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serenabam · 11 months ago

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I was a Taylor's concert in Hamburg N2 and I still can't believe it really happened!!

What an experience!! Better than I hoped it would be!! Aaahh bliss!!!

Having read and seen about other fans "post concert depression" and considering what an absolute catastrophe my life has been the last couple of years, I really took care to prepare myself mentally for this. All that time and energy was well spend - I feel wonderful and I only have good memories!! (I write this because this could have been a big issue for me if I hadn't worked hard on myself the last year while I had the ticket.)

This was my first time going to a concert (non classical music) I attended alone. I had travelled alone before but that's also more than a decade in the past now. After all the bad things I had to overcome, this feels like a huge win for me. All of it was a challenge and an uphill battle, but I made it possible! I'm so proud of myself not just selling my ticket. Yay for me!! And as an extra, I finally got to see Taylor live!!

The travelling was a challenge in itself thanks to the Deutsche Bahn. I was supposed to travel for three and a half hours from my home town to Hamburg .... ja, that time was almost doubled on the way to Hamburg and double plus extra time on the way home. This here is the negative of the trip.

When I arrived in Hamburg, I just dashed to my hotel, got ready - glittered up!! And off I was to the Volksparkstadion. Since I'm from the Niederrhein and from a Karnevalshochburg I am used to walk through a normal town totally dolled up, silly things in my face, so I don't even know if anyone blinked an eye about me running around with all that pink glitter on my face - I aimed for the lover album cover look - and all the sparkly stones I glued all over me.

The organisation at the stadium was supposed to be terrible. Maybe due to my almost late arrival (danke Deutsche Bahn) - when I reached the ticket scan Paramore started playing! uff - however I didn't really experience any queuing. Only thing that was stressful was getting to my seat. I found block 11C. I was in row 12, but I somehow managed to get into the block from the wrong direction and I had to get through the row for a too long time. Sorry to those affected! ... Block 11C is huge!

And at my seat - the view! Paramore already playing!! A dream come true. I've been a fan of theirs for soooo long, what an absolute treat seeing them live! When they finished I basically ran to the merch stand - I got the blue crew neck in L. Now at home, I wish I had taken the XL, but seems that cannot be remedied now. (Unless the blue crew neck somehow lands in the European online store. I will not try my luck with vinted, with my luck I'll loose my crew neck and get nothing in return.) It sits well, it's just not as roomy, oh well. Normally I'm an XXL or XL if large. This L fitting me like a normal sweater is pretty wild to me.

While I climb back up the Stadion-Block, the first song starts playing. What was it - Latto? Not sure now. I sped up and made it to my seat. As soon as I parked my ass, from the right Taylor's cleaning cart was pushed behind the stage. The whole stadium just lost it!! I knew "we" the audience knew Taylor uses that thing but it was hilarious. Everything happened super quick now. Gaga's "applause" started playing and we all just shouted out in excitement. People started running to their seats, people singing along to Gaga. Then the countdown started and Dusty starts singing ... the crowd including me became soooo loud, it was unreal. It was really happening. Over a year waiting for this concert and then it just starts right in front of you.

Taylor coming up in the elevator, crawling a few metres ahead onto the next elevator, while she is covered basically with a pride flag... then the reveal - the birth of Venus and Taylor was wearing the orange lover body suit with the pink boots. I was in love!!

All this I couldn't tell you by talking right now because this here - Taylor singing Miss Americana - is the start of me singing along so loud, that my voice is gone. It's saturday and it's getting better, my concert was on wednesday haha ... voice is coming back though, monday back at work, everything will be fine.

The next set was fearless and Taylor was wearing the new fearless tiger dress ... aaaaahh I get emotional. Back when I heard fearless (when it first came out) I became a fan of hers. Fearless the song has been with me all these years ... it's one of my special songs. And yes, I cried when I got to see and hear Taylor play it live. Thank you Taylor!!

The show went by like a breeze. I barely noticed the three hours. By the end when Taylor finished Karma and introduced band and dancers, I was spend but so deeply happy!! The TTPD - I do hope it somehow gets added to the concert film please? It was stunning. Down Bad with the UFO. The DRAMA! Although Taylor really seemed to be "over" So High School. I bet that song will get cut.

There were a few things I noticed that keep my brain busy now. Taylor seemed a little tense at times? Maybe the rain show the night before was a little heavy on her body? I don't know, but she clearly gave her best. When we reached Champagne Problems, by the end of the song, she seemed really not that into it. We were screaming like crazy! When she took her ear pieces out, we went absolutely feral!!! Never have I heard a crowd scream this loud, it was insane!!

I hate doing this and actually as part of me preparing myself for the concert experience, I made myself aware not to compare my personal experience with videos from other fans ... but clearly the night before, Taylor had a better time. Maybe because it was a rain show and she was more relaxed ... like her hair! It didn't have to be straight wink wink.

Another thing I noticed ... the song Illicit Affairs ... that song is about us and Taylor, isn't it? Sure all of Taylor's songs are multi-leveled. But oh boy! When she started singing the bridge, the backdrop losing the colours and Taylor pointing at us the audience ... with great passion!

Maybe I should write more about how I interpret her songs, maybe I will. I've been thinking about what it means to be a fan, that connection, what it is, what it isn't. And Taylor's performance of Illicit Affairs really hit me hard.

"And you wanna scream Don′t call me "kid" Don't call me "baby" Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors You know I can′t see with anyone else

Don't call me "kid" Don′t call me "baby" Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times"

Pointing at us, the audience "don't call me kid" ... yeah, that song is about Taylor and us too. Sure it is on the surface a clever song about a couple having an affair. But this song is also about Taylor and her relationship with fame and the fans.

We have a secret language. We the general audience and Taylor. We the somewhat hardcore Swifties (you know, the ones, where we love her but don't actually stalk her!) and Taylor. We the Gaylors/Kaylors and Taylor. That fame Taylor is seeking, is driving her to a life in secret. Not the front door, but parking lots and side ways.

"There are five holes in that fence" ... we all here are clowns and idiots. No, it's bEckY.

Taylor having illicit affairs with the lovers the world knows. Taylor having illicit affairs with the lovers few know about. Taylor having illicit affairs with the general audience. Taylor having illicit affairs with the Gaylors ... if you, dear reader of this here, think Taylor is a heterosexual woman, would you think less of her, if and when she turns out to be queer? I'm queer myself so from my experience I think I know the answer. I also could be wrong about "reading" Taylor as a queer woman, no wait, I know I'm not wrong about this.

While this made me think, what broke me emotionally were the surprise songs.

Taylor in a blue dress (your body is blue) really brought the emotions on the night of Folkmore's fourth birthday.

On guitar The Last Great American Dynasty! I was soooo happy, one of my favourites and I had made peace with the fact that Taylor had cut it from the set aaaah! She mashed it up with Run!!! Oh god how I love Run! And what a clever mash-up. Might be my perspective again "Darling let's run" ... it's Taylor's relationship with someone and with fame again. All the public eyes on Rebecca and then Run! Darling, let's run!

The piano mash-up broke me. I was a crying mess. Nothing New. That song has a special meaning to me ... I'm so grateful that I got to hear it live.

""She looks like she's been through it"

Lord, what will become of me Once I've lost my novelty?"

And Taylor mashed this up with DEAR READER!!!

Dear reader, will you still want me when I'm nothing new?

Obviously my answer is yes, but oh my god, I feel this so much!! What an emotional gut punch .......

I loved this concert so much. I treasure the memories and I will keep them in my heart.

Taylor, you will never see this, but I love you, thank you so much!!

Thank you for giving me this experience, thank you for the memories. Thank you for giving me the motivation to make the impossible possible in my current situation. I grew in ways during the last year that I didn't think were possible, because my life was so bleek.

That drive and energy already helped me in other areas of my life. (I first accidently typed "other eras of my life" and that is a wonderful joke only I will ever understand.)

Going forward I want to remember this. Keep wearing the pink tour shirt ... Like Taylor I'm a sucker for numbers. The concert was number 121 on 24.7.24. The shop order for my shirt had a number like this too ... it's a little freaky joy I keep thinking about. I will keep wearing the blue crew neck too, I will put that Eras Tour Hamburg poster up.

I will hold on to those memories, they will hold onto me.

Stranger in the dark, if you read all this - thank you! I wish you an experience like the one I had and I hope you have a wonderful day. <3

#TaylorSwiftErasTour Hamburg N2

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