#grasping at straws trying to put serious points for adam | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sombreboy · 5 years ago

Text

Who’s your king?♕MYG

♕18+ nsfw ♕ pairing: king!myg x female reader ♕ genre: pwp smut, fluff ♕ word count: 2.5k ♕ warnings: smut, blowjob, power kink, worship kink, he has long hair lmao, throne fucking, unprotected sex/creampie, dirtytalk, some fluff ♕ A/N: I want to thank @chimoona for helping me out and supporting me when I couldn’t find the words because I lost sleep to get this done. I wouldn’t have been able to get this out without her, she’s the best. ily♡

“Does this please you, my king?” Your very words would be his undoing. King. My king. You said it like a prayer to the highest power.

‘‘Who’s your king?’‘

Your weight shifted between your feet as you stood in front of the man that owned every fibre of your being. It was just you and him, in his grand empty throne room, with the man himself comfortably seated on his throne.

‘‘You.’‘

‘‘Tsk,’‘ Yoongi clicked his tongue, the elbow resting on the armchair of his throne serving as leverage as he placed his chin on his palm. His feline-shaped eyes squinted slightly as his gaze pinned your feet to the wooden floor, ‘‘Don’t test me, princess… Try again.’‘

He knew you were quite the brat at times, and he loved it for the solemn reason of being able to put you back in your place. Which, in this case would be on your knees beneath him.

‘‘Hm..’‘ You played dumb, pretending to ponder on what words he possibly wanted, ‘‘Yoongi?’‘ you said his given name with a coy smile playing on your lips as you slowly rocked on your feet, hands clasped together in front of you.

Yoongi’s lips tugged in a playful smirk, an expression on his face that had never failed to practically melt your brain, unable to focus on anything but the growing desire for him to discipline you.

This was a game that the two of you would play more frequently than not. He thrived on the bratty attitude only you dared to utilize in front of him. The two of you were close, ever since he’d found you when he was on a stroll through his village months ago, hiding his face beneath a straw hat. He often stopped by your herbal tea shop to catch a glimpse of you, and after the third time you finally recognized the man that kept coming back…

However, It wasn’t until he’d stared up at you with his intense eyes, not to mention the prominent line of a scar that went from his eyebrow down to his cheek, that you realized just who it was. It was an immediate, mutual gravitation, you were his from that very moment, and he was yours.

The fact that he was the scarred king only proved just how much power this man had. He was rich, ruling the nation, and a flick of his wrist made an entire country bow so low that their foreheads scraped the ground to worship the shadow of his footsteps.

But out of all things, you were his most treasured possession.

‘‘You know better than to address me by my first name.’‘ He stated with a deeper voice, a few octaves lower than normal. He knows exactly how to push your buttons, whether it be to annoy you, or to verbally break you down into a needy mess.

He picked up the sword idly resting by his side. It didn’t make a single noise as he unsheathed it with one hand, using his other to beckon you closer.

You obliged, a few steps brought you to stand directly in front of him, looking down at his relaxed posture with anticipation. Even though you played with him often, you never knew what to expect from him.

There was no time to react when the sword suddenly cut through the air with a whistle, slicing the fabrics of your dress in the middle, causing it to fall to your sides and simply only hang on to your shoulders like a robe. He was skilled with the blade, and one wrong move would’ve without a doubt sliced your torso as well.

But you trusted him with your life.

You held onto the clothes falling off your shoulders, attempting to pull the fabrics back up to cover your breasts, but halted your movements once you heard his hum in disapproval. Glancing up at him, he wiggled a finger back and forth, his shit eating grin widening on his lips, ‘‘Don’t hide what’s mine to look at.’‘

A small smile tugged at your lips, you could tell he was already adjusting himself in his seat from the mere anticipation of seeing your naked body. He’s seen you countless times, but every single time he made you feel like it was the first time. Passion ignited in his eyes the very second you let the fabrics slowly slide down your shoulders until they pooled by your feet, leaving you in nothing but your panties.

‘‘No bra, hm?’‘ He cocked an eyebrow, pointing the tip of his blade to the hem of your underwear before cutting it with a swift flick of his wrist, not wasting another second to reveal your most intimate parts for him, ‘‘You really walked around all day…. around people, without a bra, princess?’’

You nodded coyly, arms instinctively moving to cover your breasts once more.

‘’What did I just say about covering what’s mine?’‘

‘‘Sorry..’‘ You let your arms fall limp to your sides, breathing in deeply to keep yourself collected. But it was easier said than done when the tone of his voice made your knees feel weak.

‘‘Sorry, what? Hm? Tell me.’‘ Yoongi pushed further, his gummy smile flashing for a second, making him seem so harmless. Just like any other guy, a soft grin that made your heart soften. But it quickly fell back into his stoic expression when you didn’t reply fast enough, ‘‘Properly address me by my title.’‘

‘‘My king.’‘ You meekly whispered, feeling your slick juices slowly seep down your inner thigh. He truly had such a powerful effect on you.

‘‘Excellent, my darling. Now we shall continue.’‘ He nodded, lips pressed together in a vague smile as he carelessly tossed his sword to the side with an echoing clang, ‘‘On your knees, please your king.’‘

He loved the title, especially when it came from your lips. The power he felt when you obeyed his wishes beat any command he could ever give to any person within the nation.

You dropped to your knees as soon as he spread his legs for you to settle in between. His elbow was comfortably placed on the armrest, resting his cheek against his knuckles while his fierce gaze was fixated on your every move.

He remained silent when you looked up at him, as he had already stated what he wanted from you. And he didn’t like to repeat himself.

You were thankful that his robe was already untied, making it easy for you to pull the fabrics to his sides, exposing his torso. Eagerly, you moved to the hem of his pants to pull them down just enough for you to be able to take his length out in your hand. You gave Yoongi another glance, he’s yet to say anything, unmoving, resting his cheek in his hand as he watched you with great interest.

But it was obvious that he wasn’t unaffected. While his face might show no signs of the way you drove him towards madness, his body couldn’t lie. The half hard length twitching in your grasp was the very proof itself.

‘‘Take it in your mouth, my darling.’‘ He urged, the stare in his eyes filled with an unsettling sense of power.

Without a word, you obeyed his command by guiding the tip of his cock to your lips, sticking out your tongue to give it a tentative lick, eyes on him for a reaction. But, the way he glared down at you proved that he was far from satisfied. A simple tongue job was not going to please your king in the slightest.

Even if he didn’t utter a word, the look he gave you was more than enough for you to know that he wasn’t in the mood for a tease. It was time to get serious.

It was easy to fit him past your lips as he wasn’t fully hard yet, swirling your tongue around it inside of your mouth to pleasure him to the best of your abilities. You began sucking the way you knew he liked it. As the wet sounds from your saliva mixed with his precum grew louder, as did your king’s pleasure.

His cock quickly became turgid in your grasp, his girth making it almost impossible for you to take him as deep as you wanted to. You let most of his length slide out of your lips, keeping the tip inside as you swirled your tongue in the crease below the head of his cock, savoring the musky flavor of a long day as the king. Once his length was properly lubricated with your spit, you leaned in to push him deeper past your lips once more.

This time, you were adamant to take all of him, aiming to please. You pushed deeper over the veiny expanse of his shaft until your nose met his firm abdomen. Wanting to please him further, you kept going, your nose digging into his pubes as you felt the head of his length and more pushing past your throat.

In the midst of the sinful sounds sucking him off made, you swore you could hear Yoongi’s pleasure in the form of breathy grunts. This was his weakness, and you knew it well, especially with the way his cock twitched in the back of your throat followed with his deep, vibrating moans gradually growing with every suck.

You withdrew from his heavy length, clearly feeling every single inch being ripped from your throat as you did so with another lewd pop. It wasn’t easy to please him, but you were determined to. He was more than just your king. His pleasure was so much more than just pleasure, it was your life and salvation.

You belonged to him, and he belonged to you.

‘’You’re doing so well, princess.’‘ He praised between heavy breaths, his unbothered expression threatening to crumble.

Between beleaguered breaths you forced his length down your throat again, over and over, never fully removing him from your soppy mouth. Pulling back once more to catch your breath, you wanted to make his patience of letting you breathe worth his while, lipping over the smooth head of his cock and swiping your tongue on it as if you were kissing him.

“You’ve done so well, my darling,” he praised through heavy breaths, petting the back of your head as he slides himself out. He’s close–unsure of how much longer he can last with you like this. “Need you to ride me,” he reclined a little, granting enough room for you to join him, “climb onto your throne.”

You placed your delicate hands on both sides of his seat and lifted yourself from the ground. Once you’re on your feet, your king guided you to straddle his hips and sink onto him right away with no preparation. Perhaps it’s for his own selfish needs, but he wanted to feel you wrap around him fully, paying no mind to preparing you. No matter–after the attentive service you gave him, you were already incredibly wet. He slided in with ease and stretched you for a comfortable fit.

He’d never admit it openly, but the way you wrapped your nimble arms around the back of his neck as you circled your hips made his heart beat faster. He ached to hold you closer, so he does it with vigor. He grasped tight to your fleshy hips and assisted you, groaning deep into the crook of your neck.

“Does this please you, my king?”

Your very words would be his undoing.

King.

My king.

You said it like a prayer to the highest power.

“Such a pliant angel for her master,” he huffed into your ear, taking the lobe between his teeth and lathing the rosy flesh with a soft tongue, “Do you hear that? Do you hear the way your tight little pussy takes my cock so well?”

You only gasped out your moans as a worthy reply to such a filthy mouth.

“That’s right, darling.” He held your hips with bruising force and lifts his own to fuck into you rapidly from below. “Listen to those sweet wet smacks filling my chamber, echoing off the walls. Do you like being filled by your king?”

You nodded quickly, biting your lip to stifle the sultry sounds passing your lips, too reluctant to let anyone hear just how good he made you feel.

“Show me how much you like it. Let me hear you, nice and loud.”

He lifted your hips to slam down onto his lap, the skin of your ass slapping against his upper thighs. “Do it now or I’ll stop,” he taunted, knowing that’s just the words you need to give him anything he desires.

“I-I, my king–fuck,” your pitchy pants increased in volume the harder he thrusted into you.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Your thick cock feels so good inside my little cunt. Love riding you on your throne, imagining the room filled with all your loyal subjects.”

“What a filthy princess I have,” he stilled beneath you for a second, warming his length in your embrace to catch his breath, “You’d want others to see you in such a state? A sopping mess, tear-streaked, out in the open with your velvety walls crushing me?”

“Yes,” you simply replied, which seemed to be enough for him as he began humping into you as if his life depended on it. You sensed his urgency in his tensed muscles, burning hot against your bare flesh. He was desperately close and you were not far behind.

“This belongs to me,” he ordered, ramming into you, “Going to fill you until there’s no room left, going to show the whole kingdom you’re mine! Make you swollen with my heir and let every spectator know I fucked you long and hard, spoiling you for any man beside myself.”

“Cum inside me, Yoongi,” you breathed hotly against his neck, biting his pale skin and lapping the light bruises with your flattened tongue, “Claim me as your own. I want no one else.”

He pushed aside your defiant slip, referring to him by his first name. Instead, he pushed into you with a thrust so sharp he’s lodged as deep as you can bear, walls clenched around his length like a vice grip to hold him inside.

With a punishing nip to his tender neck, he groans his released out into the open, paying no mind to whoever heard his throaty moans.

“This is mine, now and forever.” It was a promise and a proposition all in one.

“Be my wife and I will fuck you like this, right here on my throne, until the day you die.”

It took not a second of thought to give him your answer, grinding your cunt onto his overstimulated cock to find your own euphoria. At the peak of your high, you told him what he wanted to hear.

“I accept,” you cried out your acceptance and pleasure in the same breath, “I’ll be your wife.”

“No,” Yoongi corrected you, shoving his cum back into you as it began to dribble onto his thighs, “You’ll be my queen.’’

You crashed your lips to his and released the remainder of your pent of lust into a breathless exchange. You rocked your bodies together to ride out what’s left of your orgasms, allowing the afterglow to take hold.

“My king,” you whispered against his lips. You pressed gentle kisses up his cheek until you place a final one over his scar, lingering for a moment, relinquishing your full devotion to every part of his being–the good and the bad.

“You have me at last.”

#yoongi smut #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #yoongi x yn #suga smut #suga x reader #suga x you #suga x yn #yoongi royal au #bts royal au #bts smut #yoongi oneshot #king yoongi #agust d smut #yoongi scenario #yoongi imagine #suga imagine #suga scenario #dom yoongi

1K notes · View notes

kbstories · 5 years ago

Text

Etymology

et·y·mol·o·gy (n.)

The study of a word's origin.

For Sanji, coming home is easier said than done.

(Or: Let’s talk about the Vinsmoke fiasco, shall we?)

Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Nakamaship, Childhood Trauma, Miscommunication (!!!), Found Family, PTSD, Angst With A Happy Ending

Read Chapter 1 here. Content warning for panic attack(s) and unintentional self-harm. Special thanks to @ppitte for helping me wrangle the chaos that is Zoro and Sanji interacting!!

***

Wide, endless blue. The sun-warmed touch of wood under his palm. A breeze carrying the scent of tangerines and ocean salt.

Those are the things Sanji had dreamed of in hell. Not the two years he likes to refer as such – the Drag Queens , too, have aspirations like everyone else – but the one he didn’t think possible, crossing into reality via a bridge not burned thoroughly enough. A hell made of stone walls high enough to swallow the sea and the sky and the stars.

If, Sanji had thought, gaze fixed on the lonely moon above, if I make it out of here alive, I will let them know.

That every time he closes his eyes and dares to imagine a future, they are with him. That happiness is a smile under a straw hat, and love a home-cooked meal, and freedom a black flag in the wind, flying, flying.

Sanji lets out a long breath and watches smoke dissipate into nothingness. Turns out there is no such thing as second chances, not for someone like him.

He feels him coming long before soft, measured steps reach his ears.

“Cook.”

The Sunny stands still for the night; the anchor was dropped not too long ago, the lion’s claw resting peacefully on a shallow reef. Arms crossed on the railing, Sanji’s chin rests on the back of his hands and he watches as its colorful inhabitants swim up close to the ship and nip at polished Adam wood, their bioluminescence making the waves glint like silver.

“Fuck off. I’m not in the mood.”

A wasted effort, Sanji knows: The heavy presence behind him doesn’t shift, doesn’t go anywhere, persisting as it always has. The skin on Sanji’s back crawls with the need to turn around and make him.

“Mosshead”, Sanji says, a hiss and a warning in one.

“Hm?”

Unbothered, like Sanji didn’t speak at all.

The evening is mild, infused with residual heat from a sunny day just past. Sanji grinds his teeth hard enough the other will be able to hear it, a mere handful of paces away. “I mean it. Leave.”

Zoro scoffs, “Nah.” His boots creak as he takes another step, closer, and–

A streak of blurred motion and embers spark against the sleek black of Haki. Sanji gives him a grin that’s a joyless show of teeth and not much else; illuminated by fierce red, Zoro’s lips flatten into a tense line.

“I said”, Sanji growls, lets himself fall on his hands and twists, gains speed. “Fuck. Off.”

The hit connects, the force of a volcanic eruption meeting immovable steel and Sanji is close enough to see the fire’s glow reflect in the fathomless depth of Zoro’s eye, growing darker still–

Sanji makes to draw back but can’t, realizes in the split-second between shifting his weight on his palms and a sudden ache around his leg that it’s not a scabbard but Zoro’s hand that met the blow, fingers clawed, gripping, not letting go.

“I’m not fighting you.”

Of course. Because why would anything in Sanji’s fucked up life start making sense now?

The breath in Sanji’s lungs leaves his mouth a pissed off tch and he lets the flames flare, watches with righteous anger in his chest how Zoro inhales sharply and hesitates – to release him or be burned, and Sanji’s leg tugs free a moment later.

“Bastard. Going soft on me, are you?”

There’s no hesitation in his movements as Sanji turns on the tips of his fingers and strikes, again and again, snarling against the stoicism on Zoro’s face as the man’s hands don’t reach for his swords once. “That’s not it”, Zoro tells him like he’s stating the obvious, and it’s the simple kind of statement that pierces Sanji’s defenses and aims straight at his core.

The next kick draws blood, a neat scrape-and-burn across the scar on Zoro’s cheek, and Sanji’s gasp is louder than the low grunt that comes from Zoro.

Sanji’s feet hit the ground with dull, unbalanced thuds and he stares, wide-eyed, at the stray drops of crimson that pool and run down tan skin, near-black in the oncoming moonlight. The instinctive question – Are you alright? – remains unsaid, acidic where it sticks to Sanji’s tongue and his chest feels tight, tight.

“You done?”

There’s an air of indifference to Zoro’s voice but Sanji knows Zoro, can see the demon coiled within the man, straining to bite back. Zoro rolls his neck, hands flexing against the bruises smudging his skin as his Haki fades.

Sanji is lost, mouth slack and breath panting like it’s an army he just fought and not his friend. For a moment, he’s back on a field of endless green under cotton candy clouds, painting it red in uneven splatters as he kicks, and kicks, and kicks without resistance–

“Why?”, he rasps, voice trembling, utterly outside of his control. Sanji blinks and clenches his jaw, struggles to retain some of the anger in there somewhere. “Stop fucking around and fight back.”

“No.”

Zoro crosses his arms, wide open now, and his gaze is analytical as it tracks the way Sanji tenses and stays exactly where he is. That singular eye narrows, a bloodhound that caught a scent.

“I left you guys. I had a choice and I left.”

“You had your reasons”, Zoro says, calmly. He takes a step forward and Sanji takes one back, heart rattling wildly against the cage of his chest.

“I– I went after him, Zoro. I attacked my captain. I didn’t hold anything back.”

That makes Zoro’s lips twitch into a frown, displeased but not surprised and– Luffy talked, Sanji thinks and something inside him breaks just that little bit more.

“I know.” Yet Zoro’s swords stay sheathed. Another step closer. “Luffy’s wounds… There’s only one style I know that causes those and it’s yours.”

The railing presses against the small of Sanji’s back and he’s trapped, has no space to move and nowhere else to look but at Zoro and the cut that continues to bleed, dripping lazily onto Zoro’s shirt–

And Sanji can’t get enough air in his lungs, fingers tingling with numbness and spots dancing in front of his eyes and he’s aware, numbly, that he might pass out.

“Sanji.”

There are hands on his shoulders then, Zoro’s palms a solid-warm weight, squeezing, keeping him on his feet. “Hey”, he murmurs, low enough that Sanji knows it’s meant for him, just for him. “I need you to listen to me.”

Thoughts swirl and collide in Sanji’s head and nothing makes sense. He nods even though Zoro isn’t exactly asking – a jerky, helpless motion – and something in Zoro’s eye softens.

“Breathe, okay? Nothing’s going on. Nothing’s changed.”

He shakes Sanji, obviously trying to make a point. Even now it’s ridiculously gentle, coming from Zoro, and Sanji tries for him, he really does.

“At least not for us? You got your hackles all the way up these days, and it’s making everyone nervous as hell. Like–”

A quiet struggle with words ends in a huff, quick and gruff.

“I think Luffy is about a day away from melting down if you don’t start calling him a shitty rubber captain again – that sorta thing. And I don’t know what exactly happened on that island between you and him but he insists it’s done and over with. So, is it?”

Sanji is pinned by that gaze again, sharp and searching and trying to understand. He breathes and finds he can, chest heaving with it–

“I don’t know”, Sanji tells Zoro and it’s the truth, the words brittle like old bones. Sanji’s wrists burn and he scratches at them. “I thought I’d left all that Vinsmoke shit behind me but it keeps coming back. I don’t know if they’ll ever let me be.”

Zoro sighs, deeply. A breath Sanji feels against his skin and it occurs to him they’ve never been this close, not without being at each other’s throats at the same time.

“You fool. That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

“Listen to me, shithead”, Sanji snaps; he scratches, scratches. “It’s no joke. They know things about me, about all of us, and I wouldn’t have left if– This shit’s serious. Got it?”

“More serious than what, the Emperors? The fucking World Government? Fine. Let them come. I don’t care who those Vin-whatever people think they are, and you know Captain doesn’t either– Stop that.”

Faster than Sanji can anticipate, Zoro grabs his hand, snatches it away from his wrist and– Oh, it’s bleeding, Sanji realizes with a slow blink. His hand is bleeding.

“What are you, stupid or something?”

The rest of what Zoro mutters under his breath is lost to Sanji; before he can even think to pull away, Zoro is tugging at the bandana tied around his bicep. Fingers calloused and rough, he folds the fabric over the criss-crossing, bloody lines and ignores Sanji’s hiss of pain, grasp tightening further.

Making Sanji feel his frustration and weirdly, it’s that that makes the ground under Sanji’s legs feel solid again.

“Get out of your head already”, Zoro is saying, eye focused on the knot he’s tying against Sanji’s palm. Sanji… lets him. “Did you apologize to him or not?”

Or not. Indignation burns in Sanji’s gut at that and he knocks Zoro’s hands away, ignoring how soothing the bandana feels against the rawness of his skin.

“What the–! Of course I did. D’you think I’d even take a fucking step on Sunny if I hadn’t?!”

And Sanji sees the tension bleed right out of Zoro and in that moment he hates him a little. The swordsman rests one arm on Wado’s grip and scratches his stupidly green hair with the other, mildly annoyed now.

“Well, then. Snap out of it.”

Like it’s the one and only conclusion there is. Like an apology could ever make up any of the things Sanji did, what he put Luffy through, that he made Nami cry and scream for him to stop–

“It’s not that easy”, Sanji hisses, getting back in his face and Zoro meets him in the middle this time, growling:

“Good. It shouldn’t be. Suck it up and stop making everyone miserable.”

“Then stop keeping secrets from me!”

The shout is loud, shattering any pretense of privacy on a ship that’s been suspiciously quiet this entire time – especially by their standards – and Sanji doesn’t care. He’s done being blamed for something that can’t be entirely his fault, not when everyone was there when he got kicked out of his own damn galley. Not when he felt them all put their heads together the moment he was out of sight, like he wouldn’t notice, like Observation Haki isn’t a thing that exists.

And as much as he’s thought about it (and he has, for hours and hours and hours), Sanji doesn’t know why. Yes, he left and he hurt Luffy and he deserves it but why this? Why now?

Sanji is a Strawhat Pirate, he’s used to all things whimsical and idiotic and those have always made sense to him, before.

This just… It doesn’t, isn’t even anywhere near it. A location marked X beyond the borders of a map, where mythical creatures reside among nebulous lines – there’s simply no way for Sanji to get there, not without Luffy to guide him and Nami to make sure they stay on course and all the other things he’s taken for granted before all this happened.

“Or– Let me do my job, at least. Please.”

So this is Sanji, giving in. This is Sanji, standing chest to chest with Zoro and witnessing, up close and personal, how a look of sheer bewilderment blooms on his face. All it does is twist him further up inside until he feels like he’s going to throw up or maybe cry.

Sanji is far beyond tears, now.

“Let me cook”, he begs instead, with a desperation he won’t hide anymore because if there’s one thing Sanji needs Zoro to understand it’s this. “I know I’m a fuck-up but I’m a good chef. Let me have that.”

“Sanji–”

A hand is raised and Sanji doesn’t flinch as much as he holds his breath, the instinct to brace himself as inescapable as the blood that runs through his veins. Zoro stops and stares at him. Looking genuinely shaken as he inhales and opts to cross his arms in front of his chest.

“Look, just– Help me understand, ‘cause you lost me somewhere. Where is all of this coming from?”

Sanji just groans, “You’re lost? You were there”, runs a hand through his hair and forces himself to go back to square one, again.

“Earlier. Luffy, Nami, Robin, you. You were talking about something. Then you all looked at me. Then Luffy said–”

“Okay, stop. That, right there. That’s what this is about?!”

“I… Yes.”

It takes a few second for Zoro to stop gaping at Sanji and then he laughs, and Sanji’s gut drops in the same moment that blood rushes to his face. He thinks: Oh, I’m going to kill him.

“What. The hell. Mosshead.”

Zoro waves his hands, palm-up, gesturing for Sanji to wait and for some fucking reason he actually does, cheeks burning and knees weak with shame as he watches Zoro trying his damnedest not to crack up again.

“Sorry. No, I mean it, I really shouldn’t– But fuck, you should’ve just said so. Cook, it’s your birthday.”

What?

“What?”, Sanji voices the thought out loud, tone flat; Zoro tempers his grin to a close-lipped smile and says:

“Your birthday. It passed two days ago and we didn’t, uh. Well, we didn’t know ‘cause you never told us, actually. Robin figured it out somehow. March 2nd, right?”

“…What.”

“Yeah. That’s the big secret, you idiot.”

The insult is undeniably fond and Zoro sounds so relieved, like that one revelation will solve all of the world’s mysteries at once and it… kind of does? Or it will, once Sanji’s mind stops spinning because it’s his birthday.

That’s what they were whispering about. His birthday. The birthday of his brothers. The day Sanji has hated all of his life and hasn’t celebrated, not even once, since he left the Vinsmoke name behind.

Sanji swallows. His fingers itch for a smoke but Zoro’s bandana is still wrapped around his wrist and the guy hates the smell of his cigarettes.

“And Luffy…?”

Zoro just gives him a look, brow raised, eye glinting. “What do you think? Birthdays are important to him, you know that. Oh, which reminds me: It’s supposed to be a surprise. Don’t ruin it for them.”

It’s then that Sanji lets the railing take some of his weight because– “There’s a surprise.”

Amusement turns to frowned concern on Zoro’s face. “Why is all of this news to you? Robin’s was just last month. Franky’s is coming up. There’s always a surprise.”

“Shut up”, Sanji tells him but it’s weak and he knows it. “It just never applied to me before.” Another thing occurs to him, then:

“Wait. Did Luffy put you up to this?”

By this point, Zoro is looking at him with the same pitying disdain Trafalgar Law tends to wield against all of them and it’s rich, coming from someone who opens a book maybe once a decade.

“He told me to keep you busy, not give you a therapy session but same difference, I guess.”

Sanji huffs, “As if I’d ever take advice from a meat-headed idiot of all people”, and reaches for his pocket because Zoro deserves some cigarette smell after all.

Zoro eyes the newly-lit cig in his hand for a moment before joining him against the railing, close enough to brush shoulders. Sanji blows the smoke away from him and pretends not to notice.

“So. How long are we giving them, then?”

“Mh. Ten minutes?”

“Fine”, Sanji sighs. “What are they even making?”

“Do you even know what a surprise is?”

“Ha ha.” A bout of silence. Sanji smokes. “Luffy better not burn down my kitchen. Again.”

Zoro hums, giving the cook a side-long glance.

“He did promise to be careful, y’know.”

Sanji can’t help it: He smiles, just a little.

“Yeah, I know.”

Light spills from underneath the door onto deck and with it, the muffled sound of laughter and multiple voices talking all over each other. Sanji reaches for the handle and doesn’t let himself hesitate, not anymore.

It swings open on well-oiled hinges and reveals the galley in all its glory: Sanji lets his gaze roam from the bowls stacked precariously in the sink to the colorful sprinkles tossed all across the floor all the way to the group of people freezing in the middle of what could be reasonably described as a food fight.

Or, as Sanji knows, his crewmates’ valiant attempt to bake something without him.

The smell of sugar and raw cake batter is almost overpowering in this kitchen made small by way too many cooks. In the center of it all is the rubber idiot that is his captain, half of his face almost artistically covered in different kinds of frosting. The chef in Sanji can’t help but calculate just how many resources must’ve gone into keeping those sticky fingers he knows so well away from the multi-layered cake that manages to tower over them all (minus perhaps Franky).

“Sanji!”

It’s Luffy who calls out to him, all joyful and not at all bothered by the fact none of it is done as he yells, “Surprise!”, and the rest of the crew cheers with him. Even Nami, and Sanji catches her eyes across the room and her beautiful smile stays exactly where it is.

And it’s not quite forgiveness but an offer nonetheless: One Sanji would be a fool not to accept.

There is that look of hope on Luffy’s face again, the one that’s a question as much as it’s trying to be an answer as well. Behind Sanji, Zoro sighs a fond little breath now that his mission is accomplished and he steps past him to join their crew, glancing over his shoulder as if to ask, you coming?

Sanji takes it all in and his heart melts, dripping between his ribs to gather warmly in his stomach. “You assholes had me worried”, he tells them without any sort of bite, and Luffy smiles.

“But Sanji. Birthday meals are made by friends. It's the rules!”

It turns out to be the best damn cake Sanji has ever had.

#one piece #roronoa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #monkey d. luffy #zosan #one piece fanfiction #choo choo all aboard the sanji angst train #hey vinsmoke judge turn on your location zoro just wants to talk #my stuff #this fic is also on AO3!

37 notes · View notes

actualbird · 6 years ago

Text

Dedicated / We’re Meant To Know Each Other: a delirious 6k word long post about Carly Rae Jepsen songs, Brotzly, and the link between the two

AN INTRODUCTION

Hello, I’m here to prove that every song on Carly Rae Jepsen’s new album, Dedicated, can be, be it tangentially or very connected-y, a Brotzly song.

When I say “connected” I really mean, “We’re (the song and Brotzly) meant to know each other!”, and, conversely, when I say “tangentially” I mean “I saw four letters in this song, Dirk and Todd are four letter names, SOLVED IT! DID IT!” In short, this post, will flail wildly between being very put together and grasping at straws, all because I am determined to match every song on this album to Brotzly.

Before embarking on this journey, I first need to explain the structure of this piece. There are, in total, 15 songs on Dedicated. I will present these songs not in the order of how they appear in the album. This is for two reasons. First, the original sequence of the album is clear in its beautiful and masterful narrative progression of a (in the most simplest terms, because the narrative progression of Dedicated is a whole other delirious post in itself) relationship not going very well. While I would die for CRJ, you would have to hold me at gunpoint to present that narrative onto Brotzly. To keep my heart intact, I will be treating each song as an individual song, and not in how they relate to one another. The second reason I will not be presenting the songs in album order is because I have a different order in mind, one more focused on Brotzly. Specifically, I will be matching every single song to fitting Brotzly moments that occurred in canon, chronologically.

Without further ado, let me jump right in.

CARLY RAE JEPSEN WROTE THESE SONGS SPECIFICALLY SO THAT I COULD MATCH THEM TO CANON BROTZLY MOMENTS

SEASON 1

SCENE: “Hiiiii!”

SONG: Want You In My Room [audio] [lyrics]

Alright, I’m going to start by grasping at straws. Want You In My Room is a fun, bubbly song about wanting somebody in your room so that you can presumably bang the shit outta them (“I wanna do bad things to you” “On the bed, on the floor”) but also love them very much (“Press you to the pages of my heart”).

The scene in question here is basically the entire bit where Dirk breaks into Todd’s apartment. This point in Dirk in Todd’s relationship is the beginning, and Todd definitely does not want Dirk in his room for any reason, much less the reasons the song states. The only bad thing Todd does to Dirk in his apartment is try to hit him with a shoe and then begin engaging him in shitty hand to hand combat. But in accordance to the song, Dirk does spend a few seconds being on the floor.

Also, there are the lyrics “I keep a window, for you, it’s always open” and it just so happened that Todd accidentally left his window open for “love” (i.e. Dirk) to come in.

On a more serious note, in the first verse of the song, the lyric “I’m like a lighthouse, I’m a reminder of where you going” pertains to Todd whether he knows it or not. Dirk, coming to Todd’s apartment, was instructed to do so by his future self. Todd is a reminder of a future Dirk saw where he’s told he has a best friend, and that friendship is his goal. It’s where he wants to be going.

SCENE: //sounds of Todd walking away rapidly from Dirk as Dirk continues to follow him

SONG: Everything He Needs [audio] [lyrics]

Still on s1e1, Dirk and Todd’s relationship is in its fledgling stage. Todd tries valiantly to avoid Dirk while Dirk closely pursues him like a determined and cheerful gnat. Fittingly enough, the entire chorus of Everything He Needs is simply the line “he needs me” repeated thirteen times, twice interspersed by the line “I’ve got everything he needs.”

I don’t think that Dirk thinks that Todd needs him, not this early in the game, but he does think that their friendship needs to happen. Additionally, the repetition of the chorus has a building tone of adamant insistence, paralleling the same kind of adamant insistence Dirk has on his entrance into Todd’s life.

SCENE: Very Erectus (like…just in general….every interaction they have in that episode…)

SONG: Now That I Found You [audio] [lyrics] & Feels Right [audio] [lyrics]

Very Erectus is a very important part in Dirk and Todd’s relationship. It’s in this episode where we see the both of them at their most comfortable around each other. They both begin to be more honest and more vulnerable to the other, sharing things they have never shared with anybody else.

There are two songs I have for this scene, one for Dirk and Todd respectively.

Dirk’s song for this episode is Now That I Found You. The first verse of this song goes:

Waking up next to you every morning How did we get this far? It came without a warning And in the nighttime, you tell me your whole life You and me get too real but all I feel is alright

At this point, Todd tells Dirk a lot about his life, Todd tells Dirk a secret he’s never told anybody else, Todd trusts Dirk. That says a lot about Todd, but it also means a lot for Dirk. This is the first time Dirk has ever had a friend, so the trust that’s placed on him must weigh heavily. It must feel too real, but instead of being scared (or perhaps, in addition to), Dirk embraces it, embraces Todd for who he is.

In the next verse, there are the lyrics “My heart’s a secret, mmm / I think I’m coming alive, yeah.” In addition to Todd trusting Dirk, Dirk trusts Todd right back. Dirk tells him about how it feels like to be what he is, how confusing it was, and how alone he’s been. These are things Dirk has kept close to himself, mostly because he didn’t have anybody to ever tell it to, but now he does. This friendship that’s developing between them, this is a moment in Dirk’s life when he gets to come alive in ways he was never able to before.

The lyrics in the chorus “Don’t give it up, don’t say it hurts / ‘Cause there’s nothing like this feeling, baby / Now that I found you,” are really great. These lyrics hit the nail on the head when it comes to the whole thing of Dirk calling Todd “a good friend” and Todd, classic Todd, replying with “I’m a terrible friend.” Dirk confronts Todd’s hesitation, calls out his behavior, and tells him that he’s the closest thing he’s ever had to a friend. Todd is afraid, resists, but Dirk doesn’t want to give this connection up. He can’t, because Todd is the best thing to have happened in Dirk’s life. There’s nothing like this feeling, baby.

“Now That I Found You is about the high you get when a new love starts to change your life,” Jepsen says in a statement about the song. At first glance, this statement seems more like it applies to Todd than Dirk, what with how Dirk’s presence changes Todd’s entire life, but the same is true the other way around. Todd makes Dirk talk about things he’s never talked about. He makes Dirk want to do this, to meet Todd halfway in terms of openness. He makes Dirk want, period. And for the first time in his life, the things Dirk wants—friendship, connection, somebody to stick around—actually seem possible. Now that Dirk has found Todd, he’s been changed for good.

Todd’s song for this episode is Feels Right. The part of this song that sold me for its connection to Todd in this episode is its bridge, which goes as so:

Feels like I’ve been wasting time Look at all the things I’ve left behind You’re the one to change my mind 'Cause it feels right when it feels right I don’t know a thing I’ve done Livin’ all my life with no damn one You’re the one to change my mind 'Cause it feels right, when it feels right

This episode, is, in a lot of ways, a turning point for Todd. Dirk continues to get closer to him and Todd, afraid of that closeness, something he’s presumably been without for years, decides to push Dirk away by telling Dirk his own darkest secret. He tells Dirk the worst thing he’s ever done, the worst part of himself, and he expects for Dirk to leave.

Dirk doesn’t. In fact, Dirk just pushes Todd to change.

And Todd? For the first time in a long time, actually decides to do it. Todd has gotten to this point in his life because he’s been letting life walk all over him. Todd refused to take control of the situation, to make his own choices, but Dirk is the one who convinces him to tell the truth. Dirk makes Todd evaluate his life (“Feels like I’ve been wasting time / Look at all the things I’ve left behind”, “I don’t know a thing I’ve done / Livin’ all my life with no damn one”) and makes him change (“You’re the one to change my mind”). Why? Because for better or for worse, Todd trusts Dirk. Cause it feels right, when it feels right.

SCENE: “You’re a monster.”

SONG: The Sound [audio] [lyrics]

Here we are at the pier where Todd is in the process of breaking Dirk’s heart into a million tiny pieces because he’s outwardly projecting his own self loathing about being a liar. Ouch. But also, The Sound is an absolutely perfect song for this.

Todd’s outburst comes from the fact that he’s angry that Dirk knew this would all happen and also that he didn’t tell Todd that he knew. The key thing he says that I’d like to focus on is the line “You ruined my life, just to have a friend.”

In The Sound, the lyrics “God, you make me so tired / Isn’t this the vision that you wanted?” is Todd feeling upset at what Dirk wanted and the consequences it wrought upon his life. “Love is more than telling me you want it” is Todd angry at Dirk wanting his friendship when that want meant Todd losing so much. In the second verse of the song, we have “Fool’s gold landed on my shoulder,” which is a reference to how Todd feels betrayed by Dirk after trusting him. The chorus of the song goes “I don’t need the words / I want the sound.” As Todd gets angry, Dirk tries to explain himself, but Todd is having none of it. Words have ceased to mean anything to him in this moment, not when he’s feeling like this.

Of course, none of this is Dirk’s fault, but what matters is Todd’s misplaced anger and underlying hurt. The Sound is a song that’s tired, but also one that happens exactly because the persona is hurt. In this moment, Todd is basically drenched in hurt, and Todd doesn’t want any more words. He wants the sound, i.e., the real, tangible action. Which, in this moment, is for Dirk to never speak to him again.

SCENE: The consequences of “You’re a monster.”

SONG: For Sure [audio] [lyrics]

For Sure is a sparse song, in terms of lyrics, but the lyrics that repeats over and over again are “I’ve been thinking, we were over / I’ve been thinking, got to know for sure.”

This line is basically Dirk in the aftermath of the pier scene. Dirk somewhat anticipated that the reveal of his future self would be something that would threaten him and Todd’s friendship, referenced by his line “That’s your best friend. Hopefully, he’ll forgive us for this.” and their argument at the pier is what solidifies his fears. Todd made himself clear that he never wants to see Dirk again, and Dirk accepts this. Even after they solve the case together, Dirk thinks Todd hates him, as is referenced by Amanda’s line later “Dirk says you hate him now.”

In Dirk’s mind, they’re over. It’s official.

SCENE: “I’m here because I’m your friend.” a.k.a. The Hospital Conversation

SONG: Real Love [audio] [lyrics]

The first verse of Real Love goes

The world is going crazy And it feels like I just don’t know who to trust sometimes Something’s coming over me, I need to get a hold of you now We’re getting good at lying No one’s saying what’s keeping us all awake at night Something’s coming over me, I need to get a hold of you now

The case is over. All the weird stuff is, for now, done. Dirk and Todd are at the point where the adventure is over and, respectively, they are unsure of what to do. Dirk accepts that this is just how his life goes and is ready for the universe to take him wherever he needs to go next, but Todd, after being encouraged by Amanda’s words, realizes that she was right when she said that Dirk came into his life for a reason.

Todd goes to see Dirk at the hospital for a lot of reasons. For one thing, he doesn’t know where else to go and who else to turn to (“I just don’t know who to trust sometimes”), so he turns to the one person he was able to be completely open to. Somebody who made him change for the better. Everything in Todd’s life is in flux (“The world is going crazy”), but the one thing he can be sure of is that Dirk made him better, and that he has to get a hold of Dirk before he gets swept away somewhere else. Something is coming over Todd, and he needs Dirk.

The pre-chorus goes:

Standing here with you tonight, how do we turn on the light? I’ve got the feeling that the writing’s on the wall And I’m so used to the lie, and you’re so down to deny I’ve got the feeling you’re the right thing after all

Dirk and Todd stand outside of the hospital. Todd is sure in his choice to see if Dirk will still take him back and Dirk is just flabbergasted Todd came back at all. Todd is so used to all the lies in his life and Dirk is so down to deny anybody would want to spend time with him. They both want to turn on the light, to illuminate what’s actually going on, with Todd saying “I’m here because you’re my friend” the light is switched on. Todd’s intent is clear. Todd has come to the conclusion that Dirk is the right thing after all.

The chorus goes:

I go everyday without it All I want is real, real love And I’ve been feeling weak without it Only want a real, real love I’m not even scared about it All I want is real, real love But I don’t know a thing about it All I want is real, real love

Here they are, standing at the precipice of the unknown. Todd is offering his friendship, if Dirk will take it, and Dirk is just amazed that Todd came back, that he gets to have another chance at this. Both of them want this relationship in any capacity the other is willing to give. Both of them definitely don’t know enough about how to do friendships perfectly, but that’s besides the point. What matters is that they’re here, on the same page, wanting the same thing. Be it platonic or romantic or something else or all of it, they both want real love.

SEASON 2

SCENE: Those really depressing two months when Todd was on the run and Dirk was in Blackwing

SONG: Julien [audio] [lyrics]

Technically, the two months in between season 1 and season 2 aren’t “on screen” canon, but they definitely are “part of the story” canon, and in this point of the journey, Julien is the perfect song for both Dirk and Todd. Julien is a song about pining for somebody whom the persona had a brief time together with. The lyric “We had a moment, we had a summertime” reference the one week Dirk and Todd had with each other and subsequently the lyric “I’m forever haunted by our time” refers to how, in the two months they are separated, each of their respective thoughts are consumed by the other.

Todd in these two months is seen to have an almost manic determination in finding Dirk. His motives are made clear in s2e1, that he wants to find Dirk to find Amanda, but he also says that he wants to find Dirk for Dirk. Todd completely turns into a believer of The Universe and How Things Connect, a.k.a. the things that governed Dirk. This might be a bit of a reach, but believing in The Universe, just like how Dirk did during their time together, is one way Todd can feel closer to Dirk when the reality is that they’re irrevocably apart.

Dirk in these two months has been spending a miserable, miserable time in Blackwing, but as is also revealed in s2e1, one thing it’s implied he kept asking, day after day, was “What have you done to my friends?” Here Dirk is, in his literal trauma nightmare zone, and the only thing on his mind are Farah and Todd and if they’re safe. This, in general, speaks volumes about how much Dirk cares about and loves his friends. Later, when he talks to Moloch, he straight up fanboys about both of them, gushing excitedly about Farah but then…BUT THEN…JUST SMILING AND SAYING “The new guy, Todd, is…perfect.” I could go for ages waxing poetic over how lovestruck Dirk’s smile in this scene is, but honestly, it speaks for itself.

The pre-chorus of Julien goes:

I’ve been all alone, on my own Every single night, I play When you coming home? Coming home? 'Cause I’ve been rarin’ for that day

Dirk and Todd are presumably miles apart with no hope yet on the horizon of being reunited, but all either of them wants is to get out of wherever they are and be together again.

SCENE: Still those depressing two months, but just Todd this time

SONG: I’ll Be Your Girl [audio] [lyrics]

Okay, here’s the thing. I’ll Be Your Girl is a song rather obviously about being jealous because the object of the persona’s affections is with another girl. The lyrics are pretty clear about that with “Oh, but you’re living for her / I go crazy, see red when she’s touching you now / You’re my baby.” Jepsen says it herself in an answer she gave on Reddit, “I really like I’ll Be Your Girl. It’s the first time I ever let myself write about jealousy in such an extreme way.” In canon, there really isn’t any time I think either Dirk or Todd felt jealous, but I had to put this song SOMEWHERE, which is why I am about to resort to extreme metaphor. And thus: in the Brotzly context, the “other girl” mentioned in the lyrics is, in fact, Blackwing.

Now, it’s actually unclear how much Todd knows about Blackwing in canon. The only thing we know for sure is that at some point in s1e5, Dirk tells him enough for Todd to be able to say “It’s [Blackwing] a defunct CIA program that’s after Dirk,” in s1e6. Given the fact that Dirk is kidnapped, Todd must know that Blackwing is bad news. And given how much research Todd and Farah seem to have done about Blackwing in order to find Dirk (which, segue, can be linked to the lyric “I’m the voyeur searching through my laptop.” Instead of online stalking images of the object of affection and the other girl, it’s, RESEARCH. ABOUT BLACKWING.) they must have uncovered some information about how Blackwing, well, sucks.

This transforms the jealousy present in the song to something more like rage. Rage against this “other girl” that has an unwilling Dirk in her cruel experiment-y clutches. Todd wants nothing more than to find Dirk, to be “his girl” again, and more importantly, to get Dirk away from whatever nightmare the “other girl” is.

SCENE: Dirk Gently’s Holistic Existential Crises (a.k.a. The Filing Cabinet Conversation and The Couch Conversation)

SONG: Too Much [audio] [lyrics]

Season 2 is an emotional whirlwind for Dirk in a lot of ways, but one really interesting way is the fact that this case he’s on is new in the sense that it’s the first time he’s doing his thing with friends by his side who had known him before. Up to this point, everybody Dirk has met has always left after the case was over, but the Spring case is over and Farah and Todd are still by his side. This results in an uncomfortable reality for Dirk; the fact that his friends are still with him means that he can now see the consequences of life and all the shit it entails happening to them actually affecting his friends.

The consequences are myriad. There’s the whole “your friends searched everywhere for you for two months” and then the much more sobering “Todd has Pararibulitis.” Another thing Dirk has to face is the fact that having friends means caring about them very deeply, which means that danger just feels so much worse because it’s his friends who are in danger. It’s a bittersweet thing Dirk has to come to terms with. He’s not alone anymore, but with how his life is, a life filled with danger and death and terrible, terrible things, is that really a good thing?

These things now becoming a part of Dirk’s reality starts sending him into a bit of a mood, for lack of a better term. At many points within the Bergsberg case, Dirk gives in to doubt, investigates on his own, and tries to close off. Two specific scenes where this is apparent is the Filing Cabinet Conversation in s2e3 and the Couch Conversation in s2e4.

In both these conversations, Dirk discloses whatever doubts he’s having about the case. In the Filing Cabinet Conversation, he tells Todd that he wanted his life to be better and calmer. In between the lines, Dirk wants life to be like this because it’s a better life for his friends, one that won’t put them in as much harm. Todd’s reply is the same one that Dirk gave him in s1e1, to take control of his life. In the Couch Conversation, this exact exchange occurs, a pretty clear illustration of Dirk’s fear of what his life and presence is doing to his friends.

Dirk: All I ever wanted was a friend, to have someone who believed in me. Todd: And now you have one. More than one. Dirk: And what if who and what I am is going to get you killed?

Throughout all of these moments of doubt, Todd is there to reassure Dirk. Maybe some of it gets through, maybe it doesn’t. What’s important here is that Dirk wants to have friends, but is now coming to terms with the fact that this desire is putting the people he loves in harm’s way.

The first and second verse of the song Too Much begins with the lyrics “Am I bad for you?” and “Am I too close?”, referring to Dirk’s fears and anxieties in the case, especially towards Todd. He fears that his presence in Todd’s life is making it worse (referenced by a line later in s2e7 “You’re just a guy named Todd whose life I ruined.”)

The chorus of Too Much goes:

When I party, then I party too much When I feel it, then I feel it too much When I’m thinking, then I’m thinking too much When I’m drinking, then I’m drinking too much I’ll do anything to get to the rush Now I’m dancing, and I’m dancing too much So be careful if you’re wanting this touch 'Cause if I love you, then I love you too much

Everything about Dirk is a little bit out of this world. Be it his outward personality or the life he lives, it’s definitely a Lot for anybody, well, normal. Before Todd met Dirk, Todd’s life was the pinnacle of normal (and also miserable). Now that Todd is in Dirk’s life, Dirk can’t help but see that things have just gone terribly, over and over again. Blinded by fear at the moment, he’s incapable of seeing the good things he’s brought to Todd’s life, and instead focuses on the bad. He wants Todd, he loves Todd, but now that Dirk has Todd by his side, Dirk begins to see that who he is and what he does is Too Much. The lyric “So be careful if you’re wanting this touch” is coy in the song, but when it pertains to Dirk, it’s a genuine warning. Todd wants this friendship as much as Dirk does, but Dirk has to warn Todd because if he loves Todd, he loves him too much.

The song tapers off with repetitions of “Is this too much?” It’s this question Dirk finds himself asking in the silence between his words. Is his life, is who he is, too much for Todd to handle? Would Todd be better off without him? In spite of it all, Dirk can’t stop himself from wanting, but he also can’t stop himself from doubting.

SCENE: “This is not Miami!”

SONGS: Right Words Wrong Time [audio] [lyrics] & Happy Not Knowing [audio] [lyrics]

Dirk is Not In A Good Place (Mentally) when he and Todd arrive in Wendimoor. He’s coming off of utter despair from the death of Arnold and presumes Farah is dead too. He’s had no hope at all in solving the case. Blackwing is actively after him and the people he loves. It’s at this point, he and Todd get into an argument. Dirk, exhausted and despondent with how this case has ended up, does not want to continue. Todd tries to reassure him, but meets a deadend, and Todd’s patience wavers. Todd leaves Dirk to find Amanda, and Dirk stays behind. I have a lot of emotions about this argument and how it shows off who Dirk and Todd are as characters and how they act when they’re pushed to their limits, but a lot of my emotions also have to do with two songs on Dedicated that are PERFECT for this scene.

The first song is Right Words, Wrong Time. This song is interesting because I can split this song into two. The pre chorus of the song are from Todd’s perspective and the chorus is from Dirk’s.

The pre chorus of the song goes

Took a million miles to feel the final separation Don’t you tell me now you know what you need I need to find a love to love me with no hesitation Don’t you tell me now you’re ready for me

Todd has been supportive of Dirk every step of the way, but here when Dirk gives up is when Todd reaches a point where he has to make a choice. Todd says “Friendship isn’t just about someone being there for you. It about you being there for them, too.” He wants Dirk to step up, but Dirk doesn’t. Todd wants a love with no hesitation, but right now, Dirk is made of decided hesitation.

The chorus of Right Words Wrong Time represent Dirk’s thoughts during this scene. The song goes “My baby, my baby / You always got the right words at the wrong time / This time, it’s heartbreaking.” Dirk knows that Todd is trying to reassure him, and that, in any other circumstance, would be great. But it’s the wrong time. All of Todd’s words about how he believes in Dirk and the Everything Connecting can’t get through to Dirk in the current state he’s in. All these words do is make Dirk feel guiltier, feel worse.

The second song is Happy Not Knowing, solely from Dirk’s perspective. Jepsen says “Happy Not Knowing is about when you can’t avoid that you have feelings for someone but you’re just not ready to go there yet.” Dirk, at this point, has a lot of feelings about Todd, a lot of which might be subtext and can be argued over, but one thing is for sure; he cares about Todd deeply. Right now, how much he cares for Todd is at war with his belief that all he’s doing is making Todd’s life worse and putting him in danger.

From this perspective, it isn’t that Dirk isn’t ready to come to terms with his feelings, it’s that he was, saw the consequences, and now wants to distance himself. The chorus of Happy Not Knowing goes “But if there’s something between you and me / Baby, I have no time for it / I’m happy not knowing.” Todd tries to talk to Dirk, but Dirk doesn’t want to hear it. His feelings for Todd are exactly why he doesn’t want to “know.”

The pre chorus of the song goes

But I’ll only go so far I don’t have the energy To risk a broken heart When you’re already killing me

Above all, Dirk is exhausted and drained from everything that has happened to him and the people around him. He believe he’s the reason for so many people getting hurt, and he doesn’t want to risk Todd getting hurt too and the resulting broken heart he’ll suffer from it.

SCENE: //sounds of Todd running through the Wendmoorian forests

SONG: Party For One [audio] [lyrics]

Party For One is a magnificent song about self-love and trying to get over an ex, and it is hilariously apt for the scene where Todd, frustrated with Dirk’s attitude, decides to go off by himself to do what he needs to do (i.e. run around a magic forest and intermittently yell AMANDA!)

Todd feels like Dirk hasn’t just given up on the case, but given up on Todd. The chorus of Party For One goes “Party for one / If you don’t care about me / I’ll just dance for myself / Back on my beat.” This shows Todd’s attitude of “Fine! You don’t want to help, I’ll just do it myself!” Less of the originally intended self-love (because this is Todd we’re talking about), and more of him taking matters into his own hands.

SCENE: “Don’t spin out.”

SONG: No Drug Like Me [audio] [lyrics]

I was very, very conflicted on where to place No Drug Like Me. It’s a song about being vulnerable and open with another person because they are vulnerable and open with you too. Jepsen said “[It’s] a promise I made to love in general. That when the good stuff lands my way I’ll always try to be vulnerable and brave and show all of myself.”

Throughout writing this post, I kept switching the song with either this scene I’ve decided on or the Peace Spell Funtime scene in Sound Of Nothing. What made me finally make up my mind was the fact that while the Peace Spell did result in an extremely heartwarming scene where Todd and Dirk gush about how much they mean to each other, it was a scene that was brought about through magical means of losing one’s inhibitions to reveal the truths they have simmering inside. The concepts of vulnerability and openness hold more weight if they are conscious decisions, and not magically induced declarations of love. Which is what brings me to this scene in s2e9.

This scene is brief, and has to be, because it’s right on the edge of all the action. Amanda and Todd have to keep a portal open and be in terrible pain the entire time, while Dirk has to go, alone, to the one place he hates and fears more than anything. It’s at this point where Dirk starts spiralling, using big words and lots of syllables to mask his terror, and Todd, immediately, goes to Dirk and says “Don’t spin out. You can do this.”

This. This is vulnerability. This is Dirk nodding, accepting that he’s afraid and being afraid in front of somebody he cares about. This is Todd seeing that honesty, that emotion, and being honest right back with the complete faith he has in Dirk. Dirk in this scene is the epitome of the lyric “Worried eyes, I’m open wide” and Todd meets him right there. Todd “Take[s] [him] so up and down.”

The chorus of No Drug Like Me goes

And if you make me feel in love, then I’ll blossom for you If you make me open up, I’ll tell only the truth When your mouth is running dry Your head high, hold on, baby You ain’t tried no drug like me

This is what they are to each other. In a brief instance, we can see just how much they’re both holding up their ends of the promise they made to love. After all the doubt and fear, they both believe in each other, and it is that belief that keeps both of them going. Keeps both of them gravitating towards each other.

SCENE: “Hey. You solved the case.”

SONG: Automatically In Love [audio] [lyrics]

The last episode of the series. The case is over. The Boy has been returned to Wendimoor. Dirk and Todd are leaning against the Amboolents after watching Amanda and the Rowdies drive away. Now, there isn’t anything overtly romantic about this scene. Dirk and Todd engage in lighthearted banter which warms my soul, but then Dirk’s expression goes a little concerned when Todd takes his pills. He asks, “Are you alright?” and Todd smiles and replies “You know what? I really am.”

Automatically In Love is a song exactly about what it says on the tin. Two people meeting and, in a second, falling in love with each other. This is a song I’m deliberately using not for Dirk and Todd’s first appearance but their last. This is because I don’t think Dirk and Todd fell in love with each other immediately. I think those feelings, at least from what we see in canon, are feelings that developed as they got to know each other and as they became close friends. What they did feel upon first meeting though is an instant connection. From the beginning, they knew that there was more to the other than met the eye. It’s this connection between them that grows into the feelings they have now.

The first verse and pre chorus of Automatically In Love goes

I never thought about you You never thought about us Yeah, it came out of the blue And I was just dreaming […]

Ooh, ooh-ooh Never guess what came after Ooh, ooh-ooh I fell

When Dirk and Todd first met, I don’t think either of them expected or intended to feel this deeply about the other. Fast forward a couple of months in the future to this scene, and we Dirk and Todd completely comfortable with each other. Their connection has grown into a very real bond. This song fits this scene because it feels like their reminiscing of how far they’ve come. From an instant spark to a strong friendship with only the horizon as the limit for where else they could go.

CONCLUSION

In an interview about Dedicated, Jepsen says “I wanted to be able to write about the confusing parts of love. For sure the perfect example of that is when you get stuck in the loop of repeating the same thought over and over in your head of like, ‘Is this right? Should I stay? Should I go?’” And this is one reason why I latched onto this album, its songs, and its link to Brotzly. Dedicated isn’t an album about how love is perfect or simple. It’s an album that explores the parts of love that are sometimes difficult to deal with.

Dirk and Todd’s relationship within canon is anything but smooth sailing. They have a rocky start, they get into arguments, they clash, but also they come together. These are two people with wildly different personalities who managed to find each other and click. This click doesn’t mean everything is okay. It still means doubt, fear, and insecurity, but these things do not discount the strong relationship that is at its bedrock. Dirk and Todd’s relationship, their love for each other, is confusing. It’s complex. It’s anything but simple. But that’s okay, because they have each other. Together, they’ll figure it out.

#if your unhinged intertextual analysis isnt looking at crj music then whats the point #dghda #dirk gentlys holistic detective agency #hc #brotzly

42 notes · View notes