#he actually is so happy he can’t handle it

[crazylittlejester]

What are your hair headcanons for the chain? I personally think Wild, Wars and Legend have the longest hair but thats just because I think Legend's hat is full of hair he just pretends isnt there so he doesnt havd to brush it(warriors is going to kill him when he realizes)

Oooooh nice!!

I think Wild’s is definitely the longest, no contest. And I don’t think it’s THICK, it’s just dense. Like, the individual strands are rather fine, and his hair is soft and silky but he’s got a LOT of it. It’s definitely waist length, and has a slight natural wave to it, and he’s a natural dirty blonde. He’s experimented with temporary dyes because he got bored though. Also he does a lot with his hair and he takes really good care of it! It’s not HIS fault he wiped out and fell in a bush and got a bunch of sticks in it 😔

Second longest for me is Time, whose hair to me goes about two inches past his collar bone. He’s a warmer toned blond, and the color is completely natural, he doesn’t do much to his hair. I hc he has bad sensory issues and his hair can sometimes really bother his neck, but if he cut it short he’d never make it through growing it out again so when it bothers him he ties it up off his neck. Any hairstyles he does don’t have a WHOLE lot of thought put into them, but Malon and Wars have done pretty things with his hair before and he enjoyed it. He just can’t do that for himself. I also hc his hair is very thick and naturally wavy and Wars is constantly one toe over the line crossing into GENUINE jealously because Time does NOTHING and his hair just looks incredible and it hurts Wars to know that if he out just a Little effort into it it would look even better

Legend’s is about the same length as Time’s but most of it is always tied up and/or shoved into his hat. He’s naturally strawberry blond, and his hair is thick but pretty straight. It would hold a curl if he did curl it though, and he’s (of course) dyed it a few times in his life

We all know Four’s fuckass /pos bob. What an absolute legend I love his haircut. I hc his hair is very thin and fine, but it has that really pretty silky quality to it? It’s the type of stick straight hair that won’t curl even if you spray it to death and say a prayer. Its a cooler toned blond and it’s a lighter color than any of the other naturally blond Links

Hyrule to me has very dark 3c hair and if he pulls on it to straighten it out then he for sure beats Time for second place, but where his hair actually like falls to is right at his shoulders. Like it just rests at his shoulders. He had to learn to take care of it before he let it get that long because it was just kinda hard for a 10 yo kid to care for when he was so on his own, but he’s got the hang of it now and he’s really happy with how it looks. He doesn’t often do too much with it in terms of styling but sometimes he’ll braid it because it is kinda annoying to have to pick sticks out of it when he and Wild take a tumble and both walk back to camp FULL of sticks and then Warriors has to help the both of them

Sky’s hair to me has natural loose curls and is a fairly dark, slightly red toned brown. It’s very thick and just brushes his shoulders. It’s long enough that he can tie it back if he wants to, but he usually doesn’t because its so thick his arms will get sore from spending so much time trying to tie it back in a way that doesn’t look absolutely atrocious because theres just so MUCH of it and its hard to handle

Warriors’s is similar to Sky’s in length, and it’s naturally very thick, dark and curly, but he straightens and bleaches it to death. His roots are a very dark brown, but he does his best to cover that up. He also tries very hard to keep his hair as nice as possible and do what he can to prevent further damage. It’s curlier than Sky’s is naturally, but when it starts to curl up again it because of humidity or because he didn’t straighten it very successfully it looks a bit similar

Wind is a different styling technique away from a bowl cut. His hair is curly as fuck, not QUITE as curly as Hyrule’s is but definitely close, and his hair is naturally brown but has been highlighted and appears very blond. His roots are clearly brown, but not as dark as Warriors’s. His hair is very thick and hard to manage and Wars taught him how to care for it properly so after the journey when he’s more confident in how it looks, he lets it grow out past his shoulders. I hc Wars helped him LOVE his hair

Twilight is out here fighting demons but the demons are him. His hair is thick as hell AND dense as fuck, and it’s a bit wavy. It doesn’t listen to him, ever. He can’t so much as PART it differently because it’s gonna do what it’s gonna do. His hair was naturally a reddish brown, not a super dark color but definitely brown, but since the transformation he has a constantly dark roots no matter HOW much his hair seems to grow out, and his hair still has a red tone to it but he thinks it looks darker. It also takes him forever to wash his scalp because his hair refuses to let the water in anywhere and he gets a bit annoyed. Length wise you CAN see the back of his neck a bit, and it was definitely cut like, around his head in the sense that it’s not just layered with the intention of it hanging down long. the hair coming from the top of his head which is the longest part of his haircut are like 6 inches long MAX

[bunnycatalina]

LaDS head cannon: How the guys react to MC freaking out about a missed period

Content warnings: Fem MC | Pregnancy/Pregnancy scare, breeding kink (mentioned)

—

With the recent uptick of wanders appearing in Linkon, you honestly hadn’t thought much about how tired you’ve been recently. You’ve been getting nauseous for the past week but figured it was just the flu that has been going around the Hunter’s Association. It wasn’t till a notification from your period tracking app prompted you about logging your period that you realised that it was late. After days of trying to convince yourself you’re just late from the stress at work lately, you finally cave and went to buy some pregnancy tests while freaking out about how to bring it up to your boyfriend.

ZAYNE

- He noticed that you’ve been avoiding him these past two weeks, usually you’d jump at the chance to meet up when you both manage to find free time between both your hectic schedules

- Your text messages has been rather short as well and Zayne was starting to wonder if he had done something wrong but you had assured him that everything was fine.

- Preferring to handle this directly, Zayne turns up at your apartment after work that night to talk to you about it after receiving a text from you that you just got home from another case.

- “Zayne?” You looked rather bewildered and frazzled when you opened the door to find zayne standing outside. You could see his eyes darting about your face, cataloging any signs of you possibly feeling unwell or upset. Seeing that you looked unharmed, albeit exhausted and slightly pale, he draws you into a hug with a sigh.

- Zayne knows you well, too well in fact, and could tell from your expression that something was up. Manoeuvring you both into the living room and onto the sofa, he holds your chin so that you can’t avoid eye contact “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

- The stress of holding back about the situation gets to you and it all comes out in rambles like a flood of information. You tell him about your late period, the nausea and the fatigue. About how you went out to get tests but you couldn’t gather the courage to do it just yet.

- He holds you close and you watch his eyes flash with shock, disbelief, worry, love and happiness. “Darling, take a deep breath. We’re gonna be okay. I love you and I know we haven’t planed for a child so soon but I would love them regardless.”

- You agree to do the tests and zayne holds you tightly while you both wait for it to process. Outwardly he looked calm and it was only the slightest tremble of his eyelids and his rapid blinking that gave away his true emotional state.

- When the timer rings you both jump a little to see the results, [Pregnant] [Pregnant] [Pregnant]. Staring blankly at it you’re startled when zayne pulls you into a tight hug, hand pressing your head into his chest where you could hear his rapid heartbeat.

- “I love you. I love you so much. Thank you darling, I promise I’ll take care of you both.” His voice sounded a little breathless and shaken yet full of conviction.

- He’s gonna shuffle you out that door and into Akso hospital as soon as possible to get an actual scan and all the pre-natal vitamins you could possibly need.

SYLUS

- You just took the tests and was waiting for them to process when you felt the familiar appearance of a presence you’ve been missing. Sylus had been gone on one of his trips for the past week or so which made it easier for you to hide how tired and worried you’ve been recently.

- Stepping out of the bathroom you see your boyfriend lounging on your sofa, having let himself into your apartment once again as he was so fond of doing. Locking eyes with you he stands up and makes his way over to you. “Something you want to tell me sweetie? Mephisto mentioned you buying something rather interesting today” He smirks

- To be honest it really wouldn’t be that big of a surprise considering how often he has you pressed into the bed…the walls…the table… you both had a pretty sizeable breeding kink and very healthy sex lives. Contraceptives were never 100% effective and all right?

- “Sy! You’re back!” Letting him sweep you into a hug you felt yourself melt into his touch, for someone meant to be the biggest bad of the N109 zone Sylus always brought a sense of safety when he was draped over you like this

- Tilting your face up to observe the dark circles under your eyes he frowns a little “Mephisto hasn’t been observant enough it seems. Have you not been able to get much sleep sweetie?”

- Looking away from him you mumbled about how you’ve been feeling rather tired recently and how your period has been late. Shifting your gaze back to him you quietly tell him that you took a few pregnancy tests right before he arrived and its waiting in the bathroom right now.

- You watch as his gaze softens and he looks at you with such love and devotion. Without another word he picks you up and carries you to the bathroom in a few quick steps. You hold your breath as he picks up the test so that you can both check the results.

- [Not Pregnant][Not Pregnant][Not Pregnant] you couldn’t help the pang of disappointment that you felt. While you both weren’t actively trying to have a child right now a small part of you couldn’t help but hope that an accidental oops miracle might have happened.

- “Do you want to have a little one sweetie? Talk to me love.” Spinning you around so that he can look at you, his searching gaze carefully trying to decipher your reaction. While talking about feelings were not his forte, he never lacks in trying to be considerate of you might be feeling after you both had previous fights from misunderstandings.

- Moving into the living room you both have a proper conversation about having kids and how you both felt from this pregnancy scare. Best believe this man will do his best to help you achieve it if you wished to be knocked up soon. You’re not going to be walking straight for a while after that.

XAVIER

- Your fatigue was slowing you down your reflexes in battles and Xavier has been concerned about you. He’s had to pull you out of the way and block more wanderer attacks for you recently than usual but you told him that you’ve just been tired from work recently.

- When he found you slumped over in a corner after a fight he decided enough was enough and was about to drag you to the hospital for a checkup when you panicked and blurted out “I might be pregnant”

- Xavier.exe has stopped working and you watched him tense up frozen on the spot, a blush spreading across his cheeks and ears, his eyes widening while staring directly at you

- “Are-are you sure? Is the baby okay? My star we should get you to the hospital” he chokes out and sweeps you into his arms princess-carry style. You could feel his body shaking a little and his eyes looked rather frantic.

- It takes you awhile before you manage to convince him that no you don’t need to go to the hospital and that you have pregnancy tests at home that you’ve already bought last night that you’ve yet to try.

- Xavier is going to teleport you both back to your house because let’s be real this man would not be able to wait and take public transport home.

- After you’ve taken the test you’re both anxiously waiting for the results and you can feel Xavier squeezing your hand tightly in his.

- When the time is up you pick up the tests to see [Not Pregnant][Not Pregnant][Not Pregnant]

- You couldn’t help the sigh of relief, honestly you just didn’t feel ready to have a child just yet. Turning to the side you could see your lover’s shaken eyes have calmed down, crawling into his arms xavier instinctively hugs you close and buries his face into the crook of your neck exhaling deeply.

- “You okay xav?” His arms squeezed tighter around you for a minute before he untangles himself to lean his forehead against yours and look at you. “I feel complicated my star. I’m relieved because I don’t think we’re ready to be parents and I know we haven’t had that conversation yet either. While we were waiting for the test to be done I can’t help but to think about how I can’t even cook for a baby and we both work such dangerous jobs who would take care of the child while we’re away on long missions.” He rambled with a nervous chuckle, “but I can’t help but to feel a little disappointed because I would love to have a mini you to love.”

- You both laugh at the thought of Xavier setting possibly setting the kitchen on fire again while trying to make a milk bottle for a baby. “It’s okay xav, someday we can have a child when we’re both more ready to be parents, just not now. Till then we can always practice the making part”

- You watched as xavier’s eyes darken as he pins you down “that I can do starlight” he huffs out in a hoarse whisper. Neither of you leave the house for the rest of the day, your poor neighbours are gonna curse the shitty soundproofing of the apartments.

RAFAYEL

- Rafayel would be ecstatic to start a family with you. He’s been dreaming of living his life with you for so long it almost doesn’t feel real now.

- You’ve both had this conversation before but it was always spoken as something in the future not right now

- You took the test in one of the bathrooms in mo studios while Rafayel was busy painting in fact. He’s been pouting that you’ve been too “busy” lately to spend more time with him when actually you’ve been avoiding going on his adventures with him as miss bodyguard considering you really haven’t felt very well. Which is why you were now staring at a pregnancy test while standing in his bathroom as you figured he would be too in the zone while painting to come look for you.

- Unfortunately for you, Rafayel was looking to procrastinate again after having lost his fleeting inspiration when you wandered away from him again 10 minutes ago. “Princesssssss, let’s go for a walk along the beach i- princess?”

- He finds you standing in the bathroom staring blankly at something you’re holding in hand. Walking closer he gets a better glance at what has you so absorbed that you were even ignoring him calling you

- “Is that? Are you? OMG We’re gonna have a baby???” He’s grabbing you in a hug and spinning you around excitedly “We’re gonna be great parents, best family, omg what if we have a little princess like you? I’m so gonna teach her to paint and draw and-“

- When he finally calms down you both have a proper talk about it and make plans for you to move in with him so that he can take care of you and the baby. “Thank you for giving me more to love, for giving me a family again. I love you Princess.”

—

Thank you for reading! Feel free to send me prompts or requests, i’m still new to this but im so deep in LADS hyperfixation that i’ve been churning out content in between actually gaming and reading every fic i can get my hands on ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[tulip-room]

pixy stix - r. suna

prologue || Pumpkin Patch

words: 1.2k

masterlist || all hq works || next

"Did you cast a spell on me to make me yours? I want you to be mine."

Steam, pour, serve. Over and over. She had only been working at this job for a few months at this point (one of her friends showed it to her). It definitely wasn’t the worst one she’s worked. Apparently, you can get sick of Halloween, or more specifically Halloween Music. You can also get sick of making pumpkin themed drinks. The smell followed her home when she left the pumpkin patch. She could smell it in her apartment and on her clothes even after washing them over and over. Maybe it wasn’t Halloween she was sick of. It was pumpkin. 

One highlight of her day– though she would never admit it– was the scare actors coming in on their breaks to get a drink. “Have a good time scaring children?” She comments as she grabs a cup to fill with orange juice. Every day without fail he would order an “orange juice on the rocks” , something about hating apple and pumpkin flavored drinks. After months of having phantom smells she was beginning to agree with him. 

“Of course, have fun being surrounded by pumpkin?” He leans over the counter as his eyes scan her figure as she wades around the kitchen. He can’t help the smile that breaks out across his face at the sound of her laugh, how her head turns to look at him over her shoulder.

“Never. It was fine the first few weeks,” she sets the glass down in front of him, “One orange glass on the rocks for a Mr. Suna Rintaro.” She smiles and winks at him. She can faintly hear a gagging behind her and her eyes meet with Sakusa and Sav’s as they shake their heads. She rolls her eyes and flips them off before turning back to Suna. “So, how’s it going?”

“Same old, same old. I’m stuck on hayride duty today.” Hayride duty, where he stands in the same spot in the pitiful trees that they call woods and jumps out to scare people. It’s his least favorite assignment to get as most people are too preoccupied looking at their phones to notice the actors in the woods. His favorite is actually the pumpkin patch, he doesn’t have to do a lot to get a scare out of the adults and the kids make him laugh when they grab a hold of his legs and tell him they think he looks cool. For some reason it makes him gleam with pride. 

“Wanna switch?” She teases and pokes his shoulder. 

“And make pumpkin drinks all day? Yeah, no thanks pretty girl.” He pokes her back and takes a drink, his lipstick smudging on the glass as he hadn’t bothered to take his scare makeup off. 

“Whatever. Go sit down somewhere and stop distracting me,” she waves him off towards a table in the corner. He grabs her hand and presses a sloppy kiss to it, a grin breaks out across his face as he watches her crinkle up into disgust. “Eww!” She gags and wipes the back of her hand off on his sweater. “Gross. You disgust me.”

“You want to kiss me so bad.” 

“I think it’s the other way around.” Her eyes met with the group of people that just walked through the door. “Seems I have guests to serve, now go sit down.”

“Yes ma’am.” He does a pretend salute and sits down at the table. He watches as she handles the orders with practiced ease, he’s not aware of Sav sitting down across from him until a hand is waved in his face. 

“I think you have something written in bright red letters across your forehead.”

“Hmm?” He barely pays her any mind as his eyes continue to watch the girl at the counter with an easy smile on his face.

“Yeah, it’s the word loser. When are you going to tell her you like her?” That gets his attention as he finally turns his head to look at her. 

“When are you going to tell Sakusa you like him?” He smirks as he thinks he’s won their little battle.

“I already did.”

“What? When? Happy for you!” He reaches a hand over the table and pats her head.

“Last week, now stop deflecting. When are you going to tell Y/N that you like her?”

“I don’t know, I’ll probably take it to my grave.” He shrugs and leans back in the seat, arms going behind his head as he tilts it back and closes his eyes. 

“You two frustrate me.” Sav groans and almost puts her head in her hands before remembering the makeup that’s on her face can’t get smeared more than it already is. “Well, enjoy living in your delusions I guess.” She gets up and sighs as she looks back over to the expo counter. “Your lipstick is wiped off by the way.” She gestures to her mouth. 

“I know,” he smirks and opens one eye to look at her. “It’s all part of my plan.”

“What plan?”

“Y/N carries lipstick with her so I just steal her lipstick.” It’s almost funny how proud of himself he sounds about this plan. He sits up and finishes off his drink, to really sell the deal though he grabs a napkin and wipes his lips. 

“I didn’t think your pining could get worse. I was wrong.”

“Wish me luck,” he winks at her and goes up to the counter. He patiently waits in line for Y/N to be free to talk. “Hi pretty girl, I am in need of chapstick it seems.”

“Hi silly boy, it seems you are.” Oh– that’s a new one. He likes that. “What do you want me to do about it?” She leans against the counter and rests her chin in the palm of her hand.

“Well, I heard from a little birdie that you happen to carry lipstick on you.”

“And if I do?”

“Can I borrow it?”

“I don’t know…let me think about it,” she says as she pushes off the counter and opens a drawer to pull out her purse. Her hands dig through the velvety material inside, combing through the random things: chapstick, a hair tie, a receipt for a movie, ah– finally. Her lipstick. “Here you go.” She hands it over to him but he shakes his head.

“Put it on for me? I’m terrible at staying in the lines.” A lie. He doesn’t like other people doing his makeup, it makes his skin crawl. But her? Oh he would do anything for her. She could run him over and he would say thank you. 

“Fine, come here silly boy.” He leans down and she unscrews the cap and starts applying the lipstick to his mouth. “This is transfer proof, I’m surprised they haven’t bought any for you guys.” She hums more to herself than him. “Okay, all done. Now, get back to work.”

“Thank you, pretty girl, see you tomorrow.” His heart should not be beating as fast as it is right now. He knew he liked her, but he didn’t think he liked her that much. Okay, he needs to calm down. He has never been more thankful for hayride duty than he is right now.

a/n: this is just silly goofy autumn fun where they're idiots who pine very loudly for each other and make it everyone else's problem <3 a break from the angst of my other series if you will lol

taglist: @akaakeis @eggyrocks @hiraethwa @wyrcan [please send an ask to be added or removed from the taglist <3]

if you enjoyed, please consider leaving a like, comment, rb, or sending me an ask <3 I love interacting with you guys <3

[minniiaa]

what da actual fuk he doin tho

[deleahtarte]

How would a Yandere Stan or Kyle be like? What about Kenny or Butters lol.

Honestly if we are being so real right now the Stan that I write is always kind of bordering on that. His mental fortitude is not the strongest. I think if push comes to shove that man will absolutely lose it and he will lock Kyle up in his basement. The thing about him is that he seems so normal that Kyle takes it as a joke when really it’s like a big red flag Stan was waving in his face. He would never hurt Kyle, of course, but Stan thinks of it as like losing a limb. If there’s a way he could keep it, he absolutely would do anything—even if he’s wrong in every way.

Kenny thinks of doing it, one of those kind of things that pop into his head in bad situations (ie. a fight. Jealousy. Butters might leave me what do I do) but he does not have it in himself to actually go through with it. Butters will be like “ow these shackles are really hurting my wrist” and I promise you it’s Kenny who will start crying. Somehow the whole kidnapping and imprisonment thing is doing more psychological damage to Kenny then it is to Butters, who is actual the victim.

Kyle and Butters are out of the question. They have good morals with a strong compass (for the most part). Kyle doesn’t see the appeal in trapping someone (with their knowledge) who clearly doesn’t want to be with you anymore. He won’t beg for love or attention, and he also won’t be able to live with the guilt. Butters knows it’s wrong and he would never want to hurt the one he loves like that.

[raiisakitsune]

HIGH ON LOVE

[areyouwho-ithinkyouare]

me internally when i’m trying to respect and recognise that my dad has unaddressed autism that impacts the way he handles social interractions while also trying to not just excuse the shitty insensitive behaviour that has absolutely contributed to my mental health issues

[ectoplasmer]

voicing how I get insecure over the fact that I can’t handle horror as well as the bakurae can because i’m a wimp and having a 50/50 chance of being met with a response like “oh no that’s fine!! that just means you’re more sane than me” or “you haven’t seen nor experienced nearly the amount things I have but yes you are a wimp”

[readingwriter92]

If I had a nickel for everytime the second season of a show introduced a romance plot wherein then the main character bails on his friends to date a woman therefore making all his friends annoyed at him…I’d have two nickels and I’m amazed this hasn’t happened more

[lilgynt]

no i don’t care that most of my moms commutation to me especially to direct question is just straight up ignoring me or some other form of non verbal communication. like grunting or vague pointing. the glass i broke outside is unrelated

[reverie-starlight]

one of my best friends is coming to visit tmr so I’ve been doing a deep clean of my house all day and I’m STRESSING bc it’s sm to do for just one person????? how do people do this all the time ??????????

[thewispsings]

being a wag is hard | oscar piastri

pairing: oscar piastri x rock star!reader

summary: oscar spends a week as the most hated ‘wag.’ he thinks he can handle it. he can’t.

notes: beware!!! oscar hate ahead 😞 pls send in request!!

ynupdates: y/n was seen at the monaco grand prix today! she was said to be in the mclaren garage, hanging out with the two drivers, lando norris and oscar piastri.

view comments below!

user1: NO Y/N STAY AWAY FROM THOSE MUSTY MEN

user2: oh y/n no…

user3: those m-men 🤮🤮 better not lay a HAND on queen y/n

user4: why did i just see a photo of y/n and that oscar kid making out on my timeline…

user5: WHAT

user6: YOURE FUCKING KIDIDNG ME

user7: pls tell me your lying before i actually hurl up my lunch

user8: NOOOO

user9: i just fell to my knees in h-mart

user10: maybe she’s just there to watch the race?? 😰😰

user11: literally praying that’s all it is 😞

ynupdates: i am heartbroken to say that it seems like y/n is going out with f1 driver oscar piastri. these were sent in last night.

view comments below!

user12: NOOOOOO

user13: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

user14: NOOOOOOOOOOOO

user15: this can the real

user16: n-no no way

user17: A MAN???? HURL HURL HURL

user18: GAG

user19: no this can’t be right it can’t be

user20: i’m killing myself

user21: this can’t be true

user22: honestly i’m just happy it isn’t that twig ‘lando’

— y/n has posted new photos!

liked by, landonorris, and 723,928 others!

yourusername: monaco, i love you 🎸

view comments below!

user23: UGH YOU LOOK SO GOOD

user24: GIRL YOU ARE STUNNING

user25: pls come to africa next 💙💙

user26: I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT THAT FUCKKNG CONCERT!! BUT THE TICKETS GOT SOULD OUT TO FAST 😡😡

user27: holy shit i just combusted

user28: why isn’t her b-boyfriend 🤮 in her likes OR comments??

user29: oscar what ever his last name is can’t HANDLE ALL THAT

user30: leave him for me baby 👀

user31: i can’t believe she’s dating an musty f1 man 🤢

user32: you could SO MUCH BETTER BABY 😒

— oscar piastri has posted new photos!

liked by yourusername, landonorris, and 973,928 others!

oscarpiastri: Feeling the Monégasque love this weekend 💛

view comments below!

user32: you’re not good enough for her

user33: free y/n 😔

user34: who do you think you are stealing my gf like that??

yourusername: who is that sexy sexy man

user35: NO Y/N LOOK AWAY

user36: NO THIS ISNT RIGHT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AND WE GET MARRIED AND HAVE THREE KIDS

user37: leave y/n alone or i will gut you like a fish

user38: stop smiling. nothings funny.

— three days later!

liked by, oscar piastri, landonorris, maxverstappen1, and 972,724 others!

yourusername: okay, stop hating on oscar now.

view comments below!

user39: okay!

user40: whatever you say queen 😁

user41: we just had to make sure he was right for you!!

user42: now that i’m taking a good look…he’s kinda cute?

user43: whatever you say 😍

landonorris: the switch up??

user44: who do you think you are

user45: get out of here

user46: oscar was just a tease, we will run you to the ground ugly ass

user47: who’s talking to you

landonorris: OMG IM SORRY???

user48: if he ever hurts her istg

user49: we will stop hating on oscar now 😵‍💫

[nereidprinc3ss]

just like heaven

in which flirty!reader finally confesses her feelings to a pining spencer reid after a night out. she's slightly buzzed. it's complicated.

fluff (some angst) warnings/tags: fem!reader, reader drinks alcohol, dirty jokes, so much flirting and banter, some arguing kinda, but spencer is such a gentleman, everyone gets flustered at least once, they really wanna kiss, happy ending a/n: gif :D I hope u like this! not bandages reader but like same vibes. like an AU for my AU

“Emily!”

You drawl the ee sound long, the same way you reach across the table and wiggle your fingers at her half-empty glass. Thin dark brows dart up beneath that glossy sweep of reddish-black hair. 

“Oh, wow. That’s unsettling. What?”

It’s been at least an hour since you had a drink of your own, but enough alcohol is still flowing through your veins so as to render her offensive comment inoffensive. You love Emily. You love the Tequila Sunrise sweating onto the sticky table in front of her which she’s not going to finish. 

“I think she wants your drink,” JJ assists, cheek balanced tipsily on a propped up fist. 

“Uh…”

Emily’s doe-sweet eyes flash uncertainly behind you. 

“I’m basically sober,” you insist, laying your head on your outstretched arm and letting your hair cascade as you bat your lashes, offering her your sweetest smile. “Please, Em?”

It does not go according to plan. She scoffs. 

“Are you flirting with me right now?”

“... Would that work?”

“Oh my god, just… cool it with the fuck-me eyes,” she laughs. “You can have the drink.”

You sit up, turning just barely over your shoulder to address Spencer. 

“See? Emily buys me drinks. Basically.”

She slides the drink toward you, with a subtle roll of her eyes that you choose to interpret as affectionate under the dim canned lighting. As you sit back, content and free drink in hand, her eyes slide to Reid in the seat next to you, brows arching. 

“Are you sure you can handle her all on your own?”

“Handle me?” You frown deeply as Emily gathers her purse and slides out of the booth, followed shortly thereafter by JJ. “I don’t need handling.”

“Then why do you have a handler?” JJ teases.

You slump against the worn vinyl, stirring what is mostly orange juice. 

“He most definitely is not my handler. He’s my science project.”

“I got it,” Spencer assures your friends, with his trademark flattened smile. You can’t help but watch him with a grin of your own, flipping the straw in the drink and nibbling on the end until it’s stained sparkly pink. Goodbyes are issued, and soon it’s just the two of you. Perhaps it’s a tipsy delusion, but you think he seems to relax slightly when you’re alone. His eyes are easy on you. “You know, you’re not actually decreasing the amount of germ transmission by using the other end of the straw.”

“Mm… pretty sure alcohol kills germs, Doctor.”

At that, you giggle. 

Doctor. 

Soon you’re covering your face and having a full-fledged laugh attack. 

“What?” Spencer asks. From between your fingers you can see that he’s smiling guardedly, brows furrowed in a way that reminds you he’s often worried about being the butt of a joke and not knowing it. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing,” you assure him quickly, gathering yourself. “I just… can’t believe you’re a doctor.”

“Why not? What’s so unbelievable about that?”

“You’re so young.”

And handsome. 

“I’m not that young. I’m older than you,” he defends. Only by a handful of years, but you know he’s defensive about his age after a lifetime of being told he looks young for—well, everything. 

“You’re… 32?”

That’s not right—you know as soon as you say it.

“Thirty three.” He very politely captures a hand—your hand—that had at some point ended up a little too close to his eye. You’re not sure what you planned to do once it got there—you don’t recall moving it at all. 

“Sorry.” You take your hand back, choosing to instead fiddle with a button on his coat ponderously. “33 is a good age.”

“Yeah?” Spencer laughs, angling his head as if to regard you from a new angle. It warms you all over. Burns in some places, like a shot of liquor down your throat. Makes you just as dizzy, too. “You have a lot of experience being thirty three?”

“No, I just…” your cheeks heat and you wrestle with a timid smile, averting your gaze and dropping your hand for fear his grin this close up might actually kill you. “I like 33 year old you.”

“So… you didn’t like me when I was thirty two?”

“Stop,” you beg, a self-effacing laugh into the cup of your palm. “I can’t banter. I’m not at peak performance.”

The truth of it hits you, and you sigh, folding your arms on the table and resting your cloudy head. Only then, from this new perspective, do you allow yourself to fully admire Spencer Reid. He is smiling at you, and your heart does skip a beat like you’ve got some school girl crush. These days he wears his hair falling over his face, messy on purpose, and always smells so nice. You wonder when he started caring about that stuff. You want to see what products are in his shower, and learn why he chose that cologne, or how he decides to pair his socks. He probably has some sort of algorithm. 

“Spencer,” you begin, the serious quality of your voice diminished by the smush of your cheek against your arm. Still, he tries to respect your tone, zipping the smile and answering with a playfully twitching brow. 

“Hm?”

You want to push the hair out of his face. Why is he looking down at you like that? Like he likes you?

“You’re a very good handler.”

His eyes narrow as he considers this, but the glimmer in them could still spark a forest fire. You’re probably grinning like an idiot. 

“Oh, I couldn’t handle you. You know this.”

You hum thoughtfully. 

“I bet you could. Wanna try?”

Spencer shakes his head, huffing a laugh through his nose. To his credit, your bold-face innuendos don’t always send him into a tailspin these days. 

Just sometimes. 

“You need a ride home, don’t you?”

You sit back up, stretching your arms out. 

“You don’t have to. I could get a cab.”

“I know,” he assures you, still a hint of amusement playing at the corners of his lips. Why. Is. He. Looking. At. You. Like. That?

“Will you let me drive?”

“I would. But, you know, my affairs aren’t in order.”

You roll your eyes as he gets out of the booth and offers you a hand. 

“I’m not that drunk.”

Spencer just wiggles his fingers. 

“If you can recite the alphabet in reverse you can drive my car.”

You roll your eyes again. Obviously he’s fucking with you, because 1. He’d never let you drive even the slightest bit inebriated, and 2. He knows you can’t say your ABC’s backward when you’re dead sober. 

The truth is you’re more buzzed than anything. You could get up and walk fine without any assistance, but he’s offering you his hand, so you take it. After you’re standing, you wonder how many excuses could you possibly dream up to get it back in yours. Should you pretend to fall?

No. Not quite worth your self respect. 

“You know…” you muse, reveling in the brief brush of him against your back as he holds open the door for you, “it’s a good thing you didn’t become, like… a medical doctor.”

Now walking side by side on the street, he glances over at you, a poorly veiled smile on his perfect face. Like a trap door brushed over with a few leaves. He wants you to see it.

“Why’s that?”

A breeze ruffles your hair. The brisk cold and the walk seem to be making things crisper already. You shrug, bunching your sleeves in your hands against the increasingly frigid night. The skirt and tights you’d chosen were perfect for a stuffy dive bar. Not so much for an early DC spring. 

“Nobody wants a hot doctor.”

He looks down at the sidewalk, hands pocketed, but the curve of his lips doesn’t lessen.  

“Hm. You’re drunker than I thought.”

“What? No! I’m—barely!” Again he laughs at you, and again you flush, looking down and counting the cracks in the pavement as you journey slowly under the bath of yellow street lights. “Why do you say that?”

“Because you called me hot.” He sounds almost delighted as he grins sheepishly around the final word. 

You snort. You’ve said worse things, more graphic things within the past few hours alone—but you suppose they’ve all been more like dirty jokes than compliments. 

“Yeah. You think you aren’t?”

Sandy locks fall side to side as he carefully measures a response. His cologne is warm—sort of smoky. It’s very nice. He doesn’t seem like he’d wear cologne. Have you already thought about his cologne tonight? Once was probably enough. 

“I just think sober you wouldn’t have said that.”

“But don’t you prefer it when I’m aggressively flirting with you? I mean, I know I do it sober too, but it's not as good, right?”

A silent stretch begins and shortly ends, and you don’t mind it. Right now, everything is a winding path through the woods. You’re willing to follow any fork off the trail if it means spending more time with him. 

“I guess I wasn’t aware that was what you were doing.”

“Oh, bullshit,” you laugh, and it echoes through the canyon of a nearby alley, “I’m not subtle, Reid.”

“I don’t know! You—for all I know that’s just how you are! I mean, what did Emily call them earlier, your—your fuck-me eyes?”

Like he does when he’s flustered, he gets shrill and stuttery. It’s nice to be reminded that he’s still a complete dork on the inside—and the outside, too, as pink stains his cheeks like watercolor. You smirk at him in your periphery, watching him against the darkened city backdrop. 

“You noticed those, huh?”

“No,” he denies forcefully, but his brow is pinched like he doesn’t quite believe himself, “I mean, yes, I notice when you look at other people like that, but that’s not what I would call them—I wouldn’t call them anything, I’d just call them your eyes, you know? Not that you always look like you’re soliciting… the implication isn’t there, it’s just—I notice when you flirt with other people! With Emily, and Derek, like, not even half an hour ago. You’re lucky Hotch wasn’t there. You’d probably have given him a heart attack.”

“I’m more concerned with yours, to be honest.”

“My heart is fine,” he laughs. “Worry about my dignity.”

“Hm. I was going for both. Guess I’d better try harder.”

You don’t notice you’ve come to a stop until you’re face to face in front of his vintage Volvo. Spencer is standing closer than usual, hands perpetually stuck in that nice wool coat. He’s all windswept and pretty, smiling crookedly and eyes sparkly with humor. A strand of hair sticks to your lip gloss, and you brush it away, tucking it behind your ear and squinting up at him against the chilly breeze. The flush is either from the nip in the air or your brazen flirting. 

“Or, you could go easy on me. I’m frail. Like a… sickly Victorian child.”

Again his brow knits and he smiles like he knows what he’s said is ridiculous. But his tone is gentler now. Softer. Invites you to fall in deeper and see what you might find. 

“And ruin all my fun? Toughen up, Reid.”

For a long moment, you don’t get a response—only his eyes, soft and thoughtful on you, before you’re distracted by the sweet bow of his lips. If he notices you’re staring, it doesn’t seem to bother him. 

But something evidently does, as when he next speaks, it’s troubled. Curiosity straining against a rope that says maybe it’s better if I don’t ask. 

“Do… do you actually flirt with me? When you’re sober, I mean.”

He expects to be ridiculed. In his most vulnerable moments, he’s still bracing for rejection—turning his cheek slightly so he’s ready for the stinging blow. It opens a fissure in your chest. You frown, and speak gently. 

“Yeah, Spence. More than anyone else. You really don’t notice?”

Sometimes his face is so expressive, in the pull of his brow and tightening of his eyes and the way he wets his lips. But he probably doesn’t know that. And he can’t seem to meet your eyes, instead choosing to study the leather of your heeled boots. Sounds of late-night traffic, of tires on wet asphalt buffer the pauses between sentences. 

“I notice… when you talk to Derek and Emily and JJ and Penelope the exact same way you talk to me. I didn’t think…”

Another gap in conversation, filled with the chatter of some group pouring out of a bar somewhere. You realize he’ll need some gentle prompting to bridge it. 

“You didn’t think what?”

When his eyes flash back up to meet yours, you have a feeling like he’s shutting the pipes off. 

“It’s—uh—” he clears his throat— “it’s not important, we can—we’ll talk about it a different time. We should—”

“Wait.”

He’d been turning away but snaps right back to look at you as if on command, wearing a brand new face that tells you he’d like to wipe the past minute or so completely away. 

“Yeah?”

“Spencer. I wanna know what you were going to say.”

“I told you. It’s nothing.”

“You didn’t tell me. You mumbled evasively and walked away. We were in the middle of something and I want to know what you were going to say. Please?”

“Well, you’re drunk,” he finally sighs, and it’s a bit sharp. Stinging. 

“I am not drunk,” you defend, and it feels true, with a bitter cold lashing at your cheek and blood heightened from the walk. “You know I’m not too drunk to have a coherent conversation. Why are you being weird?”

“Because I asked you to drop it! We can’t have this conversation right now, all right? I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

Your stomach flips, and your breath comes a little heavier. Spencer is clearly frustrated with you. Maybe being on the wrong end of this mild vexation, and so suddenly, should make you feel guilty, or some kind of bad—but all you feel is a sort of buzz in the tips of your fingers and the thrum of your heart, something deeper than excitement pooling in your veins at having inspired this sort of passion. It means he feels something. Something for you. 

“I’m sorry,” he tries halfheartedly, unable or more likely unwilling to stay angry at you for very long, “you didn’t—”

“What conversation?”

It’s jarring how quickly this has spun on its head. The very air you’re breathing seems to have changed. The metropolitan soundscape is a rife undercurrent of tension and louder from all the words unsaid. 

Finally he swallows. 

“There’s no conversation. I’m—it was a poor choice of wording. I just meant we should get you home.”

Before he can make it to the driver’s side door, you’re calling out. 

“You think I don’t like you. And I just flirt with you ‘cause I flirt with everyone.”

Spencer stops, and turns to face you once more, sighing and head dropped to one side like you’re doing something incredibly inconsiderate. He’s never looked at you like that before, but you don’t let it shake you. 

“That’s what this is about, right?”

He says your name, but you don’t let him get further than that. 

“No, I think there is a conversation here, and saying I’m not sober enough to have it isn’t fair and you should have said something before and I think you should just say it now.”

You’re pushing his buttons with a heavy hand, though your own voice shakes. He’s feeling it too—you’ve never been so short with each other. His voice is raised. 

“What am I supposed to say?” 

It boils over. 

“That you like me!”

It rings. 

Then it’s silent. 

His face is mostly blank. A little sorrowful around his eyes. 

It’s cold, jumping into the deep end like this. 

“We can’t talk about this right now,” he finally says, glancing to the side as if to suggest a situation the size of the whole city. 

“Spencer, I—”

“It’s impossible to have a meaningful discussion until your judgement isn’t impaired, otherwise it’s—”

“I am telling you that I flirt with you because I really like you.”

“I—”

It appears you’ve truly thrown him for a loop.  For a moment his jaw works at nothing, a soliloquy of words go unspoken, and then he’s stuttering and fumbling for the right thing to say, looking everywhere but at you. 

“I can’t—that’s—regardless of whether or not it’s even true—”

“It is true.”

“Could you—stop?” He pleads. “You can’t tell me that. I mean, the power imbalance when you’ve been drinking and I haven’t—it’s—I mean, it's coercive. Because I brought it up, I asked an inappropriate question—or at least started to ask it, and you—not that it was your fault, I’m the responsible party in this instance, but if tomorrow you realize you never wanted to tell me—so I have to take that with a grain of salt. I’m just—I have to pretend I didn’t hear that, alright? And you can’t say it again.”

He’s ridiculous. You shift your weight onto one foot casually. 

“That’s not very nice. I just confessed to having a huge crush on you and you’re gonna leave me hanging?”

There is an undeniable sort of pleasure in the bright of his eyes, and you phrased it that way on purpose, just to see him preen and glow—also to see if you could make him trip all over himself some more. Right now, despite the liminal space your relationship may or may not be occupying, you’re teasing him like you always do. Like he’s a friend, because he is. Before anything else. 

He tries to glower, barely. 

“Were you listening to me at all?”

“It was hard with all the stammering. I thought you might pass out.”

“I might,” he grumbles, and the admission pleases you greatly. Your lips tug as you admire him for a moment—watch his defenses go down and his features ease into something more inviting. 

God, maybe you really had been too hard on him. Maybe he really didn’t expect that you would like him back. 

You’re struck with the need to reassure. 

A dampened clack emits from your shoe where the heel hits the ground as you step down off the curb. 

“You know… I do like you. A lot. I mean it. And I’m glad I told you, because... you like me too, right?”

He raises his brows, like don’t do anything stupid, as you approach unhurriedly. It’s good to see that you haven’t broken his spirit completely. 

Less than a foot away, you stop. Close enough to be in his space. Too far for him to have the grounds to step back. 

His eyes are careful on you, analytical as always, constantly predicting an infinite number of outcomes to any given scenario. That’s how he keeps his footing in the world. But he’s never very good at predicting you. And it helps that his razor sharp intellect is dulled, some, with affection. Attraction. 

It shows in his eyes. He’ll let you push boundaries he knows he shouldn’t. More so if you keep speaking to him this softly. Almost whispering.

“Tell me you like me, Spencer.”

Because he hasn’t yet. All the heavy lifting has been done for him, and that just won’t do. 

First, he opens his mouth, and you watch the internal debate, a million things he could say, spinning round in his eyes like pinwheels. Rules, and buts, and caveats.

In the end, he just clears his throat. Speaks in the same secretive tone. Low enough to be intimate.

“I like you.”

Such a simple thing has never made you feel so airy before in your life. You steal another glance at his lips.

“So it’s really not that complicated. We could probably just kiss.”

He tinges pink.

“We definitely can’t.”

“You also said we couldn’t talk about it, and yet…”

“Talking is different. As far as I’m concerned, nothing you say to me tonight is binding. Whatever just transpired happened completely off the record. We can… talk about it tomorrow, but right now, you and I are friends.”

You shrug.

“Friends can kiss.”

“No, they can’t,” he says definitively, though not without a healthy dose of sardonic self-awareness and a dark smile. His hand finds your waist, and it’s glancing, if anything a light push, but you’re delighted nonetheless. Almost as pleased as if he really had kissed you. “It’s cold. I’m ready to leave.”

You’ve pushed him enough for one night. And it is cold. So you shuffle around the car with quick steps to the passenger side door, hooking your fingers under the biting metal handle and waiting for him to unlock the vehicle. 

You’re shivering as your thighs press against leather upholstery, only the thinnest layer of synthetic material protecting your legs. Spencer is already starting the car, but the engine is too cold to bother turning the heat on yet. 

“I think it’s colder in here than outside. Look at my hand.” You hold it up for him, and it is discolored, waxy, as he mindlessly takes it between his own much warmer ones. “I thought alcohol was supposed to keep you warm. Didn’t that chef on the Titanic survive hours in the ocean because he was hammered?”

“That’s a myth. Not the chef—he did survive, but it was a complete anomaly. Alcohol causes vasodilation in the dermis layer of the skin, so you feel warmer, but it draws blood flow away from your internal organs and significantly raises your likelihood of developing hypothermia.”

Does he notice how he’s holding your hand? Carefully pressing his thumbs to the center of your palm and pushing up through your love and life lines, cupping the fingers, before sandwiching them between his own and generating friction the way a child furiously rolls a play-doh worm?

“I guess I’m really not that drunk, then.”

He’s not expecting it, and maybe he doesn’t know what to make of your exceptionally gentle tone at first. It was a mistake, you think, as he relinquishes his hold on your hand, and you curl it to retain the memory of his warmth. But then he tucks hair behind your ear, like he’s done once or twice before, and smiles in a way you don’t quite understand. 

“I know.”

You won’t push him. You won’t ask for anything else, and you won’t demand an explanation. Spencer is special. It can all wait, because you have something good with him already. Something important. Something like holding hands. 

It comes as a surprise when he leans across the console, and you lean in a trance to meet him, and another surprise when he gently redirects, pressing his lips to your cheek, close enough to match the corners of your mouths and nothing more. 

You’d let him do it a hundred times over, but he draws back after a fraction of a lingering second, and finds your hand to stroke the back of it, forgotten in your lap. 

“You said no kissing,” you murmur, as if in a dream. If you had the wherewithal to be embarrassed maybe you wouldn’t be ogling so much. 

“Compromise.”

If anything, you should be the cheek-kisser. But there will be time to feel slighted about that later. Time to amend. For now, you look ahead robotically. 

“Is there a rule against friendly hand-holding?”

“Probably,” he says.

But he lets you hold his hand in your lap the whole drive to your apartment, anyway. 

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[fastandcarlos]

Dangerous Game : ̗̀➛ Oscar Piastri

summary: losing your independence whilst pregnant was tough, but when you try and be a little bit dangerous, oscar is far from impressed to see you do so

Panic struck you as soon as you heard the front door open, dropping the paintbrush down onto the floor as your feet scrambled to get you down the ladder that you were up. As Oscar called out through the house you shouted back, placing the lid back on the paint pot and hiding the brush underneath one of the cardboard boxes in the room.

As your eyes darted around you kept finding things to hide, moving bits around the room as the sound of Oscar’s footsteps got louder and louder towards the room.  

Just as the door handle was pushed down, you sat yourself down on the rocking chair that was in the corner of the room, leaning back with a smile on your face as Oscar walked in with his suitcase just behind him. 

“I didn’t think I’d find you in here,” he remarked, glancing around the room. 

It had been a couple of weeks since Oscar had been home but straight away his eyes narrowed as he looked around the room. Something wasn’t quite sitting right with him, taking a good look around the room as he remembered how things were when he left a short time ago. 

“It looks different in here,” Oscar commented, noticing your eyes looking a little more nervously at him then they usually did. “Have you made a few changes?” 

Your head nodded as you forced a smile onto your face, “I’ve just been doing the odd little bit here and there, trying to make life easier for you so there was less to do when you got back.” 

Oscar nodded too as you spoke, walking further into the room. Your heart began to race as his eyes narrowed on something, walking over and picking up the paintbrush that you had tried your best to hide, quickly noticing that it was still covered in paint, as was the ladder where droplets had fallen. 

“Please tell me you’ve not been up a ladder painting this nursery,” Oscar asked you, although he already knew the answer, unable to quite believe what you had been up to. 

Oscar had left you under the promise that you would do everything possible to keep yourself as safe as you could without him there. He was reluctant to go, but he trusted you. The worried part of you couldn’t keep that promise though, conscious of how much you had left to do and how little time you had before your baby arrived. 

“What if you’d have fallen from the ladder Y/N? Are you actually out of your mind?” 

Your body tensed up at the harsh tone in Oscar’s voice. “No, I’m not. I’m fed up of being treated like I’m unable to do anything though, I was only a couple of steps up and I was completely in control of what I was doing Oscar.” 

“Anything could have happened Y/N.” 

It didn’t exactly seem like the most dangerous job in the world to you, but to Oscar, it was almost as if you were tempting fate. He was happy for you to do a few jobs around the nursery, but the hardworking jobs, like painting and building, he wanted to do to make sure that you didn’t run the risk of injuring yourself. 

Oscar dropped the paintbrush back down, brushing his hands through his hair as he tried his best to stay calm. There was an anger in him that you hadn’t seen for a long time, taking you by complete surprise. 

“I’m not joking when I tell you not to do these things,” Oscar spoke, turning back to face you again. “It’s hard enough leaving you at the best of times, but especially so when you’re pregnant, and even more so when I know you’re not being safe.” 

“Surely I’m the one who decides when I’m being safe and not safe,” you argued. “Every time you say you’ll do something, something else comes along, we can’t keep doing that forever Oscar.” 

Painting the nursery was one of those things that Oscar had insisted that he would do for quite some time, but nothing ever materialised. It was either work, or family, or the time when he came home and fell asleep instead because he was so tired, but Oscar seemed unbothered that time was running out. 

“We’re supposed to do these things together, as parents,” Oscar calmly reminded you. 

“We can, but you’re never here.” 

“I’m here right now,” he huffed, throwing his arms down by his sides. “I know that I’m busy, and trust me, I wish that I wasn’t, but the thought of something happening to you absolutely terrifies me love.” 

A soft sigh came from you, “I didn’t realise that you were this worried about me.” 

Oscar took a step towards you, taking a hold of both of your hands. “Every second I’m worrying about you, nervous when the phone goes that it’ll be someone to tell me that something has happened to you.” 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered as Oscar gave your hands a squeeze. “I guess I’m quite calm right now, I just assumed that you would be feeling the same.” 

To Oscar, you were far too calm for his liking, he couldn’t believe how you just took pregnancy in your stride like it was nothing huge. He watched you carry on as if nothing was changing, with your big smile constantly still on your face. 

He was well aware that you wanted very little to change, you still wanted to be you, to be independent, and to be organised, even if he didn’t want you to be. Oscar wanted to step up though, your pregnancy was a chance for him to take control and take care of you, despite your protests. 

“The only person going up that ladder for the next three months is me,” Oscar told you, “but I still want you to be involved and doing things as well.”  

You nodded at Oscar’s suggestion, although you knew the ladder was pretty harmless, before you drove Oscar insane, you knew not going up it anymore was the best decision. 

“We’ll get this done, together,” Oscar assured you. 

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” 

“How about we make a start tonight?” He proposed. “Let’s order some food and plan out the jobs that we need to get done. I’ll get up the ladder and we can bring one of the chairs in from the dining room so that you can sit down and paint the lower parts of the walls. Does that sound like a plan?” 

Your smile turned up as soon as Oscar started speaking. “That sounds like the perfect way to spend tonight. You don’t have to do all of this though Oscar, the baby isn’t going to be arriving tomorrow.” 

“I’ve not done enough so far, I’ve got plenty of making up to do for all the jobs I’ve neglected,” he assured you. 

Your hands slipped out of his and wrapped around Oscar’s neck. “I’m sorry for breaking your trust whilst you were away, I promise it won’t happen again.” 

“Don’t be sorry, I get it. We’ve just got very different definitions of what safe activities are for pregnant women to do,” he couldn’t help but joke. 

“I only did it because I was bored without you around.” 

Oscar questionably glanced back at you, “I know for a fact you’d have been up that ladder anyway, but I’ll pretend to believe you. I love you, just promise you’ll take care of you, of both of you, for me.” 

“I promise that we’re both safe, and healthy, and we will continue to be too,” you smiled, pressing a kiss against Oscar’s lips. “Welcome home by the way.” 

“It seems like I got home just in time.” 

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[saetoru]

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。FAMILY SECRETS — GOJO SATORU.

contents. fem! + mom! reader, reader is referred to as “mommy” and “wife,” girl dad toru <3, family shenanigans in the grocery store that are unfortunately inescapable when your husband is gojo satoru

“ok,” you nod, looking over your grocery list. “i think that’s everything—”

“mommy, can we please get this,” your daughter looks up at you pleadingly, tugging at your sleeve as she holds a bag of candy—she has satoru’s eyes, wide and blue and so easy to give into. you look at her for a moment before pursing your lips.

“no, satoru. we can’t get this bag of candy.” you turn to the devil himself, glaring at him as he whistles innocently.

“what’re you lookin’ at me for, sweetheart? our little peanut here wants—”

“satoru.”

“fine,” he deflates. you pinch your nose as you sigh.

satoru, in his thirty plus years of life, has surprisingly never had a cavity for how much sugar he consumes. he’s good at taking care of himself, he argues, there’s no chance he’d ever get a cavity. that is, until recently. he visits the dentist and has not one, but two cavities—you think this is a rather alarming sign that he needs to cut back on the sweets, so you take matters into your own hands.

and, well….he’s not handling it very brightly.

“you thought i’d cave just because you tricked our daughter into asking?” you raise a brow, making him huff as he pouts.

“what kind of heartless soul could say no to those eyes?” he asks in disbelief, waving a hand at the small carbon copy of your husband as she blinks up at you, “i mean look at her! she doesn’t deserve the word no.”

“she definitely needs the word no so she doesn’t end up spoiled like you. and i’ve had plenty of practice,” you shoot blandly, “i’ve said no to your eyes all these years haven’t i?”

“even crazier,” he mutters, “i have the most adorable eyes, how could you say no?”

“it’s pretty easy if you ask me,” you shrug.

most people tend to call satoru arrogant—humble is not usually used in the same sentence as gojo satoru. evidently, they’ve never watched him interact with you before—you always find a way to humble him. he’s starting to think he’s the butt of every joke in his own marriage.

“please, baby?” he pouts deeper, “i’ve been good! i floss!”

“no.”

“what if i fold the laundry for a month?” he bats his lashes.

that’s tempting, you have to admit. folding laundry is a very boring job, you’re more than happy to hand it over to satoru for a bag of candy that barely dents your wallet. but then you find your resolve again, crossing your arms as you stare at him unimpressed.

“no, satoru.”

“two months?”

“nope.”

“did you only marry me for my looks?” he asks in disbelief, “because there’s not one ounce of love in that heart of yours.”

“this is for your own good, satoru,” you say firmly, “you had two cavities. how much sugar have you been consuming lately? and don’t think i don’t notice you skipping meals when you’re busy—a chocolate bar does not replace lunch.”

you’re glaring at him, drilling him for his health choices that are not his fault—he’s a busy guy, and he can’t help that a chocolate bar on his way to a mission is all he can squeeze in sometimes. maybe a protein bar would be a better option, but they’re not as tasty, and satoru thinks he deserves to be happy. and then, from the end of the aisle, you hear a few snickers coming from passerby’s. he pouts deeper at the thought of being laughed at as he gets scolded by his wife in the middle of the breakfast aisle.

“what’s the point of living if you’re gonna be miserable?” he groans, “we might as well just start going to bed at nine pm too, while we’re at it. and—”

“that’s actually a lovely idea,” you hum thoughtfully, “you certainly could use the sleep, couldn’t you?”

he glares at you petulantly, sulking as you grab the bag from your daughter’s and put it on the shelf—it’s not the right place, but taking a trip to the candy aisle to place it where it belongs is only venturing deeper into the lion’s den. you’re not letting satoru have more options to choose from.

“you seein’ this, angel?” he turns to your daughter, “you see how mean mommy is? she’s not letting us have candy. make sure you remember that when i ask you who’s your favorite again.”

you roll your eyes, snorting. satoru asks her playfully one night who the favorite parent is—it’s a meaningless question, meant to be a joke and nothing else. you’re sure he expects her to say both—but he gets his feelings severely hurt when she giggles and points to you, staring in disbelief as you grin in victory and kiss her cheeks. you even rub salt on the wound when you mumble she’s your favorite baby too.

he’s starting to really think he’s a victim in his own household.

“but mommy gives me candy,” she tilts her head in confusion.

oh no. she’s not supposed to say that—she promised not to say that. why can’t children ever keep a filter on their words? and why can’t they keep their promises?

almost like in slow motion, both of your eyes widen. satoru pauses. you start to sweat. he turns to face you slowly, in abject disbelief.

“what?” you laugh nervously, “no i don’t! we don’t have any candy at home—”

“she keeps it in her drawer!” your daughter adds, as if she wants to see your downfall.

you love your daughter, you really do—but sometimes you think motherhood is a punishment for whatever sin it is that you’ve committed in your previous life. satoru crosses his arms and taps his foot.

“what happened to we’ll all give up sweets together so you’re not alone, toru,” he mocks your voice, squinting at you accusingly. “so we’re a family of liars now?”

“toru, listen—”

“i trusted you.”

“baby—”

“what happened to our wedding vows? what happened to in sickness and in death? a little cavity is enough to change all that? i’m scared to think what you’d do if i lost an arm.”

“well, you’re not the strongest for nothing,” you point out, chuckling nervously, “so we have nothing to worry about there.”

“i can’t believe you,” he spits, turning away from you with crossed arms and a quiet hmph.

“toru, you can’t expect us all to give up sugar just because you can’t stop making poor health choices,” you argue exasperatedly.

so what if you secretly enjoy a kitkat here and there? you deserve it for dealing with not one, but two children at home every single day—sometimes three if shoko comes over, her lifestyle choices aren’t any better. satoru should let you enjoy a piece of candy or two until he fixes his terrible habits that could very well set a terrible example for your very young and impressionable daughter.

“well, i have adult money of my own,” satoru huffs, “and as an adult, i’ll be purchasing my own candy to hide in my own drawer that i won’t share with you since we’re now apparently a family that doesn’t think sharing is caring.”

“i don’t know if i’m raising one child or two,” you sigh tiredly, rubbing a hand over your face.

satoru grabs the bag of candy off the shelf, promptly placing it in the cart before walking off ahead of you as he pushes it. your daughter grabs your hand and smiles, tugging you along.

“c’mon mommy,” she says brightly, “you said we can go to the park!”

—————— BONUS ——————

“are you serious, satoru?” you ask incredulously, watching as he comes back to sit on the other end of the bench, ice cream cone in hand.

he didn’t even bring you one—what an asshole.

“oh sorry,” he shrugs, “i figured you and our daughter were planning on getting ice cream on your own without me. since, you know, apparently you guys love to have lots of things without me.”

“you’re being so dramatic—”

“i want ice cream too!” you hear a small voice call from the distance, making you turn to your daughter as she sprints over to you from the playground, eyeing the cone in satoru’s hand.

“you heard her,” he drawls, licking at his strawberry ice cream mockingly, “why don’t you go buy her a secret cone. i won’t look.”

being a single mom of two is a full time job, you think, you didn’t sign up for this.

guess who has two cavities ?? a certain brother of mine. guess who’s entire household has to give up sweets now for their brother’s inability to have proper dental hygiene ?? if you guessed me, you might just be psychic :O