#god i love my job

[peachdues]

My favorite thing about working in law is coming up with all kinds of different ways of saying “opposing counsel is a fucking moron” in an official court filing.

Some of my personal favorites that I’ve written:

“Such a proposition by [insert opposing party name here], is not merely contrary to [state] law; it is also, respectfully, absurd.”

“Here we go again.”

“As this Court is well aware, given the extensive, lengthy nature of this case due to [opposing party’s] incessant filings…”

“It is puzzling that [opposing party] has raised this issue on appeal, considering that the lower court ruled in [their] favor, and it begs the question of whether [opposing counsel] bothered to read the trial court’s order at all.”

[amoxicillin-tangent]

what i said:

good morning, beautiful. did you know that vultures lay their eggs at the edges of cliffs?

what i meant:

every year i fight the urge to reinvent myself, to shed my skin and take a new name. i’ve got a manic flight hidden in my bones somewhere, down to the marrow. i’m scared of needles. i wanna get better but i don’t know how. i’m glad i didn’t know that the last time i saw you was the last time; it was better that i didn’t spend it dreading your absence the way i spent two hours trying to figure out why vultures lay their eggs at the edges of cliffs. 

what i said: 

some things just don’t have an answer, beautiful. vultures were associated with catharsis long before they ever were with death.

what i meant:

some things just don’t have an answer. i never believed in love at first sight until i saw you. the birds are singing and it makes me smile and it makes me sick. 

what i said: 

i’m falling for you, beautiful. did you know that a group of larks is called an exaltation?

what i meant:

i only loved you long enough to set my soul in flight and watch you become my ceiling. i didn’t want what we had to be short but meaningful. i just wanted it to be meaningful.

what i said:

i’ll miss you, beautiful. did you know mourning doves are related to carrier pigeons? did you know they used to send them overseas to sing funeral songs?

what i meant:

maybe there’s another world where i wake you up every day with bird facts but i don’t think it’s this one. 

what i said:

goodbye, beautiful. did you know that nightingales die faster the more they sing?

what i meant:

i would’ve sang myself to death, for you.

[nintendont2502]

deeply fucking funny to me that our systems went down at work tonight. not because of the international outage they just do that sometimes

[tarothouselattier]

You know what I feel like when I read your messages you send me after reading my pick a cards?

It’s like I make these really intricate baked goods(been eating those good buns with cream lately 🥰😂) and I have NO idea who it is I’m baking them for but I just FEEL like a need to put this specific frosting on the buns become somewhere out there is a person who just sees these goods and goes: “OMG THIS IS ME IF I WERE A BUN”. And then you take your delicious baked sweets that I made and I finally see who it is I was making them for🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

I love you people 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🥳❤️🔥

[dirhwangdaseul-archived]

girls do some coworkers just fucking love drama, like we're teachers you fucking bitches leave the fucking contrived conflicts to the teenagers you dumb fucks

[humofbumblebees]

had a customer come in today, recognized suki was playing and then proceeded to discuss her and rob, taylor, and stevie being at the concert today

[lslines]

I love when you can see a child's learning and understanding!

look at how he drew the ears in C1 but didn't connect them to C2. look at the body size in B3 vs C3

this is the first time this child had been introduced to the concept of copying something with a grid and he loved it and it's so cool

(I kept this one that he copied from my drawing, and he kept the one I copied from his drawing. he looked thrilled with it.)

[clearlypanickingatthedisco]

Ready to take on my absolutely unhinged clients today

[glassand-grass]

when a horse tries to take your arm off, you become the skid steer bitch 😂😂

[sassmill]

The fact that my business cards have a blurb from Forbes about us is so sexy

[secrettreestuffidk]

Today I Learned:

botanists produce sterile varieties of otherwise invasive ornamental plants the same way the Spanish Empire produced Charles II

[lazylittledragon]

i refuse to believe that boycotting is hard. my favourite thing in the world is ordering maccies after a late night at work/a concert/getting drunk. yes i do miss it sometimes. but the other night i ordered from a small place near my house instead and it was the most orgasmic burger i've ever had in my life. i very rarely say this but fucking suck it up people are DEAD

[chrissendump]

me on my way home from work crying because kids are just so sweet and kind and u just need to give them a little encouragement and enthusiasm and support and theyre just so wonderful and i love them and it breaks my heart that so many people see them as pests because theyre NOT they just need love and goddamnit i WILL be the one to give it to them

[suntails]

toot toot!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Let the revenge games begin.

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[bacchuschucklefuck]

I know a normal amount abt waistcoats