I were immune to love. If it's real, which I'm not sure about, I've never seen it.

And I'm really sorry to be ruining the overall vibe of this nightmare, you're scary Blackbeard, really, you are, terrifying, it's just that I've never really felt much. I'm good at panicking, that's a skill I've picked up, but fear is different. Fear is a reaction to potential loss. Losing something important, something valued.

I've never really been worried about losing something I value, because I've never had that in the first place.

And maybe admitting that is why Alma is here, and is angry with me, too. Because if I valued my children, I wouldn't have left. But I did.

Goodbye, children, you'll never see papa again.

I left them behind for my new family here, on the sea. But they didn't take to me either. I should have anticipated that.

Blackbeard is ready now. He's coming for me, here's here to grant me the liberty of death and justice for all I've hurt. And I'm scared, a little. I am. I think I feel some fear. Just a bit. I think I'm afraid of losing the future, the potential to fix what is wrong with me one day, the chance to find out if there's anyone who could love me after all. There are so many people I've never met. It could have been them. I don't want to lose it.

So that's why I scream when Blackbeard raises the spear and impales me in the stomach.

Chapter 4

[writer-and-artist27]

🦄 Is there a new POV you'd like to try writing?, 🦷 Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're dreading to write (but is necessary to your plot)? Share a snippet or tell us about it!, 🎉 How are you going to be kind to yourself if you don't meet your goals?

⊂(・﹏・⊂) Thankie, Carim. Your messages in my inbox just makes my day, I hope you know that and that I appreciate you lots.

🦄 Is there a new POV you'd like to try writing?

...Maybe some of the villains in Fate/Grand Order and Naruto when it comes to my WIPs? Because I know Kiara Sessyoin and Madara Uchiha are still on my shit list, trying to write for them would be a good challenge to me writing outside of my biases.

Also some of the Servants in FGO that I haven't bonded with as much, off the top of my head. David, Avicebron, Blackbeard, so on, so forth.

🎉 How are you going to be kind to yourself if you don't meet your goals?

Build lots of Gundam model kits and listen to ASMR. Also just try to sleep in on the weekends when I can, bike, paddleboard, and hike. That's what I got off the top of my head.

Also seeing my boyfriend for hugs and kisses.

🦷 Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're dreading to write (but is necessary to your plot)? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

...This is a definite no brainer for me. All of the WIP Day 55 for Passing Days right now, because it's all about Passionlip and how she comes to terms with Robin's presence in my Chaldea. Let it be said writing her alone is hard, even outside of my love for the May King, and the following scene I'm putting under the cut here gave me a lot of emotional damage I had to nap on afterwards during my COVID isolation (even put to the side to start a Muramasa chapter in Day 54 to give myself a break, on my rl Robin's urging after he advised me on what the in-story Robin would say in response to Lip's entire bit here).

I'll just keep doing my best, Carim. (o_ _)o That's all I can guarantee these days now.

-------------------------

“Wh-Why—” Passionlip was doing her best to breathe, backing away while keeping her claws in front of her face. It didn’t help much when seeing that green cloak at Vy’s side. Why did her past self think that cloak could’ve made a good ribbon for her hair? It was so dirty, and the man underneath wasn’t much better. “Why is Robin-san here?! I’m really, really bad with him, Master, just from a physical standpoint! So why—?!” 

“Lip, I…” Vy trailed off into unsure silence. And to Robin’s credit, he had his hood up, hiding his eyes away as he stood like a knight in shining armor at Vy’s side, the only sign he was bothered being his arms tightly crossed over his chest. (And did Lip hear him mutter under his breath, “Are you done with your hissy fit yet?” Lip wasn’t sure.) Vy’s gaze merely darted between him and Lip both, a look caught between fear and uncertainty sitting on her face as one hand came up to cling to the nearest edge of Robin's cloak she could reach. Had Lip tried that kind of thing back in the Moon Cell, she would’ve been yelled at. Maybe spanked too, considering her strength with her claws. But Vy — Vy was holding onto Robin’s cloak and Robin wasn’t complaining.

What was their deal? 

“I asked him to be here, Lip, not Vy,” Meltryllis says in the same calm voice as before, and turning on her heels revealed her sister crossing her arms in the same way Robin was past her sleeves, the look in her blue eyes quiet but foreboding. “Even if he’s just a ‘useless Matcha’ to Mother, that doesn’t mean he has to be that way for you or me. Besides, I already got used to him, and he’s… decent enough, Grails or not.” Meltryllis then tossed a sleeve-covered arm his way, muttering something like “darn lovebirds” while rolling her eyes once Robin twitched slightly through his cloak. “Plus if you’re going to keep working with Master, you’re gonna have to be aware that he comes with the packaged deal.”

“Why, though?” Lip was still tempted to cry. “Why, Melt? He’s just a useless—”

“Mu-mu-mu, Lip, don’t finish that!” A paw was coming into Lip’s face before Lip could articulate more, and Lip felt her breathing slowly even out once she could make out a fox tail and familiar ginger-tipped ears. “I personally know how uncomfy it can be having a fox you don’t trust in the room—” Tamamo Cat proceeded to ignore Robin’s deadpan “Hey” in favor of raising her paw to pat Lip’s head. “—But this cat can tell you the fox won’t be coming close to you! He’s too busy looking after Vy in the backline with Mash-y anyways, woof!” Cat, in her maid outfit and black dress, merely grinned to show fangs as she raised both paws in the air to cheer. “Besides, Master assigned me to be with you and Melt in the frontlines for this simulation! So don’t worry, Lip, woof! This cat’ll take good care of you!” 

“I-If you’re sure…” Curious, Lip looked past her fear and Cat’s comforting presence to peek at the May King, and to her surprise, he wasn’t even looking at her, taking the care to keep the hood of his cloak on so she couldn’t see his face and focusing his gaze on Vy and Mash nearby instead. Sure, it also meant she couldn’t read what he was saying, but judging by how he took Vy’s cloak-clinging hand into his to squeeze, there was something lying there that didn’t promise trouble.

At least, for now.

“Now then, with that out of the way,” Meltryllis flipped her hair back, giving Lip a grin that eased her nerves, “let’s get this simulation started, shall we? I need to stretch my legs after walking around in those metal ones back at the base.” With an overexaggerated stretch of her arms and legs past her white dress that Final Ascension had provided, Meltryllis glanced towards the control panel connecting the simulator room to whatever programs were set up. In a louder yet gentler voice Lip had never heard before (except from that SERAPH version of her sister), Melt then added, “Whenever you’re ready, Albrecht.” 

“A-Alright, Melt-san.” Vy finally smiled once Meltryllis addressed her, slowly letting go of Robin’s hand after regaining some apparent confidence through the touch to approach the control panel in question. “One simulation battle, then?”

“Just one,” Melt agreed. “For me and Lip.”

“Aye.” Once Vy pressed the glowing blue “START” button, Lip thought in hindsight she should’ve really probed her sister more on that request. When looking back, it was just asking for more trouble to happen.

[rovermcfly]

hii, I watched our flag means death and I know you like space and time zones and that stuff so can you explain what blackbeard meant when he talked about them being safe because it's a full moon and then realising it's a leap year?

man.... I have no fucking idea lmao

believe me I have been thinking about this and I honest to god have no idea what he's talking about.

I mean idk anything about sailing but I don't see why they'd need it to be a full moon to be able to lift anchor and drift out into the open sea. I'm pretty sure they can do that any night, or at least the night before the full moon as much as the night of it?? again, maybe this is a sailing thing I don't know about.

then the leap year. first of all, banging good line, cracks me up every time. But also, in the 1700's they also added a day to February for the leap years, which means Ed has been one day off for 6 months and didn't notice the full moon being a day later than he expected every month (since he obviously had the full moon dates memorised) and the date never came up in any conversation for 6 months?? while navigating across the ocean???

what I CAN tell you tho is when I first watched the episode I checked if there was a full moon on September 2nd 1717. There wasn't. It also wasn't a leap year.

My theory is that the whole full moon thing is one of those running gag "sciences" in the show that aren't real.

I also actually have the headcanon that Ed knew fuck all. I don't think he knew they'd be protected by fog based on the cloud shape, I don't think he had any plan. I don't think he can be smart and observant enough to have that particular plan sussed out but also dumb and unobservant enough to not notice it's been a leap year for 6 months. Maybe it's even canonically not a leap year and he just had no idea what day it is and just said that™. But I also feel like based on the acting, Ed is surprised. Like he didn't know any of this would happen. The one credit we can give him is that he was clever with the lighthouse idea, but I don't think the stuff before that was something he had planned for.

[frostops]

I have some thoughts about how FGO has handled trans and trans-adjacent characters, and I’m frustrated how many people talk about the mishandlings without discussing the transmisogyny in it, but this is long as fuck, so its under the cut.

Its a good thing that FGO is having more characters with the genderless trait who aren’t given that trait for shitty reasons, but framing this as FGO being better at handling nonbinary characters, while technically true, ignores what caused many of the early issues. That cause is often transmisogyny.

Transmisogyny has been an issue in the game since Da Vinci’s introduction. Da Vinci doesn’t have the genderless trait, but she’s still important to discuss to understand FGO’s mishandling of trans characters. Mash and Romani are both angry at the idea of Leonardo Da Vinci not being a man, and call her a pervert, among other things. This is immediately after both find out King Arthur was actually a woman, but neither seemed to care then. Its understood by the writing that some believed to be a man turning out to actually be a cis woman isn’t deserving of malice, but that person turning out to be a trans woman is. The writing surrounding Da Vinci slowly got better, with characters being less shitty about and eventually respecting her gender. While Da Vinci initially describes herself as beyond gender, she says so in response to Roman and Mash’s reaction to her gender, where as whenever she is referred to as a woman (Lancelot saying he couldn’t hurt a beautiful women in Camelot, Napoleon calling her mademoiselle in LB2), she eats it up. Her early description of being beyond gender feels more like a tongue-in-cheek way of degendering a trans woman. While overall the writing treats Da Vinci better now, there are still times where it gets shitty, even as recent as the event where Van Gogh was introduced, where Hokusai talks about both Da Vinci and Van Gogh having an inherent maleness that bleeds into their art. This event did have a guest writer, but it was still allowed into the game.

The first character to have the genderless trait is D’Eon. Historically, D’Eon was intersex and trans feminine, and very likely a trans woman, but the fate version is introduced saying they were crazy in life, intended to be in reference to how they presented their gender. They are also presented as caring more about loyalty to France than what gender they are seen as, when the real D’Eon blackmailed the king into legally recognizing them as a woman. Transmisogyny, as well as intersexism, is pretty obviously what made Type-Moon take reduce D’Eon to just jokes about gender. D’Eon feels degendered in way similar to how Da Vinci is at time, though D’Eon gets it worse

Astolfo debuted in Apocrypha, where their presentation is used for a joke where Jeanne, believing Astolfo to be a girl, freaks out when she sees that Astolfo has a penis. The joke is that it is such a horrible thing to find a penis on some you think is a girl. I shouldn’t need to explain the transmisogyny behind that, or that Astolfo ostensibly not being a trans woman doesn’t make the joke less transmisogynistic. There are other, better things about Astolfo in Apocrypha, but most of their writing in FGO is in the same vein as the joke with Jeanne. This is crystalized in Agartha, where both Astolfo and D’Eon were used for many transmisogynistic, intersexist, and homophobic jokes. 

The third, and for a long time last, character to have the genderless trait was Enkidu. They are given this trait due to changes to their myth. In Fate, Enkidu is made of clay, and had a nonhuman appearance until meeting Shamhat, and modeling their appearance after her. They don’t have a physical sex, but, due to originally being a male character and appearing feminine in fate, the writers and fans alike treat them similarly to how they treat Astolfo and D’Eon, though less aggressively. Usually when Enkidu appears in a fate work, one character has to talk about how they can’t tell whether Enkidu is a man or a woman, before settling on neither, but only reach that conclusion because they don’t have a physical sex. The transmisogyny isn’t as strong in Enkidu’s writing, but its still there.

Until LB3, no other character would be given the genderless trait, and what all 3 of them have in common is being AMAB or originally male characters who present femininely. Technically Da Vinci fits this description as well, but her body is considered female by Type-Moon’s standards, so she gets the female trait. Also, with the exception of Astolfo, have bodies that wouldn’t considered male of female by most people. In Deon’s case, this is the result of intersexism, and even more frustrating when you remember that D’Eon blackmailed the king to be seen as a woman. I’d wager the reason Astolfo is grouped with the other two is itself a continuation of the joke from Apocrypha. It’s a coy “We all know what Astolfo’s ‘real’ gender is, but we’ll play along with the joke.” 

I think this also explains other characters who, arguably, could be included in the genderless trait, but were not. Nezha, like Da Vinci, only got a “female” body after dying, so they get the female trait too, despite not really being comfortable with any gender labels. Mordred, who consistently gets violently angry at being called a woman, and whose bio states that they don’t like being referred to as a man either (though this wouldn’t be implemented into writing until LB3, where they are clearly far less bothered by being referred to as man) also  has the female trait. King Hassan’s bio has his gender listed as “?????” but he is treated as male by the game and has the male trait.

None of the newer genderless servants fit the same description of amab/originally male and presenting femininely, which does show a more nuanced understanding of gender identity and expression, but it doesn’t show anymore respect towards trans women and transfems. Both Shi Huang Di and Douman have somewhat androgynous presentations, but we still don’t really have trans fem character whose gender and presentation is treated respectfully other than Da Vinci, and that’s frustrating. For the most part, though, these characters are all pretty well handled. 

Two of them, Mao Nobu and Romulus-Quirinus, are new versions of characters who already had the female and male trait respectively, meaning the game has at least someone moved away from equating the genderless trait to a character’s physical sex, but not entirely since part of the reason Shi Huang Di has the trait is their inability to reproduce.

There is some disagreement about how Caenis is handled, and I do have thoughts on that topic, but if I talked about that this would be twice as long. The short version is that the necessity to make characters fit into fanservice, something which negatively affects all of the characters I mention here, limits the ways in which Caenis’s relationship to their gender can be explored. Its also why we have Caenis and not Caenus, and why Caenis is rarely allowed to where a shirt.

There is also Dioscuri, who is two characters, one man and one woman, who are collectively on servant, so even though they have the genderless trait, they're not really relevant.

We do have more originally male characters now in female bodies. Vritra and Van Gogh, who were added recently (Vritra’s bio says she was originally male and now has a female vessel and Van Gogh is Vincent Van Gogh in Clytie’s body), Kama, an originally male deity possessing Sakura’s body, is being added to NA this year, and even back in part 1 we had Quetzalcoatl, another male god in a female vessel. All of them are given the female trait, and Quetz in particular seems to be very comfortable being a woman, but this still feels like what happened with Nezha, where the “physically female” body matters more than the identity of the character, especially with Van Gogh, who had no choice in being put in Clytie’s body. 

Mechanically, the gender traits only affect certain skills and nps, having extra or stronger effects. The genderless servants are exempt from the extra effects, with one exception. Once of Blackbeard’s skills has an effect for female servants, but D’Eon and Astolfo (And maybe also Enkidu, but I don’t remember) were included in this effect as well. The joke here was that Blackbeard is written to be reflective of  the worst qualities of weebs and otakus. many of whom would refer to those two as traps, a transmisogynistic slur, so Blackbeard is into them in the same way. Servants with the genderless trait added afterwards weren’t included in this effect, even though some of them (the ones who transphobic fate fans consider to be women) would still be seen as attractive by Blackbeard. So rather than coding each one individually to be included, they added a new trait, the female looking trait, for Blackbeard’s skill. The genderless servants included in this one all present feminine, but the inclusion of this trait is to make continuing a transphobic joke easier, which almost feels like a step back from some of the previous progress in handling trans characters.

I also think some people are a little too eager to give FGO credit when it may not deserve. For instance, a lot of people liked Douman being included in the genderless trait, and on its own it fine, but the my room line where Sei talks about trying to check under Douman’s robes concerns me. Many people took it as Sei just being horny for Douman, but it could easily be intended as Sei trying to check what’s really in his pants, especially since the canon reason Douman has the genderless trait is that he combined himself with some spirits and deities, one of which is female.

None of this is to say its wrong to view any of these characters as nonbinary (I do view most of them as nonbinary), but I don’t think we should view the genderless trait as equivalent to nonbinary. Not only are there characters included in it who probably shouldn’t be (like D’Eon) and characters who don’t have it who probably should (like Nezha), doing so treat nonbinary as a third and wholly separate gender. And if you’re going to talk about the transphobia of FGO, please be willing to use the word transmisogyny.

[nexttrickanvils]

Beware of Karen Ch. 2

Sorry this took so long, had other priorities but here is the long awaited chapter 2 of Beware of Karen.

Summary: After Guybrush and Stan fail to deal with the latter’s ex-wife, Elaine decides to throw her hat into the ring. It goes about as well as you expect. ---------

Elaine hummed to herself as she set the table. While Guybrush was admittedly the better cook of the two, she still wanted to surprise her Pikaroni with a nice romantic dinner. Preferably without a certain plaid wearing charlatan joining them.

While Elaine had nothing against Stan… well okay maybe she had a lot against Stan… but that wasn’t the point, she’d prefer if he hadn’t attempted to drag her and Guybrush in an ex-lover’s quarrel of all things.

But she trusted Guybrush’s wit and uncanny ability to find absurd but simple solutions to absurd problems.

Before long, she could hear footsteps on the deck, she quickly lit the candles and plated the food.

“Welcome back, sugarboots! I hope you’re...”

The door opened and in came Guybrush… and Stan.

“Hey honey! Ooh are those potstickers I smell?”

“...Guybrush… I thought you were going to help Stan with his ex-wife and thus he would not bother us.” Elaine said, gritting her teeth

Guybrush, to his credit, looked apologetic.

“Well I did try, I honestly did but well… let’s just say Stan wasn’t exaggerating about how awful Karen is. So I guess Stan will be staying with us until Karen leaves.”

Elaine groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. Guybrush sighed and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“I know, I was really excited for all the quality time too but Elaine, you have no idea just how evil this woman is. I couldn’t just leave Stan to fend for himself against her, I’m a pirate not a monster!”

“...Really? And please do tell me, what makes her so terrible that Stan has to go in hiding with us?” Elaine asked, clearly unconvinced

“Well first: I could barely breathe around her stall, the perfume she was selling was that thick! She was also really pushy with the sales pitch like waaaaay worse than Stan. She also kept making all these mean comments about me being a terrible husband and how our marriage would fall apart if I didn’t buy her stuff. And she threatened to call the island authorities on Stan if he even thought of setting up shop near her! And he didn’t even do anything!”

Elaine raised an eyebrow, “Hm, I admit she does actually sound awful. But being pushy and rude are hardly the crimes of the century, sweetie.”

“Oh it goes beyond “pushy and rude.”” remarked Stan, mouth full of potstickers

“Karen thrives on “the hunt.” All she cares about is her next sale!"

"...Sounds like you." Elaine and Guybrush both remarked

"Oh no no no, my friends. I admit that Ol' Stan here may have exaggerated or cut some corners here and there. But hey sometimes that's what you gotta do when your clientele are a buncha rowdy swashbucklers!"

Stan continued, while grabbing another pot sticker, "Karen on the other hand… she has no respect for the art of sales, it's all a means to an end for her. And if anyone gets in the way of that precious end sale even if it’s only in her mind, she will destroy you! By the way, these are amazing, you could make a killing selling these.”

Once again, Elaine found herself not entirely convinced.  Stan stuffing himself with the food she made for herself and Guybrush didn’t help his case. But he also couldn’t really be considered a reliable narrator. And Guybrush, her dear Threepy, the love of her life… well he was quite prone to exaggeration.

Elaine sighed, well she wouldn’t be where she was now if she just sat and complained about a bad situation.

“Perhaps… I should speak to her…”

“NO!” Shouted both Guybrush and Stan

She just gave them a confident smile, “Oh don’t worry about me. I’m sure if I went without Stan, she won’t be as volatile. And besides, all my years as governor has given me quite the experience of negotiating with stubborn egotistic business owners. You remember that incident at the O'Malley's Galley last year, don’t you dear?”

Guybrush let out a small laugh and a blush, obviously remembering how Elaine dealt with the restaurant's owner after the man refused Guybrush's request to not serve the food on porcelain plates.

Elaine kissed Guybrush on the cheek, "I'll be fine dear. You just relax and I'll come back with the good news."

Then she looked over at Stan, "...And I suppose you just do what you can to entertain yourself."

And with that, Elaine made her way off the boat and into town. As she made her way, she kept rehearsing in her head how she'd calmly confront Karen.

However when Elaine arrived and started asking the other merchants about Karen, a feeling of dread began to form.

They were all smiles and sales until Elaine explained who she was looking for. They all suddenly dropped their grins and immediately apologized to Elaine for "wasting her time."

The most concerning interaction was from one merchant who told Elaine where Karen was then immediately begged her to not tell Karen that the two of them spoke.

Before long, Elaine found the woman of the hour making a sale.

"Trust me, dearie, this color and this scent are perfect for you! You'll be catching everyone's eye in no time!"

The female pirate grinned as she paid for her goods.

"Just remember, no refunds on used products."

"Yeah yeah yeah. Look out, Single's Night, Mama's coming!"

Elaine stepped aside to let the lady walk by then she took a deep breath and steeled herself.

"Excuse me? Are you Karen?"

"Hm?"

Elaine felt a shiver down her spine when Karen smiled at her.

“Well hello there, my dear! Whatever you need, I’ve got it.”

“Actually I’m not here to shop. You met my husband earlier? Guybrush Threepwood?”

“Ohhh! So he gave you the free sample? I knew you couldn’t resist! A woman of your taste would know fine class when you see it.”

Karen chuckled as she immediately looked through her inventory while Elaine was already finding her patience tested.

“Please just listen to me. I understand that your relationship with your ex-husband is… strained but it’s gotten to the point where he’s hiding on my and my husband’s ship trying to get away from you.”

“Hmph, Stan, being an absolute freeloader? You don’t say. Anyway…!”

To Elaine’s surprise, Karen grabbed her face.

“H-hey!”

“Hm, you look like a spring or autumn to me.”

Elaine quickly pushed her off though if that bothered Karen, she didn’t show it and went straight back to her sales pitch.

“Now your face is rather pale, you look like a ghost, dearie! Oh and you need to ditch that bandana, it clashes with your hair."

"Would you just LISTEN to me! I am not here to buy anything! Or to get make-up advice. Or whatever you think I'm here for! I need for you and Stan to reconcile whatever is going on with you two so my husband and I can be alone!"

With that, Karen just laughed.

"Oh you poor innocent sucker. There is no reconciling with that selfish mess of a man. But that's marriage for you, the minute the wifey has a problem, she's suddenly a nagging witch, am I right?"

Elaine's patience was growing thinner and thinner as she crossed her arms and glared at Karen.

"Fine. You two just can't get along, just fine. But at the very least just let Stan be. My husband and I have been looking forward to a nice romantic vacation and we can't exactly do that with Stan around.

Karen smirked and Elaine once again felt an icy chill.

"Oh really? And what do you think your "dear" husband and Stan are doing while they sent you to do their dirty work?"

"I volunteered…"

Karen continued, ignoring Elaine's correction, "They're probably just lazing about on the deck, pigging out on junk and guzzling grog. I was one of the lucky ones. I realized what a scam the whole marriage thing is and got out of there. I've still got my divorce lawyer's card, you know, when you realize that you don't need to settle with that blonde idiot."

Karen pulled out a card and placed it into Elaine's pocket. Without hesitation, Elaine grabbed Karen's wrist with an iron grip.

"HEY!!!"

“Now listen here, you can insult me all you want but my husband is a good man. He may have his moments but that goes for anyone. Do you know what we've faced off against together? Some of the fiercest pirates on the Seven Seas including the undead monster LeChuck. A real estate developer with delusions of grandeur who had the power to make mice out of men. A mad scientist obsessed with eternal life! Guybrush even conquered DEATH! And through all that, Guybrush has always been respectful, caring, and loving!”

Elaine let go of Karen's wrist but kept her steely glare on her.

"My husband may not be perfect but I cannot see myself with anyone else. Now I believe our business is done here."

Karen rubbed her wrist as she gave Elaine her own glare.

"Hmph, I suppose it is. But I am a forgiving sort. I'd be happy to help you once you figure things out."

Refusing to dignify Karen's response, Elaine simply turned around and walked away.

As Elaine stepped out of the marketplace, a shrill scream filled the air.

She looked toward the noise and saw the female pirate from earlier desperately trying to shake off two monkeys climbing all over her.

Elaine quickly came to the woman's rescue, shooing the monkeys away from her, giving the other pirate enough time… to dunk her head in the nearby fountain.

Whatever that did, it seemed to cause the monkeys to lose interest and run off.

"Oh thank Blackbeard's frilly underthings."

"Are… you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I will be."

"What in the world even happened?"

"Oh I'll tell ye what happened! I went to the bar to get ready for Single's Night and put on somea that goop that fast-talking she-devil sold me. Next thing I knew, the bar's monkey mascots were all over me."

"...And you're certain that it was the make-up that caused this?"

"DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE A MONKEY'D BE ATTRACTED TO TO YA!? They left me alone just fine then I put on that damn perfume and other stuff and they went crazy! "You'll be catching everyone's eyes in no time" apparently that includes mangy beasts!"

The other pirate stood up and emptied her bag of Karen's products. She then walked away, grumbling about her wasted money and time.

Maybe it was Guybrush's influence but Elaine couldn't help but pick up a couple of the fallen cosmetics.

Eventually Elaine made her way back to the Screaming Narwhal. Guybrush and Stan were on the deck though unlike Karen's prediction, Guybrush was practicing his banjo playing while Stan just read a book.

Guybrush immediately noticed Elaine walking onto the deck and smiled. At least Elaine had that.

"Plunderbunny! So um… how did it go?"

"...I apologize, you were both right. She's the absolute worst, how do we get rid of her?"

[swanqueeneverafter]

The Once & Future Queen Pt.9

Camelot. Courtyard. (Guinevere places a Camelot cape and sword on a pyre in the courtyard.) Guinevere: “I want to pay tribute to Robin of Locksley. Known to many of you as Robin Hood. We owe him a great debt. It is not just his deed that we’ll never forget. It’s his courage. His compassion. (Lancelot brings Guinevere a torch for the pyre:) His unselfish heart. (Guinevere looks over to Zelena who nods. Guinevere then tosses the torch on the pyre:) He gave his life for all of us.” (Zelena cries as she watches the pyre burning. Regina and Henry console Robin while the flames continue to grow. Alice takes Will’s hand.) Will: “He didn’t sacrifice himself for Camelot. He wanted to prove himself worthy to a man he never even met. It cost him his life.” (Alice nods and places a comforting hand on his shoulder and leaves him by the pyre to join Robin and the others. Zelena continues to weep by the pyre, as the courtyard slowly clears out.)

Arendelle. Past. Dawn. (Staring out at the lights coming from Arendelle castle, Emma rounds on Blackbeard, who looks rather pleased with himself.) Emma: "Arendelle. Seriously?" Blackbeard: (Chuckling:) "What's the big problem? I agreed to take you one place and we arrived at another. In fact by my reckoning, I've taken you further than we agreed." Emma: "Yeah, I can see that." Blackbeard: "Which means a renegotiation of my fee is required." Mulan: "What?!" Blackbeard: "Don't worry, I know you ladies don't have any money. So, since I only hire gentlemen for my crew... (Blackbeard’s crew begins to close in around Emma and Mulan:) I'm sure we can work something out." Emma: "You've got to be kidding." Blackbeard: "Just be relieved you didn't sail with Captain Hook and his crew. Because believe me, you two would have found the rogerings anything but jolly." (Emma looks to Mulan, who merely shrugs.) Emma: (Sighs:) "All right, you guys asked for it." (The crew cheer and converge on the two women. Moments later however, they are all blasted overboard by a pulse of Emma's powers. Drawing her sword, Mulan holds it at Blackbeard’s neck.) Mulan: "I believe you spoke of a renegotiation?" Blackbeard: "Ah. (Smiles:) What did you ladies have in mind?"

A Short Time Later. (Emma watches from the deck while Blackbeard rows away from them, cursing their names.) Blackbeard: "You ungrateful harlots! I hope you never get home!" Emma: "Yeah you just keep rowing, buddy." Mulan: (Standing by the cannon:) "Or we'll blast your little boat to pieces." Blackbeard: "You will rue the day you ever crossed the legendary Blackbeard!" Storybrooke. Present. The Dragon's Lair. (At Robin Hood's wake, Rumplestiltskin and Regina talk at the bar.) Rumplestiltskin: "Forgive me, it must be my age but, didn't we already have a wake for Robin Hood?" Regina: "Different guy." Rumplestiltskin: "I see." Regina: "Anyway, you're one to talk. You've come back to life more than a few times." Rumplestiltskin: "This is true." Regina: (As Rumple brings his drink to his lips:) "We didn't bother with a wake, though." Rumplestiltskin: (Chuckles:) "Perhaps next time." Regina: "Mm." Rumplestiltskin: "I get how you're feeling you know. Being separated from the one you love, knowing they're still out there somewhere. It's-" Regina: "Agony." Rumplestiltskin: "Yeah. (Places his hand on hers:) Of course, being separated from the one you love for thirty years after thinking they were dead is much harder." Regina: (Slapping his hand playfully:) "All right, it's not a competition." Rumplestiltskin: "If it were I'd win." (Elsewhere, Zelena and Robin talk about their feelings.) Zelena: "I'm sorry you had to go through this again. Losing your father like this." Robin: "Mom, he wasn't my father, you get that right?" Zelena: "Even so..." Robin: "Mom, your boyfriend just died to save everyone. That makes him a hero, but still not my Dad." Zelena: (Nods:) "I know. I just... this is the second time I've caused the death of the same man. How do I get over something like that?" Robin: "What happened wasn't your fault. He made the choice to sacrifice himself. I was the one who originally asked him to fight with us in the Dream World. If I hadn't then maybe-" Zelena: "Robin was little more than a common thief who spent his money on booze after fighting in the King's army. If you hadn't come along when you did to inspire him to fight, he'd still be there now. Robin told me as much on our first date." Robin: "He did?" Zelena: (Nods:) "He credited you for turning his life around. (Taking her hand:) Even though he wasn't your father, he was very proud of you." Robin: "I wish I hadn't given him such a hard time when you guys first started going out." Zelena: "He understood. It was difficult for all of us. What's important is the time we spent together and that in the end, he had something worth fighting for." Robin: (Smiles:) "I guess you're right. Just... promise me one thing?" Zelena: "Anything." (Robin stands, pulling her mother into an embrace.) Robin: "No more hooking up with Robin Hood doppelgängers, please?" Zelena: (Chuckles:) "I promise."

(Standing at the bar, Henry notices Will sitting alone and goes over to talk.) Henry: “Will! Hey.” Will: (Nods:) “Alright.” Henry: “How are you doing? Everything all right?” Will: (Takes a drink:) “Is it that obvious?” Henry: (Chuckles:) “Well, the truth is, I, uh, I wanted to thank you for all you’ve done. Helping Ella through Wonderland and everything.” Will: “Oh I don’t think you want to be thanking me for everything we did together. After all, (Winks:) someone had to be there for her, didn’t they?” Henry: “Uh-” Will: “You know Henry, you're not the only weirdo that believes in signs. I think it's in our darkest hours that the universe shows us our true path. (Henry’s cellphone rings:) That might be the universe calling.” Henry: “It’s Ella.” Will: “Ah. Well you better answer at least one of her calls eh?” (Will finishes his drink and leaves.) Henry: (Confused by Will’s behaviour, answers the phone:) “Hello? Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure. Of course I’ll be right there.” On A Hill Overlooking Storybrooke. (Seated together on a large rock, Gabrielle and Xena take time to enjoy their surroundings.) Gabrielle: "I'm sorry Robin Hood had to die, but I'm glad neither of us had to make that sacrifice." Xena: "Those days are over, remember?" Gabrielle: "Just be sure you do, Ms. Martyr." Xena: "Don't worry. I made you a promise never to die on you again after the incident with the Ambrosia." Gabrielle: (Watches Xena sharpen her sword:) "Yeah, and then you went and died two more times after that." Xena: "Technically you died on me first." Gabrielle: "But I came back to you." Xena: "Well so did I!" Gabrielle: (Chuckles:) "You're on thin ice, Warrior Princess." Xena: "Ooh ice! That was another one." Gabrielle: (Nods:) "I remember. When you let Ares beat the crap out of you. What was the point of that again?" Xena: "To draw out the Furies." Gabrielle: "Right. (Xena returns to sharpening:) At least that's one thing we don't have to deal with here." Xena: "What, Gods? (Gabrielle nods:) Yeah, that is a relief." Red Queen: (Arriving in a cloud of red smoke:) "Don't breathe that sigh of relief just yet, darlings." (Xena spins around, her sword ready for action.) Gabrielle: (Stands:) "Who are you?" Red Queen: "Why, I'm the Red Queen of course. And while I may not be a God, my powers will make you pray for mercy soon enough." Xena: "Get down!" (The Red Queen sends a jet of sparks towards Xena and Gabrielle, obliterating the rock they were sitting on. As the dust settles, the Queen sees that her prey have disappeared.) Red Queen: "Oh well, there's nothing like a good hunt." (Straightening her gloves, the Red Queen walks deeper into the woods. Hidden up in the trees, Xena and Gabrielle watch her go, concerned looks upon their faces.)

Arendelle. Past. Harbour. (Elsa rushes to the dock with Kristoff following her.) Kristoff: “Elsa! Wait! It's too late.” (Elsa watches Anna’s ship leave the harbour.) Elsa: “We have to go after her.” Kristoff: “No.” Elsa: “Are you really saying ‘no’ to your queen?” Kristoff: “I'm saying no to my future sister. (Elsa gives him a look:) In-law. For good reason. We both love Anna. We both know her. She will be fine.” Elsa: “She didn't have to do this alone.” Kristoff: “Yes, she did. You told Anna and you're right... You're the queen. We all remember well what happened the last time you left.” Elsa: “Why didn't you go with her?” Kristoff: “She didn't want me to. She thought I was needed here.” Elsa: “For what?” Kristoff: “She didn't want you to be alone. She'll be fine. I believe in her. You should too. Because she doesn't give up on the people she loves. And she always succeeds.” Elsa: “She also sometimes acts before she thinks. This place could be dangerous. What do we even know about this... Misthaven? How have I never heard of it?” Kristoff: “You might know it better by what the inhabitants call it.” Elsa: “What's that?” Kristoff: “The Enchanted Forest.” Emma: (Slightly out of breath from running:) "Queen Elsa! (Turns to see Mulan catching up with her:) I'm so glad you’re here." Elsa: "I'm sorry... (Looks to Kristoff, who shrugs:) Do I know you?" Emma: "Not yet, but you will. In time."

Storybrooke. Present. Will & Tiana’s Apartment. (Ella opens the door to Henry.) Henry: “This is so weird, I was just talking to Will at the bar.” Ella: “Oh, how’s he doing?” (Steps aside to allow Henry entry.) Henry: “He was acting kinda strange, but that’s to be expected I guess.” Ella: “Knowing Will as I do now, I’d say strange was definitely to be expected.” (They share a laugh.) Henry: “So, what are we doing here?” Ella: “Well, Tiana and I were talking and we thought it might be a good idea if you were to... ask me on a date.” Henry: “I thought we were already going on a date?” Ella: “Yeah, but a little romantic gesture always goes a long way.” Henry: (Smiles:) “Of course. (Looks around the apartment and spots something:) Ah. (Walks over and picks up a handful of flowers from a vase and hands them to Ella:) Ella, would you do me the honour of having dinner with me at the Dragon’s Lair?” Ella: (Smiling:) “I’d be delighted.” Henry: “Great. Pick you up here?” Ella: “Uh, no. How about I meet you there?” Henry: “Sure, what time?” Ella: “Say around...7.30?” Henry: “Sounds like we have ourselves a date.” Ella: “Yeah.” Henry: “So, do you want me to-” Ella: “Oh, no, Tiana and I have some stuff to do here.” Henry: “Okay, great. I’ll... see you at 7.30.” (He leaves. Ella leans on the door frame and watches him go.) The Dragon's Lair. (Regina is returning a glass to its shelf behind the bar when a voice calls out to her.) Ruby: "Regina. (Regina jumps and turns to face her:) Bad time?" (Regina glances around the empty bar.) Regina: (Sighs:) "I guess not." Ruby: "Great. I thought we could talk." Regina: "Yeah... all right." Ruby: (Takes seat at the bar:) "So, the last time this happened, Emma changed a few things in the past. Have you... I mean, do you feel any different?" Regina: "I'm not sure it really works that way. If there were big changes being made to our past, we in the present wouldn't necessarily know about it. The changes themselves would become our past." Ruby: "Oh... No, sorry, I don't quite get it?" Regina: "Okay, well the last time Emma went back, she and Hook altered a few key events. After they returned to the present, the only way we knew they were changes was because she told us about them. Does that make sense?" Ruby: "I guess so. I just thought that if Mulan and Emma were doing something in the past and we could sort of sense it happening, it'd be a way of being close to them? Kinda silly, huh?" Regina: (Shakes her head:) "No, it's not silly. It's very sweet. But like I said, I think the only way we're going to know what damage they've done is when they come back to us." Ruby: (Wistfully:) "Yeah." Regina: "And when they do return, I don't know about you, but I plan to jump Emma's bones the very first chance I get." (Ruby laughs heartily at this while Regina pours them both a drink.)

Granny's Diner. (David and Kristoff catch up.) Kristoff: "So, how're you handling things?" David: "Well, Snow's obviously busy covering Regina's duties as Mayor as best she can in between teaching her classes. And I've been helping down at the station whenever Lily needs an extra hand now that Hook is on his honeymoon." Kristoff: "Which is ironic when you think about it. I mean, Hook now literally has an extra hand and he's not here to lend it to his daughter." David: "I think Anna's terrible sense of humour is rubbing off on you." Kristoff: "Hey, Anna's sense of humour is great, just like mine. Your problem is you don't know good puns when you hear them." Unknown Location. Past. (Having agreed to take Emma and Mulan to the warrior's homeland, Kristoff has been pushing Sven pretty hard.) Kristoff: "Keep going, buddy, you're doing great. (To the others:) Do you know why I chose a reindeer to pull my sled rather than dogs?" Emma: (Bored:) "No." Kristoff: "Sven has a louder bark. If you ask me, the dogs were a little husky." Emma: (As Kristoff laughs:) "Oh, God. Are we there yet?" Mulan: "Yes, up ahead, look!" (Through the thick snowfall, all eyes turn to the cabin barely visible in the distance. Pulling the sled to a stop, Kristoff jumps down and offers his hand to each of them in turn.) Kristoff: "I hope you enjoyed your ride with us today, don't forget to pat the reindeer upon exit." Emma: "Thanks, Kristoff. You're a life saver." Kristoff: "Think nothing of it, happy to be of help." (Jumping down from the sled, Mulan makes her way silently through the snow.) The Cabin. Emma: (Catching up with her:) "You sure this is the right place?" Mulan: "Yes, I'm sure. Just do me a favour, don’t mention my name while we’re here." Emma: “What?” Mulan: “Just trust me.” (Reaching the door, Mulan knocks firmly. When the door opens, a look of recognition crosses Emma's face.) Emma: "You?" Dragon: "May I help you?" (The Dragon stares at the two women standing on his doorstep while the snow continues to fall all around them.)

[mxlxdroit]

black sails s4e1 liveblog

the last season. wow. ok here we go

zach mcgowan’s name no longer being in the credits makes me kind of sad. by the end of s3 i really liked vane

they open with flint quoting the bible. love this show. also his point about the allinace of pirates he’s relying on being very tenuous is true

silver: if it makes you feel any better,

flint: ‘a little.’ lol. silver is still kind of a shit and i love him for it. i also appreciate that he and flint have a shared sense of humor

this is a bad picture but madi’s outfit here is great. i’ll be interested to hear more from her about why she doesn’t trust flint

jack knows how to give orders to an active crew now! growth. he’s gained blackbeard’s respect as well. also

it’s a trap! flint it’s so clearly a trap

ok i’ll give woodes rogers this one- he knows how to defend nassau

this is stressing me out so bad i’m going to save this as a draft and go watch something else. maybe go to sleep. idk i’ll be back

ok it’s several days later and i’m back

silver: if we don’t get these men off the ship, they’re dead

flint: if we don’t find a way to harass those guns, everyone’s dead

that sums up their priorities and dynamic at this point in the show huh

i hate woodes rogers.

nooooo the walrus… my baby :(

bear mccreary outdid himself on this one. 3.10 and 4.1 have some of the best scores in the show so far

aw shit this is so bad. i know silver doesn’t die but a lot of the other men do. and the walrus. i’m actually upset about them sinking the walrus. flint’s BOOKS are on that ship dammit!

‘my wife… i get why she did it but like. eleanor why

as someone who embroiders? mood. also it’s so weird to see eleanor still in her noblewoman clothes and embroidering, being hidden from a fight. i like scenes where she acts like she did before- cussing out soldiers, cussing while embroidering, taking over for rogers when he’s sick… she’s the same person, just trying really hard to be someone else

ok the show just said what i said so i feel validated. eleanor’s like ‘i’m a noblewoman now, so i might as well put in the effort to play the part.’ max is like ‘it bothers me that faking your personality doesn’t seem to bother you that much.’ eleanor: ‘we are who we are. nothing so important changes so quickly.’ SO GOOD

oof. OOF. i don’t think flint realizes how like. he’s just let madi know he has feelings for silver that are similar to hers. but he definitely has

silver: when flint and i are of the same mind we can do literally anything. i don’t know why that is. he doesn’t know why that is

madi: u may not know, but i have a pretty good idea

i also think madi is right about flint needing silver more than silver needs flint. i don’t like it tho bc i like flint more than i like silver lololol so i want their weird codependent relationship to continue bc it allows flint to be who he is. also silver has an advantage in that he has both flint and madi as friends/lovers (as well as having the men, sort of), while flint literally only has silver

YES ANNE. have i mentioned how much i love clara paget before because i love clara paget. she is so charismatic

woodes rogers is so mystified why nobody has offered him assistance in capturing the pirates… it’s because they don’t like you, king! ok it’s actually way more complicated than that in that you’re going against their status quo and offering them security over freedom which makes them unlikely to trust you even if they generally agree with you and also they’re all former pirates so they still have some loyalty to their brothers on the seas etc. but not liking you personally doesn’t help

NOOOO mr. de groot

‘flint’s inner circle’ lmao. good on him for telling rogers to go fuck himself tho

flint is lit and framed like he’s a shadow in his own house

woodes rogers’ comparison between what would happen if flint’s men captured 121 of his men vs what he’s going to do with flint’s men now that he’s captured 121 of them is so interesting to me. he wants to treat them humanely, in a civilized way- but their “trials” will still result in them losing their freedom or losing their lives. is it really more civilized to drag out that process if the laws are unjust and punitive? and if they will result in the same outcome?

oh billy. ohhhhh billy. and flint! their pride is getting in the way of everything like i GET it you guys have some nasty history but is this really what’s important right now? aaand madi to the rescue!!! only sane person on this show. i don’t think she’s going to end up queen of nassau but she’d be damn good at it

the whole scene with silver swimming makes me feel like i can’t breathe

oh my god the fucking dairy goat. it’s going to die. ok ya it did

i’m glad they lampshade the fact that jack could have killed woodes rogers in the carriage fight. he’s not the killing type, though

jack cares abt their legacy, anne cares abt their future… anne has figured out her identity while jack still feels insecure in his… anne isn’t willing to risk her life to avenge vane’s death while both jack and teach are willing to do really stupid things… so good so complicated i can’t even fully express all the layers of this scene

eleanor is realizing that rogers is going to take her sacrifices for granted because he doesn’t understand that they are sacrifices- and he still doesn’t respect max! and eleanor is like shit this did not turn out how i planned, this is the second relationship i’ve had with a man where he doesn’t view me as an equal only this time we’re actually fucking married and i have to deal with it maturely

rogers has fallen into the great trap of the noble cishet white man in england of this era- debt. money can be a great equalizer (allowing max to be powerful despite what england says, and rogers to be in deep shit despite his privilege).

good on eleanor for offering to use her family’s name to help him out. i may hate his guts but i respect what she’s doing here

oooh long john silver babey!

[arecomicsevengood]

I’ve been trying to slow down the pace of my anxious brain, to move it away from the obsessive unsatisfying masturbatory procrastinating of clicking refresh. I want the presence of mind that comes from focused reading, I want to heal the destroyed reward mechanism of my brain. Absent the structure to days that comes with leaving the house, quarantine conditions have exacerbated these problems. I sought out older newspaper strips, because they have a leisurely pace. While no one would actually read a book-length collection a day at a time, in recreation of how they were originally read, the guiding principle that they be taken in as a diversion while doing other things is worth keeping in mind, as it runs opposite to current directives to binge-watch TV shows. Theoretically, having these narratives exist in parallel to the procession of days would be a nice respite from quarantine’s time-warp effect. However, when reading older newspaper strips, especially if you’re paying attention to the news at all, one is frequently jarred by the presence of racial caricatures.

I really try to avoid being someone offended by work that comes from a completely different cultural context. I’m a white dude, and while I don’t want to be quick to forgive anyone’s racism, I also don’t want to be one of those people that rush to condemn things as a way to posit myself as some sort of enlightened authority. Trying to “cancel” someone who’s long dead really only makes you into someone dismissive of history, which only works to one’s detriment.

Still, when the protests against police violence turned to easily-communicated gestures of symbolic speech, and iconoclastic energy was directed against statues of historical colonialists rather than the more immediate threats presented by police cruisers, conservatives defended such statues arguing their historical importance. This argument is extremely disingenuous. We can choose the historical narrative we want to present to ourselves. While the majority of opinions enshrined in law throughout the course of American political history were those slave-owners and genocide-justifiers, there’s nonetheless a vast cultural history it would serve as well to look to and posit as who we are. Every decision made was the result of argument, the losers of the arguments unaccountably brave. Ever since reading Nicholson Baker’s Human Smoke, I’ve been convinced that if any woman should be preserved on our money, it’s Jeanette Rankin, if only so her story would then be taught in schools. The work of a historian is to make an argument by collecting threads of a narrative out of the collective chaos of ongoing time before it’s all lost to entropy and rot.

Much credit is due to comics historian Bill Blackbeard, who edited the Smithsonian Collection Of Newspaper Comics, for what it is now clear is the considerable effort he must’ve made to avoid including too many depictions of racial stereotypes in his survey. He did so because he was arguing for comic strips being an art form, and avoiding the laziness of racial caricature helps that argument be made. He doesn’t bypass them completely: They’re in a Herriman strip, Baron Bean, albeit only for a few panels. They’re also on prominent display in the McKay Little Nemo strips. Maybe they’re somewhere else I didn’t look at too closely, it’s a large book.

But imagine my surprise and mortification when I bought a big collection of Polly And Her Pals Sunday strips and encountered these “mammy” caricatures in the depiction of servants. And then, when I bought a collection of Walt And Skeezix dailies, there it was again. These strips are well-regarded, considered the best of their day, and the comic strip as a whole was regarded as intellectually superior to the comic books that followed. When Gary Groth wrote his introduction to the first issue of Love And Rockets, these strips were the works he cited as the historical apex of the form.

(Apologies may be in order for my not wanting to actually include the relevant imagery of racial caricature here, and this post being all text. I would definitely need to apologize if I did include them though.)

The thing about the racial caricatures is they demonstrate the limitations of their artist’s ambition. The most charitable reading I can afford to give is that the caricatures exist within a larger context where all of the characterizations are burlesques, intended strictly for laughs, and somewhat thin. Gasoline Alley, currently being reprinted as Walt And Skeezix, is meant to evoke some sense of feeling, and while there are some melodramatic plotlines, the bulk of the work it does to accomplish that end is by being low-key and gentle. If you view the strip not as a light comedy historical piece, and admit you are meant to project your feelings onto the white main characters, you kind of have to concede that maybe Frank King didn’t really see black people as human. You know black people read these strips! It ran in a Chicago newspaper. If you lived in Chicago at this time, you would see black people living their lives, which would surely include the buying and reading of newspapers. It seems really weird to then depict black people as dumb and superstitious, even if the depiction of them as working as servants was primarily how the cartoonist would have encountered them in the middle-class milieu he lived in and depicted.

Herriman is a fascinating complicating factor. Because he’s black, and he’s arguably one of the best strip cartoonists of this era, and was respected by his peers. But he was also white-passing, in all likelihood because he knew his racial background would create problems, including with his peers. I think there’s a strong case to be made for the case Ishmael Reed basically implicitly makes with his Mumbo Jumbo dedication: That Herriman is one of the great artists of the twentieth century, and his art is informed by his blackness in the same way that blackness informs the great American art form of jazz. That his identity was denied to his peers doesn’t make his own art any less great, it simply complicates the ways that art works. But if you think of Cliff Sterrett being one of the guys who called Herriman “the Greek” and then drew this comic strip that features these horrible stereotypes, it just hurts your soul.

Sterrett is even I think someone whose work gets called “jazzy,” because there’s a certain modernist verve to it, a visual inventiveness. While the limit to King’s work is in how well-written you can really view it as being when you’re considering the racism, the limit to Sterrett’s is in how well-drawn and actually wild it is, considering that every strip  has the same gridded layout, when contrasted against the more inventive architectures of a Feininger page, or Charles Forbell’s Naughty Pete, or a Garrett Price White Boy strip. (I haven’t actually read the White Boy collection. The people who have read it and like it cite how it’s beautifully drawn, and how not-racist it is in the depiction of Native Americans, as being the things that credit it.)

Here’s something: I’m not even reading the strips drawn by conservatives! I’m not reading Chester Gould, or Harold Gray, or Al Capp. Each of these cartoonist is their own weird thing, with effectively different forms of conservatism, who I don’t wish to dismiss. I can get down with some Dick Tracy strips, whatever. To a certain extent, being an adult in dealing with history means seeing the virtues in people you probably disagree with in many ways. But it’s seeing the weird unconscious attitudes of people you would like to genuinely admire that makes you want to throw the whole project in the trash and start anew, because it displays evidence of such a deep taint.

Racism is basically America’s original sin. Comic strips are, along with jazz, the great American art form. It basically follows that you can’t talk about comics in any sort of accurate historic light without talking about racism. (There’s also racial caricature in Winsor McKay’s Little Nemo strips, obviously.) Reading the supplemental essays in these books of reprints, or critical reviews of them, you realize the desire to distance oneself from talking about the racism in the work is similar to how the conservative view of “American exceptionalism” goes hand-in-hand with a refusal to acknowledge the racist premises at the heart of its founding: People arguing for the exceptional quality of these strips are not addressing the elephant in the room, or only address it in the most cursory and hand-waving way imaginable. They are trying to paint a portrait without blemishes, without flaws, and in so doing depict a platonic ideal that does not actually exist.

These strips are not the work of Robert Crumb, where the racist imagery being employed has ostensibly an satirical end. It’s not Huckleberry Finn either, where the use of racial slurs is commonplace to set up a default mindset that then becomes undercut as a common humanity is realized. I’m actually unclear on if you could print such racial slurs in the newspaper at this time, or if it would be avoided as strenuously as any other profanity that couldn’t run in a “family newspaper.” What you see in these strips is the soft racism of paternalistic attitudes in the twentieth century American North laid bare for what it is. The volume I have of Walt And Skeezix collects the strips from 1923 and 1294, the Polly And Her Pals collection collects work from 1928 to 1930. This was an an era where black people could be reliably counted on as Republican voters, in the era before the realignment in politics that came with the Great Depression and the New Deal.

The current ahistorical posturing of Trump’s Republican party has them occasionally downplaying their overt anti-black racism to claim the “party of Lincoln” banner. So these strips are relevant, essentially, for depicting the sort of status quo the Republican party seek a return to, prior to FDR-instituted social programs, where black people exist primarily as servants and their concerns or agency, beyond how they exist in service to liberal white people, who address them from a place of charity, while conservatives would theoretically exist in all-white enclaves, are dismissed. The racism in the world depicted in these strips is inarguable, but the hope exists, in the eyes of conservatives, that liberals will see the way it flatters them, and wave it away as basically acceptable.

The alternative, as ever, would be in Herriman’s Krazy Kat, “the future liberals want,” where race and gender are forever up for debate in an shifting desert landscape. The issue there, of course, is the basically true argument that the strip doesn’t make any sense, and the more-up-for-debate point that the unique language of the strip is the result of repression of identity and internalized self-loathing. It’s also notable that the strip lacked popular appeal but was allowed to continue existing because it won the support of a wealthy benefactor. Maybe one day we’ll all learn to vibe with it, but I don’t really see that happening.

[epiphyllous]

What if: Marine!Luffy (technically)

I feel like a lot of people have touched on the AU if Luffy ever became a marine instead of a pirate, and I really like reading about them! I watched a video on YT that goes into it pretty in depth (check it out here), and I do agree that some of it is very plausable! But it takes away a lot of what I believe is integral to Luffy’s story (asides from the fact Luffy wants to be a pirate).

Honestly, this stemmed because I don't want Luffy to lose most of the integral part of his life-- which is meeting Shanks.

As stated in the video, it due to Shanks’ influence and Garp's absencenthat sets Luffy on the path to becoming a pirate, and I do see why Shanks has to be out of the picture for Luffy to even consider being a marine.

But what if Luffy raised to be a marine but still maintains his integrity that not everyone is bad just because of what they are? And thus we would still see OUR Luffy but Marine, which makes me happy :)

(Feel free to interact and share your thoughts too! I'm just trying to have fun fleshing my thoughts out. ‘tis long post)

Luffy doesn't grow up wanting to be a marine hero like Garp, bc I still maintain that he doesn't want to be a hero. He should still be a free spirit for the most part, but I think his main goal in this AU at first would be strong-- whether it's to be strong for the sake of being strong or to protect other people.

Or maybe he hears and listens to marine stories and learns how they travel through the Grand Line-- all romanticized, btw, but I do believe marines out there who do fight justice (not that Luffy is interested in that aspect at the age of 6) and go on "adventures" as they put it, making Luffy star eyed about the world. Regardless, he isn't off-put by the marine thing and that's the big point. Maybe if Garp hadn't just forced him to be a marine and instead instilled the aspect of adventure and camaraderie, Luffy wouldn't be so resistant.

When Luffy meets Shanks, I think most of the interaction remains, except Luffy's fascination is replaced with curiosity. Doesn't change much, but it does let Luffy still be as fearless as ever in the face of pirates and want to know more about Shanks. Maybe as a child he DID have the mindset that all pirates are bad, so he tries to fight them off much to Shanks' amusement and eventually realizes after interacting with them that not all pirates are bad after all.

"Take me to sea with you!"

"No way! You're too weak! Besides, aren't you afraid of sailing with a bunch of pirates?"

"Shanks is not a bad pirate!"

"So there are good and bad pirates now?"

"Yeah. Good pirates party all the time and have fun. Bad pirates do bad things," is what I'm sure Luffy at age 6 would think for the most part.

And they'd laugh and tease Luffy for being weak, Luffy would cut his eye to prove he's not, and at this point Shanks is more of a role model rather than a pirate role model: he shows what a man should do, how he should protect his friends, and when to stand up for yourself.

And in saving and sacrificing his arm for a Luffy who doesn't want to be a pirate but a marine, it solidifies the theme that it doesn't matter what you are, but who you are that counts.

And that teaching follows Luffy everywhere he goes for his entire journey.

As for the straw hat, I stubbornly refuse that Shanks does not give it Luffy. As we know, the hat plays in a much larger role than being the crown for the next king of pirates. It's evident in the large straw hat in Mariejoa and the significance the Gorosei puts on a symbol like that. Anyhow, I'm not going to go into that much but REGARDLESS, Shanks gives Luffy the straw hat and to return it to him once he becomes a great (read: powerful, impactful, influential) man.

I think a large bump in the road with this theory is that Luffy would have an insanely harder time in his childhood. As a big-mouthed child, he wouldn't shut up about being the next Marine Admiral (best position of power little does he know; Luffy just knows they tend to be the strongest Marines), and knowing Ace who would never EVER want to be a marine because of his influence with Sabo and his upbringing of bandits, this does not fly well. I could probably entertain that Ace could have been a marine because people hated his father so much, but I think his goal of being more than just his father's son really paves a path for him to be a pirate, regardless of other influences.

So if you think Ace hated Luffy before at this point in time, oh boy.

I mean, Luffy can't just DIE, so really the meeting between him, Ace, and Sabo go relatively the same except Ace and Sabo are much more suspicious of Luffy, which doesn’t really bode well for him. But I’m pretty sure, marine or not, even Ace and Sabo wouldn’t abandon Luffy if he refused to rat them out-- or they might even feel even more incensed that Luffy didn’t say anything because he wants to be a marine.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“If I said anything, you wouldn’t be my friend!”

“We’re going to be pirates; you’re going to be a marine-- we’re not even on the same side! We shouldn’t even be friends!”

“But why does that matter?”

And everything goes well, they become brothers, and Sabo “dies.”

And above all, I think this moment is a turning point in Luffy’s life (wow he’s having a lot of revelations as a ten-year-old; poor kid) because now he not only recognizes that not all pirates are bad but also know not all marines are good (because how could they be protecting someone who killed his brother?) and their system has a lot of fixing to do.

Ace has a lot of mixed feelings about this, because his baby brother may want to be a marine, but Sabo died from going against the government-- so what does this mean for their future? But in the end, Luffy is still Luffy, and Ace wouldn’t abandon his brother, especially not when after he announced he wasn’t going to die Luffy declares that he was going to be a Marine and destroy the system from within.

Not really sure how small Luffy would put that in words, but the feeling is already there, and that sets his beginning, seven years later.

Some Straw Hats are not going to be with Luffy, and it’s unfortunate but a must. Some will, like Zoro, who Luffy saves at Shell Town-- and honestly, it might just be easier for him to find Mihawk if he’s part of the Marines-- and Nami, whose mother was a marine and the Arlong Pirates never gave her any reason to like pirates anyhow. There is some sticky business considering Nami’s earned treasure was stolen by the marines, but I’m very sure meeting Luffy would definitely convince her that there are good marines out there.

Many of the Straw Hats would have never been pirates if not for Luffy, asides from Usopp and Brook, who were or had aspirations to be a pirate before. As such, Usopp’s village would be saved by Luffy, but he wouldn’t go be a marine because he’s always wanted to be like his father. Brook would probably go back to Laboon after getting back his shadow on Thriller Bark and Luffy wouldn’t have a musician and the One Piece Universe Beyonce would never be born :(

Tbh, there’s a high chance Chopper wouldn’t join either, considering his father-figure waved a pirate flag, but I wouldn’t put it past Luffy to defend that flag anyways because of its significance to Chopper and the bravery that Dr. Hiruluk conveyed through it. But for the sake of this indulgent AU, lets say he does. :))

Robin though... uhhh being a wanted women makes it pretty difficult for her to join Luffy and considering Enies Lobby and the whole Buster Call deal... probably not. I can see her joining the Revolutionary Army pretty early on as a result though, but Luffy’s choice to save her life would not have changed nor would his impact on her change as well. You know, low key, I kinda want her to hide out on Luffy’s ship for a while and his crew being all “wtf captain, she’s a danger to society; isn’t she a bad person?” and Luffy just shrugs and laughs and tells them it’s okay (his original Straw Hat crew that stuck with him as a marine just smh but they know him too well to think he wouldn’t save Robin otherwise) and to have them decide if she’s a bad person or not themselves.

And EVENTUALLY Robin will be recruited into the Revolutionary Army, maybe in like a intense, “You have to go Robin, because even I can’t save you if you stay” sorta deal. (This could also be a chance for Luffy to meet Sabo, but that’s like a whole ‘nother can of worms.)

So Enies Lobby doesn’t happen. Franky doesn’t join either :/ And I don’t see Jimbei becoming a pirate after all the shit that’s happened to him and his bros, and honestly I just ever see him as being a marine, no matter how much he admires Luffy. Maybe they’d be buddies when he’s a Warlord though :))

So Alabasta-- Vivi gets to save her country with actual marine support aka Luffy. He works together with Smoker (heehee!) and Tashigi (god I would die for the interactions between her and Marine!Zoro) and kicks Crocodile’s butt regardless of his title as Warlord. Luffy calls it as he sees it, and violent dictatorship and mistreatment of his friends is a BIG no-no, maybe especially as marine who upholds goodness.

He gets promoted and gets the credit he deserves, though he’s too busy chomping down on food to even notice.

Vivi stays with her people, and they leave.

Meeting Ace during the Alabasta arc would have taken a little more secrecy-- or maybe Ace goes undercover for a brief period of time like Oda drew him a while back; wouldn’t put it past him to meet his little brother while he chases after Blackbeard.

Oh wait, would Sky Island even happen??? Honestly, who knows, but if he fights Bellamy, it would just ruin his redemption arc during Dressrosa bc wouldn’t Luffy just capture him?? or maybe he just punches him and that’s punishment enough who knows I didn’t think about this part in particular

BUT MARINEFORD. oh marineford

You see, I think as a marine, Luffy is completely different from Garp from the fact that he would NEVER put his job over his family. Luffy has already had one brother die, and he isn’t going to let another die if he can help it.

So what does that leave us? Maybe a prison break? Maybe going behind the scenes (as per Nami’s suggestion and implementation bc Luffy can’t be subtle for shit) to rig the execution and fuck up the cannons.

But the real mega problem here, is if Ace dies, I don’t know if Luffy can be a marine anymore, and that’s a big problem. Or maybe in having his brother die in his arms, despite trying to help him escape, will incite him to challenge the system and destroy corruption once and for all. (Demotion be damned.) But when Sabo finds out Luffy let Ace die in front of him, I think the connotations would change with their reunion since Luffy is a marine and thus still, regardless of who Luffy is, “on the other team.”

In fact, the existence of the Marineford Arc makes it extremely difficult for Luffy to continue being a marine, so honestly, at this point, even though it goes against the entire Marine!Luffy AU, I think Luffy could just go rogue, like he was always meant to be in the original One Piece timeline. So maybe it’s a full-circle to Luffy being what he was meant to. Who knowssss but that’s all I’ve got.

Let me know what you think!! If you read this far haha I’m always down to talk about Luffy bc I love him sm.

[neverwatchedonepiece]

629: "Violent Shock! Incredible News that Shakes the New World!"

A rocky old place, ain’t it? No white sand beach resorts here. Lots of sunflowers, though. And a Colosseum. Even trattorias and quaint cobbled streets, according to the preview.

This is Italy, isn’t it?

Only had time for one episode but that wasn’t a problem at all. Thankfully, there was a lot to unpack in 629, plus more highlights than 

There was the return of Thriller Bark. Updates on the whereabouts of key OP figures. Luffy yelling down the line at Doflamingo. The reveal of why Law is set on sailing to Dressrosa. Why Kinemon is also keen to go. The arrival of new villains. The reveal of Doflamingo’s cunning plan to snare Luffy. And the reshuffling of the Shichibukai and the appointment of a VERY FAMILIAR CLOWN.

I’m still laughing, btw.

Also have to say I liked the new opening. Seemed spoiler free and it was interesting that they have pitted Luffy so openly against Blackbeard (and Akainu, I suppose. Now there are two Big Bads. Actually beginning to wonder if there ever will be a Final Villain in One Piece).

They Call Him Scoop McGee Absalom

The action picked up with the immediate aftermath of Doflamingo’s resignation from his throne and the post of Shichibukai, which sent ripples through the OPverse. Now the protection conferred by Doflamingo’s Shichibukai status had vanished, his subjects lamented, “Dressrosa is done for!”

Elsewhere, an unwinnable war raged. Unwinnable because the side in question had struck a deal with the Donquixote family. Now Doflamingo is no longer king, the supply chain has dried up.

Various famous faces who had grabbed newspapers were next. Jewelry Bonney was a nice surprise! I thought she’d been arrested by the Marines after that whole thing on the burning island with Teach. She’s obviously in hiding (standard hooded cloak) but still in action. That’s good. There was also a brief shot of Jimbei and Crocodile’s hook.

But who was the mysterious journalist behind the leaking of the Strawhearts alliance? The Kidd/Hawkins/Apoo Alliance? The fact Doflamingo had resigned both throne and warlord role?

He is known only by the name Absa.

I would have struggled to predict who Absa might have been, had they not shown a tiny Thriller Bark satellite ship.

It’s obviously Absalom. Invisibility is his thing. He’s obviously been sneaking about. For what purpose, I have no clue. Maybe Moria is out for revenge? I’m pretty certain he’s still alive as Doflamingo said he disappeared in front of his eyes. I like the thought of Moria getting angry enough to come back into the limelight. (I’m still crossing my fingers he’ll help Luffy and Law with Kaidou. Moria definitely has enough of a grudge to do it.)

We also got hard confirmation that Kidd and co. are after a Yonko. Their target is as much of a mystery to me as Luffy and Law’s is to them. (I still think it might be Shanks.)

I love it when Oda takes time to set his arcs within a wider context. Even more so now. It’s especially relevant here, given the recent emphasis on the interconnected nature of the New World.

And speaking of connections...

Hello. Is it Caesar You’re Lookin For?

Once the contextualisation was out of the way, the action cut back to Sunny. At the end of 628, Doflamingo had finally picked up (after deliberately making Law wait to ramp up the tension. The theme of control is strong with this one).

Of course, Luffy had to formally introduce himself.

“HELLO. I AM LUFFY. I WILL BECOME PIRATE KING. OI, MINGO!” I love Luffy has already given him a nickname. “So you’re that idiot Caesar’s boss? That bastard hurt Brownbeard and the kids! We’ll give Caesar back since we promised but if he ever does anything like that again--” at this point Caesar himself was cringing hard in a corner “-- I’ll beat the crap out of you too!”

To his credit, Doflamingo did not rise to the bait. Sure, a few veins pop and he does questionable things when angered, but in negotiations, he remains cool as a cucumber.

“Strawhat... two years have passed since your brother died and you disappeared from the New World. Where were you and what were you doing?”

At that point, I never realised the significance of Doflamingo’s reference to Ace, so I just thought he was getting a, “Lol, ur brother is ded” dig in.

Of course, Luffy wouldn’t tell.

“I was hoping to run into you,” Doflamingo continued. “I’ve got something here that would make you drool.”

Since Luffy doesn’t do metaphors, he thought Doflamingo was talking about high-quality meats. To be fair, I had no idea what Doflamingo had up his sleeve at that point, so it could have been high-quality meats for all I knew.

Law was annoyed that Luffy had given Doflamingo the chance to control the conversation and snatched the DDM.

“Joker, we will hand over Caesar as promised.”

Doflamingo is not dumb, though. “That’s wise. You know well what would happen to you if you backed out now. First thing’s first, though. I want to confirm that my vital business partner is safe.”

Law held up the receiver. Caesar scooted over.

“JOOOOOOOKEEEEEERRR, I’M SORRYYYYYYYYYYY! YOU LOST EVERYTHING BECAUSE OF ME, BAWWWWWWW--”

And Doflamingo was like, “Yup. Sounds like he’s fine.” 

I lol’d at that. (Was that a lowkey burn from Doflamingo?)

Law continued to keep matters strictly business. “In eight hours we will be on Green Bit. We’ll drop off Caesar there. Pick him up yourself. We will make no further contact.”

“Awwww...” Doflamingo retorted. “And I wanted to have a drink with you now you’re all grown up--”

At that moment, Luffy decided the conversation was at an end.“JUST HANG UP ALREADY!” 

He cut the connection. The Strawhearts were left alone on deck to process what had just happened. Sanji was smart about a loophole Law had left in negotiations. Law had never specified how many people could accompany Doflamingo to pick up Caesar. Theoretically, Doflamingo could arrive with an army at his back.

Law wasn’t worried. The Caesar handover was just a distraction. (Rather bold of him to discuss this in front of Caesar himself, by the way.) Destroying the Smile factory was the real mission. The only issue? Law has no info on the factory. I’m assuming they’ll have to infiltrate Dressrosa and locate the place.

Luffy was like, “You ever been to Dress Roba?” (Lmao, I’m sure he’ll get the name right eventually.)

Interestingly, Law said he had never been! There go my theories of Law growing up in Dressrosa and working for Doflamingo. :(

He definitely hates Doflamingo, though. His reasons for not stepping foot on Dressrosa? “He is king of that land.” Something has gone on between them in the past. Doflamingo has known Law since he was a kid. So did Vergo. What is the connection here??

At any rate, Luffy was blase about the whole affair. Infiltrating hostile territory to find and destroy a factory that will cause shit to hit the fan and draw the ire of the entire New World? Yeah, let’s just make up a plan as we go!

For Law, who is a clever, patient and careful man, this was just too much.

As the Strawhats filed past him into the kitchen for sandwiches, he stared with the vacant expression of a man who has stared into the depths of the abyss and found Luffy’s grinning face staring back.

He snapped.

“I HATE BREAD!!”

Then you have have a gluten free wrap, Law. Chill. Everything’s going to be fine.

At least, I think.

In the kitchen, away from Caesar’s sensitive ears, they discussed where they would dock and other important initial steps of their master plan. Kinemon also revealed why he wanted to travel to Dressrosa.

Apparently, they had set out for a place called Zou but were shipwrecked. Only one of the other samurai reached the shore with Kinemon and Momo. Doflamingo’s people pursued them. Momo tried to slip unnoticed onto a ship but it unfortunately sailed straight for Punk Hazard. Their other companion, Kanjuuro, was taken prisoner.

Law was interested in the whole Zou thing, as he had planned to travel straight there to reunite with his crew (Yay! They’re okay!) after taking care of business in Dressrosa.

Luffy was like, “EXCELLENT! WE’LL GO TO ZOU, THEN TO WANO KINGDOM. I WILL SAVE YOUR COMPANION TOO!”

And Brook randomly farted right in the middle of it, lmao.

There’s a Starman, Waiting in the Sky

And while Luffy and Law were busy making plans for Nigel, an Important Meeting was taking place at Marineford.

A grave Marine called Brannew took the podium in front of a room full of serious-looking, high-rankers (Brannew, get it? He’s a Brannew Marine to the story, ahahaha.) 

“As you all know,” he announced, “there are only seven Shichibukai. They are pirates who have been given permission to plunder by the World Government. In return, they grant us overwhelming power and prestige. Their allegiance to the World Government instills fear in pirates around the world.”

A line up of the more recent Famous Faces flashed across the screen.

Mihawk, Kuma, Hancock, Law, Donquixote Doflamingo, “The Celestial Yaksha” (I have yet to google that to find out what it means) and a newcomer.

Who was this newcomer?

He is the man who rapidly grew strength over the past two years. Commander of the Pirate Dispatchment Org and Living Legend: THE STAR CLOWN BUGGY!!

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!

Of course it could be no one else that Buggy! Who else would have such INCREDIBLE, BEWILDERING LUCK!

Even Buggy admitted he was totally winging it. “It’s not like I asked for this. The World Government kept bugging me so I had no choice. That said, this is only a rung on the ladder. I’m moving up in the world now. In a few years, I’ll be a Yonko.”

And you know what?

I believe it.

Only Buggy would be able to become a Shichibukai by accident. Why not a Yonko too? The World Government must be pretty desperate to fill spare seats if they asked Buggy. 

The serious Marine also spoke of the grave situation surrounding Doflamingo’s sudden resignation. Law’s activity and alliance with Luffy is under suspicion. Depending on what he does next, Law may be stripped of his title too.

Akainu agreed. “We cannot allow Law and Strawhat to do as they please. Smoker from G5 sent me a rather annoying message yesterday. We should observe the situation for another day. I have dispatched Fujitora.”

A couple of things.

Did Smoker send Akainu a message from Kuzan? Is that why the message was “annoying”? Maybe it’s both inconvenient (bad news) and annoying (it came from his old rival).

Who is Fujitora? A new Marine villain, high on Justice? I can but hope.

At any rate, the Marines are also on the move and are watching events in Dressrosa closely. This is good. The more conflict, the better!

You Magnificent Bastard

Meanwhile, in sunny Dressrosa, Doflamingo was also cooking up plans and future conflicts of his own.

In his palace, Doflamingo sauntered down a long corridor and entered a room with four high-backed chairs carved into card suits. As he is the Joker, I’m guessing Doflamingo has a theme going.

He apologised for keeping the others waiting. We only met two of the suit card squad. Diamante and Trebol. Trebol occupies the Clubs suite chair and is creepy. He does not understand personal space bubbles (even with Doflamingo) and he keeps insisting Baby 5 wants to marry him (creepy). His Devil Fruit power is also slightly gross (he blorts everywhere) and he has a perpetual hang snot. Not my kind of villain.

Diamante is at least funny. Example:

Doffy: “The colosseum is as popular as ever. That is thanks to you, Diamante.” Diamante: “Not at all, Doffy.” (I love that they call him Doffy.) “This is due to your charisma as king.” Doffy: “No, it’s because of your talent.” Diamante: “Oh, stop talking like I’m some hero of the colosseum.” Doffy: “But you are.” Diamante: “You exaggerate!” Doffy: “Fine, you’re not.” Diamante: “OKAY. IF YOU INSIST. I AM INDEED THE HERO RAAAARRR!”

Lmao.

That was weirdly humanizing. I get that Doflamingo is the villain here and he has no qualms over sacrificing his people if it needs to happen, but he knows these guys pretty well and gets on with them. Maybe it’s successfully manipulating them, sure, but the man still has social skillz.

Once the comedy moment with Diamante was over, Doflamingo asked Trebol to bring forth the Important Thing.

Trebol handed Doflamingo a mysterious box. “This is sure to pique Strawhat’s interest,” he said. “Their alliance can very easily become a disadvantage to them. I will entrust this super important box to you, Diamante.”

After some funny reverse psychology back and forth, Diamante agreed.

Then Doflamingo made the Big Reveal. The Big, Glowing, Shiny Reveal.

When he said he had something that interested Luffy, he wasn’t lying.

But it wasn’t high-quality meat.

He has Ace’s fruit.

And he is going to use it as leverage to break up Luffy and Law’s alliance.

What a magnificent bastard.

Law was attacked by a pack of wild loaves in his youth. He’s never been the same since.

[recentanimenews]

Ranking Luffy's 20 Best Knockouts For The One Piece Anime's 20th Anniversary

  We love One Piece because of its themes - the idea that, because the ocean is so vast, you'll one day find a place where you belong. That even though others may tear you down or forget about you, your dreams will never die. That it's your duty to stand up for your friends, because you know they'd stand up for you. Those are all beautiful and well developed motifs in the One Piece world. But you know what else is beautiful and well developed in the One Piece world? Luffy's ability to knock someone out. 

  Thanks to Luffy's grit and Gum Gum powers, we've been treated to some of the best KO's in anime history in One Piece. And I think, since the 20th anniversary of the anime is October 20th, 2019, we should celebrate twenty of them here. And I think, in the first spot, we should have...

  20. Don Krieg

  I'm gonna start with this one because it always felt like Luffy, using Gum Gum Gatling, and then Gum Gum Pistol, and then 2 Gum Gum Bazookas, and finally finishing off Krieg with Gum Gum Giant Gavel, was executing a combo move. Like if he'd accidentally pressed X instead of B at the end there, he would've gone for another Gum Gum Pistol and lost the quick time event. 

  19. Charlotte Cadenza

  This one earns a spot on the list because of the desperation of it. We don't usually see Luffy go all MMA on someone, but in trying to make his way back to meet Sanji, he chokes out one of the big quintuplets. That's raw, and I hope that, when Luffy finally faces down Blackbeard again, he busts out a Rear Naked Choke on him or at least a Kimura Armlock. 

  18. Holdem

  This obviously isn't the first Red Hawk that Luffy's ever used (Other notable uses include his fight against Byrnndi World in the 3D2Y special, against Hody Jones, and in that awesome tag team attack with Law against Doflamingo.) But with work by key animator Takashi Kojima, his Red Hawk against Holdem is especially beautiful. I could watch it all day. And I have. 

17. Oars

  Luffy gets the chance to knock out not one, but two giants in Thriller Bark, with the first being Oars and the second being a Gecko Moria that's gone all Shadow's Asgard on everybody. However, I'm gonna give this spot to Oars. Not only does this Gigant Bazooka come after a battle with the entire Straw Hat crew, but we also get an X-Ray of Oars' spine as it happens. It's pretty rad. 

  16. Kuro

      I can't imagine that, even after evaluating every possible outcome or option, that "Man of a Thousand Plans" Captain Kuro would've thought that he'd be defeated by a goofy rubber head screaming in his face and then caving his skull in. It's not the most humiliating way to go out, but considering Kuro spent years trying to enact the perfect scheme and talking trash about being a pirate, it's on up there. 

  15. Foxy

  I'm a Foxy stan, a Long Ring Long Land Big Fan, and a Davy Back apologist. I LOVE this arc, and I love Foxy. But that doesn't mean that I didn't rejoice when Luffy finally got the win here. However, I have to give most of the credit to Bin Shimada, who is the best at voicing truly obnoxious One Piece villains (He also voice Wapol.) Heck, he's one of the best at voicing villains in general, as his versatility has also led him to being behind the roar behind Dragon Ball's Broly. 

  14. Usopp

  Oh, I picked a sad one. The battle between Luffy and Usopp is the most depressing in One Piece's history, with Usopp pouring everything he has into a fight where defeat is almost 100% inevitable, and Luffy being forced to beat up the crew member that he often relates to the most. As a fight, it's equal parts thrilling and depressing, and as the start of the perfect Water 7/Enies Lobby arcs, it's....also equal parts thrilling and depressing. 

  13. Buggy

  This is the battle that would set the standard for inventive conclusions to One Piece fights and even though it's less dramatic than some of the finishing blows to come, it deserves a spot on this list due to how iconic it feels now. It's a final fight that teaches you that One Piece just might be somethng special when it comes to handing defeat to its villains. 

  12. Cracker

    I like this fight because it establishes two things: 1) It makes Luffy a genuine threat to the stability and heirarchy of Whole Cake Island (even if he's not ready to take on Big Mom directly yet), and 2) It shows us that the Sanji Retrieval Team can get the job done. Also, I like pairing this fight with the last one with Buggy, because in both cases, it's Luffy getting a crucial assist from Nami and they make a great team. 

  11. Lucci

   Luffy's fight against Rob Lucci is one of the most well-constructed fights in anime, a contest that flip flops between a battle of nearly equal strengths, a desperate underdog journey, and an immensely satisfying and almost terrifying conclusion. Luffy closing his eyes and screaming while pummeling Lucci through the wall is such a visceral, violent way to end this fight and shows that while clever inventiveness can be handy in a battle on the Grand Line, sometimes you just need sheer will. 

  10. Sea King

    Not only is this a "Yeah! One Piece is the best!" punch, but it's also an integral part of the "We Are" opening. If I was a DJ, I'd play that song at every club I worked at. People would be like "DJ MERRY, PLAY THE LATEST POST MALONE!" and I'd be like "Right on it!" and then I'd just play "We Are" again. 

  9. Wapol

  As I mentioned, Wapol is one of the most obnoxious anime villains out there. So if he didn't get something that would deserve a spot on this list, I would've rioted, or at least been very disappointed on Twitter. Luckily, Wapol, pleading with Luffy, gets rocketed into the Drum Island stratosphere. It's literally the nicest option for him. 

  8. Doflamingo

  Doflamingo's defeat is a long time coming. Shown as a particularly malicious guy back during the Skypiea arc, then shown to be an agent of the underworld with a hand in weapons and trafficking, then revealed to be the false king of Dressrosa, he's needed a punch to the everywhere for almost 15 years of One Piece's run. And Luffy gives it to him, knocking him down through the streets of the city that he terrorized for so long. 

  7. Blueno

      Power-ups are fairly expected in shows like One Piece. But that's not a diss on them at all. I LOVE when a protagonist gets notably stronger and can pull off cool new moves and maybe gets a new haircut. But Luffy going Second Gear and then absolutely making a mockery of Blueno is something to behold. Blueno's look of stunned disbelief makes it even better, and it's just a warm-up for the war against the rest of CP9 to come. 

  6. Crocodile

  For most of the Alabasta arc, Luffy is 0-2 in battles against Crocodile. But, while Dvorak's New World Symphony: 4th Movement plays, Luffy uses the blood that he's shed to counter Crocodile's sand to knock him up through Alubarna. It's rare to hear someone call "rubber bro uses his magical fists to shatter the internal organs of an evil desert-themed gentleman" a truly majestic scene, but this is beautiful work. If there was a Church of Eiichiro Oda, this would be painted on the ceiling. Get lost, Michelangelo. 

  5. Arlong

  The trend of "Luffy beats the main villain of the arc by knocking him through something large" that we've seen with foes like Crocodile, Enel, Lucci, and Doflamingo was established here with Arlong. Horrified at the way that he's treated Nami, Luffy uses a Gum Gum Battle-Axe to turn Arlong's vertebrate into chowder. 

  4. Enel

      Luffy using the body of a psychopathic tyrant to ring the Shandorian Bell, thus proving to Mont Blanc Noland's descendent that the City of Gold did exist and freeing the citizens of Skypiea from Enel's reign is both poetic and just a cool looking set piece. It's a reminder of just how fulfilling reading/watching One Piece is, and how the details of the story often culminate in these big, lovely bouquets of fisticuffs and never lose any of their meaning or importance along the way.

  3. Katakuri

    No, this isn't a typical knockout, as Luffy falls down first and Katakuri dropping feels like more of a spiritual defeat than a physical one. But with the knockout of Katakuri comes the changing of an ideology, and the allowance of failure, something that Katakuri had never given himself before. So it not only signals the end of the fantastic main duel of the arc, but legitimate character growth for the antagonist. Also, it comes after the Fourth Gear Snake Man fight, which is one of the best animated episodes in the entire show. 

  2. Charlos

      The most gif'd moment of One Piece ever, Luffy punching Charlos so hard that it seems to break the anime needs no explanation. It's perfect. 

  1. Bellamy

  "Do I know how to throw a punch, you ask?" Luffy rearranging Bellamy's skull after Bellamy mocks his belief in dreams and myth is a perfect distillation of one of the themes of One Piece: Those who believe in something VS Those who simply want to tear down those beliefs. And though the fight to follow your dreams and live a free life on the sea would continue, Luffy scored a victory for it here. Dreams: 1, Bellamy's Ability To Go Without A Neck Brace: 0.

  What is your favorite One Piece knockout? Do you agree with the placements on this list? Let us know in the comments!

    ----------------------

  Daniel Dockery is a writer and editor for Crunchyroll. You should follow him on Twitter!

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[pigfeast-blog]

translations of her voice lines under the cut! credit to this reddit thread.

Summon

I’m Caster of Okeanos. I won’t let you be lonely anymore. Since you’ve called upon this Witch of Hawks. Fufu

. Level Up

Fufu, magical energy up!

Ascension 1

I have mixed feelings about being in this form. My long hair, it’s like a young girl’s, it won’t stay down.

Ascension 2

I love you so much that I want to turn you into a pig…...seriously.

Ascension 3

The protection and brilliance of the goddess in the heavens, the aura of the great ancient gods surrounds my earthly veins…...Now, the great wisdom shall become my wings and be spread!

Ascension 4

To tell you the truth, I’m a witch. You’ve touched upon something that shouldn’t have been touched upon. Fufu…..I’ll never let you go now.

Battle Lines

Battle Start 1  Fufu…..Let’s do this. Battle Start 2  Let’s build a pig pen here! Skill 1  Fufu, I’ve understood. Skill 2  Eat some kykeon? Command Card 1  Sure thing. Command Card 2  Leave it to me. Command Card 3  Ugh, you’re kidding, right? Noble Phantasm Card 1  How about we spend some sweeeet time together….. Noble Phantasm Card 2  I shall dedicate this to my goddess! Noble Phantasm Card 3  I shall respond to your love…..Fufu. Attack 1  There! Attack 2  Here! Attack 3  Fufu! Attack 4  Do you like pain!? Attack 5  Magical energy, unleash! Attack 6  Okay, get ‘em! Extra Attack 1  Bite them! Extra Attack 2  Come, tremors from the sea floor! Noble Phantasm  I’ve kept you waiting, my beloved piglets. Let’s set up a feast, open the banquet and welcome the guests! Now, rampage, swallow and devour! Metabo Piglets! Fufu….Fufufu, ahahahahaha! Damage 1  Gh.....You’re pretty good. Damage 2  Guu. Defeated 1  Aaan~, I lost~! Defeated 2 How, frustrating..... Victory 1    Ookay, okay, let me give you a reward, piglet. Victory 2    My goddess, I offer my gratitude.

My Room Lines

Conversation 1

Why don’t you just go!? Leave me behind and go anywhere you want!.....No, sorry. Um…...Take me along? Please?

Conversation 2

Are you hungry?

Conversation 3

Here, aaaah. Eat this kykeon…...Huh? Master wants to feed me…..? EEEEEHHHH!!? You’re joking, right!?.....I-It can’t be helped. Just this once. A-Aaaaah…..

Bond Level 1  Okay! Let’s build a pigsty here! Bond Level 2  Fufu, fufu, fufufu, I understand everything! You want to become a piglet too! Bond Level 3  You prefer curvy!? I am confident in my technique though! Mu…..I’ll do my best….! Bond Level 4  I’ll do anything, and I’ll bear with it. As long as you stay with me. So, don’t go….. Bond Level 5  To think you would actually bring it out. My soul that was trapped in that island. Yep, I’ll go anywhere. Let’s travel together. Let’s lay down on a meadow and see the same dream.

Likes

This oat porridge, kykeon, can be both a medicine as well as a poison, it’s a food of the gods! Fufu.

Dislikes

Oddysseus? Well, I don’t know him. There’s nothing I remember. About that foolish, arrogant, lying, helpless man.

During an Event

It’s noisy outside. A festival maybe? Or a party!?

Birthday

Happy Birthday, Piglet! I’ve prepared a grand banquet…...Huh? You want to have a modest celebration with just the two of us first?......Well, I suppose that could be nice for a change.

Post True Name Reveal

Conversation 4

Medea was unfortunate. That girl’s foolishness came down to her being negligent of goddess Hecate’s medicinecraft. Poor child. I’m really…...envious (When you have Medea)

Conversation 5

Medea Lily…..To be frank, I find her difficult to deal with so I’m not good with her. My feathers are going to fall out from stress you know!? (When you have Medea Lily)

Conversation 6

Uuum, Archer of the Argonauts…...Yes, that’s right! Atalanta! I got along well with her for some reason. She was nice to talk to while I was on the island. We even cursed at each other for having bad tastes, I think. (When you have Atalanta)

Conversation 7

Hmm, that’s my little sister, Pasiphae’s child right? The one who grew the horns of a bull. I’m not particularly acquainted with him but…..but! Who’s the one who taught him to say irritating things like that!? Make him stop calling me ”aunt” so sincerely. (When you have Asterios)

Conversation 8

I like sailors! I’m welcome to all, even pirates like Blackbeard! It’s just, he was a bit…..too loud, calling me things like loli BBA and legal loli, so I turned him into a pig and hung him up in the kitchen’s cold room but…..is that bad? (When you have Edward Teach)

Regarding the Holy Grail

The Holy Grail….If I were to say that an impossible wish is what is giving form to the existence known as the Witch Circe, I wonder if you would laugh.