#hallucinations feeling so much more real to the point where he can feel hallucifer touch him. far more real than a hallucination should be | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

verobatto · 5 years

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Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XXVI)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

And then... There's this gap here...

(7x04/7x06/7x07/7x08/7x10)

Hello my dears! How are you? This is the second meta from season 7 from my Destiel Chronicles. And this is very critical one, to the gap I found after Castiel's death.

I want to give thanks to my friend @agusvedder she made the gifs for this meta and discussed with me the episodes.

Well, I should stop the cháchara, and just do it.

Changing the focus

I noticed after Castiel's death, the focus of the show was all over the topic GUILT and LIES. Because why not? Let's confront Sam and Dean again so we can get a little of Wincest fuel.

So, Dean killed that Kitsune woman, Sammy's maybe first love and friend (a monster friend, as Dean will have on Benny in s8). But well... Dean is lying and he feels guilty about what he did. And Sam ignoring the whole situation... Okay... Cas is out. That story ended. Let's focus on Wincest and Pathologic Codependency between the brothers.

Episode 7x04 Defending your life, was about GUILT, and how it came to haunt you.

And because it was a very Wincest episode when we confronted Sam and Dean with VERITAS en Season 6, why not repeat the thing? Let's use another God... OSIRIS to confront them again. Like watching the same bad movie twice.

Ok, soy, Dean is drinking a lot of alcohol, because of Cas? Well of course, but the writers made it because of the guilt he feels for lying to his brother.

In the middle of this situation, he talks about this with a waitress, and Osiris captured him.

And because Sammy is so smart and believes in his brother, he is the lawyer, his defensor.

The whole episode is focused in old guilts and regrets of Dean. OSIRIS called Jo, and then Sam, because he felt responsible for them, for their safety, and about Jo, for her death.

Sam is the person that try to clean all those old ghosts from his brother. But he failed, because Dean has a big issue with the guilt.

Aaaand Codependency again...

This is what makes Wincest strong: Pathologic Codependency... And we will see a lot of it thanks to Sera Gamble...

Episode 7x06: Slash Fiction.

There's two Leviathans copying Cas and Dean and committing crimes in places where they were hunting years ago (firsts seasons, bc Sera missed Bro-only episodes so much... Awww 😒).

Okay, so they had to meet this guy Frank, a very odd man and very smart. And Dean had to abbandon Baby in that place...

So we had this comic dialogue...

SAM: It's temporary, Dean.

DEAN: Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

SAM: Y-you know that's a line from --

DEAN: Swayze movie. Swayze always gets a pass!

SAM: Right. Uh, well, you want some tunes or something? Here.

And then there was Air Supply singing I'm all out of love... And Dean was like...

Ok... If you weren't watching the episode, this could be a very Destiel song, BUT, this is Wincestland or Gamble-land, is the same, and the song is just for loosing Baby. Cas is erased here. No more Cas... And... Wasn't Sammy hallucinating with Lucifer? Oh, yeah, nevermind... If they don't want to write it... Okay, keep watching.

But the thing here... Was this scene...

LEVIATHAN!DEAN: I mean, honestly, I just... You know what? I can't stand the guy. Talk about a hero complex. And he doesn't have relationships. No, he has applications for sainthood. Oh, and he thinks he's funny. He thinks he's a damn comedian.

LEVIATHAN!SAM: Who has two thumbs and full-blown bats in the belfry?

LEVIATHAN!DEAN points at LEVIATHAN!SAM and LEVIATHAN!SAM points at himself with both thumbs.

LEVIATHAN!SAM: I'm serious. It's nothing but Satan-vision on the inside. I mean, how he's walking around in a jacket with detachable arms is beyond me. You know, I had a brother with this many issues once.

Okay, not this scene, but was funny, look how they talked about Hallucifer! Yay! They didn't forget! 😒

I wanted to show you this scene, when Dean and Sam got arrested by the police...

LEVIATHAN!DEAN: I just want to let you know how much I've really grown to hate you and your brother since we've been wearing you. I just don't get it. You could be anything. You're strong, you're uninhibited.

Another confrontation, the Leviathan here is saying he doesn't understand Dean and Sam pathologic Codependency, this gives a Wincest tint to the scene, it was written with that intention, and that's how it feels.

Then, the Leviathan! Dean told the truth about Sammy's monster friend...

And I present here to all of you, the Wincest master topic, because Sam reacts exaggeratedly to this. It's a break up? It looks like. Oh yes, the kind of drama Gamble likes, the bro-only one...

Now... Let's jump to episode 7x07, Sam is mad at Dean, they broke up 😒 but they bumped into each other trying to solve a case.

The clues lead them to a Museum... And this dialogue is just... Okay. Nevermind... Just look at it...

MUSEUM GUIDE: Never ended well for the siblings.

DEAN: Why is that?

MUSEUM GUIDE: Mm, the strain of working together, or maybe just being around each other all their lives. Those two were the exception, actually – the Campbells. Got along famously. Of course, that was just a stage name

Ok.. all right... The Campbells?? Really? What was Mary Winchesters's last name??? Oh yes... Campbell! 😒 Ah, ok, they weren't actually brothers, they were lovers, nevermind... Nothing to see here... 🤦

Then.. we'll have more drama... And Dean will mention Cas trying to explain why he killed the Kitsune. Because CAS is compared here with a "monster friend" (??) And because his betrayal he doesn't trust anyone now (???!!) I know this could be written so differently... I know that.

Is an episode I want to forget. Thank you.

Okay, what I have to say of episode 7x08? Sam married with Becky (a Wincest shipper) and Dean being the third in discord. Love triangle my friends... Can I vomit now?

What a gap... And who was Castiel?? And... Wasn't Sam hallucinating with Lucifer?

I know we can find the plot and the storyline somewhere...

Nope.

Don't worry... Edlund will be back to the rescue in episode 9, in the next Chronicle.

Bobby

Okay, not all these episodes before Edlund were ugly, the one that wrote Gamble about Bobby is a cute one. I have to give her that, but kind of repetitive in some aspects... But, symbolically, it was a nice episode in which we could learn more about Bobby.

Episode 7x10 Death's door showed us how Bobby was the real good dad these boys had. We learn about his own childhood, with an abusive father, and how that past made him connect immediately with his sons, Dean and Sam.

One of the issues with Bobby was this quote...

"You break everything you touch." Is the phrase that kept dancing in Bobby's head thanks to his dad...

So we traveled all over Bobby's traumas, and how he was desperately trying to keep himself alive because he needed to deliver to his boys one last clue against the Leviathans, Bobby fighting till the end, my friends...

And this was my favorite part ...

That's why Bobby was the lovely and normal father for these boys, and is so touching. He tried to give them a normal life. And they are so grateful with him because of that.

And this too...

Bobby scolding John, trying to make him see what the kids needed from him. Trying to bring him back from that revenge path he was following.

Loable work.

So Bobby trapped his reaper, and delivered the boys those numbers, and then he died.

I can't forget Dean's words about trying to keep his faith... "

For him it was harder, because he is a chronic denying boy, and Sam was the one with his feet on Earth. And this dialogue broke my heart.

SAM: Dean, listen – we need to brace ourselves.

DEAN: Why?

SAM: Because it's real.

DEAN: What do you want to do? You want to hug and – and say we made it through it when Dad died? We've been through enough.

Gah, I wanted to hug them right there. 😟

Okay... Enough of sobbing...

To Conclude:

There was several episodes with big Wincest subtext content, and Cas and Hallucifer plot seemed to be erased... Also the storyline.

The episode about Bobby's death was a cute one, with touching scenes and flashes about Bobby's past, showing us his issues and what a good father he was with our boys.

I hope you had enjoyed this one's, it was kind of critical, but I promise Destiel in the next ones...

😘💕

Tagging @weirddorkylittlediana @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper @justmeand-myinsight

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73

If you want to be tagged, please let me know.

If you want to read the previous chronicle from s7 here is the link.

Buenos Aires August 28th 2019 6:56 PM

#destiel chronicles #destiel meta #Supernatural meta #season 7 meta #vol. xxvi

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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7.13, The Slice Girls.

Yes, yes, bucklemming and their creepy magical babies, but let's put that aside and talk about Sam and Dean and what this episode says about them, instead, for once. Instead of letting the focus on the creepy baby blind us all to what's actually happening in this episode, and what it says about s7 (and s6 too, and honestly a good chunk of Sera Gamble's approach to storytelling in general since she was the architect of these seasons even if she didn't pen this particular episode) overall.

Because whoa... it's kinda... not friendly to Sam...

My tag about how Sam and Dean are entirely different people, with different psychological composition, different mental and emotional processes, came about at the beginning of s11 (when the show was using a two-episode mirroring structure, thematically pairing episodes until the midseason 10, 11, 12 worked together as a triptych, and in a season where the final message the characters had to accept and learn was the understanding of Balance Of Opposites, these differences were on stark display) is "sam sympathizes and dean empathizes." It felt like a baseline difference in how each of them approach the world, and something necessary for US to understand their entire dynamic.

And that's on PERFECT display in this episode.

I've been talking throughout my s7 posts in this series about how Sam can't even see how compromised he is. Despite the fact he spends the entire season actively hallucinating Lucifer and openly admits he has difficulty telling those hallucinations apart from reality, he remains convinced that he's coping with it effectively (via the magic button of sanity he believes the scar on his hand to be), and all he has to do is press that button any time Hallucifer pops up, and everything will be fine again. This is Advanced Level Pretending The Bad Thing Doesn't Exist To Make It Go Away. And he can't understand AT ALL why Dean is intensely wary of him, and is unable to fully trust in Sam's perceptions or decision making abilities throughout most of s7.

(which... I mean turns out to be totally valid, but that's for another post... or at the very least, much later in this one... for now, let's try to stick to 7.13, Mittens, and avoid running off ahead of yourself for once... okay we have that settled, back to the point)

We don't see much of Sam actively Hallucifering in this episode, nor relying on the old Hand Squeeze maneuver, but it's impossible to watch this episode and draw the conclusion that Sam was an Objective Observer of Reality here. He's completely entrenched in his personal bias regarding Dean's actions, behavior, and mindset. And again, it's incredibly frustrating to watch.

Sam is so utterly convinced (because he HAS to be in order for it to continue working for him) of his own self-control, of his own stability, of his own soundness of mind, of his own perceptions of the world to be the One, True, Right, Correct Understanding. If that fails him, then as Dean told him in 7.02 when he first squeezed that wound on his hand to bring him back to reality, then "Stone One" of the foundation of his ability to cope with anything at all will just shatter, and his entire sense of self will slide away with it, and his unstable construct of sanity will collapse.

(which... happens two episodes later, but again, I'm getting ahead of myself... *slaps self and gets back to the point*)

Sam NEEDS to believe in his own "correctness" here. And sadly, part of that sham of belief involves the go-to mindset of s4-- that Dean is somehow "broken," that Dean is the one clearly not coping, or not engaging with reality as Sam interprets it, and that it's Dean's perceptions that are inherently suspect. Because Sam doesn't know a different way of relating to the world. He sympathizes.

I've written a lot about the difference between Sam as Sympathetic and Dean as Empathetic, but a super-quick and messy breakdown of this for the purposes of understanding my whole entire point here:

Sam understands others through an examination of them as filtered through his own personal past experiences and his own personal feelings and beliefs. He assumes that everyone else understands the world in this same way, and when someone's reactions or behavior deviates from his own personal experience, from how HE would behave or react in a given circumstance, he frequently disconnects or misinterprets, or attempts to re-file his observations or reclassify the other person in question into something he CAN relate to and understand.

In other words, Sympathy. (versus Dean’s empathy, where he is more able to set aside his own reactions and see people as they are, themselves. It’s what makes him so good at cold reading strangers, being able to put himself into their shoes rather than needing to imagine their shoes are identical to his own...)

We finally see a small subversion of this in Sam’s interactions with Jack in early s13, wherein he projects his own past experience onto Jack, applying the same things he experienced (or even wished he had actually experienced when he was younger) regarding his own psychic powers that he once believed may have made him "evil." Or at the very least made him "other." And Jack directly calls him out for his treatment in 13.03, which gives Sam pause, forces reflection, and drives him toward actually seeing Jack, rather than just seeing Jack as a projection of his own personal beliefs.

I really hope this makes sense... because 7.13 is demonstrating the root of this lack of understanding as the toxic and dangerous thing it can be, when pushed to this sort of deliberately self-deluding extreme. And of course Sam's ongoing ability to walk and talk and function at all completely relies on his ability to do this during s7 (which... ick is one of the reasons I think a lot of folks really have trouble with the entire narrative of the season, even if they haven't put their finger on why, because this is a super-icky, incredibly uncomfortable thing to watch).

Meanwhile, in addition to everything else going on, from the Leviathans being gooey and creepy and plotting world domination as their endgame goal while largely working to achieve it in plain sight, disguised as humans as they slowly infiltrate... everything and influence everything from politics to real estate to healthcare to the food supply to achieve their ends, to everything Dean relies on for his own personal comfort and stability and connection to the world being gradually stripped away from him (beginning with Cas and running right along through his own literal identity), this episode will steal yet another small physical comfort from him-- human sexual intimacy.

He's already lost Cas, his car (the singular constant in his entire life and the closest thing he's ever had to a home), his actual identity, his innermost thoughts (which went along with the identity when a leviathan took his form), comfort food (the TDK slammer slammed him good), Bobby, and even-- to an extent, due to his ongoing concern for his mental health-- Sam. Dean is... adrift... and now he can't even allow himself the simple pleasure of human touch and physical intimacy (even shrouded in the lie of a false identity... he can't even fake it for self-comforting purposes anymore). And yet, he still knows himself, far better than Sam does. And yet for Sam to maintain his self-control, he needs to believe that it's Dean who is deluding himself and succumbing to the depression Sam is not allowing himself to own.

Dean spends the majority of this episode actually doing his job, making connections, and coming to an understanding of the case through his own personal experience of it. While Sam puts the entirety of his reliance on coming to an understanding of the case on the Academic Validation of an "expert" in ancient Greek. Sam dismisses Dean's direct experience by rejecting it as inherently flawed-- because Sam doesn't necessarily trust his OWN ability to have made these observations himself, yet is 100% dependent on the conclusion that only his own observations are remotely reliable, lest his illusory grip on reality shatter entirely.

Dean, meanwhile, is not similarly compromised in a fundamental way, despite his increased drinking, which Sam uses as yet another excuse to dismiss Dean's assessment of reality. Dean's still insisting that he believes that Bobby's ghost may be haunting them, while Sam explains away each new incident rationally-- or so he believes, as the evidence mounts to a ridiculous extent. It gives Sam the false impression that Dean is emotionally compromised to the point his judgment has become irrational and based on his emotions, rather than his point of view and direct experience that Sam simply can't grok, and therefore needs to dismiss to maintain his belief in his own rationality.

These themes will become the "beating a dead horse dot gif" of s7, continuing even after Sam is healed by Cas in 7.17, proving they're inherent to Sam's fundamental makeup, rather than just a side effect of this "soul damage" he suffered with, or the demon blood he was addicted to in s4.

I'm still attempting to force myself to remain focused on just this episode, though, so I'll conclude with a few direct observations:

DEAN: I'm outside Lydia's. SAM (on phone): Oh, come on, man. What, are you obsessed or something? DEAN (on phone): No, I'm telling you. I have been eating at the buffet of strange all afternoon. SAM: Meaning what? DEAN: I'll tell you the second I know. But something ain't right. SAM: Or you're obsessed. DEAN: Shut up. I'm serious.

Despite Sam being told real facts by "experts" that the murdered men had all visited the same club Dean had the night before, he easily dismisses Dean's observations of something weird happening with the woman he'd hooked up with. Sam even tells him he's lucky he "dodged a bullet" since Dean hasn't been killed like the other men he's investigating, and is incapable of even making the connection between what killed those men and the "strange" things Dean's seeing with his own eyes regarding Lydia's rapidly growing daughter, Emma. Sam has to jump through increasingly flaming hoops with a straight face to maintain his belief that Dean is simply obsessed with this woman, that Dean is continuing to slack off, that Dean isn't objectively addressing The Facts™ as Sam understands them.

SAM: So what? I mean, so maybe she has another kid she didn't tell you about. DEAN: Nope, just the one. Emma. But that night, when I was with her, she didn't have any. And I was at her place, man. There was no playpens, no blankets, no rubber ducks. SAM: Right. Like you would have been focused on that kind of thing. DEAN: Hey, dude, that's the first thing you notice. Red flags. Then, all of a sudden, boom – baby. SAM: Yeah, the one you thought talked. DEAN: Oh, it talked. And not baby talk, either. SAM: Now you know so much about child development? DEAN: I know enough to know that they don't say, "Hey, Mom. Who's that guy?" So, cut to... Lydia's handing this kid who's calling her mommy over to these two women, right? But this is not a baby. No, no, this kid's got to be five. And same name – Emma. SAM: You know, George Foreman named all his sons George. DEAN: Are you deliberately messing with me? Dude, I know weird. Okay? There is no non-weird explanation for this. This morning, Emma was a baby. By sunset, she's Hannah Montana. Early years.

And yet Sam is still intent on the "expert" opinion of the professor they asked for help, over and above anything Dean might insist he's personally experiencing. Here, have a very short but complete meta encapsulation of this entire dynamic:

SAM’s phone rings. SAM: It's the Professor. DEAN: Oh. Good. The Professor. Yeah, I'm sure he'll crack this wide open. SAM: Shh!

Dean is sarcastic and dismissive of the professor, the supposed expert who deals in theoreticals and mythology, and not the reality Dean has directly experienced. Meanwhile Sam shushes Dean, dismissing not only his direct experience, but Dean's frustration at Sam’s repeated dismissals.

And here we have it again:

SAM: There's this whole crazy side to Amazon lore that Professor Morrison didn't even mention. DEAN: That's 'cause he doesn't believe in it, which is a real handicap when you're trying to deal with it.

THIS IS SAM'S WHOLE ENTIRE PROBLEM IN A SINGLE EXCHANGE. and then the moment Sam finds something In The Lore™, written down in a book where it's impossible to dismiss, he realizes that Dean hasn't been making shit up or somehow misinterpreting his own lived experience:

SAM: The lore says they reproduced quickly – as in, after mating, they gave birth within 36 hours. The babies grew incredibly fast, then the aging process became normal. Which is one way to make an army, I guess. The mating cycle is every two years. They send out all the women who have reached child-bearing age. DEAN: Which lines up, 'cause this happens every couple of years in different towns, right? SAM: Yeah. And we know for sure that at least some of the vics hooked up with strange women days before being killed Amazon style. DEAN: Hooked up in the same bar I met Lydia, right? SAM: Yeah. DEAN: And then suddenly she's got a little baby in like fruit-fly time. That baby turns into a little girl just as fast. SAM: Wow. So maybe you're – you’re, uh... DEAN: Don't say it.

But rather than questioning EVERYTHING ELSE Dean has been saying over the last few days (or longer, regarding his experiences related to Bobby's ghost), Sam holds on to the rest of his beliefs even more tightly. And he reframes this entire revelation into a different validation of his original thesis-- that Dean's still compromised, Dean's not being objective, Dean letting his emotional damage control him, and it's still A Problem. Because if that's still the case, then Sam is still Maintaining Control Of Himself, and not-compromised himself.

Sam latches on to this and refuses to let go, dismissing Bobby's ghost as a potential explanation for anything, dismissing Dean's evaluation of a document and again running off for a "professional opinion."

DEAN: Maybe it's useful. SAM: It's in a pile of "maybe it's useful." Besides, it's in Greek. Nobody reads Greek. DEAN: Yeah, except Greeks. Oh, and Bobby. SAM: And Professor Morrison. DEAN: Really? SAM: I'm going, Dean. You stay here, keep the door locked. Don't go anywhere. I mean it.

Meanwhile, this approach leaves Sam vulnerable. While at the professor's office, he's attacked by one of the Amazons. While left alone in their motel room, Dean's confronted by his Amazon daughter. He doesn't immediately kill her, though, despite drawing a gun on her before she can attack. And she is talking with him rather than outright attacking anyway, so he lets her talk. To me, this is the key exchange:

DEAN: You look exhausted. EMMA: And starving. It's been a tough sweet 16. So you believe me? EMMA: You'll help me? DEAN: If you really want help.

He is willing to help her escape her life IF SHE REALLY WANTS HELP. We know that when Sam does return, he literally sees a side of Emma that she never reveals to Dean-- the Amazon red eyes-- which convinces Sam that she's a monster incapable of not being monstrous.

A knife drops into EMMA’s hand from her sleeve. DEAN closes the refrigerator and points his gun at EMMA. DEAN: You were asking if I believed you.

I.e., no, Dean didn’t believe her, but he was still willing to hear her out, from an understandable “I’m still gonna point this gun at you while we chat” perspective. When Dean wavers, Emma uses that to question his ability to kill her at all... which is shockingly reminiscent of Dean's inability to kill Jack, even under direct orders from God, in 14.20:

EMMA: It's weirdly hard, isn't it? It is for me. DEAN: Knock it off. EMMA: How could it not be? You're my father. DEAN: Hey! We're not gonna do that. EMMA: But it's true.

So while Dean had wavered in just outright killing Emma, waiting to see if she would succumb to her monstrous nature and try to kill him first, Sam makes the choice to kill her immediately. And in his defense, he even invokes Dean's killing of Amy Pond back in 7.03 as proof that Dean is still compromised:

SAM: What did you say to me... when I was the one who choked? What did you say about Amy? "You kill the monster!" DEAN: I was going to! SAM: Oh, the hell you were! You think I'm an idiot? DEAN: What, you think I am? SAM: Dean, you were gonna let her walk! DEAN: No, I wasn't. That's ridiculous! SAM: Look, man, she was not yours. Not really. DEAN: Actually, she, uh, she was, really. She just also happened to be a crazy man-killing monster. But, uh, hey. SAM: You know what? Bobby was right. Your head's not in it, man. When Cas died, you were wobbly, but now... DEAN: Now what? Oh, what, you're dealing with it so perfect? Yeah, news flash, pal – you're just as screwed up as I am! You're just... bigger. SAM: What?! DEAN: I don't know. SAM: Look... Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't – don't get killed.

Because that's what it boils down to, even underneath "stone one" and his Magical Scar Button, the foundation Sam laid that stone on was Dean's assurance, Dean literally guiding him through the mess of hallucination and reality that he'd been unable to separate out for himself, which Dean gets that Sam isn't actually dealing with outside of pushing the button every time Lucifer pops up for him. And without Dean, Sam knows his entire baseline for holding himself together would be gone. And isn't that just terrifying.

Because what Bobby was actually worried about wasn't Dean's head not being in it, but Dean's ability to carry the weight of all of this amid the relentless assault of the universe. From 7.09:

SAM: Yeah. Yeah, I kind of mean more like, uh... more like ever since my head broke... and we lost Cas. I mean, you ever feel like he's -- he's going through the same motions but he's not the same Dean, you know? BOBBY: How could he be? SAM: Right, yeah, but what if -- BOBBY: What if what, Sam? You know, you worry about him. All he does is worry about you. Who's left to live their own life here? The two of you -- aren't you full up just playing Snuffleupagus with the Devil all the live long? SAM: I don't know, Bobby. Seeing Lucifer's fine with me. BOBBY: Come again? SAM: Look, I'm not saying it's fun. I mean, to be honest with you, I-I kind of see it as the best-case scenario. I mean... at least all my crazy's under one umbrella, you know? I kind of know what I'm dealing with. A lot of people got it worse. BOBBY: You always were one deep little son of a bitch.

Bobby never actually said to Sam that Dean’s head wasn't in it. He gave Dean a bit of a talking-to after this, which is distressingly similar to what both Frank and Eliot Ness also tell Dean over the course of the next few episodes, but he never said this to Sam. This is SAM'S interpretation, based on SAM'S assessment of Dean, which informs Bobby's "buck up or else, you're a hunter not a person" speech to Dean from 7.09. Because this was what SAM needed to hear and believe to keep that "umbrella of crazy" firmly in place where he could manage it.

And as the universe continues tearing away at Dean's entire reality, that shield of "professionalism" is just about all he has left. And Sam unintentionally undermines even that at every turn.

What a horrific mess.

#spn 7.13 #s14 hellatus rewatch #sam sympathizes and dean empathizes #winchester family dynamics #using your words #spiders georg of the tnt loop

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aterimber · 5 years

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On The Pyre

Request from ianneart: Hi! I got a samifer fic idea in mind (lel). Im currently watching season 6 in supernatural and i saw this interesting thing sam said about hallucinating lucifer to bobby : “seeing Lucifer is…okay. I sorta think it’s the best scenario situation of them all.”

And my samiferness got jump started like nobody’s business. I imagine it like a one-shot, sam-centric pondering of sorts, where sam takes us through his mind and manages to convince us Lucifer’s company is…okay.

I’m so sorry this is late! I hope you enjoy the fic regardless.

Started: 16.04.29

Finished: 19.03.15

Words: 2,146

Samifer, Hallucifer

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“You’re sure you’ll be okay here by yourself?” Dean threw his duffle over his shoulder and paused in the doorway, not wanting to leave his mentally ill brother.

“Dean, I’m fine.”

“Yeah Dean, we’re gonna have a great time,” Lucifer jumped up from his spot on the couch to stand beside the hunter and winked.

What the hell are you doing?

The blonde frowned, “What Sammy? Oh right... you don’t like when I talk in front of Big Bro.”

The younger man tried to hide his confusion and focused on his brother.

Dean scrubbed a hand down his face, “I left my number on the fridge. Call if anything... happens.”

“Will do,” Sam nodded, “Now go give those sons-of-bitches what’s coming to them.”

While he was grateful for his brother’s protectiveness, he didn’t understand his lack of confidence in him, he’d been alone plenty of times before without issue.

“But you aren’t truly alone now,” Lucifer wrapped a possessive hand around the giant’s arm, “Besides, it’s not like having me here is the real problem,” he stroked it tenderly, “right Sammy?”

Focus... Sam ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to block out the words.

With a regretful look back to his brother, Dean nodded and headed out.

“Finally... I thought he’d never leave,” Lucifer clapped the hunter on the shoulder as he closed the door.

He does like to worry. Wait, what are you doing? Don’t let him in, Sam heard the Impala take off as he made his way to the couch.

“Well, now that we’re alone...” Lucifer waggled his eyebrows and straddled the hunter.

“What the fuck,” the giant jumped up and took a couple steps backward.

“Sam,” the blonde gave him a curious look as he picked himself up off the floor, “we’ve done this before you know.”

“No we haven’t,” the hunter had the nerve to look appalled, much to the devil’s amusement.

As if he doesn’t remember it was his idea... He brushed himself off and analysed the hunter, “Sam, do you... ,” he struggled to find the words, not wanting to give something away that he wasn’t ready to hear, “You remember what happened in the cage, don’t you?”

“Of course I remember,” he crossed his arms and cocked his head, “why do you ask?” And why do you sound so... hurt?

Lucifer shifted his gaze down to the floor as he worked out how to continue, “So then you... remember? W-what we did?”

“Damn right I remember what you did to me you son-of-a-bitch,” he couldn’t help but notice the flinch the blonde gave at his tone, Pfftt, please Sam... as if the devil is scared of you, get real.

“No,” Lucifer closed his eyes and sighed before he locked gazes with the hunter, “Do you remember what we did?”

“What do you-”

“In the cage, yes you were tortured, but never by my own hand,” the explanation rushed out of him, almost as if he couldn’t stop it, “it was all Michael. I told you I’d never hurt you Sam, and I meant it. I did everything I could to get between you and Michael, I couldn’t just stand there and watch him break you over and over again. So I... I made you a hide out.”

“A hideout?”

“A place where Michael wouldn’t be able to get to you. I set up a decoy version of you for him to take his frustrations out on, so he wouldn’t notice you were gone-”

“A decoy? Where do you get a decoy Sam Winchester from, Hunters R Us?” Sam chuckled and crossed his arms, remaining skeptical of the explanation.

“Not exactly...” Lucifer winced, clearly not wanting to divulge the information.

“Lucifer,” Sam’s voice was hard and he took a step toward the shorter man, “what did you use as a decoy?”

“Your body.”

“My body?!”

“Yes. I pulled your body apart from your soul,” Lucifer began again, following as the hunter collapsed back onto the couch, “completely detached so your soul wouldn’t sustain any more damage. A soul can only take so much before it becomes so corrupted that it can no longer be restored,” he was sitting on the coffee table now, cross legged in front of Sam.

“Wait, what do you mean restored?”

Lucifer sighed, “As you know, if a soul gets twisted and corrupted long enough it becomes a demon which means that person is then forever damned to Hell.”

“So...” he could see the hunter was having trouble piecing it together, “you prevented my soul from becoming irreversibly corrupted so I could what? Get into Heaven?” Sam threw his head back and laughed as he saw the blonde’s cheeks flare up, “Well I’m sorry to disappoint you Satan, but I’m pretty sure I’m the poster boy for what to do to get yourself into the fiery gates.”

Lucifer shook his head, “You don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand?” he stood up and started pacing, mind racing, I can’t believe I’m discussing the fate of my soul with the devil, “well please, by all means, explain it to me.”

The blonde ran a hand through his hair, this isn’t going to sound good, “If your soul was irreversibly corrupted and you became a demon, you could never be used as a vessel again,” at the look Sam gave him he continued, “I know you think that is a good thing, but your soul shines so bright...,” he dropped his gaze down to the floor, “seeing it corrupted would have devastating effects.”

Sam remained silent, unsure of what to make of this news. Is he telling the truth? If he is lying, what is he hoping to achieve? What’s the point of him telling me this?

“I will wage a war against the angels on the day when Sam Winchester isn’t allowed into the garden.”

It was spoken barely above a whisper, but Sam definitely heard the words. He wasn’t sure whether or not to believe them, but the soft spoken tone made him start to question his earlier judgement. There was no denying the undertone of care that sentence carried, as though he was speaking about someone he didn’t just need to keep safe, but wanted to.

“Lucifer,” Sam kept his tone soft, and found himself placing a hand on the man’s knee, “what don’t I remember?”

The blonde drew in a shaky breath in a failed attempt to keep his voice calm, “After I detached your soul, I gave your body specific instructions. It was to taunt Michael and lead him over to one side of the cage, so I could get your soul to the hideout on the other side. It did a remarkable job,” he noted with a small smile.

“Michael couldn’t understand how you’d got so cocky but was more than happy to rip the confidence back out of you. Once I made sure he was...” he swallowed thickly and closed his eyes, “occupied, I brought you over to the hideout, and did what I could to heal the damage,” it sounded as though he was fighting back tears and he hid his face in his hands, “but there wasn’t much I could do. I thought I could heal you, as I was once an angel but I-”

He cut himself off and hung his head lower, drawing in a shaky breath. Sam blinked and was surprised to see he had encompassed the ex-angel in his arms while he’d listened. What the... ?

“It’s okay, Sam,” Lucifer broke in, scooting out of the hunter’s embrace and hastily wiping at his eyes, “it’s my voice,” he gave a weak smile, “there’s a reason they called me ‘silver-tongued’.”

Sam got up and sat back down on the couch, unsuccessfully avoiding thinking about how... familiar it was to hold him, and about how unbelievably captivating it was to hear him speak. There was no way that was normal.

“What, ugh,” the hunter cleared his throat, “what happened when you touched my soul?”

“I ended up branding it, similar to when a soul gets bought by a demon, anyone else who touched your soul would know that I claimed it. That meant that it couldn’t be traded in any deal, or sold without my permission.”

The way Lucifer explained what he’d done made it sound like he felt guilty, and the way he kept avoiding Sam’s eyes didn’t help. Well what do you expect? He condemned your soul to Hell when that was the last thing he’d wanted, Sam found himself reaching forward again, but didn’t stop himself this time. Didn’t feel the need to stop himself. What would be the harm, anyway? No one’s around.

“The good news,” the blonde’s voice broke threw the hunter’s thoughts, “was that since I had branded it, it had become protected against further damage. No one, not even Michael could continue to harm it,” he ran a hand through his hair and rested his head against Sam’s shoulder, “the bad news, is that it couldn’t be healed past what I’d started. My branding had... preserved it, formed a protective barrier around its current state. Nothing could get in, good or bad... just in time too.”

Lucifer had stopped talking then, letting his voice taper off at the end of the sentence like the last few notes of a song, and allowed a silence to fall while he was held close to the hunter’s chest.

Sam breathed him in and kissed the top of his head, no longer caring about knowing all the answers. He just wanted to savour this moment, the peacefulness of holding him close. Wanted to savour the dream-like state that had taken over before Dean got back. He prayed for his brother not to come back so soon. After all, how often did he get to enjoy moments like this?

He wasn’t sure whether it was because his voice carried some sort of magic, or because of the branding on his soul, but having Lucifer in his arms, feeling his heartbeat had softened the moment—he didn’t want his brother stomping in and shattering that.

“Not too long after that,” the blonde began again with a long sigh, “Michael had began to look for me. I was stupid to think he wouldn’t have noticed I disappeared,” he shook his head at his own misjudgment, “I sensed he was getting close to the hideout so I had to leave you to meet him.”

“He caught up to me in the middle and was dragging your body behind him. Seeing what he did to you...” Lucifer snuggled his head against Sam’s chest and tightened his grip, “he was obviously curious as to where I’d been and why I wasn’t helping torture you since I am the devil,” he sneered the word like it was too vial to pass through his lips.

Like he doesn’t want the title.

“I couldn’t let on to what I was doing,” he dropped his voice low, as if saying it quieter would make it hurt less, “so I-” his voice broke and he buried his head into the hunter’s chest, “Sammy, I’m sorry.”

Sam turned him around so he was no longer sideways across his lap and pulled him close, rubbing a soothing hand over his back when he felt tears start to drip down his shirt.

“Ssshhh... It’s okay... Luce you’re okay,” Sam kept his voice soft as he continued rubbing circles into his back.

Sam’s words only succeeded in making him cry harder and the hunter would be lying if he said seeing him cry wasn’t hurting his heart. Whatever you did, it doesn’t matter.

“Sam-”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I was so worried, I never wanted to tell you.”

“Luce,” Sam pushed him backward slightly, gently swiping at his eyes, “I don’t care what happened. You-”

The door slamming open made the giant jump, and he stood, confused as his brother burst through the door, eyes frantic.

“Uh, Dean?”

“They’re coming,” he all but ran to the back of the cabin, “We need to leave, now.”

Sam rushed to the back as well, gathering his stuff, “What happened?”

“No time,” Dean brush passed him, glancing quickly at the giants’ face before pausing, keeping his eyes on him, “… Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he shifted his weight nervously and glanced back at the now-empty couch, “why?”

“Looks like – never mind. We don’t have time. Meet me outside in five if you don’t want to be monster chow.”

Sam continued packing his stuff, doing his best to sift-through all the information he’d been given.

“Better hurry, Sam. I can feel them,” Lucifer was spread out on the bed, eyes on the floor.

“Luce-”

“Dean’s waiting.”

Sam sighed as he shouldered his duffle, making his way back out to the living room, pausing in the front entrance, “Come with me.”

---------------------------

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chokememrstark · 7 years

Text

The Devil In I // Samifer

Words: 3464

Summary: Sam has come to terms with his hallucination, even if he has no idea how it happened. He slipped into something that he enjoys, knowing full well how crazy and inappropriate it is, but he doesn't care a bit. It's almost as if he's back with Lucifer and that's enough reason for him. Sam still thinks this is only between him and his hallucination, until a case brings them back to Lawrence, where he meets Missouri again. She has some interesting news for him.

some very awkward tension, a very naughty hallucination and a very oblivious brother

Note: Kind of inspired by this post.

And yes, it’s only Hallucifer in this story, but it’s still Samifer XD And no, he’s not an asshole, he’s not torturing Sam or trying to kill him by depriving him of sleep (even if he does prevent him from sleeping from time to time ^^)

Tagging: @spnyoucantkeepmedown @brieflymaximumprincess @sassysupernaturalsweetheart

Sam really didn’t know how it happened, if he was honest to himself. One day he forced his hallucination away by causing himself pain, the next he stayed alone at a motel far away from Dean, begging him to not leave him alone again. Was his hallucination even a him? He didn’t know anymore and he didn’t care either. Everything changed way too quickly for him to make sense of anything, all he knew was that he craved the gentle touches, the soothing words and the feeling of being back with Lucifer - the real one. It wasn’t really Lucifer, he knew that of course, but everything was better than facing the truth; that he would never see the angel again.

Dean was completely oblivious to what was going on, thank God, and Sam wanted it to stay this way. He was the only one who could see Lucifer and his hallucination took advantage of that whenever he could. Sometimes he would whisper into Sam’s ear when he was occupied, giving the hunter goosebumps and shivers that spiraled through his whole body, sometimes he would just talk to him and made him smile. Sam knew it should feel wrong and he should stop this insanity, but he couldn’t do it. Forcing his hallucination away felt like leaving Lucifer again, he simply couldn’t stand this feeling of betrayal anymore.

So, instead of doing what he should have done, Sam accepted what was happening. One night he sat down with his hallucination of Lucifer and they talked everything through, at least the parts Sam was able to talk about. After that, Lucifer’s - in lack of a better name Sam referred to him as that - behavior had changed and for the first time he was not annoying, he was not something Sam wished was gone. It was weird and crazy and Sam knew damn well that if Dean ever found out, he would kill him immediately, but he didn’t care. He was back in Lucifer’s arms, felt his touches and heard his voice again; that was enough for Sam.

Things went better for a while like this. Sure, Lucifer was still a little annoying shit sometimes, especially when Dean got on his nerves, but it was bearable. There were days when Sam and Dean drove to new cases and Lucifer would keep talking to Sam, who cursed him for not being able to answer. Lucifer found this highly entertaining, as he often continued to tease Sam by playing with his hair or nibble on his neck - one time Sam was trying to sleep in the backseats and Lucifer even sat on him, grinding against the hunter and making it hard for him to keep control - in more than one way. Despite that, Sam wasn’t mad. He actually enjoyed this game they were playing, which would ultimately end in bed once Sam was sure Dean would be gone for a while. Why he had a relationship with someone who wasn’t even real was unimportant, they had and none of them really gave a damn about the reasons.

When Dean told Sam they needed to visit Lawrence, specifically Missouri, to help them with a case, the younger brother wasn’t really worried about it. Missouri was a little scary when they had met her the last time, but he generally liked her and was looking forward to see her again. The day they left, Sam was in a good mood. Lucifer was too, he spent most of the time in the backseats, singing along to the songs Dean was playing. His voice had a very calming effect on Sam, to the point where he barely heard when his brother spoke to him.

They arrived in Lawrence late in the afternoon, two days after the begin of their trip, and Sam was relieved to finally get out of the car for a longer period of time. He was glad to be able to stretch his legs and back, even though it was difficult to keep a straight face when Lucifer suddenly let his hands run down Sam’s sides. He gave him a quick smirk, which Lucifer knew was a promise for later, and poked his side in return.

“Alright, Missouri said she’d be home and waiting for us,” Dean yawned, visibly tired from the long drive, and glanced at Sam. His brother quickly dropped the smirk and returned to his usual blank expression.

“Do you wanna go now or, you know, visit the house or something?” Sam asked, hoping he could buy a few minutes alone, but Dean shook his head.

“Too creepy, there’s a family living there now, Missouri told me,” Dean shrugged.

“Too bad,” Sam said and put his hands into his pockets. He didn’t actually feel bad, the last visit to their old house had been a nightmare and he had no good memories of it, but he had to pretend at least. Lucifer rested his chin on Sam’s shoulder, pressing a kiss onto his cheek.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get our time alone soon,” Lucifer said with a smile, to which Sam nodded slightly.

“Come, she’s waiting,” Dean groaned and finally closed the door of the Impala. “I can’t wait to hear her nagging again.”

“It was your idea, Dean,” Sam rolled his eyes at the same time as Lucifer, which made them both grin. “You were out of ideas on how to get rid of this ghost.”

Dean huffed without a real answer and strutted away, immediately followed by Lucifer, who mimicked the hunter perfectly. Sam could barely hold it together seeing this; he had to force himself to follow his brother.

Missouri was waiting for them, as Dean had guessed. She pulled the older brother right into her arms, a huge smile on her face, before she moved to Sam. She grabbed his shoulders, smiling and studying his face.

“It’s been way too long, boys,” she said and then hugged Sam too, who gave Lucifer next to Missouri an awkward look that screamed ‘Humans, I know’.

“Way too long, that’s true,” he said when Missouri let him go.

She kept smiling, but for a second her eyes shifted to the side, where Lucifer was standing, before she looked back at Sam. This time, her eyes looked a little different, but Sam couldn’t make out why. Missouri patted his shoulder again before turning around so they could go inside.

Sam gave Lucifer a confused look after his brother had followed Missouri, but his hallucination only gave him a shake of his head and gestured him to move.

“Coincidence,” Lucifer shrugged.

When Sam stepped into the house, the other gave him a pat on his ass, to which Sam turned around, stuck out his tongue and closed the door right before Lucifer’s face. Of course this wouldn’t stop him from coming in too, but he couldn’t resist.

Dean and Missouri were already sitting in the living room, Dean in a chair next to the couch, Missouri right across it. Sam took the couch, smiling at the two briefly before feeling a shift next to him, signaling that the last guest had arrived, too. Neither Missouri nor Dean reacted to Lucifer’s arrival, so Sam relaxed a little again and leaned back.

“So, boys, what brings you here?” Missouri asked and poured tea into three cups on the table. Yes, she had expected them for sure. “Dean, you said something about a ghost that you were unable to get rid of?”

“Thank you,” Dean said dutifully when he took his cup and put it in front of him. “That’s right. We have a case with a ghost that is terrorizing a small town, but there is no grave and no possessions of the girl when she was still alive. We talked to everyone in town, but no one barely even knew her and no one knows how or where she died either.”

“I see,” Missouri nodded and handed Sam a cup too. “Did you consider summoning her?”

“We have,” Sam stepped in, turning Missouri’s attention back to him. “We don’t even know her name though, I couldn’t find a way to summon her without it. All the books I got from Bobby said we need a name or something that belonged to the ghost when they were still alive.”

Missouri nodded and took a sip or her tea. Over her cup, she kept looking into Sam’s direction, but not at him directly. It made Sam’s skin crawl again a little.

“You can summon a ghost without any of those things, but you need a medium.”

“Like you?” Dean seemed excited.

Next to Sam, Lucifer was shifting and the next moment he felt a hot breath on his ear, sending a shiver down his spine. He grabbed his cup tight to not show his hands would shake otherwise, when Lucifer spoke.

“Do you have any idea what I would love to do with you right now?”

Sam shook his head just enough so Lucifer would know. Dean’s and Missouri’s voices were coming from far, far away now; all he heard was Lucifer’s dark and arousing voice that made him want to jump out of his skin right this second.

“I want to give you a handjob right here, in front of your brother. I want you to fight to not make a sound, I want to see this pleading look in your eyes and silently beg me to stop and keep going at the same time. You know you would love it, wouldn’t you?”

Sam bit the insides of his cheeks, preventing himself from even so much as a whimper that he already felt crawling up in his throat, and nodded a little.

“You would curse me, try to force me away, but you wouldn’t be able to do it. You know why?” Lucifer smirked mischievously and bit Sam’s earlobe. “You would want me to continue and you wouldn’t dare to move even an inch, right? You would hate it, but you would love it even more.”

Shut up, Lucifer please, just shut up…

Sam knew Lucifer could hear him thinking, the grin he felt on his ear proved him right, but he also knew that Lucifer enjoyed doing this too much to stop. Sam would have forced him away, but he was too busy pressing his legs together and force himself to not get a boner right here and now to even think about that.

“Sam? Sam are you listening?”

His brother’s voice snapped Sam out of his paralyzed state and he shook his head frantically before staring at Dean.

“Yes!” he gasped and put the now shaking cup in his hands down. “I’m listening.”

“Do you think we can find someone who knew the girl?” Dean asked, slightly annoyed, and Sam gulped audibly.

“I-I think so,” he mumbled, trying hard to ignore the hand trailing down his neck. “I think one of the guys from… the diner knew her a little.”

“Yeah, you said they dated, right?”

“Yeah.”

This was torture and Sam had never been more glad that he was the only one who could see Lucifer. Oh God, if Dean would know what was going on he would freak out. Lucifer grinned next to him and stretched his legs, resting his feet on the table next to Sam’s tea.

“Alright, I think we have a plan now,” Dean said and slapped his legs. He quickly finished his tea, then turned to Missouri again, who was highly interested in Sam now for some reason. “Would you mind if I use the bathroom quickly, Missouri? We have a long ride ahead.”

“Of course,” Missouri said with a slight smile and looked at Dean. “It’s right to the left in the corridor.”

“Thank you,” Dean smiled and got up. “Won’t take long.”

Sam and Missouri were silent when Dean crossed the room, but the second the bathroom door closed, Missouri’s behavior changed completely.

“Okay, first of all, you take your feet off my table or I’ll slap your ass all the way to Mexico, boy!” Missouri said in a harsh voice, causing Sam to flinch and Lucifer to immediately pull his legs back. They both stared at the woman in complete shock, unable to process what was happening.

“You… you can…” Sam couldn’t form a complete sentence, but it wasn’t necessary.

“You bet I can see him!” Missouri whispered angrily. “And I’ll tell you what, you stop this inappropriate behavior in my house right now, I don’t care what you two do behind closed doors, but you are not going to do it here, understood?”

She stared directly at Sam’s hallucination, who was, for the first time, completely out of words. Sam’s face had lost all its color and when he turned his head, he realized Lucifer looked just the same. He wanted to say something to defend himself, to justify his behavior somehow, but there was no way he could force himself to speak.

“I know what you are, but that doesn’t give you the right to misbehave in my house.”

“You… know what I am?” Lucifer finally spoke again, completely baffled. Sam instinctively searched for his hallucination’s hand with his own and grabbed it tight, both to reassure himself and the other.

“Of course I do. I smell where you come from, I’m surprised you can��t, Sam. The smell of fire and sulfur is overwhelming.”

“But, how?” Sam asked quietly, now even more confused than before.

“Does it matter?” Missouri asked and emptied her own cup of tea before continuing. “I know who made you and I know what you two do, but that’s none of my business.”

“Don’t tell Dean, please,” Sam gasped, finally realizing the impact this situation could have on everything. “If he finds out… please, he’ll lose his mind.”

“I won’t tell anyone, Sam,” Missouri gave him a strict glare. “But you better be careful, both of you. I don’t care why you are in a relationship with a hallucination of the Devil and I won’t tell you to stop either. But you are reckless, you’re not thinking.”

“But…” Sam bit his lip, searching Lucifer’s eyes for the words he couldn’t find.

“I don’t hurt him, I never would,” Lucifer jumped in, giving Sam a gentle smile. “I’m only here because of him.”

“Do you even listen to what I say?” Missouri asked and raised a brow. “Be careful. I’m not the only one who is able to see you. If the wrong person finds out about his existence, they will not only go after him, but after you too, Sam.”

“What?” Sam didn’t understand. “Why would they do that? He’s not harming anyone! He’s just… there.”

“You have lost a lot of your abilities, Sam,” Missouri sighed and leaned back in her chair. “Yes, he is only a hallucination, but did you ever ask yourself why he acts on his own? Why you can’t control him, even though you know he is only that?”

Sam gave Lucifer a confused look.

“I… no… I didn’t,” he frowned.

“Why don’t you tell him?” Missouri asked and glared at Lucifer. “You know why, don’t you?”

Suddenly, Lucifer looked very uncomfortable in his own skin. Sam knew he would have vanished already, if it wasn’t for his own shock and confusion.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lucifer mumbled, his eyes shifting between Sam and the woman. “Sam knows what I am…”

“He knows half of what you are,” Missouri smirked. “But does he know you are not just a hallucination that has come to life because of his own guilt and grief?”

“Lucifer… what is she talking about?” Sam was completely lost now.

“Does he know?” Missouri asked again, to which Lucifer finally sighed in defeat.

“No, no he doesn’t,” he mumbled. “Sam… I… I am Lucifer, or at least… a part of him.”

Sam couldn’t answer, not only because his mouth was completely dry and his skin numb, but also because in this moment, Dean came back into the room and stopped next to the couch.

“Sam, you okay?” he asked, a hint of worry in his voice, and Sam forced himself to nod.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Alright,” Dean gave him one last glare, then turned back to Missouri. “Would you mind lending me the book with the spell you were talking about? I promise, I will bring it back as soon as we put this ghost to rest.”

Missouri pushed herself out of her chair and nodded.

“It better not have a scratch on it when you bring it back, boy,” she warned Dean, who followed her outside. “This book is in my family for generations, if you dare harm it -”

Sam couldn’t hear the rest anymore, in fact, he couldn’t even hear his own thoughts.

“Sam? Sam are you okay?” Lucifer asked worried and gently shook the hunter’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I should have told you, but I didn’t know how!”

“So she’s right,” Sam whispered and slowly turned his head to look at his hallucination. “You are him.”

“Yes… and no,” Lucifer sighed. He took one of Sam’s hands into his own again and looked into his eyes. “He made me, that’s true. I am a part of him, but also a part of you. I’m only here because of you.”

“What does that mean? Is Lucifer… alive? Are you like a vessel that he uses?”

“No, not like that,” Lucifer shook his head. “I mean, he is alive, that’s true, but I am myself, he doesn’t use me.”

“I don’t get it,” Sam sighed and turned his head away. This was more confusing than the last months had already been, he really didn’t know what to think now.

“Sam, don’t be mad at me,” Lucifer said, almost pleading, and gently laid a hand on the human’s cheek. “I never thought this was important.”

“Is it not?” Sam asked, unwillingly leaning into the tender touch. “Just how I am not important?”

“Don’t say that,” Lucifer stressed out and turned Sam’s face towards him. “You are important to me, I told you that. It doesn’t matter how I came here, not anymore. I won’t hurt you again and I’m sorry I ever did, don’t you know that?”

“I don’t know what I know anymore,” Sam huffed defeated.

“But I do,” Lucifer smiled and pressed a soft kiss on Sam’s lips. It took a few moments, but eventually, Sam returned the kiss and Lucifer smiled into it.

“We have a lot to talk about, you know that, right?” Sam asked when he pulled back, a weak smile on his own lips.

“I know,” Lucifer said, stroking the other’s cheek and shoving the other under Sam’s shirt, a smirk spreading on his face. “You can choose if we talk before…” Lucifer leaned forward and buried his face against Sam’s neck, his teeth scraping over the sensitive skin and coaxing a quiet moan from the hunter. “Or if we talk after…”

“Screw you,” Sam groaned when he tilted his head back, allowing Lucifer to continue his inappropriate behavior, as Missouri called it. “I should have known you’re the Devil.”

“Oh yes, I am,” Lucifer smirked and sunk his teeth into Sam’s neck while pulling his body closer to his own. Sam let out a sound that was anything but disapproving. “But you love it, don’t you, Sam? You love it when I tease you like that…”

“Fuck, I do,” Sam groaned and bit his lip. His face felt hot and he knew he was blushing like mad - if Dean would come in right now he would die instantly - but Lucifer was right. He loved this too much to care about the why and how.

“You better make sure we are alone tonight, Sam,” Lucifer grinned and pressed a kiss on the spot he had just bitten, before pulling back and looking deep into Sam’s eyes. “I can’t promise I’ll be able to behave myself.”

“I will,” Sam gulped, a hand moving to Lucifer’s back and holding him close for the moment. “You won’t have to behave at all.”

“Perfect,” Lucifer growled and drowned Sam in another deep and passionate kiss, taking advantage of the few minutes they had left before he would have to stop again.

Sam closed his eyes and gave into the complete bliss Lucifer filled him with. He didn’t want this to stop, no matter how dangerous it might become. For now, Sam wanted his hallucination to stay and knowing the real Lucifer was alive too only added to that. His hallucination was made by Lucifer himself, there had to be a reason for that. Maybe it was just that, he thought and smiled into the kiss. Maybe Lucifer wanted to be with him, even if he physically couldn’t.

Sam liked this thought.

#samifer #sam x hallucifer #hallucifer #sam winchester #myfics #one shot

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mittensmorgul · 7 years

Note

I find Joyce Bicklebee quite amusing LOL!

I find her the PERFECT exemplar of the Leviathan, actually.

(yes I am watching 7.16 too... *waves hi across the TNT loop*)

Well, some combination of her and George. They were going for “Evil Corporate Monsters” in s7, and that really comes across here. Joyce is the Evil Ambitious Micromanager trying to advance her own career on the back of her employees, and George is the more-competent-than-he-gets-credit for grunt worker who just isn’t properly appreciated.

JOYCE: We have a chain of command here, George. You see a Winchester, you don't eat him. You tell me, and I eat him. What do you think, I'm gonna tell Dick, "I think he ate him, but I didn't see it"? What, I'm supposed to vouch for you, George? Like you're not one dumb move away from a bibbing already? Come on.

and

JOYCE: Sam and Dean. It is such a pleasure to make your acquaintances. Now, just so you can put names to the faces that’ll be eating you, I'm Joyce, and this is my assistant, George.

But George had been playing his own game, trying to make a deal with Sam and Dean, helping them kill Joyce, telling them about the Leviathan’s “Big Picture Plans,” and tells them they’re building a research facility to “cure cancer.” But he does live... (or at least we don’t see him die...)

(meanwhile Sam is cracking up, Dean has to fight the urge to Prince Sigfried himself into oblivion, and Frank is telling Dean that when you dig down deep it’s all Dick... a big old giant nesting doll of Dick... and right at the end Sam and Dean lose another anchor--however paranoid and whackadoo-- in their lives... Frank.)

I find it really interesting, aside from the Joyce and George dynamic, that Sam describes what’s happening inside his head as “Lucifer” doing these things to him.

SAM: Yeah, well, every time I close my eyes, Lucifer is yelling into my head. It's like I let him in once, now I can't get rid of him.

and

SAM: It doesn't matter what I do, Dean. Lucifer will not shut up.DEAN: Even now?SAM He's singing "Stairway to Heaven" right now.DEAN Good song.SAM Not 50 times in a row.

I mean... that’s Sam’s own mind generating “Lucifer” as his tormentor. It’s not actually Lucifer. It’s the damaged part of his soul that remembers Hell taking over.

And then we go right into 7.17, where that damaged part of his soul takes over to the point where it’s actively killing him. The Lucifer hallucination even points this out to him:

HALLUCIFER: I’m just sayin’... back when you had no soul you never had to sleep.

and then Sam confirms it to Dean when Dean suggests there could be a cure out there:

SAM: When you put my soul back...DEAN: No.SAM: ...Cas warned you about all the crap it would –DEAN: Screw Cas! Quit being Dalai frickin' Yoda about this, okay? Get pissed!SAM: [sighs] I'm too tired. This is what happens when you throw a soul into Lucifer's dog bowl. And you think there's just gonna be some cure out there?

The hunter who calls Dean back, after he follows Bobby’s clue, essentially reports his meeting with Emmanuel in a way very reminiscent of Dean’s first meeting of Cas in 4.01--

MACKEY: Heard the best way to get to him is through his wife, Daphne, out in Colorado? So, I go. Tell her I'm going blind. It's true. My right eye's burnt out. She says, "Go home. He'll come." So, I go. I set every trap, every test in the book.DEAN: That's what I would have done.MACKEY: Emmanuel shows. He passes every one. There ain't nothing weird about this guy. Except... he's the real deal.DEAN: What do you mean?MACKEY: He touched me, and my eye was fixed. Look – I don't believe in much that don't suck your blood. But I wouldn't call you on a maybe.

And oh gosh there’s quite a few narrative and visual callbacks to 4.01 in this episode-- Dean peering out the window of the closed convenience store, talking with the demon on Emmanuel’s porch in a way that recalls talking with the demon waitress in the diner in 4.01, even Meg showing up as a “helpful” demon to parallel Ruby-- and it’s even DEAN who vouches for her to Cas, telling him she’s a “friend.” I know there’s more, but I keep getting distracted watching it instead of keeping track of them...

And then when Cas does finally remember everything, the crushing guilt he hadn’t been able to remember from 7.01 finally returns:

CASTIEL: What I did. What I became. Why didn't you tell me?DEAN: Because Sam is dying in there.CASTIEL: Because of me. Everything. All these people. I shouldn't be here.

And suddenly, everything Dean just couldn’t find it in himself to forgive Cas for, that he’d confessed to Emmanuel that he just couldn’t let go, suddenly when it’s CAS again none of that matters. But it’s now CAS that can’t forgive himself, who believed he DESERVED TO DIE for what he’d done.

DEAN: If you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time.CASTIEL: Don't defend me. Do you have any idea the death toll in Heaven? On Earth?

And it’s Dean who offers him redemption, giving him his coat back and telling him that they can still fix it. Sadly, in his depressed state, he feels like the only thing he can fix is Sam, but it’s a start.

Taking on the damage to Sam’s soul, healing Sam, also becomes penance for Cas as he suffers through that damage himself. And still it’s less punishment than he thinks he deserves (since he’d intended to stay in Purgatory as well... and really everything he’s done since then, everything he’s done trying to do the right thing in the last five years, has been an extension of this moment... whether by direct result, guilt, or as the consequences of his self-sacrificing attempts to fix everything, or at least to do one right thing... to make one right choice)

This... sorta got away from me.

#spn 7.16 #spn 7.17 #s12 hellatus rewatch #i... kinda went off on about 9 tangents here... oops... :P #Anonymous

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