#hallqueuecinations

[schizosamwincester]

I finally got to "Jump the Shark"

[schizosamwincester]

See this is a fun one because I work in nursing! Yup! Just know that the person who changes your grandmother's diaper might very well be thinking about wincest while it's doing it.

For bonus points: people love to assume that if you read noncon/dubcon you're an awful person who approves of such things, and meanwhile I quit my last job because my boss decided not to report or even record it when one patient assaulted another. So yeah, believe it or not, I do know that sexual assault is wrong. I still like to read about it, though

it’s crazy how i don’t know what any of you do for school/uni/work? who are you guys outside of tumblr? what do you work as?? 

[schizosamwincester]

I think a lot about blocking #destiel because I don't want to see destiel posts suggested to me all the time by tumblr... and then I remember destiel news. The one true joy in life. And I just. I can't. I need all news on this hellsite to be delivered to me by the brotherfucker and the gay angel. It is necessary.

[schizosamwincester]

Not that anyone asked for my approval or would stop doing it if I said it wasn't cool, but as a schizophrenic, I love that you all consistently call him hallucifer. I appreciate the pun. Good work. Keep it up.

[schizosamwincester]

I've also seen him mow a lawn... God bless him

i can’t get over dean carving wood over a waste bin and completely missing it.

[schizosamwincester]

Hello! Welcome my sideblog! If you want to see me post about not Supernatural, my main is @drowninginredink.

If you're not going to read this introduction, it/its please, yes I am actually schizophrenic, and beware, incest lies ahead. The rest is below the cut.

Fics:

Fixing all the problems that you made in your own head - schizophrenic!John, no supernatural AU

You sound absurd, even if you're right - schizophrenic!Sam, sampreg, Sam & Dean, past Sam/Lucifer

The Story Doesn't Change - schizophrenic!Sam, Sam & Dean, Mystery Spot

Everything I thought I knew has fallen out of view - schizophrenic!Sam, Sam & Dean, It's a Terrible Life

Do you ever feel that this should be officially the end? - Pre-Series, John, Murder/Suicide

Pretty Thing (you'll be complete) - Closeted trans woman!Dean/Post-op trans woman!Bela (smut)

Hold you breath, I'll hold mine too - past Sam/Jess, Sam/Dean, sampreg, miscarriage

Dangerous Questions - Aplatonic Dean, Dean/Cassie

Sissy - closeted trans woman!Dean/John (part 1)

Sister - Sam finds out about trans woman!Dean (part 2)

Subsist - Vignettes between Sam and closeted trans woman!Dean (part 3)

Insisted - Bobby finds out about trans woman!Dean (part 4)

Drink to Forget - AU where Sam dies in Carry On instead of Dean

I remember when your head caught flame - Sam/John, underage, first kiss

If He Asked - one-sided destiel, established wincest

Like in the movies - aromantic Dean, very underage Dean/John

But they were fucked up in their turn - closeted trans woman!Dean & closeted trans woman!John

Take My Body - trans man!Sam/John

A disfiguring chicken pox of the soul - weirdcest, weecest, trans boy!Sam/trans girl!Dean (not that either knows it yet)

like the baptism he never had - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (All Hell Breaks Loose)

Silver Linings - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (yes, again. But this time it's Mystery Spot)

Like Flies from your Face - Dean & Bobby, suicidal!Dean (All Hell Breaks Loose)

Tonight I give in to the fantasy - Trans woman!Dean, sex worker!Dean

No other box I choose to use - humanfucker!Gabriel (Hammer of the Gods)

I'll use you as a warning sign - Sam/John, Dean/John, unplanned pregnancy

Hobbies - Dean & Bobby (& Sam), Dean's love of hentai

the road is so long - one-sided John/Dean, pining Dean, Christmas

Webweaves:

Sober II/samjohn

An Overdue Downfall/Sam

The Sonnet-Ballad/deanjohn

Drowning in the Sound/John

Slip Slidin' Away/Sam and John

Anything/Johndean and Johnmary

Alone With Everybody

I Haven't Masturbated in Five Days for Fear of Crying/wincest

Archive/samruby

Ophelia/wincest

Z-E-P-H-Y-R/Sam and Dean (and the Impala)

Big Houses/wincest

And Saints/John and Mary

The Cigarette Duet/wincest

What Makes a Man?/deanjohn

Rent/wincest

The Moon Will Sing/John and Dean

less words/wincest

Bike/wincest

Big Houses/Dean

San Cristóbal/Sam

Young and Dumb/Sam (implied wincest)

Father/deanjohn

I use mostly my own screenshots for weaves, so if you ever want one for your own thing, just ask and I'll send you the original!

All the posts about my pet headcanon are tagged "#schizophrenic sam winchester." Creative, I know. The occasional solely schizophrenia related posts are tagged "#schizospec education." Queue tag is #hallqueuecinations and oh boy do I have way too much stuff queued. I do tag ships so you can filter them out if you want to, but like... I am a johndean and wincest person. If you really don't want to see that, you should just leave.

I am watching SPN for the first time and am currently on episode S6 E1. Maybe. I do forget to update this number a lot. Don't worry about spoiling me. Trust me, I've already been all over SPN tumblr. And yes, I am already headcanoning Sam as schizophrenic despite having not yet gotten to the part where he actually hallucinates. Pretty early on, I'd seen enough from the fandom to know that Sam was going to give me ~feelings~ as a schizophrenic, but Home was what sold me on it. The way he responds to the vision is exactly like my experience of delusions. It's like having blinders on. You can't think about anything else and you need to figure it all out and fix it right this minute. It's urgent and obsessive in the same way Sam was. His body language, too, was just perfect, down to just what he did with his hands. I look at Sam, especially Sam getting visions, and I see myself. So. Sam Winchester is schizophrenic. Not in some "Sam hallucinated the entire show" way (God I hate those theories) or that none of the supernatural stuff is real. Everything we see is real, but Sam's brain also pulls some shit of its own.

A very important note, given the name of my blog: schizo is a slur. I reclaim it a lot. I was diagnosed by people who want to change the definition of schizophrenia, and so for a long time, I was explicitly told not to call myself schizophrenic. That's bullshit. My symptoms aren't quite traditional, and I am at the more mild end, but as per the current DSM? I'm schizophrenic. But because for a long time I got told "you're schizo-spec, but not schizophrenic," the word I associate myself with more than anything is schizo. I try to actually write out schizophrenic when I'm on this account, but in real life, I usually don't. But if you are not anywhere on the schizophrenia spectrum, you should not say it (unless you're tagging me). I don't want my handle to give anyone the idea that you can go around calling Sam a schizo. I can. You can't.

My purpose isn't directly to educate about schizophrenia, but I know that the general cultural perception of it misses a lot, so just by shouting about how I headcanon Sam as schizophrenic, I will accidentally teach you all things. In light of that, there will be the occasional reblog of not at all SPN related awareness posts, and my asks are always open. You all have my permission to ask rude and personal questions about it that you should not ask strangers. Schizophrenia is basically a special interest of mine at this point. I am very open about stuff, not so much because of desire to educate or what have you but just because part of my schizophrenia is having very little filter. I will say that if you ask me about the delusions I've had, you're going to get an incomplete answer because going into them too much can be triggering. Everything else is on the table, though.

My banner is from this webweave (which I made).

And once again, I am very much johndean trash, with a strong love for samjohn. I do certainly partake in my fair share of wincest as well, but really, I'm here for The Dad Ships. Point is, this blog is very much not an incest-free zone. I'd say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. You're watching The Incest Show. What do you expect? If you do not like that, block me now and move on.

Fun fact: my birthday is November 5. No wonder I eventually broke down and decided I needed to see what SPN actually was.

[schizosamwincester]

"Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it." - Castiel Supernatural

“i am a monument to all your sins” is such a fucking raw line for a villain it’s amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos

[schizosamwincester]

Hey I have public bookmarks, if you like my taste ...

god bless the ao3 users with public bookmarks who have the same taste as you and who read/bookmark often. love getting lost in someone's bountiful bookmarks for days, you're rly doing a public service

[schizosamwincester]

I will never get over that this show found a way to shoot ghosts. That's so American that it's endearing

Every episode of Supernatural they ask, "How will we defeat this new and unique monster?" and the answer is "shoot them with guns," mostly.

[schizosamwincester]

"If we want to open up... by saying 'I have delusions,' the person should know the gravity of that." I've had exactly that happen, where the person goes "ohhh my god I'm so delusional too. I mean I just want to kill people sometimes" and like. Yeah. Anyway. Point is. Do not say delusional unless you mean legitimately experiencing a symptom of mental illness, and don't say delulu

Hearing people throw around the words "delusional" and "delulu" so often when they clearly don't know what it means is so silly to me at this point, but also a little frustrating.

Like I heard someone in a video say "she's the worst type of delulu, where she actually is in a different reality" while describing someone being cocky and overconfident.

As a reminder, delusional means someone is holding a belief or altered reality that is persistently held despite evidence or agreement to the contrary, generally in reference to a mental disorder. Delusions are typically beliefs that exist outside of objective or common reality (so not something subjective like "this art is good"). It is often unshakeable, people can't be talked out of their strongly held belief even if it is completely nonsensical. They typically cause a disturbance to your life, unlike a spirituality or religion that you enjoy.

So someone saying "I'm the most attractive and most talented person in this room" might be annoying, but it is that person's subjective belief. It's your subjective belief that they are not, but neither is right or wrong because it is subjective.

Having a crush on a celebrity and wanting to marry them and imagining that happening is a conscious choice, it's a daydream. Meanwhile delusions are not conscious choices, it is a symptom a person has whether they want it or not.

It's important to uphold the true meaning of this word, because it describes a mental condition that impacts many people. Having the words definition change by making it mean other things does harm us. If we want to open up to a friend about a serious mental problem in our lives by saying "I have delusions", that person should know the gravity of that, and not think it's some fun quirky personality trait that everyone has.

Also the way people misuse the word tends to be in a negative or insulting way, aimed at the delusional person. But delusions dont indicate anything about the delusional persons personality and morals. The delusions are caused by a mental health problem and not chosen by the person. This is important to remember when people have strange, mean, self centered, taboo, or scary delusions, it doesn't mean that a person wants to believe that, they can't control it.

So please try and use the words "delusion" and "delusional" correctly, don't give it a cute trendy nickname like "delulu". And try and educate the people around you about the actual meaning of these words, and the impact of misusing them.

[schizosamwincester]

The funniest thing about this post is just. Dean has no home and exactly one loved one for like six seasons. If you don't want Dean to have a home or loved ones, why are you reading fanfic? Just go watch the actual show

dont judge me for using reddit but this comment is killing me. dean does not deserve a home or loved ones

(original poster: @alyssarabil)

[schizosamwincester]

Oh, Sam turned 17 in 2000, so yes, this absolutely checks out. He definitely wanted to vote for Al Gore.

when john was making 17 year old sam a fake id sam said could you make me a year older and john said what you wanna buy cigarettes? and sam said so i can vote and john and dean said what the fuck

[schizosamwincester]

I've finally figured out why that first tweet lives in my head rent free so much. It's because fic writers are normally so passionate and militant about ships, and which ones they love and write and all that... And then here's Siken viewing it clinically and objectively as a matter of just which one he's better at. Is destiel better than wincest? Who cares. I just care that I'm better at writing destiel.

Like, he says in the next tweet it's about fun, but he's not treating his own fanfic like a fun hobby. It's an experiment he ran to see how good he'd be at fanfic, and his results were that he could do all of it, but he was best at Johnlock, then Destiel, then Wincest.

I don't think this is bad, nor do I think it really says anything about anything. I just find it interesting.

siken saw his words being twisted and he’s having none of it god bless

[schizosamwincester]

Aaaaaaaaaaaa

24 year old dean snowed in at some crappy motel on christmas eve in nowheresville, usa. and he's watching it's a wonderful life on the staticky tv while he sits on the lumpy bed with his arms around his knees and there's only a bag of chips and a half drunken beer because all the stores were closed. and the air is cold because the ancient heater keeps turning on and off. and his dad has gone awol and sam didn't call. and he's watching george bailey standing on that bridge and he feels more alone than he ever has in his life.

[schizosamwincester]

Look. Look. LOOK. It's the fact that even in the pilot, John is clutching Sam so close and ignoring Dean completely, leaving him to handle himself after the fire while only comforting the infant who doesn't even really know what happened. It's the fact that yes, John depended a lot on Dean, but Sam was always his baby. It's that this is John holding the child he protected and loved instead of relying on. It's-

John Winchester - (2024)

[schizosamwincester]

Estrogen could have saved her

pause. pause. hi. what the absolute fuck is this supposed to mean