#having the family members i spent the majority of my life being around not respond to me does not help that

[dredshirtroberts]

listen. I know my family is bad at communication and acknowledgement of receipt of Thing but when the one thing that consistently happens semi-annually is that I get fussed at for not confirming I received something, it irks me a smidge.

Like if I'm expected to always confirm "Hey I got your [communication/gift]" then why aren't they doing it back? Especially considering the communication in this instance has really actually very important information they will want to know if they want to stay in contact with me.

Like????

Even if I'd just gotten a "K" in response, like. at least it would have let me know they got the damn thing. I sent this email TWO WEEKS AGO and only one person responded - and it was practically immediate too. Like... i know folks are busy, i know shit's going on. I get it. But it would help me feel so much less like I'm suddenly a pariah in the family out of nowhere if like one of the people I'd sent this to had just responded in some way shape or form.

I'd have answered a phone call - i wouldn't have liked it, but i'd have done it. A letter in the mail to my current address even. a message in a bottle probably wouldn't get to me because i'm pretty far from the beaches of the great lakes, and also they're even farther, but like. something right?

my sister at least confirmed she got it and just forgot to respond. i imagine that's what happened with everyone else because we have the same mental illnesses and look. i do it too. but also? also?? i was hounded to respond quickly to things, i was told off every time i wasn't responding within a half hour of any communication. I was asked instantly the next time they saw me if I'd gotten it, even if i hadn't had a chance to see the thing yet.

So forgive me, family, if I'm a little peeved off that all y'all are allowed to "forget to respond" for two whole fucking weeks and then a few extra days (because it's been 2 weeks, 3 days exactly) when i can't let something sit in the mailbox for 2 days because i couldn't get to my mailbox easily while living on my own without getting a phone call or text or email that there should be something waiting in there for me.

*enraged screeching*

[junicult]

note ; it’s just so easy to blurb abt harvey rn even though i wish i could respond to asks. studying for finals & i have sm work that’s why i’ve been a little slow recently 😓

just thinking about harvey, ever the gentleman, meeting your parents for the first time.

despite him being the sweetest, probably the best kind of man that your parents would want you to end up with—he’s never been anxious like this. or at least, it’s been a long time.

you dropped the bomb on him in the middle of a very peaceful evening. he had a nice day at work, he’s spending an even better night with you—yet the news suddenly threw a wrench into his serenity.

it’s like you forgot the kind of man you’re dating. while in the back of his mind he’s eager to meet the people he knows are going to be his in-laws someday—it’s the same reason why he’s frightened to meet them.

first impressions are everything, so for the next week he’s going to be asking you questions about things you hardly even know.

what’s your mom’s favorite meal? what does your dad do for a living? what kind of people are your parents? do you think they’ll like him?

“well considering my mom asks about you all the time, yeah, i think they’ll like you.” you giggle, watching his features soften despite his stiff shoulders.

and when it’s the day your parents are set to come into town, it really has been a long time since he’s felt this sweaty.

you haven’t seen him this anxious in so long. it’s endearing how important it is to him.

while he always dresses well, he made a little extra effort today. button up tucked into his slacks, his tie around his neck sitting neater then usual, his hair combed. he sits at the kitchen table bouncing his knee anxiously, looking off into space in deep thought you know is eating him alive.

you, however, sit in your cleaner work clothes, hair like always, maybe a couple extra pieces of jewelry on.

you’ve done your best trying to ease his worries, but even you know there’s nothing that’ll convince him from the worst. there’s no amount of, “honey, they’re going to love you. i promise,” that’ll calm his nerves.

and even though when you brush a couple of his stray hairs behind his ear, leaning down to kiss his forehead, reassuring him once more—he still feels his heart drop to his stomach when he hears the couple knocks on the door.

you greet them warmly, just as a daughter who hasn’t seen her parents in months would. he stands back, wondering what the hell he should be doing with his hands, and if he’s smiling correctly.

when you turn to him, introducing him as your boyfriend, he’s too distracted to notice the look of reassurance you shoot him. sliding your hand across his back, resting your cheek on his shoulder for a moment while he reaches out to introduce himself.

he shakes your parents hands with a warm smile, praying to yoba they don’t notice how clammy they are.

the entirety of the evening is spent with the majority of you catching up with your parents, asking about other family members and hearing about their lives. you carry the conversation significantly—but when it becomes time for your parents to begin asking him questions, you allow him to speak.

he’s good with conversation, so ignoring the fact that these are the people that raised the love of his life—he can manage his sentences without a single stutter.

and when he’s able to make your father laugh, you can practically see the weight lift off his shoulders.

it’s midway through the evening when you come back inside after giving your parents a tour, he stayed in to make you all dinner. you had a moment to come up to him while your parents were off in some other room, wrapping your arms around his waist and peeking over his shoulder.

“how are you doing?” you hum, fixing your gaze on his when he turns to look at you.

“much better.” he chuckles, stirring up the contents in the pot. “how’d they like the farm?”

you giggle. “they love it. my dad got all sentimental about it,” he doesn’t miss the fondness laced in your voice. “guess what?”

he shoots a glance over your head, before humming, “what?”

you squeeze his torso a little tighter. “my mom just told me she loves you. probably more then me, actually.” you tease, leaning over to see his cheeks darken and his lips purse into a smile. “my dad, too. in fact, he said you’re a good man.”

your voice drops an octave to mimic your fathers tone, making him exhale out a laugh through his nose.

though, hearing that made the smile on his cheeks hardly budge for the rest of the evening.

he’s beyond glad his impression made your parents feel that way, even more so because it only indulges his thoughts of your future. and while he could’ve shit his pants when your father pulled him aside after dinner, humming one last greeting, even going as far as to saying, “thank you for treating my daughter so well, she speaks very highly of you,” it makes his heart ache.

hearing your father’s approval, affirming your love of him in the same sentence—well, he almost collapsed.

feeling so nervous for days—really months because he knew he had to meet them at some point—and hearing that was like the deepest breath of fresh air he’s ever received.

so what he’s been in past relationships, maybe their parents liked him as well. none of that mattered, though. because this is the one that really counts. this is the family he wants to be acquainted with the rest of his life.

you’re the one that’s bringing these people into his life.

and really, he should be the one thanking them.

because without them, you’d have never stumbled into his life. and without you, he truly wouldn’t believe in this future.

[ms-scarletwings]

Doctor M(andril), A Villainous Demonstration of Crafting the Perfect Sequel

I’ll cut right to the chase, there is no baddie in the Sly franchise (to me) that has before and will ever again top the writing of this monke right here. That’s not to put down Clockwerk in any capacity. In fact, the majority of what makes M so amazing is not what he is in a vacuum, but what he serves to build upon the events that preceded him. Clockwerk is the giant who’s shoulders he stands on, the two games before him the backdrop that makes him shine so brightly. I’ve always been a strong believer that stories are in large part only as good as their antagonists, and this is what Dr.M has contributed to make Honor Among Thieves the narrative peak of the Sly Cooper franchise.

For minor starters, everything about this freak is downright unsettling.

A mandrill monkey was a great pick for a scary looking, vicious little mastermind. Even with a fresh coat of purple and his short stature, he looks about as repulsive and menacing as he is on the inside. He’s completely obsessed to the point of being consumed metaphorically by his envy and resentment of Connor. He gave us a lot of interesting insight into the life and relationships of Sly’s father while leaving us with even more mystery and questions to ponder. He’s meticulous and intellectually gifted in his ways, but it doesn’t do anything to overshadow the fact that he’s also an utterly deranged madman.

Clockwerk’s hatred for the cooper line, as genuine and strong as it was, had this almost detached element to it, being more like a means to an end and fueled by superiority and rivalry competition. It was kinda hard to get your head around it, and the second game keeps him in your thoughts more like a slumbering eldritch horror waiting to rise again or a pure, immortal force of evil itself, rather than a person. He isn’t even really “anthro” in his design. Clockwerk is a monster, a robotic husk of a former individual.

Dr.M’s hatred for the Coopers on the other hand is… uncomfortably humanized. He’s narcissistic, yet he’s also paranoid and motivated by a rage that’s responding to his sense of inferiority and victimhood. He’ll use his warped justifications to stoop to the most heinous acts- not just because he wants to prove himself better- but because he wants to destroy/take everything Conner loves and accomplished. Clockwerk’s hate was cold and mechanic. M’s hatred is personal and boiling over with venom. Both of them were defined by little more than their loathing of Coopers, but while Clockwerk kept himself alive with his vendetta, M’s was the very thing that led to his demise.

Clockwork was “the enemy of all Coopers”, but he left the final member of the bloodline to wither and then bloom more vibrantly than ever to return and defeat him. He underestimated Sly, and was content to live on and continue his own work with the overconfidence that he had already won. I wonder in my head sometimes if maybe his power was actually starting to fade in the light of seeing that vendetta finally resolved. Or if that time-worn weariness and frustration was part of why Sly, barely an adult, was able to accomplish what generations of his most skilled family had failed to. He never knew Clockwerk during his prime, the great monstrous owl that his clan used to live in constant terror of.

Doctor M feels like he was really Sly’s own Clockwerk. A fresh and unfamiliar threat to truly test every skill he had spent a whole career of thieving to master, and someone who’s own history was far more entangled with Sly’s blood than he could have imagined. Clockwerk condemned him to death (or destitution) for no other reason than being a Cooper, but Dr.M actually wanted to watch the life leave his eyes because he was Sly Cooper, son of Connor.

And he’s not just fitting to compare to the old bird, but he’s more overtly a direct foil to Bentley’s character too. He’s a dark prophecy of the worst possible result of what would happen if the Cooper gang fell out with each other in a similar manner, or if some of Bentley’s foreshadowed insecurities (that started presenting after he became wheelchair bound) were allowed to fester instead of him finding support from others. That turtle is also the only character that Dr.M is able to speak to like an equal, because he sees himself in Bentley despite being on opposite sides.

He’s a really, really well-written main antagonist that does not try to take a whole new direction like Neyla; instead, he’s like a revamped version of Clockwerk’s “idea” done without milking out any more references or revivals of the bird and his role, which by this point was well-concluded and moved on from… The past of Sly’s family coming back to haunt him, the weight of honoring the legacy of his ancestors, and the struggle of exploring who he is both as a Cooper and the leader of his own found family, and Honor Among Thieves checked those boxes without ruining the closure he got back in Paris. Band of Theives will always be my personal favorite to return to, but all of what M represents, along with many other reasons, is why I consider the third to narratively be the best game out of the series.

[smolwritingchick]

The Bangtan Gal Chapter 52- One Person Won't Ruin This

Chapter Summary: Jen figures out a way to meet with the NY VIP fans despite the Hi-touch being canceled due to threats to Rapmon. When hanging with Kevin, Jen forgets about her outing with Jungkook

Words: 6.000+

Genre: Angst in this one :(

----

"Are you kidding...?" Jennie frowned.

BTS stood backstage for their Red Bullet concert in New York. The members were just informed that their concert would be cut short and that the fan meeting was canceled after the alleged threats towards Rap Monster.

Jen felt like everything was going downhill. Not only did someone have the audacity to threaten her beloved leader, but now the fans had to pay the price. This was not fair. People did not spend their hard earned money only for it to be canceled. All because someone wanted to be stupid enough to do this.

The threats were taken seriously and caused the hi-touch to be canceled. This wasn't what Jennie wanted. She was so excited to finally perform with BTS in her country but now it's not going to happen because of this.

Jennie decided to stay at the Best Buy Theatre while the other members left. Diana also stayed with her while Sejin tended to the others.

"If they checked everyone's bags and items for any weapons, they're unarmed, right? There's tight security." Jennie tried to explain to the staff members. "If my president has threats coming to the White House 24/7, every single day and still goes out to do what he does, then I don't understand why I can't."

"Jennie, I understand your concerns and how eager you are to meet the fans but someone's life was threatened. You're acting foolish, right now. What if you get hurt? Who will be responsible?" One of the BTS reps firmly responded.

"The person that did this made this into a dumb prank. It wasn't funny and I hope this person gets caught. Every fan in that audience went through security. There were no weapons found at all. Let me see them. Please. Bring a row at a time, to my dressing room. I have five security guards with me. That's enough to protect me, right? Do I need more? Aren't there also police here? Want them to be around me too, so these fans can at least see me, one member of BTS? Then let's do that. I am not letting one person ruin this." She firmly asserted.

"I don't want our bond with International ARMY to be broken because of some punk ass bitch on the internet that decided to threaten my amazing leader for a prank." She added. "Those people have been waiting so long for Bangtan to come to America. And I don't want to come back to America with Bangtan fearing for their safety or other K-Pop acts feeling hesitant to come here for a concert. We always have concerts in Seoul, and the one time, we finally come to my country, to perform, shit wants to hit the fan, and I gotta suffer not being able to see my fans in my own country. I'm not giving up on seeing my American fans."

Diana knew that when Jen felt strongly about something, she wasn't going down without a fight. Jen would become outspoken and passionate about the things that she wanted to do when someone told her otherwise.

The BTS rep sighed and left the room, while Jennie angrily sat on the couch.

"You want to just do something with the fans, tomorrow?" Diana suggested.

"Diana, there are people that traveled to New York to see us! There are probably fans out there that don't even live in this area, that came here to see us! That spent their hard earned money to see and meet us!" She snapped. "Money does not grow on trees. People have different financial issues and statuses. There were probably families that sacrificed and saved up just enough cash for their child to see their favorite K-Pop group. And those people that traveled to New York tonight, they're probably going home, tomorrow. How unfair will that be if I'll get to see only a majority of people that brought a Hi-Touch ticket, while the rest are already on the road or on a flight to go back to where they live? No. I want to see all of them tonight."

"Of course, you'd say that." She sighed. "You remind me of that time Angelina did something like this when there was a threat at one of Amity's concerts. Hang tight, I'll see what I can do." She left to go find the BTS rep.

Meanwhile, for the audience, the fans that had a hi-touch ticket, the staff members on site walked out to let them know what was happening. The fans protested instantly when they feared for the worse and once they were told that the Hi-Touch was canceled, all hell broke loose. Some even cried.

When fans saw Jennie's manager walk out with the BTS rep, they watched them discussing something that looked important.

"Okay. The first row, follow me, please." The staff member gestured, as everyone in the audience, looked confused.

Where were they going?

With Jennie, she stayed in the room with five security guards, making small talk, instead of just sitting in silence on her phone.

Diana walked back into the room with a couple of police officers and the BTS rep. "One of these days, you're going to make me lose my job." she joked. "I'm just kidding. I managed to talk him into letting you do what you want to do with the fans."

"A-are you serious?" Jennie's eyes lit up as she stood up.

"We're allowing you just once, to let a row at a time, come in here and see you. This won't happen again, and there will be police here to make sure there's no funny business. One time only, under strict supervision. Before the fans see you, they'll only bring in their phones and take off any jackets. And they will be checked by security for any threats just in case."

Jennie happily grinned and hugged her. "Thank you! Thank you, so much!" 

Eagerly waiting for the fans to walk in, Jennie sat by the dressing room vanity, with her phone in her hands. She started recording the mirror in front of her, to show the reflection of herself, and behind her was the door where the fans would be walking in.

As soon as the first batch of fans walked in, they turned and immediately pointed her out. Screams of excitement as some covered their mouths and teared up, made Jennie start to smile and laugh. She always got a kick out at how fans reacted to BTS, and it always made her laugh joyfully because it made her happy.

"I think they're shooked," Jennie said on camera and stopped the video, posting it on her Instagram. Getting out of her seat, she placed her phone down and waved, giggling at their reactions. "Hi!"

Some started crying harder and it touched her heart that she had that impact on them.

"Are you real!?" One asked with tears in her eyes.

"I hope so." She grinned sheepishly. "All right, about the hi-touch that's been canceled...y'all pissed aren't you?"

She was met with a loud yes. 

"Yes! We are! Do something! This is unfair!" And so on were statements the fans yelled.

"I know. I know. So am I. I'm pissed too." She replied with a frown. "I don't want my country to seem like a violent place where we can't have any more K-Pop events, here. I know you guys wanted to meet all eight of us, tonight. Unfortunately, there will be no hi-touch but would you like to get a Miss Bangtan hug and selfie from me instead?"

She received screams of excitement as she started to laugh softly at their reaction. "I'll take that as a yes. All right, let's form a line."

As they got in line, it would be one person per photo. Jennie knew how frustrating it is to be with a group of fans to take a photo with their favorite K-Pop group. The tight security made sure nothing was suspicious that could harm her before they let a fan approach her.

Call it foolish.

Call it not a wise idea and she may get hurt, but she put her trust in the extra security around her and wanted the fans to go home happy, not disappointed. Not feel like they wasted their money.

These fans spent their hard earned money on a VIP ticket, they should be regarded as a VIP ticket holder, not having to cancel the entire concert.

Meanwhile, with the fans still waiting in the audience, they checked their Twitter and began sharing the news that the first row was actually with Jennie, in BTS' dressing room.

"OMG! They're with Jennie!" A girl screamed, showing her friend. 

The statement caught the attention of the rest of the fans, as they started asking questions and checking their Twitter.

"Check her Instagram! She just posted a video!" Another fan shouted.

Someone who was in line tweeted various tweets about what was happening, and it caused everyone waiting to feel excited and their night got better.

"This is why she is my bias." One fan exclaimed.

On social media, some fans were complaining about her stupidity in pulling this stunt. Thinking it's a dumb idea and they wouldn't risk their lives for their fans if there was a gun threat around. Some questioned what if she got hurt and who would be to blame. But others praised her on social media for her bravery despite the gun threat and for her passionate love for her fans. Fans were so grateful that they got to meet at least one member. 

This is just another reason why she is one of the most popular members of BTS in her country and why she is one of the idols who provided the best fan service.

"Hey! How you doing?" Jennie embraced the next fan in line for the fourth batch of fans.

"I'm doing better now that I'm meeting you. It's my birthday, today. So thank you for making my night."

"Aw, happy birthday. How old are you, today?"

"13."

"Really? Wow, enjoy your teen years. It'll be a wild ride. You're definitely going to learn a lot about yourself in your teen years. It may even be a little scary but continue to love yourself and have fun."

"I will. I'll remember that." The girl lifted up her phone for a selfie. "Can we take a silly one?"

"Yeah! I'll make a meme face."

------

Back in Philly, Vienna, who had yet to contact Jennie since the incident at her play, had gone to the financial aid office, to pay the next payment for her tuition on her payment plan.

"Miss Walker, your tuition has already been paid for, for the next semester."

"What?" Vienna raised a brow in confusion. "My parents didn't say anything about paying. There must be some sort of mistake."

"Someone else already made the payment."

"Who did?"

"Uh..." The man checked his papers. "She personally said, and I quote, 'Your awesome little sister who you are still mad at. I love you and I'm sorry.' Her name is Jennifer Walker."

Vienna exhaled. Jen was something else and the fact that she helped pay for college with whatever money she got with BTS, made her feel even more sad about all the things she said that day. 

"You have got to be kidding."

"Well, indeed she strolled right in here. Such a kind young lady and sweet sister to help you with your tuition. Beautiful smile, too. Enjoy the Fall semester and have a great summer."

"Yeah, you too." Vienna left the office. Taking her phone out, she dialed a number. "Hey, what's BTS' schedule like?"

-----

The next day in Chicago, Jennie wore camo jeans, a black beanie with glasses and a jean hoodie, at a local skate park to meet up with Kevin. She found him skateboarding around, effortlessly sliding his board off one of the rails.

"Hey!" Her happy greeting gained his attention as he jumped off his board.

"Jen! You're here!" He smiled and embraced her, lifting her off the ground as she laughed. "Why'd you want to meet here of all places?"

"Well, a skatepark is where we met and besides, I want to skate. I've been practicing. Let me show you."

"Oh really?" He chuckled, not convinced. "Let me see."

"Watch and learn." She stepped on his skateboard and rolled around, maintaining her balance. She managed to do a small kickflip on the board. "How was that?"

He couldn't hide his smile, impressed by her efforts. "Okay, that was all right."

"Oh, shut up!" She playfully pushed him. "You know that was good."

"But I can do it better."

"Such a bragger. So! What's been going on?"

"Lot of things." He took a seat on the bench and she sat next to him. "I'm starting college in September."

"Oh snap! Any idea what your major is?"

"Business. I'm also going to be playing Basketball."

"I need to go to one of your games, one day. Hopefully, I won't be too busy with Bangtan so I can visit."

"Or I can visit you in Seoul if I have a break or something. We'll figure it out."

"Yeah, we still got time. Man, starting college and on the basketball team? Your family must be so proud."

"Yeah, my parents ask about you from time to time, asking if we still keep in touch and if the group is still going strong. They started to get into your music. They're hooked on BTS." He shared a laugh with her.

"Yes, join us. Once you're in K-Pop you'll never get out. It's just too addicting."

"Yeah, I'll admit. I got some of my friends into it, too. They're hooked."

"Good, the more the merrier."

"So any guys dating you, yet?"

"Nah. Not yet."

"Really? I'm surprised. That needs to change before this year is over."

"We'll see. One day. I'm just trying to be mindful of people's true intentions, y'know? Not just smash and leave. I'm not about that life."

"Good. Keep that good head on your shoulders. If any guys give you problems, let me know. I'll set them straight."

Jennie smiled at his statement. "I'll get that in mind, Kev. So, what about you?"

"Nah, no lady tied me down, yet. But what I can't wait for is all these college parties and hooking up."

"Really? But you're ugly, why would any girl want to sleep with you?" She teased, causing him to playfully narrow his eyes. "Ahahaha!"

"You're not funny." He chuckled. "You planning on going to college?"

"Yeah, I want to. I just have no idea what I want to do in my life yet. I won't be singing and dancing forever, I would like to get a college education. I'll think about it when that time comes."

"Yeah, don't rush yourself. I still don't know what I want to do with the business major, yet. How long you here for?"

"Around a few hours and then I'm going to hang with Jungkook."

"Ah, Jungkook. I remember him. He kept glaring at me during the music video shooting." He laughed at the memory of American Hustle Life.

"What? No way. He doesn't do that, does he?"

"It's nice to see that the members are protective of you. I remember seeing them ask you questions about me. The reason I asked how long you'll be here is that I was wondering if you wanted to learn more about skateboarding."

"Heck yeah! Let's do this." She eagerly stood up.

Time flew by quickly as he taught her. As she learned more basic tricks on making sure how to stay safe from falling and stopping the skateboard, Kevin helped her with turning around on the board. 

She stumbled when she tried it for the 5th time and he caught her by placing his hands on her waist. "Careful. Lean side to side this time, you'll get it. Just maintain your balance."

Once she tried it on her 9th attempt, she successfully turned and continued doing it again and again.

"Sweet! This is pretty easy, now."

"Told you."

As they continued to skate, a few ARMY had found Jennie while they were walking around the neighborhood and eagerly approached her. "Jennie!" They shouted, happily.

Turning around, Miss Bangtan saw three fans rushing up to her. She gleefully talked to them and took some selfies and they even asked Kevin to get into it too. The fans told her how stoked they were about the Chicago Red Bullet concert and how nice it was for her to see the fans after the New York show, despite the threats. One fan even told her that she inspired her to go back to playing the guitar and work on her old songs that she's kept on her laptop for years.

Although fans always tell their favorite idol that they love them and their work, it's more rewarding to Jennie, to hear fans tell her that she inspired them. She liked being a positive influence on her fans and it's a humbling feeling.

"Are you two dating?" One of the fans boldly asked.

Jennie and Kevin glanced at each other and shared a chuckle. 

"She is someone very special to me," Kevin answered briefly, causing the girls to giggle at his response.

"I think you almost killed them with that statement," Jennie added.

After saying goodbye to the fans, Kevin and Jennie decided to take another break, to chill on the bench. Jennie took a funny selfie with him as he sat behind her, with his chin on her head.

'He needs to admit that my skating skills have improved since AHL. Don't front, you know I got better :P #JEN'

ARMY immediately began to freak out, as they positively enjoyed seeing the two together. 

'DEAD'

'SCREAMING'

'Relationship confirmed!?'

'GOALS'

'Ya'll so damn adorable!'

"Oh crap!" Jennie shouted, hastily getting to her feet.

"What's wrong?"

"I was supposed to meet with Jungkook 2 hours ago!" She grabbed her bag. "We'll text! It was so nice seeing you, today!"

"Ooooohhhhhhh, you're in trouble~!" He laughed.

"Shush!" She made a phone call so Diana could pick her up.

Once at the hotel, Jennie made her way to Jungkook's room to see him gaming. "Kook! I am so sorry!" She exclaimed.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it." He shrugged.

She watched him. Nothing was fine. She knew he was upset. "Are you mad?"

"It's fine, Jennie." He paused his game.

"You're mad. Look, I'm so sorry. We can hang out tomorrow, okay?"

"Where were you, anyway?"

"I was with Kevin. It's been so long since we've seen each other, that I wanted to catch up. I lost track of time."

Jungkook exhaled and frowned. "So, you blew me off for him?"

"No way, that was not my intention. I just wasn't periodically checking the time when I was with him. Look, let's hang out tomorrow. Okay? Wherever you want, we'll go."

And Jungkook agreed to that.

The next day, in the afternoon, Yoongi walked into his hotel room to see Jungkook gaming on the bed. The confusion appeared on the Daegu rapper's features as he closed the door and strolled up to him.

"Weren't you supposed to meet with Smartie?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, why aren't you with her?"

"I changed my mind, hyung." The Maknae bluntly replied.

The Daegu rapper stood there, genuinely dumbfounded. As many times as the Maknae chewed his ear off about spending time with her in America, now he changed his mind?

Something wasn't right.

"This isn't like you at all. Why would you not go?"

Before Jungkook could reply, they heard pounding on the door

Yoongi heard Jennie's angry muttering on the other side of the door, "...'bout to kill him. I swear if he is in this got damn room, I'm going to kill him." 

Once she was let inside by Yoongi, she greeted him, "Hey, Yoongi. Is Kook here?"

"By the bed," he said.

"Bed..." She walked in, setting her bag on the floor. 

Jungkook paid her no mind as he proceeded to game. Yoongi observed how thick the tension in the room was between the 97 Liners. It was never like this. Something bad must've happened because Jennie and Jungkook had never acted like this.

Ever.

"Yoongi." She called out, interrupting his thoughts. "Can you give us a minute? Alone?" 

"You sure I should leave you two, alone?"

"Yoongi, for once, please just listen to my request."

The rapper exhaled. Jennie wasn't messing around. He knew that the tone of her voice meant business.

"You kids are going to be the death of me. Don't kill each other...I really don't want to explain to Jin or Namjoon about how Bangtan went from eight members to six." He grumbled as he grabbed his notebook and exited the room.

Jungkook continued to mash the buttons on his controller, ignoring her presence as she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Jen didn't know if she wanted to smack him or cuss him out because of what happened today.

"Kook." She called out.

No answer.

"Kookie."

No answer.

"Jungkook." She called out louder.

Still no answer.

She laughed dryly. "So just because I unintentionally forget about our outing, you don't want to show?"

"I forgot." He shrugged as his attention was still on the TV.

Exasperated, she marched up to him and snatched the controller out of his hands, tossing it on the bed. "Bullshit, Kook."

Poking the side of his cheek with his tongue in annoyance, he stood up, fed up. "How is that bullshit? I said I forgot."

"Yeah? Well, I said I was sorry. I tried to make it up to you, and you don't show. The heck is wrong with you?"

"Nothing." He shrugged.

Exhaling sharply, she closed her eyes for a moment. "Jungkook...you get on my nerves."

"Oh really? Well, the feeling is mutual."

"You know what? You blowin' my shit, today. You really be doing the most."

"And you don't?" He retorted.

"No, I do not. And you are starting to piss me the hell off and I am not in the mood for this. This is childish."

"Drop it. I'm done talking about this. I don't feel like arguing."

"Well, I'm not done talking because I'm still waiting for a not so half-assed excuse as to why you didn't show up today."

"I just didn't want to. End of discussion."

"Seriously? And you couldn't have called? Text?"

"Oh, okay. So, you just want to ignore the fact that you did the same to me? How do you think I feel? I really wanted to spend time with you."

Miss Bangtan rolled her eyes. "I don't have time for this. Jungkook, we always spend time together!" 

Jungkook frowned and shook his head in disapproval. "You just don't get it." He muttered softly.

"Then explain!" She shouted.

"I wanted to spend time with you, alone!" He shouted back.

"We always spend time together, Kook. It's no big deal, stop being so uptight."

The Golden Maknae stared at her with hurt. "No big deal, huh? Then maybe I'm wasting my time."

"Are you kidding me?" She frowned. "Jungkook, I haven't seen him in what? A year? I lost track of time, we were catching up. I missed him. He's my friend."

"Well, I'm your best friend. I found a beach nearby. I thought it would be cool to hang out there that day. Walk on the beach in America, just like we planned, right? We planned this for so long. I waited and you didn't show. It sucked without you there. That hurt. So how do you think that made me feel? We were talking about this on the plane for hours. And somehow he just took up all your time and made you forget, right? Cause that's how it usually goes."

She exhaled and started feeling the tears coming as she quickly blinked them away.

Why did that make her heart ache?

"Don't do this to me. You are not listening-"

"I don't need to." He cut her off and walked past her.

She turned around to follow him. "Excuse me! Don't you walk away from me! Jungkook!" She heard the bathroom door slam, right in her face. "OH-my God!" She banged her fist on the door out of frustration.

"You are so childish! Open the door so we can discuss this!" She yelled. 

When she didn't get a reply, she sighed in exasperation. "Okay, ignore me. Because that's what we do, right? God, you are acting like a jerk, right now."

Swinging the door open, Jungkook walked past her. "Well, what does that make you?" He questioned as she followed him back to where the beds were.

She scoffed. "Me? Are you kidding? I swear to Gosh, I can't stand you sometimes!"

"Good because I can't stand you, either! Do you know how annoying you are!?" 

Jen stared at him in disbelief while she let out a sharp breath.

Damn.

She didn't know how much those words could sting until she heard him say it to her. But instead of being sad, she became angrier.

"WOW~! Tell me how you really feel!" She threw her arms up in the air.

Closing his eyes, he ran a hand through his hair. "You know I didn't mean that..."

"No, no, go ahead! Tell me exactly how you feel!"

"Enough." He muttered.

"No, tell me everything, I am all ears, Jungkook! I'm ready, I can take it! Let me know! Let me know, right now! Tell me how you feel about me!"

"Jennie..." He reiterated, trying to relax.

"Tell me how you feel about Jennie. The eighth member of the group. The one that still gets dragged for being a girl in BTS but doesn't give two shits anymore because I'm letting people ruin what I love doing. I'm not letting that hate get to me anymore because I am above all that and why should I waste my life worrying what haters think about me? That Miss Bangtan. That Jennie. What is your honest opinion on Miss Bangtan?"

"Jennie. Enough."

"No, it's not enough! So, don't tell me this is enough!" She raised her voice to him. "So lemme know, Jeon Jungkook. Spill your guts out to me. I want to know your feelings for me. I want to know exactly how you feel since we're being honest here. You go first and then I'll go. So, what do you have to say?"

"It's not the time for this!" He growled in frustration at the fact that they were arguing with each other.

"Yes, it is, since you're obviously being honest with me! So, what's next?!"

No answer.

"What's next!?" She made a fist and banged it against his chest as she started feeling tears develop in her eyes. Composed, Jungkook took it, standing his ground as he felt her strike faintly.

"Let me know. Be honest!" She hit his chest.

Silence.

"Say something!" She hit his chest, again.

More silence.

"Why aren't you saying anything?!"

"Enough!" He gently, but with a firm grip, grabbed her wrist before she could hit him again. Her back hit the wall softly while his free hand rested its palm next to her head. "Enough..." He repeated softly as she held his intense stare. 

She saw hints of frustration, sadness and something else that she couldn't put her finger on.

Releasing her wrist, he glanced to the side, trying to calm down his anger. Meanwhile, Jen's heart was beating faster than usual as she noticed the closeness she had with Jungkook. All they could hear were the faint sound effects and voice acting of the game Jungkook was playing on the TV.

Jungkook turned his attention back to her, placing his forearm on the wall and his face got closer to hers. Crossing her arms, she angrily turned her head to the side.

'Just stop fighting me...there are a lot of things I want to say to you...more than you think...but now is not the time. And at this rate, I'm not even sure when anymore.' Jungkook thought to himself. 

It was what he wanted to say out loud, but couldn't bring himself to.

They heard a click on the door while Hobi walked in. Jungkook backed up from her while Jennie glanced to the side, uncrossing her arms. The 97 Liners felt a sensation of annoyance by the fact that they were interrupted during their heated discussion.

Hobi spoke to them in a chill voice, "Uh...Yoongi forgot his headphones. Wanted me to go get them. Now I kinda understand why he didn't want to come in." 

He felt the tension in the room as he awkwardly headed over to Yoongi's bed to grab the headphones. 

Turning around, he observed them. Jungkook had his hands in his pockets, impatiently waiting for Hobi to leave as a vexed facial expression was visible on his handsome features. Jennie glanced around random areas of the room, trying to keep her emotions in check.

"All right, I need to ask. Is...everything all right with you two, kids?" The rapper demanded.

The 97 Liners glanced at each other and then turned their attention to Hobi. 

"Yeah..." Jennie murmured.

"We're fine, hyung," Jungkook answered in a grumble.

"All right then..." Hobi nodded, unconvinced and left the room.

Jungkook turned to Jennie who was still angry. "Babygirl-"

"Don't call me that." She spoke sharply, remembering why she was upset with him in the first place. "You lost the right to call me that."

"Don't be like that." He frowned.

"No. How about you don't be the way you were by not showing up."

Feeling his anger come back, Jungkook shrugged. "Well, now you know how I feel."

"Oh, so you just did this to get back at me? You are such a big baby, grow up, Kookie."

"You grow up. And you lost the right to call me Kookie, so don't call me that."

"You know what? Fine, I don't care." She shrugged. "You are so condescending!"

"You are so dramatic." He muttered.

"No, the hell I am not! I'm so sick of this and I'm sick of you!"

"You really want to go there?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm sick of you too!"

"I don't need this bullshit!" She turned, aiming to leave.

"You're the one acting like a brat." He bluntly called out.

Feeling something in her snap, she turned around. "And you're the one acting like an asshole!" 

As soon as she said that, Jungkook froze. His eyes stung sharply as the tears threatened to fall. As soon as she saw the hurt on his face, she immediately regretted her words.

Out of retaliation, he retorted sharply, "Sometimes I ask myself why you can't be like our friends in GFriend. Why you can't be like Eunha or Hayoon."

That was the fatal blow.

She stared at him in disbelief, feeling a large lump form in her throat. She shut her eyes to stop her tears before they fell.

Those words cut her like a knife.

Her shoulders relaxed as she slowly exhaled, opening her eyes. He won this argument and she had nothing else to say.

What could she say after that?

She replayed the statement in her head and briefly pondered how he felt when she yelled hurtful things at him, moments ago.

Jungkook saw the pain on her face and he began to regret his words, too. He didn't mean it. He just wanted to win the argument. They both did, not caring how much their words would hurt each other. Their emotions got to them. They were still young, stubborn teenagers. This was bound to happen. When you're angry, you say things you don't mean. You say things to hurt the other to get back at them.

Jennie wanted to scream at him. Scream that she hated him or something more hurtful but she couldn't do it. She couldn't hurt him more than she already had with the previous hurtful words she yelled. She strongly felt like her heart couldn't take it. Her heart was already freaking out ever since the argument started.

Jennie nodded slowly, accepting what he had told her. "Okay...I get it." Her voice trembled.

Watching her place a hand on her other one, Jungkook's stomach dropped when he watched her take off the friendship ring he had given her. When she was right in front of him, she placed the ring in his hand.

"I don't want this, anymore. Take it back. Give it to someone else."

Her sudden statement caught him off guard as he stared at the ring he had given her a long time ago. When he told her that they'll cherish each other until the end. 

While Jungkook thought about the day he had given her the ring, his tears threatened to fall as he met her sad gaze.

"Maybe Hayoon or Euhna will like it instead. I'm sure they'll fit your Golden Best Friend qualifications. I'm gonna go before I say something I'm going to regret." She grabbed her bag and left in a hurry.

Frustrated, he grabbed a pillow and aggressively threw it across the room.

"Damn it..." He growled, running his hands through his hair in frustration. 'I'm such an idiot...why did I say that? I just ruined everything...'

Meanwhile with Jennie, outside the room, in the hallway, she leaned against the wall, next to his door. She exhaled sharply and threw her bag on the ground. 

"Damn it..." She huffed. 'I didn't mean to say all that...why did I call him an asshole? Why did I hurt him even more by giving him back the ring?'

She felt her chest tighten and her tears began to flow as she silently started crying. Sliding down on the wall, she sat on the floor, with her knees against her chest.

Jungkook, who had been crying too, wiped his tears with his arm. He tried to pull himself together while sitting on the floor, against the wall, next to his door, which happened to be where Jennie was on the other side of the wall.

'I never want to see that again.' He thought. 'I never meant to make her upset, I just...' 

Jennie wiped her tears with her hand. 'He was about to cry...I never want to see him like that. I didn't mean what I said, I just...'

She hoped that he would open the door and apologize.

He had also hoped that she would knock on his door and apologize.

Because they both were too stubborn to be the bigger person and apologize. Hoping that the other would, so they can let things go back to normal.

'It's normal for friends to fight, right? But why does this hurt so much more than the fights with the other members?' She thought to herself. 'Why does this hurt so much? Why does my heart feel so damn heavy? What is this feeling? I hate it, it's too much. Just make it stop already.'

Jungkook turned his head to the door, contemplating if she was still there. 'She probably left...'

Sniffing, Jennie cleared her throat. Standing on her feet, she turned to the door. She contemplated knocking but decided not to, despite her heart aching to knock on the door. 

'He probably doesn't want to see me...he's angry, why would he want to see me?' She thought with a frown

"Sweetie, are you all right?"

Turning around she saw a hotel maid. She looked like she was in her mid-40s with dark skin and black hair styled in a bun. 

"Huh?"

"I heard some arguing when I got my cleaning products, couldn't help but look to see you out here. Is everything all right?"

"Oh God, I am so embarrassed..." She groaned.

Looks like the lady also knew Korean.

"Bad fight with your boyfriend?" The woman assumed in an understanding voice.

The word boyfriend caused Jen's stomach to feel weird as she felt her face heat up.

"Oh, uh...he's...he's not my..." She trailed off.

"I get it. Not yet I presume."

"I-it's not like that." She shook her head.

"You sure?"

Jennie hesitated. After a moment, she nodded. "Yes."

"Hm...I dunno, you don't fool me, for a second, honey. I was like this when I had my first fight with my husband. We started dating when we were in college. Stubborn, the both of us were that day." The woman chuckled softly at the memory. "All the bickering and pettiness. Took us a few days to make up. Both of us didn't want to be the bigger person and apologize first. But arguments are normal, don't worry about it. It seems like things are falling apart and you both are hurting. But just give it time. It's not as bad as it seems. Before you know it, you two will rekindle."

Jen gave the woman a weak smile and nodded. "Thank you for that. I'm Jennie, by the way."

"Just call me Miss Joyce. You have a blessed day, now." She smiled sweetly and walked away to begin her shift.

Heading to her hotel room, Jennie made sure to wipe her tears and clear her throat before she walked in. Hopefully, Taehyung wouldn't notice anything.

Walking in, she was greeted by his boxy smile. There she also saw Jimin with him who happily waved as he sat with Tae on his bed, with random American snacks.

"Ennie!" Jimin beamed. "Look what we got! Smarties! I saw some when Tae and I went to the store. You got us hooked on them. You want some?"

Jennie gave them a fake smile, still feeling the effects of the argument. "No thanks." She responded and went straight into the bathroom.

Jimin raised an eyebrow, looking dumbfounded. "No thanks...?"

"What?" Taehyung glanced at Jimin with worry.

Jennie never rejects Smarties.

Not even when she's sad. The candy always cheered her up. This was a red flag and the 95 Liners were anxious to find out what was wrong so they could resolve it.

"Something isn't right." Jimin assumed as he heard the shower turn on.

"Ennie..." Taehyung murmured sadly.

[mercy-burning]

Honeybee

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: While attending Seraphina's wedding, Y/N discovers that her crush on her best friend’s older brother hasn’t gone away after all these years. Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Strong language, alcohol consumption, fingering, penetrative/protected sex Word Count: 5.7k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: I know I promised a oneshot over the weekend, but I’m a messy, inconsistent bitch, so you get it a day late 😅🥰

———

Looking back, I was starting to wonder if Seraphina only got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor just to witness my slow descent into a heaping puddle of lovesick mush.

Truly, it was pathetic.

Yeah, yeah, she was getting married because she loved her fiancé and whatever, obviously, but she was also using it as an excuse to try and get me to admit my feelings for her older brother. Feelings, I might add, that only surfaced when I was a middle schooler and went away once he went off to college.

Sure, I'd thought about him on occasion when he was inevitably brought up around Sera's house throughout the years, but that was it. I'd hardly say I was hard-core in love with him. And I was totally prepared to see him for the first time since our high school graduation.

At least, I thought I was.

And Seraphina—the little shit—knew it, too. The smirk on her face the moment we were all in the same room for the first time in ten years made me want to run and hide more than her brother's figure, right in front of me and hotter than ever.

I was mad. Not at Sera as much, because really there was nothing she could do about the fact that he was her brother, but I was mad at myself. Because how in the hell had it stood to reason that a man I actively didn't think about for a whole decade had this much of an effect on me after all this time?

Honestly? I blame the FBI.

If he'd done literally anything else with his life I probably could have made it. Well, not by much if we're being honest, but come on...

Where he'd been a bit nerdy and reserved as I knew him, the man in front of me had clearly changed. Not just physically, though that was also a pleasant surprise. He looked like he'd been through some shit... And he carried himself taller. There was a new air of confidence that perched on his shoulder and helped him along as he talked with old friends and family members at his sister's rehearsal dinner.

Spencer Reid was older and more experienced this time around, and somehow even more goddamn delicious...

I was a total wreck. And it was about to get a whole lot worse.

He was coming this way. Right for me. He'd noticed me staring at him all night, because I couldn't keep my shit together, and now I was absolutely doomed.

Guess it was a good thing I'd practically grown up with him and knew how to act outwardly.

Still, the moment he was up close and flashing me that little smile of his, I felt the pit of my stomach scream out loud, sending shockwaves through my bloodstream.

"Hey, Honeybee. It's been a while."

Fuck. That fucking nickname...

"Spencer... It has."

When we hugged briefly, I tried as hard as I could not to inhale his scent, knowing that not only was that pathetic and embarrassing, but also I'd never stop smelling it otherwise. I did take note, though, of how strong he was now. He wasn't a bodybuilder of any kind, but he was certainly less bony and more defined.

I had to hold back a whine as I felt him let go of me, because I didn't want to leave his warm embrace but also because I didn't think I could stand to look at his face anymore without losing any and all semblance of my cool.

Still, I let him release me, and even then he didn't go far. We only stood inches apart, and my whole body was practically numb at the proximity. It also didn't help that I had to tilt my head up to see his face— It made me feel extremely submissive, and I could already feel myself starting to shrink.

Whether he was amused at that or just at me in general, the feeling I got was the same.

"Sera tells me you've been busy..." He paused, seemingly searching for the right word, though I could tell he already had it on the tip of his tongue. "Modeling?"

I closed my eyes with a sigh. "It was one job for some obscure European magazine, no one in the country's probably ever heard of it... It's not that big of a deal."

Spencer huffed a laugh. "You sound embarrassed..."

How was I supposed to respond to that? If I lied and told him I wasn't embarrassed, he'd figure it out, and if I told him the truth? I'd still be screwed. Honestly, my best bet was changing the subject.

Though, maybe it wasn't— When I asked him about his travels for work, he ignored it and responded with, "Ah, so you are embarrassed."

"N— I am not!"

"You changed the subject so fast I barely had time to blink... There's nothing to be ashamed of, Honeybee, I don't know why you'd—"

"Look, dude, I'm not ashamed, and I'm certainly not changing the subject. We were on the subject of jobs. So there."

I was aware of how childish I sounded, but I stood my ground nonetheless. And thankfully Spencer seemed to let it go, though not without amplifying that amused sparkle in his eye.

"Okay... Well, I've got some more people to see, but, uh... I'll see you around. Maybe you can show me some of your work."

He didn't even give me time to protest. Though if he had, I was sure I wouldn't have been able to get any words out what with that goddamned face he had, twisted and sculpted into all these beautiful ways that were designed specifically to make me a blubbering hot mess.

I could only gather the courage to nod in response, though he'd turned his back and walked away by the time I got it out.

———

All things considered, I'd managed to avoid him for the majority of the wedding festivities. I focused all my energy on being happy to see my best friend get married, and likewise it seemed that Spencer was inclined to do the same.

He walked his sister down the aisle, and seeing them both so happy truly made my heart sing. To think I'd known them since we were all kids more or less, and now they were both successful, beautiful human beings... It warmed me to my core, and despite the other flames that stung my insides at seeing Spencer in his tux, thing were going swimmingly.

That being said, we were just about two hours into the reception, and there was absolutely nothing stopping me from begging Seraphina to put me out of my misery.

Except maybe pints upon pints of alcohol.

In hindsight, that may not have been a good idea, though. Because as much as the open bar had it benefits, it also hated me. It was mostly my fault, because I was stupid enough to forget that I get frisky when I'm drunk, but that didn't stop me from blaming the bartender for continuing to serve me.

I wasn't quite at the point of all-out inebriation, but I was definitely toeing the line between tipsy flirting and total disaster.

And when Spencer came over to ask me to dance, I knew I was doomed.

I didn't find myself caring about what he was saying, only the fact that he was there, in front of me, putting his hands on me and breathing in the same air that I was putting out. My entire body buzzed, and while I would have panicked otherwise, my tipsy brain welcomed the tingle and made me a bit bolder.

"You enjoying yourself tonight?" he asked, like he couldn't already tell that I was having the time of my life.

"No way. You suck at dancing." The joke rolled off my tongue with ease, a product of years spent teasing him for countless things.

And just like all those times before, he rolled his eyes and then immediately flashed an affectionate smile all the same.

I should have stopped there, maybe tried to do something a bit more romantic like teach him how to dance... Placing his hands and fixing his posture, taking the time to gracefully have an excuse for exploring his body with my hands...

But romance took a backseat when I pressed myself in even closer to him and hummed just under his jawline. "Mmm, but I bet you're good at other things..."

I felt his hands grip my waist just a little tighter, and his throat visibly twitched. "How much have you had to drink, Honeybee?"

"Spencer," I whined, pressing my face into his neck. "Don't tell me you're turning me down, please..."

I could tell by the way he was touching me, his hands wavering and undecided, and the way his heartbeat thrummed loudly and quickly against my own that he wanted nothing more than to entertain my desires.

The thought made me quiver and press further into him. I kissed his jawline tenderly, silently begging him to whisk me away and finally make me his, but it broke my heart a little to feel him peel away from me.

When he looked into my eyes though, I swore the gleam in his own is what put me back together. It could have been the liquor swimming around in my body that made me feel lightheaded, but when Spencer lifted my chin with his fingers and looked me over, I knew that wasn't it. It was wholeheartedly, without a doubt, him.

"Tell you what... You get sobered up by the end of the night, and maybe I'll come find you."

I wanted to nod, but his gentle grip on my chin held me steady—At least until he glided his fingertips down my throat and over my shoulder. Then I downright slumped forward with a whine and a weak nod that seemed to make him smile.

"Thank you for the dance," he said earnestly, leaning forward to press the lightest of kisses to my temple.

Just like that he was gone, and I wanted him back almost immediately.

———

And so the night dragged on, and the longer I sobered up the more it dawned on me what the fuck just happened— What the fuck was going to happen, too, if I played my cards right.

It didn't help that I could practically feel Spencer's eyes on me the whole time. Probably to make sure I really wasn't drinking anymore, a fact that only made this feel more real.

On top of it all, I was starting to lose count of the amount of men here who were trying to buy me drinks. Even if the one man I really wanted tonight hadn't given me a deal, I still wouldn't have accepted them, if only for the pathetic fact that I would have been trying to catch his attention instead.

So much for trying to convince myself I wasn't in love with him...

Was that really what it was? It had to be, right?

Either way, I was determined to find out, and that meant declining every flirtatious offer to drink and dance.

Unfortunately, Seraphina seemed to notice, even on the one day in her entire life she shouldn't have been thinking about anyone but herself. "You're not having fun," she pouted, plopping down next to me and handing me a shot. "Have fun."

I laughed and set the tiny glass down on the table. "I am having fun, I'm just... tired. And being hungover tomorrow does not sound fun."

"Mmm," she responded, visibly suspicious.

I didn't really know what to say to her to convince her not to be though, so I grabbed her hand and smiled. "You're having fun though, right? 'Cause I will not hesitate to kick someone's ass if you're not."

With a bellowing laugh mildly tainted with the smell of champagne, Seraphina squeezed my hand and leaned in close. "I'm having the best time. I couldn't be happier."

"Well, good. You deserve it."

After a small moment of silent shared smiles, my best friend glanced over elsewhere and then back to me with that look in her eye that kind of scared me.

And her words were even scarier... "So, you talk to Spencer at all tonight?"

"Uh— Yeah... Briefly."

"Mhmm... Y'know, I saw you two dancing together earlier. You seemed reeeally close..."

There I was, getting defensive in front of a Reid sibling for the second time that night. And just like before, I was awful at being subtle. "Sera, stop it! It was just a dance..."

"Bullshit! He had his hands all over you, and he had that gross-ass, dreamy-ass look in his eye! He so wants to sleep with you!"

"Sera!" I gently shoved her and tried not to smile at the goofy smile she had plastered on her face.

"Am I wrong?"

"I... I don't..."

"Ha! I'm not wrong!"

The defeated look in my eye did nothing to disconfirm her story.

"So, what's stopping you from letting him?"

I went wide-eyed. "Se—You... You seriously would... You're okay with this? It doesn't... gross you out?"

There were a lot of things I could have seen Seraphina do in that moment, but pinching and yelling at me were not any of them. "Y/N! You idiot! I've been trying to get you two together for years! If I knew all it took was me getting married, I would have accepted Theo Decker's proposal..."

"Wa— In fifth grade? Sera, that wasn't—"

"I know, but you get what I mean! You two are so painfully attracted to each other, it physically hurts me. It's actually disgusting, but if it means there's a chance that you might get to be my sister? I say go for it."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You... You really mean that?"

"What, you think I'd joke about that?"

Everything that she conveyed to me within the look in her eyes, her words, and the squeezing of her hand over mine told me she was sincere.

"I love you, you know," I told her just as sincerely.

Her smile was as radiant as ever, but the teasing tone in her voice was enough to make me scowl again. "Right back at'cha, Honeybee. Just do me a favor and don't tell me any details. I don't wanna know."

I stuck my tongue out at her, followed by a short shove. "Oh, and as soon as you get back from your honeymoon? I'm kicking your ass for telling him about that nude shoot I did for that magazine..."

She only grinned. "Why? I think I did you a favor..."

I rolled my eyes at her, but in the end, I guess she was right.

———

I shouldn't have been pacing. Really, it was pretty fucking embarrassing the way I walked in circles around my hotel room, waiting for a knock at the door or a text message on my phone, or something to let me know that Spencer had really meant what he said and was on his way to come find me.

I didn't have a single drink after we danced, and I swear to God, if he made me go through this entire night all nervous without the liquor to calm me down, for nothing? I was going to kill him tomorrow.

Later today... Whatever.

The point? I was well and truly ready to feel him taking up my personal space, and I was going to feel like a real idiot if I waited around and prepped and everything, only for him not to show. The funny thing was, it was almost two in the morning, and I would have stayed up until the sun rose for him.

Thank God he had the decency to save me the trouble.

A short two-rap knock on the door made me jump, but I ran at it full-speed, flinging the large wooden panel open and letting its momentum blow cool wind over my body. And I needed it, too.

Because standing right in front of me was Spencer Reid in all his semi-exhausted glory. His outfit was loosened, buttons undone and bowtie untied, hanging limp around his neck. His hair sat wild atop his head and a thin layer of sweat coated his skin. Maybe that last part sounded gross, but looking at him? It was anything but.

Especially when he flashed me that damned smirk. "Someone's eager..."

I tried not to sound as dumbfounded by his presence as I felt. "Well, you made me a good offer I couldn't refuse. Excuse me for being excited."

"And here I thought all this time you hated me, Honeybee..."

"That would be easier, wouldn't it?"

His grin transformed into a full-on beaming smile then, and it only made my skin feel warmer and my heart beat faster. I returned his smile with my own, so genuinely happy to see him again after all this time, and with the brightest show of happiness I'd ever seen.

Turns out, smiling like a lovesick idiot was all I was capable of.

"Are you... gonna let me in?"

The low suggestive tone in his voice had me springing into action, stepping back and allowing him the space to come in. And though he had plenty of room, Spencer still decided to brush his body over mine as he passed. His eyes bore into my own as he gently kicked the door shut and enveloped us in a dimness that came from cheap hotel lighting.

Still, I was unable to speak, and hardly able to even breathe, with each passing second.

And then, his hands were on my waist, pulling me to him with a softness that matched the whisper in his throat as he said, "C'mere..." Looking up at him then, his fingers burning holes through the thin fabric of my dress while he looked back down me, eyes swimming in tender desire... It almost didn't even feel real.

And it certainly didn't feel real when he leaned in, one of his hands coming up to touch my face while the other pressed me firmly against him.

The moment his lips touched mine, I was gone. I positively melted into him, so much so that it felt like I was just becoming a part of him entirely, losing myself in the moment and unwilling to let it go.

Even when he sighed against my lips and parted his own to kiss me deeper, I just followed suit and let him take the lead. We moved together as one, fluidly and with as much eagerness was possible. I'd wanted to get a taste of him for so long, and he obviously felt the same way, what with the thorough and precise exploring his tongue did with my own. It shot warmth throughout my whole being, and my legs threatened to buckle underneath me from how weak they felt.

Spencer seemed to understand what was happening to me, because as soon as I'd thought it, he was just as quick to literally sweep me off my feet, scooping me up bridal style and carrying me over to the large bed in the middle of the room.

"I know we're at a wedding and all, but geez," I laughed, watching as he laid me down gently and crawled over my body. "A little much?"

He only rolled his eyes. "Well, excuse me for trying to be romantic..."

"Mmm, I think you're just being an overachiever. As per usual."

That remark earned me a pinning of my wrists above my head, and the fire that erupted in my very core at my current position only cemented that this was very real.

Spencer grinned, his hips coming down to roll over mine teasingly. He spoke nice and slowly, his voice slicing through my soul like smooth butter. "Oh, Honeybee, I'll show you an overachiever..."

Once again I was rendered speechless. Not like I expected to be talking his ear off or anything, but words genuinely escaped me.

Luckily, Spencer didn't seem to mind. In fact, he knew exactly what to do next, and it made me even hungrier for him than ever before.

He captured my lips in another dizzying kiss, his hands still flexing over my wrists to keep them steady. I moaned softly and writhed against him, and though I would have liked to say that it was a conscious choice to coax him to give me more, really it was just me being unable to handle the fact that this was actually happening.

Actually, if not for the overwhelming and familiar scent of him, I would have thought I was only imagining it.

But alas, here he was in all his floral peppermint glory, grinding his hips down into mine and kissing me like I'd never been kissed before, driving me mad with each adept movement.

Thankfully he seemed to get as lost in the moment as I was, because he loosened my wrists in his grip, and I broke free, flying my hands in between us and down to his belt.

His lips pulled away from mine with a soft smack, a smile forming smugly upon them. "Have you no patience?"

As my fingers fumbled with the metal and leather, I pressed my nose to his and quickly pecked his mouth. "I thought we already established that I have no patience the moment I opened the door..."

"Fair... But still..."

Spencer grabbed my hands again, moving them to my sides and then hiking my dress up slowly. His skin was hot against my own, and it took everything I had not to break down begging for him.

And then he spoke again, his lips barely grazing mine as he did. "Teasing you is so much fun..."

I couldn't really explain what sound escaped me then, but it reminded me of a disgruntled animal, erupting from my throat and getting muffled the moment I took my hands and brought his face to mine. I kissed him fervently as his hands matched the intense nature of my affections— With every soft groan I gave him, he returned it with an inch higher up my leg, until eventually he was toying with the hem of my underwear.

Unable to take it anymore, I gave in and mumbled the most desperate plea I could think of. (Like I had to think that hard...)

"Spencer, please..."

I half expected him to tease me again, but this time I felt him tremble over my body. His fingers slipped under the satin of my underwear and he sighed into my mouth. "God, how could I ever say no to you..."

No sooner had the words left his mouth did he spread me apart with his fingertips, getting a feel for me and a broken sigh falling from his tongue and onto my own. I captured it and kissed him with as much precision as I could while under the influence of his hands working wonders.

Truly, his hands hand a magic of their own that should have been considered as an eighth Wonder of the World. They flexed in all the right places, splitting me open and caressing the most sensitive parts of me, simultaneously breaking me apart and putting me back together...

God, and those was only his hands...

The thought of what else he had waiting for me made me cry out into his mouth, though I'm sure it also had to do with the fact that his fingers were curling expertly inside me and summoning an orgasm that I knew would satisfy us both.

I almost cried out again when his lips left mine, but then they travelled to my neck and paid it the most glorious attention. The alternation of his fingers and his tongue on different spots of my body had me in shambles, and it took no longer than a few seconds to snap.

"Fuck, that's my girl," Spencer grumbled into my neck, helping me through my orgasm. "That's it, honey..."

What I wouldn't have given to hear him talk to me like that until the end of time... His words, their tone and praise seeping into my skin and bringing my soul to life... Coupled with his soft hands and his even softer breath fanning over my neck, I was just about ready to ask him to keep talking to me, to say my name and never stop.

He pulled away though, removing his hand from my lower half and bringing it up to his mouth, and I had the feeling my request wouldn't be a problem.

Spencer's eyes rolled back and his tongue gathered my arousal off his long, well-endowed fingers. And though I could hear his groan well and clear, I felt it more than anything. It reverberated through my body and brought me more to life in a way I never thought imaginable.

No one had ever made me feel that way with one single sound, and that's how I knew.

I thought I knew it from the start—from when we were growing up—that I wanted to be near him forever. But It was always just a silly dream, something I was never quite able to reach, and as I got older and we rarely saw each other, it got harder to even imagine anymore.

Now I didn't have to imagine.

Spencer Reid was right in front of me, touching me, tasting me, verbally praising me with sounds I'd only ever dreamed of...

I wanted him to have his moment, because I was positive he'd wanted this just as much as I did, but this sappy sort of revelation I was having made it nearly impossible to not be utterly wrapped up in him, and I wanted more.

So I wiggled and adjusted myself underneath him before grabbing his hand and placing it over my heart. His eyes widened softly at the sight of me, and I knew then that he was taking the time to memorize my face, and the image of his hand resting at my chest, right where my heart was encased beneath bones, flesh, and fabric.

"I could look at you forever," he whispered then.

I would have been ashamed to admit that I whimpered when he said it, but the way he looked at me afterwards made me feel the exact opposite.

He smiled, using his other hand to come up and touch my face. "You want it bad, don't you, Honeybee?"

I didn't even argue with him this time. My head nodded and my hands reached out to pull him closer. "I want you... More than I've ever wanted anything."

Before he leaned down to kiss me, I could have swore he looked like he was going to shed a tear. The duality of him, his ability to be all teasing and cocky one second and then reduced to a lovesick mess at just a few words from me the next, made my heart sing.

And it kept singing, a sweet, steady melody as Spencer kissed me and touched me like he meant it.

Only this time, he didn't pause or tease me with theatrics. He went straight for the kill, fetching a condom from his pants pocket and then sliding the material down, all while keeping me trapped under his embrace. I welcomed it naturally, humming happily into his neck and jawline and anywhere I could reach as he got us both fully undressed and situated, until finally he had the condom on and his hands rested nicely on either side of my head.

"Promise not to sting me?"

I laughed, draping my arms over his shoulders and flashing him a wink. "Mmm, only if you promise to give it to me good..."

"Deal."

He slowly pushed into me then, and the stretch was far more satisfying than his fingers, though I was in no position to complain either way. If he was even half as skilled with his hips as he was with his hands (which I had no doubts about whatsoever), then neither of us had anything to worry about.

It didn't take long for us to find our rhythm, but I didn't have time to think about that. I was so consumed with just the feeling of him being everywhere that technicalities didn't matter.

That being said, the technicalities were really fucking good.

His hips snapped into mine with sharp precision, and I felt it deep within my bones. My cunt clung around him willingly and accordingly, as did my legs, which hooked over his waist as I dug my heels into his ass.

Meanwhile Spencer grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head again, this time interlocking our fingers and then leaning down to kiss me deeply. It was met with my undying welcome, of course, but with the way he was fucking me, deep and with a devotion that nearly exploded my heart, I couldn't help but whine out for more.

His name was all I could manage.

"What do you want, Honeybee?" he cooed, holding himself deep inside me and grinding his hips in small circles that made it harder to breathe.

"M—More... I..."

"Can you be more specific?"

How he could be such a cocky little shit in this moment I wasn't sure, and it frustrated me to no end. He knew damn well what I wanted, and I knew just the thing that would make him give it to me.

I have him the biggest pout I could, also whining out the most pathetic, "More," in my arsenal. And with a roll of my hips up into his, I gasped out at how deep he got, and whined out again.

"Spoiled brat," Spencer grunted in defeat, retreating only to slam into me at full force.

My small gasps and cries turned into full-blown howls of searing pleasure as he fucked me then. My head tipped back and my back arched slightly, exposing my neck and chest to him, and he took it as an invitation to lean down and put his mouth anywhere he could reach. I was sure there would be small nicks and bruises littered over my skin the next morning, and just thinking of everyone seeing them, seeing Spencer's mark on me, made it harder to prolong the inevitable.

I came with a shout, flexing my hands into his as my body tensed then relaxed, over and over while he whispered praises into my skin. He followed soon after, shoving his face into my neck and muffling the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard as he came.

By then his hands had loosened, so I snuck my own away from his and brought them over to hug him close. One hand knotted into his hair while the other grazed over his back. The thin sheen of sweat forming over his skin once again was more enticing than it probably sounded, but I loved it all the same. I felt him relax and bring his arms down to rest at my sides, his fingertips dancing lightly over my skin and giving me goosebumps.

Then out of nowhere, he said something that confused and mildly panicked me. "I thought you said you wouldn't sting me..."

I pulled away to try and look at his face, loosening my grip on his body. "A—Am I hurting you? I'm sorry..."

He laughed though, peppering tiny kisses up my neck until he got to my jaw. "You're not hurting me, Honeybee... You've just... stung my heart, that's all."

"I... Is that a bad thing?"

"It's a strange thing..."

He looked at me like I was the one thing on the planet he adored, but his words sounded different.

I raised an eyebrow. "You're not helping me understand..."

With another laugh, Spencer Kissed my cheek and rolled off of me, settling for laying on his side and turning me to face him. "Do you remember how I gave you your nickname?"

Despite my confusion about all of this, I entertained him with a huffed laugh. "Yeah, I spilled honey all over my shorts without realizing it, and I had ants all over me in a matter of minutes. I was terrified."

"I was highly amused."

I shoved him. "Yeah, dork, I know you were! You and Seraphina both thought it was the funniest thing on the planet, and then your mom had to come out and spray me down with a hose before I came back in the house."

Spencer barked a laugh, and I wanted to punch it right out of his mouth.

"Tell me again why this is relevant to our current situation?" I reminded him with and sigh, already over his antics.

Thankfully he seemed to take pity on me; He reached a hand out and played with a strand of my hair, smiling even brighter than when I opened the door for him. "That's when I started to feel it. You were just... so cute all angry at me and Sera for laughing, and it... It changed everything."

"You know, that would be more romantic if I hadn't been covered in bugs," I responded with a laugh.

"It's true! And it confused the hell out of me, because how was I supposed to cope with the fact that I actually had a crush on my little sister's best friend like some stupid cliché? You were always so feisty after that, too, and it certainly didn't help... And when I graduated and went off to college, I thought... I thought there was no chance you would ever be able to break the heart you'd managed to steal."

He swiped his thumb gently over my bottom lip and smiled, his eyes going all tear-y again. It sent butterflies through my whole body.

"I would never even dream of breaking your heart, Spencer..."

Our foreheads pressed together then, and the unwavering adoration in his voice when he spoke made me forget all prior confusion and minor embarrassment over re-living our origins.

All that mattered was that he was here, holding me in his arms and making me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

"I know you won't, Honeybee."

———

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[nevermindirah]

Do you have any thoughts on the use of AAVE for Nile (or lack thereof) in TOG fanfiction? I've been reading some Book of Nile fic and some writers seem to write her as a Millennial™ (using words like "fave" and "woke") but never acknowledge her Blackness in her patterns of speech. I know we don't see her use as much AAVE in the films, but I would argue she's in situations where code-switching would be valued (first in a "professional" environment in the army, then around a group of non-Black strangers).

Hi anon! I have many thoughts on this and I'm honored you asked me! But I should start by saying I'm white and any thoughts Black fans and especially Black American fans have on this that they want to share would be beyond lovely. (I'm not gonna tag anybody bc that feels rude but please add onto this post if any of y'all see this and want to!)

The main reason I personally avoid AAVE for Nile in my own fics is because I'm not Black. But Nile-centric fics by Black writers tend to avoid using much of it too, at least from what I've noticed/understood, and my guess is it's largely for the reason you mention, that she's in situations that encourage code-switching.

In movie canon Nile is highly competent at tailoring her language to each situation she finds herself in. This fantastic linguistics analysis meta shows how skillfully Nile chooses her vocabulary and grammar to meet her goals with different conversation partners in different contexts. In comics canon Nile had a bunch of different civilian jobs before joining the Marines, so she would've had experience code-switching in the ways that made sense for all those different contexts as well as the Marines and her family and high school and wherever else she spent her time before we met her. And now she's spending her time with a handful of immortals none of whom are native English speakers and a fellow Black American but one with a Queen's English UK accent whose professional experience is in the CIA where high-status code-switching is often an absolute must for success or even survival.

Fics featuring Nile are charged with extrapolating from that to how it might show up in her use of language that she's coping with a traumatic separation from her family and her career and pretty much everything she's ever known and now she needs to be able to make herself understood to people who seem to care about her and each other but are super duper in crisis, three (soon to be four) of whom predate Modern English entirely and the only one who's anywhere near her contemporary she's not supposed to talk to for a century. All of these people are telling her that pretty much any contact with any mortals poses an existential threat to her and the rest of the group. How the FUCK is she supposed to cope with that, like, generally? And would it be a more effective way for her to cope if she talked to Andy Joe and Nicky using the speech patterns that she used to use with her mom and brother, to at least retain that part of her identity even if it means having to do a lot of explaining, or would it meet her needs better to prioritize Andy Joe and Nicky understanding what she means with her words over using the particular words and grammar forms she used with her family?

I've seen several fics, both Nile-centric / BoN and otherwise, explore this a little bit in how/whether Nile uses Millennial™ speak. It's often a theme in Nile texting Booker despite the exile because of the popular headcanon that he as The Tech Guy is the only other immortal who understands memes. But Nile's much-younger-than-Booker mom probably uses Boomer and/or Gen X memes and Andy has been adapting to new communication styles for forever as evidenced by her canon high level of fluency with standard-American-accented English.

Which brings us back to people avoiding AAVE because they're not Black and they don't want to make mistakes (or they're not Black and they don't want to get yelled at for making mistakes, though I think many people overestimate how much they'll get yelled at while underestimating how much these mistakes can hurt). I can imagine some Black fans hold back from using much AAVE in fic because they don't want to share in-group stuff with white people who are likely to then adopt and ruin it, as white people so often do with Black cultural stuff. Some links about this including a great Khadija Mbowe video. I'm saying this gently, anon, because you might not know: woke, an example you cited as Millennial™ speak, is AAVE, and that's gotten erased by so many white people appropriating it and using it incorrectly online.

And also there's the part where fandom is a hobby and you never know when you're reading a fic that's the very first thing someone's ever written outside of a school assignment. This cultural considerations of language shit takes a level of effort and skill that not everybody puts into every fic, or even could if they wanted to because they haven't had time to build their skills yet. It's definitely easier for non-Black fans to project our millennial feels onto Nile than to do the layers of research and self-reflection it requires to depict what Blackness might mean to Nile, and it's not surprising that often people sharing their hobby creations on the internet have gone the easier route. There's not even necessarily shame in doing what's easier. It's just frustrating and often hurtful when structural white supremacy means that 3-dimensional Black characters are rare in media and thoughtful explorations of them in fandom are seen by the majority of fans as not-easy to make and therefore Nile Freeman, the main character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood, has the least fic and meta and art made about her of our 5 main immortals.

I've been active in different fandoms off and on for twenty years and I barely managed to write 5,000 words about Sam Wilson across multiple different fics in the 7 years since I fell in love with him. There's an alchemy to which characters we connect with, and on top of that which characters we connect with in a way that causes us to create stuff about them. Something about Nile Freeman finally tipped me over the edge from a voracious reader to a voracious writer. It's not for me to judge which characters speak to other individuals to the level of creating content about them, but I do think it's important for us to notice, and then work to fight, the pattern where across this fandom as a whole Nile gets way less content, and way less depth in so much of the content that's in theory about her, than any of these other characters.

Anyway, back to language. My two long fics feature Nile with several Black friends — Copley and OCs and cameos from other media — but all of those characters except Alec Hardison from Leverage aren't American. It's very possible I'm guilty of stereotyping Black British speech patterns in I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore. I watched hours and hours of Black haircare YouTube videos in the research for that fic and I modeled my OCs' speech patterns on what I heard from some of those YouTubers as well as what I've heard people like John Boyega and Idris Elba saying in interviews, but the thing about doing your best is you still might fuck up.

I'm slowly making progress on my WIP where Nile and Sam Wilson are cousins, and what ways of talking with a family member might be authentic for Nile is a major question I need to figure out. For that, I'm largely modeling my writing choices on how I hear my Black friends and colleagues talking to each other. I haven't overheard colleagues talking in an office in a long-ass time, but back when that was a thing, I remember seeing a ton of nuance in the different ways many of my Black colleagues would talk to each other. Different people have different personalities! And backgrounds! And priorities! A few jobs ago my department was about 1/3 Black and we worked closely with Obama administration staff many of whom were Black and there was SO MUCH VARIETY in how Black people talked to each other, about work and workplace-appropriate personal stuff, where I and other white coworkers could hear. There are a few work friends in particular who I have in my head when I'm trying to imagine how Sam and Nile might talk to each other. From the outside looking in, God DAMN is shit complicated, intellectually and interpersonally and spiritually, for Black people who are devoting their professional lives to public service in the United States.

One more aspect of this that I have big thoughts on but I need to take extra care in talking about is the idea of acknowledging Nile's Blackness in her patterns of speech. There's no one right way to be Black, and Nile's a fictional character created by a white dude but there are plenty of real-life Black Americans who don't use much or even any AAVE, for reasons that are complicated because of white supremacy. (Highly highly recommend this video by Shanspeare on the harms of the Oreo stereotype.)

Something that's not the same but has enough similarity that I think it's worth talking about is my personal experience with authenticity and American Jewish speech patterns. My Jewish family members don't talk like they're in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and I've known lots of people who do talk that way (or the millennial version of it), some of whom have questioned my Jewishness because I don't talk that way. That hurts me. Sometimes when another Jew tells me some shit like "I've never heard a Jew say y'all'd've," I can respond with "well now you have asshole, bless your Yankee-ass heart," because the myth of Dixie is a racist lie but I will totally call white Northerners Yankees when they're being shitty to me for being Southern, and this particular Jew fucking revels in using "bless your heart" with maximum polite aggression, especially with said Yankees. But sometimes I don't have it in me to say anything and it just quietly hurts having an important part of me disbelieved by someone who shares that important part of me. The sting isn't quite the same when non-Jews disbelieve or discount my Jewishness, but that hurts too.

Who counts as authentically Jewish is a messy in-group conversation and it doesn't really make sense to explain it all here. Who counts as authentically Jewish is a matter of legal status for immigration, citizenship, and civil rights in Israel, and it's my number 2 reason after horrific treatment of Palestinians that I'm antizionist. But outside that extremely high-stakes legal situation, it can just feel really shitty to not be recognized as One Of Us, especially by your own people.

It can also feel really shitty to be The Only One of Your Kind in a group, even if that group is an immortal chosen family who all loves each other dearly. Sometimes especially in a situation like that where you know those people love you but there are certain things they don't get about you and will never quite be able to. I'm definitely projecting at least a little bit of my "lonely Jew who will be alone again for yet another Jewish holiday" stuff onto Nile when at the end of I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore she's thinking about being the only Black immortal and moving away from the community she'd built with a mostly-Black group of mortals in that fic. Maybe that tracks, or maybe that's fucked up of me.

Basically, this got very long but it's complicated, writing about experiences that aren't your own takes skill which in turn takes time and practice to build, writing about experiences not your own that our society maligns can cause a lot of harm if done badly, it can also cause a lot of harm when a large enough portion of a fandom just decides to nope out of something that's difficult and risky because then there's just not much content about a character who deserves just a shit ton of loving and nuanced content, people are individuals and two people who come from the exact same cultural context might show that influence in all kinds of different ways, identity is complicated, language is complicated, writing is hard, and empathy and humility and doing our best aren't a guarantee of avoiding harm but they do go a long way in helping people create thoughtful content about a character as awesome and powerful and kind and messy and scared and curious and WORTHY as Nile Freeman.

[lilover131]

Syaoran and Kaito Analysis

So I’ve mentioned recently in a recent fanart and in my analysis of chapter 55, but I have noticed quite a few similarities between Syaoran and Kaito, and upon some observations, I have some theories, particularly in regards to how Kaito views Syaoran. I decided to delve into that a bit, so see under the cut for more! Warning: It’s long. I wrote a lot. >.<

 I have a lot to cover, so I thought it might be best to outline in the most simple way possible some things we already know about Kaito.

 ·         He was born gifted with incredible magic. His parentage is unknown and he was “alone for as long as he could remember”.

·         It’s unclear where Kaito originated from, but it seems he spent a majority of his life in England.

·         He has moon based magic and has a wide variety of talents, but specializes in time magic. It’s unclear if he already had a skill with time magic or if this was obtained after he met Momo. It seems implied that he made a magical contract with her and maybe gained his time abilities from this. But we do know he has the ability to fly, to locate objects, teleport, to talk to animals, and to make something vanish in a mere moment.  

·         He is also talented in housekeeping skills, such as sewing, cooking, etc.

·         He used to be very cold hearted and preferred spending time alone. Kaito changed considerably in personality at some point in his life. It is uncertain exactly what caused this change, but it seems likely that Akiho’s mother was the catalyst for this.

·         He is part of a very powerful group of magicians called as we know it ‘The Association’ and is revered as one of its most powerful with the title ‘D’. He recently betrayed them and left, taking Akiho with him.

·         He protects and seems to care for Akiho

·         He is preparing for an event labeled as “that time” and needs Sakura to create a specific card.

·         He is putting himself in extreme physical danger for his goals, seemingly for Akiho’s sake.

·         He has been noted as always smiling to ‘hide his pain’.

 So when I look at all of these facts about Kaito, I noticed something interesting. Syaoran too could be described by almost all of these things. You might think “Wait a minute Chrissy! Kaito and Syaoran are nothing alike!”, but please hear me out.

Syaoran too was born gifted with incredible magic. He also draws his power from the moon (a connection that has already been pointed out by CLAMP) and has a knack for household skills as well, being very independent from a young age. Like Kaito, he was cold hearted in his earlier years, preferred to be alone (according to Meiling in the original 90’s anime in episode 43), and had a drastic change in personality later on, particularly after meeting Sakura. Syaoran is part of a very powerful group of magicians as well, the Li clan, and is one of the strongest within it and destined to be the next leader. Similarly, Syaoran too is preparing for some kind of event, a future seen by his mother, and is doing everything to prevent this, even if it causes him physical harm (as we’ve seen with him struggling to conjure the Sakura cards). In order to keep Sakura in the dark as to not worry her, he has been using a smile to ‘hide his pain’.

Now you may be wondering “Okay, so they have a few things in common, but they are still completely different!”. And you would be right. They are two completely different people after all, but try to think of them as two sides of the same coin. This beckons another question: How did two people who are so similar turn out so differently?

This is really where their differences in personality shine through, but part of it I believe is due to their backgrounds as well. For example, Kaito was picked up by the Association at a young age due to his skills with magic and was taken in to “use that magical power to accomplish their own tasks”. Based on their record of not having a great reputation, according to Eriol, and their treatment of Akiho by assisting her Clan in turning her into a magical device, it seems likely that Kaito was not treated kindly by anyone in the Association. In fact, he was probably left alone nearly all of the time unless his strengths were needed, and took care of himself in the remainder of that time. He was surrounded by people but still completely alone, and he preferred to be this way. This cold background of his really prevented him from being able to open up his heart to anyone. But he does seem to be much different around Akiho.

Syaoran, on the other hand, was surrounded by loving and caring family members. Although he preferred to be alone in his earlier years, he wasn’t actually alone at all. His mother was protective of him (like cutting his hair until he was strong enough to protect himself from things like scissors near his neck), and his sisters adored him and undoubtedly showered him with love at every opportunity. But even with that love from them, he was still somewhat cold hearted (though not as much as Kaito) until he met Sakura.

Their backgrounds do differ from each other, but I think the biggest difference in them of all is how they handle their feelings. When Syaoran first started to realize his feelings for Sakura, he struggled quite a bit and was in a great amount of denial, even physically running away at times when confronted with them. It was when he finally came to terms with his heart and confessed his feelings to Sakura that he underwent a great change and became the Syaoran we know today.

So what about Kaito?

Well, Kaito I believe is in that same stage of denial where he is refusing to come to terms with his feelings, whatever those may be. It’s clear that he cares about Akiho, but when she or Momo try to have a serious discussion with him or get him to talk about those feelings, he goes out of his way to change the subject (or once with Momo, actually fled at the first opportunity, which is just like Syaoran used to do!). It is something he is clearly uncomfortable with, and I think that is because it is unfamiliar territory for him. He is used to not feeling anything at all, so having to actually think about his feelings and reasons for doing things is unbearably frightening. He can handle any magical opponent any day (except Sakura of course), but being open and honest about his feelings? That’s another battle entirely that he doesn’t know how to handle without his magic to use as a crutch.

Momo mentioned in chapter 39 how Kaito had made a great deal of changes, all so that Akiho could live comfortably and pleaded internally “peer deep inside your heart. And don’t avert your eyes”. This was said again in chapter 51 when she stated “I implore you Yuna D. Kaito. Listen…to your heart”.

In the very next chapter, it is none other than Syaoran who has a discussion with Sakura about how his mother had told him “If you possess great magic power…when you feel pounding and stirring in your chest…you shouldn’t ignore it. You need to listen to your intuition. I think that goes for everyone, magic or no magic. I don’t think anyone should turn a blind eye to their own heart”. We also know that in that same conversation with his mother, thanks to the mini chapter provided with the special edition of volume 9, that Yelan said to him then “If there’s something you want to accomplish, then training with your spells is surely important, but...more than anything else, you have to face your heart”. She went on to tell him how important it was to listen to his heart and that “If you lie to yourself, you will sadden the person who loves you so dearly”. 

And that, my friends, is the major reason for Syaoran and Kaito being so different despite their many similarities. One listens to his heart while the other adamantly turns away from it. This leads me to my next topic (thank you for anyone who has read this long into it. I appreciate it!), and that is in regards to Kaito’s feelings about Syaoran.

I have noticed that Kaito in general tends to act quite differently in regards to Syaoran than he does anyone else. It starts at the very first time they met, when they made their introductions. Despite working so diligently to keep himself hidden from Akiho and Sakura, he did the complete opposite with Syaoran. He had to have known that being able to sense his magic and being given his name and title, that Syaoran would go and research who he was. He wanted Syaoran in particular to know who he was, which I believe is also why he allowed him to speak with Eriol initially. I say allowed, because we know he clearly had the potential to cut off communications at any point in time, and he only stepped in to shut this down when Eriol started talking to the others (Kero and Yue). He clearly wanted to control what information people knew about him, and Eriol crossed a line. He also put spells on Syaoran that would not allow him to communicate with others about him, so again showing he wanted him to know about him, but not to be able to tell anyone else about him, especially Sakura.

Another occasion I found intriguing was chapter 34 in the scene with the pool. Kaito stopped time, but for some reason, allowed Syaoran to move freely as well. Why is this? He could have easily frozen Syaoran too, but he made a conscious decision to allow Syaoran to move.

Then we come to perhaps the most telling scene so far, which is the battle he and Syaoran had in chapter 41 and 42. In a moment where he could have easily stopped time and rewound so that Syaoran never approached him, he instead decided to have a full discussion with him and even go as far as to engage in battle with him in stopped time. In this ‘discussion’, he stated several facts that he knew about Syaoran, who was pointedly not responding to them and seemed solely focused on Sakura. Some of the details about him were probably common knowledge to the magical world, but some of them seemed oddly personal, such as him being a ‘diligent student’, as if to show he had been watching him for quite some time.

Something about the interaction was different than others. It was as if he was observing Syaoran in that moment to see how he would react to hearing certain things. He then mentioned after seeing Syaoran use the Sakura cards how rewriting a contract once written takes a toll on even the strongest magician and he said “Is this all…for Sakura too?”. I think what he was trying to say here is that he recognizes the efforts he’s making for Sakura and may even feel a connection to him because of his own efforts for his own wish.

In chapter 42, continuing on with this conversation, Kaito seemed ready to turn back time the moment he realized they were no longer alone and that Sakura was able to move, but he still had more to say. Syaoran reacted to Sakura calling out for him, and it was at this moment that Kaito said “You certainly are honest, aren’t you? One look at your face, and I know exactly what you’re thinking” (even Eriol made several comments about Syaoran’s honesty in the original series). Once again, he’s showing here that he’s observing Syaoran, but why? For what reason does he bring this up? I think he says this because it is something so foreign to him and fascinates him. Kaito is so used to hiding his feelings and being unable to express them, but Syaoran is the complete opposite in the fact that he can so easily show his feelings and it is not his nature to conceal them. Kaito followed this by bringing up that Syaoran had suppressed that honesty when he came to Japan, which we know was through his fake smiles (something he is all too familiar with). Yue also said to Syaoran in chapter 27 that he had been hiding behind a smile and ordinarily was much more unrestrained in how he expressed his emotions, no matter what that emotion may be.

I wonder if Kaito said this because he wondered “how is it that he’s able to be so honest?” or maybe he was trying to show that he understood his reasons for hiding behind a smile, pointing out the similarities between them; that they were not so different despite having different goals. Kaito’s next comment in particular is probably what caught my attention the most. He divulged the detail about how Syaoran suppressed his honesty particularly to try and prevent the future that his mother saw. Even Syaoran seemed surprised by this, and he had good reason to be! This was likely a very personal moment, one he hasn’t even told Sakura about yet, and this implies that he might have been there when this particular moment happened. It makes sense too, considering Akiho had stated in her very first appearance that she was in Hong Kong just before coming to Japan, meaning she and Kaito were certainly there at the same time Syaoran was, at least for a brief time. This means he probably saw all the effort he was putting in for Sakura’s sake and maybe this resonated with him. I think maybe he also saw how his older sisters, even though they had no magic of their own, are treated with respect in the Li clan, unlike Akiho with her own. Kaito has only ever known a world where those who are strong are used and those who are weak are deemed worthless (like Akiho), but yet Syaoran lives in a world where both live harmoniously. Sakura’s world in Tomoeda is the same as well and filled with kindness, far different from any other experience Kaito has had, and this must have been quite the culture shock! But more importantly, Syaoran and Sakura have all the things that he and Akiho never had.

Another interesting thing to note here is that Kaito was supposedly expelled from the association about a year ago due to stealing a powerful magical instrument that was forbidden to be taken (which we now know to be Akiho herself). And guess what else happened about a year ago? About a year ago, Syaoran went back to Hong Kong to handle his ‘important things’. Coincidence? Well, famously CLAMP series often say there is no such thing as coincidence...only hitsuzen. 

Just as he is about to send another attack at Syaoran, he talks about how he and Syaoran both do not have the power of divination, but that “it is for the strong to decide…what the future holds in store for us all”. I think what he meant here is “Neither of us know how this is going to turn out, but the both of us are working hard for our own goals, so may the best man win”. However, before he could go any further, Sakura used TRANSFER to switch places, and he is both surprised by this, but quite quickly decides to end things and rewind time at this moment, indicating that he had not really wanted to engage with Sakura at all at this point in time. He had even stated at the beginning of chapter 42 that he had intended to keep her frozen and only have Syaoran able to move, meaning this whole situation had only been kept going for this long so that he could talk to Syaoran.

After rewinding time and talking to Akiho later that evening, he mentioned how Parent’s day was “quite illuminating”. This could have been said about his newfound knowledge of Fujitaka, but I also believe he learned quite a bit from Syaoran as well.

Now we finally get to the more recent chapters, like 54 and 55. While sitting together at the botanical garden, Kaito puts yet another spell on Syaoran to force him to smile against his will to avoid any suspicion. I feel like this was not just to keep the peace but also somewhat of a way to toy with and tease Syaoran. What better way to get under the skin of someone so honest and open with their feelings than to force them to hide these under a smile unwillingly? I think this was the mischievous side of Kaito showing and almost like a big brother teasing a little brother, but unfortunately for him, he pushed things too far with this, and not only did Sakura notice something was wrong, but this allowed the spell to be broken, and Syaoran wasted absolutely zero time saying the things he had been suppressed in saying before.

Cue to chapter 55, our most recent chapter. Sakura has managed to keep herself from being frozen in time, and she starts off with a few basic questions. The first one was if he knew about her being able to use cards. Kaito answered simply “Yes”. But when asked about if he knew about Syaoran, he gave two very specific details about him, particularly that he knew he was a gifted sorcerer and that he was the next head of the Li clan”. He could have just answered yes, the same way he responded in regards to Sakura, but instead he seems to have wanted Sakura to know in that moment that he knows a lot of information about Syaoran and not just that he can use magic. The two then exchange meaningful looks, and it’s right after this that she looks over to Syaoran and Akiho, looking almost worried. Now, it’s not clear what they were both thinking in this moment, and it’s possible that I am overthinking this one, but I find it fascinating that his answer was so detailed here, and I don’t feel like that was for nothing. Ohkawa has always been very thoughtful about the words she writes in her scripts, and I think this is no exception.

Anyways, I feel like we’ll get more definitive answers in the future, but I’m incredibly intrigued to see if there are any further and more concrete connections between them. I feel like CLAMP has done quite a bit to point out similarities between the two, and it should be a wild ride from here on out!!

[blobbyclouds]

Hello I love stuff! So I remember that you headcanons about the main 6 realizing that they're in a game. Can you do headcanons for the main 6 actually appearing in the real world and meeting the player? Imagine the chaos that would ensue when they come into contact with modern technology.

But like... really imagine it. Really just think about playing the game one day and POOF your fav LI is sitting beside you, completely real and a little messy as they look at you with wide eyes

Also, for the sake of these headcanons we’re going to say the LI is aware that they were in a game :) (because I don’t feel like dealing with any existential crises)

Warnings: none!

-Asra Alzanar-

Definitely the most chill about popping into another world. Pretty normal stuff for him when spells go backwards 

You on the other hand backed up against the wall like a blushing mess while he calmed you down as quickly as he could. He was calmer than you simply because he’s always sensed that there was more to the mc in the game than what met the eye

Asra was a fast learner as you taught him all about Earth 

It was interesting, to say the least, having to explain Asra’s presence for the few weeks he was with you before the spell wore off. Luckily, by saying he was an exchange student and using a few deception spells, it was no problem

Sorting out his fashion sense was interesting too

“No, Asra, you can’t wear mystical robes or magical amulets to the cafe.”

“But… magic is my thing.”

“But magic isn’t a thing here.” 

He ended up playing with a lot of different styles of our world and unfairly looked amazing in all of them??? He’s aesthetic in everything??

Always sweet and affectionate, touching you in some way because he can’t really believe he gets to the meet the real you <3

Whenever you went out, he liked to hold your hand

He really liked getting to learn about your life outside the game, like your hobbies, school/work, and other such interests

He was really happy to meet your friends and family, sizing them up to decide if he completely trusted them to take care of his darling apprentice

If you come from a bad home or anything, it’d break Asra’s heart and he’d do literally everything in his power to help you. And with any other problems in your life, he’d put his heart and soul into helping you too

When he had to leave, he taught you a special way to make the game glitch so he’ll know that something is really wrong and he’ll come to the real world asap 

-Nadia Satrinava-

More than a little surprised that Asra’s spell landed her here 

You two made eye contact and it took you both a second to process what was going on

“Oh. Good evening, Nadia. What brings you here?”

“Good evening. It seems Asra’s spell has landed me in your home world.”

And then the “??!!?!!?!?” feeling hit both of you and you went into extreme planning mode

In a few minutes, you two had figured out when Asra’s spell would wear off and bring her home, a cover story for Nadia’s stay, and had everything planned perfectly because y’all are a power couple

Nadia had a bit of a rough first day with technology and no servants to help her figure all this new stuff out

The first time she saw a car was when you were walking outside your house, and she yanked you behind a bush because she thought it was some sort of monster

She was super flustered when you explained it was just a car, but you insisted you thought it was sweet of her to “protect” you

Nadia felt really bad about not being able to pay you back for your kindness and tried to make up for it by being helpful around the house

No matter what type of wardrobe you have, Nadia helped plan your outfits for the few weeks she was there

You two went shopping once and she managed to get a bunch of deals 

Yeah, she’s better at sweet talking and bartering than you’ll ever be :( 

She wanted to know all about your interests and hobbies, they’re all fascinating to her 

She gives the best advice and listens attentively to any of your problems 

Have any toxic friends? Rude family members? Teachers or bosses making your life miserable? Nadia will verbally demolish them and make sure you’ll be treated well after she’s gone

When she eventually had to leave, she left you a sweet letter to read whenever you’re sad

-Julian Devorak-

Pure utter chaos when he first pops in

You’re yelling, he’s yelling, everything is a mess 

Eventually, you both calm down though and manage to talk things out, Julian rambling so quickly you can barely understand him

The two of you manage to figure out that Asra’s spell will last a few weeks. So, in the meantime, Julian is stuck with you 

At first he acted all confident as he tried to convince both himself and you that he had this entire situation under control 

That is, until he stepped into the kitchen and nearly caused three disasters in five seconds 

You gave him a crash course on Earth and he literally took notes and made flashcards that he would randomly look at as you showed him around

When friends and family began to question his presence, the both of you had this elaborate story about how Julian was a childhood friend who was stopping in town to meet up with his family. There were character names and everything, y’all really got into it

He’s fascinated by the medical advances in the real world and loves all those hospital shows like Grey’s Anatomy. You two are definitely going to spend some time cuddled up on the couch watching those shows

He was so excited about seeing everything and kind of frustrated he couldn’t get you anything as a way to repay you for taking care of him and being such a good teacher in general

He actually picked a bunch of flowers for you, and while you’re certain he stole some of them, it was a very kind gesture

If you got sick at all during his stay, he’d go into doctor mode and nurse you back to health 

He was constantly making plans to spend every single second he could with the real world version of you, so that he could return to his world knowing as much about you as he could 

-Muriel-

When he simply appeared in your room you two silently stared at one another for a very long time and then began to panic

Muriel was more flustered than you because it took him a second to realize he was right in front of the real mc, the real version of you 

You managed to calm him down though, and after that it was pretty smooth sailing

Muriel was not a fan of the attention he got for his height whenever you two went out to malls or other such public spaces 

It was just a lot to process. You both knew each other, but Muriel’s mind couldn’t quite process the real world version of the mc he knew so well and you couldn’t quite believe that Muriel was here in real, 3-D form

It was even harder for you because everyone wanted to know all about him and kept asking all these questions him 

That’s why you spent the majority of your time in less public spaces or just stayed home and enjoyed things like baking, video games, and movies 

Muriel really enjoys farming games like Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing and he’s really good at them too 

Is 100% down to be a listening ear for all your real world problems

He feels a little guilty that he’s known you for so long, yet this is the first time he’s been able to help you with your real life problems

So he plans on being as helpful as he can be for the few weeks he’s with you and insists on helping with any chores around the house

When he had to leave, he tried to stay calm, but the moment you started getting upset, he’d get upset too

He left you a wood carving of one of your favorite things, like a favorite animal, favorite character, favorite something that would mean a lot to you and show you there’s always of part of him with you 

-Portia Devorak-

When Portia suddenly popped into existence beside you, you were both surprised, but like, too shocked to properly freak out?

“Oh. Hello, Portia.”

“Oh. Hello to you too. You look a little different… where are we?” 

You managed to get in a pretty calm explanation about where she was and a bit of info about the modern world before she started freaking out

She was stuck here for two weeks and neither of you knew any way to get her back to her own world, so you decided to just go with it

Portia was mystified by all parts of modern life

Her favorite things are always the clothes and the food

Technology low key scared her for the first few days, but you helped her adjust

Her favorite thing is ordering stuff online because there’s so much cool stuff!!! And she can get it all in the click of a few buttons!!! So cool!!!

She always links your arm with hers when you’re showing her parts of town so that the two of you can’t get separated 

She’s pretending to be a good friend of yours who is coming from out of the country and will be staying for a few weeks 

You two do a lot of baking and Portia only starts one, little fire by using the microwave wrong :) 

If you have any big problems in your life Portia is an absolute sweetheart about them. She listens perfectly and will give you all the advice and comfort you need

She’s such a cheerleader and gives you a bunch of compliments and support that she can’t give to you in the game

When the time came for her to leave, she wrapped you in her arms and wouldn’t let go until Asra’s spell pulled her back into the game

After she left, you realized she had secretly made you a cute stuffed animal version of Pepi just for you <3

-Lucio-

S c r e a m i n g

He got really defensive really fast because he was so confused

You confused him because you look a lot like the mc in the game but, since this is the real world you, you look recognizable but different

You had to carefully pry the make-shift weapon he had grabbed and explain who you were and what you thought had happened 

After that Lucio chilled out but was still a little on edge

With all the technology you showed him he either loved it or hated it

Itty bitty phone screens that don’t respond to his metal hands, somewhat larger tv screens that are as confusing as Asra’s magic, and dumb people called Siri who can’t understand him? Stupid

Super fast cars and speakers that blare music? Very cool

He wasn’t the best at hiding the fact that he’s from a game and almost let it slip a few times

So you have to dive into the conversation to assure this random stranger that no, your exchange student is only joking about being a count, isn’t he hilarious???

Give him a sharp elbow in the ribs to shut him up, works 9/10

He loves movie theaters so much and will beg to go there all the time while he’s with you

He’s always very touchy because this is probably the only time he’ll get with the real version of you, and he wants to savor every bit of it

He’s an extremely picky eater and seems to only like the food you make

While spending time with the version of you in the game is always fun, it was always wonderful to get to meet the real you. A few weeks didn’t feel like nearly enough time to get to know you 

He acted like going back to the his world wasn’t a big deal up until the last second when the spell started pulling him back. Then, blinking away tears, he wrapped you in a far too tight hug that was surprisingly comforting

[kerie-prince]

change of pace

Fred Weasley x Slytherin!reader

requested: (@pinkdevile) hey bae, can i request a one shot or headcanon about fred being whipped by one of ron classmates that is a non-pureblood slytherin and kind of prodigy in magic and how would he react to her being a typical dry slytherin and being a prodigy and good at everything?

summary: What happens when a red lion who lives in the moment falls for a green snake with plans for her future? Romance, of course.

a/n: stereotypical, yes but i had fun writing this :) also, i know my posting schedule keeps changing, so sorry about that 🥺 i got lots of requests (thank you guys SO much!) and i'm trying to not make them all sound the same. i'm looking up synonyms and all that stuff lol

(gif cred)

You were the least Slytherin person in your house. But maybe that's made you even more of a Slytherin. Your traits were that of a typical member of the house of snakes. No, you weren't a rude bitch; you had ambition that rivaled that of a Gryffindor and it wasn't even one of their traits. You aimed for the stars and your pride proved that you could do that and more. You are the best witch of your class, and maybe even your school.

And it was this reputation that caught the attention of someone who is quite the polar opposite. You were calm and collected. He was a wild card and unpredictable. Fred Weasley had his eyes on you and was going crazy for you. It all started when one day, he was with his friends and brothers in the Great Hall during lunch when you had walked up to Ron and Harry, “Hey Ron, were my notes able to help you?”

“Yeah, loads. Thank you, Y/N.” Lee was in the middle of a conversation with his best friends when he noticed Fred wasn't responding to anything he was saying. “Mate, you okay?” When you walked to your table, Fred scooted closer to his younger brother, “Dearest brother, how are you?”

“What do you want?” Ron saw right through him. He knew when Fred wanted something from him, just like now.

“Well I’m offended that you would assume something,” Fred held a hand over his chest with a fake offended look on his face, “can’t a person ask about the well being of his baby brother?” Ron had a deadpan expression and Harry was laughing at Fred’s exaggeration. “Fair enough. Who was that?”

“Who? Y/N? She’s in mine and Harry’s class, why?” Ron had taken a large bite from his turkey leg.

“What’s she like?” Fred inquired. Ron thought about it for a minute, “Dunno, she’s pretty quiet.”

“If I didn't know any better, I’d say that Freddie here fancies someone,” George teased. The surrounding friends laugh and point towards Fred. “I don’t fancy anyone. I’m just asking a simple question.”

Hermione and Ginny later joined the group. “What’s all this fuss about?” Hermione questioned.

“Fred’s asking about Y/L/N,” Harry caught Hermione up to speed. “Why? You’re not thinking of doing anything to her, are you?” Hermione started to scold the older boy.

“Why is it that you lot always think I’m up to no good,” Fred sighed.

“Because you’ve never been up to any good,” Ginny teased her older brother. Fred rolled his eyes and turned back to try and find you at your table. You had a couple of friends with you and a small book in your hand as you ate. Fred was determined to get your attention somehow.

✿✿✿✿✿✿

You sat in the library by yourself. You had spent the majority of the afternoon grading first years’ papers for Snape’s class and working with Hermione and Katie on a project for Ancient Runes. Giving up your weekends to study wasn't all that bad. The feeling of being on top was rewarding.

It was funny; your parents had stopped caring about your grades all together because they already knew what they were going to read. Not that they weren't supportive or proud of you. At family gatherings on your father’s side, he loved seeing the looks on his relatives’ faces when he boasted that you were the best student at Hogwarts.

But they have told you on many occasions that it wouldn't kill you to have at least one E. They wanted you to be able to have a normal teen life and have fun. Go to parties, get in trouble every now and then. You assured them that you were fine and all and even believed it yourself. You never had interest in breaking the pattern you had set.

The library was nearing its closing time and you packed your things. When you walked out the grand doors, a tall figure came in front of you and nearly knocked down all the books you carried. His hands caught whatever you couldn't hold before it hit the floor.

“Sorry about that,” you looked up at the towering boy. Your breath slightly hitched at the sight of his attractive face. His cheekbones were defined and his skin looked soft. You didn’t realize that you were staring, nor that he was also staring at you as well. Finally, he spoke up and handed you the book he was holding for you. “I believe this is for you.”

His mouth moved, but you were so distracted that it didn't occur to you he had actually said anything until you saw him looking at you expectedly. “Oh, thank you.” You started heading towards the dungeons when he jogged towards and stopped in front of you. “Aren’t you in the same class as Ron?”

“Yes, how did you know that?”

“I saw you talk to him the other day,” he told you. “I’m Fred.” He reached to shake your hands but then pulled it back when he remembered that your hands were full at the moment.

Ah, so this is Fred you thought. You've heard of him, who hasn't? Years of being at Hogwarts, tales of him and his equally devilish brother creating havoc around campus have traveled from one student to another. How you two had never seen one another until this point was surprising. It’s not like Hogwarts was a large school, but it wasn't small either.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N.” You nodded your head towards him to replace a handshake. Ten seconds of silence caused you to walk past him and return to the path to the dungeons. “W-wait!” Fred called out.

He stood in front of you once again, one of his hands positioned in front of you to block you from walking past him again. “Would you like to get a butterbeer tomorrow?”

If there was anything you didn't like, it was being put on the spot. And another thing? Your routine being disturbed. Your Sunday was all planned out. Helping Sprout with her greenhouse to earn extra house points, tutoring some younger years, and getting a head start on your homework that wasn't even due for another week.

“I’m sorry, but no.” You gave him an apologetic smile as you walked away. Once again, he ran in front of you but this time merged with you and actually caused all of your books to fall.

“Merlin, I’m so sorry,” he bent down to help you pick them up. Fred usually isn't this clumsy or nervous. He usually charms his way through anything, but he was becoming like putty out of nowhere. “Okay, well what about Honeydukes next Saturday?”

“Sorry, but no again.” You started walking away for the nth time and turned around to look at him for the last time, “Please don’t follow me again.” And you were gone. But did this mean that Fred gave up on any chance he had? No. Far from it. If anything, it gave him reason to want to try harder.

He walked all the way to the Gryffindor house and luckily found Hermione studying in the common room with Pavarti and Lavender. There was a spot open next to her and when Ginny was about to take the spot, Fred grabbed her arm and pulled her away to steal the seat.

“Um, excuse you, I was going to sit–”

“Tell me everything you can about Y/N,” Fred interrupted his sister.

✿✿✿✿✿✿

He had tried to learn as much as he could about you. Fred learned that you had the top grades. Much like Harry did, you had learned the Patronus Charm before not only before your own class, but even Fred’s charms class. Your dad's a wizard, and your mum's a muggle. But most importantly, you were a picture perfect student, and although you didn't have any apparent hobbies, you picked up just about everything with ease.

A couple of weeks had passed and every other day, Fred had made any type of excuse to come see you.

‘Oh, my next class is in this direction’ It wasn't.

‘I like that book, too!’ You were, in fact, not holding a book but your personal journal.

‘Funny running into you here!’ It was in the Great Hall during breakfast.

Now, you didn't hate these interactions. They didn't do anything to your routine, and they were actually cute attempts to get your attention. But you didn't think you had any time for anything else. Or anyone else.

“You should give him a chance, Y/N/N. Live a little. I think the top student can take a bit of time for herself at least once,” your friend Millicent advised. Astoria agreed with her, “He’s cute~.” You slightly blushed in your book and pushed their arms away.

“I’ve never been on a date before,” you whispered. The two girls looked at each other confused before turning back to look at you. “Huh?”

“I’ve never been on a date before!” You flinched when you realized your voice was louder than intended. Your friends laughed when you looked towards the Gryffindor table to make sure Fred didn't hear you. He was talking to his friends, so that meant he didn't. Only he did, but felt your eyes on him so he pretended he didn't.

“So this is the perfect reason to go out with him! Go ask him out,” Millie pushed. She was persistently tapping on your arm until you eventually stood up. You took a deep breath to gather confidence and walked towards the table of red and gold.

When Fred's eyes met yours, you turned around and walked out of the Hall. He stood up from his seat and chased after you. He kept bumping into people, including Filch in the hallways. Filch yelled for him to stop, but of course Fred ignored him and kept going.

Momentarily, he lost you in the crowd of mixed color robes until he saw you sitting by yourself on a bench under a tree. He walked towards your direction and asked you with his eyes if he could take the seat next to you. You scooted down more to let the tall boy sit down.

Neither of you said anything for a few moments. You fiddled with your fingers on your lap and he stared up at the sky. “Nice day, innit?” Fred started the conversation. “Yes, it is.”

“Good weather to go walking around Hogsmeade” Fred tried one last attempt in asking you out.

“It would be,” you accepted.

He let out a sigh in defeat, “I know I ask a lot, but maybe just this once– wait, what did you say?” You looked up at him and smiled for the first time. His heart skipped a beat and the butterflies fluttered about inside.

“I’ll go with you.” He was so excited that he jumped up and did an air punch of victory. You laughed to yourself and when he looked at you, you had an eyebrow raised. He blushed in embarrassment and scratched the back of his neck. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Promptly at 2 in the afternoon in front of the Slytherin dorms. Don’t be late,” you stood up with confidence. You walked back to the Hall to tell your friends, cheeks warmed and ears blushing. “So?” Astoria asked.

“It’s just a date, that's it,” you sounded nonchalant about it, but the smile on your face said differently. You were excited for your day with Fred and for all, unpredictable adventures to come.

A much needed change of pace.

—

requests open!

[ddarker-dreams]

That last ask got me thinking! How would the bucci gang react to meeting SR reader's family? Not all of them but like a visiting grandparent(who is likely very unaware their precious grandchild is working with the mob to pay off awful debts-which reader would like to keep that way), but like who's falling all over themselves to impress said relative, who would be subtly trying to get their blessing to date reader, what shenanigans would reader the gang go to keep this person in the dark??

ohhh what an interesting situation!!! some of them would definitely handle it better than others...

Here’s the general concept! Reader’s grandparents are coming to pay their granddaughter a visit in Naples, under the impression she’s been studying there the past few years. Reader has asked some of the members of her team to further validate her story. I imagine everyone as trying to actively court Reader to some extent during this. :’)))

Bruno Bucciarati; 

Bruno is a revered member of the community. Any of the troublesome details of his Passione involvements would be lost in translation, so you figured he’s a safe bet. He’s also the member who is most familiar with your situation. While he speaks under the pretense of being professional, he would love to have that connection with your family for... any future possibilities. Marriage possibilities. 

He spots you in a mild state of panic, and boasting the compassionate heart he has, is led to ask if you want to talk to him about it. When you explain that some of your foreign family is coming to visit, he can immediately read between the lines. You need to play this part perfectly. He’ll offer to accompany you on one of his less busier days, willing to do whatever it is that’d help. 

The language barrier doesn’t matter too much! Bruno is still a gentlemen. Opening doors for them, pulling out their chairs, offering to pay for any of your meals... he’s very kind. Your grandparents are going to be quite fond of him by the end of your day together. All according to his plan. 

Unfortunately for you, Bruno is going to be offering lots of praise that he fully expects you to translate. It’s a bit embarrassing how genuine he’s being. Speaking about how hard a worker you are, how nothing gets in your way, stuff like that. Your face is on fire as you translate the heartfelt compliments. You end up toning them down a bit for your sake. 

“[First] is one of the most reliable people I know. You should take pride in having helped bring up someone like her. I promise I’ll continue to look after her, you have nothing to worry about.” 

“Ahh... Bucciarati, do I really need to tell them that...?” 

Giorno Giovanna;

He speaks some English! Giorno did well in his classes at school, so he can understand the basics. Having a knowledge of multiple languages in his position is also a benefit, so he never fully stopped studying it. Though he’d prefer not to mess up any of the pronunciation in front of you. He’ll be practicing in secret as not to embarrass himself, and definitely thinks this is a great opportunity to get closer to you. It’s a shame he can’t take full advantage of it, but he’s going to try to. 

Giorno hasn’t really had any positive family interactions, but he’s still good with people. Unfortunately, in his new position, he’s extremely busy. He still tries to make time for you when he can, but won’t be able to hang out with the three of you as much as he’d like to. He does find the time to come to the airport with you, under the pretense that a lot of shady business goes on there. He wouldn’t want your family being scammed. Don’t ask how he knows about this...

The entire car ride to their hotel will be filled with pleasant conversation. Giorno is a natural at reading the room, and backs your story up to perfection. Any potential discrepancies are covered up with ease. He came in for a clean save at least once or twice when you made a mistake, and you couldn’t thank him enough after.

Giorno isn’t going to want to pry into your personal life, but would be highly amused over any stories they tell him. Even though it’s only a forty minute drive, he enjoyed his time a lot more than he expected to, learning some new things about you in the process. You’re a bit frazzled over the person who is technically your boss (even if he’s not big on formalities...) knowing about your embarrassing childhood stories. He finds it endearing. :’)

He’s gonna bring it up afterwards during a casual discussion, sporting a little devious smile. 

“So, [First], do you want to tell me about that time you got stuck in a swing set again? It seems quite unlike you.” 

“God... I can’t believe they told you that. I was hoping you wouldn’t understand it well.”  

Guido Mista;

Oh no.

You’re going to have to explain to him that a few changes will need to occur if he is to meet your grandparents. For one, he needs to take a shower. Two, he needs something that at least covers his midriff. If there conditions are met, you’ll allow it. He is not missing out on this opportunity to win you over, so he’s surprisingly amiable to these conditions, ready to do his best to make a good impression. You’ve never see him so agreeable.

You do have to keep reminding him of the story that you’re sticking to. Mista makes a few mistakes here and there, but manages to laugh it off. Since you’re going to be translating a majority of his sentences it’s not a big deal. That doesn’t mean he won’t at least try to say a few words in English... results varying. 

The most difficult part is trying to ignore the Pistols, who are swarming around in excitement. They keep speaking to your grandparents like they can hear them. Asking for embarrassing stories, to know about your past partners, or for any cute childhood photos of you. Mista struggles to keep a composed look when all this is happening.  

“Say, [First]. Your grandparents... they aren’t Stand users, are they?”

“No, Mista. My grandparents aren’t Stand users.” 

To be honest, you weren’t too sure if Mista tagging along for some sightseeing would be the best idea. It goes a lot better than you expected. Some of his comments that you translate actually get your grandparents laughing! What a miracle, he’s gonna be grinning ear to ear. Mista is just a lovable guy. 

He is going to 100% try and sneak in a question about your relationship status when you’re not paying attention. Mista has to make sure you’re still on the market. B) 

Pannacotta Fugo; 

He’s actually your go to for this situation. It couldn’t be a better setup. Fugo is intelligent, can speak English the most fluently out of everyone in your team, and would be a big help for sightseeing. As soon as he heard about your grandparents visiting, he knew it was only a matter of time until you came to him for help. At first, he was intent on politely turning you down, but god... how can he? You’re too cute, looking at him like that, saying you need his help. Fuck, he’s so whipped for you lmao. 

Fugo is the most anxious about it. What if your grandparents don’t like him? What if he accidentally says something offensive? Or even worse, what if he blows your cover, and you hate him forever? He’s gonna being shutting himself in his room, refreshing his English nonstop. You have to admire his dedication. 

When the time finally comes, it goes a lot smoother than he anticipated. There’s no humiliating himself in front of you like he feared. Fugo is a bit stiff at first, but with your help, begins to ease up. He’s an amazing tour guide! Fugo knows the best places to go, what times they’ll be busy, the historical and cultural significance of every place, etc. When he starts talking about trivia you can tell he’s in his element. 

It’s going so well. That is, until your grandma says you have such a nice boyfriend. Fugo’s entire face goes beet red. If only. 

“A-ah, Mrs. [Last], we’re not dating, actually.” 

“We aren’t, but... you’re right. Fugo is amazing, isn’t he? There’s nothing he can’t do. I appreciate him a lot.” 

On that day, Pannacotta Fugo’s soul ascended. He legitimately cannot stop thinking about this. For you, his crush of many years, to compliment him so genuinely? Fugo.exe has stopped responding .

Narancia Ghirga;

He kinda invites himself along? Narancia is giving himself a bunch of pep talks, thinking of all the things he can say. His train of thought is that if he speaks English well, it’ll impress you! There’s nothing he wants more in this world than for you to think he’s cool and reliable. The problem is that most of his knowledge of English is only from music. So he’s more familiar with vulgarities than anything else. 

You’re understandably hesitant to allow Narancia to tag along. Then he makes the solid point to you that Aerosmith’s radar would come in handy, detecting any potential threats. Narancia is going to be sporting the brightest smile when you concede and say he can come with you, practically vibrating with excitement. He promises that you won’t regret picking him. 

The place he picks to go is a local pizzeria. In his opinion, the pizza you’ve spoken of back home is an insult to humanity. Naples style is the only way to go. He insists on letting your grandparents try “real” pizza, as opposed to whatever your country has. 

Narancia reminiscences about a lot of your past stories together. Nothing that has incriminating undertones, just casual stuff from your years of knowing one another. You’re almost surprised by how he’s remembered all of this. He can’t help it, any time spent with you has been forever imprinted into his mind. 

“So, there was this one time we spent hours looking for [First]’s lost wallet. Come to find out that she just left it in the glove department after we spent the entire evening searching for it. And then--” 

“Narancia, do you have to bring that up? It’s so embarrassing...” 

Leone Abbacchio; 

You’re going to have to pull out some incredible arguments to get him to come along with you. He’s going to say no before you even get the chance to ask, already sensing what it is you’re going to say. So be ready to break out some Ace Attorney level stuff or it’s no dice. He’s already offering special treatment by even letting you try to convince him, anyone else would’ve been shooed away. He has a big soft spot for you :’)...

The most you’ll get him to agree to is one dinner. That’s it. Abbacchio has a lot of baggage with him, and doesn’t think highly of himself. To be honest he’s wondering why you’re even relying on him here. It’s strange, since he appreciates the trust you must have for him, but also doesn’t think it’s deserved. 

He cleans up well. Abbacchio is going to take this occasion very seriously. For most of the dinner he listens to you speaking, rarely offering input unless he finds it necessary. When he does speak he’s more polite than you’ve ever heard him though. You almost wondered if it was Abbacchio who was speaking, and not some imposter. So he is capable of having manners when he wants to... 

He’ll also pay for the dinner, much to your surprise. Will insist on it even. Abbacchio tells you to let them order whatever desserts/wine they want. He’s pulling all the stops to make a good impression. 

“Abba, you really didn’t have to do all that. Please at least let me reimburse some of it.” 

“Would you stop bringing it up already...? They’re your family, so it’s only natural I’d take care of them.” 

Trish Una; 

As the only non Passione member on this list, Trish is an excellent choice! Her singing career is really starting to take off. Your family will find her to be impressive. You’ll have to think of a story for how the two of you are familiar with one another. You can’t very well say you used to be her bodyguard protecting her from assassins lmao.  

Since she needs to travel a lot to different venues for her career, Trish’s English is steadily improving. She’ll normally text you for help if anything is particularly challenging. The biggest challenge would be aligning your schedules together, at the same time they’re visiting. Trish has a way of making time for you. 

One of the things Trish loves to do is give gifts from her travels. So she’ll show up with some little souvenirs for them. It’s a very heartfelt gesture that they appreciate, and she even gives you a gift or two. The queen of good impressions. 

Throughout the years, Trish has managed to gather a sizeable collection of selfies from when you’ve spent time together. At some of her albums release parties, trips to the beach, the times you’ve travelled together. She’s going to have a lot of fun going through her hundreds of photos of you and showing them. 

“Trish, you almost need a SD card for all of these. Just how many pictures of us do you have?”

“Oh, this is just the beginning, [First]. I have a whole other album of when we went to Milan last spring.” 

[minart-was-taken]

Linkverse writing?? I guess??! It’s a tad simple and rough around the edges, but hey, isn’t everything if you look close enough? I’m proud enough of it to share, so that’s a win in my books!

Title: Tree Trekking Characters: Twilight, Sky, Time, and Wild No warnings for this one (Although highly vague twilight princess spoilers?) “Tags” First meetings - the start of bonding - Sky being a good boy - Time is a little bastard - Twilight is tired

Enjoy!

“Those look like rain clouds…” Link signed, dreading the thought.

“Ah- I think you’re right.” Feathers replied the same way.

Link winced, but gathered himself quickly after, making sure his adventure pouch was properly attached to his belt. They didn’t need a member of the group complaining AND also him having a loose adventure pouch.

...He sounded like a dork- Goddesses, he was panicking a little wasn’t he? Rain wasn’t a big problem, but on top of everything else it felt like a slap to the face.

He had been snapped to another world, teamed up with two strangers who were also him, apparently, and now it was going to rain.

The little guy had nothing to say either, but that wasn’t anything new.

Taking leading action, Link gathered himself, found his posture and signed to the Link whose Hyrule this apparently was. “Do you know anywhere we could find shelter?”

The little guy turned to look at him, with an expression that made it seem like he had insulted his entire family. “It’s just rain.”

Link sighed. “We don’t have much on us, a town with an inn and a shop to purchase a bedroll or two seems like a good idea.”

The little guy was quiet, before turning around and walking off. By this point Link knew that was his way of saying “follow me.”

He quickly checked Feathers, who with a slight stumble and a check on his items was on his way to follow as well.

With the small one in the lead, followed by Link and Feathers, the day continued like the past few had.

It had been strange, suddenly ending up here with a bunch of strangers like this. With Feathers it had been easy, the guy seemed to have a good heart. However with the little guy it was a different story. He seemed to speak the minimum possible, and didn’t especially want to stay as a group- Making it a daily battle to convince him to keep helping them navigate this hyrule.

Still, they were managing.

“We should probably try to get you a sword too.”

Feathers seemed taken back by this, before smiling awkwardly: “We’ve not run into anything, though, have we? Besides, you two seem quite used to wielding yours.”

“I don’t trust this situation.” Link confessed. “Something is bound to go wrong.”

Feathers gave him a sympathetic look.

“I’m serious.” He insisted. “The air doesn’t just crack and cause people to teleport through time and space. Something bad is in the air.”

Feathers seemed to want to say something to deny it, but couldn’t. He turned his head forwards again, facing where they were going. “I have other weapons.”

Link still felt unsure, but accepted it for now.

A bit more traveling, now down what seemed to be a dirt path, Link felt the silence beginning to grind on him. He clenched his hands to fists, and released them, repeating this action a few times to calm his nerves. When it wasn’t enough, though, he shook his head and fastened his walking pace.

This way he caught up to the small guide, and signed: “Can you share the route with me? I’d like a better understanding of what to expect.”

The kid looked annoyed again, but after a moment replied: “Kakariko is down this road, to the west until we reach a big rock, and then down the road next to it.”

“Thank you.” He said, breathing with purpose to calm himself, as he fell back behind to walk next to Feathers again.

It had been a long time since he had panicked like this last. It had been at a cell, in a strange body and shackled to the floor. It had been when Midna’s hold on his fur had weakened further as he tried to be faster despite the pain. It had…

Link sighed. He’d survived all of those, he had been hurt, but he survived. He could handle yet another journey to an unknown world. This is fine.

The little guy disappeared in that second.

Link blinked.

The kid had genuinely disappeared- One moment he was there, the next he wasn’t. 

This was not fine, actually.

“Where did he go?!” He signed frantically to Feathers.

“I don’t know!” Feathers responded, equally bewildered. “Did I see that right?! Did he-”

“Did he vanish…?” He signed as well, turning to look at the spot again.

“Maybe-” Feathers, panicking much more clearly than Link was: “Maybe he got sent to another world, like we were.”

“That beats him being dead.”

Feathers was shaken by that addition, but Link ignored it in favour of walking over to where the kid had been and looking around. It was of no use, of course, but he felt powerless and not doing anything felt wrong.

Not again- Not again-

There was a loud crack inside his ears, and the space between him and Feathers looked like it was cracked glass. This strange scene lasted as long as it took it to arrive, and in the next moment: instead of reality looking broken, there was another boy.

This new stranger took a hitched breath, taking a quick step backwards, Having immediately noticed Link. The step however lead him right into Feathers, which caused the stranger to yelp and manifest a blade twice his size from blue light.

Feathers threw his hands in the air, panic filled eyes looking between the armed boy and Link.

Link breathed in and out, as he moved to walk around the newcomer and next to Feathers, with his hands up in the air as well. He hoped that moving from behind the stranger would make him realize he didn’t care for that tactical advantage, and was looking for peace.

The stranger watched, the weapon still in hand, but took no action.

“Are you-” Link signed: “L-I-N-K?”

The stranger’s eyes grew suspicious with each letter, and Link figured he had made a mistake of some sorts.

Quickly trying to bridge the miscommunication, he added: “So are we.”

The stranger shook his head, which wasn’t ideal.

“No?” Link signed. “What do you mean no?”

To that the stranger didn’t seem to have an answer for. Simply shrugging like it was obvious.

“He’s being honest.” Feathers joined in. “We’re both Link, the hero of courage.”

After eyeing the two over like they had lost their minds, the stranger sighed. “I don’t believe you.” He signed. “But I’m also not sure where I am.”

“That’s fair.” Link supposed. “We’re willing to share our information.”

“Spill it, then.”

After explaining their understanding of how they got here, and what they were doing, the stranger sighed and agreed that going to a town would seem smart in his eyes as well.

However he chose to walk behind Feathers and Link, which Link couldn’t blame him for. He had his own fair share of paranoia of the situation, after all.

Besides, he’d know if the kid tried to approach with a blade in hand, he was awfully good at keeping an eye on his surroundings.

Not good enough, though. Despite following the route the first angry kid had given: they somehow got lost anyway. Sure they found a big rock, but there was no path near it that led to anywhere other than more wilderness.

“Did we misunderstand?” Feathers asked him.

Link furrowed his brow, unsure of the answer. He was quite sure they had gone the exact route the kid described.

The newcomer whistled suddenly, causing the two older to turn and look at him.

He seemed annoyed, and signed: “Is this a trap?”

“I mean, if it was we wouldn’t tell you.” Feathers signed back, at which Link elbowed him.

“It’s not a trap. This is neither of our Hyrule, so we don’t know where things are. The person who gave us instructions either forgot something or we failed to follow it right.”

The stranger crossed his arms, and pouted. Suspicious.

Link, wanting to hit his head against the trees until he could disappear from this situation, tried to breathe in and out and figure this situation out before anything worse happened. “We can probably try and find it on our own.”

“Oh, true.” Feathers replied, smiling again.

“Alright.” The newcomer accepted, still tense.

“Great.” Link responded, tired. “What does everyone here know about scouting?”

Feathers looked a bit flustered, and admitted: “I spent most of my life on a single island- In the sky.”

“Ok.” was all Link could muster.

“I’m okay at it.” The newcomer said, looking a bit less confident than before. “I know what signs to keep an eye out for.”

Link nodded at this. Back in the day he could’ve asked Midna to change his form so he could simply smell the strange scent that towns had, but that stopped being an option a long time ago.

He could still manage with human senses. He had done so for the majority of his life.

So after they pooled their knowledge of what to look out for, they began trekking forwards. Although it was more the two actually experienced people describing some basic things to the one from the sky.

After one man-made path diverged into two, the tired air of the group only grew worse.

“So- Which way?” Feathers asked, trying to not cause anymore tension with the question, by smiling gently.

The newcomer lifted the strange slate he had on his belt, and used it to get a better look forward. It wasn’t enough, though: “The foliage is too thick, I can’t see where either of them leads.”

Feathers pouted.

Link, quite frustrated at this point, signed simply: “Just one thing we can do, then.” And proceeded to scan the area for the tallest tree.

Feathers looked in mild curiosity as Link walked up to an alright specimen, and proceeded to climb it with almost no trouble. Branch to branch, and a good grip on the wood while still being mindful of it’s well being.

From high up he could take a far better look around the area, and found his nerves eased as he spotted smoke from further on and down the right path, as well as the gentle breeze that flowed freely up there. He smiled, despite himself, and climbed back down.

Once he landed with a gentle thud, he let Feathers know what he had seen, before turning to look at the newcomer.

He had stayed by the path, unlike Feathers who had gone to wait for him at the trunk of the tree, and was looking at him with what Link would describe as surprise.

“I was raised on a farm.” Link stated, feeling actually a little up for joking, before he started walking down the right path.

The journey went alright, and although the smoke turned out to be from but a small cottage, it meant they weren’t entirely on the wrong track. Someone was able to live here, so it would mean a town could exist nearby as well.

The newcomer, who hadn’t said much, spoke up another few minutes into the walk, as they tried to decide between three paths this time. “I could climb this time?”

Link was a little surprised, but nodded and gave him a supportive smile. “Go for it.” It was nice seeing the hostility gone, and in its place a want to help.

What he saw then, was… Unexpected. The newcomer proceeded to pick a tree at ease, and then climb at a speed Link had never seen before. It was extremely impressive, and somewhat terrifying.

“Woah.” Said feathers.

Link nodded, slow and stunned.

When the kid returned to ground level- With a thud and an expert landing to boot -he explained that with the zoom on his slate he was able to spot a town. He wasn’t sure which path would lead to it, but if the rest were fine with just going to that general direction until they got to it, he’d be able to lead them.

Feathers and Link approved of the plan, and now followed after the newcomer who was walking forth, at times checking the slate.

Feathers began to talk to him about beacons, apparently something on the slate reminded him of his adventure. Link tuned it out due to not really getting it, and breathed in the forest air.

This was all very strange, but it was nice that no-one was being a grump for once.

At sunset they reached the town, and having moved along with the rain cloud, it only caught up to them at the village gates.

Link gave the newcomer a pat on the shoulder, which surprised him. “Good work.” He signed before heading forward to look for an inn.

The rain only caught them when they had a roof above their heads, as they had moved in the same direction as it had been heading.

Sitting in a shared room, there was that strange snap-crack again, and the other kid was back. Strange face markings as clear on the face of annoyance as always.

The newcomer didn’t disappear, so their three person room had just become crowded.

“Oh.” The kid commented, looking at them all, including the newcomer. “You made it.”

“...Were we not supposed to?” Link asked.

“I gave you the wrong directions.”

Link blinked. He was stunned, having trouble processing the situation. Not because it was so unexpected, but because he hadn’t seen it coming despite how obvious it was this kid wouldn’t help them properly.

“Why?!”

“I didn’t want you to find the town.”

“Again, why?”

“I don’t trust you.” The response was instant.

Link sighed, it wasn’t a reason he could exactly fight.

Giving up, he sat down on one of the beds. This was going to be a stressful adventure, wasn’t it? He lent back a bit, looking at the ceiling. He couldn’t deny the truth of that question, but a part of him wasn’t entirely bothered. It had been a while since he’d slept in a room with another living being.

[girlactionfigure]

‘We Are All Jews Here’

U.S. Army Master Sgt. Roddie Edmonds, one of five American Righteous Among the Nations, never spoke about the 200 Jews he saved

BY

PATRICK HENRY

As of Jan. 1, 2020, there were 27,712 persons named Righteous Among the Nations (Righteous Gentiles) by Yad Vashem, the World Holocaust Remembrance Center in Jerusalem. All of them are non-Jews who risked their lives to save Jews during the Holocaust. Five of them are American.

In 1994, Varian Fry was the first American named to the list. A New York City native and Harvard graduate with a degree in classics, Fry had volunteered with the Emergency Rescue Committee to go to France to help rescue victims of Nazism. Planning on staying for a month, he arrived in Marseille in August 1940 with $3,000 and a list of 200 Jews he hoped to save. Soon, however, he understood the enormity of his task and judged it “criminally irresponsible” to return home. He stayed until he was forcibly expelled from France 13 months later “for having protected Jews and anti-Nazis.” Fighting the Vichy regime and the U.S. State Department, which tried repeatedly to have him sent home, Fry carried a gun, arranged smugglings into Spain, obtained foreign passports and visas, hired a forger, and with a small staff saved over 2,000 refugees. Mainly interested in writers, artists, and intellectuals, this passionate anti-fascist rescued Marcel Duchamp, Marc Chagall, Jacques Lipchitz, Max Ernst, Hannah Arendt, Max Ophüls, Arthur Koestler, André Breton, and several other surrealist artists.

Martha and Waitstill Sharp were named Righteous Among the Nations in 2005. Waitstill was a minister in the Unitarian Church in Wellesley, Massachusetts, and his wife, Martha, was a noted social worker. They agreed to go to Prague in February 1939 to help members of the Unitarian Church in Czechoslovakia. Once there, they helped smuggle Jews out of the country that had been taken over by the Nazis the month after their arrival. They experienced dangerous encounters with Nazi police but managed to return safely to the United States in August. Once again, however, in late spring 1940, they returned to Europe to help rescue Jewish people from France where they worked with Varian Fry, Hiram Bingham IV, and others smuggling Jews, many of them children, into Spain and Portugal.

Lois Gunden, named “Righteous” in 2013, also rescued Jews in France. Born and raised in Goshen, Indiana, Gunden went to France in October 1941, at the age of 26, to work with the Mennonite Central Committee. Fluent in French, she headed the Ville St. Christophe Children’s Refugee Convalescent Home in Canet Plage in the south of France. It was a 20-room mansion that housed 60 children, mostly those of Spanish refugees from Franco’s Spain and Jewish refugees from Eastern Europe being held in the nearby Rivesaltes internment camp. Gunden continued to run this safe haven for refugee children even after November 1942 when the Germans occupied the entire country. She managed to hide many Jewish children in the home and save them from deportation to Drancy and then Auschwitz. In January 1943, she was detained as an “enemy alien” and transported to Germany. In March 1944, she was released in a prisoner exchange.

On Memorial Day 2021, 76 years after the liberation of Auschwitz, let’s remember the heroics of Master Sgt. Roddie Edmonds, the fifth American Righteous Gentile and the only one to have saved the lives of American Jews.

In early December 1944, the 106th Infantry Division, which comprised the 422nd, 423rd, and 424th Regiments, landed in France and traveled by truck across France and Belgium, reaching the Schnee Eifel area in Eastern Belgium near the German border. On Dec. 10, they took up their positions. On Dec. 16, the 422nd was attacked by the Germans in what would become known as the Battle of the Bulge, during which the Germans would capture 20,000 GIs. Although they were cut off and surrounded, the part of the regiment that Edmonds belonged to held out until Dec. 21 when they surrendered to the Germans. After having been forced to march 50 kilometers to Gerolstein, Germany, the men of the 422nd Regiment were loaded into box cars with no food or water and traveled for four days until they reached Bad Orb, Germany. They spent several weeks in Bad Orb, after which they were divided into three groups (officers, noncommissioned officers, and enlisted men). Roddie Edmonds’ group, the NCOs, were then shipped to Stalag IXA in Ziegenhain. There were 1,275 men in this group and Roddie Edmonds was the highest-ranking NCO among them.’

It was German policy to single out Jewish POWs and send them to extermination or slave labor camps. Accordingly, in January 1945, the Germans announced that all Jewish prisoners in Stalag IXA would report the following morning. Twenty-five-year-old Master Sgt. Edmonds, who was responsible for all the POWs in Stalag IXA, ordered all prisoners, Jews and non-Jews, to fall out. When the German officer in charge, Maj. Siegmann, saw all the prisoners lined up in front of the barracks that next morning, he said to Edmonds: “They cannot all be Jews.” Edmonds responded: “We are all Jews here.”

Siegmann then pointed a pistol to Edmonds’ head, but Edmonds, refusing to back down, replied: “According to the Geneva Convention, we only have to give our name, rank, and serial number. If you shoot me, you will have to shoot all of us, and after the war you will be tried for war crimes.” The German major turned and walked away. Edmonds had saved the lives of the roughly 200 Jewish prisoners among the 1,275 American POWs.

Edmonds, who was named “Righteous” in 2015, did not speak much about his experiences. His family only knew that he had been taken prisoner by the Germans during the Battle of the Bulge and that he had survived 100 days of captivity before returning home. His son, Baptist Rev. Chris Edmonds, mentioned that when he would ask his father about the war, he often told him only that “Some things were too difficult to talk about.” When Roddie died in 1985, his wife gave her son, Chris, two of the diaries he had kept as a POW.

Yet it was only in scouring the internet many years later that Chris discovered the exact story of his father’s heroism. In 2009, Chris’ daughter, Lauren, was given a college assignment to do a video history project about a family member. Lauren opted to work on her paternal grandfather. Chris decided to lend a hand. He googled the words “Master Sergeant Roddie Edmonds,” expecting that it would lead to Army records or the Battle of the Bulge. Instead, it led to a 2008 New York Times article about a New York City lawyer, Lester Tanner, who had sold his Manhattan townhouse to former President Richard Nixon. What could have possibly been the link between Edmonds and the sale of a townhouse to Nixon? Tanner mentioned in the article that Roddie Edmonds had saved his life and that of many other Jews during WWII.

This led Chris Edmonds to Lester Tanner and other Jewish POWs saved by his father, one of whom was Sonny Fox, the American television host and executive. These POWs and in some cases their families filled in many details completely unknown to the Edmonds family. Tanner told them that he admired Roddie for the way he led: “He never threw his rank around ... and was a man of great courage.” Tanner told Yad Vashem that they were all aware at the time that the Germans were murdering Jews. They therefore understood that the order to separate the Jews from the other POWs meant that the Jews were in great danger. “Master Sergeant Edmonds,” he said, “at the risk of his immediate death, defied the Germans with the unexpected consequence that the Jewish prisoners were saved.”

Another of the Jewish POWs saved by Edmonds, Paul Stern, explained that when the 422nd Regiment got to Bad Orb, lower-ranking Jewish POWs from another stalag were in fact sent to slave labor camps where many of them died. Stern, who had learned German in college, could understand what the Germans had in store for the POWs. He also stated that the conversation between the German commandant, Maj. Siegmann, and Roddie Edmonds was in English. “Although seventy years have passed,” Stern claimed, “I can still hear the words he said to the German camp commander.” Finally, Hank Freedman, another POW rescued by Edmonds, told Chris that his father’s faith impacted and emboldened all his men, whether they were believers or not.

On Jan. 27, 2016, in a ceremony at the Israeli Embassy in Washington, D.C., attended by then President of the United States Barack Obama, Master Sgt. Edmonds’ son accepted the Righteous medal and the certificate of honor awarded to his father. Roddie Edmonds has twice been nominated for the Congressional Gold Medal “in recognition of his heroic actions during World War II.” So far, no action has been taken. But Chris’ hope has hardly been extinguished. He wants his father to be awarded the Medal of Honor, our country’s “highest award for valor in action against an enemy force.” The Jewish Foundation for the Righteous’ short but powerful documentary on Edmonds, “Following the Footsteps of My Father,” would offer a great deal of compelling evidence.

In the JFR’s documentary, we learn that Roddie Edmonds might very well have also saved the lives of hundreds of his men by refusing to evacuate the camp where they were being held. The Germans knew the end was near and they did not want to be around when the American soldiers arrived. They told Edmonds to get ready to evacuate. Edmonds told the German officers that his men were too weak to evacuate the camp and begin a long march. The French POWs moved out along with the British POWs. The German officers told Edmonds that the camp was his: They were leaving.

Shortly thereafter, on March 30, 1945, Stalag IXA was liberated by American forces. It was the second day of Passover. As Sonny Fox remarked: “It was the day of our freedom.”

[davidsons89]

Toxic Turner - part 18

WARNINGS: this story contains signs of a toxic and manipulative relationship. also contains smut, mentions of drugs and alcohol. some scenes contain forms of abuse. read at ur own risk :)

y/n’s birthday

a couple weeks went by, maybe 4 or 5. you’ve spent the majority of summer with your family and alex, having barbecues and going on day trips. this summer was much better compared to last years, alex was insecure back then and hated you going anywhere so you were basically isolated inside. you felt free now, though he’s still clung to your hip like a child. all summer you counted down the days until your birthday, and it finally arrived.

alex woke you up bright and early this morning to wish you a happy birthday and give you your gifts. he always wanted to be ahead of everyone else, he’s the light in your life. you spent the morning opening your gifts and responding to birthday messages from family and friends, now it’s just past midday and you’re getting ready to go for a special family meal.

“look at you, you’re so pretty” alex shocks you, standing in the doorway of the open bedroom door as you try on your dress in the mirror. you jump a little, and look at him. “stop doing that” you chuckle, putting your hand on your heart to calm yourself. he’s a sucker for it, creeping around and catching you off guard, maybe he’s aiming to catch you doing something out of the ordinary.

“that dress is beautiful on you” he smiles, looking up and down at your figure. “thanks, i’m not sure i like the color though” you shrug, looking at your body in the mirror, trying to decide whether to go for a different dress or not. “i like it. it’s a nice color” he nods, non-stop gazing at your cream colored dress.

“i want to go for something brighter. like orange or yellow, for the summer” you say, walking over to the closet to pick out a different dress but he discreetly follows behind you. “maybe this one” you say, grabbing your flowery dress from the rack, turning around to show him, to only be shocked by the sight of him standing right in front of you.

“the one you’re wearing is better” he says, reaching his hand over to yours to snatch the dress from you. “why?” you ask, frowning. “this one doesn’t look nice on you” he admits, tossing the flowery dress aside so you wouldn’t swap over. “why not?” you ask, frowning again. “it just doesn’t. now stop asking so many questions, come on” he impatiently says, grabbing your hand to pull you out of the closet, closing the doors behind you.

“it’s my birthday i can wear what i wan-” you begin to say, but don’t quite get to finish. “shut up. you’ve wasted too much time, now get your shoes on and let’s go” he cut you off, dropping your hand so it flops by your side. “fuck you then” you mumble to yourself as you begin walking to your bed to grab your cream heels from underneath. “what did you say?” he laughs at you, giving you the look of audacity as he watches you bend over to grab your shoes, noticing your underwear almost right away.

before you can answer his question, he talks again. “i can see your underwear” he sighs through his nose in annoyance, watching you stand up straight to sit down on the edge of the bed. “yeah, it’s almost like i’m wearing a dress” you say with total sarcasm as you roll your eyes at him, he’s acting stupid. “don’t talk to me like that” he says with calm aggression, slowly walking over to you on the bed.

“or what?” you look up at him after slipping your feet into your heels and tightening the straps so they won’t fall off. “or you won’t go to your own fucking meal. don’t think you’re special because it’s your birthday, and certainly don’t think you can talk to me like that” he says, reaching his hand down to grab your face, forcing it up to look at him. he gripped your face a little tighter towards the end, hoping you’ll understand him before he hurts you.

“the other dress is much shorter than the one you’re wearing, you just want attention huh?” he scoffs at you, laughing to put you down. “no i just prefer the other one” you furrow your eyebrows at him, he’s acting insecure for no reason. “you want to wear it because you’re a whore. you’re lucky i’m letting you wear that one” he says, roughly letting go of your face to point at the dress on your body. “now hurry up, we can’t be late to your own event” he chuckles, walking out of the room to leave you alone.

another 20 minutes goes by, you’re finally ready. you spent that time doing your hair, styling it to perfection. you grab your phone and purse and make your way downstairs. you’re immediately greeted by the sight of alex standing in the kitchen eating an apple. “i’m ready” you smile at him, hoping his reaction is good. he looks at you, and is amazed by your beauty. “you’re so beautiful, aren’t you?” he smiles, placing his half ware apple down on the counter to get a proper look at you.

“thanks” you giggle, admiring yourself as he walks over to you. “turn around” he says, motioning his fingers in a circle for you to face the other way. he pulls out a necklace from his pocket, and carefully places it around your neck, doing it up for you. it’s one of the gifts he bought you, which is a heart with angel wings around it. you glimpse at it in the kitchen mirror, smiling. “it’s so pretty” you face him, giving him the look of admiration now too.

“for a pretty woman, fits perfectly” he grins, grabbing his car keys and wallet from the kitchen counter as the two of you finalize everything. you make sure the house is tidy before leaving, because you’re actually having a party here afterwards with your family and friends to celebrate being on the earth for another year. you both leave, locking up the house and getting in the car to head downtown.

mid way into the drive, you get a phone call from your mom. “hello?” you answer. “where are you? we’re all here” she says. “we’re about 5 minutes away, we won’t be long” you let her know. you quickly say your goodbyes and hang up the phone as alex turns a corner. “i’m nervous” you quietly giggle. “why, darling?” he asks, glancing at you then at the road. “it’s embarrassing being the centre of attention” you snicker, looking down at your lap to fiddle with your decorated nails. “it’s your day, don’t be scared of anything” he tells you. “yeah i know but...” you start to say, not knowing how to finish your sentence.

“but nothing. today is your day, and we’ll make it special. don’t be nervous” he reassures you, reaching his hand to your leg to glide his thumb across it, making you smile and place your hand on top of his for a moment. the drive was precisely 5 more minutes, and you finally arrived. you see your family’s cars parked outside, meaning there’s a few people here with you today. you and alex get out of the car and walk inside together while romantically holding hands, making your way to the reserved table.

you spent the first minute or so greeting your family and receiving their gifts and birthday wishes. you shared thankful hugs before sitting down together as a family. you begin opening the gifts from your relatives, which were various different kinds of things. you received jewelry, alcohol, flowers, perfume, clothes and birthday carts etc. you thanked each family member individually and showed your gratefulness, you couldn’t be happier right now. the waiter soon came over to take all of your orders, now you played the waiting game.

you all found yourself in multiple different conversations as you patiently wait for your food to arrive. you’re currently talking to your cousin, while alex is distracted by talking to your mom. “so, how are things?” he asks. he’s been wary over you these past few weeks, he keeps checking up on you to make sure alex hasn’t fucked you over again. “fine. and yourself?” you ask him, noticing him giving you a weird look. he was glancing at the upper half of your body to look for things such as bruises or marks. he has his reasons to believe that alex hurts you, even though you won’t admit it or talk about it.

“i’m good” he nods. the drinks arrived at the table mid conversation, so everyone handed them to each other and resumed waiting for the food. alex interrupts your chat with your cousin to get you to try some of his drink. “y/n, have some” he says, sliding his glass over until it was in front of you. “no i don’t want any alcoh-” you begin to say, shaking your head innocent to deny it. your cousin looked away but eavesdropped on your conversation. “just taste some” alex interrupts you, cutting you off. “i don’t want alcohol until later” you say slowly but quietly, trying to get those words to sink into his brain.

“you’re so fucking boring” he chuckles at you, snatching the drink away to take a sip for himself. “asshole” you roll your eyes and look back at your cousin, but alex slyly gripped your leg under the table to hurt you discreetly. you quickly turn your head back towards him and shift your leg away. “what?” you whine, looking at your leg then looking at his face. “don’t speak to me like that, ever” he whispered in your ear as he leaned over to you, digging his nails into your leg. you nod and put your hand underneath the table, grabbing his hand to push it away.

he resumes his conversation with your mom as she stopped talking to your grandma, so you resume yours with your cousin. “what did he just say to you?” your cousin asks, giving alex evil daggers to the side of his face. “nothing, don’t worry” you say, lightly nudging him so he’ll stop looking at alex. “y/n i know he’s your boyfriend, but i fucking hate him” he whispers angrily in your ear. “why though?” you wonder, frowning at him.

“i see the way he treats you, the way he talks to you. i know something goes on when nobody’s around, you just won’t admit it” he says quietly, alex hearing none of this as your mouths are too quiet. “nothing goes on, you’re just paranoid. i’m fine” you chuckle and shake your head at him to make it seem like he’s crazy for making things up. “i’ll be watching him all day. all day” he whispers, looking at you to reassure you on the last part. you nod to show your understanding, but it made you worried a bit.

you knew alex wouldn’t last a whole day without being mean to you, and now you know he has a pair of eyes on him all day. you don’t want your cousin to hate alex, but he has perfectly good reasons to. he can get violent when it comes to family, so you feared something happening on your own birthday. alex will get caught out one day, whether that be today or years from now. it’s all down to your cousin.

an hour later

the food arrived after 10 more minutes of waiting, where you all started to dig in and enjoy your delicious meals. now, most of you are done or nearly done with your food, and are chatting amongst yourselves to wait for the others. “why’re you eating it so slow?” alex asks, furrowing his eyebrows at you. he’s recently made comments on the way you eat, so it started to affect you. “because i’m not that hungry” you lie, dropping your fork on the plate, not feeling an appetite which annoyed you. “bullshit, the whole way here you were saying you’re starving” he says, looking into your eyes with his evil glare.

“yeah, i’ve ate a bit. just not hungry anymore” you sigh at him, seeing him roll his eyes. “just eat it” he quietly demands, but you’re having none of it. “i don’t want to eat it” you demand back at him. “stop being such a fucking child” he quietly says as your family chat with one another, but your cousin secretly eavesdropping. he isn’t going to say anything for a while, he’s going to let it build up so he can lash out later.

“i’m not being a child i just don’t want it” you sigh, feeling bad because you had no appetite. “i’m paying for this meal for you, so eat it” he sighs through his nose to stop himself from getting angry as he gestures with his hand. “you eat it, if it bothers you that much” you say, giving him a sarcastic look as he’s getting on your nerves by trying to force you to eat. you slide your plate over to his side, not aware of the drink beside you. your plate hit the drink and knocked it over, causing some to spill on you.

you gasp as some of the drink spills onto your dress, but luckily most of it only tipped onto the table. “oh my fucking god” you exclaim with annoyance as you stand up from your chair, and storm to the restroom. alex loudly sighs and stands up, following you moments later. your relatives quickly clean up the mess and move on, continuing their meals and waiting for you to dry your dress off. your cousin has been listening this whole time, and even watches alex follow you. he doesn’t want to kick up a fuss, so he leaves it and waits like everybody else at the table.

after storming into the ladies restroom, you walk over to the sinks to get some paper towels, ripping some pieces off to wipe your dress with. less than a minute later, alex walks in after you. “this is the ladies room, get out” you frown, giving him a weird look. “does it look like i give a fuck?” he says, closing the door and storming over to you. “stop being a little fucking brat” he says, gripping your face to force you to look at him. “go away” you say, shoving him away harshly, but it only made him madder. he quickly and roughly grabs your throat, forcing your head up to look at him again.

“stop being a spoiled brat, you’re ruining this day for yourself you fucking idiot” he says aggressively as his hand is wrapped around your throat tightly, his other hand gripping your waist to keep you close. “i’m just not hungry” you frown, trying to push him away but he doesn’t let you. “i don’t care, we’re all here for you, stop fucking showing off” he says, inches away from your face as he intimidates you. he raises his voice at the last part, causing you to flinch as he curses at you.

“i’m not showin-” you struggle to say as his hand is blocking your voice, you can hardly breathe. “yes you are. if you didn’t kick up a fuss, we’d still be out there enjoying our meals with your family” he cuts you off, staring into your eyes to intimidate you with his own. “then let’s go back out there” you suggest, coughing ever so slightly. “are you gonna eat your food?” he asks, speaking as if he’s talking to a child, raising his eyebrows at you. “yes” you nod and furrow yours, giving him puppy eyes of fear. “good, now fuck off” he says, roughly letting go of you to shove you in the direction of the door. you sigh and storm out, letting the door slowly close behind you.

alex stays there for a few moments, ripping off a piece of paper towel to wipe off the little spillage on himself too. he’s wearing black, so fortunately it’s not noticeable. after wiping himself, he throws the used paper towel in the bin and walks towards the door, exiting as a woman entered at the same time. “sorry” he says, sighing through his nose showing ignorance. he joins you back at the table again, where he sees you force feeding yourself because you don’t want him to yell at you again. “good girl” he whispers in your ear as he sits down beside you, you frown and ignore him, looking away from his direction.

around 20 minutes later, everyone had finished their meals and drinks and are now ready to head out. you all paid for your meals, and made your way to the cars after exiting. “can we come in your car?” your cousin asks, speaking for him and his mom, which is your favorite aunt. “of course” you say and smile as alex opens your car door for you. “my lady” he smiles, holding your hand as he helps you sit down. “thank you” you smile at him. he closes the car door and walks over to his side, as your cousin and aunt get in the back seats.

“how did you get here?” you ask, making small talk as alex drives back to the house. “in your moms car, but it’s too cramped with all of us” your aunt shrugs. “oh ok” you nod, turning on the radio so you can listen to some music on your peaceful drive home, with the windows rolled down for the cool breeze to enter the car. it’s the middle of summer, so it’s boiling hot outside and will be for another month yet.

the rest of the drive home was entertaining. all four of you talked and laughed with one another, until you finally reached the house less than 20 minutes later. you and your aunt exited the car and made your way into the house together as you giggle and joke with each other, leaving alex and your cousin alone. alex awkwardly coughed as he got out of the car, and your cousin followed along. “so.. what you say to her in the bathroom?” your cousin awkwardly asks, making small talk. “yeah, i hit her” alex very sarcastically says as he rolls his eyes, walking straight past him to get into the house. he knows how suspicious your cousin is, and how he assumes alex is violent towards you, so he feeds on the topic to wind him up.

you waited a few extra minutes for the rest of your family to arrive, and when they did, the party finally started. the music was turned on and up, the alcohol was brought out and poured, now the fun can really start. as everyone was doing their own thing in different rooms, you found alex in the back yard smoking a cigarette. “hey, are the guys coming over?” you ask him. “mhm. they’re on their way now” he nods, outing his cigarette on the wall and tossing it aside. “ok, cool” you smile up at him, hooking your hand around his arm as you walk inside together.

the guys arrived shortly after, and you greeted them as soon as they walked in. they individually wished you a happy birthday and handed you gifts and birthday cards, then you all made your way into the living room where alex was drinking with your relatives. “yo, alex” matt says, greeting him. “oh what’s up guys” he says, giving them all quick ‘bro hugs’ as he hasn’t seen them in a while. “already on the booze?” jamie jokes. “yeah, here have some” alex chuckles, shoving his opened bottle in his face for him to drink it.

while alex was occupied with his friends, you made your way to the kitchen to open your extra gifts. the house was getting filled overtime as family friends enter, and even friends of friends and so on. your hands overflowed with gifts and cards as more people came in. you received hugs and birthday wishes from everyone who walked through the door, this was your queue to stop greeting people and finally open your gifts. sat on the kitchen counter alone, nick walks in to grab a drink. “hey y/n” he says, watching you read the birthday cards from people.

“hey nick, you ok?” you ask him, he nods and walks over to you after grabbing a fresh beer from the fridge. “i’m good, who’s that one off?” he asks, making small talk as the guys are in the next room playing a game involving alcohol with your family. “you” you giggle as you read ‘from nick x’ at the bottom. he didn’t know what gift to buy you, so he put money in your card. “thank you” you smile, pulling him into a friendly hug as you lean forward a bit, still sitting on the kitchen counter as he stood in front of you.

“i need more alcoh- oh” your aunt says as she enters the kitchen to see you hugging one of your boyfriend’s best friends. you pull away from nick as your aunt walks over to the fridge to grab what she needed and be on her way, but she always kicks up a fuss when she’s drinking. “didn’t expect to see you in here with another fella” she joked, picking up a bottle of beer and exiting the room. “alex, your girlfriend’s getting all touchy with another man in there” you hear your aunt say as she walks back into the living room, which makes you sigh and roll your eyes. she’s only messing around, but alex takes this stuff seriously. way too seriously. “wow” you scoff and shake your head. “go, i’ll be there in a minute” you say to nick, motioning your head to the door as you finish opening your cards and gifts. as soon as nick walked out of the kitchen, a very annoyed alex walks in. great, what now?

[hobbitsnapes]

The heart of the Scout Regiment part 2

A mini Levi Ackerman story

Summary: Since the beginning of the survey corps, not one member has changed the group like she did, if only they knew, what one persons heart, could change them all.

Not every mission goes off without a hitch, there were always times where there was nothing they could do, nothing she could do, to prevent the ever looming death.

There were 2 fallen soldiers today, both that she shed a few tears for each. She had gotten better with it over time, less distraught each time. But there was still a deep pain she felt, for she thought of them as her family.

She did manage to save many others though, but in the process, she injured her left ankle. It wasn’t broken, but she knew as soon as she felt the shooting pain go up her leg, that it was trouble.

It wasn’t as bad as she initially thought, after being checked at by medics, she found out it was just a sprained ankle. She was informed that she’d have to be off that foot for roughly about a week, depending upon how it’s feeling it could be even longer.

With the help of her teammates, she managed to almost completely heal her injury, almost.

She managed to walk almost perfectly fine, but every once in a while, a sharp pain would make her leg shake, causing her to take a small few second break before walking again.

She knew it wasn’t major, but she also couldn’t help but worry, thus, bringing her to where she is now.

She sat between her captain and commander, listening as they talked idly about the next mission in the morning. Her breath caught in her throat, waiting for when she can speak up without interrupting them.

As if Levi could read her mind, he looked down at her, noting her silence during the entire dinner.

“Everything alright?” He asks, making her look up into his eyes. “Of course, why?” “I asked you a question about tomorrow, and you never responded.” He says, voice less commanding than he would to other cadets.

“I actually won’t be making it tomorrow.” His face slightly falls at this, “I’m for the most part all better with my ankle, but once in a while, I’ll have to take a small break if I’m walking or running too fast. I could make it if you really need me to, but I’m worried I’ll be more of a liability if I happen to hurt it further.” He lets a small smile to his face, looking down at her. “It’s fine, take your time to heal completely.” Her heart warms at his words, a light flush dusting her cheeks.

While he disliked that she would be missing another outing, he understood her worries. And, while he genuinely loved having her there by their side, her skills weren’t needed this time.

It was simple, they were being sent out to collect food that was believed to be left in the abandoned homes inside wall Maria.

They were able to map out a route that would hopefully be far from any Titans, if there were any, they were instructed to leave them be unless absolutely necessary.

Due to the harsh winter, it had become harder to transport food to the scouts, and many feared of the coming blizzards that would hinder any transportation.

Thus, they were going out to collect any and all cans goods they could find, just in the case that they needed it. Simple.

Her arms wrapped tightly around the pair that she’s now called her children, her three Munchkins as she calls them.

Even with all of them towering over her, she still managed to wrap them all in a group hug like it’d be the last time they saw each other again.

She knew how simple this mission was, that they would be back before she knew it, but the fear of them getting lost, hurt, or worse, clouded her mind and rang in her heart as she clutched them all together.

“Please, be safe guys.” She says, all of their eyes looking at her in question. She rolls her eyes at their confused expressions. “I know that’s idiotic to say with this job but, you you guys get what mean you aren’t stupid.” This makes all of them laugh, their heads turning when they heard another, more deep laugh approaching them. “Well I don’t know about that Y/N. They can all be rather slow at times.” Levi says, a faint line of a smirk on his lips.

Her arms wrap securely around his neck, head rested against his shoulder.

His arms wrap around the bottom of her back, nose in her hair as he breathes in the smell of spearmint from her hair wash.

“Please be careful, and come back in one piece.” She mumbled, tears brimming her eyes. “You know I’ll always make it back,” he says, heart throbbing in his chest as he hears how horse her voice is. “I know, but it still scares me cause I’m not there to protect you all.” She admits, pulling away from his shoulder as she looks into his steel eyes. “Were not going anywhere near any Titans, we’ve done things like this before and were perfectly fine. Well make it back before nightfall. Trust me.” He says, eyes looking into hers. Her heart warms in her chest at his words, a faint smile on her lips. “Alright, I trust you.”

Time seemed to drag on most of the day, her attention being on the sky above and looking out front, waiting to see their horses trucking back.

But as the sun fell and a dark curtain to cascade over the sky, her heart grew heavier with worry when there were no sight of the men.

Maybe they won’t be back until later in the night she thought, hoping that was just the case. Maybe they managed to find other things they needed so it was harder to bring back. They’ll be back by morning she hoped, that night in her knees praying, asking God to make sure they make it back.

Her heart sank in her chest when she got up that next morning, not seeing any of the horses in their stables, or anyone of them back in the large castle.

She hurried to Erwin's office, seeing him sat at his table as she entered. “Commander?” She asks, standing at his door, waiting for him to greet her. “Hm, oh yes, come in.” He says, eyes looking up from his papers.

“Have, you heard anything from the group that were sent out yesterday morning?” She asks, worry etched in her tone. A sigh leaves his lips, eyes looking back down to his papers. “We haven’t heard anything from them yet. But there’s nothing to worry about, they probably got caught in a storm and took refuge in an abandoned building for the night, they’ll be back soon.”

Soon seemed to be further than she had hoped, her mind clouding with thoughts of where they could be. Were they stuck? Did their horses run off? Did they have a run in with a group of Titans? Are they okay?

Thoughts growing only worse as the day grows on, fear bubbling up so much she felt sick that night as she prayed, tears in her eyes as she pleaded for their return.

Fear twisted her stomach as soon as she woke, hurily getting up from her bed as she looked out her window, feeling her empty stomach twist when she again, saw an empty stable.

Her feet carried her to his office, eyes trained forward as she marched to him.

It had been days, 3 to be exact since they left. She knew sometimes they took longer than planned, especially with the ever worsening weather. But she wasn’t just going to stay inside this castle like a frail princess like she red about as a child, waiting for their return.

Her fists harshly hit against his door, hearing a faint come in from behind it. Her stomach shaking.

“Again, we haven’t heard anything. You’ll be one of the firsts to know cadet.” He says as soon as she enters, not even bothering to let her ask.

“I know, that’s why I’m going out to find them.” She says, arms crossed over her chest, voice harsh as she stares at him.

His head abruptly looking up from his papers, “absolutely not cadet. That’s not only irrational to even think about, but absolutely mad to do.” “And I don’t care. They were only supposed to be gone for a day, it’s been 3 now with no word whatsoever on their condition. I’m going out and that’s on my own accord commander.” She bites back, voice just as harsh as his.

There were few times she used the tone, even fewer with the commander. But if there’s one thing that she cares more about than her life, it was those she called family. She would fight tooth and nail for them, no matter the cost.

“Do you have any idea how idiotic that would be? To go out there looking for them in this weather? What’s gotten into you?” He says, voice harsh as he stares her down.

A faint tear collects in her eyes as she visibly shakes, “you don’t think I know that? I lived in this weather as a child until I was a teen. And how dare you ask what’s gotten into me? My family, my children are out there in this weather. They are the only thing I’ve got left because my actual family died in this kind of weather. So sorry I’m concerned for them unlike you. I’m.going.”

He lets out a sigh as he rests his head in his hand, “fine, I apologize for my words. But if you are set on going, wait for morning is all I ask. Wait for sunrise tomorrow.” She lets out a deep sigh at his words, body less rigid. “Fine.”

Tears prick her eyes as she grabs the small box, opening it as tears fall down her cheeks.

There in a small frame, is a photo of a young boy, an older man who’s beard had yet to turn grey, and a frail, small woman, with a warm smile that made her eyes shine. And in the middle of them, was her.

Her parents had met as teens, falling in love at first sight and spent many years together before they bared a son, her older brother, Jeremiah.

They had her some 3 years later, a perfect family that were filled with warm hugs, kisses to their foreheads everyday, words of love every chance they could say it.

They didn’t have much, only living in a one bedroom apartment their entire lives, their parents sharing a small twin bed in what was the storage room, while her and her brother shared another in the small living room, a small kitchen, bathroom, and fireplace. It was enough though, they never were sad, or had any reason to be anything but happy.

She doesn’t have many memories of her mum, heart breaking every time she thinks of why.

Her mum worked down stares at a small diner, being the sole breadwinner due to her father being almost completely crippled due to a disease he had as a child.

It was winter, and the diner was full almost every night, her mum working long nights cooking, trying to bring in money to feed her family.

It all happened in a blur, only bits of her memory still remain from the next month. One of the worst of her life.

She was only 5 when her mum started growing ill, a nasty cough that she always shielded from her kids and husband. None of them thought it was bad, until one day she started coughing up blood, the fear in both her parents eyes as they realized what that meant, neither one of the kids knowing what had become of their beloved mummy.

She spent the next month away from all of them, locking herself in her bedroom. The young girl and boy not knowing the reason, not until later on when their father told them. She didn’t want to tell them because she knew, she wouldn’t make it.

And on one cold, December day, the coughing stopped.

The kids were overjoyed, thinking that their precious mummy was back to health and would hug her kids closely, kissing them on the forehead as she told them another fairytale.

What they didn’t know, was their mummy wasn’t all better, but rather, she couldn’t fight anymore, and let the hands of God take her soul to watch over them.

The wailes from their father as he finds his deceased wife will haunt her forever, the sound of his heart breaking as they ran in, to see their pale, sickly looking mother whose hair was matted, with blood soaking her night dress and face, tears streaming from their fathers eyes, as their small hearts broke too.

The next year again, a daily blue in her mind, as the months dragged on, until they were thrown out, none of them making enough money to stay in the place they once called home.

The next 6 months, she rememberes vividly. How cold the outside was, how people looked down at the frail children as their father did anything he could to to bring food to them every few days.

Her father never stopped loving them though, the harshness he had been dealt never chilled his heart. He still held them each night, hugging them every time he would come back, kisses to their foreheads with words of love each time he spoke to them.

It was cold, colder than any other night prior, as the three huddled around a small fire, arms clutched together as they try staying warm in the small alleyway they called home.

She remembered waking up that morning, eyes crusted over from her lashes being frozen from tears, her body feeling the coldest it had ever felt.

She tried wiggling to move, but was unable to as she saw her brothers and fathers arms enclosed around her, a small cocoon around her.

“Daddy, Jerey?” She asked, small voice hushed due to her tiredness.

She wished she hadn’t looked up, wished she didn’t see their blue, frozen faces looking down at her. A scream ripping from her throat as she looked into the closed eyes of the only family she had left, a painful reminder that, nobody is forever, that eventually, everything and everyone will die, and there’s nothing to do but to love them, as they are still alive.

She maybe got an hour of sleep, waking up every hour, looking outside and only seeing the dark sky, before rolling back over, trying to fall back asleep.

She finally decided to give up on going back to sleep, having been tossing and turning for a while.

She quickly got on her gear, reading herself and taking a tad longer than normal as to buy time before the sun could rise.

It was as if time stopped, her breath being caught in her throat as she looked out. In the mist of a heavy curtain of snow and darkness, she saw it.

Never had she ran so fast down the long stairwell, nearly jumping through them as she ran for the front doors, her heart hammering in her chest as tears clouded her vision.

As soon as she saw them, she sprinted even faster, tears nearly breaking over her eyes as she saw the shocked looks on their faces.

“MA!” Armin screamed, all 3 of them running into her warm arms. Tears finally breaking as she sobs, clutching all 3 of them as tightly as she could.

“Oh my gosh you’re okay” she sobbed, shaking in their arms as sobs wracked her body. She can’t remember the last time she held them all so close, the feeling of her heart soaring in her chest at the knowledge that they’re back and okay.

She hugged everyone close as they came in, tears soaking her face each time she pulled them in.

There was one person that she was hoping would come next, but as the numbers grew smaller, worry struck her. Was he okay? Where is he? She wondered, her heart throbbing in her chest at the mere thought that he wasn’t there.

A breath she didn’t know she was holding let out when she finally saw him. He was trailed behind everyone, tears collecting in her eyes again as she ran over to him.

She clutched him as close as she could, wrapping her arms around his Frigid body. He slightly shook in her arms, the feeling of warmth finally nearly making him collapse. “I was so scared something happened.” She whispered in his shoulder, tears falling down her cheeks. “You know I’ll always make sure we make it back, I’ll never do that to you Y/N”

Never had they seen her run so fast before, having a hard time keeping up with her small body as she ran from different rooms, collecting blankets as they all huddled around the fireplace. She resembled a chicken with its head cut off, nearly making some laugh out.

They all sat around the fire, blankets wrapped with only their heads peeking out from them. She had ran and made an emergency soup for all of them, astonishing most with how quickly she prepared it. And how much it warmed them up.

“Alright, what happened? You guys were supposed to be back days ago?” She asked, eyes searching around all of them.

Jean let out a sigh, setting his now empty dish down.

“We managed to grab a lot that day, more than we thought we would find. So it took us a while. Well, we didn’t plan for a blizzard to hit us in the middle of the day. So, we all managed to find a house that wasn’t completely torn to shreds and decided to camp out for the night. We thought we’d be back by the next day. When we got up the next morning, we saw that, all the horses froze to death, even with all the blankets we had they were all dead. We were so far out, and with the blizzard only getting worse, we had to leave almost everything we found, and walk back.”

Tears pricked her eyes as she listened, thanking the Lord that they all made it back okay. Well, almost all. Her eyes couldn’t help but look over to Levi, seeing him closest to the fire, shaking as his nose ran.

As she walked back to her room, her head whipped to the side when she heard it. A deep, painfully loud cough was heard in his office. She knew he wasn’t well, seeing the look in his eyes and how weak he looked. He hardly even ate the soup she made, nearly dropping the spoon multiple times.

She didn’t even bother to knock, knowing that he either wouldn’t hear it, or be able to respond due to the coughing fit he was having.

“Hey hey hey, get it all out.” She soothed, instantly going behind him and rubbing his back. Grabbing a tissue, placing it over his mouth as she felt him spit up the large mucus bubble from his throat.

He let out a pained groan, eyes watering as she wiped his face from all the mucus. He was hunched in his chair, papers moved to the side as to not get anything on them. His entire body felt scorching hot, nearly making her heat up herself. “Come on, let’s get you out of these clothes and into bed.” He tried protesting, but she hardly listened as she grabbed him, slowly moving him to his adjoined room.

“I’ve got, paperwork I need to get done Y/N” he groaned, but still kept on walking with her. “And they can wait, right now you need to get under some covers and rest.”

He didn’t protest again, finally giving up when she brought him in his room.

She sat him on his bed, quickly running to shut the door so no heat could escape.

She started with his boots, stripping them from his body as she slowly worked up, having to catch him a few times when his head hung too low.

She managed to strip everything but his undergarments off, a flush to her cheeks as she looked at his chiseled, fair body.

She managed to rip her mind from the feel of his soft skin when he let out a pained groan, his head in his hands as he rubbed his temples.

She delayed him down on his bed, pulling the covers away from his still scorching body. A pleasant groan leaving his lips when his body met his bed, body finally somewhat relaxing in days. A small smile on his lips.

That smile quickly morphing into a grimace when he touched his face, feeling the sweat dampening his entire body. “I feel fucking disgusting.” He groaned, voice sounding pained and muffled due to his stuffed nose. “It’s just sweat hun, you’re running a fever and it’s finally breaking.” She said, voice calming him slightly. “Doesn’t help that I still feel wet and sticky.” He said, eyes shut as to not let any of it get in his sore eyes.

She quickly left the room, running down the hall to the washroom.

She quickly came back in, his heart fluttering in his chest when he saw her and what she brought.

Clutched in her hands were a medium sized basin, a bar of soap and a washcloth. She sat it down on his table by his bed, grabbing a chair to sit in.

“I’m just gonna wash you up a bit okay, just to get all the sweat off.” She says, dampening the cloth and soap. “You don’t have to do this.” He whispered, but again, he never stopped her as she brought the cloth to him. “I know, but I want to.” She replied, a smile on her face.

A pleasant groan left his lips when she started washing his clammy stomach, feeling himself relax even further at the feel of the cloth cleaning his skin. The feel of her hands running over his skin so gently made his heart thud wildly in his chest, eyes shutting as he focused on her soft touch.

She slowly washed all of his stomach, legs, arms, now traveling up his chest and on his neck. A faint flush dusted her cheeks as she looked at his calm face, his eyes shut.

She re dampened the cloth, making sure there’s a new layer of sudds as she slowly washed over his face. A groan leaving his shut lips as she slowly washed his cheeks. A small chuckle leaving her lips. “You enjoying yourself there?” She teased, making him let out a small chuckle. “If trucking through Jack frost's backyard got me to be washed down like this, I’d do it every weekend.” He said, causing both of them to let out laughs.

Her laugh quickly stopped as her heart pained in her chest, as his body hunched over the side of the bed, hand over his chest as he coughed painfully.

Her hand rubbed at his back again, hair holding his hair from his eyes as he struggled to stop.

Her heart throbbing in her chest when she heard him struggling to breathe, now weezing out as he tried regaining air into his lungs.

“Hey hey hey sit up come on.”she quickly grabbed a hold of his chin, gently pulling him up. He finally regained air as he huffed, face flushed as tears left his eyes from the violent coughing.

Tears collected in her eyes when she looked at him, her heart burning in her chest as she watched him have a hard time breathing. “You really should go to medic hun.” She pleaded, his eyes looking into her glossy ones. “It’s pointless Y/N, they won’t be able to do anything to help me.” His voice was shaky, sounding exhausted as he shut his eyes. “Yes but they can watch over you, make sure you’re breathing alright. I’m worried if you fall asleep, you’ll-“ “It’s not what you think it is. It’s probably just a cold from being in the blizzard. I get sick really easily, my immune system is absolutely shot from how I grew up. It’s nothing what you’re thinking.” Tears now falling down her cheeks, making his chest throb in pain. “I know it’s not, but I’m still afraid of when you fall asleep.” She said, voice strained from crying. He let out a sigh, looking into her eyes as he wiped her cheeks. “Then stay.” “What?” She asked, head slightly tilted at his words. “If you're so worried about me, why not just stay. I could use the extra heat, if that’s okay with you?” He asks, eyes looking away from hers. His heart beating rapidly in his chest. A small smile grows on her lips. “Alright.”

He moved closer to the wall, letting her body get under the covers with him. He had given her one of his shirts to wear, head turned away from her as to give her privacy as she changed.

Both their hearts hammered in their chests, as she brought his head to rest against her clothed breasts. A sigh leaving his lips as he wraps his arms around her torso.

Her arms wrapped around his body, one drawing soft lines over his back, as the other cards through his greasy hair.

“Thank you.” He mumbles, eyes shut as he nearly falls under. A soft smile on her face as she looks down at him. “You’re welcome, I’ll always be here to take care of you kitty.” And with that, he finally lets himself fall under sleep, breaths evening out. She kisses the top of his head, eyes finally shutting herself.

[darkobssessions]

Coping Tips for Autistic Women

I am compiling a list of resources for aspie women along with tips to manage symptoms and navigate the world. Regretably, most of my personal experience comes from living undiagnosed and unaware about this for the last 27 years. There was a giant elephant in the room with everything, and I have only recently worked it out. This means that most of my habits prior to this point were ones attempting to cope with a giant unknown, the limits of which were unclear. But they more or less worked, because, as I am realising, there’s always been something they are attempting to address.

With other diagnoses and ways I attempted to explain and understand my difficulties, there were finite causes and treatments. I should have been improving if I tried x, y, or z. And I did improve my symptoms in many ways, but there was something missing from the picture. That is that autism is my personality, my state of being, how I process and view the world. And no tool, medication, process or treatment was ever going to change who I really was. Being misdiagnosed (or being missed and failing to receive the autism diagnosis) means that I have been trying to correct something that you cant ‘correct’, and shaming myself for something fundamentally me.

Some of the tips I learned over time, from how I am as a person, without the framework of reference of neurodivergence or autism:

Sensory:

My sensitivity has always been a big waving flag. I felt and saw things others didn’t. I felt more deeply. I sensed the microeffects and changes in everything. I responded harder and faster to any chemical, environmental shift, any positive or negative event, As we all do on the spectrum, we attempt to navigate our sensory environment. And we come up with coping mechanisms, good or bad, before or after we realise we are on the spectrum. For me this was a strong aversion to the things that upset me, that disturbed my senses. It was an orienting of myself in a way to avoid the disturbances, going inwards, withdrawing and even shutting down. I learned that I could not and did not want to handle crowds, loud places, supermarkets. I lived in a giant simulation attempting to minimise and avoid as much as possible the things that hurt. I learned that I was extremely sensitive, no one else seemed to be, and I just had to manage it. Since discovering autism in the last weeks, I am able to embrace the fact that sensory overload is a thing, and I really do feel pain in my body when things are too much and too loud, and just wearing earplugs has mitigated so much of this. I was gas lighting myself before about feeling a certain way because there was no explanation, that I was aware of anyway.

Physical:

I have had so many problems over the years, since I was a young girl. I used to get food poisoning symptoms really easily. I had hidden allergies. I remember a lot of my childhood spent doubled up with stomach pains, or having a fever. My family didn’t know any better and fed me and treated me as they did every other member. I was not the same, I did not feel the same, but I took it all in. By the time I was in my early teen years, I had cemented my aversion to certain foods, taken the only control I had at the time against an encroaching and controlling mother and turned it into anorexia. I avoided things I didn’t like, again, and set up a system of control that made more sense than the gaping wounds and confusion within me. Starvation triggered bulimia. And a viscous cycle of malnourishment and dysregulation unfolded. I didn’t learn until many, many years later that my system was so sensitive and damaged that if I tried to go back to how I used to eat as a child, I would get terrible symptoms. So my coping tips as I have healed from the eating disorders and become more aware is to figure out what the triggers are, what hurts, and to avoid it. This along with adding in nutrient dense foods and working on the deficiencies has done wonders for me. I’ve done tremendous work on my autoimmune conditions, gut problems, sensitivities and inflammation levels and the difference is like night and day. That I can induce psychotic symptoms by deviating or introducing foods I am intolerant to is no joke. The tip I can share is elimination diets truly do work, the keto diet is recommended, and eating the carnivorous way saved my life. My eating disorders for almost 15 years INCLUDING the 7.5 years I was a vegan, mostly high raw and fruitarian depleted my nutrients so badly that every symptom was enhanced 100% and I was eating pretty much ONLY food I was actually intolerant to. Ahem, plants, I’m talking to you. The peace I feel, the nourishment and rest on a nervous system level having eliminated them is unreal.

Social:

I have always known I was different, in a deep, visceral way. How the adults in my life answered questions was inadequate. I saw through people and things. I was far too intense and serious. I learned to watch and observe humans and pick up cues so as to attempt to fit in. I spent the majority of my life masking, something I am only now finding out about and unraveling. I kept notes on the human experience, and saved colours, sounds, feelings, because I felt like I couldn’t communicate the truth of myself otherwise. Over the course of my life there have been inexplicable (until now) events. Lost friendships and relationships, strings of broken promises, people not acting on what they say, confusions and miscommunications, and many dangerous situations and predatory bonds. I made what sense I could of it from whatever lens I could find. It was the trauma, it was my soul contract, it was what I deserved, it was being targeted- all close, but not quite within the realm of being so naive, open and fundamentally different as you are on the spectrum. I just always assumed everybody was like me. I had to learn the very extremely hard way that not everyone felt and thought in the same way, nor had good intentions. I still struggle with the fact that humans don’t tell the truth. It is of no relevance whether they secretly know it. Most people are more comfortable with illusions. I always knew this, but the diagnosis gives me a lot more peace around it. It’s allowing me to accept the fact that if I look around the majority of the people I see are not walking around processing and over-analysing everything, feeling sounds, decoding patterns and obsessed with hacking the code of reality. Less pressure that way, and more in the way of what can be viewed as natural interaction on my part. I will solve the mystery of the universe out loud otherwise, and get the blank looks and the discomfort. I have found my people, a tribe of likeminded individuals, I have gathered friends over the years that didn’t run from my weirdness. But I am mostly content to be on my own, knowing that I can only use what is around me to try to convey how I feel and who I really am. And that will probably be a book, a movie or a work of art, much better than a 2pm rendezvous when I can’t stop talking about the hidden signs.

Emotional:

With the intensity of my emotions I have developed borderline personality disorder as a means to cope with being autistic and not knowing. I have been diagnosed with both that and bipolar because I have intense stints of emotions. They come and go in waves, lasting hours, lasting days and weeks. I consider it to be an energy management system to cope with the demands and stressors of modern day living. Creatives always withdraw and hibernate, and come out with new insights and art to share. The way that I feel and view the world is special. It’s at the basis of my writing, what I choose to engage with and how. My emotions make me who I am. I feel intensely, I share passionately about how I feel. I snap, I break, I shutdown, I come out again and I am a bright, shooting star. There is an excited little animal that lives within me and it is the strongest most passionate thing known to man. I thought that my negative experiences or trauma killed it, but this is before I knew it IS me and cannot die. So I have stopped trying to cram these emotions in or explain them. Stopped trying to attribute them to whatever script people were following when they dealt with me. Throwing me into the depressive, anxious, panic stricken, eating disordered basket case category. The missing piece now makes so much sense. The ways I responded to being autistic were coping mechanisms, such as developing a personality disorder, to deal with the pressure. My psyche splintered under the weight. My tip here is in embracing your inner life and world, embracing that you are different, so that all of the mental and emotional acrobatics needed to attempt to explain the issues or fit in can be put to rest.

Spiritual:

Being different and feeling differently means I naturally saw and expressed things in quite a strange way. I was convinced of a secret world to reality, behind reality, living on behind a paper shell, so to speak, that would rip if only I could reach out and tear it aside. That conviction was rewarded as year after year my awareness grew, my gifts multiplied, and the experiences I had revealed to me the hidden hand of god. There was very much design to the universe, a pattern, weaving through all things. And i was a part of it, not some discarded afterthought or simple byproduct that had no place. In the early years, I kept my convictions to myself, nursed them with experience. I died a thousand deaths in dark nights of the soul, crashing against the turf of my ignorance. I broke open, and everything I had been so sure of as a child was revealed to me again and again. I was convinced I had a purpose, I could feel the deep tides of human emotion and motion, could feel into the genetic sequence that had birthed me. I felt like an alien, but that slowly over time the map of my operation was being revealed to me. This is what it feels like so many years later to stand here and find out about being autistic and realise that how I felt in my soul all these years was real, and that I can begin to truly fulfill this mission now, to share my experience in words I know others will understand because they feel the same way too. It was the challenges that I never understood, while the gifts were the reason to stay alive. My message to myself and others now is that there is a point, a reason to persevere and understand yourself more. The suffering reveals so much of the true state of things, so that we can protect our tender hearts and build new things that honour who we really are, our souls. 

Resources, movies, literature to follow. I just wanted to share something of a summary now of my realisations since coming home to myself.

[neworleansspecial]

Summary: An instagram post Marjan makes is interpreted as a coming out post. This was not her intention.

WC: 1.6k | AO3

Warnings: Internalized Homophobia

This is quite possibly the worst outcome Marjan can think of. She posted the roller derby photos because her feed has been quite dead since the whole “cancelling of firefox” thing that happened. It’s something non-controversial, and she loves to show off her brilliant team mates in the way that she assumes most people feel about their friends. She wants the world to see these talented, confident, beautiful women the way she sees them. Marjan spent a few minutes meticulously tagging each member of the team in the photos she posted, lining up each black bar with the correct face. She figures it’s a good appreciation of these women.

What happens instead of her friends being showered in compliments is speculation Marjan could have never, ever predicted. She knows that many of her fans are gay, particularly gay young women. Young lesbians. It’s a fact that she keeps in the back of her mind for no reason at all other than to just know it. This majority, however, make themselves known in the aftermath of the photos being posted. 

Marjan reads a comment that simply states, “ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!” followed by a bunch of heart emojis and wonders what it means. One of what? She scrolls through the thousands of comments on her post and tries to make sense of them when she realizes the error she’s made. 

The team photo on the first slide was when they all went to pride together, since most of the members of the roller derby team are LGBT+ and wanted to go as a group. Marjan went as an ally, but failed to clarify this point when she posted it. The thought smacks her in the face. 

People think this post was her coming out.

And it’s too late to take it back, but Marjan deletes the post the moment she connects the dots. Her first thought is for her family, who follow her on instagram. Her mother. Her siblings. They likely already saw. Marjan can just imagine the horror in her mother’s voice over the phone, asking Marjan if it’s true. One of her little sisters is still in high school, she could get bullied if anyone thinks that she might be related to a gay person. It’s going to be a disaster. 

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!”

“Marjan?”

She looks up to see Mateo peeking into the bunk room. He looks concerned. 

“Cap sent me to get you for dinner. Are you okay?”

“It’s nothing,” she lies, quickly putting her phone into her pocket. “Paul cooked, right? So it should be pretty good.”

Mateo easily moves on from his first question, chatting about the salad he helped make to go with dinner, and Marjan is able to just nod along to his words without really paying attention or responding. She’s in so much trouble. The last time she checked, there’s already a handful of articles about her photo. People know. It’s only a matter of time before everyone she’s ever met to know about the alleged coming out. Just thinking about it has Marjan’s eyes stinging with tears. 

By the time she sits down in her seat at the table, she can feel all their eyes on her. Being calm and collected is kind of her thing, and she feels so unbearably seen right now, in ways she’s never wanted to be. They all wait for her to speak, but once they realize she’s not going to on her own, Paul reaches across the table to take one of her hands. 

“Marjan, what’s wrong? We’re all here for you.”

She glances around at them. They could dismiss her in disgust easily. But she knows TK is gay, and everyone seems okay with it. At the very least, she knows TK won’t let them say anything too bad about the situation. 

“I posted some roller derby photos, on instagram. Um, one of them was from pride.”

Mateo’s face lights up. “That was such a cool day! It was my first time going to pride, since I wasn’t, like, out before. I can see why you’d wanna post those photos.”

“People think it was a coming out post.” She glances around the table to see neutral faces. “They think I’m gay.”

At that, TK stabs his fork particularly hard into his dinner and shoots a look at her. “And what’s wrong with being gay, Marj?”

His words get Mateo’s attention, honing in on the hurt and the concept that Marjan could be something less than accepting. Mateo’s self-discovery of bisexuality is recent, recent enough that he’s still rather insecure in his open identity. She doesn’t want him to think she cares about this sort of thing, even if she kind of does. But only when it’s her. Other people can be gay, or bi, but she knows it’s not something that’s allowed to her. Her family would be devastated.

“Is there something wrong?” Mateo asks. 

Marjan rushes to say no as Judd lowers his head and folds his hands like he’s praying. 

“It’s not that, it’s just… I…”

“Are you?” Paul asks.

Everyone’s attention snaps to him, and then to Marjan. She can almost feel the blood drain from her face as they all turn with the same look on their face, the same question. It’s all a given what they’re asking. What they want to know. She can’t handle their rejection for this. 

“Marjan,” he says gently, “it’s okay if you’re LGBT. You know that us, of all people, are going to love and support and defend you no matter what.”

Marjan stands up from the table, her chair scooting back loudly. “I need some air.”

She all but runs to the stairs, hopping down each step to get to the doors on the first floor to the cool outside air. It’s a relief against her suddenly flushed cheeks. She knows she can’t be gay. It’s not allowed. She had a fiancé for most of her life. It was always a given that she’d marry a man, one of her family’s choosing, without much of her say in the matter. Of course she could veto someone, or say they weren’t right for her, but the fact is that her husband was always going to be chosen for her. There’s been no room, no time, for her to consider any other romantic pursuits, especially with a woman.

For the very first time, Marjan allows herself to think about that. About women, and the possibility of being in a romantic relationship with a woman. In her mind’s eye, the woman is generic. Dark hair, big eyes, soft skin. There’s no face, just the imagined feeling of curves under her hands, perhaps the softness of a breast pressed to her palm. Thinking about this for the very first time as a possibility overwhelms her with its suddenness. She feels especially guilty when the imagined woman begins to take the shape of one of her friends. This isn’t right. This is perverse, an intrusion, worse than peeping. 

She feels sick to her stomach as she sinks to sit against the wall. This isn’t okay. She should’ve never posted that picture, and then people wouldn’t be saying these things about her. If they never said those things, she wouldn’t be having the most upsetting realization of her life right now either. 

Marjan isn’t sure how long she’s sitting out on the asphalt before Paul comes out and joins her, taking a seat at her side. His warm shoulder meets hers in a silent comfort for nearly five full minutes before he speaks. 

“I was already an adult when I realized,” he says to her. “I didn’t ‘always know,’ at least not in my conscious mind. It wasn’t until I was already out in the world as a firefighter that I truly realized who I was, and that was really scary. I had a long road ahead of me, with a lot of self-discovery, and I had a lot of people to tell. I was terrified.”

“How did you know?” Marjan asks. “That you really are trans?”

Paul sighs. “I didn’t. I questioned it a lot when I was first beginning my transition. For some people, they just know, and they have for a long time, but I was both certain that I was a man and worried that I was doing it for attention. It was hard. I went to therapy for a long time, to understand myself and to help me do what was best for myself. I had a lot of internalized transphobia to work through. On top of that, I had thought I was a lesbian for a long time before I realized I wasn’t, so I kind of understand what you might be going through. Questioning your gender and your sexuality are really similar in a lot of ways, but incredibly different in others. Regardless of your journey, Marjan, whether you’re straight or not, it’s going to take a lot of reflection. All of us here at the 126 have your back. If you need to listen, or talk, or just be distracted, we’re all here for you. We love you, Marj. I love you. And if you need anything, I’m here.”

She leans into his side and he puts an arm around her for the closest approximation of a hug they can manage while sitting side-by-side on the ground. Marjan knows she has a long path ahead of her of understanding her sexuality, and not just in terms of orientation. What she wants in a relationship and how to have one are things she doesn’t really understand yet, and that’s something she’s going to have to confront to move forward in her life. She’s scared of what it means for her future. She’s scared of what her family will think. She’s scared of what the world will think. But as she sits beside Paul, it is clear that there are people who are going to support her no matter what. 

With that, she may be able to learn this about herself.