#gotta go do one job and work up the courage to quit another. over text. with no notice. sorry boss

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I love therapy, highly recommend for everyone. I learned a new coping skill, and she let me go five minutes early to dance the anxiety away. 10/10 experience

[neologyro]

Robbed by a Crow Series:

Matsukawa Issei

Your day gets worse when a crow steals your transit pass from you, luckily a cute middle blocker is there to help you.

Word Count: 2457

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None

You heaved a sigh of relief as you exited the school building. You stretched your arms out, shaking out all of the stress and tension that had built up in them over the course of the day, you rubbed one shoulder trying to get rid of the tenderness that had developed in the last hour. You had just spent the last 2 hours hunched over books, hastily finishing an essay that was due at the end of the day. Maybe you should have managed your time better, then you wouldn’t have been trying to get a 10 page essay done in two hours, but alas, your procrastination had gotten the better of you and it had been down to the wire trying to finish it before 6 so that you wouldn’t get late marks.

Now you were tired, and going home and just relaxing for the rest of the evening sounded heavenly. But when you rounded the corner you caught sight of the gymnasium. Specifically the gym that the volleyball team practiced in. For a moment you contemplated stopping by, all of their practices were always open, though by now all the good spots in the viewing gallery would be taken, so you’d likely have to stand, and your back certainly wouldn’t thank you for that.

But still you started heading towards the gym, even if you didn’t go in, you might be able to catch a quick look, and the train station was that way anyway.

You hadn’t made it very far before remembering that your friends had mentioned that they would be watching today, and you knew they’d never miss an opportunity to tease you about your crush on a certain middle blocker. It wasn’t fair they’d always tease you for your crush, but heaven forbid you bring up their crushes.

So you decided to spare yourself the headache and potential embarrassment, you’d just head home and maybe, just maybe, you’d get up early tomorrow and catch some of their morning practice, your friends never went to those.

You were just nearing the gym when you felt your phone vibrate, pulling it out you looked at the notifications, you saw that you had a few texts from your friends, apparently the volleyball team had closed practice to the public a bit early as they were working on some new things, so they had gone home. The other message you had was from your mom, asking if she needed to add any more money to your transit pass.

You unlocked your phone, navigating to your transit app so that you could check, upon opening it you saw that it had updated and you needed to out your information in. Sighing you started to dig through your bag, looking for your wallet, once you located it you pulled it out, opening it so that you could find your card.

Almost immediately after pulling your shiny transit pass out of your wallet you saw a shadow fall over you, and the card was tugged out of your hand.

“Hey!” You shout, turning around to give whoever just took your pass a piece of your mind, only to be met with… no one? You stood in confusion for a moment before you spotted a crow sitting a few meters away, pecking at a piece of plastic on the ground in front of it. Upon further inspection you determined that the piece of plastic was in fact your transit pass.

You started towards the bird, hoping to startle it and make it leave your card alone. Unfortunately your attempt did not have the desired effect, rather than dropping your card and flying away, the crow flew away, with your card. Luckily for you it didn’t go far, landing in the large tree near the volleyball gym.

You quickly made your way over, planning on getting back your card no matter what. However now that you were at the base of the tree looking up at it you realized just how big the tree was and how high up it you would have to go to get to the nest.

For a brief moment you debated just texting your mom to let her know that you had lost the card and would need a ride home (because there was no way you were walking home, it would take you an hour and a half, and you were already tired), however you quickly tossed that option out, this was the third transit pass you had gotten this year, your parents would kill you if they found out that you had lost another one.

Having decided what to do you began scanning the area for anything that would help you climb the tree as the lowest branches were just out of reach. Sure, you could reach them if you jumped, but you seriously doubted that you had the upper body strength to pull yourself up. So you knew you needed something to give you a bit of a boost... something like the garbage can beside the gym doors.

You quickly took your bag off, placing your blazer and phone inside of it before zipping it up and leaving it on the ground next to the tree so it wouldn’t get in your way. You then made your way over to the gym doors, hoping that you would be able to get the garbage can without being noticed.

You were in luck, the doors were only partially propped open, so someone would have to be trying to look through to really see anything, so you were in the clear to grab the bin. Reaching the bin you had a second bit of luck - it wasn’t one of the bins that the campus bolted to the ground, so you would actually be able to move it. Your luck ran out when you tried to do so; it was heavy, and you couldn’t quite lift it, so you had to drag it.

The scraping sound it made pierced through the stillness of the evening causing you to wince. You really hoped that no one had heard it. Luck was partially on your side in that area, not many people had heard it, but the quartet of third years that happened to be standing near the door certainly did.

You however were so engrossed in your task of dragging the bin to the tree that you didn’t notice a head poking out of the gym doors, watching you in confusion and amusement. His friends called him and he went back into the gym and you were none the wiser.

It took you much longer to get the bin to the tree than you thought it would, but once you finally had the bin under the tree you carefully studied it, making sure that it would hold you without tipping over. You didn’t fully trust it, but felt that it would likely get the job done.

And so, after psyching yourself up a bit, you began your careful ascent. You carefully lifted yourself onto the lower branches, you were almost off the bin when the sudden sound of the gym doors being thrown open and loud voices of people exiting the gym startled you, causing you to kick the bin away from you. It made a loud noise as it fell to the ground, however since it was so dark no one noticed you dangling precariously on the lower branches of the tree and simply ignored the fallen bin, carrying on with their evening. Everyone but one curious middle blocker who recognized the bin on the ground as the bin that had been beside the gym doors, the same one that he had watched you drag away.

He couldn’t help his curiosity, he waved goodbye to his friends before making his way over to the tree. The tree that you were once again trying to climb, however you were finding it rather difficult, you did indeed lack the upper body strength to pull yourself up, and with nothing to push off of to get yourself fully onto the branches you were simply left partially hanging out of the tree.

You swung your leg around, hoping to build up some sort of momentum to help swing it onto a branch to help you climb. You were shocked when it hit something solid. Glancing down you saw that someone had caught your foot. Your eyes trailed down his arm, and eventually landed on his face. Standing beside you, with your foot in his hand, was none other than Matsukawa Issei, your crush.

He just stood there for a moment, smirking up at you before he spoke.

“How’s it hanging?” He evidently found this situation hilarious, you did not, and your face showed as much. Infuriatingly however, as your frown grew so too did his smile, until he couldn’t hold himself back and began to laugh.

It took a moment for him to calm himself before he addressed you again.

“Come on, not even a smile?” His smile grew exaggerated as he continued to tease you. “I thought it was a pretty good one.”

You still didn’t respond, partially out of annoyance, and partially out of embarrassment. Not only did someone find you in this situation, but it was Matsukawa, the boy that you’d had a crush on since you first watched him play. You had wanted to gather your courage and approach him, tell him how good of a player you thought he was, maybe even ask him out, but you still hadn’t quite got there yet. This was a terrible first impression, now he was just going to think you were some sort of weirdo that he found dangling out of a tree.

Seemingly unfettered by your lack of response he tried again.

“Come on cutie, you’ve gotta give me something to work with.” He gave you another smile, but this one seemed softer and more genuine, it seemed less like he was making fun of you, and more like he was being friendly. It was then that you realised that he had probably come over to help you, not make fun of you, he just couldn’t help the joke.

“The bin, it uh, fell over.” You finally spoke, internally berating yourself at how lame you sounded.

“I saw.” His eyes trail over to the bin, spotting it laying on its side a few feet away, your bag on the ground nearby. “So, do you need a hand?”

You didn’t trust yourself to not make a fool out of yourself if you spoke again, so you just nodded, you really could use his help with getting down.

“Up or down?” He looked at you expectantly, waiting on your response. You weren’t even really sure what he was asking. When he noticed your confused look he clarified, “Do you need me to help you up the tree, or down, out of the tree.”

Oh, that made much more sense, you looked up the tree, seeing where the crow was still perched. You thought for a moment before replying. “Down please.”

Smiling he adjusted his grip on your leg before reaching up with his other arm to wrap around your waist, gently pulling you out of the tree before gently setting you down on your feet, back on solid ground.

You turned to him, bowing while thanking him for his help. You could hear him chuckling above you and you began to feel your face heating up. Slowly you straightened out, once again facing him.

“So… Do you climb trees often? Or is this a new hobby?” He was studying you curiously, evidently very interested in why you had been up the tree.

“Oh, uh,” You searched for the words to properly explain what was going on, “I uh. No.” You fumbled over your words again before continuing. “I needed to get my transit pass back.”

He looked confused for a moment, looking between you and the tree. “How’d it get up there?”

At this point the embarrassment of the situation was taking over again, and you simply pointed up at the crow, pointing out the culprit to Matsukawa.

He followed where you were pointing, and when he saw the crow he quickly put two and two together, bursting out in laughter.

“No way, the crow took it?” His laughter trailed off, and he wiped a tear away before continuing, “Man, that’s some bad luck. Here, hold this.” Suddenly he thrust his bag into your hands, you almost dropped it but managed to keep your hold on it.

You looked in his direction, about to question why he had given you his bag, however the question died on your tongue when you saw him. He took his blazer off, tossing it to you as well, before hopping up into the tree, climbing it with ease. His presence startled the crow, causing it to fly off, luckily it left your card in the nest. Matsukawa quickly retrieved the card before making a quick descent, hopping out of the tree once he was close enough to the ground.

He passed the card to you, and you gratefully took it, a wide smile taking over your features.

“Thank you so much! I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

You bowed again before handing him back his things. He smiled at you, finishing putting his things back in order he reached out towards you. You, confused simply cocked your head to the side, watching his hand with confusion. Suddenly his hand was on you, ruffling your hair, further messing it up. You yelped and quickly ducked out of the way, bringing a hand up to try and fix it. You gave him an unimpressed look, causing him to smile more.

“Well, I’ve got to head out, got early practice tomorrow. You get home safe.” With that he started to walk off, leaving you underneath the tree, staring after him.

He got maybe a few meters away before he turned back to you.

“Oh, and try not to let any more birds rob you, I’ve heard the chickadees are especially vicious, you might want to be careful.” Heat rose in your face again, and you weren’t sure if it was annoyance or if you were just flustered, but you weren't able to come up with a comeback before he turned back around, waving a hand over his shoulder in parting.

You just stood there for a few moments, before the caw of a nearby crow startled you out of your reverie. You tightened your grip on your card before grabbing the rest of your things, hastily shoving it back into your bag, you’d check the balance later, when there were less birds around.

[purple-baby-d]

overthinking over you.

Lee Donghyuck (Haechan — NCT) X female reader.

Genre: Fluff, smut.

Word count: 8,672.

Content: student!hyuck, student!reader, sportplayers!nct, kissing, first time sex (male), dry humping, foreplay, fingering, depictions of violence that may be upsetting for some readers, I kinda made Johnny a dick so sorry to y’all beforehand, just some lovely and probably cringey au to have a valentine’s day feast before valentine’s day because I realized I haven’t written an au for my best friend in a while and the 90′s Love era Haechan has been attacking me for long enough so I decided to do something about it.

Brief: Captain of the hockey team, Honor Roll student, an amazing friend and the pride and joy of his parents, Lee Donghyuck certainly has it all to other people’s eyes, but what about the girl he’s dreamed of? No, he’s pretty much a great overthinker for that. But now that she broke up with her boyfriend, will his head get on the way of him getting to her heart?

Dedicated to @theravengoddess, happy Valentine’s day, bestie! I love you and thank you for being with me through the ups and downs 💜

After some long hours of practice, the hockey team was finally sent to the lockers by the coach, the old man’s chest was filled with pride by his back-to-back champion, the Neo Cultural Tech All-Stars. But of course, he didn’t want his players to slack off, so he wouldn’t let them know that.

The man of the hour, Lee Donghyuck, got out of his warm shower to dress up and go home, finding his fellow team players in the lockers. “Hey, nice practice today, Hyuck”, Jeno complimented, patting his shoulder. “Thanks, man. You were quite impressive out there too”, he smiled at him. “You guys wanna crash at my place to study for the finals? My last brain cell died trying to figure out the Algebra study guide”, Mark sighed, pulling his red hoodie down as he slipped his arms into the sleeves. “I’m down, I seriously need divine help for that one”, Sungchan said, tying the laces of his sneakers. “Me too, the question is if our savior will be there to help us”, Yangyang teased, looking at his team captain.

The blonde looked at him with a little smile, shaking his head. “You guys are truly a pain in the ass”, he sighed. “Oh, come on, Hyuck! I’ll pay for the pizza”, Yangyang pleaded, truly concerned about his grades. “You know if I don’t get at least a B, I won’t be able to stay in the team, what are you gonna do without your heartthrob?” he asked while pouting and batting his eyes. “But WinWin has good grades”, Mark teased, making his fellows laugh and Hyuck sigh. “Fine, but if you start staring at your phone instead of studying, I will whoop your ass”, Donghyuck agreed, and the rest of them high-fived each other.

“Ayo, Ten!”, Mark called out, looking at the guy who had just gotten out of the shower. Donghyuck saw something weird in him, he looked as if he was in a rush. “We’re having a group study session at my place, Hyuck will help us with the Algebra study guide, you down?”, he asked. “I’ll have to pass, guys. Johnny is pissed, it seems like he and Y/N broke up”, he said, making Donghyuck stop in his tracks, shocked. “What? What for?”, Mark asked again, concerned for Ten’s stepbrother, the star of the school’s martial arts team. “You know Johnny, she probably found out he cheated on her or something, but I’m still his brother, so I gotta be there for him”, Ten sighed, getting dressed within five minutes with his hair still dripping wet. “Anyways, maybe the next time, take care, y’all!”, he said before rushing out of the lockers’ room.

Jeno looked at his blonde friend, knowing exactly what he was probably thinking. His seemingly hopeless love was finally available again, how exciting was that? However, he looked rather terrified, and it was because his overthinking head was working at full speed.

Oh God, is she okay? Did Johnny hurt her badly? Should I text her? What if she doesn’t wanna talk about it? What if she doesn’t wanna talk at all? What if she doesn’t like boys anymore after this? Irene started dating Seulgi after Junmyeon broke up with her, what if Y/N does that too? Should I go with her? But I already told the guys I would help them... Jesus, Lee Donghyuck, you’re such an idiot.

Lee Donghyuck had many virtues, sadly his biggest enemy was his head.

“Guys, I think we lost him”, Sungchan said, as he saw Donghyuck spacing out. “What?” he said, once he realized his surroundings. Mark patted his shoulder, “Lee Donghyuck, you’re truly one of a kind. If y’all ready, let’s go”, he said, and their group left the lockers and headed to the parking lot, where everyone got into Donghyuck’s black Jeep to head off to Mark’s place. However, the team captain was still thinking about his long-time friend, who he’s had a crush on for the longest time. He simply shook it off, he was a man of his word, so he would help his friends and once they’re done with studying, his head would be clear enough to know what to do.

Because there was nothing better for Lee Donghyuck to clear his mind than a good Algebra study guide.

“Oh, man, thank God it’s over!”, Sungchan yawned, stretching after finishing the last problem of the study guide and the last slice of pizza left on the third box, “I get it all now, how did you do that?”, Yangyang asked, looking at Donghyuck with utter confusion. “Well, it’s quite simple if you actually get your head in it”, the blonde replied, saving the study guide back in his backpack before grabbing his phone, still wandering between texting you or not. It wouldn’t be weird, you’ve known each other since kindergarten and been friends for years. However, your ex-boyfriend, the widely-known playboy Seo Johnny, had kept you from talking ever since you started dating last summer, and honestly, Donghyuck didn’t want you to have problems because of him.

He loved you a lot to do that.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow, Jeno, do you want a ride?”, you asked the only one within your group you knew didn’t plan on staying over at Mark’s or lived close enough to walk home. Jeno logically nodded, picking up his bag and saying his respective goodbyes. Of course, something seemed to click in Jeno’s head when Donghyuck offered to give him a ride home: you lived in front of his house. Obviously, he wasn’t going to point that out, knowing Donghyuck, he would take back his offer, and he honestly didn’t want to walk the ten blocks that distanced Mark’s place to his.

“You think I should talk to her?”, Donghyuck asked halfway through, looking at Jeno briefly as they got to a red light. Jeno sighed, taking his sight away from the window to look at his friend. “Honestly, Hyuck? You’ve been in love with her since fifth grade, you should gather the balls to tell her once and for all, it’s so fucking frustrating to deal with your overthinking ass head”, he replied, taking a deep breath afterward. What hurt Hyuck the most was knowing that he was right and that even after all those years, he’d always see you run into another guy’s arms.

First, it was Lucas, your boyfriend from sixth to eighth grade. He had a wealthy family and was the school’s fencing champion. And then, it was Johnny, who you’d been with since barely months after you broke up with Lucas. Sadly, it has always been the same for Donghyuck: as soon as he gathers the courage to ask you out, you’d already started dating someone else. You have a long, toxic relationship with the new guy, he breaks your heart, you go to him. It was the routine he was used to, the routine his thoughts reserved for him every time. But after parking his car in front of Jeno’s house, he decided that was about to change.

“You sure you’re okay? I’m sorry if I said something-”, Jeno tried to apologize, but Donghyuck cut him off. “It’s alright, Jen. You said what was in your head and I respect that, mostly because you’re right”, he sighed, looking down for a while before taking a deep breath and reaching out his hand for a small handshake with his friend. “I’ll see you tomorrow”, he grinned, as Jeno got out of the car. “Thanks for the ride, drive home safely!”, the raven-haired boy exclaimed as he walked into his house. Donghyuck stayed outside for a while, and while he did, he sighed as he kept thinking what was the right thing to text you.

But decided to let all of that go, he just typed the first thing that came to his head and pressed sent, locking his phone so he wouldn’t keep looking at it on his way home.

“Johnny is a dick, and I think it’s time for me to say I told you”, Wendy laughed as you simply shook your head. Yeah, they all warned you, it’s true. But the truth also was you never really had super strong feelings for Johnny, nor Lucas, nor for any of the boys you’ve dated before. But then, why would you date them? Because you weren’t a fan of loneliness, and even though most of those guys were assholes —especially and at a ridiculous level, Johnny—, they wouldn’t miss the most stupid excuse to be with you when you were alone, which sadly because of your parents’ job was pretty often. “Yeah, I know I should’ve listened to you, Wen” you rolled your eyes as you threw one of your stuffed animals at your friend.

But as soon as she threw another one back, specifically the bear with the hockey team’s uniform, your eyes were about to bawl out. “Hey, be careful with this one!” you said, making sure it was still in perfect conditions. All of your friends looked at you, quite taken aback by your reaction. However, Demi, your neighbor, smiled a little before explaining your reaction. “All the other stuffed animals were from the idiots, but Lee Donghyuck gave her that one”, she sat next to you, as you both smiled while looking at each other. “Lee Donghyuck? As in the hockey team’s captain, Lee Donghyuck?”, Joy asked, quite excited. You nodded, letting out a small sigh as you thought of him.

“I’ve heard he’s gay, I mean, he hasn’t gone public about a relationship like... ever? And besides, he has rejected every girl that’s asked him out”, Irene said, quite as nicely as ever. “No offense, I mean, I’m obviously an ally... but, how come such a hot piece of cake like him has never dated someone?”. Seulgi looked at her girlfriend, quite shocked at her way to describe him. “Jeno told me he has a crush on someone since fifth grade, but he’s quite an overthinker, he needs to ask his left foot before moving the right one”, Demi chuckled, “But I think that’s cute, he’s been a good friend to Y/N as far as I’m concerned, and if he ever decides to step out of his shell, I bet he will be the exception to the all athletes are idiots rule”.

This last phrase stayed in your mind as Seulgi, Irene, Wendy and Joy left, as they had told Yeri they would go over to her house for a good spiriting session before the cheerleading championship you’d enroll into in a few weeks. You passed, you were scared as hell of those things, and honestly, you preferred to spend some quality time with your neighbor before she went overseas to a musical exchange program. “Ugh, I’m gonna miss you so much, bitch”, you said as you hugged her, making her chuckle. “Hey, I’ll be sending you as many pictures as you want, and I’ll buy you gifts while I’m there, I promise I’ll try every single street food dish London has to offer just for you”, she said, letting out a sigh as she watched through your bedroom’s window. “I’ll miss you and Jeno so much...”, she muttered. You playfully pushed her, “Hey, you’re with your wife right now! Stop thinking about your boyfriend, say you’ll miss me!”, you yelled at her as you both laughed.

Your phone vibrated as a message arrived, and you grabbed it from its previous spot in your bed. As you read who it was from, you simply smiled, something your friend didn’t miss out on. “Let me guess, it’s your gay best friend”, she mocked you, referring to Irene’s comment on the rumors about his private life. You simply looked at her for a second to return your attention to the text.

You typed the answer quickly, quite excited about the fact that he texted you first when it was usually the other way. Demi stared at you while you wrote the message, quite unsure as to why you looked so hyped up.

Hyuckie:

Hey, I heard about you and Seo, I’m sorry.

You felt a pillow being thrown your way, and you looked up only to find your friend looking at you, pretending to be pissed. “Hey, you’re with your wife right now! Stop texting your crush, let’s watch a movie!”, you laughed again at your silly “jealous” attitudes, and ended up turning on your laptop to watch a movie before going to bed.

You:

Hey... it’s fine, I was warned but I still did it.

How are you? I kinda missed you.

Of course, you’d chosen strategically to play the one movie Demi falls asleep watching so you could read Donghyuck’s answer to your texts, and you were a little too excited over it.

Hyuckie:

I missed you too, you should start cheering for the hockey team too!

Would you like to grab a bite tomorrow after class and catch up?

My treat ;)

You:

Are you asking me out?

You asked teasingly, making Donghyuck’s head insane as he laid in his bed, reading your message over and over again thinking about his next move.

Was it too soon? Is it too little? Should I say no? What if she was joking? What if she doesn’t want a date? What if I screw up and she never wants to talk to me again? Reply quickly, idiot! She’ll think you’re ignoring her!

Leaving his thoughts aside, he typed what his heart told him to and sent it, quite to your shock as you read it.

Hyuckie:

If I was, would you say yes?

Biting on your lip as Donghyuck’s hands trembled, you couldn’t hold back a smile. If your friend was right, this would end with the bad streak of dating idiots you’ve had so far, and you’d finally be happy with someone who actually gave you your place. So without thinking it any further, you replied something that made your friend’s heart skip a beat.

You:

Meet me tomorrow after class.

“You asked her out?!”, Jeno exclaimed in shock as he read the small text conversation on Hyuck’s phone. He nodded, and Jeno showed a huge surprised face, “What? I thought that was what you wanted me to do”, the blonde said, quite not getting his friend’s reaction. “I’m just... shocked. I thought it would still take you weeks, days at least. Hyuck, I’m so fucking proud of you!”, he hugged Hyuck as he patted his back. “Damn, our little Hyuck is finally growing up, this and the fact that we slew those Algebra finals is a matter of celebration!” Mark said excitingly. “You just wanted an excuse to throw a party, didn’t you?” Sungchan rolled his eyes, smiling at his friend’s enthusiasm.

“I think I’ll catch up later, I promised Demi I’d be with her tonight”, Jeno sighed. It was a mystery to everyone why he looked so down lately, and it was merely because Jeno wasn’t the sharing type. He liked to keep his problems to himself, in his books it was alright because everyone had their own stuff to deal with. However, quite frequently, the exception to that rule was Donghyuck, but he kept things to himself whenever they were with the rest of the guys.

So once the guys headed off to the library to study a bit more for the rest of their final exams, Hyuck patted Jeno’s shoulder. “I know something’s off, Jeno”, he looked at his friend in the eye, which made Jeno sigh. “Demi is taking off to London for the summer break, and God knows how much longer”, he finally told him. “And I don’t mean to keep her here, because I know that’s her dream, and had it been mine, she’d support me until the very end, but...”, Jeno stared at the ground as they kept walking, not really wanting to say what sounded so selfish in his head, but was truly the only thing that he had in his mind. “You don’t want her to leave”, his friend completed, wrapping his arms around him.

“Jeno, if there’s something I know for sure it’s how much you and Demi love each other”, he chuckled, trying to cheer his friend up. “You’ve been together... God, for as long as I can remember. You’ll survive this, you just gotta let things flow”. Jeno looked up at him with a little smile, “How come you’ve never dated anyone and you still give great dating advice?”. They both chuckled, only for Jeno to look back at him and pat his back, “That’s some great advice, Hyuck, you should follow it too”.

As they reached the exit, both of them went separate ways. Jeno’s words kept ringing in the back of Donghyuck’s head as he walked towards the outdoor field’s bleachers, sitting down as he waited for you still thinking about how he would manage everything. He made an elaborate plan right after finishing the study guide last night, with his mind clear enough to let him make his choices without any further doubts. He took a deep breath and followed the little pre-game ritual he had ever since he started playing hockey: he looked straight ahead and emptied his mind from everything but what he had planned for the day: making sure you knew he’d treat you better than the rest of the idiots you’ve given your heart to.

That was his plan for the most important task he’s had to date.

“Party at Mark Lee’s place tonight, girls!”, you heard Yeri exclaim as you got changed from your PE class in the lockers. The girls looked quite excited and you texted Demi to know if she would come as well, figuring that it would be somewhere in Hyuck’s plans for the night. “Someone looks quite rushed, do you have somewhere else to be?”, Joy asked you, as she slipped her red cropped turtleneck over her head. “I’m going on a date”, you muttered as the other girls looked at you, quite mesmerized. “A date?! With who?” Wendy had the courage to ask, and you smiled as you pointed at Donghyuck’s picture from last year’s yearbook. “Lee Donghyuck?”, Irene gasped, looking at you quite amazed. “Girls, there will be six more weeks of summer this year”. Your friends giggled as you shook your head. “I mean, you’re the first girl he’s asked out like... ever?”. You sighed as you put on some lipstick, blending it with the tip of your fingers.

Seulgi looked at what you were wearing and threw a piece of clothing at you, nearly making you smudge your mascara. “Hey!”, you exclaimed, quite shocked. “You don’t plan on going to Mark’s party later with that, right? Let alone to date the hockey team’s captain”, you looked at your plain red shirt and your white mom jeans, quite confused as you straightened the clothing ball your friend threw your way. “That’s my beloved white furry jacket, it will look cute with that and your matching bucket hat. And it will help you look like you made at least a little effort to look different today”. You dedicated her a little grin as you slipped the jacket on, finding yourself looking like a 90′s teen movie star. “Thank you!”, you told her, walking out the locker room as she yelled one final, “You better take care of it!”.

You jogged your way to the fields as you realized the bell rang twenty minutes ago, afraid of making Donghyuck think you’d forgotten or played with him. A part of you even thought he probably wouldn’t be there. However, you found him sitting in the bleachers, staring at his phone. “Hey, sorry, did you wait too long?”, you asked concerned, only to be greeted by one of his beautiful smiles. He got up, fixing his hair as he rushed down to your encounter, smiling your way. “I was talking to Jeno, I just got here”, he shrugged, a little white lie he made to keep you from feeling bad.

Because that’s how much he loved you.

“Oh, thank God, I was so scared...” you sighed, looking at him with a little smile. “Wow, I’ve seen you every day, yet you look so different”, you grinned, looking at how much his physics had changed from the little kid you remembered: he gained muscles, he was also taller than you remembered him to be, not to mention his golden-tanned skin looked somewhat more tempting than it did before. “Well, you’re still as beautiful as I remembered you to be”, he muttered, picking a lock of your hair behind your ear. That little moment had you feeling those cliché butterflies in your stomach like you’ve never felt them before. “Shall we go now?”, he asked you, reaching his hand out for you to hold.

His hands, good lord. You thought. There was definitely something about them that made you even more excited about holding them. As soon as you held his hand, it felt as if two pieces of a puzzle had been joined. As if the event was long overdue.

You walked over to the parking lot, where your jaw dropped as soon as you saw his ride. “Since when can you drive?”, you asked quite shocked. “I got my driver's license before the last championship, my parents gifted me this after we won”, he replied, opening the passenger’s seat door for you to go inside. “Wow, what a gentleman”, you said, acting as if it was a joke. But the truth was it somewhat made you feel good. No one had ever opened a door for you, and there was Lee Donghyuck, holding your hand to help you get inside his car after he opened the door for you.

Different from other guys you’ve had the chance to ride along with, Hyuck didn’t seem to care about your shoes being dirty when they touched the car, nor about you intending to touch the car. He made you feel as if his car was yours too, and you liked that. He closed the door once you got in and surrounded the car to get in the driver’s seat. You had this stupid smile on your face, and Hyuck noticed that. “What is it?”, he asked you, quite confused but still smiling. You shook your head, “Don’t mind me, I’m just recovering from the algebra test”. He chuckled, as he started the engine, “How come everyone says that? It was a piece of cake compared to the study guide”. You looked at him while laughing, shaking your head lightly. Ever since you were kids, Donghyuck was a genius with numbers. When the teacher asked him, he said it was because he liked to have an answer to problems, and that was when you knew you needed someone like him in your life.

However, due to the situation making you realize things in a totally different way, you surely were questioning the real intentions of that wish.

You stared at him as he focused on the driveway after lending you the AUX cable so you could choose the music, his focus unbothered even with your sort of intense glare. He truly looked like a 90′s boyband heartthrob. His sportslike red and white outfit along with the chains you remember giving him for one of his birthdays a while ago... he looked good. You also smiled a little as you noticed the color coordination you had unwittingly pulled off, you truly looked like a couple... and you liked it.

Donghyuck wasn’t blind, he noticed each one of your smiles but pretended not to since he liked to see you smiling, and his head was certain in the fact that you would try to hide them if he said something about them. “Where are we going?”, you asked him, quite curious about his intention. He wasn’t using any sort of GPS, so he knew where he was going, but that only made you more anxious as to where he was taking you. “Do you remember that place where your parents threw your birthday party in fifth grade?”, he asked, making you look at him with disbelief. “The arcade where I beat you in every single game?”, you giggled. “Yup, that one. I thought it would be nice to go back there, you know... for the memories”, he explained, only to add at the end, “and they also serve some great cheeseburgers”.

The pure definition of the word “nostalgia” hit you as soon as Hyuck parked the car in the place’s parking lot. It was nearly empty, with just some employees going around to check on the games and some people eating in the cafeteria. “Wow, this place is exactly like I remember, they haven’t even changed the games!”, you exclaimed as Hyuck looked at your excitement with loving eyes. You looked at the guy beside you, taking your wallet out of your purse. “Well, the food’s your treat, then mine’s the games”, you said, you didn’t even let him say a word before you went over to the cashier to pay for the coins you’d play with.

The old lady sitting behind the desk looked at you with a kind smile, “That young man came in yesterday when we were nearly closing, he asked us to reconnect some of the old machines, now I get why”, she told you while looking for a few bags of coins, counting them in a machine that later poured them in a little cup. “He sure is in love with you, you’ve got quite a catch of a boyfriend”. You were about to tell her he wasn’t your boyfriend when you turned around, and your eyes found him focused on a crane game, not exactly knowing what he was so focused on getting but certainly going down the memory lane to a 12-year-old Donghyuck pulling an adorable teddy bear out of the game and giving it to you two days later with the hockey team’s jersey and his number in the back.

“I totally agree”, you muttered, smiling as you saw him pulling out the toy he’d gotten. He was so good at those games, at every game being honest. You still couldn’t believe you’d beaten him back in the day. Once the old lady handed you the coin-filled cups, you paid her and she handed you your change. As you counted the money, you realized something was off. “Excuse me, ma’am... you gave me extra change”. She shook her head, looking at you with that same smile. “Half of it is on the house, I let you pay the other half because the young man told me that you were quite stubborn”, she giggled, “Now, go and have fun! Live while you’re young”.

You smiled, thanking her as you walked back towards Donghyuck. He smiled back at your happiness, handing you an adorable stuffed animal. “How come you’re so good at those games?”, you asked him while giggling. “It’s just a matter of space measuring, calculating the probabilities of the toy slipping out or falling off the crane, choosing the most available toy out of the bunch... and I’m boring you”, he smiled nervously as he saw you looking at the toy, an adorable white bear with a red bow. You looked at him again only to find him scratching the back of his neck.

“You weren’t, I like that about you, Hyuck”, you answered honestly. “I hate it when people are overconfident while giving answers to those questions, like when they say ‘I just can’ or that sort of stuff”, he looked at you while you spoke, making you feel listened to. He was truly listening to every single word that came out of your lips as if it was the most interesting speech ever.

Because he loved listening to you.

You spent every single coin playing different games, just like you did when you were kids, breaking your own records in every single machine you played in. You laughed the whole evening, and yet again, you managed to beat Donghyuck in every single game. “Booyah! In your face, twentieth game in a row!”, you mocked him, making your old little victory dance as he smiled, sighing. “Damn, you haven’t lost your touch”, he said, pretending to feel defeated, “Are you hungry yet?”, he asked you kindly. You nodded, and both of you made your way to the cafeteria, as you jokingly bragged about your smashing victory.

The old lady was patiently waiting for you to show up, with two gorgeous bacon cheeseburgers, french fries, and two milkshakes, what Donghyuck had told her to serve you the night prior. You looked at him in shock, “You remember all of this?”, you smiled as you sat down, thanking the lady when she left you your food. “It’s the house’s special, how could I forget it?”, he replied, as if wasn’t anything special. However, you knew deep down his intentions were all the opposite. You started eating, nearly crying at the sensation of memories flooding your head as soon as you gave it a bite. “It’s been so long since I’ve last had a burger this good”, you admitted. It wasn’t pretty usual for you to hang around these places anymore. It was pretty far away from your reach, yet Lee Donghyuck made it his task to make you remember the good old days.

“Why did you bring me here? I want the truth, Hyuck”, you demanded once you were done eating. He looked at you while taking a sip of his strawberry milkshake, swallowing before giving you an answer. “Well, a few years ago, on your birthday, your mother hired an entire show from the old animatronics because your friends loved them”, he started the story, one you certainly remembered. “However, you were scared shitless of them, so you ran out of the room as soon as the lights turned off for them to start the show. You thought no one noticed, but I did. And I ran behind you, only to find you looking at the zombie videogame your friends wouldn’t want to play with you because they didn’t like it”.

He looked at his hands, playing with his fingers as he left out a small chuckle. “Back then, you had this silly nickname for me, because of a bear you saw at the zoo that was named that way”, he said, only for you to complete his sentence. “Haechan”, you smiled, and he nodded. “You looked at me and smiled, and you said ‘Why are you here, Haechan? You should be watching the show, mommy thought you’d like it’. And I took out the coins I had in my pocket and told you-”. “I bet killing zombies with you is more fun”, you muttered, making him smile as you remembered it too. “Mom was so pissed she didn’t find me when the animatronics started singing the birthday song”, you chuckled, making him laugh as well. “That night, as we played, I remember thinking ‘wow, her smile is so pretty’, and it wasn’t until you first made that victory dance of yours that I realized how much I liked you” he confessed finally, leaving you speechless for a second.

You were that girl, you really were the girl Lee Donghyuck was in love with.

“You like me?”, you asked, still shocked. He nodded, not really knowing what to do with his hands. “I’ve been wanting to let you know for the longest time, but whenever I gathered the guts to do it, you started dating someone else. So I decided to keep it to myself, to be there for you as a friend if you needed me. Because even if it hurt me to see your heart break, I wanted to be there to help you fix it”, he explained to you, as the tears started coming out of your eyes. “You mean... when I started dating Lucas... you were planning to confess to me?”, your voice cracked, making him stop everything and reach out to hug you. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close, caressing your back. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything, nor to feel guilty or bad for me. I was upset, I’m not gonna lie... but I also decided to set you free. If you came back to me, it was because it was meant to be. And you came back every single time, so I waited until the right time until I finally decided it was now”, he told you, as you pulled back slightly to look at him in the eyes.

“Hyuck...”, you couldn’t manage to get any words out of your mouth, but he made you feel as if it was okay to leave him hanging after such an adorable confession. You felt like the biggest trash bag on Earth, and the way he treated you made you feel worse and at ease at the same time. “You need to heal, and I get that. You went through a lot with Johnny, and I know that. I’ll wait until you’re ready if you want me to, and I’ll totally leave my feelings aside if you want me to. I’ll leave it up to you”, he told you, caressing your cheeks and adjusting your hat back in its place. “Mark has a party over at his place, do you want to go?”, he asked you softly, wiping your tears away.

You sighed, looking down for a minute. “Hyuck, I’ll give you an answer, I promise”, you told him, which he let out a little giggle. “It’s truly okay, Y/N. Come on, Jeno told me Mark’s already bragging about his b-boy moves”, he told you, reaching out his hand again after leaving a good tip for the old lady, thanking her again before the two of you left. He always found a way to make you feel better, even when he was probably the most upset.

Because he loved you.

“Yo, Hyuck! You came just in time for another round of beer pong!” Mark greeted his friend as he saw the two of you walking into the party, crowded as usual for one of Mark Lee’s parties. “You guys look fresh! Make yourselves at home, drinks at the kitchen, snacks at the table, dance floor by the pool, and the rooms upstairs are exclusively reserved for the hockey team, so you’re staying over tonight, I’m not asking”. Hyuck looked at him, “Sure, because you’ll get so drunk tonight we’ll have to babysit you again”. Mark stopped in front of him, patting his shoulder. “You know me so well, Hyuckie”, he said, messing up his hair before going back to the party. “Ayo, Winwin! Let’s go get more booze!”.

You looked at Hyuck. “Do you want anything to drink?”, he asked you, raising his voice slightly for you to listen to him despite the loud music playing in the back. “Just some Coke” you replied, and he nodded, walking over to the kitchen as you looked around for Demi, finding her sitting on a couch near the beer pong table. You hugged her, noticing she looked a little excited. “I want every last drop of the scoop, how did it go?!”, she asked you, her smile nearly going from ear to ear. “He likes me, Dem, I’m the girl Jeno was talking about. And I blanked as soon as he confessed to me”, you said, quite embarrassed. “He planned the most adorable evening ever, he did all of these adorable things for it to be perfect... and I couldn’t even say anything”. Demi looked at you concerned, only to change her expression as soon as her attention drifted to someone walking over towards you. “Girl, I don’t mean to be rude, but we really should-”, she started as she helped you get up, only to be cut off by a voice you knew pretty well.

“I see it didn’t take long for you to go over with someone new, huh?”, he told you, looking at you dead in the eye. “Well, the difference, Johnny, is that I at least waited until breaking up with you”, you replied, certainly not scared of him. “Lee Donghyuck? That shitball, seriously? So you’re messing up with my reputation for being some faggot’s cover?”, he asked you, chuckling at the idea, making Jeno and the rest of the hockey team walk over towards you as soon as they acquired awareness of the situation. “You ain’t not even a quarter of the man he is”, you replied and felt him grabbing onto your neck, freezing at the closeness. “Oh, yeah? That wasn’t what you said when I made you my bitch”.

“Hey, asshole!”, you felt released as someone pushed Johnny off of you. Demi held you protectively as Jeno walked over to the two of you, checking out to see if you were okay. “Oh, if it’s the man of the moment, I was looking for you to give you my congratulations, I guess some people settled with used things”, Johnny mocked, only to receive another push from Donghyuck. “You can say all you want about me, but leave her alone or else”. Johnny laughed in his face, “You? You will beat me? You would risk getting your ass kicked for some wasted-ass bitch? Face the facts, Lee! Lucas used her, I used her, God knows how many more have, she’s a fucking slut-!”, he was about to say something else when Donghyuck threw the first punch, with such strength it left Johnny bleeding. You gasped, knowing well enough Hyuck wasn’t the fighting type, let alone the type to start a fight, let’s not even mention starting a fight with the school’s martial arts champion.

As soon as he got punched, you felt your heart stuck in your throat. He tried throwing punches at Johnny, but the ladder returned them faster and harder. Jeno, Yangyang, Sungchan, and Ten rushed to break down the fight, looking at how Hyuck’s blood started to stain the floor. “Enough!”, Mark yelled walking into his house with Winwin and the booze they went for, with that authority voice that made him so respected and loved by everyone in his class. “Johnny, get the fuck out of my house! I give two shits, you have absolutely no right to disrespect my team captain, nor a friend of mine, nor a lady, not under my fucking roof! Get the fuck out before I call the cops!”, Ten walked him out before he looked for further trouble, mouthing a “sorry” your way. You rushed over to Donghyuck, looking at Mark once you realized how his face was bleeding.

“Do you have any first-aid kit?”, you asked him. “Upstairs, third door to the right”, he guided you. You held Hyuck’s hand and guided him over with you, quite concerned about the mess left. Jeno looked at you, knowing exactly what you were thinking. “We’ll clean this up and keep things going as if nothing happened, you go and make sure he’s alright”, he told you, “That idiot thinks everything so damn much, I can’t believe he didn’t think this through... just go with him, it’s gonna be alright” you nodded lightly. You would, you had to make sure he was alright because that fight made you realize just how different he was from every idiot you’ve dated.

Because it made you realize how much he loved you.

Having taken off Seulgi’s coat to keep it away of the blood, you found yourself tending to Hyuck’s wounds in one of the bedrooms bathroom. However, he looked more concerned about you than he was about anything related to his well-being. “Stop”, you ordered. “Stop what?”, he asked, authentically confused. “You know it’s not the first time anyone slut-shames me, right?”, you told him, passing a cotton bud over a slit in his lip. At least once the blood was off, it didn’t look that bad anymore. “It’s quite curious, due to how many campaigns women around the world hold against it, to think that the first ones to publicly degrade me were all girls”, you sighed, not wanting to look at him as you spoke. “Every girl that liked Lucas, every girl Johnny cheated on me with, every girl who wouldn’t make it past the cheerleading tryouts...”, you cleaned the mess you’d made, throwing every last piece of cotton you’d used into the trash bin.

“At this point, you could even say I’m used to it. I would even hear made-up stories about how I would be up for gangbangs with Johnny and his friends, how I sold some old man my nudes for him to pay my college tuition, how I was the one who made Seulgi and Irene bisexual...”, you finally sighed, letting out the tears you’ve held back so long it started hurting. Hyuck noticed that, and just like he did in the cafeteria, he held you close. “I’m tired, Hyuck”, you finally admitted, and he caressed your hair. “I know”, he muttered. “I’m so fucking broken I’m afraid to break the only guy who’s ever really loved me right”, you cried out, just wanting to let everything out as you pulled away from his hug, wanting to look at him as you confessed what has been going on in your heart. “Because I fucking love you, Hyuck... but I’m not even close to deserving-”.

You were cut off by his lips crashing onto yours, a sweet and delicate kiss was what you got as a response. Once he slowly pulled away, he looked at you in the eyes, his hands lightly resting on your cheeks. “You deserve the universe and more, nothing less”, he muttered. The tingling sensation that kiss left on your lips was something you’d never felt after kissing anyone before. And it was the final push for you to finally give in, for you to finally let yourself be loved.

You pulled him close again, your lips crashing on each other as your hands wrapped around his neck, his hands falling from your cheeks all the way to your waist, hugging you the way you did with him. The kiss felt so natural you just sunk into it, as well as he did. Even when his head was going insane with all kinds of questions, he decided to shut them off and follow his own advice.

He’d let things flow.

You broke apart only to guide Hyuck back to the bedroom, he looked at you as he read through your intentions. “Are you sure about this?”, he asked you, caressing your cheek. You nodded, looking at him with loving eyes. “This is the first time I’m a hundred percent sure I want to do this”, you told him. He took a deep breath and walked over to the door, locking it first than anything. He looked nervous, and what the girls had said earlier came to your mind.

“Is this your first time?”, you asked him, to which he nodded, an adorable blush tinting his cheeks. You smiled at him, he looked so adorable you wondered who was that intimidating hockey player everyone saw in the field. “It’s okay, just guide me wherever you feel like going, I’ll follow you”, you told him as you got close to him again. You learned to be cautious ever since you lost your virginity, you’d taken birth control very seriously since day one because your mother and your friends guided you to do so. So even now, when the moment came, you were calm knowing it would be alright, and you wanted Hyuck to feel that as well.

He held your waist, pulling you closer lightly and guiding you into a kiss that got more intense with time, he pulled away for a while only to sit down on the bed, pulling you into his lap to start kissing you again. Your hands grabbed his cheeks, caressing them as the kiss kept going. His hands ran down your back as the heat started rising between you, Hyuck’s kissing abilities were way beyond average, those lips of his felt like cotton candy against yours, and every time your tongue met his, you felt one step closer to heaven. He pulled you away briefly to strip down his torso, and your hands felt curious to wander around his strong build.

He played with the bottom of your t-shirt, looking at you before doing anything else. “Can I?”, he asked gently, his constant asking for consent made you even more sure you were doing the right thing. You nodded and helped him out pulling the red shirt off, revealing your black plain underwear. Once your tops were thrown somewhere on the bedroom floor, he went back to kissing you, his kisses slowly going down your neck as you reached your back to undo your bra, letting your chest fully naked for him to kiss. He took that as your consent, and his kisses went all the way down to your breasts as his hands caressed your back once more.

Little moans left your mouth as Hyuck started kissing sensitive spots of your skin, the fact that he used his mouth to roam around your skin was enough to make you feel like this was the best you’ve ever been treated in bed, and adding up the amount of love you could practically touch in him made you enjoy everything even more. You could feel something starting to press against your core as you started grinding over Donghyuck’s lap. “Fuck, you’re driving me insane, princess”, he groaned, in such a raspy voice it made you want more. You kept grinding against him, loving the small grunts that would come out of his mouth as he kept kissing you.

From one moment to another, you felt the bedsheets in your back, as Hyuck took off his pants, feeling the pressure of his throbbing erection painful enough to rush things up a little bit. Still, he managed to be somewhat delicate "throwing" you over the bed. Once there was nothing but his black boxers keeping him from complete nudity, he crawled on top of you, looking at the button of your jeans to ask "Can I?". You unbuttoned your pants while looking at the guy with a pretty smile, biting on your lower lip as he smiled at you, undoing the zip and taking the heavy fabric off your legs, then looking at your black lacey underwear to ask yet again: "Can I?". You giggled, sitting down only to reach for his lips.

He kissed back as your hand guided his to your dripping center. He looked at you, as his head made an effort to figure out what to do at this point, but remembering the shows he watched with the guys, he figured to start moving his fingers up and down, to his luck, on what turned to be your clit. Small moans made their way out of your lips, and due to your arousal, his fingers managed to slip inside you. He kissed you as he kept moving his hand at a medium pace until you pulled him away, only to leave him face up over the bed. You looked at him, playing with the elastic band of his Calvin Klein underwear.

"Can I?", you asked him softly, only for him to chuckle in embarrassment. He nodded lightly, making you smile as he watched your every move. Once his boxers were no longer a burden, you sat on his lap, making him curse as you started moving on top of him. "You'll set the pace", you told him, leaning down to kiss on his lips. And as soon as he aligned his throbbing erection to your entrance and slowly entered you, he swore he could see the stars. With his hands on your hips, he commanded you to go slowly, as you both moaned out how good it felt. Nice and slow, an expression you hadn't known before, certainly became your favorite after that night. And you kept kissing through the whole thing.

Because that's how much you loved each other.

After that steamy moment, you laid next to him after he helped you cleanse, your body holding his closely as he kept your hand in his heart and his arms surrounded you, one of his hands playing with your hair. He looked at you adoringly, unable to find fitting words to how beautiful you looked to his eyes in that moment. You closed your eyes for a few minutes, listening to his calm, steady breath and feeling his heart beating under your hand. For a moment, he even thought you'd fallen asleep, and that made everything ten times better to him. You slowly opened your eyes, finding that adorable smile you loved so much.

You smiled back, looking him in the eyes. "I thought you would be tired", you muttered, caressing his chest lightly. "I'm way too over the clouds to fall asleep right now, Y/N", he replied softly, making you lean over to kiss him lightly again. You looked at the hour in the digital clock that sat on the nightstand, it was 1:27 AM and the party seemed far from over. The music was still as loud as it was when you walked into the room to tend his wounds. You chuckled as you thought about the people you'd left downstairs, "Do you think Jeno and Demi are waiting for us?", you asked Hyuck, making him laugh a little. "Well, I hope they sorted things out if they are. Jeno was quite concerned earlier", he sighed, making you think the situation through.

Demi would leave in just a few days for that summer program, and Jeno would stay for the hockey team's summer camp, which was pretty much mandatory if he planned to keep his place as a headline player in the team. You knew how important he was to the team, but you also knew Jeno loved your best friend more than anything. And you knew for fact distance wasn't compatible with relationships.

"I think Jeno bought that plane ticket in the end", Hyuck shrugged, making you look at him in shock. "What do you mean?", you asked him. "Well, ever since Demi first applied for the program, he talked to the coach about it. Of course, the coach took a while to understand his issues, but as soon as we won the championship again, he gave Jeno the greenlight", he explained you, staring at the ceiling as he spoke. "Mark and I offered to help him with the expenses, and the coach even booked him in a good hockey camp in London", he smiled at the thought. "However, he's held back because he knows how much this means to Demi, and he didn't want her to lose focus because of him. If there's one thing the coach taught us well, was to get our head in the game as soon as we entered the field, and he didn't want to keep her from doing that. But I think Demi and him talked about it today, because he looked happy while talking to the guys before the fight".

You looked at him still in disbelief, making him giggle. "Is there something on my face?", he asked, and you jokingly punched him. "I thought he and Demi would break up! How could you know about all of this and not tell me?", he giggled and held you close again, as you "fought back", pretending to be angry. "Don't be mad at me, princess. Jeno had his reasons to keep my love for you a secret from Demi, I had mine not to tell you about this", he asked you softly. "They will be having fun in London, you and I will stay here. I think we should join them downstairs if neither one of us can sleep, just so you can have the tea spilled from them".

However, you shook your head. "No, the door is still locked and I still want some sort of compensation for keeping me from knowing my OTP found a way to make it through the challenges of life!", you asked as you grabbed his cheeks, making him smile and sigh. "Say no more", he said, turning the lamp off before kissing you again.

Happy Valentine’s season, everyone! If you love someone, let them know.

[gloryofluv]

Order up! (Coffee Shop AU) Chapter 12

Hahaha. I'm actually dying over this chapter! So much going on, but soooo good as far as the banter.

Previous Chapter

The next day was a big win. She got her doctor's stuff done, ate a big breakfast, and they actually got Leviathan out of his room to help. He assisted with all of her electronics and was extremely meticulous. Of course, Alex actually couldn’t talk to him because he would blush and walk away from her.

Well, she would have to work on him slowly.

That left her with bringing over all the unneeded items to her now cleaned-out bedroom on Friday early afternoon. Then, of course, work. She was pretty tired considering her busy ass days lately. Tons of emotional sifting. Although, it seemed a lot easier with each of the brothers. Even Mammon was taking on a new role; her protector.

After Belphie explained what happened the other night, or at least she thinks he did, Mammon has been a new man. He’s been getting her water, carrying heavy things for her, even complaining about her going to work at night. Totally switched from who he was. Interesting.

Working in a cafe in the afternoon and evenings. Actually, there’s something to be said about that. The clients are different. The creative types who work long boring jobs during the day and need to feed off the energy of caffeine and others. The families that are out and about, ready for the weekend ahead.

There’s also a startling amount of mischief. Alex twice had to tell someone they couldn’t yell on their cellphone in the lobby. Gotta give it to Jess. She was ballsy enough to want to work evenings all the time.

Alex was fixing her displays near the register when she heard someone clear their throat. She turned around and blinked. Simeon was standing there and not in his usual sweater, but a tank top and jeans.

“Oh, Simeon,” Alex puffed with color-dusted cheeks.

“I wasn’t expecting you here this evening, Alex,” he beamed.

“I switched with Jess. Oh, um, did you want me to,” she stopped her stammering and smiled. “Are you drinking tea tonight?”

He nodded and watched as she walked around the counter. “I’m just out with some of the mentors,” he explained and gestured to a table.

Alex glanced over to see two men. One had flowing blond hair and piercing blue eyes, and the other had darker hair in braids with soulful chocolate eyes. Both were quite interested in watching their interaction.

“That’s nice,” Alex beamed with a bounce to her head. “Did you want to get them something as well?”

“Just three of the hibiscus ginger,” Simeon smiled.

She was preparing the cups and glanced back at him. “How are you doing? I feel like this is the first time Luke isn’t with you.”

Simeon laughed and shrugged. “We always see you after he’s done with school. I work in the mornings and evenings. Did you figure out your living situation?”

She set the bags in the cups and nodded. “Yes, Lucifer offered me a room.”

“Interesting. He’s not usually noted for his generosity,” Simeon mused as she set the cups in front of him.

Alex gestured to the pastry case, and Simeon shook his head. “Oh, I don’t know about that, but he has been pretty decent to me. All of them are helping me move my stuff. It’s been pretty,” she paused and exhaled while looking away from him.

“It’s difficult to confess to needing people in our lives, Alex. it gives us more opportunity to have rejection and abandonment. However, it fortifies our hearts,” Simeon beamed.

She bent over the POS screen and scowled. “Simeon, this whole time, I thought I was over it. This whole time and I realized I just never let myself touch it. To truly understand what was lost because then that makes me defective, undesirable, broken.”

“You’re very desirable, and not for being someone serving coffee with a magnificent smile,” Simeon said as his cheeks darkened a touch.

She pressed her lips together before she smiled. “Thank you, Simeon. You truly are divinity in human form.”

“I’d very much like it if you let me take you to dinner. I’ve wanted to ask you for months, but I only see you when small ears are lingering. Would you let me? I very much like you, Alex,” Simeon said with a hint of surprise. He wasn’t expecting to ask her?

“Oh, um, okay,” she smiled and nodded.

Simeon laughed and smiled. “Okay.”

Alex jerked to action and pulled out a sheet, writing out her number. “Now you can text me. I have a challenging time reaching out first. It causes quite a bit of anxiety for me,” she confessed and handed him the small paper.

He held it up before tucking it in his jean pocket. “I will take the first step then,” he paused and handed her his credit card.

Alex beamed and completed the transaction. “Simeon, thank you for having the courage to say something. I know that took so much.”

He chuckled and tilted his head. “Alex, you’re a very courageous woman. You’ve done many things others haven’t in their life and still are sweet and kind. Boldness isn’t about action. It’s feeling. Now, I’m going to go entertain the other mentors, but I will come to say goodbye before I leave.”

She rocked her head and smiled. “Okay, Simeon, have a wonderful time.”

“I will now,” he winked and left with the three cups in his hand.

Jordan, who was working with her, glanced over while wagging his hand. Alex skipped over, and they tucked behind the espresso machine, out of view from the trio.

“What just happened?” he whispered with a wild smile.

“He asked me out,” Alex breathed and covered her mouth.

“So you said yes, right? He’s like chocolate-covered yummy. Toothache sweet. And was that your number you gave him?” Jordan questioned in a low tone.

Alex bounced her head with a snort. “Jordan, I was so not me,” she giggled quietly.

Jordan stood and started to vogue with a beat. “Oh, yeah, that’s right, that’s my girl,” he voiced and yanked her up. “Come on, let’s go,” he snorted.

Alex groaned but started to vogue and laughed as they made faces. “You’re ridiculous,” she laughed.

“Yes, quite.”

Oh. Alex paused and spun around to see Lucifer standing at the counter. “Oh, hello, Lucifer.”

“What type of manic state were you expressing?” He questioned.

Jordan walked up to the glass and smiled. “We were doing our ‘get happy girl’ dance.”

Lucifer arched an eyebrow. “That seizer replication isn’t dancing.”

Alex twitched her nose at the dark roast timer and shook her head. “Lucifer, it’s going to be two minutes on fresh. This is too old to serve you with how sensitive your pallet is.”

He smirked and waved. “I have time.”

“So, doing anything special tonight, Lucifer? Seeing anyone special? Doing anything with someone?” Jordan asked.

Lucifer glared at him with a pointed incredulous expression. “Special? Jordan, what have my brothers been saying to you?”

Jordan raised his eyebrows. “Well, nothing. I was just asking.”

Alex put the brewer up and flicked it on before turning around with a smile. Lucifer eyed her and then wagged his index finger. “You. You know.”

Her cheeks were burning, but she walked toward the counter. “N-no.” Nice. Brilliant. Sound more like a frightened child.

Lucifer’s grin became wicked as he leaned forward. “Tell me.”

Her face was melting as she stared up into brilliant sanguine eyes. “It, well, I only heard in passing, it’s not,” she stopped dead when he touched her cheek.

“Don’t babble, darling. Just tell me,” he smirked.

“Well, I saw a picture of you and Diavolo,” she murmured.

His nose scrunched, and his fingers slithered away from her cheek. “Which of them was it? I was positive I destroyed all digital evidence of that party,” he huffed.

Alex looked down at the counter. Anywhere but his eyes.

“I’m not upset with you. My brothers, however, have been plugging this annoying concept for years since that party. Diavolo and I were drinking, a rarity and Mammon shoved Diavolo into me just as Asmodeus was taking the picture. Diavolo was attempting what Asmodeus called a duck face. I was positive I cleared out everyone’s phone, so Diavolo’s reputation wasn’t at risk, but it seems someone kept it,” Lucifer explained while shaking his head.

Alex blinked and glanced back at him. “You two?”

“Never,” Lucifer spat.

Alex covered her mouth and shook her head.

Jordan snorted. “Wow, your brothers sure love to hassle you, don’t they?”

Lucifer shook his head. “It’s unfathomable how they have so much time for it.”

“Seems Alex was under the impression you were,” Jordan noted.

Alex pivoted and began pouring the coffee. Dammit. She still was going to have to face him. Turning around, he was smiling, and his posture read, alpha man, baby.

“Were you upset at my brothers’ lies?” He asked.

She shook her head and plastered on a smile. “It was just surprising. I wouldn’t have guessed it.”

“Well, now you don’t have to. I’m single, very much available, and diligent at any role I take on,” he smirked and handed her his credit card.

Alex was so glad she was able to keep her smile as her heart was racing like a pack of marathon runners. She swiped it and handed it back. “You do appear to be quite diligent.”

Another form approached the counter, and Alex broke her vision of Lucifer. Simeon leaned and smiled. “We’re going now, Alex. It was lovely to see you this evening.”

“Simeon, I see you brought Michael and Raphael with you,” Lucifer noted as he glanced back at the mentors walking out of the cafe.

Simeon beamed and nodded. “We’re headed to the hills to watch the meteor shower.”

Lucifer rocked his head. “Have a good night.”

“You too. Alex, I will text you tomorrow,” he declared and waved.

Alex smiled and waved. “Okay, Simeon, have a wonderful evening.”

Lucifer scowled and watched Simeon leave. “You’re now texting him?”

Oh… yeah, that’s right. Alex rocked her head. “Yes.”

“They have a date this week,” Jordan pipped with a smile.

“Date?” Lucifer questioned.

Alex felt the size of a flea with how much presence Lucifer had. It wasn’t even that he displayed outward displeasure. No, it was definitely what radiated off of him as he stood straighter and his chest bolstered to pronounced masculinity.

“Yes, he just asked her before you walked inside,” Jordan laughed. By the way, he likely wasn’t going to make it through this shift. Alex was going to murder him. “I guess it makes sense. She thought you were unavailable,” Jordan shrugged. Dead. He was going to die from suffocation on the coffee grounds.

“Well, I’m clearly available. Have a good evening, Jordan. Alex, we’ll talk when you get home,” Lucifer declared and left a tip in the jar before strolling out of the cafe with the same presence he held at the counter.

“I’m going to kill you,” Alex growled and glared at Jordan.

She smacked his arm, and he pouted. “I was only doing what you haven’t done in months, honey.”

“I live with him now, you, numbskull,” she hissed and smacked his arm again.

Jordan laughed and blocked a few more of her blows. “Come on, don’t be so angry. It isn’t like a date is a commitment. I just wanted to see if he’d get jealous.”

“By the slam of his car door, I think he was,” Solomon laughed and peaked over the counter. “You alright, Alex?”

“Look away, Solomon, I don’t want you an accessory to his murder!” She snarled and hit Jordan one more time.

“Don’t murder my darling J Getlow.”

Alex exhaled and turned fully to see Asmodeus and Solomon standing together. Jordan scowled and dropped his smile altogether. Alex knew a good payback when she saw one. She skipped up to the counter with a bright smile. “Well, hello, you two, are you on a date?”

Solomon arched his eyebrow, but Asmo squealed. “Oh, it could be! We were just going to try this new fro-yo place down the street, and Solomon heard you were working.”

She eyed Solomon with a subtle nod. Click. He got it. “Oh, yes, I had to have an eclectic appetite tonight,” he chuckled.

Jordan was leaning on the glass with a deep-set frown. “Wait, Asmo, you said you were going to be busy when I got off tonight. Is that because you’re with Solomon?”

“Yes,” Solomon smirked at him. “Is there a problem?”

Asmo tilted his head but shrugged. “I guess not.”

Jordan pulled from the glass and began cleaning the machines.

“Doesn’t feel good, does it?” Alex asked.

Jordan glared over at her. “Bitch,” he said in a whisper.

“Now, what are you both really doing tonight?” Alex smiled.

“The frozen yogurt, which I despise. However, Asmodeus was on a mission to convince me to help tomorrow. He says that you have some very private information in your father’s study and need help sorting it,” Solomon explained.

Alex pouted and put her two hands together in a heart shape. “Asmo, you just made my heart go boom. That’s so sweet that you would take time away on your Friday for me.”

“Please stop,” Solomon puffed and waved his hand. “That’s too adorable, and I can’t bear it.”

Alex laughed and leaned over the POS screen at the pair. “Seriously, I need to do something nice for both of you.”

“Get drunk tomorrow. House party. Your homecoming!” Asmo cheered.

Alex groaned and shook her head. “I doubt Lucifer would agree to any of that.”

“After the very flustered retreat, I might estimate your correctness,” Solomon chuckled.

“What happened?” Asmo questioned.

“Well, hunty,” Jordan walked up and clamped his hand on Alex’s mouth. “Simeon asked Alex out before Lucifer got here. Before that revelation, I made him pry out of her that she thought he was with someone else, which is why she hasn’t been answering his texts with little happy faces like usual. So, he just now realized she was into him, and now she’s going on a date with Simeon.”

Alex shoved him and groaned. “You’re a wicked, wicked queen.”

“It’s truly a shame one of our rules is no dating, said 'girl' in the house,” Asmo laughed and shook his head.

Solomon smiled and waved his hand. “How is it that you always seem to find the predicament of always too much but never enough.”

“I don’t know, Sol,” Alex groaned.

“Drinks tomorrow, at your old home to send off your last day actually living there,” Solomon smirked.

“That doesn’t sound like that came with a please,” Alex snorted.

“It wasn’t a request,” Solomon shook his head.

“Fine, but you’re bringing the booze, and I’m not responsible for your ride home,” Alex said.

Solomon nodded. “I have exquisite wine. You’ll enjoy it.”

“We will?” Asmo asked.

Jordan nodded.

“Fine,” Solomon chuckled. “Yes.”

Alex reached over and ruffled his hair. “You’re just a big softy under all that analysis and formulas.”

Solomon puffed and pushed her handoff. “Yes, alright. Don’t patronize my kindness.”

“What am I getting you both?” Alex beamed. Solomon rubbed the back of his neck as he glanced up at the menu. “Decaf americano, two pumps with half and half,” Alex said.

Solomon laughed and nodded. “Actually, yes, that would be appropriate.”

“Multitude of gestures, Solomon,” Alex smiled.

“It’s actually freaky that you can do that, Alex,” Asmo gasped.

“I can remember everyone’s orders, but I have to label where to put my keys. Don’t even know why,” Alex laughed and turned to grab a cup. “Decaf skinny iced vanilla with a sugar-free caramel pump, Asmo?”

Asmo clapped. “You took my evening order once, Alex! That’s so impressive! Oh, I just want to bathe you in aromatherapy and take you to bed.”

“Let’s not go that far,” Jordan glared at him.

Asmo pouted. “Fine.”

Solomon paid, and Alex smirked at the pensive man. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, I was just thinking. There might be an opening in the company for public relations. I could put in a stellar word for you. It’s all research and pharmaceuticals, but you have a delightful personality, and you’re degreed.”

“Solomon, that would be awesome if you would do that for me,” Alex gasped.

He smiled and rocked his head. “Okay, I will. I’ll text you my email, and you send your resume to me.”

Jordan brought over their drinks, and Asmo left a hefty tip before blowing him a kiss. “Come over later?”

Jordan arched an eyebrow. “You’re not going to be busy?”

Asmo snorted and giggled. “No, silly, come on over. I want to have a pamper session,” he winked and sipped his drink.

Alex tried so hard to hide her blush. Wow, these two men. It’s like they were made to outdo each other.

“If you put your phone away during, then yes,” Jordan smirked.

“Fine,” Asmo pouted. “See you when you get off so I can,” Asmo laughed and flitted out the door.

“Strange creature,” Solomon chuckled.

“Says you, Doctor X,” Alex sneered.

Solomon laughed and waved. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Alex.”

Jordan sighed when he left and patted her shoulder. “Guess I’m getting laid tonight. Now we need to work on you.”

Alex yanked herself away and waved a hand. “Stop that. Nope. Not doing it. We’re not having that type of discussion after the man I’m going to live with said he’s going to suck your straw.”

Jordan laughed and skipped over. “Babe, come on.”

“Time to prepare to close, boss,” she sneered at him.

Jordan grinned and winked. “We’ll work on it,” he whispered and got to work.

Alex exhaled and shook her head, but a smile crept on her lips. It was really nice to see Jordan happy. However, the thought of closing came with another issue. What the fuck did Lucifer want to talk about. The thought made her queasy.

[ladyfogg]

If you don't have the time/energy to educate my dumbass that's totally cool and feel free to ignore this, but I was wondering where does one start becoming a freelance writer? What job websites does one join? What ones to avoid? Any advice you'd have a complete newbie really. Thank you!

First things first, never be afraid to ask questions or apologize for asking questions. Own that shit. I am the most anxious writer with imposter-syndrome you can imagine, but when talking to clients, I’m damn good at what I do and don’t show them any of that anxiety. 

Second, I started freelance writing in two ways. Word of mouth/sharing my website and I joined several freelance writing newsletters, including the Freelance Writing Morning Coffee newsletter. It was there that I saw a posting for a ghostwriting position working on romance novels. 

A website and FB page are a must. No if, ands, or butts. Weebly allows you to do really solid/basic websites for free and even offers templates. It doesn’t have to be fancy or super in-depth. Just a clean design and easy to read text is all you need to get started. Drop a few bucks on a domain name and maybe some business cards but that’s it. You really don’t have to break the bank for this. 

Also, have writing samples at the ready in case clients ask. Which most will. If you’re using fanfics as samples, put them formatted in their own documents. Do not link to your fanfic profile. And before anyone has anything smart to say, yes I used fanfics as samples and yes I got hired based on said samples. So boom. Fanfics help, y’all. 

I ended up working for HotGhostWriter for several months, and while it was a unique experience, that particular company has a very fast-paced work environment and clients that just didn’t mesh well with me. I took on too much too soon and ended up burning myself out. This led me to leave the company when I was in the middle of two projects which I didn’t want to do, but the boss left me little to no choice. 

Regardless, one of the clients I met there ended up finding me through my website several months after I quit and now I exclusively ghostwrite for her (and make way more money than I was making at the company).

You’re going to stumble. You’re probably going to fail in some way or make mistakes. But it happens and you gotta push past it. The main thing is: know your own limits! Don’t let money blind you to the point where you are literally an anxiety-ridden mess like I was. That boss tried to guilt-trip me by naming the dollar amount I was missing out on and saying he would have to reassign the projects. The last thing I ever said to him was, “Go ahead.”

Sometimes, you just have to walk away. Like with all creative endeavors, writing is tied to your passion and creativity. If it’s physically hurting you to continue the project, maybe don’t take that kind of project again or work with that particular client. Your comfort and health come before everything else!

Don’t short-change yourself. Charge what your talent and time are worth. If they really want you, they will pay. I had to up my pricing the year after I started working with my client and I was so worried it took me a while to work up the courage to tell her. Thankfully, she is very sweet and understanding and there wasn’t an issue. This should go without saying but if your prices go up while you’re mid-project or have already sent a quote, try to grandfather your client into the old prices. Don’t hike the pricing up/demand more money mid-project.

However, another time when talking about a commission with someone, they were so rude to me when I told them what the pricing was (even though they told me they didn’t have a budget) that I kindly explained I would not be taking on their commission and wished them luck. 

The easiest way to handle pricing and quotes is to ask the person what their budget is and then go from there. Now, when I say that, I don’t mean trim your pricing down to fit their budget, I mean tell them what you can do for that particular amount, regardless if it meets their needs. Then explain how much it would cost to fully complete the project so they can see the difference. 

PayPal has an invoice feature which I suggest you use. Yes, they do take a small cut of the sales but they also give you sales numbers and allow for a digital paper trail/organization. 

My final piece of advice get some kind of deposit or payment ahead of time! No matter what kind of project it is. 

I don’t start work on the project until it is paid in full. That means, I talk to the client, quote them on what it would cost to do their project, then charge them for that amount. You can discuss with the client contingencies for extenuating circumstances (for example, going over a specific word count they request) but always, always, always take partial or full payment before starting the project. 

I could go on and on but I think this is good enough for the basics. Feel free to message again if you have more questions!

[thiswasinevitableid]

70 for sternclay, nsfw please :)

70: you’re planning my best friend’s wedding which we find out the day after you drunkenly hit on me at a bar and I reject you.

“God I hope this guy isn’t a jerk.” Dani plays with her hair as Aubrey fidgets with her phone.

“Hey, if he is, you’ve got me as back-up.” Barclay pats her shoulder reassuringly, “plus, like, you two are the brides. You’re the bosses of the wedding.”

“If we really were the bosses, we wouldn’t be working with a wedding planner in the first place.” Aubrey grumbles. 

There’s a knock on the door and Barclay stands, “I’ll get it, you two finish mentally bracing yourselves.”

He opens the door to find a tall, dark haired man with bright blues and a well-cut suit staring at him. Their expressions morph to shock and recognition at the same instant.

“Hi, hic, big guy, what’s your name?” The man’s blue eyes are noticeable even in the dim light of the bar. 

“Barclay.” He turns on his stool, giving the man a once over that he can’t help but notice. 

“You, hic, here, hic, with anyone?”

“Nope.”

“Want to, hic, be?” 

The man is clearly built under his v-neck t-shirt, and Barclay would dearly love to get a closer look at his ass. Trouble is, his ass is having a hard time staying balanced in that chair. 

“Sorry, blue eyes, not tonight.”

The man slinks away before Barclay can even ask if he wants him to call him a ride. 

“I’m looking for Aubrey Little’s residence?”

“You found it. She and Dani are in here.” He ushers blue-eyes inside, doesn’t envy him the look of suspicion he gets from both women. 

“Good afternoon, Ms. Little and Ms. Coulice, I’m Joseph Stern, and I’m here to help your wedding go off without a hitch.”

“Great. Let’s get this over with. Honey, can you go get the notes AH Dr. Harris Bonkers put that down!” Aubrey dives off the chair, grabbing a phone charger from the jaws of the ten pound white rabbit. 

As one bride opens up her laptop and the other re-cages a disgruntled small mammal, Stern turns to him.

“And, um, how do you know the brides to be?”

“Dani’s been my best friend since middle school, so I’m her man of honor and helping with the wedding planning.”

“I see. Oh, thank you Ms. Coulice.”

“Dani is fine.” Dani returns to her spot in the loveseat while Stern sits down in a nearby chair with her laptop. He reads for several moments without comment, Aubrey trading worried looks wh Barclay and Dani as he does. 

“Are these the specific venues you have in mind, or just examples of the type of location you’d like?”

“Mostly examples.” 

“Got it. Would you mind sending me these files? That way I can have them as reference when I’m looking into possible venues.”

“You’re not gonna, like, try to talk us into the Yacht Club or something?”

Stern looks at Aubrey with a warm, polite smile, “Ms. Little--Aubrey--, your father may have retained me, but my job is to make the wedding as close to what you want as possible. I’m not here to undermine you.”

“O-kay” Aubrey still sounds wary, but she and Dani relax as Stern goes over his planning approach with them and works out a tentative schedule of meetings. When he’s done, Barclay offers to walk him to the door. 

Just as he steps outside, he turns, “I, um, I would appreciate it if you didn’t mention our exchange last night to either of them. Or to Mr. Little. It’s not a habit of mine, I just had a bit too much, um, liquid courage.”

“You got it. Kinda feeling like I dodged a bullet myself.”

“Oh?” A dark eyebrow arches playfully. 

“Rather not sleep with the enemy.”

“Wh-did you miss the part where I said I was here to help them?” 

“Nope, but you and I both know it’s a lie. You’re here because Aubrey’s dad has a bug up his butt about this wedding causing a scandal or not being fancy enough or some bullshit, so he called you in to make sure it stays bland.” He sighs, “Look, Mr. Stern, I’m sure you’re a nice guy, but Dani is like a sister and Aubrey is one of my best friends; I’m here to make sure the wedding is actually what they want.”

Stern pinches the bridge of his nose, “is there anything I can to convince you I’m not trying to make them miserable?”

“Yeah. Quit.”

“Not a chance.” Is the immediate reply. 

“Well, there’s your answer then.” With that, he shuts the door. There’s a frustrated huff on the other side, and then footsteps fading away.

--------------------------------

Stern sighs, checks his appearance in the front window as he waits for Dani or Aubrey to open the door. He’s been working with them two weeks now, and while both women (and Dr Harris Bonkers) have warmed up to him some, Barclay remains polite but distant the times they’ve crossed paths. Lord almighty Stern can’t believe he almost slept with him. 

Yes, the man looks like his wet dreams made flesh and yes, Stern would like to ride him like a show-horse, but what a nightmare it would have made this whole assignment. Even if Barclay’s reasons insult him, he’s glad they’ve settled on keeping their distance.

Maybe this more casual look will help the other man see he’s not some stuffed suit out to ruin his friend’s wedding.

“Oh, you’re early.” Barclay opens the door with his usual pleasant but cool expression.

“No, I’m not. It’s three.” 

“Wait, shit really?” Barclay pulls out his phone as they walk inside, “damn, I must’ve lost track of time when I was cooking. Oh. Uh.” He looks at Stern, apologetic, “and I have a text from Aubrey saying she and Dani had a change of plans and won’t be here until seven.”

“That’s not great, but it’s workable. I can leave and come back.”

“Don’t you live kinda far--uh, huh, she says for us to just test out the menu together and leave her and Dani some for dinner.”

“I guess we can manage tha--why are there ingredients and pots everywhere?”

“Because...I’m…Cooking?” Barclay glances sideways at him. 

“What happened to the entire conversation about caterers? When did they change? What’s-”

“Hold on.” Barclay raises one hand, voice calm and deep, soothing over Stern’s rising worries like waves over hot skin, “think you’re mixed up; we’re trying out the food for the rehearsal dinner today. The one I’m cooking. Not the reception.”

“Oh thank the lord.” Stern slumps forward on the counter, “I thought I was about to have a whole day of calling disgruntled employees to tell them to nevermind about a quote.”

“Nope. Now have a seat, look like you’re gonna pass out on Dani’s floor. You want something to drink? We got water, beer, iced tea…”

“Water’s fine, thank you.” He tracks Barclay through the kitchen as he retrieves a glass from an upper cabinet, shirt riding up to show a patch of a dark, fuzzy belly that Stern instantly wants to feel pressed against him as it’s owner pins him to the nearest flat surface. 

Cooking seems to relax the other man enough that he actually chats with Stern, rather than keeping their conversation focused on the wedding. Stern learns he’s a personal chef and cookbook editor, though his original background was in baking. 

“Okay man, I gotta know” Barclay stirs something cardamom scented over the stove, “what’s with the shirt?”

“It’s from the radio station that first broadcast the story of the Michigan Dogman.”

“The what?”

“The Michigan Dogman, it’s a cryptid, um, nevermind” he curses himself for choosing casual clothes, “it’s niche and nerdy, you don’t want to hear about it.”

“Wrong, now you gotta tell me everything.” Barclay grins at him over his shoulder.

So he does, gradually at first in case Barclay regrets pushing this geekery button and needs to change the conversation, but the other man simply listens, really listens, as he cooks while Stern talks about his journey to the radio station and his talk with the DJ who accidentally started a legend. 

They keep talking as they eat, swapping travel stories and book recommendations, Barclay laughing when Stern shares some of the more ridiculous requests he’s gotten while working as a wedding planner. 

When Aubrey and Dani arrive home, they take one look at him and Barclay, stopped mid-anecdote and smiling at each other, and trade a surprised glance. 

All Stern can think is you and me both.

------------------------------------

The planning goes more smoothly after that night, Barclay beginning to trust Stern more and more. Stern also learns that he trusts Barclay’s judgement , and the other man is invaluable in helping him narrow down options to present to the brides, both of whom are overall pleased with his work.

He’s particularly proud of his find for the wedding venue. The Madonna Inn is perfect, brightly colored and fancy but still just a bit kitschy, like the locations Dani originally showed him. Both brides were overjoyed, which is why all four of them came down for the weekend to make preparations and start scoping out vendors for the food and flowers.  Dani and Aubrey went back up to the city Sunday night, but he and Barclay are staying at the inn the rest of the week, Stern in hopes of having everything scheduled and coordinated and Barclay there in case he needs a second set of eyes (he’s working on a new cookbook and his clients are traveling, so taking the week down the coast is no trouble). 

Today has been a work day, but Stern is taking tomorrow off basically because no one has time to meet with him. So after a late afternoon spent lounging on the beach, the two of them go out for a leisurely dinner. On a whim, Stern lets Barclay select and order his meal for him. He doesn’t mean for it to be flirtatious at first, he just trusts Barclay’s culinary instincts and is tired of making decisions. But one look at Barclay’s face, his widening pupils and sudden blush, tell Stern all he needs to know. 

“You gonna be good and eat whatever I give you?” Barclay murmurs, so low he’s almost inaudible under the clank of silverware and hum of conversation. 

“Of course.” Stern puts on his sweetest smile, shores up his defenses against the self-doubt curling up his spine. He’s not fast enough, and so orders another cocktail. 

Halfway through the meal, he notices Barclay watching him, and another piece clicks into place; the cook keeps eyeing his lips and throat as he eats, often shifts in his chair if Stern makes a delighted noise after a bite. When dessert comes, the accidental sounds are replaced by deliberate ones and he luxuriates as he eats his tiramisu, licking the fork to be sure not a drop of cream is wasted. 

Barclay asks for the check, and two more slices of cake to-go, without ever taking his eyes off of Stern. He’s feeling confident, and a bit wobbly, as Barclay drives them back to the Inn, taking the larger man’s hand and pulling him towards one of the beds before he can even get the lights on.

A large, gentle hand on his shoulder, “no can do, blue eyes.”

“But I, hic, we, hic-” the world goes sideways as Baclay unlinks their hands. 

“Go get some sleep, Joe.”

He changes while Barclay’s in the bathroom, huddles under the covers and faces the window so the other man can’t see him burning top to bottom with shame. 

Things get worse in the morning; he’s awoken by a phone call saying the florist has an open slot to meet with him in an hour and so he throws on the nearest nice clothes and dashes out the door. That meeting is followed by a phone call from Mr. Little who is none to pleased with the location choice and Stern spends forty-five minutes convincing him that the Inn is perfectly tasteful and also it’s what the brides want and that counts for a great deal wouldn’t you agree?

His nerves are firing full-strength when he gets back to the room. Barclay, freshly showered and clothed, looks up at him from the bed where he’s thumbing through Cooks Illustrated, reading glasses perched on his nose. 

“Rough morning?”

“ Yes.”

He shuts the magazine “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Do you wanna talk about last night?”

“Also no.”

“Well, I do.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. You simply aren’t interested in me that way and I’ve made an ass of myself twice by misreading the situation.”

“You’re wrong. You’re my type, blue eyes-”

“Clearly not, since-”

“-When you’re sober.” Barclay sits all the way up, “which is why I wanna know why you only flirt with me when you’re so drunk neither of us can try anything.”

“Because...because approaching people like that makes me nervous. I’m already under enough stress as it, running block for Aubrey and Dani against Mr. Little without getting myself fired, and the thought of trying to flirt, it’s, everything starts going wrong, it will all go wrong and-” the panic is back, his composure leaving him and taking whatever respect Barclay had for him with it. 

“Joe, breathe.”

“Breathing is not the issue here!” 

Barclay stands, face calm, and walks over to him. Instead of stepping in front of him, he circles behind, and a hand rests at the base of Stern’s neck.

“Let’s try that again. Inhale, blue eyes, a nice long one.” 

Stern complies, Barclay’s voice carrying no threats but leaving no room for protest. 

“Breathe out, count to four while you do.”

Stern exhales, nerves diverting energy from panic to desire, Barclays fingers on his skin and dominant baritone in his ear. 

“Good boy. Do it again.”

Stern takes another deep breath, then another, over and over as Barclay leads him to the bed and slips off his jacket, followed by his shoes and socks. 

“That’s it Joe, you’re doing so good.” He sits beside him on the bed, stroking his hair and Stern follows his touch, “what do you need? What helps when this happens?”

“Something to, to focus on, until I calm down. Just not work related or too complicated.”

“Hmmm” a thumb brushes over his lips, then down his chin, “I got a few things in mind, but they’re pretty damn dirty. Should we try something else?”

“No, please, I, I want that, want, want to be good for you like that.”

“Okay blue eyes, we can do that. You gotta promise me you’ll say ‘stop’ if something doesn’t feel good, okay?”

He nods, heart shaking his ribs, and Barclay leans and kisses him once, tenderly, before laying back on the bed, hands resting beneath his head.

“Get my dick out, yeah, there we go, good boy, I want you to use your mouth, can you, OH, ohhhhyeah.” His cock bumps Stern’s cheek as his hips tilt, a response to Stern lapping teasingly at the base. He drags his tongue all the way up the shaft, takes the head into his mouth, doing his damndest to lock eyes with Barclay the whole time. 

“Babe, fuck, that’s it, oh fuck you look good like that, knew you’d look good with my dick in your mouth, been thinking about it since that first night.”

Stern whimpers, hungry for more and pushes his head down. Having Barclay’s cock in his mouth forces him to keep his breathing measured, and so he savors it, senses filling with salt and skin and lingering hints of soap. 

“That’s it babe, nice and slow, we got all day. Long as I get to cum sometime before noon I’m happy.”

Stern rolls his tongue over the tip as he pulls off, switches to kisses and licks as he slowly jerks him off. Occasionally he skates up, nudging Barclay’s shirt with his nose--his hands uninterested in leaving his cock--so he can leave deep, longing kisses across his stomach and hips. Every movement elicits a groan or a sigh, every kiss and suck earns him praise. It’s only when his hands are slick with pre-cum and his own saliva that Barclay bucks his hips more intently, growling when Stern takes him back into his mouth. 

“Shit you’re good at this, not, fuck, not surprised, look like you would be, like all you need is for me to take care of you and you’ll open that fucking perfect mouth whenever I ask FUCK, oh you like that, don’t you babe? Fuck, shit, like the idea of taking what I give you?”

He whines, rubbing his thighs together as Barclay’s cock bumps the back of his mouth.

“You got three seconds to decide how you wanna take this.”

Stern locks eyes with him again, and dips down the barest bit more. Barclay’s hands tangle in his hair as he groans “good boy” and cums, bitter and warm, down Stern’s throat.

His hands flop onto the bed, allowing Stern to sit up. 

“Did...was I good?”

“So fucking good.” Barclay thwacks a hand dramatically onto his forehead to wipe it, “do you want to keep going? Or do you want to stop?”

“I want” Stern presses his hand against his cock, as if this will help rather than make him wetter, “please, can we keep going?”

“Yeah” Barclay sits up, kisses each cheek, “pants and underwear off, leave the shirt and tie.”

By the time Stern is appropriately undressed, Barclay is back on the bed with the to-go box and  a plastic fork. He reclines on the pillows, box on his upper chest, “come straddle me, knees about here” he pats the bed near his waist. Stern scoots up into position, Barclay licking his lips as he does. 

“Good boy. Now, you’re gonna show me how you get off, so I can know just what to do tonight to make you cry into the mattress.”

“Fuck.” Stern gasps, fingers already rapidly stroking his dick.

“Mmmm, look at how slick you are. Think that deserves a reward.” He spears a piece of cake, “open.”

Stern opens his mouth, leaning forward so Barclay can more easily feed him.

“You do like being spoiled. I can work with that.” Barclay rumbles, pleased, when Sterns fingers work frantically after a second bite. 

“Please, Barclay, I want to kiss you, please say I can kiss you.”

“Not until you finish.” 

“The, the cake or myself.”

“Yourself, blue eyes.”

He’s panting now, sweat soaking through his shirt, and slowing his hand and hips to take the bites Barclay offers. When he cums it doubles him over, and as he’s bracing his hands on the headboard, trying not to collapse on his partner, Barclay moves everything aside and cups his face, gently guiding him down to kiss him. They stay like that as Stern slowly explores his mouth, tastes leftover cake and laughs when a coppery beard scratches his neck. And when he begins to drop, breath shallow and fingers shaking, Barclay rolls them onto their sides, holds him close. Tells him over and over that he’s proud of him, that he did so well, that he’s right here and he’ll take care of him, give him whatever he wants. 

“Honestly, breakfast sounds better than anything else right now.” Stern mumbles against his chest. 

“I’ll order us some. You still need me to dom you, or are you ready to start calling the shots again?”

“I don’t call all the shots.” 

“Just most of ‘em. Don’t tell anyone, but I kinda like that about you. You’re good at what you do.” Barclay kisses his forehead. 

“I...I think I’d like to rinse off while you order breakfast.”

Barclay offers one more kiss before they roll out of bed, has Stern’s robe waiting for him when he gets out of the shower and brings him the room service tray as soon as it’s delivered. They lounge together on Stern’s bed, watching the Inn come to life as the afternoon draws near. From here, they can even see the spot where their friends will get married.

“The ceremony is gonna be perfect.”

“As perfect as I can manage, yes.”

“You got a date for it yet?”

“No.” 

“You want one?” Barclay smiles at him, the sunlight making him look as if he stepped out of a daydream and into Stern’s bed. 

“Depends; would that date be you?”

“Yep.” Barclay kisses his shoulder.

“Well then,” Stern grins, tips his chin up for a coffee-flavored kiss, “there’s your answer.’

[la-luna-es-hermosa]

EXO Reaction to a Filipino Idol

Note: Bruh I think I have overdone this reaction. This reaction is made from a request by an anon! I am so excited to finally receive an ask! But yes I did make this reaction extra special because of my hiatus. Sorry for not being active anymore because I have been addicted to osu and other rhythm games (Arcaea and Superstar SM). I have also been in a new fandom (in my profile picture) I know I gotta stay loyal for my boy Jongin but I just can’t. For this blog, I will still accept requests, still active, but I will be more active in @kuwurapikaaa​ ! If you want hunter x hunter, the arcana, jjba and A3! content, check that blog up too! I am finishing drafts there as well - MeiQI

Junmyeon

You guys met at one of the designer parties he attends to. Despite being in the same industry, you guys haven’t really faced each other. He was probably too busy tending to his members.

In that moment, he finally had enough courage or time to actually talk to you. He really liked how you guys shared many struggles, from trainee days and even today. “I really understood your struggles back then. Adjusting to a new country and lifestyle is really hard.” He said to you as he patted your shoulders.

Junmyeon would give out flowers every promotion you had. Even if your group didn’t win, you always get a bouquet from him. Your members started assuming that he has a liking on you.

Your family started to notice his actions as well. “Are you sure that Junmyeon isn’t courting you?” Your concerned father asked. He loves his unica hija (lit. unique daughter, in context: only daughter) too much to just let her go with a mere guy. He has to know more about Junmyeon before letting his child date him.

It seemed like everyone around you are just beating around the bush because of his actions around you. But all that was worth it as he went to your parents and asked them if he can court you. “Mr. and Mrs. (Surname), I like your daughter (Name). Can I court her?” He asked them. - The parents did not even question it since Suho is such a sweetheart

Junmyeon also started exploring more about the Philippines, knowing that his beautiful girlfriend is from the country. He would firstly look up at pieces of art made by Filipino artists (with the likes of Fernando Amorsolo and Juan Luna), it would be a bonus if you’re interested in art as well. Most of your conversations would end up being about you guy’s cultures and how the painters showed the message they want to put out there.

He would also end up being really curious about the language as well. I can see him trying to learning the language just for you. “Sobrang mahal kita, ikaw ang aking mundo” He says with a cute bashful smile. It still sounded different because of his Korean accent. You found it quite endearing that he will go through all this lengths to impress you and show how much he loves you.

Minseok

For Xiumin... hmm... it’s hard because I can’t really picture Xiumin with a Filipino girl or a foreigner in general. It’s not that he doesn’t like Foreigners, but I am very unsure about it. Like Kyungsoo, he is really into girls that are more traditional.

Like everyone else, Minseok would be really interested in your culture. The delicious food, the language you spoke. He would always listen to the way your voice shifted when you speak to him and to your parents. “Ma okay lang ako... nag-iingat naman po kami ni Minseok.” You spoke to your worried mother over the phone.

Although I can see him trying to actually learn Tagalog just for you. He would learn it in secret until he was fluent enough to tell you that “(Y/N) ikaw lamang ang aking mamahalin” and write you a whole essay on why he loves you just in Tagalog.

In music shows, like Junmyeon, he will send you lots of flowers because that is exactly where you guys met at. Every time your group had a comeback that was around the same time as his, he will always look at you and got the courage to sneak in his phone number.

Minseok texts you a lot, telling you if you got his flowers or if your parents approved of him. - Of course your parents approved of him, even saying that you grew up too fast as you now have a boyfriend. 

You guys haven’t had the time to be together due to his military enlistement, but as soon as he can hold his phone again, you were the one of the first people he messaged. “Sorry I haven’t talked to you” He said.

But out of all the EXO members, he gave you the sweetest confession at a park at night. “I want to say that I enjoy your company and I am thinking about my future with you.” He said to you as his hands cupped your face.

Yixing

I remember the time he said PhiliPENIS, this man right here lol. Anyway, jokes aside I think Yixing would be really interested in your culture. It is a bonus point that both of you are foreigners and are in the same industry. Like Suho, Yixing met you in one of those luxury parties hosted by fashion labels.

You immediately caught his eyes, the look you were wearing really suited you. The colors were beautiful, just like you. When the cameras aren’t rolling, this is where he would move. He would DM you via instagram and that is where you guys will start to talk. It went from simple “how are you?”, to the more complicated topics. You were his home, the place he would go to if he’s stress.

It would definitely be a bonus if you like doing music. You would be singing many of his demos so that he can really see if he did a great job. His source of inspiration is you as he stays late at night to compose something for him.

Even if you’re an idol, your relationship would still be long distance as he is in China and you’re in Korea, promoting with your group. (With some sneaky flights to China), “I miss you Yixing...” You smiled at him as you looked at the screen, Yixing is working hard in the studio.

“I miss you too... I wish I can hug you.” He said to you, his eyes somber as he looked at the screen of his phone, seated at his studio, working on a new song. Every time you guys kissed, hugged or touched each other, it felt more electrifying as you have never met him often.

Since he had always been a dancer, I can see him trying to learn Cariñosa (I had a dream like this aaaa), he would be really curious at the many dances the Philippines offered.

(Note: I have to cut the reaction for Yixing because I might get political and I don’t wanna get in jail anytime soon lol)

Baekhyun

I feel Baekhyun would be a bit more safer with a Filipino girl (given what happened to his ex-girlfriend). I can see him being with one as he was the one who came up with the Phixo name in the first place.

He would protect you so much to the point that he will not reveal you guys are together. With what happened to Taeyeon and to think that you are a Filipino idol, which means you are certainly the pride of your country. He would rather reveal you at the right time. (When will that be at this rate)

You met him at a music show while promoting his solo stuff. He really enjoyed your group’s performance as well. You became immediately his favorite member for your talent and eye-catching looks. He knew you already since debut and thought you were really pretty, but it took to another level when he saw you personally.

His jaw dropped at your looks, you were unique unlike any other idols. With his social skills, he didn’t hesitate to talk to you backstage and that is where you guys really took off.

I can see you and him are variety idols. - Reminds me of Heechul and Momo. You guys would always come up with the stupidest jokes. Bonus points if you are a gamer as well. You guys would always fight at the latest RPG games out there. “I beat your ass!” You said to him while laughing at his loss in the game.

Baekhyun would also sing songs for you (like Kyungsoo and Chanyeol). He would sing all your favorite songs in Tagalog just for you!!!! I am fangirling in the inside as I imagine Baekhyun singing songs to make you sleep aaaa He would also try to explore your culture as he would try out your favorite food as well. 

“Wow this thing tastes delicious!” Baekhyun remarked as he poured the soup over the rice. A smile formed in your face as he eagerly ate the food. You looked at him, lovingly observing him. You were glad he really enjoyed the food you made.

In later years, when he finally think that you will be the one that he truly wants to be with forever, he will choose to settle in the Philippines as the media and paparazzi there is not as crazy as the ones in Korea.

Chanyeol

For Chanyeol, I think you guys met through MC-ing, You guys were partnered up to MC a music show. Since your cute bickering in the music show aired on TV, your fans started shipping the two of you. It ended up with you guys talking more to each other backstage. Recommending songs and telling your problems to each other were the most topics of you guys’ conversations.

He ends up giving his number as you guys message each other more and more often. He was the first one to fall for you. Falling for the first time your eyes laid on his. You fell for him in no time, enjoying his company.

Because of you, he would listen to Filipino music. Particularly, I can see Chanyeol liking old Filipino bands such as Silent Sanctuary, Eraserheads, Parokya Ni Edgar, and Orange & Lemons. He would always sing their songs to you every time you guys meet. You guys would even have Karaoke nights where you just sing songs. “I heard Filipinos are good singers.” He told you as he handed out the mic.

You laughed as you started singing. - Obviously you would be a good singer as you debuted in an idol group and is a known kontesera (a woman who participated in many singing contests). He was charmed by how captivating your voice was.

You became the topic of many songs by Chanyeol. Your eyes, your loving words, your everything. - He loved every single part of it. Hell he can even dedicate a whole album just for how much he loves you and how you are an important part of his life.

You went to the Philippines to have your vacation. As you were enjoying your family’s company, suddenly you heard a familiar voice. You stood up from your couch and looked down at the window. “(Name)! This one’s for you!” Your eyes widened as you saw that it was Chanyeol.

Chanyeol started strumming his guitar. The view looked amazing, the stars twinkled, he looked ethereal as he looked up to meet your eyes.Your parents peeked with you as their heard his voice. “Uso pa ba ang harana?” He started singing the song with his low voice. He was singing Harana by Parokya Ni Edgar. 

Kyungsoo

People would be rather shocked as Kyungsoo is the type of guy to date a traditional Korean girl. But I can also see him truly appreciating a Filipina girl. He firstly found you quite weird because he

It was you who made the first move. Your group is promoting your comeback at the same time EXO was. You hesitantly sneaked your phone number into his sandwich. You watched him open it, as you thought he was going to throw the paper away, he didn’t. He kept it in his pocket and went along.

With his sweet voice, like Chanyeol, he always sang many Tagalog songs with you. (I remember the time when they sang ‘Hawak Kamay’ in the dream concert). Your parents would’ve approved of him quite fast, being such a good, well mannered man. He is the dream son-in-law for every parent 

Kyungsoo had always been so protective of you because of you being Filipino, you had a lot of supporters since rookie days. Your kababayan would be really dismayed if there was bad news about you. He wouldn’t like you to lose your career. (Even more if you’re supporting your family)

“After boiling the tamarind, what comes next?” Kyungsoo asked you as he was chopping the spareribs in the battered cutting board. He always does this. He makes random food from your childhood. One day it was adobo, the other day it was caldereta, now it’s sinigang na baboy.

You smiled at him as you spoke a reply, “The ribs.” You clung to him as you wrapped your hands underneath his apron. Wrapping him in a tight embrace.

Jongin

In the Filipino side of the fandom, affectionately called “Phixos” by Baekhyun, Jongin has been called a Filipino. It was because of his looks (his charming eyes, his tanned skin) and his frequent visits to Cebu. Some fans even jokingly say that Jongin would settle with a Filipino girl or along those lines.

It wouldn’t be a shock for the Filipino fandom that Jongin chose a Filipino girl. It would be something that they would even celebrate, the fact that Jongin dated a kababayan. (Fellow Filipino)

You guys met in a photoshoot of a local magazine. He was impressed with your modeling skills, despite you being a rookie in it. Of course, you were intimidated with him as he is the Gucci ambassador. Right after the rather sexy photoshoot, you guys gave each other numbers. You guys started DM-ing each other via Instagram.

Jongin would be just as interested in learning Tagalog than English. In your very long conversations, he would always talk to you in Taglish (Tagalog and English) so that you are more comfortable talking to him. Rather than him talking in long paragraphs of Korean text. He finds it amazing that you speak more than two languages.

Your leader would joke about you being awake at ungodly hours listening to Jongin’s honey voice as he tries to sing when you can’t sleep. Or sometimes it would be his heavily accented English or Filipino. You wouldn’t say anything, but everyone already knows. As soon as your magazine gets through publication, everyone would start shipping you guys together. Searching the deepest depths of the internet for ship-able moments for the two of you.

“I’ve been to Cebu two times last year.” He said to you, smiling as he showed some polaroids from his Cebu trip. Your handsome boyfriend was seated on the couch. You were just chilling in your own apartment.

“You’ve been to Cebu two times in one year?! I haven’t even been to that place ever!” Your eyes were wide with shock, you almost dropped the popcorn you were munching on. How can someone travel twice to a foreign country? - You thought to yourself.

Sehun

It was love at first sight for the maknae. As soon as he saw you passing by on a music show, he cannot take his eyes off you, following all of your available SNS. His eyes were glued at you as he sneaked his number on an Inkigayo sandwich. He was also your secret fanboy, cheering and supporting you while you perform. Sehun always congratulates you on every comeback/release, messaging you on Kakaotalk on how are you doing that time or saying that he’s happy for you.

As soon as you received his number, you cannot imagine that out of all people, it was Sehun from EXO who gave you his phone number. It was like a dream come true. After emptying out your schedule, you immediately called Sehun. - From there, you guys started talking and having feelings developed.

He started being more curious about Filipino culture all because of you. He started researching it in his free time. - I can see Sehun date a foreigner, so I think the culture is not really a hurdle for him. 

Surprisingly, you were the one who made the first move. Not Sehun. You confessed to him very confidently. But since the cultural difference, he hasn’t met your parents. As soon as your schedules were empty, you guys went to the Philippines to find your parents and introduce him to them.

Sehun was standing nervously in front of your house’s gate. It was his first time visiting your family. He was shaking to the point that he cannot even move. You looked at him in the eye and asked him, “Is anything wrong?” you asked as you pat his shoulders, calming him down.

“No, nothing.” He said as he shook his head as he held the bouquet tightly in his hands. Then you saw your mother that opened the gate. - They were more than glad that they get to meet your precious Sehun.

“Why didn’t you tell me that your boyfriend is this gwapo?” Your mom asked you as you laughed. Then, you entered the house with huge smiles on your faces.

[kusunogatari]

[ Naruto OC x Canon Ship Week 2020 - Face to Face ] [ @naruto-ocxcanon-ship-week​ || @abyssaldespair​ ] [ Suigin Ryū, Uchiha Obito ] [ Alcohol ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ Trope: Online Dating ]

Nibbling her lip, Ryū stares at the slight reflection in her mobile screen. Thumbs flicker over the keys, not quite touching in indecision.

This is the closest she’s gotten.

The concept, admittedly, is just...not one she ever saw herself using. Online dating seems so, so...weird! Lining up your face, your name, a handful of facts, and calling it good. Is that really all it takes anymore? Sure, she...doesn’t exactly have mountains of experience beyond that. Maybe she’s just old-fashioned. But putting up something akin to a mugshot to try and find love seems very...strange.

“Whatcha doin’?”

Eeping in surprise, she claws the phone to her chest, face going pink and heart pounding. “N-nothing!”

Behind her, a coworker she knows mostly only in passing perks a brow. “Whoa, sorry! You looked kinda, uh...distressed.”

Ryū heaves a small breath. “...sorry, I didn’t mean to jump so bad. I just, uh...I’m trying one of those silly dating websites, and…”

The other woman quickly perks up. “Oh! Yeah they’re kinda scary at first but I met my boyfriend on one! I bet you’ll do just fine. Just be smart about it, and it usually all works out fine.”

“Smart…?”

“Y’know...meet in public places, tell someone where you’re going. About the same as a normal date for those like us, huh?”

At that, Ryū can’t help but deflate. “...yeah, good point.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. People gotta have their pictures on there. I take a pic of any license plates and send them to someone I trust just in case.”

Brow wilting, Ryū admits, “You’re...not exactly giving me votes of confidence here.”

“Hey, gotta be prepared for the worst, but the worst hardly ever happens. Besides, a bit of chatting online usually gives a pretty good indication of if something will even work. And you can always ask friends to go on doubles, too.”

At that, Ryū doesn’t answer. She...doesn’t really have many friends to ask, let alone any with dates she’d feel like asking along. “Yeah, good point. I’ll, uh...I’ll see how it goes.”

“Cool! Good luck!” Giving a wave as she passes by, her coworker heads around a corner and out of sight.

“...what am I doing…” Ryū mumbles to herself, looking back to her nearly-completed account. “I know this isn’t gonna work…” And now the less appealing sides are at the forefront of her mind. Maybe she should just keep her nose to the grindstone and pretend she never brought this up.

...but then again…

As much as she hates to admit it, she’s lonely. Being a pharmacist might be similar to her wish to be a doctor, but it’s not quite what she wanted. It just feels like something is...missing. And while Ryū isn’t the sort to assume all her problems can be solved by a guy (or gal), she’s still pretty able to realize that her social life isn’t the best. No real close friends, passing grades with her coworkers...not even any pets. Up until now, she’s lived life in a series of grinds. School, then work, and now...it feels lacking.

Hence the idea to try the app.

“...no harm in looking,” she eventually mumbles to herself, slowly going through the rest of her profile and hitting the confirm button. “You don’t have to go on with it, but...just look. See how it works. Maybe just...chat with someone. One step at a time, okay?”

Of course, by then her break is nearly over, so she mutes her phone and heads back to work. She...only ate half her lunch, but she’s not really all that hungry anyway. Only once her shift is over does she head back to her little apartment and...give this thing a real try.

At first, it throws nothing but male profiles at her. Which is all well and good, but...it’s not all she’s interested in. Looking over a few names and faces, she eventually bucks up the courage to pick one. He’s a few years older, lives a town over, and works as a physical therapist. Not bad, right?

...ugh, wrong.

As soon as they start chatting, she knows this...isn’t going to work. He’s all Mister Nice Guy, subtly bragging about himself and leaving only certain questions open for her in turn: the only things he wants to hear about, and...things she can easily see through as shallow. Eventually she manages to get him to shut up and quickly deletes him.

Okay...not a great first impression, but it’s not gonna be perfect the first time she tries. This isn’t a fairytale, after all. So, she tries another. And another.

After over two weeks of duds that don’t even get past initial chats, she’s about ready to give up.

Laying on her bed spread-eagle with a sigh, she stares up at the ceiling. What started as a vague inking is turning into nothing but a source of frustration. Not exactly what she signed up for. Weighing her options, Ryū eventually stirs when her phone gives an all-too-familiar notification sound.

Another match...wonderful.

Sitting up with a grunt, she opens the message and looks over yet another profile. At first glance, it’s just another guy. Ugh. The amount of lady-seeking ladies has been depressingly low, but...apparently those are usually on their own kind of sites. So, for now, she entertains herself with this one.

Obito Uchiha...huh. Vaguely sounds like her own Japanese roots. There’s a small spark of curiosity, adjusting her stance slightly. Short dark hair, dark eyes, and...well, his pics aren’t the clearest (he clearly knows his good side (or what he’s assuming is his good side since...it’s all she sees)). But she spies a cat. That’s a win. She likes cats. A glance at his actual profile shows a like of sweets, cats (aha!), and a dislike of...aubergines? Googling that, there’s a hum of understanding. It’s eggplant! She...didn’t know that...whoops. The rest of the summary (stuff about ‘being extreme’ and ‘having abs’) gets her to giggle.

Well...might as well give it a try.

Giving the okay, she opens up the chat window, nibbling her lip in thought. What should she say…?

Hello!

A bit surprised, Ryū jolts slightly, not expecting the quick response! ...hi!

I didn’t think you’d accept it so fast!

And I didn’t think you’d say hello so quickly either!

Oh, sorry...was that too fast?

The apology begets a subconscious smile. No, not at all! My phone is usually pretty quiet is all. Sorry if I’m awkward, I’m...still kinda new at this.

Ha, me too. I haven’t had too many matches yet, so I’m still practicing.

Guess we can practice together! Though I have to ask you…

...eh?

What’s your kitty’s name?

Oh! Her name is Tenebris.

Aww, I love that name!

She’s my lady, haha! Helps me reel in the girls ;D

Ryū can’t help a snort. Well it seems to be working. I don’t have any pets, sadly…

What? None at all?

No...I work a lot so I haven’t gotten around to it. And I don’t want them to be lonely!

Bah, cats are good at being alone. Feed them and clean their box and you’re fine.

I’ll have to think about it, haha~

After a few minutes, Ryū realizes...this is the longest she’s talked to someone on here yet. Sure, it was a little stiff to start, but by some grace they just sort of...fell into conversation. No posturing or anything. It’s rather...refreshing! Encouraged, she keeps texting as she starts working on her dinner.

So what kind of work do you do?

I’m a pharmacist! Not quite the doctor I planned on, but it works.

Ohhh, wow!

What about you?

There’s quiet for a few minutes, and Ryū can’t help but wonder if that was a bad question. But then Obito replies, Sorry, my cat got stuck behind the couch...I uh...am currently working on a garbage truck part time…

She blinks. That’s...very random. Nothing wrong with that. It’s an important job, after all!

Eh, yeah...not very charming though, is it?

Oh, pffft. I stand behind a counter all day and give people medicine over and over. It’s not exactly exciting most days. We all make our ends meet somehow.

I guess that’s true.

Smiling at her phone, Ryū keeps cooking and chatting, giving play-by-plays as he asks what she’s making.

Do you like cooking?

Mhm! Food’s one of those things that’s both a necessity, and yet can be fancy when you want it to be, so...I thought it would be good to learn. And it’s a lot of fun!

I’m...okay at it.

Maybe I can give you some lessons down the road, hm?

You would?

Sure! It’d be something fun to do.

Like a first date?

At that, Ryū pauses. Right...dating. That’s what this is all for. She almost forgot… Sure! If that’s something you’d like to do. I guess dinner and a movie is pretty common for that. We’ll just make our own!

I’d really like that!

Cheeks warming, Ryū beams at the screen. I guess...it’s a date! Eventually. Whenever we can make something work, and maybe talk a little more…?

Sure! I take a lot of random side jobs so I can be a little flaky…

That’s okay - we’ll just keep chatting until then. You’re actually the first person that’s been fun to talk to…

He sends a big smile emoji. Success!

You’ll have to think about what we should make! I have to warn you, I like making dessert, too…

Oh no...my biggest weakness…

And no eggplant, right?

Eugh, no.

Haha, noted!

The conversation runs well into the evening until Ryū admits she’d best get to bed. Guess I’ll talk to you some more later, okay?

Mhm!

Say hi to Tenebris for me!

Haha, I will! Goodnight Ryū.

Night, Obito.

Checking her other messages, Ryū plugs in her mobile to charge before mulling over the evening. As she does, a smile slowly pulls at her lips.

Well, she can’t make any assumptions yet, but...this is a good start.

Chatting with Obito quickly becomes a routine. Though not much of a texter before, she checks in and quips with him throughout the day. He tells her about his latest jobs, and she notes anything out of the ordinary at work. Days blend into a week, and then two.

“So…”

“Hm?”

Leaning against the counter, Ryū’s coworker smirks. “Seems to me you hooked one, huh?”

Her cheeks flush pink. “Um...maybe…”

“You haven’t put your phone down for more than fives minutes all day!”

The pink gets darker as the other woman laughs.

“I’m glad! So, you gonna see him?”

“Yeah, eventually...I think we’re both a little nervous.”

“That’s adorable. You’ll have to let me know how it goes! Been nice seeing you look so bright lately.”

Ryū blinks. “...really?”

“Yeah. No offense, but...ever since I’ve worked here, you’ve been so quiet and to yourself. But lately you’ve just seemed more upbeat and...I dunno, out there.”

The observation admittedly takes her a bit off-guard. “...oh…”

“It’s just nice to see you look happy, that’s all. I know a job like this one’s kinda drudgy. Glad you’ve got something to keep your chin up.” With a smile, the other pharmacist straightens and heads back to work.

Still a bit struck, Ryū mulls all that over. True, she’s always been one to keep her nose to the grindstone. Maybe having a bit of a social outlet just...got her going to opening up some more.

...huh.

So...any openings in your schedule coming up?

Uh...I haven’t really checked lately. One sec!

Waiting for Obito’s reply, Ryū nibbles her thumbnail. She’s going to do it. She’s going to ask him over. By now she’s gotten to know him pretty well. She’s always been able to trust her gut, and...she believes she can trust him.

Though just in case, she’ll be letting her neighbor know when he comes to visit.

Just to be safe.

So I think I actually have Sunday clear. Does that work with you?

Yeah! I’m always on a Monday through Friday schedule, so weekends are almost always good with me!

Okay...cool!

Any idea what you wanna make?

Make?

Yeah! Remember, we talked about cooking…?

Ohhh, yeah! Uh...honestly I don’t have any preference.

You sure?

Yeah, just no aubergines.

I remember, haha.

Should I bring anything?

Nah, I’ll handle it. Though I guess if you have a movie you’d like to watch?

Ooh, okay! Uh...any you don’t like?

Maybe nothing too gory…?

Aw, that’s no fun!

I saw enough in medical school, believe me...it’s not fun.

Okay, okay. I’ll pick something.

And with a few other details hashed out...they have a date scheduled.

Ryū’s stomach can’t stop fluttering: both in excitement, and in nerves. She hasn’t really dated since college...what if she does something stupid? Offends him somehow? Or something just goes...wrong?

Okay, no, stop it. It’s gonna be fine. You’ve talked a lot, so...no need to be nervous. Just do it!

By the time Sunday rolls around, she’s as ready as she’ll ever be.

Fiddling with her hair in the bathroom mirror (can she EVER get it to do what she wants?), she jumps as someone knocks on the door. Trying to manage her nerves, she peers through the little peephole, spying what indeed looks to be Obito.

Taking a moment to steady her breath, she pulls open the door and looks up just as he looks over.

...oh.

She always thought his photo gallery on his profile was a bit...empty. At first she hadn’t really noticed that all of Obito’s photos had been taken showing one side of his face.

So only now, with him looking straight at her, does she see what he’s been hiding.

The apprehension in his face clearly shows he’s awaiting her reaction, and at first she can only blink. Eyes naturally slide to the right side where a plethora of scars mar the skin from his brow to his chin. One even reaches up into his lip.

But though it’s a surprise by novelty, it otherwise does nothing to hinder the blush in her face.

...gosh he’s handsome.

Her gaze lingers on the scars for only a moment before lifting back to his eyes, cheeks rosy and giving a demure smile. “...hi.”

“...hey.”

There’s a few beats of awkward silence, the pair of them stuck staring at each other. “...s-sorry! Um...come on in!” Ryū steps aside, going hotter in the face. A nice button-up shirt and clean jeans make him look quite snazzy. Seems her blouse and skirt wasn’t too much or too little. They hadn’t really breached any ideas about how formal to be…

Stepping in, Obito glances around before clearing his throat. From behind his back he draws a little bouquet of flowers. “Er...for you.”

Ryū’s greys alight with delight. “Oh!” It’s cliché as all hell, but she loves them. Delicately accepting the blooms, she gives them a sniff before beaming at him. “Thank you! I, er...I don’t have anything for you…”

“That’s okay! I mean, food’s good with me, heh.”

Giving a giggle, Ryū retreats to the kitchen to put them in some water, setting the vase on her little table. “There…!”

“You...have a really nice apartment!”

“Thank you...I’m always either working or tired, so I don’t manage to mess it up much,” she laughs. “I tried to make it kinda...cute. I’m not exactly an interior designer.”

“No, it’s nice. It suits you.”

That makes her go pink all over again. “...s-so! Um...are you hungry…?”

Obito gives a grin. “Always!”

“Okay! Um...I thought we’d do something a bit...basic? Just in case? Do you like spaghetti…?”

“Yeah!”

“...okay! Cool. Um…” Awkwardness creeping back up, she claps her hands and giggles nervously. “Then, I...guess we’ll give it a try!”

The pair move back into the kitchen, where Ryū already has everything sorted out and ready to go. “Wow...looks professional.”

“Oh gosh, it’s just…” She gestures vaguely. “...I wanted to be ready so we wouldn’t waste any time…” Turning on the heat under the water, she thinks to ask, “...no food allergies, right?”

“No. At least...none I’ve found…? And I’ve had spaghetti before, it should be fine, hm?”

“Okay!”

A bit stuttery at first, she starts guiding him through her process, letting him take most of the reins and acting more as a guide. Obito listens attentively, looking exceedingly focused.

...it’s adorable.

“Okay, so with the grease drained off, we can add our sauce...and once it’s all combined, that’ll be that!” She, in the meantime, worked on a salad mix. “And the garlic bread should be about done, too!”

“You make this all seem so easy.”

She flushes pink. “It...just takes practice! And you did really well!”

“I had a good teacher.”

Once it’s all finished, the pair of them ferry things to the table. “Okay...you try it first.”

“Me?”

“Mhm! You made it, right?”

Glancing to his plate, Obito twirls some noodles onto his fork, lightly pink at Ryū’s watching as he takes the bite and chews. “...it’s good!”

Beaming again, she follows suit. And it’s perfect! Mouth still full, she gives a thumbs-up, making him laugh. Between spaghetti, salad, garlic bread, and a little wine, they get through dinner with hearty conversation and increasing laughter.

“I dunno why I was so nervous,” she admits once they’re done, a cheek leaning against a fist as she twirls the last few sips of her wine. “I mean...we’ve been talking so much already. Guess I just felt kinda...out of practice. Y’know?”

“Yeah, me too. Though I try to bravado my way through things.”

“Well, we got through it. Should we play the movie…?”

“Sure!” He holds up a thumbdrive, grinning. “From my collection.”

“Oho!”

With a refill of wine, they move into the little living room of the apartment, Obito hooking up the TV and starting the film.

“What is it?”

“You’ll see!”

“Not gory, right?”

“Nooo. But...maybe a little scary.”

“Scary is okay. I like spooks. Just not lotsa blood and flesh and…” Her nose wrinkles. “...y’know.”

“Ha, yeah.”

They settle on the one couch she has, and at first sit...a little ways apart. They’d had opposite sides of the table before, and...well, this is new. But like a couple of dumb teenagers, they slowly meander their way closer, testing the other’s boundaries as they go until Ryū finds herself snuggled up against Obito’s side, head on his shoulder.

Obito, just out of her line of sight, is clearly ecstatic.

The movie starts out tame, but true to his word, it quickly takes on a rather creepy tone. Transfixed, Ryū stares at the screen, slowly worming her way further and further into the dip of Obito’s side.

...if she weren’t so focused on the movie, she’d realize that was likely his plan.

Obito, on the other hand, has technically already seen this one, and instead mostly watches for her reactions. The closer they get to a big scare, the more often he looks, biting back a grin until it finally happens -!

Shrieking in terror, Ryū scrambles for someplace to hide, and...ends up burrowing into his chest with a string of garbled, frightened nonsense as Obito does his best not to laugh.

“You okay?”

“I -! That -!” Her head shakes with a whimper, still hiding. “Nope. Nope nope nope.”

“Want me to stop it?”

“...nooo…” One grey peeks out, finding the screen a bit more bearable now. “...that was fricken’ terrifying! Ohhh my gosh!”

He just snickers, ignoring her continuing whines of discomfort. “It’s almost over, don’t worry.”

To his delight, she remains half-perched on his lap for the rest of the film. Once the credits start to creep up the screen, she loses her tension and goes limp. “...I almost had a heart attack…”

“Aw…”

“I mean it was good! But cripes, I wasn’t ready...eugh…”

Obito rubs a hand along her back, still clearly amused. “Gonna be able to sleep tonight?”

“...I better, I have work in the morning…”

He apologizes, watching as she tears herself from the couch and disappears into the kitchen. “...Ryū?”

No answer.

Brow furrowing, he makes to follow just in time to see her pull a pan out of the refrigerator. “What’s that?”

“Peach cobbler,” she sniffs, setting it on the counter and then fetching vanilla ice cream. “This is my reward for surviving your movie.”

“You’re gonna eat the whole pan?”

She shoots him a pout. “...maybe.”

He mirrors the look. “...I want some…”

“You have to promise never to scare me like that again.”

“Okay, okay. But wasn’t it at least a little fun…?”

Scooping the food into bowls, she thinks back over how nice and warm it was in his arms...and she could smell his cologne… “...maybe a little.”

They stay standing in the kitchen, leaned against the counter as they eat their dessert. Though not as lively as before, they chat in the quiet.

“So...on a scale of one to ten, how was our date?”

Ryū sucks on her spoon with a thoughtful hum. “...a nine.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Why not a ten?”

“Because you scared the bejesus out of me!” After a moment to pout, she asks, “...you?”

“A ten.”

“...really?”

“Good food, good movie...good company. What’s not to love?”

She...isn’t sure how to respond to that, so she takes another bite to excuse her silence.

“We’ll have to try cooking something else next time. Something spicy!”

“Not too spicy, it’ll make me sick!”

“Whaaat?”

“I have a delicate stomach...nothing too greasy, either.”

“That’s all the good food!” he laughs.

“It’s not my fault!”

“Fine, fine...we’ll figure something out. I’ll have to find some of my grandmother’s recipes. From Quebec.”

That earns a blink. She thought she heard traces of an accent in his voice, but didn’t want to assume. “...sure! I’d really like that.”

But eventually, the bowls and the wine glasses are empty. The movie is over. The hour is growing late.

It’s time to call it a night.

...but it’s clear neither of them really want to.

Obito offers to help tidy up, and that helps take a little more time. But once that’s done, there’s really no more excuses.

“...well…” Ryū fidgets a bit. “Guess I’ll...say goodnight?”

“Yeah, I better go. Don’t want to keep you up to late. And I’ve got my route in the morning.”

“Mm…”

She walks him to the front door, the pair of them lingering in the opening for a long moment. “...be safe on your way home. Text me to let me know you made it okay, all right?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“And to say goodnight.”

“...again.”

“...yeah, again.”

Another pause.

Indecision seeming to make her bones vibrate, Ryū eventually makes up her mind. Stepping up a bit closer, she lays a hand against Obito’s chest and - with a bit of posturing up on her toes - she gives him a feather-light press of her lips to his.

Flashing pink, he nonetheless reciprocates, both of them easing slowly back apart.

“...goodnight, Obito.”

“...night, Ryū. I’ll...talk to you later.”

Nodding with a shy smile, she watches him head down the hall before forcing herself to shut the door. For a moment, she stands and holds the knob...then turns and leans against it with a sigh.

...it seems so quiet in here now…

Eyes lift to her little dining room table, where the flowers he brought her are still sitting in their vase. The sight brings her a small smile. As much as she’s sad to see him go...well, that just means she’ll get to look forward to seeing him again next time.

Next time...what a lovely concept.

Heaving a more contented breath, she makes her way back into the apartment. Time to get ready for bed, and wait to hear he got home okay. Then she’ll sleep, and start all over again.

...but at least now there’s something to look forward to.

     All righty, another day, this one with Ryū’s ship with @abyssaldespair​‘s Obito, set in a modern verse! I had...several ideas for these two, and picking one was difficult and ended up costing me time BUT, it’s done xD      Hopefully I can get MORE done :’D      But yes! This was actually an idea Meg submitted to me, with the premise based largely on Obito hiding his appearance on his profile until the big reveal! Ryū, of course, doesn’t mind his scars no matter the verse. She still thinks he’s one cute cookie x3      Anywho, I guess that’s...really all there is to say for this one! Hope ya like it Meg, and I better get to work on more drabbles xD

[retrauxpunk]

silicon valley grand finale recap: 6.07

everything under the cut, complete with spoilers :)

okay alec berg

okay

okay

you won me over as i suspected and hoped and wanted you to but i dared not hope too much because of what a clusterfuck 6.06 was in my opinion

i had low expectations as a defence mechanism

but i’ve just watched this magnificent 45-minute farewell behemoth of an episode and you know what? FINE. 

FINE

IT WAS REALLY REALLY GOOD and it’s good enough that i’m now slightly less mad about 6.06 because you know what OKAY the dumbass rushed-execution plotline about the AI — yeah okay now that the finale’s out, OKAY, YES, it was WORTH the russfest deus ex machina fucker to get THIS. 

a really good finale that i’m. HAPPY WITH.

i FELT THE EMOTIONS when i was meant to feel them! it resonated! it was brilliant!

oh man

i don’t know if i have too much to say because i’m just quite happy with it and now that the whole thing’s over, i no longer have the suspense? but okay let’s see

so firstly i woke up to a DM from some fucker (someone i’d intermittently chatted SV with on instagram after they reached out to me; someone who, prior to this, i would not have called a fucker) and all i saw were the notifications reading something like ‘have you seen the episode’ and ‘heartbreaking’ and i swear to god i was fucking livid because, like, i recognise that that’s not a spoiler DETAIL about PLOT per se but i’m one of those freaks who, when i really like something, i don’t want to know fucking ANYTHING! including the emotional reaction anyone has to it because then!! then!!!! i fucking start thinking about what happened! it’s giving me some kind of information that i previously did not have and which i did not want to have because i DO NOT WANT my experience coloured by other people’s reviews! because they give away SOMETHING

(if you were doubting the veracity of me relating to richard the most out of the characters. behold this petty rage and tell me i’m wrong)

(also i KNOW it could’ve just been saying ‘the show’s over now and that’s heartbreaking’ but the point is I DON’T KNOW THAT RIGHT because you only get a truncated view in notifications and it’s not like i’m gonna open the fucking chat to CHECK if it’s ACTUALLY A SPOILER at the risk of viewing S P O I L E R S)

(they don’t call me the richard hendricks bitch for nothing, that moniker has a new dimension now)

yeah so i blocked this guy (and then sent him a technically polite and civil but otherwise really fucking pissy DM in response after i’d watched the episode) and then went about my day

i had a good day, which was good. gotta be in the right mood to consume the final installment of my favourite tv show ever.

i started watching.

documentary, huh? this is. INTERESTING.

and it becomes clear that something’s fucked up. even without instagram fucker’s comment, it is clear. given the fact that richard looks like a lonely soul in a retirement home at the beginning of the documentary, with all the colours/backdrop and the weighty comments of how ‘everything was fine’

and then there’s the party ... hurray ... richard in the cake! love it. sometime do some fic/art of richard popping out of a cake in a jarrich context lol

monica’s gift of the text messages! that’s really sweet and i loved it.

THE DOT. HOLY SHIT RICHARD YOU EAGLE-EYED MOTHER FUCKER

also u fuckin nerd with the ellipsis comment........... tbh i get it, i appreciate that joke

(oh jared. dutifully laughing at all his jokes. LITERALLY LIKE HOW SOMEONE WITH A CRUSH LAUGHS AT ALL THEIR CRUSH’S DUMBASS JOKES HHHHHHH)

I really enjoyed when jared mansplained and got bitten by monica lmao i just ............ i’m not fully able to articulate why i liked it but i REALLY ENJOYED IT hahah

GILFOYLE!! appearing with the lock the doors comment and cliff bars and a gun ...... oh boy i love him ;_;

i enjoy that they explicitly(ish) mention that gilfoyle’s an alcoholic lmao

also, dinfoyle shippers, gilfoyle passing out in the men’s room after a rendezvous with dinesh? huh? huh? -aggressively nudges and winks-

...anyway

i love that it’s the combination of richard’s obsessive meticulousness and gilfoyle’s hardcore work ethic and security-mindedness that reveal this fatal flaw with pied piper. it’s a nice collaboration of sorts and it speaks kind of to each person’s greatest strengths (diligence, thoroughness) (i mean we know richard’s other greatest strength is the talent of his coding and gilfoyle’s other greatest strength is also his brilliance and also his being smoking hot but y’know i didn’t say greatest strength at the exclusion of others...)

OH MAN

YES GILFOYLE you have a strong moral compass and want to kill the monster!

laurie being in prison .......................for no clearly defined reason.....and her hair’s still perfect..... yeah i’m here for it. also she does strike me as someone who’d do pretty much fine in prison lmao 

i liked richard and jared’s rooftop conversation. i ..... i was annoyed with jared mentioning gwart because THAT WHOLE THING WITH GWART AND JARED LEAVING AND THEN COMING BACK AND THE I MISS YOU AND WHATEVER I DON’T CARE WHILE LITERALLY CRYING AND ALL OF THAT STILL FEELS LIKE AN ARC THEY STRAIGHT UP FORGOT TO CONTINUE/RESOLVE AND I’M STILL FUCKING MAD but aside from that i liked the conversation.

this whole series has been instance after instance of richard’s idealism and moral compass seeming to thwart his success because he refuses to do shitty things and instead chooses the harder but ultimately morally good path, and it’s ...... i love that this culminates in him making one of the most difficult/painful idealistic choices of all: let his dream of six years come to fruition and possibly (rather than certainly, at this point) ruin the whole fucking world, or kill his dream and really truly make the world a better place by SAVING THE FUCKIGN WORLD?

UGH YES *chef’s kiss*

love that jared’s agreeing with him/supporting him the whole time and you can fucking SEE richard calming down from his initial rage and seeing that, oh, okay, no, he has no choice, he Must kill the beast he has created...

and at that point screaming FUCK from the rooftop seems like a pretty sane response

love the cut to him in his i-mean-business blue hoodie (was it his blue hoodie? i can’t remember but i feel like it was?) being like ‘gilfoyle’s right’ lol

THE THING WITH DINESH’S CAR AND CRACKING TESLA’S ENCRYPTION

this was cool enough that i did not care about technological feasibility, Rule of Cool achieved

and dinesh’s speech about how he couldn’t be trusted! oh boy

like jared said, it was a magnificently courageous moment of cowardice. LOVE. IT.

(also i couldn’t help thinking, lol was this done as a response to kumail nanjiani’s schedule clashing with the others so they had to have all his scenes separate rom the rest of the cast? i mean either way they executed it stunningly)

oh BOY THE THING WITH GABE AND JOHN STAFFORD!!! and you know if gilfoyle had been friends with john stafford then maybe john would’ve fucking called gilfoyle and checked before fixing this shit!!

is this what they intended? i’m not sure. but it sure makes the gilfoyle chess subplot seem a lot less frustrating than the other going-nowhere-but-comedic-relief subplots that were in themselves fine but made me mad when i saw how rushed 6.6 was

gabe lmao

fuckin gabe

BUT GOOD ON GABE FOR LETTING DINESH KNOW JUST IN CASE!! THANK YOU GABE!!!

and OH BOY DINESH! YOU CAME THROUGH! YOU HAVE A GOOD CORE AFTER ALL! YOU COULD’VE DONE NOTHING AND BECOME RICH BUT YOU CLIMBED A SKYSCRAPER’S WORTH OF STAIRS AND SAVED THE FUCKING WORLD!

lmao i loved kumail nanjiani’s horrible wheezing as he opens the door and then despairs and then wheezes his way up the surprise additional stairs, i actually started laughing in my seat. brilliant physical comedy.

also loved gilfoyle’s ‘are you jacking off’ ‘did you do one push-up’ jibes lmao

brill

YES DINESH SAVED THE DAY!

AND GILFOYLE SAVED THE DAY! WHEN RICHARD (not entirely unreasonably) FUCKING FROZE AND GILFOYLE MADE AN EXECUTIVE DECISION AND TRUSTED DINESH AND IT PAID OFF! YESSSSS

oh and speaking of trusting dinesh. richard being like ‘dinesh you fucked us’ and then apologising and dinesh being all ‘you’re good, i’d think i fucked us too’ AHHH *chef’s kiss*

THE RATS? LMAO THE RATS? verging on maybe too ridiculous but I THINK I LIKED IT.

oh boy

CONAN

BILL GATES LOL

KARA SWISHER

PRESUMABLY MANY OTHER BRILLIANT GUEST STARS I MISSED

YES

oh man that convo on the roof! the only issue i had with that was jared being relegated to the seats behind them WHY ! WHY WAS THAT!! 

ok i’m gonna headcanon it as like, they were gonna make room for him but he was like ‘OH NO NEVER MIND I’LL SIT BEHIND YOU, I LIKE BEING ABLE TO WATCH OVER YOU ALL’ ok there i fixed it. it’s plausible and i fixed it.

gilfoyle drinking entire bottles of tres commas? man he’s so hot and alcohol-soaked i’m astonished he hasn’t spontaneously combusted yet

THEY SAVED THE WORLD ;___;

MY BABIES SAVED THE WORLD

oh and now the present day................ (of the episode) ......

gavin as a trashy romance novelist and denpak as his long-suffering ghostwriter/collaborator? LOVE IT LMAO yeah sure why not!! and that scene when they’re arguing but then have this breakthrough about their novel in progress? AMAZING HAHAHAH i hope they’re happy together

RICHARD IS THE GAVIN BELSON PROFESSOR OF ETHICS WHAT THE FUCK 

I MEAN OKAY FIRSTLY he is well-qualified to be an ethics in tech professor given his experience

BUT DOES IT NOT KILL HIM TO HAVE GAVIN BELSON IN HIS TITLE LMAO

maybe gavin made a hefty donation to stanford and bighead gave enough of that to richard that richard doesn’t mind

maybe at this point richard’s developed a good enough sense of humour to tolerate it because if he didn’t, he’d go fucking insane

he said he was happy .................... was he? i’ve no fucking idea tbh. what do you guys think? richard’s happy with a high-paying non-stressful job, or richard’s sad and despairing? ......i’m gonna go with the former. maybe wistful. maybe he’ll start another company one day. idek.

god when he said his best friend gave him a job ... for a second i thought it was jared. but oh well. OH WELL. OH WELLLLL.

LOVE that big head is president of stanford and it’s not addressed AT ALL how that happened and you know what? we had enough of him failing upward that we don’t need an explanation! this seems totally plausible! amazing.

and josh brener’s acting when they’re like ‘do they call you that because your surname is bighetti’ .......... amazing

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DINESH AND GILFOYLE STARTED A COMPANY TOGETHER AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT OH MY GOD 

hey i just realised is NEWELL ROAD the place where the guy who bought dinesh’s laptop from the office clearance sale lived where gilfoyle turned up pretending to be geek squad to punch a hole in the laptop????!!

okay i just went back and checked and that’s not it. BUT newell road is the street the hacker hostel’s on!

which is fucking adorable and i love it.

ALSO

ALSO

ALSO

AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED THEY FUCKING MADE DINFOYLE CANON BECAUSE LOOK GILFOYLE SAYS THAT THING ABOUT DINESH BUYING THE HOUSE NEXT TO HIS BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM AND DINESH HAS NOTHING TO SAY BUT ‘FUCK YOU’ AND YOU KNOW WHAT

YEAH THEY DID IT

THEY STARTED A COMPANY TOGETHER AND GOT MARRIED

i swear to god when they said there was a meeting i just briefly imagined the ‘meeting’ was them sneaking off to a supply closet to fuck or something

YESSS

so we didn’t get jarrich but WE GOT THIS

okay whatevs i’ll take what i can get *blows coolly on nails*

jared working with the elderly! that thing about having parents and being someone’s parents! that’s so beautiful and makes so much sense it works somewhat as a salve to the darkly comedic but ultimately not really necessary punch to the gut that was the discovery about his biological parents.

judy reading one of gavin’s romance novels HAHAH YES

oh boy! the reunion!

i swear to god when richard and jared walked up to each other IT STILL FUCKING FELT LIKE THEY WERE GONNA KISS

everyone hugging!

GILFOYLE LOOKING TO THE CAMERA WHEN RICHARD AND JARED HUG

to me, that’s him being like ‘look at these two. ten years and they’ve not realised they’re in love yet’ hahahha

oh and Monica working for the NSA? yeah i can see it hahahah

jian-yang’s crazy jungle empire? yeah fuckin checks out

(RON’S PANIC WHEN RICHARD STARTS ADMITTING GUILT AND HE HAS TO BACKTRACK LMAO love the law jokes/references)

dinesh referring to gilfoyle’s horrible corner hahaha it’s so clear they fucking love each other they wouldn’t have fucking started a company if they didn’t also THEY LIVE NEXT DOOR TO EACH OTHER WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT

at first i was like oh god did richard and jared not see each other for years??? but then there was that line about ‘i saw you last week’ and i’m so happy again. headcanon best friends (not to say that big head isn’t also a best friend of richard’s) and they catch up and love each other and then fall in love down the line (TIME TO WRITE A FIC LOL)

WHEN JARED HAD THE THING IN HIS BAG I GUESSED IT WAS THE ALWAYS BLUE THING AND WHEN IT CAME OUT I ACTUALLY PUT MY HAND OVER MY MOUTH AT ALL THE FEELINGS AND OH BOY OH BOY YESSSSS

<3333

richard losing the thumb drive. HA.

good. good setup

now the spinoff of sv is this apocalyptic hellhole because the thumb drive fell into the wrong hands and now pied piper have gathered to face/fight the apocalypse

i..... could write that fic. i could.

i imagine in that apocalypseverse jared has super surprisingly become a ruthless leader of a tribe, dinesh and gilfoyle are dual rulers obviously (or like, scavenger rebels on the fringes), monica has a terrifying tribe of followers or has made herself indispensable to another leader, richard is working as a tech slave for someone horrible (or is out in the woods after being stranded away from civilisation when the first attacks/clusterfucks occur) but then gets rescued by jared/the rest .............. yeah

OKAY ANYWAY

in short i really really liked it and i think the whole idea of them having to purposely fail to save the world from the terrible genius of what they’ve created is a fitting and deliciously bittersweet way to end this wild journey and i LOVE THIS WHOLE FUCKING SERIES and i don’t wish it had ended any other way

except for richard and jared kissing and sailing off into the sunset of course

[centaurianwisdom]

Can you write a sterek wedding?

Awwwwww yiss  I can do that my friend!!

Derek was going into this blindfolded, to be quite honest. He hadn’t had much to do in the way of wedding planning, because immediately after Stiles had proposed to him, and Derek had said yes, he had started babbling about the practicalities of a wedding.

“Ok so, haaaahhhh, we are going to be married Derek, so we gotta be responsible adults now! We gotta show everyone we are ace at this adulting shit, because that’s what married people do right? They are ace at adulting?”

Derek nodded seriously. He was, however, panicking on the inside, because he couldn’t ever be credited with proper adulting, though Stiles had assured him he was getting better. Steadily.

Stiles watched him beadily. “How stoked are you about wedding planning? Honestly?” Derek sighed. He knew Stiles wanted a big wedding with all of its intricacies, because even though Stiles went through life as a deranged lunatic, he was, in fact, a highly organised deranged lunatic, and had probably planned his wedding down to the number of carnations that would grace each table at the wedding. Derek was happy to be married in the courthouse, just so he could be Stile’s in an official capacity, and Stiles his, but he couldn’t help but be charmed by Stiles’s childlike enthusiasm for his own wedding. “I’m sure I would just get in the way,” Derek muttered. Stiles softened and cupped his cheek, and rubbed his nose along Derek’s neck, scent marking him and immediately calming Derek down. “Hey, it’s your wedding and your opinions matter the most, along with mine. But if you are a bit uncomfortable with the nitty-gritty of it, why don’t you concentrate on the house you are building for us? I know you have big plans.” And did Derek mention he loves his sweet, deranged lunatic? Because he does. So much.

So fast forward two months and here they are, the day of their wedding dawning bright and sunny. The house was built and awaiting the newly-weds, and the big glade in the property served as the venue. A temporary gazebo had been erected in the middle of the glade, with orchids twining around the pillars and fairy lights strung all around it. The seats and the dining area were all in the open, as “werewolf-human weddings should bring nature into the occasion,” or at-least that’s what Lydia, Allison and Erica had done anyway. Scott and Boyd had just shrugged, calling all the contractors to set up the wedding, while Jackson, with considerable grumbling, had accompanied them to their fittings and cake tastings because he actually had good taste. Derek could feel the palpable excitement, and his heart grew ten sizes when he saw the limited number of guests, all their friends they had collected over the years, filtering into the clearing, dressed in their best clothes, all happy. He turned to Boyd, who was texting in the corner of the dressing room. “How’s Stiles?” he asked, fiddling with his bowtie nervously. “Bouncing with happiness, Erica says,” Boyd said. “He’s also obsessing if the choice of orchids was right after all.” Derek just smiled. Stiles was nervous too.

All too soon, it was time to head out to the gazebo, where the Sheriff was acting as the officiant. Derek gulped because this is it. He petted his pocket containing his vows one last time, and headed out, with Boyd accompanying him, Cora waiting for him at the altar. He reached the sheriff and shook his hand. The sheriff smiled back at him, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and whispered, “Oh, am I happy that my deviant son is getting married to a man of the law, Deputy Hale.” Derek laughed, carefree. “That’s Deputy Stilinski-Hale to you, Sheriff.” The Sheriff’s smile became wider. “Then it’s time you started calling me Dad, son,” he said, patting his shoulders briskly. Derek gulped harshly and smiled helplessly. Cora hugged him warmly and kissed his cheek. “I’m so proud of you, big brother.” Derek just pulled her in for another tight hug.

But all other thoughts rushed from his head when he saw Stiles walking towards him. Stiles’s hair was glistening in the sun, swept up from his forehead. He was wearing a beautiful custom tuxedo that highlighted his broad shoulders, his trim waist, and his slim legs. He was being escorted by Scott, whose grin rivaled the sun, and Lydia, who looked as regal as always, but her happiness was palpable. Stiles’s grin, however, was a private thing and was aimed only at Derek, which made his breath catch in his throat.

He held out his hand and it felt like all the breath vanished from his body when Stiles took his hand and came to stand in front of him, clasping both of Derek’s hands in his. The Sheriff had begun the ceremony, but Derek couldn’t hear him, eyes focused only on his beloved’s face. Stiles’s seemed to be likewise transfixed, and, oh, Derek remembered everything in a rush. The tumultuous circumstances of their meeting, how they had fallen together, comrades in trauma, and how being their constantly for each other, first through years of unending trauma, and then when they coasted through years of relative peace. And, and-

“Derek?” said a voice, shaking his shoulder. Derek shook himself from his reverie and looked around bemusedly. There were varying degrees of amusement on everyone’s faces, and Stiles smirked at him. “Whatcha thinking about there, Derek?”

“About you,” Derek said, honestly. It was quite rewarding to see Stiles blush like that.

“It’s time for you to say your vows, son,” the Sheriff prompted gently. Derek nodded, and made to take the paper out of his pocket, then hesitated. His Stiles was beaming at him, and he realized that he didn’t need to read anything out. So he took a deep breath, clasped Stiles’s hand tighter, and began.

“You know,” he said, conversationally, “I genuinely did not think I would ever be this happy.” Stiles sputtered out a laugh at that. “Stiles, when I lost my family in that fire, I felt that a large part of me had died, and I would always remain a husk of myself and that I would always burn anything I touched and I loved. I don’t know how I survived all those years of pain, and I don’t think I would have gotten out of this sane if it hadn’t been for you catching me. We had a false start, I know, and I know you barely tolerated me. But somehow my wolf always knew you were the one for me, and I wanted, believe me, I did. But how could I, when I was so damaged, so broken? I couldn’t turn you to ash either. Also, you were so achingly young, with fire in your eyes, and I did not want to be the one who put it out. So we became friends, and I was content to love you from a distance, and have the pleasure of blooming into the wonderful man you are.” Stiles lifted one of their clasped hands to his cheek and wiped away the tear that had escaped his eyes. Derek continued, “You went away to college, and here I started healing myself. To make myself worthy. Of you. I took a job, I took therapy. At first, I was doing it all for you, but you convinced me that healing myself should never be about pleasing others. But, it still is for you. Because when you came back to Beacon Hills, I felt healed enough to be able to pursue you. And the first time you kissed me and told me you loved me, my wolf howled, and I felt I had accomplished everything I ever wanted. And now, I want more. I want a family with you, a pack with you as my second. I want everything with you, Stiles, and it’s all because of you. Thank you, for giving me the courage to wish for good things for myself.” There were audible sniffles from the crowd at that. Stiles looked like he was going to break protocol and kiss him right there if Lydia hadn’t held him back with a delicate hand on his shoulders. “It’s your turn, Stiles,” she whispered.

Stiles coughed roughly to clear his throat and dramatically thumped his chest with his fist. “Sorry, I was drowning in my feels for a bit there.” Derek just held his hand tighter. “Derek, you idiot, I always wanted you too.” There was a titter from the crowd at that. “But yes, you are right. I am glad we both sorted out our priorities before we got together. I was a sad, lonely boy who used sarcasm and humor as a defense mechanism. And yes, I hated you at first. But then, as I got to know you better, I realized what a beautiful human being was hiding beneath layers and layers of sadness and anger. And believe me, I did want to be yours, so much. But then I realized that you were working on yourself, and I thought that I would let you come to me in your own time. I was happy to support you in any way I could. And when you told me you loved me and I kissed you, it was the best moment of my life. Hands down, no compare, 10/10 would recommend but I would cut down the hands of anyone who dared touch you. I love you Derek Hale, and I can’t wait to marry the shit out of you and having babies together and being a badass Pack Dad with you. I love you, Derek Stilinski-Hale.” The crowd clapped and hooted, and realizing the couple was raring to kiss each other, Scott and Boyd hurriedly put the wedding rings forward and Derek and Stiles slid them onto each other, matching platinum bonds with the triskele carved inside. And then at last, after a week of no physical contact, Derek swept Stiles into his arms and kissed him. Stiles curled around him and his arms wound his shoulders and his fingers in his hair. Derek’s hair was probably ruined, but Derek didn’t care a bit.

The rest of the wedding was a whirlwind. They were presented as Mr. and Mr. Stilinski-Hale and had to field all their enthusiastic guests. They ate and drank like they were starving while laughing at the hilarious and progressively drunker wedding toasts. They had their first dance to Ruelle’s “I Get to Love You.” It was the most memorable day of Derek’s life. In the midst of the laughter and happiness, Derek thought about his family and hoped they were happy.

Dusk had fallen, and the guests were dwindling. All the fairy lights had been switched on, and the glade looked like an enchanted fairy tale come to life. Derek and Stiles swayed under the fairy lights in the gazebo to faint music, hugging each other tightly, Stiles’s face smushed into Derek’s shoulder. Derek tilted Stiles head towards him. Oh, how beautiful he looked under the soft lights. The golden lights sparkled in his doe eyes, and Derek fell himself falling even deeper into their depths. “Hey husband,” Stiles said huskily. “I love you.”

Derek grinned dopily at that. “Hello, Mr. Stilinski-Hale. I love you too. What say we get out of here and, ah, christen our new house.”

Stiles barked out a laugh at that. “I’ve been waiting for you to say that forever.” Stiles kissed Derek sloppily on the cheek. “Married sex is going to be so awesome!”

[looselucy]

- Catch Up -

The very second it hit 5 o’clock, Max bounded his way over to my desk with an alarmingly large smile on his face, leaving me unsure whether he was just happy we’d finally reached the weekend, or if he was happy to be spending another evening with me. “You again.” I rolled my eyes, clearing my space so I had a clean environment to return to on Monday morning. “Me again, coming to you seeking another fun Beatles fact.” He jibed.

“Uhm… Shit, let me think.” I bit my lip, leaning back in my chair for a moment, but a fact came to me very quickly. “Y’know, in Hey Jude, there’s a bit where you can hear Paul swearing.” “What?” He scowled “There’s no swearing in Hey Jude!” “There is, m’telling ya! You can just about hear it in the back. A quick fucking hell from the man himself. Listen if you don’t believe me!” “Nah. In the official version? That everyone knows and loves and sings along to innocently?” “That very one. Two minutes and fifty-eight seconds in!” Every day that week, he had approached my desk and asked for fun facts about The Beatles, and I’d given him many, everything from the LSD nod with Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, to the fact that it was in their contracts that they refused to play to segregated crowds. I had known so many people who shunned my interest in those four boys, so it was nice to have someone there admiring and spurring it instead. “You’re adorable.” He sniggered. “You ready to go?” “Yeah, m’ready.” Our date the weekend before had gone surprisingly well after my run in with Sara. I’d managed to calm myself down and stop thinking about everything she’d said and simply enjoy my evening with him. It wasn’t easy, but I managed. We were going out on our second date that night, and thanks to how friendly and flirty we had been all week, I was looking forward to it, to just escaping with him for a while. He held his hand out to me as I got to my feet, taking us to a level we hadn’t reached before. I may have felt okay on our date last week, but after that conversation with Sara, I realised I definitely wasn’t as ready to kiss him as I once thought. But in that moment, I felt ready to hold his hand, receiving a beautiful smile from him once I did. “Let’s get some drinks.” He suggested. “I need it. Stressful week.” I had to agree, though I wasn’t sure mine was entirely work related. On Monday and Tuesday night when I’d gotten home from work, I’d seriously debated getting in touch with Harry in some way or another. Whether it was texting, calling, or going round to his apartment, it was all I’d thought about. I wanted so much for him to be the one to come to me, calm and sober and ready to talk things through with me properly, but I had to think about what his mother had said regarding our last interaction. The last thing I’d said to him was my threat to call the police, it was inevitable that he’d avoid me. But there was still a large part of me that felt so angry with him, and it stopped me from reaching out to him. He’d made me feel as though there wasn’t really a friendship to save, meaning that every time I was on the verge of calling him or going to his, I’d think about his actions and I’d stop. The whole situation was causing me more stress than I could even fathom, so eventually, I plucked up the courage, and called. I didn’t think I’d ever been so nervous in my life. I didn’t even know what I wanted to say when he answered, all I knew was that I wanted to say something, that I needed him to know I’d calmed and I was ready to speak to him. I just didn’t know if he was ready to speak to me. I didn’t know if he ever would be. The fact I got through to his voicemail rather than actually hearing his voice seemed to reinforce those thoughts, but it definitely helped me to calm down. Maybe it was a hidden blessing that he hadn’t actually answered. It had beeped before I’d had any kind of time to rehearse what I wanted to say. “Oh shit. Um, hi. It’s me.” I’d grumbled. “Um… I… I dunno what to say, really. Shit. I just… I really wanna talk to you. I think… I have a lot going on right now, and I just… miss you. I need to talk to you about… everything, really. I know we fucked up and I know… we’ve probably ruined what we had, but I don’t wanna… not have anything with you, y’know? You’re Harry and… Fuck, I dunno. Can you just call me? When you get this? Unless you’re ignoring me on purpose, in which case… don’t bother. Just… If you wanna be my friend, call me, okay?” That had been two days earlier, on Wednesday night, and I hadn’t heard a thing from him since. Despite everything, maybe we were too late. Maybe we couldn’t be saved. “Fancy getting… really drunk?” I suggested to Max. “Yeah, if you want?” “It’ll be fun. Yeah, lets do it. We deserve it.” Max was a nice distraction from the way I was feeling about Harry, and the fact that I’d already spoken with my landlord about leaving in the next few weeks. I suppose that was one reason I was happy I hadn’t heard back from Harry, in a twisted way. I’d become somewhat set on leaving Liverpool, almost happy to be saying goodbye to the place, and I knew talking with Harry would only complicate things. I was sure that even if we did manage to fix things, to be on better terms, our friendship would never be the same again. Something had changed that night and I knew there was no returning to the pure and beautiful friendship we’d had before, no matter how hard we tried. It felt like what we had was gone. Leaving was the best option for me, whether me and Harry were on better terms or not, because we’d never be the same. But I felt a need to better, at least. I didn’t want to leave without him even knowing about it. Though him not returning my call gave me all the more drive to leave, I didn’t feel good about it. I felt like maybe I was using Max so he could be a positive goodbye to the place I loved so much, rather than leaving feeling bitter and hurt. The thing that was starting to worry me was the thought that if things continued in the same way they had been between us, he may be an influence for me to stay. I was trying my best just not to think about any of it. Max spotted my low mood as we stepped outdoors. “You okay?” He asked, seeming quite concerned. “Yeah, m’fine. Sorry.” “Don’t be sorry. Just checking you’re alright.” He was too sweet for his own good. I tried to heighten my spirits as we made our way to the centre in the hope of finding a nice bar to spend our evening, my vision moving to focus on our hands, our intertwined fingers, the way my stomach was twisting and the fact I couldn’t tell if it was because of him or because my whirring mind. I felt it was time to unleash a little something. “Can I tell you a secret?” I asked him as we walked. “Sure. If you want.” “I handed in my notice today.” “What?” He puzzled, then literally stopped in his tracks. “Are you serious?” “Yeah. Well… I didn’t even have a contract yet, so I just said that I don’t think the job is for me.” “Lona, you’re perfect for that job.” He protested. “Why would… Why?” “I think m’gunna be leaving Liverpool pretty soon.” “Really?” “Yeah.” “Why?” “I dunno.” He still had hold of my hand. “You ever feel like you need a change?” “From Liverpool? Never.” I grinned at his passion, remembering when I had been the same way and felt the same way about that place, which I still did, in ways. “I spoke with my parents, and I think m’gunna go live with them for a little bit. Save some money, go travelling. I think it’d be really good for me.” He nodded, sticking his bottom lip out a little, clearly understanding the appeal of my new plan. He looked down to our hands for a moment. “Then… what’re we?” He asked. “You are… someone I enjoy spending time with. And I wanna spend as much time with you as I can. Is that okay?” He just grinned, like that was perfectly fine; like my company, for however long, was good enough for him. “Yeah. Whatever you want.” He replied. “Now d’ya wanna get really drunk?” “Fuck yes.”

I’d never seen anyone knock back shots in the way Max could. It was both worrying and impressive. My head was spinning and mood had skyrocketed since earlier. Being around Max made me so happy, as did finally telling someone other than Deb and my parents that I was going to leave Liverpool, because it felt like a bit of a weight off my shoulders. He’d been so lovely about the whole thing when I’d kind of expected him to wonder why the fuck he was bothering with me when I was just going to leave anyway, but he hadn’t been that way once. He really was something else. I felt lucky to be spending time with him. “Okay, I’ve gotta ask.” He started after slamming down another drink, looking as though he may fall off his stool at any moment. “Am I one of the reasons you wanna leave?” “What?” I sniggered. “Why would you think that?” “Scared of commitment?” “Uh… No, I don’t think so.” “Scared of love?” He asked next, eyes closing a little. He was clearly wasted, not that I was much better, but I wasn’t expecting a question so grave. For a moment, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t a question anyone had ever asked me before and it wasn’t a question I felt like I could answer. I just stared at him, swallowing thickly to aid my dry throat. I had no idea what to say to him. “I am gunna order some more shots.” “Max, I don’t think you need them.” But it was too late. With a huge smile on his face, he gained the attention of a waitress who was wandering around the tables waiting for some work to do, smiling and waving at her like she was an old friend who he hadn’t seen for years. “HIIII!” He yelled. “HELLO!” She was trying to contain her giggles as she approached us, but having been in a similar job before, I couldn’t help but admire the way Max was with her, how friendly and fun he was being. Usually after a few drinks, people became rude and demanding when making an order, making for a tedious evening, which I was pretty sure she was having given it was a Friday night and the place we’d chosen was packed. But Max was so ridiculously friendly, I knew the smile on her face was real. “Hello,” She tittered when she was with us. “What can I get ya?” “We would bloody love some shots.” “I would hate some shots, and you could definitely do without them!” I laughed. “Two gigantic shots of sambuca, please, and then just some beers. She likes beers.” “Sounds great,” The girl cooed. “I’ll be back in a minute.” “Thank you!” We both said at exactly the same time. He looked back to me as soon as we were alone again, seeing that I was simply shaking my head at him, my cheeks bright pink. “You’re a killer.” I told him. “So tell me.” He went back to the topic I really didn’t want him to. “Are you scared of love?” “I… I dunno. I don’t think so? What is there to be scared of?” “Everything about it.” He spoke like I was a fool for not already being aware of that. “Almost… every film you watch, every song you hear, it’s all about fucking love. It’s everywhere, all the time. It influences everything. If you’re not scared of it, you should be.” I almost didn’t want the waitress to appear with our drinks, because the more he spoke, it was becoming clear the alcohol had gone from making him very cheery and happy to something else, something a little more sombre and thoughtful. He was leaning on the table for support, trying to keep his eyes on me but struggling to keep them open. He’d been drinking much quicker than I had, meaning he’d had more than enough more than me to be completely wasted. Drunk boys had been a huge problem for me recently. “Maybe I am scared. Maybe it’s good to be scared.” I spoke quietly. “So is that why you’re leaving?” I didn’t know if he was just being an idiot or if he was seeing right through me. As a glared across the table to him, our drinks were delivered, quickly forcing myself to be chipper again just so I could thank the girl appropriately, and before she’d even left, Max had knocked back his sambuca. I felt like I didn’t have anything to say, so I stayed quiet once she’d left, looking across to him and gnawing at my bottom lip. “I’ve got a bit of a confession to make.” He groused. “Okay…” “You’re… amazing. You’re the most… interesting girl I’ve spent time with in… years, but… m’not over my ex.” He choked, and my breathing increased. “N’I wanted to spend time with you and feel something for you, and I know I should but I can’t because… she’s always there in the back of my head, y’know? She’s always fucking there. I should like you but I can’t and it’s all hitting me now and it’s bullshit.” He flopped his head down so it smacked very lightly against the table, groaning and whining to himself, pulling a very weak and pathetic smile from me for just a second before my face dropped again, taking in what it was he’d said. “Wait, is this the girl who you used work with?” “Yeah.” He spoke downwards. “When did you break up?” “Like… two years ago.” “Shit.” I liked that he felt comfortable enough to be open with me, whether he was drunk or not. I understood what he meant immediately. He should have liked me, there was nothing obvious there stopping the two of us being head over heels for one another already, stopping us from being excited about what we were experiencing and how well we were getting along, but it had taken meeting someone who he should have been falling for to realise he hadn’t fallen out of love with someone else. I understood that, entirely. “I can’t get over her, Lona.” He finally lifted his head. “I think about her all the time. More than anyone else, and I haven’t even seen her for years.” “Where is she?” “She’s here, in Liverpool!” He cried. “She’s right fucking here.” “What happened?” “I think we both… tried for so many years, and we were happy, but we argued sometimes and went through bad stages and we got to this point of thinking… maybe we could be happier with someone else. But I don’t think I could be! I really don’t. Because nothing’s perfect, is it?” I could see the pain in his eyes. “Especially love. Because it’s big and it’s powerful and it means so much. It can’t be perfect. It just can’t be.” I started fucking crying. I wiped my tears away as quickly as I could, but the fact of the matter was that I was fucking crying just hearing him talk, truly listening to the things he was saying and feeling the things he was saying. “You’re right.” I shuddered. “So… why don’t you reach out to her?” “She’s moved on. It’s only recent but… I left it too long. I waited too long and questioned myself for so long that she’s found someone else now. I don’t even take my phone on nights out just so I don’t end up calling her.” Everything he was saying was hitting me twice as hard as it should have been, maybe because of the booze or maybe because I was becoming slowly aware that I had been feeling something similar myself recently. “M'sorry, Max.” I reached across to him and took his hand within mine, the feeling totally different then to how it had been earlier in the night. “No, no, I’m sorry for doing this on a bloody date. That’s shit. What am I doing?” “Being open and honest.” I told him. “That’s a good thing. Takes courage. It’s hard to… be so honest. M’not offended or anything.” “No?” “No. I think… I get it. I dunno. M’going through something weird myself so this all makes sense to me, somehow.” “I wish we could… be something.” He mumbled. “So do I. It’d be easier, wouldn’t it?” I grinned, wiping away a few more tears with my spare hand. “I guess love isn’t easy.” “Another reason to be scared of it.” I’d managed to make him smile, which was nice. “M’sorry.” “Me too.” “Should probably go home.” He suggested. “Good idea. C’mon.” We were both incredibly unsteady on our feet, but Max more so. We were only a few steps towards the door before he’d tripped over the leg of a chair and almost fallen flat on his face, just about saving himself. Once again, I felt it was good to take hold of his hand to lead him outdoors. In those moments, I began to think about how it was definitely how drunk he was that had lead him towards being so open with me. He spoke from the heart rather than the head, and he had the booze to thank for it. Whenever I’d thought about Harry’s actions for the past few times we’d been together, I’d concentrated more on the alcohol itself rather than the affect it would have had on him, what it would lead him to think and do and why he wished to perform the actions he had. I’d been acting as though it had driven him to this boy who just wanted to fuck me, but maybe it had driven him to be this boy who just wanted to be with me. I didn’t want to start explaining away his actions, and the fact he hadn’t replied to my message should have been enough of a sign for me after everything, and maybe I was just trying to sweeten things that had instantly felt sour, but it got me thinking at least. By the time Max eventually stumbled outdoors, the fresh air hit him hard and within seconds, he was bent over with one palm flat against the wall, vomiting. “Fuck.” I hissed, immediately jumping to rub away at his back, looking to the bouncers. “M’taking him home, don’t worry! The rain’ll… wash this right away, it’ll be fine.” “It’s not raining.” One of them huffed. “Not yet! But it will… soon. It always bloody does.” The two of them looked exceedingly unimpressed, their arms folded and their faces low as I forced a very unconvincing smile, continuing to rub his back as he retched. We were only a matter of minutes away from my flat and I was well aware that the best option at that point was to get him back and throw him into my bed rather than throw him in a taxi. He wasn’t in a good state and I felt like it was my responsibility to look after him for the night. As soon as he was done being sick, I slung his arm over my shoulder and started dragging him to my flat, shooting one last cheesy grin at the bouncers and then basically running away from them. By the time we’d reached my building, I felt like I was more or less carrying all of his weight, listening to him apologise to me over and over again, saying it was fine over and over again, but that clearly wasn’t commuting. Thankfully, my door didn’t jam that night, meaning we got inside very quickly and I carried him to my bedroom, where he found enough stamina to undress. “M'sorry.” He said again. “This evening has been an embarrassing one.” “It’s okay.” I chuckled, feeling as though I should look away as he stripped down to his boxers. “Get some kip, okay?” As soon as he was undressed, he fell onto my bed, on top of the duvet with his face buried into my pillow. He settled within seconds, and before I’d even left the room after throwing a blanket over him, he was fast asleep. I stood at the foot of my bed and watched him for a while, trying to make sure he wasn’t going to wake at any moment and start throwing up again, but it seemed as though he’d got it all out. I kept the two doors between my bedroom and my living room open for the evening just in case, traipsing down the hall and pouring myself a glass of water in preparation for the morning and the inevitable hangover before locating my one other blanket, and taking my place on the sofa for the evening. It didn’t take me too long to fall asleep either.

Thanks to the lack of natural light in my front room, when I woke the following day I was extremely worried that I’d have lost the majority of my day, immediately reaching for my phone to check the time and relieved to see it was just before 11am. The next thing I grabbed was my water, downing the whole thing in one foul swoop, my whole body feeling exceptionally delicate. It didn’t take much effort to piece my evening together; thanks to Max’s drunken state, I’d felt more of less sober by the time we crashed at mine. Groaning as I went, I sat myself upright and got to my feet, rushing to the kitchen to get myself another water which I downed with just as much speed as I had the last one, feeling far too sorry for myself to say the pain was self-inflicted. I stepped out into the hallway, just about to go to my room and check that Max was still alive when I heard my lock going, turning my head for only a second before seeing Harry Styles once again burst through my front door, my key in his hand. “Harry!” I yelped, taking a few steps back and crashing against my wall. He came towards me, as frantic as he had been the last time he appeared at my door, coming so close it was like he wanted to lock me into place. “Your… Your name. Your name is in a Stone Roses song.” “What?” “Your name is in a fucking Stone Roses song and I knew. The moment I met you I knew.” “Harry, you’re-” “M’not drunk!” Sometimes it was like he could read my mind, taking another step towards me and taking my cheeks into his hands, pulling himself so his face was just inches from mine. “Look at me. Look me in the eye. I am not drunk.” I took a moment to gage him, seeing his perfectly green eyes, his clear skin, blaming his shakes on his anxieties and nothing else because it was clear he was telling the truth. He was sober. I nodded nervously. “When you first told me your name, all I could think about was the fact that it’s in a fucking Stone Roses song. I know that’s stupid, but… it’s not just any name, is it? I knew then. I knew you’d mean something to me because you had to. Like… fucking fate or something.” “Wh-which song?” “If you’d have listened to the bloody vinyl I got you, you’d know.” He almost smiled. “S’called This Is the One, and it is.” “What?” “This is it, me and you, I know it is.” “Please calm down.” I begged. “You’re not talking sense. Take a minute, okay?” He distanced from me again, doing as I’d asked, taking a little time to breathe and gather his thoughts. I thought about the note he’d left me on that vinyl, that I should listen and fall in love, and it was only then that I started to wonder if that note meant more than I had originally thought it did. I stayed perfectly still as he steadied his mind and his manner, running his hand through his hair and closing his eyes, leaning against the wall directly across from me. He looked down to the floor before he continued. “I feel like… I knew as soon as I met you.” He sighed. “And… I just fucked it up. I fucked it up because the second I’m actually interested in someone it’s like I lose my mind. I was so nervous around you, Lona.” “You… You didn’t seem it?” I just about spoke, breathless alongside him. “The first time I asked you out on a double date… I was asking you to be my date. I wanted to go with you, I wanted you to be the person I was dating. My mate was already going with some girl and he asked me if I wanted to double date, so I asked you.” “What?” “But you-you misunderstood, and I remember so vividly you asking who I was going with, and how crushed I felt. Then I didn’t… dare say anything because I thought I was gunna make an idiot of myself because you clearly weren’t interested. I wasn’t stood up that night, I just didn’t have anyone to go with because I wanted you!” “Bullshit.” “M'not lying!” He called. “It took a fucking second to find you a date because you’re literally perfect, but I didn’t dare ask anyone so I just… I didn’t invite anyone and told you I’d been stood up. But when I asked you on that double date, I was asking you.” I could barely comprehend what he was telling me, so I just stared at him, attempting to wrap my mind around what he’d just said and conjure up my indistinct memories of that day. I could almost picture the day in my mind, the two of us stood in the kitchen at work. I remembered him coming over to me and asking me if I wanted to go on a double date with him. I remembered asking him who the lucky girl was. I remembered him stuttering and not giving me a proper answer. “Why… Why didn’t you say anything?” I trembled. “I was embarrassed! I didn’t… think you were interested. Then we got into such a fucking habit with those dates but it killed me seeing you with other people, I hated it. But then I thought I’d… got past it and accepted that we were just friends. For the past few years I just thought I’d gotten past it, but I never did!” This was all I’d wanted, for him to be honest with me. I had wanted him to be sober and actually tell me what had been going on in his head, and yet I couldn’t swallow the information he was feeding me. It didn’t feel real to me. When I’d wanted him to speak his mind, I’d only really been considering how he’d been feeling over the past few weeks, not the past few years. “I… I always set you up on bad dates on purpose.” “What?” I squealed. “I know, m’sorry, that’s shit. That’s a shit thing to do and I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help it! I didn’t even… mean to but it was like this subconscious decision, every fucking time.” He gasped. “That Lewis guy the other month? I knew he was fucking Tory. I’d already spoke with him about it. But I told you to go for it because somewhere in my head I knew it wouldn’t work and you’d still… you’d still be mine.” “That’s so fucked up, Harry!” I cried. “That’s fucked up that you did that to me when you were… in a fucking relationship with someone.” “Lona, I’ve been trying to get over you for years!” He yelled. “That has made me act like a dickhead time and time again, and I can admit that, and I’m sorry. But I’ve been trying for so long to ignore how I really feel about you, but I can’t. I can’t get over you and I don’t think I ever will and I need to fucking face that!” His mum had practically told me this the previous week, as had his ex-girlfriend, and yet it seemed only hearing it from him allowed even the thought of him feeling that way about me to sink in, but not with ease. I could accept what he was saying, but then it was like my body wanted to fight it, reject it, doubt it and object. “I don’t understand!” I was sobbing, tears patterning down my cheeks. “I… I’ve seen you and heard you getting so defensive over our friendship. I’ve seen you being angry when people thought we were something else!” “D’ya know how terrifying it is to have so many people see right through me?” He explained those actions, making the answer seem so simple. “And I am protective of our friendship! You’re my best friend in the whole fucking world, Lona, and I’ve be so scared of… losing what we have.” I needed more water. My throat was almost painfully dry, to the point where I was worried that if I tried to speak again, no words would come. For some time, we were both perfectly quiet, Harry with his back against one wall and mine against the other. Despite how I was feeling, I couldn’t take my eyes off him, amazed that he was confident enough and sure enough of what he was saying that he held my eye contact. I knew he was waiting for me to say something, to share my feelings with him or at least fully acknowledge the things he was saying to me, but it was like I couldn’t. It was almost as though there was too much information trying to be processed at once, leaving me almost breathless. “Say something.” He begged. “You’ve made me feel awful, Harry.” I choked, scarcely aware of the words that were coming out of my mouth. “These past few times I’ve seen you… you’ve made me feel like I don’t mean anything to you. I don’t understand how you can turn around and say all these things to me when you literally sat there and told me how worried you were that I’d gotten attached to you.” “That was my fear, Lona, not yours. I fuck up every relationship I have. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. When you’re just my friend…. I guess it’s like I didn’t think I ran the risk of losing you. But… telling you this and… I dunno. I just… I can’t stand the thought of my life without you.” “But it was like you tried to push me away!” “I didn’t try to push you away, I tried to keep you close but… familiar. Because I was scared, but I’m not scared anymore. I want this, I want you!” He told me fiercely. “When I kissed you… it felt so right. I never wanted to stop. I’m sorry for turning up drunk last week, but it was liquid courage. I know I shouldn’t have just kissed you like that but I never want to stop kissing you… if kissing you feels so fucking right.” There was no denying that Harry’s recent actions had been far from golden, but I finally started to see them differently. His actions on their own had been excruciating, but his actions partnered with the feelings he was finally sharing with me made more sense. I ran both my hands over my eyes, only revealing them again when I heard the floorboards creaking, watching Harry take a few tentative steps towards me. “It was like… everyone could see it other than you.” He spoke quietly. “My mum. Even Sara. Maybe… I couldn’t see it either, for a while, but I see it now. I see what we’re like and I… understand how I feel. I just… I need to know how you feel.” “I… I asked you to call me, but you didn’t.” I mumbled frantically, avoiding acknowledging what he had just said. “I told you to-” “You told me to call you if I wanted to be your friend, but I don’t wanna be your fucking friend, Lona!” He yowled. He was edging closer to me, so close that I felt as though my new initial instinct when his body was that near to mine was to kiss him, race my fingers through his hair and drag him towards my bedroom. I understood what he meant now; why he’d kissed me so desperately the last time he was in my home, because it felt so right. He took my hand in his, my neck snapping so I could keep my eyes on his as his thumb stroked soothing circles across my skin, encouraging a reaction, his other hand pressing high against the wall beside me so he could lean closer but keep his balance. My eyes flicked down to his lips for a moment before shooting back up, my heart racing. The sound of my bedroom door opening tore our vision apart, the two of us bolting our heads to look down the hallway, watching Max stumble out of my bedroom in just his boxers, rubbing his left eye with the back of his wrist. “Lona-” He began, dropping his hand and then noticing it wasn’t just me. “Shit, sorry.” I looked back up to Harry with wide eyes, but he wasn’t looking at me. He was just glaring at Max, his chest heaving, dropping my hand and pushing off from the wall. Just as I opened my mouth to finally speak, he spoke for me. “M'just gunna go.” He grumbled, moving his eyes down to the floor. “No, Harry, wait!” “No, it’s fine, just… forget it.” As Harry walked to my front door, I quickly turned to Max and shunned him back to my bedroom. He looked exceedingly alarmed, but did as I’d asked immediately, retreating and closing the door as I chased the small distance to catch Harry up. He was already out in the hall by the time I grabbed his wrist. “Don’t go, please!” I begged. “We need to talk! I’m ready to talk.” “Lona, let go of me.” “Harry, you don’t understand! It’s not what it looks like.” He yanked his hand from mine fiercely, turning back to look at me, and I could see how hurt he was. I knew he’d misconstrued things. Harry knew me so well, and he knew what I was like. There had never been a boy in my bedroom before who didn’t mean something to me and he knew that. Sex for me meant attachment and there wasn’t a chance in hell he had seen Max walk out of my room and jumped to any other conclusion. “I didn’t sleep with him, Harry, I-” “Are you with him?” He gasped, his brows low and his voice aching. “What-” “Are you dating him?” “I… I’ve been on a few dates with him, yeah, but-” “I can’t do this, Lona.” He began backing away from me. “It hurts too fucking much.” “If you would just listen to me!” “I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT!” He took one step back my way. “All I’ve done is sit at home and think about you whilst you’ve been... falling for some other boy. Sleeping with some other boy!” “I haven’t!” “I don’t believe that, Lona! Do you think I’m fucking blind? I just saw him! Fuck this.” “Before today, I thought you didn’t want me to feel anything for you! That’s what you told me.” I bit, feeling sour again. It wasn’t fair for him to make me feel guilty. I understood the gumption it had taken him to appear at my door that morning and explain his feelings the way he had, but that was all brand new to me. All I’d had to work with was the information I’d had beforehand, which had lead me to believe that Harry didn’t want my affections. He didn’t have the right to make feel badly for dating someone else. The fact he didn’t believe me when it came to sleeping with Max wasn’t helping the situation either. “I feel sick. I can’t do this, m’sorry.” He moved away again. “Harry.” I called, watching him walk away from me. “HARRY!” “Forget it, Lona. Forget I ever said anything.” There was a brief moment where I felt like chasing him, but I knew it wouldn’t get us anywhere. It wouldn’t elevate the situation in a positive way, it would only make things worse. He needed time and so did I. Furious, I slammed the door, livid that he’d turned so quickly. I couldn’t blame him for thinking the way he did, aching at the sight of Max lurching out of my room, not believing me that it was innocent, and yet it all made me so angry. He didn’t have the right to be that way with me, whether I’d slept with Max or not. It was unfair of him to storm away and leave me feeling like the guilty party when I hadn’t known there were feelings of Harry’s there to hurt. I kicked at my door, the weak wood shuddering and splintering, likely jamming into place forever, letting out a low growl as I ended up once again with my back against the wall, somewhere between enraged and distraught. A few seconds later, Max opened my bedroom door once again, stood there with a sorry little look on his face, like he was on the verge of apologising even though he had done absolutely nothing wrong at any point since I’d met him. I lolled my head back a few times, knocking it against the wall, unsure whether I was doing that in the hope of engraining Harry’s words into my head so I’d remember them forever, or if I was immediately trying to eliminate his declarations, knocking them out of my conscious. Neither option seemed appealing.

[americanunderdad-blog]

Setting the stage - the office escape

American Underdads

The Americans had the last stone, needing one final push in order to move on to the qualifying round. One member of the americans lines up his shot, teeing off down the lane, releasing with an anticipatory look on his face, his tongue out of his mouth in concentration. The camera stays focused on the man’s face, his eyes widening, he begins shouting, no sound is heard though. He seems angry, then a look of hopeful disbelief, crescendoing in a crestfallen expression of devastation. The screen fades to black on the man’s face.

TEXT: Almost four years later

We see a man sitting in a too small cubicle. It’s adorned as most cubicles would be, a calendar hangs on the wall with a week highlighted as VACA. There are black Xs on all the other days. He’s clean shaven and wearing a tie, his shirt has a small coffee stain that’s been worked on with some kind of stain pen.

Suddenly we hear, “Fink” being shouted from a distance. He turns around, sighs, seems to summon up the courage to stand, falters a moment, sits back down at his desk, looks around quickly. A mousy looking woman peers over the cube wall “Jason, Mr. Gubbler wants to see you,” “Well tell Mr. Gubbler that I’m not home”. She ups her nose at him and disappears. “FINK” we hear, even louder now. Jason looks around, pushes his chair out a bit, and squirms underneath his desk. “FINK!”, we see the chair being pulled back in, a small squeak comes from a wheel as it is rolled into place. The camera leaves the cubes, begins to move down Fink’s row.

Text begins to flash across the screen. “Based on what everyone thinks could be a true story”

Camera stops

An angry looking man rounds a corner of the cubicles, “FINK!” 

Camera backtracks focused on the man

 The man is short, but menacing. He starts walking down the aisles,  keeping the focus on the man. He peers into cube after cube, “Fink?” “No sir.”

“Have you seen Fink” “No Sir” “Have you seen Fink” “No Sir” “Have you seen Fink” “No Sir”

We see the man approaching Jason’s Cube, he stops at the mousy haired woman’s desk “Have you seen Fink” pause “No Sir, I believe that he is not home” We see the man stop outside Fink’s cube. The man reads the name tag “Jason Fink”

The camera moves around to the back of the man, he’s looking down in the cube, there’s a bit of jacket hanging out from under the desk.

Close up of Jason under the cubicle, he has one hand over his mouth, sweat beading down his head, an old flip phone is in the other. We see a line of the same text, SOS SHARK APPROACHING BASEMENT being sent to someone named Molly. He gently shuts the phone.

The camera goes back behind the man who approaches the desk, back to Jason, back to them man still getting closer, heartbeat sound in the background becoming more and more prominent, back to Jason. Jason appears to be getting ready to get out of the desk.

A women’s voice now “Frank!”

Camera rushes out of cube - focuses on blonde woman at end of aisle “Frank, what’s going on?” She asks as she starts walking down, her heels clicking with every step 

Camera turns back to Frank

“Oh well uh I need Fink to do some extra work for me” “What work was that?” “Well uh some very important work for the Currier case” “Ok, and why does Jason need to do it” “Well uh, he’s a good worker and I know he’ll do it right” “I thought you said the Currier Case was wrapped up” “Well uh yes, yes I did, I want him to review case files before the settlement” “But isn’t the settlement signed already?” “Well yes, but I want it to be reviewed again. You know, I don’t need to explain myself to you Molly don’t look at me like that. Stop questioning my methods. I need to go find Fink. I’ll go check the bathroom. FINK” The man yells and storms off.

Cut back to Jason, we see the chair being pulled out, hear that squeak again. He breathes a sigh of relief. Molly crouches down, “JJ you can’t keep doing this. One of these days he’s going to catch you.” Jason climbs out from under the desk, looking quite ruffled after doing so. He whispers back “I know but he’s just trying to make me miss my vacation for another one of his bullshit power trips .” “Everyone knows that, it’s part of the job” “Yea well this job sucks” “Then quit”. The mousy women is peering over the cube again. A smug grin across her face. “Just quit and you can have as much vacation as you want.” “Thanks Janice” “My name is Janet” “Sure, go hang out with your 12 cats.” She ups her nose again and disappears. We hear quietly “It’s 13 thank you”.

Molly grabs JJ’s shoulders. He stands about a foot taller than her, but she seems to be the tall one here. She just stares at him a moment, searching. He looks back, defiant. “Oh JJ.” She lets go, crestfallen. “Get your stuff, you gotta get out of here before the shark comes back” “Right.” Jason grabs a briefcase next to his desk. “I really owe you for this one Molly” he pecks her on the cheek, crouches low so his head is below the cubicle walls, and begins to walk out. Molly is left behind, shaking her head as she leaves. The camera then follows JJ as he crouch walks down the line of cubes. Cat-lady’s cube is seen briefly, she quickly closes a picture of a cat when she hears someone walking by. Sees that it’s JJ, scoffs, and reopens the cat pictures, making baby cat noises.

Jason taps the down arrow for the elevator, walks in. The camera focuses on him as the doors close, then swaps around, to see Gubbler standing at the end of the aisles, still yelling for Fink. Jason shuffles so he can’t be seen.

[stayextrafrosty]

Xo

Request: Patrick x reader where the reader is a fan and has a one night stand with Mr.Stump which results in a pregnancy. The reader doesn't want to let Patrick know about the pregnancy, but the readers bff convinces them that Patrick deserves to know. The only problem is the reader isn't sure how to get into contact with him. When they finally reunite Patrick freaks out over the news. I'll let you take it from there... Maybe some fluff? I trust you and adore you're writing!

Warning: cursing, smut, drinking, pregnancy, fluff

Words: 5215

Masterlist

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Mia and I rushed into the bar, covering our heads from the rain. The weather never said it was supposed to downpour on us. We laughed at each other and she pointed out how my white t-shirt was now see through.

“You are probably one of the unluckiest people on the planet. Why do I hang out with you again?” I looked down at my soaked Fall Out Boy concert shirt. My bra was now visible and I cursed myself. Of course, the one day I don’t wear a darker shirt, it rains.

“Yea, don’t remind me. Come on, let’s sit for a bit.” She rolled her eyes and headed towards one of the empty booths. The waitress came by almost as soon as we sat down. It seemed to be slow, but that wasn’t surprising for a weeknight. Mia ordered us a daiquiri each and some seafood nachos.

“So much for a nice evening in the city,” she said. I chuckled.

“Why? This isn’t nice? I don’t know about you but I miss eating dinner together. Your boyfriend stole my roommate after all.” She grinned at me and shrugged. They were happy together and that’s all I really wanted for her.

“We either have to get you a relationship, or at the least get you laid. How long has it been?” I kicked her under the table and we both laughed. The waitress returned with our drinks and promised the food would be out shortly.

The bar was generally quiet. Enough that we could hear the music playing over the speakers. I recognized the voice of Frank Sinatra but couldn’t quite place what song it was. I tapped my fingers in time with the music as I looked around.

Most everything was made of wood and glass. The bartender wiped down the counter moving around the old guy that was half passed out but still drinking. A man and woman sat a bit to his left, the man clearly flirting. She let a hand rest on his thigh. I rolled my eyes a bit and looked down to the last person. I couldn’t make out their face very well. They wore a dark hoodie and jeans. The waitress interrupted my line of sight as she set down our food.

We dug in as Mia launched into a story about her job. She worked as a manager and loved to make fun of the rude customers that came in to yell at her. She was made for a job like that. She was beautiful but intimidating and never wavered once she made a decision. She wasn’t afraid to tell a customer ‘no.’ I loved watching her in action. I told her I’d be right back and left for the restroom.

As I washed my hands, I glanced at myself in the mirror. My shirt was still a bit see through and my hair had started to curl from the rain. Nothing too bad. My cheeks were flushed from the alcohol and I cursed myself for having a lower tolerance than most people my age. Guess that means no more drinks tonight. I sighed and stepped out of the bathroom. I turned the corner of the dimly lit hallway and ran into someone.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry. Didn’t see you,” I quickly apologized. The person was about my height maybe even a bit shorter. It was the hooded figure from before. I looked up to a face I recognized. It didn’t register at first.

“No, no. It was my fault. I’m not exactly dressed to be seen,” he paused a moment, pushing the hood off his head. “I like your shirt,” he said smiling. I blinked a couple times.

“Patrick? Patrick Stump,” I said slowly, trying to keep my composure. Was this real? What was he doing here of all places? His eyes seemed to glow and chuckled slightly. He must have noticed the question on my face.

“Just passing through. I don’t think the show here is for another couple weeks. But we needed a break so we stopped.” I shocked my head slightly. I had to stop gawking at him. I’m sure he’s used to it but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t weird. I cleared my throat.

“So, um. I… uh… I had like, this whole speech to say when I finally met you guys but I honestly can’t think of it right now. I guess the general thing is, um, thank you. Thank you for everything. I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for you and your music,” I rambled. A chill ran through me. I wasn’t sure if it was because of my still damp clothes or the fact that Patrick was staring at me so intensely. He smiled sweetly and unzipped his hoodie, handing it to me.

“Here. You’re probably cold with the wet clothes and all.” Heat rushed to my face. I looked down at my shirt, still a bit see-through. But I couldn’t just take his jacket. I’d probably combust with excitement.

“I couldn’t take your clothes. I’m not sure when my friend was planning to leave so I wouldn’t want to forget I was wearing it and not give it back to you or something…” He opened the jacket and tossed it around my shoulders, a blush creeping onto his face.

“I insist,” he said. I noticed his eyes glance down at my shirt again. Shit. He could see through it. I quickly pulled the jacket around me. It was warm and soft. I wonder if this is what it’d be like to hug him? He bit his lip slightly, shifting a bit. “Didn’t help…” I heard him mumble. I was going to question but Mia just seemed to appear.

“Hey, (Y/N), what’s taking so long?” Patrick and I both faced her. She took in the situation for a moment before smirking at me. “I was going to catch an Uber back to the station. Apparently, something happened and I gotta get home. You coming with or do you have a ride?” The way she said ride made me blush harder.

She knew exactly who was standing next to me. I had shown her enough pictures and fangirled about him enough. I opened my mouth to protest but Patrick spoke first.

“I can get her home. That is, if you’d like.” He directed the question towards me. I didn’t know what to say. Of course, I wanted to spend more time with him but was it right to make him take me home?

“I mean… Only if you’re sure I won’t be a burden.” He smiled and shook his head.

“Not at all. I’d be more than happy to take you home.” Another chill ran down my back.

“Well alright then. I got the bill so don’t worry about it. I’ll text you later, (Y/N). Stay safe,” Mia said, waving as she walked away. Patrick gestured with his arm out to the bar.

“Join me for a drink?” I smiled and nodded, even though I knew I shouldn’t have anything else. I settled for a glass of wine. “White or red,” Patrick asked. I preferred white mostly because the reds were too bitter.

“White,” I said with a bit of a question. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was a nerd about liquor. He turned back to the bartender and I spoke again, “Sweet white. I really like Moscato.” He turned back toward me and grinned.

“Don’t worry. You’ll like this.” I rolled my eyes as he placed the order.

We made some easy small talk as we waited for the wine. I tried to avoid the topic of the band. Even though I’m sure he’d be happy to talk about it, I didn’t want to seem like that was all I cared about.

The bartender set down two glasses of white wine in front of us. I picked mine up and lifted it to my nose. It smelled sweet but it wasn’t Moscato, that much I could tell. I watched Patrick take a sip of his, watching, waiting for me to try it.

“What is it,” I asked? He laughed at me and rolled his eyes.

“Just try it. Don’t you trust me?” I did trust him. But maybe I should be questioning my judgement.

I took a sip of the sweet alcohol. It went down easily, the light burn familiar. But the burn was the only indication of the alcohol. It was sweeter than Moscato but not unbearable. I had to remind myself to sip it and not take a huge drink. I licked my lip where a bit still lingered. His eyes flicked down momentarily.

“Well?” I tilted my head and swirled the liquid.

“It’s definitely sweet. But it’s good,” I said, taking another sip. He started at me for a moment.

“You know, you have beautiful eyes,” he said softly. I tried to not choke on the wine. Was he… flirting? I set my glass down and went to wipe any extra off my mouth. I giggled a bit.

“Thank you. That’s sweet.” I ran my thumb over my bottom lip. I heard him curse under his breath. I tilted my head in confusion.

“What is it?” A light blush rose to his face. He reached toward me and copied my earlier motion. His hand was gentle on my face. I sighed and pulled my lip between my teeth. He laughed slightly.

“God have mercy, I’m only a man.” I finally got it. He was… attracted to me? My already flushed face couldn’t get much warmer, at least that’s what I thought. But my body betrayed me. I inched closer to him, testing how far this could go.

“What do you need mercy from,” I asked so only he could hear? His eyes darkened and he cleared his throat. He dropped a couple bills on the counter before standing up and offering me his hand.

“I should take you home. It’s getting late.” I stood and took his hand. He held it until we made it out the door. I gathered my courage. I wouldn’t know if I didn’t try.

“Wouldn’t you rather go somewhere else?” He froze and looked back at me. I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and looked down. He didn’t say anything for a moment so I glanced back up at him through my eyelashes. He smiled briefly.

“Where did you want to go?” His voice was low and eyes filled with lust. My breathing spiked. I stepped closer to him, looking at his lips. I hoped this was what I thought it was.

“Wherever this leads us, I guess.” I leaned up and pressed my mouth to his. God this must have been a dream or something. He still hadn’t let go of my hand and didn’t pull away from my kiss either. I pulled away from him after a couple more seconds. His eyes were close and I watched them open again.

“Maybe this is a bad idea but I really don’t care,” he mumbled to himself. His other hand came to rest on my face as he kissed me again. I wove my free hand into his hair and he groaned. He backed away suddenly and began pulling us down the street.

I had to be dreaming. There was no way that had actually worked. There was no way that this was about to happen. I wanted to pinch myself, but the light drizzle was enough to remind me to keep moving. I giggled at how enthusiastic Patrick was. He slowed down once we got to a hotel. A fancy one at that. He held my hand as we walked through the entryway as calmly as possible.

We stepped into the elevator and Patrick pressed the button for the tenth floor. The doors closed without anyone else getting on. The elevator started to climb and I found myself against the wall. I yelped but was silenced by Patrick’s mouth on me. His hands were on my waist as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I could feel his need pressing against my thigh. He bit my lip and tugged gently. I sighed, holding him tighter.

The elevator dinged, pulling us out of our haze. Patrick pulled away from me, but still gripped my hand. The doors opened and we stepped out, letting the people waiting there take our place. Patrick tugged me along behind him, his quick pace from earlier making a return. He pulled a keycard out of his pocket before we even stopped at a door. I nearly ran into him when he did stop.

He fumbled a bit with the card and the door just did not want to cooperate. I giggled and he turned toward me just to roll his eyes. He took a breath and tried to open the door, more calmly this time. That approach seemed to work a lot better for him.

The room was modest but I’m sure it cost a fortune. Not that any of them needed to worry about money. Patrick flipped on one of the small lamps, making the room a warm shade of yellow. He looked over at me, a slight blush on his face. Maybe he was nervous but his eyes and body said something completely different.

He watched me intensely, seeming to command my attention. His hands resting in his pockets. God, he looked so beautiful. I licked my lips and I watched as he smirked at me a bit. I moved closer to him slowly as if he was pulling me on a rope. Once I stood in front of him, he reached up and began to pull down the zipper of the jacket he gave me.

“Just so you know, I don’t usually give in to things like this, but you… You are something I have to have.” I shuddered at his words. Or maybe that was the warmth of his jacket leaving my body. He didn’t leave me like that for long. He wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed me.

He was sweet and moved slowly with me. I appreciated it but I almost wished he would just take me. All other considerations out the window. He rested between my legs on the bed, both of us in our underwear.

He leaned down and kissed the inside of my thigh while his fingers hooked inside of my panties and tugged them down. I moaned when I felt his warm breath on my core. His fingers massaged my thighs and I was melting into him.

“Fuck, Patrick, please. I need you.” God, I would do anything he asked as long as he fucking touched me. I rolled my hips towards him and he forced them back down.

“Try not to move to much babe. Just be patient.” I tried to do what he said, I really did. But the second his tongue touched me, I pushed myself towards him. He didn’t really stop me this time, just gripped me tighter. I had always wondered what that beautiful mouth could do. My sighs and moans became erratic. I could feel the buildup. My nails tug into the bed. I was so close… So close…

He slipped a finger inside of me and then another. I shot up onto my elbows. I had to watch him. He pulled his mouth away from me for a moment to look up. He smirked and crawled up to kiss me. I could taste myself and that was almost enough to send me over the edge. His fingers curled inside me and he moved faster. He kissed his way over to my ear.

“Cum for me. Then I’ll give you what you really want.” My back arched as an orgasm ripped through me. Patrick nibbled my neck lightly. His fingers began to slow down as I came off from my high.

I collapsed on the bed as he hovered above me, kissing my neck and face. My skin came to life as he traced my body. I couldn’t help but push into him. I wanted more. My eyes fluttered open when he pulled away from me. His blue eyes shining brighter than anything I had ever seen.

My hands found their way to his face and I held him gently. I pulled his mouth to mine again. His tongue worked wonders on me. He tasted so sweet and I squirmed beneath him.

“More. I want more,” I managed to mumble out between kisses. I felt him grin. He shifted around and tossed the last of his clothing to the floor. He stopped kissing me and pinned my arms above me.

“Gotta be more specific than that,” he said. I could only whine and squirm beneath him. He knew what I wanted. “I can’t understand whining. Want to try that again?” I groaned and arched my hips up to brush against him. He sucked in a quick breath but regained his composure. Damn him.

“Please Patrick. You promised. I want you. I need you inside me.” He leaned in and kissed me.

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” He lined himself up with me, teasing me with just the head. I rolled my hips forward, encouraging him. He bit his lip as he pushed inside me. My back arched up and my eyes fell shut. God, he felt amazing.

He moved his hips slowly, letting us both revel in the feeling of each other. He leaned down to kiss me. He was so gentle and sweet. I wish this could last longer than just tonight.

-

Patrick dropped me off at the train station. He had offered to take me all the way home but I needed to get my car anyway. And I’m sure he needed to be up tomorrow morning so they could get going.

“Are you absolutely sure? I really have no problem driving you back to your car. It seems like a shitty thing for you to pay for your own train after I made you stay late.” I smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

“You didn’t make me do anything. I had a really nice time. You’re just as wonderful and amazing as I’d hoped. Good night. And goodbye, Patrick.” I moved to get out of the car but he pulled me back. He grabbed my face and kissed me. This was really it. Our paths will probably never cross again. He pulled back a brushed a stray piece of hair out of my face.

“You deserve the world. I hope you get everything you want.” I stepped out of the car. He waited until I stepped into the building before pulling away. I felt a tear slip down my face. Maybe I should have done something else but it was too late. I shook my head and ran down the stairs to catch the train.

-

Three weeks later

I pulled myself up from bed. My stomach turned and I had to choke back the vomit. It had been like this for a few days now. I didn’t feel sick but I’ve been throwing up. I rushed to the bathroom, emptying my dinner from the night before. This sucked.

After wiping my mouth, I slumped my way to the kitchen. I couldn’t just not eat. I had texted Mia after I pulled myself together. She hadn’t been sick recently and I don’t see too many other people. My phone buzzed with another message.

Lol what if you’re pregnant?

I laughed at first and continued making my eggs. But I thought about it a bit more. I needed to go out and buy more eggs. I don’t remember eating eggs this much. Ever. I froze. The microwave beeped at me but I was gone. I stumbled as I tried to pick up my phone from the counter. Pulling open the calendar I started counting the days.

I was late. By a few days.

I sent a text back to her.

Mia… I’m late…

Hold the fuck up. I was kidding. Just wait there and I’ll be by as soon as possible.

An hour or so later, Mia was bursting in the door holding a bag from the drugstore. She threw off her jacket and shoved the bag into my arms.

“Go to the bathroom and take these tests right now. How long has the sickness been going? How late are you? Who did you sleep with and not tell me?” Her eyes were frantic as she grabbed my shoulders.

“I’m about four days late. The sickness, about three days now. And, I haven’t slept with anyone. Not since…” Patrick. We forgot to use a condom. But he pulled out. There’s no fucking way. Mia probably mirrored my shocked expression.

“First of all. You’re a fucking idiot. Second. No matter what those tests show, I’m here for you.” I nodded and hurried to the bathroom. I grabbed a little paper cup out of the cabinet. God this can’t be happening.

I walked out of the bathroom slowly, gripping the three tests in my hand. I hadn’t looked at them yet. I was too afraid. Mia jumped up from her spot on the couch.

“Well?” I shrugged and looked down at my hands. “Look at them. We have to know.” I opened my hand slowly, grabbing one of the tests. Positive. I grabbed the second one. Positive. I felt a tear slip out. The last one. Positive.

“(Y/N)…” Mia pulled me close. I was pregnant. And Patrick Stump was the father.

-

“What do you mean you’re not going to try and find him? That’s his kid. He screwed up just as much as you did,” Mia said, handing me some tea.

“I have no way to get in contact with him. I’m just some girl he slept with. I didn’t mean anything to him.” As much as I wished it meant something, I wasn’t stupid.

“You don’t know that. And so what if that is the case? He should be helping you support the kid. Again, it’s his, too.” I curled up under the blanket. It was a nice thought but his life was on the road. “He deserves to know,” Mia scolded. I ran a hand through my hair.

“I know, Mia. I’m just scared. Scared that he’s going to deny me completely.” She gave me a sympathetic smile.

“I know. But we have to try and contact him first.” I sighed and nodded, finally giving in. “What about social media? Doesn’t he have a Twitter?”

“Yea but he rarely uses it and that would be too public anyway. He’s a celebrity so he can’t receive any direct messages, only if he sends them first.” Mia went silent for another moment. Her face suddenly lit up and she yanked her phone out of her pocket.

“Mia what is it,” I asked? She ‘shushed’ me and continued to fiddle. We ok then.

“I’ve got it! The concert! It’s tonight! Come on and get dressed. I’ll see if I can find some cheap tickets.” I just looked at her.

“Are you crazy? There’s no way we’ll be able to get to him.” She jumped up, a look of victory on her face.

“Got some! Ok so someone was selling them on stub hub, they’re not ground but they are first floor so even if we can’t catch him, we’ll at least get to see an awesome show.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me up. There was no changing her mind by this point. I just hoped this worked.

-

I wore the same t-shirt as the night we met. I didn’t know if that would help him recognize me at all but maybe. I was able to pull on some skinny jeans but I noticed they didn’t quite fit right anymore. The bump wasn’t noticeable yet.

We were at the venue early, looking for where they had the busses parked. Sometimes they were out and sometimes not. I didn’t notice any other fans yet but no one has said anything to us yet either.

My had butterflies and it had nothing to do with the pregnancy. I might see Patrick again. Granted I don’t know if he’ll ever want to see me after this. Mia grabbed my arm and pointed. We had almost circled the building but there they were. The busses. We shared a look and hurried over.

They were set in two lines of four. We could walk up to the busses but I wasn’t sure if there was any sort of security. There wasn’t even a guarantee that any of these were the boy’s busses. We tried to keep a reasonable distance but the tinted windows made this difficult.

“Come on, I bet we can get a bit closer,” Mia said. We tried to look as natural as possible. I could just barely see lights on in some of the busses. An open door caught my eye.

“Hey, look.” I pointed to the open door. I could faintly hear music coming from inside. We jogged over and tried to peek inside. Some light laughter filtered out, clearly male. Mia and I glanced at each other. She shrugged.

“Ok we need to figure out how we’re going to go about this,” I said quietly. She nodded at me.

“Agreed.” Then she turned and knocked on the open door loudly. Heat rushed to my cheeks as the music stopped almost immediately. There were footsteps and Pete appeared in front of us. I froze. I couldn’t speak at all.

“Hey, what can I do for you? Someone sounded angry,” Pete said with a guarded smile.

“Hi there. Is Patrick Stump in there by any chance?” I grabbed Mia’s arm, trying to reign her in. Pete stepped back a bit, looking to the side.

“Who’s asking?” Mia went to open her mouth again and I yanked her back. She wasn’t being rude but sometimes she could come off as a bit… abrasive.

“Me. My name is (Y/N). He knows me. I promise it’s important.” Pete took in my appearance. He smiled a bit at my shirt. His shoulders relaxed, recognizing that I was a fan.

“Hey Trick. (Y/N). She said you know each other. It’s important?” There was a bit of shuffling before Patrick came up beside Pete. He did a double-take when he saw me. The blush returned to my face as he looked me up and down before landing on my eyes.

“(Y/N)?” I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding. He remembered me. “What are you doing here? Not that I’m complaining but I’m a bit surprised.” He stepped out of the bus, a smile forming on his face. He pulled me into a light hug. My arms instinctively wrapped around him.

“Um, well. I need to talk to you. Preferably somewhere… private.” I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. His eyebrows drew together. He looked back at Pete.

“I’ll be back in a bit.” Pete nodded and headed back in. We walked around to the front of the bus. Mia followed us at first.

“Mia, could you stay back? Hopefully this won’t take long.” She looked almost wounded but nodded in submission.

Patrick bit on his bottom lip slightly. God, he still looked hot when he did that. I took a breath. I didn’t know how to start this conversation. I didn’t just want to drop the ball on him. I looked down at my feet, shuffling the gravel around.

“What is it? Are you ok?” I met his eyes and gave him a sad smile.

“Yea I’m fine but…” I fiddled with my fingers. “You remember the night we spent together?” He nodded slowly. “Well. We forgot something very important.” A frown found its way onto his face, like he was trying to remember. His eyes widened for a moment.

“We forgot to use a…” I bit my lip and nodded. He didn’t need to finish the sentence. He knew.

“Even though you pulled out. It didn’t work.” He shook his head slightly. As if willing me to not say it out loud.

“I’m pregnant, Patrick. And it’s yours.” He stared blankly at me before leaning back against the bus. He ran a hand through his hair.

“Fuck.” I didn’t know what to do. Should I try and comfort him? Should I tell him to not worry about it? Promise that I won’t tell? I went to speak but he cut me off. “I’m such a fucking idiot. Dammit!” He half shouted. I jumped slightly. I had never heard or seen him do anything like that.

“Tell me you’re lying. I won’t be mad. Please tell me this is some cruel joke.” He grabbed my arms. Not hard but I flinched anyway. He let go immediately, “I’m sorry.”

“Patrick. I wish I could tell you that it’s a joke. But it’s not. I wouldn’t wish this burden on you. I’m sorry that…” he held up a hand to stop me. He sighed.

“None of this is your fault. I should have been thinking strait. I should have remembered. You could never be a burden on me.” He paused. “And neither is the baby.” My eyes widened and I felt tears run down my face. Curse all these extra hormones.

“I will let you decide what to do from here. If you want to keep it, then I will support you. If you want to get rid of it… I won’t stop you.” A hand came up to cover my mouth. I let the tears flow freely. He pulled me close, holding me gently. I felt him press a kiss to my head.

“I’m glad you told me. I couldn’t live with myself if you had tried to do this on your own.” He pushed me away from him slightly. “I care about you. I wanted it to be more than a one-time thing. And if this is what needed to happen to bring you back to me? Then I couldn’t be more thankful. I will take care of you.” His hands came up to rest on my face. He wiped some tears away.

Then he kissed me. It was so different from the first time. He was cautious, slow, giving me time to back away. I didn’t want to. I kissed him back hesitantly. It was almost awkward. Like a first kiss should be. Not lust driven. We pulled apart and I smiled at him.

“Thank you, Patrick. This means so much to me. You mean so much to me. And I promise. I’ll take care of this child.” His smile was sweet.

“And I promise to be in this child’s life. I’ll take care of both of you. Starting with taking you on a real date.” I couldn’t help the laugh that broke through my tears.

“I’m ok with that. But first I think Mia and I should get to our seats. We do have tickets for tonight.” Patrick laughed and asked for my phone. He punched his number in.

“Show this number to backstage security. They should let you and your friend in. You should probably meet the rest of the band.”

[fourteenacross]

2017 Fic Year in Review

2017 in fic! I still have to get used to this looking so different to how it looked from like, 2007 to 2015. I also did a lot of like...weird not!quite!fic things? Which I’m counting in my word count, just because I did put thought into them? But I’m not sure if I should? I don’t know. Anyway, I’ve had two glasses of champagne and a glass of red wine, so WHATEVER. Hamilton: Ghosthunters full-length fic Birthday Shots (2069) Commercialism, Merit Badges, and Liquid Courage (8179) Communicable (24382) Well Deserved Recognition (3738) Truth or Dare, Jungle Juice, and a Linen Closet (8532) Q&A Saturday - June 6, 2015 (1120) everyone must breathe until their dying breath (116,690*)

Ghosthunters ficlets: Mattie and Alex texting (1708) John and Francis at boarding school (794) Washington after the air grows cold around me and you (423) August 14 (573) Molly and the haunted chair (1159) Laf's sad Christmas (1656) John on the phone with his dad (1543) John's PoV on Alex's birthday body shots (1606) Alex and John's tattoo (2326) John at the beginning of but i won't go far away (1032) John draws Alex (1888) John is reckless (2036) John explains his tattoo (1307) John and Alex eat poptarts in bed (1924) Jo and Mattie, Jo realizes she's in love (715) John's birthday and turtles (1275)

Ghosthunters apocrypha: John's in the hospital (840) The Schuyler-Hamilton-Laurenses get a dog (332) July 12 (1634) August 27 (1535) November 24 (4020)

Three sentence ficlets: Herc and breakfast (129) Angelica leaving for London (canon fic) (133) John falling in love (102) Alex and art (119) Ghosthunters + tetanus shots (161) Eliza, first day of summer (113) Laf meeting George and Martha for the first time (180) John, first kiss with a boy (165) Burr, drunk and alone (172) John and Francis, getting together (164)

Ghosthunters Not!Fic: John and Mattie, fake dating (2563)

Non-Ghosthunters Hamilton fic: John and Alex share a bed on a roadtrip (2396) Supplemental not!fic to the above (2497) Alex and John on the dance floor with a surprise slow song (2038) Alex and John, almost drowning (3076) Supplement to the above (2335)

Not!Fic: John and his ghost boyfriend (4555) John and Alex, "summer in the city" roommates for a summer internship AU (1491) John and Alex, "may we meet again" teen besties meet again as adults and fall in love AU (2347) Hamilton noir AU, "we get the job done" (1522) Alex and John, "the world turned upside down" BFFs -> lovers AU (6161) Fem4Ham, "helpless" soulmate AU (6613)

Gravity Falls: Mabel, first crush on a girl (118)

Great Comet Not!Fic: Sonya, No One is Alone (756)

MCU: Sam and Steve and trick-or-treaters (467)

Grand Total Fandoms: 4 Total Full Length Fic: 7 Total Ficlets: 46 Grand Total Stories: 53 Grand Total Word Count: 235,409* 

* I'm including all the words of the ghosthunters summer story that I’ve written so far, even the ones that haven’t been posted.

Overall Thoughts: Man, this list looks so long, but it’s still so far off the mark that I had intended to hit.

This was a hard year, creatively. It was for everyone, I think, but after having a really great upswing in 2016 when my meds had leveled out, it felt particularly dire to me, even though I knew I wasn’t alone. It’s hard to absorb that sometimes, you know?

I’m disappointed I didn’t finish this summer story before the end of the year. I was making very good time this summer and cranked out like 60k words on a really good schedule. I took a break for DragonCon and the associated scrambling and packing, and then never got back on the horse. It’s one of those things where I can’t tell if it was self-discipline or brain stuff or exhaustion, but I’m mad at myself all the same, cause I’m like that. I’ve still got another 30k to write and I’m going to try to get back on a schedule and stick to it to push out these last couple scenes, but I still keep kicking myself about the whole thing.

A lot of it comes back to something I was talking about in last year’s round up, which is not having, essentially, @pearlo in this fandom. I spent like, five years sending Erica a constant stream of fic ideas and dialogue snippets and talking out every fic idea and texting her in the middle of the night with AUs and all sorts of other shit and it’s a hard transition to not having that built in. It was how I worked out a lot of issues and also expressed a lot of joy. It feels a little like screaming into a void on here, at times, and while you’re all lovely and I appreciate all your encouragement and feedback, talking about your own work all the time occasionally makes one feel like an egomaniac. So...that’s a thing.

On to more positive things! I really liked doing those sort of not!fic things--it got some of my creative juices flowing when I was blocked on ghosthunters and scratched the itch of starting a zillion stories that I had great ideas for but no time to actually follow to the finish line. Doing ficlet memes and stuff, too, felt really good, taking requests and such. Holding in-person writing dates was super helpful, and having @lisapizza around to occasionally badger into hanging out with me so I could talk about this shit.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? I definitely expected to finish more, but numberwise and contentwise. I probably shouldn’t be surprised that I got much less done than I intended, given how weird the whole year has been, but I’m still kind of bummed. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Hmmmmm....I don’t know that there’s anything that I wouldn’t have predicted? Everything is pretty on par with what I’ve been doing for the past couple years? What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? I loved a lot of the stories I wrote this year, because I'm super obsessed with myself. [[< -- I think I've kept that sentence in for the past few years because it remains true]] It’s hard to name anything other than everyone must breathe until their dying breath. I’ve been working on it for two years, on and off, and it was one of the first bits of character building I did as I started to create the verse. There are a lot of wonderful little character moments in it and a lot of parts I really just genuinely enjoyed writing.

Communicable was also something I was working on for a while, and there are so many lovely quiet moments. @the-everqueen actually pulled out my favorite bit of that story for commentary--that whole night they spend together at the Washingtons’ and John’s conversation with Martha the next morning were a joy to write.

Outside of the ghosthunters, the #fem4ham soulmate AU has eaten my brain and soul, and the ficlet about John and Alex sharing a bed really made me wish I had a million extra hours in the day to write about that universe’s John and his struggles. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Not any huge ones? I think my biggest “risk” is the same mistake I make over and over again--feeling pressured to give people an ETA on the next story and then....totally missing that deadline. I’ve gotta stop doing that, for serious. My best story of this year: Definitely everyone must breathe until their dying breath. There are a LOT of moving parts on that thing that are still only slowly unfurling. I wish I had finished the whole thing in 2017 /o\ My most popular story of this year: Okay, see, chaptered stories totally throw off AO3 stats. Hit counts, kudos count, comment count...all of that is inflated by repeatedly pushing those fics to the top of the tags and having people come back for each chapter and all of that. Also, timing? The stuff that was up in January obviously has more hits than the stuff that only just came up in December. 

That being said, I think everyone must breathe is probably my most popular fic, but who really knows? Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I wouldn’t say any of the full-length fics are under-appreciated, but I’m so obsessed with the #fem4ham that I sometimes forget that it has less than thirty notes and no one but @lisapizza (and @charmingpplincardigans, based on her comments today at brunch) really cared about it when I posted it XD

Most fun story to write: I wrote Birthday Shots in one sitting and it was the kind of doofy, dialogue-based stuff that’s always pretty fun to play around with. I also liked the ghosthunters apocrypha with John being loopy on anesthesia, which I wrote entirely on the plane to Heroes. John’s ghost boyfriend not!fic was also the first of those that I did and it was pretty fun! Story with the single sexiest moment: Deffo the sex in the woods in VII of everyone must breathe until their dying breath. Story with the single sweetest moment: Hm. There’s a lot of sweet, that’s kind of my whole deal. I think maybe the first house-sitting scene or the train ride after seeing Ned in everyone must breathe until their dying breath. Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: Nothing really. Nothing cracky for me this year. Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: The sharing a bed story and its backstory supplement were probably the things that had characterizations most different from the ghosthunters. It was a very different world to pick apart as I was thinking those through. Hardest story to write: Seeing as how I’m STILL WRITING everyone must breathe until their dying breath it is DEFINITELY THAT ONE  Biggest Disappointment: Just that I didn't finish more, I think. Biggest Surprise: That dumb bedsharing ficlet has over a hundred notes on tumblr. What the hell. I mean, I’m glad, but also surprised! Otherwise, I’m honestly just surprised you guys have stuck with me this long and been so incredibly patient 💜 Most Unintentionally Telling Story: Everything with Molly in everyone must breathe until their dying breath, for reasons that I’m foolishly hoping end up being moot, but realistically suspect are not going to come to fruition.  Plans for the next year: Goals for 2018! 300,000 words! Getting through two more anchor stories! Writing a non-ghosthunters Ham!fic! Work on my dumb novel! Maybe try some nonfiction stuff! I don’t know, just try to be more flexible and kinder to myself, but also get things done? God, who knows, the world is on fire.

[cliche-ish]

To be with myself

Three weeks ago, I had a long video call with my friends from high school, and one of them said something that really got me thinking in the past weeks. She recently became a Christian and shared that one of the Saints (forgot his name...) said that you can serve and help a lot more people when you are single/do not have a family than when you are in a relationship/have a family. Now I’m not religious, but that idea really got into my head and forced me to reevaluate what I was doing. 

Right after I had that conservation with my friends, I went through some really intense weeks. Exams after exams, and right after that a science symposium that I was co-chairing/co-hosting last Thursday. I had a few thoughts about that, but I did not really have time to sit down and crystallize them until yesterday after the symposium. I sat down and wrote, because writing helps me think clearly. I made sort of a pros and cons list, but slightly different. I initially split the page into 2 equal columns. On one column, I tried to answer the question “Why do I want to be in a relationship?”, and on the other column “Why don’t I want to be in a relationship?”. The the don’t list got very long very quickly compared to the do list. They were no longer equal columns. Obviously, one took over. 

I just “recently” got out of a 4-year relationship. I broke up with my partner partly because I chose my dream and career over my partner. Right after the breakup, I got a lot of support from my amazing friends. One of my best friend encouraged me to try a dating app, to which I thought “Sure! Why not?” It was my temp rebound. So I created a profile. After playing with it for a while, I got matched with a guy. I did not invest in it at first, but after meeting him, I realized he seemed like an awesome person. I sort of liked him, which means there came the emotional dependence. I was waiting for texts and wondering what he thought about me and all that, you know. And for some reason that did not make me feel great. I just got out of a relationship and finally felt free and happy and open to explore new hobbies and got start all the personal projects. That emotional dependence brought me right back to before and made me feel like I was distracted and my free time was taken away again. And I was terrified to imagine where this would lead to. 

I want to be brutally honest with myself, because if I can’t even do that then whom can I be honest to. I’ve learnt to be with myself a little more since the breakup. I’ve been taking up a few new hobbies, which made me feel great. I’ve been spending more time catching up with friends, which feels awesome! I love my friends. I’m working to help advocating for the causes that I care deeply about, and that makes me feel meaningful and fulfilled. Being in a relationship takes time and commitment. I want to see what I can achieve when I’m single and have all this time to myself to do what I want. I’m terrified of the idea of jumping right into another relationship and losing all this. But I have to admit I feel terrified at times being single/by myself after 4 years. And I hate it when it was so easy for me to fall emotionally dependent on another person I just met a few times. It doesn’t feel right to me. All these thoughts and feelings to me are signs that I should learn to be with myself first before I decide that I am ready to step into a relationship again. Getting into a relationship is the easy part. Staying in is hard. Getting out is hard.

Don’t get me wrong. I like being in a relationship. It’s great to have someone whom I connect to to share life with. I want to eventually be with someone great. But stepping into another serious, potentially long-term relationship and settling down can wait. I know people say life is short. Yes, to some extent, but it is also pretty darn long. I have my whole life ahead (assuming covid does not take me out). The first half of my 20s have been a huge growing/learning curve. I’m sure the next half will be the same if not more, because of the milestones that are set to happen during this time. I’m excited to dedicate my 20s for self growth and self awareness. Age and aging no longer scares me anymore. Many of my friends have been telling me the same thing “Oh I am 2x years old and still I am not married/still single/not working a job I want/already late for my plans to have kids.” or “I need to find someone before 27, get married by 28, and have kids by 30.” Hmm, that’s not how we should live. We as a society use age as a convenient, yet lazy and unreliable measure to contextualize accomplishments and calibrate expectations. Everyone’s life is different. My life is different. Whatever I do whenever, I want to just make sure I am doing it for me to better myself/my life and pursue my own timeline while enjoying life at its best. Age should be just a number and just a piece of many pieces of my identity.

I’m spending only the next 2-2.5 years in the city that I’m living in right now (for grad school), and then I will likely move to another place for a new job. The world is huge, life is full of great opportunities, and I want to go and explore all the possibilities instead of thinking life should be a certain way. I want to be open to go where life takes me and embrace the uncertainty. If I am in another relationship by then, know I will choose me and choose to leave this place and the relationship instead of giving up my life and ambitions for any person. 2-2.5 years is an awkward amount of time, not too short but not too long. So I want to decide that it is too short for starting any serious relationship, and so I do not have to focus on and spending time finding one. Instead I want to spend time enjoy life, pursue some of my passion projects, and truly just build life-long relationships with the amazing, inspirational, and supportive friends/colleagues that I am so fortunate to have here in my graduate program. 

It’s been quite liberating to make this decision, and I’ve been smiling to myself since yesterday. It’s more of like a “I know it’s scary but at the same time I know I can do this and I’m excited” sort of smile. And like any other things that feel so right to do but at the same time scare me a little, I just gotta gather all my courage and roll with it and tell myself that I can, because I know me and I know that I can. :)

[imagineproduce101]

Got Me Up All Night

You meet Kang Dongho and the two of you bond over your mutual love for music. You start to notice that the songs you suggest to Dongho are played on the campus nighttime radio show, hosted by your favorite DJ, Baekho. Slowly, you start falling for Dongho.

for anon who requested dongho college bullet scenario

please listen to power trip by j.cole before/during reading, since i reference lyrics a lot in this scenario! <3

tysm to the smols n tols for the help yall are amazing and so lovely

you frowned, glancing down at your phone and back up at the building in front of you

it was the first week of classes, and you were standing outside the building where your media studies class was supposedly held, but the building was locked,the halls dark

“hey, coming through!” someone shouted before you were knocked to the floor, phone flying out of your hand and clattering to the floor

you grimaced in pain, as your knees, revealed by your shorts, had gotten scraped by the asphalt

“i’m sorry about that!” the guy who had knocked you over hopped off of his skateboard and jogged over to you, looking concerned

“look where you’re going, assh–” your words of disdain trailed off as the guy got closer to you

dressed in sweatpants and a casual tank top, the guy was easily the hottest guy you’d ever seen

“i’m so, so sorry,” he said, holding out a hand to help you up

you let him haul you up, his warm hand enclosing around your own, and you felt your heart beating quicker

“are you okay?” he asked, and you blinked at him, dazed by his sheer gorgeousness, “oh my god, you’re hurt! i can take you to the nurse, i’m really sorry about this, i was rushing to get to class, but it’s okay.”

“Oh, it’s fine, it’s fine,” you repeated, feeling bad for cursing at him when he was obviously really sorry about the whole thing

 “no, really,” he insisted, “does your leg hurt? can you walk?”

“I’ll be okay,” you said with a smile, waving him off, “i just need to get the cut cleaned out

the two of you walked to the nurses’s office, and he introduced himself on the way

“i’m dongho,” he said, holding a hand out to shake, “third-year, music production major.”

“(y/n),” you replied as you shook his hand, “wait, did you say music production?”

“yeah, why?” he asked, looking down at you in interest

“oh, i’m a music production major as well,” you explained, “i just haven’t taken any classes other than general ed, since i’m a second-year.”

“ah,” he nodded patting you on the back, “general ed can be a bitch, but you just gotta push through.”

he guided you into the nurse’s office, greeting the nurse with a scarily high level of familiarity

once he’d ensured that you were okay and in good hands, he bid his goodbyes

“i’ll see you around, right (y/n)?” he said cheerfully from the door, skateboard tucked under one arm

“yeah, for sure,” you replied, watching as he hurried down the hall

“handsome boy, isn’t he?” the nurse remarked as she carefully placed a bandage over your knee

“yeah, he is,” you sighed, heart pounding furiously

that night, you laid on your bunk bed in the tiny college dorm you inhabited, earbuds in your ears

“good evening, dear listeners,” the gentle voice of baekho, your favorite dj of the college campus radio station, said through your earbuds, “we’ll start taking questions from you all. caller one, you’re on air.”

“hi baekho!” the listener said excitedly, voice crackly due to the poor connection, “today, i realized that i’m really in love with my boyfriend, but i’m not sure how to tell him.”

“well, i think that music would be a great way to do so,” baekho responded easily, “music communicates things that we can’t in normal, day-to-day conversation. actually, something happened today to me that was quite similar. i’ve never believed in love at first sight before, but today might have changed my mind– this next song is my way of communicating something i wouldn’t normally say in day-to-day life, and i hope you find the courage to do the same, caller one.”

you smiled slightly as baekho cued up the next track

when you’d first arrived on campus, homesick and alone, you’d found that listening to baekho’s segment soothed your worries

he just clicked with you in a way that confused you, but the things that he said and his views on life really resonated with you

and it sounded weird, given that you’d only ever listened to his voice, but you almost had a crush on baekho

you closed your eyes, letting yourself just relax and listen to the lyrics of the song baekho had played

I never thought I’d be in love like this; When I look at you my mind goes on a trip; Then you came in and knocked me on my face; Feels like I’m in a race but I’ve already won first place

the lyrics made you think of earlier that morning, knocking into dongho

even thinking about dongho made your heart race– he’d been so kind, not to mention how handsome he was

maybe you’d finally be able to crush on a real guy instead of some anonymous radio host

you have a job at a local record shop

and one time, you were working the cashier when the little bell on the door rang just before closing

“oh! (y/n)?” dongho smiled, “i didn’t know you worked here.”

“yeah, i’m covering for my co-worker’s shift, she had to go home for the weekend,” you explained

dongho checked the ‘latest releases’ shelf and pulled a few cds off before handing them to you, pulling out his wallet

“it’s pretty cool that you work here,” dongho grinned at you, making your heart race, “when are your shifts? i come here pretty often, and it’d be nice to see a familiar face”

sure enough, he starts showing up at your shifts, always smiling and greeting you

sometimes he’d check out the latest releases, sometimes he’d shuffle through your obscure indie records, and sometimes he’d pick up a specific album he’d ordered online

when you noticed that he’d ordered a cd of a particular group you liked, you struck up a conversation about it

“hey, (y/n), you should give me your number,” dongho said smoothly, “i’ve never actually met someone who was so into this group, and you have pretty good music taste.”

you blushed as you punched your number into his phone, handing it back to him

that night, you were enjoying baekho’s set when a familiar song started playing

“and that last song was for a certain someone,” baekho said in his easy voice, “i discovered someone who liked this group today, and i really encourage all you listeners to check them out.”

it was the unmistakable sound that the group you’d been talking about with dongho

maybe dongho knew baekho and had showed him the cd or something?

either way, it was nice to hear that group on the radio for once, since they didn’t get much attention normally. 

you started texting dongho almost daily, heart racing every time you got a new notification

at first, you’d talked about music, but soon, the two of you were chatting about life in general, the stress of school and work

one song that you particularly loved was power trip by j.cole

you’d first texted dongho about it when the two of you were talking about j.cole

the two of you ended up mentioning it a lot, and you were reminded of how much you liked the song because baekho had been playing it a lot recently as well

dongho had joked that it was your song, and you’d turned bright red at that, squealing into your pillow

‘you know, baekho plays power trip a lot!’ you’d texted him in response

‘you listen to baekho???????’

‘ya ofc, i really love his show, it’s my favorite’

after you sent that, dongho stopped texting you for hours, and you even considered calling him– it wasn’t like him to just stop texting suddenly like that

that night, you were up all night, worrying that something you’d said had hurt dongho

you listened to baekho’s show that night with a heavy heart, plugging your earbuds into your phone with the weight of dongho’s absence weighing down

‘good evening, dear listeners,” baekho greeted,”tonight’s kind of a special night. i recently found out that someone very special to me listens to this show. i’ve always said that music can convey what people are too afraid to say. (y/n), this one’s for you.”

Got me up all night; All I’m singing is love songs, she got me up all night

You bolted up in your bed, eyes widening– Dongho was Baekho

you threw on the first pair of shoes you could find and raced through campus towards the radio station, bursting into the booth

Dongho looked up from behind the microphone, eyes widening as well

He quickly muted the microphone and stepped out into the waiting room, walking slowly up to you

“so, now you know,” dongho said, lifting his hands slightly, “would you believe if i said i’m in love?”

your lips quirked up at the quote from power trip, placing one of your hands into his

“you got me up all night,” you replied with a grin, lacing your fingers with his

he drew closer to you, your breath caught somewhere between your throat and the butterflies storming in your stomach

“can i kiss you?” he asked softly, eyes looking down at you

wordlessly you nodded, and then you were in his arms, lips pressed against yours carefully, slowly

he pulled away with a huge smile, laughing slightly

“(y/n), you don’t realize how happy you make me,” he said with a grin, pulling you into a hug, “ever since i ran you over, you’ve been constantly on my mind. i’ve been listening to the songs we talk about on repeat, i clear my schedule to stop by the record store, i squeal like a girl when you text me back.”

you smiled up at him, leaning up to press another kiss to his lips

Got me up all night All I’m singing is love songs, she got me up all night (all night) Constant drinking and love songs, she got me up all night (all night) Down and out with these love songs, she got me up all night (all night) Drown it out with these love songs, she got me up all night (yeah)

pls check out j.cole he’s an actual god and i really love power trip rhfdiwjac