#guys i am having a lot of feelings about my industry lately i'm just really emotional ok

[icehot13]

lolol i got that california DOJ newsletter and there’s a picture of the google building in it and i was so!!! “I BUILT THAT!!! that’s us!!!” and then i saw the headline is ‘suing google for unfair monopoly’ so this isn’t about how cool the building we built them is, huh, that’s fine, i get it, it’s cool you don’t have to say anything about it

like they lifted the roof with cranes and stuff, but like, it’s fine. we don’t have to make a big deal out of it.

[littlestpersimmon]

Hey friends! Sorry if this is a bit annoying, but was wondering if I could have a bit of an art boost. Been feeling super down. Experiencing no growth on twitter, and it's where I get all my work clients ;-; I'm desperately hoping for a break from industry work, and my only chances of freelance is twitter until bluesky takes off 😞 I'm hoping to open commissions on twitter soon on late November, bc on tumblr its a bit hard to find clients. Would really, really, really appreciate the art boost if you like my art! I'm Caleb- I'm an indigenous trans guy from the central Philippines. Im autistic and also hoping for a pots diagnosis as soon as I have more stability. I like drawing fairytale-like art, art that centers trans men, and I'm passionate about asian cultures in general..!

Being freelance on twitter and tumblr singlehandedly took me out of homelessness, managed to fix my sisters teeth and mine own, helped me get real treatment for ocd.. and I want to keep my lifeline as long as possible! I am only in my 20s, and I have a lot of plans n dreams to make comics around southeast asian culture and philippine history.. so I super appreciate any art boost! This is my only wish for the holidays. Thank you so much for reading..!!

Sorri, links are still broken on tumblr, but here is the link, just delete the a href and it should work

[bibimbinge]

Mark Pakin appreciation post cause why not

THIS IS MARK.

Hes a cutie and I am convinced we are buddies (I have never met this man irl in my life)

teensy background on him, he was a professional badminton player before he decided he wanted to try out acting.. which btw an insane move cause we saw him play in Starlympics, mans have SKILLS!!

Like everyone, he started with a tiny role to test the waters. Yall wanna know what was his first role was??

He was Teh’s college roommate in I Promised You The Moon!! *sidenote @ MARK PAKIN BRING BACK THE LONG WAVY HAIR PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE

This was way before BKPP was as huge as they are now but still!! What an iconic debut amirite!!

Anyway, I wanted to write an appreciation post cause we saw with our very own eyes how fast he grew as an actor. In just a year he played 4 characters who are in very different age groups going through very different things. Not an easy task to pull off but he did it. He did it all so well!!!

We got Mark as a high schooler (Thiu in My School President)

Mark played two dudes in their early 20s (Saleng in Moonlight Chicken & Nick in Only Friends)

AND Mark ins his late 20s / late young-adulthood (Night in Last Twilight)

this is ALL WITHIN A YEAR!! after the teeny role in IPYTM he immidiately got signed under GMM and got. to. WORK!

and this isn’t counting him originally getting casted in Cooking Crush before having to do a re-cast cause… well obviously he was over-booked.

What is up with the Marks of the world and wanting to be constantly busy??? We got Mark Lee debuting like 5 different groups + as a solo artist and now we got Mark Pakin who’s booked more roles than many actors whos been in the industry for as long as he has. LEARN TO TAKE A GOOD BREAK MY DUDES!!

anyway SKILLS!! This dude can act!! from playing a best friend whos fed up with his bestie being a loser over his crush to playing a guy committing crimes out of pure jealousy.. he has range and he improved a whole dang lot.

Compared to Mark in the warp effect where we saw him in like.. 10 scenes max.. to Mark as Night in Last Twilight which also about the same number of scenes ((so far)), he's done really good.

the greatest example is Mark as Nick.

duuuude when I tell ya, whenever he popped those heart eyes at Boston I was convinced I knew exactly what he was feeling. He did great at conveying feelings through his eyes and subtle body movements. When he cried, I cried even though Nick was in the wrong.. like he did great!! When he was jealous, I was jealous. I might be an empath who tends to mirror other peoples emotions OR it could just be.. he is THAT good.

Maybe I'm biased or whatever but I believe he's one of the upcoming thai actors you gotta look out for cause.. bros been getting that bag, and he will continue to do so and I will happily watch any series or movies he'll be in.

Alrighty I'm off to take a nap now 😴💤

im tagging a few people who listens to my rants because I love Mark and you should too. @dramalets @markpakin @drama-nonsense @mooniyuta @ayansbff

[olderthannetfic]

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/731506695576109056/i-recently-came-across-an-anti-ao3-blog-and-the#notes

I used to be one of those people who believed that age-gap ships groom people, because I'd been in the fandom for one where I saw 20-something adults using it to convince teens that romantic and sexual relationships with them were normal, and other people following those blogs responding with "aww there's nothing wrong with this 23-yro 'dating' a 13-yro age is just a number!" and it grossed me out and turned me against that ship. The vast majority of people into that ship weren't like that, but there was enough in one particular community that concerned me about how a ship like that could be used for something like that.

What convinced me otherwise was staying in fandom and seeing that - sadly - grooming occurs in all corners. It occurs in fandoms for ships that have nothing "concerning" about them. It occurs in gen fic fandom. It occurs in corners of fandom that have nothing to do with fanfiction - in fact, IME, that's where it tends to happen the most, as those are the corners of fandoms with the most cis dudes who seem to do the most grooming. Groomers are opportunistic. Sure, if you're both into a ship where it fits the narrative they want to sell about adult/teen romance being "normal," they'll use it, but if it's not that, it's something else. Simply being into an adult/teen relationship in fiction is in no way "enabling grooming" any more than any other fandom activity is, if you do the right thing and when you see a real 23-yro trying to have a "romance" with a real 13-yro, you call that shit out, alert authorities if you know enough to do so, rather than excuse it with "age is just a number."

I'm not sure there's really anything in fandom that "enables grooming" other than that fandom is a community where it's not considered unusual for teens to be friends with adults. I'm not sure how to "fix that" given that I know a lot of people have had positive experiences of those inter-generational friendships, as the adults they talked to were not creepy or boundary-pushing. Perhaps for fandom circles to do more to educate younger people about what kinds of behaviors in adults are inappropriate, and also to self-police, call out when you see adults becoming inappropriately close to teens, making inappropriate requests of them, etc.? I do have to say that as someone in my early 30s, I am fine sharing general spaces with teens but can't really see wanting to become close friends with someone I feel like I have so little in common with as far as life experience goes. It kind of weirds me out if anyone my age is becoming besties with a 16-yro and would automatically raise my red-flag radar.

But even then.... a few years ago, one of my fandom friend groups had to kick out a guy in his late 20s who turned out to be sexually assaulting people and grooming teens. And we had no idea about it, because he kept that friend circle where he was doing that completely separate from the friend circle I was in where we were all closer to his age or older and where he played the role of a good male feminist who supports rape and abuse victims because he was one too (his "rapist/abuser" turned out to be one of his victims that he was using DARVO against). Of course, he used his friendship with our group (which included a lot of BNFs and professionals in the industry) to make the young people in the other group feel like they wouldn't be supported if they spoke up. Thankfully, a few of them didn't listen, since he was wrong. But without someone having done that.... we would've had no way of knowing about what this guy was up to. He was talking to these people on different Internet spaces, at different cons, etc. On the one hand I was proud of my group for all kicking him out when we found out, but I also felt kind of powerless, how long we might've not known if a few of his victims hadn't decided to ignore his threats and speak up anyway.

--

[plenilune]

hello friends! I used to be Guy Who Does Nothing Ever for like the better part of ten years and now I'm become Guy Whose Schedule Is Too Packed (Good Way)? anyway I miss you and here and also I hate mobile tumblr but it would be so much easier to use tumblr and like chill here in a fun social way if my computer situation were not so dire that I am perpetually harnessed to my desk where the shitty desktop Corey liberated from work (managers thought it was broken bc they're too generationally wealthy to have really sat down and reckoned with bad technology before; it's just a really shit Acer) when I wish to do, non-phone things. anyway, recently I have accidentally unlocked some type of overall beneficial mania I am trying to ride out gently but that has made me become Make Stuff As Part Of My Identity and also have a lot of emotions all the time. I bought a big rolling craft cart (twice the size of the Michaels ones) off Facebook Marketplace for fifteen bucks and then Corey and I had breakfast-lunch (it deffo wasn't brunch) at a diner in the neighbourhood where our combined meals with sides and coffees totaled like sixteen dollars before tip. (this is detectivecore.) also I've started painting tshirts and I may take up the bass. I don't know who I am or what is happening too me but I am riding it all the way to the end of the goddamn track, okay!!!!!!! maybe I'm just better now!!! maybe I love to be alive!!!!!!! I've spent more of my life more or less passively suicidal than I have, not being that, since my early teens so this is like, okay. sure. nice. what. let's fucking go

anyway not to brag but to tell my isolated teenage self -- my isolated mid-twenties self! -- that fuck it, life can be great and weird and big someday even if you feel like it's too late to get in on it, my calendar for this week includes

goth/industrial drag king night at my favourite local queer bar

if I convince myself it's worth it to call in sick to work to go see HOUSE (1977) on the big screen and maybe sell some stuff to make up the lost income (money is tight lately), I will, uh, go see HOUSE (1977) on the big screen at my favourite local cinema. you may know about it, coincidentally. recently it advertised Oppenheimer's sexual proclivities and went viral about it, which made me very proud.

oh it's ~employee appreciation week~ at work this week and Saturday is uhhhh sports day when everyone is encouraged to wear sport, clothing, or whatever. well I participate in one sport (cycling) and consume another (...........Formula 1) and can't afford a Bianchi logo shirt on short notice, so I may simply have to paint a shirt with checkered flags and the legend FASTEST LAP. you know. for normal and wholesome reasons. to wear to work.

[mumble mumble might have a make stuff and make out date with a hot possum-in-human-guise I know who gave me a chicken bone as a token the last time we hooked up]

anyway hello friends! I MISSED YOU. let's take this one from the top.

[ivaspinoza]

Is there any interaction with a stranger recently that sticks in your mind? Or if not, a stranger you saw that you still remember for some reason? Also do you think you could beat me in a fist fight?

I've had such cool asks lately, and I do want to answer them all, but time is not on my side. Patience! What can a modern human being do besides getting angry at the Industrial Revolution at this point? And listen to some delta blues, I mean...

Let's go to the ask of the day, made by my beloved friend. I have a story for you related to faith.

Firstly, I absolutely can not beat you or anyone in a fist fight. Maybe if I get angry enough I could? I used to think I could never be violent until I've been through some shit that showed me why some people get violent. Not advocating for it at all, just saying it's a possibility for every human. That would never happen with you, though, because you're an angel.

As for a stranger's story, I must say: not only my memory is bad, but I am distracted all the time, so I rarely remember these situations. However, the other day, I was sitting on a bench downtown when this homeless man walked into me, asking for money. It was a very fortunate timing, for I was about to ask for a car and, "for some reason", I just waited a little longer — just enough for him to pass by and talk to me.

Well, I've seen lots of things in the streets, some really dangerous, some really sad, but this guy was not about to cause any trouble. He told me his story while I went through my purse. Not a single coin! I asked if he smoked and offered to roll him a cigarette. He almost cried: "Would you do that for me?"

At some point, he just went: "I can't blame anyone, not even God, for my life. It's bad choices I made, and the only reason I'm living through this hell is... me."

So I told him about my awful choices as well. I told him about my God and what He did for me. About forgiveness, about His Son on the cross, and then alive. He cried, asking if someone like him could have a second chance. "Jesus walked among sinners like us for a reason", I told him. "We make the wrong choices, but he doesn't".

"I could never get inside a church", he said, "but I guess God took you down here to talk to me!" If he only knew that a church is not a building... But I had no time to explain that. We prayed, we cried, and told me he believed. In fact, the most important thing he said was: "I don't know what happened, I really don't, but I met you as one person, and I'm leaving you a totally different one."

Of course, it was not me. I truly think that guy was born again on the spot. I've seen it happen a few times by now and there is this distinguished atmosphere about it. Not only that, but also a unique smell and taste that I feel at the back of my mouth. It's not something easy to explain, as it is truly supernatural. Although I have had many experiences, this one was remarkable. I still remember his eyes, shining, so full of life.

I met a stranger, but he was my brother. I don't think I will forget that at any time soon.

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

do you have any rich!Derek fics?? Like he’s super rich and moves Stiles in for some reason and then Sterek happens?? Love this blog!!

Hi anon. @kevaaronday found these for you!

Thank You For This Dance by matildajones

(62,463 | 26/26 | Mature | Sterek) Derek picks up another glass of champagne, and that’s when he sees him. A man stands at the edge of the room, chewing his lip and staring at the dance floor longingly. 

Every person walks past him. Derek must have done it a hundred times this evening. 

--

Derek is not one for dancing, but at a ball he meets Stiles, an orphan, and he becomes quickly attached. He does not care what other people think about Stiles' wealth and status, but it's a lot harder for Stiles to ignore the comments that have haunted him his whole life.

It's even harder to convince Stiles that Derek's feelings are genuine.

Rich Man, Poor Man by TyReed (58,055 | 10/10 | Mature | Sterek) During a first date gone horribly wrong, Stiles Stilinksi realizes that the snarky guy he's been asked out by is actually Derek Hale, an heir to Hale Industries, one of the most profitable companies in the entire world. Who is, for whatever reason, interested in the son of a teacher and a cop, a loser who spends all weekend watching movies in his pajamas, and who is also possibly one of the biggest dorks on the Internet.

At the same time, after screwing up their first date horribly, Derek Hale realizes that the funny guy he's asked out is Stiles Stilinksi, the warmest and kindest individual he's ever met in his life, with a family just a loving and caring. Who is, for whatever reason, interested in a guy who screws up everything he does, lacks any semblance of a backbone, and who is possibly one of the biggest history dorks in all of the United States.

These rich and poor men will come to experience a taste of each other's lives, and learn where the real blessings in the world can be found.

Can You Feel A Whole New Part of Your World? By isthatbloodonhisshirt (53246 | 1/1 | Gen | Sterek) “Can you hear me singing in the shower?” Stiles blurted out, because he had to know, now. If one of his neighbours had slid that note under his door, then it meant Parrish as another neighbour could hear him, too! He had to know if this was all a huge joke and one person had walked by and overheard him and decided to fuck with him.

Or if everyone could hear him and he now had to leave the country. 

Parrish gave him a weird look at the question, but answered anyway, making Stiles’ plans to leave the country speed up in his mind. 

“Of course I can. You’re actually not bad. Though you have been singing a lot of Frozen lately, getting kind of tired of the soundtrack.” 

“Oh my God!” Stiles shouted in his face.

Looking For The Feeling Lost Inside by suchfun (46,069 | 1/1 | Mature | Sterek) "Am I wrong? Do you secretly love modelling? Because if you do then fucking A man, get your coin, but if you're—"

"I can't fucking do anything else!" Derek snarls, and fuck. The shock of it, of finally saying it out loud, startles him out of his beta shift and into silence.

Stiles squints at him. "You mean—" He drags his bottom teeth over his top lip, eyes darting between Derek's. "You mean that literally, don't you. You think you have nothing else to offer."

"I don't have a college degree. I don't have any real life experience or transferable skills," Derek says roughly. "I'm not—a peopleperson. Money and connections only get you so far. Most people don't— it's not worth it."

He knows Stiles hears what he's trying really hard not to say.Stiles

That he's not worth it.

Checks and Balances by AwaitTheMorrow (13,539 | 1/1 | Teen | Sterek) Stiles starts dating Derek after a chance encounter and can't believe how lucky he is.

Derek is smart, funny and genuinely the sweetest person Stiles has ever met. The guy is perfect.

...Maybe a little too perfect.

So When Do I Get To Pledge My Loyalty To The Mob? By RedRidingStiles (10,089 | 1/1 | Mature | Sterek) “Are you my sugar daddy?” Stiles blurts out, slapping a hand over his mouth when his brain catches up to his mouth. The man lets out a soft laugh, making his way around the couch till he’s standing just feet away from Stiles. Stiles can smell his cologne from here, it smells heavenly, Stiles kinda wants to bury his face into the guy's chest so he can figure out exactly what it is. 

“If that’s what you’d like to call it.” The man smiles, Stiles doesn’t think he should be allowed to smile like that. All soft and gorgeous and way too pretty to be legal. He’s still not convinced any of this is real. 

Stiles loses his wallet, someone returns it along with $5,000. Shit keeps coming, Stiles life doesn't make any sense anymore, he's just going with it.

[carmenlire]

I've had this taegyu idea floating around since january but I'll readily admit that it is extremely similar to httbt so like on one hand I am absolutely a reader who often thinks "man I wanna read what I just read but new" plus it's in an entirely different fandom but on the other hand like it's literally rockstar beomgyu and probably math teacher taehyun (or maybe grad student, potentially gym owner?).

(lowkey i ended up like fully plotting out the fic/recapping my twt thread so i'm putting the rest under a cut lol.)

like whereas alec was a top 40 sensation solo pop artist, very much channeling biggest name in the industry, beomgyu would be frontman for an indie/niche band (honestly i'm picturing chase atlantic 100% whereas alec was like a tswift) but his band still sells out its tours and is somewhere on the charts, making a very respectable sum.

Beomgyu is feeling ennui, uninspired, very jaded but in a more. . . angsty way than alec? i imagine this fic to be darker/more emotional than httbt with A Big Conflict towards the end where one of them severely fucks up in classic fic fashion.

of course, i've already thought of the opening scene and it makes me realize how totally predictable i am because it's an extremely late night/early morning run-in where taegyu are obviously at very different points in their lives but they have A Conversation and it's the first time beomgyu has felt interested/intrigued by something in forever and taehyun-- actually here's a difference-- he actually has no idea who beomgyu/his band is. beomgyu, ofc, likes that. taehyun just sees a hot guy who's a little fucked up but aren't we all.

looking at my twt thread, i talk a lot about how during that first meeting, beomgyu talks a lot in half-truths, unsure if he can trust taehyun and taehyun is just blunt as always, very no bullshit. they both walk away feeling amped up-- beomgyu feels a little bit like he got an ass kicking, a breath of fresh air and taehyun is intrigued in his own way about this guy who's full of contradictions.

they keep running into each other at the park at these really intimate hours (beomgyu clearing his head/going out whenever there's less of a chance of him being seen and taehyun on his morning runs). eventually one morning, the sun is shining when they both look up and taehyun recommends a lowkey breakfast spot he knows nearby.

despite there clearly being something between them, beomgyu isn't in a place to be in a relationship and taehyun is up front about what he wants/needs and they both respect the other. of course, that doesn't stop them from growing closer until they're like best friends.

constantly texting, both of them start to depend on the other-- on their phone calls, a few minutes of stolen time, on finding the most out of the way restaurants with the best samgyeopsal.

everyone around them knows Something's going on even if taegyu remain infuriatingly tightlipped, both of them wanting to protect this thing between them. the secret relationship aspect is a lot more illicit in this than it was in httbt-- there might not be tabloids to worry about but beomgyu's had a lot of years in the business to grow jaded even if he wishes he could be as open as taehyun. There are some growing pains even if they are both fully invested/committed, even if beomgyu loves being with taehyun and can't get enough.

i'm picturing a classic fic blow-up thanks to beomgyu's rockstar past (?) clashing with taehyun's firm stance on open communication and no bullshit (the blow-up is nothing out of the usual for fic but bc i tend to really love Healthy Communication, i've never written this kinda conflict before but i do think it'll actually fit this au setup and not merely be an excuse for angst lol).

anyway, they totally break up over That Mess and cue beomgyu losing it a little. he gets drunk, writes songs about taehyun, implicitly dedicates those songs to him on stage. he hooks up with someone and feels fucking awful.

he ends up eventually (let's be real they'll probably only be broken up for like a month bc i can't do too much angst lol) doing some soul searching/reflecting on the past months with taehyun and realizing the error of his ways (and even as he was doing it, he was kicking himself bc he didn't even mean the words, he didn't wanna hurt taehyun but his mouth just started without his brain and heart's input rip).

meanwhile taehyun is totally heartbroken (while he seems fine on social media he's kinda falling apart irl) but he was always up front about what he needed from beomgyu if they were gonna do this and he won't bend his own needs and worth just to be with beomgyu.

obviously happy ending!!!! and you know i'll have to include some serious established relationship fluff to make up for all the pain :')

all of which to say..... like i know the premise is very similar to httbt and i feel like there's even more of a spotlight on it since it is obviously my most prolific work (which did also come from a chase atlantic song lmao) but there are differences too???? so like i should just write what i want right?? like especially because i'm worried about being too close to my own work, like it doesn't even matter? and there are some key differences? idk :( i just know i really like the idea.

[sailorsally]

imo I think they didn’t want to even acknowledge the confession or cas because it was too much to unpack and they (jensen and misha) don’t know how, they’ve been written into a corner. Misha has had a love-hate relationship with the show/fandom for the last few years and had to process peoples reactions to Cas’s unrequited feelings at the same time as his divorce (which made a lot of his cameo vids awkward) and told people at m&gs as late as December that “the show cost him his marriage” (idk why he’s telling fans this). so I don’t think anybody wants to bring cas back unless they have some utility for his character, and I don’t have any more expectations for the confession being addressed beyond Cas reassuring Dean that he doesn’t need anything from him, because Misha was pretty determined to find the beauty in Cas finding self-acceptance through unconditional love for another person.

Oh, I have never thought about how the cameos coincided with his ongoing devorce 😬

As for them having been written into a corner, that checks out. There are only two ways out: 1) Dean says it back 2) Cas assures Dean it's not that important and they basically brush it off. Which with Jensen Not Getting the romantic nature of Destiel, is a real fear I have.

As for Misha saying the show cost him his marriage... That makes me very sad for him. Relationships are hard and it's even harder when you have 14h long work days and extra 2 hours of commute pretty much constantly. I think he is so fixated on spending time with his kids now because he missed a lot from when they were younger. I have a hunch that in the end, Vicky didn't really appreciate being stuck home alone with kids most of the time. And no, I am not calling Misha a deadbeat dad. I wish I had a dad as caring and present as him. It's just, hours are brutal in film industry. From my personal experience filming is like running a sprint. Your body can just barely make it to the end of 30 day shoot and then you need months to recover. Doing that for 12 years is unimaginable to me.

Anyways he probably said that to fans because he felt safe, not because he was bitching or complaining. I also think Misha is emotionally mature enough not to hold 'grudges' against Cas or SPN for his failed divorce. Plus I genuinely think he loves that guy. He just loves Cas! He has said so! Cas is his bestie 💙 And he cares about us fans a lot so I think he's be game to return. (Said so in the recent interview didn't he?)

As for Misha being determined to find beauty in Cas loving Dean unconditionally and not needing to hear it back, thinking about this now, I think that is what he personally needed to hear at that time. It's apparent that he was still deeply in love with Vicky even after separation. So I say if we get to have Cas comfort us, Misha deserves his own piece of comfort too. Though things change, perspectives change, feelings come and go, and besides it's not Misha who is writing is it? All in all, I can't believe I have ranted so much but I would say I still have more faith in Misha than Jensen. Sorry but that's how I'm built 😌

[thetreetzar]

asks 1-49

(no pressure I just thought youd enjoy answeing all of them bc I certainly do, also im genuinely curious)

Thank you!

This is a lot, so I'll put it under a cut

1. I kind of get freckles in the summer

2. I like tea and coffee. I like milk and sugar in both, but really only like coffee if it has loads of sugar.

3. Talking in Your Sleep from the FNAF movie

4. Not sure how I sleep. I seem to wiggle around. Once managed to very nicely unbury a blanket and correctly position it in my sleep

5. I sometimes will have stuffies on my bed

6. I prefer drawing silly little doodles

7. 1-3 blankets. Need a weighted blanket and then I'll have a quilt/blanket or two if it is cold

8. Favorite bands/artist are The Longest Johns, Uamee, and Hozier

9. My birthday is July 19th

10. I am 5 feet tall

11. My eyes are blue/green/grey-ish but I just say blue on my ID

12. My mutuals (especially June), My in-person friends, and Tom Scott

13. Changes in routine, not being able to live on my own, the future, <hj>the kids at my school</hj>

14. I like blue

15. I love winter and snow and the cold (I overheat too easily for other seasons)

16. I would love to have tattoos. Maybe like a trans thing on my thigh and definitely some nonsensical little guys

17. I think piercings would be fun. I have kind of thought about angel bites/fangs, industrial/helix, eyebrow, and septum. (I would not turn down those spin for a free piercing things)

18. The last person I've texted is my dad

19. My best (and longest) friend is Momo. I've known them since September 2014.

20. I miss Toys R Us, ketchup chips, and some friends I've lost touch with

21. My day has been good. I am making progress in cleaning

22. I got maybe like 6 hours of sleep last night

23. Aliens probably exist somewhere in the universe

24. I don't remember when the last time I cried was, but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with my parents arguing and my brother and I being in the middle of it (my parents are restarting marriage counseling soon, don't worry)

25. I liked 2005-2010, it was nice being a little kid

26. Childish things I like include kids meals, the fun stuff made for babies, baby snacks like the puffs and Cheetos

27. I like too many books, but Louise Jenson is a great author, Because Internet was great, and I'm currently reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series

28. How am I? Absolutely terrified of graduating high school and being a Real Adult™️ 😀

29. Oh it can take forever for me to decide things. My strategy is that if it passes peer review and/or still seems like a good idea after a week or two than I should do it

30. I am looking forward to duck club on thursdays

31. I can't wait to get top surgery! (Hope to get it before 26 so I can still be on my parent's insurance)

32. If I could go anywhere, I'd go to Toys R Us/Canada and to visit my friends and mutuals

33. I sleep with the door closed because my cat Loki is not to be trusted

34. I like roses (trans flower) and sunflowers (tasty seeds)

35. I derive great serotonin from my mutuals <3

36. I like my middle name, now that I've chosen it myself

37. I love all animals

38. I don't think I have any proper phobias, just a lot of anxiety

39. It is easy for me to stay up late, however I can no longer be fine staying up late and getting up early the next day

40. I haven't really been to the beach. I prefer partly cloudy, like sunny but not hot or too warm

41. My favorite cartoon is Natural Habitat Shorts

42. Five of my favorite blogs are @one-time-i-dreamt @alltimemathhater @70snasagay @hrkrkrwpfrbrbrlablblblblwhitooap @shiftythrifting (sorry if being tagged in this annoyed anyone)

43. I have a younger brother

44. Probably my friends and mutuals are the last people I've said "I love you" to

45. I'd die for my pets, friends, and mutuals

46. I need a weighted blanket and probably also a snack when I'm sad

47. I have both my cell and landline numbers memorized

48. I feel I could trust my friends Momo and Vennie with my life

49. The last text I sent is asking where my dad parked

Thank you for the ask, and for reading this far if you have

[daniigrimm-blog]

Can we just take a moment to simp about the newest album drop by Black Veil Brides, The Phantom Tomorrow, released October 29, 2021. I know, I know, I maybe should have wrote this post like two years ago but really I had a lot to do in the meantime and wanted to give it the true justice this piece of art really deserves. This release is the second album drop since the band's decision to part ways with former bassist Ashley Purdy, (the first basically being a re-master of their former masterpiece debut album "We Stitch These Wounds", now dubbed cleverly, "Re-Stitch These Wounds") and now this! Can I just say, WOW-wowie-wow-wow-wowzers! omg I am just BLOWN away by what has gone into this piece of art and I feel blessed to be born in a time where I got to truly experience its release. Just wow. Welcome to the band Lonny Eagleton, with a resounding, please please don't ever leave.

Tracklist:

The Phantom Tomorrow (Introduction)

Scarlet Cross

Born Again

Blackbird

Spectres (Interlude)

Torch

The Wicked One

Shadows Rise

Fields of Bone

Crimson Skies

Kill the Hero

Fall Eternal

Oh hey did you know that Black Veil Brides released a COMIC BOOK?! It apparently goes right along with this masterpiece of an album because WHY NOT? Siri, can you add "Buy The Phantom Tomorrow comic" to my to-do list? Hell yes. I bought Andy's Ghost of Ohio when it dropped so ya know ya girl is gonna hop this band wagon. And who wouldn't? With such an awesome story and a crazy ass cover like that? Name two people, I bet you cant. And if you can I don't believe you.

From the mouths of babes, as they say. And man is Andy a MAJOR babe. Anyhoo, I figured I would save ya'll a track-by-track personal breakdown because who can do it better than the guys themselves? Amirite? I will say this though, this album feels WHOLE. It feels full. It feels like a really well-rounded album. I'm not a musician myself, but I LOVE music, and I have been watching a lot of different bands grow and rise and it has been an absolutely AMAZING ride. But this band, what a well-rounded flushed out sound they have come to grow into as each individual has honed their craft or joined. And before any of you ask my personal favorite off this particular album is Torch. It's on my On Repeat on Spotify for a reason--but I digress...that brings me once again to Lonny.

Lonny Eagleton

Who is Lonny Eagleton you ask? Well, he's a sweet boy from Canada who joined the BVB family, and man does he fit RIGHT in. Well, his website Bio boasts he's a professional musician who has worked with multiple recognizable names in the industry, that he's done his fair share of arena/theatre based tours, and a plethora of other hidden talents all backed by a degree. I mean, that's impressive enough but man he is humble and sweet to boot! I don't think I am out of line when I say that the BVB family has scored big with this addition to the band--especially if the "The Phantom Tomorrow", and the latest ep drop (October 21, 2022) "The Mourning" are any proof of what is to come in the future.

Now that brings me to "The Mourning" EP which I am also very late to mentioning (at least here!). It's four tracks of powerful music that speaks from and to the soul directly. Clearly what went into this was some powerful storytelling, some genius mastery, and some amazing skill-work. Dare I say, that the older these boys get--the more they manage to master their craft? But it's true. And being someone from the sidelines watching them grow, has been a most satisfying experience--man am I PROUD to be in this fandom. NOT TO MENTION the totally amazeballs producer they have, Erik Ron who handled this ep and the previous album before this. Way to rock out with that cock out Erik!

Tracklist:

Devil

Saviour II

The Revival

Better Angels

"How the fuck is one so evil left to just proceed? All the luck and how deceitful that idle minds can be." Lyrics from Devil really hit close to home some days, especially if you're currently living in America (and I am). It's clear from the tone set by the melody of the guitars when the track first open-fires on your eardrums for an eargasmic explosion of what can only be described as pure Black Veil Brides energy. Straight from the speakers to your soul, Andy Black truly has a way with words and the boys on strings (Jake, Jinxx, and Lonny) really know how to nail it home and build a mood to a harmonious climactic point before bringing it smoothly back down again. And may I say, that CC has really just been on fire these last few albums? He is really kicking some ass behind that kit and I think it's fair to give him a mention for it.

In softer tones Saviour II was second on the EP and set a more serious and tender vibe. A soul bearing ballad needs to be on every album right? At least that seems to be a theme for BVB that I personally hope never dies. They do amazing with a good somber heartfelt melody and these new lyrics that sort of offer different softer, more human side to the Saviour we as a fanbase were used to. The first being: "So hear my voice, Remind you not to bleed. I'm here." the message being a strong voice offering a shoulder to lean on here. A superhero almost. Whereas, the second, "So I'm trying my hardest to be what you made, Like a court jester, my smile won't fade. Giving it all, rising to fall to my grave. Answer the call, living in thrall-You're the one born to save." Is a tooootally different vibe. Like someone human just trying to make it through each day. So-so so good.

The Revival is the third track on the EP and it unfortunately didn't get a video but is still really cool and definitely worth a mention. It feels like Saviour II worked right up into this song. I'm sure they did that on purpose but I can hear/see a story playing out before my very eyes. Maybe my imagination is running a little high, but they have a habit of writing a whole ass story and following it up with a rock opera--so I am not sure because I looked all over for like a track-by-track breakdown and didn't find one (so if anyone has one and can link one to me that would be sugar and spice!) but nevertheless the instrumentals in this song are fire but from 2:19-2:35 it is just the best musical soup I have ever tasted. There I said it. I can say it. It is hot fire.

That brings me to the final track on the EP, Better Angels. I think instrumentally, and melodically, Better Angels may actually be personally my favorite track. Lyrically it is one of the coolest things I have ever heard. I came from a really strictly and very strangely repressed religious background and when I hear the stories told in these songs tied up in some sort of religious metaphor it really resonates and I know I am not the only one in the fanbase that is dealing with these issues. "Go back to hell with all your demons-leave me alone to find the pieces inside my mind. They came in to control my life. And all the devils devour- Your better angels devour." Whether it comes from a religious place or not, that is a pretty fire chorus, you have to admit. Not to mention the absolute MELTDOWN I have inside my head when the guitars (2:35-2:50) fuckin slap my dudes! I am telling you, if you haven't heard it already, please do--your life will be more complete because of it. It's one of the prettiest things I have ever heard ringing in my ears.

Really can't wait to see what Black Veil Brides has in store for us next! I mean between the comic-book, the album, and the ep, I'm already pretty stoked and I literally have no fuckin clue outside what Andy has mentioned in recent interviews! But I will be keeping my eye out! you bet!

Also before I go please enjoy this acoustic set I found on Youtube.

SUPPORT YA BOIS:

http://facebook.com/blackveilbrides

https://twitter.com/blackveilbrides

https://www.instagram.com/blackveilbrides/

[astrobstrd]

2022. GAME OF THE YEAR. OK?

Hey folks, season's greetings. Runner-up for most sentimental gamer 2021 here and I got a bug up my ass to write about video games. It's equal parts games that did and didn't release this year. Forgive me for any run-ons or excessive commas, this started as a piece on one game on the list and then became a top 10, then it spiraled out of control a tad as I forced myself to write more. Regardless, I'm happy with it and you can check it out under the read more. Happy holidays!

GUNDAM EVOLUTION

Gundam Evo is so goddamned weird. It’s a great game that I cannot recommend anyone jump into now. I really enjoy the core gameplay loop and what it does versus a game like Overwatch— the dash and boost system serve as a salve to the ever-present hero shooter roll-out problem and offer a little bit of movement unpredictability, the lack of clearly defined roles prevented the game from having a dichotomy of “hard” or “soft” tank and support units, and, generally, I found myself having more fun with it than I could recall having with OG Overwatch at the time. Every time I think about going back, however, I remember that it’s one of the clearest examples in recent memory of a publisher just not really giving a shit about its product.

The game sits at a sub-1k player count on Steam, with no way for people in certain regions of the world to even play the game, the console versions took a full two months after initial release to hit digital storefronts, and there’s no backfill system in any capacity. For a game to have such promise in a world where only one hero shooter really survived the late ‘10s burnout period, then to fizzle out so quickly… it’s just kind of a bummer. I would not be surprised if the game is shuttered by this time next year. Still, the time I spent with it felt immensely satisfying.

FORTNITE

Yeah. I fell in last year, (completely by coincidence, when they put the skanking emote in, if you can believe that, which you shouldn't,) and now that I can play Zero Build, my playtime's only gone up. I've also watched as the remaining capital G-I Games Industry folks I follow, who poked and laughed at the Tower Building Gaming For Children also fall into the exact same hole. So... lmao.

I think as you get older you do look for a few more opportunities to have a common activity that you nor your friends really pay a whole lot of attention to but use as a vehicle to shoot the shit. That's Fortnite. It's like getting drunk at a baseball game in the middle of the day for late millennials. It also has full patch cycles that are genuinely, unabashedly, very fun. We got dirtbikes and gravity hammers and fuckin Doom Slayer now man! It's great!

Oh, and to defend my honor just a little, I've spent a grand total of $14 on it. I caved to buy the Rasputin and Gangnam Style emote. What are you, the IRS? Leave me alone.

SONIC ROBO BLAST KART 2

...henceforth referred to as SRB2K because I'm not typing all of that out again, is not a live service game, and also a mod for Doom. It's (probably) the best Sonic kart racer ever made, and it's all built in a game that has nothing to do with the little blue freak. It feels fantastic to play, and it evokes the same feeling of fuzzy-warm coziness that I got from playing a lot of Skulltag one winter. I spent quite a lot of time in late January and February compiling user created SRB2K mods, hacking together soundpacks for existing characters, and screaming into a microphone as I careened through some of the best and worst maps I've ever played in a racing game.

DEAD BY DAYLIGHT

I pretend to hate this game and sometimes I do.

And now it's time for

Let's find out!

10) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder’s Revenge

Man, was this a fun surprise! I’ve never been the biggest turtles guy, but I am enough of one to have a favorite that I’ve picked almost entirely on the basis of color and weaponry. (It’s Don, for the record.) I am also enough of a fan of cooperative side-scrolling beat-em-ups that playing this whole game in a little under four hours with a group of friends was a complete blast. I have this weird hang up where I just can’t play these games solo. I think most beat-em-up devs also know that the real meat is in flying through them with a buddy or three or five. (After all, the only way I was ever going to finish Double Dragon: Neon, a game that I love but was definitely not the target market for, was playing it in co-op a year after its release.) That all being said, the fact that TMNT: Shredder’s Revenge allowed for six players at a time is as perfect as it is completely batshit and overwhelming. I’d routinely lose my place altogether as the genuinely fantastic backdrops and battle arenas turned into a flurry of blows and flying footclan bodies, and I simply did not mind.

While my time with it didn’t last long, I couldn’t help but admire the fact there was enough depth in the combos and strategic use of heavy moves, super attacks and thug-juggling technique to potentially make the game worth replaying. This is not even mentioning the genuinely fantastic sprite, level and sound design work. Fast, fun, and punching above its weight class as a title that was free day one on Game Pass, a fact of the gaming landscape that I constantly feel like we’re on the verge of having a reckoning with. Anyway!

9) Rumbleverse

I must preface this blurb with the fact that I have completely fallen off of Rumbleverse and I am genuinely sad I don’t have more to say about it. It’s been probably 3 months since I last fired into Grapital City, but the pull to go back amidst my neuroses and general malaise has been strong. It’s one of the few battle royale games where the insane love for its inspirations and the dedication poured into the game itself both shine right through. From the looser fighting game influence in its move priority and combo systems, to the completely unmistakable wrestling mark DNA, Rumbleverse is authentic and just plain fun. Compared to your bog-standard, shooty-bang-bang battle royale, the hype, guttural-noise-inducing moment ratio is off the fucking charts here, and that’s reason enough for me to include it.

By the way, every now and then I’ll hear people bemoan the fact that there are no melee-focused battle royale games. The fact that this game did not once and for all solve this quandry for people despite being the best implementation of that concept? It makes me want to scream.

8) Marvel Snap

Don’t look at me like that.

I really didn’t expect to like Marvel Snap. I’m not a comic book or superhero movie guy, but it’s amazing what being both free and available on Steam can do for you. Despite starting a little rough and having some growing pains in making decks that I actually wanted to use, the game of Snap itself is undeniably fun and incredibly easy to fall into. As of the time of writing this, I’m collection level 593 and I can no longer deny that I’m just playing it for giggles. This is the game that the certain-Blizzard-card-game-playing-me of 2017 wanted and just didn’t realize. Despite the whale bait in this very obviously mobile card game being clear and evident, and the fact that there is no way to assuredly get cards you want before level 500, I still somehow feel like this is the one online CCG I’ve seen that treats you with some modicum of respect... so long as you pace yourself and play in chunks. The quick nature of Snap, of course, isn’t really conducive to this, but you really just have to chalk that one up to terrible, awful, no-good, very bad mammalian reward responses.

I know the one thing that people just cannot shut up about is the game’s brevity, but it really is important to herald. As someone who’s played half-hour Hearthstone matches, it’s an undeniable factor in its continued popularity. After a particularly rough two days in late November where I kept snapping and kept playing despite losing six(!) ranks, I remembered an extremely salient realization I had while falling out of love with MOBAs a few years ago— if it sucks bad enough, you can leave. You can hit da bricks, so to speak, if you’re not making anyone else suffer as a result of it. If you’ve put a handful of your chips on black the last six spins and lost every time, it's okay to walk away from the goddamn table.

Latent gambling impulses aside, Snap is undeniably fantastic, and not even the only card game I’ve been playing this year.

7) Downfall: Slay The Spire

I’ve played a lot of Slay The Spire. It’s probably not even a fraction as much as the truly dedicated card gaming wizards that I’ll occasionally see screenshots from on the Community Hub, but damn, I love that game. Slay The Spire also came to me in a weird time; I was knee deep in my graveyard shift job at a gas station and spent my evenings, (7AM-11AM on any given day,) trying DESPERATELY to find a game that didn’t require too much of me but was still engaging enough to play between smoking pot, drinking, doing laundry, or all three. I bought the game on a whim, knowing only that it was a rogueli(k)(t)e and a card game, then fell ass over end into a Spire shaped hole.

Downfall: Slay The Spire is a lovingly crafted mod that pretty much just serves as an excuse to get me to play even more of this damn game. From the incredibly well-translated boss characters to the Hermit’s ability to pass as a character that Mega Crit would’ve made themselves, Downfall is fantastic. It could easily pass as an officially released expansion, and it's something I’ve already lauded over in the Steam Reviews for it

6) HYPER DEMON

This shit is bananas, man. I loved Devil Daggers so, so much, and despite still being squarely stuck 50 seconds away from the Devil Dagger, I swear I will get it before I shuffle off this mortal coil. And you’re gonna give me another lofty goal to strive for in a completely different game 6 years later? Fuck you m4tt. I love you m4tt.

I’ve played 3 ½ hours of HYPER DEMON so far. It was all in one sitting. I was amazed I didn’t forget to breathe during all of those 210 minutes. It’s the exact same all-consuming, focus demanding immersion that Devil Daggers ensnared me with in 2016. It’s Devil Daggers: Puzzle Fighter. It’s a cocktail of cosmic horror, Windows Media Player visualizer, Quake 3 montage over-editing, what I imagine the visual sensation of DMT looks like, and pure, unfettered skill-based FPS ecstasy. HYPER DEMON holds you to the sanding belt of its incomprehensible blazing-fast iridescent horrorscape and is unfeeling to whether you can handle it or not. I want more.

I need to play more. I will be playing more. I live to serve SORATH.

5) Super Mario 64 — B3313

I have never completed Super Mario 64. In fact, to my recollection, I never actually owned a copy of it despite having an N64 around the time of its release. I did, however, play an awful lot of this Super Mario 64 romhack in January. It has stuck with me ever since.

In second? grade I’d pass the controller at my best friend's house, as each of us desperately tried to clinch the red coin star in Lethal Lava Land or not tumble off Cool, Cool Mountain. In my teens I’d boot up an emulated copy through Project64 and try, to my behest, to play a game that paled in comparison to the breadth of experiences I’d already had with, at the time, recently released games. (Of course, when your high watermark is something like Garry’s Mod with workshop support or Just Cause 2, anything else feels like hoop and stick.) Even still, I appreciated what Mario 64 meant at both of these stages of my life, for one reason or another. Now, as an adult who claims to have a pretty good understanding of video gaming history, that respect has only deepened.

As a kid, I could recall broad strokes of the in-game world when I was away from the Mario Sanctioned Zone of my best friend’s house. The general layout of the first floor of Peach’s Castle, the first Bowser stage, the royal slide, as well as strange fragments of the hub world architecture scattered through my brainspace. In the days after a hang-out or sleepover, I’d devise ways to get around stages in my head, but SM64 never stuck in my craw for long amounts of time. Yet, I still had moments where it was forced back into my consciousness.

During a particularly shitty bout with the flu when I was about seven, my child brain conjured up visions of a castle that… sort of existed. In between retching up anything that wasn't saltines and soup, half-watched segments of Nickelodeon’s Games and Sports channel, and confronting the sickly taste of bile and lemon-lime Gatorade, I’d pass in and out of dreams, seeing feverish facsimiles of Mario 64. Strange floating voids that might’ve resembled a run-up to Bowser, Tick-Tock-Clocks that didn’t seem to match up with what was on the cartridge, and impossibly long hallways that bled into one another.

I had a passing knowledge of the “every copy of SM64 is personalized” “meme” before playing B3313, and saw increasingly convoluted icebergs and the Wario Apparition, (something that thankfully doesn’t show up in this romhack,) as laughably goofy addendums to already lame gaming creepypastas. The general idea of this hack, despite being fueled by this mix of amateur horror, is something still so genuinely fascinating to me. It's not even really the concept of a game with a “personalization AI,” but moreso the idea of imperfect memory. Things might be changing without any input from some spooky and malicious entity pulling the strings, you just can't remember what these places looked like. Those who are as equally fascinated with B3313 as I am use that term— “fever dream.” They use it liberally when talking about the general feel of the romhack, while also mentioning that at some point during their childhood, they would also have dreams about parts of Mario 64 that didn’t exist, or were slightly off. As one of those people, B3313 nails that exact feeling one-hundred percent.

Super Mario 64: B3313 is a fever dream come true. It’s a slurry of beta, demo-build and original content that bleeds into areas from the retail copy of Super Mario 64. Despite its brief, eyeroll-worthy, yet awkwardly fitting brushes with metatextual horror writing, (enter this cave if you want to see your deepest fears unfold!!!!!!!!!,) the main conceit of this strange, alternate-history beta-dump Mario romhack still hits like a guided missile to my brain. The seldom-played yet still familiar memories of Peach's Castle turn from a welcoming environment into an LSD: the Dream Emulator-esque maze of doors to entirely different castles, alternate versions of existing Mario worlds, densely foggy ominous hallways, and harshly inhuman architecture. It’s bizarre, surprisingly unsettling and manages to evoke a sense of familiar unfamiliarity.

B3313, Wet Dry World’s Negative Emotional Aura and the Personalized Copy concepts are at a bizarrely interesting confluence of childhood imagination, video game folklore, niche meme culture, and, most importantly to me, the impermanence of memory. It already feels like decades ago that we were telling people that, no, Nelson Mandela did not die in prison, the Berenstain bears’ surname was just being misremembered, and, uh, that Taco Bell never had “medium” sauce, but there’s something weirdly different about the foggy, self-aware recollection of sections from Peach’s Castle that never actually existed. There’s an unspoken understanding in YouTube comment sections and other circles versed with B3313 that none of this is, y’know, for real. It’s all gotten a bit tongue and cheek and suffocatingly ironic now, and while some would consider this a horrible breaching of kayfabe, I see it as a necessity to prevent B3313 and other experiences like it from becoming deeply lame, reminiscent of the early days of extremely self-serious YouTube ARGs.

There’s a seal that you break at some point if you came up playing video games. It’s the realization that everything in the game you’re currently playing is there on the disc. Emotion engines and curated experiences cannot magically conjure a completely unique experience specifically for you. With digital games, automatic updates, and the increasing capabilities of neural networks and AI, this becomes a harder point to make, but we’re not quite to the point where games can just generate new assets out of thin air. New content speeds through pipelines for still-alive service games, patch notes get nailed to the theoretical doors of your chosen Gaming Chapel, yet ghosts do not haunt hardware. There is no “personalization AI” present in a two-decade old N64 rom, and with how fast information travels and the fact that leaking video game news and secrets is basically a goddamned industry now, most games don’t get to keep their secrets for long, no matter how much I may want them to.

As you do with the childhood loss of innocence, you learn to eventually understand and cope with the feeling that games are not infinite dream machines made for you and you alone. However, you inevitably replace that malaise and disappointment with the fact that these collections of data and if-then statements still have so, so much to share with you. Experiences like B3313 come along from time to time to serve as a haunting reminder, though. This romhack is a transmission from a moderately different yet hauntingly similar reality that threatens to plunge you back into the depths of childlike mystique, wonder, and, funnily enough, horror, but with your current adult understanding and awareness. It’s equally as enticing as it is terrifying.

I know part of it is just getting older, not having enough space in your head for everything, and generally just "recording over" less important events in your life, but I've realized in the last few years that I don't remember parts of my childhood. I'm not talking year long spans or anything like that, but traumatic experiences that my brain has blotted out, or lengths of time that I just used to remember very succinctly. I don't think my childhood was any more or less extraordinary than anyone else's, probably on the "less" side of that spectrum, actually, but… it just feels weird. In finding old TV show uploads and reliving games from that time period, I feel like I've been trying to piece it back together or convince myself that I shouldn't. I think this romhack, in its own way, helped me cope with a little bit of that.

Playing B3313 is tasting honey lemon cough drops as I sweat into my childhood bedsheets, drifting in and out of tenuous sleep in my dark bedroom in the middle of the day. In its own weird way, it’s beautiful.

4) Hitman: World of Assassination

Thanks for sticking with me through that.

Up until recently, I always felt like an outsider when I said I was a fan of the Hitman games. I loved Blood Money when I was at the ripe old age of 10, and loved watching Tom Bowen’s “How Not To Play Hitman” series slightly more than actually playing it. I did end up finishing Blood Money, eventually moving onto Silent Assassin and, for some reason, Codename 47. I could not finish the first, nor stomach the latter, and it always made me feel like… a poser, I guess? They were pretty “hardcore” games at the time, known for stringent stealth and detection mechanics, and looking at forum posts and videos at the time it felt like I wasn’t getting The Full Experience by not being a bad enough dude to play them, let alone get Silent Assassin ranks. The World of Assassination trilogy has blown that locked door off the fucking hinges for me.

The three newest Hitman games are wonderful romps. As someone who’s been following Giant Bomb for a decade and loved their Hitman coverage and content, it feels like I’m just copying their homework here, but oh well. From throwing homing briefcases and walking around as a clown with a WA2000, to actually seeing the bald beauty's story wrap in the third chapter, Hitman asks you to take these games as seriously as you can. While you’re still definitely Agent 47, (nom de guerre, Tobias Rieper,) and still definitely going through an actually pretty good plot thrust in between garroting sociopathic billionaires, you are given carte blanche to steal so many clothes, chuck so many wrenches and empty as much lead into bystanders as possible with very little restriction. It's this distinction that I feel makes stuff like World of Assasination and, in my opinion, the Dead Rising series work. Comedy is often a hard thing to do in games, and I feel it's best left up to player expression and interpretation in most cases.

Whenever possible, I WILL go for alert-less stealth runs in any game where it's possible, and I killed hours meticulously reloading checkpoints, or missions wholesale, in the World Of Assassination trilogy back in February just to get Silent Assassin. But I also had plenty of moments where I had to break my own self-imposed restrictions to, for example, shoot Vanya Shah right in the back of her smug head and beat a quick, immediately exposed retreat as I let the exhausted sweatshop workers she rules over see her body careen two stories to the ground below her. This was a moment so satisfying that I am struggling to not reinstall the game right now and record a clip myself. (By the way, while Hitman has never been about killing people who don’t deserve it, WoA’s targets ride a hell of a line between being laughably sociopathic and ripped from the headlines of [what is hopefully not] the near future. I really do admire it.)

Hitman had some of my absolute favorite moments this year and, despite it pushing you strongly to a lot of those moments, they never felt unearned. I often yearn for the desire to feel like I truly was the brain genius who earned my moments, but Hitman helped lessen some of that stringency on myself while still allowing me to push my understanding of the game. From throwing Erich Soders’ replacement heart into the trash to whacking the Janus in a send-up to Blood Money’s A New Life, it’s some of the most satisfied I’ve ever been getting lead to water.

And, god, that fucking mission in Berlin? Insane. Insane. I know people talk up Dartmoor a lot and it does deserve it but… man.

3) Dicey Dungeons

In the midst of my summer-time seasonal depression, nothing was really working for me. I found myself pouring over what was on PC Game Pass, writing off games that seemed like too much of an undertaking after I’d completed a certain, lengthy RPG earlier in the season. Dicey Dungeons was a blip on my radar once upon a time, but had slipped through the cracks of my memory until I scrolled past it in my Xbox app, then inched my way back up to it.

I am both surprised and not that I spent SO much time playing Dicey Dungeons this year. As a man that will play any rogueli(k)(t)e you put in front of me at least to the completion of one successful run, it’s basic fuckin’ math. It’s the logical conclusion of just how rudimentary you can make a roguelike and have me still play it.

It’s also, by technicality, the third god damned card game on this list.

Dead simple— Dicey Dungeons is a game of rogueli(k)(t)e Yahtzee with RPG classes, inventory management, and an absolutely fantastic soundtrack that has me picking up my chiptune defending sword-and-board once again. The fate of your runs are, with some influence from the player, entirely up to literal dice rolls. I truly love just how much the game leans into being a stone-cold RNG fest, down to the fact that the entire thing takes place in a game(show) of fate hosted by an anthropomorphized Lady Luck. Its writing and enemy design is sickeningly, saccharine sweet and just a tiny skosh insufferable, but it never gets in the way of how rock solid and addictive the game itself is. So much so that I squeezed this damn game dry of content.

I’ve seen quite literally every piece of new content the game has to offer shy of the Halloween expansion, (it turns the game into a lethal puzzle thing, just not my cup of tea,) and I still had to stop writing this section of the list to go play a quick round. Played Robot in Parallel Universe with a decisive victory against Madison, in case you’re curious. And I cranked the volume in the boss fight for the first time since I turned it down to catch up on podcasts and video essays while whittling through the end-game hard modes. Lifeline goes completely insane as does the rest of the soundtrack. I was throwing ass in my kitchen making sandwiches listening to this months ago. This game just rules.

2) Yakuza 7: Like A Dragon

Of all the ‘guys’ I have claimed to not be in this GOTY list, I am, maybe least of them all, a turn-based RPG guy. I’ve tried, multiple times to breach them, and the best I can get is about halfway through most mainline Pokemon games before the tedium of Okay Now You Go battling gets to me. And yeah, I know, I just got done rattling on about two different card and dice-based roguelikes that are also turn based but… that’s different, y’know? I’m not just highlighting Firaga and watching an animation play out, I’m throwin’ dice and channeling lightning orbs and…

Look, it’s not important. What is important is I finished my first fucking Yakuza game this year. And it was the goddamn turn based RPG! Yakuza 7 is one of the most charming and enjoyable games I’ve played in my life! And it’s a turn based RPG!

That’s horrifying!

I don’t need to sing the praises of any of Ryu Ga Gotoku’s games. If you’re following me, you’re probably fully bought into the series or have heard people around you audibly get boners for Goro Majima and Kazuma Kiryu. In fact, I find it incredibly difficult to write anything new or provocative about this game that hasn’t already been said, but I just feel so strongly about it. It’s the insanely fun video-game-meets-real-life premise and immeasurably loveable cast of misfits that excel. It’s the heat moves. It’s Zhao. It’s the raw passion, genuine heartbreak, and joy of just being here that really got me. It’s Zhao again. Combine all that with an active battle system that satisfies the goopy goblin gamer brain’s need for near constant input and man? I’m set.

I know through cultural osmosis that Yakuza is a series about a few key things: compassion, loyalty, the bonds we share with others, and what loyalty really means. Yakuza 7 obviously has all of this in spades, but especially what it has to say about the lower/working class, anyone unfortunate enough to be homeless, sex workers, and those from impoverished backgrounds is so effortlessly excellent that it makes me excited to go back and play this series from the word go. I’ll miss the hell out of Ichiban and the shonen protagonist brand of fire-blooded vigor and bullheadedness he brought, but I’m excited to (…eventually) start anew.

1) Jabroni Brawl: Episode 3

Here we are. Finally. I’m not only writing something about a released version of Jaykin Bacon Jabroni Brawl, but I also genuinely feel it’s my game of the year. And now that we’ve arrived at this juncture I just keep thinking… what the hell do I even say about this game? I found something, but fuck, it took a while:

It must be said that I was raised in a triple parent household: I was brought up by my mother, father, and the Source engine. When I was 9 years old, I tuned into a mid day re-run of the now anicent television program The Screensavers that showed off version five of Garry’s Mod. At that point, I’d already played scattered chunks of the short, but enthralling Half-Life 2 demo we had on our family computer, (of course, the Icthyosaur jumpscare and being teleported to Ravenholm scared me right off,) but hadn't picked up the game. I begged my poor cash strapped father for a copy probably too many times, and after we both realized the pirated copy he nabbed wouldn’t be compatible, got a Half-Life 2 & Counter Strike: Source double pack for me as a birthday/Christmas gift.

I loved Garry’s Mod. I’ve got no clue how many hours I poured into version 9 before its subsequent release on Steam as an officially sanctioned mod, but let’s just say it was a lot. In December 2005 I joined the Facepunch forums, learned the difference between models and textures, corrected a lot of spelling mistakes, had my first bouts with navigating Windows folder directories, definitely made some crude sex poses, and found my first group of online friends shortly thereafter. I would eventually slowly slip away from regular patronage to Facepunch sometime in the early 2010s, but the impact it had on me as a youth is unquestionable. We can talk about whether it was a net good some other time though.

Before this gets too far into navel gazing and nostalgia, I’ll say that along the line I played a wonderful mod for Half-Life 1 called Half-Life 2: Jaykin Bacon Source that serves as the genesis for Jabroni Brawl. It’s a mess, but up until its Facepunch-branded revival and subsequent alpha/beta tests, it was the only thing I’d ever played like it. It’s full of ripped assets from other mods, purposefully goofy voice acting from its shithead (lovingly) teenage creator, and plenty of stuff taken from the then-recent Metal Gear Solid 3, a game I had also fallen in love with prior. It was dumb fun that I have forced multiple groups of friends at varying stages of my life to play and have a ludicrous amount of attachment to.

And Jabroni Brawl: Episode 3 is that, all over again, from the faithfully recreated weapons and impenetrable Facepunch callbacks, to the fact that this more or less ended up being a surprisingly official-feeling love letter to anyone who has ever made anything in either Source or Goldsrc. Jabroni Brawl knows what it is, and that’s all it is. It’s a deathmatch mod for and by the people still cherishing the rapidly atrophying muscular structure of a game engine that just won’t seem to die. It's for the people who want to get a group of people together on a Friday and throw friction grenades at/fart on each other. And that's all it needs to be to knock it out of the park.

Source and its modding scene still means a lot to people, myself included. For a lot of us weirdoes, it was a playground that evolved into a way to make friends, hone skills and even turn interests into hobbies and jobs.

But hey, this is getting KINDA GAY!!!!!!!!

Jabroni Brawl is frenetic FPS bullshit. It’s terminally stupid, rough around the edges, and unbelievably fun with the right people. Jabroni Brawl is gaming. It’s e-sports. It's, dare I say, hobby-grade. And it’s a complete goddamn miracle. I mean, fuck, this is probably the one project to start on Facepunch and actually see the light of day, right? Even seeing the Tales From The Galactopticon models in the customization menu made me feel positively ancient.

Here’s an in-game clip of a good friend killing himself in maybe the funniest way I’ve ever seen. Take care, and Feliz Navidad.

[time-traveling-fetus]

I've been thinking lately about how I really want to be a creator. I want to be someone has cool and interesting skills that makes things that he's proud of making. Something he can share with the world. And I do have skills, I won't deny myself that. But I don't do anything with those skills because I lack the motivation or focus to initiate and stick with anything.

And I don't feel like the skills that I do have are even that good, and I'm not sure who to blame for that. I went to college and what do I have to show for it, man? Do I blame my college for not teaching me more practical skills? They taught me a shit ton of theory and every instance of practice was a group project, and group projects in schools are ALWAYS done by two people who leave the rest of the group behind. But I can't blame my college for that because there were loads of students that knew how to do all sorts of stuff, which makes sense because otherwise who would do all the group work. I sort of blame myself because I feel like maybe if I had more motivation I would have done personal projects that would have encouraged me to learn on my own time. I still blame my college though.

The other day my dad asked me if I could make an app because his friend had an idea. And the idea would have involved some hard programming problem that I don't know how to approach but that's beside the point because I don't know to do an app at all! I don't know the basics! I never had a class that taught that. What do I know? I can make a command terminal program. Text input, text output. No GUI because nobody taught me how to do that. Basically useless. I learned how to exploit software vulnerabilities (for cyber sec purposes) but only in a highly controlled environment. I can remember multithreading locks in the same way one might remember the words in a book from a dream they had when they were seven. Idek if that would be useful because most people use the locks provided to them in a library

I can also use the Unity game engine, which is the closest I was taught to being taught a practical skill, but to be clear that class had ONE lecture and the TA didn't even finish. I learned everything else by watching tutorials on youtube. I wanted to be a game dev when I first started college but I gave up on it. Saying you want to be a game developer as a CSC major is like saying you want to be rock star. I felt a bit ridiculous for wanting it. I got frustrated with my groups' lackluster work and lost my passion for it too. I don't really have a lot of things I'm passionate about, much less ones that can make money. Plus I've learned how terrible the games industry is and I wonder if it was a good idea to begin with. So I'm back to square one with not knowing where the fuck I want to go in life.

My dad keeps asking me what I want to do specifically and I have no idea how to answer that. And he just sighs like he's frustrated or disappointed in me. Am I supposed to feel bad for being aimless in life, having no purpose? Am I supposed to have some sort of grand direction in life by the age of 22? Even if we think the answer is "no" I feel like shit anyway. I'll take what's available to me. I guess.

I really feel like I have no real agency over my life. Not that agency is unattainable, but it's more like I just wouldn't know what to do with it. I've felt this way for a long time. I'm just following a pre-made set of steps and going through the motions. The first time I had a major decision in my life was my college. I chose my college by basically shrugging and saying "I have no idea if this is good, but my sister went here." I had no real reason for choosing it. I chose my major on a whim. I didn't have any grand dreams about what I wanted to do; the whole game dev thing sorta came up a little later. I'm being released onto the world as a Capable Adult and have no idea what to do with that. I don't even have the motivation to get off my ass and do something, anything. I'm trying to be content with just existing right now (which, to my credit, I'm doing rather well compared to two years ago).

I just feel so incapable, inadequate, aimless, useless

[madstars-festival]

Creative Spotlight: Drago Mlakar, Creative Director at andGustav

Drago is a Creative director & partner at andGustav. He started working in advertising in 2006 as  a junior copywriter. As a copywriter, he won gold at the Eurobest young creatives competition in 2014, Drago was also part of the First intake for the young lions creative academy in 2012.  It was a successful career. However, he was not satisfied with that and moved to a new position as a creative director, why? Hear from him and about his participation in MAD STARS. Also, listen to Drago’s advice for young creators.

I was surprised by your move to change the position who had been on the verge of success. What motivated you to make this decision? Were you afraid of change?

Hi, I’m a copywriter that became a creative director, but I still love working as a copywriter. I was the overconfident, loud,  funny (a smart ass) guy in high school, with a lot of dumb ideas. Once a counsellor said that I should look into advertising, and I did just that. Through the years I've built a solid career, won some awards and at the moment I’m a stay at home dad that works late evenings and early mornings with other studios, agencies and I’m a creative advisor for a local DDB office in Zagreb. My days are mostly  spent on long stroller walks, swings in parks, cooking, changing diapers, bubble baths and  lullabies. Beside all that I’m a long distance runner and a sci-fi enthusiast.

What are your proudest achievements ?

In 2012 I was a part of the first young lions creative academy in Cannes and one of my classmates told me that when you are in advertising there is only Cannes, but when you are in Cannes there is only gold. It took me a decade to win a bronze lion, so now I'm in the club, but I still have to win a gold one :-)

The other thing that I’m really proud of is winning gold at Eurobest  young creatives competition 2014. Me and my creative partner Luka Bajs were standing on a stage together with the industry greatest’s, it is still a fond memory.

But the other thing is that I was able to work for some of the best local agencies, with the best creatives, so I could learn a lot. 

Getting familiar with strategy got my game to a whole new level. It is easier to create successful campaigns when you understand how the clients sees the world.

You were part of the MAD STARS 2022 jury, how was that?

I loved it. You get to see some of the best and some of the worst campaigns  produced. the fact that MAD STARS is a free to enter contest, people really send everything that they did. And it is amazing. I am always surprised by both -the best and the worst cases.

Do you have any advice for young creatives?

Sir Hegarty said advertising is 80% idea, 80% execution and I agree fully. But judging young creatives I will look for the best idea with the best potential. If you want to impress me, impress me with a great idea not with a polished design - although  among all the great ideas, the ones with great execution will stand out more.

Your campaign should be smart, but I should also talk to my heart. your solution should make me feel something. and be creative. go crazy.

There’s a lot of talk in the industry about NFTs, web3, Metaverse and Defi. In your opinion are these just hype or will they truly impact the creative industry. How do you see the industry evolving in the next 5 to 10 years?

I’m not a big fan of social media and all of the ways we are trying to evolve it. It can be good for business, but I think it’s really bad for most other aspects of our lives (or maybe I'm just old). But it does open a lot of creative ways to communicate. A lot of good can come out of it. But will it last? I don’t know. I am afraid it will. Once it is on the internet it is forever.

I think our industry got obsessed with being first and thinking more about how to do it instead of what to do.  From the advertising perspective, I look at  NFTs, web3, Metaverse and Defi as a medium, not as an idea in it self. It can, and it should be used to transmit a message, but I also think, that we as an industry are always looking for the new thing, where  we can charge a premium on it, when things are at their beginning, we can say we are the experts, and that it is a must have for brands - another thing to sell to the client. I am sure that some good work will be done in the field, and I hope, I am able to be a part of it. But I can’t stop seeing the Metaverse as a stupid way for us to live our lives, obsessing every second if we are interesting enough for people to notice …   Go outside, take a walk, be bored. It feels great.

You've also made the switch from Junior Copyrighter to Creative Director. Could you tell us a bit about that move? and what advice you have for creatives who are seeking to switch roles? 

I wasn’t a simple switch, it wasn’t a straightforward process, I had to work hard for my promotion. It took a decade to reach the title of creative director. The position is more than just a title on your card, it brings more work, more meetings, more challenges ... So I would say always be careful what you wish for :)

[carolmaclaine]

this is personal and venty about like trans stuff

so I feel like people discuss the complications and difficulty of transitioning a lot when it comes to friends and family, but I feel like I've never seen anyone really talk about how, unless you're in a position to look for new employment, you're basically never able to transition

coming out to your friends and family is the hardest thing you can do, but they are people who should love you, and even if they don't, it is possible to cut ties, painful as that may be, at least when you're an adult and have the ability to remove yourself from family

not intending to gloss over any of that emotional trauma that comes from that, of course not, it's just not exactly what is eating at me right now. I could survive everyone I know hating me, I know plenty of people who wouldnt, my sisters would never, I have friends who would still like me, I'd be okay

but like, your job isn't really like that. They don't care about you personally, your coworkers are not your friends, you cannot come out to those people without consequences that could devastate you financially, which in america is literally end all bullshit. Esp somewhere like ohio where employers arent too kind on all that. So you're kinda forced to have to transition and take a new job at the same time, so the new job always knows you as you are and not what you were born as

but not everyone even has that option? I for example am at a job that I do not want to leave, I love my job, it's a union job, it's the kind of job you retire from after working there for 30 years. Nuclear isnt the easiest job to hop around at either, so I can't just go to a new plant, not without finding a rare opening in a chemistry department, and without moving hundreds of miles, maybe even thousands to other states, there aren't that many plants in the country, and like I said, people retire from these jobs, so openings are scarce, in a very niche industry. I cant take my experience and go somewhere else, nuclear is a special little snowflake, you either work at a plant or work in the military and that is literally it

so at that point, I'm stuck, right? Like, I'll never really get the opportunity to be who I want to be, because what, I figured it out too late and I'm already in a career I love and can't easily leave? Because I was raised catholic in a small town in a conservative state and never left, so I never considered what it really meant that I hated being a girl and only ever identified with men, and never to this day could play a game with a character creator if I wasnt able to be a boy, until I was in my mid twenties?

I usually cope with this by saying it's my 'work persona' and all that but. That was easier 5 years ago when I just considered myself to be nonbinary and wasn't having all these thoughts about wanting to just be a guy and actually transition. And maybe that's why I don't want to even tell anyone I want that, because just saying I'm not interested in gender as a whole is so much easier. And maybe I dont even have the right to, because it's true, I'm not interested in gender, but for god I would rather be called a boy and look like a man than the horrible way i feel when people see me as a woman, so i dont know what that makes me, or if it even matters. And don't even get me started on how it's impossible if you want to be a boy and dress like a girl because no one will ever take me seriously, they just take my performance of feminism as performing my assigned role, not that I just like femme shit sometimes. I want to be a BOY who paints HIS nails like FUCK I basically only ever get to dress masc anymore because I can't even risk the concept of doing feminine things

but like, am I just full of it because I don't want to lose my job, does that mean I'm being fake or whatever, and 'oh a real trans person wouldn't be able to stay as their assigned gender just because of a job' blehhh I don't know maybe I am !

idk, I'm glad being trans is talked about more now, so people can discover themselves when they're younger, and maybe not end up in the kind of situation that I feel I'm in. Let alone the fact that this stupid country is about to remove any right a trans person has, so we're all in for it now

I don't know what the point of this is either I'm just upset and writing stuff out is very cathartic or whatever, soul searching shit fucking 🤙

[mocimori]

oh my god I don't know where to start- but the way you described him?? I feel like I have known him for such a long time because of they you detailed you explained and described him-AND THAT'S SO AMAZING. and and wow I'm speechless, I love how excited u sound omg!! I followed u because of your Chan (amazing, spectacular, wonderful, one of a kind) artworks but now I also feel like I will try to stan/listen to svt bc of u!! AND AND DEFINITELY DEFINITELY WILL LISTEN TO THEIR SONG ASH BC AGAIN, THE WAY YOU DESCRIBED IT?? ILY AND SINCE U SAID IT'S MORNING THERE, I HOPE U HAVE A GOOD DAY!!

-ash

😂 amg yeah! Jeonghan is very friend shaped, if he was a youtuber he’d fit in very well with the storytime yt peeps. he loves to tell anecdotes of his life here and there, so i heard some carats say that he sounds like one of their friends bc listening to his lives sounds like friends catching up.

wwww amggggg my excited talkative side comes out when it comes to fandoms 🥺💗 i’m glad you find that long answer fun to read hehe! and aaaa christopher beloved 🥺💗 i miss that boy so much. i haven’t been keeping up with skz content lately so i can binge it all at a later time, so been missing them a bit too.

ooo! yes yes give them a listen they have so much good bops in their belt 💗 most of my fave songs are from their recent album (highly recommend Darling bc it’s the song that got me to check then out more 😖)

will give you some recommendations, lmk if you want like a detailed version in a separate ask. i usually add descriptions when it comes to recs but this ask might get too long 🤡

Title Tracks: Ready To Love, Pretty U, Rock With You, Fallin Flower, 24H

b-sides: lilili yabbay, habit, darling, don quixote, don’t listen in secret, light a flame, hug (fun fact! hug is chan’s comfort song 😂)

but if you’re getting into svt/want to check out their content i highly, highly recommend their variety, Going Seventeen (GoSe) bc they’re very much comedians 😭 i got super hooked i probably watch 5-10 episodes a day before i start my day. there’s lots of clipped/highlight edits of the show too if you want something more bite-sized since they’re 30 min per episode.

also aaa yes yes! I feel like their latest release is a bit more up that alley of 4th gen sound while still retaining their sound 😂 Ash is just mwah! good song! the flow is one i really like especially Vernon’s rap 😔 it hits right.

fr fr, saying that phrase is really fun 😭 i probably repeat it a couple times a day when i space out. seungmin and lee know said it a few times too during vlive and it was so funny to watch their reactions 😭👏🏻

dw your secret is safe with me bc… i too… have swerved lanes and holding Joshua and Dokyeom’s hands tightly atm 😳 ngl if this was about dokyeom (their main vocal and happy vitamin) i’d probably write a 5 page essay about him bc he’s the loml, the sunshine prince of my heart 😂 my dk loving hours have been so intense lately.

i love all of them though, my main biases are Joshua (the guy on the left, their resident gentleman from the valley) and DK (his vocals are no joke 😔 like he shot up to my most favorite vocalist in the industry) but i am very much ot13 in heart