#going for in my teen years. and w the meds ive achieved it with 0 severe anorexic stress or obsession or even feeling hunger basically at
Text
.
#...... i think too its not just that im bony#its all the new cuts too#...this is the first time after uhhh. round 2 of taking things way too far that ive seen myself. alone. naked. in a coldly lit changing#room#like#fuck#we really did a number on this body#ive been joking for a long time that i look like an okapi or a zebra but like... damn#idk they dont bother me. they never have#im not grosses out by them or even ashamed nor do i even think theyre ugly honestly. but#along with all the bones i just had this feeling of like. oh lol this aint normal. again like..... I looked like A Creature#which on one hand kinda sick bc slightly nonhuman looking half dead but still beautiful but kinda scary creature is exactly what i was#going for in my teen years. and w the meds ive achieved it with 0 severe anorexic stress or obsession or even feeling hunger basically at#all. just empty#but im...older now#and. yea idk if that's really the standard i have anymore#.......what i see now is just. wear. i see my pain and trauma and my souls repeted death. in the way this flesh looks#..... i think back then i used to get a lot more enjoyment out of having a physical representation of how bad im doing psychologically#but i just. dont enjoy my own pain and suffering that much anymore lmao. even i managed to get fed up with the masochism past a certain#point#..... and i think its also that. while im definitely not great (i did spend the last weeks to months posting on here abt how i wanna die#every day lmao) ive also been A LOT worse#all the scars are from... a lot worse. all the bones - i usually only saw them like this when i was a lot worse#..... its almost like idk. looking at it (me) with more sober eyes#.....i hate how tired i look too#i really need to quit smokiny#that shits doing me worse than the not eating or the cutting or any other damn thing
6 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
