purpose on earth
summary: joel loves to take, you love to give.
tags: 18+, smut, angst(ish), jackson era!joel, cold!joel, grumpy!joel, innocent!reader, dom!joel, implied age gap (reader doesn't remember pre-outbreak), corruption kink, joel takes your undies, humiliation, oral sex (m!receiving), allusion to thigh riding, a feeling of helpless/hopeless-ness permeates this fic, reader is pretty pathetic, use of "sweet girl", objectification of reader, unrequited obsession, this fic isn't necessarily sexy, just mildly sad.
a/n: i literally wrote this like an hour ago while i was supposed to be outlining my next project, but @hellishjoel told me to listen to my creative demons... so now this is being posted.
(1.1k, just a baby)
Nothing in this world has ever, or will ever, belong to you. Faint memories glaze your mind sometimes, when you lay down to rest. Not your own memories, but things you’ve read in books and seen in abandoned family photo albums. White wedding dresses, cars that drive, Sunday night family dinner. An American lifestyle that was sucked away with the cordyceps, something only they could clear out. The bombs the government used, the ones you can’t remember anymore, they never wiped mother earth clean the way she has done for herself.
She’s infected, and not yours. Nothing outside of Jackson’s walls belongs to your human hands.
You’ve never known ownership. The clothes you wear belonged to people before you, the ground you walk on cannot be sold. Maybe in another life this would feel fulfilling, but something in you wants to know what it is to own, or even fit in. Your skin, flushed and healthy, skin full of life and blood and organs. A heart that thumps in a world of disease, disorder, death. What a weird purity you hold, something you want to ruin.
A person like you isn’t meant to own anything here. It feels like you have to belong, if you wish to take.
He will do it for you.
Joel knows greed, remembers the world before. His hands have taken food, land, lives, anything you can imagine. It isn’t something you realistically think about, more infatuated with how he has the ability to do all these things. Not that you hadn’t committed your own sins, but to defend yourself isn’t wrong, at least that’s what he says. Something in Joel smolders the way only a primal fire can, he is from a world whose memory of a flame will extinguish soon.
He doesn’t help with any of your wants, your need to own or belong. But Joel shows you what it is to take.
You don’t understand the fascination he has with you. The memory of the night he first led you back to his house is blurry, a fleeting moment in comparison to what has happened since. There was conversation of music, of you having a tape you wish you could play.
His hands were slow when they slid your underwear down your legs, you hoped he wasn’t looking. Nothing about you felt sexy or womanly, you felt dwarfed when he was so close. Again, you wished you could belong, so maybe you could hide. There was a stain in the gusset and you remember how he pulled the garment off your ankles when it dangled there.
“Lemme see,” he had demanded, “lemme see what I did t’you.”
Joel had smeared his thumb through the sticky wet mark, huffing in surprise. He knew it was for him, knew there was nothing else that could have made you do that. Humiliated, you had tried to yank back your underwear, but he refused.
“S’mine now,” he laughed, cheeks rosy.
That was the first time Joel took from you.
Now you seek him, the ache for belonging in the world twisting to a yearning for him to take from you. If you could not belong to this world, if you could not fit, at least you could fulfill him. Joel doesn’t like it when you seek him out too often, hates when others notice it. You’re not his, never his, just a moment of gratification for his consuming greed.
Once, you waited in the early morning at the stables for him. Crouched near the barn door, you waited and watched the dewy grass grow. The crunch of his boots, the yawn he let out as he passed by you, it was enough. He said nothing to you, took off on his horse with some other man trailing behind him.
“Joel’s so responsible,” you thought to yourself, “he’ll need me later I bet.”
Of course, he did. You relished in the small victory of him stealing from you again. Purity leaks from you in the form of drool on your chin, when he pulls you off his cock. Joel’s thumbs push the spit back in your mouth and you suck it down willingly. Praise rumbles off his tongue and into your ears, a southern rhythm you find sanctuary in. Pushing his dick back into your mouth is all pleasure to him, but it’s a taste of greed for you.
“Sweet girl, that’s a good mouth f’me, ain’t it?” Joel asks, head tilting back.
He never takes his pants off, but he strips you naked. His eyes arguably take more than his hands ever will. The bob of his Adam's apple hypnotizes your eyes as you garble a response to his question. Scarcely do you make sense around Joel, or even speak. You don’t think you can remember the last time you held a proper conversation with him, he usually just waits for you to come around.
It all starts the same, standing on his porch and waiting until he opens the door.
“Missin’ me?” He asks every time.
Joel doesn’t miss you, he doesn’t need you. He just likes how much you give. But you miss him, as soon as he pushes you out into the cold again you miss him. His greed is your purpose.
And so with your purpose, you push yourself down to the base of him. The waterline of your eyes is welling up fast, distorting your vision of him. You blink up at him like he’ll look down, like you’re more than a mouth. You aren’t, not to him, but you get to admire him like this. The puff of his chest, the swell of his throat, and his hands when they come to rip you off him.
He never pulls your hair, just grasps your face in his worn-down palms and pushes you away before jerking himself onto your naked body.
“S’nice, you’re so nice t’me,” he grumbles.
Under the yellow light in Joel’s living room, you feel useful. You’re doing more than surviving in this world. You have a purpose, even if he seldom needs you. He uses the sleeves of his flannel to wipe away the tears that slide down your cheeks, still mumbling about how sweet you are. Naked, smattered in him, you smile. Glittery eyes meet his and he snorts.
“You were missin’ me, huh?” He teases.
Joel rubs his thumb across your cheek again, the closest thing you’ll get to his lips on you. In his post-orgasmic haze, he almost looks fond.
“He almost likes me,” your mind whispers, your stomach fluttering, “it’s almost like I belong.”
And once you’ve nodded in response to his question, messy mouthed and gazing at him, your purpose, he taps his thigh. Blood rushes to your head as you stand, crawling onto him.
In your obedient mind, you define your efforts for Joel as a purpose, but you think you can taste a hint of belonging each time he spreads your legs.
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FOR YOU / CHARLES LECLERC + LOGAN SARGEANT
logan sagreant x leclerc ex & youtuber reader / SMAU FIC
FACE CLAIM / addy kate
WARNINGS / cheating and logan is still on the grid with williams
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INSTAGRAM
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f1wagupdates Charles Leclerc and his girlfriend Y/N L/N have broken up. They announced through instagram!
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user6 i wonder why they broke up???
user11 THEY WERE SO CUTE WTF
user00 he lost a 10/10
user8 did you guys notice how they didn’t say it was a mutual decision??
user7 i think charles cheated (again)
user33 once a cheater always a cheater
user0 she probably deserved it
user44 BFFR
user66 💔 💔 💔
user9 give it a day and we’ll find out what really happened
user6 what do you know?????
user9 the truth always come out
user24 they were so cute
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TWITTER
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INSTAGRAM
liked by yourbsf, charles_leclerc, and 178,626 others
yourusername in my reputation era 🖤
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user2 mother is mothering
user99 modern princess diana
user0 gorgeous
yourbsf his loss
yourusername ❤️❤️
user77 the fact that he’s still liking her posts
user1 ✨ O B S E S S E D ✨
user3 the dress is adorable 🎀🎀
user262 going to miss seeing her in the paddock
user3 logan and y/n were my favorite americans on the grid
user986 she should get with logan 😭😭
user22 ughhhh she’s too pretty
user4 reputation taylor’s version????
user555 it’s a need
yourusername i would die if she announced it
user6 we love a swiftie
user3 i hate how charles never took her to the eras tour……
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liked by yourbsf, logansargeant, and 162,626 others
yourusername sometimes you just need to have a night out with your girls ❤️🖤
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yourbsf I LOVE YOU
yourusername love u too
user2 gorgeous girls
yourfriend 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
yourfriend prettiest
yourusername literally you
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MESSAGES
logansargeant
hey! i was wondering if i could perhaps take you out on a date when i land in florida?
yourusername
when do you land?
logansargeant
tomorrow morning! i can pick you up from your house?
yourusername
i would love to!
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yourusername cute dress & good food ❤️🖤🤍
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user5 ugh she looks AMAZING
user88 she’s glowing!!!!!
user1 it’s the post breakup glow!
yourbsf ANSWER THE GROUPCHAT
yourfriend WE NEED DETAILS!!!’
yourusername OMG YOU TEXTED ME LIKE 100 TIMES
yourbsf AND????? we need details 🤞🤞
yourfriend WE ARE DRIVING TO YOUR HOUSE RN
user51 this is so real
user7 gotta debrief
user6 she looks so good in red!
user00 i wonder why logan is always liking her posts
user23 is he the boy?????
user63 that would be crazy
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yourusername post swim 🌊🌊🪸🪸
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user1 gorgeous girl
user77 she’s so hot i can’t
logansargeant 🌴🌴
yourusername ???
user2 how does one look so good after swimming????
user666 FOR REAL!!!!! she looks like she came out of a modeling shoot while i look like a seal
user9 😍😍😍
yourbsf PRETTIEST GIRL
yourusername I LOVE UU
yourbsf ⏳⏳⏳
user4 if i was charles i would be at her door with flowers and a boom box
user8 he lost a BADDIE
user4 but logan gained one 💪💪
yourfriend literal model 🙏🙏🙏🙏
yourusername ❤️❤️❤️❤️
user342 showing this to my plastic surgeon
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logansargeant i’m making this post while your sleeping on my lap (post swim) i can’t help but feel so much love for you. you are the embodiment of sunshine. you light up the room. these past few months with you have been the highlight of my life. having someone like you beside me has truly lit up my world. who knew that someone’s lost and mistake would change my life forever. i hope that in 10 years you will still be by my side, on our porch, in our house in florida. i love you y/n, thank you for taking a chance on me 🫶🫶
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user4 THIS IS SO ROM COM CODED
user33 charles could never
yourbsf logan i was skeptical at first, knowing how broken y/n was but you have seriously made y/n so so happy. this is the happiest a boy has ever made her. those couple of months with you has truly changed her. i could care less about the backlash my comment might cause but thank you for treating my best friend the way charles couldn’t.
logansargeant your approval genuinely means so much
user3 the greenest flag
yourusername i’m crying right now, i love you logan i truly do. thank you for showing me what a boyfriend should be like. i can’t wait to have a future with you. (i need to make a post to one up you)
logansargeant i love you too, don’t worry you can post anything and i’ll give you it all ❤️i’ll let you beat me in anything
yourusername AWWW YOU REALLY LOVE ME
logansargeant i really do
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yourusername thank you for teaching me what love truly feels like
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logansargeant i love you so so much
yourusername i love you too
yourfriend 🤍🤍🤍
yourbsf “he’s a good man savannah”
yourusername LMAO
yourusername on a real note he really is a good man
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TEAM RADIO / SWEETERLOVERS - i had this idea in my notes app for a while and i actually did it!!!
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Hey Neil :)
This is a rather stupid question I‘m afraid but why was the release time for GO2 set at such an impossible time for all the brits and other European people? I mean it’s a British show and yet so much is happening in advantage for American people. This is no hate, I mean it’s your/amazons decision, I‘m just curious!! :D
Amazon is based in Seattle, which is on Pacific Time, so they tend to release things based on Pacific Time.
This means the show will show up in the UK and Europe at about 8 or 9 in the morning. It means the episodes will show up in Australia at 5 in the afternoon, and New Zealand at 7pm, perfect for an evening binge.
Having said that, it will be released, in all probability, at Midnight Pacific time. Which is 1 am Mountain time, 2 am Central time and 3 am for those on the East Coast. I'm not sure how this is an "advantage for American People".
It's definitely an advantage for the New Zealanders, though.
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