#hayffie musings

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

I’m feeling nostalgic

…for the months I was writing about hayffie.

I don’t really know how I could feel nostalgic for that time in my life when I was so unwell and so isolated by disability and sociopolitical madness. But I’m remembering when those muses spoke to me as if they were my friends. My body was in my bed, but my heart-mind was in North Carolina, Canada, Colorado… Panem.

I’m remembering the way the muses helped me transmute grief and integrate trauma and heal my body. I’m feeling sad that they don’t tell me their stories anymore and that I left the ones I started unfinished.

I don’t know what all stops me now from putting my fingers on the keys and writing whatever comes. I miss the feeling of inspiration. I miss the feeling of the flow, and that intimacy with divinity. I miss the feeling of possibility that someone is waiting to embrace whatever story I may tell.

If I’m going to write again, it needs to be in the feeling of meaningful work, not in escape or intoxication. And I don’t know if I can access the former. I don’t know what my capacity is for meaningful work. I don’t even know what that means to me now.

What if I wrote a novel? What if I actually did the thing on my vision board from 6 years ago? What do I care enough about now to write in novel form? Would it feel good to do? Would it be good enough in the end to make the effort (the stillness of my body) worthwhile?

[ellanainthetardis]

Just a little something post MJ that’s more focused on Katniss and Effie’s relationship than hayffie but still there is some hayffie for you in there ;) I’m not that cruel.

Beverage Choices

It wasn’t so unusual for Effie to find one of her former victors in her kitchen first thing in the morning that she was surprised when she saw Katniss sitting at the round table, a cup of coffee clutched between her hands.

“I hope you left some for me, dear.” she hummed, still not quite awake. She was never awake before her morning coffee.

“In the pot.” Katniss mumbled.

Effie darted a glance at the old clock on the wall, musing it was entirely too early for any of them to be up. Dawn was barely poking in the horizon, she saw, when she passed by the window over the sink. Haymitch would sleep for hours yet because he still preferred to sleep when it was light and she should have been snuggled up against him at least for another couple of hours. Nightmares had kept her up all  night though. And she didn’t feel like lying in bed, mulling over bad things she couldn’t control.

READ MORE on ff or HERE on AO3

[fogmade-a]

💘

MULTIMUSE MEME.  ━ @wisdomrisen​

💘: which muse have you written the longest ?

That’d be Haymitch !  I created @outsmarting-others about three years ago, though I had Robert Downey Jr. as fc for him.  I abandoned the blog for about a year and instantly changed his faceclaim to David when I returned.

[dazeyrains-blog]

Everybody needs somebody...

Y'all know I love a good bunker story. Haymitch/ Katniss friendship central. #Hayffie implied. During the 13 days. Bomb shelter/ bunker.

....

The torch and the cat had been entertaining for at least 2 minutes until the soft light on darkness had lulled Katniss into a memory she'd rather not have remember right now. Her and Peetas first kiss, in the cave, in their first games...

Prim took the torch from her hand, pulling her from her thoughts

"Take a walk" Prim whispered, ever the wisest of all of them. Katniss took her sisters advice and walked away, leaving Prim as the new torch bearer for the cat shadow puppetry.

She wandered in and out of the beds at first, slow and quiet... but every one wanted to say hi or smile and she only had so many more smiles left tonight before she might go insane so she gave a few curt nods before veering right, heading towards the pipes that ran to the back of the room and following them like they were a puzzle waiting to be solved. The pipes were cool and wet as the bunker was hot and stuffy, so she enjoyed running her fingers along them as she walked, tracing her path to the end of the room.

The few more beds she passed must have noticed her forced occupance, with the pipes, as they let her be and kept their smiles and hello's for another time.

Coming to where the pipes ended and disapeard into another wall, Katniss brought her attention back to the room and looked to the bed closest to her, recognising the old brown, scuffed boots resting at the bottom. Beside them, a new set of boots, clearly too big for the wearer, tucked closely beside the brown, the wearer being Effie, who seemed sound asleep, comfortably upon Haymitchs chest.

He felt the bed dip slightly and snorted awake.

"Sorry" Katniss whispered "Didn't mean to wake you"

"S'ok" Haymitch shrugged, unconsciously squeezing Effie closer.

"You mind if I sit here for a bit"

"Don't mind at all, sweetheart. Clearly" he chuckled, cocking a grin towards the sleeping ex escort in his arms.

"Yeah...what's going on here?" Katniss mused. Haymitch shrugged unphased by the situation

"She wouldn't sleep, she was too scared the roof was gonna fall on her head" he said. Katniss noticed the subtle way he ran his hand down Effies arm protectively "Said I'd keep her company, keep first watch on that there roof"

"You almost fell asleep too though"

"Don't tell Effie that girl, you know she'll kick my ass"

Katniss laughed

"Yeah. She will"

They smiled at one another, sharing a mutual affection for the woman asleep in Haymitchs arms. It was the quietest she'd ever been.

"You're missing the boy" Haymitch said. It wasn't a question, more of a statement...

Katniss didn't want to talk about it. She wanted to follow the pipes back the other way to see where they finished again.

After a beat, she turned back to her mentor and gestured towards Effie

"Everybody needs a somebody"

Haymitch snorted a laugh

"This is nothing"

"Doesn't look like nothing, you two seem pretty cosy to me"

Katniss wasn't teasing or making a snide comment, it was a genuine observation...

She continued on after he refused to comment

"She cares for you. We all see that. And that makes you pretty lucky, Haymtich"

"You think...?"

"I know. Everybody needs somebody. Why not be each other's somebody?"

Haymitch raised a brow

"What are you implying, kid?"

Katniss laughed

"Nothing. Just observing. She feels safe with you"

"I'm just keeping the calm"

"Maybe." Katniss replied "But I don't seen anyone else falling asleep, safe in your arms Haymtich. Cherish these moments..."

Suddenly Katniss felt a darkness hover over her "Only we lucky few get to share them"

She stretched as Haymitch pondered and then she got to her feet.

"Take care of each other"

Haymitch nodded, dipping his head to check Effie was still asleep.

"We will..."

Satisfied and done with conversation for now, Katniss nodded her approval and walked away, back to the pipes, following them the other way.

Effie stirred and Haymitch held her tighter until she settled again, her hand slid further around his torso, hugging him tight.

It was food for thought, him and her. But for now, it was time to get some shut eye before she woke again...

And kicked his ass.

[allonsysilvertongue]

Seasons

The Ballad of A Drunk & His Lady: Seasons

Sorry this came a day later! This is for the first day of the Hayffie Week :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The trains came and went, as did the seasons. 

Each summer, each bloom of the flower, each floating of a snow flake often left him emptier than before.

Wrapped in his winter jacket, Haymitch trudged through the thick blanket of snow that had fallen over Twelve since the night before. He took in the sight, let his hand sweep over it to feel the wetness on his palm as the snow melts. Should have worn gloves, he mused but he was used to the cold. 

Twelve had never seen snow this white, uncontaminated and unpolluted before. Never. It was so pure. Since the charcoal factories were destroyed during the war and no one had bothered to rebuild them up again once people started moving in, the ashes couldn’t stain the snow. 

It was for the best. 

They should focus on some other trade. Something that wouldn’t kill the boys and men; something that wouldn’t leave women to become widows and childless. 

Haymitch eventually reached the train station and as was his habit, he settled down on one of the benches he often occupied during his monthly vigil. 

Sometimes, he could see the look of pity on Katniss’ face – this foolish old man, waiting on something that was never going to be his – but he would ignore it. Peeta was always full of hope, always giving him unsolicited words of assurance that it wouldn’t all be in vain. The boy would pack some bread for him so Haymitch wouldn’t be hungry during his wait, and Katniss would often make her displeasure known.

“Stop encouraging him,” she would snap at Peeta. “Don’t you see what it’s doing to him?”

Haymitch waited. 

In all honesty, he wasn’t expecting this month to be any different. Soon enough, the sun gave way and the night set in. The last train entered the station for the night. His last hope – if he was the sort – after six trains had docked and departed. 

He watched as people alighted and boarded, watched every face as he searched for a familiar one. In the end, he sighed and stood up, ready to leave. 

“Nothing, Mr Abernathy?” a man asked from the guard house.

“It would seem so,” he answered gruffly. “Maybe next time - tell me when the alcohol comes in though.”

“Will do,” the man nodded. 

He walked away until a voice stopped him cold.

“Still drinking,” it said, sounding amused. “Hello, Haymitch.”

His breath bitched, heart lodged in his throat. Sounded like a dream. 

Raising his head, he turned over his shoulder to see the person he had been waiting for standing right there, holding on to a lone suitcase. 

“Hello, sweetheart,” he schooled his facial expression. “Finally found your way, huh?”

“I wasn’t lost. I just needed time.”

“It’s winter again,” he told her and wanted to kick himself right after. Of course she was aware of it – why did he have to say that?

He left her behind to take Katniss home during one of the Capitol’s winter. She had told him then that she needed time and since then, two winters had passed.

“And yet you waited…” 

It sounded more like a question than a statement. As if she was unsure if he wanted her around.

“Ain’t got nothing else to do,” he shrugged. “Besides the geese.  Gave me something to look forward to.”

She smiled and he released a breath, feeling himself relax. He would have waited for her throughout all the seasons if he had to.

[savvylark]

Everlark Author Tag

@creamytinydays thank you for tagging me! We were hit pretty hard with sickness so this was delayed. If anyone is interested in what I have to say...

1.     What inspired you to start writing Everlark fanfiction?

I used to make up my own fictional stories in jr. high, the romantic interest just happened to sound a little like a Peeta Mellark type character (and this was the early 2000's). I took a few creative writing electives in high school and my love for writing and poetry grew.

Like a lot of us, I started reading fanfiction wanting MORE after the epilogue. I actually read one particular Everlark fic, the author prefaced that she was writing for fun, what she wanted to read. It wasn't particularly talented writing, it didn't have a high number of kudos but it was a great story that was fun to read, and I still think about it. That's what gave me the confidence to post something I dreamed up and wrote. It was an outlet, a therapy for me.

2.     How did you choose your handle name (tumblr, ao3, ff)?

Savvy - Implies that I know what I'm doing. 😉 It could be sarcastic, but it's also my nickname.

Lark - Something done for fun, especially something mischievous or daring; an amusing adventure or escapade. It's a songbird and gives the imagery of flying free. Also the ending of Mellark so that was a nod to Peeta.

3.     Any other THG pairings you ship?

Odesta is solid in my mind, that steady couple. I guess I tend to put Gale with Madge, or Bristol, maybe that's my lack of creativity. I also like Madge with Johanna or Delly. Hayffie, sure.

4.      Favorite character to write?

Katniss and Peeta, and for them to be themselves the dynamic has to be similar, in my mind. Katniss has to have a little sister she protects. Katniss needs that male best friend, these things make her who she is. Peeta needs older brothers, and a responsibility to put on a happy face because of his family. A mask of friendliness to hide the darkness he struggles with inside. Can you tell I really like these characters?

5.     Weird habits while writing?

I rush, trying to get the idea out in a haphazard frantic way in the roughest first stage, like I'm just possessed by a muse. I write an idea, a visual, a scene, then a few building block scenes.

I'm also very visual, so I need to search pictures and images, landscapes, settings, posture, outfits. Pinterest is my friend. Coffee is also my friend. For whatever reason I'm more inspired at night.

6.     Any advice for other Everlark writers?

Don't compare yourself to writers who have been doing it so much longer than you have. Don't write for the kudos, likes or comments. Write what you want to read and put out into the world. And DON'T be afraid to post your work. People will gobble it up, new ideas breath life into other authors a well, you do a lot of good by creating, for others and for your own soul.

Message me if you want a nudge. 😉

7. Favorite thing about our fandom?

The overall message that we need "the dandelion in the spring" seems to be deeply ingrained in the fandom. It seems many have been dealt a poor hand, the odds weren't in our favor and life was very hard at one point or another, yet that message of hope, that resilience seems to be in every person in the fandom, some of the most talented writers have amazing stories themselves. THAT is inspiring and beautiful!!

Tagging: @katnissdoesnotfollowback @javistg @justajjfan  @awkwardeverlark @sunsetsrmydreams and anyone else who wants to. :)

Copy and paste or reblog. Tag it with #everlarkauthor

[hayffiebird]

@ellanainthetardis replied to your post

I'd say finish it if you want to and have the muse. Then if you don't want to risk it you can always post somewhere like deviant art or ao3 and link it here so people find it...

Yeah, it’s good to know there are options if worse comes to worst. :/ I’ll probably post it and see what happens. What I’m most worried about is my hayffie multi-chap “Taste of Strawberries”, primarily the chapter in progress cause it’ll be full of lemons (to use the old word.) Have spent the evening doing a few extra back-ups of my fics just to be safe. Cause even if the new guidelines say written erotica will still be permitted I can’t say I’m ready to believe them just yet. *sighs* This is all so stupid!

[everyturnanycost]

LIST OF RP FAVORITES AND LEAST FAVORITES !  / repost, do not reblog.

tagged by: jesus herself @othcrsidex​ <3

tagging: idk @mcthersguilt @certiorarias​ @soldiiermade​ @noulaikkwelnes​ @icymenace @oceansburned @agcntstarbuck

FIRST NAME:  lucy! FAVORITE FCS TO PLAY:  henry ian cusick, alan alda, colin firth, robert downey jr., woody harrelson, patrick duffy, paige turco, charles dance, aidan gillen, jeff daniels, maggie smith, mads mikkelsen, amanda abbington, sigourney weaver, jessica lange, cate blanchett, alan alda FAVORITE SHIP YOU’VE EVER HAD:  hayffie, kabby, and hayniss take the cake. also trikey from gtav. fuck i love that ship. also pepperony ngl. FAVORITE FANDOM YOU’VE BEEN IN:  honestly. the hunger games fandom was the greatest. it’s where i met @oceansburned​ & @agcntstarbuck​ <3 also this fandom, but the hunger games. what great people ugh FAVORITE SONG TO GIVE YOU MUSE:  fuck. right now? either history has its eyes on you from hamilton or through the valley by shawn james. LEAST FAVORITE FCS TO PLAY/PLAY AGAINST:  i can’t really think of any, honestly. LEAST FAVORITE RP EXPERIENCE: ummmmmmm lmao about four years ago i think when i literally lost my chill. wasn’t pretty. LEAST FAVORITE GENRE OF WRITING: honestly smut. which is why i don’t do it that often anymore. like. okay. i like writing it, but i really have to be in the mood for it and that mood is EXTREMELY fleeting. maybe a day, two or three at the MOST. so. yeah lmao. and those threads usually get dropped like that. unless the smut’s like. idk plotted out i guess. idk. i just kinda don’t really like writing it anymore whoops. LEAST FAVORITE FANDOM YOU’VE BEEN IN: ummmmmm i don’t have one???? idk i can’t think of-- oh. just kidding i can. it’s fucking d.octor w.ho lmao LEAST FAVORITE THING PEOPLE ASSUME ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER: okay i really don’t care what other people assume about marcus, if i think you’re wrong you probably are lmao but what i really don’t fucking like or what just. irks me to this day is when people still call him kane. like ok thats fine and all if we were still in season 1/part season 2. but we’re not and he’s more than just kane now so please call him marcus thank you goodbye OTHER CHARACTERS YOU’D LIKE TO PLAY:  still lowkey wanna write lexa but i’m too lazy to make icons so lmao rip. also nia. but we have kelly and she’s incredible as nia so <3

MUSE PREFERENCES: females / males / canons / ocs / corrupted / good / live action / animated / human / supernatural / other species / hopeless romantic / averse to love / younger (15-25) / older (25+) / easy for you to relate to / hard for you to relate to.

PLOT IDEAS: accidentally married / affairs / age gaps ( legal though… ) / angst /apocalypse / arranged marriage / boarding school / college roommates / criminals / enemies to lovers / enemies with benefits / exes / fake relationship / fluff / forbidden relationship / friends with benefits / online relationships / pregnancy / prison / professor/student / road trips / rich kids / royalty / smut / supernatural / toxic relationships.

POSSIBLE TRIGGERS IN PLOTS YOU’RE OKAY WITH: abuse / bdsm / daddy kink ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) / drinking / drugs / dub-con / gore / incest / kidnapping / murder / non-con / prostitution / stepcest / stockholm syndrome / torture.

[missppxtts-a]

LIST OF RP FAVORITES AND LEAST FAVORITES ! / repost, do not reblog. TAGGED BY.  @shewolveriine​​ TAGGING. @snarkofstark​ @pianomxn​ @pepperpxtts​ & whoever wants to do it

FIRST NAME:  going by Gin FAVORITE FCS TO PLAY:  gwyneth, sophie turner, lena headey, elizabeth banks FAVORITE SHIP YOU’VE EVER HAD: pepperony with @snarkofstark​, pepper x drew(oc) with @pianomxn​, donna x doctor, time x white queen, hayffie, wisteria(oc) x legolas (bc brOTP) FAVORITE FANDOM YOU’VE BEEN IN: i honetsly think that would be Marvel, Tolkien & Doctor Who. that’s been the three i’ve been rping in the longest. FAVORITE SONG TO GIVE YOU MUSE:  i have so many okay... too many to list them all but ‘ elastic heart - sia ‘ is right at the top. otherwise, 80s/90s/early 2000s songs. LEAST FAVORITE FCS TO PLAY/PLAY AGAINST: boy/girl group fcs, otherwise i couldn’t name one rn o.o LEAST FAVORITE RP EXPERIENCE:  a former rp partner blackmailed and threatened a good friend of mine, and it was just a really tough time. around the same time i lost my muse for two dear muses... or: a former rp partner with the same muse as mine (who’s been a close friend of mine) pretty much ‘ stole ’ my partners so i eventually decided to drop my muse. LEAST FAVORITE GENRE OF WRITING: i just really don’t enjoy writing just one genre in one thread. that’s boring to me and makes me lose interest really quick.  LEAST FAVORITE FANDOM YOU’VE BEEN IN: i wouldn’t say i have a least favorite fandom, but for me the hardest to get in and actually find partners to write with has been the tolkien fandom.  LEAST FAVORITE THING PEOPLE ASSUME ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER: that pepper is oh so abusive and greedy - that she is absolutely no good for tony - and that she isn’t important at all.  OTHER CHARACTERS YOU’D LIKE TO PLAY:   you mean like, too many?? i’d love to write some of my former muses again like: my former alien oc, effie trinket, donna noble... but also characters like: sansa stark, narcissa malfoy, gabrielle (xena:wp), alice cullen, deanna troi, etc. 

and, for the bonus round, bold whatever rp-related things appeal to you from the list below!

MUSE PREFERENCES: females / males / canons / ocs / corrupted / good / live action / animated/human / supernatural / other species / hopeless romantic / averse to love / younger (15-25) / older (25+) / easy for you to relate to / hard for you to relate to.

PLOT IDEAS: accidentally married / affairs / age gaps / angst / apocalypse / arranged marriage / boarding school / college roommates / criminals / enemies to lovers / enemies with benefits / exes / fake relationship / fluff / forbidden relationship / friends with benefits / online relationships / pregnancy / prison / professor/student / road trips / rich kids / royalty / smut / supernatural / toxic relationships.

POSSIBLE TRIGGERS IN PLOTS YOU’RE OKAY WITH: abuse / bdsm / daddy kink / drinking / drugs / dub-con / gore / incest / kidnapping / murder / non-con / prostitution / stepcest / stockholm syndrome / torture

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

The moment Effie starts to reevaluate her desire to be promoted to a “better” district...

“‘Hey, Effie, watch this!’ says Peeta. He tosses his fork over his shoulder and literally licks his plate clean with his tongue making loud, satisfied sounds. Then he blows a kiss out to her in general and calls, ‘We miss you, Effie!’”

Effie huffs a moment at the pairing of her name with an intentional display of bad manners. Her embarrassment eases though, the longer the words echo in her mind... We miss you, Effie. No tribute has ever said that to her before. She wouldn’t have expected it. She tries to recall the last time ANYONE told her she’s missed. She can’t remember.

“That boy has picked up YOUR sarcasm along with your manners!” she chastises Haymitch.

“I doubt that. Even in that arena, he’s not playing games. If he says he misses you, then he probably does.”

Effie locks eyes with Haymitch. Hers are wider and softer than usual. Tears well up. “That dear boy. Of course he does.”

Haymitch has thought the same words, about missing Effie, more often than he’d admit. In fact, he wouldn’t admit to thinking the words at all. Effie has a way of taking up space inside him. It happens whether he likes it or not. Fortunately he usually likes it. He’d never admit that either.

Missing her sometimes is like breathing. It just happens — even when he’d rather it stop. Even in the dark hours back at home when the power’s out and the candles burn low and the liquor isn’t doing its job. He misses her especially then.

In the darkness of that cave, it makes sense that those kids miss her too. Maybe even the girl, if she thinks about it. Haymitch says none of this to Effie. With those wigs and all, her head is already swollen enough. The last thing he needs is his regard for her to be adding to her opinion of herself.

He watches her smile at the screen. Those kids are changing her, for better or worse. Which it is remains to be seen.

[ellanainthetardis]

Prompt: Hi! First of all I want to tell you that I love your writing! second I would like to know if you can take into account this idea "Hayffie having a heated kissing session on the sofa" all this after MJ. And third, I apologize for my super bad English, I am not good at all. I hope and take into account my comment.

Telling Her

Effie Trinket has not been a stranger after the war, as promised.

But, Haymitch muses, she isn’t around enough for him to get used to this: stepping into his living-room to find her curled up on his couch, in a borrowed sweater that’s too big for her and falls off a shoulder, transfixed by the trashy romance novel in her hand.

He knows it’s a trashy romance novel because the cover is very pink and because that’s the only thing thicker than a magazine she will consent to read. Before the war, he’d have concluded she’s just stupid and not look any further than that, now he knows exactly just how clever she is and he wonders if that’s part of the act she cannot quite relinquish yet.

She isn’t an escort anymore, she hasn’t been since that day Katniss murdered Coin, but she is the Secretary of Communication’s Chief of Staff – which is probably not that different from being an escort – and that still implies a certain amount of… spectacle.

He hates her job.

READ MORE on ff or HERE on AO3

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

Shopping trips

Effie: Why in the world do you want to travel all the way to District 10 to buy more geese?? The ones we have make too much noise as it is!

Haymitch: There’s a hatchery there that sells Sebastopols.

Effie: Sebastopols? What’s so special about them?

Haymitch (shows her a brochure): They’ve got unique feathers. Curly and loose.

Effie: Whatever are you thinking?! What are you going to do with feathers like that?

Haymitch: I figure you might want to use them for a sewing project.

Effie: Hmmm. Do you have something particular in mind?

Haymitch (thought bubble with a very clear image): I’m sure you’ll come up with something. Oh, and while I’m gone, how about you go buy that pink couch...

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

Hayffie headcanon/character analysis

This may or may not be a popular perspective, but it’s my view nonetheless. Before starting up with Effie, I think Haymitch is relatively sexually inexperienced. After his Games and throughout his 20s and 30s, he’s mostly reclusive and constantly dissociating in alcohol. The intent of sex, when he has it, is not about connection, rather it’s to numb himself so he feels less the constant pain of his emotions.

In those decades, I imagine he’s self-focused with the women he fucks. He makes sure they’re consenting, which is certainly not difficult for him to find, but he doesn’t prioritize their pleasure alongside his. His mindset is, “An orgasm for you is not my responsibility, sweetheart. If you want one, then have one.”

When it comes to Effie, he’s effectively already been in this rather intense working partnership with her for years. He knows her well. And when their relationship becomes sexual, he’s everything but numb. He’s unwittingly flooded with emotions that, for years moving forward, he doesn’t allow himself to define and basically tries not to think about. He doesn’t want fleeting escape in her body. He wants the feelings that he’s having; he just doesn’t want to think about what they could mean for him or her. His desire for what he feels quietly scares the shit out of him.

I see Haymitch in a kind of second adolescence with Effie. Often when people go through intense trauma, especially attachment trauma, while their brains are still in early life (before age 21 or so), their relational development and other forms of development can be arrested until that trauma starts to become integrated. I imagine this having happened to Haymitch.

After the revolution, I picture him slowly evolving a capacity for emotionally charged sexual connection. He’s starving for it, and with Effie he feels increasingly safe to allow it. And, damn, it’s delicious — she’s delicious in a way he hasn’t known before.

For the first time in his adult life, he’s thinking about the experience that his partner is having during sex. He doesn’t simply get off on her expressing pleasure. He wants her to feel pleasure for her own sake, because he cares about her much more deeply than he’s willing to admit.

I think she shakes him up like crazy, and he starts to envy every relationship she had before or during their evolving relationship. He’s jealous of the experiences she’s had without him which have shaped her into a savvy, embodied, and surprisingly wild partner. She’s the first for him in certain ways that he’s not the first for her. And that reality makes him want her more... No more firsts for her with anyone but me.

I think the reason he’s envious and resentful is because he’s fairly clueless about the full nature of the torch she’s carried for him nearly forever. I imagine it’s very hard for her to be patient. Because she’s been crushing on then loving him for so long. Please love me. But if you don’t, then at least fuck me like a grown up who *pretends* to love the person he’s fucking.

She takes what he has the capacity to give her. Receiving even that much in the beginning is madness. But of course she wants more. She’s Effie; she wants the dream, and she knows she deserves it. She grows increasingly impatient for him to recognize and acknowledge that what he’s actually doing is not just fucking her or falling for her, but already loving her. The falling happened while he was so busy trying to deny it.

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

“So proud... You both deserved so much better.”

Woody is dynamite in this scene. He portrays Haymitch stoically swallowing his emotions (19 seconds into this) as Effie voices the words he feels too and probably wouldn’t be able to say himself without breaking down as she does.

And look at him. Geez. That shirt. So hot.

If he and Effie didn’t spend part of that night before the 75th games together, I’d be shocked. There’s just too much shared feeling to stay alone. As she walks away, he knows he’s going to go check on her later, after giving that gold bangle to Finnick and making sure all other plans are in place.

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

“(Effie) pulls out her schedule and begins to work out how the delay will impact every event for the rest of our lives. Finally I just can’t stand to listen to her anymore.

‘No one cares, Effie!’ I snap. Everyone at the table stares at me, even Haymitch, who you think would be on my side in this matter since Effie drives him nuts.”

— Catching Fire

***

Later (deleted scene)...

Haymitch (whispers to Katniss): Here’s the deal. I’m on your side. My future wife drives me nuts. When you snapped at her, did I look appropriately shocked?

Katniss: You were pretty convincing. Next time try dropping your jaw a bit.

Haymitch (demonstrates): Like this?

Katniss: On second thought, the blank stare works better. You nailed it.

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

Hayffie = #2 (i.e. trauma reenactment)

My Hayffie fics and headcanons are rooted in my perception of Haymitch and Effie in emotional addiction (which is also referred to using many other terms).

On a personal note, 1-5 don’t interest me anymore in my own life. Partly because of years of self-recovery work. Partly because emotional drugs don’t really exist where I live the valley of the shadow of death. That said, I enjoy writing Hayffie, in particular, so in that sense I’m *feeling* the emotions I write for them. But it’s a much more academic experience than actually being on the roller coaster of emotional addiction.

Most people find my inner life somewhere on the spectrum from boring to disturbing, depending on their sensitivities. I lost the friends who used to get high from relating with me and visa versa. I don’t miss those people, but I don’t like feeling the void they used to play a role in filling.

Still, there are much worse pains than anything that lies in the void.