#acoa

[moonlit-positivity]

Somebody might need to hear this: hey. That was a really scary thing you had to go through. What an awful feeling to be carrying around. So deep inside where no one can hurt you like that ever again. If no one else has ever told you this before then I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you made it. And I'm so fucking sorry you had to see it to begin with. You absolutely did not need to see that. Not ever.

[stargirlie25]

Me through reading all the ACOTAR books.

ACOTAR: Ew Nesta and Elain are so annoying. This is going to be the best series, Feyre is such a baddie! Awww feylin so cute! DAMN LUCIENNN. I know she ends up with Rhysand but im not vibing with him......how can ACOMAF excuse this?

ACOMAF: Ohk feysands kinda cute but i dont think we can justify all that....Oooooo Cassian and azrielllllll! Awww i hope Mor and Azriel gets a book! *Goes to tiktok and finds out mor is gay* damn Azriel.OMG I LOVE NESTA NOWW PERIOD POP OFF SIS MY QUEENNN. Elain is there too. Ooooo Nessian. Elain and Azriel? I mean as long as its not mor! NAHHH GIRL DONT U DARE BLAME LULU BLAME TAMLIN! OMG ELAIN AND LUCIEN???

ACOWAR: Feyre isnt really feyre-ing any more :(.OH HELL NO SCREW IANTHE NO WAY YOU DID THAT TO MY MANSSS!!! MY POOR LULUUU Why feyre lowkey being such a bitach?

Awww Elucien is so tender! LUCIEN AS A MATE AWWEEEE. Damn Nessian making me sqeual. Lucien went away to find the queen from elains vision! OMG. CASSIAN IS SOOO FINEEEE, elriel is lowkey getting boring....Why is she disrespecting tarquin? He has ALL rights to be upset. Ok tamlin in the HL meeting is being pretty annoying and doing nothing but feyre did nothing as well but NESTA ARCHERON THE WOMAN YOU ARE!!!!! WTHHH HELION AND LUCIEN??????? OMG the war!!! NO THE SURIELLL. THE BONE CARVER NOOOO THE WITCH LADY I FORGOT HER NAME BUT NOOOOOO. THE ELAIN. THE FEYRE. THE NESTA. Omg i have no regrets in my life but this.Damn Nessian ur hurting me. NOOO papa arhceron diedddddddddddd. Damn Ok Elain and Nesta king slayers! Oh rhysand died........i know damn well he gonna come back......´´Be happy feyre´´ bawling. Omggg Lucien was besties with papa archeron???? THE ONLY FATHER FIGURE HE HADDDD DAMN WHY ISNT FEYRE TELLING LUCIEN?? Awww lucien and feyre hug! Cass and feyre are cute but i miss the og´s! Ok girl you flying.

ACOFAS: Snoring. YALL ARE CUTE BUT IM BOREDDD AS HELL. Ok literally no one asked for this Mor pov. Wait why did Elain invite lulu if she is uncomfortable around him? Her power? Elriel kinda gave me brother and sister but i guess elain likes him now.....HI EMERIE IVE HEARD ABT YOUUUUU!!! I just want my girl Nesta, feyre u are not feyreing.

ACOSF: I love nesta so much!!!!!!! Cassian is acting like Rhysands frikcing dog. I hate amren soo much. WHY is Elain acting like shes the victim like nesta told you to leave and now you crying?? Girl you are 23 years old! Ok respect azriel has never disrespected my Nesta. Aw nesta gwyn and emeries friendship is the best one yet!!!!!! Azriel is starting to show an actual personality.....With Gwyn? Okay Gwynriel is so cuteee *sees elucien and gwynriel theories* 100% on board with this!!!!! DAMN the Valkyries! I am so excited for all the other girls to tag along! Just imagine a MOB of nesta gwyn and emerie!!! Eris? HELLL YAHHHHHHH VANSERRAS FOR LIFEEEEEE!!!! YOU ARE TELLING ME CASSIAN DID NOT SAY I LOVE YOU ONCE? Of course nesta lost her powers and she obviously lost them for the sake of the main characters that im bored of :(

ACOA (A court of Azriel): You got her a rose flower......because she likes flowers??? Why is this man so insecure about his hands around her? That cant be right......MISTAKE? THANKYOU RHYSAND FOR STOPPING THIS MADNESS! Wow he just wanted to F**k her and thats it? WTH is Gwyn doing here? Ok creepy Azriel is gone and this new azriel is here? Aweee he is actually kinda cutie now and he is laughing? HE SINGS???? OMG SHE SINGS THO! His shadows singing and dancing with her??? Cuteeeeeee, Ok so he gave the necklace to clotho to give to gwyn, thats cute she does in fact deserve something beautiful like that but why Elains? Ig its the though that counts. SPARKED IN HIS CHEST???? THATS ROWAELIN/NESSIAN LANGUAGE!!!! HOW does her picture it proper?? Glowing and secret? Where the hell did he tuck the image bruhhh?

A thing of secret lovely beauty. AHHHHHHHH clotho and the shadows are team Gwynriel for sure! Gwynriel are sooo mates tho and i hate Elriel with every fiber in my being. How did azriel go from mr. creep to mr. melts my heart?

After finishing: Wow everybody on tiktok are elriels. They are so confident elriel is endgame? Hmmmm but none of their points make sense but i cant explain in a comment section! Maybe Gwynriel and Elucien isnt endgame :(

*Downloads tumblr*

Gwynriel and Eluciens on tumblr have their freaking masters degree DAMN

[worte-mitohne-sinn]

In meiner Familie war nie Platz für mich.

Weil Alkohol mehr Platz brauchte als ich.

[eowyndy]

The lyric “I’m still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them” hits different when you’re an adult child of an alcoholic who was a product of their environment.

[stinkgh]

"They did their best" BRO THEIR "BEST" GAVE ME PTSD LMAOOOOO

[ex-depressed]

The unspoken rules of a codependent system can vary depending on the specific family or relationship dynamic, but here are some common examples:

Put others’ needs before your own: In a codependent system, the needs and wants of others are prioritized above one’s own needs and wants.

Keep the peace: Conflict is avoided at all costs, and it’s up to the codependent person to make sure everyone is happy and there are no disagreements.

Don’t rock the boat: Related to keeping the peace, codependent individuals are discouraged from speaking up or asserting themselves, as it could lead to conflict or upset.

Be responsible for others’ emotions: In a codependent system, the codependent person is expected to take care of others’ emotional needs and make sure they’re happy and content.

Don’t share family secrets: Family secrets or issues are kept hidden and not discussed outside of the family or relationship dynamic.

Don’t challenge authority: The authority figure in the family or relationship dynamic is not to be questioned or challenged, as this could lead to conflict or upset.

Keep up appearances: The codependent person is expected to maintain a certain image or facade for the outside world, even if it doesn’t reflect the reality of what’s happening in the family or relationship.

Don’t ask for help: Asking for help or support is seen as a weakness or failure, and the codependent person is expected to be self-sufficient and able to handle everything on their own.

These unspoken rules can lead to a lot of pressure and stress for the codependent person, as they are constantly putting others’ needs before their own and not allowed to express their own wants or needs. It can also lead to a lack of healthy communication and boundaries, as everyone is expected to maintain the status quo and not rock the boat.

[kimchicuddles]

Into my own arms Thank you so much for supporting my work! patreon.com/kimchicuddles text reads: Sometimes love feels the strongest when it touches the memory of buried trauma.It opens up an ache with the promise of the salvation I'd stopped daring to even hope for.And I mistake that opening for a cue to invest my most vulnerable heart into his,Even though the strength I'm trying to get to doesn't exist in his arms, but in my ownAnd what I need to hold isn't an "onto" but an "into".

[sweaterkittensahoy]

I started reading "After the Tears," which is a book for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) to help them unpack their trauma. In the first chapter, there's a table of the type of behavior a kid takes on to get through the situation and a brief description of behaviors to help you understand where you likely fall in the noted behaviors.

I was the caretaker/overachiever for most of my life living with my mom, but seeing, "caseloads not friendships" as a descriptor of how I dealt with it made me have to put the book down for a few minutes.

Because, yes, I knew that. But. Fuck.

And I've made so many positive changes over the years, but fuck. Given how everything with the former friend shook out, where they were literally forcing me into a full-time caretaker/social worker role without my consent.

Just.

Fuck.

Vocabulary has always been very, very useful to me, and I am sure that "caseloads not friendships" will stick with me forever and help me better evaluate if I'm putting too much time into trying to make someone else's life easier at the expense of my own. But I also feel like I got kicked by a mule.

[whatithinkaboutdarkshadows]

Episode 296: Safe tonight

Maggie Evans, The Nicest Girl in Town, has come back to Collinsport. This is bad news for vampire Barnabas Collins, who kept Maggie prisoner and fears she will expose him. Barnabas’ new accomplice, mad scientist Julia Hoffman, has erased Maggie’s memory and assures him she is no longer a threat to him. Barnabas is unconvinced that Maggie’s amnesia will last. As he grows more agitated, Julia…

[boyczar]

please remember that it is a compliment to be disliked by people. most people don’t even like themselves. think about why you even want to be liked by somebody. why do YOU like YOURSELF?? why give a fuck about whether or not somebody with so much work to do on themselves doesn’t like you? they literally do not even like themselves. they can’t genuinely “like” you.

[truecampbell]

YES.

[moonlit-positivity]

There is no "right" or "wrong" way to react to trauma. There is only survival. You do what you can until you can get out and get safe, and that is the only thing that should ever matter. You deserve to be respected for how you cope with your pain. But you also deserve to be respected enough to know you're worth the effort to heal and seek recovery if you so choose.

[stargirlie25]

Elriel part 1 (pls read it all)

Why elriels think elriel is endgame/mates......and debunking them

1.Azriel finds out Elain is a seer. elriels like to believe they are mates because how on earth did Azriel know? I think its important to note that Azriel has been alive for over 500 years. Meaning he has dealt with all sorts of stuff including seers. Azriel figured out elain was a seer by paying close attention to her. Keep in mind Azriel is a spy after all. He is naturally an observant person. He did not just know in his heart or whatever that Elain was a seer he literally said we need a seer and then concluded that elain was a seer and that was that. I also have talked about how Rhysand figured out Nestas power as well.

2.Azriel was the only one who understood/believed her in ACOWAR. I think this factor is heavily deepened by the fandom. When azriel took elain out to the garden, they were both doing their own thing. It was originally Lucien´s request for elain to be taken to the garden or outside. Lucien felt that she needed that. She gave no indication that she wanted it to lucien but lucien knew. As for Azriel being the only who believed in her, he said ´´She doesnt need anything,were the ones who need a seer´´ he said this in one sentence SJM only made feyre describe what was physically happening although Azriel said that in one go. You would notice if you had not failed english. Everybody thinks that Azriel understood Elain in that moment but truly he is just simply saying that ,we need a seer elain is fine. I do think Lucien believed in her. Lucien travelled all by himself to find the girl from Elains visions.

3.Azriel saved Elain from the hybern camp so they are endgame. This ones cute obviously but feyre went to UTM to save tamlin. Not to mention feylins one was much more intense considering feyre is going against fae untrained and as a human. She also died for him. While Azriel is 500+ and a trained warrior with 7 siphons. Also Aelin risked her like for chaol. I should also mention Cassian offered first. He went to save her as his duty because cassian was injured.

4.Azriel makes Elain feel stronger because he gave her truthteller. Elain only took the blade after Feyre reassured that she would not have to use it. Meaning she did not want to use it. She did not attempt to do anything with it until her sister was in danger. Then she gave it back without a glance. Not to mention Lucien was the only one who gave HER credit for stabbing the king. No one else.

5.Elain was wearing cobalt blue the first time she and Azriel met so they are mates. During the war, it states that Greysens army is lead by a flag which is Cobalt blue. Also this might be a stretch but his eyes are also blue....Due to her devotion to Greysen its a safe assumption on my part to say she wore blue often for Greysen. Lets also note how she still is yet to take off her engagement ring. Although there isnt any really debunking the Elain was in fact wearing blue the first time they met but SJM balanced it out my making Lucien naturally wear the exact color and shade of Elains eyes. Also eris wears cobalt blue too and i dont think they are endgame so not a very strong factor.

6.A charged glance went through Azriel and Elain. They have to be mates. Now i actually have not noticed in any SJM books where a charged glance was mentioned anywhere else. (if you have tell me where) Although the language that is used for Elucien and Gwynriel has been spotted various times being used for classic endgame/mate couples.

7.Rose connections. Azriels mother i believe lived in a place with a name that involves the word rose of some sorts and elain is a rose or she likes to plant roses. During the series Elain is referred to Light and fawn. It is said she likes to plant flowers. That is does not equal that she is a rose. That´s like saying feyre is paint and Nesta is books or dancing. Its MY personal opinion that Elain is not a flower she is light and i have a whole post on that. Rhysand gives a sketchbook to feyre so she could draw(because she loves to paint),Cassian gives a book she could read and then a music player thing where she could listen to music (because she loves to read and dance and often gets lost in music) Azriel gives Elain a rose necklace because she likes flowers. Lucien however got her enchanted gloves that she can use to garden.

8.Smile and blushes blooming on Azriels face. Bloom connects with flowers. Once again Elain is not a flower. This is just a smile that has nothing to do with mates because, “ Nesta couldn't stop it then. The answering smile that bloomed through her at last stealing across her face, bright as the dawn.” Does this mean Nesta and Elain are actually mates? Or when, ´´A smile bloomed on her red—her bloody mouth. She smiled in my general direction. Revealing blood-coated teeth. Stryga. The Weaver had waited.´´ So basically Elain and the weaver are actually mates!

9.Azriel is Elains first choice after being turned fae. First of all, the bond does not take away Elains choices. It only seems that way because Greyson dumped her because of it. Not to mention, Elain choses not to reject the bond when everybody would not care a bit if she did. It actually lets us see who Elain stans truly are. When they think choice they think a romantic partner which is actually giving elain a limited amount of choice and is a very gross standard. She is more than that. She has made plenty of choices since being turned fae. She chose to stay in the night court, make nuala and cerridwen her friends, distance herself with nesta, except gifts from lucien, chose to stay away from lucien which everybody supports. Choice does not result in a man. Or saying Azriel will finally be Elains choice. I get that Azriel was in love with mor but you cant blame her for that. She is interested in women. The love of her life was married to another so mor is dealing with her own stuff. It was Azriels choice to continue to love her. Although yes Elain can chose Azriel but it really isnt a special concept because Gwyn could chose him to and Azriel would be her number 1 first choice. Not that it matters what number you are because many endgame couples have never been 1st choice it just depends on the love you have for your partner.

10.Bread and roses. As stupid as it sounds, it can be a strong factor but first lets analyze that actual scene. So Azriel takes bryce to the town house which smells like bread and roses. Many fans say that this is because Elain and Azriel live together..... i dont think so because Azriel stays in the house of wind through out ACOSF to simply ignore Elain at all times. After Rhysand warns him about panting after Elain he only agrees with himself further that he should be away from Elain. So i really dont think they live together. Not in a long shot. Also do you really think Rhysand would allow Elain and Azriel to live together. No he would not. I also believe in a way SJM actually shut down this theory. Im just going to leave a link here where someone points it out :https://bookofmirth.tumblr.com/post/680250498032566272/when-and-how-does-sjm-shut-down-the-bread-and So yeah dont be delusional!

Anyways im going to make a part two but also tell me some other reasons why you ship elriel (dont be too deep with it!)

i tried to be unbiased here idk if i did well

[katimorton]

Let's talk about growing up with an addict or alcoholic parent or guardian and how this affects us now. There are many effects that we can have in our life due to having an alcoholic mother or father or both parents or guardians. Addiction is something that impacts millions of people and doesn't just touch the lives of alcoholics but the people around them, including their children. This is why we have programs like Adult Children of Alcoholics (or addicts), also known as ACOA - in which there are programs all over the world for adult children. Did you grow up with an alcoholic mom or an addict dad or perhaps you grew up with an alcoholic grandparent. The truth is that being an adult child of an alcoholic or addict parent can still have significant effects in our lives today. We can suffer from types of trauma or relationship issues - especially affecting our relationships with everyone around us. Let's talk about the 10 ways growing up with an addict or alcoholic parent or guardian is affecting us today. I would love to know what you think. Are you an adult child of an alcoholic or addict? How is this affecting you today? How has this impacted your life? Adult children need to make sure we get the support we need. Make sure to check out Adult Children of Alcoholics videos for even more support. 

I offer an Inner Child & Healthy Boundaries workshop that may be helpful for you if you're struggling with some of these: https://katimorton.com/the-shop 

You may also find you suffer from childhood emotional neglect, here are the 7 subtle signs of childhood emotional neglect: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBld_Z817qE&t=148s 

How to overcome childhood emotional neglect: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtDIFA5KhWo 

10 things toxic parents say: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Nqi7YgXtzg

[marius-was-unhinged]

I visited new therapist yesterday and when I gave her a quick summary of my life and current situation, she literally gasped and said smth like "...wow. That's a big package"

I will be downfall of all therapists in my town

[stinkgh]

Being abused as a kid is fucking wild man like my mother would get drunk and spend 5 hours yelling at me for how I ruined her life then 2 hours later be like "you want some ice cream" bitch WHAT??? How am I supposed to trust you??? Do you know how much that shit fried my brain man