#grizz realized this in the end but not tartar

[vampyrobot]

I’m still thinking about the humans in alterna and how even in death, their dreams and ambitions still persist and live on in the hearts of the new intelligent life on earth.

[superbellsubways]

what is he doing

[nintendoteuthis]

While Commander Tartar idolizes humanity and seeks to create a worthy successor to them, I think that Mr. Grizz holds no love for humans. He probably sees them as the reason why the age of mammals ended. The whole point of Return of the Mammalians, in a sense, is Mr. Grizz trying to put evolution back on a course that he thinks is correct - the course it was going down before human activity derailed it. What he couldn’t accept is that human activity is part of the true course of evolution - heck, it led to the Mollusc Era as we know it. As was their passing and the sunset of the age of mammals. The world still turns and life goes on.

And he ultimately realized that in the end.

[yourbestpalpercy]

“That’s literally impossible, Tartar. They’re all dead! Are you absolutely sure it’s not an Inkling, Octarian or some other creature?” Mr. Grizz started to get up from his seat, placing on a coat and getting ready to head down to the metro.

“Extremely sure. They sleep like a rock so I was able to check for anything suspicious. It’s a human for sure. I-I don’t know whether to think I’m going crazy or to be extremely excited!” Mr. Grizz could already tell Tartar was bouncing up and down on the other side.

“...Fine, I’ll be down in 15 minutes, don’t forget to be careful. Remember, humans are just as dangerous as anyone else. My wolves almost went extinct at their hands. ..Though I guess it doesn’t matter nowadays…” Mr. Grizz grumbled before realizing that Tartar had already hung up. “Oh for the love of Cod…Tartar, please tell me you understand the risks…” Mr. Grizz grumbled as he left his office.

Tartar turned towards the human as they mumbled something in their sleep. ‘Stop bouncing! You look ridiculous!’ Shouted his thoughts before he grabbed the human’s hand and checked for a pulse. “Ooo, yes! You are still alive,” Tartar pulled away and readjusted his bowtie as he did. He had to look his best.

His slime covered hands were covered, right? He couldn’t imagine how this little human would feel if they saw the primordial slime all over his hands. Wished he could remove it but oh well!

OH, she’s waking up!!!

Tartar brushed his outfit off and watched them stir and stretch. “god…I’m an idiot..falling asleep in the middle of a…dark metro??” She started to slowly stand up, rubbing her eye. “Did I not learn a thing from Fern- Mother?” The human slowly looked up, seeing Tartar.

“Ah! You’re awake, gre-!” Tartar cut off when a sharp pain exploded on the side of his head. It hit the ground rather hard. Great, now it was dazed.

“Who are you!?” The pain in Tartar’s head was taking forever to ebb away. It slowly looked up at the human, she was wielding a golf club. Wh-When in the world did she get that!?

“I SAID WHO ARE YOU!? Don’t make me strike you again!” She pointed the end of the golf club at him. “C-Calm down! H-Hold your horses! Take a dam chill pill!” Tartar held up his hands. The human raised the golf club again, aiming for Tartar’s horn. “I-It’s– I’m just a t-telephone! Th-That’s m-my name actually! Telephone! Just calm down!” Tartar scooted away quickly from the human, a little more angry that the first human in forever attacked him.

“...” The human glared at Tartar before lowering her club. “Good enough, I guess. Why were you watching me sleep?” She growled.

“W-Well, you probably already know but all of humanity is extinct! I haven’t seen a human in the last 12,000 years! ..Which intrigues me..” Tartar stood up and leaned over the human, getting a curious look in his eyes. “Where did you even come from…?”

The human jabbed her club under Tartar’s head upon it getting a little too close. “And tell me why I should tell you ANYTHING!”

“I’ve been trying to bring back humanity? It’s what I was made for.”

“Ha! You’re made for transmitting calls. You’re a phone for a reason,” The human glared at Tartar. “I don’t see why I have to lie to you. I can sanitize you if I want. Human or not!” Tartar slipped off one of his gloves, revealing the slime underneath. The human looked uncomfortable upon seeing it.

“Let’s see…I have that dam monologue prerecorded somewhere…” Tartar started to crack his handle and make strange noises trying to find it. “Monol-?” Tartar held up a finger in a ‘one moment’ motion. The human crossed her arms with a huff.

“[DISABLING CONTEMPORARY SPEECH MODE]”

“I am TARTAR, an AI construct created 12,000 years ago by a brilliant professor. My prime directive is to pass on humanity’s vast knowledge on to the next worthy lifeform. When your kind became self-aware,” Tartar cracked his lever again, stopping the recording. “I don’t believe anything else is really important in that recording.”

“...Oh, well then,” The human now messed with their golf club. “Don’t expect me to tell you my name. You haven’t earned it yet…”

“Oh, I already know it! You’re Everest. Or 10,009,” Tartar folded his hands. “Having scan tools and being an AI is rather helpful.” Tartar put his glove back on, feeling confident that the human wouldn’t attack him again.

“...Don’t you ever do that again…” Everest growled and pointed the golf club at Tartar again. “I don’t think you understand that I don’t wish to hurt you, kid. I’m the Messenger of Humanity, not the Mass Murderer of Humanity,” He poked Everest’s nose. “Boop! As the kids say nowadays.”

“Oh back off, you invasive thing!”

“My point is, I want to help bring humanity back. I’m not here to harm anyone besides the scum, bile and seafood that have evolved to conquer the world left behind by the humans,” He adjusted his bowtie.

“...” Everest still didn’t seem to trust Tartar as she asked, “I should’ve stayed in the mountains…”

“The mountains! That’s where you’ve all been hiding, hm?”

“They wouldn’t take too kindly to a weird, telephone man..”

“Oh it won’t matter! I-I can change my form! I take on this form though because it looks most like an Octarian. Shocked you haven’t seen one yet, they’re everywhere underground..”

Everest started to back away at this point. Tartar made her feel a little overwhelmed with how excited he seemed to be. Humans were nothing special, so why the bouncing and cheer talk?”

“I haven’t seen a human in YEARS, centuries, decem millenniums!” Tartar exclaimed. “You’ll have to excuse how excited I am!” Tartar grabbed Everest’s hand with his own, freezing cold hands. “Hey-! Let go!” Everest yanked back, glancing at her club. “Take a chill pill, I’m not going to hurt you! How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“If you’re trying to trick me into taking you to my village, the answer is no.”

“What??? No! I- ha! I wouldn’t do that. Totes wouldn’t. You’re crazy my dude. Absolutely bonkers, home skillet!”

“Oh please, you started using way more slang, I know a trick when I hear one. You’re not going to the village.”

“Not even for a second?? Please!”

“I ran away from that place for a damn reason! I’m not going to listen to their culty BS about bowing down and offering mercy to those- those–! Those stupid waterblobs!” Everest shouted at Tartar, slightly calming him down. “They stole this planet from us and I’m not going back so I can hear more of ‘If we keep sacrificing sheep to The Leviathan, it will allow us to leave this cliffside’. I’ve grown tired of that CULT!!” Everest grabbed her hair and pulled some of it out.

“I-...I’m not going back…” Everest’s arms dropped to her side.

“A cult, hm?” Tartar picked up on Everest’s worry.

“Yes! A cult based around the bile here! I don’t want to go back, it would be better if they were all wiped out! The amount of people I’ve seen sacrificed to ‘The Leviathan’ is something else!!” Everest grabbed her head again.

“Hmm…” Tartar watched the slime run down his hand from under the glove. “Y’know, maybe you don’t have to go back. I’m willing to give you a sneak peak on my plans. I won’t even lay a finger on you if that’s what you’re scared of…” Tartar gestured Everest over.

Everest watched wearily before approaching Tartar slowly, grabbing her golf club tightly as she did. “None of the sanitized octarians should harm you. They follow my orders exactly. If I tell them not to harm you, they won’t.”

“What do you mean by sanitized?” Everest quickly asked as Tartar opened a small door in the ground. “Simple, I’m creating a primordial goop that will create the ultimate lifeform! I thought too small last time…I should’ve let 8 go. I acted in panic and anger. But this time, it’ll be proper. No one will find out until it’s too late. Especially with Mr. Grizz on my side, we’ll restore Earth to its former glory together!”

The inside of the lab was rather bright and the buzz of talking echoed through the hallways. There were a few signs of struggling, making it clear that not everyone here came here willingly. There were also dried bits of pink ink dotting the walls. When Tartar saw it, he looked disgusted and quickly ordered a nearby Sanitized Octarian to please get rid of it.

“What’s wrong with it? I thought the shade was…rather nice honestly,” Everest told Tartar, watching the octarian splat different ink over it. “No I-...” Tartar trailed off, seeing the octarian smile back at him and wander off. “...I’ll just leave it. Don’t want to hurt their feelings…” Tartar turned away to keep guiding Everest down the hallway. ‘I think mother would find me even more disappointing than she first thought. I thought that interaction was rather cute!’

Tartar soon guided Everest to a room with a large blender in the middle, full of…strange, bluegreen slime. A wave of illness and worry came over Everest. “...You don’t do what I now think you do…right?” Everest glanced at Tartar with clear sickness on her face.

“Well, tell me what you think I do first,” Tartar replied in a rather smug tone, climbing up and sitting on the top of the blender. Everest felt a little more sick as she responded.

“Uhm..well- there’s a blender for one…uh..” The idea of sacrifices fill her head. “...Please don’t tell me you pick off the octarians around you and…sacrifice them to..” Everest pointed a hand at the blender.

“Nope! Well- eh, close. The octarians around you are ones that have failed their tests. All or most of them. I select carefully. What you see here,” Tartar stood up, “Is a blend of everyone who’s succeeded in their tests! Only the most brilliant and greatest octarians end up here. It’s a blend of the most superior is what I’m saying. No one gets sacrificed. I’m not doing this for some false god. I’m doing this to create a lifeform on the level of humans!”

“...Will I end up in there some day…?”

“It’s a great-...what?” Tartar looked over the edge, down at Everest. She looked terrified. The soft glow of the sludge in the blender reflected in her eyes.“...N-No! Never! Absolutely not! I wouldn’t do that to a human!” Tartar leapt down from the blender, carefully holding Everest’s hands again, “I was actually wondering if you’d like to join me! Take back Earth from those slimy freaks above!”

Everest drew back from Tartar quickly. Luckily, he wasn't grabbing her that tightly. “I-I’m not sure I can trust you yet. …What’s in it for me?” Tartar seemed…way to ready for a reply like this. “Well, I doubt you wanna stay sleeping on that cold platform so I’ll make sure there’s a comfy place down here to rest. I’ll make sure you never have to return to your mountain cult, hm…”

Everest started to think. “I can’t let you leave after seeing this…? No, that’s too threatening and besides, you have way too much confidence. You’re the first person in years to strike me and land a good hit!” Tartar extended his hand a little.

“...I mean, all you really needed to mention was getting a nice place to sleep. The mountain is freezing. I’m shocked no one has gotten frostbite at all,” Everest slowly accepted his hand. “PERFECT! We’re in business, my home skillet!” Tartar suddenly scooped up Everest and gave her a tight hug.

“Mr. Grizz should be here so we can hopefully discuss more! Don’t worry, he might be a little intimidating at first but the bear’s a big softie! A total pushover at times even! He won’t hurt ya..” Tartar’s hug eased and it set down Everest.

“O-Oh…r-really??” Everest stumbled as Tartar left the room. “G-...Goodie..”

‘Oh Leviathan what have I gotten myself into…?’

[sp-ud]

My splatoon 3 storymode and dlc related theories:

- captain 3 will have multiple moments where they're about to talk only for 1 thing or another to interrupt them.

- agent 4 and agent 8 will probably be in the dlc like how captain 3 was in splat2's dlc (agent 8 seems more likely because they already know off the hook, which we know will somehow be involved in the dlc)

- the squidbeak splatoon will be officially disbanded by the end of the story mode, this is what the direct meant when they said it'd be the finale of a saga

- - because I doubt they'll never make more splatoon games. If anything ending the squidbeak splatoon storyline will give them even more options for future game's storymodes

- deep cut aren't the villains of the story, but are definitely going to be pains in our asses. They'll see whatever the squidbeak splatoon is doing as a threat to whatever they're "looting" and will try and get in our way, but will probably come around by the end

- DJ octavio is either going to be on our side from his first appearance (asking for help because somethings stolen his army) or will join up after realizing whatever true Big Bad we have is just using him

- I feel like Tartar's got to be involved. Considering 'order' lost the last splatfest and his whole thing was about making a perfect world.

- - If you can't make the current lifeforms fit your perfect world, just bring back the mammalians ig.

- I think anything involving grizz co. And the salmonids will be reserved for the dlc, but definitely hinted towards through the existence of little buddy and whatever explains why agent 3 has him, even before the storymode starts

- - also because we know the dlc involves off the hook, and they often referenced the two of them going on salmon runs during their broadcasts. So maybe that's the connection.

Last ones are somethings that we only saw in the Nintendo treehouse live stream and so I'm putting them under a readmore incase you don't want even a scrap of spoilers from stuff beyond the trailers

- the in universe reason for this storymode being set up more like how octo expansion was is going to be related to the fact tartar is pulling the strings

- - hopefully it isn't just the whole "if you're worthy to advance to the new world" thing again but we'll see

- whatever O.R.C.A turns out to stand for is going to make everyone lose their shit. Probably. Honestly orca is the thing I'm most confused about.

[sailorsplatoon]

Lil question of my own

Do you have an oc of your own? And if you do I'd like to see them

Yes, I actually have a lot of ocs. Like… way too many. Most of them are Splatoon ocs because I’m obsessed with Splatoon. In my main group there are seven, but I’m working on rewriting their lore currently so I can’t accurately introduce you to all of them right now, but I’d be happy to show you my first two, Kris and Maya! Unfortunately I do not have enough confidence in my artistic ability to post drawings of them, so you’re getting in game screenshots instead.

I’ve just realized this is going to be a very long post. You have been warned, in looking under this cut your screen will fill with a wall of text that is just me rambling about my ocs.

First we have Kris (they/she). They worked in the octo army for some time, mostly just goofing off and not doing as she was told. They ended up letting kidnapped by Kamabo Co. and sanitized. She was never a test subject and was instead just sanitized immidietly because Tartar needed more soldiers. (Obviously the game doesn’t let you make your character sanitized, so just imagine that their skin is green in the screenshot.) They actually ended up escaping the Deepsea Metro before Tartar was defeated thanks to another one of my ocs named Sachet (she/her) who I’m not fully introducing in this post but I might later on. Sachet was in the metro searching for her lost sister and ended up working on a cure for sanitization while down there. She found Kris and tested the cure on them. It didn’t work perfectly, not giving them any of their memories back or undoing any of the physical effects, but Kris got back her free will. When Sachet was certain her sister wasn’t down there, the two found a way out of the metro together to search on the surface, and maybe help Kris regain their memories.

Next up is Maya(she/her), who is one of my many many many agent ocs, she’s Neo 3 to be specific. I have a lot, so I think it’s important to mention that she is not the same Neo 3 that I talk about when I make dedfour posts, that’s a totally different oc in a totally different universe. Maya grew up in a small costal town on the outskirts of Splatsville. As salmonid territory grew, it began to spread near her home town. Many people evacuated, as she was about to do the same he met a small fry whose name is unpronounceable in the inking language but roughly translates to something like Mighty Bringer of Hellfire and Death. Maya nicknamed it Little Buddy. This small fry had intentionally left its school because it wanted more than what salmonid society could offer, not agreeing with many of their traditions (mainly the wanting to be eaten part). It sought out a cephalopod to give it a new home, and Maya was the first one to show it some compassion. The both of them were later recruited to the New Squidbeak Splatoon. However, Maya did not succeed in her mission. She was swarmed by fuzzy octolings in one of the levels in Alterna (specifically 0601 Bet You Mist Us) and captured. Luckily Little Buddy was able to escape, but Maya was not so fortunate. After it was clear she didn’t have any valuable information for Mr. Grizz, he had her fuzzied. It became her job to prevent the Splatoon from stopping Grizz’s plan.

Here’s the fun part where the two stories combine into one. Kris and Sachet discover Alterna and think that maybe Sachet’s sister is there, so they’re go searching. They end up coming across the Splatoon, who explains the whole situation with Maya. Sachet is able to repurpose her sanitization cure to work for fuzzy ooze thanks to the help of Little Buddy’s ability to consume the ooze. All that they have to do is find Maya and capture her so that they can give her the cure. Kris is voted for being the one to find and fight Maya since they have a significant amount of fighting experience under their belt. They seek out Maya, and eventually find her. The two fight, Kris eventually emerging victorious. The cure works for Maya, slowly but surely, and all of them are able to stop Mr. Grizz! Oh also Kris and Maya fall in love. Can you tell that I like to write gay romance?

Wow. Okay so I wrote a lot. Sorry about this massive info dump about only two of my ocs. Thank you for the ask!!! I’ll always take the opportunity to rant about them. I have a lot more, I mentioned Sachet but there are also four others that I haven’t gone into detail about. This post is already super long though so those guys will get their introduction another day.

[inktank-thinktank]

Splatocalypse Now

My friends, the final Splatfest is upon us. And you know what that means. Plot implications for Splatoon 3.

We have been looking over the material released for Splatocalypse, and have prepared some analysis and interpretation, to not only help you make what you deem is the correct choice for the Splatfest, but also to prepare you for what is to come.

I’m warning you now, if you click into the Read More, there will be major spoilers for nearly every aspect of the Final Fest: Splatocalypse event, INCLUDING datamined material. Enter at your own risk.

First, we should note the theming. 'Splatocalypse'. This theme of a Splatoon apocalypse pops up in many places in the material we are to observe, and seems an almost overbearing theme. Nintendo is being direct this time - what happens is going to deeply impact the world of Splatoon.

Indeed, the music that plays during the trailer, according to the Live in Makuhari album coming out three days after the Splatfest ends, is called 'Haikara (Inkopolis) Memorial Mixtape', by DJ Octavio.

EDIT: OatmealDome has informed me that Haikara Memorial Mixtape is likely a NEW song that we have not heard yet! The song in the trailer is most likely ‘SPLATOCALYPSE （ファイナルフェス 告知映像BGM）’ (SPLATOCALYPSE - Final Splatfest Announcement Video BGM), the immediately previous track on the album.

After a brief summary of Splatfests to-date, we open to Pearl and Marina. When Pearl is on-screen, we get a sound effect of rushing flames, while Marina is accompanied by sounds reminiscent of computers and technology. This is notable, especially when viewed in combination with other material, giving us an... 'inkling', of what is to come. The first thing that I think needs considering in combination with this is the Splatfest gear.

What we see is quite telling.

In English, the gear names are ‘Jetflame Crest’ (the motorbike helmet), ‘Fierce Fishskull’ (the fish skull, obviously), ‘Eye of Justice’ (the helmet with the screen on it), and ‘Hivemind Antenna’ (the shades).

As per this Reddit post, which we will be referencing a lot going forward, the names are ‘Burning Broiler’, ‘Giga Fishbone’, ‘Justice Brain’, and ‘Cosmic Antenna’.

Team Chaos’ gear puts off an air of being very ‘Mad Max’-inspired, very befitting of both ‘chaos’ and the apocalyptic themes. It is also worth noting that the helmet containing the word ‘broiler’ in the name is a connection to the Salmonids, who we know from the Splatoon 2 Ikasu Art Book use cooking implements as weaponry because they see life and death and consumption of other living things as all part of a cycle.

Similarly, we know that sunglasses of the shape the Hivemind Antenna / Cosmic Antenna take have historically been linked to Octarian mind control technology, such as the hypnoshades worn by Callie and the Octolings you fight in Hero Mode 2.

It is not difficult then to surmise that Team Chaos ties in to the concept of a Mad Max style apocalyptic wasteland, somehow related to the Salmonids, while Team Order ties in to the concept of a false utopian society controlled by mechanisms of technological oppression.

Now, moving back to the trailer...

Over the course of the trailer, we are shown who is on each side, out of the major characters. I will summarize our beliefs as to why each character is on each side, as this will influence later covered topics.

TEAM CHAOS

Starting with Team Chaos, we have the Salmonids. This is quite obvious. The Salmonids have always been agents of chaos, chiefly known for overrunning early Inkling settlements and even going as far as consuming the Inklings within.

There is also Iso Padre, which may come as a surprise to some. However, as a former test subject of TARTAR’s, it is clear he would want as little to do with ‘order’ as possible when presented the option. He seems okay with Kamabo Co. in Octo Expansion, but in a way that seems...detached, wistful, almost like he’s given up on a life free of oppression.

Spyke is another obvious one, being a gangster and someone who, y’know, steals stuff and runs an actual pyramid scheme.

Agent 4 is also fairly obvious; official art depicting Agent 4 has always shown her to be a trickster of sorts, and less serious than her predecessor, Agent 3.

Callie is also an obvious one, being the spontaneous, excitable, freedom-and-fun-loving one out of the Squid Sisters.

Flow, being a ‘hippie’ of sorts, likely is on chaos in terms of ‘personal freedom’. And, y’know. Being able to be high all the time most likely.

For Annie, the first game implies that out of her and Moe, Moe is the one really ‘in charge’ of things, and, well... Moe is hard chaos. Play Splatoon Wii U, guys.

Li’l Judd is Team Chaos because as we know, he has an inferiority complex and resentment for Judd, being his clone, and generally is more of a tricksterish character. Also, being a kitten, Li’l Judd would likely be more playful, again ‘chaos’ as in ‘freedom’.

Pearl lays out her motivation for being Team Chaos rather starkly in the Splatfest announcement (which we will get to later).

And, I saved this one for last, because it’s somewhat surprising... Despite the Octarians being Team Order, Octavio is Team Chaos. This could be due to a thinking that he must win at any cost, and a willingness to use manipulation tactics to move his people towards supporting his war on Inkopolis. It could also be due to a mental slippage from so many repeated losses.

“But wait!” I hear you say. “If Octavio is Team Chaos, why are the shades, ostensibly tied to hypnosis, a Team Order gear piece?”

I would argue there that the hypnoshades, while used by Octavio, fit more into the Octarians’ wheelhouse of order through technology and regimentation.

TEAM NEUTRAL

Judd being Team Neutral is obvious. He judges the Splatfests, and unlike Li’l Judd, is generally more ‘neutral’ in tone.

Sheldon is probably Team Neutral because, well, he sells you weapons no matter what side you’re on in Splatfest, so...

And Mr. Grizz is Team Neutral because he’s out for his own interests, which exist apart from all other teams (note he’s apart from the rest of Team Neutral, and upside-down).

TEAM ORDER

Cap’n Cuttlefish is Team Order for having been part of the military, as well as actively fighting for the safety and security of Inklings.

Marie is Team Order being the more relaxed yet traditional one of the Squid Sisters.

Agent 8 is Team Order being an Octarian, and thus a part of their regimented society.

This brings us to the Octarians in general, who are Team Order being a regimented technocracy where large focus is put on people serving a specific function (see Marina’s Chat Room), as well as again the technological oppression aspects. They may also be simply following Marina, as we know that Agent 8 idolizes her, and that the Octolings who escaped to Inkopolis did so because they were inspired by her.

C.Q. Cumber is Team Order because, as Nintendo has stated, he really wasn’t concerned with what TARTAR was up to, he was just doing his job. Order at its finest.

TARTAR is Team Order for obvious reasons. It desires ‘order’ in the sense of purging the capricious, impulsive Inklings and petty, warlike Octarians, instead replacing them with a new ‘superior’ race of beings, created from its successful test subjects.

Agent 3 is Order because, well, she made the idea of ‘being the hero’ a central part of her identity, see adopting the ‘3′ cape into her outfit (something she had no reason to do).

Jelfonzo being Team Order makes sense, given that Nogami has stated that the Jellyfishes are all actually a large hivemind organism, who may have a significant hand in sponsoring Turf War, suggesting since Turf War is according to the Splatoon Ikasu Art Book largely subsidized by the government, the Jellyfish hivemind has a significant hand in Inkopolis’ government as well.

As with Pearl, we will discuss Marina’s choice more in-depth later, as it is looked at rather deeply in the Splatfest dialogue.

The only ones who we cannot seem to figure out are Murch, Bisk, and Crusty Sean, however we know that Sean has some...strangeness to him, only accepting tickets and getting defensive when you point this out, and the ‘Crustwear XXL’ shirt, a shirt advertising his food truck, being Grizzco gear. Perhaps he supports Team Order because of an involvement with corporate bureaucracy?

Similarly, my best guess with Murch is that, since he only engaged in the gear scrubbing and ordering scheme because he idolized Spyke, he realized at some point that Spyke was a criminal, and wanted to distance himself.

Now on to the leading ladies themselves. Pearl’s reasons for being Team Chaos run VERY deep, and a larger overall analysis is necessary.

Pearl’s motivation for Team Chaos seems to be primarily rooted in wanting a world that is ever-changing and not static, finding a world that stays the same boring and uneappealing. She also seems to act somewhat as an agent of chaos, declaring in the Splatfest dialogue both in English and Japanese that whichever side wins the Splatfest will be the form the world takes going forward.

In the English dialogue, she invokes ‘Splatfest law’, which is something created wholesale by Nintendo of America, however the implication either way is that whoever wins will remake the world in their own team’s image.

Additionally, in the Japanese dialogue, Pearl states “all I know is I don't want a world that's always like this!“, spoken in the same sort of way as when someone says things like ‘I wish things would be like this forever’.

Marina’s reasons for being Team Order as well are somewhat complex. She is primarily worried about stability and control over her life and her situation.

In fact, Pearl’s statements about Team Chaos, in the Japanese dialogue, are replied to in ways that show that she’s worried that Pearl would eventually even grow bored with Off the Hook, and flippantly want that to be over and ‘change’ as well.

It’s worth noting that Marina’s theming shows an erring towards technology, and technological order as we’ve seen before usually is something dangerous in the Splatoon universe. This may hint at what direction ‘her world’ would go in if she wins the final Splatfest.

Marina does, however, express trepidation in the Japanese dialogue about reshaping the world in the winner’s image, only doing so because Pearl is pushing things in that direction.

Moving forward, we will be addressing the assets and imagery the game has been preparing for the Splatocalypse event, and how that ties into the theming of a Splatoon apocalypse.

First, and the elephant in the room... ‘Dear Senpai’, or as it’s being called by Nintendo of America, ‘MC.Princess Diaries’, the new Shifty Station stage.

The stage is quite obviously based on another brush Inkopolis has had with the apocalypse, that being the NILS Statue fight from the Octo Expansion, where Pearl and Marina, with the help of Agent 8, narrowly stopped TARTAR from destroying Inkopolis. The fight, and indeed all Turf Wars in the Final Fest event, come complete with the discordant Turf War intro sound from Octo Expansion, and Dear Senpai comes with Hyperbombs and the ‘Princess Cannon’ (the Killer Wail from the first game). Information from OatmealDome states that three sets of Hyperbombs each appear throughout the match, each time consisting of two per team, while the Princess Cannon is spawned once per match for one player to use in the form of Pearl coming down from the helicopter outside the stage.

We know that Team Chaos is strongly coded to involve Salmonids, and we know Team Order is strongly coded to involve technological oppression, but again per OatmealDome we have our first look at how this would play out.

The stage chronologically takes place after the NILS Statue fight, with the wreckage of the NILS Statue seen in the background, being tended to and examined by Jellyfish, who again are part of the Inkopolis government. And, if you recall during the final fight, the NILS Statue is utterly swimming in TARTAR’s corruptive ooze, as well as the remains of TARTAR itself. Could we perhaps see the return of TARTAR via the Jellyfish hivemind? This would explain also how it would be Team Order despite being ostensibly dead.

You may wonder why I haven’t discussed the actual terrain of Dear Senpai, or the post-Splatfest dialogue. In fact, Nintendo pushed invalid dummy data in its place to prevent data mining. In the case of Dear Senpai, they pushed the Shifty Station from Frostyfest, and in the case of the post-Splatfest dialogue, barebones dialogue with nothing beyond a winning team announcement.

As most should already know, the Final Splatfest will have all 23 previous Shifty Stations on a rotation, two every two hours like the other maps, before running Dear Senpai for the final 24 hours. Interestingly, while we know that Dear Senpai is to take up the full final 24 hours , the two hours immediately preceding it also have only a single Shifty Station stage: Tentacle Warning / Sweet Valley Tentacles, the Shifty Station from the Squid vs. Octopus Splatfest. As a brief aside, all of the Shifty Station names in Japanese are puns on manga titles, and all the ones in English are puns on novels.

This is what the Inkopolis Square skybox will look like during the Final Fest. A video showing the Square with this skybox and Splatfest mode on can be found here. We don’t know what the Square‘s event decorations will be, if any, but this immediately brings something to mind: Blade Runner 2049.

Screenshot from the relevant point in the movie for reference.

Furthermore, at this screen when you press ZL+ZR, this sound plays. Sound familiar? It sounds to me like the clock tower bell in Majora’s Mask. In fact, both are the same note, a C4.

Additionally, we know that the music for the Final Fest is a combination of Off the Hook and Squid Sisters music. Per OatmealDome:

New battle music for Final Fest!

Ink Me Up by Squid Sisters (Splatoon 1)

Shark Bytes

Calamari Inkantation

Fly Octo Fly

New 1 minute left music!

Now or Never! by Off the Hook, feat Squid Sisters

Now or Never! by Squid Sisters

This suggests that the Squid Sisters are to play a major role; however they do not appear in any of the Final Fest assets, meaning this likely is hinting at them playing some role in the Final Fest’s impact on Splatoon 3. This is corroborated by their appearance in the Splatocalypse trailer, wearing Pearl and Marina’s signature crown and headphones, respectively.

In closing, I think it can be easily surmised just what is going on. Team Chaos has strong ties to Salmonids and a theme of Inkopolis being overrun or falling to ruin. Team Order has strong ties to TARTAR and themes of technological oppression and control. The Splatfest announcement dialogue implicates Pearl or Marina respectively as bringing on a possibly related, possibly simply additional, chaotic or orderly world for each bad outcome to exist in. And the strong focus on the Squid Sisters implicates that, yet again, Callie and Marie will be pitted against each other.

It is truly a matter of ‘pick your villain’. Except unlike Splatoon 1, where the loser was the one who was turned against us, and instead of being against her will... This time the winner, or at least the winning side, is the one who will turn wicked.

Who and what form will this take? Only time will tell.

[yourbestpalpercy]

Mr. Grizz sighed a tired breath as he pushed his way through the tiny doorway into his office. The doorway had a few cracks and crevices in it, evidence of years of Mr. Grizz pushing his large self into his office. Mr. Grizz knew he had told the construction workers to get him a wide doorway but, without a clear idea of just how large Mr. Grizz was, they ended up getting it wrong, making the doorway to his office just barely big enough for Mr. Grizz to get into his office.

Mr. Grizz’s office was luckily more fit to his size, giving him enough room to walk around and not bump anything off of the shelves. Mr. Grizz sighed again, setting down the fish net full of today’s golden eggs, and took his coat off, placing it gently on the nearby coat rack before he picked the net up again and sat down in his chair, setting the bag beside him.

Today’s catch wasn’t nearly as good as it normally would be if the team was actually paying more attention like they were supposed to. Mr. Grizz was just disappointed in them. Oh well, Mr. Grizz supposed though. At least they got some golden eggs unlike their first shift where they got literally NOTHING.

As Mr. Grizz reached into the net and pulled out an egg to stare at its gleam, his phone began to ring. No one called him besides maybe the complaint desk to tell him that his employees were unsatisfied with the job. He had heard every kind of complaint at this point and personally predicted that today, it was going to be about Mr. Grizz’s disappointment in the team today.

Mr. Grizz was pleasantly surprised though when, instead of hearing the complaint desk worker’s droning and dead voice come through, he heard his business partner’s voice. Commander Tartar.

Mr. Grizz remembered when he was floating about in space, defeated and hurt, and randomly got a call. Mr. Grizz remembered being panicked and..also confused before answering. Mr. Grizz remembered becoming even more nervous when he first heard Tartar’s voice…but then settling and being relieved as Tartar explained its plan to get Mr. Grizz down from there. He liked talking to Tartar…

“H-H-H-Hey Grizzy!” Tartar’s voice was always nice to hear in Mr. Grizz’s opinion. It was almost always friendly and today was no different. Though, Mr. Grizz did notice how buggy and glitchy his voice was today. Mr. Grizz often had to remind himself that Tartar was a fairly old android and had a habit of not getting repairs or even fixing himself! Mr. Grizz should probably continue work on getting that update for Tartar finished.

“What is it this time, Tartar?” Mr. Grizz answered the phone, now anxiously messing with the golden egg in his paw. His voice was still gruff like it was with everyone but it was noticeably gentler when talking to Tartar.

Mr. Grizz shot up and to attention immediately, slamming his paw down on his desk. Tartar had to just be playing a weird joke on him, right?! Everyone knew humans were long dead! “That’s literally impossible, Tartar. They’re all dead! Long dead even! Are you absolutely sure it’s not an Inkling, Octarian or some other creature?” Mr. Grizz started to get up from his seat, placing on his coat again and getting ready to head down to the metro. He had to see this for himself.

“Extremely sure. They sleep like a rock so I was able to check for anything suspicious. It’s a human for sure. It’s honestly amazing how they’ve evolved though. Interesting even…” Tartar got that sound to his voice when he was thinking about malicious things before his voice went back to being excited, “I-I don’t know whether to think I’m going crazy or to be extremely excited!” Mr. Grizz could already tell Tartar was bouncing up and down on the other side.

“...Fine, I’ll be down in 15 minutes, don’t forget to be careful. Remember, humans are just as dangerous as anyone else. My wolves almost went extinct at their hands. ..Though I guess it doesn’t matter nowadays…” Mr. Grizz grumbled before realizing that Tartar had already hung up. “Oh for the love of Cod…” Mr. Grizz face palmed as he placed the phone back where it was supposed to be, “Tartar, please tell me you understand the risks…” Mr. Grizz grumbled as he left his office.

Commander Tartar placed its phone back on its rack and turned towards the human as they mumbled something in their sleep. ‘Stop bouncing! You look ridiculous!’ Shouted its thoughts before it grabbed the human’s hand and checked for a pulse. “Ooo, yes! You are still alive. Don’t know why I just had to check but you never know!” Tartar pulled away and readjusted its black bowtie as it did. Tartar had to look its best.

Tartar’s sharp, metal claws were at least a little hidden, right? He couldn’t imagine how this little human would feel if they saw just how sharp his claws were.

Oh, she’s waking up!!!

Tartar brushed their outfit off and watched the human stir and stretch. “god…I’m an idiot..falling asleep in the middle of a…dark metro??” She started to slowly stand up, rubbing her eye. “Did I not learn a thing from Mother- Fern?” The human slowly looked up, seeing Tartar. She froze, allowing Tartar to speak.

“Ah! You’re awake, gre-!” Tartar cut off when a sharp pain exploded on the side of its head. It hit the ground rather hard. Great, now it was dazed. Cod, what even hit it?

“Who are you!?” The pain in Tartar’s head was taking forever to ebb away. He slowly looked up at the human, she was wielding a golf club. Wh-When and where in the world did she get that!? How did he not notice she had it!?

“I SAID WHO ARE YOU!? Don’t make me strike you again!” The human pointed the end of the golf club at them. Tartar quickly kicked back, shouting “C-Calm down! H-Hold your horses! Take a dam chill pill!” As they did. Tartar held up their hands. The human stepped forward, closing the distance quickly and raised the golf club again, aiming for Tartar’s horn this time. Tartar had to think of something to say, now!

“I-It’s–,” It scrambled to get the words out, “I’m just a t-telephone! Th-That’s m-my name actually! Telephone! Just calm down!” Tartar scooted away quickly from the human, a little more angry that the first human in forever attacked it.

“...” The human glared at Tartar harder and stood taller to try to look intimidating. It was honestly kinda funny. Finally, she lowered her club slightly, keeping it up high enough so that Tartar wouldn’t forget what it could do to him.

“Good enough, I guess,” The human scoffed, still disgusted with Tartar. “Why were you watching me sleep?” She continued, pointing her golf club at Tartar’s face again..

“W-Well, you probably already know but all of humanity is extinct! I haven’t seen a human in the last 12,000 years! ..Which intrigues me..” Tartar finally stood up and leaned over the human, placing a hand on their chin; getting a curious look in their eyes. “Where did you even come from…?” Tartar got a little closer to the human. Too close for comfort apparently.

The human jabbed her club under Tartar’s head upon it getting a little too close. “And tell me why I should tell you ANYTHING!” Aggressive much? Geez.

“I’ve been trying to bring back humanity? It’s what I was made for. Seriously, stop being so hostile,” Tartar pushed its hand down on the golf club, forcing the human to lower it. The human’s glare toughened more before a cruel smirk came to her face.

“Ha!” The human scoffed, “You’re made for transmitting calls. No idea why anyone would give a telephone a body but whatever. You’re a phone for a reason,” The human glared at Tartar, her smirk becoming smug. “I don’t see why I have to lie to you. You’re a human! I’m your ally and allies do not lie to each other,” Tartar clenched his hand, showing off the sharp claws as a threat. The human looked uncomfortable upon seeing them.

“Let’s see…I have that dam monologue prerecorded somewhere…” Tartar started to crack their handle and make strange noises trying to find it. “Monol-?” Tartar held up a finger in a ‘one moment’ motion. The human scoffed softly and crossed her arms with a huff.

“[DISABLING CONTEMPORARY SPEECH MODE]” It was sudden to the human judging by her flinch.

“I am TARTAR, an AI construct created 12,000 years ago by a brilliant professor. My prime directive is to pass on humanity’s vast knowledge on to the next worthy lifeform. When your kind became self-aware,” Tartar cracked its lever again, stopping the recording in its tracks. The human seemed curious now as if interested about hearing the rest of the monologue. “I don’t believe anything else is really important in that recording.”

“...Oh, well then,” The human now messed with their golf club, brushing some dust off of it. “Don’t expect me to tell you my name. You haven’t earned it yet…” Tartar’s eyes flickered to blue for a moment, quickly scanning the human while she wasn’t fully paying attention. It was honestly super funny to see her snap back to attention and look at Tartar.

“Wha- Wait! What did you just do!? I-I felt that! You- I-I felt a tickle–,” The human pat herself down quickly, accidentally dropping her golf club in the process.

“Hmm, not very good at keeping your guard up around potential threats, are you?” Tartar placed his hands crossed behind his back with a smug smirk before saying, “You’re Everest! No middle or last name interestingly. You’re a week away from turning 18 and are officially an adult! That sounds exciting! You’re also Applicant 10,009 for The Promised Land! Though, something tells me you’re not interested in that,” Tartar stood straight up again and folded his hands together with a smile, “Having scan tools and being an AI is rather helpful.”

“...Don’t you ever do that again…” Everest growled and pointed at Tartar again. Her amber eyes glowed with distrust but..lenience most interestingly. It was like Everest wanted to trust them. “I don’t think you understand that I don’t wish to hurt you, kid. I’m the Messenger of Humanity, not the Mass Murderer of Humanity,” The poked Everest’s nose. “Boop! As the kids say nowadays.”

“Oh back off, you invasive thing!” Everest brushed her nose off quickly and placed her hands near Tartar’s chest to push it slightly, not that she moved it much.

“My point is, I want to help bring humanity back. I’m not here to harm anyone besides the scum, bile and seafood that have evolved to conquer the world left behind by the humans,” Tartar adjusted his bowtie and even redid it as it had gotten messed up when Everest hit him earlier.

“...” Everest didn’t seem to trust Tartar’s intentions (‘Smart cookie,’ Tartar admittedly thought, proud of her distrust and smartness even though they knew they would never harm a human.). She muttered under her breath, glaring at a nearby pebble as she did, “I should’ve stayed in the mountains…”

“The mountains! That’s where you’ve all been hiding, hm?” Tartar placed its fingertips together excitedly, unable to stop a dopey grin from spreading across its metal face.

“They wouldn’t take too kindly to a weird, telephone man..” Everest’s eyes shot back to look at Tartar’s then back at the ground just as she finished, adding, “Not like I’d ever go back there.”

“Oh it won’t matter! I-I can change my form! I take on this form though because it looks most like an Octarian. Shocked you haven’t seen one yet, they’re everywhere underground..”

Everest started to back away at this point. Tartar worried that he was stressing Everest out and making her feel a little overwhelmed with how excited he was. “Humans are nothing special, so why the bouncing and cheer talk?”

“I haven’t seen a human in YEARS, centuries, decem millenniums!” Tartar exclaimed. “You’ll have to excuse how excited I am!” Tartar grabbed Everest’s hand with their own, freezing cold talons. “Hey-! Let go!” Everest yanked back, glancing at her club which laid on the ground just barely out of reach. “Take a chill pill, I’m not going to hurt you! How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“Take a hint, Tartar!” Ooooh, she used its name! “If you’re trying to trick me into bringing you back to the village, the answer is no! I’m never going back there again!” …Dang.

“What??? No! I- ha! I wouldn’t do that. Totes wouldn’t. You’re crazy, my dude. Absolutely bonkers, my cold homie!” Tartar tried to laugh it off, hoping to hide his panic. Maybe Everest was a little more observant than he had originally thought.

“Oh please, you started using way more slang, I know a trick when I hear one. You’re not going to the village and I’m not taking you back there unless it’s to help me wipe that place out!” Everest pointed back behind her.

“Humans are so cool though! Why would you ever want to wipe them out??”

“I ran away from that place for a damn reason!” Everest suddenly shouted as loud as she possibly could, snapping Tartar straight to attention, “I’m not going to listen to their culty BS about bowing down to The Leviathan anymore!” Everest swept her hand across to get her point across, “Its spawn stole this planet from the humans of yesterday and I’m not going back so I can hear more of,” Everest laughed, mocking one of the villagers presumably, “‘If we keep sacrificing sheep to The Leviathan, it will allow us to leave this cliffside’. I’ve grown tired of that STUPID CULT!!” Everest grabbed her hair tightly, heaving now. Her eyes shook and she was clearly panicked, causing Tartar to panic a little too, “THEY DON’T–! They- they don’t–!” Everest took a shaky breath, tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked so…suddenly weak. Weak and hurt.

“I-...I’m not going back…” Everest’s voice was weak and her arms dropped to her side. She sniffled again and wiped her few tears, as if hoping that Tartar hadn’t seen anything.

“A cult, hm?” Tartar approached Everest slightly, holding their hand out.

“Yes!” Everest met Tartar’s eyes again, “A cult based around the bile and spawn of The Leviathan here! I don’t ever want to go back, it would be better if they were all wiped out!” Everest slammed a fist into her palm, “The amount of people I can imagine I’ve eaten unknowingly in stew that were sacrificed to ‘The Leviathan’-!!” Everest grabbed her head again, staring out into space again as well. “The Leviathan doesn’t even EXIST!” Everest placed her arms over her head.

“Hmm…” Tartar watched a few more tears slip from Everest’s eyes and trail down her face. “Y’know, maybe you don’t have to go back,” Tartar noticed Everest’s sobs calmed down a little to listen to what Tartar had to say, “I’m willing to give you a sneak peak on my plans. I won’t even lay a finger on you if that’s what you’re scared of…” Tartar slowly and gently took Everest’s hands. They made sure they weren't poking the sharp tips into her hands. Tartar then began to slowly guide Everest over to a hidden hatch in the ground. They would retrieve Everest’s golf club later.

Everest slowly raised her head a little to look at Tartar’s hands and watched wearily before allowing Tartar to lead her slowly. “None of the sanitized octarians should harm you,” Tartar mentioned, reaching down to lift up the hatch in the ground. The hatch led to a white corridor. The Kamabo Co. Labs.

“They follow my orders exactly,” Tartar continued, carefully pulling Everest down the steps and closing the hatch behind her, “If I tell them not to harm you, they won’t.”

“What do you mean by sanitized?” Everest finally looked back up and took her hands away from him.

“Simple, I’ve created a primordial goop that will create the ultimate lifeform! I should’ve let 8 go. No one was going to believe an octarian about the crazy telephone who tried to kill them. I acted in panic and anger. But this time, it’ll be proper,” Tartar grinned and clenched its fist proudly, “No one will figure out until it’s too late. Especially with Mr. Grizz on my side, we’ll restore Earth to its former glory together!” Everest stared at Tartar with an unreadable expression. Tartar decided to pretend that Everest liked the sound of its plan.

The inside of the lab was rather bright and the buzz of talking echoed through the hallways. There were a few signs of struggling, making it clear that not everyone here came here willingly. There were also dried bits of pink ink dotting the walls. When Tartar saw it, he looked disgusted and quickly ordered a nearby Sanitized Octarian to please get rid of it.

Tartar couldn’t believe that CQ somehow missed a spot. Especially such a bright and noticeable spot! Maybe they needed to hire another janitor to help CQ… He was getting rather old after all. Just newly 7.

“What’s wrong with it? I thought the shade was…rather nice honestly,” Everest told Tartar, watching the octarian splat different ink over it. “No I-...” Tartar trailed off, seeing the octarian smile back at it and wander off. Tartar face palmed, “...I’ll just leave it for now. Don’t want to hurt their feelings…” Tartar turned away to keep guiding Everest down the hallway.

“I think Fern would find me even more disappointing than she first thought. I thought that interaction was rather cute!”

A laugh slipped out of Tartar as he commented, looking back at Everest, “Didn’t know such a tough kid could express such feelings!”

Tartar soon guided Everest to a room with a large blender in the middle, full of sanitized ink. This room didn’t require lights. The glow from all the sanitized ink was enough to light the room up. Tartar noticed Everest stumble a little and almost look sick immediately upon seeing the blender. Tartar brushed it off. Maybe it was the smell. There wasn’t much of one but it was at least noticeable.

“...You don’t do what I now think you do…right?” Everest glanced at Tartar with clear sickness on her face. Her voice was still a little weak.

“Well, tell me what you think I do first,” Tartar replied in a rather smug tone. They began to walk backwards, arms behind their back as they did. Tartar suddenly spun around after that and climbed up and sat on the top of the blender. Their legs kicked slightly as they stared down at Everest.

Everest looked a little more sick and worried as she responded, “Uhm..well- there’s a blender for one…uh..” Everest was clearly thinking of…something, “...Please don’t tell me you pick off the octarians around you and…sacrifice them to..” Everest pointed a hand at the blender. Tartar felt a little offended that Everest would think that admittedly.

“Nope! Well- eh, close,” Tartar shrugged before using a hand to gesture to the whole lab, “The octarians around you are ones that have failed their tests. All or most of them have failed their tests with a few of them being weak scraplings I kidnapped from Octo Valley when no one was looking. I select carefully. What you see here,” Tartar stood up, staring down at Everest, “Is a blend of everyone who’s succeeded in their tests! Only the most brilliant and greatest octarians end up here. It’s a blend of the most superior is what I’m saying. No one gets sacrificed. I’m not doing this for some make believe god. I’m doing this to create a lifeform on the level of humans!”

“...Will I end up in there some day…?”

“It’s a truly brilliant pl-...what?” Everest’s question caught Tartar off guard. Tartar looked over the edge, down at Everest. She looked terrified. The soft glow of the ink in the blender reflected in her amber eyes, giving them a burnt sienna shade.

Tartar had to scramble to think of something to say. This human was just full of surprises! “...N-No! Never! Absolutely not! I wouldn’t do that to a human!” Tartar leapt down from the blender, carefully holding Everest’s pale white hands again, “I-I was actually wondering if you’d like to join me!” Tartar grinned, “Take back Earth from those scraps of seafood above!”

Everest drew back from Tartar quickly, it wasn't grabbing her that tightly. “I-I’m not sure I can trust you yet. …What’s in it for me?”

Tartar was prepared for a reply like this. Way too prepared maybe. It wasn’t the first time someone had rejected his incredible offer. (‘3…’ His mind thought angrily) “Well, I doubt you wanna stay sleeping on that chilly and rock solid platform so I’ll make sure there’s a nice, comfy place down here to rest. I’ll make sure you never have to return to your mountain cult, hm…”

Everest started to think.

“I can’t let you leave after seeing this? No, that doesn’t make any sense! You don’t have anyone to rat me out to and you hate the citizens of that cesspool of a city too! Then again…you’re also the first person in years to strike me and land a good hit! You could find-”

“Stop. Stop. Stop. I get it. If I join you, I get a nice place to sleep and never have to go back to that crazy cult,” Everest waved her hand dismissively. Tartar looked over at Everest before they extended their claws a little.

“I mean, all you really needed to mention was getting a nice place to sleep. The mountain was freezing. I’m shocked no one got frostbite at all. At least, not that I ever knew of,” Everest’s bad attempt at a joke got Tartar to snicker. Everest slowly accepted its hand.

“PERFECT!” Tartar gave her hand a rough shake, “We’re in business, kiddo!” Tartar suddenly scooped up Everest and gave her a tight hug which she didn’t appreciate in the slightest!

“Mr. Grizz should be here so we can hopefully discuss more! Don’t worry, he might be a little intimidating at first but the bear’s a big softie! A total pushover at times even! He won’t hurt ya..” Tartar’s hug eased and it set down Everest, beginning to walk away already, “My little snowflake,” Tartar added with a smug smile.

“A-Aye…don’t call me that. We’re not quite at the nicknames stage,” Everest stumbled as Tartar left the room.

“Oh Leviathan, what have I gotten myself into…?” Tartar heard Everest mumble under her breath just as he opened the hatch and saw Mr. Grizz stood on the platform, waiting for his arrival patiently