#had to fit in more guys than usual to wish y'all a happy new year

[usoppictures]

Happy 2008, guys!

[ericspinkhair]

dirty thoughts from a distance

pairing: dom!changmin x virgin!reader, best friends to lovers, college au!

synopsis: you masturbate while thinking of your best friend and he catches you moan out his name

word count: 3.8k

warnings: maybe slight angst, (getting caught) masturbating, mutual masturbation, sex in general ig

a/n: y'all are crazyy! it has barely been 19 days and I have already hit 100 followers🤧 thank you guys so much for your support and sending in requests!!! everytime I see leave me nice messages I feel so encouraged to keep on writing even though there is still a lot of room to improve and I am not always completely satisfied with what I create. I wish all of you a great day and hope that you stay happy and healthy!!

this chapter is especially dedicated to @bangcrispychannie​ and anon who requested this kind of scenario ❤️

masterlist + requests

for three years you wondered why you hadn't lost your virginity yet. it's not like you didn't have enough opportunities since you had been in two relationships so far, both lasted about five to seven months.

the feelings in your first relationship were been mostly one-sided however.

when a guy in your biology class named Minho confessed his crush for you, you thought that the only logical next step was to become a couple. you were quite flattered that he had taken such an interest in you and believed and hoped you would eventually develop feelings for him as well. the problem was you didn't. after not being able to be emotionally let alone physically intimate with him for a few months into your relationship, he finally confronted you and you confessed that you just couldn't bring yourself to see him that way. your relationship came to an end just before becoming a senior in high school.

in your last year, you got close with Seonghwa. you were seat neighbors in your english class and you'd chat all the time. he was perfectly sweet, smart and funny and you instantly got along just fine. you developed an interest in him and he seemed to feel the same way. he asked you out with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and some chocolate and you agreed to being his girlfriend without much thought. you caught yourself falling in love with this boy and didn't shy away from physical affection such as kissing and holding hands. you were convinced you were ready to give yourself to him during prom night but when it came to it you chickened out. a couple of hours before, you had found out that your best friend changmin had broken up with his girlfriend of six months.

for a long time you hadn't been able to decipher why you hadn't slept with Seonghwa then. as time passed, the unpleasant answer became clearer and clearer: you had brought up your hopes.

you had been best friends with changmin basically since you started elementary school. on the first day, he scared you with a stupid horror mask he had sneaked in from home and made you cry. he felt so guilty and was determined to make it up to you and to become friends. you had been inseparable ever since.

when he got his first girlfriend in junior year you were devastated. you convinced yourself that the reason for that was that you had been scared he was going to replace you as his best friend but in reality you had felt jealousy.

you were suppressing your feelings because if you confessed, things might become awkward. there was no way changmin could ever like you the same way.

all of this became more difficult as you moved in together for college. you were sharing an apartment now and every day, it became harder to avoid your growing and troublesome feelings. your heart would beat faster whenever he walked around shirtless (which was most of the time) and you decided to try to ignore him. this was especially difficult since you wanted to appreciate his physique. when had he become this handsome? changmin had been dancing all his life so he had always been fit but now that he was majoring in it and training most of the time, his body had developed and he had become super toned and his abs were more prominent.

he'd often make his way into your dreams and you'd let him do inappropriate things with you. you'd wake up wet and needy and even more confused. you were ashamed of seeing him this way. this was not how one normally thought about their best friend.

it was a wednesday morning and you were eating breakfast when changmin joined you in the kitchen. he flashed you a big smile, making his pretty dimples appear which you didn't see as you did not look at him.

'good morning, y/n!' he greeted you in a good mood. you just grunted in response, intensely staring at the cereal swimming in your bowl.

the fact that you couldn't even spare him a glance hurt changmin but he tried to not let it show. he wanted to get you to talk to him.

'do you want to watch a movie and play some board games today after class?' he proposed. you hadn't spent a lot of time together ever since you had become aware of your feelings.

'I have an essay due tomorrow,' you quickly made up as an excuse. the corners of changmin's mouth twitched but you didn't notice as you were too preoccupied with doing anything that didn't include looking at him.

'then maybe on the weekend. or next-' 'I'll be busy,' you interjected. 'I have lots to do.' you stressed the lots to emphasize there was absolutely no way you would be able to hang out with him any time soon.

'umm… okay. I'll be going to class.' he told you dejected. your heart sank but you didn't respond. he was wondering whether he had done anything to make you upset but he couldn't wrap his mind around it. this had been going on for a while and he was starting to become desperate.

when you first got the apartment you spent every free minute of the day together, happy that you finally moved out and could be with each other 24/7, but then you stopped talking to him completely out of nowhere. from one day to the other, you would avoid leaving your room when he was outside and barely talked to him anymore. at first, changmin thought you were just stressed and that you'd eventually warm up again when exam season came to an end but a few months had passed and, if anything, the situation was even worse than before.

you were watching the time and after ten minutes you decided to leave for classes as well. you had started doing this so you couldn't possibly catch up to him and risk having a conversation.

'hey, y/n, what's up!' your friend chanhee hugged you when you arrived on campus. you were both majoring in fashion design and were getting along on well since the beginning of the first semester.

you sighed exasperatedly. 'changmin's up.' you puffed your cheeks and pouted. chanhee nodded knowingly. he was the only person who was aware of your little secret and that was only because you had accidentally drunk confessed the whole story to him at your first college party.

'you know maybe you should tell him. this whole thing is clearly not making you happy and I saw changmin walk by a few minutes ago. if I had to guess I'd say he was in an even worse mood than you. someone accidentally ran into him and he pushed them hard and called them names. it's not like him to overreact like this. he's usually super collected. I think you finally managed to break his spirit,' chanhee reported to you.

this had never been what you intended. why did everything have to be so difficult? you didn't want to be the cause of your best friend's unhappiness.

'he must feel like I despise him. but I cannot confess to him, that would be the end of our friendship!' you were constantly torn apart by this dilemma.

'well, if you're not gonna act on your feelings, maybe try to move on? find something casual or serious with someone new? then you'd forget all about changmin and you'd be able to go back to acting normal around him' he suggested.

chanhee's advice didn't sound too bad. if you couldn't get with changmin then you had to de-crush yourself and find somebody different to focus your emotional energy on. but on who?

'is there anyone you could think of?' you ask chanhee. he had great taste in practically everything so you highly valued his opinion.

'hmm, you could potentially try younghoon hyung? I've seen him eyeing you for weeks now and he even told me thinks your gorgeous.' he wiggled his eyebrows teasingly.

younghoon was a pretty art student, whom chanhee knew from high school. you didn't talk to him often, mostly at parties and he wasn't exactly your type but you tried to remember shouldn't judge him by his first impression when you haven't even got to know him.

chanhee pulled out his phone and soon you felt yours vibrate in your back pocket. you looked at him questioningly.

'I sent you his number in case you're interested,' he explained proudly. he put his hand on your shoulder and you could see the concern in his eyes. 'you really need to get over changmin if don't want to confess,' he insisted firmly.

so you decided to text younghoon during class. he was very polite and you thought he was cute as he seemed excited to talk to you. you agreed to hang out sometime to get to know each other and decided to meet up friday for dinner.

after the end of your classes, you walked home to warm up yesterday's leftovers. to your dismay, changmin had also decided to come home for once. since you began acting all weird and refused to eat with him, he usually spent lunch time with his dance mates as they had practice after anyway. why had he decided to come here today? your question was answered when he ran up to you, smiling from ear to ear and you noticed he was hiding something behind his back.

'you know how there is a blackpink concert downtown on friday? guess what!' he held up two tickets. surely you would at least agree to spend time with him if it meant being able to see your favorite group, right?

he must have gone through so much trouble to get tickets for you and since blackpink were your favorite music artists you were actually contemplating on going but then you remembered you had made plans.

'I can't. I'm going out with younghoon friday night.'

'kim younghoon?' he raised an eyebrow skeptically.

'why would you to be spending time together? I didn't know he was even talking to you,' he questioned you. anger was boiling inside of you.

'maybe it's because you don't know everything about me,' you snapped at him. you were aware that you were being harsh but somehow his words hurt you. why did he doubt you? did he think you weren't able to get with someone as awesome and popular as younghoon? did he not consider you pretty enough?

the microwave beeped, indicating your food was ready, making you snap out of your thoughts.

'y/n, I swear, that's not what I meant.' he stepped directly in front of you so you were forced to look at him. you stared deep into his pleading eyes as you closed the microwave door, turned your back to him, stomped to your room and slammed the door shut, leaving changmin behind in the kitchen.

your whole body was tense as you listened closely to any sounds coming from outside and felt relieved when you heard the front door close. feeling sad and depressed always made you feel tired so you decided to take a nap to forget about all the negative feelings.

when you woke up you were horny af. you had a dream about changmin taking you on the kitchen counter and now your panties were completely soaked with your arousal.

desperate, you pulled them down and tossed them somewhere to the side. it didn't matter. you needed relief now.

you closed your eyes as you slowly started rubbing your clit, imagining it was changmin's slender fingers touching you instead. your imagination was running wild and you sped up the tempo.

eventually, you plunged your middle finger and then your index finger inside you, pretending that changmin was stretching your walls with his cock.

you moaned loudly and picked up the pace, chasing your high. oh, how much you wished he was the one making you come.

'yes?' you opened your eyes and gasped loudly as you saw changmin watching you from the doorway. you hecticly pulled up your blankets to your chest to cover your naked lower body. for how fucking long had he been standing there?

'oh fuck, changmin...' you cursed out loud.

to your surpise he laughed. 'oh, is this why you have been so distant? were you embarrassed about imagining doing dirty things with me?' your cheeks were burning red and you were unable to move a muscle.

'you know, if you had told me you were thinking of me while doing it then I could've helped you out already. that would have spared both of us a lot of frustration.' he stepped into the room and pulled the sheets away, his hungry eyes fixed on your desperately dripping pussy. you tried to hide it with your hands.

'n-no… what are you saying? aren't we best friends? ' you couldn't comprehend what was happening right now. the way he was acting was so unexpected that you didn't know how to react or what to say. he brushed his hand over your burning cheeks. his eyes were conveying disparity.

'but what if I told you I don't care? that I like you? that I see you as more than just my best friend?'

'wait, you like me?' you couldn't believe your ears. was he actually reciprocating your feelings?

he groaned in exasperation. 'y/n, why did you think I ended things with my ex out of the blue?' you shrugged your shoulders as you weren't sure. you had thought it was because she had lost interest in him, at least that's what changmin had told you back then.

'because I realized I was in love you, you dumbass. how could I be together with someone if I had feelings for someone else?'

'I actually ruined my chances of having sex with seonghwa for the first time for the same reason. it was just after I had found out about the breakup,' you confessed, relieved that you were finally beginning to make sense of everything.

he climbed onto the mattress and positioned his knees next to your closed legs, leaning his hands on the wall behind you so that he was hovering above you.

'I'm sorry that you lost that opportunity. let me make it up to you,' he whispered with his face mere inches from yours and then kissed you. losing all self-restraint, you immediately pulled his body closer so that he was straddling you. after all these months filled with sexual frustration and just frustration in general, you were desperate for his touch. your hands wandered under his dance shirt and you were finally able to touch those abs you had been secretly admiring for so long.

you broke the kiss to take off both of your shirts and changmin skillfully unclasped your bra.

while his tongue was exploring the insides of your mouth, his hands were kneading your breasts, occasionally rubbing and pinching your hardened nipples. you felt his hard dick press against your lower abdomen as he grinded himself into you to get friction.

after having dreamt about this moment for so long, you felt impatient. this was too good to be true and you were scared that if you didn't act quick, your bubble would bust.

without thinking twice about it, you pulled down the hem of his sweatpants and boxers just far enough so you could easily reach inside and whip out his dick. you stopped for a moment to admire his length. it looked even better than you had ever imagined in any of your wildest dreams.

he sat upright, leaning on the wall behind you, while you stroked his cock. he was sensitive to your touch and not shy to show you how well you were doing by responding with moans.

'fuck, y/n. you're doing amazing.' his praise made you eager to show him just how good you could make him feel. your lack of experience was barely noticeable as the adrenaline flowing through your veins was guiding you.

you tapped his thighs to signalize him to inch closer. that way your mouth had easier access to his dick. you hesitantly licked up his length and were fascinated by how he tasted. wanting to have more of it, you swirl your tongue around his pink tip. changmin eventually became impatient and forced more of his dick inside your mouth so you tried to take as much of him as you could but your gag reflex made it difficult for you. instead, you worked your hands where your mouth couldn't do its job.

not wanting you to feel neglected, changmin reached behind him to stimulate your clit. he skillfully started rubbing all the right places and you moaned around him, sending vibrations through his cock.

he couldn't take this stimulation for much longer before he had to force himself to pull out of your mouth.

'wow, you almost made me come there.' he panted heavily. 'but I want to be inside you first.' you got lost in his touch as he placed a long kiss on your lips but a sudden thought brought you back to reality.

'wait, I don't have a condom,' you informed him embarrassed. you hadn't planned to lose your virginity any time soon so you hadn't bought any. did that mean the end of this wonderful dream?

but changmin laughed light heartedly. 'no need to worry. hold up, let me get some from my room.' you relaxed again as he disappeared and came back shortly with a condom wrapper in his hand.

you were prepared for him to start right away and took a deep breath in preparation but he didn't do anything.

'I don't think it's a good idea to start yet since I haven't even prepared you. the last thing I would want to do is hurt you so just lay back.'

he positioned your legs over his shoulders so your hips were hovering in the air. you felt his warm breath against your vagina before he drove his tongue inside you, seeing for himself how wet he had made you and tasting your arousal. you clasped your hands over your mouth to stop yourself from releasing any sounds.

'don't do that. I want to hear how good I make you feel,' changmin complained.

when he slid two fingers inside you, you couldn't hold it in anymore and let out some kind of aroused squeal. you felt self-conscious but it seemed like changmin was only more eager to please you.

at the same time, his tongue was abusing your swollen clit and it was impossible for you to hold back the curses that were spilling out of your mouth. the pleasure he was making you feel was a whole different sensation from anything else you've experienced before.

'more please, changmin!' you begged. you wanted more. you needed more. you needed him.

he carefully lowered your hips back down. 'are you sure you want this?' he asked you, waiting for you to clearly consent to having sex with him.

'I want you. you, and only you,' you reassured him and brought his face closer to kiss him. changmin's typical bright smile formed and you felt the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

he positioned himself at your entrance, swiping his dick between your folds like a credit card to coat it with your juices.

you gripped his arms tightly as he pushed in. he slowly continued until all of him was buried deep inside you before stopping. the feeling of a whole penis inside of you was very different from your or changmin's fingers. it filled you up to the brim and was rubbing all the good spots. while it initially caused you a bit of discomfort, it wasn't overwhelming and it also felt good in a weird way.

when your walls finished adjusting to his length, he began to steadily move his dick in and out.

changmin intensely studied your face. he couldn't believe that after all those years you were finally close to being his. he wanted to savor every single expression you made while he was inside you.

you wrapped your legs around his torso, trying to push him deeper. he slammed his cock back inside you.

'you are mine,' he declared and started going harder and faster.

'I am yours,' you confirmed and wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him in for a kiss.

because of the extensive foreplay and your own masturbation prior to this, it didn't take long until your walls were tightening around his dick and you felt an orgasm approaching.

driven wild by you clenching around his cock, he thrusted into you even faster. you rested your sweaty foreheads against each other as both of you almost came simultaneously.

changmin kissed the top of your head before he pulled out and threw away the used condom. you opened your arms and he let himself fall right into your embrace.

'I know this might be kind of weird to talk about right now but do you want to be my girlfriend?' Changmin asked you. he still wasn't too sure what all of this meant for your relationship and he desperately needed to know where your mind was at.

'after having liked you for all this time I'd be an idiot to say no.' 'you're an idiot anyway,' he teased. you slapped his arm.

'hey! I'm not the one who ignored you for a couple of months because my hormones are out of control.' you hid your face in the crook of his neck, too embarrassed face him.

'I'm really sorry for that. you just mean so much to me and I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship.' he stroked your hair.

'I do understand that. if I hadn't heard you moan my name today I wouldn't have acted on my feelings either. but all is good now, right?' 'right.' you smiled and placed a small kiss below his ear.

'there is still one thing you need to do,' changmin tried to remind you. you looked at him, puzzled.

'what do you mean?' 'younghoon,' he hinted. you immediately started looking for your phone. that date was definitely going to have to be cancelled. there was no need for you to find a distraction anymore since you had been granted your wish after all.

[fanimesenseiwrites]

So I had piece commissioned of my MC, Hoshiko Higure, presenting as both female and male.

The artist is karoshin_arts on Instagram.

And to go along with the art is a little fic I wrote, mostly, about Hoshiko coming out to the boys.

This fic takes place after Belphie gets out of the attic and before the MC goes home for the first time.

Hoshiko's Coming Out

Hoshiko stood in front of their full length mirror in their bedroom, staring at their reflection.

They were dressed for school but instead of wearing the skirt, they had decided to wear uniform pants today. They were also wearing a binder underneath their dress shirt, effectively hiding their breasts. They tied the top half of their hair back before putting on their circle rim glasses.

They stared at themselves in the mirror once they were totally ready.

"Okay... you look good. You can do this. Everything is gonna be fine," they told themself, trying to psych themself up.

They nodded at themself in the mirror before walking out into the hallway.

Mammon was headed to Hoshiko's room as they were walking out.

"Hey Ho... shi..." Mammon stopped mid step and mid sentence and just stared at Hoshiko. He narrowed his eyes at them, seeming suspicious.

Hoshiko turned a bright red. "It's me! I swear! I'm just... wearing pants..."

"You're doing more than that..." Mammon told them as he finished walking over to them.

"Yeah, I just... sometimes I..." They couldn't look at Mammon. "I don't feel like a girl all the time... sometimes I feel like a boy..." They wrapped their arms around themselves.

"So what, you just wanna wear pants and not have boobs sometimes?"

They looked up at Mammon. "I mean, in not so many words, yeah."

Mammon pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Hoshiko sighed and looked down at the ground. "You don't wanna be my friend anymore, do you?"

"What? Quit your mopin'! I didn't say that!"

Hoshiko looked back up at him.

"I'm your first! You're s'posed to tell me everything, no secrets between us, remember?!" Mammon perched his hands on his hips.

Hoshiko teared up. "Oh, Mammon!" They threw their arms around him and cried into his chest.

"Hey! Don't do that..." he blushed and pushed them away gently. "You'll break your glasses." He offered them a handkerchief from his breast pocket.

Hoshiko nodded and took the handkerchief with a soft sniffle. They took off their glasses and wiped their eyes.

"C'mon, you gotta eat some breakfast before school."

They nodded and headed to the dining room with Mammon. "... Will you stay with me all day?"

Mammon looked at them. "Huh?"

"I... I'm actually afraid of being by myself, looking like this..."

"Oh... yeah, of course. You gotta know the Great Mammon will always protect ya!" He flashed them a brilliant smile.

Hoshiko smiled at him. "Thank you." They grabbed Mammon's hand.

Mammon blushed but squeezed their hand in return.

Everyone looked at them when they entered the dining hall.

"Hey! So today Hoshiko feels like a guy and we're gonna make her feel- well, him-"

Hoshiko nudged him.

He stopped talking and looked at Hoshiko.

"You can just use they/them," Hoshiko told him.

"Right!" He looked back at his brothers. "So we're gonna make them feel comfortable and if ya don't, I'll kill ya," he was actually the most serious Hoshiko had ever seen him.

Hoshiko squeezed his hand. "Calm down, it's not that serious."

He looked back at Hoshiko. "Yes it is. Your feelings are important."

Hoshiko smiled at him. "I appreciate you saying that."

"Mammon is right," Lucifer spoke before dabbing his mouth with a napkin.

Hoshiko and Mammon looked at him.

"Your feelings are important, Hoshiko. If there's anything you need or if anyone gives you any flak, you let me know," only Lucifer could say something so sweet, yet so venom filled.

Hoshiko nodded. "I will, thank you."

Lucifer nodded. "Of course."

"Have you always felt this way?" Satan asked Hoshiko.

Hoshiko looked at him. "Uh... it's hard to say. It's only been in the last like... 3 years that I had the terminology to describe how I feel."

"And what is the correct terminology?" Satan asked as he pulled out his DDD and opened up a note taking app.

"I'm genderfluid. Which means I don't fit into the typical binary model of gender. Even though I am biologically female, I don't always want to present myself as traditionally female."

"Conforming to gender norms when it comes to clothing is so boring," Asmo commented. "You should just do what makes you happy."

Hoshiko smiled at him. "I like that. Thank you."

Asmo smiled brightly at them. "Of course, love!"

"So wait..." Belphie started.

Everyone looked at him.

"This is new to everyone, not just me?"

Beel nodded. "This is the first I've heard of it."

"So, you've felt like this for at least 3 years?" Belphie asked Hoshiko.

Hoshiko blushed and nodded, understanding what Belphie was getting at.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" Levi asked.

"I didn't feel comfortable showing y'all until now. Even getting ready this morning I was nervous as hell."

Levi only nodded.

"Okay, I think that's enough questions for now," Lucifer interjected. "It's time to get to school."

Hoshiko was actually grateful that Lucifer had stopped them from asking them questions, they could feel themself getting overwhelmed.

Hoshiko smiled slightly at Lucifer before getting up and clearing their plate from the table.

The brothers followed suit, then everyone left for RAD together.

True to his word, Mammon stayed next to Hoshiko all day, though they didn't really need any protecting as they had originally thought.

After school, at the student council meeting, Diavolo asked Hoshiko how their first day presenting as a male was.

"It went well! Most folks were more curious anything. Azazel asked if I actually did have magical abilities because of how I changed my appearance. I thought that was funny. And Solomon offered to teach me how to make potions to deepen my voice for when I want to present as a guy. And Mephistopheles said I was stunning no matter how I presented..."

Most of the brothers rolled their eyes, but Mammon let out a little growl.

Hoshiko smacked his arm. "He was just bein' nice."

"Uh huh..." he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.

Diavolo chuckled at their interaction. "Well I'm glad today went so well for you, Hoshiko."

Hoshiko grinned. "I was really surprised, I thought that maybe at least a couple folks would give me hard time, but no one did."

"Demons are not usually so concerned with presentations of gender like that," Barbatos informed them.

"Oh... well I wish I had known that sooner, I wouldn't have been freaking out as much about today."

"That's not true," Barbatos corrected them.

Hoshiko pouted. "I don't like it when you call me out like that."

Barbatos chuckled softly.

Diavolo grinned. "Well I'm glad that our residents didn't take advantage of Hoshiko being a human when they changed their appearance. This is good for the exchange program!"

"I concur," Lucifer interjected.

"Well that concludes today's meeting," Diavolo announced before standing up.

Everyone else stood up with him.

Diavolo left the table before anyone else moved.

Asmo ran over to Hoshiko. "Hoshiko! Do you want to go shopping? We can pick you out some more masculine looking clothes if you want."

Hoshiko grinned. "I'd like that."

"I'm goin' too," Mammon declared.

Asmo pouted. "Why do you have to go?"

"Hoshiko asked me to stay by their side all day, so that's what I'm gonna do!"

Hoshiko chuckled. "That was when I thought I was gonna get made fun of or even beat up. I know I'll be okay now, so you don't have to stay with me."

"Nope. You asked so I'm gonna stay with you all day. The Great Mammon doesn't break a promise."

"What?! Since when?!" Levi interjected. "You still haven't paid me back!"

"Yeah, you obviously just want to be next to Hoshiko," Asmo pointed out.

"What?! That ain't so!" Mammon protested as a blush appeared on his cheeks.

Hoshiko chuckled at them. "Come on, we can all go shopping. It's not that big of a deal."

Asmo sighed. "Alright, as long as you're happy." He smiled slightly.

"We'll all be happy, I'll treat you two to dinner afterwards," Hoshiko promised.

Asmo beamed. "Okay!"

The trio went out to go shopping and went out to dinner before returning home to the House of Lamentation.

Hoshiko walked in sporting a new lavender suit and purple dress shirt.

Asmo insisted on showing them off to everyone in the house.

Hoshiko got a little embarrassed when Asmo dragged them to Lucifer's study. "Asmo, he doesn't care..."

"That's not true! Lucifer!" Asmo called as they walked into the study.

Lucifer looked up at them from where he sat at his desk.

"Look at our handsome little exchange student!" He exclaimed as he spun them around, giving Lucifer the full view.

Hoshiko was blushing.

Lucifer chuckled. "You look nice, Hoshiko. Though it is apparent that Asmo picked out that suit."

"That doesn't sound like a compliment," Asmo said with a pout.

"I just think Hoshiko would look better in something darker."

"There's more colors besides black and red, Lucifer," Asmo informed him.

Hoshiko chuckled at their interaction.

Lucifer glanced at Hoshiko briefly. "Asmo, would you leave us? I'd like to speak to Hoshiko alone for a moment."

"Ooh, okay!" Asmo sang just before leaving the room.

Hoshiko felt their ears get hot. "Uh, am I in trouble?"

"No, not at all. Please, take a seat." He motioned to a chair right in front of his desk.

Hoshiko nodded and sat down, crossing their legs as they did so.

"I just wanted to ask how your day went."

"It went well, you were there in the meeting when I told Lord Diavolo how it went."

"I just wanted to verify that nothing has changed since then. Make sure my brothers haven't harassed you about it."

Hoshiko laughed. "No, it's been fine. I appreciate your concern though."

Lucifer smirked. "How has your stay in Devildom been, thus far?"

"Aside from nearly dying like four times, it's been great!" Hoshiko teased.

Lucifer pursed his lips. "Right..."

"I'm only kidding with you. I've actually had a good time and I've learned a lot... it's kinda sad to think about how I'll be leaving in just a couple months."

Lucifer smiled slightly. "I'm glad you think of it that way."

"It certainly helped that all my housemates were hot too," Hoshiko told him with a wink.

Lucifer couldn't help the blush that rose to his cheeks. "Hoshiko," he chided.

Hoshiko snickered. "I'm just teasing you. That's a good thing. It means I'm comfortable with you now."

Lucifer hummed. "Should you be?"

"Is there a reason I shouldn't be?" Hoshiko asked with a sly smile.

Lucifer stared them down, frustrated at his inability to give them an answer. "... Regardless, we've been happy to host you. I'm glad you were chosen for the program."

Hoshiko rolled their eyes. "Are you going to continue to be this formal until I leave?"

"Perhaps," Lucifer replied simply.

"Uh huh." Hoshiko stood up and straightened their suit jacket. "Well I will be upfront with my feelings and tell you that I like you and all your brothers and I'm really enjoying my time here... I hope we can all still be good friends after I leave."

Lucifer watched them and smiled slightly. "I think my brothers will be lost without you here."

"I think I'll be lost without all their crazy antics keeping me busy," Hoshiko laughed.

Lucifer chuckled.

"Hoshiko!" Asmo squealed as they ran into the room and went to hide behind Hoshiko.

"Speaking of crazy antics," Hoshiko said to Lucifer before looking at Asmo. "What is-?"

Hoshiko jumped at being suddenly sprayed in the back of the head with water. They whipped around to see Mammon standing in the doorway with a water gun.

"Oh you're gonna get it now!" Hoshiko told him with a grin.

"Good luck catching me!" Mammon told them before running away.

Hoshiko quickly ran after him.

Asmo ran after the two, not wanting to miss out on the fun.

Lucifer shook his head with a soft smile on his face. He knew the "crazy antics" would never stop, but he was grateful for a particular human that had caused them to become less deadly.

[xpao-bearx]

Part 1 HERE

NOTE: OMG I really wasn't expecting for the previous first part of Heavenly Sins to blow up as it did, but I just wanted to give a huuuge THANK YOU to all of you amazing folks!! 🥰🥰🥰 Your support truly means so fooken much to trashy ol' meh and y'all are the reason I am writing this story series in the first place :')

I do have my ideas, but I still don't know much yet of what to do or even how long (or short) this story will get. So, if you would continue to give me your mindblowing support, it would seriously mean the W O R L D.

I do, however, very much enjoy writing Negan in particular so far. He's one of my absolute fave characters ever and JEFFREY DEAN FUCKIN' MORGAN NEED I SAY MOAR?!? 🥵💕💕

But this second part will be focusing a bit more on our beloved sheriff Ricky boi! Of course, Daryl will also get some much deserved love and attention tho I think he will appear in the story a lil later on.

Also, if you ever feel compelled, you are more than welcome to take some inspo from this story and make your own imagines and such! I'd love to see 'em, so please tag me 😁

P.S. There won't always be long ass notes like this, only if I wanna say something or bring up whatever is important. Also, if you wanna be tagged on any new/future story parts, then just tell moi and I will dedicate the latest one to the people who wanted to be tagged!

DEDICATED TO: The wonderful @buttercandy16 💖

"Heavenly Sins"

Part 2

After your little spiel, you haven't spoken to Negan since then. But on the way home after church, you passed by his house and found him tinkering away on his motorcycle (which you previously learned he interestingly named Lucille) in the garage. Not being able to help yourself, you paused in your tracks and just curiously watched him for a while.

His leather jacket was off, revealing a plain white t-shirt. The shirt was quite tight, and you noted how it perfectly hugged the taut muscles of his chest. Your eyes then slowly trailed to his toned arms, adorned by tattoos you wished you had a better look at. He stopped briefly, placing his tools down before grabbing the hem of his shirt and wiping the sweat on his forehead.

You didn't even think twice as your eyes dropped, hyperfocused on his abs. He wasn't the buffest guy out there, but he was lean and fit and--to put it bluntly--hot. A part of you screamed bloody murder to get a grip on yourself, to just turn your stiff body around and proceed on home. But another part completely squashed down those protests without even a fight; as if your pathetic excuse of a resolve wasn't even meant in the first place.

"Take a goddamn picture, darlin'. It'll last longer."

Your head snapped up, meeting the tantalizing hazel stare of Negan. His lips were curled in a smug smirk, and nevermore in your entire life have you wanted to both slap and kiss someone so badly.

But you only clicked your tongue, shooting him a sharp glare before (at last!) turning and walking away as you hid your blush. In the distance, his amused chuckle begrudgingly sounded like the sweetest fucking music to your ears.

♡♡♡

You woke up at 7:05 a.m. like you typically did the next morning, Monday. It was the dawn of a new week, and while most people dreaded it you actually didn't mind it so much. You had your job to thank for that.

Sure, it wasn't always easy, but it was worth it in the end. You loved teaching and spending time with the children, and you were even more ecstatic since you knew Judith was going to be at the daycare.

As you finished eating breakfast and preparing for the day, you grabbed your bag then went out the door. You opted to walk again today, the weather far too beautiful to miss plus the daycare really wasn't that far away.

Eventually arriving at your destination, you approached the daycare building's doors with a little spring in your step. Once inside, a young woman with her blonde hair high in a ponytail smiled and waved.

"Hi, Y/N! Goodmorning!" Beth Greene greeted energetically.

"Morning, Beth." You chuckled, the girl's radiant smile infectious. You've known Beth for some time now, especially since the Greenes were one of the oldest families in Alexandria and they were well respected. But you got along best with Beth, you thought she was the friendliest and she was also the latest hire of the daycare.

Stashing your bag away in your personal locker, you fixed yourself up a bit before getting your nametag and sticking it on your top. Looking up at the wall clock, you read that it was 7:50 a.m. Perfect, just in time for the kids' drop-offs.

You waited outside with Beth and the rest of the daycare workers, until finally the parents started rolling in. It was the usual; some of the children were wailing, snot snivelling down their nose as their embarrassed parents tried to tug them away from clinging onto their legs. You could only offer a sympathetic smile as you tried to help, while other children were much more relaxed and didn't even spare a second glance at their parents as they were dropped off.

"Well, that's about all of them." Beth piped up.

"Wait, we're still waiting for Judith." You said, searching for the toddler. "Rick said she'd be here."

Beth checked her watch, her brows creasing a little in worry. "That's odd. Sheriff Grimes is never late when he's dropping Judith off."

Just as she said that, there was a honk that disrupted the peace. You and Beth both spotted a crying Judith being held by Lori, the woman appearing utterly exhausted before her eyes locked with yours and didn't waste another second dashing towards you.

"Please don't run when you're holding Judith. Also, no honking is allowed on the premises." It was hard for you to keep the malice out of your voice, but you mentally gave yourself a pat on the back since you miraculously managed to not make it sound the worst it could get.

Lori raised a brow at you, but only handed Judith over to you. Judith immediately quieted down when she saw it was you, you cooing gently at her as she giggled and snuggled up comfortably against your chest.

"Rick will be picking her up later." Was all Lori said, pressing a quick peck on Judith's curly little head before parting ways. As Lori rushed back to the car, you saw Shane in the driver's seat shamelessly attack her neck with fervent kisses and you couldn't restrain an eyeroll.

"Fucking bitch..." You grumbled.

"Uh-oh. Bad!" Judith giggled again, clapping her hands gleefully.

"Right, right. Bad. Don't copy me, okay?" You laughed, completely forgetting about your aggravation as you rubbed your nose with Judith's and went inside.

♡♡♡

The rest of the day rolled along splendidly. No one threw a tantrum and for the most part, all the kids properly shared the wide assortment of toys and even did their activities orderly and on time. So, you decided to indulge them with a small yet much sought after reward.

Painting.

When it comes down to children, painting can be utter chaos. But you figured since they were being so good, you'd allow it. At the daycare you worked in, painting was quite a rare occurrence and that only solidified how much the kids adored it.

Once the materials were set out, it was a dizzying flurry of excited hands grabbing anything it could latch on to. As the kids went about doing their creative business, you found Judith all alone sitting in the corner playing around with some blocks.

"Whatcha doin' there, Judi?" You asked, sweetly calling out her nickname. "You don't wanna paint?"

"I wanna, but not with papers." She replied, shaking her head.

"Oh? Then where do you wanna paint?"

"I wanna paint on faces, but no one wants me to!"

"If that's the case, then I'd be more than happy to let you paint my face." You smiled.

"Really?!" Judith's whole face lit up, jumping up and wrapping her tiny arms around you as tightly as she could. "Thank youuu!"

You chuckled, ruffling her hair and watching as she happily gathered some paint and brushes.

♡♡♡

It was finally the end of a long day, and your face felt a bit itchy from the paint Judith put on you. But it didn't matter; as long as the little girl was happy, it was the best damn day ever.

You were holding Judith's hand as you waited outside for Rick to pick her up, and once he came up with his car Judith beamed.

"Daddy!"

"Hello, sweetheart. Did you have a nice day?" His face looked tired, his greying beard making him appear slightly older than he really was, but his smile was genuine as he carried Judith in his strong arms.

"The bestest! Y/N lemme paint her face!"

"She did, huh? What did you pai--oh my god."

You bursted into laughter at his reaction, flashing him a toothy grin. "In the words of Judi: You're a pretty tiger! Grr!"

"Now that you mention it, I can see it." Rick joined in your laughter, nodding his head. "Looks like we've got a talented lil artist in our hands!"

"Daddy, I wanna paint your face next! You can be daddy tiger and Y/N can be mommy!" Judith proclaimed.

You and Rick flushed pink at the same exact time, but Rick was quick to clear his throat and change the topic. "A-Anyways, Y/N, how 'bout me and the kids give you a ride? Thank you for today, by the way."

"No problem, and sure! Thanks so much."

As you settled in the passenger's seat, two hands covered your eyes from behind. "Guess who~?"

"Hmm..." You hummed, making a show of thinking. "Are you an elf?"

"No!" The hands were removed, Carl popping his head out from the backseat to look at you as he laughed. "It's me!"

"Oh, sorry! You're just so short, I thought you were an elf." You teased good naturedly.

Carl huffed, sticking his tongue out at you. "Y'know, in a few years, I'll be way taller than you!"

Once Rick was done buckling Judith into her carseat, he took his place in the driver's seat and drove out of the premises. You just talked about anything that came to mind: work, the weather, Alexandria's local shops, etc. To anyone else, maybe it seemed like regular boring conversation. But speaking with Rick was truly one of the highlights of any of your days. He was extremely easy to talk to, and he never failed to cheer you up. And it was obvious Rick was the same. He was allowed to simply be himself around you; to loosen up, momentarily forget about the stress and sometimes even the woes that came along with being the town's upstanding sheriff.

As you were nearing your home, Carl decided to cut in.

"Y/N, can we stay at your house? It's been a while since we had a sleepover." Carl asked, his baby blue eyes identical to Rick's alight with hope.

It wouldn't be the first time Rick and the kids would be staying over. You were very close to the Grimes family, sometimes even almost considering them as your own. You didn't mind it. Since you lived alone, it can get pretty lonely. And having people around surely brightened up the house and made you keep your sanity.

"I don't mind, but you gotta ask your dad." You chuckled.

Carl turned to Rick, pouting and giving his best puppy dog eyes. Rick rolled his eyes, but couldn't suppress an inkling of a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. But let me drop you and Judith off with Y/N first. I'll be back, I just need to get some extra clothes and essentials."

"YAY!" Carl cheered, Judith following suit as they both raised their arms and hollered.

"You're so whipped for them." You laughed, shaking your head as you looked at Rick.

"I ain't denying that." He sighed dramatically, grinning.

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #142: A Formidable Album (5/21/21)

So... how 'bout that album release week?

There's so much to cover; the release of nine new songs, the hype that's building for the World's Best Band to return to the stage, and (if we're able to come up for air) the massive speculation of what the future brings for our band.

I'm gonna get right into it, laying out my thoughts regarding this bold new album and covering all the most notable news from the week. I'll be sharing my (mostly) positive opinions about Scaled and Icy under the Read More line; I hope they're the start of a fun conversation with all of y'all who have stuck around through this last year.

Scaled and Icy Review

First, my general thoughts on the album: It's good! Really good. Do I think it's a no-skip like Vessel or a cohesive piece of art like Trench? Absolutely not! But it's also not the potential misfire that I worried that we might be getting when I first heard "Saturday" (more on that later); I think all of the songs are at least good, and some of them are downright great tracks that hold up with anything else that our band has ever released. It is also indisputably very different, but I think that generally works pretty well. Many of the songs evoke '60s rock or Britpop sounds and structures that you can tell Tyler is still trying to navigate, but I think he does a very solid job at adapting them to suit his strengths- namely his lyricism and knack for melody- rather than change to suit them. Unfortunately, this does result in a bit of square-peg-in-round-hole syndrome at times; most of the rap verses on the album feel like they're here just to fulfill an obligation to fans who would be mad if they weren't here, and most of the songs that use them are the weakest ones in the project.

"Good Day" plays a major role in getting the rest of the album to work as well as it does. Its gradual ramp-up, introducing the sound that will be used throughout the rest of the album. Its playfulness belies its message about how one can project a somewhat false optimism for oneself in the midst of tragedy: the type of dark stuff in a bright package that Tyler is so so good at. It's perhaps not an instant classic, but I am excited to see how it comes across when it's eventually used as a show-opener. 9/10

I've of course already discussed "Shy Away"; an anthemic, inimitably catchy track that I just wish had a bit more going on under the hood. Still going to be so good to hear thousands of voices scream "An 'I LOVE YOU' that isn't words!" someday. 9.5/10

"Choker" definitely took a little bit to grow on me. I think part of that was a bit of disappointment from over-inflated expectations and the environment I was in when I first heard it. With further listens, I fall more and more in love with the melody of the song... well, most of it. Like the rest of this album, the biggest weakness in the song is when Tyler tries to tick the box of having a rap verse; it just feels really out of place, unfinished, and almost amateurish, and it doesn't end the song on the note that it really should. Without it, it'd be one of my favorites on the album; with it, "Choker" is a solid 8.5/10.

Speaking of unfinished-sounding songs really hurt by their rap verse: "The Outside". There's a definite something to the vibe of the song, but that seemingly nonsensical verse is one of the two weakest parts of the entire project for me. The way the song meanders only adds to the feeling that there wasn't as much energy and attention paid to it compared to other parts of the project. It's pretty easily my least favorite track on Scaled and Icy, and the only one I might regularly skip. I've also seen plenty of people saying it's the best song on the album, so please tell me why I'm wrong! 6.5/10

"Saturday", as mentioned above, had me really nervous about this album. Like "Choker", it's grown on me a bit since I first heard it, in part because it fits better with the context of the rest of the album. However, this one really does feel undercooked lyrically and overreliant on the novelty of using a disco-inspired sound that seems to chase trends more than almost any other TØP track. The inclusion of that very sweet audio clip from Jenna boosts the song in some ways, but also adds to the disappointment in others; there are many other songs on this project that would be more worth surrendering time watching Friends. Thankfully, those come next. 7/10

"Never Take It" is fascinating. I never thought I'd hear a Rolling Stones-style song from Tyler Joseph featuring a gd guitar solo of all things, and it actually sounds pretty great. However, I also predict that this song will see some of the greatest critical scrutiny out of all the songs on the album. The lyrics seem to be Tyler's criticism of the media for playing up division in our society, but he's extremely vague when discussing which entities are spreading said division and ultimately recommends that people "educate yourself, but never too much". I'll be honest: maybe it's the fact that it sounds like something my dad would listen to, but it feels like this would get tons of play on Fox News. Since it makes specific reference to the events of last summer, it's hard not to feel like song is at least partially inspired by Tyler's brush with cancellation last year. Maybe I'm reading too deeply into it, but those reservations come from the song's lack of specificity, which is an issue of songwriting more than politics. They hold me back from truly loving a song that still manages to be one of the most exciting the band has ever put out. 8.5/10

"Mulberry Street" seems like the perfect realization of the entire album's intended tone. It is so pleasant, so lush while also simply produced, full of great lyrics, metaphors, and imagery. It really brings the whole project together, even if it's missing That One Line to really move this up to the top tier of the canon. 9.5/10

"Formidable" is the best song on the album and one of two songs I would truly rank in the top tier of the band's canon. Extremely pleasant and brimming with well-crafted lines to make your heart swoon. Jenna (and Rosie) is (are) a lucky gal(s). Or is it about Josh? Who's to say? 10/10

"Bounce Man" is just plain wild. I think Tyler's smuggling someone to Mexico to escape the feds? The playfulness of it all really covers up any frustration I might have with the clarity; it makes it clear that there's not really stakes here, just vibes. 8.5/10

"No Chances" sees the album take a turn that I'm sure the Reddit Clique is going to have an absolute field day with; it and "Redecorate" both sound quite different from the rest of the album and evoke enough elements of Trench to make me think that's it's actually possible that all this 'SAI is Propaganda' stuff might actually have something to it... until I actually pick apart the lyrics, then I'm even more confused. The song has some of the best rapping on the album, though that's not saying much (the feng shui line is a groaner right out the gate) and the gentle pre-chorus is really pleasant. I still haven't made up my mind on whether the chorus is effective or just plain goofy. This one might get worse or better on repeat listens, impossible to say for now. 7.5/10

"Redecorate" rounds out the album by opening with a Clancy quote (Tyler, you bastard), firmly setting this as a coda to Trench more than the album we just listened to. The rest of the song is really storytelling, with Tyler describing a bunch of people who are struggling deeply. The idea of "redecorating" here stands for how they are faced with the option to clean and resort their own spaces and lives or leave that to their loved ones to do after they're gone. By the time it gets to the album's name drop, you begin to wonder how much of this is potential autobiographical of the last year. It's moving stuff, a callback to some of the great strengths of the band's discography. 10/10

If I average those scores all up, this project ranks below almost every album among the Pilots discography on my rating scale, very narrowly edging out Self-Titled. That's still a very solid 8.6. Scaled and Icy is a very good album on first listen. We'll see how I feel about it after having a little more time to sit with it, but I've rambled enough: let's move through the rest of the week's news.

Other News

Of course, there was a lot else going on this week! To accompany the release of "Saturday", Zane Lowe over at Apple Music dropped an interview with Tyler. As usual, Zane did a pretty solid job of getting to the heart of the craft and the creation process. However, Tyler also wound up skirting a lot of the questions to just talk more about how much he loves being a dad, which makes me happy; if the cost of getting a little less attention and mental energy devoted to the music is that little girl getting all of his attention, that's honestly preferable for me.

The album rollout is not even close to over. Later today, the concert will be streamed live. It's our first real performance that we've gotten from the band since 2019, but the previews that we've seen have completely exceeded any of my expectations, and really anything that we've seen from the band. It appears that they've transformed the entire arena (which I think is the ol' Schott at Ohio State) into a whole TØP world, with different sets laden with Easter eggs and a cast of backup dancers. If the website can hold up to the traffic (and I acknowledge that might be a big ask), this could really live up to Tyler's promise of this being the best livestreamed concert ever.

Oh, and this guy dyed his hair pink.

What a time to be a fan. Catch you all tomorrow.

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Capt. Syverson-Chapter One: Evaluation

Pairing: Captain “Sy” Syverson x OFC (Shane Benton)

Shane Benton gets a new patient, veteran “Sy” Syverson. He’s one of the most complex cases she’s had, in more ways than one. She thinks he’s already starting to like her and what’s worse...she feels the same.

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: None, really, mentions of war and trauma and some hate on the Chicago Cubs, but like…it’s not MEAN! (I’m a Missouri girl, and for the purposes of this fic, Sy is a Missouri boy, and we will bleed for our sports teams. Lol!)

A/N: Inspired by this post right here, and hopefully turning into some splendid fluffy and smutty stuff for my lovely Cavillry babes all around including the two that essentially forced me into this. Lol! (I’m thinking I’ll have at least three or four more chapters.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3.

Tags: @onlyhenrys @cavillryarchive

Let me know if you wish to be added to the list! I’m happy to do it! 

Shane was working on her morning's notes as she scarfed down her lunch. So many hand's-on patients made for a busy so called "lunch hour." Time which their boss was always reminded them was only half for their personal use, and could be taken away if census demanded. She was pretty sure it wasn't legal to make such threats, but thankfully, the secretaries usually had the therapists backs.

As she typed, she got a notification in her messenger app.

Just a head's up, your 1:30 is such a major babe I could barely look at him while I checked him in, so good luck with that.

Heather, one of her best friends in the office, had warned her, as she always did when there was a potential problem with a patient.

Oh, and his KOOS score is 27.5! Yikes! Shit, she'd seen arthritic grandparents with better scores on that test, which essentially rated your ability with the affected knee. Ideal was 100. She pulled up his chart review to see what she was getting herself into with this guy.

Tricare insurance, so, a vet. And only a year older than she was, so, recent discharge, or even active duty. She pulled up his order…shit. Traumatic tear of the anterior cruciate ligament. With damage to the medial collateral ligament as well. And a patellar dislocation. Repairs had been done, but this guy was in bad shape. He was going to be coming a while.

She replied to Heather.

Damn, that's bad. I'm looking at his order, and I'm already thinking I'm gonna want to try to keep him on my schedule if we can. And three times a week. If not with me, Jordan, if he's got openings. Can you start working on that when you have time?

Sure thing…I think you'll be glad you kept him on your caseload once you get a look at his face…and like all of him. Even on crutches, he's tall as shit!

Heather, come on. I'm a professional. I have a doctorate ffs. Lol

You also have a uterus, to the best of my knowledge, and it's about to explode. Promise.

Haha, okay. I'll be out for Prince Charming in about ten. Lemme pop a breath mint and run a brush through my hair.

Good call.

Shane did just that, but still pulled her dark hair back into her customary functional high ponytail, made sure there was no stray food on her shirt, and headed out of her treatment room for her patient.

As she walked down the hall to the waiting area to get him, she noticed a slumped and bearded figure leaning forward on a set of crutches, a KC Chiefs baseball cap slipping up off of his forehead revealing short cropped dark hair. She smiled at his repping one of her home teams, and stepped up to him, greeting him warmly, but formally.

"Mr. Syverson?"

"Ma'am." he said, as he adjusted his cap and stood immediately at attention, still relying on the crutches, but making himself as tall as possible. He really was a soldier. Despite her proximity to Fort Leonard Wood here in St. Robert, Missouri, she didn't see many military men.

"Hi, My name is Shane. I'm a physical therapist. I'm going to be working with you today."

"Oh, okay. They told me my therapists name was Shane, I figured…"

"Yeah, I get that a lot. Don't worry, I act like one of the guys. You'll hardly notice."

"I doubt that." he muttered, but she ignored it. She didn't know which would be worse. Him being a macho chauvinist who couldn't deal with a female therapist, or having a crush on her and making things weird. She'd had both. And it never ended well for her.

"Well, let's go have a chat in the treatment room."

They walked toward the room she'd just left, and when they arrived, she asked him to set on her plinth mat.

"Could you please verify your date of birth for me? Gotta make sure I got the right patient in here."

"May the 5th, 1983."

"Thanks, and the last four of your social?"

He told her, quietly, and against her will, a shiver ran up her spine at the softness the bear of a man exhibited in his voice when trying to maintain privacy. But she kept her composure.

"Excellent." she began typing her eval note, and asking him questions. He began telling the harrowing story of the mission, the mission that effectively ended his career in the military as he knew it. At lest, what he could tell her. Obviously some of it was classified, but certain details she would need to know in order to know how he it and how to treat him. She could tell he was trying to hold it together. Reliving the trauma was probably triggering to an extent. Her heart went out for the broad-chested, blue-eyed man.

"God, that's incredible. The fact that you're alive is amazing, Mr. Syverson."

"I go by Sy, ma'am. And as aware as I am of that, it's tough to feel good about it when some friends in my squad weren't so lucky." he examined the pattern on the tile floor as he rubbed the heel of his hand against the wide thigh of his injured leg. A nervous habit, she presumed. She had similar quirks.

"That must be difficult for you." she knew she was getting off-track from what she needed for her SOAP note, but after all, he was going to be on her caseload exclusively for the foreseeable future. She'd have time to flesh out the goals and basically finish the eval next visit.

"Yeah, but I know there's a lotta guys' got it worse'n me, ma'am."  

"We think that should make it better, but it never does. And if I'm calling you 'Sy,' you have to cut the ma'am business. It's Shane, even to my patients." she smiled.

"Sorry, m--sorry. Habits die hard."

"Just like John McClean." she chuckled, not expecting him to get her ridiculous movie humor. But he laughed.

"Did you just make a Die Hard reference?" he smiled, and the sunshine of it paired with the stunning blue of his eyes nearly sent her flying into the wall. Thankfully, she had something to occupy her gaze in the form of her laptop, where she tried to document on him.

"Did you just get one of my movie references? Because nobody around here appreciates that I'm a total movie nerd. I'm wasted on these people."

"Ya know, maybe you're right about feeling like I'm getting PT from a guy." he chuckled.

"I told ya!" she laughed, but tried not to let her heart sink too far.

The evaluation continued with her doing strength and range of motion measurements on his knee. "Okay, push against my hand…now resist when I push…now bring your foot back against my hand…and resist when I pull." she did this with both sides to compare relative strength. "Great job. Okay, I'm going to see how much range you have in your knee. Lay back on the table for me, please." she thought she saw a flirty glint in his eye, but again, she ignored it. She had a job to do. And it was to hold this goniometer up to his knee and see how many degrees of flexion and extension this man had in the joint while trying not to think any salacious thoughts about the thigh connected to it.

"Okay, now, listen, Sy, I know it goes against your instinct, but I'm looking for pain-free range of motion, here, so don't be a hero. Don't move it farther than you can without hurting it. And let me know if it starts to hurt when I move it."

"Yes, ma'am." he winked.

"I'll let that one slide, I guess." she giggled. She concentrated on the numbers she was getting from the big protractor, and typing them into her eval, and not the man lying before her.

"Okay, I'm gonna get the other knee now to compare for goals."

He nodded.

"Were you pretty active before this happened?" she was more or less making small talk, as she could tell by the condition of the rest of his body that he was incredibly fit.

"Yes, m--yes, I was. We had a gym on base, nothin' like what y'all have here, just some machines and a few free weights."

"No bikes or treadmills or anything?" She herself liked the elliptical, but knew it was a considered more of a girl's machine in the gym world.

"Nah, with electric being spotty where we were stationed, we sorta had to…get creative, I guess you could say, for cardio." she let it slide, apparently there was an inside joke to which she wasn't privy.

"Right, understandable. Well, here, we don't have to get that creative. I'm gonna put you on some equipment gradually, and just warm up the knee, then get to work on joint mobilization and myofascial release. But at this point in Dr. Potter's protocol, he only wants gentle stretching and weight bearing as tolerated. We can start a bit of strengthening after next week."

"So, you think I'll be back to running anytime soon?"

"We can make that a goal, Sy, because I can absolutely get you there. But you're going to have to take it slow. You've got not one, but three major injuries we have to contend with, and there is major trauma in there. But it will heal. With time and effort. And like I said, don't be a hero. The number one rule of therapy is 'if it hurts, don't do it.'"

"I'll hold you to that, m--Shane."

"You're a quick study, Sy. I think you'll be alright. Looks like Heather's put some appointments in for you already. If any of them don't work, call us, and we'll try to get them swapped. I'd like to keep you on my schedule as much as possible, but if there's a conflict in your schedule, any of our therapists will be terrific. And I'll make sure they're looking at your chart and protocol thoroughly before seeing you."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"Okay, I'm gonna print out your schedule for you, and a few exercise handouts I'd like you to work on, especially on days you don't come here. And I'll know if you don't do them, because you won't have improved…so, you better do them."

"Yes, ma'am." she half expected a salute. She rolled her eyes.

"Okay, maybe I'll give you three strikes on the ma'am thing."

"Baseball fan, too?"

"Not that three strikes is so obscure that I'd have to be to know it, but, yes! Major St. Louis Cardinals fan."

"I knew I was gonna like you from the start. Although, being brought up 'round Kansas City m'self, I'm more of a Royals fan."

"Hey, only time I don't root for KC is when they're playing my Redbirds. And even if my team loses to them, it hurts less than if they lose to, say…the Cubs." they shared a scowl of disdain for the Chicago team. "Although, I was happy for them and their fans when they won the series back in 16."

"Yeah, I guess we could afford to let them win one in a hundred years…I'm hoping their next one comes long after I'm in the ground." he chuckled.

"Can't have them getting a big head, can we?"

"Nope! Sure can't!" they both laughed at their mutual interest in dissing rival sports teams.

"Okay, I'll be right back with those handouts." she ran to the office all in one machine to grab the papers she'd printed for him, making sure they were all his and not another patient's. She put them in one of their folders and headed back to her room where he sat on the mat, waiting for her with a smile under his rather impressive beard.

"Before I let you out of here, what questions can I answer for you about what we did today?"

"Oh, uh, nothing comes to mind. You explained everything really well. Did you look at my schedule? Am I with you all the time?"

"Hmm, let's see here, looks like the next two, yes, but I'm off next week, so Heather put you with Jordan, which is what I asked her to do. You two will work great together and he's got a great instinct for injuries like this. And I'll talk to him before I leave. He's one of the best PTAs I've ever worked with, I promise."

"I guess, if you have to take a vacation. I'll see you next time though."

"I'm looking forward to it. That's when the real work will begin, Sy. And our number is on in this paperwork if you have questions, and I've put my card in here, too." they shook hands, and he grabbed the folder from her.

She saw him out of the room and into the lobby. She'd finished with him a bit early, but her next one was already waiting. She needed a break. To collect herself. To breathe.

"Jason! Hey! Go on and get on the recumbent bike, level two. Ride until I get there. We'll get a lot done today if you're already warmed up. I've got a note to finish. And then I'll be in. I should be 15 or less."

While the 19 year old with a torn meniscus hopped to her instructions, she went back to her computer to attempt to finish Sy's eval and pretend that she didn't already have a serious and intense crush on him. This was going to be a long twelve weeks…at least.

Up Next: Chapter Two-Therapeutic Procedure

[har-rison-s]

stand by me: continued

request: Could you do more adult Stanley domestic fluff? Like the Losers meeting the reader and Stan’s (who managed to stay together since childhood) gaggle of kids after the whole Pennywise ordeal?

A/N: Bonjour madames and monsieurs. Hello. This is so cute. I swear I have so many kid fics with Stanley now, but I get why y'all want more of them. I KNOW. And I don't mind, honestly. Stanley is a perfect dad. Ahsdbfsdh. This just makes my heart swoon. Also, I combined this request with a previous one cos I thought they'd fit well, hope you don't mind, I took “Stand By Me”, yeah I know they're best friends, but ya know, I thought it'd be cool. And I took kid names from “Children Are The Future”, so… yeah :> And I'm keeping Eddie alive, as always. This could be long. Happy reading!

IT masterlist

heaven masterlist

main masterlist

gif credit goes to owner, which isn't me!

Adjusting every detail to leave Derry together wasn't easy, but Y/N and Stanley were smart. They knew their way around their parents, and they knew how to get what they wanted.

The pair got into the same college, found homes for their parents that were in the same city and even figured out how to be roommates in the college. There was the awful fear in them that if they split in a big way at some point, they'd lose each other forever. And neither Stanley, nor Y/N would let that happen.

You'd think it's hard to put up with one person everywhere you go, but for these two it was not called putting up. It was treasuring every moment together and sticking to each other through whatever. They couldn't live without each other if they tried and they would never want to imagine a life without the other.

Because of IT this fear of splitting up or losing each other was only enlarged. Y/N was with him when Stanley went to the hospital to patch his face up, she was there at his Bar-Mitzvah, she was there when everyone started leaving one by one, she has always been there. And to think there'd be a point in their lives where that won't be possible… It's strange to think about, to say the least. Seems impossible.

And, at one point, they woke up with the thought to spend the rest of their lives together. Officially. Somehow a love that was more than friends forever grew into a passionate, romantic love.

It was a sunny day after their both first biology exam. Stanley and Y/N were both tired, but glad that the last exam was done. They walked in silence across the college campus towards their favorite place to eat.

“Let's get married.” Stanley had said in his usual voice and Y/N had looked at him. She wasn't even weirded out or confused, she understood what he had meant. She's been able to read his mind since they were kids.

“When we finish school, okay? I have, like, twenty dollars right now.” She had said in response and it made Stanley laugh. But, of course, he agreed. An official wedding during college years can only happen if you're super rich and always stay up at night (and also have no problem with it). And that's what they wanted - a real cliché wedding.

The love they made that night was magical. It just happened, it wasn't planned or supposed-to-be, it was quite accidental. They discovered each other and their bodies in a way they hadn't before. It was like knowing the other from a completely different side. One of the best nights of their lives.

When the two finished college with shining bright diplomas and recommendations, they did get married. It was a beautiful wedding.

It happened in the summer following their graduation. The guest number was no higher than fifty and they liked it that way. Family, college friends and even some teachers and a few other people were the only ones invited. Stanley and Y/N both felt like they had forgot to invite somebody, or even more than one person. But they could never place who and why, but, eventually, they let the feeling go.

However, when years later, Stanley answered a call from their old friend from Derry, Y/N and he recalled who they had forgot. When Stanley told her who called, it all came back. As if a bottle of champagne had been popped open and everything started to burst out. Their friends, their fears, their adventures and fights and… every little thing.

But they couldn't go. The Uris family were on a well-deserved vacation and were actually too afraid. They told Mike so, and he understood, though he felt everything might fail if they weren't together. The following days after the call were filled with crazy anxiety for the married couple. Y/N was holding the kids close to her at all times and refused to let Stanley go somewhere on his own. The kids were very confused and had a lot of questions, but their parents couldn't even begin to explain. Sounds silly, but the family were even in the bathroom all together. That was the most fearful place of all in the hotel suite.

During a very late night hour, Y/N, still awake reading a book with her husband and kids in bed with her, felt a wave of relief through her entire body. She shed tears from the way it felt. And there was this strange feeling in her right palm. When she looked at it, the scar she'd remembered had started fading and in a few seconds it wasn't there anymore.

Freedom. She was free of fear, she thought, free of her anxieties. It was so sudden and strong, it moved more tears to pour out of her eyes.

She gently woke Stanley and when he came to, she greeted him with the wonderful news. And Stanley realised he felt it, the wave, too. There was no nervousness in his eyes or his hands, no doubts or fears either. And he smiled. Stanley and Y/N cried out of happiness and freedom. So loud that they wakened their kids and made them very confused.

Why is Mommy and Daddy crying? Both daughters and their son asked each other and themselves. But their parents smiled at them and said that everything is alright now, that they're not sad, they're happy. The kids wondered how you can cry when you're happy, but they decided not to ask and layed in their parents arms and fell asleep again. All of them did.

Stanley had never had a better slumber in all his life, he realised. He had never slept so peacefully and so deeply. And without weird dreams or nightmares. This was a clean sleep, without a good dream, even. They were finally free. They were all free.

Y/N and Stanley knew that IT had been killed. That's all this feeling could mean. It couldn't be a coincidence that Mike Hanlon had called and after a few nights they got this freeing feeling and their scars fading. IT was dead. IT was finally dead and done terrorising their lives. They could breathe.

“This is the best I've ever felt in my life, I think.” Stanley had said when they had breakfast that morning. Y/N had looked at him, her eyes in a happy and loving haze. She had nodded, feeling the same.

Mike Hanlon wanted to call again, but Stanley Uris beat him to it. After the Uris family returned from their holiday, they decided to invite their childhood friends over to their house. Firstly, to meet the kids. Secondly, to talk about everything that these 27 years hold.

The kids decided everything about the dinner, starting with the food and ending with where everyone is sitting. They three are supposed to sit in the middle of the left side of the table, like kings and queens did back in the day. They had longer tables, but that doesn't matter. Robin, Jay and Ava wanted to be seated there, so they would be.

Telling the kids about their friends were more fun for Y/N and Stanley than they expected. It was really like a big story, like one out of a book, and the kids loved to hear it. Stanley thought it to be one they'd ask for every night before sleep now.

He hoped his friends hadn't changed at all, well if only for the better, if that could be possible with the friends he had. They were perfect people who had the darkest fears and the most traumatic childhoods. It made Stanley sad to think about how much they all had seen and felt in the bad sense of things. He wished he could erase those bad things, not the good ones. He would have loved to remembered his pack of friends in these 27 years, have people he could see now and then. But he had Y/N. He always had her.

“My name is Jay and I'm sixteen.” The Uris oldest child introduces herself to her parents' friends. Richie, Eddie and everyone else can see the amazing resemblance of Y/N in her. The girl's voice was from Stanley, everything else was a hundred percent Y/N.

“I'm Ava and I'm ten years old.” The other daughter says and gives the Losers a little wave. Her hands then grasp the sides of her dress and she moves slightly from left to right out of pure shyness.

“My name is Robin and I'm five years old.” The only son introduces himself. Bill can really see much more Stanley in this boy than Stanley's daughter, which would only be logical. He has the curls, the eyes, the voice, the posture, and, it seems, the persona.  

“Nice to meet all you guys!” Beverly says and opens her arms for the kids to run into, but everyone laughs when they don't. Y/N ushers them and they run to embrace Beverly, a newly-confirmed aunt for them. The woman's embrace is very warm and loving, the kids can feel it.

“Now, Bev, we wanna have some time with the kids, too.” Richie complains and everyone laughs again.

Watching his kids interact with his childhood friends was something Stanley honestly thought he couldn't ever have, wouldn't have lived to see. But he's so happy.

And he sees that it's easy for his friends to interact with Jay, Ava and Robin. They're all just like Stanley and since they know their way around Stanley, there really is no difficulty with the kids.

Each of the children inhabit something from Stanley and Y/N, and they're such wondrous creatures, those three. Robin and Jay have got their father's eyes. Robin's look just like Stanley's when he was a kid. “They're even the same shape.” Said Eddie about the brown orbs.

Beverly almost shares the same hair color as Robin. His hair is mixed right between Stanley's brown curls and Y/N's golden locks. Together, they make an almost ginger shade. Matches very well with his name and its meaning. (Which Stanley thought is a big win)

Jay's hair is the same color as Stanley's was when he was her age. Light brown, acorn color. But her hair isn't as curly, it's wavy. Beverly loves her hair and recognises it as long as she used to have her hair. The two had a lot to talk about together, their conversation felt endless.

Ava's hair is a very bright color of blonde. Y/N and Stanley don't know how that happened, but their parents assured that it's nothing unusual. It'll grow to be darker with time, it happens with a lot of kids. Ava told Beverly she wants her to braid her hair, so she did.

Dinner was the kids' favorite meal - spaghetti with meatballs. Eddie had forgot his old nickname until Richie lifted some of his spaghetti strands from his plate and grinned. “Eddie, look who it is. I'm eating ya'!” The comedian had exclaimed in a crazed voice and slurped the spaghetti right into his mouth. Made everyone laugh again, including the kids, but not Eddie. He was only slightly smiling and shaking his head.

“Eddie Spaghetti.” Ben had said then, more to himself as a reminder than to everyone at the table. “Wait, what was Stanley's nickname again?” He then asked his friends.

Stanley sighed and rolled his eyes, his face dropping into his arms. Y/N had laughed, but put an arm around her husband's shoulders, showing some support. “Not at the table, guys, please!” Stanley had begged his friends, and, apparently, it had worked, cause they all just snickered to each other.

“I wanna know! I wanna know!” Ava had requested they tell her the nickname her father used to have.

“Later, sweetheart.” Mike had promised and Richie sent a wink her way, which made her blush and giggle. Ava was Richie's favorite kid from then on.

After the dinner, the Uris couple were washing the dirty plates and glasses together, despite their friends offering to do it instead. But the couple insisted. “You've always been like that.” Bill had said to Y/N, his arms dropping by his sides in mock-helplessness.

“Like what?” She had asked him, curious as to what he observed she was like.

“Stubborn. With a good heart.” Bill had told her and Y/N had smiled, drying a particular bowl.

The Losers are watching TV with the kids, a cartoon they really like is on and their parents approved of them watching it. The Losers want to spend as much time with the Uris kids as they can, so they all hop onto the sofa or the available areas around it and start watching the cartoon with the kids.

Richie has Ava in his lap, Beverly is sitting next to Jay and Robin's sitting next to Eddie in the comfy chair. They all look content and happy. Y/N and Stanley hear occasional giggles and actual fits of laughter from the sofa and smile at each other.

“Maybe we should let them stay over.” Stan throws an idea his wife's way. She looks at him, and has the same feeling she had when he suggested they get married. That same exact feeling.

“Well… We could all bunk in our bedroom and lay some mattresses in the kids' room.”

“Or here, in the living room. All in one room.”

“Yeah. Pull out the sofa. Do we still have that stretcher in the attic?”

“We do. I think Eddie could actually fit in Jay's bed, but she would never allow it.” Stanley admits and makes Y/N laugh.

“Neither would he. He'll only sleep in his own bed or one that he's cleaned out.”

Stanley laughs. He looks over at the sofa and TV area, where all his kids and friends sit watching the favored cartoon. He sighs.

Y/N notices him looking and looks, too. She steps closer to Stanley and hugs his torso, her head falls on his chest and her hair touches tickles his chin. He absent-mindedly hugs her back and tilts his head, letting it rest atop hers.

“We have to thank them.” Y/N states in a whispered voice. Stanley nods.

“For saving us.” He adds. “And our children.” He closes his eyes for a few seconds and sighs deeply. Thank God for my friends.

Permanent taglist:  @gabiatthedisco​ @v0idbella@inlovewithmiddleagedcelebs @works-of-fanfiction @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @stfxlou @ur-gunna-h8-ths@empressdreams@betweenloveandfire @but-legendsneverdie@deardeacy@thewinchesterchronicles@mavieesttriste16@mrsmazzello@benhardyseyes @langdonzvoid@intrrverted @the-freak-cassie-131

Stanley Uris tag-list: @nightbu-g @sadhwstudent @shawni-h @gothackedalready @seasidecrowbar @starred-river @raspberryacid @facelessbish @tozierskaspb @plum-duels @whereyoustand​

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #222

“hold your breath, my dear, we’re going under.”

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? No. Have you ever stayed online for a long time waiting for someone? Ha ha, yeah... I did that for Mini a lot when I was younger. Would you survive in prison? I can almost guarantee I'd find a way to kill myself, no. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Probably ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Obsess over if I'm making eye contact correctly. Like the WHOLE time I will be thinking about it. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? I had a lot of childhood cats run over, and that was always hard to see. As for coping, I just... did. What else do you do. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. Mini skirts, slutty or stylish? Um, what you wear doesn't determine whether or not you're "slutty." They don't bother me. Do you like a partner who is clean cut or rugged? A mix. Pale or tan, which would you rather be? I like pale skin, I just don't like the texture of mine. The negative of pale skin is the fact you can see flaws more clearly. Is walking cats strange? (like walking dogs) No. What about kids on leashes? What do you think about that? That shit is wild. Teach your children better, or keep them in your sights at all times if they have some kind of condition that makes it challenging to teach them properly. How many piercings have you had, BESIDES ears, no one cares. Two. New tats in your near future? Whenever I myself have the money, my next tattoo appointment will be to enhance my Mark tribute one to better the galaxy texture. I love the guy who's done my tats so far, but there are better out there, and I don't feel he achieved my vision. This tattoo is WILD important to me; it has to be perfect. After that, a "new" tattoo probably won't happen until I have a job or I'm gifted money. How about piercings or re-piercings? "In the near future" is the criteria I'm guessing is still relevant? It depends on how quickly I lose enough weight for my collarbones to be clearly prominent to get dermals. I've been fucking stagnated for a year, though, so I don't know when the hell that's happening... Who would you like to hang out with? There's a lot of old friends and acquaintances that fit this. Next new thing you are wanting to try! Idk. Some sort of job I can actually accomplish. Would you ever visit a psychic medium? Definitely not; I don't believe they're legit. Are some days a waste of makeup? Um so idk if you know, author, but people wear makeup for their own satisfaction. If it makes you feel beautiful, then hell no it's not a waste. Do you watch any beauty gurus on YouTube? Okay I fucking adore Jeffree Star y'all. He's a goddamn Mood and inspirational as ALL hell in terms of his determination, work ethic, and open-mindedness. I watch everything he uploads ever, even though I'm not really interested in makeup. It's cool to watch though; it's an art to me. Do you have a PillowPet? No, but omfg. One of my favorite Christmas memories ever is the night my niece, when she was around two or so, was given one (or something like it?) the night before, we turned the lights out, and lit it up so the colorful stars were all over the room. She was absolutely marveling over it. That was the same night my sister revealed she was pregnant with my nephew, actually. That was a great night. Actually felt like a family. Do you have sleep paralysis? Thank FUCK no. Have you ever wanted an ex back, but found out they were dating someone? I've talked about Jason and Ashley before. God that was a bad. Bad. Fuck-ing. Time. Do you like Placebo? I don't listen to them. Has anyone ever carried you to bed? I mean as a kid, yeah. Idr as a teenager or adult. Would you rather have a wiener dog or an Italian greyhound? The greyhound. Dachshunds are precious, but as of semi-recently, I'm personally against breeding pets with damaging/unhealthy traits, and dachshunds are very susceptible to spine issues. Idk if greyhounds have any issues like that. Do your parents buy you most anything you want? Bitch we poor, no. What is the next craft you are going to make? Probably something for Sara for some special event. I don't think that's much of a spoiler, so I don't mind sharing it. Do you learn choreography easily? I was decent when I was a dance student, but no, I can promise you no. My memory is laughable. If you had to choose, would you rather be taller or shorter? Taller, I guess? Idk. Do you believe that Jesus will come back in your lifetime? No, I don't believe he ever will. What color is your winter coat? ... Shit dude, idr. Idk if I even have one, actually. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Gimme all ur Reese's cups. Have you ever spent your birthday alone? No. Have you ever had a themed b-day party? I'm sure I did as a kid. Were you afraid of heights as a child? No. I am now tho. Which dollar store is your favorite? Here, Dollar Generals are everywhere and generally the preferred one, I believe. What food gives you diarrhea? Totally serious, most exceptionally "fancy" foods; by that, I assume things with lots of intricate spices and other ingredients. At least severe gas pains are almost guaranteed when I eat out somewhere. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Ha ha man, I remember as an elementary school student though, we had a play where I SO wanted to be Snow White. What is the most fascinating part of nature? Evolution. I don't know how I once didn't believe in it. Would you ever go vegetarian? I am serious about returning to vegetarianism when/if I get to a weight I'm satisfied with (losing weight w/o meat is more difficult than with, particularly for an extremely picky eater). I wish I could be a total vegan, but I know I'm not capable of that. Once you actually learn about slaughterhouses and farm life... no. What berry is your favorite? STRAW!!!!!!!BERRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is your dream house? Something in the woods with a nice yard/outdoor decor, flowers, wildlife... What was the reason in you crying last? PTSD. Are there any movies in the theater that you’d like to see? The new IT and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. What do you think of Coca Cola? It's my third-fave soda. What about polar bears? Gorgeous animals. I will R I O T if they go extinct. My best friend(s) are/is... Sara. When do you want to have your first kid? Never. I am faaar from cut out to be a mother. Which stovetop burner do you use the most? I don't cook, so. The times I've made eggs, uh... I think I use the bottom right? Do you use a dishwasher or wash dishes by hand? Ugh, we don't have one. What year did you graduate high school? 2014. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I should with how paranoid I am. What is your favorite gas station? Sheetz is the way to go down here. What have been some of your best garage sale finds? *shrugs* Idr the last time I went to one. Ever worked two jobs or more at once? Hell no. I wouldn't survive. How often do you check your email? Every day, mainly for school. What would you do if your ex came to you crying? It would depend on who. "The" ex, I don't give a fuck how I feel about him, he's getting a tight-ass hug because seeing him cry is awful, and I will always care about him to a certain degree. Well actually, I'd ask him before hugging; I don't know if he'd be fine with me touching him. Girt would get a big 'ole hug for sure. Juan, Tyler, and Aaron I'd ask if they wanted a hug. I'd definitely ask any of them if they wanted to talk/vent to me about whatever is wrong; I can't stand seeing people cry. What school do you go to, what grade? I'm a super late freshman in college. How do you feel about school? It's been a drastic change in my daily life and thus has caused stress, but nevertheless I'm ecstatic to be back because I'm actually making progress towards going somewhere. Are you still a virgin? So I know it sounds like it makes NO sense w/o details, but seriously, I don't know. We had "cheaty" ways to just barely skirt around it because at the time I was abstinent, but pretty sure at some point it became sex. Do you eat chips or crackers more? Man, I haven't had chips in a loooong time... though I love them, man. We have crackers at the house usually, and I snack on them occasionally. Is your bed next to a wall? Who doesn't have their bed against at least one?? Is your bed next to a window? There's one beside me against the wall. Do you have neat handwriting? I think so. The only thing I don't like is I write SOOOOOOOOOO slow. Would you rather be a singer or a dancer? Dancer. Would you rather be a musician or a painter? Painter. What did your hair look like in high school? Long and normally brown, but sometimes I dyed it black with colored highlights. Favorite flavor of hot chocolate? Normal?? What is your top priority in life? My happiness, probably. Have you ever made a gingerbread house? Yeah. Sucky ones, but they were gingerbread houses, lol. Do you prefer candy corn or conversation hearts? EW both are gross. Skeletons or scarecrows? I'll see you in the Skeleton War, fuckers. Who was the last non-relative woman you spoke to in person? My Writing teacher. What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? I did a TOTAL 180 on LGBT rights, and my former, intense pro-life stance has altered quite a lot to mostly pro-choice. What’s an achievement you hope to see humanity accomplish in your lifetime? Man, a lot... A total ban from plastic and finding an alternative for it would be great, as well as the cure of cancer and H.I.V. Make gay marriage legal worldwide. Make great progress on cleaning the oceans. I could go on and on. Do you know anyone who has a PhD? As far as personally, possibly. Like, obviously my doctors do. How do you feel when you’re the center of attention? *buys that red button that says "no" in various fashions solely for this occasion* Are you and your S/O Facebook official? She doesn't have a FB, but mine does say "in a relationship." Do you know anyone who works as a lawyer? Not that I know well anymore; a former best friend is in the process of becoming one, though. So proud of her. Which would bother you more: being told you’re not likable or being told you’re not sensible? Being told I'm not likable would really hurt. How many bedrooms does your house have? Two. Have you ever had a dream in which you died? Yeah. Does the thought of having wrinkles when you’re older upset you? Not really. Everyone gets them. Do you use Snapchat? No. Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? Yes. What was your first job? And how long did you work there? I was a sales associate at GameStop. I was employed for like two months, but I worked very few days before I crumbled. Where is the last place you were other then where you are right now? School. How do you feel about the last person you kissed? I adore her. Lol, Lawl, Rotfl, Lmao, or Lmfao? (Which you use most) Lmao or lol. Have you/Do you know anyone that grows weed? Not knowingly to me. Do you really care about name brands? Not just for the sake of being a certain name; I do, however, care about the quality of brands, of course, such as taste for foods or being comfortable in clothes. Describe your favorite pair of jeans to me please. I don't have any. When I was actually slim though, I had a pair of maroon skinny jeans with a black dappling texture, and there were holes in them where the fabric was just black, and I loooooved them. Those and my leather boots was A Look. To wash in the shower, do you use a loofa? That's not the technical name for what I use according to Mom when I've called them that, but rather a body sponge or something like that, but it's like the same thing. Have you ever ridden on a horse? Yes, though not at a gallop or anything "real." Just at things like school fairs. Are you polite? I think I'm very polite, honestly. Do you prefer bright or muted colors? Bright, usually. Can you roll your tongue? I used to be able to after practicing all day once with a friend ha ha, but I haven't been able to for a long time. Definitely can't now with snake eyes. Are you a light weight when it comes to alcohol? No, apparently. Which accents can you emulate pretty well? British and country. How loud do you listen to music? Too loud, I know. Are you more awkward talking to people in real life or online? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, real life. I don't think I'm half bad online. Do you bruise easily? So easily that I was tested for anemia or whatever it's called where you bleed easily (the test was negative, thankfully). Despite feeling bruised, though, I usually don't have an actual mark. Have you ever bought pre-ripped jeans? All my jeans were. I hate plain, boring jeans. What are you most likely to spend money on? Tattoos, lol... I genuinely think I'm good with money, I feel because of the financial position I've grown up and lived in, although I have never had a stable source of income, so it's hard to really determine that yet. I'm quite sure I'll be fine, but I really do hope I handle my money well when I do and don't invest all my spendable (as in, not money that I'm saving for emergencies) money into just tats. Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? Welcome to my life, lol. I'm at an age where it's starting to get embarrassing, but. Idk how to change it. What’s the weirdest way you’ve ever heard somebody die of? *shrug* When was the last time you (dis)liked someone without really knowing them? I dunno. I try to not do that. When was the last time you wore a mask? What did it look like? Hell if I remember. I don't even remember wearing any on Halloween as a child. What comes up on your recommended list on YouTube? Mainly let's plays or music. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? Hell no, that wouldn't last long. How many true heart breaks have you had in your lifetime? One. Do you have any gay family members? My mom has a gay cousin. Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? Sara. Would you ever get a boob job? No; I don't care enough about them too. I wish they were smaller. I liked mine when I was a healthy weight, so, let's get back to that size, please. What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? Aaron, I think he actually is. Juan, trust me, he's not. Jason couldn't convince me he was gay even if he tried. I very highly doubt he'd be bi/pan, either. Girt, I would be surprised, but not like, immensely. I don't have a clue about Tyler and if he has any gay tendencies/history. Would you ever take someone back if you found out they cheated on you? NO SIR-REE. Do people ever compliment your eyes? Yeah. Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? I don't know. I used to feel REALLY strongly about porn just being a big 'ole fucking nope, but whatever man, we're sexual animals. Better you take care of urges yourself rather than, you know, raping someone or something. If I personally caught my s/o doing it, idk how I'd feel, but knowing me and my self-esteem, I'd feel I'd probably jump to the whole (if we were serious) "um hi I'm your fckng gf what am I not enough" thought path. I don't think I'd be livid, though. Ask the old Britt, and we would've broken up there, probably. Who’s the last person that hung up on you? *shrug* Do you have a common first name? Yeah. Have you ever been engaged? No. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Four, currently. They're gonna be covered one day. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? No. Have you ever been punched? No. What do you usually order from Olive Garden? I will, without fail, get the spicy shrimp fritas and be the happiest human being on Earth. How do you feel about bats? I absolutely adore them. Do you get excited when you learn you have to dress up? Quite the opposite, actually. What brand of hair spray do you use? I don't use it. Do you like it when guys wear hats? I have zero opinion on this. Burger King, McDonald's, or Wendy's? I prefer Wendy's. If you type for awhile, do your fingers start to hurt? No. Are you the type of person who would study for a test for hours? No, I'm not. I generally don't even have to like, intensely study; I tend to learn upon reading things, or in like math, performing the actions just a couple times. "Studying" doesn't tend to work for me; if it gets to that point, it probably won't stick, regardless of how many times I try. Are you a lazy person? I hate admitting just how lazy I am. But I mean again, it also depends on what is at stakes. Does your house have a doorbell? Yes, though I actually don't know if the doorbell works... Favorite album? Ozzy Osbourne's Black Rain. Favorite farm animal? PIGS! Has your Facebook ever been hacked? No. Do you spell gray with an A or an E? I use the American spelling ("gray"). Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? I would be perfectly and entirely happy with purely money for my birthday, because that equals tattoos, lmao. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Have you ever played laser tag? Once on a double-date with Jason and our old roommates/friends. Do you ever share things on Facebook? Almost all I do are share things I support, find funny, find as inspirational or cute, stuff like that. I can confidently say the majority of people I even have as "friends" on there do not care that much about my personal life. Is anyone you’re close to in the hospital right now? I mean, define "close." My grandmother's going through chemo, but we're not like... my definition of particularly "close," though she's close-ish family, so idk. Is your Wifi protected? Of course. What did you have for lunch today? I didn't eat lunch. How often do people write on your Facebook wall? On my birthday, lmao. Does your phone have a cover on it? No. I'd say I want one, but way more than that, I want a new phone. Mine is godawful. What color was your swim suit this year? I mean my most recently-worn is black, but I think it'd probably be too big for me now. I haven't swam in a long time. Do ladders scare you? Yes. Do you have any pictures of you and your friends in your bedroom? No. How do you eat Oreos? I'm one of those people that breaks the cookie to eat the cream first. Who or what sleeps with you? My cat Roman. Do you know anyone with the same name as you? Yes, but spelled differently. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? Honestly, it's become almost embarrassing to say I was ever pro-life. I'm vehemently pro-choice now. What color LED is the display in your car? Okay so Mom's has a rainbow of options, but I think it's currently stuck on... purple? I think? How am I unsure???? I'm in it every day?????????? Who was your first kiss with? Jason, my first "real" boyfriend. What kind of milk do you drink? I'll drink anywhere between skim to whole milk, but I'm not really a fan of skim despite having grown up with it. What aren’t you afraid to stand up for? I'd stand up for gay rights if it killed me. Do you know anybody in the military? Loosely. What was the last hotel you stayed at? I don't have the slightest clue. Do you have any STDs? No. What’s your preferred salad dressing? YO the Olive Garden dressing is b o m b. Do you have a favorite NASCAR driver? No. Who’s your celebrity crush? I'm almost 24 years old ha ha ha hahaha I'm too old for a celebrity crush aha hahaa haa aahha ah hahaaaaaaaaaaaaa- What color is your fridge? Black. Do you know the metric system well enough to live in Canada? No, admittedly. What was the biggest bruise you’ve ever had? Tell me the place (on your body) and the story of it! Idr. If you have Etsy account - show the very last item you added to the favorites. If not - either skip or just visit Etsy and find one thing you like: I think I have one, but I don't use it. I don't feel like looking. What would you do if you knew that you will be single to your very death (even if you’re in a relationship now)? Nothing would change...? My relationship status doesn't alter my goals and such. Are there any exchange students at your school? We have a LOT of foreign students at my school, so I'd assume so. Have you got any half or step siblings? I have three (actually four, but I don't know one tho) half-siblings and technically a step-brother, but I don't see him as a "brother," really. What cars do your siblings drive, if they do drive? My older sister has a red car, and my younger has a... black Kia, I think? It's dark is all I know for sure, and I only know the brand because it's new. I don't live with either or see their cars frequently elsewhere, so idk. What about your parents? Idk what kind my dad drives, but BOY do I know my mom's car, lmao. It's an older white Kia (I think?) with the bumper fuckin zip-tied onto the car bc it was given to us after a dance friend hit a poor deer, lmao. Look, we don't complain, shit was free. Do you like kid’s movies? Yo I do NOT trust you if you claim you like NO "kids' movie." Describe your handbag. I'm actually gonna look it up. (https://sourpussclothingwholesale.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/night-owl-bag.jpg?w=584&h=364) When was the last time you had to take someone home? ME, never. I don't have my license because I'm terrified of driving. Who was it, and where did you take them home from? N/A Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? Sara Jaaaaaane!!! :'> There are other friends I'd like to meet, too. If so, which website did you meet on? Sara and I met via YouTube when it was actually community-oriented. Have you ever been to the beach? Yeah, multiple times. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, I guess. She didn't actually like, force me outside, but I had to call my mother to pick me up. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. Did you get swine flu? No. What is your favorite type of cat? Aesthetically, I find Persians to be way too cute, though I don't support their continued breeding. It's literally abuse to breed animals that deformed. Do you support the LGBTQ community? I'm bisexual, so like- Have you ever eaten a veggie burger? Yeah, the Morningstar brand from Burger King (not the Impossible Burger one). It's genuinely not bad. If you could meet any major political figure, who would it be? I'm not educated enough on like, any, to properly answer this question. If you drink Monster, what is your favorite flavor? N/A Do you own any Webkinz stuffed animals? I was that Bad Bitch(tm) with like,,,, almost all of them back in the day. If so, do you have a Webkinz online account? It exists, but idr the password sobs. If you had/have a Club Penguin account, how old were you when you got it? I would have a character for like two days, not go back on for years, repeat a couple times... but idk how old I was. Do you own any Nintendo video game consoles/handhelds? GameBoys and a DS Lite, yes. What religion were you raised in? Roman Catholicism. Are you still that religion, if you had one? Far from it. What religion/spiritual path intrigues you the most, if any? Buddhism and Wicca. What ancient culture intrigues you the most, if any? Idk. Were/are you a teacher’s pet? Not like, the kind that sucked up to the teacher for their personal benefit, but if you mean just as in the teacher's favorite, yeah. Do you like pink lemonade? Hell yeah man. What’s your favorite U2 song, if you have one? I don't listen to them. Were your parents born in the United States? Yeah. Do women breastfeeding in public make you feel uncomfortable? I want it to be perfectly and violently clear that I fucking despise you if a child being fed fucking offends you. Why or why not? Because women's bodies aren't sexual fucking objects designed for your viewing pleasure. Write an unpopular/offensive opinion of yours here. I’m interested. Buckle up, lads. Seatbelts fastened? Ass properly in the seat? Airbags in place? There are two genders.

[saywhatjessie]

Queer Eye for the “Straight” Guy

FINALLY, six months after I was commissioned, this thing is done.

I’m truly sorry to my donation winner, Cindy. Lord knows you never asked to put up with my procrastinating ass.

But I’m truly happy with how this turned out! And I hope you, Cindy, and the rest of y'all are too! This work is a part of the Fandom Trumps Hate auction. Check out some other cool works and support these charities this movement helps!

(Read on AO3)

Never had Castiel been checked out with such scrutiny.

The man walked around him, eyes slowly dragging over his body, just on this side of appreciative. They were green and critical under contemplative eyebrows, pushed together to form a crease in the middle that Castiel kind of wanted to poke. The man’s arms were crossed over his chest, his thumb playing with his lower lip as he circled.

Castiel just stood, arms loose at his sides, posture normal which was to say terrible. He watched the man watching him.

“Well,” the man said, facing Castiel but also kind of facing the large camera he’d brought with him. “The suit is awful but we can work with it. Are you sure I can’t talk you out of the trench coat?”

Castiel shook his head, his mouth grim.

The man sighed. “Well, I’ll figure something out.”

He then explained to Castiel some of what he was going to be doing. Usually the exposition would take place among the five men who hosted, but Castiel understood this was a special case. The usual five men to do the job was now one.

“Hi, and welcome to Queer Eye for the Straight Guy : celebrity edition. Where instead of the Fab Five, who are all experts in their fields, you have me, Dean Winchester, a bisexual hockey player who is slightly above average at these things.”

Castiel was, in this scenario, ‘the straight guy.’ He supposed that description fit simply by process of elimination. He knew he wasn’t gay because he did not wish to have sex with men. He didn’t particularly want to have sex with women but he liked them well enough: enjoyed the softness of their lips when they’d kissed him and liked their smell and general company.

So yes, Castiel could be the straight guy.

Although Dean Winchester’s shoulders looked very nice…

“Today’s victim is Castiel Novak: world renowned entymologist specializing in honey bees. His latest research publication is receiving all kinds of awards so he’s going to have a little celebration tonight. That’s where I’m here to help.”

“Okay, Cas, it may only be me, but I’ve still got some hired guns to help me move shit – er – junk around your apartment.” Dean turned to a woman wearing headphones. “Do I have to say that again?”

She smiled and rolled her eyes. “If you would, please.”

Dean sighed and repeated himself, this time leaving out the swear word.

This was all far too much production for Castiel. He preferred quiet libraries or the gentle hum of apiaries to the clapboards and shouted instructions of a television set.

“A necessary evil “his agent had called it. “ How do you expect to get more funding, Castiel, if no one cares about your research?”

Castiel had thought this quite unfair and demonstratively untrue. Plenty of people cared about his research! Students and… kindergarten teachers…

Castiel supposed those groups didn’t pay very much. He may have seen Meg’s point.

He didn’t know why that meant he had to be involved with a reality show, though. He glowered at the camera.

Dean smiled at him, unaffected. “I have given the crew my instructions so now I can whisk you away for a fun makeover montage.”

Castiel turned his glower on Dean.

He winked. “Yes, you’re very scary. Let’s go.”

Castiel experienced neither ‘fun’ nor a ‘montage’ as the case went as neither he nor Dean had very much patience with it. For all Dean’s schmoozing of the cameras, he was really rather straightforward with the entire enterprise.

“We need to shave your face,” he told Castiel, the scrutinizing-eyebrow-crease back and better than ever. “I get how this mountain-man hairiness might work with your nature-science thing but we’re trying to get you sponsors for your research so we have to make you look hot.”

Castiel tilted his head. “You don’t like the beard?”

Dean smirked, looking away. The tips of his ears turned red. “It doesn’t matter what I like. We’re going for mainstream good looks. Which I know you have underneath all… that.”

Castiel frowned. “You just gestured to all of me.”

Dean smirked again and winked. “Exactly. Let’s get ‘er done.”

Dean took him to his favorite barber: a rather large, rough-looking man named Benny.

Castiel turned to Dean, gesturing toward Benny’s face. “Benny has a beard.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Benny also has an accent and can get away with it.”

Castiel turned to Benny who smiled, slow and easy. “Trust me, brother, you can get away with anything when you sound like a hot bowl o’ gumbo.”

Benny’s accent was cajun, which, Dean was right: it definitely went with the beard.

But still, Castiel wanted to make a point.

“Could I keep the beard if I spoke exclusively like this?” he asked in Russian.

Dean’s face burned bright red but he showed no comprehension for what Castiel had said.

He repeated himself in English but with a thick Russian accent.

The blush was extending down Dean’s neck. Benny was eying him with a massive grin. He whistled. “Hooo, cher, looks like you really got into somethin’ here.”

Dean shook himself slightly and shoved his friend. “Shut up, Benny.”

He turned to Cas, not quite making eye contact. “Yeah, you could probably get away with a lot with that accent but,” He cleared his throat into his fist, looking Cas in the eye again, as if steeling himself. “We’re still shaving you. You can always grow it back later.”

Castiel scowled, collapsing in Benny’s chair like a petulant child.

Benny chuckled, immediately bringing his hands up to to sift through Castiel’s hair.

It had been a while since anyone had touched him like this – or at all, really. He let himself enjoy Benny’s gentle fingers. His eyes slipped closed.

“Don’t go fallin’ asleep on me yet, cher.” Benny shook Castiel’s head a little, as if to bring him back to wakefulness. “We’ve still gotta wash ya.”

Castiel hummed, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet and led over to the wash sinks. But with the warm water and Benny’s gentle fingers massaging his scalp, he felt himself drift again.

He wasn’t so unaware, however, that he couldn’t hear. “You alright there, Dean?” Benny said, a smile in his voice. “Need me to get the smellin’ salts?”

“Man, shut the fuck up.” Castiel’s eyes were still closed but he had a feeling Dean’s ears were going red again.

“I’m just sayin’,” Benny added, “I remember how you was after Mashkov.”

Castiel quirked an eyebrow. “Mashkov? Alexei Mashkov? That hockey player?”

Dean snorted. “Yes, Cas, the hockey player. Which makes sense since I am also, you know, a hockey player.”

Castiel made a noise in his throat in response to Dean’s tone. It made his next words perhaps harsher than he’d meant them. “Yes, but I’ve actually heard of Mashkov.”

The silence that followed was not a happy one. Castiel peeked one eye open, spying Dean in the corner looking hurt.

Damn.

“I just mean with the news a couple years ago,” Castiel tried to correct. “With him being the first NHL player to come out. It was a big deal.”

Dean rolled his eyes but his shoulders relaxed slightly, though he still looked hurt when Castiel closed his eyes again. Castiel allowed Benny to tilt his head back.

Dean said, “Actually it was Parson who came out first. Mashkov got dragged into it because they’re together and Zimmermann was kind of outed by default.”

Castiel said nothing. Only some of those names were familiar to him.

Dean continued to explain at Castiel’s silence. “Because of the rumors of Zimms and Parse in the Q? Before the overdose?”

Castiel said nothing.

“Whatever, it’s not important.”

Castiel peeked his eye open again to see Dean with his arms crossed, his face set in what Castiel wouldn’t hesitate to call a pout.

He would hesitate to call that pout ‘adorable’ but only barely.

He sighed, closing his eyes once more. “Dean, please don’t be offended. I obviously know more about Mashkov because he’s Russian.”

Dean grunted but said nothing else. Castiel let him sulk and relaxed into Benny’s fingers.

The cut and shave really weren’t as bad as Castiel had made them out to be, the lack of hair making him feel immediately cleaner and more free.

It helped that by the time he was finished, Dean seemed to be over whatever upset he’d had and blushed pleasantly pink again at the sight of him, staying pink while they said goodbye to Benny and headed for the clothing store Dean selected. Castiel rather liked Dean’s appreciation, delighting in every blush and stammer. It was nice to have someone so handsome think Castiel as someone worthy to be ogled.

“Give me your coat.”

Castiel appreciated Dean just a little bit less.

Dean rolled his eyes at Castiel’s glower. “Come on, man, I thought we were past this.” He held out his hand. “Give me your trench coat so I can hand it over to the tailors. I told you you could keep it but it still needs to be revamped. Or cleaned at the very least.”

Castiel frowned but relinquished his coat. Dean grinned.

“Excellent!” He handed the coat off to a random crew member. Castiel assumed it would go where it needed to. Castiel trusted Dean wouldn’t just throw it in a dumpster. “Now about the suit…”

Dean circled Castiel again, a reprise of the earlier inspection. He plucked at the lapel making a face of disgruntled curiosity. “Why do you even wear this? Aren’t you in libraries and hives and shit all day?”

The woman in headphones said nothing about the swear this time. Castiel figured they’d just cut this part in post-production. “I don’t usually wear the suit. I was under the impression that I was to dress up for the party. I was trying to save time.”

If this had been a normal episode of Queer Eye , they would have already known this. They would have already gone through Castiel’s wardrobe and torn it apart, throwing away everything they found unsuitable.

But there was only one of Dean and they were on a time crunch. They hadn’t gotten to tearing up Castiel’s apartment at all; Dean had just told some men to move furniture around.

Dean raised his eyebrows, intrigued. “Well your time-saving efforts were wasted because there’s no way I’m letting you wear this.” Castiel grunted, annoyed. “What do you usually wear?”

Castiel shrugged, not liking the feeling of his shoulders moving without the comfortable weight of his coat. “I usually wear jeans because they’re comfortable to sit in for long periods of time and tough enough to ward off stray stingers.”

Dean nodded, circling Castiel again, eyes on his legs this time. His eyebrows were hunched together in frustration once more, probably over the terrible fit of Castiel’s dress pants.

“I imagine these jeans aren’t fitted, right? They’re like farm jeans?”

“I’m not sure what about the jeans qualifies them to be adequately ‘farm’ but I imagine that description is accurate.”

Dean chuckled, shaking his head. “Well, jeans are probably a good idea. We can put you in fitted jeans. I’m thinking the kind that look sorta faded over the front, you know what I mean? Hopefully you’ve got legs under there.”

“Of course I have legs.” Castiel said, perplexed.

Dean shook his head again, smiling.

“Shirt?”

Castiel took a moment to understand Dean was asking him about what he usually wore with his ‘farm jeans.’

“Sweaters, mostly. T-shirts if it’s warm. And my coat.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “The trench coat? All the time?”

Castiel nodded solemnly.

Dean threw up his hands in an exasperated sort of way but let it go. “I think we’re going to leave you in a dress shirt. Not white, maybe a pale blue, to match your eyes.”

Castiel blushed. He shouldn’t have: there was nothing unusual about Dean making a comment on his appearance. That was why he was there, after all. But there was something about the way Dean mentioned his eyes that embarrassed Castiel. Embarrassed him and made his stomach squirm pleasantly.

“A vest too, I think.” Dean continued, thankfully not looking at Castiel’s face, allowing time for the blush to fade.

Castiel cleared his throat. “Like a sweater vest?”

Dean did look at Castiel’s face now, an expression of mild horror twisting his mouth. “Dude, no! Like one of those fancy vests that buttons in the front.” He gestured with his hands over his torso, as if to help Castiel visualize what he was talking about. “The kind you can keep a pocket watch in.”

Castiel tilted his head. “You mean a waistcoat?”

Dean snapped his fingers. “That’s it! A waistcoat.” He paused. “How did you know what it was called.”

Castiel just shrugged again, leaving it at that.

Dean eyed him suspiciously for a moment longer before continuing on to discuss ties.

Dean didn’t know the technical terms for a lot of things. The ‘faded’ looking jeans he was talking about were called medium-wash, and he wanted a boot cut but all he could tell the store clerks was, ‘not those kind that look like they’re gonna strangle his ankles, you know?’ He knew what he wanted based on the look of things and he knew what he wanted the outfit to look like but describing it to the actual professionals was a bit all over the place.

“There’s going to be a lot of blue going on,” he told Castiel as they browsed through belts. “Light blue shirt, darker blue vest – er, waistcoat – and blue jeans. I don’t want too many blacks and whites because I think the main contrast should be between the trench coat and the outfit underneath.”

Castiel startled a bit, focusing on Dean’s face. “My trench coat?”

Dean looked at Castiel as if he were stupid. “Yeah, man. You were really insistent on it. If you’re going to wear it, it should look good with the rest of the outfit and not, like, an afterthought or something.”

Castiel considered that. He never thought about what the trench coat would look like with the rest of his outfit. It wasn’t as if it were an afterthought, it was just that Castiel wore the trench coat. Always. Period. He had just accepted that whatever outfit he wore underneath would look how it looked and there was nothing that he could do about it. It was the outfit that was the afterthought, not the trench coat.

“The trench coat is tan which is like brown so we can’t put you in black,” Dean continued, turning his attention back to the belts, skimming his hands past the black ones. “Because that wouldn’t match. Or something. Also black is too harsh and you’re already super striking, we want to soften you up a little.”

Castiel tilted his head, a smile quirking his lips. “You think I’m striking?”

Dean jerked his head back around to Castiel’s face. “What? No. I mean, yeah, but I meant striking like eye-catching. It’s not my opinion it’s coloring. I mean. Because your eyes and your hair? You know?”

Castiel laughed, ducking his head. “It’s okay, Dean. Tell me about the belts.”

Dean nodded, clearing his throat and avoiding Castiel’s eyes. “Yeah, okay.” And they continued choosing a belt.

Things kept going smoothly, Dean talking about what he was doing mostly for the camera. He didn’t seem to need much input from Castiel so Castiel reserved himself for observing, mostly. Dean’s face had settled into that same expression as the initial judgement: eyebrows lowered, mouth pursed, hand coming up periodically to play with his bottom lip. Castiel dubbed it the ‘thinking face,’ watching as Dean would set fabrics against each other and dismiss certain colors or patterns completely. Dean’s expression would change only when he would turn and ask Castiel a question – his opinion on one tie over another or his usual preference in fit. Dean looked at Castiel with a certain amusement or perhaps fondness that lightened his otherwise hard ‘thinking face’. Even when he was exasperated, there was a corner of a smile flirting with the edge of Dean’s lips.

“We have a theme here, Cas,” Dean said, rolling his eyes, not unkindly. “Blue and brown.”

“Yes, Dean, we have a theme,” Castiel answered, trying not to crush the tie in his hands so as not to wrinkle the fabric. “The theme is me. And I like bees.”

Dean sighed, dropping his head to his chest. “I’m not letting you wear a bee-patterned tie to a formal affair, Cas.”

Castiel frowned, trying to stare Dean into submission. Dean took his stare like a champ, unwavering.

They stood like that, neither willing to back down. Finally, Dean brought a hand up to rub at the back of his neck, letting loose an bereaved sigh. “Why don’t we come back to ties. Shoes are next.”

Castiel didn’t want to put the tie down, certain one of Dean’s people would make sure it was gone by the time they came back. Dean rolled his eyes but didn’t object to Castiel bringing the tie with them to shoes.

“So for the apiaries, do you wear work boots?” Dean asked, trying to alleviate some tension.

Castiel grunted before answering. “Sometimes. I usually just wear my crocs out, though. They’re more convenient.”

Dean stopped, turning to Castiel, face expressionless.

Castiel looked back, unnerved. “What?”

Dean just shook his head, checked the size on a pair of brown wingtips, and carried the shoes with them away from shoes.

Dean was silent until they’d made their way to hosiery. “Okay,” he started, releasing a large sigh. “Okay, I think I might have a compromise.”

Castiel raised his eyebrow, an invitation for Dean to continue.

“I’m not going to let you wear a bee-patterned tie,” Castiel opened his mouth to object but Dean held up a hand to stop the interruption. “But,” he continued, “If I can get you to wear a subtler tie – maybe blue with dull yellow accents of some kind – you can wear bee-patterned socks.”

Castiel squinted at him, still clutching the tie. “No one will see my socks.”

Dean tipped his head in acknowledgement. “The socks will not be as visible but wearing these shoes,” He dangled the wingtips. “And if we roll up the cuffs of your jeans, you’ll be showing plenty of ankle. Bee covered ankle.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes further, scanning Dean’s face for some kind of duplicity. He found nothing but open concession, if a little grudging.

Dean smiled, cocky. He held out his hand for the bee-patterned tie.

Castiel handed it over. Dean’s smile widened. “Excellent! I asked intern Claire to find us some tasteful bee dress socks. Claire?”

A young blonde girl stepped forward, rolling her eyes at Dean’s dramatics. “For you, Hasselhoff.”

Dean laughed. “Thank you, Lady Snark.”

She snorted, stepping back behind the camera’s vision with the headphone lady.

The socks were navy blue with a subtle honeycomb pattern, bee line art at the intersection of the honeycomb. Castiel really liked them.

“Can I have multiple pairs of these?”

Dean laughed, louder than Castiel had heard him laugh yet. “Claire, any other pairs?”

Claire nodded, a small smile flitting over her face, before whisking away to fetch more socks.

The tie they found wasn’t as perfect (because it didn’t have bees on it) but the subtle gold honeycomb pattern appeased both Castiel’s and Dean’s preferences.

Though he lamented the tie, Castiel was happy that they were done, at the very least, before Dean led him toward the back of the store where the dressing rooms were. “I need you to try on the shirt, pants, and vest so I can see if they need to be tailored.”

“Waistcoat.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

Castiel swallowed a groan as he took the offending objects from Dean. There was a reason he wore all the same clothes he’d had since college: shopping was exhausting.

It wasn’t the full ensemble as Castiel hadn’t yet put on any of the accessories but Dean still scanned him appreciatively when he stepped out. “Goddamn, I’m amazing,” he said, seemingly to himself.

“We do need to take in the bottom of your jeans, though,” he continued, circling, his eyes lingering on how the denim shaped Castiel’s thighs. “And whatever else the actual professional tailor thinks he should take in. Balth?”

The tailor in question stepped forward, winking at Castiel, before sinking down to measure and chalk Castiel’s jeans.

Castiel watched Dean as the tailor worked. Dean only seemed to be sneaking glances at Castiel and otherwise stared at his nails or rocked on his toes. Castiel supposed watching someone be fitted wasn’t very exciting.

“I have a question,” he started. Dean looked over at him, eyebrow raised. “You seem  to know what looks good and what doesn’t which is better than I can say,” Dean snorted but smiled. “And yet you don’t have much knowledge on the technical aspect of things.”

Dean shrugged, looking slightly embarrassed. “Yeah, I never really had time to read fashion magazines as a kid, you know? When I wasn’t training for hockey I was working at my uncle’s body-shop fixing junkers.” Dean laughed, dropping his head back to lean against the wall. “Before I went pro and had to start dressing for press and stuff, it was really rare to find me out of athletic gear, coveralls, or my dad’s old leather jacket.”

Castiel laughed as well, quickly banishing the unexpected image of Dean in greasy coveralls, rolled down to the waist, Only a white tank top on underneath, also covered in grease.

“So you’re saying style isn’t just inherent to a queer identity?”

Dean laughed again like a bark. “Ha! No, it totally is. I’ve always known what looked good, I just never learned the names for shit.”

There was an exasperated sigh from the woman in headphones. Castiel ignored her. “And in high school? When you dressed terribly?”

Dean shrugged. “We do what we have to when we’re in the closet, you know?”

Castiel frowned but was prevented from responding by Balth, who shooed him back into the dressing room so he could change out of the outfit.

Dean was all business again when he came back out. “Now, normally, we’d pick a bunch of different pieces for you to choose from for the event and to help you dress better in the future but we don’t have time for that! So instead: this is your outfit. We’ll leave Balthazar’s card with you in the hopes you’ll tailor the rest of your wardrobe so the world can actually see your body,” Dean’s eyes raked over him, quickly but noticeably. “But there’s really not much we can do beyond that.”

Castiel nodded, not complaining that this seemed to mean they were done shopping.

“Now, while your clothes are fixed, we’re going to head over to The Roadhouse just up the street. A friend of mine is letting us use her kitchen.”

Castiel tilted his head in confusion. “Shouldn’t I be learning to cook using my own kitchen?”

Dean snorted, reaching out to clap Castiel on the shoulder and gently steer him out the door. “We do not have time for that.” Dean patted  his shoulders a couple times more before letting his hands drop. Castiel found himself missing them. “The producers wanted to scrap this part entirely but this was the bit I was most excited about so I called in a few favors to make sure we could fit it in.”

Castiel couldn’t keep the surprise off his face. “You enjoy cooking?”

Dean smiled, grabbing at Castiel’s arm again so he could better keep up with Dean’s long strides. “Yeah, man. Cooking dinner kind of fell to me growing up, so I figured if I was doing it anyway I might as well have fun with it.”

Castiel nodded, his focus mostly on the point of contact on his forearm where Dean was gripping him.

The Roadhouse was one of those small-town bars you might see on tv: always a bar-stool open, worn but well-maintained, a place where everybody knows your name. Castiel briefly imagined himself at one of those barstools before Dean pulled him directly through, without pausing, to the kitchen.

There was an industrial kind of set-up and appliances that Castiel did not understand but Dean seemed completely unconcerned, surpassing all of the fancy things and pulling out a medium sized skillet.

“Now, for everything I’m going to teach you to make – and really for most things you’re going to make in your life – all you’re going to need is a good knife, a spatula, and a decently sized skillet.”

Watching Dean cook was mesmerizing. His movements were fluid, his posture relaxed. The tension that had held his shoulders while they were shopping had completely melted away, allowing Dean to smile more and season with confidence.

Castiel knew Dean was speaking – ostensibly trying to teach him – but he was so caught up in the performance of it he didn’t take in a word. He wondered if Dean played hockey in this same easy, satisfied way. He made a mental note to turn on a game sometime.

It was traditional for Ted Allen of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy to teach his subjects how to make simple and tasty dishes to serve at a party. Dean went on to show Castiel how to make cheeseburger sliders, omelette crostinis, stuffed mushrooms, and, for some reason, pasta carbonara.

“This one isn’t a very party-friendly dish,” Castiel noted between forkfuls. It was really quite good.

Dean shrugged, swallowing his own mouthful and licking at a bit of sauce on his thumb. Castiel tracked the movement involuntarily.

“Yeah, but it’s not like you’re making any of this food tonight anyway.”

Castiel’s eyes flicked from Dean’s mouth back up to his eyes. “What?”

“I mean, I told you the producers wanted to cut this part. We’re having your event catered.”

Castiel tilted his head. Dean smiled around another forkful of pasta.

“So then why bother teaching me at all?”

Dean rolled his eyes, talking with his mouth full. “Because it’s a useful fucking skill. And I wanted to.” He swallowed and added, “And this food is delicious so I don’t know why you’re complaining.”

Castiel ducked his head, grumbling to himself. “Not complaining.”

“Yeah, didn’t think so.”

Castiel shot Dean a glare. Dean winked.

The rest of the food that they (Dean) had prepared but the two of them hadn’t eaten was distributed among the crew, Dean’s eyes sparkling at every cameraman’s grunt of approval. The young intern, Claire, came over to sit with Castiel and she and Dean heckled each other while she ate.

The woman in headphones, who Castiel had since learned was named Lisa, approached the three of them as Castiel and Claire watched Dean clean up. “You know you don’t have to do that, Dean.”

Dean just snapped the towel at her. Claire laughed. Lisa just sighed, looking at her clipboard. “Well, we’ve checked off Kyan’s and Carson’s part, and Castiel looks great.” Castiel flushed but nodded his acceptance. Dean pumped his fist. “The guys at Castiel’s apartment say they’re almost done so Thom’s thing is taken care of. You played Ted Allen with your cooking bit.” She shot him a teasingly exasperated look. He snapped the towel again. “So all we have to do is figure out how to incorporate Jai’s culture lessons.”

Dean groaned, slumping dramatically against the counter he had just finished wiping down. “You’re asking for too much, Lis. Cas is clueless about everything.”

Castiel thought he maybe should have been offended but Dean wasn’t wrong. He turned to Lisa curiously.

She sighed, exasperation real this time. “Just make it so he can interact with his guests tonight.” Castiel opened his mouth to speak but Lisa cut him off with a pointed finger. “And talk about something other than bees.”

Castiel’s jaw snapped shut and he pouted. This was going to be a party celebrating his success with bees. He should be allowed to talk about them.

Dean smiled, all lips and eyes. “His experience today is a pretty great talking point if you think about it.”

Castiel nodded seriously. Lisa rolled her eyes and seemingly gave up on them, retreating back to behind the camera line. Claire punched Dean in the shoulder and followed.

Cameras were heaved back onto shoulders and Dean’s smile changed. It was the same easy smile he’d been pulling out all day, paired with winks and claps on shoulders. It was less creasing eyes and more chin and cheeks. Castiel reflected that he must have been staring at Dean a lot in the past hour or so in this kitchen for him to have noticed.

He couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed by it.

Lisa gave them the signal for rolling and Dean brought his hands together, loud and flashy.

“Alright, Cas, we’ve given you a new look, now you just need a new personality to go with it.”

Lisa made a buzzer noise. “Nope, try again.”

Dean laughed but repeated his clap. “Alright, Cas, your guests are going to be hooked in by this new look but now we’ve gotta reel them in with some conversation.”

He raised an eyebrow to Lisa off camera as if to say ‘better?’ She nodded, gesturing for him to continue.

They did this part walking back to the tailor, the cameramen walking backwards, stopping at intervals so Dean could teach Castiel about proper eye contact.

Castiel couldn’t imagine what this segment would look like after the final cut. It couldn’t be very interesting watching a grown man teach another grown man how to have a conversation. Besides which, most of the walk turned into Dean and Castiel just… talking. Castiel enjoyed listening to Dean and Dean seemed genuinely interested in learning about Cas and Castiel couldn’t think how this would apply to talking to other people.

Still, Dean proclaimed Castiel a ‘natural’ by the time they arrived.

“I mean, you’re definitely clueless about everything, but you show genuine interest in whatever the other person is talking about, which is really what you need to have a conversation.”

Castiel wasn’t sure he had genuine interest in whatever the ‘other person’ was talking about or if he was just interested in what Dean was talking about. He made an executive decision not to voice that thought.

It was unusual for the Fab Five to stick around once their work was done: you never saw them at the party they had prepared the ‘straight guy’ for. However, because this was a special case, and because Castiel had specifically extended an invitation, Dean was going to stay for the party.

Castiel was relieved. Not only because this would take some focus off of him, but also because he wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to Dean yet.

However, he couldn’t help but tease Dean, just a little.

“It’s a shame Alexei Mashkov couldn’t come,” he told Dean, straight-faced, as he struggled with his honeycomb patterned tie in the mirror. “I’m sure you’re a decent player, Dean, but I’d like to wow my guests with someone exceptional.”

Dean barked a laugh, shoving at Castiel’s shoulder and completely messing up the knot Castiel had been working on. “Sure, Cas, I’d like to see Mashkov put up with your grumpy ass.”

Castiel frowned at the mess Dean had made of his knot but yanked it loose without comment. “He and Jack Zimmermann are friends, aren’t they? And Zimmermann is a ‘grumpy ass.’”

Dean’s grin stretched wider as he fiddled with his hair, checking his reflection in the mirror next to Castiel. “You’ve been listening.”

Castiel hummed in acknowledgement, deliberately keeping his eyes on his tie. Dean hadn’t changed much for the party: taken off his tie, changed his shirt, and added a pocket square. Dean had stripped off without embarrassment, exposing well muscled arms and a surprisingly cushiony stomach. Castiel didn’t allow himself more than a cursory glance and soon Dean was covered again in a black, silky dress shirt.

The wine colored suit he’d had on for filming looked much more provocative with the dark shirt, collar unbuttoned. Castiel would go so far as to call it sexy.

Castiel also refused to take his eyes off of his necktie.

Dean chattered on, seemingly unaware of Castiel’s distraction. “I’m real happy about how the apartment turned out. I wish I coulda done it myself but you know the time crunch.”

Castiel just hummed again. He couldn’t argue with Dean: he didn’t care much for how it looked but it was comfortable, as he liked it to be. And the way the furniture was arranged and the different colors they had painted the walls did make the space more friendly.

Castiel supposed that was the whole point of this exercise. To be friendlier. More welcoming.

If only he could move around some furniture to fix his personality.

“Jesus fuck.” Castiel startled, finally looking at Dean, who smacked his hands away from his neck. “Just let me tie it. Honestly, how did you survive before me?”

Castiel didn’t comment. It had only been a day, but Castiel was beginning to wonder the same thing.

He thought about what Dean had said that morning. Between introductions and exposition to the camera, he’d given a shout out to some kind of charity organization.

“This collaboration is brought to you by ‘You Can Play’: an organization showing us that if you can play, you can play –  whether you’re gay, straight, transgender, bisexual, asexual, or anything in-between.”

Many of those terms were brand new to Castiel. But it didn’t exactly seem relevant to him that morning. Today, he was ‘the straight guy’.

But now he wondered.

“Dean, what you said earlier? In your ‘You Can Play’ pitch?”

Dean had finished with Castiel’s tie and was now buttoning Castiel’s waistcoat, smoothing out the fabric. He answered distractedly. “Yeah, Cas, what about it?”

“Just some of the words you used… I’d never heard them before.” Castiel watched Dean’s face, looking for some sign he was saying the wrong thing.

But Dean just frowned, picking some imaginary lint off of Castiel’s lapel before meeting his eyes. “What words are those?”

Castiel shrugged, trying not to look away in embarrassment. “Well, obviously I knew gay and straight. And you’re bisexual so I kind of know what that one is. And since the Caitlyn Jenner thing I knew about transgenderism…”

Thankfully, Dean picked up on what Castiel was getting at. His face softened. “You mean ‘asexual’ Cas?”

“Yes!” Castiel’s body sagged in his relief. “I know what asexual means in terms of science – plants and amoeba reproduce asexually – but I’ve never heard it applied to humans. You’re telling me it’s a sexual orientation?”

Dean’s face had closed off some when Castiel had mentioned plants but something about his honest curiosity must have spurred him into answering. “I mean, yeah. And, hey, I’m no expert on any of this shit, but my brother Sammy looked into it some when he had an existential crisis back in college. He’s demisexual, which is a kind of offshoot of asexuality.”

Castiel squinted. “Demi from the latin dīmidius, meaning semi or half. So half-sexual?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I don’t know, man? The way Sam tells it, he only feels sexual attraction if he knows a person first. Like he couldn’t do a one night stand because he can’t get it up unless they exchanged promise rings.”

Castiel nodded, his brain working furiously. “So asexuality…”

“You don’t feel sexual attraction at all. Ever.”

And something in his head went thunk.

“Oh.”

Dean nodded, slipping the newly cleaned trench coat over Castiel’s shoulders and returning to his hair.

This was the absolute worst time for Castiel to have a major life discovery. He had to entertain guests. He had to pull off this new look and seem interesting and confident or else he would embarrass Dean and spoil all of his hard work.

Dean who he did not want to have sex with.

And also Dean who he was attracted to.

Which was apparently a thing.

“Can asexual people be in relationships?”

Dean turned from where he’d been selecting another mini weenie, to raise his eyebrow at Castiel. “‘Scuse me?”

Castiel blushed, aware he’d made some kind of faux pas. “I only mean, if they aren’t interested in people, can they still have romantic relationships?”

Dean snorted. “Uh, yeah, Cas. You can like someone and not want to bone them.”

Castiel blushed darker. “No, of course, I only meant–”

Dean seemed to take pity on him. He steered them both out onto the balcony of Castiel’s apartment, waving at party guests as he went, making glib comments about ‘stealing the man of honor for a bit’.

When they were safely secure on a shadowy portion of the balcony, Dean addressed him. “Cas, what’s going on?”

“I’m attracted to you.”

He hadn’t meant to say it outright like that but Castiel was never one for subtlety.

Castiel wasn’t sure what Dean had been expecting but he was sure by his expression that it hadn’t been that.

He blinked. “Beg pardon?”

“I’m attracted to you.” Castiel repeated. Dean swallowed. “But not… sexually. Which is apparently a thing people can not feel. Sexual attraction I mean. So I’m not sexually attracted to you but I still… want you. And I don’t know what that means.”

Dean looked gobsmacked, his eyes wide and his mouth open in shock.

“I thought you were straight.”

“Yeah, me too.”

They were both quiet, looking at each other, then away, then coming back.

This was clearly a lot for Dean to take in. And Castiel understood: they had only really known each other for a little less than twelve hours. Dean was not responsible for handling Castiel’s gay panic.

And from the way he kept running his hand over his face, he didn’t seem equipped for it.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Castiel said hurriedly, taking a physical step back, “this isn’t your problem, I shouldn’t have–”

“No, hey, wait.” Dean reached out, his hand taking residence on Castiel’s shoulder in which was a by now common and comforting gesture. “I know how freaky this must be for you, I want to help.”

Castiel’s eyes felt very wide. He was sure his pulse shouldn’t be that fast.

Dean squeezed his shoulder before letting go, clearing his throat into his hand. He avoided eye contact. “From what I understand,” he started, inspecting his hands, “there is a difference between sexual and romantic attraction. Like, it’s possible to feel one and not the other or neither or both or… I don’t know.”

Dean was clearly uncomfortable. Clearly not used to talking about this. Castiel softened, overcome by Dean’s kindness and compassion. This was a feeling he was familiar with: this feeling like a warmth behind his sternum and tightness of his throat. He felt this emotion with strangers and friends alike. Maybe this was… romantic attraction?

“Most people don’t have to think about their romantic and sexual attraction as separate things because they match up. Gay people feel romantic and sexual attraction for the same sex, straight people for a different sex, yada yada. But with asexuals it’s different because they, or I guess, you?” Castiel nodded tentatively. “You want closeness with someone but not, like, sexual closeness.”

Dean tripped and stumbled over his words but it didn’t even matter. Every sentence rang so true. Castiel felt like doors in his mind were opening, he felt like decades of his personal history were only just now gaining context.

Even today, with Dean. There were moments when Castiel was sure he was missing something, sure there was something about Dean that was eluding him. But it was something about Castiel. When he thought about Dean’s defined face and strong shoulders and soft midway, he appreciated it but abstractly. He thought about Dean’s kind eyes and curling laugh and the tactual hands that always found their way to Castiel’s shoulder, arm, or back. For those features he could write sonnets.

“Fuck,” he said simply, tone flat.

Dean laughed, the sound punched out of him. “Yeah. Or not, as the case may be.”

Castiel looked at him for two beats, and then he collapsed in laughter, coming forward to crush Dean into a hug.

They both smothered their laughter into each other’s necks, Castiel with gratitude and Dean shushing him and stroking his hair.

Castiel became aware he was also stroking over Dean’s hair, his fingers absently playing with the bristles at the back of his neck.

“Dean, will you go on a date with me?”

Dean choked out another laugh, this one a little wetter.

“Geez, Cas, you find out you’re not straight only ten minutes ago and already you’re trying to romance me?”

“Are you not amenable?”

Dean pulled back, smiling at Cas and pulling in to rub their noses together.

“Nah, man, I’m amenable as hell.”

Normally at the end of an episode of Queer Eye , the Fab Five do a quick run down with each other of how the evening went.

This special episode ended with a freeze frame of Castiel and Dean in front of all the guests, holding hands. A title card professing, “Turns out Castiel wasn’t straight. But Dean Winchester still made him look great! Tune in next week for another celebrity episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.*

“* We are not responsible for any sexual awakenings that may occur.”

[spookierswamp]

@questforsims tagged me in this questionnaire thing bc he knows they’re my favorite lmao, answers under the read more....

DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? I'm literally terrified of people who can sleep with closet doors open like... do you fear nothing...?

DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? nah I usually end up using them all lmao

DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? untucked

HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? not a street sign I guess but one time when I was 15 I was recovering from a party at a friends house in the middle of like, the Scottish nowherseville countryside and like 6am that morning we went out to take a walk and smoke and we ended up taking one of those roadworks signs back to her house for some reason... it was dumb lmao

DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? heck yeah there's a wall in my room that's just post-it notes lmao it calms me

DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? we don't rly have coupon culture as much here but I probably would if I lived in America...

WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? they don't allow you to have bees in here

DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? no and thank goodness bc if I had freckles I'd be... too cute.... too powerful

DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? like... in group photos sure but if it's a selfie I almost never smile lmao

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? loud/messy eaters tbh

DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? yeah I used to go on long hikes/walks in the forest and I'd be out for hours and like I'd take one of those pedometers w/ me and I'd feel so fuckin validated when I saw it get to 10,000 lmao...

HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? y'all foolin if you been out in the woods and you said you haven't tbh

HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? ok this is gross nevermind

DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERE’S NO MUSIC PLAYING? nah but if you put a bop on i'll immediately start dancing

DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? part of me is like 'nah that's p gross' but yeah i probably do

HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? just one lmao

WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? like... it can fit me + another fully grown man so it's pretty big i guess

WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? So Emotional by Whitney Houston

IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? I literally wear pink every day of my life you stupid bitch

DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? yeah but not like... with the intensity some of y'all do... i really liked Gravity Falls especially 

WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? most disney movies tbh... I'll never get the appeal of them as a genre lmao... special shoutout to Ace Ventura: Pet Detective for being absolute fucking garbage though

WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? I probably wouldn't even have time to hide it cause I'd immediately lose it somewhere lmao

WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? honestly it depends on what dinner is? mostly I'll drink soda or wine

WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? mustard, ketchup, bbq sauce, ranch

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? takoyaki! i also love any and all mexican food

WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? there's literally... so many... lmao... Fire Walk With Me, The Birdcage, Scream, Wet Hot American Summer, Blair Witch Project, Donnie Darko, The Craft (like.. semi-ironically but I do love it lmao)

LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? a boy but he's lame so he won't be named here lmao

WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? nah I always thought boy scouts were dumb but as an adult I kinda wish I'd been a part of something like that

WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? what kinda magazine....

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? me and my ex-boyfriend used to write letters to each other all the time! so probably like, last year

CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? nah, I've legit never even driven more than once lmao....

EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? ... the one time I drove around it was in an abandoned parking lot and my then-boyfriend was sitting next to me with one hand on the steering wheel it was fun...

EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? .... i almost hit another car that was doing the same thing but i didn't and i was so proud of myself lmao

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? meatball sub... or like.... steak & cheese

BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? pancakes, coffee, hashbrowns and/or a breakfast taco, at least two kolaches

WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? midnight or whenever i pass out after work

ARE YOU LAZY? yea

WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? aw heck so many things! Vampires have always been a big thing for me tho and I was both Spike and Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer multiple times lmao

WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? I can never remember which one but either dog or pig

HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? I can barely speak my first language lmao but I can bluff my way thru German and I've made half-assed attempts at learning Russian, Japanese and Icelandic before...

DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? nah

WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? legos you dumb bitch

ARE YOU STUBBORN? sure

WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? whoms't?

EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? British soaps are genuinely class but I never rly keep up w/ them, also telenovelas are amazing and important...

ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? nah I love heights! I was afraid of them as a kid but ask any of my friends/boyfriends and they'll tell you I'm always trying to get people to go to the top of stuff lmao

DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? only during inebriated night-time road adventures

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? pretty much constantly lmao

DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? like... how?

EVER USED A GUN? honestly I've never even touched a gun lmao

LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? uuh high school I reckon

DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? yeah of course who doesn’t

IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? very

EVER EAT A PIEROGI? no but it feels like my kind of shit

FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? (dale cooper voice) cherry pie

OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? painter or director, something artistic or whatever, maybe something with computers I always figured I’d be good at

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? yeah I love ghosts they're all my good pals

EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? yeah and I'll do things multiple times in a row just out of not paying attention lmao

DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? yeah I take an A-Z multivit and cod liver oil usually

DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? nah they make my feet too damn warm boy

DO YOU WEAR A BATHROBE? nah but when I'm a guest in a hotel w/ somebody I'm always claiming dibs on the complementary bathrobe lmao

WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? if it's cold I'll wear like a t-shirt or something

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? I went to a bunch of festivals and free concerts and stuff as a tiny lil' baby ten year old but the first one I went to without parents was probably like... Fall Out Boy? or another band from my 2007 - 2009 emo phase lmao

WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? the only thing I learned when I was in America was that Walmart is both haunted and cursed, Target is The Promised Land and Kmart is a sensory hallucination

NIKE OR ADIDAS? Adidas.... also I like the new adidas NHL kits sue me....

CHEETOS OR FRITOS? the first time I had Fritos it was with a bean dip and I almost barfed so definitely Cheetos lmao

PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? both are gross whatever

EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? no but they sound very good

EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? nah

IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? handsome genius/hockey player

CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? heck yeah

EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? I legit don't think we have those here but I definately would have if I competed because I was the best damn speller in my class

HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? I laugh-cry more than anything tbh

OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? nah I used to have a record player and I've bought a bunch of records as gifts for people but like I download all my music anyway so I'm 2 lazy 2 cheap lmao

OWN A RECORD PLAYER? ^

DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? nah but I love candles

EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yeah but honestly once was enough lmao

WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? literally one of my only goals in life is to see Bjork live before she quits music or I die lmao... also Math the Band (again), Anamanaguchi, Mac Demarco, The Mountain Goats...

WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? not like a concert I guess but I went to see Kim Chi perform in February and it was lit

HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? like... Iced Tea? the way this is worded is disgusting lmao I'll go with hot tea

TEA OR COFFEE? I literally make coffee every single fucking day of my life @ work and like... not only do I now hate it I hate anyone who drinks it lmao

SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? what the fuck does this mean

CAN YOU SWIM WELL? yeah!

CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? yeah!

ARE YOU PATIENT? yeah!

DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? I'm not the kind of person to have friends who are in bands and not ask them to play at my wedding lmao also wedding DJ's are always weird old men

EVER WON A CONTEST? yeah I've won like.. talent shows and stupid semi-academic shit like that but nothing super cool

HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? nah but no question i'd absolutely get it

WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? green

CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? nah but i can kind of sew

BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? every room but only if you live in a log cabin or some shit

DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? yeah but like, not for the sake of being married? 

IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? ^

WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH? aw man I threw a lot of time and energy into dating boys in high school but like... my biggest crushes were always unattainable and short-lived lmao so no-one notable...

DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? god honestly any single one of my friends/previous boyfriends will tell you I throw tantrums over literally anything lmao... I usually act pretty stable and emotionally mature but when I'm comfortable with people I'll fuck shit up for no reason lmao

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? nah

DO YOU WANT KIDS? I'm way too self-centered and emotionally unavailable for any of that shit right now lmao but in like 10 years I'd be open to it for sure

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? forest green, goth purples, black, pink, also what can only be described as like, Nickelodeon slime green

DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? uhhhh pass

WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT? nobody! it's like, 100 questions long and I don't feel comfortable that tagging any of you won't be annoying lmao but if you wanna do this msg me and I'll tag you in it! ! ! ! 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #206

“have you ever wished for death and prayed all night for your last breath?”

Do you always read the book before you see a movie based on a book? No. When you’re out with friends, do they ever encourage you to spend money you should be saving? 1.) I don't hang out w/ anyone now, 2.) but even when I did, they all knew I didn't make money. Is there anything you’re trying to save up money for? What? Perpetually tattoos, I want a PS4 super badly to play a novel of games I've been dying to play (SotC and Spyro trilogy remaster, I'm @ing you so hard), I need a car soon as I plan to at least try and get my license in the near future, I'd love to always have enough to immediately go to Sara's in case of an emergency, a trip to South Africa... but those are gonna take a good while to complete. I have my priorities straight for when I get a job. Have you ever watched a movie you didn’t really want to see just because a friend asked you to? Yeah. Did you end up liking the movie, anyway? There's been many cases of the above situation, so I'm sure in some instances I have. Heard any great songs for the first time lately? What songs? Hmmm, quite a number. "Radio" by Rammstein is great, and I love "bury a friend" and "bad guy" by Billie Eilish. What is your favorite urban legend? m o t h m a n and the joysey devil. Probably top two. GAH I love so many though????????????? Like Skinwalkers?????????????? And WENDIGOS????????? Have you seen all the cool shit?????????????? Do you remember the last nightmare you had? What was it? No, thankfully. Have you ever hopped on any bandwagons? HAHA. Freshman year, high school... I "liked" screamo or alternative-type bands I'd barely ever listened to or even enjoyed to fit in with the emos aldkjfalkwejr. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? Definitely not a complete one, but I can get pretty annoyed if in WoW we're in a heroic dungeon and people don't know the mechanics you should have already learned + read new ones that're right there in the goddamn journal laksdjfaoweir and then some people just totally ignore your advice and alskdjfwleiruwqoeif x2. Then again I've been that confused asshole in a couple raiding situations BUT LOOK they're harder and I had too much to catch up on okay. Still no excuse by WHATEVER. Have elitists on a fansite ever intimidated or talked down to you? I don't believe so. Is there anything you swear you will never do again? A few things with certainty. How late do you usually stay awake? I can literally go to bed as early as 7 to as late as 11 or rarely later. I do NOT have a schedule. Started months ago, and at first it frustrated and stressed me out quite a bit, but by now, I've just accepted it for me. Do you have pets? If so, how did you choose their names? Teddy: sister named him, but I'm sure it was the "cute as a teddy bear" type thing; Bentley: no clue; Roman: it sounded majestic, cats are majestic; Venus: pretty, and her coloration is similar to the planet; Kaiju: totally badass for an iguana that's gonna grow to be a big 'ole scaly boy; and Mitsu: I had a theme of giving my rats cutesy "M" names. Do you ever buy special treats for your pets? Occasionally. Is just being fond of something enough, or does it take more than that to be a ‘real fan’? Did a middle school student write this? If you're pretty fond of something, there you go, you're a fan. Sure, some are more intense, but that doesn't make the more casual ones not "real." What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? Idk, I don't pay attention. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? Christ, without. If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? HA. No. It is RARE I'll find a cute one, and that's always only online. Make pretty ones for plus-sized women a normal find, jfc. Idk why, but I am very picky with bras. Like good fucking luck seeing me without a shirt, so like,,,, why do I bother????? What length do you like your shorts to be? UM you will NOT see me in SHORTS. Have you ever cut off jeans or other pants and made them into shorts? Perhaps Mom has when I was a kid? But I have no memory of this ever happening. Have you cut the sleeves out of T-shirts to make tank tops? I don't think so. Have you ever modified a piece of clothing and hated how it turned out? ^ What was the last disappointing movie you saw? Ah jeez, what's the last time I even watched one. Idk. What was the last disappointing book you read? And I haven't read a book in even longer. Is there anything you’re really excited about? JOB. OPPORTUNITIES. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Vines, like shit dude. I can go on massive binges. What was the last thing you rolled your eyes about? I don't recall. What would you consider the greatest song ever recorded? Why? Yeesh, that's a big thing to decide. I recently discovered "A Reason to Fight" by Disturbed though, and it is. Incredible. Just read the lyrics to refresh my mind, and yeah, goosebumps. Do you like Hellboy? If so, do you prefer the old movies or the new one? Never seen any. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Dory, probably. But man, there's too many to choose from. Last thing you purchased just for fun? *shrugs* Do you even like behind-the-scenes stuff or does it ruin the magic for you? IF I'm real into the product, I love that stuff!! I've seen like every little BTS Silent Hill thing there is, probably, multiple hours' worth. What is your favorite thing about Mac computers? They're small and lightweight. What is your favorite thing about PCs? They generally hold much more memory. What are some errands you need to run soon? I don't have "errands" yet. Have your parents ever tried to convince people there was something wrong with you, when their “diagnosis” wasn’t accurate? No. List 3 of your best memories, times you wish you could go back and repeat. In no order, just as they come to me: 1.) First hug with Sara when we met at the airport; 2.) THE LOOK ON SARA'S FACE when she saw me in her room on her birthday (probably fave memory of all time, actually); 3.) seeing meerkats for the first time at the zoo. Ohhhh or maybe the true realization I was happy without Jason. But idk, that was SUCH a gradual process where I didn't feel ecstasy in like one moment. What color was your high school graduation gown? Ew, it was this obnoxious red. The majority apparently voted for it, while I was on the navy team. Are your parents’ dreams for your life different than your own? Mom's pretty dead-set on me being a vet, but she doesn't try to push me into it or anything. I know she just wants happiness for me. I haven't got a clue about Dad. Have your dreams for your life changed? Of course. What are your dreams now? HAPPY, stable job that I thoroughly enjoy, well-off financially (I don't aim to be rich, just "safe," you could say), healthy marriage, own my own home, travel to a few places, did y'all think I was gonna forget "meet Mark???"... stuff like that. What was your dream as a child? It changed plenty of times, but my earliest goal was to be a paleontologist. Do you feel safe in your country? Sure, I guess. Safer than most places. If applicable, do you feel safe at your school? N/A Would you ever want to learn sign language? It'd be cool, sure, but it's not something I'm interested in pursuing. How many meals do you eat a day? 2-3. Sometimes just one "real" meal. Do you own any succulents? No. What color are your walls? A hideous puke green. Why. What color were the walls in the bedroom you grew up in? I don't remember at all. What was the last song you listened to on repeat? "Love Falls" by HELLYEAH. What is your favorite style (or styles) of dance? Modern. Have you ever performed a solo dance in front of a crowd? No. Have you ever sung a solo? No. Which insects are you afraid of? Most, really. Do you think it’s silly to be afraid of an insect, when it’s so tiny? It depends on the insect, of course. Even if I do know what it is and it's "safe," I'll still typically freak if it surprises me. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? Hmmm. Sara, I believe? What are you waiting for? Jesus FUCKING Christ on a bike a job. What do you usually feel like doing the most at home? Stuff on the laptop. What grade were you in when you had your first crush? I don't remember... For "puppy dog love," I believe maybe the 4th grade, but I may be wrong. I'd say my first *real* crush was on a guy named Sebastian in my freshman year of high school. Shit man, did a lot go down my freshman year. I'm just reminiscing and crushes jumped between like five dudes 'til Jason won. At what age did you start experiencing sexual attraction, if any? Some time in middle school, I think? Like that's when I had my first bisexuality crisis: 6th or 7th grade. Have you ever split open a rock with a hammer, to see the glitter inside? No, but FUCK I WANNA. What type of tree do you see the most of where you live? There's a pine tree outside my window. Oh, and there's a pine tree in my back yard. Oh, what's that across the road? Woods of pine trees. Where do all birds in NC live? In pine trees. What does our air smell like? Pine trees. Where is your favorite place you’ve lived? My previous home as far as location; house itself, where I am now. It's got its issues, but it's cozy and a perfect size for just two people. What states have you lived in? Just 'ole North Carolina. Take me awaaaaaaaaaaaay- Do you wish you were someone else? Sometimes. What is your favorite thing about the month in which it is now? Literally just flowers. That's it. It. Everything else can suck a legion of dicks. Who were your best friends in high school? Hannia, Girt, Jason (if he counts), Alon, Maria... I had a few "best" ones. ^Are they still your best friends now? Girt is my closest thing to a "best friend" if you don't include my girlfriend. Do you live near the mountains? No, they're on the opposite end of the state. ;___; Do you live near a beach? We're like, two-ish hours away. What is your favorite beach that you’ve been to? Idk and idc, beaches aren't my thing. Do you collect seashells? Not seriously, but I'll keep a cool one if I find one. If you were to start a new collection, what would it be? If I was not ashamed of looking like a 23-y/o pre-teen in love with Just Bieber, I'd have more Markiplier merch than you'd fucking believe. (One of my biggest regrets in life was not buying the tasteful nudes calendar; I will eternally smite myself for being too embarrassed to have to explain why I would have that hanging above my bed rip.) If you had to pick one year and describe it as the best year of your life that you want to relive again, which year would it be? 2017 was fuckin litty titty. Is your world view the same as your parents’? In some ways with Mom, and I do know Dad and I differ on a few things. Well, if I learned more about his more political beliefs, I feel I'd probably disagree with most. What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Are you the person you thought you’d be when you were younger? No. Are you a confrontational person, or the peacekeeper? I'm a massive peacekeeper. I avoid confrontation like the PLAGUE. Do you like to read? Not nearly as much as I used to. Like all I ever read nowadays are RP posts as I obviously have to reply to them, but if they're long, it is common I procrastinate on reading it... ;_; Do you sleep too much or not enough? Probably too much, especially when I go to bed early. Although, I do wake up throughout the night and sometimes officially pretty early. Then some days I have a 1-2 hour nap, so that just adds to it. Who is your best friend? Sara. <3 How did you two meet? YouTube. How did you meet your current bf/gf? ^ How far away is your closest family member? Well I live with my mom, but she's at work atm. The last time you did something with BOTH of your parents was? BOY OH FUCKING BOY. My mom's the most bitter witch towards him, so even for family events, Dad usually only stops by to avoid creating a goddamn wreck, such as at birthday dinners. I think the last time they were in the same house was for my nephew's birthday half a year ago, I believe. What’s your favorite holiday? Halloween!!! Now that I have a niece and nephew who grasp the concept of Santa, Christmas is also really special to me. I don't want kids, but watching those sweethearts get so excited over their presents is magical. For me personally, the holiday has grown more and more about celebrating family, especially as we continue to branch out/go our own ways. So I guess I like the idea of Halloween better and would enjoy it more if I actually had something to do, but as far as joy goes, Christmas. Do you like pumpkin pie? I hate anything and everything pumpkin-flavored. The last time you went to the doctor, what were you there for? It was the see my psychiatrist. Do you take any medication regularly? Yeah. Is there any particular view you have on insane people? I see "insane" versus "sane" as far more of a gradient shift instead of a direct split; there're levels. I actually do legitimately think I at some juncture in the aftermath of the breakup qualified as slightly insane, yet I wasn't dangerous or entirely out of touch with reality. So if you tell me someone's actually insane, I'm going to fear them being the explosive, entirely unpredictable and loopy kind, but I know the person may be calm and somewhat stable on the outside, too. You gotta consider the severity. Do you believe in any conspiracies? 9/11 was orchestrated by the government and you cannot change my mind. I'm not totally sold on this one and lean more towards "nah" (I think), but the "we live in a simulation by a future civilization" is not that far-fetched at all if you actually look into it. It's very interesting, whether or not you're sold on it. Hell, Neil deGrasse Tyson firmly believes in it. Out of your friends, who is the funniest? Girt makes me laugh at the snap of his fingers, it seems. Anything you need to get rid of? I'm sure somewhere... Do you have any wasted talents? Animal knowledge and compassion, probably... I know I could make a fantastic rehabilitator for animals, among a plethora of other animal-related preservation and protection actions I could actively engage in. Well, I'm going back to school for zoology, but even now, I want to do more. There is a wildlife rehab place I may be able to volunteer at soon, tho! Mom's talking to a guy at work about me helping there. DAMN, livin a dream. Do you let the little things get to you? The issue could be as small as a single cell and it could still bother me. How often do you cry? Maybe once in a week, possibly longer. I don't know if you mean like really cry or just tear up/lightly cry. The latter is pretty common, but the other, not so much. Even if I want to cry, my jaw just entirely locks the hell up and I physically can't get it out. Is there anything you’re trying to prevent? I mean besides the common sense things everyone takes action to avoid, hm. I feel like there's so much, yet nothing is coming to me? Well, actually, it's usually a daily struggle to prevent at least one OCD cycle. When was the last time you were told you were cute? *shrug* When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life? It's been quite a while... At least over a year ago, when I began to get antsy with wanting a job and later going back to school. It just all started when I realized I was healed from the breakup and ready to move forward in life, but I wasn't. Do you miss the way things used to be between you and someone else? Multiple people. What colors has your hair been? Dirty blonde, brown, red, and purple. I've had red and purple highlights, and I naturally have blondish ones, too. I'm ready to dye it again, jfc. Most attempts are failures because my hair does NOT take color well whatsoever. It's only ever worked perfectly with the brand Splat, and my hair soaked in the dye for a LONG time before washing it out. Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? No. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? We share interest in plenty of the same bands, Mom especially. Is there any food in your bedroom? What? No. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? MY LITTLE SISTER. Haven't seen the woman in three years, but I can promise you Jason's mom still has it to a legendary degree. How expensive is too expensive for a pair of shoes? I haven't looked for shoes in so long that I don't even know the average price. What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard? Honey Nut Cheerios, normal Cheerios I think, and we have a little bit of the chocolate chunk Special K cereal left over. It's got to be stale by now (it's not even closed fully); I need to remember to toss it. What’s the last thing you spent over $10 on? Ummm I'm not sure. Over $30? I think my tongue piercing was $40? Maybe even lower? Or slightly higher?? I don't remember. Do you know who lives three houses down from you? I think so. The one time I was locked out of my house in the snow with Teddy and I waited like a fucking hour until I broke down, absolutely freezing (I was in my pajamas, dude), and walked down the road to try and get help (I needed to call my mom, obviously, and I didn't have my phone), I believe it was the third neighbor who answered. Turned out being a retired deputy who was super intimidating yet kind at the same time; he let Teddy and me stay in his house (mind you, Teddy is incontinent and didn't have his diaper on, which I warned him about) while Mom was on her way home. He gave me a jacket and some water, even when I said I was fine, but you could tell he wasn't totally sure about trusting this random, sobbing girl at his door because he asked me a thousand questions about my story and quizzed if I really did live in this area. Obviously a good cop, but after a day like that, I was just terrified of an old man who appeared a bit gruff. But thankfully Mom got there to save the day and I am forever grateful for that guy. WOW what a story for a simple question. Is there a bulletin board in your room? No. Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? "Health freak" seems a bit extreme for both of them, but Mom is more concerned about health in general. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? We just have tortilla chips, I think. I try to keep snacks out of the house to avoid temptation, and who eats plain tortilla chips. Do you have your mom's or dad's hair? Mom's. What’s the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom? Most would probably notice my Nightmare Before Christmas poster first, being as big as it is and on the wall opposite the entrance. Do you prefer the truth, even if it’s harsh? YES. I NEED to know this kinda stuff, even if the truth is really hard to hear. Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? I don't think so. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? I think I did when my very first band teacher did. EVERYONE loved him. Like, the entire school. Does your kitchen look like it was designed in a completely different decade? No? When’s the last time you wore heels? Great question. Probably not since my sister's wedding in '16. Do you have your mom’s or dad’s eyes? My grampa's on Mom's side. What’s the best date movie? Probably a rom com? Have your parents ever been out of the country? No. How many pairs of jeans, all together, are in your house? Zero. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I'll swear under my breath or seethe in frustration, but I never yell. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? No. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. Whenever she starts dating a guy, she dips, and whenever/if ever we talk, she rambles absolutely endlessly about him. Do you know anyone who has grossly skinny eyebrows? I couldn't possibly care less about how your eyebrows look. Do your pets chase after bugs? Roman and Bentley sure do. Bentley is a Professional Fly Moncher, specifically. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? Uhhh good question. Probs the night before Sara got here for my b-day. What is your mom’s favorite movie? Hm, good question! I'd ask her, but I don't want her to ask me why I am lmao. What TV family reminds you of your own family? Probably none. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? No. I don't remember what I thought, but I know it wasn't that. Do you have any relatives who really spoil you? No, I think? Well Dad gives my sisters and me way too much money for Christmas and always tells us to ask him if we need anything, but I pretty much never ask him for said things, so I don't know the extent he'd go. Are there any drawers in your house that are just filled with junk? Pretty much. Is the last person you spoke to in love? That's my mom, so I doubt that with all I know. Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house? I don't believe so. What was the last movie to make you cry? I think the last was Coco. Moana may have made me tear up, but I can't remember... Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? Not to my memory. What time do you usually go to sleep at sleepovers, if ever? I haven't been to a sleepover in God knows how long. Who was the main character in the last book you read? Alice Liddell. Who are the last people you saw kiss? Via YouTube, Jeffree and his boyfriend. Irl, I don't know. Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website? No. Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Who’s the bride/groom? Not very much. Like I've had brief daydreams about it, sure, but it's not something that's on my mind a lot. Still got a long time before that happens. What was the last unpleasant thing to wake you up? My cat not knowing how to keep his mouth shut. Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars. Well, it depends; stars if we're in a completely isolated area where you can see them crystal clear or the clouds are boring, but otherwise, clouds if their design and colors are cool. Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? No. Do you ever wonder what the opposite sex do at sleepovers? No. When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? My mom, no questions asked. When’s the last time you broke plans? Why? I wasn't feeling well. I was supposed to see my VR coach that day. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? Yes, my sister's. I was a bridesmaid. It was an absolutely awful experience because I was hot as fuck, it was triggering as HELL with me still grieving Jason, and I felt positively hideous in a dress when I was at such a horrible weight. I wish so dearly I could redo that day; I fell like I put a serious damper on my sister's big day. Would you feel safer with an alarm system or security cameras? Hm, depends on the scenario... I guess an alarm system? Like security cameras will show a murderer climbing through my window, but they're not gonna wake me up to save my ass. Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? So long it smells nice, isn't watery, and doesn't only add oil to my hair, I don't care much. Has a stray dog ever tried to bite you? No. When riding a bus, do you prefer to sit in front, in the back, or in the middle? Hm... idk. When I took the bus home with Jason, we always sat in the back, and that's really the only time I took a bus regularly. I think otherwise, I'd prefer the middle, closer to the front? I think I usually did that on occasions like band competitions and such. Have you ever been on a cross-country train ride? No. Are you normally a person to tell people off? No, that's rare. Is there any TV show that ended that you wish hadn’t? Meerkat Manor. Though I would hope they'd lessen down on the false story-telling. Stick to the true KMP events. When you feel stressed, do you take things out on the wrong people? Sometimes. Do you even wear any jeans other than skinny anymore? I don't wear jeans period. What did you talk about at lunch today with your friends? N/A Are you sensitive to caffeine? Definitely not. My system's too used to it, probably. How do you usually get around? Mom drives me. I'm 23. :^) Which languages do you wish you could speak fluently in? German. Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? SURPRISINGLY no, at least to my memory. Do you like Vitamin Water? Never tried, don't want to. What was the last thing you took a picture of? Dad and me on his birthday. Do you know anyone that uses Sprint as their phone carrier? Idk. Well, I think. When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get? Coke. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? Sometime during Bobby's visit literally days ago. I already forgot who took it... and who else was in it lmao. Do you own a pair of slippers? Yeah, two. A meerkat pair and then a far less extra pair that're closer to socks. I think they have cats on them? I got them for Christmas I think and haven't worn or seen them much. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? Not a fan of either, but Carrie Underwood is more tolerable and even has a couple songs I enjoy. Name something negative that you hate about yourself: I'll jump to a conclusion within .02 seconds of something negative happening. Or not even "negative" or something that's purely in my head. Is your house currently hot, cold or just right? The house itself is fine, and my room is just right because I have my fan on. Is there a Dead End road near where you live? I can't think of one off the top of my head, but it's likely, really. There's lots of those here. Growing up, did you see your cousins often? No. We live many states away on both parents' sides. Where was your first job at? GameStop. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot? (Celebrities) It's been like two days and I'm over seeing the James Charles/Tati drama everywhere. You can't be interested in the YouTube community without being drowned in that shit right now somehow someway on any YT-coverage page and YouTube itself. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? I personally haven't. Would you date someone who’s shorter than you? I very openly and severely judge you if fucking height means that much to you. Do you mind being the third wheel? Not really, no. I'd only feel uncomfortable if they were getting pretty intimate. Has a kiss ever made you weak in the knees? Um I didn't know that was actually a thing so no. Do you feel comfortable buying condoms? Never been in that position. Have you ever dated two people at once? No. Have you ever been tested for STDs? No. Well wait, that time I gave blood I probably was just out of safety protocol. Have you ever run into your ex with his/her new sweetie? No. Have you ever felt guilty after doing something sexual? When I was in that "wait does this break the abstinence rule" phase, yeah. God was I technical. Have you ever had a condom break during sex? N/A Do your parents know if you’re having sex? Well considering I'm with a girl and she lives states away, that answer's obvious. Do you eat chips or crackers more? Chips. Would you rather be a singer or a dancer? A dancer. Would you rather be a musician or a painter? A painter, maybe? If I could play the electric guitar, though... idk. What social media sites do you visit the most? Facebook. What did you hair look like in high school? Long, thick as fuck, brown (or dyed black) with some sort of highlight, and it was split to the left with the hair swooped over my right eye. Basically "I want the emo swoop but my hair is too fucking thick to obey hairspray." :^) Which dollar store do you shop at? Depends on what's closest, usually. We rarely ever stop at one unless it's for candy to bring into the movie theater, seriously lol. I think usually Dollar General? Do you prefer candy corn or conversation hearts? WE DON'T KNOW EITHER. Skeletons or scarecrows? s k e l l y b o y s Has anyone ever given you the silent treatment? Yep. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever had in your mouth? I learned on that day I hate giving blowjobs. Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No, thankfully. (If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you ‘shortie’ instead of girl? BOY I would fucking cackle. I hate that word. No. Do you ever watch The Simpsons? No. Have you ever sent an embarrassing moment of yours into a mag to be printed? OH MY GOD I remember that!!! But no. What IS your most embarrassing moment? Too lazy to go through the novel of 'em to pick the worst. Do you think you’re more cute or sexy? You assume I find myself either. Do you own any mini skirts? I don't own any skirts period. Do you draw little hearts and stuff with eyeliner next to your eyes? No. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever lost? Idk. Has your mom ever lied to you? I'm sure she has before. Do you have a deep voice? For a girl, yeah. When’s the last time someone made breakfast for you? *shrugs* Exclusively for me, probably never. Do you do something new with your hair practically every day? No, it's the same everyday. When someone knocks on the door, who do you think it is? Delivery guy. Has anyone ever licked your foot? Ew no. Do you play games with boys/girls, like ‘hard to get’? I'm not 15. Has a guy ever quoted a romantic Shakespeare line to you? No, and I'm glad, as I'd cringe into another realm. Is there a Sonic where you live? Yes, I LIVE- Do you smile with your teeth? Usually. I look less high, at least. What did you eat for lunch today? A pb&j. What do you like on your pizza? Pepperoni, jalapenos, or meat lovers. What is in the back seat of your car right now? I don't own a personal car. Mom has a a load of stuff in the back of hers, at least I think... That's super rare, but she's been so ungodly busy idk if she's had time to clean it out. I haven't paid attention so can't recall. What was the last thing you threw up? Idr. Menthol or regular cigarettes? I don't smoke and never have, so idk. What is your favorite episode of Friends? I don't watch it, and I haven't seen many episodes at all if for whatever reason I was in a room and it was on. Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you been to a strip club? No. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Hell if I remember. It had to either be my 16th birthday when Jason's family was all together watching the Super Bowl, or a hockey game with my dad. Last person’s house you were in? Besides my own, my sister's. Who is the last person you sent a message to on Facebook? Nicole. Ever go to camp? No. Were you an honor roll student in school? Yeah. Do you have a tan? HA no. How old do you want to be when you have kids? I don't want kids. Are you someone’s best friend? Yeah. Favorite gemstone? Dragon's breath opal. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru, almost always. Does your first memory involve your dad? No. When was the last time you went swimming? Last summer at the beach. Holy fuck the water was so perfect. Has your luggage ever gotten lost? No. Have you ever thought it would be cool to smash a guitar? No. Like... just why. Do you ever get flu shots? No.