#grand overlord walt disney

[the-technicolor-yawn]

really hoping that the reason wish is so bad is bc all the writers and animators made it that way in retaliation

[spooner-the-trinity]

Ni Hao a Aloha Mai - Chapter 5

July 31st 2005

“Lookin’ good, Dan.” You smiled into the mirror as you donned the ascot of your current outfit. Today was one of those days when you were between guides so a member of the team had to fill in, and this time it was you who pulled the shortest straw this time around.

So you sucked it up and put on a happy face as you greeted the next swarm of guests. "Hello, friends. My name is Danny and I am one of the many talented artists (talented artisi, yeah, right.) in these hallowed halls that polished up A Few Good Ghosts to be the first fully computer animated film from Walt Disney Feature Animation. You know, that movie that's spent its second weekend getting a payback spanking from a certain candyman after bumping it to number three at the box office." A few good laughs were had at its expense as expected from a patchwork like this. Still, Kirk and Gary did their best and it certainly showed, perhaps it could find a cult following like Black Cauldron's been gaining of late. "But this experience it's cast of characters are having today of going head to head with Wonka's grand return to the silver screen is unique amongst our backlog of well over a thousand familiar faces."

His secretary Tamara pressed a button on the control panel to activate the first clip. A looping animation of all the films they've made and/or distributed rolled on the main screen as you continued. "And the purpose of our tour is to show you how we do what we do here both through our new computer overlords and our native pen and paper. But to do that, we must start at the very beginning and to do that, we turn the mic to our roving reporter!"

Tamara then pressed another button to activate another clip on the screen. One that saw an amphibious green creature with a microphone stand behind a wall of photographs depicting the life and legacy of Walt and Roy Disney as a pair of janitors cleaned up the place in the background. "Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here at the Disney Archives to give you the inside scoop on how to create one of its world class characters. From the constant struggles for financial solvency to the opening days of Disneyland to the planning of his sacred Florida project, Walt Disney never could take no for an answer. Just listen to that sheer will to innovate evident in his voice."

Archival footage of Walt Disney started rolling as the cleaner drew nearer to the wall "Well, a project like this is so vast in scope that no company alone may make it a reality. But if we could bring together the technical know-how of American industry and the creative imagination of the Disney Organization."

Bump! Ink starts oozing onto the wall from a jar that fell over from this familiar looking janitor. "I believe we can build a community that more people can talk about and come to look at than any other area in the world." You watched as the Ink drew closer and noted the celebrities portraying the custodians responsible. It had been decided that this would be an ongoing tradition of bringing in big-name celebrities to turn into new animated characters as a demonstration of the power of Animation. You clearly recognized Matthew Perry, but the blonde was admittedly less of a friend but with how many roles she was getting, Tara Strong was Family. "Speaking for myself and the entire Disney Organization, we're ready to go right now."

As he spoke that last line, the Ink washed over the image and turned it into original animation. It gave you chills when you heard Alex Trebek's voice out of the newly illustrated mouth of Walt, so many years of being Archival footage of a performance the man himself came to loathe over time and now he was being portrayed by a man who channeled that same persona before Roy, who genuinely referred to the man as Uncle Walt.

(D23=16)

And while it still sounded much like Alex, there was enough of Walt in there to impress him and earn his respect. With that, he was in the recording booth and probing Kermit about what was going on as the two undercover stars apologized for the mess. 

"How about we show you how we create our famous characters." You addressed the screen in the blank beat made for the guide. "You sure?" Asked Alex/Walt "Cause I'd like to get back to work on EPCOT."

'EPCOT's dead!' Yelled a heckler as Kermit reassured them that they would take him back once they were done. "Now where do you wanna go, little lady?"

Tara blushed and giggled as she gave her response. "God, what I wouldn't give to be a fairy princess in Sleeping Beauty."

"Well, follow me and we'll see what we can do." 

Walt began to walk out of the painted photograph before Kermit rushed in front of the man "Hey, not to dissuade you or nothing but a lot has changed while you were away."

"Kermit's right, maybe I should get Mickey." You interjected onto the screen.

"Nonsense, I know the studio like the back of my…" Walt would look in awe of the catalog of cartoon creations that were made following his 'exit', taking in the radically different environment that no such technology in the 60s could create. He even spotted a few films made via CGI like Toy Story and Finding Nemo, needless to say, he was lost. "You know, I might need a little help."

"I figured as such." I shrugged. "Don't worry, we created a few of them here in Florida that can help you to Aurora."

"Florida?" Walt felt his spirits lift in response. "So the project came to term, eh?"

"Well, we built what we could." You spoke in half-truth. "Including this place where we made a movie featuring a warrior 'princess' and a red lizard."

"Dragon, DRA-GON! I don’t do that tongue thing." You 'pause' the clip before the characters on the cel screen. "Now, with so many characters, it's easy to find a contrast between any given pair. Be it on the asthetic outside with a hand drawn talking mouse or a computerized cowboy doll, or on the mental inside like a snarky mythical drago-"

"Meega, Nala-Creesha!" Couldn’t wait to pounce on Woody, huh. Thank goodness Pixar could just use a texture-less ball for Stitch to be drawn over as he bounces around the CG backdrop of Andy's room. Ah, the Wonders of Computer Puppetry! I watched with the kids as Kermit was slammed into layout art of the Lost Boys in Peter Pan. It was here that another perk of the Pixar connection cake in, the kid who played Nemo as a familiar tabby cat-clad lad who walked in to find the best effect in the whole short.

A green sock rotoscoped into a ink-stained arm as Kermit staggered back up massaging his temples with his newly articulate fingers with a subtle “Sheesh.” Kermit is quick to notice the change in greenery. “Ah! Please tell me this washes off, Piggy’s gonna kill me if she sees me all stained like this.”

“Don’t worry, I can clean you up when we get back.” Matthew mused back only for Mushu to wisecrack back.

“And what makes you think you can mop away all this?” argued Mushu. “Is it the wetjet, laundry machine, or maybe that celebrity castin’.”

Couldn’t argue with that, Friends was wrapping up when we were crafting the short and he was readily available for the live shoot. The problem now was the scale. “Look, we can just get on with the whole creating a character thing?”

“Creating a Character?!” smiled the lost boy, Whim as the studio decided to call him. “In front of all these people like how I came along?”

“Say no more.” Walt smiled, pulling a piece of paper from a book he picked up in the background earlier in the short. “We’re going to bring out this little fella named: Redfeather?”

“Ah, sounds like someone for Pocahantas.” You chimed back. 

"Yeah, and what about me?" Tara asked.

"Don't worry, madame." Whim leaned against Tara's shoulder. "They're the best in the biz, they won't leave you hanging."

"Especially since this is all prerecorded." You snarked.

“Okay, quick question.” Matthew asked. “How does it work?”

“Well, when a Mommy dragon and a Daddy dragon love each other very m-” Kermit was quick to squeeze Mushu’s big snout shut.

“Thank you, Kermit.” you spoke to the screen.

“Don’t mention it.”

“Now, not every character makes it to the screen, and you, sir, have pulled out a concept drawing of one such failure.” You pointed to Walt. “He was gonna be with Flit and Meeko, and they were even gonna talk.”

"Ey, go get im, ya little guy!" Meeko proceeded to make some face noises as the gears in the lad’s head started turning. "Haven't I seen your picture in the post office side view"

The boy’s eyes flared up with childish fury. “That’s my old voiceover!”

“Technically, it’s an unused outtake from his later character…” You couldn’t help but correct them “But hey. You do you.”

“Whatever ya said, I’m a hundred percent with ya.” Meeko was whapped.

“Can’t you do something?”

“Well, since two's company and three's a crowd,” You continued. “The team chose to drop poor Meeko.”

A rock crushes Meeko and out comes the voiceover (in the exact same form the disembodied voice took in Back to Neverland) “Gocha!”

“A hummingbird and a Turkey?!” Mushu complained as the lad proceeded to ingest the voice. “I don’t even see that working for a sitcom!”

“I would’ve done mouth to mouth but you ain’t that attractive.” He spoke in the archived outtakes voice only for Mushu’s tail to whip him in the head, causing him to spit out the voice right into the spiral shell Kermit picked up in the lair. (Mainly, it was the same shell Ursula used to house Ariel’s.) “Oh, come on!”

“We have a policy of using genuine child actors around these parts.” Walt asserted over the lost boy.

“Doesn’t mean I could still play with it, ya codfish.”

Walt halted in his tracks. “Codfish?”

“Oh, dear.” Kermit knew what was coming.

“Are you comparing me to old Captain Hook?”

“Nooo, sir. Why would I compare you to him?” Whim panicked. “You made this all possible and Hook? Well, he tried to feed me to the crocodile within the first few minutes of my life.”

“Of course he would…” Walt sighed, rubbing his temples. "But he's even more of a codfish compared to Maleficent."

"...Maleficent?" that name made Chandler freeze up.

"The mistress of all evil herself." Walt confirmed as a boom mic came close to Matthew.

"It's a good thing Redfeather was made to be a self-proclaimed ladies' man." Whim sneered as he pulled a reading table in. "Gonna take a smooth operator to sweet talk her into releasing the good little fairy she's holding captive."

Tara was boxed in by her mic and table as well as the mixing room with an operator in place. "Scene 19, take one."

"So that's what I gotta do, huh." Matthew inhaled deeply. "Ya like jazz? Oh, who am I kidding you're a dark opera kinda gal, maybe something about where you're horns are pointing because I'm thinking you're acute!"

As he attempted to flirt with the dark fairy. The operator adjusted the volume and the bars on the speakers flowed from its LED display and into one of Whim's shells right in front of Tara Strong who reacted accordingly. "HELP! LEMMIE OUTTA HERE! I LIKE MY BODY THE WAY IT IS, I DON'T WANNA DO THIS ANYMORE! HEE-EEEEELP!!!"

Once more, the voiceover lights up the LED, turns pink and flows into a third shell. "Great voiceover, lady. Are you sure this is your first time?"

While most guides would just compliment her or ask what the big deal was, you responded to Whim with: "She voiced Bubbles on the Powerpuff Girls, of course it's not."

"See, the actor provides the voice and the Animators does the rest." Walt described.

"Kinda like acting on paper." Added Whim. "Turn 'em like a flipbook, and poof, you're alive."

"Of course, unlike Redfeather we need to design the character first and they tend to evolve in many different ways." Walt mentioned before asking: "Could we have these new computer graphics for our feathered friend."

"Don't have a choice. It's prerecorded. " You deadpanned. You wanted to get to the Caffeine Patch faster, so you pulled up the DVD remote. "You'll take Matt to Pixar and this guy'll design Tara."

"Hi, Mushu. Remember me?"

"THE ANCESTORS!" Mushu scrambled to hide as you took the chance to abscond for a moment. Leaving Chris Sanders to elaborate on the Character design process as he creates multiple good fairy designs for Tara to choose from. Bud Luckey sculpted the character model for Redfeather and explained the advantages of CGI over animation as you sipped your coffee and bit into a Reese's Stick. When you got back, you had found Tom Brancroft had flipbooked Fula and Freema into being. 

"I couldn't decide which one to voice." Tara spoke as the maiden fairy Freema before bouncing to the toddler-sized Fula. "So I picked two for one!"

"Now that's a steal if I ever saw one!" Mushu complimented. "How about we take these two for a spin, eh?"

"Yep." Tom smiled. "If I can draw it, you can do it."

The second screen displayed Animators acting out the scenes Freema was doing, most of them were recycled from reference footage. "They have to get the moves just right if ya wanna see the character come to life." Explained Walt. "By moving around and acting it all out, they gain the reference needed to illustrate the personality scripted."

"Actors with pencils." Smiled Whim. "When it's all sketched up, it's time to scan it in." Cue stock footage of the Cel Process from Back to Neverland as he continued. "When I came along, I was painted on a plastic cel you copy the drawings onto. But these days, you just get a scanner and some painting software on a computer and presto, ready to color and plop onto any stage the layout artists can draw or in your case, recycle." The characters are layered into Maleficent's castle.

"Our software is christened the CAPS system." You explained with a snack in your mouth. "And thanks to this first gift from Pixar, the paint room is now a gift shop and the camera department that puts it all together was repurposed into an activity center to draw your own character."

"Okay!" Michael as Redfeather smiled. "Everyone's together again, in a dark gloomy castle…"

"Filled with monstrous minions." Freema spoke. "And lit with sinister green flames."

Kermit was getting nervous. "And the woman of the house…"

"...Is the Mistress of all Evil." Mushu and Fula spoke in unison. A silence fell broken by Mushu bluntly saying "Yeah, okay." before running to the screen in an attempt to escape. Only this time, there's a wall of glass blocking Mushu and Kermit. "Walt! C'mon, lemmie out!"

"Another wonder of computers." Whim smiled at Walt as he sat in a chair of an office we filmed. "A glass screen called a monitor for the interface, and you can just plop the music and sound effects recorded for this or whatever you can find in the archive that matches the mood. All that makes it reeeealy creepy, am I right?"

"Yeah." Redfeather piped as the mood truly set in. "Real creepy."

A strong bolt of green lighting strikes as the creatures turned around to see the fairies bottled up and Maleficent right behind them. "Pitiful, insignificant fools! You dare try to sneak into my domain?"

"Noo, I didn't mean to." Redfeather slowly backed away from the sorceress with Kermit and Mushu. "See, I bumped into this ink, brought Walt to life somehow and painted over Kermit the Frog here."

"Please don't rope me into this." Kermit whimpered.

"Then there were concept sketches, animators, and this lost boy that's just sitting there by a computer." The three were backed against a wall as Whim sipped his milkshake with a bucket of popcorn next to him. "Please leave me be, you've got such an elegant face that If ya just put me in their-"

"Now wait just a minute." And now Mushu was about to put his foot in his snout yet again. "If you think you can step all over a fierce dragon of China such as myself, then you've got another thing coming!"

"Very well," Maleficent coldly sneered. "You now face with me…"

"Oh, yeah!" Mushu barked back, looking to breath fire all over. "Bring it on, tall, dark and horny!"

"And all the powers of HELL!"

A pillar of green flame and dark magic erupted on cue, and thus Mushu truly felt as small as he was against Maleficent's draconian form. Banter and fleeing ensued before Stitch decided to take action himself, wrestling the CGI dragon with Mushu providing colored commentary as Redfeather and Kermit released the two fairies who rewarded them with Pixie Dust. "Hey, kid! The Pixie Dust is kind of a Peter Pan thing, but the ladies did it anyway, you don't mind, do ya?"

"No sir." Whim smiled back, then proceeded to watch the three pull at Maleficent's wings before Stitch yeets her by the tail into the pit in which she perished. "I'm pretty sure you get the idea, right, Uncle Walt?"

Walt was not paying attention, instead he was looking at two movie posters, posters for films he had always wanted to see put to film. Further accentuated by Part of Your World's leitmotif playing in the background, Walt is feeling wistful and melancholy. "We had our stumbles, but in time we picked ourselves up and got back in the groove. Hey, we know a gut who'd love to meet ya!"

And words could not describe how warm you felt when you directed that scene, Alex came in, mustache and all, surprised Roy and Michael in how intricate the costume was, and Eric even animated a scene for Walt and Mickey's reunion (The mouse himself was playing a guessing game like in Michael and Mickey with the roles reversed when Mickey spots Walt entering his office.) before the face to face meeting between the living nephew and animated uncle. 

"You sure you don't want to stick around?" Roy Edward Disney asked Walt as the instrumental music seamlessly flowed from Out There to Feed the Birds. "I'm sure Michael could use a pointer or two."

"Nah. I've got a city to get back to." Walt smiled. "Permanent work in progress, you know?"

"I understand." Roy sighed back. "But thank you."

"Just keep moving forward, Roy." Spoke Walt to his nephew as Once Upon a Dream kicked in. "It's what we Disneys do best. So long."

That meeting was filmed on the day Iger woke up from his coma, and the chills you felt as it was filmed spoke for themselves as the sheer happenstance of it all felt too fortunate, he would then get called up to restart Fox Kids, going as far as to gobble up a good chunk of Turner like its MGM library and even Cartoon Network. You and the crowd all watched as the animated characters flew off into the sunset, and the shorts completion prompted you to introduce the preview like it always did. "Okay, with all that, let's dig into our upcoming release Chicken Little. Yes, we put out our first two fully in-house CGI flicks within months of each other without a certain fella at both ends of the feature."

You pointed to a nearby Luxo Lamp. "Don't worry, Pixar's coming back next year to save our skins. Stars Larry the Cable Guy as a redneck truck, check it out!"

Box Office Results for A Few Good Ghosts

(D900=224)

$224 Million Dollar Gross

You went back to your apartment, exhausted from wasting a day of your life corralling a bunch of kids across the studio over and over when you find yourself watching Cartoon Network when you find a clock ticking at the bottom of the screen, you wonder what it means and within a half hour, you see it.

"We live our lives taking each second for granted."

"But what would you do if you knew how much time you had left."

That last voice.

"Unus Annus."

"One Year."

It was Alex.

"This space, like all of you, has a limited amount of time."

"And every day, we March ever closer to this institution's inevitable doom."

He and Pat Sajak were on screen, one in white, one in black.

"That's why every day will be a completely different schedule excepting this network's myriad blocks until the clock strikes zero."

"And then, it's game over."

"Bye, Bye."

"Finito."

"Finished."

"Curtains."

"Farvell."

"Kaputski."

"Night-Night."

"User Wins."

"Dead."

"Forever."

That doesn't sound good.

"Doubtless, you think they'll just stop with the new schedule, do you."

"That's what they said back when we hosted this at DuMont."

"And all that was left afterwards were mere memories of what could have been."

"For much like death, you can't take it with you."

They really were that stupid, were they?

"You remember DuMont, right?"

"No? Perfect."

Yep. They were.

And the best place for cartoons was about to die for it.

Film Opening=Kagemitsu's Origin (4 Votes)

Dororo's Intro=Flipping Stolen Goods (4 Votes)

Regained Sense=Hearing (5 Votes)

Smell Sense Monster=Centipede Mantis (4 Votes)

After a montage of demon slaying, the duos end up in a part of a settlement.

How are our heroes clued in on Ohagi's criminal enterprise?

Ohagi has his taste, how does she relinquish it?

After a calm moment where Yak speaketh, Someone has caught Mio on her route!

[coll2mitts]

#67 Muppets Most Wanted (2014)

"We're sorry, Kermit.  We're sorry we didn't notice you were missing.  We're sorry we didn't tell you often enough how much you mean to all of us.  We're sorry we ever took you for granted.  But, that’s never going to happen again...  Kermit, we convinced ourselves that evil frog was you because he gave us what we thought we wanted.  When what we really wanted... What we really needed... Was you, Kermit.  The actual, real you."

After The Muppets, I was fully prepared to eat my own shoes instead of watch this movie. My only motivation was the light at the end of the tunnel.  Much like the Genie at the end of Aladdin, I would have fulfilled my end of the bargain and finally be freed from having to watch any more Muppet movies ever again.  But something unlikely happened... They began The Muppets Most Wanted admitting their fans at the end of The Muppets were paid extras.  They were transparent about a sequel being a not-as-good cash grab.  The opening number was referential to the original sequel, The Great Muppet Caper, but the lyrics were self-aware, self-deprecating and peak Muppet.

I’ll even go on record as liking this movie a great deal.  I was able to forgive the product placement, the obligatory Disney references, the pop songs, and the 7000 cameos because this movie felt like... an apology?  Like they had watched the last movie and realized it was hollow, and the spirit of Kermit was steamrolled by their desperation to emotionally connect to the audience.  

True to Muppet fashion, their opening number states the stakes of the movie, Ricky Gervais (...ugh) approaches The Muppets with the idea of managing them during a World Tour.  Kermit, being a level-headed frog, is hesitant to sign with someone named Dominic Badguy, and doesn’t want to rush into something new without establishing a proper show beforehand.  Striking while the iron is hot with your new IP is not enough of a reason to rush out a project.

Kermit is eventually persuaded to hire Dominic, but books a series of smaller venues to ease them into the swing of things.

“Looks like they put the reviews up early!” “Yeah, or is that the suggestion box?”

The Muppets are disappointed by this, and are easily swayed by Dominic to bet big and rent extremely large venues under the assumption they will sell out their shows and make the money back.  Kermit is against this at first (voting for “just giving up” instead of “believing in themselves”), but he goes along with the group because he was outnumbered.  The content of the show is also a point of contention, as Kermit suggests they play to their strengths, because if the show isn’t successful, they might not have jobs after the tour.  This concern is also brushed off, as Dominic tells Gonzo sure, bulls running around the stage sounds like a great idea, the magnetic bomb-attractor vest will be a useful invention, and Miss Piggy should be singing 4 or 5 Celine Dion classics a night. 

While Kermit is disappointed, Dominic tells him to take a walk in East Berlin to clear his mind.  We then find out this is a setup to kidnap Kermit and send him to a Siberian Gulag so Dominic and the The Most Dangerous Frog in the World can schedule The Muppets to perform in venues directly next to museums that hold clues and trinkets that will assist them in stealing the Crown Jewels.

Much like The Great Muppet Caper, this movie revolves around case of mistaken identity between bad frog Constantine and good frog Kermit, with their only differentiating feature being a mole on Constantine’s face.  After Kermit is kidnapped, Constantine assumes his identity, and although Constantine has a Russian accent and speaks in Muppet one-liners, he’s covered his mole in green grease paint, so the cast has no idea anything is amiss.  

As artifacts go missing, Sam Eagle from the CIA and Jean Pierre Napoleon from Interpol are on the case!  They dislike each other at first, as everything Sam  Eagle does is comically overstated and American, while everything Jean Pierre does is comically understated and European.  They gradually come to respect each other, connect the dots, and determine The Muppets... are too stupid to perform a series of heists.

Meanwhile, Kermit is having a hard time acclimating to prison life.  Nadja, the prison warden, played Tina Fey (with a really terrible accent, which I can’t tell is supposed to be terrible as a gag, or it just is?) thwarts all his attempts to escape.  Kermit grows to accept he is stuck in the Gulag and his friends are not going to come and rescue him.  To distract him, Nadja puts him in charge of the annual lighthearted Gulag Review, and Kermit’s practice with wrangling the Muppets make him perfect for the job of wrangling hardened criminals, like The Prison King (Jemaine Clement), Big Papa (Ray Liotta) and Danny Trejo (Danny Trejo).

Walter is suspicious something strange is going on with their tour, because he seems to be the only Muppet with critical thinking skills.  He shadows Dominic and finds him bribing Robert Crawley to post good reviews of “The Muppet Show” and pay people to put butts in seats.  When Walter informs Fozzie, he laments they didn’t think of doing that before, but when Walter suggests that Constantine may have replaced Kermit...

They strike out to find Kermit so he can restore order to this entire debacle, but he’s now neck deep in Gulag Review rehearsals.  Even when his friends show up and convince him he needs to leave, Nadja is hesitant to let him go because she’s formed a mild attachment to him.

They stage a breakout during one of the Gulag Review musical numbers, which just happens to be about working in a coal mine, equip with pick axes that dig everyone out of the prison and to safety.

While they were gone, Miss Piggy begins to suspect something is off with “Kermit”, especially since he seemed OK with Fozzie and Walter leaving the show.  In an attempt to pacify her, “Kermit” escalates his affection toward her until it, of course, all culminates in a wedding between Bad Frog and Miss Piggy, even though the last time the Real Kermit spoke with her, they got in a massive fight about her obsession with planning a wedding when he hadn’t even proposed yet.  "Kermit” also books The Tower of London as the wedding venue, so Dominic can use the artifacts they’ve stolen to steal the Crown Jewels while everyone else is distracted.

The wedding does not go as planned, though, as Good Frog Kermit shows up and prevents Miss Piggy from marrying the wrong guy.  Upon being found out, Constantine decides to drop one more Muppet one-liner before blowing the place to smithereens.  Much like Chekhov’s gun, Professor Honeydew’s magnetic bomb-attractor vest aids the Muppets in discovering that Miss Piggy’s engagement ring IS the bomb, and Beaker, who is wearing the vest, is launched out the window, saving The Muppets and all their wedding guests.

Dominic and Constantine try to get away in a helicopter, but Piggy kicks the shit out of Constantine, because again, Piggy’s violence solves every problem in the Muppet universe.  With the bad guys captured, the Muppets apologize to Kermit for ignoring his concerns about the tour, and not noticing he was gone.  The decide to continue the tour, but first, they will play the Siberian Gulag as a favor to Nadja.

And the big climax at the end... fireworks.  In the shape of the Muppets.

The original songs are excellent again, because Bret McKenzie is excellent.  They do have a few non-original songs, but they aid the plot this time instead of just being included for whatever fucking reason (with one notable exception, as there is no excuse for “Moves like Jagger”).  The Gulag review auditions used these the best, because seeing a prison full of men sing “End of the Road” is fairly comical, and is only topped by the entire reenactment of A Chorus Line’s “I Hope I Get It”, including a costume change that involves “Gulag” crop-tops.

The best hybrid of pop references and original jams is “Something So Right”, which actually made me cry, until Celine Dion appeared and hammed it up.  Her diva energy in this movie was just perfect - I loved seeing her and Miss Piggy belt out a song while Rowlf was playing a grand piano.

Speaking of cameos, I feel like they service the movie a lot better than The Muppets.  Everyone outside of the celebrity guests on the tour were playing some sort of part, instead of just showing up and answering a phone and talking about how famous they are.  Josh Groban sang from inside a metal box several times, and you only see his face for maybe 2 seconds at the end of the movie, which make it clear he just wanted to be involved.  Seeing Ray Liotta and Danny Trejo singing and dancing so earnestly made me roll my eyes again at the thought of Sarah Silverman handing Amy Adams a menu and Selena Gomez telling Kermit doesn’t even know who the Muppets are.

The guests on stage were utilized well, with Christoph Waltz dancing the waltz in Berlin, Saoirse Ronan dancing a ballet in Dublin, and Salma Hayek, who is famously Mexican, getting run over by bulls in Madrid.  At least the Macarena is from Spain... lord help them.  

The Muppet spirit of Muppets Most Wanted is so drastically different than The Muppets to me, and I’m trying to pinpoint why that is.  Perhaps it was shifting the focus to the Muppets themselves in the story instead of attention being pulled to Walter and his brother and his brother’s girlfriend’s story arc.  Or maybe it was because the plot of this movie was referential to the previous Muppet movies, instead of reusing sections of the plot of the older movies to fill out the runtime.  Or maybe it was because this movie was fun, instead of the miserable time everyone in The Muppets was having, crushed under the weight of their potential failure.  Or maybe it was because they didn’t end this movie hoisting the Walt Disney puppet over their shoulders while an entire street of people cheer on their new corporate overlord.  Whatever it is, this movie is leaps and bounds better than the other.

This concludes Muppet Week!  I have consumed more Muppet content in the last few months than I have in my entire life.  The Muppets are cherished for a reason, with their ability to ride the line between comedy and emotional sincerity.  Their film catalog has increasingly skewed more family-friendly as time has gone on, and they certainly have leaned more toward comedy instead of Gonzo quietly singing about dreams on the side of the road.  I haven’t watched either reboot television show yet, and I need a break from Muppet content for a while, so I’ll hold off on my opinions there.   But, I love The Muppets, and I hope Disney continues to honor Jim Henson’s legacy with their work.

And with that, I’ll leave you with Kermit and Dolly Parton singing “Everyday People” on The Dolly Show, because I so badly wanted to include this somewhere and didn’t have the opportunity.

[kuwaiti-kid]

The 20 Best Star Wars Books of All Time (Canon and Legends)

With the recent reveal of the Star Wars: The High Republic mixed-media series, now seems like a great time to look back on the novelizations, stand alones, and book series that have been an integral part of building the rich and expansive universe that we know and love today.

The first Star Wars novelization was released six months following the premiere of Star Wars: A New Hope. Ghostwritten by Alan Dean Foster, but credited to George Lucas, Star Wars: From The Adventures of Luke Skywalker was the first venture into worldbuilding beyond the cinematic universe.

Over the course of forty-three years, nearly five hundred books have been added to the Jedi Archives, uh — I mean the Star Wars library. In 2014, almost four hundred of these novels were decanonized by Lucasfilm to refocus the canon around The Walt Disney Company’s restructuring of the franchise.

The Expanded Universe was rebranded as Star Wars Legends, but it was far from forgotten by its fans or the authors of the new canon novels.

The Ten Best Star Wars Legends Books

Heir to the Empire by Timothy Zahn (1991)

You would be hard-pressed to find a fan of the Star Wars Expanded Universe who doesn’t love Timothy Zahn’s novels. He introduced us to beloved characters like Mara Jade and Thrawn.

Set five years following The Return of the Jedi, Zahn kickstarted the Expanded Universe with an enthralling story that followed the continuing adventures of Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Han Solo. Grand Admiral Thrawn attempts to track down a pregnant Princess Leia, while Luke Skywalker faces off with the smuggler Mara Jade (who just so happens to be the former Emperor’s Hand).

It is by far one of the best stories in the Expanded Universe.

The Han Solo Adventures (Trilogy) by Brian Daley (1979-1980)

Daley’s series recently returned to Star Wars discourse after High Republic author Cavan Scott tweeted out his current reference material for another project.

The trilogy follows Han Solo and Chewbacca through their days as smugglers in the capitalistic Corporate Sector, as they uncover a slaving ring, rescue kidnap victims, and face-off with a religious cult.

If you loved  Solo: A Star Wars Story, you’ll love this trilogy.

The New Jedi Order: Vector Prime by R. A. Salvatore (1999)

Set twenty-one years following the destruction of the Death Star, Salvatore did the unthinkable in Vector Prime. Sanctioned by George Lucas himself, the character death depicted in this novel is the only original series character to die in the Expanded Universe.

It is the first novel in a nineteen-book series entitled The New Jedi Order. While this novel sacrificed the life of a beloved character, it also introduced the villainous race of the Yuuzhan Vong.

The original trilogy characters are paired off with the younger generation (the Solo children) throughout the novel, before converging at the crux of a devastating battle.

Star by Star by Troy Denning (2002)

The Yuuzhan Vong continue their ruthless campaign throughout the galaxy, leading Anakin Solo to concoct a dangerous plan to thwart their attacks. Denning’s novel delved a devastating blow for the Solo family as their youngest son Anakin Solo sacrificed his life to buy time for the rest of the team to kill the voxyn queen and escape from the Vong.

This is a book filled with death and destruction, and it proves to be a real page-turner.

Dark Journey by Elaine Cunningham (2002)

If you love Jaina Solo, then the tenth novel in The New Jedi Order series is the one for you. Dark Journey follows Jaina as she struggles with despair and her need for revenge following the death of her brother Anakin Solo and the Vong’s capture of her twin Jacen.

They retreat to the Hapes Cluster, where they encounter the grieving Teneniel Djo and the familial struggles of the Hapes. The Former Queen Mother attempts to arrange a marriage between Jaina and Prince Isolder — an offer Jaina rejects.

Enemy Lines (Duology) by Aaron Allston (2002)

This pair of novels can easily be read as a singular story. It follows Luke and Mara Jade Skywalker, Han and Leia Solo, Lando Calrissian, Wedge Antilles, and Jaina Solo as they respond to the Yuuzhan Vong’s capture of Coruscant.

Wedge is a stand-out character throughout this novel, and I believe this characterization is one of the reasons that he remains a beloved minor character. The rebellion’s determined efforts lead them to a victorious battle on Borealis, though the Vong are far from defeated.

Shadows of the Empire by Steve Perry (1996)

This novel was Perry’s contribution towards the ambitious mixed-media series (also called Shadows of the Empire) created by Lucasfilm in 1996. The series included both a novel and junior novelization, a comic book series, a video game, action figures, a soundtrack, trading cards, role-playing games, posters, and so much more.

Set between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, the novel introduced readers to the Black Sun criminal overlord, Prince Xizor, whose primary motivation is to seek vengeance against Darth Vader. He does that by plotting to murder Luke Skywalker once his heritage is revealed. It’s a brilliant book that can be read as a stand-alone or as part of the mixed-media experience.

Survivor’s Quest by Timothy Zahn (2004)

Three years following the marriage of Luke Skywalker to Mara Jade, the couple struggles to balance their marriage and their duties as Jedi. Led by an urgent transmission, they journey together on a quest to locate the remains of the Outbound Flight expedition, which had been destroyed by Grand Admiral Thrawn on the planet of Niruan decades ago.

Expecting to find a graveyard of destroyed Dreadnought ships, they are surprised to find intact vessels and signs of life among them. Luke and Mara Jade come up against the vicious Vagaari to rescue the survivors of the errant Outbound Flight project. If you love Mara Jade and Luke Skywalker — this is the novel for you. They are at their best when they’re working together.

Black Fleet Crisis (Trilogy) by Michael P. Kube-McDowell (1996-1998)

Sixteen years following the end of the Original Trilogy, Kube-McDowell’s novel picks up with an era of peace for the New Republic. This trilogy of novels sits somewhat outside of the canon of The New Jedi Order and X-Wing series and provides a slightly different approach to the beloved heroes of the universe.

Chewbacca returns to Kashyyyk to be with his son; Luke works towards higher Jedi enlightenment in a self-built hermitage on Coruscant. Unlike other novels that focus on the characters and their arcs, this series is more focused on political and military plots.

The story follows the genocidal campaign of former Imperial slaves, referred to as Yevethan forces, as they seek to conquer the Koornacht Cluster.

This story deviates drastically from what we know about Luke and Leia’s mother, Padmé, thanks to the prequel trilogy, as Luke travels to the planet Fallanassi to learn more about his mother’s homeworld. Overall the trilogy makes for a great Star Wars story.

Wedge’s Gamble by Michael A. Stackpole (1996)

Wedge Antilles and his X-Wing pilots, the Rogue Squadron, plan to infiltrate the Imperial High Command controlled Coruscant. Still, first, they free the imprisoned Black Suns criminals in hopes of bringing down the Empire.

The story is a race against time for the rebels as they work to take down the planetary shields protecting Coruscant. In the process, allies are lost, and a traitor is discovered among their ranks.

It’s the second novel in a ten-part series and proves to be a fast-paced read.

 The Ten Best Star Wars Canon Books

The Last Jedi by Jason Fry (2018)

Of the three novelizations included in the Sequel Trilogy era, Fry’s work stands out. He masterfully adapted Rian Johnson’s screenplay, Star Wars: The Last Jedi, and shed new light on aspects that may have been lost to the casual viewer.

The book provides readers with a look inside the heads and hearts of nearly every character seen in the movie — which genuinely enriches the story.

Star Wars: Bloodline by Claudia Grey (2016)

The novel delves into the ramifications of Senator Leia Organa’s heritage, as trusted allies turn against her at the revelation that she is Darth Vader’s daughter.

Grey delivers an incredibly poignant look into Leia’s psyche throughout this ordeal as well as how she handles balancing being a mother and a senator.

Star Wars: Resistance Reborn by Rebecca Roanhorse (2019)

If you were not overly thrilled with the dynamics between Finn and Poe in The Rise of Skywalker or were hoping to read more about Leia’s last days with the Resistance, this novel is a surefire favorite. Roanhorse truly knows these characters inside and out, and she brings a fresh, exciting adventure to bridge the gap between the Battle of Crait and the Resistance’s base on Ajan Kloss.

Leia works diligently to rally the forces after their defeat at Crait, which brings the familiar Inferno Squadron members, Shriv Suurgav and Zay Versio, into the picture. An interesting element of the novel is the recruitment of defecting Imperial forces that are welcomed into the Resistance. Overall the stakes are low in the story, but it still manages to deliver a memorable read.

Last Shot (Star Wars): A Han and Lando Novel by Daniel José Older (2018)

Created as a tie-in to Solo: A Star Wars Story, Older’s novel covers five storylines told in five parts with a mix of flashbacks between Han Solo and Lando Calrissian as they face a new threat by an old foe.

It also covers aspects of Han’s marriage to Leia, as well as his relationship with his young son, Ben Solo — which helps readers understand how things fell apart by the time The Force Awakens occurs. If you loved Daley’s Legends series about Han Solo, you’ll love Older’s novel.

Star Wars: The Aftermath Trilogy by Chuck Wendig (2016-2017)

The trilogy expands the extensive period between the end of Return of the Jedi and the start of The Force Awakens. Wendig introduces readers to Norra Wexley and her teenage son Snap Wexley (later seen on screen) and delivers an engaging storyline for Wedge Antilles.

The story follows the New Republic as they work towards defeating the remaining members of the Empire. This series also introduces Emperor Palpatine’s Observatory on Jakku — an exciting piece of foreshadowing for The Rise of Skywalker.

Star Wars: Thrawn by Timothy Zahn (2017)

The first in a series of three novels, Zahn returns to Star Wars and reintroduces Grand Admiral Thrawn to the Star Wars canon. The story begins with the exile of the Chriss warrior, Mitth’raw’nuruodo (Thrawn), and follows his path to the Empire alongside Imperial Cadet Eli.

Thrawn offers to serve Emperor Palpatine in order to protect his people. Throughout the novel, Thrawn’s calculated tenacity allows him to climb the ranks within the Empire, ultimately rising to the position of Grand Admiral. Thrawn is a fan-favorite, and this series is just the beginning of his storyline.

Catalyst: A Rogue One Novel by James Luceno (2016)

If you watched Rogue One and wanted to know more about Orson Krennic or Galen Erso, this is the novel for you. It covers Erso’s research into the energy kyber crystals under the Celestial Power project and follows his concerns as he realizes his research might be used for something devastating.

It’s an interesting approach to members of the Empire and shows the duality among the ranks and the inner confliction at the advent of the Star Destroyer. Familiar faces like Tarkin and Saw Gerrera also appear in this novel.

Battlefront II: Inferno Squad by Christie Golden (2017)

Golden’s novel follows the members of the Empire’s elite team of soldiers, the Inferno Squad, as they deal with the ramifications of the theft of the Death Star plans. The central characters, Lieutenant Iden Versio, Lieutenant Junior Grade Gideon Hask, and Lieutenant Commander Del Meeko, are all featured in the EA Game’s Star Wars: Battlefront II.

Versio and her team are tasked with eradicating the remaining members of Saw Gerrera’s Partisans, newly reformed as a terrorist cell known as the Dreamers. Gideon and Del infiltrate the Dreamers, while Iden is arrested for alleged sedition after intentionally revealing her disillusionment towards the Empire — which leads to the Dreamers rescuing her.

It’s not often that we get to see how members of the Empire fully believe that their actions are the right actions, and this novel delivers.

Alphabet Squadron by Alexander Freed (2019)

The first of a trilogy of novels focused on a group of New Republic pilots. The series crosses over with Marvel comic series Star Wars: TIE Fighters and has a forthcoming sequel novel Shadow Fall arriving in June. The book explores the costs of war in the wake of the Battle of Endor as it follows Yrica Quell, an Imperial defector.

Freed introduces readers to a colorful group of pilots (featuring X-Wings, U-Wings, and Y-Wings) who react with different degrees of suspicion when Yrica joins the squadron. It’s a compelling piece of fiction that is rooted heavily in the military aspects of Star Wars and strongly reminiscent of the 1990s X-Wing series.

Star Wars: Ahsoka by E.K. Johnston (2016)

Dave Filoni created Ahsoka Tano for the animated series Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and she quickly grew into one of the most beloved characters from the Prequel Trilogy era. The young adult novel starts with Ahsoka during the Siege of Mandalore and explains how she came to adopt the pseudonym Ashla after fleeing to the remote Outer Rim Moon, Raada.

In the shadow of the growing threat of the Galactic Empire, Ahsoka works alongside Bail Organa and the Rebellion to evacuate the at-risk villages on Raada. Obi-Wan Kenobi also appears in this novel and struggles with the grief of Anakin’s betrayal as he remains in hiding on Tatooine. Overall it’s a great novel exploring an aspect of Ashoka’s life that had yet to be explored.

The final season of The Clone Wars is currently airing on Disney+.

Choose Your Adventure

While we endure the post-The Rise of Skywalker world, there is an entire galaxy’s worth of Star Wars novels out there to read.

Check out your local library or used bookstore and track down some of the older Legends books or jump on Amazon and pre-order the new The High Republic series.

Choose your own adventure, and as always, may the Force be with you.

The post The 20 Best Star Wars Books of All Time (Canon and Legends) appeared first on Your Money Geek.

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