#hahaha body dysmorphia is a bitch

[transgender-catboy]

Ah. Oh. Right. When people look at me, they see my weight.

[prettyxboyxnarcisse]

8/14

Well... To be completely honest, ive been feeling just fine. These last few days have been good for my confidence. I have been so shy to open up to someone else in an intimate way but its obviously been weighing on my mind heavy. You can tell just based on this being the first thing I discuss lol.

Overall though things have been good. Work at both jobs are going fine and im able to save money while I get ready for my move. Speaking of that im narrowing things down and I have general area of London I am going to visit. The main things like keeping my body right have been going so easy for me Thank God. I think getting over body dysmorphia, bulimia, and anorexia is going to be a process but I am working on it.

I really hold on to things for so long but im getting irritated with myself at this point, and thats when things usually change for myself lol. I am a unforgiving person until I feel like we are even. I am not even yet and I need to get even. Simple as that. I have plans in my head that will resonate in my art but for now I will stay patient and continue to be sexy. Last few weeks ive been distracted from my goals but I know to get back to it and its exciting. A break from everything will be good for me and I will get time to rest.

When it comes to loneliness, I get in my feelings a bit but id rather be alone than with bad company haha. I realize my uncomforted feeling here in the Bay Area is Gods way of telling me this is not the place for me. Even with all the beautiful women I meet, I just dont feel the connection and it draws me back to old feelings. What I mean by that is I still think about "so and so" .... but the person I thought they were. I realize what I want for myself and its scary because opening yourself up to being loved like that is scary business. "Id rather feel the pain of heartbreak than not feel anything at all" or whatever The Weeknd said.

I did drop shirts and shit a nigga aint made a sale yet ahaha. But you know what fuck it. I dropped it. First drop was 8/5/22 and lets see where we will be a few years from now bitch hahaha. Also it shows you certain things. The funny thing is when you see who is really "out here" you feel safe knowing they are on your side. Shoutout to the real ones who really know themselves and dont let outside distractions blur their visions from being solid. Especially in the business we are in, people are as loyal as their last meal.

Welp, thats new with me lol. Ive fallen off on my online profiles and been so focused on my real world life lol. its a good thing but my online profile will help me progress in life. Thank God for keeping me humble and safe in this world. Looking at the time and its 11:11 and it just turned 11:12 as I typed it out hahah. God is with me and I know I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.