#got booted from a static I helped start 2 years ago because the lead thought my anxiety would get in the way

[daeiran-morran]

I arrive at my static night-

Mechanics: Learned

DPS: Perfect (2nd place but still good)

Anxiety: Existing (because that’s just me as a person)

—

I am Forcibly Removed From My Static

[your-eternal-muse]

How Could I Hate Her?

Heather Series Part 7

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Bonus! Readers Card Confession Part 6

Summery: When checked on by the team, Reader confesses her guilt ridden feelings

Warnings: Mentions and descriptions of depressive episode, light swearing, mentions of medication, but other than that? Nothing that I can think of?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Heather Carmichael, Spencer Reid x eventual Female!Reader

Words: 3.1k

A/N: Y’all.....it is almost 4:30 in the morning. I started writing this around 9 pm. I am committed and I have Criminal Minds to keep me company so its fine. Also, there is much needed fluff in this chapter. I also tried writing in 3rd person, because there were things I wanted to show that I wouldn’t have been able to if I didn’t. I hope you like it! I should have a bonus episode out later today at some point when I wake from the dead, so, enjoy! 

~~~~~

It had been two weeks.

Two weeks since anyone on the team had seen or heard anything from y/n.

“I stopped by her place a couple days after, to try and talk to her. I couldn’t even tell if she was on the other side.” Derek remarked.

Aaron, Derek, JJ, Emily, David, and Penelope stood in her office, talking about y/n, and how worried they were.

They all just got back from a case.

Spencer had immediately gotten called away from work by Heather, who claimed it was an emergency. None of the others truly believed it was.

“As icky as it makes me feel, I can check to see if she is still in her apartment, I mean. If the place where she lives has cameras, I can easily check to see if she’s left.”

She looks to Hotch for permission.

He nods his head in approval.

“Has anyone else tried contacting her?”

“I’ve tried calling, but it goes straight to voicemail. She turned her phone off.” JJ chewed at her lip, her mind traveling to the worst possible scenario. A scenario she wouldn’t let happen. Not again.

“Poor kid. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through.” Rossi’s voice is soft, and he leans back against the wall, eyes not really connecting with anything.

“I know Spencer has tried calling her a couple times. But by the look on his face, I don’t think he got very far.” Prentiss paces back and forth, trying to keep herself busy so she doesn’t go kick down y/n’s door herself.

They all knew. 

Derek couldn’t keep something like that to himself. And when he told the team, JJ stepped forward, and confessed that she knew. Spencer was in disbelief.

Y/n had come to JJ so often over the past couple of months, Will didn’t question it anymore. Y/n said watching Henry, and being around someone she doesn’t have to compete with helped.

She never really saw her smile like she used to, but JJ did see her relax, let her walls down. She thought y/n was getting somewhere. She was wrong. Some profiler she was.

“You should have seen her guys.” Derek had been the one to see her shut down before his eyes.

“She was shaking. She couldn’t stop crying, shaking. She was mortified that he had heard her. And then she just, stopped. She stopped shaking. The broken look on her face completely vanished. She didn’t say a word to me when she left. It was like she turned herself off.”

“Confessing your love for someone who then tells you they don’t love you the same can do that to a person.” Penelope says, typing away at her screens.

“No, it’s so much more than that.” JJ says, taking a seat in one of Garcias spinning chairs. “ Every time she would say something even remotely mean about Heather, or Spencer, she would shake her head, look up and smile. She shoves it down because she doesn’t want to be bothersome. That kind of burial of feelings can only end in an extreme.” JJ thinks back to every night, every tear shed at her house. How y/n would wipe her tears, shake her head and force a smile. 

“I’m in.” Garcia chirps up from her desk, pulling up video footage of a hallway. 

They all circle around, prying eyes eager to look inside the private life of their family, who is in desperate need of assistance.

“So, here she is, the day she left, about an hour after leaving the building.”

They watch the video as she walks down her to her door, tears streaming down her face. She takes her keys out, but before unlocking her door, she leans her forehead against the wood.

Her shoulders shake.

A collective sigh leaves all of them.

“And here I am fast forwarding a couple days.” People walk up and down the hallway, yet her door stays still. Until it opens. She taps a key and the video returns to normal, and a forlorn y/n exists, now clad in sweatpants and a cal tech sweatshirt.

“That’s Spencer’s sweatshirt.” JJ whispers, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Penelope fast forwards again, stopping it when y/n appears once again on the screen.

“Okay, she was gone for about, 2 hours and 43 minutes.” 

Y/n is holding two bags, one in each hand, though neither of them are very full. 

She disappears behind the door, and Penelope fast forwards again. Morgan can be seen a few times, but y/n doesn’t leave again.

“Oh my god. She left once, three days after and hasn’t been out since.” Penelope takes her glasses off, and wipes her face.

“Alright. We’re doing a wellness check. Y/n clearly needs some help right now, so help is what she is getting. Let’s go.”

The team all nodded, and off they went.

When they arrived, Hotch walked to the front desk, his badge already out. “I’m SSA Aaron Hotchner. We’re here to do a wellness check on y/n y/l/n in apartment 112.” 

The front clerk doesn’t question it, simply grabbing a set of keys and leading them down the hallway to an elevator.

Each person is in their own head, but when they appear outside of her apartment, their focus changes. It was about y/n now.

“Y/n, are you in there? Baby girl, can you let us in?” 

They stand and listen for a shuffling of feet or the sound of a chair, but nothing.

Radio static.

Hotch nods to the man, and he unlocks her door, allowing the team into her apartment.

It’s dark. 

That’s the first thing Derek notices as he walks forward. The second is how cold it is. 

The third is the glass breaking underneath his boot.

His eyes land on the pile of shards beneath him, and the move to the book laying on the floor, and the broken mirror which still stands on her wall.

He’s trying not to profile her, but it’s hard. 

She didn’t even want to look at herself.

The team walks through her apartment, taking in the abandoned bowls of half eaten food, the empty liquor bottles and faint smell of cigarette smoke.

The path leads them to the living room, where y/n is curled up under a blanket on her couch beneath an open window. 

Derek walks over and shuts it, his heart aching at the sight before him. 

Y/n clutches a pillow to her chest, her grip tight. Unfinished chinese sits in front of her, beside an ashtray filled with buds. 

An empty bottle of medication lays on the ground next to her, and he prays to a god he stopped believing in years ago.

She’s mumbling in her sleep, and the team gathers around, varying versions of wet eyes.

Derek is the one to kneel beside her, and place a hand on her shoulder. He’s relieved when he hears her mumbles, feels the warmth beneath his fingers.

“Baby girl. Baby girl, I need you to wake up.” He knows she’ll feel cornered. He knows it’s a lot to wake up to. But he knows she needs this.

She stirs and her eyes open, cloudy and grey. They flick up to him and then around the room, taking in the sight.

She wants to cry.

She begins to move herself in a sitting position, and Rossi can’t help but notice how thin she’s gotten the last couple weeks. She looks tiny compared to Derek. He just wants to hold her, and never let her go.

JJ notices her lips are chapped, and the dark circles under her eyes. She turns and heads towards the kitchen for a glass of water. 

“What are you all doing here?” Her voice is hoarse. She hasn’t spoken in days, unless you count the incoherent sentences she sobs at three in the morning. 

Aaron wishes he had stepped in sooner. Her hands shake as she moves to brush hair out of her face. She was his daughter, even if not by blood. He doesn’t know how he couldn’t have seen this.

Emily notices the dry wet spots on her t-shirt, and the pillow that now rests in her lap. She bites her lip to keep her own tears at bay.

“Don’t you have more important things to do?” The words are laced with guilt and self-hatred. How can she possibly take them from a case that could be 10 times more important than her?

Derek runs a hand over her head, wishing he could take her pain away in the blink of an eye.

JJ appears with a glass of water.

“You’re family, y/n. We take care of our family.” Penelope falls to her other side, and grabs y/n’s hand, clasping it in between her own.

JJ moves a couple things on her coffee table, sitting down and handing her the glass of water.

Y/n takes it with her free hand, taking a sip from it.

“Sweetheart, when did you run out of medication?” Derek's voice is soft, it almost breaks near the end, but he holds out.

She sniffs, rubbing the back of her hand under her nose. “A couple weeks ago. They’re filled, I just haven’t….I couldn’t…” 

She hands the glass of water back to JJ. Her fingers start tapping her thigh.

“Talk to us, y/n. We’re not going anywhere.” JJ starts to cry, but she can’t help it. The situation in which her friend was in, was dark. It was deep. She’s been on the road to where she is for months, and JJ didn’t do anything.

Y/n thought for a moment. About lying, saying she was fine, that she was coming into the office the next day, that she was over it. But she was tired. Tired of running. Tired of lying.

“I love him.” Her voice is wet, flem and saliva coating each word as it leaves her mouth. The sentence isn’t louder than a whisper. 

She clears her throat, and grabs the glass back from JJ, taking a longer gulp.

Her head hurt.

No one speaks. 

No one moves.

“I love him.” The tears flowing down her cheeks are different from the ones she’s shed the past couple months. They’re warmer, more full. It relieves the stinging behind her eyes a bit.

“I love him, and I can’t help but tell myself over and over how much better she is than me.” She turns her palm over in between Garcia’s and clutches it with every fiber of her being. “Every bad thing I’ve ever thought about myself is ringing through my ears, in her voice.” She chokes on her sobs, and the room is filled with the months of feelings building in her chest.

“I hate her.” The words fall from her tongue and her chest falls. A weight has been lifted.

“I hate her, and I hate that I hate her. Why should I? She’s pretty, she’s accomplished, she makes him happy.” She looks up at Derek, eye’s pleading. “She is everything, and has everything that I can never have or be. And it kills me.” 

JJ takes the glass before it slips from her hands, and sets it down, mirroring Penelope and clutching y/n’s hand between hers.

Y/n leans into Derek, and he wraps his arms around her, pulling her in for a tight embrace, resting his chin on her head.

She cries and cries, and finally after months, she breathes. Her tears stop and she lets the oxygen fill her lungs and she breathes. 

For a moment, sniffles throughout the room are all that can be heard. And then Aaron speaks.

“Morgan, I think you should take y/n to go get her meds. A little sunlight and some time out of the house will do her some good.” 

She retracts herself from Derek, a slight pink returning to her cheeks. She nods. 

“And when you get back, I’ll help you shower.” JJ whispers rubbing her thumb over the back of her hand.

Another nod. 

Penelope and JJ let go of her, and she stands. 

Penelope notices that she’s wearing the same sweatshirt from the video.

Derek stands with her, one hand on the small of her back, the others holding hers protectively. 

“Where are your shoes sweetheart? I don’t want you cutting yourself on the glass.”

“They’re in the kitchen somewhere. I kicked them off and didn’t notice where they landed.”

“Okay. We’ll just be careful, okay?”

Another nod. 

The team moves as she does, not crowding her, but never being too far away.

Derek helps her get her shoes and coat on, and leads her out the door.

Once the door shuts, Hotch turns to the others. “Alright. JJ, Emily, start in her bedroom and bathroom. Laundry, bedding, the whole nine yards. Garcia, start in here. I would suggest going through her laptop to see if there's anything we should know about. I know you don’t like it, but in order to make sure she’s safe, we have to.” 

The three women nod, and Penelope is already grabbing the laptop that lay at the end of the couch. 

“I’ll work on cleaning the kitchen, and David,” He turns to Rossi, already rolling up his sleeves. “I’m sure she doesn’t have much food on hand, and she could probably use a home cooked meal.”

“Say no more. I’m on it.” 

~~~~~

The car ride to the pharmacy was quiet. 

I can’t say it wasn’t nice to get out of the house. I missed the light. 

It was early February, so pink and red hearts decorated the storefront in preparation. 

I hated the thought of valentines day during all of this. The thought of what he would be doing for her drove me insane. 

It still makes my heart ache.

“What’s going on inside that pretty little head of yours, baby girl?” 

I shift my focus, turning back to the driver's seat where Derek sat.

“Just thinking about how much I hate valentines day. It’s over commercialized and the guy who named it named it after himself, selfish prick.”

I see Derek chuckle. “That you are right about.” 

I let a small smile slide across my face, and for once it’s not forced. I know not everything will be better right away. I know it’s gonna take time. But still.

It feels nice knowing I’m not alone.

We arrive, and he parks.

We sit for a minute in the silence, and his hand reaches over and takes mine in his grasp.

“I want you to know, that you are a million times better than Heather could ever wish to be. And any dude who doesn’t see that isn’t as smart as he appears.”

He turns his body, so he’s fully facing me. “If you ever feel like this again, I want you to call me right away. Even if that voice inside your head is telling you it’s nothing, call me anyway. You’re not alone, y/n. And I will do anything and everything it takes to make you see that.”

I squeeze his hand, and nod. “I promise, Derek.”

“Good. Now let's go get you your medication.” 

I nod, letting go of his hand, and releasing the seat belt, and climbing out of the car.

The pharmacist greeted me with my name and a smile, handing me the white paper bag that held a refill that was long overdue.

Before leaving, my eyes caught something inside a soda cooler at the front. 

Derek stops and follows my eye. “What is it, love bug?”

I point to a purple bottle. “When I was a kid, and I had a bad day at school, or life just got to be too much, my mom and I would go to the movies, and watch the most cringy, bad looking movie they were showing. We would sit in the back and eat our weight in popcorn while making fun of everything. And she would always get a large grape fanta for us to share.”

He smiles, and steps forward, opening the door, and grabbing a bottle. “I think this constitutes a grape fanta than.”

It’s getting easier to smile at him.

He buys it, and we head back out to the car. 

We sit, and he waits until the pill is down my throat, followed by fizzy grape soda. It's tart and sweet at the same time, and I lick my lips of the stickiness.

The music is a little louder on the drive back.

When we enter the door, the first thing I notice is the smell. It smells like Italian, and the best Italian at that. 

I walk into the kitchen and I see Rossi, towel over his shoulder and wooden spoon in his hand.

He smiles when he sees me. “Ah, principessa, come. Taste. I know pesto cavatappi is a favorite of yours.” 

He ushers me forward, holding out the spoon with a bit of sauce on the end. 

I lean forward, capturing the end with my tongue. 

“Mmm.” I lick my lips, and chuckle a bit. “It’s really good.”

He smiles, setting the spoon down. “Good.” He wraps his arms around me, and pulls me into his embrace. He kisses the top of my head. “I love you, kiddo. Don’t you ever forget that.” 

I smile into his chest. “I won’t.”

“Good. Now go get cleaned up. Dinner is almost ready.”

I nod, setting my soda down on the counter, and walking through my apartment. 

It doesn’t even look like mine. It’s lighter and clean, and every shadow that played tricks on my mind are no longer there.

I look around at the apartment, taking note of how much was done in the time I was gone.

The broken mirror no longer hangs on the wall, mocking me. My couch is back to its original position against the wall, and my windows are closed, the curtains open, letting all the natural afternoon light in. 

My laptop is set up and a playlist of feel good songs is playing softly through its speakers. 

I can’t help myself. 

I start to cry, and I clamp a hand over my mouth, looking around at the room.

How could I have not seen this?

“Oh no, you’re crying. What is it? Can I fix it? What can I do? Tell me what I can do?” Penelope rushes over, her hands running over my arm. 

JJ, Emily, and Hotch enter at her exclamation. JJ is holding a fresh set of clothes for me.

“They’re good tears, Pen, they’re good.” 

The feeling in my chest is warm.

They move around me, hands coming to gently grasp at me.

“I just forgot that I have a family. I don’t know how but I did.”

Aaron smiles at me.

“And man does it feel good to be reminded.”

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[sweetwhumpandhellacomf]

Shields and Circuits Part 3/Bad Things Happen Bingo: Kick Them While They’re Down

Fandom: Original Work (Shields and Circuits) Whumpee: Alexis (OC bodyguard robot) Tropes: Kick Them While They Are Down, electrocution, robots Word Count: 1808  

Alexis spends the rest of the evening after Wright finishes repairing his neck and smaller scrapes surveying the security of the repair shop. “What kind of defense system do you have in place already?” he asks while linking up to the security cameras.

“Oh, I got Stabbs,” Wright answers, not looking up from her chips until Alexis practically has to force her to explain further.

Stabbs turns out to be a Dirt Friend brand minivac with a knife strapped to it.

“He has an alarm system too!” Wright protests as Alexis holds his face in his hands. She puts a hand on his shoulder. “Look, I don’t know what sort of high-security job you had before, but cameras and an alarm and a Dirt Friend with a knife are plenty for this little shop.” She offers a reassuring smile.

“It just doesn’t seem… enough,” he says weakly, lowering his hands and slumping a bit. Already he feels extra protective of Wright, though still not at levels comparable to [Her].

Wright hums thoughtfully. “If we go look at security stuff tomorrow, would that make you feel better?” she asks. “Maybe I can let someone talk me into buying something.”

He decides that would help, and nods. She beams. “I’ll come pick you up before opening tomorrow, then,” she says.

He takes a second to process that wording. “Aren’t I staying with you?”

“No offense, but that would be kinda weird for me,” she says. “I just met you today, and I’m sure you’re an alright bot, but…” His distress must show, because she quickly changes tact. “Why don’t you take this as a chance to guard the shop? Get to know the place better and stuff?”

“I can do that,” he says, straightening up a bit proudly.

[NEW DIRECTIVE ADDED: GUARD THE SHOP]

---

Wright comes to fetch him the following morning, which is gray but free of rain. Taking a fresh look at his disheveled appearance, she suggests stopping by a clothing shop as well, and he finds that to be a good idea--not only are his old clothes soaked with days of mud and rainwater, they’re also what he was last seen in by [Him] and [His] personal security staff.

“I can probably spare the cash forrrrr two outfits?” Wright says, looking at some details on her phone. “Nothing fancy, alright?”

“Are you sure?” Alexis asks. “I’m sure whatever you pick will be fine, but do I need two?”

Wright gives him two very raised eyebrows. “Alexis, my dude, first of all, I can barely dress myself.” She gestures at her shirt sporting the name of a band that was somewhat popular 40 years ago, and at her oil-stained blue jeans. He doesn’t really get what’s bad about that, but doesn’t interrupt her. “You’re picking the clothes. Second, yeah, you need at least two outfits! Don’t you think you’ll get bored wearing the exact same thing all the time?”

He looks down at his muddy jacket and slacks that he’d worn almost constantly for the last few years, but doesn’t comment. If Wright wants him to get two sets of clothes, he’ll get two sets of clothes. “If you say so.”

“I do say so,” Wright says, crossing her arms.

They reach a reasonably trendy chain clothing store in twelve minutes of walking, with Wright stopping every so often to greet a few fellow pedestrians and exchange pleasantries. Once inside, Alexis selects two plain shirts and two pairs of slacks that fit. At Wright’s prompting, he selects one raincoat and one pair of shoes as well.

“You can go ahead and change when we get back to the shop,” Wright says, continuing to lead the way further into town. Alexis follows obediently, bag swinging under his arm. “And hey, maybe your old clothes can be salvaged. Security next. I know a couple guys.”

“Are they reliable?” he asks. Suspicious movement catches his eye, and he turns to watch.

“They’re good salespeople,” Wright answers.

Alarms start flashing in Alexis’s periphery as he watches the suspicious target pursuing an unaware pedestrian. “Stay here, Wright,” he says quickly, sliding the bag off his shoulder and shoving it into her arms. He crosses the street despite Wright’s confused protests, and slips into the familiar movement of trailing a potential threat.

He feels a thrill of correctness when he sees someone step out of an empty storefront and drag the pedestrian inside, and sees his target follow. He steps up to the shaded door once it’s closed and presses an ear to the crack, tuning up his audio sensors.

“--think you owe us some money,” one voice says.

“I paid you back already!” a second responds. Alexis hears the sound of flesh striking flesh and yanks the door open without hesitation.

[PROTECT]

The pedestrian is in the process of stumbling to the dirty tile floor, and his assailants don’t even notice him right away. “You forgot the interest!” the woman snarls. “Pay up, or--” She looks up, suddenly seeing Alexis. “...The fuck?”

The man on the floor scrambles backwards, holding his cheek as the two criminals round on Alexis. “It’s just a robot,” Target A scoffs. “Not even a cop.”

“You need to leave that man alone,” Alexis demands, stepping forward to place himself between the criminals and their victim. “If he owes you money, there should be a nonviolent solution.”

Target B rolls her eyes. “What the fuck ever! Violence works better.” She pulls a device out of her pocket--a two-pronged metal wand mounted on something with a switch. “Wanna help demonstrate?”

Target A retrieves a similar device, and the switches are flicked. Electricity crackles between the prongs, and Alexis recognizes crude, probably homemade, anti-robot weapons. Probably nothing to be worried about, if they think he’s just a run-of-the-mill robot. He decides to make the first move and put an end to things quickly.

He focuses on Target A, quickstepping forward and swinging his leg up to kick his weapon out of his hand. Target A steps back wildly, just barely dodging Alexis’s movements. “Oh shit he’s fast,” Target A mutters, dancing around his side and trying to jab him. Alexis skips back expertly, shifting his focus to Target B just enough to avoid a swipe.

Alexis shifts into a familiar pattern of striking and dodging, and feels his fans whir with pride when he successfully delivers a felling kick to Target A’s chest, sending him sprawling into a crumbling counter. He gives himself less than a nanosecond to celebrate before turning his attention back to Target B.

Target B sees him turn and immediately flings her weapon like a javelin, in what appears to be a last-ditch effort born of panic. That’s not something he expected.

The prongs lodge in his chest plating, and electricity courses through his wires, setting his pain receptors alight. His vocalizer screeches and glitches violently as his joints seize. He’s vaguely aware of Target B shouting “Oh shit that worked!” before his legs fail him and he falls.

He’s been electrocuted before, certainly, but in such cases there were backup security droids to come to his assistance. But here, he’s alone. He tries to think of how to get out of this, but the prongs are stuck fast and his processor can’t… process. His back arches up off the floor and he screams again, arms spasming wildly as he tries to grab for the source of his agony.

[ERROR]

That doesn’t help! he tries to shout at his own HUD, but all that comes out is a garbled mess of static and consonants.

[ERROR]

[ERROR]

[ERR

The latest flashing error message popping up is interrupted by a heavy boot colliding with his head adding fresh pain to that already coursing through his body. “Take that you metal piece of shit!” Target B shouts. She reaches down and pulls the prongs out, then kicks him in the side when his back collapses again.

“Who the fuck builds a robot with a hero complex?” Target A mutters. Alexis hears him getting to his feet. “Should teach its creator to stick with toy store kits.”

Alexis struggles to get to his feet, but every movement is sluggish, and his receptors are still shrieking with pain from the extended shocks.

[BATTERY CRITICAL: 2%]

He groans, shoving the power warning into a corner as he stares up at the Targets. “Surprised the fuckin’ thing is still moving, honestly,” Target B says. “Those things can drop a cop in seconds.” She kicks him in the side again and he cries out, sluggishly moving an arm to protect the spot. “You wanna speed the process along some?”

“Oh I’m ahead of you there,” Target A says, crouching down and bringing the sparking wand up next to Alexis’s face. He slowly turns to look at the implement, CPU racing to come up with a way out of this.

A large object collides with Target B’s head and sends her sprawling on the floor. Target A looks up suddenly, only to be met with the same fate while attempting to swear at whoever’s going at them.

[BATTERY CRITICAL: 1.5%]

[SEEK CHARGE PORT IMMEDIATELY]

Alexis struggles to sit, only to see the pedestrian the Targets had initially dragged in, wielding an old barstool. He drops it and runs over to Alexis, grabbing him by the shoulders and dragging him over to the door and out into the rain.

“Oh shit, Alexis!” he hears Wright cry out. Seconds later, she’s in his face, pulling him up to his feet. He looks around for his rescuer, but he’s already run off. “Sit tight a sec, I’m calling the cops.”

“Alright,” he mutters, watching her pull out her phone before his vision slides shut and he feels himself crumple onto the sidewalk.

[EMERGENCY POWER RESERVE MODE ACTIVE]

[SEEK CHARGE PORT IMMEDIATELY]

---

He hears conversation, feels himself being carried, doesn’t have the power to react or respond to any of it. Something soft under his chest, warmth on his back…

[BATTERY: 5%]

[REINITIALIZING…]

His eyes flutter open, and he’s met with Wright’s worried face. “Oh thank fuck dude,” she says, sighing heavily and sitting back. He’s back in the shop, under her sunlamp. “I thought I lost you there.”

“Mmn,” he grunts, closing his eyes. He’s exhausted.

“They arrested the guys who went at you,” Wright continues. “No word on the guy who pulled you out.” She reaches out and puts a hand on his head, ruffling his hair. It feels really nice. “That was stupid of you, dumbass.” Her tone of voice indicates affection.

“Gotta protect,” he mutters, too worn and sore to think about complete sentences.

“Yeah, I know, buddy.” He hears her stand. “You did good. Take a break, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees, sinking into the couch more and letting the lamp’s warmth spread through his circuits.

[fatal-potato]

NieR: Automata - Demo Impressions

So after what was two hours on a single run of normal mode (from about 12:15 to 2:15 P.M. EST, 20th of January), I finished it while trying to experiment as much as I could (without outside help/research.) In all my years of interacting with action games, I have to say, I’m easily the most impressed I’ve been in years with this genre. Above all else, I want to stress that I acknowledge this is just a demo. I’m not expecting a single assumption here to assuredly be the case with the full product. I’m merely posting impressions based on what the demo thus far implies. We all played MGR’s demo and the release itself, I know not to overhype final expectations on first impressions. Frankly I hope nobody else does either. Obviously I’m not going to go over the most sheer basics of gameplay anyone that even touched the demo would know, so below are my thoughts on everything else.

POSITIVES (GAMEPLAY) Fundmentals of Design As soon as I started the game, it was easy to notice that whoever designed the gameplay got their fundamentals down to a dot. The attack cues from enemies are clear, have distinct visual and audio tells, and give plenty of time to react.

Though I’m not inherently opposed to the use of Quick Time Events, more often than not they’re done in terribly uncongenial methods. Kamiya had a massive raging hard-on for them, so it seems others wanted to follow his lead without knowing what can make QTEs good, natural, or even fun. Such “small” but jarring design elements are absent from this demo (hallelujah) so there’s no reason to believe there will be anything close to an abuse of them this time. Even if there was a Space Harrier portion (covered more in Setpieces), the demo hints that we should largely be free of any “that segment”s.

AND FINALLY, CUSTOM CONTROLS! I’ve always been a fan of default but goodness gracious, this should seriously be a standard. It was nice of them to give us three different schemes as it was but being able to customize one is something a fair number of their past games could have done super nicely with. Better late than never I guess.

Movement Movement (in my opinion) is one of the most underrated and untapped concepts of not just action, but games as a whole. Automata integrates movement through simple but versatile and exceptional means; to the point of creating a definitive crux for gameplay on its own.

I won’t waste time complimenting what good features of the dodge were already accomplished years ago in Bayonetta. What matters here is the straight dash that comes after.

Some of the most important assets to this dash are its free manual activation, cancel window, and wide ranges of direction. Free manual activation provides means for the tool to be much more universally applied. The ridiculous cancel window is probably its most unique aspect, as this helps positioning your moves to extents that would otherwise be impossible. Mixed with the wide ranges of direction, it completes your capacity to dance around your target freely during both combat and combo construction. The dash also goes and lasts quite the distance without being too slow to boot, giving further benefit to how the player can interpret the dash to their own playstyle, whether it’s basic or advanced. The fact you can apply all these perks both on the ground and aerially the same really makes the dash feel worthwhile. It’s an easy, but vital mechanic, and for one you’re going to be using a lot, Platinum made sure to make this one tool feel as exhaustive as can be.

Throw in attacks that can also affect your vector in similar ways, the game’s overall fast pace, and in unison with your moveset, Automata lends itself to likely be one of the speedier action titles ever made, bringing about what may be some of the coolest catering to movement ever wrought in the genre.

I will admit this part may be tooting the horn early (because even with all this I can still imagine even the most creative uses boiling down to essentially the same past results), but I’ve hardly come across singular movement options being able to cover so much on such a basic level, so do excuse me.

The Weapon System Not a lot to say here. The concept of weapons making different movesets entirely based on what button you equip it to has never been done before (to my knowledge, if done well at all), it’s moveset customization and instant moveset switching in the same package, and you get four different weapon types. The glory of this scheme only does itself justice.

Unorthodox Potential from Recycled Systems If there’s one thing I especially love about Automata’s gameplay thus far, it’s how it has the trademark Platinum setup (Dedicated jump button, X/Y = Light/Heavy, Dodge), but unifies the mechanics in such an unusual manner contrast to the rest of its peers; all in ways which point to nothing but positives.

The way the dodge and jump work in tandem with your moveset is without a doubt unmatched in exclusivity. Whether you’re paying attention or not, it’s easy to notice that many of 2B’s attacks revolve around throwing her swords akin to boomerangs. This is expanded upon when you realize this can be done with not just static dials, but with the use of jump and dodge cancels. For example, the AY dial (which is to say, jump off the ground then immediately pressing Heavy) gives the conventional Platinum Rising upper. When done using Virtuous Treaty, 2B stays suspended in a sword-spinning animation unless canceled. But when canceled in its startup window, you’re free to move again as the sword goes on to carry the rest of the attack without 2B having to do anything. Combined with what was mentioned above about dodging, you can see where I’m going with this. For reference, I believe I may have found around a couple dozen attacks that can be canceled the same way, and those are using the demo’s provisions alone. I haven’t seen this named anywhere, and though I’m not calling any dibs, for the sake of convenience I’ll be referring to this technique as Kara Canceling for the rest of the analysis.

Admittedly I am lost on the logic of what makes a move Kara Cancelable (as what research I’ve done yielded no such results for Fists), but I suppose it’s just something that will require the full game to conclude. I may not have time for it today but I’m considering a returnto Hard Mode and trying it again soon before release. There’s still a lot I have to test that I could neither confirm nor deconfirm on my first run.

Though I haven’t been able to (de)confirm this, I also have reasons to believe (mainly due to different animations) that dependent on the timing of your Kara Cancel, you can change the property of said Rising attack. Doing it in one half of the startup window (I believe) causes Virtuous Treaty to carry the enemy a set vertical distance while cutting the animation (and thus damage) short, as the other half of the window may cause Virtuous Treaty to go even higher while expanding on damage and lastability. Even if this theory on different Kara Cancel properties may be wrong, it scarcely matters, because the application of jump and dodge cancels is so ridiculously large due to their inherent necessity, that there will be plenty more tools to work with the same way by default. Added in with the fact we didn’t get to use any polearms or different weapons of the same class only holds a world of implication by themselves as it is.

I very much doubt Kara Canceling is a glitch either, provided how easy it is to discover. Complete with sprinkles of “nuanced” details (land into jump cancels for Helm Breakers having different timings dependent on weapon, Kara Cancel window timings for different dials, etc.), call me a man with reforged faith that Platinum is finally heading the right direction with technical creativity.

Altogether I appreciate the way these mechanics cohesively cooperate with eachother, because they spell a possible univese of long-awaited innovative advances for the genre.

Setpieces The first Nier has always had some funny schizophrenia between a Berserk-esque tone to its fights, and then sometimes just having Kaine run around as if she was outta some anime. Given that Platinum’s providing gameplay assets, but Taro is calling other shots, it’s easy to see the latter has come to embrace the former’s insane side in compatibility with their own. Unfortunately, said insane side has shown in the past to interfere with the better parts of gameplay when that love becomes an unhealthy obsession. But as far as setpieces go, giant brainless bossfights, such as the one at the end of the demo, can at least be justified to some logical extent.

It’s not too far off from how bosses played in the original; it just enhances what made them spectacles in the first place, with lots more interaction to boot. Additionally, the Space Harrier section at the end if anything shows that Platinum is learning quite well from their past sins. I personally would prefer if it wasn’t a part at all, but that doesn’t mean having to go through it is intrinsically as offensive just because past instances were borderline intolerable. It ended quickly, gave more freedom than most infamous minigames from the company tend to, wasn’t jarringly out-of-sync with the controls used for main combat, and was a decent, fast-paced extravaganza, placed at the absolute end of the level boss.

For something that lasted only a couple of minutes, I think this marks an unprecedented level of humility and restraint for Platinum’s record, compared to if they weren’t to add it at all. It shows their capability to learn from and fix previous errors, whereas not having the STG would have been a fix too, but would have shown less ways in which they learned.

NEGATIVES (GAMEPLAY) Enemy Variety Because this is just a demo, and because I didn’t expect it to, I won’t slaughter it for not impressing me in this regard. But it doesn’t. Based on the normal difficulty, I’ve only been provided the four most common enemy types ever-present in action games (based on properties and weight, of course). The mook, their elite version, the flying enemy, and the big bad boss that doesn’t undergo hitstun. As it should go without saying, there’s a high likelihood of way more types being present in the full game. It’s just nothing about these enemies stand out to me as particularly fun to fight. Hopefully that will change.

Technique Conveyance If there’s a recurring issue that plagues the best entries to this genre, it’s conveyance. It’s not that they lack tutorials, or don’t teach the bare minumum you need to beat the game. But when it comes to advanced techniques, you’ll be hard pressed to find any action game that teaches those good at all.

Maybe the devs just don’t care. But I’m going to go off on a limb here and say that maybe this to deliberately add a layer of longevity by giving its playerbase a period of experimentation. There’s a charm in that kind of thing no doubt, and for certain games that idea really does work. As a matter of fact, I used to lean towards the opinion that this route was more ideal. Yet over the years, it started dawning on me why that opinion wasn’t quite right, seeing the downsides that come with it.

1) It’s bad for the genre as a whole The greatest games continue being played even years after their release. But games that have the deepest gameplay will continue having the same dedicated playerbase for just as long. Why is that? It’s because those playerbases have found something worthwhile and lasting that keeps them coming back for more. Many multiplayer games retain this same attribute, mostly due to their innately infinite skill ceilings. A division of action games have contracted a similar kind of following, thanks to the countless different ways to express personalized play through ostensibly never-ending boundaries. However, what separates these two is that quite the number of multiplayer games are built to be competitively lasting, as even devs there know and support it. Action game developers give off the notion they don’t know how, or just don’t care to support the fraction that wants to take their titles more intricately. And with less advertisement to all directions, the audience receives less encouragement to participate in a characteristic unique to only a few, if not strictly this one single player genre.

2) It could easily be bad for some of the audience Straightforward and self-explanatory. Some people just aren’t labbers, but may totally be interested in playing at a high level.

3) Any intentions and priorities devs may have for longevity are in reverse Suppose Devil May Cry 4 had ChaserTech’s tutorials built into the game, or something similar. Do you think the playbase would’ve cut any noticeable fraction of the lifeline they provided it up until today? The answer is no, and that’s because in truth, longevity doesn’t come from experimentation to find the more general techniques; it comes from finding the nuances they may bring in and of themselves. Take DMC4′s Enemy Step as a very basic example. You don’t master it just because you know of its existence and can pull it off in succession a few times. There’s different move cancel timings, enemy hitboxes, other techniques it can help make a reality (Star Raving, Side Raving, Guard Flying), and so on. From the ground up, there’s an absurd quantity of things for you to master, or even get to grips with, based on this central, defining technique to the series. In no way was a large part of DMC4′s lifespan consumed by merely testing to try and learn of its existence. But maybe this isn’t a fair comparison, as it can be bought in the game’s shop and carried over from DMC3, which refined it from DMC1. Bayonetta as a more widely known example, has Dodge Offset (and its many variants) as the only game to do it right its defining Advanced Technique. It is somewhat taught to you in the game, but kinda cryptically through searching texts that only gives a description on how to execute it. In any case, you still have to come to terms with its dozens if not hundreds of its nuances, in fashion not too dissimilar with many deep games. If you have to center a significant chunk of your combat system’s lifespan in finding the general techniques, you’re probably either not setting your priorities straight, or are trying to hide how little your game truly offers if finding a normal AT creates a relatively big era for it. Or again, maybe you just don’t care.

As for those that like labbing, nuances will at some point require some form of testing or accidents to begin with, so these decisions mostly appear to shoot oneself and a good amount of others in the foot. Then again, maybe I’m just overthinking a relatively small problem that doesn’t matter. Who knows. I mean would it have killed to at least have a movelist or two?

Balance Concerns Again, not much to say here. I’m somewhat uneasy that the line between “I wanna do technical things” and “I wanna grind and mash” may lose its equilibrium in favor of the latter with its RPG elements. This is frankly a small concern though, as balance can easily be adjusted to the hardest difficulties. Or you could just be provided a skill that mitigates damage, so...?

QUICK POSITIVES AND NEGATIVES (OTHERWISE) +Music +Beautiful aesthetic +Great level design +Voice Acting is steps up from the original +Dual Audio +Superb kinesthesia +2B’S GREAT ANDROID BOOTY, STEP UP BAYONETTA -Didn’t get to ride a moose

CONCLUSION Even if every last one of these assumptions end up being wrong, I doubt I can sincerely be disappointed at this stage. The only thing I wanted at the very least with this sequel was “A well-written continuation to Nier with that isn’t a slog to play.” The well-written bit is gonna have to require some patience to judge obviously (not new with Taro). Even after all this, I still don’t think it needs the extra layers of refinement and depth, and am keeping standards as low but realistic as they initially were. Yet the madmen at Platinum went the mile to give us a grander experience anyway. So yeah, I can’t think of any plausible way the game could come to somehow brutally let me down .

According to a friend, Taro has always been a very wild card with his narratives. Ranging from what are essentially confusing comedies to heartbreaking adventures, so I don’t know what to expect in that regard for this game. But I do hope that it goes the route of and lives up to the emotional style that the original Nier bedazzled me with.

All in all I easily estimate from this that Automata has the surefire potential to be one of Platinum’s best releases (and one of Taro’s on virtue of actually having good gameplay). Even the idea of just merging Taro and Platinum is nothing short of a match made in Heaven. Taro’s games are known for great writing, scenarios, and music, at the cost of mediocre gameplay and necessary reruns. Regardless of what you may think of their lineup, Platinum has always been able to boast their unmatched strength in creating some of the best replay value in the industry, despite everything they made that isn’t called “Infinite Space” being pretty short. The two entities naturally seem to cancel out eachother’s flaws and bring about the best of eachother’s strengths at the same time. Furthermore, through the whole development process, they’ve had absolutely zero qualms or conflicts with eachother (as opposed to Kamiya against Microsoft), suggesting this will be top quality in every regard.

So consider me the most excited I’ve ever been in my life for a game based on a demo.