#gotta love how then he tries to flirt with Maya (the woman in the last gif) who is just plain disgusted lmao

[ben-the-hyena]

The fact I fell back into my Egyptian phase made me remember a French movie of my childhood, La Reine Soleil. It might not have been my favorite (sometimes the plot and 2d-3d animation were clumsy, its incorporation of magic felt weird and even as a kid I was not a fan of using real people who existed for fictions such as here Tutankhaten "Tut" and Ankhesenaton "Akhesa") but that allowed me to remember Gulmekiz and that i loved him

Context : Akhesa and Tut found about the plot against Akhenaten and his family and are run after by corrupted guards (ALL WHILE Hittites are threatening to attack) with the official reason that Tut kidnapped Akhesa which is of course a lie and an excuse. So the 2 kids are runaways and at some point hide inside a fisherman's boat. Said fisherman Gulmekiz finds them and from his POV and since he has no idea who they are thinks they are 2 stowaway orphans. He first sounds harsh and cruel demanding that if they want to stay and eat they better earn it by working and even forcibly taking Akhesa's bracelet as earring as payment

But it's because he is not very rich and that any food given to others or time wasted not fishing is a loss of precious time and money, it was a time where you had to be harsh to live if you were not rich. As he says (unpictured because of Tumblr 10 pics limit) he earned his food with the sweat of his brow and to him these 2 little thieves must learn to earn their life honestly by working. Which is technically charitable for the time period, as he says he could have knocked them overboard and yes he does laugh when they struggle but he doesn't mostreat them

This is when he starts to look sympathetic to the viewer. At night, after Tut and Akhesa feel asleep exhausted, not only does he raw alone and let them sleep, he takes the time to pause his rawing to put a blanket over them, even arranging it to make sure it covers them fully, and smiles at them tenderly. Which proves he got attached and is not bad, just strict

Later, as they arrive to Thebes and spot guards and know they will be be recognized and spotted, they hip overboard with no time to explain Gulmekiz the situation, he gets alarmed knowing there are crocodiles around and cries at them to come back (again, unpictured because of pictures limit, but he looks HORRIFIED and rushed to the edge of gis boat shouting). But once seeing they are safe and sound on the shore, he happily accepts they are gone and welcomes them to come back working with him whenever they would be needing to

This is when he arrives at the port and is asked if he saw them and that way learns who these teenagers were all along. He is of course VERY shocked (he treated the daughter of the pharaoh and another noble poorly and had them work I too would be shitting myself at the idea of the consequences if I lived under a theocracy) but still has the time to see something is fishy (if she were indeed kidnapped, why was she and the boy getting along ? And it kinda is convenient since she and her father are monotheists while every other high figure is wanting to be polytheist again right ?). So he plays dumb which irritates the guards and pretends not to know what they mean, in a matter of seconds as shocked as he is. Superb analysis and improvisation skill, dude. Protect these kids and fuck the police

Yet of course he doesn't want trouble again. So when Akhesa who is all alone (Tut got kidnapped by the Hittites for a ramson) comes back to him, he initially panics forbidding her to approach. But once she gets on board anyway and that time roles are reversed and he has to obey her since she finds out he does know her status now? he accepts grumpily grumbling. Yet as illegal as it is since she is searched and since he probably, knew given his previous scene, that she wasn't truly looked for for her good, he still helps. He grumpily breaks the law for that kid

Yet he can't help but notice the boy is not with her and he asks her where he is. To which she does not reply but cries instead. To his POV, this response could mean anything. He is dead, or he got captured, or they got separated and she is scared and alone (which she is). Whatever it is, he looks shocked, covering his mouth. They may be royals, they are in age to be his kids, and he did grow attached to them by working with them. Plus, at this moment of the movie, Akhenaten got betrayed with a coup and executed which is something all Egyptians must have heard about, so he must also know she is now a real grieving orphan and that she lost everything, even her status and riches

So what does he do ? He gives her back her "payment". Which he had forcibly taken anyway, and because he figures she would need it more than he does, as poor as he is. And when she looks at him questionningly, he just looks away and smirks. Omg feels

And once the coup is broken and she and Tut get back their titles and are bethroted as the ones true heirs, he eagerly cheers for them on the front of the crowd, super happy that they are well and that they got back what they deserved. And the couple of teens don't snob him, they are happy to see him too, Tut waving at him and Akhesa winking at him (unpictured again)

This is a Gulmekiz appreciation post

[smartguyreviewed]

2x4 - Dateline

Original air date: Oct 1, 1997

Anyone who was holding their breath for me to get back to this, thank you. Been going through a lot like most people right now but I had to remember this blog is a good distraction because I get to write about one of my favorite shows growing up. Anyways, enjoy. :) 

Let’s talk about cock-blocking or to be more gender inclusive...actually, I can’t think of a term similar that utilizes both a male and female part. Anyhoo, let’s talk about it.

I’ve done it (unintentionally). You’ve done it. We’ve all had it done to us as well. Like the night you finally got a chance to be alone with your dipshit crush and your annoying friend tried to insert herself until she finally realized what was going on and left you two alone so you could have your first kiss ever at age 19.

TJ is an extreme cock blocker. He will break your shit up and then pout because he’s still just a kid. Normally, TJ only wants to punish Marcus by enacting this cruel tactic but in this episode, he shifts gears to the person who is both a mother and father to him: Daddy Flody.

We begin this episode at a supermarket. Tj is checking out cereals and Floyd is checking out dat ass.

TJ catches Floyd staring and in his precocious little way, starts asking him questions about women. It kind of reminds me of Frank from Milk Money. which is a horrible movie that I adore and you should watch it because despite a little kid befriending a prostitute, it’s still a decent 90s coming-of-age tale. And Alex DeLarge is in it.

After TJ makes his dad sweat further by asking what body type gets his penis erect, TJ comes to the conclusion that Floyd is lonely and could probably benefit from some female companionship.

Cut to TJ on an unrealistically chatty PC barking at TJ to fill in the boxes for Floyd. I don’t know about you, but if my computer kept talking to me, I’d throw it out of the fucking window. I am so glad websites that talk at you are obsolete. Apparently, this computer is also sentient because TJ pauses for just a moment too long when Marcus comes in and this impatient computer bitch asks for the rest of the info in a more demanding tone.

But because TJ was distracted, he inputs his own height instead of his dad’s and the computer announces that she’s transferring him to their little people’s section. Hey, they gotta find love too!

Marcus is skeptical of why TJ is trying to set Floyd up. Just then, Yvette walks in and asks who is using her eyeliner to write down phone messages, which I totally expect a straight man to do. After fessing up, Marcus asks Yvette to dissuade TJ from setting up his dad. Yvette then uses her soon-to-be psychology degree on Marcus and reasons that he might be a little salty because he doesn’t want another woman to replace his mom. But no, Marcus is a teenage boy and completely lacking depth until certain episodes call for it. Instead, he says he just wants the car on weekend evenings so he can try to bang his latest girl of the week. Of course, he could just be deflecting to avoid a heavy conversation but I’m gonna go with the former because Marcus is the horniest boy on the show.

Yvette decides to help TJ since Floyd has few dating options. Her plan is to beef up his personal ad by making him younger and a fan of soul food and Maya Angelou. Marcus is still not with the shits and says that nobody wants to date an “old guy with three kids.” Completely forgetting about the fact that his dad is an attractive man, this happens instead:

TJ and the gang are now making final cuts on the 130 prospects Floyd had. I mean, that’s great and all but I’m sure at least half of those women were catfishes. Then again, in the 90s, maybe there was more legitimacy since there wasn’t enough technology to hide behind? I dunno. But Floyd definitely has some options.

While deliberating who will receive the clock from Floyd, Marcus makes what would be considered a transphobic comment questing if some of them really are women and how he doesn’t want Floyd to end up like Eddie Murphy. Mo, on the other hand is questing if this is even legal. Mo is a teenage boy and is probably likening it to what Tinder now is: a place to meet horny individuals.

Yvette thinks the ladies are good picks but then begins nitpicking their flaws, among one of them being that one of the ladies has breast implants. Because women who get surgeries to help boost their self esteem apparently don’t deserve love? Yvette is such a hypocrite as we’ll see in the future. Mo then begins taking the rejected pics because he loves older women, especially ones with perceived low self esteem. Just then, Floyd comes in the room and the gang has to cover up their dirty work. Floyd makes a bad joke and then dips out.

They eventually settle on a light-skinned natural woman named Jamie. They agree to meet at the grocery store, sot hat’s where we end up. Marcus is acting like he’s never seen pretty girls outside of school and leaves to spit game at women who just wanna be left alone so they can buy their frozen pizza and wine in peace.

Jamie sees who she thinks is her suitor and immediately is pissed because she, you know, thought she’d be meeting Floyd and not a little boy. Yvette comes over to smooth things over and convinces Jamie to meet Floyd. Well, TJ’s cute face convinced her after she was understandably freaked out. They go to meet Floyd. 

Jamie shows up and explains what happened and that she was pre-screened to make sure she wasn’t a guy. Floyd actually even gives her an up and down look before she says she passed! Pretty sure this also wouldn’t go over well today. Jamie and Floyd, however, hit it off and leave to go on a date. When they get back, Yvette and TJ are spying on the new couple to see how it went. Floyd was actually bigging up TJ and talking about how smart he is to Jamie when they got in. Aww. Floyd is proud of his son for hooking him up. Yvette is noticeably annoyed at how he gets all of the credit, but I mean, it was his idea. Yvette just helped him out. 

Upon completion of this totally selfless act to get his father some love, TJ is happy at first. Yay TJ! You’re on the right track to becoming a thoughtful human be--

Sike! TJ immediately regrets this decision once he realizes that his father having a personal life means that he won’t see him as much. TJ has a basketball game coming up that Floyd won’t be able to attend now. Yvette offers to take him but it’s not the same because Yvette is a girl and girls aren’t fun. And just like that, TJ the petty, cock-blocking asshole comes back.

The next day, TJ and Floyd are playing basketball when Jamie comes home. Floyd invites her to play but TJ is all like “bitch, wait your turn” and then Floyd puts her on TJ’s team. She then bribes TJ with the food she’s about to cook for them. He agrees but then Jamie and Floyd start flirting because duh. TJ leaves in a jealous fit, upset that this woman he hooked his father up with has the gall to want to spend time with him. He simulates what he wants to do to her body on a bag of Funions.

I have to say though, how long was the frame of this episode? Days? Weeks? Jamie has essentially become their stepmom. She’s even giving Marcus advice on how to treat a girl like a human being instead of a meat popsicle with titties. Yvette and Marcus then leave, allowing Jamie and Floyd their Blockbuster and Chill time with The Preacher’s Wife.

But TJ is a boner detector because as soon as Jamie and Floyd are about to mash faces, TJ whimpers for his pa because he doesn’t feel good. We think Floyd banished him to his room but then TJ comes over and pushes the two would-be lovers apart so he can ruin their night. Jamie eventually decides to leave, even though it’s clear she was holding out in case she could get a piece of Floyd but TJ completely squashed that possibility. Floyd actually whines when Jamie says she’s leaving. Aww. Floyd is lonely. Does TJ care? Of course not. 

TJ sounds perfectly fine when he says he’s sorry he ruined the night. Father and son decide to just watch the movie together instead.

The next day at school, Marcus is spitting his game at the girl he went on a date with. Turns out, treating women like actual people has been working well for him! He’s even going on a second date. Yvette comes by to let TJ know that she’s picking him up again. TJ is, of course, pissed because Jamie had come over to the house the night before, albeit dick-less. Yvette has to explain to TJ that when you date someone, the goal is to see them frequently and that he’s the reason their last date sucked. She then shatters Marcus’s dreams by letting him know that Floyd is taking his car on his date. Guess Marcus is gonna have to make out on the bus.

TJ’s lips are all puckered because he’s losing his father to another woman. He’s so distressed that he actually picks a fight with a senior. Mo steps in and literally drags TJ home. No, seriously. He carried TJ like a bag of groceries all the way to the Henderson house during school. Then he transformed into a therapist to get to the root of TJ’s outburst. This is during school hours. Mo skipped school to bring TJ home and give Floyd advice. Mo is amazing.

TJ is playing basketball with himself when Floyd comes in and then he spills that he’s sick of Jamie. Floyd reminds TJ that he’s the one who set them up and I guess TJ didn’t know things would actually change. Now would have been a good time to mention if he feels some way about another woman besides Yvette playing a maternal figure in the wake of his mother’s never explained death. But Floyd does a good job as usual and says this is temporary because when TJ is a teenager, he won’t want anything to do with Floyd. TJ finally stops being a prick and Floyd offers to be careful about how he schedules his time and then continues the basketball game he let Jamie interrupt previously. Aww Floyd. Too bad TJ is probably going to hold onto this for a while because he was giving his dad a lot of shit in the end credits. This isn’t even the last time he does this to Floyd and we never see Jamie again, so I guess it’s safe to assume that TJ killed Jamie. 

Things I noticed:

- Can we just take a moment to appreciate how hot Floyd is? How could Marcus ever think his dad wouldn’t be able to attract women?

- This brilliant cover for the gang if Floyd came in during the date deliberation:

- Marcus doesn’t want Floyd to go out on dates because he wants the car to himself on the weekends. He says if Floyd starts going out, he’s making out in the back of the bus. Yvette then says, “No, thanks to Rosa Parks, you can make out anywhere on the bus.” Brilliant retort. I really hand it to the writers of this show.