#has made me meet a lot more ppl n given me more experiences n a deeper outlook on life ?

[toastsnaffler]

weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<

[symptoms-syndrome]

Ok another rant but under a readmore this time bc of the weird tag search shenanigans and this has what would possibly be seen as "key words" that could come up in searches I don't want them to. Warning I guess that I'm really fucking angry rn and that this is about the introject thing again.

Ok so I haven't slept or anything so maybe this won't make sense, but I feel like a part of why I refuse to touch "introject" stuff as it currently exists online is because the struggles people post about (whether they're valid struggles or not is not my place to say) are utterly foreign to me and not relevant to my life or experience in the slightest and likely never will be. And also they're the only thing people talk about re:introjects and nobody ever shuts up about it. Primarily the issues are "people are treating me like my source and saying they love [character]" or "I saw some fanart of [character] and it made me uncomfortable" or generally? I guess fandom-y stuff. And I don't mean to victim blame here but 1. If you walk into a Danganronpa server and introduce yourself as Komaeda or smth. I'm not sure what you're expecting and 2. A lot of the issues IMO can be boiled down to "please just learn how to filter things and scroll away block tags block blogs not everything is about u"

Occasionally there's some things I relate to, but even then they're often parsed in a way extremely different from my experiences. For example, I have parts that have "memories" or feel like they miss people who never existed, but like. I am able to recognize that that's just my brain putting some new paint on old traumas to try and make them easier to swallow, for the most part, and are more symbolic than literal. I never understood "source calls" in the context of DID/OSDD, as I thought we all knew that introjects aren't from some parallel universe and are created by our brains, and thus any people in any false "memories" are not and will not ever be real people? Which I get is hard to swallow sometimes, but IDK what ppl expect to get out of meeting a stranger on the internet whos brain related to a different dude from the same thing ur brain related to. PwDID aren't like. Psychics. I feel like the advice given for these posts (if they're not just empty platitudes, which is the most common) is utterly unhelpful for me. "Do things that remind u of ur source" "buy some manga of your source" "remember ur valid as [character]" I don't want to do any of those things actually. I would actually prefer to not be validated as a character bc I am not one. It reminds me more of what I'd expect from old kin communities I was a part of as a teen than what I'd expect from people within the frame of mental illness and trauma. And like, back when I thought I was kin I guess sometimes stuff like that felt nice, but feeling nice isn't always the goal. Sometimes something feeling nice can be a detractor from something that actually does good.

Not to mention, it feels like a lot of these posts are operating on this idea that not only are introjects a Special Kind of Part (which people more eloquent than I have made posts about how that's bullshit at best) but that everyone puts their introjects front n center, "this is Naruto from Naruto and here's his pseudomemories and likes and dislikes and-" etc etc etc like I can eliminate 99% of posts about introjects from my consideration based on the fact alone that I don't tell people about my introjects. No shade to people who do share, but it's just not a universal experience like how people frame it to be.

There are definitely things that I struggle with related to introjection. I just feel like it's very uncommon to see anything beyond "people treat me like the real [character]" or "people DONT treat me like [character]" or other shit like that related to like. Entering a fandom space openly as an introject, something I could literally never imagine doing I'd sooner microwave tin foil than join a fandom discord for a media I introjected from. I feel like a lot of the things I struggle with are very internal. Between me myself and I. No pun intended.

Anyway this is more and more of an annoyance clawing at my brain every time I've made the mistake of looking at anything any of the hash tag fictives or whatever post online or even just any shit about introjects in general. And bc people can't shut the fuck up about introjects for two goddamn seconds and DID is basically treated as introject disease on tumblr.edu it feels like I can't escape it bc it's fucking everywhere everyone's gotta talk about fictives and factives and fucktives etc etc all the fucking time whenever we talk about DID bc it's sooooo important to treat the anime boys right and make sure all the shit u post online about [anime of the week] is suitable for if the real Joe Schmo from Joe Schmo Adventures sees your post about how Joe's pal Jake has a good ass or whatever. I'm sick of it.

Ironically one of the introjected parts of my sys is telling me to tone this shit down a little and the other main one isn't around RN but would definitely not approve. I don't fucking care though I need to talk about how sick I am of this shit. I know he's sick of it too even if he's nicer about it. I can bitch if I want to I'm not hurting anyone and I'm not calling anyone out or anything I'm literally just saying I'm sick of the entire DID conversation being turned into "how to make introjects comfy" esp when the answers are bullshit and only apply to niche communities but are treated like the word of fucking god. """Singlets""" getting """educated""" on why it's of utmost importance you make Bakugo from the shit system feel safe and supported and shield him from any criticism or people who just don't like that character or like him too much or whatever not to mention the fucking RACISM that keeps rearing it's ugly head every time some white motherfucker feels the need to make some weird out of touch post about racism re:introjects with "ohhh u can't say slurs" bc that's all white ppl ever talk about with racism is fucking slurs which have the least relevance to any systemic change at all.

[matoitech]

Different anon but I would love to hear more about how Galo being autistic affects his relationship with Aina

oh i would love to talk about this cuz i think its an interesting example we have of galo being autistic and most other characters not rly making much effort to understand where hes coming from or connect w him! so first i gotta mention that in canon theres a lot of wiggle room for interpretation with aina and her and galos relationship just due to how little time its given, but to me it FEELS like they want her to be a parallel to galo (ESPECIALLY true w the lake scene) so sometimes she comes off more as like, also autistic and just doesnt rly mesh in communication styles or understanding why her own attempts at reaching out 2 galo arent working (same as he struggles w his relationship w aina and other ppl, and why theres so many songs abt him and lio Getting Each Other) so like autistic in an opposite direction from him, and sometimes (esp in the ova) it feels like shes meant to b read as allistic and thats why they arent rly meshing. i think the latter is probably more likely to be the intention but the former can b a lot of fun cuz autistic aina <3 anyway moving on

so like to make this more organized im gonna skim thru the ova and the major scene w them from the movie, galo and burning rescue meet in his ova when he introduces himself to them by way of bringing up his special interests and what he assumes are their shared passion for firefighting and everything that goes along w that. ive talked abt this b4 w this scene, but galo bringing his special interests in2 the convo right away and introducing them alongside himself is both a super common autistic way to try to connect w people as well as say hey this is what im about. that obviously doesnt go that well as we get our first introduction of how burning rescue is gonna treat him for the ova and duration of the movie, aina included, in being kind of rude to him (except remi whose very ableist compared to the others) abt it n immediately treating him like an idiot for trying to communicate w them the way thats natural for him. this kind of solidifies how theyll talk abt him and communicate w him for the movie, even as they gain some respect 4 him for saving thyma they dont change how they talk w/about him

im not gonna go over everything in the movie but the lake scene w galo and aina has the very obvious purpose of showing that galo isnt interested in like the potential woman love interest the movie is pushing at him but IS interested in lio, it also serves various other functions some of which being 1) exposition 2) introducing galo and aina as being more alike (paralleled even) than they can rly understand thru their previous attempts at getting 2 know each other 3) SHOWING more how aina and galo have not rly gotten along b4 and showing thru their faltering attempts 2 connect that even if they have stuff in common this is not the romance u r going to get i this movie and they just dont like each other like that

aina and galos communication styles and humor both feel different to me and dont mesh that well, theyre both blunt tho in different ways (aina even told heris galo was ‘honest and too blunt for his own good’ which i think is funny coming from her lol) like galo tries to be expressive and hes got this thing abt Proving himself while aina more quietly does her own thing, galos rly genuine and doesnt rly get that other ppl might not b being genuine (which is smth kr*y took advantage of to lie to him and manipulate him), aina however is rly dry so it comes off as barbed when i think its unintentional and while there r points when shes kind of mean i dont think shes like, going out of her way to hurt his feelings i just think she doesnt rly recognize that galo.. HAS feelings? theres a certain way burning rescue (and in general other characters in promare) treat galo where hes dismissed as being just an idiot for.. being autistic rly and i think thats just smth aina did b4 they had more of a chance to talk one on one and make more of an effort. i dont think she rly treats him the same way she did in the start of the movie and the ova as she does the further the movie goes on. they just didnt know each other very well and no one rly made much of an effort w him b4 then

the long and short of it is that from what we see in the movie it affects his relationship w aina a very similar way it does w burning rescue as general (they function sort of like a single character at times) and galo and aina having dif communication styles (galos very explicitely bcuz he is autistic) shows in making it harder for him to have like, genuine connections and relationships bcuz while galo and aina both sometimes try to extend olive branches to each other (like i think they have trouble getting along but it helped to find common ground) them not rly understanding each other or why the other person does things the way they do was smth intentionally included 4 the straightbaiting bit to work and showing galo and aina wouldnt rly work together and galo and lio r more like. attracted to/intrigued by/instinctively understanding of each other and have that compelling them to get to know each other, n their experiences lend them dif levels of respect towards each other that galo and his coworkers never had. in a way even tho aina made an effort w galo later he had kind of moved on from trying to be friends with his coworkers by then and pursued his relationship w lio instead (again lots of dif reasons they get each other and vibed on a dif level than he had w other ppl, the obvious among them being theyre gay 4 each other lol), tho thats not set in stone n after the events of the movie maybe they can b friends now

anyway umm yes i think post promare galo and aina find ways to communicate better and i would like for them to be friends but like galo being autistic is legitimately the reason trigger gave for him getting off on the wrong foot with burning rescue lmao. it definitely affects his relationship w aina in that way even tho i think she started being more receptive 2 his way of communicating later on. hope this somewhat answered ur question, i have a lot of dif ways of viewing their relationship and characters. as always if anyone has specifics u want elaborated on or has smth 2 add i would luv to hear it

[pistolslinger]

WAIT I CANNOT BELIEVE I MISSED THE BELOVED LOVE FEST LAST NIGHT:(( i hope u can accept my late entries. first up i would like to give my wholeass heart to nat pistolslinger. idk if you know her but she's literally the light of my life. every time i talk to them i literally choke on my spit because they're so funny and hilarious and their emoji meme collection rivals mine (i am threatened by it therefore i must screenshot all her memes). also not to mention how kind and supportive she is:(( i know i can go to her with anything and she'll help me through it no matter what. she's so selfless and has helped me through some really difficult times and that really means the world to me. i am so blessed to know them<33 and dont even get me started on her writing. her talent. her mind. her absolute creativity. god. i think nat pistolslinger is actually leigh bardugo or even jesper in disguise?? she writes him brilliantly and he's so on point and wonderful and kind and i love him to bits (and jyn does too shhhh she'll tell him eventually). her jesper is my canon jesper<333 i love you lots nat you are the bestest<3

libby did u think u were gonna escape w/o gettin yelled at back. did u. who said u could come in here with ur endless positivity like u are not the essence of everything u are complimenting everyone else on!!!!! what the hell!!!!! ur writing style is BEAUTIFUL, im obsessed with how seamlessly u work jyn’s canon bg into her grishaverse ( and tbh, ANY au u write her in?? its always flawless? ) and how u have taken the MESSSSS that is unfortunately sw canon and made it work for jyn in better n more interesting ways :( if only the rogue 1 team had reached out to u to ask for ur input on ur oc, jyn, who you created with ur own 2 hands. ANYWAY.

i love how u handle her relationships, i love seeing her go from flinty to slowly trusting sb, the way u handle THAT aspect of her without softening a single thing, or rushing it, or ignoring her experiences n trauma is just. heartbreaking but also :chefkiss: u know? i adore it, i love what we’ve built for these 2 goons together & i love seeing it happen w/ other characters on the dash. idk how but u have us simping for jyn even harder than most ppl who see her do. 50% libby magic 50% jyn magic for SURE

also you!!!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! look up human sunshine ur picture is the first thing that comes up!!! its true i checked google myself n everything. it takes a lot to be as positive as u are, so i hope. with all these asks ur sending around, that u know: any time u need i will punch sb for u. also that u are without a doubt one of the most positive influences on the dash at any given time. even if u are posting evil emojis. u are so friendly, welcoming, and smart, and i have yet to meet anyone who makes me laugh as much as u do :( u deserve all the kindness u give others, back 200% 

[angeltrapz]

hhmmmmvnfj asks abt Lawrence? umm in a selfship way: what’s ur favorite gift he’s gotten u? — in a character analysis way, bcuz I’ve posted a lil abt it n u mentioned it in DMs too: if William had survived, bc Lawrence was handling new disciples at that time (like Brad n Ryan), how do u think Lawrence n William would’ve interacted? (esp bc we know William was at least vaguely aware of who Lawrence was pre-trap bc of their connections to John)

dfhskj thank u!!! finally getting 2 this

okay fr the selfship part: mentioned it a little bit when replying 2 the other ask u sent, but it’s a worry stone made out of rhodonite (which looks a lil like this), bc he knows how interested I am in gems + rocks n stuff like that but also bc he wanted me to have smth to fidget with in case I forgot my lil lanyard of rolling beads when we went somewhere! it’s smth I just run my thumb along bc it’s smooth n soft n fits perfectly in the palm of my hand. a lot of times if I’m in an uncomfortable situation I can’t get out of, having that w me helps a lot bc it’s grounding n it reminds me of him 💞💞

fr the character analysis part: KJSKFS YEAH I love getting 2 talk abt that bc I actually think abt it quite a bit. as u said, William and Lawrence have always been vaguely aware of each other on account of being connected thru their interactions w John, the doctor who he felt wasn’t kind/sympathetic enough n the insurance agent who denied his (EXTREMELY experimental, mind u) foreign treatment request. I’m not sure that they ever interacted face-to-face PRIOR to John’s death, but after William survives his test it’s just kinda like... who else does he have 2 talk to that might be able to understand even the tiniest bit what he went thru? he loves Pamela to pieces, of course he does, she’s his only family - but she didn’t see what he’d had to do, doesn’t rly KNOW like Lawrence would.

but I still think he’d absolutely be Cautious, bc even w the desire to be understood n maybe even have someone he could confide in, William knows now that Lawrence has been helping John for quite some time - as we see in 3D and as u said, Lawrence is the one handling new disciples, something that only John ever did; Amanda didn’t have her own apprentices, n Hoffman sure as hell didn’t either. that, n William doesn’t know how much involvement, if any, Lawrence had w his own test - that’s smth that wld haunt him a lil, I think. it’s hard to be comfortable around a person who is not only directly involved w the person who felt it necessary to put u in a trap, but who Also may have been the one to put fucking explosive bracelets/anklets n tattoos on u + SEWN A KEY inside of u, which is INCREDIBLY violating of his bodily autonomy. that could warrant a whole discussion of its own tbh.

but. Lawrence is the closest John ever got 2 having a TRUE successor (which I have conflicting feelings on; my reading of Lawrence in SAW 2004 was not someone who wld have joined up w someone who caused him so much pain, but fr the sake of exploring this, I think tht after going thru something as horribly traumatizing and irreversibly changing as he did, he sought that life of control n routine that he felt he had prior to his game, and well, John could certainly provide that,,,) n William would likely know this. Amanda’s dead, Logan is off doing who knows what n living his life, Hoffman is only doing it out of a weird sense of obligation?, and Jill isn’t rly a disciple, just some1 who’s been dragged into it too. (I think William n Jill actually would’ve gotten along tbh,, it’s a different thing entirely whether William would WANT to interact w her.)

I think Lawrence wld want to be able to reassure William that he had no hand in what happened to him (I don’t even know if Lawrence is the one who fitted the bracelets/did the key?), but he like. wouldn’t even know where 2 begin bc how can he explain that in a way that William could ever rely on? how could he ever convince William that he truly wasn’t responsible when all the other man wld have 2 do is look at all of th ppl he assisted John in securing/operating on? Hoffman was the one who put William in his trap, but Lawrence doesn’t know he’ll ever b able 2 prove that in a way William can believe. n I don’t think he’d expect William to believe him, not at all, but I think Lawrence at that point truly doesn’t have anyone - he and Alison are divorced and she has Diana, Adam isn’t around obviously, John + Amanda are gone, Hoffman doesn’t know he exists, so who does he have? I think he longs fr that sort of connection, even if it Is forged thru smth as terrible as what they were both individually put thru by John - they have tht common ground of being involved in his diagnosis + the way he responded to them (petty fucking grievances... kramer I will literally knock yr teeth in u fucker) n being ppl he considered partially responsible fr his downfall in a way (Lawrence wasn’t “kind enough,” William said no to a highly expensive and experimental international treatment that they weren’t even sure wld WORK). and like, not necessarily 2 the same extent, but they were both physically altered by what they went thru. Lawrence is missing his foot. William has scars + tattoos that he could get covered up, sure, but the experience isn’t going away. the scar on his side where the key was hidden is never going away. Lawrence’s prosthetic is functioning but the fact that he cut his fucking foot off isn’t going away. n that’s not even TOUCHING the lasting mental effects.

so I think William wld be feeling rly lost. he just doesn’t know what to do. he doesn’t know if he can even go back to the life he led b4 (if he does, it’s not for a very long time) n he has a hard time looking Pamela in the eye bc he feels personally responsible fr her having been there too + bc of what he’d been made to do to so many ppl. he feels alone, much more than he ever has before, n that’s saying smth bc his personal life was already extremely solitary bc he felt it was safer for him + his career. no one could possibly understand what he went thru, bc nobody saw it. nobody saw the way he tried so hard to keep every1 alive, the way he tried to help the people he worked with + CARED FOR even if he had 2 put himself thru pain to do it (holding onto those pulleys until his shoulders were almost DISLOCATED fr Addy n Allen, burning himself w the steam so Debbie could get thru the maze, the entirety of the shotgun carousel). Tara + Brent didn’t see him sacrifice himself fr his coworkers, n neither did Pamela. nobody knows. William wants some1 to connect with, n that just doesn’t seem like a possibility given that what he went thru in there is knowledge that only he himself + Hoffman carry.

but Lawrence knows. he understands n he's the one 2 kinda make that offer, to just be like “u don’t have 2 trust me right now, or even ever, but I understand n if u want some1 2 talk to, I’m here.” bc what does he have to lose? Adam is gone. Alison n Diana are gone. he’s by himself. and so is William, though he has Pamela. they’re both men who went thru smth unspeakably terrible bc a dying man wanted 2 play god n they came out of it much worse off than they ever were b4 John “helped” them. n William is just like. how much worse could it get? after Jigsaw, what could possibly be worse than what he’s already gone thru? so he’s just kind of like, “okay, we can work this out, I can’t say I trust u right now but maybe I can in the future. we can do this together. we can help each other.” n that’s how they end up meeting for coffee or breakfast/lunch/dinner every so often (coffee meets are at least weekly), n it’s just kind of like. the reassurance that some1 has seen the very worst parts of u and are still around. the relief of knowing someone sees u and knows how hard yr fighting to rebuild a life that’s been shattered into a million tiny pieces. n they’re struggling against that current together, and maybe it starts in a place of “I have no one else so I might as well chill w u,” but eventually William and Lawrence kind of fall into this uneasy friendship. they’re there for each other. William calls Lawrence when he has a nightmare that keeps him up fr hours after, shaking n w his heart beating out of his chest bc he doesn’t want to remember. Lawrence spends th night at William’s place every now n then bc he can’t be alone w his thoughts n the phantom pain in his leg just won’t quiet. they meet for coffee. they have breakfast sometimes. Lawrence has clothes n a toothbrush at William’s and vice versa. they’re in this together.

n maybe that escalates into more (which I believe wld only happen after they get 2 a point where they’ve discussed, at length, John’s legacy n who exactly would be continuing it + if anyone WLD be, n after Hoffman is “disposed of” in a sense), but even if not, they both know they Have Someone who looks at them n doesn’t see them as a monster, not the horrible person John thought he needed to “fix.” they both carry scars, both physically n mentally, frm what they went thru. they’re both struggling to get their bearings + Lawrence is still coping w what he’ll need to do after John’s (and eventually, Jill’s) passing. it won’t be easy, but they’re not walking alone. they’re wading thru the mud together, hand in hand, and fr William n Lawrence, that is enough.

[oakmd]

Congratulations ! You received 1,000+ followers !

Continue? ▶YES ▷NO

 Well, I can’t really express anything but amazement at such an accomplishment, and to be honest I’m pretty blown away that so many of you have stuck with me since the beginning of this blog, and that so many of you enjoy Professor Oak enough to stay. I’ll forever stand by the fact that this blog was the best 'joke’ I ever made, and probably one of the most fulfilling things I’ve actively kept at. 

As much as I hope this blog has helped you find comfort and laughter, RPing Professor Oak has definitely changed me for the better, as well. It has given me an outlet to heal parts of myself and provide help to others, and also pushed me to practice positivity even when I know I get so low sometimes that I don’t even want to try. Another bonus is that I have met wonderful people here, most of you just strictly friends on the dash, but I’ve also gained relationships with people that have extended into discord and I’m sure it has made all the difference this past year and a half. 

As usual, I’m not really a fan of long-winded gushes of emotion, so I’ll keep it short, but I would really like to have it be known that my love for Professor Oak has grown tremendously, in ways I would have never reached without taking the time to thoughtfully craft his backstory and work to develop him further. I know he’s a very nostalgic character that so many of us know and respect that I’m always very careful of how I choose to build on the image without ruining what’s already there.  Out of all my many muses here, this one has seemingly ( and surprisingly ) all at once snuck its way as my primary blog; the blog I always look forward to logging into the most, where I enjoy following your activity whether it be IC or OOC, and just generally enjoy being in the presence of people so passionate about a fandom associated with my childhood. I love this little corner of a community that has welcomed me and engaged with me and unknowingly kept me going, and to look back at my experience and see that I’ve had no trouble at all makes me feel really lucky.

There will never be a way to fully and accurately express my thanks, but I will say it anyway: thank you so much, and I hope that no matter where you go, and no matter what you do, you are trying to be your best, and that you’re happy. Professor Oak will always be there to congratulate you when you reach your dreams.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER ( because my mind is so scattered - ) special shout outs to special people: 

@timecapscle - wasn’t it you that said i’d one day get 1,000 followers? : ) you’ve literally supported me since the beginning and i just wanna say that i appreciate your enthusiasm for professor oak as much as i appreciate your enthusiasm for bill. its wonderful to see someone represent an otherwise under represented character and you do it well. i care for you so much, and wish nothing but good things for your future even if you want to do bad things in the name of science

@diligentseeker / @evolutionexpert  - someone i consider a cherished friend, despite how sporadic our interaction seems, i appreciate all our random long talks on discord, and i’ll never forget our very first conversation. it meant a lot to me, and i want to thank you. i dont meet a lot of ppl that i feel ‘get’ me on some unspoken level, so when it happens, its a nice surprise. anyway i won’t ramble because i take it you’re not one for praise, but im glad people like you exist. with that being said please stop making professor elm stress me out.

@undinaes - the moment you’ve been waiting for. SIKE! just kidding; its no surprise that you’re always filling my dash with testimonials from people that see you for what you are. you’re a beam of sunshine with all the qualities to match; warm, bright, and a natural source of energy that brings people together. your passion for writing is astounding and even when ppl dont deserve your kindness, you’re unbiased in giving it out. truly a mom through and through. but most importantly, ur my girlie and im glad we met :v

@ofpalletown - in my mind, you are practically ash, and ill be here to support you even during all your moments of Extra™ ... but aside from that you’re very loyal to your friends and full of something sunny that i can’t describe. ur gonna be okay, kid. so pls stop stressing out ur dear prof oak 

@03redd - i probably mentioned not long ago that your blog is really good, but ill say it again in case you weren’t listening. i love your blog? its very fun to follow, and i think you’re one of my favorite reds. even with me not being game verse, its so easy to just immerse myself in whatever nonsense you have red drag professor oak into. i dig your creative energy. 

@normaliium - and ofc i cant leave out my cousin. the one to be admired, the ever-successful, brilliant human being that loves me even when i take off ten years of your life each night. my life would lack such substance without you, and i will never forget all you’ve done to help me when i would otherwise be left to myself. you make me really proud to know you, you really do, and everyone i ever talk to you about can attest to that. #YOLO

@bossgiovanni - you haven’t been active in forever, but you remain one of my friends and that’s all that matters. from skype to discord, im glad we could stick together even with our blatant differences in opinion. you are always so nice to me and say the kindest things, and i just wanna say thanks. hope youve been doing well! you are capable of so much, and i believe in you, so don’t forget that. 

@agentmansley - can i jsut say thank you for staying true to your muse and throwing even the purest of characters into your mess? i have loved your blog long before i made professor oak, and you’re seriously one of the funnest people i’ve rp’d with here. everything i’ve written with you is refreshing and new, and never fails to make me laugh. thank you for your love for kent, and also for writing with me. i know you’ve been MIA for a while, but you’re definitely a memorable person. 

@tcssaiga - i dont have a lot of cross-fandom interactions so when they happen im usually pleased. you’ve got great characterization, and have perfect dialogue. i never watched a whole lot of inuyasha but i’ve atched enough to know that you’re pretty close to canon. thanks for the interactions even if you’re mean to prof oak on archer ; (

@askgarymfoak - MY LITTLE ACORN!!!! the dedication you have for gary honestly gives me so much life, and i love rping with you on discord and just yelling about sam / gary hcs. its always a highlight of my day and i can tell you’ve thought about gary and his life long and hard, and its so cool to see someone interested in all that makes him the Headache we all recognize and love. please never stop sharing with me the personal hcs you have for the boy, i always want to hear them. 

@futureheld - we don’t even rp with each other on this muse BUT youre one of my longest tumblr rp friends that i still talk to and you’re really important to me. we have history, we go back!!!! okay? #FRIENDSHIP n all that. but tbh id follow you on any muse because your writing is just great? id write any weird crossover with you because you have a talent for making it work seamlessly anyway. thanks 4 the memories, loser. 

@seviiserver - CELIO!!! we dont talk as much as we used to, or rather, we talk in bursts every now and then but i consider you one of my good friends! not only are u really talented in all things artistic, but i love your writing and it’s always enjoyable to read, even if its not one of our threads together. you made me have so much adoration for celio and like all the other ppl ive met who bring life to underrated / under-rp’d muses, i enjoy seeing everything you pour into him... AND ALSO I LOVE OUR OAK / ROWAN INTERACTIONS? i love them so much it hurts okay. even if its just silliness in discord it brightens my day. anyway perhaps one day we will cross paths in this sleepless city and i will finally teach u how to ride a bike.

@rottenrhythms - i know i dont have much to say or comment with whenever you message me on discord, but i admire how much detail you put into your characters and meta. im always impressed with all the work and thought you put into your world-building; i wish i had that much drive. also, you’ve made a lot of improvement with yourself from the time i first started talking to you on skype. be proud of your progress, and keep working at it, it’s worth it in the long run!

@lack--two NATE youre definitely a very sweet person, and perhaps a little more devious ooc than i’d imagined you would be ( at least to me, why must you poke me for reactions? ; ( u wound me ) but you’re a soothing presence to be around and im glad you were finally able to make discord work. bonus points for letting me yell about yugioh all the time. never stop being wonderful. im here for you whenever you might need a listening ear, okay? 

@loyalpika / @palletbloomer - #PRIKA!!! ever since i first followed you i remembered being blown away by your extensive headcanons on pikachu and i genuinely enjoy every blog you make! we dont talk OOC but from all your ooc posts you seem like a very caring older sister and thats nice to see; with you running around all the time, i hope you do get some rest every now and then! i hope our camaraderie never falters, take care friend! 

@thepkmnnurse - i cant forget all the love and support both you and your muse have for professor oak, and im happy you try to spread positivity on the dash whenever you can! we don’t talk much OOC but from what i can tell you’re just as kind and nurturing as nurse joy herself. i hope you’ve been taking it easy wherever you are, and i hope your days are bright!

@rebelracket - will there ever be a day that i dont enjoy seeing your delinquent muse causing havoc on the dash? your creativity is wonderful to witness and i enjoy clarissa so much, thank you for interacting with a pure ol’ muse like mine. i hope we can continue to keep writing together, im excited at where we might end up. p.s. your art is delightful.

@porttownprince - you’re a gentle presence on my dash but im glad that youre here and that you’ve stuck around despite all the bad things that followed you. i hope you can overcome all the trauma you’ve been through. thank you for being kind with me!

@nikkouki - i know i dont say much but i enjoy your random check ins with me on discord, and i think youre a sweet young girl. you’re gonna go far in life, just make sure you keep going! continue being a precious kiddo and don’t forget to study your japanese ; (

@viciousvainglory & @midoriyamight - i cant think of one without the other so accept this double-tag lol. you’ve both supported this blog since the beginning and i wont forget how welcome you made me feel! no matter what blogs you’re on im glad we can still be friends! you deserve the big toblerone! 

@fateandfury - my long time writing parter without knowing we were long time writing partners! the work you put into professor juniper is something to behold! we haven’t seemed to interact much despite rping professor muses, but that doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate your take on such a muse!

OTHER BLOGS TO BE ADMIRED ( also in no particular oder) : @sterlingsilverchampion @starmarkcd @pxgtails @satanstories @champofpallet @golden-oak @spriggaens @nurturen @florenselite @craniumaniac @ask-guzma @tenderpoison @gocatchem @faemoria @hikaup@writtenbykaichu @executiveariana @honoxtokage @simikami @bigcalavera @rotorotom @thehopcful @and-they-succeeded @metalprincess13 @keep-those-memories-away @hisvanity @attitxde @asmayflies @sesshcmaru @theagentlooker @ambcrly @kantocowboy @dauphindekalos @beareroftheblueorb @blastingxff @aquaelegance @bugeyesboutique @make-it-trouble  @thunderstonereject  @theagentlooker @soultattered @scvedbylove  @diluviumx @inevitabilis-sors @pokedouche @fightiniumz @firespun

I’M SO SORRY IF I MISSED PEOPLE, THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR SOMEONE SO SCATTER-BRAINED AND MEMORY-FOGGED AS ME. EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT INCLUDED AND EVEN IF WE’RE NOT MUTUALS, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT OF THIS BLOG. WITHOUT ANY OF YOU I WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN HERE.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A GIVEAWAY!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[noquirk-a]

ok anyway as i mentioned ... heres me talkin about deck’s relationships with other muses/charas bc im one big dickhead who never shuts up XD

   i’ll ... talk abt the most obvious one first. katsuki. specifically turtle’s katsuki bc i believe his is what i’ve talked with the most. it’s clear and obvious that deck despises him to the point he has a death wish against him, and most likely an EXTREMELY unhealthy obsession with him. but like, the obsession to do anything to put him down ... not even put him down like ‘ kill him ‘ but. at least crush his dreams. if anything, deck would rather cut off his hands or make him lose his quirk entirely just so he could feel what was it like to be it’s shoes. he wants ... to be above him. he wants him to experience karma and feel what he’s done to him. that’s a pretty common trope, i know, but considering what he’s ... done to him that’s all he actually wants. be it in a verse that he’s the hero or the villain, he doesn’t care. he’s going to find a way to fuck him up so bad that’ll have him end up underneath his foot as he crushes his hands with his foot, grinning like the damn cheshire cat, laughing softly as he goes ‘ who’s powerless now, kacchan? ‘

    even if ... katsuki would like. want deck to go back to heroism bc it feels so fucking wrong to have someone so determined to become a hero suddenly change his point of view. deck was literally one who would NEVER give up on his dreams and then suddenly he just. fell down. would he come to his senses and realize this? nah. if anything, he belives that he’s in the right mindset of having a perspective that it was society that was wrong. ( and ok, not being biased but somehow it is wrong 4 them to discriminate the quirkless like that. ) or maybe it’s just his pettiness not wanting to be in a side where he is right now. he’s no longer going to tolerate all the bullshit he’s thrown onto him, even if he asks penitence for that.

   another one is all might or toshinori. this is honestly where he ( all might ) has the biggest disadvantage and will realize he’s done the most foolish mistake. that being both underestimating deku and telling him the wrong mindset at first, AND telling him his weakness. deck, entering the league and getting in touch with afo, would definitely ask for like ... a stronger noumo similar to shi/garaki’s and fight him himself. i mean, not his bare hands ofc, but like through manipulating the noumo. the thing is he KNOWS his ultimate weakness and would often approach that. and at his exact downfall he’d be the one smiling, asking him if he remembers him, and like.. the ‘ i told you so ‘ or w/e attitude that shows that he was wrong on telling him that he couldn’t be a hero. he was strong as a villain ... so what more of him becoming an actual hero? he completely wasted it and crushed that dream of his. his confidence / hope is a deck of cards and his words are but a mere blow and he just. wants him to feel that that was one of his biggest mistakes tbh.

    herE’S ONE THAT IM SOOOOOOOOOOOO in love with bc it gives him a speck of humanity / little hope .. uraraka. there’s a seperate post for her find it in the tags but she... she’s literally the only star in deck’s empty night sky. almost. kind of. she’s supposed to be a hero and she IS a hero but the difference is she saw him as an equal at first and that’s something .. deck’s really thankful for. it’s plotted that she does a lot just to make him turn back / ‘ SAVE ‘ him to the point she could like .. die and still hope for him. that literally just puts him in a plethora of twist and turn of emotions bc like .. it’s. so. so fucking foreign to him, everything she’s doing. i can put this in a longer post but im JKSLFMSKJLFSKJFLM to him, she’s his hero for making him realize this. he may not give in that quickly or w/e, but she makes him realize something.

   then there’s ... deku. like, canon deku, not deck, bc like tbh i always llive for crossover universes / canon meeting au. it’s fascinating to me. anyway deck sees himself as like ... the BETTER version 4 some reason bc he sees it that he’s not ‘’blind’’ to society’s truth. he sees deku as someone who just ... gave in to that lie.i mean even in his verse where he DOES achieve all might’s quirk he realizes soon enough that this was all wrong ... why couldn’t he become a hero without a quirk? he sees him as like .. literally believing and accepting the fact that you should have a quirk before becoming a hero and tbh? he hates him for that, and envies him so much at the same time bc as most people say, ignorance is bliss, and he wishes he could’ve went through the same thing and be ignorant, too. but nah. he had to be the one ( or at least in his pov ) with ‘’eyes open’’ to how cruel / ugly society is. 

   ok then ... tooru aka @/vanishedstar. call it a coping thing or w/e but he projects himself to tooru bc they have similar background stories, difference is tooru was BORN with a quirk but taken from him and he’s full of love, whilst deck was born without and is just ... full of anger and wrath. he, like most people, sees him as nothing else but a stepping stone. bc like he can’t accomplish EVERYTHING alone, like alone in the literal sense so ofc he gets people as ‘ puppeteers ‘ them to follow his plan just so he could achieve his goal. since he’s already quirkless like him he trains him and teaches him how to fight physically and tells him w/e he knows. basically he molds him into someone like him, but like, the weaker version, bc he doesn’t want someone to outsmart him or run higher than him. think like ... a little student. or a little brother that he teaches idk XDD he’s always another proof / verification to his belief that people look on quirks, not the actual person. the fact that most ppl left him after he’s gone quirkless just seconds it tbh.

    ahmya. ... aka @/eyepsyche. this relationship is INCREDIBLY toxic and pure stockholm not going to lie. her quirk is EXTREMELY useful to him bc she can gather a lot of info and see a lot of things abt a person, and though deck can do that himself, she can gather so much more info for him and that just adds up to his knowledge. useful, right? she’s reluctant sometimes or at least at first, but deck REFUSES to let her go. and it’s not because he ... loves her or anything. he does’t have any feelings for her he just finds her very, very useful. think like an expensive knife or w/e that you’re not willing to lose. that expensive tech pen you keep in your case that other ppl might not see as much. ahmya, prior to meeting deck, was just a regular girl w/ no ‘purpose’ and deck gives her that .... the purpose being a huge stepping stone so he can accomplish what he must ^_^ SMSLGLS it’s incredibly disgusting of him tbh but he’s that desperate to finish what he wants to anyway and he has little to no care about others so what gives, right? he treats her like a pet, gives her constant validation that’s fake just so she could depend on him and all that. it’s pure ... nasty.but that honestly just shows his true nature of being a manipulative, toxic, selfish bastard.

   then there’s nooni aka @/creepquirk! much like ahmya and tooru, deck first saw nooni as the same thing : a pawn. a stepping stone. a little doll in his play that’ll help him reach what he wants. but there was just something about nooni that just ... opened somthing in him tbh. bc nooni was like, similar to deck in some ways, wanting to be a hero but society pushing you away. he stripped her off of that dream while she could still live it and dragged her to his own hell. but the thing was, somehow in the league, nooni ... still had that bit of hope of becoming a hero despite everything and tbh?? tbh?????????????? deck .. adores that. ofc he doesn’t show it on the outside bc hes a XDD tsundere bitch. no im kidding deck isn’t one to like be vulnerable or w/e but nooni was just so different to him bc she handles everything way better than him and this and that that just made him care deeply about her...n honestly? he regrets pulling/dragging her down and sometimes wish she couldve lived her dream instead and become that part he wish he could’ve become, but he finds himself unable to turn back despite being knee deep into everything while she still has a chance. tbh i cant put it all into words bc not even deck could, he’s that much of a mess that sometimes i can’t even decipher him bc he’s a complex chara tbh, but basically he just sees her as some kind of inspiration.

   then theres XDD villain todo who’s dead but idc i love their relationship. tbh they’re your typical little shits in love but like it’s not shown. todo and deck are similar in the way that they’re both wanting to get revenge on a particular someone ( his dad and for him katsu/all might ) so he can.. emphasize with him on that. maybe sometimes he even uses him bc lbr, todo is EXTREMELY powerful and clever for his age, but ofc that’s a hassle bc like i said, he’s intelligent, but not enough to the point he has to look down on deck due to being quirkless. he does at first but realizes he’s an excellent strageist so XDDDDDDDDD ok but anyway 2 the gay stuff bc todo is the most confusing person 2 deck ... he acts so kind to him and w/ the aforementioned 2 ura’s, kindness is so fucking foreign to him. maybe not his mom’s, but towards others he ... doesnt know how to handle it???????????????? and sometimes its just so soft and comforting that when it’s given to him he cant help but be addicted??????????????? is it love?? maybe?? maybe not????? love or is this just me desperately wanting affection from someone else?????????????????????? hm! who knwos ^_^ their rs is complicataed n? same.

    ok ( wheeze ) last one ... is mo. mortimer...morty.........or @/noricks........ maybe it’s bc they belong in different universes but like what rick wrote deck just ... sees himself as him. like they’re almost so painfully similar in terms of EVERYTHING except for some few parts. YA their backstories are different but it just ... leads them to the person who ends up sitting on the throne and acting like a god bc ‘’’ God was cruel to them ‘’’ . i went 2 recollection once and the speaker once said if you hate someone, it’s probably bc they remind you of yourself n i think? that just explains why he’ so aggressive towards him sometimes JSMGJS TMHSIMGHSLGKMSKLGM he . hates himself actually. deck i mean. he doesn’t .. he isn’t outwardly proud of what he��s become n bc mo reminds him of THAT it just irks him tbh. but at the same time he respects him bc???????????????? seriously who accomplishes all of this at the age of 14. he’s one of the or maybe the only person he actually respects other than all of the ppl he actually knows now. 

   i might edit this i jus wanna eat Fuck.

[beebosbitchh]

1-65 ;)

holy heck ! thank you sophiw i lov u 🍒

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

i dont understand this question?? like sometimes i doubt my own existence and other times i doubt that i exist to certain ppl? ya?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2,, normal amount? like good for sleep but pitch black is scaryy but not to the point i need the escape ?? if that makes sense??

3. The person you would never want to meet?

guy fieri, i dont think i need to know if hes actually real ? like is he real and from this dimension or from flavortown (which he has a very scarily detailed description of)?? thats not something i need to know

4. What is your favorite word?

hmm, probably ‘fam’ obviously

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

a willow tree !!!!!!!!!! i just talked to my mom about this :-0

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

ngl but i dont look in the mirror anymore unless its lip syncing along to a song sung by a guy/someone w a deeper voice bc i feel like it suits me better! gotta love coping w dysphoria!

7. What shirt are you wearing?

baseball tee, gay

8. What do you label yourself as?

nb, lesbian, fool

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

slepe

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

10-11 when i was in 5th grade. i still only had two friends but i was way more extroverted and everything was so carefree and i was very invested in adventure time and art. i think that was the most of a childhood i got? i honestly did not do much as a kid and i wish i had..

12. Who told you they loved you last?

sophiw ! tumblr user almightyportraits ! the loml !

13. Your worst enemy?

x

14. What is your current desktop picture?

one from apple called ‘abstract shapes’ its very orange but also blue which is my fave color pairing atm so its perfect

15. Do you like someone?

tumblr user vahilla

16. The last song you listened to?

megan played ‘marceline’ by willow in her car ! a song i suggested to her a few months ago and it makes me very happy that she likes it especially bc we bonded over adventure time in 6th grade :-)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

mmyy seelfff ??

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

mmmyseyyffelllff ??

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? 

eh whats the point

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

n o ne ? 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

what is the opposite of nb,, i feel like if i was opposite of how i present id be a girl, which is a verryyy weird thought for me, pass

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

no :-/

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

uh first of all blood, like, ill pass out,, second of all,, literally everything worries me

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

jimmy johns #16, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, NO MAYO

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

im a very practical person so the least boring answer i can come up w is more art supplies

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

denmark

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

fukcing , acetoNe

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i think a FIRST rule would have to be pretty IMPORTANT so probably smt like how ~WE THE PEOPLE~ are all EQUAL would be a pretty good start and pretty UNDENIABLE and STRAIGHT FORWARD especially if it was the FIRST thing in this,, hmm lets call it the CONSTITUTION, in the completely hypothetical society

29. What is your favorite expletive?

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuk cufck ufc kfuck 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

sunglasses??!!! that shit gotta be bright huh>?? gotta protect my retinas 

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wanna say my first relationship made me a better person but that shit was rreeeaaallyyyy fucking awful and 4 months (+recovery months) that i will never get back and i think ? maybe ?? i wouldve been ok without it ? idk just a thought

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! 

spain ?!?!? why not + i sorta know the language? thatd b cool

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

zoey my dog :-( i miss her a lot, this month it will have been two years oh my god i miss her so much

34. What was your last dream about?

the last one i remember was a nightmare about someone tryna murder me i was very scared

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

i think so , when i was two i got really really sick and couldve died ?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

ahh yes ! we gave hhimm,, fruit snack nipples, please forgive me fathr

38. What is the color of your socks? 

grey w blue n orange stripes ( again i lov blue n orange together, my shirt is teal and i have an orange hat on wow)

39. What type of music do you like?

all! i had to train this new guy at work and im sooo awkward but once why started talking about music it was easy for me to talk bc it was smt we both really like !!! i felt like i could actually communicate w feeling a disconnect it was nice ! we talked mostly about rap which was cool and unexpected but i could do it ? i really love music and i love being able to know enough to talk about it ,, isk 

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises, ive been pushing myself to wake up unreasonably early to have more time to myself and i get to watch the sunrise most days which is nice

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate 

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

whom?

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

college? god i dont even know… smt w art.. by an illustrator or art teacher or freelance artist or graphic designer ,, i really dont know

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

one thing ?!!?!? i wish i was neurotypical

46. Are you reliable?

yes? i try hard to be? i hope so ?

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

u still a lil bitch ?

48. Do you hold grudges? 

nope i try not to, ive had too many toxic petty people in my life that i dont need to be one myself.. now this is grudges w/o reason, but if ive given people several ‘second chances’ and theyre still (thumbs down) then ill avoid them but w/i reason?

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

DOG HORSES BIG DOGs

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

mm probably smt w my lab partner from last year. she always sends me weird quotes from a fanfiction shes reading and its weird but i really appreciate that she still talks to me or talks to me at all tbh

51. Are you a good liar?

nooo ?? i try not to lie? mb not tell the full truth but idk , i feel like id feel too guilty

52. How long could you go without talking?

uhh literally days like i already fucking do.. i m taking this as verbally but i dont get texts so like, it would not be hard

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

before i went to short hair i used to alllwaayyys wear a tight ponytail every single day bc i wasnt girly enough to do anything w it and it was really really gross like thank god i cut it all off

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

heck yeah

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

*clears throat*

h-

hewwo?

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter and jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

x

58. What would be you dream car?

razor scooter

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

sometimes im just too physically or emotionally exhausted to stand so ill just,, lay down? ive fallen asleep in the shower before ha

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yup

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

whenever it comes up but i dont ,, seek it out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Q

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons tf

64. What do you think about babies?

evil, ugly, dont see the appeal. open ur eyes ppl !!!! bbs are n Ot cute !!

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

x

[renamusing]

reuenthals replied to your post: reuenthals replied to your post: ...

in the folder re: konhiji like we’re not told how old toshi was when he met kondo but probably a teenager considerin sougo was 6-8 so i always thought toshi’d place kondo in a place similar to tamegoro but misunderstand those feelins as smth else bc he’s just a baby + kondou’s the first to show him real (or any) affection outside tamegoro n not fear or resent him in any way but actually want to help him (he later in life realizes hed just misplaced/misunderstood their 

nature). from that same era, i think his feelins for mitsuba would fit a similar narrative as in bc of circumstances she HAD to be the woman he loved bc all men must love a woman plus she had feelins for him (tho tbh i also dont think hers were any different from the familial love she had for kondou and it was also a matter of circumstance but thats another matter) so it was a done deal but still easy to leave behind for a new life n have as backup/excuse for any other

woman hed meet or more like a shield from havin to open up w/unravel to any feelins of love of a non familial nature for anyone. his take on love is rly naive n pure (contrasted to ofc my baby whos smart n no fool) bc it also serves as shield n hes also said to be unable to relate/open up to women multiple times but is defenseless towards men (n sorachi loves that trope esp w toshi n gin chan in which theyre ‘men that are more attractive to other men than women’) which

i think is why hes so well defenseless towards gin chan durin their duel in the rooftops like for gin chan thats just a ‘crazy cop attacked me again’ moment but for toshi it like shakes the foundations of his whole bein he like lies there all wistful like wtf…..im gay? no… w a blossomin crush that only gets worse the more he interacts w gin chan (cant blame him tho gin chan is an angel) but like the way hes constructed specifically as an archetype hes too set in

performin masculinity (kyuchan says this but he also says this abt himself also multiple times) n sorachi is aware to an extent (plus hes drawin from men who were practicin mlm themselves) what this trope entails wrt sexuality n its expressions like for toshi its comfortable not to think abt love or any of that bc he has a goal n the excuse of a dead woman but its impossible to read him as anythin but not straight no matter the degree to which he is aware of it (which

tbh i think its a lot more than what ppl in fandom give him credit for) i have more detailed backed up analysis of this somewhere but i cant find them but basically at the end of the day i think toshi meetin kondo n at least havin some mixed up feelins abt what he feels towards him that hes able to resolve as bein brotherly later on in life set the path for him realizin he can love other men not in a brotherly way n in the way he (as a man) is supposed to love women

wow long but yes like toshi’s archetype in other manga/literature is easily read n can be coded as mlm/gay n is often the case but his issues run too deep for him to even consider that part seriously (at least tbh until 551 maybe baragaki but i dont think that early) so he has to suffer for it he deserves the worst the only reason gh is okay is bc he provides economically for gin chan n would be willin to pay any outstandin debts as shown in the soul switch arc. the end

i feel like this was just a sneak peek into that folder, but I loved it 200%! it’s super hard for me to reply without going into my own headcanons about gh and how they relate to one another, cause the way toshi relates to gin is so different from kondo in my perspective; in fact, it’s why i can’t get romantic konhiji at all, though i admit you make a fair point when u address the transition of toshi’s “most important person” from tamegoro to kondo (at that young age mixed feelings would be acceptable) plus, i always saw kondo as the character that ‘saved’ toshi, while gin was the one that ‘healed’ him. ofc both relationships go way beyond these dynamics, but without any actual canon romantic proof it’s difficult to postulate from toshi’s limited pov. 

so, while the shinsengumi became his substitute family and kondo tamegoro’s substitute (the family core), it’s a given that toshi perceives this love as unconditional, would-die-for etc. however, it would be interesting to explore his feelings for kondo back then in relation to mitsuba; like in an effort to answer the love of a woman (as you so brilliantly put, that in those circumstances toshi HAD to love a woman) he tried to shift his romantic feelings/attraction to kondo’s masculine figure to her ? (IM ONLY  REALIZING NOW THAT THIS WAS PROBABLY WHAT YOU MEANT BEFORE? IM SORRY) tho i don’t agree that mitsuba’s love for him was familial cause ponytail toshi, mack, like pls, she had to be blind ???

then we come to ginchan, whose whole relationship with toshi is based, imo, in the fact that they not only see a part of themselves in each other (the guilty, self-hating, rebel part) but that in seeing it they understand themselves better and are able to open up, share their experiences and encourage one another; not to mention protect what’s dear to them. aka they love each other. there is literally no other explanation for ginchan waiting in the rain for toshi so they could go out for a meal? i mean, sakata gintoki sat in the rain, under his umbrella, looking all complacent & shit. ALRIGHT. 

btw i bolded some of your bits cause i rly relate to them in the way i see toshi, especially the ones about him putting up a shield. toshi has always had problems dealing with his feelings, even before we knew of his past with his brother (which for continuity’s sake was probably what triggered him to bottle  everything up), he had always been written/regarded as a cold, level-headed character who doesn’t let emotions get the best of him. his rank in the shinsengumi further emphasizing this (and his otaku persona as well). so, without disregarding ginchan’s merits, i think that kondo’s influence (and even mitsuba’s to some extent) may have contributed to lowering toshi’s shield enough that he was able to give himself a chance to connect with someone outside his comfort zone/past. the fact that that person happened to be a man only makes more sense given his background and the hints that tell us he was never able to relate to women or feel like he could make them happy. it’s Tough on my heart to say that ginchan is basically ideal because, even though he is the mc, it’s like he was made to play that role in toshi’s life. he doesn’t bring all the answers but rather more questions cause there’s no way toshi can be confused now because his attraction to ginchan cant be excused with the role of ‘brother’ or ‘fated woman he was supposed to love’, gh bond is their own, their closeness in canon SHOULD raise suspicion cause it sure doesn’t seem straight.

well, i digressed WAY more than i should, but yeah that’s it, kudos on that folder. 

[angeltrapz]

for the “give me a character” meme! Eric, Adam, William, Mallick, Strahm, Rigg!!!!

YESS thank u!!!!

Eric:

How I feel about this character: That's my boy!!! <33

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Uuuu okay. Adam, obviously, but concerning the SAW polycule: Adam, Art, Lawrence, William, & Mallick!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Him & Rigg!!! That's his best friend!!! + he and Gibson in the Eric Lives AU!! (Gibson IS dating his best friend + recognizes that he's made the effort to change <3)

My unpopular opinion about this character: You Understand This but the idea that he's irredeemable/deserved to die is complete and utter bullshit. This post that you made perfectly describes my feelings on that!!

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: Firstly that he. Y'know. Didn't die. But I would have loved to see any of his interactions with Hoffman? Obviously they knew each other + I like to think they have since they were in academy together, so there's gotta be some sort of history there, y'know?? I feel like he definitely cared about Eric so I would've been very interested to see more regarding that relationship! + one more big one: I wish he knew/was at least made aware of the fact that Daniel was ALIVE and okay. It kills me thinking abt how this man died not knowing if his child made it out.

Adam:

How I feel about this character: I loooove him he deserved better. I relate pretty heavily to him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Hehe. Lawrence obviously!! Chainshipping is a HUGE comfort ship for me. BUT! Regarding the SAW polycule: Lawrence, Eric, William, Gibson, & Mallick!! + when concerning that alternative canon continuity we've been talking abt, Strahm. But only in that circumstance lol,,

My non-romantic OTP for this character: MANDY!!! In any AU where she's either not a disciple or abandoned her apprenticeship, I firmly believe that he and Amanda would be best friends. Mean gay/lesbian solidarity siblings who would fight tooth and nail for each other + who get each other on a level that not many others can. Pamela also!! Along w Mandy I like to think they talk about their experiences being trans a lot + just bitching w each other lol.

My unpopular opinion about this character: IDK how unpopular this actually is but I 100% believe that Adam would never become a disciple in any capacity, ESP not of his own accord. I genuinely think he'd rather die. That's just not something I can see him doing in any circumstance.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wish someone had gotten him out of the bathroom :( And in an AU where he lives I hope someone tells him what a bastard Zep was!! No one made that dude hold a gun to Diana's head and listen to her heartbeat what the FUCK was that!!

William:

How I feel about this character: He's such a sweetheart I love him,, <33

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Lawrence & Adam <3 in the polycule though this includes Eric & Mallick!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: He and Pamela obviously!! His sister is his best friend and they're there for each other 100%.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Much like Eric I don't think he deserved to die/that he's completely irredeemable... he fights so hard to save everyone and is utterly devastated when he can't. He's willing to hurt himself to save others (nearly dislocating his shoulders trying to keep both Addy and Allen, burning himself with the steam for Debbie, etc.) and it's like. John is always talking about how it can't be personal but it seems pretty fucking personal here!

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: The fact that nobody saw how hard he fought for his coworkers + the sacrifices he made for them upsets me to no end. That was intentional. John didn't want Tara + Brent (or Pamela for that matter!) to see him as human and that fucking bothers me!! So basically I just wish that they could've seen it via camera like literally almost every trap victim gets in some capacity!!

Mallick:

How I feel about this character: Yet another character I relate to wayyy too much <33 I love him...

All the people I ship romantically with this character: BRIT!!! + concerning the SAW polycule: Adam, Eric, William, & Lawrence!! (Art maybe too,,)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I like to think he and Laura would've gotten along actually? I feel like that would be a good, healthy friendship. And I do like the idea of he and Brit like this too!! Other than that maybe Mandy? I feel like they could relate to each other a little bit, help each other when they're feeling brainweird,, (Mallick n Mandy: havers of Symptoms Disorder <3)

My unpopular opinion about this character: Again I don't know if it's unpopular, persay, but uh. I don't think the Mallick we meet in V would willingly sit and listen to Bobby Dagen in 3D. He'd hate that dude. My take on it is that Brit didn't survive V (although I think read somewhere that the crew confirmed she survived?) and that's why he was there: because he'd lost the one true connection he'd made in god knows how long. That's rlly the only way I see him sitting thru Dagen's bullshit lmao.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wanted him to see Brit again,, and I just wanted to see him more in general tbh, esp because he makes a reappearance where so many prior Jigsaw survivors do not. I would've liked to see him interact with Simone given that they both lost a limb/nearly a limb (in Mallick's case). This is related to that, but I also wish the evidence of the 10 Pints trap wasn't just. A tiny scar? I HC that it took his whole hand, so.

Strahm:

How I feel about this character: Ohhh my beloved. Why didn't they give you a better narrative it would've been SO interesting. I love you though <3

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly? Still super fond of Gibson/Strahm in a scenario where things are different,, I've written quite a bit abt them and kinda want to again but if I do it'll probably be. Not for a while + VASTLY different. but recent additions have been Hoffman (I used to. not understand Stroffman whatsoever. now I Get It) and Adam!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: PEREZ!!! I've always thought of them as best friends since I first saw IV, and I do think he genuinely cared about her - quite a lot, actually, esp given how devastated he was when she was injured. They hang out at each other's apartments all the time + get coffee regularly. I love them.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I don't think he's a dumbass?? I don't know if that's unpopular. I think that he's IMPULSIVE and that it gets him into trouble, but Strahm has always struck me as incredibly intelligent + has a good moral compass for the most part?? I mean, he figured out there was a second apprentice (second as far as he knows, anyway) helping with traps just by examining Kerry's crime scene. I think he's VERY smart. He just acts quickly + sometimes that means there's not much planning for if things go south. (I DO agree that showing up to the packing plant w/out backup was dumb though,, doesn't mean he DESERVED the Water Cube but y'know)

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: It's not really mentioned if he does in canon, but I wish he'd been made aware of the fact that Perez was alive,, it bothers me that he might've died not knowing she was okay. The other thing is that I wish he'd survived V!!! I think it would've been WAY more narratively satisfying for him to kinda follow in Tapp's footsteps as a vigilante Jigsaw hunter. (That's why I love yr takes on him so much!!)

Rigg:

How I feel about this character: He has such a big heart. He cares so so much. I wish ppl talked about him more :(

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Gibson!!! And uhh Hoffman, but they're exes,, but! In a scenario I'm kind of going over in my head, maaaybe Adam... the basics though is that he searches the Nerve Gas House independently and somehow finds the Bathroom following II, and He is the one to rescue Adam. Very tentative abt that one though bc I'm still working it out lol. (Possibly Eric/Adam/Rigg???)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Eric!!! His best friend <3 I think he's also pretty close with Kerry, though I think he hangs out w her independent of Eric given,, the messy ex situation. I think he probably got along well with Fisk too!! OH and I think he and Sing would've been good friends as well. The chaos of a Rigg/Gibson/Sing friend trio...

My unpopular opinion about this character: Mmm I don't know that I have one? Other than maybe like. I understood why he went through the door. He knew Eric was on the other side; he just didn't know the circumstances or what would happen if he went through. All he knew was that he was that much closer to someone he's been trying to find/rescue for MONTHS + someone he cares for deeply. Of COURSE he went through. He breaks my heart ugh,,,

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wish he hadn't even been tested!!!! His one flaw was that he cared about ppl and somehow John saw that as something he needed to fix!!! Like yes I do agree that it was eating away at him and the obsession might've been unhealthy, but that's two of his closest friends dude!! I don't think he deserved to be tested for that. I don't. He just wanted to help ppl and keep them safe. I absolutely despise how Rigg was treated dkjflkdf!!!!