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#haha i feel so stupid but whatEVER
haarute · 20 days
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something i realized in the recent years is that while my mom is a very nice person and i can understand why she is the way that she is sometimes, she had a history of always dismissing and throwing away things that were important to me, and in hindsight that certainly had an effect on both my trust in her and how much i was willing to ever share, and also just turned me into a dumpster goblin because i just gave up on ever having nice things so why bother ever caring about my personal space at all ✌️ i'll just live in the filth because we'll never have anything better after all !!
#i remember i used to have a bunch of cool anime and game posters i collected over many cons for a couple of years#and one day i just came back to my bedroom being fully repainted and everything was thrown out#same with some figures i got. i had a nice bleach collection and they were all broken due to rough cleaning#some just straight up gone because haha who cares they're just toys toss em out#and it was a situation of if i complained i would only get dismissed as being pissy about stupid things. so i just. didn't.#i just accepted it and decided ''i guess i'm not getting anything again'' and didn't even bother going to cons after that lmao#now that i'm in my late 20s i'm FINALLY buying cool physical items for myself and not letting anyone even come close to my room#and a part of me feels guilty about spending. but like... yeah no.#i deserve that 1/8 makise kurisu figure i found the other day. or gunpla. or mtg cards. or manga collections. i can do whatever i want.#and i should also be retroactively pissed at how dismissive everyone was over my belongings because#EVEN IF they were all silly unimportant items. i was like 15. why would you throw away a kid's belongings like that. even if “dumb.”#not to mention how unimportant i was already feeling at the time. none of this helped.#and i was fully convinced that yeah this is what my life should be like. i don't want to be selfish so. i'll just embrace minimalism.#that is what i deserve.#which only later as an adult after i started comparing my experiences to other people i realized#hey. what the fuck was that.#do you guys really not remove all of the layers that make you human??
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skyward-floored · 4 months
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I like rainy days, but what I don’t like are humid grey muggy days that aren’t really much in the way of days at all. Bleh.
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running-in-the-dark · 8 months
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it's so funny when I rewatch a show but with a new/different/additional crush. like I'm rewatching the librarians with my partner right now and it just feels soo different lol
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toastsnaffler · 6 months
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thinking abt the touden siblings got me sniffling and weeping....
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delicatetaysversion · 1 month
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okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late
#my mother is leaving AGAIN#to stay with my father#bhai mujhe nahi rehna akele i don't want to parent my brother#i don't want to cook or stress about what to eat and clothes and laundry and literally buying vegetables every few days#well all these things are just surface level but i REALLYYYYY do not want to live alone with my thoughts#i want to study i can't just study on my phone with no adult mere sarr pe khade hoke asking ki itna tv#kyu dekh rahi hai kya hua class kyu nahi attend kari#kar liya try bhai call me immature and childish and pathetic and dependent and undisciplined whatever but mere bas ki baat nahi hai#also ooooh listen to my moms great solution: she'll stay there and dad will come!! to live with us two!! alone!! haha.#it's sk fucking sad and repetitively traumatizing ki i don't even know how to react#my sister is the only kid both my parents like when she stays home things are mostly calm and happy#they dote on her they tolerate us#and they should i love her too but now i feel like crying because i don't want her to stay back just for me??? my stupid mental health??#she's doing enough by staying here till rakhi just because i asked her begged her to not leave me alone mami ke side#she could've fucked off and gone to live her life 10 days ago#it's not fair#the person i love and want to live with.. if she stays she's miserable and her being miserable mskes me miserable#i just. i miss her so much. she already feels so distant and busy and then she'll go abroad and totally forget about me right#who doesn't need all this constant depression holding you back weighing you down when you're living your best life#i hate that there's no solution i just have to grow up and be okay with it#i already got more time with her than i thought she stayed home like 2 years extra cause of covid#3 actually#ab why am i crying it was a good day#also i don't want to make it all about me but like. idk when i was picturing my adult life i was thinking like#night clubs and gay bars and beaches at night#i never factored in real factors like the horrifying fucking country we live in 💀💀#it's just it was the only thing that kept me going the promise of a better future#but now what.#and like#it's feels so stupid now the fact that i sometimes want to like
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verytendou · 3 months
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Haciendo todo esto y todavia diciendo a los de latam que ellos tienen la problema 💀
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#WHATEVERRRRRRRRRRR idec#i prommy this is theblast one but i hope every gringo on this site trying to pretend like they care abt anything other than the fact the us#lost hard (lol!) and being weird to latam [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]#as a gringo im allowed to say that 🙏#acutando como que los importan es el deporte y no que ellos se creen mejor de esta copa 💀#‘ive never seen anything like this 😣’ entonces nunca has visto esta copa 💀#rip to you but ive been watching since i was born for the hashtag patria (i know) and what IVE never seen before is the AUDACITY DE ESTES GR#[GUNSHOT NOISE] hahah anyways. im calm.#but like whatever its not like this is OUR tournament that YOU asked to be part of and YOU asked to host and YOU provided shit set up for#and YOU put players in over 100 degree heat for and YOU continue to be weird about and YOU continue to try and make stupid claims during and#[GUNSHOT NOISE 2] haha. calm. thats me.#solo creo que es chisto que- [GUNSHOT NOISE 3] okay that one was a prank fr i promise. anyways turning off rbs#anyways rip to ppl that dont normally watch this tournament but this is the only one i DO watch so maybe be strong or smth. babies fr :|#ni puedo decir el classico jugamos como nunca y perdimos como siempre de PER bc WTF WAS THATTTTTT#and i personally am being such a brave little boy abt. what do you even know abt that. nothing.#eeuu jugaron como siempre Y PERDIERON COMO SIEMPRE WE ARE NOT THE SAME#ENFOCATE EN TU PAIS#anyways this is one of the leas egregious examples of how horrible these fans have been this tournament but didnt feel like dropping the#actually nasty shit bc we are all aware lmfao.#anyways i didnt spend 20+ years watching my parents have to explain what sudaca is to ppl (including other l*tines!) for this 🙄#anyways whatever once again idec and i have to go pray for ven to win it all (delusional) since per has beef with like wveryone 😭#HERES HOW WE CAN STILL WIN- (<- insane)#v.txt#also abt the spanish. before you say anything… i am aware alright 😭 my parents never corrected my spelling im begging u to let me be 😔#wait last one ‘porque solo estan usando sus arbitros 😣’ ES NUESTRA COPA GRI[GUNSHOT NOISE FINALLLLLL]#ni quiero imaginar que estaban diciendo en el comm ingles 💀
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ichigosoju · 4 months
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#umm he couldnt even be bothered to react to my messages with emojis?!?!?#like he said that he isnt up for talking and i respect that#i asked him if it's still ok for me to message him and he said 'ofc'#so i did.... i had to push myself bc im feeling like he hates me and doesnt wanna hear from me#all of my disorders saying that haha#so i pushed myself to message him when i wanted to#but.... ok i didnt expect him to reply#but he read it and didnt even give me an emoji#im aware that i sound crazy#this is just how im FEELING#i feel stupid and ashamed for thinking he even wants to listen to me yap about nonsense#i hate myself for being so stupid and sending him pics and a video of the crow i saw#like shut up dumb bitch nobody cares!!!!!!!! shut up#no wonder he cant be in love with me#im pathetic and stupid#his ex that he actually loves is probably smart and witty and cool#and would never be such a fkn loser like i an#am*#god... genuinely hate myself#why dont i know how to shut up??#definitely wont be messaging him anymore now jesus christ im so embarrassing#im still hurt tho like couldnt he at least have reacted with an emoji#is that too much to ask for......#i mean listen in any relationship#where u have disorders.. communication and BOTH ppl making an effort is needed#the only way our 'friendship' is even working is bc im just allowing him to do whatever#and im just dealing with the emotional suffering lol#he doesnt even make an effort to reassure me or anything#so yes i cant force him or ask anything of him. but i FEEL hurt by how im not worthy of anything to him#while im over here allowing him to hurt me constantly sksksk
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alex-just-vibing · 6 months
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grah my head feels like it might explode
#this essay prompt makes 0 fucking sense#love this teacher. fucking hate how she teaches tho#we're supposed to have a rough draft by the end of class tomorrow#okay not too horrible#IF MOT FOR THE FACT SHE KEEOS CHAINGING THE ALREADY FUCKIBG CONFUSING ASS PROMPT#i can write essays about whatever stupid fucking novel you need me to#but myself??#a significant memory i have??? that i learned a stupid fucking lesson from?????#i have like 0 significant memories from before the age of like. 10. and still not all that many after thay <3#should i talk ab how my dad fucking died? would you like that you asshole?????????#what fucking lesson would I have learned from that? dont become a fucjibg alvoholic?#shit i feel like im gonna fucking cry again i cant do this shit#i have the general vibe for each paragraph listed out ill work on it more in homeroom tomorrow#we wont even have the full fucking class for this tomorrow cuz she's a fucking asshole who gives us like five fucking seconds in class per#assignment#fucking hell dude#especially since half the class said they hadnt even started writing by like halfway through our (shortened!) class yesterday#im gonna fucking explode#my stuff#alex is not vibing.#also pjysicially too my dumbass forgot to eat dinner cuz hehe haha omg i can sing and suddenly uts 10 and i havent showered yet and my mom#will be getting home soon so i need to shower then rush my gay ass to bed#which i am in currently.#so im also feeling the forgor to eat feeling too <3
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transurgender · 1 year
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i wish i was better at character analysis because like. kabru (dunmeshi) and enrico (gayepo) are such similar characters it makes me want to Bite someone but the moment i try to explain how i feel my brain just gets fuckin fried. i think about either of them for 0.5 seconds and i explode on the spot
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munamania · 1 year
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i have so many things to complain about im preparing you (im going to type all annoyed and look busy for the next ten minutes until im forced to do my actual job
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tortademaracuya · 1 year
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*spongebob's hawaiian cocktail playing* I'm gonna end up texting first like always aren't I
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running-in-the-dark · 7 months
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sooooo
I'm 32 now
when can I expect to finally grow out of getting obsessed with men people stuff? I'm waiting....
#I doooo not want it#it's embarrassing#can it stop please#BUT also can I not feel depressed and like an empty shell when it's not happening#I mean I can handle it when it's things. hobbies. shows. whatever#sure it usually ends up being expensive as fuck but#at least I don't go around humiliating myself by talking about nothing but a random guy for months on end#how embarrassing! I think a man is hot! I must jump off a cliff immediately#but whyyyy can't I be normal about it at least#other people get obsessed with normal things! like. idk. anything else#soo anyway the opening narration for the texas chainsaw massacre is great isn't it? he did such a good job :) what a nice voice :) I am not#going to be weird about this man any longer :) no I won't! I'm normal about him! I don't want to bite him or chew on his face or anything#like that. just normal things. uh. sex? that's what people usually want. yeah fine that. I mean I do. want. oh I think I'm doing it again#haha no it's fine I just think he's neat (he's the only person on earth no one else exists anymore he's so beautiful oh my god have you seen#his little face he looks like a cute little potato I've never seen anything prettier in my life haha I need to run my hands through his hair#and have you seen how tall he is and he's so cute and I need to. be taken outside and shot. god.#I keep. shrieking. every time I see him. at such a high frequency that it hurts my own fucking ears. because. I can't believe that he exists#I'm. so. stupid!!!!#annnd repeat this every time this happens blah blah blah i should jsut delete this blog right now oh my GOD.
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lesbiansanemi · 2 years
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Day 847337382 of seeing a bad faith “hot take” about Fullmetal alchemist and having to physically restrain myself from starting shit
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peapod20001 · 2 years
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LMAO QUICK. WIPE YOUR TEARS BEFORE SOMEONE SEEEESSS YOUUU
#vent#:) !! dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I am in my feelings and I am feeling so many feelings like my heart being torn from my chest and pounded into the floor#and a rage so sickening that I can only get rid of by mutilating someone’s flesh with my teeth and nails#fuck fuck fuck man fucking shit everytime I start to open myself up to someone and share what’s at the core of my being#I let my guard down and shit happens!! why can’t I be normal!! why do I get so attached!!! so fucking needy!!!!!! why do I CARE so deeply#when I’m so easy to be ignored? honestly what am I doing here!! I’m forgettable!!! honestly!!#why talk to me??? what am I contributing AT ALL to the conversation?? I’m not interesting. I have no ideas. YOU have a hard time under me?#how do you think *I* feel?? do you think I know who I am?? what I believe?? what I desire??#why even BOTHER wanting for anything!! I dream of the absolute bare minimum life for myself!! I want to not die and live with my friend!!#maybe even MULTIPLE friends if I’m so lucky!!! do you know how much I’ve thought about it? how stupid of a fucking dream really truly#what are the chances of that coming true? who would want to spend more than a few hours. with me?#and so what?? if I can’t even achieve the bare fucking minimum dream ever then??? what’s the point??? what am I then??? if you think I have#ANY skills. you are mistaken!! I don’t know how to do anything!!! except cry over no response to my messages for TWO FUCKING WEEKS#I’m fine and cool. absolutely fucking DANDY#I’m totally not insecure about my place in the world and my place in peoples lives!!! noooooooo#I don’t need the bare minimum level of attention. I made it 13 fucking years having never truly connected to another human being.#I can handle. whatever the fuck this is. haha how pathetic. shitty shitty bang bang#nooo I’m a grizzled fucking soldier I don’t reread positive words directed at me like I have an addiction#I’m not replaying the top happiest moments from my life over and over again trying to ride a high from something that expired LOOONGG ago#I’m not fucking!! crying!! what do I have to cry for?? aww little piss baby DIDNT get a reply :( aww shh shh#your feelings are sooo valid don’t you worry!! it’s not like you’ve gone most of your life with the ability to get things you want!! GASP.NO#you didn’t have to struggle with food or money or housing!! nobody’s even HIT you before!! but even so your cries are valid!!!!#SIKE. NO. IM AT THE ABSOLUTE BOTTOM. MY PROBLEMS DONT MATTER#so WHAT if you’re longing?? doesn’t matter how hard you THINK or DREAM or WISH. NO ONE. NOT ONE SINGLE. FUCKING. PERSON#will EVER. see you as more than the fucking checker piece on the chess board!!#you want to be someone’s muse huh? don’t even CARE about their interpretations. or how they see you. all that matters is that in this moment#they’re stuck with you. they’re watching you. for at least a moment you can pretend they are yours.#god.... if only I could get myself to write my actual essays with this much passion haha#haha...a hh h..
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theloveinc · 2 years
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Honestly why express any opinions at all if they’re just gonna set you up for community isolation and disagreement with friends
#are moots friends?#I think they are but i don’t want to step on any boundaries#this is how u know my anxiety has gotten worse bc like . I can’t even conceptualize people being friends with me#but that’s neither here nor there#it’s just stupid bc either u agree with the general consensus or u create an argumentative dynamic that is beneficial to NO ONE#this isn’t abt like real issues either#if ur friend is racist or whatever… kill them#but like blue check mark and blank blog opinions#idk I’m just not even gonna set myself up for confrontation#even if I do have feelings this way or that#wowww why is my sense of power so f*cked up#anyway that’s not to say I think the blue check mark thing is stupid#idk how to feel abt it honestly#but like talking abt that other than here??#no no no nobonononoononono#I think the real issue is just. not everyone has $8 to spare.#and normally I’d be like haha whatever#but I’m one of those ppl#so it does seem frivolous#but also it’s just on the mind bc of that one person who spent $*** on a ******#like ……. NOT hating I used to collect toys I get it#but as a broke person…… damn. they’re a lucky person#Lmaoo broke people should never laugh#anyway if that’s just to say my anxiety is horrible and I hate feeling differently from the crowd bc I don’t wanna upset anyone#uhhhhhhhh also I’m gonna be in three lit classes next semester#I’m gonna [redacted] honestly#it’s stupid bc if I’m reading so many books at the same time I won’t remember jack#but it’s okayyyyy ig#the real problem is gonna be the essays#caitie blabs
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phantomrose96 · 4 months
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Okay I have a story.
So my birthday is this Sunday (May 26th). My mom ordered some presents for me but one of them (an Etsy purchase) was seemingly stuck in transit and might not make it on time. I tell my mom all good, no worries. She gets in contact with the seller. After a long delay in response they get back with "Right we'll fix it!" It ships, tracking label and everything, good to go! ETA May 22nd (yesterday.)
During the work day I check the tracking and it says it's been delivered in/at mailbox! I double check with my mom "hey, is it mailbox size?" because if not, I don't want it sitting at the front door where anyone walking by could snag it.
She says "it's definitely NOT mailbox size." Okay. I text my neighbors in the building "Anyone seen a package delivered? It's a birthday gift from my mom and I wanna make sure it gets inside!" Success! Floor 2 David (not to be confused with Floor 1 David) had brought it inside. Inform my mom. All good!
I stop by home briefly around 4pm, because yesterday was hot-hot and I just installed my window A/C that morning in the living room, and according to my cat cam my stupid cat hasn't spent a single second in the climate controlled living room and is, instead, voluntarily baking herself elsewhere so I'm like "great" and hop on my bike to go home (10 minute ride) to check on her.
I get in the building door. Patches is crying from the top floor because she heard me. I maneuver my bike in the front hall. The ugliest fucking 6-foot-tall cat tree(?)/totem(?)/statue(?) I've seen in my entire life is just. Standing there.
My first thought is "What the fuck is that." My second thought is "Oh fuck that is for me." I look around at the floor in case there's perhaps anything else that might, in fact, be the gift.
No. Me and Cat Pole.
It's taller than me. I turn it around to face me and its face is painted and this is, in fact, uglier than it looked from the back.
Um.
Patches is crying. So I just haul it up to my level. MAYBE it was supposed to come with twine that I wrap around it (and hide its face from the world) for Patches to scratch. Maybe this is a prank. Maybe this is an inside joke, because when my mom moved into her current house the neighborhood gifted her some ugly-as-hell totem that apparently, by tradition, each newest-comer to the neighborhood is required to have and display in their window so maybe this is a very good riff on that.
Patches rubs against it. She's not afraid of this horrid facsimile of her kind.
Great.
Meanwhile SHE'S fine and the condo is a little toasty but totally liveable so I'm like "Good, cool, you're not baking. You're having a good time. Enjoy your new sister, I guess, I'll see you later."
I go back to work because this is a problem for later me.
After work, after my run, after whatever, I get home and it's like 8:00pm and Patches is so happy to see me and the totem pole is still just. There.
I text my friends like "so a bday gift is here from my mom and it's the Biggest Ugliest cat pole I've seen in my life. Is this a bit? Did my mom go 'that's so ugly haha! send!' Maybe she genuinely found it cute. How do I navigate this." My friend Sarah has the good advice to maybe text my mom neutrally like "Got the cat pole!" and feel the waters whether my mom is like "Isn't it ugly? 😂" or "Hope Patches likes it! 🥰"
My mom goes to bed early so I don't do any of that yet. Problem for tomorrow me.
This morning, Patches wakes me up for breakfast. I get her situated and I'm staring at the fucking Cat Pole again. I wonder if my Mom's been wondering all night what I thought of it.
I take a picture. I text her.
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Okay.
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I get on call with my mom. I ask for clarity that the ungodly horrid thing is NOT my birthday gift and is in fact a mix-up from the seller who sent me this instead of my actual gift. She's wheezing between words. She thinks I'm being too charitable for the amount of Absolute Fucking Ugly this is. I have to gently talk her out of using the word "monstrosity" while messaging the seller asking what the hell happened here.
I tell her I need to apologize for harming her dignity with Floor 2 David, who thinks this fucking thing is my mom's idea of a great birthday gift for her to-be-28-year-old daughter.
My heart goes out to the poor soul who did actually order this cat totem and is lacking it on this lovely day.
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