#had to write about its progress over these past HOLY SHIT 2 years

[conspicuous-clown-car]

lemme ramble for a bit

so i have this story in my head of my self insert and the bs they go through while working at the pizzaplex for like 2 years as a night guard

and originally they were gonna die at the end of it before the events of security breach, smth about them finally getting what they wanted bc that’s one of the reasons they wanted to work there in the first place. but i thought that was way too sad, despite, yknow, it being a horror and if i was in their place id definitely be dead before then. plus there are some things worse than death in the fnaf universe. so i decided to veer away from angst for this story and go for a more thriller horror (maybe psychological) type thing yknow? makes it more fun

THEN i was like yo what if ghosts kids start haunting them to help them find their killer and there’s like 1 for each pizzaplex animatronic (excluding freddy and roxy bc they got gregory and cassie). and it could be super angsty bc 2 of the kids were inadvertently killed because of moon and one was killed by moon, and my s/i is super close with moon right? so it would be like a moral dilemma, bc they want to help the kids but they still want to be friends with moon, but they’re also horrified that he killed a kid. and my s/i would start dreaming and sleepwalking, forced by the ghost kids to relive their deaths to try and find who killed them. but then i started thinking about the timeline of that, and it would mean moon would’ve had the virus or whatever years before this story takes place, which isn’t what i wanted nor did it make sense. so after a while i was just like nahhhh, and it didn’t really mesh well with the story of security breach anyways, its more sci-fi than supernatural now, and including the ghost kids would just be too much crammed into self insert story i have. the kids designs im still gonna use tho lol

NOW after getting back into fnaf after like a few months of not really caring about the lore, i’ve been watching more theory videos and book summaries and stuff like that and it made me shift my whole view on security breach’s story

so i’ve decided that i wanna stick as close to canon lore as possible and make gregory and vanessa/vanny more present and important. i want to focus more on the issues with ai, and show the slow downfall and problems with depending solely on them. i also need to figure out why my self insert has plot armor bc anyone in their situation would’ve been fired or killed by now (i don’t have to stick that close to canon for this i guess). but im just gonna justify it as they’re a pushover who doesn’t ask any questions and just does what they’re told, which is pretty much what got the other employees fired or killed bc they did the opposite (they’re also a huge nerd about robots so they end up being good friends with all the animatronics which is a HUGE plot point in this story, friendship is the real magic love conquers all etc. etc.) don’t get me wrong, they are fully aware of how wrong things are in the pizzaplex and how some things vanessa has told them don’t add up, but they are a good little employee (they are a severe people pleaser) so they feign ignorance to it all.

my self insert being autistic and having adhd is also a big thing i wanna include, bc there’s some really specific shit about their autism that would affect how they survive and stuff. things like trauma responses, masking, unmasking, meltdowns, and shutdowns that will affect their relationships with the others and will domino affect over time and lead to them surviving. idk ive just been thinking a lot lately about social interactions and experiences i have that are negatively or positively impacted specifically because of my autism. choices choices

i also want to make sure that it’s clear how neglected all the animatronics are. not just the dca since it is intended to be a s/i x sun and moon story. but there’s a lot of issues the in game messages have talked about with the animatronics that seem to happen because no one is bothering to help them. they just put a bandaid on a situation but they don’t fix the root problem yknow. also, my s/i doesn’t think the animatronics are sentient at first, and i want that to be a big thing that gets explored several times throughout the story bc i love thinking about robot sentience.

at first i was gonna have monty sort of start to be nice to my s/i, and maybe they could be friends or even have a sibling type relationship (red hair lol) but then i was like nah, monty being an asshole is what makes his character interesting. plus his behavior is a nice contrast from the rest of the band. though i think it would be funny for some characters to think monty is my s/i’s favorite at first bc their hair is dyed red

i also want sun and moon to be as close to canon as possible. while i love love LOVE pretty much every dca x reader fic i ever read, i have a preference for canon depictions of sun and moon lol. no hate to fanon depictions of sun when i say this, but ive been lost in the sauce of fanon sun for too long, and i wanna make him passive aggressive, and sarcastic, and picky, and fussy!! but still an anxious wreck and a people pleaser perfectionist. i’ll admit im still struggling with this. it was kinda hard to get a gauge on his personality at first because until help wanted 2 we had only seen how he interacts with kids. and even though in universe that isn’t the real sun it’s the only indication we have of how he interacts with adults, so im taking it. moon is still gonna be mischievous, creepy as hell, and won’t talk much, but he’s not gonna be killin anyone (yet), he’s just gonna be kind of a stalker lol. also the dca and freddy have beef for some reason, it’s a personal head canon of mine but im adding it to this story hehe

lots of physical injuries, several concussions, a migraine so bad they loose the ability to communicate properly (smth i experience) will all happen to them, bc i am throwing them through the ringer. they will be stressed more often than not. get projected on idiot (i say that as if this isn’t my self insert and is literally me)

tbh this story would mostly be just a slice of life, shenanigan, character driven thing for most of it. but then little things brought up in the past will become important to the plot later on.

like how copyright music can’t be played in front of any of the animatronics or else they will freak out :]

that’s all lol

[eddiemunsonwoofty]

Fix me - Part Four

Summary: You reach out to the local "freak"/drug dealer for some kind of escape after your mom dies. Turns out he's the escape you needed.

Caution: Fighting with parents. Talks of drugs and drug use.

📝: well I got my first few likes. I feel like the story is progressing how I want it to. I'm writing in parts because I don't want it to get jumbled from me just trying to finish. I want this story to build.

..................................................................................

"Where have you been, y/n?" My dad asks again, but this time his voice lowered. "I was out." I said smuggly.

Since mom died, dad really hasn't been my favorite person. He really hasn't tried very hard to understand me since then. He's just gone through the motions like nothings changed at all.

He leaves Steve and I to do most things around the house, like cook and clean up for ourselves. When he gets home he usually falls into the routine of; Come in at 6 O'clock, hangs up his keys, sets his briefcase on the table, walks to the fridge, grabs a beer and pops it open, chugs the 1st beer, and reaches for the second, pops it, takes it to the couch, and flicks on the t.v.

Thats where he stays until late. Never eating dinner with us. Some nights I hear him rummaging through the refrigerator for the left overs, but not often. Steve and I often see him passed out on the couch the next morning. Steve will go and wake him so he doesn't miss work, but I couldn't care less. Steve says he needs the job he has so we can stay in our home. We can't afford for him to lose it.

"Out?" Steve scoffs, "With who? Robins already called here looking for you, she says you just took off after school."

"I wasn't with anyone!" I lied, loudly. "It was just a rough day, so I left school and just... walked." Here I was lying to my dad and brother. I lied to my dad all the time, but not Steve.

Steve had really been there for me, but there was no way I could tell him about smoking with Munson. He hated Eddie ever since the 4th grade. But I never knew why. Steve and Eddie should have graduated together, but Eddie has been held back for the past 2 years. Super, Super Senior I guess.

"You never, just go for a walk, y/n?" Steve said confused. "You always come straight home after school. I got scared so I called dad." He was right. I would come home and go straight to my room and bury myself in darkness until Steve would make me come out. Usually to eat.

"Well this time I did!" I shouted as I shoved past them to go up the stairs to my room. I slammed my door so they would think I was super pissed at them, but in reality, I had to get away from them because any longer they would have known that I was absolutely stoned. I threw myself on my bed, my head hit the pillow and I was out.

"What am I going to do with her!" Dad said to Steve, shaking his head. "What do you mean?" Steve said smuggly. "You should have been doing something 6 months ago when mom died!" "She's a wreck dad, and you don't even notice!" *SMACK* Dad lays one right across Steve's face. "What the hell!" Steve shouts. "Dont tell me I don't notice that my once sweet, innocent, angel has slipped away from me!" My dad cries out. "Why do you think I drink? Because its fun?!" He bellows out louder. "I-I...don't know what to do son!"

Steve backs away from him, watching him clutch the side of our dining room table, sobbing. He heads upstairs to my room where he finds me asleep. "How the fuck could she sleep through that?" Steve said at a whisper. He knew something was up. He shut my light off and let me sleep. Even though he was suspicious he knew I needed to sleep.

The next morning I sprung up out of bed. I was still in my clothes from the day before. It was 5:30 in the morning. The sun wasn't even out. Holy shit! Did I sleep all night? Wait a minute....I didn't have a nightmare about mom! What the hell was this magic shit Eddie gave me? *grrrr* I hear and feel my stomach growl. I was ravenous. I crept downstairs as not to wake anyone, and my eyes landed on the easiest thing I could make myself. Cereal. I grabbed the box and poured myself a bowl. Took a bite. Oh my God, was it good. I hadn't had a bowl of cereal in a while. I usually skipped breakfast, and lunch, and most of the time dinner. Chips and dip were my usual sustenance. In small doses.

I had shriveled up into a whopping 110 lbs give or take since mom. I was tall so the lack of weight made me stick out as gross even more. I looked like a skeleton. Damn, the cereal is so good. I think to myself as I pour my second bowl.

I hear footsteps come down the stairs. "Uh...morning sis?" Steve says confused and half asleep. "Your up and eating?" He tilts his head to the side as he starts to put together a pot of coffee. "Uh, yeah I woke up hungry." My voice lowered. "Well its good to see you up like this y/n." He smiled. "Better than dragging you out of bed, thats for sure."

I head back up to my room and start changing. I go to empty my jean pocket when I feel it, the other joint Eddie gave me. How did I not crush this fucker while I slept? I put it inside my jewelry box, it seemed like a good place to hide it.

I willingly went and got in the shower. It still was just a tap in, tap out shower though. Dried off and threw on an oversized tee and jeans. I did brush my hair, it felt good to have the bristles rush across my scalp. I closed my eyes and just felt it.

*knock, knock* "Yeah." I stated as a come in. Steve opened the door and leaned against the frame, he crossed his arms and just stared at me. "What?" I state, annoyed. "I know you didn't just go for a walk, y/n." He said as he threw up air quotes. "What were you doing?"

I had to tell him. But I had to lie about Eddie. He would lose his mind. I never knew that my brother could hate someone the way he hated Eddie. Eventually, I had to find out why but today wasn't the day.

"I-I...bought some weed of some stoner at school. Just a couple joints though." I stated. His posture changed from leaning to standing straight up. "What!" He yelled at me. "Robin, told me how she smoked pot to take the edge off, so I wanted to see if it would for me. It did, Steve." I cried out to him. "I slept all night for the first time in 6 months, I ate breakfast. I fucking showered, man!"

Steve relaxed some. He knew I was right. He knew that it helped a little. I wasn't cured. I still felt the sting of mom inside. But for one night I didn't dream about her. For one night I didn't wake up scared and feeling lost. I just woke up.

"Who did you get it from? That fucker, Munson?!?" He asked sternly. He knew Eddie was the #1 drug dealer at school. Almost everybody bought off him.

"God, Steve, no!" I scolded back. "Just some guy I see at school all the time, stoned out of his mind." "I don't even know his name." The lie I told my brother came out easier than expected. I can't believe I just lied to him like that. "Ok, y/n, if you really think it helps, I'll back off." Steve said with a little worry in his voice. "Just don't get carried away with the stuff, alright?"

"I won't, Steve."

I made my way out of the house. "Fuck!" I exclaim as I realize my car is still at school. I remember then that eddie wouldn't let me take myself home. I walk back inside and ask Steve for a ride. He obliged.

When I get into school I lay eyes on Robin. I rushed up to her. "Ok, so Steve knows about you telling me about the pot idea." I explain. "But for God's sake Robin, if you tell Steve I was talking to Eddie yesterday in class, I can and will kill you!"

"Oh my God, y/n, chill out!" Robin said pushing me back a little. " I know how Steve feels about Eddie, I won't spill!" "I'm trusting you with this Robin, swear to it." I demand. "I swear, geez!" Robin rolled her eyes at me. She then gave me a smile and links her arm in mine and we start to walk down the hall to our lockers.

"I slept all night, no nightmares." I tell her. "Oh shit! Really?!?" She jumps up and down clapping her hands. "Yes, and I ate breakfast." I say to her, proud of myself. She screeches and gives me a hug. "Alright. Alright calm down!" I chuckle as I push her off me. "It was just one night. Eddie gave me a little more but not much."

"How much is not much?" She asked curiously. "Just one more joint. He made me smoke the 1st one with him." My eyes rolled, but I smiled a little. I knocked it off real quick so Robin didn't see, bit she saw. "So you smoked for the first time with Eddie Munson?" Her curiosity climbed. "How was it?"

"It was ok, he picked on me mostly, but in an easy 'trying not to trigger me' sort of way." As I explained to her what all went on yesterday, her smile increased with every word. Especially when I got to the "shotgun part", and how hot it was. Yes, hot! When I replayed it in my mind I could picture it vividly. I could feel warmth in my stomach as I told her about it.

"Shotgun, huh?" She quizzed. "That seemed a little purposeful, if you ask me." "How so?" I ask. "Well, he could have just explained better on how to smoke, that shotgun was just like 'Hey! I'm here!" Ya know?" She was right! That fucker just wanted to kiss me!

I liked it though, so what does that mean. That i like Eddie? No way! As I lose myself in the thought of this, and Robin rambling, I notice Eddie just down the hall at his own locker. He had it open shuffling through it, papers falling out onto the floor. I looked him up and down. His ripped jeans, Hellfire T shirt, leather jacket, and jean vest. Both hands were plastered with rings, weird ones,, but they still looked cool. His hair was long, dark brown, and curly. No, frizzy. But he wore it well. He had a chiseled jaw line. Perfect smile, and damn those dark brown eyes. I won't start about all his tattoos! Ugh! Did I have a crush on Eddie now? I haven't felt anything for anyone in forever.

Why Eddie? Why now? What the fuck...

Later that day, all of us were back in English. Everyone doing the same thing as the day before. I decided to talk to Eddie. Tell him thank you. Thank you for what? Getting me high or being nice to me? Not just treating me like the girl with the dead mom?

"Eddie?" I say, as I tap him on the shoulder. He turns around to see me and smiles. God, his smile was so beautiful. There's that warmth in my stomach again. "Whats, going on, princess?" He said. I smiled at the pet name this time. "Oh, so its growing on you, huh?" He said excited. "Yeah, a little, Munson." I rolled my eyes. "I just wanted to thank you for yesterday. It helped."

He grinned more. "Anytime y/n. I'm glad it helped." He turned back around to his friends. Thats it? Thats all he was going to say? He frikin kissed me yesterday! Maybe I was reading into it to much. He did explain himself. And besides, who would want to kiss a frumpy sad Skeleton? I wouldn't. I was reading into it too much. Ieft him alone and went back to my seat and waited for class to end.

I just wanted to go home. I knew what was waiting in my jewelry box.

[haloud]

2020 Creator Wrap

Rules:  it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favourite works you  created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below  to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag  as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can  spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

tagged by @lambourngb <3

this has been an interesting year for me, creatively. lots of highs and lows. unlike last year, I didn’t participate in NaNoWriMo, but also unlike last year, I participated in a Big Bang for the first time. overall, I feel like I’ve grown a lot as a writer this year.

but when it comes to reflecting on what I’ve written this year...I don’t know. It’s hard to feel fully connected to a lot of it. Part of that is pandemic brain, part of it is me getting used to the different beast that is co-writing, part of it is imposter syndrome...it’s a many-headed beast. I have complicated feelings on all of it. Maybe it’s part of the growth process; maybe the New Year just has me feeling maudlin. But all that being said, here are my top 5 works I wrote this year.

1. To Raise A Child (series): This is cheating a little, picking a series, but I can’t just pick one fic in this series. Writing with @maeglinthebold has been such an adventure and a wonderful ray of light in this gloomy year. This series asks the adults of Roswell to step up--except Arturo, who we all know is already perfect--and follows our young heroes as they grow. It’s the longest thing I’ve ever completed, and while I obviously can’t take full credit, I’m so, so proud of everything about this story. As is evident by my ao3 page, I’ve always been a more succinct writer, and I’ve struggled with feelings of inadequacy as I never seem able to turn out the long, gorgeous epics other creators I admire can. No matter how satisfied I am with my own skills, I can’t help but feel like my work is valued less because of its length. So while I am, largely, the same writer I was before, I feel a sense of security and satisfaction having completed something like this, even knowing I never could have done it alone. Also the ending of the series is perfect, just saying. Endings are hard, but this one was simple and elegant. <3

2. we were hand to glove to cuff: holy shit can you believe this fic was written this year lmao. but it was, according to ao3! I love this fic, truly. I loved digging into Alex’s headspace here, and while I look back on it with a slightly frustrated nostalgia now that canon Alex has gone in such a vastly different direction than the Alex I thought I knew after season 1...this Alex is still valid, and I love him, haha. This fic was also notable for how clear it was in my mind even before I started writing it--a rarity for me, as I usually take a more freeform approach to writing, but this one arrived fully formed and was a joy to write on every level.

3. looking for yourself out there: (rated E). ah, the peak of self indulgence, my Michael/OC fic, soon to be series. Well, I call it self indulgent, and believe me, it is, but in the end it is going to be about the journey of Michael and Alex coming back together, about both of their relationships post-season 2. but for now...this fic is just about Michael meeting a nice guy who likes him and maybe a little bit starting to realize that it’s okay to just be liked by a nice guy and like a nice guy back for a little while, without it being this star-crossed world-ending epic soul-rending thing, yknow? It was definitely fun to write, though I struggled with it. In the end, I think I really nailed Michael’s POV here as well.

4. where the love light gleams: I hesitated a bit before putting this on the list--about putting three things published back to back to back on the list, really--but in the end, i have to go with my gut. This fic was one of my most significant forays into modeling what malex’s relationship might have looked like over the lost decade, and even if it’s Christmas themed, I’m very satisfied with how I nailed the atmosphere of it all, something I struggled with a lot. Plus, the ending is super fluffy, just the kind of thing I need to imagine for malex at the end of the day <3

5. an overture bold and beyond: I mean, it’s gotta be this one, right? My Big Bang, a fix-it fic for the 2x10 bunker scene but really for the final arc of season 2 altogether, as it pertains to the emotions of Michael and Alex. When the event was first announced, I had ambitious plans for the Big Bang, much more involved, plot-heavy, lengthy stories I wanted to tackle. But as the pandemic hit, and as season 2 progressed, I changed direction several times. And I’m glad I did. I’m so, so satisfied with this story. Writing it was a catharsis I needed to move past some of the feelings I was nursing about season 2. Well, not entirely--I’m still prone to saltiness about these things--but it doesn’t hurt quite as much. I don’t feel the need to go into detail yet again about my deep dislike of the 2x10 bunker scene or how the fallout was (or rather wasn’t) handled; I’ll just say that I was left honestly struggling to even continue shipping malex or, really, with my investment in the show as a whole, I was so hurt by the direction certain character arcs were taking and the continued missteps/carelessness (in my opinion) with emotional arcs in canon. This fic was a massive reconstruction project.

Which, I mean, obviously, fic and actual real life network television are vastly different beasts. So I’m not saying by any means that I think my fic should be substituted for the actual real life 2x13. But I do think I competently and compellingly take advantage of and resolve some massive gaping holes the show left behind, and that’s a really fulfilling feeling to have about one’s own writing.

--

I feel like I could talk forever about this, about season 2 in general (so so many words), and about how I’ve felt writing and trying to write rnm in this year and in this environment (canon and fandom environment), but I’ll leave it there, and with an enormous thank you to everyone who has supported me, every friend I’ve flopped onto for help, every beta reader, every person who’s listened to me whine or gotten just as excited as me over some idea, every commentor, every kudoser, and every silent reader who I’ve touched. Thank you all so much <3

[chucklestheechidona]

Doctor Who: The Jodie Review

(Long post)

(Sorry)

Introduction

I decided, still being locked down, to watch some Doctor Who.

Hadn’t watched it in a while, told myself I’d always catch up when I had the time, and the universe decided to give me a lot of it.

I had stopped watching Matt quite some time ago, but caught up about 4 years ago to Capaldi’s first season. I had meant to carry on with it but slow-going times and I forgot and all the other jazz that fills in the space between not doing things.

But I thought I’d storm through them and get them over with. I had heard bad things going onwards, but hey, I’m one of those sad losers that LIKE Love and Monsters. It’s not great but I thought what it did well, it did great.

So, off I went to finally catch up on a show that formulated so much of my younger self, my love for time-travel, interesting sci-fi that ended up getting me into the genre, and a love for character interactions and lore.

I went through Capaldi, and his last two seasons, yeah, they had an odd episode here and there, Sleep No More is a disaster, but I carried on through. I’m a trooper, I got through Fear Her after all.

But I fell in love with the Doctor again. Heaven Sent is easily the best DW has offered so far, the character building with him and Clara and Bill and hell, Nardole, are superb. The stories were interesting, the Doctor was great and evolved, and the companions were the perfect fit for Capaldi.

And then, after a brilliant goodbye, he was gone.

“Be kind.“

And here we go, we’re with Jodie, she’s northern, she’s confused, and she’s in need of some pockets, falling through the sky, yeah, 200 degrees that’s why they call her missus fahrenheit-

Not Jodie, but Chibnall

I’m not going to drag this out too far, I ain’t gonna make you read this for ages just to see if I like it. If you don’t want to see me complain about two seasons, this is your point to head out.

I think these are the lowest series of Modern Doctor Who.

But like the title says, it’s not Jodie’s fault. She’s an amazing actress, and she plays the part well. Hell, so does Bradley, Tosin and Mandip. Each one of them is a good actor and when the scene calls for them, they pull it off well.

The issue here is the writing.

And I feel I should go through why I think that.

But first, I think I should point out the good.

The Good: On historical topics and representation

This is the most diverse Doctor Who has been in a while. It was pretty diverse before mind you, let’s not forget the Doctor seems a bit flexible, the companions have been a mix of sexualities, gender, age and race, and each one of them is loved by many. Hell, Jack Harkness was so popular he got his own tv show.

But Thirteenth has gone and made sure that there was more.

Characters just pointing out they’re gay and it’s just a matter of fact. It’s a statement, not an argument, not being out there or subvertive, it just is. People are more than fine with this. 

I’m surprised Graham the bus driver is so accepting of everyone at the start, but it speaks testament to his character. He fell in love with Grace, he raised a son with a disability, he stands up for those that dare have a go at any of that. Graham didn’t have to grow to learn this in the Tardis, he was accepting from the get-go. 

Well, there’s some conflict about Ryan blaming things on Dyspraxia in the first episode but it comes out of a place of fear of their lives. But any tensions between them are resolved quite well, to the point they can count on each other.

Either way, representation is important and Jodie’s season has it in spades.

As for historical topics, the Doctor tackles them quite well. Honestly, the episodes in the past are her strong suit. And as she’s a woman now, she has a new battle against her. History wasn’t always kind, and the gag of them addressing Graham each time is a genuinely good idea.

Also, Rosa had the opportunity to be butchered. It could have been written badly, it could have been handled with hardly any care, but it was the standout episode of the season. Each character gets some good lines, the gang has to face moral decisions and it’s a genuinely good look into a past that America would sometimes like to forget.

As an aside, I think Bill, even as one character, explored the sexuality thing more and the diversity she faced from it, I think thirteenth doesn’t do a bad job. I liked the astronauts as shown above quite a bit to be fair.

Graham

The standout star of the show.

This will be unfortunately brought up in my negatives for the show too, but this is the good side.

Graham’s lost his wife, he has to connect to her grandson, his cancer is a constant worry in his head and he comes with the Doctor in an attempt to escape/confront all three.

He is the one who evolves the most as a character in the first season, coming to terms with the death of Grace is something he battles with throughout, he still blames himself. For whatever reason, even in the Rosa Parks episode, he gets the most emotional writing. Ryan and Yaz do get good writing in the same episode mind you, (which is unfortunately one of the few times Yaz does) but it’s heartbreaking to see Graham realise what he has to do.

The Acting

I unfortunately have to put Ryan, Yaz and the Doctor here in one group category. and I hate to do that, but I feel it’d be a disservice not to mention them.

Their actors can act well. When the script calls for it, they do amazing work.

The scene where Jodie is angry and confused at the other Doctor, where Ryan is actually there to support his friend, when Yaz is comforting Ryan about America, where Jodie is fucking pissed at the Master, all good scenes.

But this is a perfect segway into -

The Bad: Asides the retcon

Holy shit where do I start.

I mean, we’ve got the good out of the way, so you know where I stand on the issues a bunch of people wrong accused the show of being. A female doctor is more than fine, the diverse cast is great, the topics of exploring the past is done good.

And I’m not going into the retcon just yet, I feel like going ITS BAD BECAUSE OF THIS ignores so much of the problems to be had

But let’s start with

The Doctor

This should have been her outfit just saying

I find the best way of describing most of this doctors run so far is...

Imagine, if you will, that you need to write a Doctor Who book. They’ve given you a plot to go with, but they haven’t told you which Doctor it’s for. But tight schedules and they still haven’t told you, so you write up a draft. A template. But you leave the Doctor’s text ambiguous. A template for a Doctor. With some work, you could make it the 12th, the 5th, the 1st, once you add mannerisms and how the doctor would react personally in a situation. So you write in this template Doctor and go to sleep. But you wake up and your assistant has only gone and submitted it.

The Doctor is kinder than any other iteration of her Doctor, but that’s it. I get why the natural progression from Capaldi, and Jodie sells a nice Doctor superbly, but ... 

There’s nothing really there to distinguish her as her own Doctor. She’s nice, a bit confused, LOVES things and calls people fam.

But like, that’s it. Where the 9th had coldness, 10 had eccentric, 11 had old man and 12 was furious, Jodie has... nice. But a Doctor needs an edge. 

She’s quiet about her home life and she doesn’t really talk much to her companions about it, but like, that’s understandable, she doesn’t really talk one on one to them or even much about their home lives.

She doesn’t get an arc until Spyfall, and even then it’s largely just turned into “She’s well moody”, and apparently well moody is just being kinda quiet. Jodie says it right when she shouts at them in one scene “You don’t know me!”

And she’s right, but then the companions trust her with everything and they’re part of a FAM and super close but they don’t really talk with each other. Jodie doesn’t have these quiet talks like the other Doctors would have with the companions, it’s just... not there.

And because it’s not there we’re supposed to believe they think of themselves as a tightly knit group but also very apart as characters. And the companions, to their credit, try and confront her on it, but the conflict is over so quick as to not be there at all.

Yaz and Ryan

This is the best scene of them in, and one of the rare times Yaz makes an impact on a story which isn’t just supporting the Doctor

What they did to these two actors is cruel.

Ryan at least gets to join in on Grahams arc, because it is Grahams arc, not Ryans, really. There’s a plot about his Dad that’s done quite well, so that’s why Ryan doesn’t suffer the same poor fate as Yaz does.

Yaz has absolutely no agency. She wants to be a successful Policewoman but it’s not really much addressed outside of the first episode and the dream episode (which admittedly, is a good episode and explores each character). She gets told by everyone she’s the heart of the team and super brave and like, she hasn’t got an arc, she pretty much blindly follows the Doctor, she has no reason to be there much other than her family’s a bit annoying.

Her actress plays the scenes well, and there’s some touching moments with her in Rosa and the dream episode about how she is the way she is, why she does the things she does. But 2 episodes out of 20 isn’t enough.

Ryan gets a couple of good episodes, a touching one especially comes with horrors of the future and not being there for his friends plaguing his mind, and he manages to get help for his depressed friend, which is touching.

But the two episodes? That’s kind of it.

Ryan gets a nice Dalek episode though.

Orphan 55

The worst episode in Doctor Who. Took any good faith from Spyfall and plonked S12 in bottom tier before we even got to the retcon.

If I talked about everything it did wrong here this would go on too long.

It was just the worst 45 minutes of DW

At least Sleep No More was just boring.

Character Arcs, What Are They

Graham’s arms give out in season 1 for carrying the team.

The Doctor against Tim Shaw is laughable, there’s no conflict past killing a couple of people, so Graham has to have that moral dilemma instead, Ryan manages to respect him and call him gramps, but that’s more Grahams arc than Ryans. Yaz has nothing, the Doctor learns nothing.

But series 2, the Doctor’s given an arc, which is something, considering that before this it was a throwaway line about Timeless Child from a piece of cloth.

Gallifrey is gone again, the insurance rates at this point are through the roof on this planet, she’s been told the Master did it for learning a terrible truth. But she of course doesn’t explore the ruins until she has to, but ah well, we can live with that, that’s fine in Doctor Who. I’m not even being sarcastic, the Doctor through all iterations isn’t very clever.

It gives her a bit of a mood that’s not really explored too much past that, but then we’re given Jo Martin as The Other Doctor

My opinions on throwing in Doctors from the past aside, (I love you John Hurt but damnit), Jo plays a competent Doctor, and her attitude clashes so well with Jodie that both actresses get to act well in good written scenes.

But then she’s just very confused until Gallifrey rolls around again.

We’ll ignore the retcon, again, but once she learns she gets super fucking pissed. And for good reason. Against the Master, against the Time Lords, against everyone, she’s shouting at everything, lost in her life.

But it’s sorted out very quickly by Jo intervention and then she’s much the same as ever.

Well, I say that, what I mean is “Willing to burn and kill all life on Gallifrey” with a button press. Yeah I know that the Time Lords are dead and the Master is about to kill everyone but you wouldn’t let a Spider be shot through mercy killing and you expect me to jump to “Would absolutely murder the Master and desecrate the bodies of the Time Lords”

It doesn’t matter anyway, for she has not the will to do so.

But she lets someone else do it

For fucks sa-

And at the end, what has she learned? That the thing she only knew half an hour ago shouldn’t affect her, so back to status quo

Wasted potential - Monsters

Imagine a super cool idea for a monster? Cool, add it into an episode.

And now get rid of it super quickly or butcher the premise.

REGENERATING CYBERMEN? Let’s have one shoot the other to show how bad it would be and then kill them immediately.

The Pting, capabale of disrupting a ships infrastructure an- Nah, just dick around with the lights.

A TIME TRAVELLING RACIST WHO KNOWS HOW TO FUCK UP THE TIMELINE

Let’s not even reference him 15 episodes later

Cyberman hybrid? 

You get the idea.

The Master, or rather, the Missy Issue

The Master is putting on his best Simms Master homage, and like, I get it. It’s a good Master, and Sacha really puts his all into it.

I can only hope that this Master is before Yana. Missy’s exit was poetic, done well. Of course, just when she could feel ok joining the Doctor, the obstacle in her way was herself. 

It’s not even the fact she died and why is he back now, it’s ... this Master has almost no nuance to him. He wants the Doctor to know the truth, which is at least some Master motives, but then its just wanton destruction for the sake of it. Like Simms but “what if we made him more crazy” The Master is more than this, can be more than this. It was nice seeing Jodie try and relate to him but this Master has thrown out three years of compelling evolution of the character. To throw it all out seems ... odd.

I can’t fault his performance though, he can be real damn quiet and sinister and really out there when he’s screaming at things.

The episodes themselves

Good cast, good side characters, good ideas, butchered in execution by not exploring the main cast, falling flat on the ideas and by the second season, losing the fun side characters.

Episodes I liked

Woman Who Fell To Earth

Rosa

Demons of the Punjab

WitchFinders

Takes You Away

Fugitive of the Judoon

Can you Hear me

Episodes I hated

Orphan 55

Arachnids

The Timeless Children

The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos (for cutting everything short)

Everything else was mostly unmemorable I fell asleep on Ascension of the Cybermen, had to rewind it.

The Retcon

You knew this was coming.

I put it last for I feel there’s a hundred and one issues here and it’d be cruel to just go for the obvious first. Maybe people would think I’d be against this one thing and that’s why I hate the rest. God no, I was so annoyed going into this episode, let alone for what it was about to deliver.

I don’t outright hate past Doctors. Hell, shove the brains of Morbius in there. It shits a bit on Hartnell and established lore a bit, but still.

“But the Brains of Morbius said-“

The eighth doctor said he was half-human, there are some bits of this canon we ignore.

But oh well, it’s not the main crux of the issue.

The Doctor, before this, was a Time Lord. He wasn’t much of a good one, by Time Lord standards at least. Ran from the schism, wasn’t as good as the Master in school, didn’t like the stuffy nature of his race, or their non-intervention policy. Ran off in a stolen ship with a knackered console and wanted to see the universe.

He flouted the rules. He stood up for people where Time Lords wouldn’t. Observe, don’t intervene. But the Doctor couldn’t, too curious, too inquisitive. He got a fondness for humans, god knows why. 

But this Time Lord was against his own people, he was kinder than them, but alien to us. He wanted to learn, and left his planet to see if there was good in the universe. He was a rather shit Time Lord but helped where he could, making a difference in other people’s lives, trying to be the best he could be, learning.

This got him into trouble with the Time Lords of course, but, hey, it’s a funny old universe.

And we like that, as British folk. An underdog common person just trying to help out and be good.

What we’re not a fan of is saying the the Doctor isn’t just some Time Lord that likes helping out, but a chosen one who is the reason that Time Lords exist in the first place and is of another dimensional world and there were 50 of them and they knew kung fu in the super secret Time Lord service but they wiped her mind because it was super secret guys and she can live forever and is immortal and-

I was annoyed when the 50th made a slight mockery of the Time War. I get we don’t always have to stick so closely to canon, but holy shit the Timeless Child.

The fact it was exposition dumped on us and then wrapped up 10 minutes after with NEW ADVENTURES AT CHRISTMAS was just the icing on the cake.

If you wanted to pull this off, this should have been the Doctor’s struggle for the next season, coming to terms that her life is missing, that the Time Lords did this, that she didn’t even know what was right or not

But no, resolved. Felt not like adding to the lore but upending it on its head to say he could.

It’s why I don’t blame Jodie, who does an excellent job. Or the cast.

I blame Chibnall.

And it wouldn’t be as bad if the writing leading up to it helped serve the episode. But there was nothing there. 

Conclusion

The writing is trash, the Doctor is underdeveloped, the cast outside of Graham aren’t explored, the setup for the finales are weak and uninspired, the retcons are going to cause major issues down the line and you’ve changed the very nature of the Doctor’s character and didn’t even have good writing behind it nor did much to explore it.

And I’m sorry it had to happen to such a good casting decision.

Here’s hoping you sign on to Big Finish and they give you some good storylines Jodie, you deserve it.

[echodrops]

The Promises I Made (2019 Edition)

For the past thirteen years, I’ve spent every New Year’s Eve compiling a list of fifty promises I intend to keep or fulfill over the next twelve months. The results have been truly amazing, and I have kept some promises I never thought I could. 2019 was… a nightmare that I can barely believe I survived, but I still kept some promises that I honestly did not expect I ever could.

This year, for New Year’s, there will be a new set of promises for to me keep, but here are the old ones, for review!

The Promises I Made (2019 Edition)

1) Be more proactive about tracking and following up with struggling students to decrease the number of students who drop from my class when they realize they cannot pass. Status: Somewhat broken? I tried really hard to be proactive with my students; however, there were some massive issues outside the classroom this year that made it extremely difficult to keep the focus on the students. When administration drags your attention away from the class, there is not a lot you can do…

2) Find a place to put in volunteer hours because uhhhh like this is actually important to my work evaluation and I definitely need something to write in that section… Yikes, this spring is my last chance to do this!! @_@ Status: Kept. I volunteered with the Utah Shakespeare Festival and it was super fun!

3) Install the fire escape window in the Utah house, no matter how much it might cost, because I can’t get a totally unrelated tenant in that basement without said window… Status: Somewhat kept. Okay. This one is a LONG story, but to be fair to me, I worked my ASS off to try and make this happen; just every single thing in the world prevented me from completing this promise, up to and including the city telling me I needed a permit AFTER I had already dug a massive hole in the ground for the window…

4) Buy sod to add grass to the front portion of the lawn so that it no longer looks like garbage. Status: Broken, but I did buy grass seed and put that out there. Unfortunately only some of it sprouted, but there is indeed SOME grass now growing there…

5) Fix the bricks near the windowsills on the Utah house to prevent long-term damage. Status: Broken. After dealing with the stupid window disaster, I had no time for this at all.

6) Get a watering system for my roses at the Utah house because I think my bro is probably killing them and that’s just not cool. Status: Broken, see above.

7) Work on the patio at the Utah house before it just flat out falls down. Status: Somewhat broken. Again, I tried to make progress on this—I called a patio guy to come out and assess how much it would cost to fix the patio—but the price I was quoted was so high that there was nothing I could do at the time.

8) Paint the stairwell so that there’s no chance of anything like lead paint or asbestos being exposed. Status: Broken. The leftover wallpaper glue continues to confound me…

9) Trim the backyard bushes so the neighbors don’t hate us anymore… Status: Broken. We trimmed a few bushes and at least got to the trees out front, but definitely a majority were left uncared for.

10) Move into a new house in Texas where I can get real internet, please for the love of god… Status: Kept. I moved into a very nice house with no scorpions!

11) Save money for my upcoming trip to Japan! 2020 baby! Status: Uhhh, broken. I’m not sure how I thought I’d be able to move into a new house AND save money for an international trip at the same time…

12) Get my wisdom tooth removed because it’s still there and still killing me, yikessss. Status: Broken. AUGH. I’m an idiot.

13) Make an appointment with an eye doctor for like the first time in years. Good job, Yehn, good job. Status: Kept. I got my glasses fixed and even got a new pair of glasses too!

14) Get my prescriptions refilled because I’m dwindling on asthma medicine and like… I could die from this… I should never have been left to care for myself; I’m not mature enough for this responsibility… Status: Kept, surprisingly. But I still need a new doctor because the last one I was going to wouldn’t give me any refills…

15) FINISH THE GIVEAWAY PRIZES I PROMISED LAST YEAR because holy shit I am incompetent and the worst and everyone has permission to hate me for starting things and never finishing them, fuck. Status: Broken. So broken. I am the worst.

16) Go dolphin watching in the Gulf for real this time. Seriously, it’s $10 Yehn, you can do this. Status: Kept, amazingly. It wasn’t as impressed as hoped; however, there was a lovely sunset.

17) Return to the Channel Islands to take better pictures. D; Status: Broken. T_T

18) Level all my classes to 70 in FFXIV before next expansion, please. Status: Somewhat broken. I didn’t have everything to 70 before the expansion, but I kind of feel like I should get credit for this one, because HEY, look at me now:

19) Organize and properly label all the photos on my computer so that I’m no longer desperately combing through folder and folder in blank confusion, looking for a single picture in a sea of thousands… Status: Kept. It took me like eight hours of work, but I actually did this.

20) Update Home and a Half more than once? PLEASE??? The guilt I feel over this currently is crushing. Status: Broken. And the guilt grows…

21) Complete the online American Literature class I am designing on time and with no corrections needed. Status: Kept. I’m counting this as kept even though TECHNICALLY there was one thing I forgot to finish and it came back and bit me in the ass; however, I was approved with no corrections needed.

22) Earn 100% completion for Kingdom Hearts III. So excited! Status: Broken. Um… This just didn’t happen.

23) Update my calendar with important dates—holidays, birthdays, etc.—and be productive about sending cards and well-wishes. Status: Somewhat kept. I wasn’t any better about sending cards really, but I did at least save all the birthdays in my phone so I remember them.

24) Get the garbage disposal in the Texas house fixed ASAP so I don’t have to wash the dishes by hand anymore because I absolutely hate that particular chore. Status: Kept. Then I moved, so it didn’t even matter.

25) Finish all the books my coworkers and friends bought for me recently so I can thank them for their recommendations! Status: Broken. So broken.

26) Actually move into my new place instead of leaving it completely undecorated and lifeless. Status: Remarkably, kept. Nothing has plastic on it, unlike at my old house where the nightstand didn’t get unwrapped even after two years of living there lol.

27) Try hard to get Creative Writing into a different area of the general ed. core so that more people will enroll in it. Status: Kept. I’m counting this because I did my darn best, but we are still waiting on the state to tell us whether or not the class will be accepted.

28) Get caught up on my Ebird reports, even the old, old, old ones I never put in because I was slacking. Status: Kept, actually. Whoo.

29) Throw away/return/sort all the stacks of old mail in the house (OMGGGG they’ve made me look like paper hoarder and I’m nootttt). Status: Broken. There’s just… a lot of papers to go through…

30) Clean up the garage before moving so that I don’t have to fight spiders to move when the time comes. Status: Broken, in that I did not clean up the garage in advance and did, in fact, have to fight spiders when it came time to move.

31) Find a way to boost grading productivity so that each class takes only two days to grade, maximum. Status: Somewhat kept. I was definitely better this year than last year; however, I really think the “two days per class” thing was too optimistic, so for the future semester, I allotted myself three days per class and I think it will work better.

32) Go to a totally new restaurant and try their food. Status: Kept. We went to a Mexican restaurant and I had trompo tacos (al pastor) which is probably not anything special to anyone else but it was my first time so lol.

33) Cancel old credit cards to make sure my credit is good before trying to buy a house (although I just checked my credit score and I’m in the great range already, so this is mostly for posterity’s sake). Status: Broken. But it didn’t affect my loan, so I guess it was okay. And it ended up being good I didn’t cancel my Best Buy card because I was able to get good financing on the new appliances I needed for my house.

34) Get official contracts from my tenants so I can use my rental income in my next loan calculation. Status: Broken, but I ended up not using that as part of the loan calculation anyway >_> so…

35) Talk to an HR rep about my retirement savings so that I can consolidate all my retirement accounts into one. (Man, look at all these ADULTING promises.) Status: Broken. Look at me failing all these adulting promises.

36) Really finish decorating my office so it looks super cute and all my students want to visit me. Status: Broken, but I think it sucks that I have to write this because it was really not my fault I couldn’t finish decorating my office. Our offices were all moved and disrupted by building remodels so I spent the entire year basically working out of a couple cardboard boxes.

37) Not sign up for ANY more new responsibilities at work in the spring semester. This is the biggest challenge. D; Status: Kept, by technicality. I was able to avoid signing up for anything new in SPRING… But fall… was a whole other story. XD

38) Migrate all the rest of my books to the new Texas house instead of leaving them in Utah… SOMEHOW. Status: Kept. I’m going to count this as kept. The only books left at the Utah house are my manga—I managed to bring literally every other book, which is very impressive considering I had only my small Camaro with its tiny truck space.

39) Use my twitter account more often to make it worth following. I will try!! Status: Kept… sorta? I mean, since I didn’t use the account AT ALL before, making even one Twitter post kind of counts as using it more, right? >_>

40) Keep my hair cut nicely so I look less like a mess (than I really am). Status: Somewhat broken. Although I think I got my hair cut more often this year than before, I don’t think I looked any less like a mess. XD

41) Successfully find a bridesmaid dress for my friend’s wedding that matches the rest of the wedding party. Status: Actually kept! It was incredible. The wedding I was in was even featured in a magazine because of how pretty it was!

42) Make sure my skin is in good condition for the wedding so I don’t look like a disturbing ghost… Status: Kept? I mean, in the end, looking like a ghost ended up being the whole point since it was a Halloween themed wedding so I kind of won either way.

43) Complete my BNHA manga collection. Since my bro bought me a bunch of the volumes for Christmas, I might as well. Status: Broken… I bought like… one volume. XD

44) See a groove-billed ani. (It’s another type of bird.) Status: Broken. Very illusive bird. T_T

45) Respond to messages, asks, and comments more quickly. I promise I’m not ignoring people… D; Status: Um, broken. I left many people on read this year, sorry.

46) Lose ten pounds so that I feel more fit and comfy. Status: Broken. I didn’t exercise at all this year, uff.

47) Pay down credit card debt by at least 1/3. Yikesssss, I really need to do this quick. Status: Broken. It’s hard to pay down a credit card when you pour all your money into buying a new house…

48) I will finally fucking finish that chapter 73 analysis of Noragami… I swear to god… Status: Broken. Uh yeah. This didn’t happen. V_V

49) Reach 1700 followers on Tumblr. You should follow me—I’m only marginally a waste of time and space! Status: Kept. Over 2500 followers now!

50) I will keep these promises. LOLLLLL. Status: Somewhat kept/somewhat broken. One year I really will keep them all…

 Totals Kept promises: 18 Broken promises: 24 Somewhat kept/broken promises: 8

Well, there are more kept promises than last year at least… It was another really hard year, what with moving in the middle of the year, over-working, dealing with so much drama with the reaccreditation on our campus, and just EVERYTHING all at once this last year… I keep thinking things are going to calm down and then they never do. Please 2020… just let me rest…

My new set of promises will be up on the 1st!

[agirlinhell]

just a casual reminder that:

THIS BLOG AND ITS MUSE CONTAIN PRETTY MUCH ALMOST EVERY MAJOR TRIGGER. THIS BLOG IN ITS ENTIRETY IS EXTREMELY TRIGGERING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

If you proceed to read this blog’s content after the multiple content warnings that I present in the blog’s rules page, you are responsible for whatever happens. I informed you of what is present. Do not try to claim I did not give you an adequate warning.

I write a lot of “horrible” shit. I literally write a sweet and innocent girl turned assassin and killer in her own right in the apocalypse for a muse - there’s very little I have an issue with writing in detail. This blog is riddled with mature content. With that said, I won’t be roleplaying with anyone under the age of sixteen. This should be obvious but just because I write disturbing content DOES NOT MEAN I SUPPORT IT.

On the topic of Clementine, she is a very morally grey character - she is neither good nor evil. She will not always be kind and sweet to your muse. She won’t always do the morally “right” thing. She will not hesitate to resort to murder, manipulation, blackmail and torture if it means getting what she wants.

Please don’t have your muse presume to know what Clementine is thinking, unless if your muse is some kind of telepath. Just because you know what going on OOCly, it doesn’t mean your character knows. Characters who seem to know more than they would is irritating and really annoying. Clementine is very charismatic, persuasive and secretive and as such, it is difficult to know exactly what she’s planning or thinking.

My Clementine has been - and still is - very lonely, and did not have friends or family for most of her life, as everyone else had either betrayed her or died, and even with her friends and accomplices, most of her friendships were merely for survival purposes. It’s fairly easy to forget that the timeline of Episodes 3 through 5 of Season One lasts only about four days. In the space of less than a week, Clementine has lost everyone she’s ever loved. She finds her parents infected, Lee is either dead or infected, and every single other person Clementine has come to rely on and know in the past three months — everyone, from Duck to Lily to Kenny to Ben and everyone in between — has died systematically over the course of a few days. Omid and Christa are the only ones who survived, but she had only met them during that four day timespan. It gets even worse as the seasons progress and this is no understatement in the slightest.

Clementine is age eighteen-nineteen and over in her default verse, as it is set post-The Final Season. With that said, most asks will be answered when Clementine is an adult, unless if the ask specifies for a specific verse.

For the love of all that is good and holy, DO NOT STEAL MY HEADCANONS FOR CLEMENTINE.

There are people I have a lot of threads with. It's inevitable that sometimes it'll appear as if I only reply to one person or the same 2-3 people simply because they're the only ones I have a lot of replies from. If you can't handle it looking like I've only responded to so called "faves" all day, when I owe you less than 5 things, don't follow me.

While Clementine in the majority of her verses is a human, there will be alternate universes where she is a vampire, werewolf, crossroad demon, shapeshifter/druid, deity, etc. and because of this, she will be very powerful and in some scenarios, even overpowered in the case of her deity verse. However, I do not powerplay/godmod/whatever else. It’s hard for some people to grasp, but for example, in my vampire or deity verses, Clementine does not give a shit about yours enough to waste her energy on them. For example: I have a verse where Clem is a goddess, and yes, she could know everything about your muse, but trust me -- she’s not going to act like it or even acknowledge what she could know. She doesn’t care to go through your muse's brain to figure out what they’re thinking. The only real metagaming you’ll see is deity!Clementine knowing your muse’s name when they haven’t given it out. I will IM the fuck out of you before I do some crazy shit with her anyway. I only ask you don’t act as if she is not a powerful goddess in said verse - because she is and she will destroy a muse that pisses her off.

Have a rules page and an about page for your character. I don’t care if your character is canon. I will not follow you if I can’t find an about section. Linking to the wikipedia/whatever page of your canon character does not count.

I don’t follow people who post ooc a lot. Blog updates, headcanons, activity notices, etc are not ooc per say but an excessive amount of them can be.

I have a really big issue with people who post super negative stuff all the time. I’d rather not have to deal with your problems on top of my own, thanks.

I absolutely will not follow you if I have to put in a ton of effort just to make it so I can actually read your information. I don't give a fuck about the "aesthetic" - just give me something to work with.

I do not follow every single blog one person has. It feels like you’re taking up a ton of my dash/followers, and it drives me insane.

I don’t follow people who are only here for shipping. If you're here just because you want to ship with Clementine, you came to the wrong place. My Clementine is not just a shipping facet.

If we do not interact within three months of becoming mutuals, unless if there’s a hiatus on your part, I will softblock/unfollow you. Interaction means a starter (or ask) and a reply. If I write you a starter and you never respond, it is not interacting.

The more we talk ooc, the easier it is for me to reply. It makes me more comfortable writing with you, and I often chat about our muses, making it a lot easier to come up with ideas and giving me a lot of muse and inspiration for our threads.

Memes can be awkward and harder for me to answer if we’ve never interacted before. I understand that a lot of people prefer memes as a means of getting things started, but I would really rather plot if you’re trying to get a thread of any substance going. I don’t mind starting with a meme, but I can almost guarantee you it’s not going to go very far if it’s our first thread.

Don’t pester me for replies. Feel free to remind me about a thread by liking my last reply to it or sending me an IM, but I will be really annoyed if you remind me more than once or twice within a month.

If I don’t like the post, I didn’t see it. Please tell me about it.

I’m a part time college student with shit mental health and confidence issues. I can be slow as hell some days and fast as fuck on others.

Once a thread is longer than two paragraphs (medium sized), it sometimes takes me 948728923660700 years to gain motivation for it. It will literally exhaust the hell out of me, but I am not against longer threads, in fact, I totally encourage them. It just takes me way longer to gather muse, time, and motivation to respond to them. If we have a longer thread together, I expect you to be patient as hell. Obviously, I will not mind waiting forever for your reply either.

I'm not going to bother with a million poorly slapped together ships for the sake of the muses involved "being cute" together. Most ships will need to be plotted, yes, even canon ships like Louis/Clementine and Violet/Clementine. My muse is not going to like yours without special circumstances and an extra push from me, especially since Clementine is demiromantic and demisexual.

I almost always answer asks in the form of a starter (questions are the common exception). Don't feel obligated to continue every ask I respond to.

Please, for the love of god, like a starter or ask response if I post it for you. I hate not knowing if you saw it or not. I will send it to you if you haven’t liked it within a few days of being active.

I have discord if for whatever reason mutuals want to speak to me outside of tumblr’s IM system - I also RP on discord - it's for mutuals only and you must let me know who you are beforehand.

[kkyuproof]

Jikook/Kookmin Fic Rec Part 1

(Part 2 Here)

I’ve slowly been building up my list of KM fics and thought I might as well share them with the rest of the Tumblr-sphere (and organize them all because if the rest of my life is a mess, at least my fav fics can be orderly amirite)! I’m somewhat new to BTS and KM so it’s not too big a list, but I’m going to be updating this as I find more that I enjoy :) Happy Reading! 

(most of these are probs old fics because like i said IM NEW HERE IM SO SORRY, but i hope you still find it helpful idk man)

Mostly Fluffy Fics

you are the ruler of the stars (and my heart) by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 18k | Jimin reluctantly joins his college’s Space and Astronomy club on the basis of Taehyung’s persuasion. Surrounded by a group of unnecessarily tall space nerds, he unexpectedly finds himself falling in love with one of them.

OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO CUTE. One of my fav fluffy fics to be honest. I was squealing basically the whole time i was reading. love.

i’ll stick to you like glue-cose by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 7k |  Jimin merely wanted to study in peace, yet a certain five-foot ten frat boy -- unfortunately also a past hookup -- that epitomizes the very definition of smugness in one entire body whose ego is as big and full-scaled as the national debt, won’t let him.

Another super cute fluffy fic!!! i just found this author and the fluff is just so amazingly written and not cliche at all and ugh. JK acts like he’s all suave but he’s really just a big softie and AH. 

friday nights (with you) by kstorms | Words: 24k |  How a random night at a karaoke bar leaves Jimin with two new friends and a frowny, terribly handsome crush.

Anther classic tbh. I think I’ve read this through like four or five times bc i have literally no life and enjoy this VERY well written humor. There’s like zero angst in this and it’s all mostly Taehyung being a very cute little shit to JK (KM is there obvs and they super cute but ya know). Def a must read.

competency at its highest potency by MauveTarte | Words: 10k | State-Sponsored Runs are the excitement of every Alpha and Omega youth.

Or,

Jimin has one final chance at this bonding thing before his life goes to shit.

the one and only ABO fic i’ve read with NO SMUT. that’s right, ya heathens! this one is solely plot driven (and super fluffy). It’s cute af and Taehyung is an amazing friend :)

(my heart beats) for you by sabotagemyheart | Words: 17k | In which Jungkook, as a child, befriends the exceptionally adorable, small and friendless Jimin, not knowing that after a few years, he’ll be wrecking this very boy underneath himself making him whimper out his name.

okay LISTEnn. This summary makes this fic sound a lot dirtier than it is (ok yes it’s smutty BUT there’s more fluff in this than anything else. its so so so cute.)

Mostly Smutty Fics

Studio 2 by Charmander | Words: 20k WIP | Somewhere along the way, Jimin lost that passion he used to pour into his art, watching as it slipped through his very fingers. But street kid Jungkook is all heart and soul, and he’s more than willing to help Jimin learn to burn with the same fire he carries inside himself.

okay so this one is very plot heavy (as is most of Charmander’s fics) so don’t think you’re getting JUST smut. it has an amazing storyline about sexuality struggles and i think a lot of you would enjoy it! (the smut is bomb af tho sooo) 

Starstruck by SugaTheTurtle | Words: 5k |  Everyone is attracted to idols at one point or another. As part of Big Hit’s staff, Jimin really shouldn’t still be as attracted to Jungkook as he was at the beginning. Maybe if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be stuck hiding inside a closet in his dressing room silently praying that the idol was reaching for the zipper on his pants to change into something more comfortable.

ALRIGHTY HERE WE GO LADIES AND GENTS. This is for all you kinky fuckers out there who love pure smut. It was very interesting at first but as it progressed i was like whoaoaa i need some holy water. this fic is the epitome of “well, that escalated quickly” (but it’s still not rushed ??? which like...how?) enjoy! lmao.

Interlude by Bunbungee | Words: 9k | Jungkook has fallen in love at first listen with Jimin’s interlude and he won’t stop until he finds out why he is reacting so strongly to it. His search for answers takes a new turn when, one night, he discovers just how much the song can affect him.

Okay this was smutty, but still SUPER CUTE bc jeon is his typical shy bunny self who’s super oblivious and jimin is just a sweetheart. looooove.

Wet Depths by WorldwideWriter | Words: 10k | All it takes for Jungkook to break is a slightly unfair swimming competition and a too seductive Jimin.

GIVE ME ALL THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS FICS hell yes. I love their dynamic in this one, they hate each other (but they really don’t lol like come on.) and the sexual tension is insane.

everybody’s watching him, but he’s looking at you by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 6k|   In which Jimin formulates a three-step plan to get the hot bouncer to notice him. (Spoiler: it doesn’t go quite as expected.)

okay this is smutty but also super cute so like idk where to put it but jimin wears a thong in it so i think the smut category will suffice. a quick read but so worth it, JK is a lowkey sweetheart.

Blood & Chocolate by MyHope (CutesyMe) | Words: 35k | “What if I only want you to sit on my lap?” the stranger asks, which is an odd request. People always want Jimin to dance for them. Only sometimes do they ask of him to just sit on their lap but event hen he has to move in some way and not just sit still.

“Same price,” Jimin retorts.

Jungkook spreads his legs slightly and motions to his lap as if it’s the best seat that has ever been offered to Jimin. “Be my guest.”

so i don’t really know what to say here but i loved their dynamic in this fic?? i love the way JK treats JM in this ahhhh its SMUTTY AF but he still super sweet and protective.  There’s sooooome angst but it’s not too bad. Good plot.

New Heights by Charmander | Words 11k| There’s no better way to remind yourself that you’re alive than tempting fate from 700 meters above the ground and the searing touch of another’s fingers dragging down your chest.

1000% my favorite smut fic out there. the dialogue written in this fic is so well-done and absolutely hilarious. Sexual tension is CRAZY. love his fics.

give in to the game by cherrygloss | Words: 23k | “Jimin, if you honestly think that I’m going to pretend to be your boyfriend so you can make your ex jealous, then you’re out of your mind.”

im s oRRY, i know this is mostly smut aljfdlkaldfj my thirsty ass has bookmarked so many smut fics but i can’t help it oof. but this is super cute smut with some feeliins.

Nu ABO: A Memoir by Park Jimin by decompositionbooks | Words: 34k | The world didn’t think it was necessary to give him a guide when it shoved all of these omega hormones at him, so here it is, Park Jimin’s handbook to dealing with heats, unrequited love, and Jeon Jungkook.

WOOH another classic! I live for jealous/protective!JK idk its just super cute. my fav ABO fic!!

two sides; same story by namjoone | Words: 12k | Okay, so maybe Jimin thinks his neighbor is hot.

A little.

Okay, maybe a lot.

haha ohhhh man i love mutual pining. they’re both totally dumb at the beginning of this and i live for it. also some hoottttttt ass smut. (bc i need jesus at this point)

Not a Girl by PinkBTS | Words: 8k | Jeongguk isn’t sure what he did in his previous life to deserve this but he probably screwed up big time...he’s kinda grateful though.

A story about Santa, assumptions and thick-rimmed glasses.

AHHHHH  this is so funny and awkward and hot and EVERYTHING. I live for frat!bangtan with my whole heart. 

Downpour by kikistiel (Kikai) | Words: 15k | Jimin doesn’t know what it is. But now, he’s not sure he’s ready for summer to be over just yet.

IM SCREAMING. This was almost poetically good (aka A+ writing oh my gerrrd). It’s kinda angsty too like a bit but its also so sweet i love it :( go read pls.

How to Seduce Your Dance Teacher by Jeon Jungkook by soranosuzu | Words: 5k | Currently there are a million thoughts racing through Jungkook’s brain, but two very prominent ones finally beat their way to the forefront of his mind. First, Jimin is hot as hell and Jungkook needs to find a way to get into his pants. Second (and maybe slightly more urgent than the first), Jungkook needs to find a way to prevent himself from popping a boner every time Jimin does that in the future and, more importantly, right now.

(aka AU in which Jungkook devises a plan to seduce his ridiculously hot dance teacher Jimin)

HELLL YEAH. that is all.

i like how desperate you seem (in the way you look at me) by fatal (cumrich) | Words: 71k WIP | Packs merge all the time. It’s survival, Jimin knows that, but what he’s not prepared for is the attention he’s getting from a certain Jeon Jungkook, the alpha’s son.

yeeesss we got some more ABO up in this biiiiihhcc. It’s not done yet, but i strongly urge you to read!! so goooood and the smut is A1.

Mostly Angst

The Bet by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 46k |  Where Jeon Jungkook makes a bet that he can get the notoriously single Park Jimin to sleep with him by the end of the semester. 

Needless to say, things don’t go exactly as planned.

Yes i had to include this lovely classic :) Still one of my favs and probably always will be *shrug*. I’m not usually an angst person but this is like the perfect dosage for me to handle lol. If you haven’t read it yet, what are you doing with your life honestly go do it lmao.

lost stars by pjungkook | Words: 25k | Park Jimin has another maknae in his life and Jeon Jungkook is completely losing it.

have you ever felt like your heart was being smushed under an eighteen wheeler and your chest was caving in? Yeah that was me during this fic. But it’s sososo good and i promise there’s still fluff (i cannot live through angst without fluff) so READ.

Falling for you again by Rose_gold715 | Words: 30k | Jungkook loses all memory of the last five years of his life.

Jimin is scared he will never love him again.

wow okay so this one was a tear-jerker. you sympathize with both JK and JM but you’re also sort of frustrated with them at the same time?? soso good, definitely give it a read.

serendipity (none of this is a coincidence) by nclnns | Words: 30k | Jimin feels like crying.

Because the boy -- Jeon Jungkook as he had learnt a week ago -- is the exact opposite of Jimin.

And he’s the person Jimin’s boyfriend has been cheating on him with.

or

In which Jimin finds out that Taehyung is cheating on him with a boy named Jeon Jungkook and in the quest to understand what went wrong, he ends up falling in love with said boy.

so i haven’t read this one in a few months but i remember it being one of the first KM fics i had ever bookmarked, so it must have hit me in some way. JK is a sweetie though from what i remember.

On Patrol by Ragi | Words: 129k| Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable. Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can’t seem to keep out of his life. Captain Kim finds comfort in his son’s homeroom teacher. 

Well, cops need some loving too, right?

Okay so this isn’t like suuuuper angsty but it’s also not smutty nor super fluffy either??? So idk where to put it but i think angst fits this most. I also laughed quite a bit during this so it has humor!! Tae is also like an 8 year-old kid LDJAFODJOA (ft. Sope and Namjin)

we’re not broken just bent by calipha | Words 16k | “You’ll die,” Jimin hisses and they’re so close now that his perfect illusion is broken. Jungkook can see his dark circles, can see Jimin’s lips, red and raw from biting.

“I did almost die in this house once, five years ago,” he whispers, watching as Jimin clenches his jaw but doesn’t look away. “I think I can handle more. I’m bigger and stronger now, see?” Jimin holds his gaze for two seconds before it tracks south to move down Jungkook’s body.

MY HARRY POTTER LOVIN ASS IS VERY SATISFIED. jimin is just a misunderstood bb and jungkook is trying SO HARD not to pine ajweklfkldf.

[kasienda]

2018 Fanfic Year In Review

1 List of fics completed this year: 8!! Though I might be cheating by including each reveal as its own fic, but to be fair to myself, each reveal is a self-contained story, so… I think it counts!) Going it Alone – finished the last two chapters in 2018 after almost a year with no updates! It’s still surreal that this is a finished product!  Box of Chocolates – Series of One-shots for @mamousaweek 2018!  Reveals - where various characters (usually UsaMamo) figure out someone’s or each other’s identities: Touch Gratitude Unworthy Secrecy Fatherhood Disappointment I also started these two new gems: Cravings for Chocolate Milkshakes - my dive into writing comedy Coming of Age - sequel to Going it Alone that loosely follows the Black Moon Arc of the anime and manga.  And I pulled off a whole single update way back in February for: Invisible Wounds - Kind’ve a medical drama that includes a romantic plot for Ami x Zoi. And has some major feminist themes (that I mostly haven’t gotten to yet...)   2 Number of words written: 77,816!!!!!!! Holy shit! That is so much higher than I thought it was! It didn’t feel like that much! I have felt sooooo slow. (I apparently just have too many projects going at once, so it often feels like I’m not making forward progress). I’m so excited. Thank you for making me do this @floraone​, if only for this revelation! 3 Your most popular fic: Going it Alone – this story has twice as many hits, comments, follows, and faves than the next runner up in my writing library. To be fair though, it didn’t collect all of those in 2018 as this story took me four years to complete. I think Coming of Age and Cravings for Chocolate Milkshakes may surpass it, as they have way more follows/faves than Going it Alone had in its first year.  4 Your personal fav: Coming of Age – I know I’m not that far into this one. I truly think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, but goodness, I love this story – both what is already there, and where it’s going.  5 Your fav scene: Right now? Probably the opening chapter of Cravings for Chocolate Milkshakes. But I reserve the right to change my mind! I just like the dynamic of mixing Usagi into Mamoru’s head. It was so fun, especially when he has absolutely no clue what is going on. It’s an easy piece for me to read over again and it still makes me laugh!  6 A fic or scene that challenged you: What fic doesn’t challenge me?! Invisible Wounds and Coming of Age both feel so big!! And that feels overwhelming at times (So did Going It Alone when I was in the middle, so there’s definitely hope!). In Invisible Wounds I feel like I’ve JUST finished the intro arc (assuming a three arc structure) and it’s already 33k words long! Sheesh! And with Coming of Age, I’ve barely dipped a toe in and it’s already stretching me because I really want it to live up to the vision in my head, which is EPIC!  And then there’s Cravings for Chocolate Milkshakes. This is a romantic comedy! And comedy is HARD and not my natural genre at all, especially when I don’t want it to fall into the category of crack fic. I love how light hearted a fun it is though! And I am so proud of it, even though I have to fight for every bit of it, or maybe I’m so proud of it because I have to fight for every bit of it!  7 A line of writing you’re proud of: Again, it’s hard to pick. Let’s go with this exchange… “I love you too Usako,” Mamoru whispered back. “Are you okay?” “I am. It’s just much easier to imagine now.” “What is?” “What it must have been like for you,” she confided. “After your parents died.” His arms around her tightened. “Let’s make it different for Chibiusa.” 8 A comment that touched you: Guys! There are too many. This month it has been FuN FiFi. This person has slowly methodically gone through every one of my stories this past month, and left a gushing review on each of them. This was the last one they sent just this past week completing my library. I haven’t had the energy to respond, but after a few days of crying, and then a few days of pulling my hair out, these were the absolute best pick me ups. 

Pia Bartolini was another that sent me so many reviews for lots of different stories, and got me writing again after a period of writing inactivity. 

Whenever @floraone​ starts rambling with everything in caps. Like you can just tell how overcome she is with all the feels – it just rolls off the page EVEN IN HER REVIEWS! 

Here’s something similar from @queenrisa14​! Where you can just tell, this fic touched her. That means the world to a writer. 

And this last one holds a truly special place because it’s from my sister. She knows all my fandoms – we were obsessed with them together growing up! And yet, she doesn’t always read them right when they come out. And then suddenly I’ll get a million reviews from her or better yet, a phone call and we’ll talk about my stories and these characters for hours! Cravings for Chocolate Milkshakes was inspired by one of these phone calls.

9 Something that inspired your writing: Honestly? Mostly life probably. I wrote the majority of Going it Alone over two years while feeling isolated, depressed, inadequate, and hopeless. You can bet Coming of Age already channels (and will continue to do so) my experience as a parent, and Invisible Wounds is definitely a product of spending too much time in hospitals and learning to become some kind of nurse myself for my medically complex son.

A lot of the reveals and one shots, I feel were inspired here on Tumblr. From people sending me ideas and prompts! From lovely artwork and fan art. From brainstorming sessions with @floraone​, @tinacentury, and my husband​. Also from comments and reviews!! I cannot tell you the number of times getting a gushing review after a long time of silence has specifically sent me opening up all the story documents determined to finish something! 10 Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc): Can I go back up to that word count?! My life has been insane (and hard) this year (especially since June), and just to see that I never stopped writing through any of it, even though it felt like I didn’t have any time, well, that just feels really good!!

[fleetofshippyships-archive]

WIP tag meme

aaah, I was tagged over 2 months ago by @parkkate O.O sorry for not doing this sooner @parkkate​ XD I’ve been offline for a few months! Just now catching up on everything I missed! but I’m ignoring asks for now because my inbox is a mess

The Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I’m gonna cheat and only do this for my drarry wips, since I post everything else on another account now, and tbh I have so many drarrys it’s still gonna be a long ass post XD

Oh man *sweats nervously* I’m a bit of a hoarder in all aspects of my life...I don’t even know where to begin! 

I’m not tagging anyone cos I was tagged 2 months ago and I have no idea who has and hasn’t done this and don’t want to be a pain. But if you wanna do it, go a head, and please tag me so I can be nosy and hopefully find someone with a wip problem as bad as my own so I can be less embarrassed XD

Also I’m putting this under a cut for reasons

1. 4th year au idea 

Sooooo, right off the bat, I often open a new file to jot down an idea even though I have docs specifically to dump ideas...and then at some point during the process of jotting down basic details of the idea...I start writing it....? This is one such occurrence...but I had to open it to check...and now I want to keep writing it XD

But also yikes it’s super dark

2. ... 4th year au idea

I swear, this is an entirely different wip and I am going ‘wtf’ at myself because wtf that’s confusing! I had also totally forgotten the existence of this before opening it....probably because of the name of it and the only reason I apparently have 2 files the exact same name is that one is a word doc and one is a libre office doc XD

3. drarry character death idea

Soooo, I need to stop turning idea files into wips without changing the names because I actually forget they are wips apparently

Also, I really want to finish this RIGHT NOW IT HURTS SO GOOD GIMME GIMME GIMME

4. Veela fic followup

LOL LOL LOL I’m rewriting my veela fic so I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to end up doing with this XD I might have to try and merge it with the re-write if the story has a similar outcome when I’m done. or maybe I’ll just turn this into its own thing....

5. Veela fic present tense

I really need to get back to working on this, this is actually the full re-write that re-doing the tenses spawned...I was binge writing this before my life went to hell but then my life went to hell and I went offline for like three months and didn’t do any writing or anything XD

although, the last time I looked at it I got the itch to change it back to past tense so who fucking knows what I’ll do with it now

6. Veela fic Draco pov

Curse my obsession with alternate povs of the same story and Draco for being such a good angsty pov

7. Veritaserum idea start

At least this one has ‘start’ in it so I know it is in fact a wip and not just an idea outline XD

7. Veritaserum

So, turns out I started that fic over in a new file and just left the old one lying around XD I do that too often. I should delete that other one...

Also...this better not turn into another ‘Amortentia’ with me unable to think of a fucking title and going with the file name because lame

This is also my first time trying to do god’s eye 3rd person instead of 3rd person pov...also first time trying to do this weird structure thing...I dunno but I like it XD

8.  CTS followup

9. CTS sequel

Two separate followups set at different times in the same story verse... I hate myself. I love them both. I can’t pick which one to stop writing so I’m gonna keep them both around and try and make them merge at some point...

10. MMB saying sorry

11. another erase the shame

12. next erase the shame

I work on followups and lose interest so often (usually because people bug me for followups and I get very ‘fuck you’ about it and stop writing them...but I keep them around and tinker with them every now and then soooo they’re still technically wips

13. Tea and Coffee oneshot series (Tea and Coffee, Coffee and Dark Marks, The Cottage Kitchen, next untitled one)

There’s also a present tense version of the first one of those *sweats nervously* first 3 are finished, of course, but my original purpose is lost to them becoming a long fic soo....gonna merge them into one long fic soon...once I decide what tense I like better......kill me now

14. Communion of the Soul (folder name)

This is the sequel to One Touch and this is spread across 5 files because apparently I did that and even though each time I got to work on it I have to figure out which file holds which part of the sequel timeline and which I feel like working on...I have yet to merge them into one file to make my life easier...

15. Crumbling Facade

ugh working on this always makes me want to re-write restraint and actually put in the major plot line, or what was supposed to be Harry’s major plot line before the relationship crap got away from me and I had to cut out all the plot stuff because by the time I got around to addressing it, it started reading like a completely different fic and I had to cut a huge chunk and end it instead, because back then I sucked more than I do now and couldn’t juggle

sooo...I still work on this in starts and stops and then get frustrated for having to stick to Restraint’s chain of events when I have better ideas now for working in Harry’s plot about his damn magic problem and ARRGEHGEHGFVEDHDBVUIOFNBFKDB EFBVJ

I should just let Crumbling Facade take me where it wants to take me and fuck Restraint

16. Potter’s Insatiable Heart

This is my longest wip at 130k XD and I’m stalling now because if I keep going with it where I was intending to go it will end up my longest fic and I’m getting intimidated by the length and how much work it will be to edit that long of a fic so I just go in and write a few paragraphs now and again, get scared of the length and move on to another wip XD

I also periodically binge read this bitch because I love it to death even though it’s severely flawed XD

17. Corset Drarry

oh boy, when I started writing this this I was weirded out by writing a kink I didn’t understand and kind of tailed off and left it...then I did kinktober for voltron and now I’m laughing at myself because corsets and lingerie is so fucking tame after that kinktober list and all the the crap I wrote for it XD

18. Music in the Periphery

Emily bugs me about finishing this a lot...I bug me about finishing it, progress is non-existent because I have a clear plan for it and when I have a clear plan I can’t write for shit

19. Saying Sorry (Round 2) (MMB)

I gotta kick that habit of starting over with something but keeping the first attempt and still working on it parallel to the second attempt, because then I wind up with 2 fics too similar to each other to post both and I’m completely unable to pick which one I like more *facepalm*

Also, MMB is dead if I can’t stop turning the next fic attempts into angst, I just look at that big fluffy mess and want to angst it all up

20. scrapped MMB ficlets - theo’s letter

not technically drarry thought the greater series is drarry...torn between making it mmb or making it its own fic for a rare pair

21. Weather the Storm

*cries* my 6th year war au, I have such plans for this, but the plans get in the way of writing =(

22. Soulmate AU (folder name)

fucking hell, this is 10+ files and I’m not naming all of them, current count is 5 completed versions 60k+ each, 1 incomplete alternate version, all of which I’m seriously unsatisfied with, none of which I can bear to delete, all of which I periodically go and tinker with, thus leaving them all wips i’m such a fucking hoarder but also I have never gotten over all the awful comments that were on the original soulmate fic on ffnet before my purge and now I can’t ever be satisfied unless it is perfect and wont result in such horrible comments again

23. Turnabout (folder name)

Once again, multiple wips in here of the same 60k finished fic I’ve been unhappy with since the moment I finished it and keep trying to fix by starting over and changing things here and there to change the course of the story. Honestly ready to hit the delete button with this one unless my latest attempt pans out, liking it so far buuuut I’m a mess about my writing so who knows

In the Ways that Matter was based off this fic XD

24. Dependency 

Oh boy, I abandoned this cos it was so dark I got too uncomfortable writing it...I’ve since started revisiting it after being in the Voltron fandom gave me a new tolerance range for dark content XD

Plan on posting this on anon if I ever finish it, obviously changing the title XD it stopped being relevant after the first 30k anyway 

25. Dependency V2

LOL light version of the above that removes most of the dark aspects while maintaining the core plot, but I’m finding it a bit dull XD not sure how long I’ll keep trying to chug along with it

26. *censored title*

hahahaha omg why is this in a different subfolder, this is actually one of the soulmate au ones only it’s actually a spin off au of the original soulmate one I from ffnet and therefore it’s new ground and I’m less unhappy with it

.....I’m probably going to stop working on turnabout today and work on this instead now

(censoring the name because I might post this on anon because I’m too scared to post another drarry soulmate fic under my own name)

27. Retrospection

Sooo, I’m always on and off this fic cos it triggers my anxiety and depression, but fuck that I want to write it so I keep trying XD

I’m also thinking of splitting the two main plots and only going with 1 and using the other to write another story....see if that eases how difficult it is for me to write without self triggering

28. Sequel to mornings

29. Sunrise (loose prequel to mornings)

30. Surrender

I had no idea what this was, opened it and then holy shit THIS BITCH, THIS SLOW BURN FRIENDS TO LOVERS PIECE OF BULLSHIT. I DON’T WRITE SLOW BURN! I DON’T WRITE FRIENDS TO LOVERS. I REFUSE.

but also I really really really love what I wrote so far and now I’m itching to write more *cries* making this list is leaving me with so many open files to work on

31. day 2 ass worship

32. day 3 sensory deprivation

*laughs nervously* the kinktober oneshots that starting turning into a long fic hahahaha cos I really needed more wips

33. Perception of Angels

*wistful sigh* one day I will be able to finish a heavily plot driven story full of fantasy elements and creatures and magic I made up, and when that day somes, Perception of Angels....or that timetravel war au drarry fic idea I have sitting around.....which isn’t on this list only cos I’m not stupid enough to start writing it

So that’s all the drarry files in my wip folder.... I also have heaps more for other ships and fandoms, but I’m keeping that separate =)

And...now I have some writing to go do, cos after 2 months of being unable to write thanks to the bullshit in my life, I started binge writing again 2 days ago =) and opening a few of these to remind myself what they were has a lit a fire under my ass

[alightwhendarknessfell]

My American Satan Review

So I will place any spoilers below the read more line for those that have either already seen the film or don’t plan on seeing it. 

I have been waiting for this movie to come out since it was announced. Clearly, I am a bit bias by the fact that I’m a huge Black Veil Brides fan, but I really was interested in the plot. I went and saw the film last night (in cosplay), and I have to say I enjoyed every second of it. It’s got its faults, and it’s clearly and indie film but it’s one of the best indie films I’ve ever seen. 

I’ve decided to make a list of the pros and cons of the movie, so here we go.  

Pros

The storyline is absolutely incredible. There is so much thought put into even the smallest of details. It’s one of those films where each time you watch it you pick up another little detail. The concept of rock bands/musicians making deals with Satan is a very popular one and it’s honestly shocking this movie hasn’t been made before. It follows the story of Job where the devil and God fight it out over who Job will ultimately follow.  Andy’s character ‘Johnny’ is clearly based off Job. Clearly it also follos the story of Faust (aka why the main character is Johnny Faust) who makes a deal with the devil in exchange for knowledge and success. 

There are actually plot twists that I didn’t see coming (see spoilers) 

Booboo Stewart  is a gorgeous man.. like seriously 

I like that there are clearly things that happen or aspects of the film that are based off of Andy’s actual experiences moving out to Hollywood 

There are some really funny parts to the film,  but also some VERY dark parts. 

Ben Bruce is actually an incredible actor 

My expectations for Andy’s acting weren’t too high and there were some parts where it  was kind of poor but overall he channeled the character and the character’s emotions very well

The ending leaves open the possibility that the story isn’t over  

Remington was a PERFECT choice for vocals, the soundtrack and songs made for the movie are amazing. Seriously if you watch it the song ‘Let Him Burn’  gets a whole new meaning

Since there are actual musicians in the film, it really does paint a very accurate picture of what the life of a rock star is really like. The film doesn’t shy away from the pretty horrific side of it. 

Mr. Capricorn plays an amazing devil holy shit, he was  the perfect choice

The casting was done very well, everyone’s character is very believable 

Cons

There is WAY to much story packed into two hours. The film follows the band from their start then over their 2 years rise to fame. It would often times get confusing as to how much time had passed. There weren’t dates included in different scenes so it was hard to follow the progression. Especially when it came to the drugs, rehab, court dates, etc. It didn’t feel like two years had passed.

There were some major plot holes where it felt like things were left out. For instance (minor spoiler) the band knows automatically that Mr. Capricorn is the devil right after meeting him. To me, it would take a bit more than just one talk with someone to go from not believing in the devil to thinking that you’re sitting with him. 

Gretchen’s character and Johnny’s mom weren’t that good

There were some parts that were not believable, won’t get into them but some things would happen and I would go “yeah right” 

The news interviews were kind of cheesy 

Johnny’s rehab scene was incredibly unbelievable (more in spoilers) 

All in all, though the film was very well done. The acting was, for the most part, good and the movie LOOKED good. I would recommend it if you’re into the emo/rock/metal scene or like Asking Alexandria/Black Veil Brides. It’s not so much horror/thriller but darker. I would also recommend it if you like films with deeply religious themes or important lessons.The film makes you think which I like. My mom went to see it with me (she also liked it) and we’ve both spent the whole day just going over parts of the plot.  I liked that the ending isn’t exactly ‘happy ever after’ as well. And what really won me over was just the amazing plot and writing. I plan on maybe even seeing it again and I’m for sure going to buy it when it comes out on DVD. I do feel like if this film was done by a major movie company it would become a cult classic. 

I’m giving the film two ratings before I go into spoilers. One from the perspective on an indie film and one for overall.  

Overall:  3.5/5 Indie: 4.25/5 

Spoilers below 

So here are my spoilers that I just wanted to give my opinion on. I’m just going to do points and talk about them. 

The ‘Let Him Burn’ Scene: This is hands down one of my favorite scenes from the movie. When the band makes a human sacrifice by burning the local asshole (forgot his name) alive in a van, it was really well done. Instantly you know that Johnny has chosen the devil. He, of course, changes his mind and frees the guy who then is electrocuted but the hesitance in that decision really shows that he has evil in him. This is the evil that Mr. Capricorn exploits. The rest of the band stands by and lets Johnny take the lead. It sets up the film perfectly because while the rest of the band members sort of keeping their souls, for the most part, Johnny completely loses his. Later on in the fight scene at the country bar where Andy once again kills is another amazing scene. 

Is Lilly Mr. Capricorn?: About halfway through the film, I started to suspect that Lilly may, in fact, be the devil/Mr. Capricorn. She’s deeply involved in satanic imagery (Satanic brothel hello). She’s the one who gets Johnny to start doing heroin then fucks him and answers the phone so that Johnny’s girlfriend hears the whole thing. Also, she insists that HE be the one to shoot up, which follows with the whole the devil doesn’t make you do things, he encourages you to do them yourself. She is also never around when Mr. Capricorn is. The band even says “should we tell Lilly?”. Another important point was that she was not around during the conversation with Mr. Capricorn in the bar nor at the human sacrifice. She constantly leads Johnny into danger and temptation. In the final kill scene, Mr. Capricorn tells Johnny that he is in fact who Johnny has been fucking (also fucking his mom). The question of whether he is actually Lilly is left open. Personally, I think Mr. Capricorn does take different forms, Lilly being one of them. Which means the whole time Johnny has been literally fucking the devil (which is a pretty bad ass plot twist). 

Gabriel/Mr. Capricorn: The older black man that Andy keeps running into throughout the film is Gabriel. He and Mr. Capricorn seem to take turns trying to steer Johnny in their direction. This goes back to the whole story of Job. He kept warning Johnny throughout the film but Johnny doesn’t listen. In the very beginning of the movie when he asks Johnny to watch his stuff while he goes into the liquor/convenience store I feel that it was a test. Johnny doesn’t leave the man’s stuff or steal it and instead waits for him to come back. When Johnny looks in Gabriel’s bag there is no liquor in it, just food. To me, this signifies the ability to resist temptation exists. Gabriel also gives Johnny an apple before leaving (the forbidden fruit). Gabriel also makes a comment in the final performance of how they’re both on this stage but got there different ways. 

The Heroin Scene: This was another favorite scene of mine. It was pretty graphic of a scene but then again doing heroin is no joke. I felt like this was a very important moment in the film because it signify’s Johnny going off the deep end. In my opinion, I do think that Lilly and Mr. Capricorn are the same people. So that means that Johnny literally shoots up heroin and has sex with the devil. 

The CNN Interview: This to me the funniest part of the movie. Vic is tripping on acid during the band’s interview with CNN and I just thought it was a beautifully done scene. 

Johnny’s Rehab: This was my least favorite part of the film. Heroin is one of the HARDEST drugs to kick. It was very hard to believe (with no time frame given) that all Johnny had to do was go to this monk(?) rehab facility and meditate and then boom he’s clean. In fact, even the dope sick scene where he can’t go on stage isn’t very realistic. I’ve seen people dope sick they often are violently ill and I felt like it could have been portrayed better. Johnny was just sitting on the floor and coughed a few times then they shoot him up and boom all better. 

The Ending: The ending kind of confused me. So he’s in jail for murdering Mr. Capricorn on stage but it was self-defense? Then the dad of the kid they killed, in the beginning, offers to get him off? I was paying pretty close attention but I still feel like I missed something. Is he going back to the band? He gives this kind of evil smirk at the end which makes me think that in fact, the devil is still working in his favor. He’s once again going to get away with murder. Johnny says that the devil will keep coming back, and in my opinion, I think the lawyer may be the new reincarnation of him. 

And finally, I have my own kind of Andley inspired comments. 

Parallels to Ashley Purdy: I have no way of knowing if this was on purpose or if I’m just reading a lot into it but I noticed a lot of parallels to Andy and Ashley’s relationship with Johnny and Lilly/Mr. Capricorn. First off Lilly is the bassist in the band. Mr. Capricorn/the devil tricks the naive Johnny into signing a contract with him essentially. Of course, it’s come out that Ashley had Andy sign a contract splitting the ownership of the band back when they first met. Lilly also tempts Johnny into doing heroin (Ashley has a past with this) and then ends up having sex with him. 

[the7thshepard]

Life update and some introspection. It is long, and it is super personal. You’ve been warned.

(Sorry to my mobile user followers, you might get lambasted with a long post anyway)

If you’re curious enough to snoop through here, sweet. It means that amidst all of my followers who like and reblog the stuff I like and reblog, you probably give a damn? Or you’re just nosy. Either way, thanks for coming. You’ll need to pull up a chair, I’d imagine. It’s gonna get long.

As of right now, I’m spending Thanksgiving day alone. I’m writing this from the dining table of my apartment in California as it rains outside. I’ve received several invites to do things with friends, but so far have accepted none of them. Part of me knows that I will be sad today because of that, but the other part of me just doesn’t have the energy or wherewithal to deal with other people today. Yet, I’m leaving myself open for any opportunity, should it present itself.

This decade has been kind of a wild ride for me. I’ve spent almost all of it in school. I began high school, graduated high school, started college, switched majors around twice, fell in love, came out, got my heart broken, graduated college, worked for seven months, then started graduate school in August. How did a Kansas boy like me end up all the way in California? It’s actually quite the story.

I had decided my second senior year of my undergrad, way back in Spring 2018, that I was just going to finish with a performance degree and just go home and work for the rest of my life. Whatever job I could find, as long as I could keep it and it could bring me stable income, I was going to go home and give up playing the horn. I been so burnt out on school and everything that had happened around me over the course of my undergrad that I had decided it just wasn’t worth it to continue pursuing. I had wrestled with this idea for the longest time and eventually settled on everyone thinking I’m a coward for getting a degree and just disappearing off of the face of the earth. It was the easiest solution.

But something quite unusual and rather miraculous happened.

October 2018, my undergrad horn teacher, one other horn player from my studio, and I all went to Wichita for the MidSouth Horn Workshop. This was nothing terribly huge - I had been to two before - but what became of it was. I ran into my current horn professor, though, at the time he was not teaching me, nor did I have any inclination that he taught private lessons. My undergrad horn prof. and I ran into him earlier in the spring during the same event in Conway, Arkansas (it was hard not to - he was one of the featured artists of the event). He and I spent about 30 minutes talking about horn playing in the exhibition hall, and I was beyond inspired at that point to continue getting better at horn (obviously something changed in the span of 6 months that changed that mentality, but I digress).

I didn’t think I would ever meet him again, if I’m being 100% honest. But we did. We had run into each other in the student union on the Wichita State University campus. He and my then-current horn teacher had struck up a conversation (I think it was something about what he was up to and if he’d like to play with ESU’s jazz band, since he was on his way through that area in the spring semester). Somehow, someway, the conversation got turned onto me.

“What do you think about grad school?” was the question.

Now, you have to understand, this shook me. My plan was to graduate, go home, and give up. I had no further intention of carrying on playing horn or doing music or any of it. Cowardice.

“Uhhhh,” I stammered. I didn’t honestly think I was cut out for grad school. Sure, I eventually wanted to get my doctorate in something, but that was kind of a pipe dream; something so exceptionally unachievable, that I was better off not thinking about it. “I hadn’t.”

Thus, initiated a 20 minute conversation about grad school and how my now-current horn professor wanted to hear me play and, better yet, attend his school. I’m pretty sure I spent the next like 3 hours waffling about it.

The other horn player that was with us (let’s call him B) slapped some sense into me.

“You should do it, it sounds like an incredible opportunity.” B had said something along the lines of this.

“My main concern is money, etc. etc.” I tried to make excuses back.

“Grad school would be perfect for you. All you really have to do is focus on your playing.” My horn professor told me.

“You didn’t come this far, just to come this far.” B said.

(Slight divergence in the story, my mom just called me as I’m typing this and now I’m having to fight back tears. She sounded so concerned that I’m spending Thanksgiving alone right now. Anyway.)

That struck me hard. I didn’t learn horn just to give up after graduating college. I didn’t play horn for close to 13 years only to run away when the opportunity presented itself. I didn’t quit at any point along the way, no matter how stressful or draining, and I shouldn’t quit now. My mind was made up.

I talked to my now-current horn teacher about how I was interested in studying with him, and about his program and what was offered, etc. He wanted to hear me play but was busy that weekend, so I would need to send him some recordings of my playing. I sent him my senior recital that I played later that semester. Over the course of the next 3 to 4 months, I would graduate from college and then spend the rest of my time working while I finished up the graduate studies application to my school. I was accepted into the program, and got some assistanceship money to help out.

The next 7 months were really nothing to note, as far as this journey is concerned. I worked part time at a gas station, played in a terrible non-paying gig, ended up dropping one of my best friends - a story for another time, but overall, I ended up taking a massive break from my horn. My dad thought that I wasn’t practicing enough and that grad school was gonna kick my ass, but so far, that hasn’t completely happened yet.

The day finally comes. I move to California with my dad’s help. As you can imagine, it’s a whirlwind of a day. Flying 5 hours out, getting my stuff moved in, buying groceries, etc. By the end of the day, its time to say goodbye. Dad can’t stay, because he’s got a flight in the morning for some stuff he’s got going on back home. He tried to fight back his tears, as I am almost about to cry myself. The door closed and now I’m bawling. wow that was a lot of mixed tenses, no im not fixing it, and no i do not take criticism, send tweet

At this point, I felt isolated. I’m in a new place where I know no one and I’m by myself. The first person I bump into is the other horn grad student. He stops by to say hi, I apologize for my terrible playing because I haven’t been playing consistently for the past seven months and oh god I’m rambling. It goes how you expect awkward first meetings to go. The next evening, I meet the two seniors in from the horn studio and a senior clarinet player. I never felt so blind sided by questions, and they were all really chatty. Me, being the awkward human being I am stood there, giving minimal answers, and being overwhelmed by questions about literally everything. Holy shit.

I end up bumping into my now-current horn professor on Monday (let’s call him Prof. A) in the bathroom of the music building, again really fucking awkward. Prof. A told me to go to his office while they finish up the faculty meeting downstairs, and that the other grad horn was in there organizing music. Round 2 is not nearly as awkward, thank god. Around 30 minutes later, Prof. A shows back up and treats us both to Chipotle and a lengthy talk about how we have to be the “heavyweight boxers” of the studio (there was an anecdote in there that makes it all make sense, trust me). Again, holy shit.

The rest of the week goes about how you would expect. It is the week before school after all. I spend most of my time practicing. My roommate shows up. I don’t really run into anyone else in the studio for a few days. Though at the end of the week, we have a horn hang, where most of the studio is in attendance. Super awkward at first, but then it opens up. Then, school kicks off, and its all good from there.

But why am I telling you all of this? Well, first of all, kudos for sitting through my life story up to this point. Second, I think this story is key to a lot of introspection that I need to do. And third, I just need to put this all out there, get it off my chest, you know?

Since coming out to California, I have been unimaginably blessed with perhaps the best family of people I could ever want. I have a great teacher who is helping me be better at doing what I love. I’m surrounded by great, fun loving musicians who want to see others succeed and it’s been such a positive experience being out here. I literally cannot imagine what my life would be like had I not seized this opportunity.

I’ll be the first to admit that grad school so far hasn’t totally met my expectations. I thought that I would immediately get better, that I would excel, have a bunch of friends, get better at playing horn, and maybe (selfishly) find a guy. It wasn’t immediate, and looking back, I don’t think it ever could have been. Because the path I’m on takes work and courage to keep going even when the results don’t seem obvious at all. Also, let’s be 100% real, there was no way in hell I was gonna find a guy within like 2-3 weeks of being here. That’s just not realistic lmfao

Since coming here, I’ve grappled with the feelings of inadequacy and sense of not belonging that come with the territory. Initially, I thought that I was never making progress and that I was never gonna be as good as the other grad horn. I wasn’t a good enough horn player. Why was I here? What made me think that I could make it out here? Thoughts like that. They’ve only intensified as the semester went along.

But my friends have proved me wrong.

The only thing that everyone could and would expect of me is to be myself. Whatever that means, whatever that sounds or looks like. I can’t be anyone else other than me, no matter how tempting it is to compare myself to others. I just gotta follow my own path. This was and still is a hard lesson for me to learn. I don’t think I will ever totally understand it, until I can realize that I am good enough as I am now. I am making progress to get better, but I have to be comfortable with where I’m at now for it to be worth it.

The thought of running away from all of this terrifies me, but it’s a real and almost ever present thought I have. I don’t want to lose the progress I’ve made. I don’t want to turn my back on my friends. I don’t want to give up crazy socks at concerts, ice cream afterwards, playing in horn choir, horn hangs, or just the general screwing around. My horn people are my family, and I won’t turn my back on them because I’m afraid of not being good enough. They have never had reason to think less of me, so I shouldn’t. Even when I do, I’m thankful that they’re there to help me out of my emotional ruts. As long as I am here surrounded by these fantastic people, I will always be good enough and I will always belong.

I didn’t come this far just to get this far. And I will take it all the way. No matter what it takes, because the people closest to me have given me the courage to make it happen.

So, even though I may end up spending my Thanksgiving alone, I’m not alone. I never have been nor will I ever be. My friends, my family, everyone who’s cheering me on from the sidelines, watching and waiting for me to succeed, they’re all with me, no matter how far away they might be. This is what I’m thankful for.

[w0lfbr0thers]

that seems fair - evak drabble

note: idk its 3 am and it took me 2 hours to write this all bc i was bored - enjoy xx

+4k+ words +ch. 1/1

Isak sighs as he leans his chin in the palm of his hand, leaning a bit forward to look up and down the walk way and he sees people flooding through the opening gates immediately, signalling the opening day of the summer fair in Norway. Isak was lucky to get the job here - 350 kroner each day, which wasn't too bad, and he was tired of living off his dad's guilt money he transferred into his bank account every month for rent or something for himself. Isak leans back into the cool shade of the game stall, the heat and humidity already clogging up the supposedly happy and fun atmosphere. The heat is sweltering and the thick t-shirt and khakis aren't making the job any easier. The day starts off slow, but as it progresses on he repeatedly sees the same boy pass the stall at least five times, always glancing over at Isak and catching his gaze which annoys Isak beyond belief because he has not the slightest clue who the guy is.

It starts off simple - the first couple times, the boy only glances shyly towards Isak who just so happened to be looking off into space as he walks by but the deep blue of the boy's eye color was too hard to miss. Isak locks his gaze on the boy's for one second before jerking away, looking down at his feet and he waits a few minutes before he decides the coast is clear of the boy. The last two times, the glances were more confident and daring, the boy's eyebrows raised and a smirk tugging on his lips as Isak watches him pass the gaming stall he stood behind. Isak wasn't one for gawking at cute boys - especially in public places - but damn was this gorgeous man something he couldn't tear his eyes off of.

Soon enough, the day dwindles down with fewer people roaming the fair grounds. Isak is relieved as he closes up the stall, shutting down the lights and locks up the back door, quickly walking over to the food stall where Jonas fusses with the door lock, "Having some trouble, there, buddy?" Isak asks, laughing as Jonas throws down the key on the dusty ground.

"Fuck, why did I take this goddamn job?" Jonas groans, picking up the key and shoving it in his pocket.

"Because I needed to know somebody here, that's why. Did you finally get it locked?"

"I probably broke it but yeah, it's locked. If I can't get in tomorrow I'll call up management. I doubt they'll do anything, but it's worth it. And besides, you offered me weed just for me to accept this job so it's not like I was gonna turn it down?"

Isak chuckles, rolling his eyes as he and Jonas begin walking towards the gates to leave the fairgrounds, "Did you notice that one guy who wouldn't stop walking past the stall I work at?"

"Hm, I think I saw him a few times but he was never looking my way or anything," Jonas shrugs, reaching to open the gates.

Isak bites his lower lip as they stop, Jonas locking the gates behind them, "Well, yeah. Because he was mainly looking at me the whole time he would walk by. I don't know, dude, but I'm getting some weird vibes from it."

"Maybe he's checking you out?" Jonas offers and Isak scoffs, shoving his shoulder into Jonas's.

"I really doubt a guy that handsome would be checking out some dweeb who's working at a gaming stall at a fair," Isak counters, pulling a joint from his back pocket. "Lighter?"

Jonas nods, pulling one from his jean pocket and hands it to Isak so he can light it and he hands it over to Jonas after a drag, "You never know, Isak. He could be the romantic type who takes their dates to a fair."

Isak rolls his eyes, blowing out the smoke and watches as it forms a small cloud in front of his face, "That's super cheesy, though."

"I did it with Eva during second year, she loved it. I won her a teddy bear and then later on that night I went down on her. Wasn't too bad," Jonas chuckles as Isak groans, taking back the joint and he takes a long drag.

"That's not something I want to hear about, dude," Isak sighs, "I just think that one guy might keep stalking me throughout the whole fair."

"If it makes you uncomfortable, talk to someone who patrol the gates and ask them to, like, ban him from entering or something," Jonas offers, taking a drag once Isak hands back the joint to him as they continue walking down the sidewalk.

"If it keeps going on into next week, I'll say something."

"Good on you."

Isak nods and they both drop the subject, finishing up the weed before splitting to head back home. Isak makes it home late, as usual, and finds a plate of food sitting in the microwave, waiting for him along with a note from Eskild that reads; 'Had to work late tonight, baby gay, but I tried to make you something before I headed off. Hope your first night working at the fair wasn't so bad. Make sure to get some rest.'

Isak smiles at the sweet gesture, graciously taking the food into his room as the weed affects begin to wear off and he's immensely hungry as he begins devouring the food, setting the now-empty plate beside his bed and he gets up to change out of his sweaty work clothes and he just crawls into bed in his boxers, drifting off to sleep with the image of the deep blue eyes settled into his dreams and he swears those eyes are like the ocean and he's desperate to drown.

-

"Here you go, hun," Isak smiles, handing a small stuffed pony to a girl, about the age of seven as she grins with pride. "You'll take good care of pony here, right?"

The girl's smile is bright as she nods, causing Isak's smile to widen, "Absolutely. Come on, mamma. I want to share some ice cream with pony."

Isak gives the girl a wave as her and her mother walk off towards the stall where Jonas supervises and Isak stares off into space as people walk past, his eyes drooping a little to block out the sun as a bit of sweat begins to form on his forehead from the excruciating July heat. Isak closes his eyes for a split second and he jumps as he hears fingers tapping on the surface on the surface of the stand and he clears his throat, his eyes snapping open and he opens his mouth to speak but - holy shit. His mouth opens agape as his eyes meet up with the deepest blue - like the ocean. Isak stutters for a minute, heat creeping up into his cheeks as he corrects himself, standing up straight behind the counter as the boy smiles as him.

"I- sorry. Must have spaced off for a minute, my apologies," Isak rushes, taking in a gulp of air as the boys smile widens, his eyes bright.

"It's no problem at all. How much for the game?" The boy asks, gesturing to the bottles behind him. The most basic fair game, but easiest to win.

"45 kroner for three tries," Isak replies, licking his lips as he watches the boy dig through his jean pockets for the money, placing it on the counter for Isak to collect. "Thank you."

"How do I win?" He asks as Isak puts away the money, grabbing the baseballs from the side.

"You take these baseballs-" Isak sets three of them on the counter and the guy takes them, nodding, which signals Isak to continue on, "-and try to knock down the milk bottles that are placed back there. If you hit all of the biggest ones, you get the biggest prize. The large stuffed teddy bear."

Isak gestures up on the prize shelf to the very top where the bear sits, leaning awkwardly against the wall and the boy nods understandingly, a determined look in his eyes, "Why three tries?"

Isak smirks, pressing a button between the counter that causes the shelves with the milk bottles to move side to side, "That's why."

"Hm, a challenge. I like it," The boy winks at Isak which causes his heart to skip a beat. "Shall I begin?"

Isak nods, moving out of the way and to the side swiftly, "Of course. Good luck."

The guy turns to focus on the shifting bottles, raising up a hand and preparing himself to toss and just as the shelves shift, he throws it, knocking down one of the nine big bottles which surprises Isak a bit and he has to admit that he's a bit impressed as the guy continues on with the game. One after another, every shot is perfect as he continues knocking down the biggest bottles on the shelves and Isak knows his goal - win the biggest prize. Isak licks his lips, watching as the boy continues on and eventually, after all three tries, the biggest bottles are lying scattered on the dirty floor of the gaming stall.

"Impressive, for an amateur," Isak jokes, crossing his arms in front of his chest as the boy grins at him, a smug look on his face.

"Can I have my prize now?"

"I suppose," Isak shrugs, pulling a stepping ladder from the side and he reaches up, grabbing the large bear in his hands before bringing to the counter, almost shoving it in the boys face. "Here you go. Congratulations."

"I really don't think this prize will do," the boy pouts, eyeing the large stuffed bear and Isak frowns, giving the customer a strange look.

"What do you mean?"

"Can I exchange for a different prize?" The guy asks innocently and Isak raises his eyebrows as the man pushes the bear back into his hands.

Isak takes it, setting it to the side of the counter, "What do you want as your prize, then? I'm pretty sure you don't want a tiny stuffed animal compared to the large one-"

"I don't want any of those prizes up there," the guy gestures to the shelf. "I want the prize that's right in front of me."

Isak's stomach flips as the words ring in his ears, "What?"

"I want you as the prize instead."

"How can I possibly be the prize, you barely even know me?" Isak interjects, his mouth turning dry.

"I want my prize to be a date. With you."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"I don't even fucking know you let alone your name," Isak mumbles, running a hand through his hair.

"My name is Even Bech Næsheim, and trust me," Even leans forward on the counter and Isak freezes, his heart pounding. "You can get to know me any way you'd like to, baby."

Isak's breath hitches as Even leans back, his skin tingling and feeling ablaze, "I'm- I'm Isak Valtersen."

Even chuckles, "Nice to finally meet you, Isak."

Isak coughs, rubbing his nose as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other behind the counter, "So... about this prize thing. What exactly do you have in mind?"

"As I said, a date. Maybe at Kaffeberrienet? Or, unless it's too warm for a coffee, the local ice cream parlor?" Even offers, his voice smooth and confident and it makes Isak a little weak in the knees as Even stares at him, his blue eyes almost digging deep into his soul and it causes Isak to shudder despite the heat.

"That sounds... good, I guess? But what about the bear? You did win it, you know?"

"Keep it, it's yours," Even shrugs, a grin playing on his lips.

"Even, I can't just take the damn bear-"

"Why not? I won it for you?"

Isak's heart skips again, "You seriously won this dumb thing for me?"

"Why not? It goes together nicely with your cute face."

Isak can't help the sheepish grin that appears on his face, his cheeks turning a deep crimson red, "You seriously don't mean that. You just met me."

"Ah, but I mean it 100%, Isak Valtersen."

Isak sighs, rolling his eyes, "Alright, I guess I'll agree to go on a date with you but on one condition!"

"And what might that be?"

"No hands. All hands off. No touching, no hand holding, no reaching for the other persons drink to purposely make our hands brush together," Isak rushes, knitting his hands together in front of him.

"I can go along with that, it's chill. Do you have to stay here at this shitty stall all night long, though? This day is pretty slow."

"No! No, no. I can probably leave right now. There's plenty of other gaming stalls. We can go right now," Isak says and Even raises an eyebrow, smirking as he licks his lips and goddamn does Isak want to bite his lower lip.

"Shall we go out for that date now, then?"

"Absolutely," Isak grins, grabbing the bear from the counter and setting it on a chair in the corner of the stall, assuring Even he will drag it home with him later (and by that, he means have Jonas drop it off) and he shuts down the lights, locking up the back door to the stall before heading to the front where Even waits for him, a smile spreading on his face.

"Kaffeberrienet or ice cream parlor?" Even asks as they begin to walk off towards the gates to leave the fair grounds.

"Ice cream parlor sounds way better right now, I'm dying of heat stroke," Isak exaggerates, wiping his hand on his forehead to rid it of the sweat that will inevitably return later as they walk. They walk in silence, the tension growing by every minute between the two of them because God does Isak just want to gaze at Even and feel him pressed against him on a wall and -

"Isak?" Even says, breaking the silence and Isak blushes as he breaks away from his thoughts and he finds that he's drifted closer to Even as they have been walking.

"Uh- yeah?" Isak asks bashfully, averting his eyes down to his feet.

"Look at me, Isak," Even says, his voice firm but tender and Isak obeys as he feels Even's fingers ghost on his chin, encouraging to lift his gaze. "What are you thinking about?"

Isak lets out a sharp, shaky breath, "A lot of things."

"Like what?"

Isak closes his eyes for a minute, the butterflies in his stomach making him feel uneasy but sure, "Like what it would be like to have your lips pressed against my own."

The next few seconds are complete silence and Isak is about to break from Even's touch as he opens his eyes, but he finds Even looking at him and Isak's heart is fluttering as Even begins to lean down, slowly and tentatively and Isak's heart is surging, the waiting killing him inside and eventually he just raises a hand to grip Even's hair, urgently closing the gap between them and as soon as their lips touch, it's a hurricane of feelings and actions. Isak finds himself pressed against a brick wall, his breathing hot and heavy as his and Even's breaths mingle between their mouths. Even rakes his hands down Isak's body, slipping his hands underneath his shirt, causing Isak to shiver as he presses his thumbs into his hipbones causing him to press further against the brick wall and Isak chokes out a moan as Even bites down lightly on his lower lip.

"Fuck, Isak-" Even gasps, his knee placed between Isak's legs causing the younger boy to whimper at the slightest brush.

"Please, just fucking kiss me. God, please," Isak whines, grinding up his hips to meet with Even's which elicits a deep, throaty moan and Isak feels a rush of confidence through his blood. "Or take me somewhere, I don't care, just God. Please don't stop. Not now."

"What do you want, baby, hm?" Even asks, bringing his lips to the skin of Isak's jaw and he can feel the younger boy squirm. "You gotta tell me."

"I want you to take care of me," Isak whispers, tilting his head to allow more access to Even as he works his way down to his neck, sucking deep purple bruises in an instant.

"I can do that for you, baby, let's get you back to my place," Even's voice is husky as he grabs at Isak's hand, pulling him into a sprint towards his flat. They rush up the stairs, almost tripping and losing their balance as their hands can't find a way to stay off each other and they stumble into the apartment, closing the door and connecting their bodies eagerly as they tumble into Even's room. Even dips his hands back underneath Isak's shirt, inching it up quickly and throwing it to the side once it's off, taking off his own quickly and throwing it in the same direction. Isak instantly lying down on his back as Even crawls up above him and the sight alone makes Isak almost come in his pants without even being touched.

"What can I do for you, baby?" Even asks quietly, his lips trailing down from Isak's neck to his collarbones - to his chest - to his stomach.

"Fucking anything you want to do to me," Isak gasps, already gripping at the sheets.

"Anything?" Even asks, kissing his way down to the waistband of Isak's jeans and he looks up through his eyelashes.

Isak groans, bucking up his hips slightly as he looks down at Even in between his legs, "Absolutely anything."

Even grins, beginning to work quickly at the buckle and he throws it to the side, inching the tight fabric of the jeans down Isak's legs, yanking them off once they're down at the ankles and he can see the wetness of precum on Isak's boxers and Even just admires him and Isak's perfect body, placing butterfly kisses between his thighs, causing Isak to tremble and shiver.

"Even, please..." Isak whines, throwing his head back into the mattress as Even bites at the sensitive skin between the younger boys thighs. "Please, fuck."

"I'll take care of you, baby, just like you asked for," Even reassures him, slipping his fingers into the waistband of Isak's boxers and he slips them off with ease and reveling in the sound of relief Isak lets out beneath him. "Are you ready?"

Isak nods quickly, biting his lower lip, "Yes, fuck, just please touch me already," And Even does. He doesn't give Isak another minute before taking him in his mouth, tongue swirling at the tip as he comes up, hollowing out his cheeks and Isak lets out a cry, gripping his fingers in Even's hair. Even hums, sending vibrations down Isak's dick which drives him crazy as he grips his hair harder, his legs trembling. "Fuck- holy shit, Even."

Even strives, swallowing down Isak faster as his name tumbles out of Isak's mouth and he just takes in his hot, heavy panting as he continues, his hands pressing down Isak's hips, preventing him from bucking up into Even's mouth.

"That feels - so - fuck - good," Isak pants, squirming as the warm pit in his stomach begins to build. "I'm so fucking close, holy fuck."

Even pops his mouth off at the tip of Isak's dick, causing him to let out a strangled cry, "Do you want me to fuck you?"

"You're such a fucking tease, holy shit-" Isak gasps, but he gives a nod and Even works quickly, pulling a condom from his bedside drawer along with some lube, prepping himself easily.

"Are you good? Do you need stretching?" Even asks, leaning down to press a kiss to the tip of Isak's member.

Isak shakes his head, "No, I'm fine. I... should still be stretched."

"Stretched, from what?" Even breathes hot against the sensitive tip of Isak's dick, causing him to shiver.

"I kind of got off myself last night, I should be good," Isak admits, his face a deep red.

"Thinking about me?" Isak nods. "Holy fuck, that's so hot, Isak."

"God, please just fuck me already," Isak pouts, and Even steadies himself, Isak's hands on his lower back as he pushes himself in and he feels Isak shudder beneath him. "So fucking good. Keep going."

Even quickens his pace, his hips hitting into Isak's with every thrust and every cry of pleasure from Isak keeps him going, the feeling of his fingers digging into his skin sending a pulse coursing through his body, "Fuck, baby, are you gonna come with me? Yeah?"

Isak nods, his eyes drooping and Even swears he's close as he wraps his legs around Even, pulling him deeper and closer, "Fuck, yes. Fuck, Even, fuck."

"Good, be a good baby for me and come with me. I'm so fucking close. God, you're so hot like this, Isak," Even pants, Isak's moaning driving him closer to his high. Even reaches down a hand, wrapping it around Isak and he begins pumping with the rhythm of his thrusting, causing Isak to cry out louder and it's so fucking intense and in an instant Even is coming inside the condom as Isak spews himself all over his stomach and Even's chest. Even shudders as Isak's legs tremble, his chest heaving as Even sports a few more slow and gentle thrusts before pulling out, removing and disposing of the condom in the bin beside his bed.

"Holy shit," Isak mumbles, still on his back, his curls sticking to his sweaty forehead. "Holy fucking shit."

Even laughs, taking a toilet roll from the side of his bed and he tears some off, leaning above Isak to clean him up gently. They kiss lazily for a few minutes as Even wipes the come off of himself and Isak's stomach, disposing of that as well once he's finished, "So much for that date, huh?"

"Shut up, I'm so fucking glad you chose me over that dumbass bear," Isak gasps, pulling up Even's covers as he rolls onto his side, facing Even who's already gazing at him.

"I knew I wanted you more than that damn bear," Even confirms, pulling Isak closer by the waist.

"You're a real fucking tease, though, you know that right?" Isak tells him, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" Even chuckles.

"We were literally eyefucking all day yesterday and you just now ask me out on a date?"

"Well, I didn't know if you would be interested," Even shrugs, leaning up a hand to brush some hair out of Isak's eyes.

"My eyes didn't give you the hint?" Isak scoffs, entangling their legs underneath the sheets.

"No, I was too busy thinking about what I could do to you to notice."

"Wow, of course you were," Isak rolls his eyes, his eyes beginning to droop from fatigue.

"Did you think you would end the day in bed with a cute guy?" Even asks, smirking.

"Nope."

"Interesting."

"How so?"

"It just seems like you would be the type of boy that has guys and girls drooling all over you," Even replies, tucking some hair behind Isak's ear.

"No, I'm not like that. If I see someone I want, I either wait for them to make a move or make the move myself. I'm the master of having people fall in love with me."

"So I made the first move in this case?"

"You did."

Even hums in a response, running his fingers through Isak's curled hair, "Are you glad I did?"

Isak nods, "I am."

"But can we still go on that date tomorrow, though? I really want to take you out somewhere nice."

"Yeah, that's chill. I'll have Jonas cover for me tomorrow at the fair," Isak yawns, snuggling closer to Even as his phone buzzes. "Shit, did you throw my phone along with my jeans?"

"It was the heat of the moment, what did you want me to do?" Even pouts as Isak gets up, grabbing his phone from his jean pocket and heading back into bed, cuddling into Even's side.

"Oh, speaking of Jonas, he sent me a dozen messages," Isak giggles sleepily as he scrolls through them.

Jonas: Hey bro, where the fuck did you disappear to? I saw you leave with a guy, was it the one who was checking you out? Bossman was looking for you, I covered and said you felt like you were going to pass out from the heat which let you off the hook - for now. Seriously, bro. Text me back when you can unless you got busy. I don't want to hear about that.

"He sounds like a great friend, covering for you while we had sex," Even chuckles, wrapping his arms around Isak's waist.

"I can reply to him in the morning, it's no big deal," Isak sighs, setting his phone on the bedside table as he curls into Even more, allowing his eyes to drift shut.

"Tired?" Even hums, his lips ghosting on Isak's forehead as he holds him.

"Mm, a little bit. It's probably late by now," Isak mumbles, breathing in the scent of Even beside him.

"You can sleep, baby. I can make you some breakfast in the morning," Even offers.

"Can that be our date?" Isak asks, his voice small and quiet.

"Breakfast?" Isak nods. "Sure. Sounds lovely. Now sleep, baby. Goodnight."

"Hm, goodnight. Thanks for a great date," Isak smiles, his body growing warmer with Even's presence beside him.

"No need to thank me, baby. Sleep well."

At around 3 am, Isak receives a text but he's too deep in sleep with Even beside him and it's from Jonas;

Jonas: Lmao bro you totally got laid.

[finn-nelson-for-the-win]

"You Look Really Good Today!”

A/N: Hello there! So I wrote this and had it sitting in the Notes on my phone weeks before I ever posted any of my writing here on Tumblr, but I rather enjoyed this and even though it didn’t fit into the other plot line as smoothly as I would have hoped, I still thought it needed to see the light of day, so I decided to post it all on its lonesome as a one shot. I didn’t tag anyone unless you explicitly requested I do so, but if you want me to add you to my “forever tag” list for any of my future fics I post, just let me know! I hope you enjoy! 😁❤️

“Holy fuck! My hair is purple!!!”

Rae stood in front of her full-length mirror wearing her favorite multi-colored dressing gown as she continued to run her fingers through her hair, trying to become more accustomed to how it looked today.

Well of course your hair is purple, you div, you dyed it purple almost a week ago!

Rae’s mass of long, wavy-curly hair was straightened today and did indeed look much purpler than it usually did. When Rae’s hair was left to be naturally curly, the purple was very subtle and blended into the portions of her hair she had kept her natural dark brown shade and only appeared to be purple when you looked at it very closely or when the sunlight hit it just right; however, today there was no denying that her hair that went down past her waist was in fact very purple, regardless of the lighting she is in.

Shit, it’s already past 7am! I need to finish getting dressed or I’ll be late to work!

Rae stared at the dress on the hanger, suddenly second-guessing her decision to wear this dress to work. Rae purchased the dress on a whim the last time she was at the shops because: 1) it fit well and made her boobs look amazing and 2) Rae had developed somewhat of an alter ego after dying her hair purple and this alter ego was much more confident and impulsive than the real Rae.

Well, here goes nothing…

Rae gently removed the dress from its hanger, turning away from her full-length mirror as she untied her dressing gown and let it fall to the ground, and she began putting the dress on. She adjusted the material of the dress so the scoop neck showed off just enough cleavage without being inappropriate and she proceeded to fiddle with various areas of the dress to ensure that it sat properly on her body and was as flattering as possible.

The soft cotton material of the dress stretched over Rae’s chest and flared out slightly below the bust to hang delicately over her hips and stomach without drawing unnecessary attention to her least favorite parts of her body. Rae looked at the way the sleeveless scoop neck top on the dress landed at just the right place on her shoulders to show off her collarbone and the freckles that formed a triangular pattern on her left shoulder. As Rae turned around to look at the dress from behind, she blushed slightly at how much skin she was showing because the cross-back design of the dress left a large portion of her back exposed. She knew that this dress could be a little too provocative and casual for her business casual work dress code, but she decided that the black cardigan she was going to pair with her dress would make her outfit more suitable for work.

Rae playfully swiveled her hips to watch the flowy fabric move fluidly with her movements before taking notice of just how short the dress really was.

Rae was accustomed to wearing jeans and leggings on a regular basis and she could not recall the last time she had worn a dress—let alone one as short as this dress that showed this much skin. When the fabric stilled after Rae stopped moving, she looked closely at the skin of her legs from mid-thigh where this dress hit to her feet that were still bare, taking notice of the assortment of scars of varying age scattered across her legs.

The scar just behind her left knee where she had nicked herself much worse than she had thought while shaving in the shower a few short months ago.

Numerous nearly faded scars on her knees and shins from when she was a clumsy and careless child who felt invincible and happy to be alive.

…And then there were the scars Rae was not as proud of; Scars of varying age and color that had been self-inflicted.

For 15 years of Rae’s life, the insatiable itch Rae felt when her anxiety would get the better of her caused Rae to develop a bad habit of scratching and hurting herself. Whether consciously or subconsciously, Rae found herself almost constantly scratching at any exposed skin and she took a sick satisfaction in the pain and the sight of blood drawing to the surface of her skin from the scratches and wounds.

It used to make Rae feel in control…but now she hates herself afterwards and realizes that the abundance of scars on her arms were the reason for the stares of pity and judgement she often got, although few people have ever had the nerve to ask her about them.

The plethora of scars that were visible below the hem of the dress from Rae’s mid-thigh down were much more noticeable against the soft and pale pink skin of her legs, and as she examined her outfit in her full-length mirror, they were all should could focus on.

Well, maybe I can put on some tights or leggings under the dress to cover them…

It was the still uncharacteristically hot to be the beginning of October and as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she knew it would not be worth the discomfort and excessive heat of an additional layer of clothing.

Rae shrugged and sighed, knowing that there was nothing else she could do to hide her scars but still wanting to wear this dress that was otherwise incredibly flattering.

You can do this Rae! You are beautiful and perfect just the way you are and anyone who can’t see that can fuck off…

Rae had come very far recently and was not harming herself as often and she was making a lot of progress towards accepting her body and every lump, bump, roll, stretch mark, and imperfection that comes with it.

She has also continued to become more confident in who she is as she has continued to get more piercings and dye her hair over the last year, and she knew that wearing this dress to work was a massive step in the right direction for her.

Admit it Rae, this dress looks like it was made to fit your body and accentuate your best assets—boobs and bum.

And…maybe you’ll attract the attention of a certain fit boy today…

Rae smirked and blushed at the thought of the boy she had been lusting after lately taking an interest in the way her dress hugged her curves just right. She had been talking to him a lot more recently and hoped that she could catch his eye today and it could be the push necessary to move their relationship into more romantic territory.

Rae smiled as she sat down at the chair in front of her desk to apply a bit of makeup to complete her look for the day. Rae seldom wore makeup except for on certain occasions when she wanted to boost her confidence a bit more, and she figured that today qualified as one of those days.

Rae tight-lined her eyes with her favorite purple eyeliner pencil and applied a quick swipe of mascara to help draw attention to her eyes. Rae was reaching to grab her go-to sheer tinted lip balm that she normally wore when she noticed a new lipstick shade she had purchased on a whim.

Rae was already pushing the boundaries of her comfort zone with the short dress she was wearing, but now that she was almost done getting ready for work her confidence was soaring and she figured that today was as good a day as any to finally try out this deep burgundy lipstick shade. Rae applied the liquid lipstick to her plump lips with the applicator wand and allowed the lipstick to set and mattify.

She chanced a quick glance at the alarm clock on her nightstand and noticed that she was still on time, but just barely. Rae quickly unplugged her cellphone from the charger and placed it into her purse. She stood in front of the full-length mirror yet again, taking in her entire outfit from her long, silky purple hair and bold lipstick to her subtly sexy dress and her favorite maroon converse sneakers.

“It’s fucking embarrassing how good I look some days” Rae said her daily mantra aloud before hurrying out of her apartment, locking her front door behind her.

As Rae walked to work, she tried to ignore the feelings of doubt and insecurity creeping in when she became hyperaware of the stares and glances from the people driving down the street beside her. When she walked into the building where she works, Rae headed into the Women’s washroom to give herself a final once over and a much needed pep talk.

With her confidence restored, Rae walked through the door to the office and scanned her badge at the small machine on the wall.

“Hey Rae! How are you today?”

Here’s your chance, Rae! The fit boy you’ve been obsessing over since you first met him is standing next to you and talking to you. Don’t fuck it up!

“I’m good, thanks. How are you?” Rae asked, surprised that her tone was more girly and flirty than she had ever heard her own voice be. She wouldn’t have been surprised if she followed that up a giggle and twirling her hair around one finger, which she did not do, luckily.

You are not Chloe…just be yourself Rae.

“I’m good too, thanks! I’m just gonna get to work now…”

He walked to the opposite side of the office building from where Rae worked to sit down in his desk and get to work.

Rae had put in extra effort to look good today and try to catch his attention, and he didn’t even seem to notice the changes in her attire or really make an effort to make conversation at all.

Well fuck you too, Andrew!

Rae rolled her eyes and continued walking towards the area of the office she worked in.

“Good morning, Rachel! Your hair looks nice today!” Daniel, Rae’s boss, said as he gave her a high-five as he did with all of her coworkers when he greeted them every morning.

“Thanks. I just wanted to try something kind of new…”

She continued walking towards the desk at the end of the aisle that she sat at on an almost daily basis for the two weeks she had been working here; however she soon realized one of her coworkers was staring at her as she walked toward him.

Do I know him..? He’s certainly staring at me like he knows me…but I don’t think I even know his name.

She risked a quick glance at the laminated name tag affixed to the top on one of his computer monitors.

Well then, Finn Nelson…why the fuck are you staring at me like that?

“Can ya stop staring at me? It’s freaking me out…” she muttered in his direction, not willing to make direct eye contact with him.

She noticed Finn blush slightly when he realized that he had been caught staring at her as he appraised the stunning girl walking towards him before quickly clearing his throat to be able to explain himself.

“Oh, umm…sorry, it’s just that…Wow, you look really good today, Rae!”

Rae stopped dead in her tracks trying to process what he just said.

Holy fuck, is it just me or did he sound nervous almost? And wait a second…how the fuck does he know my name when up until about 2 minutes ago I didn’t even know he worked here?!

Rae had zoned out from overthinking and had to shake her head somewhat to come back to reality when she realized how long she had been standing there staring at this attractive man who was now grinning at her.

HOLY SHIT HE’S STILL LOOKING AT ME! Ok, Rae, you can do this…Just say the first, least twattish thing that comes to mind…

“And you sound surprised, why?” Rae replied, raising her eyebrows and smirking before turning to take a seat on the opposite side of the aisle from Finn while he sat frozen in his desk chair with a look on his face that appeared to be equal parts intrigued and impressed. As she faced her computer screen, she realized exactly what she had said and was just as shocked at the sudden cockiness that she had to attribute to her purple-haired alter ego.

WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT SUDDEN BURST OF CONFIDENCE COME FROM, RAE?

***

“And you sound surprised, why?”

Chop was already logged into his computer and was checking his email while he only vaguely paid attention to the conversation unfolding around him; however, his attention was piqued when when he heard his mate that was sitting at the desk to his left gulp audibly and choke out an unusual sound that could best be described as part squeak, part gasp.

Trying to hold back a laugh until he knew the context that warranted his friend to make that particular sound, he turned around in his desk chair as soon as he finished reading the email he had started to face his mate.

“Oi, Finney boy! What was that all about? And what—or should I say who—are ya starin’ at? You’re practically drooling…” Chop asked when he looked over to see his mate’s jaw still hanging open and his eyes fixed on the curvy girl with vibrant purple hair facing away from the two lads as she logged into her computer on the opposite side of the aisle of desks.

Finn did not refocus his attention away from this girl, but he reached up and placed his hand on his friend’s left arm, absentmindedly squeezing his mate’s bicep a little too forcefully.

“Chopper…this lass…” he looked to meet the eyes of his mate who had a confused look on his face before proceeding, “I think I’m in love?”

Finn chuckled nervously but a wide, toothy grin spread across Chop’s face as he picked up on the undeniable tone of sincerity in his mate’s voice.

@eveerez @lurkernolonger @tinakegg

(Ok, this is totally random, but in AUs like this where the characters are based partially on someone else, do you guys ever try to piece together what this person is supposed to look like or do you just kind of roll with the story and have a rough basis of what everyone looks like? I’m just curious because Rae definitely does not have purple, curly hair…but I do…so I almost always base my “Rae” on me, and I’m decently sure that none of you know what I actually look like aside from the little bits and pieces I mention in my writing hahaha 😅 sorry, I’m probably a little too tipsy to be writing right now, but alas, here I am!)

[amiirachanstudies-blog]

Japanese Resources :)

Hey Guys, 

So I thought I would start off by showing you guys what resources I use to study Japanese! I would say that I am on the Intermediate level spectrum, at the start of that spectrum -_-. I can last about 10 minutes in a fully Japanese conversation (without notes just talking) before my head decides to nope.  I’ve been studying Japanese for just about a year now, and I’ve gone through a few textbooks and online resources too. I’m currently on the hunt for Intermediate level textbooks to continue my studies so my current list is just things I used to get to where I am now:0.  If you wanna see what I used please keep reading :) it’s going to be long,  heads up I’m going to rate things on three things out of 5, its value for money, context & formatting 

Hiragana & Katakana. 

Straight of the bat, leARN KATAKANA. Do not avoid katakana after learning hiragana that shit will come back and haunt you ( i wish I was lying). 

Memrise - value 5/5 its free. You can download the courses when you’re at home so you don’t even need 4g to use the app when you’re out and about, context- 4/5, there is fantastic pre-made decks but sometimes you just can’t find what you’re looking for BUT you can make your own which is fantastic! note that memories are just flashcards so it’s great for vocabulary and kanji, whereas useless for grammar points. In terms of formatting 5/5 space repetition is gods gift, and the app is really easy to use. 

I mostly used Memrise because of the space repetition flashcard system, I use it on my phone and go through readily made decks on the bus, in bed, while I’m walking it’s so practical. 

If you’re like me and love games Japanese!! by Squarepost is the game for you. You basically match the romaji to the kana on a time limit. 

Textbooks 

Japanese from Zero https://www.amazon.co.uk/Japanese-Zero-Methods-Integrated-Workbook/dp/0976998122/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498387759&sr=8-1&keywords=japanese+from+zero 

Context 2/5 - I honestly didn’t even make it past chapter 4 before I realised how useless it is. This was the first textbook I got and boy was that a mistake! it’s terrible even for extreme beginners its 99% romaji and they teach maybe 4 kana per chapter. They have separate books for hiragana and katakana, my friend bought both and also never made it past chapter 5. I honestly believe that if you are serious about learning Japanese, you need a comprehensive textbook and this isn’t it. Value wise it’s about £20 ish 0/5  again it’s honestly a waste of money, I used it for about 3 weeks before I gave up as I was making no progress. I understand the theory that they had to shift from romaji to kana but its a very slow process which became very annoying. Formatting- 2/5 it has nice formatting easy to follow and use for self-study, it’s just the transition is so slow I would totally not recommend it.

Genki 1

The all famous Genki is a textbook I only recently started using (with a PDF file cause I can’t afford £40+ for a textbook lets be real IF YOU WANT THE PDF FILE MESSAGE ME I’LL SEND IT YOU, OR ILL POST A LINK WHEN I FIND IT I HAVE IT SAVED TO IBOOKS.So far I’m on chapter 5, and I understand the hype behind the series when I make some significant progress I shall upload a proper review. 

Japanese for busy people 2 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Japanese-Busy-People-Kana-Audio/dp/1568363850/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1498387924&sr=1-1&keywords=japanese+for+busy+people

In October of 2016, I joined the Japanese course at my university, it was kinda expensive £190 but looking back it was worth it. The context I’d rate it 3/5 its a good textbook the grammar is easy to understand but each chapter is like 70% writing practice the same thing over and over again. The textbook is also very formal “business people” which is not the type of Japanese I want to learn. Our teacher made up for this by being super casual and showing us alternatives. The textbook also does not teach you any kanji at all, which is so annoying because kanji is so fun to learn. Value 3/5 it’s about £20 I believe so that’s not so bad, you get what you pay for I guess, lastly formatting 5/5 super easy to follow they had a dictionary in the back and the chapters were nicely organised. You could defiantly self-study with this serious, and its not difficult to tone the formality down. 

Remembering the Kanji 6th edition https://www.amazon.co.uk/Remembering-Kanji-Complete-Japanese-Characters/dp/0824835921/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498388023&sr=8-1&keywords=remembering+the+kanji 

Holy, mother of pizza, this book is what I preach. I’m currently on chapter 3 so I won’t go into detail but I’m loving this so much. Knowing the stories behind the kanji and the hidden jokes within them makes me reading them so much easier context 5/5 is has over the amount of kanji you need to know by government officials,value 5/5 I think I got mine off eBay for £15 or something, here’s a pdf file if you want to try it before you buy it https://nirc.nanzan-u.ac.jp/en/files/2012/12/RK-1-6th-edition-sample.pdf formatting 5/5 it is ordered in radicals which serious makes things so much easier!  and that’s it so far, I follow Japanese people and studybrls so I can read casual Japanese hence why I also wanted to add to the communities.

[renaroo]

Wednesday Roundups 7/6/17

Wow I had a lot to read and I still managed to turn it out faster than I turn out about 90% of these which I’m not sure if it’s a reflection on my reading and writing skills getting better or if I was stressing out over doing these way too much in the past. 

Regardless, we have quite a variety this week and still seem to be celebrating Wonder Joy so let’s just get into it~

DC’s Batman, Creator Owned CBLDF Defender, Marvel’s Spider-Man/Deadpool, DC’s Superman, IDW’s Transformers: Lost Light, DC’s Wonder Woman FCBD, DC’s Wonder Woman: Steve Trevor, Viz’s Yona of the Dawn

DC’s Batman (2016-present) #24 Tom King, David Finch, Danny Miki, Clay Mann, Seth Mann, Jordie Bellaire

Okay, so I follow Batman at a distance because I’ll be completely honest: Tom King absolutely lost me with the Gotham and Gotham Girl plot because I just could not get into it, and it annoyed me, so I’ve been hands off with the title for the most part, a decision I only double downed on with the Catwoman debacle and my correct assumption in King really relying too heavily on TWISTS. a

.... 

But I absolutely picked up this issue because even if nothing in my thinking brain believes, at all, that this will be allowed to change the status quo between Bruce and Selina...

I love BatCat so much you guys.

He proposed. And I bought it purely for those pages.

I have to emphasize it was for those pages alone because I could not have cared less about Claire and Bruce’s conversation because I’m just so tired of how many people there are in Gotham and how this conversation would have been so much more meaningful if it came from Kate or Dick or Tim or Cass or Duke or Harper or Damian or Julia or Luke or Jean Paul or Leslie or -- THERE ARE SO MANY BAT CHARACTERS THAT ARE NOT BEING USED TO THEIR FULL POTENTIAL RIGHT NOW DAMMIT.

The conversation itself is kinda stuff we’ve heard before, and while I like how it tied in thematically it just wasn’t in me to not criticize the fact that it’s coming from the current OC of the Day. 

Anyway. 

I came for the BatCat and I was happy for it even if it was basically only three issues and I had to deal with grown artists making Gotham GIrl’s skirt incredibly short while she was in weird positions for most of it. 

So. That’s my take on that.

Now I can write 3 million fics about how this could be wonderful and that Helena Wayne gets to grow up with all her siblings and be loved by the world. byyyyeeeeeeee

Creator Owned CBLDF Defender Vol. 2 #2 Marc Adreyko, Gene Luen Yang

So this is mostly just an addition at the last minute both because it’s free and because it’s, well, an information brochure about uniting to subscribe or pledge money to the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund for all those who have been encouraged into activism thanks to recent events and the collective consciousness surrounding events like last year’s Pulse nightclub shooting.

It’s a good idea and it’s pro-community messaging speaks to me. I’d like to spread awareness for people that these voices are out there and that if you’re interested in providing support you can check out this particular brochure on Comixology for free or google at your leisure.

Marvel’s Spider-Man/Deadpool Vol. 2: Side Pieces Scott Aukerman, Gerry Duggan, Penn Jillette, Nick Giovannetti, Paul Scheer, Joshua Corin, Reilly Brown, Scott Koblish, Todd Nauck, Tigh Walker

Okay, so... I like Spider-Man/Deadpool’s first arc... but it’s pretty much exactly like Trinity over at DC and it’s spiritual predecessors Batman/Superman and Superman/Batman in that, outside of what’s honestly a pretty stellar initial premise, there is not a whole lot of plan behind where the comic wants to go for the future. 

So you get a whole lot of different creative teams and no cohesive narrative or direction for the comic to go. 

But I guess that really brings into question what makes ongoing comics work and whether or not th idea of “hilarious monthly team ups of Spider-Man and Deadpool without a point, and assumedly without continuity consequences” is enough to work. 

And as someone who honestly really enjoys one-shot one-and-dones, that’s honestly a pass for me. 

But at the same tim... I mean there’s a reason I have both Spider-Man/Deadpool and Trinity on trade wait status now. 

The whole is not equivalent to the sum of its parts, but honestly it’s got some genuinely funny and worthwhile parts as it stands. And I appreciate that. 

DC’s Superman (2016-present) #24 Patrick Gleason, Peter J. Tomasi, Doug Mahnke, Jaime Mendoza, Mick Gray, Joe Prado, Wil Quintana, John Kalisz

You know, sometimes being a comic fan is kind of like reading the newspaper more than reading a narrative story. 

For me that’s kinda what this issue felt more like, I was getting information on where all the characters had moved since last time, the motivations, some backstories. Slight progress and movement in the form of an update on what happened to Lois and getting to see her still kicking Clark’s ass in gear despite his concern for her injury, which I liked, but overall this issue mostly felt like filler for the final moment where we see Jon fall completely into the control of Manchester Black. 

Who... is a big whooping plot hole I am stil waiting to be addressed. Clark remembers Manchester Black from the New Earth continuity still and the “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice, and the American Way?” and knows about the Elite, but do they know about him? Or are they completely different from the Super Elite we knew? Are we going to get a Justice League Elite mention (which good god please spare me, though I’ll take Sister Superior). 

This is one of those cases where I feel like my overly extensive knowledge of things in continuity actually puts me at a disadvantage to actually like... reading and taken things for granted. 

I want things to make sense, or I want enjoyable Kent family shenanigans. 

But this issue did have Krypto so, I automatically add a star to it. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. 

IDW’s Transformers: Lost Light (2016-present) #6 James Roberts, Jack Lawrence, Joanna Lafuente

Look, sometimes I think it’s important for critics, reviewers, readers, what have you, to bea ble to say that they’re confused and don’t know what emotion to feel or whether or not the comic accomplished exactly what it wanted to and I’m just. Like. 

Yes that is my emotion at the moment.

A lot of stuff happened in this issue. Like lots of crazy, out there, amazing stuff was packed into a single issue and it’s like, there were panels where you’d blink and you’d miss important character development notes -- like Ratchet hugging their Rung once they got back. Like there’s so much good -- Rodimus had a lot of amazing moments throughout and I love the range of humor to anger to disappointment that he showed. Like his trust and faith in others is already pretty shattered at the moment and to feel Megatron’s apparent betrayal adding onto that is like a million times more stuff. I fear he’s nearing a very dangerous ledge, which is bad because this issue also tells us that Rodimus’ death wish and lowkey desire to put himself in dangerous positions to die heroically is still as prominent as ever. 

Someone hug my trash fire of a son, please.

And then magical girlfriend romance bringing back her girlfriend as a baby and it’s kinda weird like is it still going to be the same Lug? Does Anode acknowledge that it’s weird? Is anyone going to point out that they could feasibly use protoform matter now to resurrect anyone whose spark remnants are available now? Including Skids and Ravage?

what is going on

Anyway. 

There’s a lot packed into this issue which is why I am honestly kind of happy that next issue’s description is a “fallout” from this because holy shit, I need room to breathe and think through things.

Also. Dat smile when Megatron heard Optimus’ voice in the epilogue-ish finale. I like. Maybe had a fangirl moment. Just maybe. 

Anyway. I’m shrug emoji right now until I can get my emotional state sorted out because wow there’s a lot at the moment. Like a lot. A lot a lot.

DC’s Wonder Woman FCBD 2017 Special Edition (2017-present) #1 Greg Rucka, Nicola Scott, Romulo Fajarado Jr.

Like last week’s Wondy special, this is a reprint, but it’s a reprint of the first issue of “Year One” which still holds up as the far superior of the two starting Wonder Woman titles from Rucka last year and is amazingly well held up...

...save of course for the exact same criticisms as the last time I went over the issue which is Dead Bro Walking trope and a whole lot of Rucka Why???? that comes attached to the really bizarre treatment of race in the first arcs of the series. It’s just so bizarre.

But honestly, again, these moves are meant to attract the new, excited audience after the box office smash that has been the Wonder Woman movie -- an audience that has been largely female of all ages. And if there’s one free comic I’m glad will show up immediately on their google searches this Wednesday, I’m very glad it’s going to be the start of what has quickly become my favorite standard bearer of Wonder Woman’s origin story. 

Something I appreciate even more after having finally read the entirety of Azzarrello’s Wondy run which. Eck. Wash my mouth out. 

DC’s Wonder Woman: Steve Trevor (2017) #1 Tim Seeley, Christian Duce, Allen Passalaqua

So this addition to my pull was kind of unexpected in that I had no idea that it was coming out this week and thought “why not” because I’m literally still so Wonderfully Pumped Up a the moment and as far as I can see, the more proceeds DC and WB can see attributed to Wonder Woman the better.

That being said, Tim Seeley really dug into his Grayson roots in this one because that’s about the only thing I really got from this issue is that Steve Trevor’s a badass secret agent with secrets and a deep seeded guilt thing. Which kinda felt like a harsher toned take on his Dick Grayson more than anything else. Which is fine.

Part of the problem here is that I did not read the New52 short term published book that was A.R.G.U.S. or whatever where Steve starred during the weird interim where Steve was not allowed around Diana and Lois wasn’t allowed around Clark but DC still wants to make money from fans anyway.

idk. And since those kinds of spy books are rarely my cup of tea, I don’t think this issue sold me on renigging on that instinct.

Still it was cute and Diana and Steve’s interactions, while minimal, are really the driving portion of his narrative which I think is always good.

But, just like the Annual, I’m left just sitting here going “why don’t we use this opportunity to show off the upcoming Wonder Woman creative team, DC????”

And I get no answer bc DC actually doesn’t care about some weirdo random blogger on the internet constantly screaming at them.

Viz’s Yona of the Dawn (2009-present) Vol. 6 Mizuho Kusanagi

I have actually been very interested in Akatsuki no Yona since I saw its anime show up in my Crunchyroll feed, and as with most anime I can’t help but immediately try to find the manga instead because I am impatient and want Answers Now. As I understand it, the Viz official translations are far behind the current run of the manga (makes sense, as the manga series has been ongoing since 2009 in Japan), and is only catching up to where the anime left off so far, but that’s more than okay for me right now.

Because oh my gosh, it’s so amazing to read such a beautiful story about the growth, empowerment, and pure will of a female character as told by a female author and artist. I’m not the biggest fan of Shoujo as a style of art, but having Yona strike a balance between beautiful and cutesy visuals with what is ultimately a fairly action driven plot with intense moral posturing and constant detail put into the grayness of life’s choices makes Yona of the Dawn honestly unlike just about any Shoujo I’ve read before. 

Yona is one of the most compelling heroines I’ve ever seen, and her intensity of spirit and her meaningful examination of her kingdom makes this fairy tale story really unlike anything else out there. 

And while I’ve really enjoyed Yona to this point, I have to say it is an amazing relief to reach Volume 6 an finally get more female characters than just Yona. I like the reverse harem appeal of the cast as it has been so far, and I have affection for several of the boys, but man is it so much more meaningful to have a few more compelling female characters backing up Yona in the representation department.

Especially since some of Yona’s crew still feel... a little bland to me. It’s usually not a good sign in a massive cast when the traits that come immediately to mind for me are purely character design. 

I’m excited for what’s to come and to see how our Princess fully realizes her potential as the Crimson Dragon. 

Also I should note some skeevy parts of this. One I don’t mind but am sure other people might, there’s the fact that Yona’s current storyline is dealing with Yona taking down a ring of human traffickers and slavers, which brings up the question of autonomy both for Yona as a woman in this honestly pretty traditionally sexist kingdom but also for the Dragons themselves and how their “service” to Yona is framed as a question of their own will. But it’s still a story about human trafficking and that could bother a lot of people. Another thing in this volume, which has bothered me in the previous volumes but really came to a head this time around, is Hak’s... weirdly possessive outbursts toward Yona. I get that they are meant as... idk protective and romantic to some and that we’re supposed to be compelled by his struggle to not show his affection for Yona, but honestly I’m just kinda... naw hoss. Like Hak’s a fine character and I like his relationship and history with Yona most of the time, but like.. the weird pushing her against walls and... licking honey off of her wrists and just. idk. We’re lost in translation here or something bc I’m not a fan.

I’m also not a fan of Viz’s weird changes in the font randomly throughout the book? Like just stop. It’s bad when your translations look lazier than the fan translations I’ve seen floating around on tumblr.

I’ll be honest, as high quality as I consider almost all of these comics this week, I would say the good majority of them did not give me a fully emotional experience or really captivate me in a way that satisfied me from start to finish. And I’m sure in the follow up issues to come there’ll be a lot for me to question into why that might be for the majority of them, but that time is not now. So, as much as it may feel like cheating to pick a volumed book over single issues, I can’t help but say that Yona of the Dawn by far is my pick of the week. It delighted, it changed up its structure and storytelling, built out its world and has started spending more time on the titular characters where before it often felt like we were just taking for granted that there was a dragon gained every volume. And Yona herself is just one of the most satisfying characters to see grow into their own. 

But that’s just my opinion, I’d love to hear what you all think. Agree? Disagree? Think I missed a great comic this week? Please let me know!

[theclacks]

In which I break with tradition and post some personal shit...

So, no secret but I started marathoning Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel) for the first time back in March. I just hit its 6th season and the infamous musical episode this past week. And I’ve already lost count of the number of times I’ve replayed the song below -- Going Through the Motions:

Because holy shit, do I mentally sync with it.

My life right now is good. And I have nothing to complain about. But it’s just ‘blah’. And it’s not exactly depressing ‘blah’ because I do have a plan. I have a dream, which is to publish my books. And I’ve been working at that. I mean, REALLY working at that, writing every single day and all.

And I’m better off than I’ve been years ago. Better off than I was when I was in college. That is, I got almost no writing done when I was in college. I spent my years making gifs and macros and participating in landcomms, which was fun, and I started getting a reputation, BNFs reposted my stuff, etc. But if people had asked me what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be known for and what expressed who I was the most... that answer would’ve been fanfic, and at that point I’d only written a handful of drabbles and two-chapter WIPs. I had so many ideas bursting from my head that I never had the time and patience to outwardly express. And THAT used to make me sad.

Of course, that’s changing now. I’ve finished one 90k fanfic, and I’m on the way to finishing another 150k-ish one this summer, and that’s not including my 130k original fic I’ve written that I’m editing down into 110k-120k before I send it off to agents...

...but a part of me feels like I’ve traded my internet socialness for that progress. Like I get home, and instead of comments and participating in my old communities, I write. (And honestly, a huge part of that is the demise of LJ and the rise of tumblr and its non-community aspects, but then there IS the fact I drifted away from fandomsecrets nearly two years ago and I still feel guilty for that but a large reason was because I felt we’d been starting to talk about the same topics over and over and over again and I’d already made the friends who I was friends with mainly through stream and I thought stream would be enough but even that died and honestly I just miss you all. There’s this kind of ~blah~ hole sometimes in my Saturday nights where our bad/good/cult movie watching used to be.)

But anyway. So much of my life is on hold right now, but it’s not on HOLD hold, because really it’s like a domino of interconnected things, with the starting domino being this condo that I’m buying because I’m AN adult and I’ve managed to save a ridiculous amount of money being one of the penniest-pinching fucks there is. But yeah, since I can only handle one major thing at a time, my “thing” for the past couple months has been this condo and I’m just so tired of it being THE “thing” in my life and I just want to sign papers and move in and magically be in the next chapter of my life but part of me feels like I can’t even complain about that because I’m so privileged at my age to be in the buying process in the first place.

But it’s like... even when I move, I know I won’t magically be the “next stage.” I’ll still be going to my well-paying, soul-draining job every single day. And for normal people, the good advice would be “okay, well turn your attentions to finding a new job then” but I don’t know if another job in my same field would be any better because the problem is I don’t want to work in my field. At least not full time. My progress with my writing IS my way out. And temporarily switching any other non-writing career would leave me with more hours (to not write) and a lot less pay. And it’s really hard to fake enthusiasm for coding in interviews and interviewers inevitably ask for github portfolios and projects you’ve done on your own time which I don’t have because all that time goes into writing. Like 1-2 hours every single day. Writing.

And I don’t regret that, because I know I AM getting closer to my goals. I’m getting these ideas out of my head. But it’s lonely. And so many weeks it feels like I’m not going fast enough, even though I don’t know how I’d ever go faster. 

I’ve put dating on hold again because every single time I’m out on a date, I think about the 3+ hours I’m wasting that could’ve been spent writing. Plus I’m the kind of person who knows within the first 20 minutes whether there’s a “spark” or not, which actually makes first dates super exhausting because I know within the first 1/4 beer glass whether I’m game or not (and 90% of the time, it’s not) but it’s super hard to just stop someone in mid-sentence and be like “look, sorry. i don’t think this is going to work out. it’s me, not you, so let me stop you and let us both go home before we waste more of our evening”... which is what I know I should do, but... yeah.

I just want to get a new crush and all the great agony that comes with it. It’s been over a year since my last one. Even if I get chewed up and spit out like I have in the past, it’s better than the emotional blahness I have right now.

I want my first book done already. I want it sent to agents. I want to be published. I want to be enthusiastic about the thing that I’m doing for money. (Did I mention I hate career talk? So many people love career talk and I’m just over in the corner, responding to questions like, “It’s a job. That I do for money. And the hours are good. And I don’t hate it. Next topic please.”)

I want to connect to friends again. Both internet and real life friends. I have the occasional “hey, let’s catch a movie” or “hey, let’s meet up at con”, but I miss the hanging out until 3am, chatting about whatever, and general chilling. And I don’t know if part of losing that is growing older and the expectation that you do those things with a romantic partner instead of friend group, but I miss it. I miss it so much.

So yeah. Until then, this has been my extremely personal life-update.

This is me. Going through the motions.