#guess who's going full stream of consciousness again

[hexgaywire]

LUXIEM Bedtime Routine

Writing type: Headcanons

Rating: SFW

Total Word count: 1036≈(before edits)

Other notes: Implied some sort of established relationship with the reader (you can interpret as platonic or romantic, it's up to you)

Featured?: Ike, Myta, Vox, Luca, and Shu

Author comment: HA! with a blog name like mine you'd expect a XSOLEI headcanons first but gotta keep them guessing ig.... Please enjoy;; my headcanons are a stream of my consciousness if anything; I haven't written anything publicly in like a year ahaha (killme)

Disclaimer and Reminder; this is based on the characters made by NIJISANJI, not the people behind the character voicing them. If in the future the person expresses or states that fics of this nature makes them uncomfortable I will 100% remove this or anything I write about the characters involved.

Bedtime routine:

Always has a cup of sleepy time tea before bed

Will force you to drink one too (because you both have no sleep schedule <3)

For nights where you both go to sleep on time, skin care routine

Hear me out.... I'm talking face masks, creams the full sends baby

Once all of that is taken care of y'all will eventually change into whatever you sleep in (Oliver-sensei outted Ike the other day for sleeping in only boxers lmfao but that's not relevant)

He will spend at least an hour reading in bed before falling asleep, be prepared with a sleeping eye mask maybe?

Or start a night time books club with him because he will not change this

He is a novelist after all

Once he's done reading and the glasses come off, one of two things will happen

He will fall asleep immediately

Or you guys will be up for the majority of the night talking about deep stuff

You know those sleepovers you have with your homies where it gets deep, that's what I mean

Regardless what time you pass out you are sure to sleep safe next to Ike!

Extras:

Ike doesn't strike me as a guy who likes to cuddle in bed, if anything you accidently snuggle up to him he'll shuffle away from you

He sometimes will fall asleep at his desk which is a habit he only started since streaming, back when he was novelist he didn't have this problem for some reason

Ike sleeps with like one blanket? I hope you like the cold &lt;3

Bedtime routine:

I feel like Mysta's bedtime routine is a wildcard, you never know what he's gunna be doing to eventually end up in bed

You brush your teeth and he goes "OoOOoh I knew I was forgetting to do something."

Sleeping feels more like a chore to him then a necessity

You'll catch this man up at 3 am playing Minecraft and he'll still be like "Oh shit, is it bedtime?"

He's a piece of work to even get him to start to migrate towards the bedroom

Once he finally changes and lays down; he's kind of like Ike, where he'll immediately pass out or will spend hours talking to you

However the conversations are more like "Why is cheddar cheese orange do you think?"

GOOGLE IT IDK I'M TIRED

Once he finally falls asleep he 100% mumbles in his sleep, you find it endearing as you slip on a pair of headphones or earplug's

Extras:

Opposed to Ike; you will wake up either cuddling or being cuddled by Mysta

Despite the struggle to get this man into bed, he sleeps better next to someone

Known to occasionally sleep walk

You found him in the bathtub one time it was kinda scary

He firmly denies this ever happened

Bedtime Routine:

Vox is very ritualist when it comes to bedtime

He's also a very sleepy demon and enjoys maximizing his sleep to its full extent

So with him it's very "no nonsense"

He takes a shower

Blow-dries and cares for his hair

He brushes his teeth (While still in a towel)

Again h e a r m e o u t....

He's a voice demon that came back to life, he has a skincare routine for bedtime (Still in a towel btw)

All luxury products of course

After that he change into something comfy

For some reason after all of that this man sleeps in mismatched socks like a sociopathy

Once y'all lay down he'll watch some stupid memes on his phone of a bit or do some light reading

There is no in between

Once he's done however he is out like a light, usually within an arms reach of you

Extras:

Similarly to Mysta, you will wake up in his arms

It's funny because he insists it's entirely your doing

On the rare occasions where he can't sleep he'll get up and cook something

He says it helps him relax

The delicious aroma however wakes you up and the two of you share a lovely midnight snack

Bedtime Routine:

Luca tends to stay up really late

This is partial because of old work habits (if no ones awake to see you get rid of a body then it isn't a problem)

Luca like Vox though has bit of a ritualist bedtime getting ready routine though

Shower

Brush teeth

Change

Without fall no matter how late into the night (morning) it is

Once in bed, he crashes

The man is out like a light

I think because his bedroom is definitely his own space he feels at ease and can just doze off

It does help that he has a very nice bed I guess too

Once again you know you can sleep safe next to Luca, he wouldn't let anything disturb you

Extras:

Like Mysta, Luca does occasionally talks in his sleep, but not nearly as loud as Mysta does

He doesn't strike me as the cuddling type either, i think if you tired it wake him up

Despite being able to sleep easily he also wakes up super easily

Again probably due to his pat

Fear not though, once Luca let's his gaurd down again he passses out pretty quickly again

Bedtime routine:

Shu, like Ike, has a big cup of tea before bed

He swears up and down that drinking something warm before bed gets you to sleep faster

He's also diligent with his night time hygiene needs

Once again; for the final time, I'm asking you to hear me out

Skin

Care

Routine

You cannot sit here and tell Mr. Shu Sorcerer Yamino (eyyyyyyyyy) doesn't take good care of his skin

Off track but anyway

Kind of like Luca, once he's in bed he is out

I also feel like Shu snores but like not loud? It's kinda like white noise (like listening to ocean??)

Sleep well sweet sorcerer

Extras:

Shu is also not a cuddler, he's more the type to like accidently fall out of bed if you snuggle up to him

He doesn't like feeling the extra body heat on him while he sleeps

Off topic again but he also has a strict morning routine which consists of him getting up early

He's be trying to get you on board but like sleep ya know?

(My request are open plz send me some)

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Frank, could you tell me a story about that wet ass pussy?

The guy in the next room is crying. I've been on a couch for five hours, waiting for my bladder to relax enough that I can pee. My ass feels like a mushroom. If I could just pee and get out of this chair, maybe then things would feel better. But my body won't let me pee yet, it seems. It was one thing when I woke up at noon, but now it's almost 4:00 PM and there's still no sign of relief.

I try to remember what it felt like before all this happened.

It had to have felt good. Right? Maybe if I think about how it used to be -- the warmth, the wetness, the feeling of being full but not too full -- maybe I'll find some comfort. Some small bit of joy that will make it easier to ignore everything else going wrong.

But instead, as soon as I start imagining myself with an empty bladder again, I begin to scream. So loudly and so violently that tears stream down my face and I pull my knees into my chest, trying to hug them as tightly as possible. The pain helps. In fact, it's the only thing keeping me from ripping off my skin, because right now nothing hurts more than being reminded of how normal people do something that they never even consciously think about doing. How easy their lives are compared to mine.

Maybe I should kill him, or at least knock his eyes. He knows. Everyone does. They know why I haven't left the house since Saturday night. Why I have no friends except for his family, who avoid talking to me whenever we cross paths in the hallway. All they see is that I look different now. They see that I don't seem happy anymore, which makes sense given the circumstances, but it doesn't stop them from acting nervous around me. There may be hope though. This morning when he left for work I heard his mother ask "Where's Dylan?" And she said it twice! She seemed really concerned, and probably upset, which means she cares about him and thinks this whole situation is kinda fucked up. That's encouraging, isn't it? If she cares about her son and thinks he's fucked up, well . . . I guess that means that . . . wait, am I allowed to say anything here? FUCK!!! You gotta tell us where you are! Hello??? Can anyone hear me?? Please help!! Hi!! Is anybody home?? HELLO HELP ME PLEASE LET ME OUT OF THIS ROOM!! NO ONE IS HOME SHE LEFT TWO WEEKS AGO AND NOW MY BLADDER ITCHES SO MUCH IT MAKES MY EYEBALLS GO WHITE AAAAAAARGHHHHHH OH GOD FUCKING SHIT JUST GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE FOR CRYIN- UUGGGHHH FUCK YOU STOP SASSING ME OVER THE INTERCOM I KNOW WHERE TO GET YOUR KEYS AND IF YOU TURN YOUR VOLUME UP ANY MORE I'M GONNA SLAP YOU WITH MY COCK LIKE A ROTTEN MARLIN AND THEN YOU'LL BE GLAD NOT TO BE ABLE TO SEE OR HEAR EVER AGAIN. GIVE ME MY FUCKING KEYS OR

[bittrlys]

THE GOOD

Viren and Harrow scene

CRAB SHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Young Viren

Viren selfcest (<- stream of consciousness note that I stand by, he needs to learn to love himself)

Aaravos and Viren had a baby <3 (I like that this twist about the child to save him only works for people who weren't already joking about this being their lovechild all last season)

The heavyhanded diaogue is lol but its nice to see Viren's internal journey ("DAD I'M FOLLOWING IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS" guys you really could have just shown that. But I guess Viren is literal even with his metaphors. I forgive him.)

Viren zoned the fuck out half the season still the best part of the show. But like I love the sense of crushing realization and weight of his thoughts. King of thinking <3

Nice to see Claudia also getting to do cool complicated things

Viren and Claudia literally carry the dramatic weight of the series on their shoulders -tm my friend

I appreciate that Terry continues to be down to clown

This blood elf assassin is hot ♥

I like the water elf design the coral horns are cool (and he looks like a Critical Role character)

I always love pirate towns so that's cool! And some brief actual intense stakes with the pirate captain.

Aaravos. FULL STOP. Like 10 lines of dialogue and he served with them all!

"If you see Claudia again tell her I said ..... hi" hahaa

THE BAD

The Rayllum (what was Callum even apologizing for?? Rayla just genuinely does not seem to like him.)

Janai immediately pivots in her belief because only villains are allowed to stick by their reasonable positions which oppose the desires of the main characters

Again, what changed Tidebound Tina's perspective and made her help them??? Characters will truly just change perspectives in a second if they're meant to be 'good' and not defy the main characters

Ezran is so entitled. Rayla is like oh this boat is a bad idea he's immediately like "WE NEED THAT ONE!" and then proceeds to get them all nearly murdered by pirates for some tadpoles and does not apologize at all.

That being said it seems the show just isn't that interested in Ezran or Rayla

Would it have killed them to include a scene showing why Rayla decides to show up and save the day in finale? She has no arc.

I understand the conclusion that Callum came to with ocean magic but I don't believe his process of getting there.

Can Janai do her damn job all she's ever shown doing is hanging out in her pyjamas pining and being in love. Tied with Zubeia who just hangs about talking about her husband and son all day.

THE UGLY

STOP WITH THIS DIVINE RIGHT OF KINGS SHIT (why would the Archdragon of the Ocean give a damn about a human ruler? But like Oh! We Have To Respect A King!)

They show up to the library with only FIVE HOURS TO SUNSET instead of idk camping outside the city until the next dawn and coming in then. And then leave directly at sunset instead of giving themselves like an hour of wiggle room. Unreal!

They can't even let these entitled main characters even THINK Amaya died for their arrogance Like they can't even feel guilt about it for five seconds.

What's the point of having a deus ex machina dragon you insert in every scene to save their asses (god I need Zubeia dead) if she's just going to stand there and do literally nothing while Amaya is attacked. Rewatch that scene camera never cuts to Zubeia's face to even show her idk considering it? Being unable to help? Just get rid of this dragon already she weakens the plot to an absurd degree.

Zubeia surviving. Full stop.

Thunder killed off this group of elves for the crime of uhhhh doing weird blood rituals? Moonshadow elves (Thunder's personal hit squad) do blood rituals. Thunder just loves massacring any group of people who defy his tyranny.

It's surreal that Xadians NEVER comment on the humans in their midst like the show will not draw attention to the fact that humans are othered + marginalized. It perpetually feels like the writers are backtracking on lore they previously established because they don't want to make Xadians look bad.

Like I can believe a criminal port is full of all elements but this happens elsewhere in Xadia. Even the Archdragon of Ocean doesn't address the fact that Ezran is a human.

But it's not like the differences between humans and Xadians aren't noted because humans (like Amaya) still have to constantly grovel for Xadian approval + forgiveness. Like for WHAT. Should Amaya have to apologize to Rayla anymore than Rayla should apologize for coming to assassinate a 10-year-old Ezran in season 1?

for fucking tadpoles?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Callum, Rayla, and Ezran are UNSYMPATHETIC protagonists they literally will never face any consequences for any of their actions. Nothing really goes wrong for them -- they're always saved from trouble and they get everything ultimately handed them. They are supremely privileged, entitled people. Meanwhile Viren and Claudia go through 19 layers of hell just trying to get 1 thing done.

Overall I'd say it was better than season 4! 👍👍👍

[canonicallyanxious]

some assorted gay chicken show thoughts:

(i put a cut bc this got so stupid long i'm so sorry lol)

i think Earth has a really tough task with this role but imo he is totally nailing the restrained longing of it all and the undercurrent of wistful regret for lost opportunities in everything he says and does. the way he's not necessarily unhappy with his lot in life but doesn't think there's any value in it or what he provides for his community. the way he's resigned himself to loneliness but still can't help but want something more in a part deep inside of him (the shot of him looking at the moon in ep 1... I Am Thinking). i think it's really easy to see how bold and open Wen is with his feelings and be swept up in that bc the way Jim expresses his attraction is a lot more subtle but I think Earth does an amazing job of conveying that longing through the tiny shifts in his microexpressions, the way he looks at Wen when he thinks no one is looking (it KILLS me his expression when he sees how gentle and kind Wen is to his cat), the way he orients himself around Wen without thinking - it seems like he always has to consciously pull himself away in scenes like when he's dropping Wen off at the main street or at the end of ep 2 when Wen almost kisses him and i like the way Earth carries himself in scenes like that, he makes it easy to buy into

i really like the more meandering conversations that establish characterization and relationship dynamics. one example that comes to mind is when Jim and Wen are talking about the DVD. Full disclosure I'm not familiar with the movie referenced but judging from the title and the cover and the way Jim described it as "classic" I'm guessing it's some sort of romance. But then, "i haven't watched it in a long time. The disc is probably damaged." and then, when Wen says he can stream it if he wants, he says "that's okay, i don't want to watch it anymore." i like the way this dialogue hints at his history with love and ideals. "I don't want to watch it anymore", implying that he did at some point in his life want to watch it. The disc is probably damaged, but he can't bring himself to check to be sure. it's better to leave it alone and in the past. but in the past it was something he wanted to watch, an ideal he wanted to believe in; what changed? (who hurt u uncle jim i just want 2 talk)

the contrast between day and night life in this show ugh ugh ugh. the intimacy and vibrancy of the night, but also how lonely it sometimes can be; how harsh and uninviting the reality of daytime can be, but also how chatty and bustling. it's getting late and i'm sure way smarter people have already said much smarter things about it but just know this is a theme that always gets me and it is getting me now so fuckin hard.

and again i'm sure much more intelligent things have already been said about the relationship between Jim and Li Ming but I am fr LOVING it so far, not least of all because it reminds me so viscerally of my own teenage relationship with my parental figures skdjfnskdjfnskdjf but also the conflict between them just feels so well drawn and realistic, the way Jim is just trying to do what's best for Li Ming but doesn't know how to show that, the way Li Ming lashes out when at the end of the day all he really wants is for Uncle Jim to understand his point of view. it's some good shit u know

i do think imagining this whole situation from Li Ming's perspective is incredibly funny. like imagine it's one in the morning and you are in your room just minding your own business when a completely wasted man you've never met before wanders into your room, doesn't say a single word to you, and then when your emotionally distant uncle ushers him out he doesn't say anything to explain either he's just like "k sorry bye" and yeets himself out of there to go have shockingly tender sex with a man whose name neither of you know. and then like a month later you come into work only to find said drunk man is now your COWORKER at your UNCLE'S RESTAURANT. Li Ming doesn't get paid enough to deal with this shit. Uncle Jim wants us to think he has his life together so bad but he's just as messy of a bitch as anyone else on this show bless his heart

i'm really into the progression of the last part of ep 2, the subtle shift of the power dynamic, the way Wen so casually paying off the couple flows into Jim watching him work and understanding that they come from vastly different worlds flows into Jim telling Wen he's not fit to be anyone's home. and yet he still wants this closeness, as much as he tries to deny it; he made the choice to buy the second beer at the convenience store, he made the choice to offer it to Wen, he made the choice to let Wen rest on his shoulder if only for a little while. unstoppable force (Jim's yearning for closeness borne from a very deep loneliness) v immovable object (his abysmally low esteem of himself and his life)

as well i'm a huge hoe for glass metaphors so you know when Jim let himself want closeness with Wen by buying the beer only to come back and see him behind the window (like yes there is jealousy in that scene of the man Wen was talking to but there's also a distinct sense of never actually being able to reach Wen in his world; the reality is he stands behind the glass) a bitch was completely weak for it. it's me i'm bitch

obviously i love everything about the conversation at the end of ep 2 (a bitch is weak for a person as a home!!!) but something that especially interests me about it is what it tells us about Wen's relationship with Alan and the way he feels when he comes back to their apartment. i'm gonna be honest at this point i'm very confused about what's up with that whole clusterfuck lol but the implication that the place he lives in doesn't make him feel any of the things he described that he wanted from a home... home where someone waits for me, home where all my tiredness is gone and i have peace of mind, home that's more than just a place to sleep... how much he yearns for it that he's willing to pursue it with a man he only recently met... it paints a picture of a very lonely person and it does make me feel for him (even if I think it's really bizarre how completely casual he's being about cheating on his presumably long term partner not just with himself but with his friend who clearly knows the both of them skdjfnsdbfskdjfnsdjkfsn)

what i like most about this show so far is how at the core of it everyone just wants someone to see them and understand them. this, the aching loneliness everyone feels but in such different ways, is the driving force behind so much of the conflict and the drama and the interactions between characters. tonally it's exactly my kind of shit, i'm really looking forward to seeing how it builds as the story continues

[luetta]

i'm going back to what 16 year old me used to do in full swing i think. type to myself on dead forums. wanna know a story about me? i used to post on that nazi reddit alternative website voat. for years. not anything political, i just made a subreddit that was my username and made posts everyday about how obsessed i was about a girl called rebekah in the grade above me. i never talked to her a single time in my life. she was just pretty. hundreds of posts. eventually randoms on the website found my posts through the new section and started commenting how creepy i was. and then i guess i referred to myself as a waitress and they started thinking i was a girl who had a lesbian crush. of course i did nothing to disavow that notion. and then when i was with my friend finlay in class, i was on a school provided laptop, seeing what the suggested autocomplete web searches for a, b, c, etc were. and when i looked up 'v' it came up with 'voat [my username]. i guess on this laptop sometime before i had searched it up. i begged him not to look it up and deleted it all the moment i got home but he just went on internet archive and essentially held this blackmail over my head for about 3 months. at the end of high school finlay wasnt popualr in our group (there was always someone who was the cyberbullied person of the day in our group.) and i honestly did a fucking asshole thing. i always say that i was nice and just a victim of this mean group but i did this thing, which completely undoes all that. there was a barbeque for the entire grade on a saturday, school organised but essentually our own thing. in the discord finlay was wondering whether to come, lots of us were there already. i said that there was barely anyone here lol. and that was a complete lie. i lied and made him miss this event for no reason other than to dogpile on him. that night everyone was fighting and i chimed in and he told everyone about my voat account and also about how we had accidentally discovered each other in a league of legends erotic roleplay discord server. so yeah that was fun. i refused to talk to him for like 2 years lol. anyways. the point of this is to say. that im gonna start doing that again i think. post a bunch of stream of consciousness text posts of angst and self loathing and envy and hatred. cus i feel like shit and that's my self harm. im too much of a pussy to do anything else when i feel like shit. i just sit on the computer and make myself feel worse. this can be my self therapy. getting my thoughts out instead of letting them fester inside my brain forever. i can't be fucked going to therapy properly. it doesnt help cus idk how to articulate anything properly. ill get asked whats wrong and ill be like. i dont know. and honestly thats barely a lie. i dont fucking know whats wrong with me. i know that there is something wrong with me, but i dont know the reason why ive turned out like this. im just a fucking weirdo i think. i literally thought that i wasnt a creep anymore after transitioning, that i figured it out. but nope. im still a fucking creep, thinking about girls that i know, obsessing about them. urgh. i feel like. i've fucked my transition up. i fucked up the choices that i didn't know were choices and now im someone i don't want to be. i just want to be someone else but thats not possible because the person that i am, currently, isn't someone that can be someone else. i know that you can just change who you are ! you can do new things and stop doing old things. you can be someone else. but i just cant. i try but i just always circle back to this. uninteresting blob of a person. who does nothing except sit in their room and wish they were someone else. an uninteresting blob of envy. that's all i am and will ever be, i feel. and that sucks. i dont want to be that, but there's nothing else i can do about that. im too uninteresting and unadventurous and afraid to reach out and form connections to people that i wanna. cus thats how you change as a person. by being with other people. you slowly give each other parts of yourself

[greaterspawnislands]

note: this is NOT a full captioned transcription that includes complete descriptions of the surroundings. this is purely a dialogue transcription of c!sam and c!phil’s conversation from this stream on 11/2/2022 starting at 12:20

under a read more to preserve the dash

“Look, Phil, look! I can control the clone. It’s so strange, I- I don’t even know how to describe it, it’s like I’m just in this body now, I-”

“What the...”

“It’s crazy, Phil. And, and I have a new design, this is just the prototype. With the real thing, you could control multiple bodies, and you could have them in very different places and be doing multiple things like, communicate instantly anywhere in the world, Phil. Like, whenever we needed to meet up, like, you could instantly be there. Just imagine how much this could change our lives. No one has to suffer, like, every again. No one has to die, nothing bad has to happen.”

“No, no, no, no, no, this- no. This is messing with the natural order of things, Sam. This- what this is, is a potential opening to darkness.”

“But Phil, I mean- just think about it! If you hurt yourself, and you break your leg, right? I can just make you a new body, and you can just, move your consciousness into that body, it’s- it’s amazing.”

“And then... never die.”

“Yeah! You never have to die. As soon as your body starts to like, get old and break apart, like, it doesn’t matter. You can just- you can just be done with that body and get a new one, it’s...”

“Oh, She, She won’t like this, She won’t like this, Sam, She really will not like this.”

“What? I- who? I don’t see how you don’t see this as a wonderful thing, I-”

“Sam, promise me you will break this machine, this- this cannot- I know your intentions are good. But this thing, this messes with the natural order of everything. You can’t- you can’t eliminate death from the world, Sam, it- it needs to exist.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve already done it. No one has to die anymore. What do you mean, I can’t, I’ve done it, I’ve already done it!”

“Sam, you realize what you’re saying Sam? You’re not thinking this through.”

“You can’t ask me to give this up, Phil.”

“People need to die, they need to move on. They need to grow, new generations need to be formed. It’s how the world adapts, it’s how everything grows. It’s how we evolve. Sam, this is-”

“I can’t give this up, Phil. This is- I can’t even believe you. I can’t believe you don’t believe in this!”

“Sam, I know you, I’ve known you a while now. But this...trust me when I say this will bring nothing but bad things. This will bring nothing but hurt.”

“But... there’s so many people I could help with this, Phil.”

“Then help them in different ways! You could cure disease, you could- you could do literally anything but cheat death. Cheating death is something you cannot do, and should not do.”

“I can’t give this up, Phil. I won’t.”

“Then I... I guess I can no longer be friends with you. I’m going to have to stop coming by, if- Sam, you, right here, right now.”

“Phil, I’m... I’m the only person who can hang around with you now! Like, I can, I can be there...what? What do you mean, you told me before, you were looking for something to be meaningful, and like, someone that you could be friends with for a long time. That could be me! I could be there, and- and we wouldn’t have to have anything go wrong. You’re gonna just give up on all of that?”

“But everyone dies eventually, Sam. I could die at any moment, I could die, and that would be it. Just because I’ve lived a long time doesn’t mean I’m not invincible. There needs to be-”

“Yeah, but I don’t, I don’t want that, Phil, I don’t want that world. Wouldn’t it be better if we could build a bunker and, like, hide our real bodies, and we could be in different bodies! And then, even if someone murdered us, we could, we could break out of the stasis and we could go out and find those people and take revenge, or, just stay away if we wanted to.”

“Sam. Promise me you’ll break this machine.”

“I’m not giving up on this, Phil. I wont, I won’t break it.”

“Then I guess it’s farewell.”

“Fine, fine, but you’re going to change your mind.”

“Goodbye, Sam.”

“And when you need a new body, ‘cause that one’s old and breaking down, don’t come to me and ask for one, because I won’t do it.”

“Fine by me.”

“Fine.”

“Goodbye, Sam.”

“Goodbye, Phil.”

[the-invisible-queer]

Stream of consciousness highlights from my notes app:

Death of Watcher:

Are Steven, Shane, and Ryan really leaving YouTube??

"I hope you follow us one last time." WHERE WE GOING BESTIE?!?!?!? I'M POOR BUT I'LL SUPPORT ON SOCIALS

Nevermind 😔

AT LEAST if it was on another streaming service I'd be more supportive. But at this point just turn memberships on. Patreon. Something like Mythical Society.

ANYTHING would have been better than this choice

The fact that I can't go on Tumblr and mourn Watcher is TRAGIC

So I'll mourn alone 😭

Random:

The amount of times I've opened Tumblr but I'm logged out so I can't do shit

I miss y'all and it's only been like 4hrs

Me, watching a TikTok of a very pretty man with dark curly hair and pretty eyes who sings nice: wow Joe really fucked me up for life, huh?

The biggest plot twist is if I end up having more photos of Nick than Joe. DOUBTFUL. But not impossible.

Looking forward to logging into Tumblr and seeing if I got any notifs on my main blog. Unlikely. I do hope for a Joe fit elimination update. Hope dickgate 2033 won.

Joe Rambling:

The fact that Joe posted those selfies but I can't be horny on the main because the main is IG which has become a puritan society

BUT I AM FERAL AS FUCK

JOE WITH THE BANDANA PLEASE FUCK ME

We're gonna get a full cowboy Joe era. I am predicting it at 4:08am on April 20th, 2024

"Man, he do got a big ass forehead. BUT I LOVE IT. My man and his five-head. 🥰" - ME about Joe

Can't wait to scream about Joe's fruity little bandana moment

The struggle of so badly wanting to both fuck him and make fun of him over the bandana is STRONG

Decided to make a Joe edit to be somewhat productive. Spent an hour on it. Left the app to respond to a message. Came back. The app deleted the fucking work. 😐

Gotta go spend another hour staring at Joe's chest hair again I guess which is like not the worst thing ya know 👀

I literally don't understand why his chest hair makes me feral but I find it actually disgusting on anyone else

Making fun of Nick:

The fact that I've yet to make fun of Nick for the way his head moves when he sings is a missed opportunity

Okay, Mr. Bobblehead

Me and Josh having an important discussion:

Rest in RIP to Josh's best friend who had to listen to me and Josh argue about Joe having a big dick or not

It's been 20min and Josh brought up Joe's dick again. What is going on? His best friend is still on the call.

Why did Josh out me as "having a picture of Nick Jonas' dick" on my phone 😭 ITS NOT A DICK PIC ITS AN UNDERWEAR PIC THAT LEAVES NOTHING TO THE IMAGINATION

[funkypoacher]

@natesofrellis long story short, I had to delete the original post so here we are.

Thank you for this prompt, it was amazing. It let me explore what was supposed to be Gray's Big Death Scene, because originally I killed her off but have since decided fukkit—everyone lives happily ever after making babies in the bunkers😇 That said, welcome to Stream of Consciousness Hell, population: this shit.

How stupid are you? curdles on visible breath. And then nothing. She assumes she heard the gunshot—assumes she fell to the ground—she wasn't born there, after all, she didn't grow out of the sludged fall leaves like a spindly aspen—she isn't those maple shoots swaying in her darkening vision, and fuck if blood loss doesn't make you weird.

Holding her stomach, she rolls to the side. Dirt and worms escaping soaked ground stick to her—she's willing her lungs to work through that creaking as ribs crack and mouths scream. She tries to be angry because it was an insult—how stupid are you?—and if she isn't angry, and isn't fighting, then she's scared and weak and he'll be mad and

"Jacob!"

Gray sobs. It isn't the pain: it's the fading. Face in soil, she sobs, begging his name to be more than just something a dying animal cried in its last moments.

"Where are you?"

And then she's dead. And she hates that.

Collapsed lung full of blood, buckshot that's not all out yet, and she can bank on some vicious infection: that's the good news. The better news is that she made it to Saint Francis at all, brought in by some of their soldiers.

The middling news is that her jacket's a bust. She really liked that one, too: pink and purple patches clashing with the camo, but you can't serve your purpose if you ain't cute.

And the bad news? Jacob wants to know who.

There's tubes in her—in lung and veins. Open windows welcome the breeze. 

"Who did this to you?" Jacob asks.

Standing beside their bed, arms across his chest, he doesn't get angry, Mister Seen-It-All. Something about his eyes, though—oh, he's really up there: high on some war horse because Gracie got a boo-boo. Well, like, a few dozen of them, but whatever, that's how shotgun blasts work. Either way, Jacob Seed doesn't get angry, he gets this: jaw squared, eyes steeled, and righteous. He's gonna make someone realize they're weak.

How stupid are you?

Gray just looks away.

"It doesn't matter," Gray answers quietly with a sticky throat. "Let it go, babe, it doesn't—"

"Yes, it does." 

Dragging a metal chair over, he sits, elbows on knees.

"Who did this to you?"

A sob tightens her chest first, which isn't fair—she already has a lot going on there, where she wheezes and rattles. Spotting the anguish, Jacob asks "what did they do to you?" which is sweet—it's sweet how much strength he assumes of her. 

"Nothing, it's…" 

Huffing, Gray winces. Leaning back into the pillow, she winces again. Her injuries, bruises and bullet holes, have her skin tight. She can't move without feeling stretched by her stitches; she can't look any place for long before Jacob's presence calls her and repels her for the same reason. Love. She wants to find comfort, there, in sky blues, but she's got to be harder.

So she is.

"Who shot you, Graciella?" Jacob says.

"No one. Everyone." With a resolute expression, Gray clarifies, "it could have been anyone, Jacob. That's my point. I'm on everyone's shit-list, I guess. And I missed it happen."

Three years back, if you'd've asked Gray to list the locals she knew, she would have thrown the phone book at you. She'd considered town meetings a family reunion. Where her parents had never cared, the county stepped up—she'd always felt she had, like, five moms, eight dads; she was in with everyone. 

Then she met Jacob. And apparently there really were some men that you shouldn't bring home to the parents.

"Are you going to sit there and tell me you are whining about the cowards of this county no longer liking you?" Jacob frowns, brow bent, arms crossing. "Because strength? Survival? Purpose? It doesn't come down to a popularity contest. Popularity is for those who need the herd. It is for those who are too weak to stand on their own." 

Getting to his feet, Jacob cups her jaw. His fingers dig too much. "You are not weak. Stop acting like it. You're better than this."

And he walks to a table behind him.

"Oh my God. Oh my God." Bursting out with laughing, shaking for both the agony and the hi-lar-ity of it, any tears streaming down Gray's cheeks are at his expense, now, and they are certainly not sad.

"Oh, that is good," she snickers as Jacob's back remains facing her. "You were seriously so worried, weren't you? I mean really. Me? Weak? Try that again when I'm on my feet. Or are you afraid of a fair fight?" 

"Who shot you?" he asks again.

Still Gray won't say.

Jacob's hands are on the table. They hurl it so fast that the only thing left is the echoing cacophony of metal clanging across dirty tile flooring. Scalpels, scissors, knives—medical equipment from her surgery, and some of it there just for fun. A lock-box smashes to the ground; coffee canteen, too. Papers, maps, and jesus christ. 

"Is it a fair fight you're worried about? You're lucky I don't give you to the wolves." Turning to her, scowling, Jacob points towards the window. "Protecting those feeble, spineless nothings out there demonstrates to me that you are just as weak as they are. And you know what we do to the weak. What I do to the weak."

"'Protecting'?"

"Yes." 

Gray grips the bedsheets. There's few things that scare her—that soften her voice, smooth her features, and make her unwilling to punch back. 

Jacob isn't one of them. He should be. He's not. Flipping the table, going primal, it looks good on him. It reminds Gray that he's alive. Sometimes his confidence comes off as arrogance, but mostly it leans towards torpor. He's slow and empty for all he's seen: Jacob doesn't rile because what's the point? His crap kismet fueled by Darwinism keeps him cool—all this was set to play out like the Romans or whoever else he can rattle off about, so rarely does Jacob get angry. Feral, maybe—reaching for where he feels something, he has to dig so deep that what crawls back is canine, and predatory, but it's not angry. It's hungry.

No, Gray has never been afraid of him. Afraid of disappointing him, however? Her knees buckle and she's not even standing.

"I'm not telling you who shot me because I'm bringing them in, not you," Gray says, trading his glare for her own. "If I tell you, apparently you'll just flip tables at them. But I want to see her run the trials with a pound of buckshot in her stomach. If she comes out the other side? We'll make friendship bracelets, probably."

Jacob's mood shifts. "They shot you," he reminds.

Gray snorts. "Yeah, and who cares? It's just pain." 

Pride. That's it. It puffs him up. As his chest expands and shoulders square, she can't see any way to describe it but washing. Pride washes away any doubt—it cleans him down to that smile. She's seen Jacob do this with his soldiers: where he abhors weakness and lauds strength, sometimes the latter's got him looking like a happy den-mother. 

And with her… Well, she can still remember the first time. His head tilts back slightly, eyeing Gray around a smirk. She swirls and dizzies in her mind and body—damn, but he's gorgeous. With the world so soft, anything that's otherwise impresses Jacob, and it's why his approval gets to be like a fucking drug: rise to his expectations, and you've got the fortitude of a God.

She feels like that. A god. Powerful; perfect. 

Jacob's ire has passed. He bitches about betrayals and ninth gates of Hell a lot, so the fact Gray isn't guilty of his assumed trespasses has him a lot less surly.

"Until you are healed, and I am talking one-hundred percent, you're on limdu. Got it?" Jacob closes the gap between them, sauntering over, arms across his chest  "No ops, no reserve work. You wanna help out in the mess, or with laundry, that's fine. And I don't want to see you out of this bed for at least a week."

"Okay," Gray agrees with a relenting eye roll at his fussing-like-frick attitude. Smirking, she adds "there's still a lot of shit I could get up to if I'm stuck in bed for a week. You like me with extra holes, baby?"

Jacob snorts, shaking his head. "Oh, Jesus Christ."

Gray leans deeper into her cool, plump pillow. "Yeah! He had extra holes, too!"

Chuckling, Jacob sits on the side of the bed. They look at each other across space filled with a pointed silence. His big, wide hand touches her. Caresses her. Needs her? Jacob's hand slides from her cheek to her neck to her back, pulling her close, until both arms are around her, and Gray smells him as they press close—she's pretty sure he's at day five of his bathing rotation, meaning she can smell five days of living on him. Sweat from drills, deodorant slapped on on day two, wood smoke and engine oil and gun grease and it's not like she can actually smell dinner from the night before, okay? But that salty sting in her nose has her thinking about the can of cold porked beans they shared, and how she went to bed after, and he went to go check in with the next Bliss shipment details out to the lodge, and so Gray fell asleep alone, and

"Jacob."

Gray turns, dragging her lips across his neck. Jacob looks into her eyes. She thinks he's gorgeous.

"Love you," she says. 

"Don't you ever leave me again," Jacob replies, hand tightening in her hair. 

And that is how Gray learns she died. For two minutes.

[vvatchword]

Failure on Every Level: A Texas Story

Shouting Lady got on the bus today and we nearly had a full fucking fight. There was a security guard on the bus and idk what they taught this man but the very first thing he did was rare up and throw out a hand as the Shouter mounted the bus stairs. Guys that is called escalation. I know he meant well but I was like yikes is this your job? You suck.

Shouter was perhaps late fifties, big sunglasses, clearly homeless because she had a rolling suitcase and all her bags balanced on top of it. The homeless often have reusable bags donated by or acquired from a big local grocery store. I'm guessing that the local aid groups use them to donate supplies. You can pick them out of crowds.

What is with mental illness and the n-word? What the fuck is it? The world is full of slurs and all they have is that one. Okay, and fatass. They've got that one down. I never say or do anything to these folks but they tend to pick me out. They ain't wrong, this ass is fat. Again, doesn't bother me. It's the truth and they're stuck living one of the most miserable lives I can imagine. They can call me whatever they want. Won't change the fact I'm on top of the world, comparatively speaking, and if they can get an ounce of pleasure out of it, I'm actually glad to provide the service.

But again. The n-word. My friends. Why. I think because it's the most vile taboo word outside of, perhaps, "cunt." It always makes you cringe and sucks all the comfort out of the room. And there are always, always black folks on the bus when they employ it. Sometimes the slur-user is spitting full racist screeds and you turn to look at them and they are black themselves. And you're like wait. Wait what is going on. This is cursed

My supposition is that it's a way to stop being invisible. It's so awful that everyone becomes aware of it and the speaker becomes the most visible person on the bus. The other riders can't ignore it. It may also be a way of blowing off steam or attempting to wrest some kind of power back--claiming you're better than so-and-so because you're white and that's all you have left. Maybe several elements at once. I mean nobody gets on the bus screaming poetry, you know.

I take that back. There's one homeless guy who freestyle raps every time he gets on the bus. Annoying as fuck but preferable. Once I complimented him on his skills, but he flinched and stared at me like I was going to smack him. Poor guy, seriously. I haven't seen him since the winter. I hope he's okay.

anyway today's shouter was very white. She was screaming furiously into a phone. I'm not sure she was even talking to anyone. She was screaming about dying in the heat, and the implication was that someone had kicked her out. I vaguely remembered her from somewhere, which is a bad sign.

"MA'AM DON'T GET ON THIS BUS ANGRY PLEASE," shouted security guard. This always works, as does "calm down" and "have you tried yoga?"

"HAWRAnGANGaA" or something from the Shouting Lady. She was always talking, always in a stream of consciousness sort of way, with every word shouted and the same non-stop rhythm and volume and mood, like an unstoppable river current, so it was kinda hard to tell what she was saying. She never shut her mouth unless someone was talking to her, and the only reason other people talked to her was because they were telling her to shut up. At one point six unrelated people were yelling at once.

"Ah good," i thought. "Hell."

Security guard yelled about how he was a security guard and had been in the military. Big cringe moment friends. If you are, you are, you know? If you have to bring out your credentials your insecurity is showing. Also he's already twice her size and ten years younger, if she's not respectful now she's not going to start, ok

"I don't care if you were in the military!" Shouting Lady shouts.

for the record, he was trying to win by cowing this lady and this lady thrived on anxiety. Here's how you deescalate, for the record:

You smile. You speak softly. You hold eye contact. You ask their name. You use their name often while speaking to them. What has their day been like? What's wrong? Oh that's too bad. What do you think the solution is? Oh, I agree. Lots of nodding, smiling, gentleness. You make the conversation all about them, all open-ended questions. Their voice may not go down, but it can refocus them, make their tones more pleasant, and they don't have the urge to attack strangers. Half of the problem is that they feel like nobody sees them and nobody cares.

You don't go all full Tough Guy and threaten to pile-drive them like Security Guard literally did.

Everyone settles down somewhat while Shouting Lady shouts her interpretation of what had just happened ("i was attacked by that guy for no reason! You are going to lose your job!!!"). Bus driver asks her to calm down. Shouting Lady shouts about her civil rights and how bus driver is just supposed to drive.

Without warning, Shouting Lady gets up and lifts her phone and marches up the aisle to take a picture of Security Guard. Security Guard launches off like a furious doberman screaming "GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE I WILL RIP IT OUT OF YOUR HAND" and Shouting Lady staggers backwards, clearly terrified. Won't lie, it was kinda gratifying to watch her nearly piss herself. A wise motherfucker ain't fucking with Security Guard. He exuded Do Not Mess with Me or You Have the Right to Stay Silent FOREVER. The guy was short, but stacked, and you had the sensation that he could flip that old lady and smash her flat like a coke can. I noticed she didn't use the n-word on him. She had that much sense, i guess.

Security Guard and Shouting Lady go back and forth a bit. I'm sorry, who taught this man shit? Fire them. Then fire him. As far as I'm concerned he was just making things worse. Made me think about shitty police work. Fight everybody, threaten them, if they don't stop, make them stop by force. Diplomacy? Wtf is that lol. Imma big man grrrr big cock grrr strong grrrrrrr

It also bothered me--i was listening to other passengers--how people attributed her behavior not to mental illness, but to her specifically. Like they couldn't see the reason for why she was acting like that. Do you not see the way she's speaking, do you not hear the way she strings words together, do you not realize that this isn't normal? So why are you trying to use reason on what is clearly emotional? The computer is borked, do not appeal to the computer. Find the root and dig it out. It's emotional and social need. And medicine and therapy. That too.

And then one of the other passengers, an older man in a page-boy cap--might've been the same one from two days ago--rose up and shouted, "Lady if you don't stop I'm going to call down Jesus into this bus right now. I'm going to rebuke that spirit in you. There is something wicked in you"

Me: (thinking) it's called mental illness and a shitty social safety net but go off I guess

Page-Boy Cap starts loudly praying and suddenly Security Guard stalks down there and slaps a hand on his shoulder, then bends his head in prayer. For those of you who don't understand, there's a belief in evangelical churches in the power of healing with the laying on of hands and "where two of you are, there I shall be also". Implication is that you can have miraculous powers if there are two of you or more. Long story short, little public exorcism right there on the bus.

Texas, my friends. Texas

Shouting Lady looks concerned for the second time. I almost never see shouting people of her ilk look concerned. I guess being told you're demon possessed is kinda startling no matter who you are. Also, she probably considered herself Christian too, i realized after some thought. Not uncommon for religion to be the subject of some shouting people. Everyone is trying to impose order on an unreasonable world and that's the crux of faith in general.

Bus driver finally slowed down and she's like, does anyone want to get on the bus behind me

Everyone gets up at once. I think that's when Shouting Lady realized nobody was on her side. She got off the bus in a huff and marched off toward a store to make everybody there sad.

Security Guard got off at the capitol stop.

Oh my god. You know what this means? He's probably one of the guards at the capitol building. That building is absolutely covered with guards fully kitted out in bullet-proof armor and automatic combat rifles. It's actually terrifying to walk in there. There is no reason to have a full platoon stationed there unless you are the most insecure and/or hypermasculine piece of shit imaginable. And guess what Texas' political top dogs are? All peacocking and grandstanding. We neeeeeeed 300 guys in bullet-proof armor and combat rifles here in order to show how very in control we are. We need to protect ourselves from (checks back of hand) high-school trans athletes!!!!

We're in their hands my fellow Texans. We're in these giant children's hands and I hate them

[txxfiles]

hello?

I don't know what to write about this month! so I’m just going to stream of consciousness and see where we go. 

I was going to write about my holiday but I started a travel journal and did like 2 days and then was so exhausted every night that I didn’t do it! It was an amazing holiday tho, like once in a lifetime sorta shit. it was a bit hit and miss if we would even go but we did and it was wonderful and I appreciated having so much time with my brother as I miss him. It was so full on tho like it was a group tour thing and it was like go go go and we walked 20 thousand steps one day bc my brother and I were like ‘Yeah sure we’ll climb that mountain with u no stress’ and then basically got lapped by the American women over 60 who came with us lmao. I was so careful as well with putting on suncream and shit and I STILL got burnt!!! the curse of being so fair burdens me every day. I am mostly nicely tanned and the redness has gone down so we chill but it’s so funny bc everyone else in my family is so nicely tanned and then there's a tomato girl walking around with them. my freckles have come back tho so that's nice. 

it gave me a lot of time with my thoughts tho, which I hate. Also being forced to spend that much time with my parents is always interesting. the other people in our group were telling them how good of a job they did raising myself and my brother which always makes me feel weird. I don’t think the good parts of my personality have come from my parents, I often value all the bad things about it to them which may seem harsh but my instinctual politeness and willingness to help wasnt fostered by them teaching it to me, it came from fear of getting yelled at if i wasn't this way and getting in trouble for doing anything other than cutting myself in half to do what was asked of me. I hate the person I become when I spend so much time with them as well like I become so angry and snappy and my tolerance for shit just plummets and I come home and it’s like a wave of relief because I feel so much calmer instantly. And then the next minute I feel awful for not seeing them very often and like guilty for having my own life and actually enjoying not seeing them very often. My mother makes a point of talking about not seeing me and missing me and I struggle to wrap my head around the idea of them missing me because when I see them they don’t talk to me! they don’t ask me shit they just take it in turns complaining about the other to me and I’m sat in the middle with my head in my hands wanting to die! I told them both at separate points that I wasn't getting involved and then got the silent treatment and I was just soooooo doneeeeeeee. I’m so grateful I could go on the trip and the highlights totally outweigh the bad bits but it’s hard to remember the good parts when the last 4 days were spent in a state of tension and arguments that I couldn't walk away from because there was nowhere to go! it’s like a constant battle of being grateful and then being annoyed over and over again and I don’t know how to deal with it so I just don’t! 

Going away with your family at my age is weird as well. my brother and I look very young so everyone else in the group very much assumed we were younger than we are which was funny and I guess a blessing. no shame in it but one of the other ppl in our group wasn't much older than me and she’s married with a house and a stable job and I just sat there like ahahahahahaaaaaaaaa. I know it’s bad to compare yourself to others and I’ve gotten better at not doing it but in situations like that, it’s hard. I said last time how I feel like I’m behind everyone and that's still stuck. I’m not doing bad per se but I’m not really making any money and I’m no closer to starting the career I want and that’s not for lack of trying like I keeeeeep applying for jobs and getting turned down on no response at all and it hurts. I worked so hard for my degree and some days it feels like it was for nothing. I know something will come up soon but the waiting is slowly killing me. 

I didn’t smoke the entire holiday either as I couldn’t because my parents don’t need another reason to be disappointed in me and now I’m back in the UK I can’t afford to buy any cigs but GOD DO I WANT SOME PLEASE. I know it’s bad for u and shit but I just want a little treat. I didn’t miss it when I was away and because I literally couldn't get any it didn’t even really cross my mind bc I was so busy but now I’m back and the corner shop is 5 minutes away i’m like uwu yes pls gimme the lil death stick. I think that's one of my biggest issues, if something is within my reach I literally cannot deny myself it. goes for food, people, drinks whatever, if I can get it I’ll have it even if it’s not a sensible thing to do within the budget I have. I think it stems from my childhood but I’m not getting into that right now. 

In other news, I’m actually having a birthday party for the first time since I was a kid!!! wooo!!! hopefully, I won’t cry this birthday other than from happiness!!!! everyone I’ve asked is well keen as well so I was like yay amazing! and then one of my mates whom my relationship with is so complicated I wouldn’t even know where to start was like ‘Yeah sure I’ll come’ and I was like fab ok and then the NEXT TIME he messaged me he was like ‘oh it’s the FOOTBALL FINAL SO I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN COME’?????????????? HELLO???????????? I’m honestly fuming. I get it, your team might not get to the final again fine whatever but the matches are like in the afternoon so u could still come after???? oh my apologies for thinking I, your friend or whatever whom you have been through an insane amount of shit with, might be A BIT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FUCKING FOOTBALL???? I hate men oh my god I’m actually mad and maybe that's selfish but what the fuck. I’m currently leaving him on delivered because I’m not about to start shit between us for the millionth time but considering the conversation we had about new years and how he had fomo you would think he’d wanna come but no. If he does end up changing his mind I’m so tempted to be like ‘nah don’t bother’ but that goes against every single particle of my being so WE’LL SEE. if he tries anything imma whack him (probably) but regardless, it should be fun and it’ll be nice to see all my friends in one place and shit. I’m very nervous about it bc I’m convinced no one will come but everyone I’ve asked has been enthusiastic so hopefully, it goes well. hopefully. I don’t want another birthday where I end up feeling upset or like a burden or whatever. thinking about it reminded me of one birthday I had where my so-called friend made out with the guy I liked when we were in the cinema knowing full well I liked him. good vibes!!! 

anyway, that’s me! once again not particularly positive but I’ve realised I use this as a way to get things off my chest I’m not sure how to properly talk about in person. which I think is kinda the point of this anyway. but regardless, I’m tanned and travelled and back to the grind like the alpha male I am. 

peace out homies

eucalyptus ᡣ • . • 𐭩 ♡

[drydak]

anyone want to read my stream of consciousness about the bad batch....no....ok

ok so the thing about tbb is that it is almost something i could really like except there's like a million things holding it back. the introduction in tcw where they established that they hate 'regs' because they were looked down on and then never did anything with that, which is crazy because clones in the sw universe are very explicitly not in any position of privilege. they show them getting idk. bullied? on kamino? but the most we get about solidarity between the bad batch and the other clones is the mayday episode. frustrating!!!! the way that the clones features in general in animation are whitewashed is frustrating enough but then they bring in a group of 'elite' clones who are also ostracized and then make two of them just look like white guys and another (because he died and was re-animated) just completely pale. and are we dealing with the fact that echo used to be a 'reg' but due to his death doesn't feel like he fits in anymore are we talking about that. no ok. also we are in the final season and omega and echo are like the only ones that want to rescue the clones that are being experimented on.

also the way the plot has been going is driving me bonkerssss okay so first of all did anybody actually get some sort of clarity about how the chips worked from what they did because i sure didn't!! can we get some consistency!!! crosshair's stint being an imperial also doesn't feel like it's really been explained. ok you gave your loyalty to the wrong people why did you do that in the first place when every other bb member did not. i guess there had to be some interpersonal conflict before they could just face up to the bigger one (and there's only so much they can do there due to established canon) but way too many of crosshair's actions in the early seasons feels inexcusable!! and at the same time i loved the episode with mayday but at what costttt like we've already seen him get orders to kill civilians and go okay we're doing this and when the people he's in charge of don't want to he does it anyways. maybe it has been too long since i watched it but there's too many pieces that don't feel like they mesh into a full 'character redemption'. and i like crosshair like half the time which is why it's so frustrating.

speaking of plot threads. there are two episodes left. where is cody? i know i'm a bit biased because he is one of my favorite characters but there was sooo much in the solitary clone episode that felt like it was hinting at 'cody is testing the waters to see if crosshair will defect with him' and then he doesn't get the response he was hoping for so he leaves by himself. 'it appears he's gone awol' ok cool will we ever see him again? is there a larger role he's fit into? it feels like the episode with rex and his clones would have been a good opportunity to see him again (maybe slightly messy so just like a mention? at least? considering i'm convinced crosshair is the only one like in the universe who knows he's defected?). one episode and that's it no mention again what are we doing here. especially with rampart back (who i have a side beef with - yeah they all hate him and are using him but part of me feels like they're trying to do a bit of a kallus with him which i do not want because it is not earned storytelling wise. if he dies whatever if he betrays them i'll be annoyed) who was also there telling crosshair that cody left like......hi.

maybe this is just my frustration with how much recent star wars is doing to shore up the 'somehow palpatine has returned' plotline but there are other stories i wish the bad batch was telling and i am just not getting that. and maybe i'll be happier if it turns out that they announce another clone project but as it stands it feels like they're sort of wrapping up anything they would do with them? which is making me crazy because there's sooo much untapped potential that not even the clone wars touched because half the time it was going 'this is the anakin and ahsoka show and the clones die a lot'. (which is a very uncharitable take of a show i enjoy a lot i just have had enough of anakin forever and ahsoka is a character i love but would love more if every time we got a chance to dive into a specific culture it ended up just being her story....which is my way to say that i wish totj was about The Jedi and not Dooku and Ahsoka. SORRY)

what was i saying. um. anyways i really want to like them and a lot of the time i do and maybe i am just being more of a hater because i have felt largely unfulfilled by this show in general but. oh i just remembered i can't believe everyone is so sad about tech dying because i don't know if they really earned that sadness for me. and i am a big fan of both characters remaining dead and characters coming back from the grave but i think people are going to be disappointed when it turns out that tech did actually die and CX-2 is a clone with all of the bad batch traits mixed together (just my theory which is also probably wrong). anyways i think the most emotionally impacted i was was during the solitary clone AND at the end of the episode with mayday.

also the underutilization of characters is like a consistent problem echo will disappear with a throwaway line for multiple episodes at a time and will show back up to deliver a ship and be with them again and then separate. they have barely devoted any time to him. he has not gotten to change and grow. he has gotten to go on side missions with rex that we don't see to rescue his brothers which is something that i think would be important to show because echo's introduction to the bad batch is being saved from the enemy by his brothers!!! but he is there so that they can use his skills and then he leaves. i really hope they've been taking him off screen because they plan on doing something else with him otherwise it just feels. lazy.

none of this is cohesive. sorry. i am maybe also representing some of these things more extremely than i actually feel about them. i am not the only opinion in the universe. i am just deeply unsatisfied by this final season and it is getting dire

[c0ntr01z3d]

Headstrong

Day 1 and 2

What are you doing, Gabó? You start typing, then you delete your thoughts and start it again. Even when you're writing this, you can't help but smash the backspace button overtime.

Let's start a new paragraph. Everything you've typed cannot be deleted, how about that? Well... Now you've slowed down a bit, right? You control your stream of consciousness this time. Nice.

So... I've just started to write a blog. About everything that makes my mind spin. And now I'll share some of the things that REALLY make my mind spin:

distancing myself from materialism (as I'm reading Fumio Sasaki's book on minimalism)

long-distance relationships (as my boyfriend is going to be in the Netherlands to finish his studies for 3 months)

long-distance journeys (as my boyfriend and I are going to spend 2 weeks in Washington State this July - fingers kept crossed)

As you see, finding a connection between these three things is suprisingly easy. The notion of distance has played a pretty influential role in my life so far: I could always identify pretty serious issues with it, especially in my last two years at university and... right here, right now (check out Freakin' Disco btw). So, I really want to examine myself and reflect on how I can get on with the three points I've mentioned above. But to really see the full picture, I need to write about what happened yesterday - everything boils down to this.

I had a pretty good day, to be honest: the last day of school (I work as a secondary school teacher), a lovely afternoon with my bestie (having lunch, drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, talking while sitting on the bench in mild spring weather). After she had gone, my boyfriend arrived home (I always like when he steps in my flat - he has a very calming presence, he's always full of love). We sat down in our dining library and drank some tea together as per usual. That was when he told me his good news: he got admission to do one of his remaining courses he needs to do in order to get his degree (he is studying aerospace engineering by the way - I know, I know, I know, it's sooo cool, it goes without saying). But the problem is that his university is in Delft, which is roughly 1200 kilometres away from our hometown, Pécs, Hungary (I've just checked it, you can trust this information).

Of course, we knew, I knew that one day this is going to happen - he still needs to be there for some months in order to finish his studies, completely understandable. BUT when it becomes real, it really tears you apart (love tears us apart, right?). Not easy to imagine being far away from someone who's that close to you, literally in all walks of life. But that's life, I guess. Still, it makes you terrified, makes you uncertain. Am I strong enough to be in such a relationship? We had to spend 2-3 weeks away from the other in January-February, and it was pretty hard for me. Distance makes me (even more) fragile.

But this time I need to be strong. I need to be consciously headstrong about this relationship. Not letting myself and my teammate down. This is why I'm blogging. I hope it'll help not to forget this: 5 months ago we decided to be a team, and make each other's life happier and easier. That's the mission to be completed. Doesn't sound that hard in theory. We just need to put our mind to it. Let's see how it goes.

Drop the mic and listen to Tegan and Sara, it soothes your teenage rabbit mind.

[patbwaifs]

it's tuesday my dudes

i forgot to take my meds last night and this morning, so i had a headache all day, but it went away as soon as I took my meds tonight. hahhh. Just finished working out a bit too.

this is what my desktop pretty much looks like all the time (sans legal documents)

I am so so serious about creating a consistent art style so I can make visual novels. My "main goal" right now is to "rewrite" Detroit via visual novel to practice branching gameplay and also rewrite a few scenes and story lines (like Kara and Alice.) Obviously, to recreate the entire game would be nuts. The main thing is to learn how to make visual novels in general, so I'm gonna start with specific scenes and then kinda go out from there.

I also want to write a fanfiction for D:BH. I started drafting it out. The first time is never perfect but I gotta start somewhere with storytelling, and for now, I'm borrowing these characters...

But my art style is pretty obviously going in a certain direction. Ghost in the shell was one of the first anime movies I ever saw (along with Adolescence of Utena. That was definitely an experience) And while I want each of my portraits to look like they "match" I also need to remember that I can still change and vary things up. That's kinda the main reason Markus and North are not 100% complete. The point wasn't to draw a finished portrait of them but to explore and practice a style. I like to think I'll go back once I gain more skill and draw finished portraits of the main D:BH cast.

One thing I really like about using D:BH to practice my art is that there are a variety of different characters to draw, from race to age and beyond.

This styles similarities to realism do throw me off though. I keep wanting to steer into realistic proportions but since it's not my intention from the outset, things get weird fast. Thankfully, I'm a lot better about starting over, reworking sketches and concepts, than I used to be. Before, I would have been tortured to even think about starting over on Amelia's portrait, but now? I want to make a proper portrait of her, in oil pastel. Not in procreate with my illustration tools. (I haven't shown yall my oil pastel rizz yet, hee hee)

On an unrelated note

I talked a bit with my best friend about my headspace around the Decharts' streams (and positive spaces in general) but i was still in oof ouch head hurty mode so I didn't get much out, but she was like "yeah. positivity vibe exposure therapy." I did catch their stream today but it was right when I had to go to the mechanic/dealership.

and boy, is my car a piece of work. I always done knew it too!!! But I need to be more assertive about taking care of it instead of feeling like my Abba is the only one who can decide when things get replaced and when. But i need new tires last week :/

He's throwing a route tonight too. I hope it's all boring and safe.

Gah, i had something else I wanted to talk about but it's escaped me.

Doing things in general has been easier.

I worry about when school starts. I have this gnawing feeling that I need to take a full course load but I know, consciously, that if I do it will end badly.

Although I'm trying to build better self-care habits over the summer so I don't get completely blindsided again. It's just, when I get drowned in a project, it can be hard to pull myself up and do the things I know help me. Like I can't work on my project as well if I don't take the moment to take my medication. gahhhh. but in each moment is eternity, so why would i take an eternity to do something else?

I guess that's my default way of thinking. Maybe that's why things are so intense so often unless I dislodge my brain from the world.

There's something about the Decharts' streams and other thing similar that makes it hard for me to zone out/dissociate/focus on something else/some variation of that. I can't ignore it. And then it's just sensory overload. I think when i feel emotions it's sensory overload first. and then whatever the emotion is second.

I've been trying to let myself feel things about silly android game. As long as it's not guilt. I am trying not feel guilty for liking this game so much. Like what's the use in feeling weird and bad about listening to the soundtrack. gahh the blood is draining from my fingers again.

Speech therapy today went well too.

goodnight yall.

[mypunkpansexualtwin]

🖊+ that big woman from that thyris post

You. I like you, anon.

That's my girl Thaavia, the paladin I'm playing in a friend's homebrew dnd setting. Thaavia Elanigo, aka Paladin Godbarter. Thaavia to her friends, Godbarter or Paladin to everyone else.

She's not just big, she's massive. 38 years old, 8'3 and 506 pounds, frequently carrying upwards of 150-200 pounds of gear. She's also a healer with an intentionally awful bedside manner as far as attitude (plenty of folks who took her taking care of them with 16 charisma the wrong way and she's just trying to nip that whole mess in the bud) but otherwise very careful and very professional as far as actual care.

As far as paladins go, she's not actually super devout to her god; her oaths more boiled down to "I do good deeds in your name, you give me power to do them so I can help people, we both benefit." Thus the name Godbarter. The moment she's forced to choose between her deity and people, she's probably gonna get her ass labelled as a heretic, to the point that I actually made a homebrew paladin subclass because I just wasn't vibing with Oathbreaker. (Might include it under a cut cause I can't publish it on official dndbeyond since it uses spells that aren't in the base books)

I have about 100000 screenshots of minis I made of her, so let's see if I can pare it down to my favorites. (Side note, I've gotten pretty damn good at making expressive as hell minis in hero forge.)

She's got a twin brother that's she's fiercely protective of, even when he's being a pyromaniac pain in her ass.

If you've got any specific questions, hit me with them cause my brain is a little bit pudding this week, more so than usual.

Aaand as a bonus, have some hypothetical Hubris Paladin Thaavia

(also Vow, the wedding sword just recently presented to her by de-luka's boy Lucy)

[moved2usagiiboo]

Daydreaming

Def; Daydreaming is the stream of consciousness that detaches from current, external tasks when attention drifts to a more personal and internal direction. 

Synonyms; Trance, fantasy, Hallucination

Chifuyu x fem!reader

Minors DNI, thank you.

You were stunning, enticing, gorgeous. You were a angel sent down from heaven with the job of blessing young men's hearts. You shined bright like the rays on a sunny day.

You were his everything and yet you weren't his. As a matter of fact, he barely knew anything about you but you have him wrapped around your delicate finger. He was whipped.

Chifuyu met you one day, when he had been tasked with a mid-day coffee run for him and his co-worker. He walked into the café, the smell of coffee and pastries engulfed his noise, it was a small cat café not too far from where he worked. Nothing more than a five minute walk, Chifuyu heard cats meow and purred as they rubbed against his pants.

He bent down rubbing the head of the nearest cat to him, he lifted the cat up cradling it as he walked towards the menu.

"Hi! Welcome to Neko-Sama, what can I get for you today." You beamed at him from behind the counter with the softest smile. Your voice rung in his ears like a soft melody, your smile made heat rush to his face in an instant.

You had your hair in pigtails with pink and white cat ears, and a frilly maid costume draped over your body. You shuffled your body feeling Chifuyu's eyes look you up and down eyeing your attire.

You were adorable.

You stared at the man with cat like eyes, you catched your eyes with his before turning away and giving an awkward cough to clear the air.

"Wow, Tuba doesn't really like anybody..." You drifted off, "Much less let people hold her, you must be a great guy!"

"Tuba?" He questioned earning a small meow from the ginger cat that was in his arms nuzzling his head on his arm. "O-Oh! Well, I do work with animals, that's probably why." He chuckles softly petting the cat.

"That's amazing, I got this job here to work with animals. I adore cats, they're just so cute." You practically squealed, "Sorry! M'rambling" You looked down with a slight your ears slightly red from embarrassment.

The only thing that ran through Chifuyu's head was how adorable you were. Would it be weird if he asked for your number? You both just met, but he can't help but want to know more about you.

"N-No, no, not at all. Honestly, I thought it was cute..." He says the last part ever so softly, tightening his grip on the cat due to nervousness. The cat bites Chifuyu's hand in response jumping out of his arms, "Oh.. Guess I pissed him off." You both laughed at the cat as you watched him lick himself in spite.

For a split second you both lock eyes, you turn your head down to the iPad on the counter before beaming a smile at him.

"So! What can I get for you today?"

Ever since then Chifuyu has found reasons to make his way to the café. His co-worker caught onto him leaving work to bring back coffee and various snacks, one day he asked him about it.

"I like the coffee." He plainly replied, he would repeat this phrase over and over not only to those who asked about his constant ventures to the café but to convince himself that it wasn't because he wanted to hear your voice and see your face.

Totally not because he hopes that his constant visits would bring upon something. Something more than small talk as you prepared his drink, he convinced himself that he didn't want to be the reason you smile everyday.

You weren't running through his mind, he couldn't be in love with a girl be barely knows.

But the way you blush when he gives you small compliments, it's just too cute to ignore.

Over the course of a few months you and the man got closer, you learn his name and he yours. You were both around the same age, 23, you still being in college working towards your degree and him owning a animal shop.

One day, on a cold winter evening Chifuyu found himself at the café once again. So far he has been to Neko-Sama almost everyday. Naturally, being the animal person he is, he has created a bond with the cats there. Especially Tuna.

Tuna meows the loudest whenever Chifuyu is in the establishment, that's when you begin to prepare his drink. His order changes with the season, as any good barista does, you remember his orders for each season.

Being that it's winter you prepare his drink, a medium peppermint hot chocolate with extra whipped cream. You found it cute how a grown man would order such a cute drink.

"Good evening Chifuyu-san." You smiled placing his drink at his regular table. He takes off his coat setting it down on the seat next to him.

"I told you to drop the formalities, we're the same age Y/n." He sighs, softly thanking you for preparing his drink. He blows the steam away before taking a sip.

"I can't help it, you just seem so much older " You giggle before sitting next to him on the booth couch.

"Should I call you Fuyu' from now on?" You tapped your chin with a hum pretending to think.

"Do what you want, dummy Y/n." He mutters, hoping you're unaware of the burn on the tip of his ears.

Tuna jumped his way onto the seat laying on Chifuyu's coat, his purrs nothing more than a background sound as you and Chifuyu indulge in a conversation.

"And look at this, the new cat is so playful," Chifuyu chuckles pulling his phone out, "Look, she basically destroyed this toy we gave her." He shows you pictures of the cat along with the aftermath of her playtime. You giggle as he swiped through his phone.

This wasn't your fault. You could barely see the screen because of the glare from the lights, you shift your body closer to him. Chifuyu freezes as he feels your clothed breasts push up against him as you stare at his screen unaware of your actions.

"You okay?" You ask staring at his face, cupping it with your hands. His whole body locked up at your touch, his face was bright red with sweat heading down the side of his temple. "You're burning up!" You half screen putting the back of your hand on his forehead, "Are you sick?" You frantically ask while gripping the man's face.

"M'fine.. Just" He trails off, looking at your glistening lips, "Dizzy...."

"Fuyu, you idiot. You need to go home when you don't feel well..." You sighed, "Come on let me walk you home, my shift is over anyways."

Chifuyu waited outside feeling dizzy off of your touch, his head throbbed and his heart pounded. Maybe he was sick.

"Sorry it took so long, Tuna didn't want to go in his cage..." You sigh locking up, you looked at Chifuyu and worry spread across your face. Chifuyu's chest heaved up and down heavily, he looked out of breath as if he ran a marathon.

You quickly take off your scarf and wrapped it around his neck, he softly gasped at the sudden action.

"Let's get you home, yeah?" You lock arms with him and following him as he walked to his apartment. You missed the way his face got brighter as he smelt your scent on the scarf. You said your goodbyes telling him to take medicine and get a good night's rest.

He kicked off his shoes and stripped down on his way to the shower feeling lightheaded, after his shower he took his medicine like you told him to, he wasted no time getting into his bed not before grabbing your scarf and wrapping it around his neck. He ignored the cries of his cat as he tried to drift off to sleep trying to forget the throbbing pain in his head.

ミ❣️That night he couldn't sleep, maybe it was the throbbing pain in his head or the nauseous feeling he'd get everytime he would shift his body.

ミ❣️Or possible it was the fact that everytime he closed his eyes he saw you, your smile, heard your voice, felt your touch.

ミ❣️Your hands were soft, oh so plush.

ミ❣️And your lips, the way they glistened due to the lip gloss you would constantly put on for worry your lips would dry out.

ミ❣️He couldn't forget your whines and pouts when he would call you, "dummy y/n" a nickname you acquired after spraining your ankle slipping while trying to give Tuna a bath.

ミ❣️The way you would stick out your bottom lip, your eyes would shine as if you were about to cry when he had to leave early...

ミ❣️You were adorable, his perfect little angel.

ミ❣️He drifts off daydreaming about every aspect of you that he loves, its a innocent little crush.

ミ❣️He begins to drift off about the way you dress, those pink cat ears that jingle everytime you move. That slutty maid costume that barely covered your ass. Those adorable stripped thigh highs that covered your thighs, pushing up the fat to the uncovered part of your upper thighs.

ミ❣️He nuzzled his flushed face into the scarf engulfing his nose in your sweet scent. It smelt like the fragrance you would constantly wear...

ミ❣️What was it again?

ミ❣️Fuck, he can't think straight trying to remember the name of your perfume makes his head hurt.

ミ❣️But thinking about how you would bend down he would get a full view of your plush cheeks made his cock hurt.

ミ❣️The way you would shake and sway your hips with each step you took.

ミ❣️He isn't in the right headspace, his mind has drifted away from his body. He's long gone, he lost all control of his actions.

ミ❣️Chifuyu is needy, the thoughts go right to his cock. His length twitched with every memory of you.

ミ❣️When did he pull his pants down to his knees?

ミ❣️When did his breath become broken and eratic?

ミ❣️He doesn't know how he ended feeling his dick through his underwear, how he began to fist his dick, all curled up in a ball, trying to release.

ミ❣️His other hand pulling the scarf closer to his nose to take deep inhales.

ミ❣️Chifuyu's voice becomes audible as soft groans leave his mouth.

ミ❣️Nothing more than pre-cum dripped from the tip of his angry cock as he aggressively jerked his hand up and down the length of his shaft, gripping it harder trying to get friction.

ミ❣️He just needed to cum.

ミ❣️It wasn't working. He spat in his hand, rolling into his back. He pr sses his thumb onto his tip. He hissed in pain as a electric jolt shot through his body.

ミ❣️His proud cock standing tall as he moved his hand up and down while simultaneously slightly thrusting his hips upwards. He clicked his tongue in annoyance when it just.. wasn't working.

It wasnt you

ミ❣️Chifuyu pulled his pillow from his head, shifting his position once more, laying back on his side, putting his cock onto the surface of the pillow. He slowly humped his pillow, grinding his dick into the pillow.

ミ❣️He found himself wondering what you were doing right now, if at night you played with yourself.

ミ❣️No, no, not that. He wondered how well you would take him, if you'd scream his name, begging him to go faster, calling him all sorts of names,

ミ❣️Daddy

ミ❣️Master

ミ❣️ They would sound so pretty coming out of your mouth

ミ❣️As he claimed your pussy as his spraying your insides with his cum.

ミ❣️Nah, you were too innocent for that... You were the type of girl to blush when somebody accidentally touches your hand of gives you a compliment.

ミ❣️If anything you would fail to understand why your core was heating up, desperate to feel something inside you but not understanding the meaning.

ミ❣️That's it, you'd come to him crying asking for him to help you feel better.

ミ❣️He groaned at the thought of him placing his hand around your throat while tongue fucking your mouth. You would struggle to kiss back as he roughly explored your mouth with his tongue. Your knees would buckle from the pleasure. He would pick you up, holding the back of your knees, gently grinding his hard cock against your sex.

ミ❣️He would treat you like a princess.

ミ❣️Laying on your back as you hurried to take your soaking panties off, your slick juices leaving a single string that was attached to your panties, proof that you were wetting your undergarments like a dirty slut.

ミ❣️Your face would be red as you shamelessly tell him in the softest tone.

ミ❣️"Want you so bad Fuyu'"

ミ❣️Fuck, his thrusts became more erratic, his knuckles turning white from his tight grip on his pillow.

ミ❣️Yeah, you'd call him by his nickname as you begged him to claim you, ruin you.

ミ❣️He imagine him sinking his fingers, he'd start with one not wanting to hurt you. Your tight untouched cunt tightly squeezing his finger. You would already be a moaning mess, Fuyu was talking all your firsts.

ミ❣️Your slightly loosened sex would take in another finger. You would try your best to muffle your slutty moans as he fingers your soaking pussy. You'd cover your mouth with your hand as his finger curled inside of you hitting that spot that made your toes curl and eyes widen.

ミ❣️You'd moan his name, begging him to stop. It felt weird, felt too good, something was coming.

ミ❣️He'd give you your first orgasm with his fingers, you had drool dripping from the corner of your mouth, your face was red. You were already so fucked out on his fingers.

ミ❣️He felt his cock twitch with these thoughts. He mindlessly began to fuck his pillow into the mattress, his body now on top of the pillow as he grinded on top of the pillow.

ミ❣️He'd have you suck on his fingers tasting yourself as he began to eat you out. His tongue slipping in and out of your slit, naughty slurping sounds emitted from the room as he throat fucked you with his digits that were once in your pussy. His nose would occasionally hit your lip causing you to arch your back pushing his tongue deeper inside you.

ミ❣️You love being eaten out huh? Love it when daddy fucks you with his tongue. Such a dirty little thing.

ミ❣️All the dirty things he could think of seeps from his mouth, while eating you out. He'd bring you to another orgasm with ease.

ミ❣️"Y/n, fuck, m'gonna cum" Chifuyu grunted out in a out of breath voice, he felt his cock spurt out his cum into his pillow, yet he wasn't satisfied.

ミ❣️He leaned back onto his shins, his knees pressing into the bed as he lifted the pillow up, slipping his cock into the pillow cover.

ミ❣️He wasn't done yet, your pussy would be twitching, eager to take his cock. You eyes would be begging him to fuck you into the mattress.

ミ❣️"Gonna fuck my princess dumb." He muttered out to nobody as he thrusted upwards into the pillow. His thrusts were shameless and aggressive as he pounded his pillow like a dog in heat.

ミ❣️His moans were loud as he muttered filthy things about you.

ミ❣️He would slip his cock into you, kissing away the tears from your eyes.

ミ❣️His cock was just too big, his dumb baby couldn't take it. The stretch hurt. Daddy made it fit though. Daddy will make you feel so good. Pretty girl.

ミ❣️He'd let you adjust waiting for you to give him the okay, he would start of slow, giving you small thrusts to get you used to the size of him. Deep passionate thrusts that said how much he loved you.

ミ❣️You would have the most beautiful moans and whines, he could listen to them all day. He would kiss you and your body till it bruised.

ミ❣️You'd beg him to fuck you, he would do just that. Slamming his hips into yours causing you to scream out his nickname, one of his hands would be on your thigh squeezing it oh so tight getting a good grip for when he pulls his cock out and slams your bodies into each other, fucking you senseless. While the other kept your mouth busy, occasionally taking his fingers out of your mouth to kiss you deeply bruising your lips with his.

He'd watch your every expression.

ミ❣️"Your pussy was made for me, look how well you're taking it. Doing so good"

ミ❣️Your eyes would cross as your tongue rolled out, you'd pants and beg for him to slow down. You didn't really want that, no, not when he was making you feel this good. The way you would arch your back, grind your hips into his, wrap your arms around his neck and grip his hair as you moaned louder with each thrust told him everything he needed to know.

ミ❣️You wanted more, you're greedy aren't you?

ミ❣️"My pretty little cocksleeve"

ミ❣️Chifuyu felt himself getting closer to his high, but he wanted to cum with you.

ミ❣️No, you weren't here.

ミ❣️His hand would make it to your clit giving it a soft slap before his thumb rubbed it in circles. You'd start cursing because of how good it felt. Telling him you wanted more, how you were about to cum, how much you wanted him to cum in you.

ミ❣️You would adore it, he knows it. You'd be such a cum hungry slut for him, no matter when or where you'd want him to cum in your tight pussy.

ミ❣️"Fuck, fuck— so good, Y/n— yer' pussy so good" Chifuyu cursed out as he imagined you creaming his cock the same time as he slammed his dick in you once more before spraying your insides white with his cum. Your body would shake as you had your final orgasm feeling so full.

ミ❣️"Fuck... Fuck, fuck, shit, fuck!" Chifuyu cursed out realizing what he just did, he felt a wave of guilt as he felt his dick go limp after fucking his pillow to the thought of you like a madman.

ミ❣️He rushed into the shower, almost falling off his bed in a panic mode. He tried to wash it off, tried to wash off the sin of moaning your name while he fucked his pillow like some highschool horn dog.

ミ❣️He hoped you'd forgive him, he prayed you would.. You couldn't ever find out what he did, you'd label him as a pervert.

ミ❣️Maybe he was one.

ミ❣️He couldn't look himself in the mirror, too ashamed to face himself.

ミ❣️Chifuyu threw the pillow away before curling back in bed chanting soft apologies to nobody. He'd wrap his body in his blanket nuzzling his face back into your scarf as he drifting off final able to sleep.

ミ❣️The next morning you didn't understand why Chifuyu refused to make eye contact with you...

It was supposed to be a short drabble.... 500 works max 🤧🔫 anywaysssss

@baji-kuns hope you liked it 🙄 #Chifuyu'sAHoe

[fishstyx]

it's always the quiet ones.

featuring. fushiguro megumi x fem!reader

wc. 1.4k

genre. dark/taboo, smut

tw. 18+ nsfw, noncon, intoxication/alcohol, anal penetration, virginity, choking, dacryphilia, creampie

synopsis. a little bit of jungle juice and megumi is skipping bases.

Megumi tries not to think about it sober. 

That is, what it’d feel like with one hand wrapped around your neck, breath bated as he preps your asshole with the other. Would tears well up in your eyes as he forces his cock into your twitching heat? Would cum spill from your gaping hole when he finishes inside you?

He’s way ahead of himself and he knows it, doesn’t have the slightest clue what your other hole feels like—hasn’t had a single taste of you in bed before. He’s doing his best to curb his curiosity, really, but lately he’s finding it harder and harder to put his demons to sleep when he’s got a little something in his system.

You’re not exactly in your right mind either, tonight, clinging to his arm at the party when you know it’s all he can do just to tolerate the slightest amount of PDA. But the throng of moving bodies swallows you whole and it feels like just the two of you in this time and space; you’re only able to hear each other over the blaring music anyway, as if the reality between you both is the only one that truly exists.

But then you’re wobbling in place, antsy movements signaling your approaching departure when he’s been secretly hoping that you’ll never let go. Your words come out a slur, a poorly pronounced “‘m going to the bathroom,” no vowel left unstretched as you peel away and turn your heel.

And as much as Megumi would love to play it cool, to wait for you by the door like a responsible boyfriend should, the curve of your ass in your favorite night time outfit lures him in behind you. You’re so out of it that you don’t even notice when the door shuts closed.

It’s all a blur from the moment you realize you’re not alone in the bathroom. He’s crept upon you unawares, was probably the one to lock the door properly when you completely forgot to. And if the mirror’s reflection wasn’t proof enough, he’s hunched over you now, lips barely grazing your ear as he whispers:

“I bet we could get away with it in here.”

And you giggle.

A fit of giggles.

A string of them, all stitched together by a stray hiccup or two as you raise your arms in compliance.

“I bet we could.”

You never would’ve guessed that your first time would be in a place like this, surrounded by people yet visible to no one. You can feel the thump of the music even from here, the beat of the bass still thrumming at your feet, familiar pop melody buzzing in your bones.

Is this really Megumi? My Megumi? you question in fragmented wonder, but the thought quickly dissipates as he gets you undressed. It’s such a freeing change of pace from the oppressive air that hangs outside, a heavy blanket of heat and perspiration and sweat-slicked clothing.

You’re still laughing when his pants drop, head swirling in dizzying anticipation. Because it all feels so surreal, how honest you’re being, how honest he’s being. He’s hardly ever let his touch wander before, yet now he’s pressing his hard on against that perfect ass of yours, hands ghosting over your thighs and up your chest as he rocks his hips into you.

You’re still laughing when he tugs at your underwear. He could do this all night long, dry hump himself to completion again and again if only that were enough for you, too—but the wet patch evidenced by the fabric reminds him otherwise.

You’re still laughing when his fingers meet your slick, laughing at how someone’s banging the door while your boyfriend pets your leaking slit, laughing and laughing and laughing. It’s sloppy work at best, but he’s buzzed and you’re buzzed, the core of your body practically singing with praises at his every touch. It reeks of booze and stink and sour and you can’t get enough of it. You push your sweet spot into the palm of his hand in an attempt to help him out, unable to hide your disappointment when he draws back unexpectedly.

But then he’s thumbing at your neglected little puckered asshole, painting it glossy with your own dripping juices. It’s been distracting him this whole time, after all, practically presenting itself to him from this angle—wholly unbeknownst to you yourself. You stiffen, pressing your back flush into his chest, so very sure that he couldn’t possibly be into that.

“Gumi, that’s the wrong hole,” you say, voice hushed as you try to move his hand away, but it’s no use. Your eyes widen in panic as he pushes you down with ease, full weight anchoring you to the sink countertop. He’s never made show of it but he’s clearly much stronger, undoubtedly several times the brawn needed to overpower you. Your legs kick as his thumb sinks deeper—a knuckle? Two knuckles? Not that it really matters, since either way...

You’re not laughing anymore.

Because the person behind you, the one who’s ignoring your words of protest as he replaces his thumb with a pair of fingers, scissoring you apart exactly where you told him not to—that person is most definitely not your Megumi.

The knocking at the door has stopped; the silence is deafening.

And all of a sudden, you feel utterly alone.

“Megumi, it burns,” you plead, voice climbing until you can finally separate it from the thunderous quietude, but he only holds you down by the neck, spitting on his fingers before reworking your walls. 

It’s hard for you to stand still like this, but you can’t tell if your legs are shaking out of fatigue or in reaction to his ministrations. You struggle to deliberate—the sensation in your ass morphing into something familiar yet strange—while Megumi simply decides it’s the latter.

There’s little warning when he deems you ready. He comes to full halt in an instant, the instant when he finally snaps and can’t bear to wait another second. He doesn’t even give himself time to admire his handiwork, doesn’t relish in the way that your walls flutter around nothing the moment he pulls out. The very next moment, he finds himself violating you past the point of no return instead.

It feels impossibly full. 

You scramble for purchase on the counter as he doubles back, your forehead nearly hitting the mirror when he lurches forward again, desperate to relieve his pent-up fantasies.

“Holy shit, it’s tight,” he hisses, as if he isn’t fucking his lover but just some onahole fleshlight. With gritted teeth he snaps his hips repeatedly, chokehold stiffening as the pace devolves into rhythmless abandon. It feels new, it feels weird, it feels like nothing you’ve ever felt before. Your mind fumbles to make sense of it, forever oscillating between ‘oddly satisfying’ and ‘downright disgusting.’

All streams of consciousness seem to freeze when he hits a spot so sensitive you think you’re paralyzed from the waist down. You’re set ablaze, the pressure leaving you tingling and confused. Even when he misses the mark your body screams for more, pulsating with primal need.

You feel lightheaded, lack of airflow one of the few things you can focus on, and Megumi swears he can feel you suddenly clamp down on him. Every noise is blurring into each other, from your fruitless whines to the sound of his balls slapping your skin, and you can hardly tell up from down when he blows his load.

Maybe that’s what sends you over the edge: the warmth that fills your abused insides as if to reward them for all their trouble. No, you’re not cumming. You’re crying, the release of your frustration rolling off your cheeks and falling flat on the countertop, the only reprieve from the unfamiliar feeling, warm and sticky and unfair in your injured hole.

Megumi’s too busy riding out his orgasm to notice, grip on your neck loosening as you milk out the last of his semen. He watches the place where your bodies connect with intent, the thought of pulling out never quite crossing his mind. His gaze doesn’t so much as falter until you’re oozing his seed, his wildest dreams come true in vivid quality.

It’s only when he catches your eye in the mirror that he sees the trails of tears that stain your face, admires the way they catch the light when you shake your head, “No more, please stop, it’s too much…”

He hardens instantly.

🏷️ @levisbrattiestbrat

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